Oct. 21, 2026
Travel Blogger Posts Woman Crying For 3 Hours After She Wouldn’t Switch To Middle Seat
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RSS Feed Would you give up your aisle seat - for a middle seat - on a 10 hour international flight so a couple could sit together? Tomiko Harvey just posted round two on her social media after receiving racist backlash for refusing to do just that. While the vast majority of the tens of thousands of people who have weighed in support Harvey’s decision to stay put, several have pointed out that posting a video of her seat mate crying and the mention of “white tears” lacked empathy and kindness.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. It is Wednesday, October 21st. Let's try it again. The age-old debate. If someone asked you to switch seats on a plane so they can sit with a loved one, what are you supposed to do?
00:00:20
Speaker 2: Well.
00:00:21
Speaker 1: One woman did not give up her seat, and it has sparked this debate all over again. With that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Why is this one any different, Rose? These come up every once in a while, these conversations. Why is this one taken off?
00:00:33
Speaker 2: Well, this one's taken off because this was actually a travel blogger who was put in this situation. And we can get into the specifics because they're important on this.
00:00:42
Speaker 3: But this was an international flight.
00:00:44
Speaker 2: A 10-hour flight, and the reason why this has taken off the way it has, to the point where this travel blogger has just posted a follow-up defending herself, because she took a video each hour for three hours straight of this 10-hour flight. The woman who she wouldn't give up her seat for was sobbing. Now, she blurred out her face, so it's not as if she exposed her and showed everyone who she was, but you can see this woman wiping away tears where.
00:01:12
Speaker 3: She's like, hour one. Hour two. Hour three. And so.
00:01:17
Speaker 1: And we know this is what she was crying over.
00:01:19
Speaker 2: This is what travel blogger Tamiko Harvey says was going on.
00:01:25
Speaker 1: All right. So if we go back to... Is there a blanket answer? A general one? Or do you have to always take into account the circumstances? Someone asks, hey, me and my husband, me and my wife, me and my kids got separate. Would you mind switching seats so that we can sit together? It's not as cut and dry as you should be kind and say yes. It's not that simple, is it?
00:01:49
Speaker 3: No, I don't think it is.
00:01:51
Speaker 2: And I think this is actually, as you pointed out, situationally based. So a lot of people, and look, we'll get into the comments because they run the gamut, but I think the general consensus is if someone's offering you an equal seat, you should probably, the right thing to do is to agree, even if it's annoying to have to get up and move your stuff. If you're getting a comparable seat or a better seat, I think most people would say, you don't have to, but why wouldn't you?
00:02:20
Speaker 1: It's the kind thing to do. I hate to get into a situation of what you should or shouldn't, what's right or wrong.
00:02:24
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:02:25
Speaker 1: But it is the kind thing to do. You certainly don't have to. For sure.
00:02:29
Speaker 3: You bought your seat.
00:02:31
Speaker 2: If you're like me, and everyone's different, and I know, babe, you're the same way, but I go to great lengths. Making sure we get the right seats. And if we don't, thems are the brakes, right? I mean, I know ahead of time, if we're going to go ahead, we will change our travel dates. We will change our airline. We will change the time, even if it's less convenient, so that we can get the seats we want. Because we don't want to inconvenience other people or go into it and say, well, this is the flight I want to take. We aren't sitting together, but we'll just ask someone on the plane to do that. I think that is really inconsiderate and rude and some people would say entitled. That you think, well, I'll just get on the plane and make somebody else inconvenienced because I will just do it that way. No, I think the right thing to do if you're a passenger and you know you want to sit with someone, pick the flight where you can.
00:03:22
Speaker 1: Now, we can. There are situations. people last minute or people have a big group or they couldn't get everyone. And you know, it's no fault of their own necessarily. We can't give them a hard time. There are some situations where it's just dumb luck and they're out of luck and you want to be kind. Other situations are what you described, but there's no way of knowing that when you're on the plane and somebody's asking. So we try to give them the benefit of the doubt is the kind thing to do.
00:03:48
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
00:03:49
Speaker 2: And by the way, I have asked people to move only when I know they're getting the same seat aisle for aisle, window for window or a better seat. I've said, hey, I got a middle. You have a middle seat. Would you like to be in an aisle? And they'll usually say, hell yeah. Or would you like to sit in first class? Because we ended up getting separated because one of us got upgraded.
00:04:09
Speaker 3: Hell yeah.
00:04:10
Speaker 2: I don't mind asking people when I know I'm giving them the same seat or a better seat. I have never, and I would not ask somebody unless there was some medical reason, but I still wouldn't want to put somebody in a position to take a crappier seat. And certainly on a 10-hour flight, would I ever ask somebody to exchange an aisle seat for a middle seat?
00:04:30
Speaker 1: Okay, so this was a 10-hour flight. That's a long time. So set up for everybody, Robes, the seating scenario where the blogger was, the crying woman was, And where the crying woman's husband was.
00:04:47
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:04:48
Speaker 3: So Tomiko was on the aisle.
00:04:51
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:04:52
Speaker 3: Crying woman was in the middle.
00:04:55
Speaker 1: Next door. Okay.
00:04:56
Speaker 3: Correct.
00:04:56
Speaker 2: Two rows up, crying woman's husband is also in the middle. So they both ended up with middle seats.
00:05:04
Speaker 1: That's some late last minute planning.
00:05:06
Speaker 2: And I have been in that situation before where sometimes things happen and you end up in both of you end up in middle seats.
00:05:13
Speaker 3: That is, that is one of those situations where.
00:05:15
Speaker 2: I can absolutely 100% say I would never ask somebody to give up, especially on a 10 hour international flight.
00:05:23
Speaker 1: That's almost rude.
00:05:24
Speaker 3: Now let's add to this.
00:05:25
Speaker 2: Tomiko Harvey was flying back from Kazakhstan to Virginia where she lives because she flew out there because her father died. So she is coming back from a funeral. So can you imagine you're processing grief? You're flying all the way back home after saying goodbye to your father. And now you've got a woman sobbing next to you for three hours because you won't sit in a middle seat so that she can sit.
