July 25, 2026
Toothbrushes, Bank Accounts, Passwords… How Much Should Couples Share?
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RSS Feed We wrote a recent article on Yahoo about how much we share as a couple, and what we keep separate. As we discussed our philosophy that sharing should come from a place of confidence, not surveillance, there is a constant debate among couples on how much is too much. From locations to passwords, bank accounts to social media, hell even beauty products, what does it all say about the state of your relationship?
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks, it is Saturday, July twenty fifth, and yes, I would do anything for love, but you want to know my location on my phone? But I won't do that. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Is that really a hangout, dude? Couples fight about whether or not you can track them on their phone? Yes?
00:00:23
Speaker 2: But can I just please acknowledge how exciting that just was for me to have you use a Meatloaf lyric in your intro. Oh, I didn't know it was a Meatloaf lyrics And thankful that's meat loaf.
00:00:37
Speaker 3: That is so exciting to me.
00:00:38
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that just started this whole episode off in a different way than I was not expecting.
00:00:43
Speaker 3: TJ just quoted meat loaf.
00:00:45
Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting that either. My my black friends weren't expecting that. They're starting to see the results of dating a white woman for five years.
00:00:53
Speaker 3: You got yacht rock on the mind.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: That's yacht rock.
00:00:56
Speaker 3: I think it's in the category. Yes, it's it's like it's like a slow rock yacht rock. Yeah, it's yat rock.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: Okay, I didn't even know that was a meat Loaf song. Meat What was this genre?
00:01:09
Speaker 2: I would do anything for love meat loaf in general, the dashboard like yeah, but I think it is yat rock like.
00:01:17
Speaker 3: People who look like me like meat loaf.
00:01:19
Speaker 1: Okay, you people who look like me usually quoted we eat meat loaf. But it makes sense. Folks are talking about people we have known and we still now most in love. People just love great relationships. They have these limits and it's a weird thing. What is the big deal about allowing your partner to track your location at all times?
00:01:45
Speaker 2: Some people think it's creepy. Some creepy like it's kind of like that. Also do another song private eyes. They're watching you, they see your every move. It's it's just it feels invasive and oppressive to some folks. But I do think that if you feel that way, if you don't want someone knowing where you are, you should actually question whether or not that's a symptom of a larger problem, because I actually can go back and think about other relationships and how that would have bothered me. Couldn't care less if you track my location now doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I think it's sweet. It's about safety, it's about protection. It's not about surveillance.
00:02:23
Speaker 1: Well that's important. Then that's a you thing. It would bother you before. Why do you Why would somebody have a problem with one partner tracking them and not problem with a partner in a different.
00:02:33
Speaker 2: Relationship, Because I think it speaks to my level of comfort and safety with you.
00:02:39
Speaker 3: And I also think, look, I don't.
00:02:42
Speaker 2: I don't, and not that I did before, but it's just we're always together, so it's silly the true Let's actually just go on the record and say we don't follow each other. And I would if you said, hey, babe, I'd really like to do it. Location service is on for you, no problem, and you would feel the same bro.
00:02:58
Speaker 1: I've every time this comes up. It's a safety issue for me. Of course I should know where you are. Of course you should know where I am. Rodes you take off. We run together all the time, but on the occasions we don't. You walk out the door, I say, which way are you going? I want to know which route you're taking? God forbid, something happens, Roes. We live in New York City. A manhole cover can blow off and the city goes into terrorism lockdown. I need to know where my loved ones are and you are that it's safety. I don't care who in their right mind robes who is not up to anything, gives a damn if their spouse knows exactly where they are. It's oh, you only care if you're telling them one thing.
00:03:42
Speaker 3: And you're doing enough, you're doing another. That's so true.
00:03:45
Speaker 1: What other scenario is there? Baby?
00:03:47
Speaker 3: Yes?
00:03:47
Speaker 1: And again we're bringing this up not just about Life three sixty in tracking people, but because we did a recent article with Yahoo that got this conversation going.
00:03:54
Speaker 3: Oh yes.
00:03:54
Speaker 2: They asked us basically, how much should you share with your partner? And look, we're talking everything from locations to passwords, to bank accounts to beauty products to you know, what are your boundaries? And so we all have them and we actually it was kind of fun because I hadn't realized we hadn't really sad town and thought about what do we share? And this came from a conversation that gen Zers apparently are fearful of dating in the digital fish bowl, so they don't like the whole location sharing, relationship statuses, Instagram follows, likes, comments.
00:04:29
Speaker 3: All this stuff.
00:04:30
Speaker 2: It creates a whole new layer of how much do you give? How much do you share with your partner. And there are lines I think all of us, boundaries, all of us have in place, and they're different for each couple.
00:04:42
Speaker 1: Can I ask, does this it changes? Of course if you're dating somebody, two months is different from two years. Absolutely, But in the are we speaking here in a general sense of people who are in significant, serious, committed relationship, Yes, okay.
00:04:57
Speaker 2: Yes, And so we were asked what we sh and you and I started going down the list and.
00:05:03
Speaker 3: We figured pretty much almost everything.
00:05:05
Speaker 2: We share a bed, we share some beauty products, facewash, face cream, toothpaste.
00:05:13
Speaker 3: We just merged all of our streaming services. That was long.
00:05:16
Speaker 1: Overdue and very expensive for.
00:05:19
Speaker 3: Not sharing it. Yeah, we share passwords.
00:05:22
Speaker 2: I know your phone and computer password, vice versa. We share chapstick. You don't love it, but in a pinch, you will give it to me.
00:05:30
Speaker 1: Always in a pinch. You have to be desperate.
00:05:32
Speaker 3: You do have a joke though.
00:05:34
Speaker 2: There are times when we're out running, say and I forget to bring because I am a chapstick lipstick, lip gloss addict.
00:05:40
Speaker 3: I have to have something on my lips at all times. In the rare moments I have forgotten it.
00:05:44
Speaker 2: I have asked you, babe, Can I please have some of your chapstick?
