June 13, 2026
We Know Catfishing Is Bad, So What Is ‘Kittenfishing’ And Why Do We All Do It?
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RSS Feed Yes, we have a new term in the dating world and it’s called Kittenfishing. Basically, it means you tell little lies about yourself in order to appear more attractive. Whether it’s adding an inch to your height, editing your age by a couple of years or even filtering your photos, dating experts say nearly everyone is guilty of kittenfishing. It’s not malicious, like catfishing, but experts say it only makes relationships harder, because the truth always comes out in the end.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks. It is Saturday, June thirteenth, a relationship Saturday, right, the day we spend so much time with the people we love, whether that's a romantic relationship or our good friends. But in your romantic relationships, you've heard about it before. Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever been catfished? Well, that sounds terrible, but there's a new dating trend going on that sounds so much sweeter. Kitten fishing. Oh, welcome to this episode, Seat Amy and TJ. Kitten fishing. It sounds like something we should all aspire to.
00:00:36
Speaker 2: Well, guess what's so sweet?
00:00:37
Speaker 1: Kitenfish?
00:00:38
Speaker 3: It's something that the experts say we all do in different versions.
00:00:41
Speaker 1: I have been kitten fished, and I have kitten fished. Somebody, Is that what we're saying. That's what we're saying, all right, So apparently this is to make it just really clear. It's the PG version of catfishing. Basically, it involves telling little lies about yourself in order to make yourself appear to.
00:01:01
Speaker 2: Be more attractive.
00:01:02
Speaker 3: Oh, we're talking about adding an inch to your height, dropping a few lbs to your weight, saying that maybe you went to a prestigious university when you only took one course.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: So the other word for this is dating.
00:01:19
Speaker 2: Or dying?
00:01:20
Speaker 1: Yes, okay?
00:01:21
Speaker 3: Would they say this often happens Yes, in early stages of dating and or when you are putting together your online dating profile, and or they even said this applies to anyone on Instagram.
00:01:33
Speaker 2: If you use a filter on your photo, you.
00:01:36
Speaker 3: Are kidden fishing people who and that is where I say we all then I have to admit I have absolutely put a.
00:01:44
Speaker 2: Filter on a photo.
00:01:45
Speaker 1: Okay, but in this for the purpose of attracting men to you, just for.
00:01:49
Speaker 3: The purpose of making other people think I'm more attractive than I actually am, including men, including everyone.
00:01:56
Speaker 1: Yes, see where the problem is coming in. Okay, kittenish, Is this another situation where this is something that's always gone on, We're just adding a name to it.
00:02:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, But I actually think, interestingly enough, adding a label to this kind of makes you think about your own decisions and activity.
00:02:12
Speaker 2: It's so easy to say.
00:02:13
Speaker 3: Oh, that person's a catfisher, Look what that person lied about. But if you actually are honest with yourself, how many of us have said we weigh a little bit less on our government issued ID. How many of us have said we're an inch taller than we actually are.
00:02:28
Speaker 2: How many of us have put a filter on a photo?
00:02:31
Speaker 1: Nope?
00:02:31
Speaker 3: Wow, so you are the outlier. Have you ever budged something just slightly when you knew okay, to make yourself look a little better or sound a little bit honer.
00:02:44
Speaker 1: Paper on paper on paper on a resume. That's lying on a resume. I'm gonna get caught.
00:02:50
Speaker 3: Absolutely No, I've never done any of those things. I'm trying to think. I think one time I said I was five six because I thought I was, but I kind of knew I was five five five and a half.
00:03:00
Speaker 1: Okay, but you knew you weren't five six. Yeah, just said you just kittenish.
00:03:05
Speaker 2: I tried to kit and fish you on my kitten fishing. Yeah, so I have.
00:03:09
Speaker 3: I remember when I was younger, I said I was five six when I absolutely knew I was five five.
00:03:12
Speaker 1: Okay, that's great.
00:03:13
Speaker 3: I did do that. That was I wasn't even online dating. I just put that on my ID. And then every time I pulled out my driver's license, I felt a little guilty because I knew I wasn't five six. I have that guilty Catholic heartwart.
00:03:25
Speaker 1: Can we get this. Let's just for the sake right now of clarity and for the sake of openness to the audience. How tall are you five to five? How much do you weigh? I'm kidding.
00:03:36
Speaker 2: I was the joke that it depends on the day.
00:03:39
Speaker 1: Do not answer that that was just a joke. That was just a joke.
