Oct. 5, 2025
This Didn't Go Well
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RSS Feed DeAnna is telling Ben all about her blind date at the Jonas Brothers concert. From what was going through her head before the date...to the awkward introduction...we're getting the whole scoop!
If you were on a group date, would you break away for some one-on-one time?? You won't believe how DeAnna handled that proposition!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:00
Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the Ultimate Summer of Love Tree. This is famously available. It's a very exciting day. We're gonna have to run down on the date that happened this last weekend at the Jonas Brothers concert. Now, in addition to this episode, please stay tuned because we talked to Cynthia, who was in the suite at the same time and had her own input on body language. How things went. Now, I'm just gonna kick it off. How did things go?
00:00:32
Speaker 2: I have been dying to talk to you.
00:00:35
Speaker 1: I really I texted the group that night. I was on the East coast, You're on the West coast, and so I think it like happened way later than when I went to bed, so I didn't get any good updates. I really know nothing other than what Cynthia talk to me about, which was really just like an outside perspective of the date.
00:00:53
Speaker 2: Are you going to share her outside perspective?
00:00:57
Speaker 1: I will share bits and pieces you want to you want to hear a little bit.
00:01:00
Speaker 2: I want to hear it at the end. I want to hear a bit of Yeah.
00:01:03
Speaker 1: I didn't want to like like push you in any direction. That episode with Cynthia will be airing about the same time this airs, and so make sure you listen to both to get two different perspectives, one involved in the date, the other one watching the date. But let's just kick it off. We obviously got the chat right before the date happened. You had a really good, I think mindset going into this date. I personally feel like you would be a really easy first date because of the mindset that you shared and just your expectations, kind of the the excitement that was before the date. Now the date has happened at this point, so please fill us on.
00:01:46
Speaker 2: I'm just going to stop you then, because I don't think that it's healthy for so much time to go by before you and I dissect. I think we need to do this a little bit quicker next time, because now I've had several days to kind of stew in my mind. How you second guess things. You think, oh, it was like this or it ended like that, So I've had some time to gather my thoughts and think about it. So there's all right. It's interesting to me that you said I had a good mindset. I did. I did when you and I spoke before the date. I had a good mindset. I was super excited. I felt good, I felt cute. I wore my stand up only jeans. They looked great, but it was funny. As the day went on, I had a little bit of time to get back to my hotel room and get ready, and I was alone. And sometimes being alone is not a good space for me to get into. Because I was shocking as it made sound can get into my own head. I can start to twist my own thoughts eight way sideways, good ones, bad ones, crazy ones, it doesn't matter. I am the type of person that a lot of time leads with fear. And I'll tell you what I did. Ben. After we got done talking, I started to think in my head, what if he's just doing it for the podcast. What if he's just doing someone a solid and he's just showing up just to like make sure I have a date to talk about on the podcast, Like he's not really into me, he's not really in it to date me. And I started to take these thoughts, Ben, And I really hope that for anyone who might be listening, they can let me know that I'm not alone here. But I started to take these thoughts and I got caught up in my head Ben, So I was really excited. I got ready, I felt pretty. I got in the van and then there was a bit of a ride to the concert. You know, I tried to chat with the other girls nervously, but I couldn't help but think about it, right, like, what's it going to look like? Is it going to be attractive? Will there be this like moment where I come out of the car and my hair is blowing in the wind and he is just falling over by, you know, love at first sight? Or is he doing this for a podcast, to be on a podcast to say he went out with an old bachelorette for whatever reason, right? Or is he just doing one of the producers of solid I got up in my head. Now, from a logistics point of view, what I would like to see us do moving forward is there was a transition of getting the group of us, because again I told you, we weren't alone. There were several people there, a few other of the girls. Ashley I was there, and Kathy and Susan and Daisy. You know, it was a bunch of girls there and God bless them, I love them. They were all cheering me on. They were a girl. If you need to be saved wink twice, you know what I mean. Like everybody was if he's not cute, we'll take you to the bathroom. Whatever. Everybody was on my side, but it wasn't a traditional date where I was just alone with this man. The other piece is is I didn't meet him right away. So when the group all got out, there was a whole lot of shuffle of getting us into the suite, getting everybody into the building, and sending ou through security. So I looked around and I only saw a couple of the other guys that were part of our group. And so then I'm like, oh, I wonder if it's that one or what if it's not. What if it's that one. I don't find him super attractive, but the other one is super cute. What if it's him? I just got all twisted up in my head then about everything.
00:05:17
Speaker 1: Let's pause here. Let's pause here. I think the first note is very common one. You're not alone. I think when it comes to high pressure situations, we create. Humans typically create a racket in their own heads, and that racket is speaking to an insecurity of vulnerability, a past thought, trauma, et cetera. And it becomes heightened when we're kind of in this survival mode, like this high anxiety nervous mode, which even if you weren't nervous, even if you weren't anxious, you're you're gonna have that still inside of you because it's something different. You're just not used to it. You even done it in a long time. You have a you have been out there in a long time. I met somebody new, and so you're not alone in that. I think for listeners, most people will relate with the thoughts of everything spirals out of control right before this first date. Everything comes to mind right before this first date. It's a racket. It's not true, but that doesn't matter. It's still in your head, so it's true at the time to you, and there are tools to eliminate those thoughts or at least place yourself in a different position. One of those for this would have been, Hey, you weren't feeling good that day. I think that's a great excuse and very real excuse for you. You had a migraine that day that set you back a bit. Also, you were going to this huge event. You were a past bachelorette that day, so of course you're going to think about that. Because you're surrounded by bachelor contestants, it was just two of you. You're not playing the role of the bachelorette. You were just playing the role of you. So I just want to be clear, you're not alone. Doesn't make you It makes you unique, but you're always unique. It doesn't make you different in a bad way.
00:07:08
Speaker 2: In my very own special way, Ben, Yes, very own special way, all right. When I meet him, it was a simple like, hey, how are you. I give him a hug. I think him for coming right. I don't believe the task in hand is easy on his part. He is stepping into a different world. He's a very normal man. He works a normal job, stepping into this world what we have asked him to do to date me on a podcast where I am now going to come here and I'm going to talk to you, my friend, Ben. I'm going to tell you all the details. He's going to listen or he's not going to listen. I don't really know. But then he's he's putting himself out there too, right, it's a big deal. Okay. First impressions, I found him very attractive. He wasn't as tall as you told me, But like listen, I had heels on. It's fine. I found him very attractive. He was a very good looking man. He had really beautiful blue eyes, and I told you that eye contact is very important for me. So I appreciated the way that he engaged with me and talked to me. He was attentive in the fact that he was asking me if he could get me something to drink, he was asking me if I wanted to sit down. And I just appreciate those. I mean, I say, on the most basic level, the chivalry part of the mill persona. Right. There was a point when we were talking where he said to me, and given the situation, again, I'm stating it was not a normal first date. We were not going out where it was just the two of us. It wasn't this romantic setting. It wasn't quiet by any means. We were screaming over the Jonas brothers in between that I was doing photos and videos and things that I had committed to and not to me. The rest of my girlfriends were all there. So given the unique situation, we're kind of chatting and he leaned over at one point and he said to me, this isn't exactly what I thought it was going to be. And I was like, I'm so sorry. What did you expect And he said, well, I was told I was going to get to know you, and I said, well, let's get to know each other. Those are my expectations too, And in that moment, I found that little glimmer beIN to be honest with him, and I pride myself on my honesty, and what I said to him in that moment was I apologize. I got in my head a little bit because I wasn't sure how much of you would be showing up to meet me, or how much of you was showing up to just fill the position of this night, and I said, I was really looking forward to getting to know you and seeing where this could go, and I would really like that if we could start over. It was great. We ended up having some really genuine conversations. I got to know him a bit, I got to know about his family, I got to hear about his job. Neither one of us knew very many Jonas Brothers songs, so that was a lot of fun too, because every time we were kind of like, well I don't really know this one, but I know this one. He There were a couple of moments because it was so loud, we had to speak really closely to each other, which which I found a little enticing, you know. And there were a couple of moments where he put his hand on my back, and then I was like, then I turned myself crazy again. I was like, oh, he listened to the podcast. He totally listened to me. Tell Ben that I might not make out with him, but he can put the hand his hand on the small of my back and a little thirty is good. I'm telling you, Ben, I'm nuts. I'm nuts. I really enjoyed the conversation with this man. I found that he had a lot of qualities that I find attractive in someone that I would want to date. It was a very hard scenario to find it to be datable in that moment. But I left that evening thinking I would have explored a second date. Okay, if he had asked for my phone number at the end of the night, I would have given it to him. But he did not.