00:05:48
Speaker 3: What do you say to me?
00:05:48
Speaker 1: Keep it? It's yours?
00:05:50
Speaker 3: Now, that's you say it, but you don't mean it.
00:05:53
Speaker 1: I kind of do you know about I carry two in my pocket at all times? You know that when I run, only carry one?
00:06:00
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.
00:06:01
Speaker 2: And we share bank accounts and so all of these things are just things. We kind of rattled off pretty quickly, pretty easily. But then when we went to what we didn't share, we started laughing. And I feel like this should be universal for me. This is an absolutely not I think I put an expletive in there when I talk to yahoo toothbrushes. I don't care if you forgot yours and we're on vacation, use your finger or go find a CBS.
00:06:24
Speaker 3: But you are not using my toothbrush.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: No circumstance on the winch that happen. I don't care where we are, where we doing, I don't care. It doesn't matter. In fact, my dentist even told me it doesn't matter. He said, yeah, the brushing of the teeth is more so about just most people want to have fresh breath. He said, you need to floss, make sure you always flossing. As long as you floss, you're gonna be oky. We're gonna be fine.
00:06:43
Speaker 3: So you can just floss and not use your toothbrush.
00:06:45
Speaker 1: All right, People don't share toothbrushes.
00:06:47
Speaker 2: Oh, I think people have absolutely In a pinch, I don't think they do it. I don't think they do it regularly. But in a pinch, we're saying no. That is still about eva.
00:06:55
Speaker 1: What's a pinch like on vacation.
00:06:58
Speaker 2: And you're in a place like you got to some remote airbnb. You can't call the lobby for a toothbrush and you don't have yours.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: And we're going to be at this airbnb for the next seven days and we can't go out at all. Still not enough of.
00:07:10
Speaker 2: A we agree now this one you for you have forgotten your deodoran a couple of times, and I have offered, even though I don't love the idea of it.
00:07:19
Speaker 3: You absolutely said, Nope.
00:07:21
Speaker 1: Not happening. Just some stuff's too intimate. It's not happening.
00:07:25
Speaker 3: The deodorant I don't mind is much.
00:07:27
Speaker 1: It's an armpit, it's a it's a sacred area that we shouldn't share things that don't there, shouldn't it just me, But I don't think people do that either.
00:07:36
Speaker 3: That's a pinch, Get a pinch. This is what I'm talking about.
00:07:40
Speaker 2: And here's another one in a pinch where I I absolutely would use your deodorant if you allowed. I wouldn't do it without you asking or without you saying yes. And I would absolutely use your razor if I needed to, But you said you would not use mine.
00:07:53
Speaker 1: Another intimate part. It's a it almost feels what is that. That's a that's a hygiene issue right in your leg to my face. I don't know about that. And you could nick yourself, you could get cuts, and you could bleed and no, no, no, no, all right.
00:08:11
Speaker 2: This is one that I thought didn't matter, but then we had a conversation about it, and I started to get it. So people get upset about sharing, like being okay with likes comments could be a different story.
00:08:25
Speaker 3: But you, I said, I.
00:08:26
Speaker 2: Wouldn't care whoever whoever you like on a social media page or whatever, if I can see who you've liked, and I'm looking at what you've shared. Look, I don't think it would bother me unless you kept liking, particularly like specific women who weren't me. That might get a little strange, but you said you thought it strange no matter what, to have a grown man sitting around.
00:08:48
Speaker 3: Liking another woman's post. Sweetheart, that's what you said. I have a quote here from you.
00:08:52
Speaker 1: See I'm forty eight. If I was online on Instagram and Sabrina Carpenter posted something, I put a thumbs up a heart, what what are you talking about? So now let's take it to somebody, a local, somebody a local, even somebody you know. In that public space, you are publicly acknowledging giving approval to someone of the opposite sex that anyone who sees you doing that might not understand the relationship of the dynamics. You are sending a signal that I think is disrespectful to your relationship. Even though it might be innocent, it's still you should ever do.
00:09:28
Speaker 2: That, right And so the only reason why you wouldn't want to share your Instagram profile with your partner is that you might be doing things like that. But I would still think you can see the shared or at least you can see the likes. This is what you compared it to, and I thought this was hilarious. You probably don't even remember saying this, but I wrote it.
00:09:45
Speaker 1: Down walking down the street.
00:09:46
Speaker 2: You compared it to walking down the street holding hands with your woman, and you keep complimenting every other woman passing by.
00:09:53
Speaker 1: How does that feel terrible? And again, not just complimenting to your woman, it's complimenting the woman by saying it directly to her as you're walking down the street. Oh ma'am, I love that skirt, Oh fresh haircut, Good job, sweetheart, And I'm right here.
00:10:10
Speaker 3: It's the same thing that makes sense that.
00:10:14
Speaker 1: People have a different thing. You know that, But I that's one.
00:10:16
Speaker 3: When you said it like that, I came around and got it now.
00:10:19
Speaker 2: The other thing people can question about what you should share, how much information about past or other.
00:10:25
Speaker 1: Relationships, whatever's asked you, You don't offer anything. All you need to know is I was married once. That's it. It was for this long.
00:10:38
Speaker 3: But if I want to ask questions, what went wrong?
00:10:40
Speaker 1: Anything you want?
00:10:41
Speaker 2: Where did you start having problems you? And why did you end up getting divorced? Those are all things I think that should be answered, if asked. If not answered, there's a red flag.
00:10:51
Speaker 1: Do not ever bring up an X without your current spouse or partner asking. There's no reason you and I would be sitting around and I started talking about college. Yeah, she used to cook those ribs just like that. What what?
00:11:06
Speaker 3: But people do it all the time.
00:11:08
Speaker 2: We see it on dating shows and you say why So I think that's a really good rule. Don't offer up any unsolicited information about anyone you have past relationship with, but answer all questions and be transparent if you're asked about it.
00:11:23
Speaker 3: I think that's true.
00:11:24
Speaker 2: What about sharing secrets that someone told you not to share? Can you share it with your significant other?