00:03:42
Speaker 3: I've never lied about my age, but I actually have had a friend. I have had a friend we will not name who that person is, who completely lied about their age, and it actually was a major issue in our friend group because this person was so much younger than they said they were. I don't know that I would have I actually think it would have felt inappropriate to hang around them.
00:04:02
Speaker 1: You've had other friends, and we were with one recently still will not say anything about the age.
00:04:07
Speaker 3: Yes, I have another friend who is refused to say how old they are for the opposite reason.
00:04:11
Speaker 2: They want to be younger than they actually are.
00:04:15
Speaker 1: Okay, so in both cases, is this a woman.
00:04:19
Speaker 2: Well, one was a man and one was a woman. You're funny.
00:04:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, Wait, so you can't think of one thing? You've never edited a photo one?
00:04:32
Speaker 1: Okay, I thought of something, I forgot it. Okay, So keep going.
00:04:34
Speaker 2: Okay because I want to hear.
00:04:35
Speaker 3: Because I will say this about you, and this is part of the reason why maybe some people don't really understand you, because you are brutally honest and you are a rare breed of person.
00:04:45
Speaker 2: You are the Beatrice in Love Island of the world.
00:04:49
Speaker 3: You do say what you think and you mean what you say, and that is jarring to a lot of people. But you're also brutally honest about yourself.
00:04:56
Speaker 1: Only when asked. That's the thing. I don't volunteer lot of information about you or your situation and what's going on that's true. Ask me. I will give you a direct and an honest answer. That's something I do. The only thing I can think of ropes and you're not gonna like this one. I would tell people I'm from West Memphis. Now I did this as a matter of convenience, because you know the whole story. And my mom. I remember after a show at CNN freaking on a Saturday, I was talking to my weather guy and I said something about it, I'm from West Memphis. She sent me a text and said, you are from West Memphis, Arkansas. It was a little thing I used to do to where it not to make myself sound better, but it's kind of convenient just to say, yeah, I'm from West Memphis. You know the story. If you cross the bridge, you're in West Memphis, Arkansas. You cross back, you're Memphis, Tennessee. It was a whole thing. So I would just tell people I'm from West Memphis. And my mom took that as me trying to sound like I'm from a cooler place Memphis. She took it as such.
00:05:51
Speaker 3: That's so interesting, she received. Did you mean it that way? Or is it just easier?
00:05:57
Speaker 1: It's easier. I can't explain West Memphis, Arkansas, but I can explain if I say I'm from West Memphis and people immediately know barbecue, blues, Elvis, all these things that I get associated with.
00:06:08
Speaker 2: I was you lived ten minutes from Memphis.
00:06:10
Speaker 1: It's across the bridge, you know.
00:06:11
Speaker 2: It's funny, though. It's funny that you tell me that story. I have not heard that story before.
00:06:15
Speaker 3: And every time I have been around you and people ask you where you're from, you always say West Memphis, Arkansas.
00:06:21
Speaker 2: Now I always hear you say Arkansas.
00:06:24
Speaker 1: Isn't that funny?
00:06:24
Speaker 3: I always hear you explain how it's on the other side of the river.
00:06:28
Speaker 1: And I guess it started over a decade plus ago, my mom calling me out for trying to make maybe myself sound better by being from somewhere else.
00:06:37
Speaker 2: Well okay, so that's all I got. That's interesting.
00:06:39
Speaker 3: Okay, Well that's something though. And look, they do say this, why do people kittenfish? They say it's not malicious. Catfishing is malicious. Kitten fishing is not malicious. It's just basically insecurity driven. So they say, they say, this is the logic behind people who do it on their online dating profiles. Because I'm like, why are you going to say you're taller or put all these filters on you when you know you're going to meet them in person and they're gonna see you don't look like your pictures.
00:07:06
Speaker 2: What's the logic behind this? They say.
00:07:08
Speaker 3: The logic is once we actually meet, the superficial stuff won't matter. The problem is most people feel deceived when they meet you and they see that you don't look like your profile picture or that there is something very different about what you put forth. And so even though you think, oh it won't matter, I just I open the door. Now I have an opportunity to meet this person, that person who you're meeting now feels fooled, So it doesn't.
00:07:30
Speaker 2: It usually blows up in your face.
00:07:31
Speaker 1: Okay, the logic there being I wouldn't have been been allowed in the door, correct, but now that I'm in the door, I have the opportunity. Correct, You wouldn't have given me the opportunity otherwise. Yeah, there is some logic to that. I would never recommend to anybody you ever do that. Because you initially lied to me to meet.