00:11:13
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:11:14
Speaker 2: Now, in his defense, I don't know if I was hard to read, if the situation was hard to read, or if he just didn't like me. But I left the date and talking to him and getting to know him, and I found him physically attracted and attract him and his personality attractive. I would have entertained a second date with just the two of us so that we could have been alone and talked more and gotten to know each other more. I would have enjoyed that. But he did not ask, and I wasn't going to offer it up.
00:11:42
Speaker 1: Do you was that a surprise to you or did you see that kind of coming? Were you reading into it as a night continued and saying, yeah, I don't know if this is going in a place for him where he would want a second date.
00:11:55
Speaker 2: I felt like if he was into it, he would have shot a shot. That's what I felt like. Yeah, but I cannot put my assumptions. I tend to run with the fact that like, oh, that's not how I would have treated someone. That's not what I would have done. I can't put those assumptions onto other people. I thought the conversation that we had was really, really great. We talked about cooking, you know, he enjoys to cook. We talked about his kids, we talked about my kids, we talked about our pets. I thought the conversation was really easy, and it flowed very well. I think the scenario that we were in was not romantic. I thought by the end he might at least ask to keep in touch. So was I shocked, No, because I think given everything that I've been through, Ben, it takes a lot to shock me now, you know. But I wasn't shocked. I would say that I was a little disappointed. I enjoyed the conversation. I would have liked to have seen if it could have gone to a second date, or at least had a conversation at the very least. I wanted to text him the next day and say, hey, man, I realized that wasn't normal, thank you for showing up, thank you for asking really great questions, thank you for a genuine conversation. I wouldn't have minded, you know, if we kept in touch and had a second date. But he didn't try, and so for me, the actions speak louder than the words. If he really wanted to, he would I kind of hate that saying, but it's also really true. If he wanted to keep in touch, he would have shot his shot. He would have said, Hey, I really enjoyed getting to know you. Do you mind if we talk more. I would have absolutely said yes.
00:13:44
Speaker 1: Now, before the conversation started, or before the date started, you and I did have a conversation, and you talked about how first dates are really great in group settings because there is very little pressure, and this seemed like a lot of fun. Yes, a concert, we could say it's an abnormal first date, but it's also a really great place to meet somebody. It is low pressure, there's good moments in between, there's a relatability to the songs being played. You know, we go on looking back, now, do you wish that you were in a different scenario for this first date? Do you think that would have changed things?
00:14:24
Speaker 2: No? I actually really liked it, Ben Okay. I think what I took responsibility for was that he was disappointed. I took responsibility for that. I was not disappointed in any way. I had a really great time. I loved sharing it with the other women in the suite. I loved the concert, I loved the Jonas brothers. I loved being in that situation and meeting him there because there was no pressure. There was no pressure to leave there with him, like it was like goodbye. I would absolutely have done it again. I think where I went wrong. Is that I took the responsibility that he was disappoint he expected more out of the date. And again I don't know what he was told by producers. I don't know what was sold to him. But I just felt responsible for his disappointment when he said to me, I was under the understanding that I was going to get to know you. I felt bad in that moment because I was open and willing. I wanted that as well. I felt bad that he was disappointed that he wasn't getting that.
00:15:24
Speaker 1: Yes, I don't know him. I wasn't there at the date. I would my argument to that would be, it sounds like you did get to know each other a little bit. You just rattled off five different things that you took away from his life that you heard and saw and he told you about. For a first date, five different facts about somebody is a big accomplishment. You knew about his family, his kids, his job. That's a great first date. So I guess I am confused from an outside perspective of what he didn't get to know about you. Do you feel like you held back? Do you feel like you showed him interest?
00:16:06
Speaker 2: Like?
00:16:06
Speaker 1: Where was he missing this?
00:16:08
Speaker 2: That's what I think it was in I think it was in the beginning of the night, Ben, because there was a slaps when we got there. I wasn't introduced to him right away, so there was a lapse when we got there where no one introduced us, you know, so we weren't able to see each other at first and talk and then the music was playing, so it was I think for him it was missed. But I would say once he shared that with me, I tried to be very conscious of that, and we were able to kind of stand back in the suite. We didn't sit, you know, in the stadium. We stood back in the in the suite and talked. I felt like the conversation was good, and once I was really aware of what he felt, I did. I tried to be really conscious of that and like, okay, man, let's get to know each other. Then here I am. This is what I do. These are the things. He asked, some really great questions. Some of them I feel like were second or third date worthy. They were a little too serious for the scenario and and where we were. But maybe he was thinking, well, whatever, Ben, I shouldn't assume what he was thinking. But if I had to look at the scenario. Maybe he was thinking, this might be the only time I get to talk to this woman, so I'm just gonna ask everything I need to in case I never see her again. But some of the questions were a little heavy for a first date, especially a first date surrounded by other people, especially a first date at a concert. He asked me some in depth questions about my divorce and something as serious as like, you know, looking back, is there a place where you look at it if you could do something differently to change the scenario or the outcome. I just thought in that moment, I thought, holy man, this is a little heavy for a first date. Great question, and I'm absolutely open to it. But it just wasn't the time and the place. But again, I don't know what was going through his head at the time. Did he listen to the podcast before he came in. Was he like, Okay, I've got to ask check this off, these in depth questions. I've got to put my hand on her back. I've I've got to be you know, attractive, I've gotta i've got to be the man, you know. I don't know what was going on in his head, but some of the questions I felt like were would have been good for for women knew each other better and for a moment that we could get in depth like that. And I think I shared to you too, Ben, I don't know the dudes and don'ts at first dates. But like I don't want to hear about your ex wife, I don't want to hear about the trauma you cared from that there is always his truth, her truth, and the truth. So like you're my friend, you're listening to me, so you're always gonna feel sorry for me. But I can tell you I was not perfect in my marriage. There's a time and a place for that, and I don't want to do it on a first date. I just don't.
00:18:42
Speaker 1: I get that. I mean, I think that, and I think that's fair. I think that's a boundary that sometimes though needs and would be needed to be communicated up front. And I and I'm I know you're very capable and probably have communicated that. I mean, I like that he took an interest. He obviously engaged in your life and wanted to figure it out. You know, having any type of conversation in today's world is something unique and special. I think I go back to my question of something was something had happened to where his expectations weren't met. It sounds like you got back on track. He did get to know you, and in a lot of ways, we could say, ask questions to get to know you more than probably you were wanting to give up at this point.
00:19:31
Speaker 2: So that for me poses the question why didn't he ask for my phone number?
00:19:36
Speaker 1: Well, let's get into it. So from an outside perspective, and we did get to talk to Cynthia. As I mentioned before, you know, he didn't ask for your phone number. Where the other girls because I'm sure they're excited, they're interested, They're also focused on the Jonas Brothers concert and everything going on there before we get to the end of the night. During the night, I'm sure they are whispering getting moments with you. Were they reassuring you that this looked good and felt good From an outside perspective.
00:20:06
Speaker 2: I don't know. I felt more so from their perspective than they were just checking on me. Are you okay? Do you need rescuing? That's what I felt like, like the girls were like, do you need rescuing in this moment? Are you bored out of your mind? Are you okay? I was really okay. When the girls would come and check on me, I would say, no, I'm totally fine. I'm totally fine. I was genuinely enjoying the conversation with this man. I believe from their perspective is they just wanted to be really good wing women, you know, like if I need a saving, they were ready to save me.
00:20:38
Speaker 1: They're in the saving mindset. My role tonight is to help her if she needs help, not necessarily, which pump you up and be like this is awesome, this is great, and maybe pump him up wing woman you from his side to be like she's a catch.