00:11:31
Speaker 1: Cecurt that somebody told you not to share? No, I mean it's a basic thing, not somebody. But that needs to be explicit. Someone needs to explicitly say I need you to not share this with anybody that's.
00:11:44
Speaker 3: Including your spouse, including your partner.
00:11:46
Speaker 1: And you know that's a rule for all of us. You should say that if you're going to share a secret, you need to be specific. Don't share this with your spouse. It's kind of an understanding robes we just talk about everything.
00:11:56
Speaker 3: Look agreed, But do you think it's wrong to not share it?
00:12:00
Speaker 2: What if it had something to do with one of your friends, Like say I had information about someone or something in your orb and I was specifically given this information and told not to tell you between your spouse.
00:12:11
Speaker 3: Do you think it's okay to honor that?
00:12:13
Speaker 1: I think whoever told you to keep that from me as an asshole. Seriously, how it's about me, it's about my search, that's okay. That's a very specific and different scenario, but generally speaking.
00:12:24
Speaker 3: Some just random gossip.
00:12:26
Speaker 1: Yes, No, No, you you're supposed to honor anytime someone asks you not to share a secret.
00:12:32
Speaker 2: I agree with you on that, but I think if it pertains to your spouse, I think I would then have to tell my friend. You can't tell me something that affects us my partner, or affects someone or something in.
00:12:43
Speaker 3: His world with.
00:12:46
Speaker 2: You can't expect me not to tell them. I think it's unfair to believe someone won't tell their partner. I think you're silly if you think someone isn't going to I think most people do tell each other. But I do think you just have to have that boundary with a friend who has some information. Look, don't tell me if I can't tell my spouse, or don't tell me if it affects my spouse.
00:13:05
Speaker 3: And you're saying I can't tell you and Nikki.
00:13:06
Speaker 1: Comes to you, I need to tell you something, but you can't tell to youj.
00:13:10
Speaker 3: She would know not to say that to me. She knows I would tell you, all right.
00:13:15
Speaker 2: So we went over all the things we shared and how it was such an interesting conversation, and I would encourage everyone to have it with their partners because it is funny to find out maybe some boundaries that you didn't know each other had. But when we come back, we are going to absolutely talk about our deal breakers. We absolutely this would be relationship ending if these things weren't shared. Welcome back everyone to a very fun, interesting conversation that we had here with some Yahoo producers. In fact, you can look it up. It's on Yahoo. We have a whole article out there about what's too much and how much do you share with your partner and what the deal breakers are. And this was kind of an interesting and I was a conversation we had, and I was glad we were on the same page pretty much throughout this entire back and forth. And some of the deal breakers. If you have somebody who you are in a serious, significant relationship with and they push back on having a joint account, we both agree there are certain things you don't hide, that you don't not share, and among them, maybe even one of the most important things is money. Money, hidden money, unshared money. Not having an open conversation or a transparent conversation about money, that's a deal breaker.
00:14:42
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. People have their reason. I'm trying to respect other people's situations and desires, And of course we can, and then you can run to people. We have disproportional incomes and money in the bank that can play into it, and prenuptial agreements, and one person filthy rich and one person that's not. But we're not talking about that. We're just for the sake of this. We were just talking about a regular old ruther Mill couples. I don't know, to each he's or her own. I just it's certainly when you start, from the moment you start, you have a household together, every dime that comes in that I make, it should be going to the household. I'm not trying to build a separate life. So every dime I make, once a relationship starts and a significant one and we have a household and kids, and all the money goes into one place. All this money is coming into the house for this house and this life that we are living. So I don't why still I don't understand it. We're married, you have a job. I have a job. I get my check, it goes over here this account. You get your check, it goes over there to that account. That is not something I've ever been on board with, even though I've always been by far the highest earner in my relationships. I just I guess this would be to my disadvantage and it has burned me tunes quite it has. But still, that's just that's how I am. I just I don't know. Is it where I'm from and I was when I was raised around? I don't know, But that's.
00:16:07
Speaker 3: That's the way it goes.
00:16:08
Speaker 2: And that would just just I think when you when you feel like someone isn't being someone's hiding something, there's a power dynamic that comes with all of that. Pushing back on location, we again, we haven't done it. But if either one of us, if I said, ooh, I don't think I want you to follow me, I don't think I want you to have my location services, what does that say to you as my partner?
00:16:29
Speaker 1: Nothing yet until I ask why I would like to hear your answer. I really, I don't know. Is there a good reason I'm listening? You know, I'm fairly fair in these situations. All right, let me hear it, and I am open. I'm not immediately offended. No, but I would like to hear what that logic is. So why, then, sweetness, do you not want to share your location?
00:16:54
Speaker 3: Yes? Okay, I was asking. Oh no, I let's do it right now.
00:16:58
Speaker 2: We should actually at the end of this podcast, we should share each other's locations.
00:17:01
Speaker 3: It's literally a one poop a slide and.
00:17:04
Speaker 1: Then we've been the rest of the day right next to each other.
00:17:06
Speaker 3: Well, that's the thing, that is the absolute truth.
00:17:09
Speaker 2: We have not needed to do it because the only time is if we run separately at different times during the day.
00:17:14
Speaker 3: That's really the only time we're not together.
00:17:16
Speaker 1: We should share it at some point. Is sometimes one of the funniest things I see. We have got to be.
00:17:23
Speaker 2: We.
00:17:24
Speaker 1: I would put us up against in a competition the engage the couple that texts each other less than us. There's nobody. If you look through our text exchanges, you are the person I text least because I'm sitting.
00:17:37
Speaker 2: Next to you, right, and it's all work stuff, Like I'm texting things to you to put up on.
00:17:42
Speaker 1: Here's the title and rundown for the next episode. Okay, that's the.
00:17:46
Speaker 3: Only thing I text you is work stuff, all right.
00:17:50
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:17:50
Speaker 3: And I think the argument is by not sharing, you're hiding. It's lying by omission.