00:07:49
Speaker 3: Me, We're done it roads trust before you even had a chance to build it, and it's over.
00:07:55
Speaker 1: I mean that's I think that is a absolute as a non starter.
00:08:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, they say it almost in every single case backfires.
00:08:03
Speaker 2: So don't do it period.
00:08:05
Speaker 3: Like on the stuff that's really like, don't say, Look, some girls have have filters on their dating apps and say I won't date anyone under six feet tall. Guess what, that's their prerogative. So don't say you're six feet tall when you're really five nine. Like that, as soon as you walk in the door, she I don't care how much fun you've had online facetiming talking whatever. The moment she sees that you lied to her about your height, she's.
00:08:27
Speaker 1: Done saying, but guys are so ego driven and narcissistic enough to think, man, she doesn't think she wants a guy under six feet, but wait until she gets a load.
00:08:36
Speaker 2: That's exactly what it is. Oh my god, that's so funny.
00:08:39
Speaker 3: Okay and so and I love this in terms of the everybody has kitten fished at least at some point in their lives.
00:08:45
Speaker 2: When they started talking about social media, I was like, damn, that's scared.
00:08:48
Speaker 3: They said, it's a place where people buy design, present the best versions of themselves and leave out all the messy parts. Instagram is literally a big kitten fish bowl.
00:09:01
Speaker 1: That makes sense. That's every how much time do you spend looking for your profile photo, how much time the last selfie you put up? How many takes were there of that selfie?
00:09:15
Speaker 3: And how many filters did you try? And did you go into the photo editing thing? I mean, people make themselves look thinner. They erase wrinkles, they erase flemishes, they erase some scary discoloration anything.
00:09:27
Speaker 1: What was it you show me on I think it might have been some of the ninety day fiance shows to where like who was that? That's not the same person. They present themselves as a totally different a totally different individual. That feels like catfishing more so than.
00:09:40
Speaker 3: Kid vision when you completely don't look like your profile picture and there's so many filters. The sad thing is, I think some of these women that we see on some of these shows do the filters and then go to a plastic surgeon and say make me look like this, and then they actually try to end up looking like they're filters.
00:09:55
Speaker 1: Then there's some magicians out there who can make it happen for you.
00:10:00
Speaker 3: All right, So we talked about what kitten fishing is, why it's not a good plan, and why all of us do it. When we come back, we're gonna tell you what the experts say you should actually do to attract your perfect mate.
00:10:20
Speaker 1: All Right, we continue here on this AM and TJ relationship Saturday talking about kitten fishing. I had a question Rogues before you were about to pick back up, what give me more examples? You had some at the top, but can you remind me of the examples of kitten fishing? It was a height thing like what I'm trying to get myself more?
00:10:36
Speaker 3: Yes, so you can you can fudge your height, your weight, your age, me. Okay, little things, little things also, some resume type things like they were saying there was They were giving instances of a guy who said on his dating profile that he went to Harvard. She had gone to Harvard, so she was excited, like, oh my god, we're gonna have this connection. And once she finally met him, he finally had to admit he only took a couple like a online class or in some affiliate with Harvard.
00:11:00
Speaker 2: He did not graduate from Harvard.
00:11:02
Speaker 1: He said he was a Harvard graduate.
00:11:03
Speaker 2: He just said he went to Harvard.
00:11:05
Speaker 3: He did, right, So it wasn't a full cat kit fish because it wasn't like completely true. It was partially true. And then they talked a lot about the filters, just about just even like where you grew up, things like this that make it sound better. Honestly, your West Memphis story fits right into it. If you do it to make yourself sound a little cooler, a little better. You don't want people to know exactly where you're from, so you say, you know you're from a cooler part of town or whatever. But it's just little white lies that make yourself seem better than you actually are.
00:11:39
Speaker 1: Okay, that helps because when you said the Harvard thing, I said, that's not kidting fit. That's an outright lie. That's horrible. If you say I went to Harvard, that is you know what, that sounds like something politician would do, right, like just messing with the words a little bit to where yeah, it's technically true, but you can't accuse me of lying.
00:11:59
Speaker 3: The best or maybe the worst lies have a little bit of truth in that.
00:12:03
Speaker 2: And so that's all right. So what should you do to attract?