00:20:53
Speaker 2: Well, so okay. So that was also the weird situation is there were all of these people there who are my friends. Right, there's you know, people there for the podcast. There's there's video, there's photos, there's you know, we're doing all of the things because to an extent, it is a show that we are producing and putting out for our listeners to be able to follow along, Right, this has to be like bonkers to him and way outside he works a normal job. Been like, he works a normal job. This has to be way outside of his comfort zone. There is that, but like I think that I wish other people had introduced themselves to him, because no one really did, so he was put in the scenario where he doesn't know anyone else. He probably recognized some of the other faces right from the show, but he didn't know anyone else. But no one really introduced There's themselves to him. And I guess I also given that looking at it right now, in this very moment talking to you, Ben, I should have been better about that. I should have introduced him so he didn't feel so excluded. And I hope that he didn't feel that way, but I don't really know that. I guess, looking back, in a scenario where I felt so incredibly comfort and surrounded by women diadore, maybe he felt a little excluded. And now I'm literally thinking about that in this very moment, Ben, and I feel really bad about that.
00:22:11
Speaker 1: I mean, hey, these are dates. I mean at the basis of all this, and we'll get into kind of your future and dating and what you've learned and felt, but the base of all this, as we've said many times here, when you're getting into the dating world, no matter if you're you know, doing it for a second time, if you're doing it at the beginning dates are like, the only way to find the match is to keep dating, is to keep getting out there going good dates, bad dates, make mistakes, mess up. As long as you don't sit here today and it's like, I absolutely crushed that dude. I made him feel so small. I destroyed his confidence. I like absolutely attacked him with my words and my like the ways I as long as you're not doing that, we're good. Like he's he's sitting there tonight, He's like, I'm fine, I went on a date with a beautiful woman. Like it didn't work out for whatever reason. He's good with that, I'm sure, and he's gonna be okay.
00:23:08
Speaker 2: Yp So I hope so you know, I genuinely want to be a good person, and I hope that he walked away knowing that he got to know me truly and authentically, Like that's all that I can do.
00:23:20
Speaker 1: Well, here's what Cynthia shared with us. Cynthia said, the body language looked awesome. I think if she wasn't married and she was into somebody of the same gender, she would date you in a second. She had nothing but incredible things to say about you. She said, you looked hot, you had great energy. You did everything right, was her exact words. Cynthia was a big fan of you. She did get to speak to your date. They had mutual friends in common, and she didn't necessarily know why the date didn't work out, but she did bring up at some moment, he did ask you to step out so that you could talk more. Was that true?
00:24:05
Speaker 2: Yes?
00:24:06
Speaker 1: And then I said no, why?
00:24:10
Speaker 2: Okay. So this happened pretty early on when he shared with me that it was going a little different than he anticipated because he was under the understanding that he was going to get to know me. So he asked me if I would step outside now the crazy person that I am. I can tell you where my mind went. Okay, I thought, Hey, I'm not going to go in the hallway with this person that I just met three seconds ago and be alone with him. Be no, dude, we're at the Jonahs Brother's concert. Like at the Jonahs Brother's concert, I don't want to go sit out on the hallway and talk like. I just don't like, can we just talk right here? And I guess it just felt uncomfortable. It wasn't even like we it wasn't even like we eased into it. It was just like, hey, I was expecting something else and that's not what I'm getting. Do you want to go outside and talk? It wasn't like, oh my gosh, this conversation is like really awesome. I'd love to get to know you more. And it's a little loud and here it can we go outside? It felt very forced and not natural, and in that moment I said no, I didn't know him from from the next person, and there was the other part of me it was like no, dude, Like, we're at the Jonas Brothers concert. Like, we're at a concert. This is what we said we're gonna do. Let's enjoy the concert. Let's enjoy the concert. We can have seven other dates where we go to dinner and we're alone and just the two of us and have in depth conversations, but like right now, like, let's live our best lives at the Jonas Brother's concert and being a suite and have a good time.
00:25:36
Speaker 1: I mean, you are completely right to be able to say no to that, and I get you. The what you're saying is, this is a blast of a night. This is a lot of fun. We're at the Jonas Brothers concert with some incredible people. It sounds like to me. And again, I don't know this guy, and I'm only getting your perspective. In Cynthia's perspective, it sounds like to me, he is intentional. I guess there's a way to say this. He doesn't want the the like the fluff of a date. And from all that we've spoken about you and I, you want the intentionality, You want the depth, you want that person to get to know you. But you also, at this stage in your life, want the fun, like you want a partner to have fun with and not to always be serious with. And especially in a first date, I think it's one of the easiest things about a first date is that you can just go and have a good time because there's really no expectation other than I've been The least in my world would be do I finally find you physically attractive or not? Yes or no? Is one expectation of a first date. And do we have enough fun to try to have a second date that then starts to increase our one on one time. That's for anybody listening. Don't have huge expectations for a first date. First date is do I find you attractive enough to want to see you again in my life, and too, do I like you enough as a human to want to see you again in my life. If those two things cross the box, I think, hey, go have a second date. But the first date is like practice.
00:27:19
Speaker 2: I think that's how I felt. Then, I think that's how I felt, and that's why that's why I went. He did ask, and I appreciated him asking, and I can acknowledge that probably wasn't very easy for him in that moment to be like, hey, and I'd really just like to talk to you when I go step outside. I just didn't.
00:27:37
Speaker 1: How did you say no?
00:27:38
Speaker 2: I said no?
00:27:41
Speaker 1: Did you explain yourself?
00:27:43
Speaker 2: Fucking worst? I literally was like, yeah, no, I want to watch the concert. And then within seconds I was like, hey man, I'm sorry. I don't want to sound like a crazy like if you want to go sit outside and talk, like, let's go sit outside and talk. I just thought, you know, we're here, we're having a great time. It's the Jonas Brothers. Like, let's sing, let's dance, let's enjoy the concert, I said, and I acknowledge that. To him, I said, I'm really sorry, like I'd love to talk. I'd love to get to know you better, I think just exactly the way you put it. Then I wanted to have fun. I wanted to dance a little. I really like to dance.
00:28:18
Speaker 1: At did you guys dance?
00:28:19
Speaker 2: He didn't dance. He didn't dance. I tried to wag a little bit, but then it just felt weird because he was just standing there. Yeah that's fair, so yes, I you know, in that moment, I felt really awful, and when it played back in my head within seconds, I was like, ah, you sound like such a bitch, like and I did. I looked at him because I said, I'm really sorry, Like, let's go outside and talk if you want to talk like that's not I didn't mean it that way. I don't want to come off sounding ungrateful. I really am. But we're also like at the Jonas Brothers, like it's great music, Like let's enjoy ourselves, because I do believe there is a time and a place for some of those serious conversations, and I just don't know that on a first date that was the place. And I wanted it to be just like what you said. I wanted it to be a lot of fun. I wanted to walk away and think I had a lot of fun with that guy, because I like to have fun. I like to laugh, I like to have a good time. Personality is so important to me, and I want to know that I can have a good time with someone. And I just didn't, Ben, I didn't want to go sit in the hallway in silence, in the bright lights and talk about forever. I just didn't. I just didn't.
00:29:22
Speaker 1: Again, I don't think you're wrong for saying no to that. It was a question. You have all rights to say yes or no. I do think the explanation probably helped because if I was dating somebody and I said, can we go out in the hallway and talk and they said no, I think I then would start to create the racket in my own head and create the narrative of she just doesn't want to get to know me.
00:29:45
Speaker 2: But let me lay it out for you for a visual bin. That was said pretty early on. The great conversation that we had happened after, So it wasn't like I was just like, yeah, no, bro, like I'm here for Joe. It wasn't like that that happened. I said no, and then we genuinely had great conversation up until the very end, and then there was a moment he was like, I'm going to run to the restroom. He walked out with his buddy and when he came back, they were like, yeah, cool, we're gonna go. This was a lot of fun. We'll see you. There were hugs, we took photos together. I have a photo if you would like to see him, I'll send it to you. And they were just like hugs. It was so great to meet you. You're wonderful.