00:17:55
Speaker 2: It still feels deceptive if you're refusing to share the location. I just don't think there's a an explanation that makes any sense.
00:18:01
Speaker 1: All right, take that role for just a second. Just take a moment right now, Just be the woman who doesn't want her man or fiance that they've been together for five years. He wants her to give up the location so he can track her. She says no, Now make a legit. Put it together right now? An argument for sweetheart, I don't want to do that, because just take the role on, even if it's not in your heart. Give me some reason, baby, I don't want you to follow me because I'm.
00:18:34
Speaker 3: Just supposed to make something up. Because it feels oppressive.
00:18:37
Speaker 2: A because it feels oppressive because I just don't like the idea that somebody knows where I am at all times. I like my freedom, I like my privacy, and in moments if I want to go, and you've upset me and I want to go to a park and sit in my car and cry.
00:18:51
Speaker 3: I don't necessarily want you to be able to follow me.
00:18:54
Speaker 1: The sweetheart, we haven't had a fight in twelve months, so the car part I don't necessarily understand. But why why did you feel you need privacy from me? We share a home, we share a toothbrush sometime, even so why do you need privacy from me?
00:19:07
Speaker 2: Sometimes that feels like a lot, and I just need my space. It's just who I am as a person.
00:19:12
Speaker 1: But as you get the space you have it, I'm not there with you. But as a matter of safety, why is it that this is something you oppose?
00:19:21
Speaker 2: So I don't feel totally independent and private if I know that you know where I am. There's just something about the idea of it, That's all I can tell you. It just feels like it's surveillance. It doesn't feel like safety. It feels like surveillance.
00:19:32
Speaker 1: Do you feel, like, sweetheart, that I am oppressive in such a way that I surveil you? I know I want to know sincerely, because there's something I want to do Differently, I would never want the woman that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with to feel that I'm some secret service agent hovering above her life all the time.
00:19:50
Speaker 3: Okay, you're trying to make the point that there is no good.
00:19:52
Speaker 1: Harris, I'm not. I'm actually trying to hear a legit reason, and I'm trying to hear one that I would go, oh, okay.
00:19:58
Speaker 2: I think it's just that that's the only thing I can think of, other than you're doing something you shouldn't, or you're going somewhere you didn't tell them where you have a shopping addiction, or you have a boyfriend, or you're seeing someone that you don't want them to know, Like there's no other.
00:20:12
Speaker 1: You finally gave me something I could go with I didn't maybe not have to do with some other guy or some other relationship. We've seen these stories all the time. I'm at the casino, you're hiding stuff in that way. It's still bad.
00:20:22
Speaker 3: I'm at the shopping mall, I'm at the casino.
00:20:25
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think, where do I ever go that I don't tell you that I'm going, or I sneak and go.
00:20:30
Speaker 3: Do you know what the only time would be if we're buying gifts for each other.
00:20:33
Speaker 1: Okay, fine, I'm a TJ Max.
00:20:37
Speaker 3: That's funny. And then the last one was passwords.
00:20:40
Speaker 2: I do think that if you refuse to share a password for your phone or for your computer, I do think that I can't think of a legitimate reason other than distrust or you're hiding something, because why would you care?
00:20:54
Speaker 1: Like I don't care private location to me?
00:20:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, but I don't care. You can look at my phone, there's nothing on there now.
00:21:01
Speaker 3: I don't want.
00:21:01
Speaker 2: I also know that you're not going to be reading my private text messages with my girlfriends, and.
00:21:06
Speaker 1: That's why you feel comfortable, correct.
00:21:08
Speaker 2: But I wouldn't want to be with someone who I didn't feel comfortable about that. And look if I thought if I left out my diary right there, if I thought you might read it, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that. That for me, I have a major major issue with anyone who eavesdrops, or read someone's private I don't know, documents, letters, whatever, opens people's mails, mail, listens in on conversations like, there are certain personalities like that, And you're right, I wouldn't want to.
00:21:36
Speaker 3: Give my password to that kind of a person. But I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with that kind of a person.
00:21:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, that one seems more pride. I think if you made the argument that you didn't want me to know the password to your iPad, to your laptop, to your phone, I would maybe understand that a little differently.
00:21:54
Speaker 2: Really, but we've given them to each other. See, I would have a problem. I think you need to out of venience.
00:22:00
Speaker 1: How many times, hey babe, can you open my phone and da da da we need it? How many times am I driving so convenience?
00:22:07
Speaker 3: It's not for anything other.
00:22:08
Speaker 2: I would never ever look even when I see a message pop up on your phone, I don't go and look over and see who's sending that, Like we'll see like we a little color coded for our girls. You'd be like, I think a child is trying to read you, because mind her pink and so is Bean. I can see her little emoji. I like, I think Bean's trying to get you. That's that's about it, So that.
00:22:29
Speaker 1: I can understand doing that. But you've got to I think that's that's one of the biggest things in trust. If you want to have trust in a relationship, or send a message of trust in a relationship or that you're not hiding something. Let the other person have all your passwords.
00:22:44
Speaker 3: Here you go. I'm an open book. I do think.
00:22:47
Speaker 2: I do think if you don't want that, if you're hesitant to share information, if you're hesitant to share things period, you just I think you just need to get curious with yourself, ask yourself why, and trust your gut. There's a reason why you don't want to, And we're not here saying you should. If you don't want to, and you don't think you should, then you should go deeper about why and then get into the relationship itself. And what is it about that relationship that makes you not want to share?
00:23:14
Speaker 1: And some people are just different and you can have a wonderful relationship. Can you not and still not want to share your location and share your passwords and still be in a great relationship?
00:23:21
Speaker 3: Agreed right to each their own.
00:23:22
Speaker 2: But it is fascinating to have the conversation with your loved one just to see where you both stand, because you might be in the same place and you might be on opposite that's not true.
00:23:30
Speaker 1: How many people have had this? Wow, there's some people right now who have not mentioned how much they're annoyed that they don't have their loved ones passwords. They don't even talk about it.