00:05:55
Speaker 3: Next to her husband.
00:05:56
Speaker 2: I know.
00:05:56
Speaker 1: Okay. Yes, that adds emotion to a scenario, but the scenario should stand for what it is outside of what all that is. I know that adds and you and I talk all the time about stuff and You start talking about the emotional part. Well, that's got to do anything.
00:06:11
Speaker 3: Every woman will say that that has everything to do with it.
00:06:13
Speaker 1: But in this, we can't say the woman was right or wrong and crying or right or wrong and wanting to move or not wanting to move because based on the funeral. The scenario is the scenario.
00:06:23
Speaker 2: True. All right.
00:06:24
Speaker 1: True.
00:06:25
Speaker 2: Now, I do think emotions got into it because it might have been the reason why Tomiko decided.
00:06:29
Speaker 3: And also, she's a travel blogger. So, look, we'll get into the comments.
00:06:32
Speaker 2: I think the majority of people fully and totally agree that she had every right and, in fact, absolutely did the right thing by staying in her aisle seat. People have called into question her reasoning for videoing this woman. And putting it on her social media when she's a travel blogger. She knew this was probably going to get a lot of attention. And even she admitted that she, I do think she went a little overboard. Yes, it must have been very annoying to have this woman crying the whole time. But she even says on her post when they landed. Well, first of all, she asked her, did somebody die? And maybe the reason why she asked her that is because she was just coming back from a funeral and she was managing to stay.
00:07:13
Speaker 1: Wait, she says she asked the woman that?
00:07:14
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:07:15
Speaker 3: Did somebody die? And she said, no, I just missed my husband.
00:07:18
Speaker 2: Oh. And I want to be able to put my head on his shoulder.
00:07:21
Speaker 3: Whose shoulder am I supposed to rest my head on to go to sleep?
00:07:24
Speaker 1: Now, this part wasn't on camera?
00:07:26
Speaker 3: This was all in the captions. She wrote it all in a caption.
00:07:29
Speaker 2: And then she said in the caption, when we landed, and I'm quoting her, I told her, good job. Look at you surviving without your husband for 10 hours.
00:07:36
Speaker 1: Okay, that might have been a.
00:07:37
Speaker 3: That might have been a little much. And so that might have.
00:07:42
Speaker 2: Some of the negative comments she got could have been because she... And look, I'll give her credit. She admitted to everything she said to this woman before, during, and after.
00:07:50
Speaker 1: But the negative comments she's getting are.
00:07:52
Speaker 3: Are racist as hell.
00:07:54
Speaker 1: Okay, are they about the situation or are they about that comment specifically? What issue are they taking with her?
00:08:00
Speaker 2: Well, I can tell youâ I don't want to make sure. I don't want the volume to go popping up because it just did a second ago. But I'm going to pull up some of theâ most of the comments were about saying, I'm so happy you didn't give it up. Basically, you can't survive this. a 10-hour flight without your husband, but you also won't pay to sit together, none of these sound like your problem.
00:08:24
Speaker 3: And I get that. So I would say the vast majority.
00:08:27
Speaker 2: And she even said it was 80-20 in her favor.
00:08:31
Speaker 3: But some people thought it was funny. Good job. Look at you surviving without your husband for 10 hours.
00:08:37
Speaker 2: Amazing.
00:08:38
Speaker 3: And then laugh, laugh, laugh emoji. So Yeah.
00:08:40
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. the airline might have overbooked the flight and stuffed them up when they might have actually paid and bought for seats together. You never once found out what her story was. So I think most people were just kind of giving her beef on A, posting it, and B, her tone afterwards.
00:09:26
Speaker 1: The posting I understand because she's a travel blogger. You're a travel blogger, and that's a big travel story, and that's a big thing that a lot of people experience. She had travel gold, quite frankly, in terms of a scenario. I don't knock her for that. The tone there. I mean, she didn't have to speak to the woman again. She didn't have to record the woman. You could have told this story without recording or trying. There was something about a little shame. I know she blurred her out. That was a little, I didn't necessarily agree with that. But yeah, that's like poking at her and almost making fun of her, being a smart ass to her. That wasn't nice.
00:09:57
Speaker 3: And she did call them white tears. So she called them white tears. them white tears.
00:10:01
Speaker 1: In the original post?
00:10:02
Speaker 2: Yes. Okay.
00:10:03
Speaker 1: So is that why? Again, I'm saying what I was asking, what issue are people taking with her? Is anyone saying she's giving up her seat? What is the logic behind that? Anyone is offering for that. No one.
00:10:14
Speaker 2: I don't think anyone is saying she should have. I think every single person. I think the white tears might have set some people off.
00:10:21
Speaker 1: Okay, that makes sense.
00:10:22
Speaker 2: And I think that's where some people started going back with some racist comments. So she put up, as of this recording, literally less than an hour ago, her follow-up post. And her caption is, I will die on this hill. And she re-explained what happened. This is one she is talking to camera. And she has graphics about where the seats were. But then she started putting up some of the comments that she received, which were so horrific. Babe, I don't even want to repeat them. But basically, people were referring to her as an ape, a monkey, a chimp. You get it, right? And so they really brought race into it. And she wanted people to see what folks were saying.
00:11:01
Speaker 1: You have them in there? You said you don't want to read it. No, it's all right. Don't worry about it.
00:11:06
Speaker 3: They're in there.
00:11:07
Speaker 1: I mean, why are we there? The white tears equals ape. Okay.
00:11:11
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:11:12
Speaker 2: I couldn't possibly understand why people are the way they are. And it's disgusting and nothing. But it pushed her to the point where she put up this follow-up post. But it's remarkable how much this is getting picked up.
00:11:27
Speaker 3: It's gone viral. People are weighing in.
00:11:29
Speaker 2: And I think, look, she even said in her follow-up post, because some people wrote, hey, if it was a kid, I understand.