00:12:09
Speaker 3: So they actually talked to dating experts and matchmakers and they said the first thing when they get their clients and they're wanting to look for love, they tell them we will never ever ever add a filter to a client's photo. And they say, do not alter your photos in any way. It is a fool's errand you are setting yourself up for heartbreak if you if you edit or alter your photos on a dating website, it's just not smart.
00:12:34
Speaker 2: I thought that was interesting.
00:12:36
Speaker 3: They said, think of every photo you put on your dating app as showing a different side of your personality. Think about it like giving someone a hook to a conversation. And so she said, one of the biggest mistakes, especially women make, but men do too, because you see them with their shirts off, with their dogs trying to you know, elicit girls. Look at me with my lab and I'm on a hike. Yeah, that's or a shirt off and a kava poop, right exactly, or a pomeranian.
00:13:07
Speaker 1: God, you're going for that guy every time over the guy that says he's five nine and a half.
00:13:10
Speaker 3: Right, But she said the biggest mistake people make is when they put Glamour shot after Glamour's shot. We get it, you're pretty okay, what else is there to you?
00:13:21
Speaker 1: I bet that woman if we go ask who is getting more hits, who is getting more likes, who is getting more dates?
00:13:27
Speaker 3: The glamour shot girl okay, fine, probably until she goes on the date and she doesn't look like her profile picture and she gets frustrated and said, there are no good men out there. I don't understand why I can't find a good guy. The dating expert will say, yeah, because you put out that you wanted a certain kind of guy. When you put out a certain kind of picture, when you show yourself doing what you love, whether it's running, hiking, I don't know, whatever activity it is. You do yoga, put those photos out there. Then a guy who likes an athletic girl or a guy who likes a girl who you'll meet the people who are more possible matches for you versus the hot guy who thinks he's getting a hot girl when you actually don't have anything in common.
00:14:09
Speaker 2: That does make.
00:14:10
Speaker 3: A lot of sense that a hot guy and a hot girl. No, but one of them isn't being totally truthful. They're kitten fishing.
00:14:17
Speaker 1: We're not talking about a hot girl. We're talking about a girl who makes herself look.
00:14:20
Speaker 3: We're talking about she could be hot to the right guy, but she's trying to make herself look like a model, or like an influencer, or like the kind of girl you'd see on Love Island.
00:14:31
Speaker 2: Yes, that's what she's trying to make herself look like.
00:14:33
Speaker 3: And the guys too, And when he actually might just be this really fun, sweet, comedic guy who will attract a very attractive girl who is looking for that.
00:14:43
Speaker 1: Oh, they're casting a much wider net, are they not? They through them? Yes, that's your problem.
00:14:49
Speaker 3: You're gonna get the right person if you put out the picture that actually represents your personality versus a filter of what you wish.
00:14:58
Speaker 1: You looked like, No, there's a man, I got so much to say. And in response to that.
00:15:05
Speaker 2: Way, wait, okay, what is it?
00:15:06
Speaker 1: Some stuff I can't say, but it goes in line with no we should say men and women where we keep asking what's wrong with the world, Like what's wrong? They're no good men out there? No, can't find the right one and all these things, and we never asked the question, what is it about me that I am putting out that keeps attracting all of this stuff? You love saying that then I'm not going to say it here, but you get what I'm saying, Broes. Some of these people you're attracting or might be perfect for that other person over there, but you keep asking for what? And we never want to ask that question of ourselves. What is it about me that keeps bringing this to me? That's a tough question, and.
00:15:49
Speaker 3: I think and I think that's part of the questions you have to ask yourself if you are being honest with yourself and saying, yeah, I've been kitten fishing a little bit, maybe I ought to stop, Maybe I ought to stop.
00:16:01
Speaker 2: I love these terms.
00:16:02
Speaker 3: I love the way that we yes nothing new is happening, but having a new way of looking at it can actually maybe open your eyes to something that you're doing that's creating part of the problem, which can actually lead to a solution because you can change your behavior.
00:16:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, but this one's a big one, roads and I think this is I find this one more legit than the others that I'm dismissive of. Oh, we used to always do this, and now they just have a name for it. Roh. Social media makes this one.
00:16:26
Speaker 3: More absolutely and widespread and perhaps dare I say universal?
00:16:33
Speaker 1: That's true? Who's out there putting an acci? Oh, some people will do it. But even the ones that are doing it, it's almost like they're celebrated for doing it, Yes, or being yourself by letting us see who you are.
00:16:42
Speaker 3: I love how it's all transparent and we've pulled the curtains back now we've just put filters on. Let's be honest, all right with that, everybody, Let's stop kitten fishing all of us.