00:23:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you should talk about it.
00:23:42
Speaker 3: Maybe this has sparked some combos. Those are always a good thing. And with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us. I mean you Robot alongside TJ. Holmes. We'll talk sim
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks, it is Saturday, July twenty fifth, and yes, I would do anything for love, but you want to know my location on my phone? But I won't do that. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Is that really a hangout, dude? Couples fight about whether or not you can track them on their phone? Yes?
00:00:23
Speaker 2: But can I just please acknowledge how exciting that just was for me to have you use a Meatloaf lyric in your intro. Oh, I didn't know it was a Meatloaf lyrics And thankful that's meat loaf.
00:00:37
Speaker 3: That is so exciting to me.
00:00:38
Speaker 2: I'm sorry that just started this whole episode off in a different way than I was not expecting.
00:00:43
Speaker 3: TJ just quoted meat loaf.
00:00:45
Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting that either. My my black friends weren't expecting that. They're starting to see the results of dating a white woman for five years.
00:00:53
Speaker 3: You got yacht rock on the mind.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: That's yacht rock.
00:00:56
Speaker 3: I think it's in the category. Yes, it's it's like it's like a slow rock yacht rock. Yeah, it's yat rock.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: Okay, I didn't even know that was a meat Loaf song. Meat What was this genre?
00:01:09
Speaker 2: I would do anything for love meat loaf in general, the dashboard like yeah, but I think it is yat rock like.
00:01:17
Speaker 3: People who look like me like meat loaf.
00:01:19
Speaker 1: Okay, you people who look like me usually quoted we eat meat loaf. But it makes sense. Folks are talking about people we have known and we still now most in love. People just love great relationships. They have these limits and it's a weird thing. What is the big deal about allowing your partner to track your location at all times?
00:01:45
Speaker 2: Some people think it's creepy. Some creepy like it's kind of like that. Also do another song private eyes. They're watching you, they see your every move. It's it's just it feels invasive and oppressive to some folks. But I do think that if you feel that way, if you don't want someone knowing where you are, you should actually question whether or not that's a symptom of a larger problem, because I actually can go back and think about other relationships and how that would have bothered me. Couldn't care less if you track my location now doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I think it's sweet. It's about safety, it's about protection. It's not about surveillance.
00:02:23
Speaker 1: Well that's important. Then that's a you thing. It would bother you before. Why do you Why would somebody have a problem with one partner tracking them and not problem with a partner in a different.
00:02:33
Speaker 2: Relationship, Because I think it speaks to my level of comfort and safety with you.
00:02:39
Speaker 3: And I also think, look, I don't.
00:02:42
Speaker 2: I don't, and not that I did before, but it's just we're always together, so it's silly the true Let's actually just go on the record and say we don't follow each other. And I would if you said, hey, babe, I'd really like to do it. Location service is on for you, no problem, and you would feel the same bro.
00:02:58
Speaker 1: I've every time this comes up. It's a safety issue for me. Of course I should know where you are. Of course you should know where I am. Rodes you take off. We run together all the time, but on the occasions we don't. You walk out the door, I say, which way are you going? I want to know which route you're taking? God forbid, something happens, Roes. We live in New York City. A manhole cover can blow off and the city goes into terrorism lockdown. I need to know where my loved ones are and you are that it's safety. I don't care who in their right mind robes who is not up to anything, gives a damn if their spouse knows exactly where they are. It's oh, you only care if you're telling them one thing.
00:03:42
Speaker 3: And you're doing enough, you're doing another. That's so true.
00:03:45
Speaker 1: What other scenario is there? Baby?
00:03:47
Speaker 3: Yes?
00:03:47
Speaker 1: And again we're bringing this up not just about Life three sixty in tracking people, but because we did a recent article with Yahoo that got this conversation going.
00:03:54
Speaker 3: Oh yes.
00:03:54
Speaker 2: They asked us basically, how much should you share with your partner? And look, we're talking everything from locations to passwords, to bank accounts to beauty products to you know, what are your boundaries? And so we all have them and we actually it was kind of fun because I hadn't realized we hadn't really sad town and thought about what do we share? And this came from a conversation that gen Zers apparently are fearful of dating in the digital fish bowl, so they don't like the whole location sharing, relationship statuses, Instagram follows, likes, comments.
00:04:29
Speaker 3: All this stuff.
00:04:30
Speaker 2: It creates a whole new layer of how much do you give? How much do you share with your partner. And there are lines I think all of us, boundaries, all of us have in place, and they're different for each couple.
00:04:42
Speaker 1: Can I ask, does this it changes? Of course if you're dating somebody, two months is different from two years. Absolutely, But in the are we speaking here in a general sense of people who are in significant, serious, committed relationship, Yes, okay.
00:04:57
Speaker 2: Yes, And so we were asked what we sh and you and I started going down the list and.
00:05:03
Speaker 3: We figured pretty much almost everything.
00:05:05
Speaker 2: We share a bed, we share some beauty products, facewash, face cream, toothpaste.
00:05:13
Speaker 3: We just merged all of our streaming services. That was long.
00:05:16
Speaker 1: Overdue and very expensive for.
00:05:19
Speaker 3: Not sharing it. Yeah, we share passwords.
00:05:22
Speaker 2: I know your phone and computer password, vice versa. We share chapstick. You don't love it, but in a pinch, you will give it to me.
00:05:30
Speaker 1: Always in a pinch. You have to be desperate.
00:05:32
Speaker 3: You do have a joke though.
00:05:34
Speaker 2: There are times when we're out running, say and I forget to bring because I am a chapstick lipstick, lip gloss addict.
00:05:40
Speaker 3: I have to have something on my lips at all times. In the rare moments I have forgotten it.
00:05:44
Speaker 2: I have asked you, babe, Can I please have some of your chapstick?
00:05:48
Speaker 3: What do you say to me?
00:05:48
Speaker 1: Keep it? It's yours?
00:05:50
Speaker 3: Now, that's you say it, but you don't mean it.
