April 11, 2026
The April Relationship Theory: Ladies, Are You Considering Dumping Your Man? You’re Not Alone.
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RSS Feed The theory is all over TikTok and popping up in articles online… apparently everyone is breaking up in April! And it’s the ladies who are mostly ending things, according to trend watchers and relationship experts. Think of it as spring cleaning for the heart. We’ll share what we’ve learned about the three things you should ask yourself before joining the trend and how to go about ending things in a healthy and constructive way.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks did is Saturday, April eleventh. Emphasis on April. I'm told I should be on notice. This is the month robok is most likely to break up with me. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and tj. Okay, let's work this out.
00:00:20
Speaker 2: Okay, So this is the April relationship theory.
00:00:24
Speaker 3: Had you heard of this.
00:00:25
Speaker 1: Before April relationship? No, you even mentioned something else about it that it applies to other things. That's what. What are you saying?
00:00:33
Speaker 3: Well, there there's a.
00:00:34
Speaker 2: This has been going on for years now on TikTok something a social media platform. We're not on that often, but it's just called the April theory, okay. Where basically it's the it's the emotional new year. So they say it's everyone looks at January for New Year's resolutions and kind of a renewal and goal setting time. But actually they say it's April when it really truly happens. They said, consider the April relationship theory to make sense like this. It's basically think of it as spring cleaning for the heart.
00:01:08
Speaker 1: Spring cleaning for the heart. And so you're saying, you're right now people are just getting around to their new years resolution stuff, including with their relationship.
00:01:17
Speaker 2: Maybe well, they're just getting to the point where they say, is the seasons change and spring comes about.
00:01:23
Speaker 3: You know, there is a thing. Spring cleaning is a thing.
00:01:25
Speaker 1: Right.
00:01:25
Speaker 2: You get renewed maybe by the sunnier days, the warmer temperatures, and you just start to assess what's been weighing you down. You came through the cold, dark winter months, and now you're like, all right, I'm ready to reassess where I am, maybe not just my closet, but also who I'm spending most of my time.
00:01:44
Speaker 1: Okay, isn't that makes sense? Yeah, that makes sense.
00:01:46
Speaker 3: That does to me too.
00:01:47
Speaker 2: So they say every single year like clockwork, and we wouldn't know because we're not really on TikTok.
00:01:52
Speaker 3: But the April theory, the April relationship theory goes Wow.
00:01:55
Speaker 2: There are millions of posts and a lot of this mostly is women saying the April theory is real, and suddenly they decide, you know, I don't think I'm that into him anymore.
00:02:07
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. So was this happening before people online started telling people this needs to be happening.
00:02:14
Speaker 2: According to relationship experts, yes, it's always been a time of renewal and change and thought provoking sessions with yourself basically, but maybe now.
00:02:25
Speaker 3: Collectively because we have a place to talk about it.
00:02:28
Speaker 2: Everyone feels seen and heard and validated and communal and so yes, now it is official the April relationship theory.
00:02:34
Speaker 3: They just said, men, you're on notice.
00:02:37
Speaker 2: This is the month where most women, if they're going to break up with you, they break up with you in April.
00:02:43
Speaker 1: Why excuse me? Okay, I got two things. One of them, do they have data on this based on like hashtags that are most popular or something around?
00:02:52
Speaker 3: I think that's what it is. It's cook well, it's you know, basically anecdotal. I guess it's the best way to put it.
00:02:57
Speaker 2: And having a hashtag or a phrase at tag to it just makes it go viral.
00:03:01
Speaker 3: But I do think this makes sense because it's in April.
00:03:04
Speaker 2: They say, that's when really it starts to actually feel like spring, and that's when you start to feel better, like mentally, you feel lighter, brighter, more hopeful, and happier, And all of a sudden you look over to the person next and you think, you know, I don't know that he's improving my life or he's adding to my joy and you start to actually look at things critically because you're now focusing on and maybe even making it a priority to focus on your happiness.
00:03:32
Speaker 1: And you said, someone looks over and maybe he is weighing me down. Maybe he is the problem. Do you ever look over and that he is looking at her and saying, maybe she is weighing me down? Or is this really supposed to be a woman to dumping the man bass?
00:03:47
Speaker 3: Mostly women dumping men.