00:30:25
Speaker 3: Goodbye.
00:30:36
Speaker 1: You know my criticism here and I will say it because I think people listening will be learning from you as we continue on with this experience, but also relating with you and hearing things. If somebody's listening, and I'm speaking from a place of guilt, I when in my single life, was the ultimate ghoster. I would go on first dates and never know how to say, hey, I'm not interested again. I never figured that one out. I could learn from somebody on how to do that well. But I do think there is a moment where we as adults date where clarity is not only appreciated, it's respected and it's necessary. So as he left that in that manner, I think the best thing for him to do would have been to tell you, hey, this was great. I don't necessarily see us having a second date. But I also think there is a world in which he was nervous about how you would respond or how this would respond, and I do think there's an added pressure. So we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. But for most situations, again, first dates have very little expectation. We should have very little expectation. But I think the clarity of do I want to do this again is really beneficial to both sides, and you didn't get that. And so as we kind of close up here the data is ending, he goes to the restroom, comes back in, says they're gonna go, and that's the end for you. You're still in a little bit of limbo on how it ended and what happened. Am I correct?
00:32:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, he came to the concert with his best friend and his best friend's wife. She messaged me on Instagram like the next day and sent me some photos and was like, we had the best time ever. It was so great to meet you. Let's keep in touch if you're ever in the area. I ride her back and I'm like, absolutely, it was a lot of fun to meet you and your husband. I hope had a great time. I'm a little unsure how that ended, and she just kind of brushed it off and was like, yeah, it was fine. So there has been no other conversation whatsoever. I debated trying to find him just to thank him for coming and doing that and coming on a first date. But I also just didn't feel like it was my place because I'm not hard to find Ben. He knows my name, he know it's the podcast, he knows some of the producers. If he wanted to get in touch, he would, And maybe that's exactly what it is. Maybe he left with clarity thinking this was a lot of fun, what a great night out. I'm gonna call it a day. She's not my vibe. Maybe I wasn't his vibe, and that's okay, right. I feel pretty good about the date and the conversation that we had, and all I can do was like, I was me. I was me. I didn't say anything that I would take back. I didn't say anything too much. I gave what I wanted to on a first date and allowed him insight on who I was and the things that I like. I enjoyed what he shared the conversation felt very easy. But maybe from that point on there was nothing else there because ultimately, if he would like to see me again, he would, and if he doesn't, then let's move on to the next.
00:34:04
Speaker 1: Let's move on to the next. Well, that's where we're going from here. You've obviously just had your first date on famously Available. Not a bad date. I will say that this wasn't like a bad date by any means. You were, you communicated. If he wanted a second date, you would have been down to have a second date. I think that's a win here. We're not shooting our shot in the wrong direction. So you're ready to keep getting out there, You're ready to keep dating. Do you think this first experience has kind of changed you for the next first date? Is it going to be easier, harder? Kind of talk about where your mind's at.
00:34:38
Speaker 2: I don't think it's changed me. I just thought about things that I would do differently, you know what I mean. I just thought about things that I would do differently given the next scenario. If it's another situation like that where we go to a concert, or it's you know, a sporting event or something like that, I don't want so much time to lapse before I'm introduced to someone, because there was this whole weird lingering where it was just as there were other women there where they were like, which one do you think he is? And please stop looking, Please stop looking. Everybody's stop weird. That is weird. And it felt a little awkward because he knew I was there, and he probably knew who I was and knew what I looked like. So there was a moment where he didn't come up and introduce himself to me. Neither one of us, I'm guessing, knew what the right thing was. I didn't know who he was, so we didn't know how to do the date. So I think that there's some tweaking that we need to work on because it is not a traditional scenario. You're not calling me up Ben and saying, Okay, you're going to meet Peter at seven o'clock at the bar down the street. It's not like that. It is a unique situation that I'm going into to meet someone, so I think we need to tweak it a little bit. So I walked away with some things that I would do differently. I would like to meet the person right off the bat, so that there is no awkwardness between me or him. I also just like to get a good look at him and see if I find him attractive from the get go. And then and I think if there was anything that I could do differently in that situation when he did ask me to step aside, I maybe didn't have to leave the very front of the suite. I could have taken a seat at the back of the suite and entertained him for fifteen minutes and had really great conversation. Because the conversation was really good. And you're right, I don't know what he was told, what he thought, but he thought he was going to get to know me, and I hate that he felt like he wasn't getting that. I want to give that because I am doing this for the right reasons. Ben, I get that question all the time on social media. I'm so flattered. I met several women who stopped me after the concert and we're like, oh my gosh, we're following Famously Available, we're listening to the podcast You Go girl, We're all rooting you, rooting for you. And I'm just so grateful for that that people even care, but that there are other women who are in the same life phase as me, who are walking through this with me. So I wish I would have been more open because I realize that scenario is just very different in what I am expecting from someone. If they have never been on television, they have never been on radio, they just live a very normal life to expect them to come in a scenario like this where they are going on a date with a girl who has a history on television and a podcast with you, Well, we're going to talk about it, Ben, the good the bad. Imagine if he had kissed me and I've been like, oh, this bread smelled so bad. Ben, Like I'm about to put this dude on blast and he's willingly doing it. So I want to be more conscious of that on the next date or moving forward with whomever it is, or if this guy reaches out, you know what I mean. I just want to be really conscious of that, the fact that I am making a choice to put myself out there. I am making a choice to do this podcast with you. You Ben, It's almost like the social experiment you and I are doing, where like I'm the guinea pig, but really they're the guinea pig. We're asking these people to come date me, like me, get to know me, and feel really good about it, and not worry about the fact that you and I are going to tell all the dirty secrets on air for hundreds of thousands of people to listen to.
00:38:06
Speaker 1: Here's a beautiful part. They have the opportunity to come on here as well and tell all the dirty secrets of you if they want.
00:38:15
Speaker 2: You're supporting my friend, Ben.
00:38:17
Speaker 1: Oh, I got your back, and I will continue to have your back through this whole experience. That's a great note. If you're out there and you're listening, and you have somebody that you're like would be perfect for this scenario. You can message us a picture, a little profile, send us their Instagram profile. We would love to get a nice roster here of potential suitors.
00:38:39
Speaker 2: I have gotten a whole lot more dms. I will say that Ben, I'm going to go back on the resume and be like, oh my gosh, let my friend Ben. Though I'm not going to do it, but I have been. I have been getting some dms on how beautiful my feet are, so maybe this is working out well for me.
00:38:55
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, there's a whole market for that is also and I would love for you to take advantage of that opportunity. Never seen your feet, but we will add it to the list of things we send out to somebody before date is she has beautiful, money worthy feet. Okay, this has been awesome. Here's my advice for you as we move forward. From everything I know from what you told me, From everything I know from what Cynthia told me, you were great. You were yourself, and ultimately, when we're dating, you gotta be yourself and you gotta say the things that you really feel and think. Especially, I think as we get into this kind of second stage of dating in life, you know, for anybody that's out there that's divorced, or anybody that's out there that's looking for a second partner or a third partner, whatever that may be, being yourself I think is essential because the truth of the matter is, I do think in this stage what I'm experiencing, I'm hearing, and what I honestly ought to expect is there is a different intentionality. This isn't a hey, let's just play patty Cake for four days and have a lot of fun. If somebody really is there to potentially date you or you to date them, there is an intentionality that will be brought up. I would just say, let's pause that until like date two, Date one, let's have a good time, Let's see where this takes us. Let's have one drink, go home and text each other the next day. Date two picks up steam a little bit. Date three four, you know, whatever your timeline, but you did it well. I'm thankful that you did it. I'm thankful that you went out there. But my final question for you is are you thankful you did it? I am?
00:40:41
Speaker 2: I am, I am. I had a really great time. I had a really great time, and I'm thankful that he wasn't a big old fat creeper.
00:40:49
Speaker 1: That's a win because they're out there promise to protect you. Okay, we'll keep in touch on the journey. Look forward to the suit that get sent our way, the roster of just the most handsome, carrying, sweet fun men that we can start to set you up with. You're going to be exhausted by the time this is done. Just exhausted.