00:05:53
Speaker 1: I kind of do you know about I carry two in my pocket at all times? You know that when I run, only carry one?
00:06:00
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.
00:06:01
Speaker 2: And we share bank accounts and so all of these things are just things. We kind of rattled off pretty quickly, pretty easily. But then when we went to what we didn't share, we started laughing. And I feel like this should be universal for me. This is an absolutely not I think I put an expletive in there when I talk to yahoo toothbrushes. I don't care if you forgot yours and we're on vacation, use your finger or go find a CBS.
00:06:24
Speaker 3: But you are not using my toothbrush.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: No circumstance on the winch that happen. I don't care where we are, where we doing, I don't care. It doesn't matter. In fact, my dentist even told me it doesn't matter. He said, yeah, the brushing of the teeth is more so about just most people want to have fresh breath. He said, you need to floss, make sure you always flossing. As long as you floss, you're gonna be oky. We're gonna be fine.
00:06:43
Speaker 3: So you can just floss and not use your toothbrush.
00:06:45
Speaker 1: All right, People don't share toothbrushes.
00:06:47
Speaker 2: Oh, I think people have absolutely In a pinch, I don't think they do it. I don't think they do it regularly. But in a pinch, we're saying no. That is still about eva.
00:06:55
Speaker 1: What's a pinch like on vacation.
00:06:58
Speaker 2: And you're in a place like you got to some remote airbnb. You can't call the lobby for a toothbrush and you don't have yours.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: And we're going to be at this airbnb for the next seven days and we can't go out at all. Still not enough of.
00:07:10
Speaker 2: A we agree now this one you for you have forgotten your deodoran a couple of times, and I have offered, even though I don't love the idea of it.
00:07:19
Speaker 3: You absolutely said, Nope.
00:07:21
Speaker 1: Not happening. Just some stuff's too intimate. It's not happening.
00:07:25
Speaker 3: The deodorant I don't mind is much.
00:07:27
Speaker 1: It's an armpit, it's a it's a sacred area that we shouldn't share things that don't there, shouldn't it just me, But I don't think people do that either.
00:07:36
Speaker 3: That's a pinch, Get a pinch. This is what I'm talking about.
00:07:40
Speaker 2: And here's another one in a pinch where I I absolutely would use your deodorant if you allowed. I wouldn't do it without you asking or without you saying yes. And I would absolutely use your razor if I needed to, But you said you would not use mine.
00:07:53
Speaker 1: Another intimate part. It's a it almost feels what is that. That's a that's a hygiene issue right in your leg to my face. I don't know about that. And you could nick yourself, you could get cuts, and you could bleed and no, no, no, no, all right.
00:08:11
Speaker 2: This is one that I thought didn't matter, but then we had a conversation about it, and I started to get it. So people get upset about sharing, like being okay with likes comments could be a different story.
00:08:25
Speaker 3: But you, I said, I.
00:08:26
Speaker 2: Wouldn't care whoever whoever you like on a social media page or whatever, if I can see who you've liked, and I'm looking at what you've shared. Look, I don't think it would bother me unless you kept liking, particularly like specific women who weren't me. That might get a little strange, but you said you thought it strange no matter what, to have a grown man sitting around.
00:08:48
Speaker 3: Liking another woman's post. Sweetheart, that's what you said. I have a quote here from you.
00:08:52
Speaker 1: See I'm forty eight. If I was online on Instagram and Sabrina Carpenter posted something, I put a thumbs up a heart, what what are you talking about? So now let's take it to somebody, a local, somebody a local, even somebody you know. In that public space, you are publicly acknowledging giving approval to someone of the opposite sex that anyone who sees you doing that might not understand the relationship of the dynamics. You are sending a signal that I think is disrespectful to your relationship. Even though it might be innocent, it's still you should ever do.
00:09:28
Speaker 2: That, right And so the only reason why you wouldn't want to share your Instagram profile with your partner is that you might be doing things like that. But I would still think you can see the shared or at least you can see the likes. This is what you compared it to, and I thought this was hilarious. You probably don't even remember saying this, but I wrote it.
00:09:45
Speaker 1: Down walking down the street.
00:09:46
Speaker 2: You compared it to walking down the street holding hands with your woman, and you keep complimenting every other woman passing by.
00:09:53
Speaker 1: How does that feel terrible? And again, not just complimenting to your woman, it's complimenting the woman by saying it directly to her as you're walking down the street. Oh ma'am, I love that skirt, Oh fresh haircut, Good job, sweetheart, And I'm right here.
00:10:10
Speaker 3: It's the same thing that makes sense that.
00:10:14
Speaker 1: People have a different thing. You know that, But I that's one.
00:10:16
Speaker 3: When you said it like that, I came around and got it now.
00:10:19
Speaker 2: The other thing people can question about what you should share, how much information about past or other.
00:10:25
Speaker 1: Relationships, whatever's asked you, You don't offer anything. All you need to know is I was married once. That's it. It was for this long.
00:10:38
Speaker 3: But if I want to ask questions, what went wrong?
00:10:40
Speaker 1: Anything you want?
00:10:41
Speaker 2: Where did you start having problems you? And why did you end up getting divorced? Those are all things I think that should be answered, if asked. If not answered, there's a red flag.
00:10:51
Speaker 1: Do not ever bring up an X without your current spouse or partner asking. There's no reason you and I would be sitting around and I started talking about college. Yeah, she used to cook those ribs just like that. What what?
00:11:06
Speaker 3: But people do it all the time.
00:11:08
Speaker 2: We see it on dating shows and you say why So I think that's a really good rule. Don't offer up any unsolicited information about anyone you have past relationship with, but answer all questions and be transparent if you're asked about it.
00:11:23
Speaker 3: I think that's true.
00:11:24
Speaker 2: What about sharing secrets that someone told you not to share? Can you share it with your significant other?
00:11:31
Speaker 1: Cecurt that somebody told you not to share? No, I mean it's a basic thing, not somebody. But that needs to be explicit. Someone needs to explicitly say I need you to not share this with anybody that's.
