Sept. 5, 2026
The Red Flags You Can't Ignore With A Prenup
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RSS Feed Thinking about getting a prenup in your chapter two marriage? You need to listen to what divorce attorney Dennis Vetrano says to look out for when reviewing a prenup!
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00:00:03
Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Kelly Kaloran, Benson Lemon with I Do Part Two.
00:00:24
Speaker 2: We're here with Courtney Robertson and divorce attorney, stellar divorce attorney, Dennis Vetrano. When we have some burning questions, about prenups. Let's get started. What are some red flags you should look for when reviewing a prenup?
00:00:38
Speaker 3: Oh God. I mean, I think there can be any one of a number of different red flags in terms of prenups, but I think here's the most important thing to keep in mind. Your situation, your situation, your relationship, let's not even call it the prenup or the divorce or your assets. Your relationship is its own thing. It will be different from everyone else's. There will be similarities, of course. You need to look at this prenup as a piece, an extension of the building of your relationship. It is transparency. It is knowing what you can expect from each other moving forward. I think we're so hyper-focused on the divorce and the money and who pays what. What do you expect from him or her? And what does the other person expect from you? That's what it comes down to. So if they say, hey, I'm in software, I'm in tech, I'm a multi-multi-millionaire. I make plenty of money and we've decided together, not I'm telling you, not I want you to do. We've decided together that the other person's going to be a stay-at-home parent. Then you got to know there's got to be transparency and there's got to be that expectancy for the what if. And I think how people approach these terms and these prenups will speak volumes about who the person is at their core. So, and I don't think it's really a place where you're making major judgments, but you can make a number of different observations and really just process what's going on here. So I think, you know, we're always thinking it, well, back up a little bit. I'll share a quote that my mother-in-law shared with my wife when she was dating before we met. Said, you should choose with your head, not your heart. And I know that's very difficult for people to focus on. And, you know, it's always, we always want the, you know, the fairy tale, and I get it. But sometimes, actually most of the time, from my perspective, choose with the things you know you need out of another person that you know you want and expect out of life. And the prenup actually, as you lay out what are your debts, what are your assets, what do you expect from the other person, what if we do this, what if we do that, What they're suggesting in all of those what ifs and all their background will tell you volumes about that person. And then it'll help you say, like you said, hey, you don't want to sign a prenup. Okay, goodbye. It's not where I want to be.
00:03:05
Speaker 2: Now that we've talked about like, you know, all these emotions.
00:03:08
Speaker 3: Well, I think, let me just, if you give me a second just to chat about the emotions. I think that's such an important piece of all of it. Thank you. It's all of it. I think so. So people don't realize that as you go through life, you're growing and changing and evolving. But when you go through a traumatic experience like a divorce, you know, it's funny. I've heard somebody, I think it was a psychologist, share. They say that people are three degrees away from their normal baseline personality when they're going through a divorce.
00:03:43
Speaker 4: This is so helpful, Dennis.
00:03:45
Speaker 3: So you got to like accept that. So if you're a little pissed off or you're a little out of sorts or a little bit out of the ordinary, you just can't process things in the same way that you do. Yeah, yep, that's what's going to happen. That's what it's going to be. So I think going through that, healing from that, learning who your new you is, accepting that new you, loving that new you, and feeling like that new you is enough such that you do not need someone else to fill a void. That is what will bring that, as you call it, lobster to you. That's what does it. It doesn't like, oh, let me see. Can I find somebody? Is there datings? Just do you, man. Naturally, organically, you will find the right person at the right time if you even need the right person.
00:04:39
Speaker 2: And the emotional trauma and the financial trauma is what you were talking about, that is so unbelievably thick and very, very, very difficult to navigate. And, you know, I had no choice because I have two kids. I had to just move forward and provide for my children. But I'm not going to say it was easy. Everyone's like, oh, you just make it look so easy.
00:05:03
Speaker 3: No, no.
00:05:04
Speaker 2: Make is the operative word. I make it look easy.
00:05:07
Speaker 3: It is not easy.
00:05:08
Speaker 4: Make it till you make it.
00:05:11
Speaker 2: I was crying in my closet. I was like, how am I going to do this? I was like, no man's going to ever love me. With my first husband, I was like, everyone thinks that I'm just a nobody. Then my second fiance, I'm like, now he's trying to exploit me. I can't get a break. And I know a lot of women feel like that.
00:05:29
Speaker 3: And when you have kids, sometimes you don't have the time to grieve. I didn't. You don't have the time to cry in the way that you need to. You don't have time to process. You don't have because you're expected to suck it up, swallow it and and have a brave, brave face for your kids.