00:41:14
Speaker 2: I'm a roster, a roster. I've never had a roster. This is so exciting, so fun.
00:41:19
Speaker 1: Until next time, I've been Ben
Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the Ultimate Summer of Love Tree. This is famously available. It's a very exciting day. We're gonna have to run down on the date that happened this last weekend at the Jonas Brothers concert. Now, in addition to this episode, please stay tuned because we talked to Cynthia, who was in the suite at the same time and had her own input on body language. How things went. Now, I'm just gonna kick it off. How did things go?
00:00:32
Speaker 2: I have been dying to talk to you.
00:00:35
Speaker 1: I really I texted the group that night. I was on the East coast, You're on the West coast, and so I think it like happened way later than when I went to bed, so I didn't get any good updates. I really know nothing other than what Cynthia talk to me about, which was really just like an outside perspective of the date.
00:00:53
Speaker 2: Are you going to share her outside perspective?
00:00:57
Speaker 1: I will share bits and pieces you want to you want to hear a little bit.
00:01:00
Speaker 2: I want to hear it at the end. I want to hear a bit of Yeah.
00:01:03
Speaker 1: I didn't want to like like push you in any direction. That episode with Cynthia will be airing about the same time this airs, and so make sure you listen to both to get two different perspectives, one involved in the date, the other one watching the date. But let's just kick it off. We obviously got the chat right before the date happened. You had a really good, I think mindset going into this date. I personally feel like you would be a really easy first date because of the mindset that you shared and just your expectations, kind of the the excitement that was before the date. Now the date has happened at this point, so please fill us on.
00:01:46
Speaker 2: I'm just going to stop you then, because I don't think that it's healthy for so much time to go by before you and I dissect. I think we need to do this a little bit quicker next time, because now I've had several days to kind of stew in my mind. How you second guess things. You think, oh, it was like this or it ended like that, So I've had some time to gather my thoughts and think about it. So there's all right. It's interesting to me that you said I had a good mindset. I did. I did when you and I spoke before the date. I had a good mindset. I was super excited. I felt good, I felt cute. I wore my stand up only jeans. They looked great, but it was funny. As the day went on, I had a little bit of time to get back to my hotel room and get ready, and I was alone. And sometimes being alone is not a good space for me to get into. Because I was shocking as it made sound can get into my own head. I can start to twist my own thoughts eight way sideways, good ones, bad ones, crazy ones, it doesn't matter. I am the type of person that a lot of time leads with fear. And I'll tell you what I did. Ben. After we got done talking, I started to think in my head, what if he's just doing it for the podcast. What if he's just doing someone a solid and he's just showing up just to like make sure I have a date to talk about on the podcast, Like he's not really into me, he's not really in it to date me. And I started to take these thoughts, Ben, And I really hope that for anyone who might be listening, they can let me know that I'm not alone here. But I started to take these thoughts and I got caught up in my head Ben, So I was really excited. I got ready, I felt pretty. I got in the van and then there was a bit of a ride to the concert. You know, I tried to chat with the other girls nervously, but I couldn't help but think about it, right, like, what's it going to look like? Is it going to be attractive? Will there be this like moment where I come out of the car and my hair is blowing in the wind and he is just falling over by, you know, love at first sight? Or is he doing this for a podcast, to be on a podcast to say he went out with an old bachelorette for whatever reason, right? Or is he just doing one of the producers of solid I got up in my head. Now, from a logistics point of view, what I would like to see us do moving forward is there was a transition of getting the group of us, because again I told you, we weren't alone. There were several people there, a few other of the girls. Ashley I was there, and Kathy and Susan and Daisy. You know, it was a bunch of girls there and God bless them, I love them. They were all cheering me on. They were a girl. If you need to be saved wink twice, you know what I mean. Like everybody was if he's not cute, we'll take you to the bathroom. Whatever. Everybody was on my side, but it wasn't a traditional date where I was just alone with this man. The other piece is is I didn't meet him right away. So when the group all got out, there was a whole lot of shuffle of getting us into the suite, getting everybody into the building, and sending ou through security. So I looked around and I only saw a couple of the other guys that were part of our group. And so then I'm like, oh, I wonder if it's that one or what if it's not. What if it's that one. I don't find him super attractive, but the other one is super cute. What if it's him? I just got all twisted up in my head then about everything.
00:05:17
Speaker 1: Let's pause here. Let's pause here. I think the first note is very common one. You're not alone. I think when it comes to high pressure situations, we create. Humans typically create a racket in their own heads, and that racket is speaking to an insecurity of vulnerability, a past thought, trauma, et cetera. And it becomes heightened when we're kind of in this survival mode, like this high anxiety nervous mode, which even if you weren't nervous, even if you weren't anxious, you're you're gonna have that still inside of you because it's something different. You're just not used to it. You even done it in a long time. You have a you have been out there in a long time. I met somebody new, and so you're not alone in that. I think for listeners, most people will relate with the thoughts of everything spirals out of control right before this first date. Everything comes to mind right before this first date. It's a racket. It's not true, but that doesn't matter. It's still in your head, so it's true at the time to you, and there are tools to eliminate those thoughts or at least place yourself in a different position. One of those for this would have been, Hey, you weren't feeling good that day. I think that's a great excuse and very real excuse for you. You had a migraine that day that set you back a bit. Also, you were going to this huge event. You were a past bachelorette that day, so of course you're going to think about that. Because you're surrounded by bachelor contestants, it was just two of you. You're not playing the role of the bachelorette. You were just playing the role of you. So I just want to be clear, you're not alone. Doesn't make you It makes you unique, but you're always unique. It doesn't make you different in a bad way.
00:07:08
Speaker 2: In my very own special way, Ben, Yes, very own special way, all right. When I meet him, it was a simple like, hey, how are you. I give him a hug. I think him for coming right. I don't believe the task in hand is easy on his part. He is stepping into a different world. He's a very normal man. He works a normal job, stepping into this world what we have asked him to do to date me on a podcast where I am now going to come here and I'm going to talk to you, my friend, Ben. I'm going to tell you all the details. He's going to listen or he's not going to listen. I don't really know. But then he's he's putting himself out there too, right, it's a big deal. Okay. First impressions, I found him very attractive. He wasn't as tall as you told me, But like listen, I had heels on. It's fine. I found him very attractive. He was a very good looking man. He had really beautiful blue eyes, and I told you that eye contact is very important for me. So I appreciated the way that he engaged with me and talked to me. He was attentive in the fact that he was asking me if he could get me something to drink, he was asking me if I wanted to sit down. And I just appreciate those. I mean, I say, on the most basic level, the chivalry part of the mill persona. Right. There was a point when we were talking where he said to me, and given the situation, again, I'm stating it was not a normal first date. We were not going out where it was just the two of us. It wasn't this romantic setting. It wasn't quiet by any means. We were screaming over the Jonas brothers in between that I was doing photos and videos and things that I had committed to and not to me. The rest of my girlfriends were all there. So given the unique situation, we're kind of chatting and he leaned over at one point and he said to me, this isn't exactly what I thought it was going to be. And I was like, I'm so sorry. What did you expect And he said, well, I was told I was going to get to know you, and I said, well, let's get to know each other. Those are my expectations too, And in that moment, I found that little glimmer beIN to be honest with him, and I pride myself on my honesty, and what I said to him in that moment was I apologize. I got in my head a little bit because I wasn't sure how much of you would be showing up to meet me, or how much of you was showing up to just fill the position of this night, and I said, I was really looking forward to getting to know you and seeing where this could go, and I would really like that if we could start over. It was great. We ended up having some really genuine conversations. I got to know him a bit, I got to know about his family, I got to hear about his job. Neither one of us knew very many Jonas Brothers songs, so that was a lot of fun too, because every time we were kind of like, well I don't really know this one, but I know this one. He There were a couple of moments because it was so loud, we had to speak really closely to each other, which which I found a little enticing, you know. And there were a couple of moments where he put his hand on my back, and then I was like, then I turned myself crazy again. I was like, oh, he listened to the podcast. He totally listened to me. Tell Ben that I might not make out with him, but he can put the hand his hand on the small of my back and a little thirty is good. I'm telling you, Ben, I'm nuts. I'm nuts. I really enjoyed the conversation with this man. I found that he had a lot of qualities that I find attractive in someone that I would want to date. It was a very hard scenario to find it to be datable in that moment. But I left that evening thinking I would have explored a second date. Okay, if he had asked for my phone number at the end of the night, I would have given it to him. But he did not.