00:11:35
Speaker 3: This is kind of ridiculous. It's like, what's the state of their marriage if she can't handle being away from her husband for 10 hours?
00:11:41
Speaker 1: Some would say that's sweet.
00:11:42
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:11:43
Speaker 3: And she, look, you and I, to the point where we will adjust.
00:11:47
Speaker 2: I just recently, we actually, this is the truth, we switched a full And we have the luxury to do this, but we switched an entire week of vacation. We switched to a different week because the flights that we wanted to leave on that week, we couldn't sit together. And we actually changed our entire vacation so that we could get a flight with seats together. That is the truth. And look, I think that's her point. And she said, I thought like she made some very, very good points. She said, I am not giving up my seat that I paid money for so that you could be comfortable.
00:12:20
Speaker 3: What do you think about that logic?
00:12:23
Speaker 1: Well, it sounds cruel, but it is true. You're asking someone to be uncomfortable so you can be comfortable. You're asking someone to change what they did to make up for what your lack of planning might have been. Now, even if the airline changed or messed up, that's okay. That's still you want me to bear the brunt of your inconvenience. Based on what? And I just, that's an incredibly kind person if you would be willing to do that. But Robes is just not within reason to ask somebody to sit in a middle seat. for 10 hours after you planned your, that's just not reasonable. Never, ever, ever do that. And I would never, even if I asked somebody that and they said no, I wouldn't consider them a jerk for doing so.
00:13:19
Speaker 2: No, I would totally understand it. That's what's really shocking to me. When we come back, we're going to go over some of the comments and something she said in this follow-up post. I want to get your opinion on and I'll ask everyone who's listening what they think about making a statement like she did earlier today. Welcome back, everyone, to Amy and TJ. This is a moral dilemma that I think a lot of people have found themselves in. I know that I have certainly switched seats before, but I know that there is at least one time where I passed because it was someone asking me to sit in a middle seat at the back of the plane, and I had paid for an aisle seat. And look, she said the same thing that I have said, and you know this is true. I have to pee a lot when I'm on a plane. And I absolutely hate having to climb over people, wake somebody up.
00:14:19
Speaker 3: It's awkward. It's uncomfortable, especially for a 10-hour flight. And I get a little claustrophobic.
00:14:24
Speaker 2: So I would, again, rather switch planes or do something different than not sit on the aisle. Or if I'm sitting next to you, obviously, I don't mind sitting in the middle because I can climb over you. But she said that very thing. I have to go to the bathroom all the time. And I hate climbing over people.
00:14:39
Speaker 3: I understand that.
00:14:42
Speaker 1: Oh, sweetheart, you don't even have to go that far and explain your bladder situation. I'm in an aisle seat.
00:14:49
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:14:50
Speaker 1: You want me to go sit in a middle seat?
00:14:53
Speaker 2: No.
00:14:53
Speaker 1: The only time I've said no is that scenario.
00:14:56
Speaker 2: Same.
00:14:56
Speaker 1: And it was in the back of a plane.
00:14:57
Speaker 3: Same.
00:14:58
Speaker 1: We were packed like crazy, and I'm on an aisle. I am two or three rows. I can see the damn bathroom. It was way in the back of the plane. Sure enough, a woman on the other side of the aisle wants to... me to take her middle seat. And it was a woman wants me to take her middle seat so she can come over and sit with, I think it was her husband. No, ma'am. And you know what? I had to sit and look at that woman for the whole flight. Didn't bother me one bit.
00:15:23
Speaker 3: Okay.
00:15:24
Speaker 2: Look, and I will say this, anyone who doesn't know you personally, you are one of the most considerate people I have ever met to the point where you're over considerate. So, yes, but there are certain lines, there are certain boundaries that, I'm sorry, you should feel justified in maintaining.
00:15:39
Speaker 1: But you shouldn't have to. You're not an asshole for keeping your aisle seat. You're just not at all. I have given up a first class seat before and gone back to the other cabin. So that someone could sit next to their child in first class. I've given that. I've done that before.
00:15:59
Speaker 3: I believe it.
00:16:00
Speaker 1: Ropes, it's just flying is so hard. People are always on edge. Just be as kind and considerate as possible. But there, you can ask for too much.
00:16:08
Speaker 3: There are limits.
00:16:09
Speaker 2: And you just teed up the perfect thing that I was going to say. I teased ahead of time. She started her second post today saying, I don't care if it's a kid.
00:16:18
Speaker 3: I'm not giving up my seat.
00:16:20
Speaker 1: She's losing some of us. We're on your side. You were right. Don't be wrong. Come on. You got good. Come on, lady. We're all on your side. Don't lose us with that kind of lady.
00:16:32
Speaker 3: She lost me on that one. I was like, why'd you have to say that? Because the truth is she does have.
00:16:38
Speaker 2: I think, what was the correct thing to do on her side. Now, we kind of referenced this. One of the comments I saw, it's not rude to refuse to switch seats. It's rude to record and shame her on social media for clicks and views. Maybe she has anxiety, so it's rude to call them white tears. You know, she didn't know why she was crying. And so people, I think, took offense to that.
00:17:02
Speaker 1: I didn't like that.
00:17:03
Speaker 3: I didn't like that either.
00:17:04
Speaker 2: She took a couple things too far because she did have, I think, the scenario was what she chose and what she did was the right thing to do. But she took a couple of things too far and now people are pouncing on that.
00:17:16
Speaker 3: And what she did was... is lost in some.
00:17:20
Speaker 2: Missteps she made in how she described it and where she was.
00:17:24
Speaker 3: She just, she went too far.
00:17:26
Speaker 1: I didn't know that line. And again, I might not give it up for a kid. I just, when you say, when you put it out there and say that like that, I don't give a damn. Now you're coming across like the bigger jerk here. And Robsi, you know, I'm always, always, always grace, grace, grace, giving people a little grace. What if she gave that woman some, not by giving up her seat, but I said, ma'am, are you upset? You're crying. What's wrong? Are you okay? Bought her a drink. They maybe could have had a great conversation. Who knows? And you still didn't have to give up your seat. You still at this just give a little grace to everybody. The woman crying, give a little to that lady who just is flying back from a funeral for her dad. Like both of these people. Isn't that something?