00:05:48
Speaker 2: And by the way, Dennis, if you if you don't just kind of like lock into your friends and family and say, I need help. I need to move forward. I need the strength.
00:05:59
Speaker 3: Let's go.
00:06:00
Speaker 2: I mean, this podcast really, really, really shifted my energy because I was talking to people like me. We were sharing stories. I felt comfortable saying I was so I was a mess.
00:06:14
Speaker 4: A hot mess express. That's me right now. I have no shame in my game.
00:06:19
Speaker 2: They were like, oh, you go to red carpets and you smile. I'm like, that doesn't mean I'm not like literally frying inside.
00:06:27
Speaker 4: Your hands are getting anxiety. You talked about your sweaty palms.
00:06:31
Speaker 3: That's an effing job. People don't realize that is a brand. You need to live your brand every day. And obviously, I don't have the same level of notoriety that you do. But I mean, even for myself, like I need to live a brand every day. I live the companies. I live who I am, my persona every single day. So I have to be really doubly certain about the way I'm dealing with people, the way I show up in public. That is a job. That is pressure. That is locked in focus. That's not enjoyment.
00:06:59
Speaker 4: And some people don't understand that because what we do is different. And so everybody has their own map of the world. Like what I do, what Kelly, what you do. We all have our own.
00:07:09
Speaker 2: Map of the world.
00:07:10
Speaker 4: I love that you said it's a brand. Like we are a little bit not conventional. And that's why I like to try to, you know, not everybody's going to understand, right? Like, so, but Kelly, off with his head. You're riding shotgun with me.
00:07:38
Speaker 2: This is not a sexy thing to think about, but like, what are the five things that you need to have ready to go when you're going to put a prenup together?
00:07:50
Speaker 3: What we typically, yeah, I mean, what we typically ask for at the outset is really just a net worth statement. So I really just want people to focus on like, what are the assets that are out there that you're trying to protect? What do they plan their future is going to be? What do they expect from this other person? And I think one thing, and again, I know I keep coming back to it. People are always looking at the end game with the prenup, but the prenup, if it's being done right, is an opportunity for you to get some insight into the other person. Not only the finances and the income and the credit score and all of those things, but also what can you expect from that person moving forward? And I think as you go through those things, The red flags that will come up is if what they're asking you for in the prenup is different than what they've said to you or you've talked about. So you say, hey, you know, I want to take care of you. I want you to stay home with the kids. But you don't get anything if we get divorced and I don't want to pay child support. So and each and every one of those terms. So and I mean, there's also just things that are just like not logical. So if it comes up with something like, hey, I just want to make sure if I'm if you find out that I did X or Y or Z that maybe there's something underlying that, you know, I won't agree to a no cheating clause. They could be cheating already. So, I mean, again, if it's something if you look at that prenup and it seems like it doesn't fit with what you expect from this person, your expectations with what you with who you believe they are. and what you believe their behavior will be moving forward. I always say with relationships, your core values need to be aligned. I'm a big proponent of two people having their own lives, their own independence, their own sources of income, their own thing. And not just because I feel like it's good, you know, it will put them in a better position if somebody doesn't pay child support, you have to file court orders and be able to support themselves. but for your own independence. You have to maintain your own person. You can't like, okay, when you get married, yes. Now you're a married couple. Of course, there's a married life, but there's also your independent self. There's also your own identity. And there needs to be, there needs to be the two. There needs to be the two.
00:10:14
Speaker 4: Well, I've been guilty of losing myself. Sorry to, I'm just taking notes here because I'm old school.
00:10:20
Speaker 2: But so did I.
00:10:21
Speaker 4: I've been guilty of losing, losing myself in relationships. And what I just heard, how I translated that is you gotta, you can't lose yourself.
00:10:31
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:10:32
Speaker 2: You know, what's interesting is that when, when, you know, some people were very, very negative towards me about what I was doing and getting, you know, getting a divorce and, you know, they're being negative and I'm trying to like, you know, push this, the positivity and, but everybody goes through these things. Everyone's going through these emotions. And I'm just, Courtney, I love that you're so open about how you feel.
00:10:58
Speaker 4: Well, I need my core people. I mean, I, but what I'm hearing you say, Kelly, there's an imaginary audience. Like everybody has their own going on, right? You can lean on your people and they will be there for you, but I mean, we live in a world where everybody has their own stuff going on. There's an imaginary audience. And I think that, you know, I can be Van Gogh and I can paint a picture in my mind of what is this person thinking about me? People Magazine, I'm releasing a statement. And that's something, Kelly, you and I can talk about offline. But I think if you're listening, you know, I am guilty of losing myself in romantic relationships. I've had them since I was 18.