00:16:52
Speaker 2: But we hope you have a wonderful day today. I maybe Robock alongside TJ. Holmes, We will talk to you soon.
00:17:00
Speaker 3: It take et
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks. It is Saturday, June thirteenth, a relationship Saturday, right, the day we spend so much time with the people we love, whether that's a romantic relationship or our good friends. But in your romantic relationships, you've heard about it before. Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever been catfished? Well, that sounds terrible, but there's a new dating trend going on that sounds so much sweeter. Kitten fishing. Oh, welcome to this episode, Seat Amy and TJ. Kitten fishing. It sounds like something we should all aspire to.
00:00:36
Speaker 2: Well, guess what's so sweet?
00:00:37
Speaker 1: Kitenfish?
00:00:38
Speaker 3: It's something that the experts say we all do in different versions.
00:00:41
Speaker 1: I have been kitten fished, and I have kitten fished. Somebody, Is that what we're saying. That's what we're saying, all right, So apparently this is to make it just really clear. It's the PG version of catfishing. Basically, it involves telling little lies about yourself in order to make yourself appear to.
00:01:01
Speaker 2: Be more attractive.
00:01:02
Speaker 3: Oh, we're talking about adding an inch to your height, dropping a few lbs to your weight, saying that maybe you went to a prestigious university when you only took one course.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: So the other word for this is dating.
00:01:19
Speaker 2: Or dying?
00:01:20
Speaker 1: Yes, okay?
00:01:21
Speaker 3: Would they say this often happens Yes, in early stages of dating and or when you are putting together your online dating profile, and or they even said this applies to anyone on Instagram.
00:01:33
Speaker 2: If you use a filter on your photo, you.
00:01:36
Speaker 3: Are kidden fishing people who and that is where I say we all then I have to admit I have absolutely put a.
00:01:44
Speaker 2: Filter on a photo.
00:01:45
Speaker 1: Okay, but in this for the purpose of attracting men to you, just for.
00:01:49
Speaker 3: The purpose of making other people think I'm more attractive than I actually am, including men, including everyone.
00:01:56
Speaker 1: Yes, see where the problem is coming in. Okay, kittenish, Is this another situation where this is something that's always gone on, We're just adding a name to it.
00:02:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, But I actually think, interestingly enough, adding a label to this kind of makes you think about your own decisions and activity.
00:02:12
Speaker 2: It's so easy to say.
00:02:13
Speaker 3: Oh, that person's a catfisher, Look what that person lied about. But if you actually are honest with yourself, how many of us have said we weigh a little bit less on our government issued ID. How many of us have said we're an inch taller than we actually are.
00:02:28
Speaker 2: How many of us have put a filter on a photo?
00:02:31
Speaker 1: Nope?
00:02:31
Speaker 3: Wow, so you are the outlier. Have you ever budged something just slightly when you knew okay, to make yourself look a little better or sound a little bit honer.
00:02:44
Speaker 1: Paper on paper on paper on a resume. That's lying on a resume. I'm gonna get caught.
00:02:50
Speaker 3: Absolutely No, I've never done any of those things. I'm trying to think. I think one time I said I was five six because I thought I was, but I kind of knew I was five five five and a half.
00:03:00
Speaker 1: Okay, but you knew you weren't five six. Yeah, just said you just kittenish.
00:03:05
Speaker 2: I tried to kit and fish you on my kitten fishing. Yeah, so I have.
00:03:09
Speaker 3: I remember when I was younger, I said I was five six when I absolutely knew I was five five.
00:03:12
Speaker 1: Okay, that's great.
00:03:13
Speaker 3: I did do that. That was I wasn't even online dating. I just put that on my ID. And then every time I pulled out my driver's license, I felt a little guilty because I knew I wasn't five six. I have that guilty Catholic heartwart.
00:03:25
Speaker 1: Can we get this. Let's just for the sake right now of clarity and for the sake of openness to the audience. How tall are you five to five? How much do you weigh? I'm kidding.
00:03:36
Speaker 2: I was the joke that it depends on the day.
00:03:39
Speaker 1: Do not answer that that was just a joke. That was just a joke.
00:03:42
Speaker 3: I've never lied about my age, but I actually have had a friend. I have had a friend we will not name who that person is, who completely lied about their age, and it actually was a major issue in our friend group because this person was so much younger than they said they were. I don't know that I would have I actually think it would have felt inappropriate to hang around them.