00:03:48
Speaker 2: But here's why I would say this is true because I think men could probably look over and say she's weighing me down any day of the week, any.
00:03:54
Speaker 1: Hour, rib way to say it, by the way, which.
00:03:57
Speaker 3: Point being that how many men do you know?
00:03:59
Speaker 2: And maybe you call me out on this if you think I'm wrong, actually take time to do pros and cons and do an emotional checking with themselves and really try to evaluate what's working in their lives and what's not Sure some men do it, but that would typically be a female kind of thing to do. So if you're all hearing and seeing your sisters and your friends and everybody else saying, hey, I'm reevaluating my life from top to bottom, that does seem to be more of a female.
00:04:25
Speaker 3: Thing to do.
00:04:27
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, but you should give guys create It doesn't look the way it looks with women. We're always doing that. We're always reassessing. It's not really a season that we sometimes wait to come around. I don't minds are different and for us maybe it doesn't happen in April. Because you said it seems like an emotional weight, you're that thing. I think we have a tendency sometimes guys, to just look at it all year long as just wait on paper. This is a problem that you actually list the things. We don't feel like we need an emotional weight lifted, but we lead like a literal, practical what's around me? I think to that point, Yeah, we don't. We don't. We're always checking in, but not in that way. Yeah.
00:05:09
Speaker 2: I think it's a good thing to actually think about. Men should do this too. Come April, start actually evaluating and check in with yourself and experts. Because of these trends and folks saying, hey, this is actually a thing, they actually have given some relationship experts some ideas for folks. If you are actually wanting to do this and if you want to apply the April relationship theory to your life.
00:05:34
Speaker 3: They give you ways to do it.
00:05:35
Speaker 2: And it's not about saying, oh, you should just break up with your boyfriend, but it's actually about assessing your relationship to decide whether or not you should. And so they say to ask yourself three things. The first thing is am I actually happy in this relationship? And that should probably be a solid yes or no answer.
00:05:54
Speaker 1: Wow, is there a scale? Is there a score at the end you're supposed to have? Because I hear that quote, you know a lot of people will answer it's complicated. A lot of people will say, well on this day, well when it's like this, or well if we didn't have this challenge and well, and I don't know is that a yes or no answer?
00:06:12
Speaker 2: I feel like you get a gut feeling though generally speaking, are do the good times outweigh the bad? Like?
00:06:17
Speaker 3: Do I feel happy in this relationship?
00:06:19
Speaker 2: And I think that's important to ask yourself because that is the most important probably influence in your life, over your joy and your piece.
00:06:28
Speaker 1: You know what, I nuanced it a lot, but you should be able to write you should be Are you happy in a relationship? Yes? I am, But we've gone through this difficult blah blah blah. Yes I am, but we da da da da. I don't know. Is that too high of a bar? Even I asked now Robes to have an expectation that you have yes to that answer.
00:06:50
Speaker 2: I think you should have that expectation because I think, look, if you're only in a relationship financially or to not be lonely, there are just I think that you're you're missing out on an opportunity to have a relationship that actually serves more purposes than just that.
00:07:05
Speaker 1: Well I hear it is that it's not as simple as money or whatever it may be. Sometimes it's just, yes, I love this person, that happiness has run its course. I care about this person. I want this person to be Okay. We have kids we're raising together, and all this I don't know is there. Sometimes I always think that sometimes is that bar too high? And then I think, well, hell, yeah it should be. Why shouldn't it be?
00:07:28
Speaker 3: It should be?
00:07:28
Speaker 2: And look, we've talked about this a lot, and any sort of mental health professional will tell you the most important relationship you have to have for actual happiness and joy is the one you have with yourself.
00:07:40
Speaker 3: What you think about yourself. It has to start there.
00:07:42
Speaker 2: But the other person, who is with you more than anyone else, that needs to mostly add joy or at least you know, if it does the opposite, if it's taking away your joy, that is a huge red flag. So the first question, am I actually happy in this relationship? The second question is interesting, Do I feel more like myself in this relationship or less? That's a scary one because a lot of folks and look, you can adjust, and I've done this, like, wait, I think I'm losing part of who I am or what I love or what is important to me because I'm trying to do everything to make this person happier, make this person like me. So it's just one of those quites. Can I be myself in this relationship? Or am I putting on something? Am I.