00:11:13
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:11:14
Speaker 2: Now, in his defense, I don't know if I was hard to read, if the situation was hard to read, or if he just didn't like me. But I left the date and talking to him and getting to know him, and I found him physically attracted and attract him and his personality attractive. I would have entertained a second date with just the two of us so that we could have been alone and talked more and gotten to know each other more. I would have enjoyed that. But he did not ask, and I wasn't going to offer it up.
00:11:42
Speaker 1: Do you was that a surprise to you or did you see that kind of coming? Were you reading into it as a night continued and saying, yeah, I don't know if this is going in a place for him where he would want a second date.
00:11:55
Speaker 2: I felt like if he was into it, he would have shot a shot. That's what I felt like. Yeah, but I cannot put my assumptions. I tend to run with the fact that like, oh, that's not how I would have treated someone. That's not what I would have done. I can't put those assumptions onto other people. I thought the conversation that we had was really, really great. We talked about cooking, you know, he enjoys to cook. We talked about his kids, we talked about my kids, we talked about our pets. I thought the conversation was really easy, and it flowed very well. I think the scenario that we were in was not romantic. I thought by the end he might at least ask to keep in touch. So was I shocked, No, because I think given everything that I've been through, Ben, it takes a lot to shock me now, you know. But I wasn't shocked. I would say that I was a little disappointed. I enjoyed the conversation. I would have liked to have seen if it could have gone to a second date, or at least had a conversation at the very least. I wanted to text him the next day and say, hey, man, I realized that wasn't normal, thank you for showing up, thank you for asking really great questions, thank you for a genuine conversation. I wouldn't have minded, you know, if we kept in touch and had a second date. But he didn't try, and so for me, the actions speak louder than the words. If he really wanted to, he would I kind of hate that saying, but it's also really true. If he wanted to keep in touch, he would have shot his shot. He would have said, Hey, I really enjoyed getting to know you. Do you mind if we talk more. I would have absolutely said yes.
00:13:44
Speaker 1: Now, before the conversation started, or before the date started, you and I did have a conversation, and you talked about how first dates are really great in group settings because there is very little pressure, and this seemed like a lot of fun. Yes, a concert, we could say it's an abnormal first date, but it's also a really great place to meet somebody. It is low pressure, there's good moments in between, there's a relatability to the songs being played. You know, we go on looking back, now, do you wish that you were in a different scenario for this first date? Do you think that would have changed things?
00:14:24
Speaker 2: No? I actually really liked it, Ben Okay. I think what I took responsibility for was that he was disappointed. I took responsibility for that. I was not disappointed in any way. I had a really great time. I loved sharing it with the other women in the suite. I loved the concert, I loved the Jonas brothers. I loved being in that situation and meeting him there because there was no pressure. There was no pressure to leave there with him, like it was like goodbye. I would absolutely have done it again. I think where I went wrong. Is that I took the responsibility that he was disappoint he expected more out of the date. And again I don't know what he was told by producers. I don't know what was sold to him. But I just felt responsible for his disappointment when he said to me, I was under the understanding that I was going to get to know you. I felt bad in that moment because I was open and willing. I wanted that as well. I felt bad that he was disappointed that he wasn't getting that.
00:15:24
Speaker 1: Yes, I don't know him. I wasn't there at the date. I would my argument to that would be, it sounds like you did get to know each other a little bit. You just rattled off five different things that you took away from his life that you heard and saw and he told you about. For a first date, five different facts about somebody is a big accomplishment. You knew about his family, his kids, his job. That's a great first date. So I guess I am confused from an outside perspective of what he didn't get to know about you. Do you feel like you held back? Do you feel like you showed him interest?
00:16:06
Speaker 2: Like?
00:16:06
Speaker 1: Where was he missing this?
00:16:08
Speaker 2: That's what I think it was in I think it was in the beginning of the night, Ben, because there was a slaps when we got there. I wasn't introduced to him right away, so there was a lapse when we got there where no one introduced us, you know, so we weren't able to see each other at first and talk and then the music was playing, so it was I think for him it was missed. But I would say once he shared that with me, I tried to be very conscious of that, and we were able to kind of stand back in the suite. We didn't sit, you know, in the stadium. We stood back in the in the suite and talked. I felt like the conversation was good, and once I was really aware of what he felt, I did. I tried to be really conscious of that and like, okay, man, let's get to know each other. Then here I am. This is what I do. These are the things. He asked, some really great questions. Some of them I feel like were second or third date worthy. They were a little too serious for the scenario and and where we were. But maybe he was thinking, well, whatever, Ben, I shouldn't assume what he was thinking. But if I had to look at the scenario. Maybe he was thinking, this might be the only time I get to talk to this woman, so I'm just gonna ask everything I need to in case I never see her again. But some of the questions were a little heavy for a first date, especially a first date surrounded by other people, especially a first date at a concert. He asked me some in depth questions about my divorce and something as serious as like, you know, looking back, is there a place where you look at it if you could do something differently to change the scenario or the outcome. I just thought in that moment, I thought, holy man, this is a little heavy for a first date. Great question, and I'm absolutely open to it. But it just wasn't the time and the place. But again, I don't know what was going through his head at the time. Did he listen to the podcast before he came in. Was he like, Okay, I've got to ask check this off, these in depth questions. I've got to put my hand on her back. I've I've got to be you know, attractive, I've gotta i've got to be the man, you know. I don't know what was going on in his head, but some of the questions I felt like were would have been good for for women knew each other better and for a moment that we could get in depth like that. And I think I shared to you too, Ben, I don't know the dudes and don'ts at first dates. But like I don't want to hear about your ex wife, I don't want to hear about the trauma you cared from that there is always his truth, her truth, and the truth. So like you're my friend, you're listening to me, so you're always gonna feel sorry for me. But I can tell you I was not perfect in my marriage. There's a time and a place for that, and I don't want to do it on a first date. I just don't.
00:18:42
Speaker 1: I get that. I mean, I think that, and I think that's fair. I think that's a boundary that sometimes though needs and would be needed to be communicated up front. And I and I'm I know you're very capable and probably have communicated that. I mean, I like that he took an interest. He obviously engaged in your life and wanted to figure it out. You know, having any type of conversation in today's world is something unique and special. I think I go back to my question of something was something had happened to where his expectations weren't met. It sounds like you got back on track. He did get to know you, and in a lot of ways, we could say, ask questions to get to know you more than probably you were wanting to give up at this point.
00:19:31
Speaker 2: So that for me poses the question why didn't he ask for my phone number?
00:19:36
Speaker 1: Well, let's get into it. So from an outside perspective, and we did get to talk to Cynthia. As I mentioned before, you know, he didn't ask for your phone number. Where the other girls because I'm sure they're excited, they're interested, They're also focused on the Jonas Brothers concert and everything going on there before we get to the end of the night. During the night, I'm sure they are whispering getting moments with you. Were they reassuring you that this looked good and felt good From an outside perspective.
00:20:06
Speaker 2: I don't know. I felt more so from their perspective than they were just checking on me. Are you okay? Do you need rescuing? That's what I felt like, like the girls were like, do you need rescuing in this moment? Are you bored out of your mind? Are you okay? I was really okay. When the girls would come and check on me, I would say, no, I'm totally fine. I'm totally fine. I was genuinely enjoying the conversation with this man. I believe from their perspective is they just wanted to be really good wing women, you know, like if I need a saving, they were ready to save me.
00:20:38
Speaker 1: They're in the saving mindset. My role tonight is to help her if she needs help, not necessarily, which pump you up and be like this is awesome, this is great, and maybe pump him up wing woman you from his side to be like she's a catch.