00:11:44
Speaker 3: Including your spouse, including your partner.
00:11:46
Speaker 1: And you know that's a rule for all of us. You should say that if you're going to share a secret, you need to be specific. Don't share this with your spouse. It's kind of an understanding robes we just talk about everything.
00:11:56
Speaker 3: Look agreed, But do you think it's wrong to not share it?
00:12:00
Speaker 2: What if it had something to do with one of your friends, Like say I had information about someone or something in your orb and I was specifically given this information and told not to tell you between your spouse.
00:12:11
Speaker 3: Do you think it's okay to honor that?
00:12:13
Speaker 1: I think whoever told you to keep that from me as an asshole. Seriously, how it's about me, it's about my search, that's okay. That's a very specific and different scenario, but generally speaking.
00:12:24
Speaker 3: Some just random gossip.
00:12:26
Speaker 1: Yes, No, No, you you're supposed to honor anytime someone asks you not to share a secret.
00:12:32
Speaker 2: I agree with you on that, but I think if it pertains to your spouse, I think I would then have to tell my friend. You can't tell me something that affects us my partner, or affects someone or something in.
00:12:43
Speaker 3: His world with.
00:12:46
Speaker 2: You can't expect me not to tell them. I think it's unfair to believe someone won't tell their partner. I think you're silly if you think someone isn't going to I think most people do tell each other. But I do think you just have to have that boundary with a friend who has some information. Look, don't tell me if I can't tell my spouse, or don't tell me if it affects my spouse.
00:13:05
Speaker 3: And you're saying I can't tell you and Nikki.
00:13:06
Speaker 1: Comes to you, I need to tell you something, but you can't tell to youj.
00:13:10
Speaker 3: She would know not to say that to me. She knows I would tell you, all right.
00:13:15
Speaker 2: So we went over all the things we shared and how it was such an interesting conversation, and I would encourage everyone to have it with their partners because it is funny to find out maybe some boundaries that you didn't know each other had. But when we come back, we are going to absolutely talk about our deal breakers. We absolutely this would be relationship ending if these things weren't shared. Welcome back everyone to a very fun, interesting conversation that we had here with some Yahoo producers. In fact, you can look it up. It's on Yahoo. We have a whole article out there about what's too much and how much do you share with your partner and what the deal breakers are. And this was kind of an interesting and I was a conversation we had, and I was glad we were on the same page pretty much throughout this entire back and forth. And some of the deal breakers. If you have somebody who you are in a serious, significant relationship with and they push back on having a joint account, we both agree there are certain things you don't hide, that you don't not share, and among them, maybe even one of the most important things is money. Money, hidden money, unshared money. Not having an open conversation or a transparent conversation about money, that's a deal breaker.
00:14:42
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. People have their reason. I'm trying to respect other people's situations and desires, And of course we can, and then you can run to people. We have disproportional incomes and money in the bank that can play into it, and prenuptial agreements, and one person filthy rich and one person that's not. But we're not talking about that. We're just for the sake of this. We were just talking about a regular old ruther Mill couples. I don't know, to each he's or her own. I just it's certainly when you start, from the moment you start, you have a household together, every dime that comes in that I make, it should be going to the household. I'm not trying to build a separate life. So every dime I make, once a relationship starts and a significant one and we have a household and kids, and all the money goes into one place. All this money is coming into the house for this house and this life that we are living. So I don't why still I don't understand it. We're married, you have a job. I have a job. I get my check, it goes over here this account. You get your check, it goes over there to that account. That is not something I've ever been on board with, even though I've always been by far the highest earner in my relationships. I just I guess this would be to my disadvantage and it has burned me tunes quite it has. But still, that's just that's how I am. I just I don't know. Is it where I'm from and I was when I was raised around? I don't know, But that's.
00:16:07
Speaker 3: That's the way it goes.
00:16:08
Speaker 2: And that would just just I think when you when you feel like someone isn't being someone's hiding something, there's a power dynamic that comes with all of that. Pushing back on location, we again, we haven't done it. But if either one of us, if I said, ooh, I don't think I want you to follow me, I don't think I want you to have my location services, what does that say to you as my partner?
00:16:29
Speaker 1: Nothing yet until I ask why I would like to hear your answer. I really, I don't know. Is there a good reason I'm listening? You know, I'm fairly fair in these situations. All right, let me hear it, and I am open. I'm not immediately offended. No, but I would like to hear what that logic is. So why, then, sweetness, do you not want to share your location?
00:16:54
Speaker 3: Yes? Okay, I was asking. Oh no, I let's do it right now.
00:16:58
Speaker 2: We should actually at the end of this podcast, we should share each other's locations.
00:17:01
Speaker 3: It's literally a one poop a slide and.
00:17:04
Speaker 1: Then we've been the rest of the day right next to each other.
00:17:06
Speaker 3: Well, that's the thing, that is the absolute truth.
00:17:09
Speaker 2: We have not needed to do it because the only time is if we run separately at different times during the day.
00:17:14
Speaker 3: That's really the only time we're not together.
00:17:16
Speaker 1: We should share it at some point. Is sometimes one of the funniest things I see. We have got to be.
00:17:23
Speaker 2: We.
00:17:24
Speaker 1: I would put us up against in a competition the engage the couple that texts each other less than us. There's nobody. If you look through our text exchanges, you are the person I text least because I'm sitting.
00:17:37
Speaker 2: Next to you, right, and it's all work stuff, Like I'm texting things to you to put up on.
00:17:42
Speaker 1: Here's the title and rundown for the next episode. Okay, that's the.
00:17:46
Speaker 3: Only thing I text you is work stuff, all right.
00:17:50
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:17:50
Speaker 3: And I think the argument is by not sharing, you're hiding. It's lying by omission.
00:17:55
Speaker 2: It still feels deceptive if you're refusing to share the location. I just don't think there's a an explanation that makes any sense.