00:18:07
Speaker 3: But there was no willingness to understand either side.
00:18:10
Speaker 2: And look, she viewed her seatmate crying for three hours as a form of manipulation. She said she was doing it to try to guilt me into changing my mind.
00:18:23
Speaker 3: That might be true, but maybe it isn't.
00:18:25
Speaker 2: Maybe that woman just was having an anxiety attack, or maybe she was in a mental health space that Tomiko.
00:18:32
Speaker 3: Didn't know, and maybe she was being manipulative. We don't know, is my point.
00:18:36
Speaker 1: You know how you know. We should start a whole new podcast called Be Curious. Ask her a question. Why are you crying? Instead of... Brobes, it's hard to Think of a scenario in any of our lives where you see somebody in pain, see somebody crying, and your instinct is to pull out your camera and start videoing so you could possibly use it on social media later.
00:18:59
Speaker 2: I think that is where people are really getting upset.
00:19:04
Speaker 3: I thought this was interesting. There was even a flight attendant who.
00:19:08
Speaker 2: weighed in and said, I'm a flight attendant and you absolutely did the right thing. You should not have to or feel guilted into or pressured in any way to give up your seat for anyone, period, bottom line. And so some people were then asking the flight attendant, what would you do? And she said if there was ever an issue, if she felt threatened or that she was getting any kind of manipulation for not giving up her seat, as flight attendants, we would intervene and make it very clear that every person who's purchased their.
00:19:38
Speaker 3: Seat and picked their seat has every right to sit there. There is no obligation.
00:19:43
Speaker 2: No one is under any actual obligation to give up their seat.
00:19:48
Speaker 3: This is on a case-by-case basis. basis.
00:19:51
Speaker 2: This is a tough one, but look, she obviously was feeling enough heat that she wanted to come back on, but I feel like her follow-up post might do more harm than good. She started out, I will die on this hill, and I don't even care if it was a kid, because now she's upset that she's getting attacked.
00:20:08
Speaker 1: Well, maybe she feels like, I don't know her personality. I mean, maybe she's a, is she a provocatress online? Maybe it's her personality. Try to get people worked up. You know, some people just want responses and to be provocative like that.
00:20:20
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:20:20
Speaker 1: Maybe that's a part of it, but yeah, I hate that part of it. And again, In every scenario, Robes, when I first heard about the story, I'm 100% on her side. She was right. Now you get the details and you hear about it. And yes, there's fault, a little fault everywhere. And what did nobody give the other? Just a little grace. And ask, why? Why won't you give up your seat? Why are you crying? She might have hurt. You're coming back from a funeral. Oh, my goodness. What happened with your dad? Oh, he was already over here.
00:20:46
Speaker 3: Who knows?
00:20:47
Speaker 1: Learn something about each other. White, black. Have a conversation. You got 10 hours. You could have solved the world's problems.
00:20:54
Speaker 2: And unfortunately now it's gotten all racial and it's gone into a place that you'd hope it wouldn't. But I do think it is one of those scenarios. I think everyone who's traveled enough has been in this situation.
00:21:07
Speaker 3: I've been on both sides.
00:21:08
Speaker 2: Yeah. I have been on both sides. And I just think when you're the person who's asking someone to give up their seat, you need to understand that especially if you are asking someone to give up their seat for a worse seat, I don't even think you should ask personally unless there's some Unless you've got a child who has special needs. Short of that, I do not think you should ask somebody, you should put them in a position to take a significantly worse seat so that you'll be more comfortable.
00:21:38
Speaker 1: What's that line retailers use? We can trade it in for something of... Equal or greater value. That's what you're seeing. That's the rule. Offer a seat of equal or greater value.
00:21:48
Speaker 2: I think that should be the standard. You should not ask, again, unless there's some exception that is above and beyond. But no, yes, we'd all like to sit with the people we're traveling with mostly. I mean, there have been so many snarky comments recently. That man probably had the best 10 hours of his life, finally got some peace from her. You know, people were, yes, piling on. And there are some pretty funny comments in there.
00:22:12
Speaker 1: Okay, is there, did anyone, last thing here, I'm sorry, but did anybody, is there any explanation? Did they ask? The people sitting on the, at the wall? The people sitting next to him? Was everybody asked?
00:22:25
Speaker 3: Some people asked, what about the people sitting next to him? Could they have switched off? She didn't know. So it was, she wasn't sure what went on. She wasn't sure what went on.
00:22:34
Speaker 1: A couple rows above her.
00:22:35
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, obviously you would ask, you would ask everybody to do it, but she's the one who took the video and she captured this woman crying for three hours.
00:22:45
Speaker 1: That's good. Oh, I didn't know about the other stuff. The moral of the story here, just everybody, give everybody a little grace, just a little.
00:22:53
Speaker 2: I like what you said, be curious. Don't be so judgmental. Don't be so quick to assume someone's manipulating you. Don't be so quick to assume that someone's faking it or that someone is, just ask questions in not a sarcastic way, but in a genuine way.
00:23:08
Speaker 1: That's not the way to treat somebody who's crying. All she did was ask you a question. And that's that's tough, baby. And I don't even think the question should have been asked. But I don't know if she deserved this for asking the question. And if she was crying and for look, we are used to and some folks have now seen it in some very high profile stories. Robes, we have an experience as black folks oftentimes that we get in trouble when tears start coming from a white person. We are immediately in trouble. And we have seen this in the bird watcher story comes to mind immediately in Central Park. She calls 911. Fake it. Nothing wrong. She knows that's her power.
00:23:46
Speaker 3: There's some history there.
00:23:47
Speaker 1: We've seen that. So that's where that comes from and why. That might not have been the appropriate thing to do here, and it might not be accurate. But that's where it comes from, and now it sets off a whole thing. So that's just a mess again.