00:20:53
Speaker 2: Well, so okay. So that was also the weird situation is there were all of these people there who are my friends. Right, there's you know, people there for the podcast. There's there's video, there's photos, there's you know, we're doing all of the things because to an extent, it is a show that we are producing and putting out for our listeners to be able to follow along, Right, this has to be like bonkers to him and way outside he works a normal job. Been like, he works a normal job. This has to be way outside of his comfort zone. There is that, but like I think that I wish other people had introduced themselves to him, because no one really did, so he was put in the scenario where he doesn't know anyone else. He probably recognized some of the other faces right from the show, but he didn't know anyone else. But no one really introduced There's themselves to him. And I guess I also given that looking at it right now, in this very moment talking to you, Ben, I should have been better about that. I should have introduced him so he didn't feel so excluded. And I hope that he didn't feel that way, but I don't really know that. I guess, looking back, in a scenario where I felt so incredibly comfort and surrounded by women diadore, maybe he felt a little excluded. And now I'm literally thinking about that in this very moment, Ben, and I feel really bad about that.
00:22:11
Speaker 1: I mean, hey, these are dates. I mean at the basis of all this, and we'll get into kind of your future and dating and what you've learned and felt, but the base of all this, as we've said many times here, when you're getting into the dating world, no matter if you're you know, doing it for a second time, if you're doing it at the beginning dates are like, the only way to find the match is to keep dating, is to keep getting out there going good dates, bad dates, make mistakes, mess up. As long as you don't sit here today and it's like, I absolutely crushed that dude. I made him feel so small. I destroyed his confidence. I like absolutely attacked him with my words and my like the ways I as long as you're not doing that, we're good. Like he's he's sitting there tonight, He's like, I'm fine, I went on a date with a beautiful woman. Like it didn't work out for whatever reason. He's good with that, I'm sure, and he's gonna be okay.
00:23:08
Speaker 2: Yp So I hope so you know, I genuinely want to be a good person, and I hope that he walked away knowing that he got to know me truly and authentically, Like that's all that I can do.
00:23:20
Speaker 1: Well, here's what Cynthia shared with us. Cynthia said, the body language looked awesome. I think if she wasn't married and she was into somebody of the same gender, she would date you in a second. She had nothing but incredible things to say about you. She said, you looked hot, you had great energy. You did everything right, was her exact words. Cynthia was a big fan of you. She did get to speak to your date. They had mutual friends in common, and she didn't necessarily know why the date didn't work out, but she did bring up at some moment, he did ask you to step out so that you could talk more. Was that true?
00:24:05
Speaker 2: Yes?
00:24:06
Speaker 1: And then I said no, why?
00:24:10
Speaker 2: Okay. So this happened pretty early on when he shared with me that it was going a little different than he anticipated because he was under the understanding that he was going to get to know me. So he asked me if I would step outside now the crazy person that I am. I can tell you where my mind went. Okay, I thought, Hey, I'm not going to go in the hallway with this person that I just met three seconds ago and be alone with him. Be no, dude, we're at the Jonahs Brother's concert. Like at the Jonahs Brother's concert, I don't want to go sit out on the hallway and talk like. I just don't like, can we just talk right here? And I guess it just felt uncomfortable. It wasn't even like we it wasn't even like we eased into it. It was just like, hey, I was expecting something else and that's not what I'm getting. Do you want to go outside and talk? It wasn't like, oh my gosh, this conversation is like really awesome. I'd love to get to know you more. And it's a little loud and here it can we go outside? It felt very forced and not natural, and in that moment I said no, I didn't know him from from the next person, and there was the other part of me it was like no, dude, Like, we're at the Jonas Brothers concert. Like, we're at a concert. This is what we said we're gonna do. Let's enjoy the concert. Let's enjoy the concert. We can have seven other dates where we go to dinner and we're alone and just the two of us and have in depth conversations, but like right now, like, let's live our best lives at the Jonas Brother's concert and being a suite and have a good time.
00:25:36
Speaker 1: I mean, you are completely right to be able to say no to that, and I get you. The what you're saying is, this is a blast of a night. This is a lot of fun. We're at the Jonas Brothers concert with some incredible people. It sounds like to me. And again, I don't know this guy, and I'm only getting your perspective. In Cynthia's perspective, it sounds like to me, he is intentional. I guess there's a way to say this. He doesn't want the the like the fluff of a date. And from all that we've spoken about you and I, you want the intentionality, You want the depth, you want that person to get to know you. But you also, at this stage in your life, want the fun, like you want a partner to have fun with and not to always be serious with. And especially in a first date, I think it's one of the easiest things about a first date is that you can just go and have a good time because there's really no expectation other than I've been The least in my world would be do I finally find you physically attractive or not? Yes or no? Is one expectation of a first date. And do we have enough fun to try to have a second date that then starts to increase our one on one time. That's for anybody listening. Don't have huge expectations for a first date. First date is do I find you attractive enough to want to see you again in my life, and too, do I like you enough as a human to want to see you again in my life. If those two things cross the box, I think, hey, go have a second date. But the first date is like practice.
00:27:19
Speaker 2: I think that's how I felt. Then, I think that's how I felt, and that's why that's why I went. He did ask, and I appreciated him asking, and I can acknowledge that probably wasn't very easy for him in that moment to be like, hey, and I'd really just like to talk to you when I go step outside. I just didn't.
00:27:37
Speaker 1: How did you say no?
00:27:38
Speaker 2: I said no?
00:27:41
Speaker 1: Did you explain yourself?
00:27:43
Speaker 2: Fucking worst? I literally was like, yeah, no, I want to watch the concert. And then within seconds I was like, hey man, I'm sorry. I don't want to sound like a crazy like if you want to go sit outside and talk, like, let's go sit outside and talk. I just thought, you know, we're here, we're having a great time. It's the Jonas Brothers. Like, let's sing, let's dance, let's enjoy the concert, I said, and I acknowledge that. To him, I said, I'm really sorry, like I'd love to talk. I'd love to get to know you better, I think just exactly the way you put it. Then I wanted to have fun. I wanted to dance a little. I really like to dance.
00:28:18
Speaker 1: At did you guys dance?
00:28:19
Speaker 2: He didn't dance. He didn't dance. I tried to wag a little bit, but then it just felt weird because he was just standing there. Yeah that's fair, so yes, I you know, in that moment, I felt really awful, and when it played back in my head within seconds, I was like, ah, you sound like such a bitch, like and I did. I looked at him because I said, I'm really sorry, Like, let's go outside and talk if you want to talk like that's not I didn't mean it that way. I don't want to come off sounding ungrateful. I really am. But we're also like at the Jonas Brothers, like it's great music, Like let's enjoy ourselves, because I do believe there is a time and a place for some of those serious conversations, and I just don't know that on a first date that was the place. And I wanted it to be just like what you said. I wanted it to be a lot of fun. I wanted to walk away and think I had a lot of fun with that guy, because I like to have fun. I like to laugh, I like to have a good time. Personality is so important to me, and I want to know that I can have a good time with someone. And I just didn't, Ben, I didn't want to go sit in the hallway in silence, in the bright lights and talk about forever. I just didn't. I just didn't.
00:29:22
Speaker 1: Again, I don't think you're wrong for saying no to that. It was a question. You have all rights to say yes or no. I do think the explanation probably helped because if I was dating somebody and I said, can we go out in the hallway and talk and they said no, I think I then would start to create the racket in my own head and create the narrative of she just doesn't want to get to know me.
00:29:45
Speaker 2: But let me lay it out for you for a visual bin. That was said pretty early on. The great conversation that we had happened after, So it wasn't like I was just like, yeah, no, bro, like I'm here for Joe. It wasn't like that that happened. I said no, and then we genuinely had great conversation up until the very end, and then there was a moment he was like, I'm going to run to the restroom. He walked out with his buddy and when he came back, they were like, yeah, cool, we're gonna go. This was a lot of fun. We'll see you. There were hugs, we took photos together. I have a photo if you would like to see him, I'll send it to you. And they were just like hugs. It was so great to meet you. You're wonderful.
00:30:25
Speaker 3: Goodbye.