00:04:02
Speaker 1: You've had other friends, and we were with one recently still will not say anything about the age.
00:04:07
Speaker 3: Yes, I have another friend who is refused to say how old they are for the opposite reason.
00:04:11
Speaker 2: They want to be younger than they actually are.
00:04:15
Speaker 1: Okay, so in both cases, is this a woman.
00:04:19
Speaker 2: Well, one was a man and one was a woman. You're funny.
00:04:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, Wait, so you can't think of one thing? You've never edited a photo one?
00:04:32
Speaker 1: Okay, I thought of something, I forgot it. Okay, So keep going.
00:04:34
Speaker 2: Okay because I want to hear.
00:04:35
Speaker 3: Because I will say this about you, and this is part of the reason why maybe some people don't really understand you, because you are brutally honest and you are a rare breed of person.
00:04:45
Speaker 2: You are the Beatrice in Love Island of the world.
00:04:49
Speaker 3: You do say what you think and you mean what you say, and that is jarring to a lot of people. But you're also brutally honest about yourself.
00:04:56
Speaker 1: Only when asked. That's the thing. I don't volunteer lot of information about you or your situation and what's going on that's true. Ask me. I will give you a direct and an honest answer. That's something I do. The only thing I can think of ropes and you're not gonna like this one. I would tell people I'm from West Memphis. Now I did this as a matter of convenience, because you know the whole story. And my mom. I remember after a show at CNN freaking on a Saturday, I was talking to my weather guy and I said something about it, I'm from West Memphis. She sent me a text and said, you are from West Memphis, Arkansas. It was a little thing I used to do to where it not to make myself sound better, but it's kind of convenient just to say, yeah, I'm from West Memphis. You know the story. If you cross the bridge, you're in West Memphis, Arkansas. You cross back, you're Memphis, Tennessee. It was a whole thing. So I would just tell people I'm from West Memphis. And my mom took that as me trying to sound like I'm from a cooler place Memphis. She took it as such.
00:05:51
Speaker 3: That's so interesting, she received. Did you mean it that way? Or is it just easier?
00:05:57
Speaker 1: It's easier. I can't explain West Memphis, Arkansas, but I can explain if I say I'm from West Memphis and people immediately know barbecue, blues, Elvis, all these things that I get associated with.
00:06:08
Speaker 2: I was you lived ten minutes from Memphis.
00:06:10
Speaker 1: It's across the bridge, you know.
00:06:11
Speaker 2: It's funny, though. It's funny that you tell me that story. I have not heard that story before.
00:06:15
Speaker 3: And every time I have been around you and people ask you where you're from, you always say West Memphis, Arkansas.
00:06:21
Speaker 2: Now I always hear you say Arkansas.
00:06:24
Speaker 1: Isn't that funny?
00:06:24
Speaker 3: I always hear you explain how it's on the other side of the river.
00:06:28
Speaker 1: And I guess it started over a decade plus ago, my mom calling me out for trying to make maybe myself sound better by being from somewhere else.
00:06:37
Speaker 2: Well okay, so that's all I got. That's interesting.
00:06:39
Speaker 3: Okay, Well that's something though. And look, they do say this, why do people kittenfish? They say it's not malicious. Catfishing is malicious. Kitten fishing is not malicious. It's just basically insecurity driven. So they say, they say, this is the logic behind people who do it on their online dating profiles. Because I'm like, why are you going to say you're taller or put all these filters on you when you know you're going to meet them in person and they're gonna see you don't look like your pictures.
00:07:06
Speaker 2: What's the logic behind this? They say.
00:07:08
Speaker 3: The logic is once we actually meet, the superficial stuff won't matter. The problem is most people feel deceived when they meet you and they see that you don't look like your profile picture or that there is something very different about what you put forth. And so even though you think, oh it won't matter, I just I open the door. Now I have an opportunity to meet this person, that person who you're meeting now feels fooled, So it doesn't.
00:07:30
Speaker 2: It usually blows up in your face.
00:07:31
Speaker 1: Okay, the logic there being I wouldn't have been been allowed in the door, correct, but now that I'm in the door, I have the opportunity. Correct, You wouldn't have given me the opportunity otherwise. Yeah, there is some logic to that. I would never recommend to anybody you ever do that. Because you initially lied to me to meet.
00:07:49
Speaker 3: Me, We're done it roads trust before you even had a chance to build it, and it's over.
00:07:55
Speaker 1: I mean that's I think that is a absolute as a non starter.