00:24:00
Speaker 2: But there are some lessons to be learned next time we're all traveling to be a little kinder and maybe don't video somebody who's crying. Yeah.
00:24:09
Speaker 3: With that, everyone, happy travels.
00:24:11
Speaker 2: We always appreciate you listening to us.
00:24:13
Speaker 3: I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk soon.
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. It is Wednesday, October 21st. Let's try it again. The age-old debate. If someone asked you to switch seats on a plane so they can sit with a loved one, what are you supposed to do?
00:00:20
Speaker 2: Well.
00:00:21
Speaker 1: One woman did not give up her seat, and it has sparked this debate all over again. With that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Why is this one any different, Rose? These come up every once in a while, these conversations. Why is this one taken off?
00:00:33
Speaker 2: Well, this one's taken off because this was actually a travel blogger who was put in this situation. And we can get into the specifics because they're important on this.
00:00:42
Speaker 3: But this was an international flight.
00:00:44
Speaker 2: A 10-hour flight, and the reason why this has taken off the way it has, to the point where this travel blogger has just posted a follow-up defending herself, because she took a video each hour for three hours straight of this 10-hour flight. The woman who she wouldn't give up her seat for was sobbing. Now, she blurred out her face, so it's not as if she exposed her and showed everyone who she was, but you can see this woman wiping away tears where.
00:01:12
Speaker 3: She's like, hour one. Hour two. Hour three. And so.
00:01:17
Speaker 1: And we know this is what she was crying over.
00:01:19
Speaker 2: This is what travel blogger Tamiko Harvey says was going on.
00:01:25
Speaker 1: All right. So if we go back to... Is there a blanket answer? A general one? Or do you have to always take into account the circumstances? Someone asks, hey, me and my husband, me and my wife, me and my kids got separate. Would you mind switching seats so that we can sit together? It's not as cut and dry as you should be kind and say yes. It's not that simple, is it?
00:01:49
Speaker 3: No, I don't think it is.
00:01:51
Speaker 2: And I think this is actually, as you pointed out, situationally based. So a lot of people, and look, we'll get into the comments because they run the gamut, but I think the general consensus is if someone's offering you an equal seat, you should probably, the right thing to do is to agree, even if it's annoying to have to get up and move your stuff. If you're getting a comparable seat or a better seat, I think most people would say, you don't have to, but why wouldn't you?
00:02:20
Speaker 1: It's the kind thing to do. I hate to get into a situation of what you should or shouldn't, what's right or wrong.
00:02:24
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:02:25
Speaker 1: But it is the kind thing to do. You certainly don't have to. For sure.
00:02:29
Speaker 3: You bought your seat.
00:02:31
Speaker 2: If you're like me, and everyone's different, and I know, babe, you're the same way, but I go to great lengths. Making sure we get the right seats. And if we don't, thems are the brakes, right? I mean, I know ahead of time, if we're going to go ahead, we will change our travel dates. We will change our airline. We will change the time, even if it's less convenient, so that we can get the seats we want. Because we don't want to inconvenience other people or go into it and say, well, this is the flight I want to take. We aren't sitting together, but we'll just ask someone on the plane to do that. I think that is really inconsiderate and rude and some people would say entitled. That you think, well, I'll just get on the plane and make somebody else inconvenienced because I will just do it that way. No, I think the right thing to do if you're a passenger and you know you want to sit with someone, pick the flight where you can.
00:03:22
Speaker 1: Now, we can. There are situations. people last minute or people have a big group or they couldn't get everyone. And you know, it's no fault of their own necessarily. We can't give them a hard time. There are some situations where it's just dumb luck and they're out of luck and you want to be kind. Other situations are what you described, but there's no way of knowing that when you're on the plane and somebody's asking. So we try to give them the benefit of the doubt is the kind thing to do.
00:03:48
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
00:03:49
Speaker 2: And by the way, I have asked people to move only when I know they're getting the same seat aisle for aisle, window for window or a better seat. I've said, hey, I got a middle. You have a middle seat. Would you like to be in an aisle? And they'll usually say, hell yeah. Or would you like to sit in first class? Because we ended up getting separated because one of us got upgraded.
00:04:09
Speaker 3: Hell yeah.
00:04:10
Speaker 2: I don't mind asking people when I know I'm giving them the same seat or a better seat. I have never, and I would not ask somebody unless there was some medical reason, but I still wouldn't want to put somebody in a position to take a crappier seat. And certainly on a 10-hour flight, would I ever ask somebody to exchange an aisle seat for a middle seat?
00:04:30
Speaker 1: Okay, so this was a 10-hour flight. That's a long time. So set up for everybody, Robes, the seating scenario where the blogger was, the crying woman was, And where the crying woman's husband was.
00:04:47
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:04:48
Speaker 3: So Tomiko was on the aisle.
00:04:51
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:04:52
Speaker 3: Crying woman was in the middle.
00:04:55
Speaker 1: Next door. Okay.
00:04:56
Speaker 3: Correct.
00:04:56
Speaker 2: Two rows up, crying woman's husband is also in the middle. So they both ended up with middle seats.
00:05:04
Speaker 1: That's some late last minute planning.
00:05:06
Speaker 2: And I have been in that situation before where sometimes things happen and you end up in both of you end up in middle seats.
00:05:13
Speaker 3: That is, that is one of those situations where.
00:05:15
Speaker 2: I can absolutely 100% say I would never ask somebody to give up, especially on a 10 hour international flight.
00:05:23
Speaker 1: That's almost rude.
00:05:24
Speaker 3: Now let's add to this.
00:05:25
Speaker 2: Tomiko Harvey was flying back from Kazakhstan to Virginia where she lives because she flew out there because her father died. So she is coming back from a funeral. So can you imagine you're processing grief? You're flying all the way back home after saying goodbye to your father. And now you've got a woman sobbing next to you for three hours because you won't sit in a middle seat so that she can sit.
00:05:55
Speaker 3: Next to her husband.
00:05:56
Speaker 2: I know.