00:30:36
Speaker 1: You know my criticism here and I will say it because I think people listening will be learning from you as we continue on with this experience, but also relating with you and hearing things. If somebody's listening, and I'm speaking from a place of guilt, I when in my single life, was the ultimate ghoster. I would go on first dates and never know how to say, hey, I'm not interested again. I never figured that one out. I could learn from somebody on how to do that well. But I do think there is a moment where we as adults date where clarity is not only appreciated, it's respected and it's necessary. So as he left that in that manner, I think the best thing for him to do would have been to tell you, hey, this was great. I don't necessarily see us having a second date. But I also think there is a world in which he was nervous about how you would respond or how this would respond, and I do think there's an added pressure. So we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. But for most situations, again, first dates have very little expectation. We should have very little expectation. But I think the clarity of do I want to do this again is really beneficial to both sides, and you didn't get that. And so as we kind of close up here the data is ending, he goes to the restroom, comes back in, says they're gonna go, and that's the end for you. You're still in a little bit of limbo on how it ended and what happened. Am I correct?
00:32:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, he came to the concert with his best friend and his best friend's wife. She messaged me on Instagram like the next day and sent me some photos and was like, we had the best time ever. It was so great to meet you. Let's keep in touch if you're ever in the area. I ride her back and I'm like, absolutely, it was a lot of fun to meet you and your husband. I hope had a great time. I'm a little unsure how that ended, and she just kind of brushed it off and was like, yeah, it was fine. So there has been no other conversation whatsoever. I debated trying to find him just to thank him for coming and doing that and coming on a first date. But I also just didn't feel like it was my place because I'm not hard to find Ben. He knows my name, he know it's the podcast, he knows some of the producers. If he wanted to get in touch, he would, And maybe that's exactly what it is. Maybe he left with clarity thinking this was a lot of fun, what a great night out. I'm gonna call it a day. She's not my vibe. Maybe I wasn't his vibe, and that's okay, right. I feel pretty good about the date and the conversation that we had, and all I can do was like, I was me. I was me. I didn't say anything that I would take back. I didn't say anything too much. I gave what I wanted to on a first date and allowed him insight on who I was and the things that I like. I enjoyed what he shared the conversation felt very easy. But maybe from that point on there was nothing else there because ultimately, if he would like to see me again, he would, and if he doesn't, then let's move on to the next.
00:34:04
Speaker 1: Let's move on to the next. Well, that's where we're going from here. You've obviously just had your first date on famously Available. Not a bad date. I will say that this wasn't like a bad date by any means. You were, you communicated. If he wanted a second date, you would have been down to have a second date. I think that's a win here. We're not shooting our shot in the wrong direction. So you're ready to keep getting out there, You're ready to keep dating. Do you think this first experience has kind of changed you for the next first date? Is it going to be easier, harder? Kind of talk about where your mind's at.
00:34:38
Speaker 2: I don't think it's changed me. I just thought about things that I would do differently, you know what I mean. I just thought about things that I would do differently given the next scenario. If it's another situation like that where we go to a concert, or it's you know, a sporting event or something like that, I don't want so much time to lapse before I'm introduced to someone, because there was this whole weird lingering where it was just as there were other women there where they were like, which one do you think he is? And please stop looking, Please stop looking. Everybody's stop weird. That is weird. And it felt a little awkward because he knew I was there, and he probably knew who I was and knew what I looked like. So there was a moment where he didn't come up and introduce himself to me. Neither one of us, I'm guessing, knew what the right thing was. I didn't know who he was, so we didn't know how to do the date. So I think that there's some tweaking that we need to work on because it is not a traditional scenario. You're not calling me up Ben and saying, Okay, you're going to meet Peter at seven o'clock at the bar down the street. It's not like that. It is a unique situation that I'm going into to meet someone, so I think we need to tweak it a little bit. So I walked away with some things that I would do differently. I would like to meet the person right off the bat, so that there is no awkwardness between me or him. I also just like to get a good look at him and see if I find him attractive from the get go. And then and I think if there was anything that I could do differently in that situation when he did ask me to step aside, I maybe didn't have to leave the very front of the suite. I could have taken a seat at the back of the suite and entertained him for fifteen minutes and had really great conversation. Because the conversation was really good. And you're right, I don't know what he was told, what he thought, but he thought he was going to get to know me, and I hate that he felt like he wasn't getting that. I want to give that because I am doing this for the right reasons. Ben, I get that question all the time on social media. I'm so flattered. I met several women who stopped me after the concert and we're like, oh my gosh, we're following Famously Available, we're listening to the podcast You Go girl, We're all rooting you, rooting for you. And I'm just so grateful for that that people even care, but that there are other women who are in the same life phase as me, who are walking through this with me. So I wish I would have been more open because I realize that scenario is just very different in what I am expecting from someone. If they have never been on television, they have never been on radio, they just live a very normal life to expect them to come in a scenario like this where they are going on a date with a girl who has a history on television and a podcast with you, Well, we're going to talk about it, Ben, the good the bad. Imagine if he had kissed me and I've been like, oh, this bread smelled so bad. Ben, Like I'm about to put this dude on blast and he's willingly doing it. So I want to be more conscious of that on the next date or moving forward with whomever it is, or if this guy reaches out, you know what I mean. I just want to be really conscious of that, the fact that I am making a choice to put myself out there. I am making a choice to do this podcast with you. You Ben, It's almost like the social experiment you and I are doing, where like I'm the guinea pig, but really they're the guinea pig. We're asking these people to come date me, like me, get to know me, and feel really good about it, and not worry about the fact that you and I are going to tell all the dirty secrets on air for hundreds of thousands of people to listen to.
00:38:06
Speaker 1: Here's a beautiful part. They have the opportunity to come on here as well and tell all the dirty secrets of you if they want.
00:38:15
Speaker 2: You're supporting my friend, Ben.
00:38:17
Speaker 1: Oh, I got your back, and I will continue to have your back through this whole experience. That's a great note. If you're out there and you're listening, and you have somebody that you're like would be perfect for this scenario. You can message us a picture, a little profile, send us their Instagram profile. We would love to get a nice roster here of potential suitors.
00:38:39
Speaker 2: I have gotten a whole lot more dms. I will say that Ben, I'm going to go back on the resume and be like, oh my gosh, let my friend Ben. Though I'm not going to do it, but I have been. I have been getting some dms on how beautiful my feet are, so maybe this is working out well for me.
00:38:55
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, there's a whole market for that is also and I would love for you to take advantage of that opportunity. Never seen your feet, but we will add it to the list of things we send out to somebody before date is she has beautiful, money worthy feet. Okay, this has been awesome. Here's my advice for you as we move forward. From everything I know from what you told me, From everything I know from what Cynthia told me, you were great. You were yourself, and ultimately, when we're dating, you gotta be yourself and you gotta say the things that you really feel and think. Especially, I think as we get into this kind of second stage of dating in life, you know, for anybody that's out there that's divorced, or anybody that's out there that's looking for a second partner or a third partner, whatever that may be, being yourself I think is essential because the truth of the matter is, I do think in this stage what I'm experiencing, I'm hearing, and what I honestly ought to expect is there is a different intentionality. This isn't a hey, let's just play patty Cake for four days and have a lot of fun. If somebody really is there to potentially date you or you to date them, there is an intentionality that will be brought up. I would just say, let's pause that until like date two, Date one, let's have a good time, Let's see where this takes us. Let's have one drink, go home and text each other the next day. Date two picks up steam a little bit. Date three four, you know, whatever your timeline, but you did it well. I'm thankful that you did it. I'm thankful that you went out there. But my final question for you is are you thankful you did it? I am?
00:40:41
Speaker 2: I am, I am. I had a really great time. I had a really great time, and I'm thankful that he wasn't a big old fat creeper.
00:40:49
Speaker 1: That's a win because they're out there promise to protect you. Okay, we'll keep in touch on the journey. Look forward to the suit that get sent our way, the roster of just the most handsome, carrying, sweet fun men that we can start to set you up with. You're going to be exhausted by the time this is done. Just exhausted.
00:41:14
Speaker 2: I'm a roster, a roster. I've never had a roster. This is so exciting, so fun.
00:41:19
Speaker 1: Until next time, I've been Ben