00:08:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, they say it almost in every single case backfires.
00:08:03
Speaker 2: So don't do it period.
00:08:05
Speaker 3: Like on the stuff that's really like, don't say, Look, some girls have have filters on their dating apps and say I won't date anyone under six feet tall. Guess what, that's their prerogative. So don't say you're six feet tall when you're really five nine. Like that, as soon as you walk in the door, she I don't care how much fun you've had online facetiming talking whatever. The moment she sees that you lied to her about your height, she's.
00:08:27
Speaker 1: Done saying, but guys are so ego driven and narcissistic enough to think, man, she doesn't think she wants a guy under six feet, but wait until she gets a load.
00:08:36
Speaker 2: That's exactly what it is. Oh my god, that's so funny.
00:08:39
Speaker 3: Okay and so and I love this in terms of the everybody has kitten fished at least at some point in their lives.
00:08:45
Speaker 2: When they started talking about social media, I was like, damn, that's scared.
00:08:48
Speaker 3: They said, it's a place where people buy design, present the best versions of themselves and leave out all the messy parts. Instagram is literally a big kitten fish bowl.
00:09:01
Speaker 1: That makes sense. That's every how much time do you spend looking for your profile photo, how much time the last selfie you put up? How many takes were there of that selfie?
00:09:15
Speaker 3: And how many filters did you try? And did you go into the photo editing thing? I mean, people make themselves look thinner. They erase wrinkles, they erase flemishes, they erase some scary discoloration anything.
00:09:27
Speaker 1: What was it you show me on I think it might have been some of the ninety day fiance shows to where like who was that? That's not the same person. They present themselves as a totally different a totally different individual. That feels like catfishing more so than.
00:09:40
Speaker 3: Kid vision when you completely don't look like your profile picture and there's so many filters. The sad thing is, I think some of these women that we see on some of these shows do the filters and then go to a plastic surgeon and say make me look like this, and then they actually try to end up looking like they're filters.
00:09:55
Speaker 1: Then there's some magicians out there who can make it happen for you.
00:10:00
Speaker 3: All right, So we talked about what kitten fishing is, why it's not a good plan, and why all of us do it. When we come back, we're gonna tell you what the experts say you should actually do to attract your perfect mate.
00:10:20
Speaker 1: All Right, we continue here on this AM and TJ relationship Saturday talking about kitten fishing. I had a question Rogues before you were about to pick back up, what give me more examples? You had some at the top, but can you remind me of the examples of kitten fishing? It was a height thing like what I'm trying to get myself more?
00:10:36
Speaker 3: Yes, so you can you can fudge your height, your weight, your age, me. Okay, little things, little things also, some resume type things like they were saying there was They were giving instances of a guy who said on his dating profile that he went to Harvard. She had gone to Harvard, so she was excited, like, oh my god, we're gonna have this connection. And once she finally met him, he finally had to admit he only took a couple like a online class or in some affiliate with Harvard.
00:11:00
Speaker 2: He did not graduate from Harvard.
00:11:02
Speaker 1: He said he was a Harvard graduate.
00:11:03
Speaker 2: He just said he went to Harvard.
00:11:05
Speaker 3: He did, right, So it wasn't a full cat kit fish because it wasn't like completely true. It was partially true. And then they talked a lot about the filters, just about just even like where you grew up, things like this that make it sound better. Honestly, your West Memphis story fits right into it. If you do it to make yourself sound a little cooler, a little better. You don't want people to know exactly where you're from, so you say, you know you're from a cooler part of town or whatever. But it's just little white lies that make yourself seem better than you actually are.
00:11:39
Speaker 1: Okay, that helps because when you said the Harvard thing, I said, that's not kidting fit. That's an outright lie. That's horrible. If you say I went to Harvard, that is you know what, that sounds like something politician would do, right, like just messing with the words a little bit to where yeah, it's technically true, but you can't accuse me of lying.
00:11:59
Speaker 3: The best or maybe the worst lies have a little bit of truth in that.
00:12:03
Speaker 2: And so that's all right. So what should you do to attract?
00:12:09
Speaker 3: So they actually talked to dating experts and matchmakers and they said the first thing when they get their clients and they're wanting to look for love, they tell them we will never ever ever add a filter to a client's photo. And they say, do not alter your photos in any way. It is a fool's errand you are setting yourself up for heartbreak if you if you edit or alter your photos on a dating website, it's just not smart.