00:05:56
Speaker 1: Okay. Yes, that adds emotion to a scenario, but the scenario should stand for what it is outside of what all that is. I know that adds and you and I talk all the time about stuff and You start talking about the emotional part. Well, that's got to do anything.
00:06:11
Speaker 3: Every woman will say that that has everything to do with it.
00:06:13
Speaker 1: But in this, we can't say the woman was right or wrong and crying or right or wrong and wanting to move or not wanting to move because based on the funeral. The scenario is the scenario.
00:06:23
Speaker 2: True. All right.
00:06:24
Speaker 1: True.
00:06:25
Speaker 2: Now, I do think emotions got into it because it might have been the reason why Tomiko decided.
00:06:29
Speaker 3: And also, she's a travel blogger. So, look, we'll get into the comments.
00:06:32
Speaker 2: I think the majority of people fully and totally agree that she had every right and, in fact, absolutely did the right thing by staying in her aisle seat. People have called into question her reasoning for videoing this woman. And putting it on her social media when she's a travel blogger. She knew this was probably going to get a lot of attention. And even she admitted that she, I do think she went a little overboard. Yes, it must have been very annoying to have this woman crying the whole time. But she even says on her post when they landed. Well, first of all, she asked her, did somebody die? And maybe the reason why she asked her that is because she was just coming back from a funeral and she was managing to stay.
00:07:13
Speaker 1: Wait, she says she asked the woman that?
00:07:14
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:07:15
Speaker 3: Did somebody die? And she said, no, I just missed my husband.
00:07:18
Speaker 2: Oh. And I want to be able to put my head on his shoulder.
00:07:21
Speaker 3: Whose shoulder am I supposed to rest my head on to go to sleep?
00:07:24
Speaker 1: Now, this part wasn't on camera?
00:07:26
Speaker 3: This was all in the captions. She wrote it all in a caption.
00:07:29
Speaker 2: And then she said in the caption, when we landed, and I'm quoting her, I told her, good job. Look at you surviving without your husband for 10 hours.
00:07:36
Speaker 1: Okay, that might have been a.
00:07:37
Speaker 3: That might have been a little much. And so that might have.
00:07:42
Speaker 2: Some of the negative comments she got could have been because she... And look, I'll give her credit. She admitted to everything she said to this woman before, during, and after.
00:07:50
Speaker 1: But the negative comments she's getting are.
00:07:52
Speaker 3: Are racist as hell.
00:07:54
Speaker 1: Okay, are they about the situation or are they about that comment specifically? What issue are they taking with her?
00:08:00
Speaker 2: Well, I can tell youâ I don't want to make sure. I don't want the volume to go popping up because it just did a second ago. But I'm going to pull up some of theâ most of the comments were about saying, I'm so happy you didn't give it up. Basically, you can't survive this. a 10-hour flight without your husband, but you also won't pay to sit together, none of these sound like your problem.
00:08:24
Speaker 3: And I get that. So I would say the vast majority.
00:08:27
Speaker 2: And she even said it was 80-20 in her favor.
00:08:31
Speaker 3: But some people thought it was funny. Good job. Look at you surviving without your husband for 10 hours.
00:08:37
Speaker 2: Amazing.
00:08:38
Speaker 3: And then laugh, laugh, laugh emoji. So Yeah.
00:08:40
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. the airline might have overbooked the flight and stuffed them up when they might have actually paid and bought for seats together. You never once found out what her story was. So I think most people were just kind of giving her beef on A, posting it, and B, her tone afterwards.
00:09:26
Speaker 1: The posting I understand because she's a travel blogger. You're a travel blogger, and that's a big travel story, and that's a big thing that a lot of people experience. She had travel gold, quite frankly, in terms of a scenario. I don't knock her for that. The tone there. I mean, she didn't have to speak to the woman again. She didn't have to record the woman. You could have told this story without recording or trying. There was something about a little shame. I know she blurred her out. That was a little, I didn't necessarily agree with that. But yeah, that's like poking at her and almost making fun of her, being a smart ass to her. That wasn't nice.
00:09:57
Speaker 3: And she did call them white tears. So she called them white tears. them white tears.
00:10:01
Speaker 1: In the original post?
00:10:02
Speaker 2: Yes. Okay.
00:10:03
Speaker 1: So is that why? Again, I'm saying what I was asking, what issue are people taking with her? Is anyone saying she's giving up her seat? What is the logic behind that? Anyone is offering for that. No one.
00:10:14
Speaker 2: I don't think anyone is saying she should have. I think every single person. I think the white tears might have set some people off.
00:10:21
Speaker 1: Okay, that makes sense.
00:10:22
Speaker 2: And I think that's where some people started going back with some racist comments. So she put up, as of this recording, literally less than an hour ago, her follow-up post. And her caption is, I will die on this hill. And she re-explained what happened. This is one she is talking to camera. And she has graphics about where the seats were. But then she started putting up some of the comments that she received, which were so horrific. Babe, I don't even want to repeat them. But basically, people were referring to her as an ape, a monkey, a chimp. You get it, right? And so they really brought race into it. And she wanted people to see what folks were saying.
00:11:01
Speaker 1: You have them in there? You said you don't want to read it. No, it's all right. Don't worry about it.
00:11:06
Speaker 3: They're in there.
00:11:07
Speaker 1: I mean, why are we there? The white tears equals ape. Okay.
00:11:11
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:11:12
Speaker 2: I couldn't possibly understand why people are the way they are. And it's disgusting and nothing. But it pushed her to the point where she put up this follow-up post. But it's remarkable how much this is getting picked up.
00:11:27
Speaker 3: It's gone viral. People are weighing in.
00:11:29
Speaker 2: And I think, look, she even said in her follow-up post, because some people wrote, hey, if it was a kid, I understand.
00:11:35
Speaker 3: This is kind of ridiculous. It's like, what's the state of their marriage if she can't handle being away from her husband for 10 hours?
00:11:41
Speaker 1: Some would say that's sweet.
00:11:42
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:11:43
Speaker 3: And she, look, you and I, to the point where we will adjust.