00:08:27
Speaker 1: Hike before April's out?
00:08:29
Speaker 3: Okay? Period? All right? And number three?
00:08:33
Speaker 2: Can we grow into the next season together? Or am I outgrowing this relationship? And I do like this concept of imagining the person you're with as growing with you. You might not even be in the same place necessarily, but is there an idea of growing together, of learning together, of all of that those I think those were interesting questions to ask yourself.
00:08:54
Speaker 3: Am I happy?
00:08:55
Speaker 2: Do I feel more like myself in this relationship or less? And can we grow oh into the next season together? Or am I outgrowing this relationship?
00:09:03
Speaker 1: See? I think that's a better way. Whoever put it that way?
00:09:07
Speaker 3: A relationship expert people put.
00:09:09
Speaker 1: It in terms, and when we talk about it as outgrowing a person, you can actually outgrow a relationship. I think as a better and kinder way necessarily to put it, and that I always talk to w young folks. They run up to you to talk about getting married in age and whatnot. I don't think it's I think we've given couples the same advice. It's not really a matter if you're too young to get married. The problem ends up being you're not done becoming the individual you're gonna be. So in four years you two might be two totally different people who are who would never be attracted to each other unless you have decided you are going to grow together. Don't we do that? Robes and we talk about this new generation is wants to be an individual. I don't want to contribute to a partnership. I want to be who I am. You have to accept me who I am, this is me. All this stuff fine, but that takes away from right. You have to have a unit committed to growing into something. And yeah, you're not going to look like you would have if you were off by yourself.
00:10:06
Speaker 3: It's so fascinating.
00:10:08
Speaker 2: I think it's I'll be so interested, And maybe we are. We're in a bubble here in New York where we know young folks who have a certain way of thinking, and maybe it's different in other parts of the country. But I will be really curious ten years from now, fifteen years from now, what the marriage rates are like. I just it would not surprise me if they go down significantly.
00:10:27
Speaker 1: Oh, they're trending that way. And we're not talking divorce rates.
00:10:30
Speaker 3: Marriage rates.
00:10:31
Speaker 1: Folks. They're not as interested in wanting to delay it longer and longer and longer.
00:10:35
Speaker 2: All right. So if you answered those questions and you think you know what, you don't, they're saying, don't obviously say oh that's it, I need to break up with my partner. They actually said, if you have concerns when you ask yourself these questions, the next thing you should do is check in with your significant other. And they say the number one thing you have to do. I love this advice. Chat about the concerns you have with the relationship. Nobody these days, not nobody, but a lot of folks. It's hard, it's scary, it's uncomfortable. You might get rejected to actually talk about your concerns. And every couple struggles with this. But they say, the more direct you are, the kinder it is.
00:11:14
Speaker 3: And actually you might find a solution.
00:11:16
Speaker 2: The other person might be like, I had no idea you were feeling like this, and then you can move forward together in a different way with a better understanding.
00:11:24
Speaker 3: But a lot of folks just won't even do that.
00:11:26
Speaker 2: They just check out, they don't check in because it's not what they want.
00:11:31
Speaker 1: Brobs, this is you know, I am about these things. Things don't have to escalate. They don't just talk. We're adults, grown folks. Just talk. It's one of my favorite things I've always done with you. We were first starting our relationship, we're wondering, in questioning and what should we do and Dad, there was a lot of stuff that was twirling in your head and mind. All that I always said to you, ask me anything. I don't give a damn, But there's stakes are too high, there's too much going on, and we you do not need to be uncomfortable at all with your mate when all you have to do is open your mouth to get the answer you want. Yeah, and even if you don't like the answer, you're getting an answer. Man, ask me anything. I would tell Kelble's to try that. Say that to your mate. Just a reminder, you can ask me anything. Yeah, ask me anything.
00:12:19
Speaker 2: And then there just has to be the willingness to have that radical acceptance to say okay. And that's the hard part to not get offended. But this is the second part of that. So they encourage you be direct with your partner, tell them the concerns you have, even after doing this gut check, and then the number the number two thing you do after that, take note about how receptive they are to fixing or addressing the problem you brought up, and that will give you your answer.
00:12:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's and you know what, you'd be surprised when you ask or talk calmly, you probably get a better response than if you are yelling and screaming no, it's not your fall. You might be legit. People communicate differently, and that's ain't that always the.