00:12:34
Speaker 2: I thought that was interesting.
00:12:36
Speaker 3: They said, think of every photo you put on your dating app as showing a different side of your personality. Think about it like giving someone a hook to a conversation. And so she said, one of the biggest mistakes, especially women make, but men do too, because you see them with their shirts off, with their dogs trying to you know, elicit girls. Look at me with my lab and I'm on a hike. Yeah, that's or a shirt off and a kava poop, right exactly, or a pomeranian.
00:13:07
Speaker 1: God, you're going for that guy every time over the guy that says he's five nine and a half.
00:13:10
Speaker 3: Right, But she said the biggest mistake people make is when they put Glamour shot after Glamour's shot. We get it, you're pretty okay, what else is there to you?
00:13:21
Speaker 1: I bet that woman if we go ask who is getting more hits, who is getting more likes, who is getting more dates?
00:13:27
Speaker 3: The glamour shot girl okay, fine, probably until she goes on the date and she doesn't look like her profile picture and she gets frustrated and said, there are no good men out there. I don't understand why I can't find a good guy. The dating expert will say, yeah, because you put out that you wanted a certain kind of guy. When you put out a certain kind of picture, when you show yourself doing what you love, whether it's running, hiking, I don't know, whatever activity it is. You do yoga, put those photos out there. Then a guy who likes an athletic girl or a guy who likes a girl who you'll meet the people who are more possible matches for you versus the hot guy who thinks he's getting a hot girl when you actually don't have anything in common.
00:14:09
Speaker 2: That does make.
00:14:10
Speaker 3: A lot of sense that a hot guy and a hot girl. No, but one of them isn't being totally truthful. They're kitten fishing.
00:14:17
Speaker 1: We're not talking about a hot girl. We're talking about a girl who makes herself look.
00:14:20
Speaker 3: We're talking about she could be hot to the right guy, but she's trying to make herself look like a model, or like an influencer, or like the kind of girl you'd see on Love Island.
00:14:31
Speaker 2: Yes, that's what she's trying to make herself look like.
00:14:33
Speaker 3: And the guys too, And when he actually might just be this really fun, sweet, comedic guy who will attract a very attractive girl who is looking for that.
00:14:43
Speaker 1: Oh, they're casting a much wider net, are they not? They through them? Yes, that's your problem.
00:14:49
Speaker 3: You're gonna get the right person if you put out the picture that actually represents your personality versus a filter of what you wish.
00:14:58
Speaker 1: You looked like, No, there's a man, I got so much to say. And in response to that.
00:15:05
Speaker 2: Way, wait, okay, what is it?
00:15:06
Speaker 1: Some stuff I can't say, but it goes in line with no we should say men and women where we keep asking what's wrong with the world, Like what's wrong? They're no good men out there? No, can't find the right one and all these things, and we never asked the question, what is it about me that I am putting out that keeps attracting all of this stuff? You love saying that then I'm not going to say it here, but you get what I'm saying, Broes. Some of these people you're attracting or might be perfect for that other person over there, but you keep asking for what? And we never want to ask that question of ourselves. What is it about me that keeps bringing this to me? That's a tough question, and.
00:15:49
Speaker 3: I think and I think that's part of the questions you have to ask yourself if you are being honest with yourself and saying, yeah, I've been kitten fishing a little bit, maybe I ought to stop, Maybe I ought to stop.
00:16:01
Speaker 2: I love these terms.
00:16:02
Speaker 3: I love the way that we yes nothing new is happening, but having a new way of looking at it can actually maybe open your eyes to something that you're doing that's creating part of the problem, which can actually lead to a solution because you can change your behavior.
00:16:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, but this one's a big one, roads and I think this is I find this one more legit than the others that I'm dismissive of. Oh, we used to always do this, and now they just have a name for it. Roh. Social media makes this one.
00:16:26
Speaker 3: More absolutely and widespread and perhaps dare I say universal?
00:16:33
Speaker 1: That's true? Who's out there putting an acci? Oh, some people will do it. But even the ones that are doing it, it's almost like they're celebrated for doing it, Yes, or being yourself by letting us see who you are.
00:16:42
Speaker 3: I love how it's all transparent and we've pulled the curtains back now we've just put filters on. Let's be honest, all right with that, everybody, Let's stop kitten fishing all of us.
00:16:52
Speaker 2: But we hope you have a wonderful day today. I maybe Robock alongside TJ. Holmes, We will talk to you soon.
00:17:00
Speaker 3: It take et