00:11:47
Speaker 2: I just recently, we actually, this is the truth, we switched a full And we have the luxury to do this, but we switched an entire week of vacation. We switched to a different week because the flights that we wanted to leave on that week, we couldn't sit together. And we actually changed our entire vacation so that we could get a flight with seats together. That is the truth. And look, I think that's her point. And she said, I thought like she made some very, very good points. She said, I am not giving up my seat that I paid money for so that you could be comfortable.
00:12:20
Speaker 3: What do you think about that logic?
00:12:23
Speaker 1: Well, it sounds cruel, but it is true. You're asking someone to be uncomfortable so you can be comfortable. You're asking someone to change what they did to make up for what your lack of planning might have been. Now, even if the airline changed or messed up, that's okay. That's still you want me to bear the brunt of your inconvenience. Based on what? And I just, that's an incredibly kind person if you would be willing to do that. But Robes is just not within reason to ask somebody to sit in a middle seat. for 10 hours after you planned your, that's just not reasonable. Never, ever, ever do that. And I would never, even if I asked somebody that and they said no, I wouldn't consider them a jerk for doing so.
00:13:19
Speaker 2: No, I would totally understand it. That's what's really shocking to me. When we come back, we're going to go over some of the comments and something she said in this follow-up post. I want to get your opinion on and I'll ask everyone who's listening what they think about making a statement like she did earlier today. Welcome back, everyone, to Amy and TJ. This is a moral dilemma that I think a lot of people have found themselves in. I know that I have certainly switched seats before, but I know that there is at least one time where I passed because it was someone asking me to sit in a middle seat at the back of the plane, and I had paid for an aisle seat. And look, she said the same thing that I have said, and you know this is true. I have to pee a lot when I'm on a plane. And I absolutely hate having to climb over people, wake somebody up.
00:14:19
Speaker 3: It's awkward. It's uncomfortable, especially for a 10-hour flight. And I get a little claustrophobic.
00:14:24
Speaker 2: So I would, again, rather switch planes or do something different than not sit on the aisle. Or if I'm sitting next to you, obviously, I don't mind sitting in the middle because I can climb over you. But she said that very thing. I have to go to the bathroom all the time. And I hate climbing over people.
00:14:39
Speaker 3: I understand that.
00:14:42
Speaker 1: Oh, sweetheart, you don't even have to go that far and explain your bladder situation. I'm in an aisle seat.
00:14:49
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:14:50
Speaker 1: You want me to go sit in a middle seat?
00:14:53
Speaker 2: No.
00:14:53
Speaker 1: The only time I've said no is that scenario.
00:14:56
Speaker 2: Same.
00:14:56
Speaker 1: And it was in the back of a plane.
00:14:57
Speaker 3: Same.
00:14:58
Speaker 1: We were packed like crazy, and I'm on an aisle. I am two or three rows. I can see the damn bathroom. It was way in the back of the plane. Sure enough, a woman on the other side of the aisle wants to... me to take her middle seat. And it was a woman wants me to take her middle seat so she can come over and sit with, I think it was her husband. No, ma'am. And you know what? I had to sit and look at that woman for the whole flight. Didn't bother me one bit.
00:15:23
Speaker 3: Okay.
00:15:24
Speaker 2: Look, and I will say this, anyone who doesn't know you personally, you are one of the most considerate people I have ever met to the point where you're over considerate. So, yes, but there are certain lines, there are certain boundaries that, I'm sorry, you should feel justified in maintaining.
00:15:39
Speaker 1: But you shouldn't have to. You're not an asshole for keeping your aisle seat. You're just not at all. I have given up a first class seat before and gone back to the other cabin. So that someone could sit next to their child in first class. I've given that. I've done that before.
00:15:59
Speaker 3: I believe it.
00:16:00
Speaker 1: Ropes, it's just flying is so hard. People are always on edge. Just be as kind and considerate as possible. But there, you can ask for too much.
00:16:08
Speaker 3: There are limits.
00:16:09
Speaker 2: And you just teed up the perfect thing that I was going to say. I teased ahead of time. She started her second post today saying, I don't care if it's a kid.
00:16:18
Speaker 3: I'm not giving up my seat.
00:16:20
Speaker 1: She's losing some of us. We're on your side. You were right. Don't be wrong. Come on. You got good. Come on, lady. We're all on your side. Don't lose us with that kind of lady.
00:16:32
Speaker 3: She lost me on that one. I was like, why'd you have to say that? Because the truth is she does have.
00:16:38
Speaker 2: I think, what was the correct thing to do on her side. Now, we kind of referenced this. One of the comments I saw, it's not rude to refuse to switch seats. It's rude to record and shame her on social media for clicks and views. Maybe she has anxiety, so it's rude to call them white tears. You know, she didn't know why she was crying. And so people, I think, took offense to that.
00:17:02
Speaker 1: I didn't like that.
00:17:03
Speaker 3: I didn't like that either.
00:17:04
Speaker 2: She took a couple things too far because she did have, I think, the scenario was what she chose and what she did was the right thing to do. But she took a couple of things too far and now people are pouncing on that.
00:17:16
Speaker 3: And what she did was... is lost in some.
00:17:20
Speaker 2: Missteps she made in how she described it and where she was.
00:17:24
Speaker 3: She just, she went too far.
00:17:26
Speaker 1: I didn't know that line. And again, I might not give it up for a kid. I just, when you say, when you put it out there and say that like that, I don't give a damn. Now you're coming across like the bigger jerk here. And Robsi, you know, I'm always, always, always grace, grace, grace, giving people a little grace. What if she gave that woman some, not by giving up her seat, but I said, ma'am, are you upset? You're crying. What's wrong? Are you okay? Bought her a drink. They maybe could have had a great conversation. Who knows? And you still didn't have to give up your seat. You still at this just give a little grace to everybody. The woman crying, give a little to that lady who just is flying back from a funeral for her dad. Like both of these people. Isn't that something?
00:18:07
Speaker 3: But there was no willingness to understand either side.