00:18:01
Speaker 1: All right, take that role for just a second. Just take a moment right now, Just be the woman who doesn't want her man or fiance that they've been together for five years. He wants her to give up the location so he can track her. She says no, Now make a legit. Put it together right now? An argument for sweetheart, I don't want to do that, because just take the role on, even if it's not in your heart. Give me some reason, baby, I don't want you to follow me because I'm.
00:18:34
Speaker 3: Just supposed to make something up. Because it feels oppressive.
00:18:37
Speaker 2: A because it feels oppressive because I just don't like the idea that somebody knows where I am at all times. I like my freedom, I like my privacy, and in moments if I want to go, and you've upset me and I want to go to a park and sit in my car and cry.
00:18:51
Speaker 3: I don't necessarily want you to be able to follow me.
00:18:54
Speaker 1: The sweetheart, we haven't had a fight in twelve months, so the car part I don't necessarily understand. But why why did you feel you need privacy from me? We share a home, we share a toothbrush sometime, even so why do you need privacy from me?
00:19:07
Speaker 2: Sometimes that feels like a lot, and I just need my space. It's just who I am as a person.
00:19:12
Speaker 1: But as you get the space you have it, I'm not there with you. But as a matter of safety, why is it that this is something you oppose?
00:19:21
Speaker 2: So I don't feel totally independent and private if I know that you know where I am. There's just something about the idea of it, That's all I can tell you. It just feels like it's surveillance. It doesn't feel like safety. It feels like surveillance.
00:19:32
Speaker 1: Do you feel, like, sweetheart, that I am oppressive in such a way that I surveil you? I know I want to know sincerely, because there's something I want to do Differently, I would never want the woman that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with to feel that I'm some secret service agent hovering above her life all the time.
00:19:50
Speaker 3: Okay, you're trying to make the point that there is no good.
00:19:52
Speaker 1: Harris, I'm not. I'm actually trying to hear a legit reason, and I'm trying to hear one that I would go, oh, okay.
00:19:58
Speaker 2: I think it's just that that's the only thing I can think of, other than you're doing something you shouldn't, or you're going somewhere you didn't tell them where you have a shopping addiction, or you have a boyfriend, or you're seeing someone that you don't want them to know, Like there's no other.
00:20:12
Speaker 1: You finally gave me something I could go with I didn't maybe not have to do with some other guy or some other relationship. We've seen these stories all the time. I'm at the casino, you're hiding stuff in that way. It's still bad.
00:20:22
Speaker 3: I'm at the shopping mall, I'm at the casino.
00:20:25
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think, where do I ever go that I don't tell you that I'm going, or I sneak and go.
00:20:30
Speaker 3: Do you know what the only time would be if we're buying gifts for each other.
00:20:33
Speaker 1: Okay, fine, I'm a TJ Max.
00:20:37
Speaker 3: That's funny. And then the last one was passwords.
00:20:40
Speaker 2: I do think that if you refuse to share a password for your phone or for your computer, I do think that I can't think of a legitimate reason other than distrust or you're hiding something, because why would you care?
00:20:54
Speaker 1: Like I don't care private location to me?
00:20:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, but I don't care. You can look at my phone, there's nothing on there now.
00:21:01
Speaker 3: I don't want.
00:21:01
Speaker 2: I also know that you're not going to be reading my private text messages with my girlfriends, and.
00:21:06
Speaker 1: That's why you feel comfortable, correct.
00:21:08
Speaker 2: But I wouldn't want to be with someone who I didn't feel comfortable about that. And look if I thought if I left out my diary right there, if I thought you might read it, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that. That for me, I have a major major issue with anyone who eavesdrops, or read someone's private I don't know, documents, letters, whatever, opens people's mails, mail, listens in on conversations like, there are certain personalities like that, And you're right, I wouldn't want to.
00:21:36
Speaker 3: Give my password to that kind of a person. But I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with that kind of a person.
00:21:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, that one seems more pride. I think if you made the argument that you didn't want me to know the password to your iPad, to your laptop, to your phone, I would maybe understand that a little differently.
00:21:54
Speaker 2: Really, but we've given them to each other. See, I would have a problem. I think you need to out of venience.
00:22:00
Speaker 1: How many times, hey babe, can you open my phone and da da da we need it? How many times am I driving so convenience?
00:22:07
Speaker 3: It's not for anything other.
00:22:08
Speaker 2: I would never ever look even when I see a message pop up on your phone, I don't go and look over and see who's sending that, Like we'll see like we a little color coded for our girls. You'd be like, I think a child is trying to read you, because mind her pink and so is Bean. I can see her little emoji. I like, I think Bean's trying to get you. That's that's about it, So that.
00:22:29
Speaker 1: I can understand doing that. But you've got to I think that's that's one of the biggest things in trust. If you want to have trust in a relationship, or send a message of trust in a relationship or that you're not hiding something. Let the other person have all your passwords.
00:22:44
Speaker 3: Here you go. I'm an open book. I do think.
00:22:47
Speaker 2: I do think if you don't want that, if you're hesitant to share information, if you're hesitant to share things period, you just I think you just need to get curious with yourself, ask yourself why, and trust your gut. There's a reason why you don't want to, And we're not here saying you should. If you don't want to, and you don't think you should, then you should go deeper about why and then get into the relationship itself. And what is it about that relationship that makes you not want to share?
00:23:14
Speaker 1: And some people are just different and you can have a wonderful relationship. Can you not and still not want to share your location and share your passwords and still be in a great relationship?
00:23:21
Speaker 3: Agreed right to each their own.
00:23:22
Speaker 2: But it is fascinating to have the conversation with your loved one just to see where you both stand, because you might be in the same place and you might be on opposite that's not true.
00:23:30
Speaker 1: How many people have had this? Wow, there's some people right now who have not mentioned how much they're annoyed that they don't have their loved ones passwords. They don't even talk about it.
00:23:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you should talk about it.
00:23:42
Speaker 3: Maybe this has sparked some combos. Those are always a good thing. And with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us. I mean you Robot alongside TJ. Holmes. We'll talk sim