00:11:38
Speaker 3: I'm 43 now.
00:11:40
Speaker 4: Um, and Dennis, that's kind of what I, I mean, I have so many pages of notes here and I, I, I'm sorry if I was just so fired up today because I'm, it's my first day without the kids. I've had them and you touched on that. I've had them for a week. Yeah.
00:11:57
Speaker 3: And I, and I think now's the time and brief pockets of time to let's start off with not give a fuck what anybody else thinks about what they think. I, you, you really, you really, and it's funny because I tell my wife this pretty often lately. I say at 50, I'm turning 55 tomorrow. Oh my gosh. Happy.
00:12:19
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: You're a Virgo.
00:12:22
Speaker 3: I am.
00:12:23
Speaker 1: I love it.
00:12:23
Speaker 2: Happy birthday, Dennis.
00:12:25
Speaker 1: Thank you.
00:12:26
Speaker 3: So at 55, I tell my wife and really anybody who will listen for that matter. Cause I like to talk. So, um, I, uh, I have grown into who I am. and am comfortable with who I am more than I ever have been in my entire life. So when I go into a room, no matter who it is, no matter where it is, no matter what it is, I don't worry about, are they going to like me? I don't.
00:12:53
Speaker 2: I don't.
00:12:54
Speaker 3: I'm the guy that's going to go to a place where it's a black tie and I'm going to say, I'll take a cheeseburger and I'll take an ice cold beer. And if people don't like it, that's fine. That's fine.
00:13:03
Speaker 2: And I'll be on my phone watching the game.
00:13:04
Speaker 3: Right. I keep my side of the street clean in that I try to be the best person I can be and everything else, the chips are going to fall where they may. And I think as you go through the divorce process, it's really sage advice to say, not give an F what anyone else thinks, including sometimes your mom or your dad or your sister or your brother.
00:13:23
Speaker 1: Boundaries.
00:13:24
Speaker 3: You're living your own reality and you're doing the best you can. And for most, they're doing a pretty good job and they just don't know it.
00:13:31
Speaker 2: All right, everybody.
00:13:32
Speaker 4: Kelly, I've loved connecting with you. And Dennis, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, please rate, review, subscribe, maybe share it with a friend who might be going through something similar. Do you have questions about prenups? Maybe you need some advice. We want to help you out. So send us an email or leave a voicemail. All the info in the show notes. So follow us on social medias, wherever you listen to your shows. I do part two. an iHeart podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Kelly Kaloran, Benson Lemon with I Do Part Two.
00:00:24
Speaker 2: We're here with Courtney Robertson and divorce attorney, stellar divorce attorney, Dennis Vetrano. When we have some burning questions, about prenups. Let's get started. What are some red flags you should look for when reviewing a prenup?
00:00:38
Speaker 3: Oh God. I mean, I think there can be any one of a number of different red flags in terms of prenups, but I think here's the most important thing to keep in mind. Your situation, your situation, your relationship, let's not even call it the prenup or the divorce or your assets. Your relationship is its own thing. It will be different from everyone else's. There will be similarities, of course. You need to look at this prenup as a piece, an extension of the building of your relationship. It is transparency. It is knowing what you can expect from each other moving forward. I think we're so hyper-focused on the divorce and the money and who pays what. What do you expect from him or her? And what does the other person expect from you? That's what it comes down to. So if they say, hey, I'm in software, I'm in tech, I'm a multi-multi-millionaire. I make plenty of money and we've decided together, not I'm telling you, not I want you to do. We've decided together that the other person's going to be a stay-at-home parent. Then you got to know there's got to be transparency and there's got to be that expectancy for the what if. And I think how people approach these terms and these prenups will speak volumes about who the person is at their core. So, and I don't think it's really a place where you're making major judgments, but you can make a number of different observations and really just process what's going on here. So I think, you know, we're always thinking it, well, back up a little bit. I'll share a quote that my mother-in-law shared with my wife when she was dating before we met. Said, you should choose with your head, not your heart. And I know that's very difficult for people to focus on. And, you know, it's always, we always want the, you know, the fairy tale, and I get it. But sometimes, actually most of the time, from my perspective, choose with the things you know you need out of another person that you know you want and expect out of life. And the prenup actually, as you lay out what are your debts, what are your assets, what do you expect from the other person, what if we do this, what if we do that, What they're suggesting in all of those what ifs and all their background will tell you volumes about that person. And then it'll help you say, like you said, hey, you don't want to sign a prenup. Okay, goodbye. It's not where I want to be.
00:03:05
Speaker 2: Now that we've talked about like, you know, all these emotions.