00:18:10
Speaker 2: And look, she viewed her seatmate crying for three hours as a form of manipulation. She said she was doing it to try to guilt me into changing my mind.
00:18:23
Speaker 3: That might be true, but maybe it isn't.
00:18:25
Speaker 2: Maybe that woman just was having an anxiety attack, or maybe she was in a mental health space that Tomiko.
00:18:32
Speaker 3: Didn't know, and maybe she was being manipulative. We don't know, is my point.
00:18:36
Speaker 1: You know how you know. We should start a whole new podcast called Be Curious. Ask her a question. Why are you crying? Instead of... Brobes, it's hard to Think of a scenario in any of our lives where you see somebody in pain, see somebody crying, and your instinct is to pull out your camera and start videoing so you could possibly use it on social media later.
00:18:59
Speaker 2: I think that is where people are really getting upset.
00:19:04
Speaker 3: I thought this was interesting. There was even a flight attendant who.
00:19:08
Speaker 2: weighed in and said, I'm a flight attendant and you absolutely did the right thing. You should not have to or feel guilted into or pressured in any way to give up your seat for anyone, period, bottom line. And so some people were then asking the flight attendant, what would you do? And she said if there was ever an issue, if she felt threatened or that she was getting any kind of manipulation for not giving up her seat, as flight attendants, we would intervene and make it very clear that every person who's purchased their.
00:19:38
Speaker 3: Seat and picked their seat has every right to sit there. There is no obligation.
00:19:43
Speaker 2: No one is under any actual obligation to give up their seat.
00:19:48
Speaker 3: This is on a case-by-case basis. basis.
00:19:51
Speaker 2: This is a tough one, but look, she obviously was feeling enough heat that she wanted to come back on, but I feel like her follow-up post might do more harm than good. She started out, I will die on this hill, and I don't even care if it was a kid, because now she's upset that she's getting attacked.
00:20:08
Speaker 1: Well, maybe she feels like, I don't know her personality. I mean, maybe she's a, is she a provocatress online? Maybe it's her personality. Try to get people worked up. You know, some people just want responses and to be provocative like that.
00:20:20
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:20:20
Speaker 1: Maybe that's a part of it, but yeah, I hate that part of it. And again, In every scenario, Robes, when I first heard about the story, I'm 100% on her side. She was right. Now you get the details and you hear about it. And yes, there's fault, a little fault everywhere. And what did nobody give the other? Just a little grace. And ask, why? Why won't you give up your seat? Why are you crying? She might have hurt. You're coming back from a funeral. Oh, my goodness. What happened with your dad? Oh, he was already over here.
00:20:46
Speaker 3: Who knows?
00:20:47
Speaker 1: Learn something about each other. White, black. Have a conversation. You got 10 hours. You could have solved the world's problems.
00:20:54
Speaker 2: And unfortunately now it's gotten all racial and it's gone into a place that you'd hope it wouldn't. But I do think it is one of those scenarios. I think everyone who's traveled enough has been in this situation.
00:21:07
Speaker 3: I've been on both sides.
00:21:08
Speaker 2: Yeah. I have been on both sides. And I just think when you're the person who's asking someone to give up their seat, you need to understand that especially if you are asking someone to give up their seat for a worse seat, I don't even think you should ask personally unless there's some Unless you've got a child who has special needs. Short of that, I do not think you should ask somebody, you should put them in a position to take a significantly worse seat so that you'll be more comfortable.
00:21:38
Speaker 1: What's that line retailers use? We can trade it in for something of... Equal or greater value. That's what you're seeing. That's the rule. Offer a seat of equal or greater value.
00:21:48
Speaker 2: I think that should be the standard. You should not ask, again, unless there's some exception that is above and beyond. But no, yes, we'd all like to sit with the people we're traveling with mostly. I mean, there have been so many snarky comments recently. That man probably had the best 10 hours of his life, finally got some peace from her. You know, people were, yes, piling on. And there are some pretty funny comments in there.
00:22:12
Speaker 1: Okay, is there, did anyone, last thing here, I'm sorry, but did anybody, is there any explanation? Did they ask? The people sitting on the, at the wall? The people sitting next to him? Was everybody asked?
00:22:25
Speaker 3: Some people asked, what about the people sitting next to him? Could they have switched off? She didn't know. So it was, she wasn't sure what went on. She wasn't sure what went on.
00:22:34
Speaker 1: A couple rows above her.
00:22:35
Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean, obviously you would ask, you would ask everybody to do it, but she's the one who took the video and she captured this woman crying for three hours.
00:22:45
Speaker 1: That's good. Oh, I didn't know about the other stuff. The moral of the story here, just everybody, give everybody a little grace, just a little.
00:22:53
Speaker 2: I like what you said, be curious. Don't be so judgmental. Don't be so quick to assume someone's manipulating you. Don't be so quick to assume that someone's faking it or that someone is, just ask questions in not a sarcastic way, but in a genuine way.
00:23:08
Speaker 1: That's not the way to treat somebody who's crying. All she did was ask you a question. And that's that's tough, baby. And I don't even think the question should have been asked. But I don't know if she deserved this for asking the question. And if she was crying and for look, we are used to and some folks have now seen it in some very high profile stories. Robes, we have an experience as black folks oftentimes that we get in trouble when tears start coming from a white person. We are immediately in trouble. And we have seen this in the bird watcher story comes to mind immediately in Central Park. She calls 911. Fake it. Nothing wrong. She knows that's her power.
00:23:46
Speaker 3: There's some history there.
00:23:47
Speaker 1: We've seen that. So that's where that comes from and why. That might not have been the appropriate thing to do here, and it might not be accurate. But that's where it comes from, and now it sets off a whole thing. So that's just a mess again.
00:24:00
Speaker 2: But there are some lessons to be learned next time we're all traveling to be a little kinder and maybe don't video somebody who's crying. Yeah.
00:24:09
Speaker 3: With that, everyone, happy travels.
00:24:11
Speaker 2: We always appreciate you listening to us.
00:24:13
Speaker 3: I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk soon.