00:03:08
Speaker 3: Well, I think, let me just, if you give me a second just to chat about the emotions. I think that's such an important piece of all of it. Thank you. It's all of it. I think so. So people don't realize that as you go through life, you're growing and changing and evolving. But when you go through a traumatic experience like a divorce, you know, it's funny. I've heard somebody, I think it was a psychologist, share. They say that people are three degrees away from their normal baseline personality when they're going through a divorce.
00:03:43
Speaker 4: This is so helpful, Dennis.
00:03:45
Speaker 3: So you got to like accept that. So if you're a little pissed off or you're a little out of sorts or a little bit out of the ordinary, you just can't process things in the same way that you do. Yeah, yep, that's what's going to happen. That's what it's going to be. So I think going through that, healing from that, learning who your new you is, accepting that new you, loving that new you, and feeling like that new you is enough such that you do not need someone else to fill a void. That is what will bring that, as you call it, lobster to you. That's what does it. It doesn't like, oh, let me see. Can I find somebody? Is there datings? Just do you, man. Naturally, organically, you will find the right person at the right time if you even need the right person.
00:04:39
Speaker 2: And the emotional trauma and the financial trauma is what you were talking about, that is so unbelievably thick and very, very, very difficult to navigate. And, you know, I had no choice because I have two kids. I had to just move forward and provide for my children. But I'm not going to say it was easy. Everyone's like, oh, you just make it look so easy.
00:05:03
Speaker 3: No, no.
00:05:04
Speaker 2: Make is the operative word. I make it look easy.
00:05:07
Speaker 3: It is not easy.
00:05:08
Speaker 4: Make it till you make it.
00:05:11
Speaker 2: I was crying in my closet. I was like, how am I going to do this? I was like, no man's going to ever love me. With my first husband, I was like, everyone thinks that I'm just a nobody. Then my second fiance, I'm like, now he's trying to exploit me. I can't get a break. And I know a lot of women feel like that.
00:05:29
Speaker 3: And when you have kids, sometimes you don't have the time to grieve. I didn't. You don't have the time to cry in the way that you need to. You don't have time to process. You don't have because you're expected to suck it up, swallow it and and have a brave, brave face for your kids.
00:05:48
Speaker 2: And by the way, Dennis, if you if you don't just kind of like lock into your friends and family and say, I need help. I need to move forward. I need the strength.
00:05:59
Speaker 3: Let's go.
00:06:00
Speaker 2: I mean, this podcast really, really, really shifted my energy because I was talking to people like me. We were sharing stories. I felt comfortable saying I was so I was a mess.
00:06:14
Speaker 4: A hot mess express. That's me right now. I have no shame in my game.
00:06:19
Speaker 2: They were like, oh, you go to red carpets and you smile. I'm like, that doesn't mean I'm not like literally frying inside.
00:06:27
Speaker 4: Your hands are getting anxiety. You talked about your sweaty palms.
00:06:31
Speaker 3: That's an effing job. People don't realize that is a brand. You need to live your brand every day. And obviously, I don't have the same level of notoriety that you do. But I mean, even for myself, like I need to live a brand every day. I live the companies. I live who I am, my persona every single day. So I have to be really doubly certain about the way I'm dealing with people, the way I show up in public. That is a job. That is pressure. That is locked in focus. That's not enjoyment.
00:06:59
Speaker 4: And some people don't understand that because what we do is different. And so everybody has their own map of the world. Like what I do, what Kelly, what you do. We all have our own.
00:07:09
Speaker 2: Map of the world.
00:07:10
Speaker 4: I love that you said it's a brand. Like we are a little bit not conventional. And that's why I like to try to, you know, not everybody's going to understand, right? Like, so, but Kelly, off with his head. You're riding shotgun with me.
00:07:38
Speaker 2: This is not a sexy thing to think about, but like, what are the five things that you need to have ready to go when you're going to put a prenup together?
00:07:50
Speaker 3: What we typically, yeah, I mean, what we typically ask for at the outset is really just a net worth statement. So I really just want people to focus on like, what are the assets that are out there that you're trying to protect? What do they plan their future is going to be? What do they expect from this other person? And I think one thing, and again, I know I keep coming back to it. People are always looking at the end game with the prenup, but the prenup, if it's being done right, is an opportunity for you to get some insight into the other person. Not only the finances and the income and the credit score and all of those things, but also what can you expect from that person moving forward? And I think as you go through those things, The red flags that will come up is if what they're asking you for in the prenup is different than what they've said to you or you've talked about. So you say, hey, you know, I want to take care of you. I want you to stay home with the kids. But you don't get anything if we get divorced and I don't want to pay child support. So and each and every one of those terms. So and I mean, there's also just things that are just like not logical. So if it comes up with something like, hey, I just want to make sure if I'm if you find out that I did X or Y or Z that maybe there's something underlying that, you know, I won't agree to a no cheating clause. They could be cheating already. So, I mean, again, if it's something if you look at that prenup and it seems like it doesn't fit with what you expect from this person, your expectations with what you with who you believe they are. and what you believe their behavior will be moving forward. I always say with relationships, your core values need to be aligned. I'm a big proponent of two people having their own lives, their own independence, their own sources of income, their own thing. And not just because I feel like it's good, you know, it will put them in a better position if somebody doesn't pay child support, you have to file court orders and be able to support themselves. but for your own independence. You have to maintain your own person. You can't like, okay, when you get married, yes. Now you're a married couple. Of course, there's a married life, but there's also your independent self. There's also your own identity. And there needs to be, there needs to be the two. There needs to be the two.
00:10:14
Speaker 4: Well, I've been guilty of losing myself. Sorry to, I'm just taking notes here because I'm old school.
00:10:20
Speaker 2: But so did I.
00:10:21
Speaker 4: I've been guilty of losing, losing myself in relationships. And what I just heard, how I translated that is you gotta, you can't lose yourself.
00:10:31
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:10:32
Speaker 2: You know, what's interesting is that when, when, you know, some people were very, very negative towards me about what I was doing and getting, you know, getting a divorce and, you know, they're being negative and I'm trying to like, you know, push this, the positivity and, but everybody goes through these things. Everyone's going through these emotions. And I'm just, Courtney, I love that you're so open about how you feel.
00:10:58
Speaker 4: Well, I need my core people. I mean, I, but what I'm hearing you say, Kelly, there's an imaginary audience. Like everybody has their own going on, right? You can lean on your people and they will be there for you, but I mean, we live in a world where everybody has their own stuff going on. There's an imaginary audience. And I think that, you know, I can be Van Gogh and I can paint a picture in my mind of what is this person thinking about me? People Magazine, I'm releasing a statement. And that's something, Kelly, you and I can talk about offline. But I think if you're listening, you know, I am guilty of losing myself in romantic relationships. I've had them since I was 18.
00:11:38
Speaker 3: I'm 43 now.
00:11:40
Speaker 4: Um, and Dennis, that's kind of what I, I mean, I have so many pages of notes here and I, I, I'm sorry if I was just so fired up today because I'm, it's my first day without the kids. I've had them and you touched on that. I've had them for a week. Yeah.
00:11:57
Speaker 3: And I, and I think now's the time and brief pockets of time to let's start off with not give a fuck what anybody else thinks about what they think. I, you, you really, you really, and it's funny because I tell my wife this pretty often lately. I say at 50, I'm turning 55 tomorrow. Oh my gosh. Happy.
00:12:19
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: You're a Virgo.
00:12:22
Speaker 3: I am.
00:12:23
Speaker 1: I love it.
00:12:23
Speaker 2: Happy birthday, Dennis.
00:12:25
Speaker 1: Thank you.
00:12:26
Speaker 3: So at 55, I tell my wife and really anybody who will listen for that matter. Cause I like to talk. So, um, I, uh, I have grown into who I am. and am comfortable with who I am more than I ever have been in my entire life. So when I go into a room, no matter who it is, no matter where it is, no matter what it is, I don't worry about, are they going to like me? I don't.
00:12:53
Speaker 2: I don't.
00:12:54
Speaker 3: I'm the guy that's going to go to a place where it's a black tie and I'm going to say, I'll take a cheeseburger and I'll take an ice cold beer. And if people don't like it, that's fine. That's fine.
00:13:03
Speaker 2: And I'll be on my phone watching the game.
00:13:04
Speaker 3: Right. I keep my side of the street clean in that I try to be the best person I can be and everything else, the chips are going to fall where they may. And I think as you go through the divorce process, it's really sage advice to say, not give an F what anyone else thinks, including sometimes your mom or your dad or your sister or your brother.
00:13:23
Speaker 1: Boundaries.
00:13:24
Speaker 3: You're living your own reality and you're doing the best you can. And for most, they're doing a pretty good job and they just don't know it.
00:13:31
Speaker 2: All right, everybody.
00:13:32
Speaker 4: Kelly, I've loved connecting with you. And Dennis, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, please rate, review, subscribe, maybe share it with a friend who might be going through something similar. Do you have questions about prenups? Maybe you need some advice. We want to help you out. So send us an email or leave a voicemail. All the info in the show notes. So follow us on social medias, wherever you listen to your shows. I do part two. an iHeart podcast where falling in love is the main objective.