00:13:04
Speaker 3: Yelling and screaming.
00:13:05
Speaker 2: They would the excerpts from what I was reading would say, and I think we can all say this from personal experience. Comes when you bottle things up and you don't actually address the issues at hand, and so it always ends up coming out.
00:13:16
Speaker 3: But sometimes it's destructive instead of constructive. And that's the problem. All right, when we come back, that's crazy.
00:13:22
Speaker 1: When we come back, I'm gonna tell y'all what we just did related to this exact damn thing. I did not know about this. I did not hear about this. I am embarrassed. This is ridiculous. You had these tools in hand, you had a full article, and we still having problems.
00:13:39
Speaker 3: No, but when we come back, yeah, go ahead.
00:13:41
Speaker 1: Sorry.
00:13:42
Speaker 3: I actually was going in the other direction.
00:13:44
Speaker 2: If you want to break up, if you went through all of this, you've done the gut check. Your partner was not willing to talk about. The experts say, if you're one of those women and you are joining the April relationship theory where you want to break up with you guy, they have.
00:14:02
Speaker 3: Some steps for you on how to have a healthy breakup.
00:14:06
Speaker 2: And welcome back everyone to this April relationship Theory edition of Amy and DJ, we are not breaking up, but this is a month where a lot of women, they say, according to the tick tock trends, decide to make that choice, yes, to break up with their significant others. Not because it's warmer weather and they want to have a hot girl summer, but because they're actually starting to feel good and happy and hopeful, and they look over and they think this is not giving me joy.
00:14:42
Speaker 3: And instead of just.
00:14:44
Speaker 2: Doing that knee jerk reaction and just saying, let me join the trend and break up with my guy and start anew, it was cool to see some of these constructive, step by step methods. Relationship experts were asking women and of course men, to to consider first before joining this trend.
00:14:59
Speaker 1: Oh okay, there's not tips on how to break up.
00:15:02
Speaker 2: Well, we do have that next, but I was recapping where we were. I just thought it was all to not necessarily just jump there, but there were actually they got to ask yourself things, to ask your partner, and that's what we've done, all right, And that's what we've done.
00:15:14
Speaker 1: And now it's time to break up.
00:15:15
Speaker 3: Yes, Now, if.
00:15:16
Speaker 2: You are among apparently a growing group of women who wants to now break up, they gave some great ideas on how to do that, because it's hard.
00:15:25
Speaker 3: It is hard to tell someone I want to break up with you, is it not.
00:15:31
Speaker 1: It's that conversation is rarely pleasant no matter if both of you are in agreement that this is what we should do.
00:15:40
Speaker 2: It's hard, okay. So the first tip is to be clear and specific. Do not be vague to spare your partner's feelings.
00:15:49
Speaker 1: Vague mean you need to give a reason for it.
00:15:51
Speaker 2: You need to be specific, Yes, when this happened or what I've noticed in the past X amount of months, And I'm just it's just not enough for me. But to actually give the person that much, I think it's actually it's hard and scary, but it's actually giving that person closure. You're giving them the reason why you're not being vague because you don't.
00:16:09
Speaker 3: Want to hurt their feelings. You actually hurt their feelings.
00:16:11
Speaker 1: Even more because I got questions.
00:16:15
Speaker 3: Go ahead.
00:16:18
Speaker 2: Is the number one thing, And they said the goal should not be about avoiding discomfort.
00:16:22
Speaker 3: That's so much what we try to do.
00:16:24
Speaker 2: It's about avoiding the ambiguity that keeps both people stuck and guessing and never gives like the gift you can give your partner, if you truly have decided to break up with them, is to give them specific reasons, to give them closure, and maybe even that will give them motivation to work on themselves and be a better partner for the next relationship.
00:16:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't say that though.
00:16:46
Speaker 2: Don't say that, don't be patronizing, but just be honest and direct.
00:16:51
Speaker 3: I like that. I never actually considered it in that way. You actually, in a weird way.
00:16:55
Speaker 2: You're trying to not make them feel bad, but it actually ends up making them feel worse and confused.
00:17:01
Speaker 3: Like I know.
00:17:02
Speaker 2: Actually, I know so many women whose guys whatever ghosts them, drop them, and they just all they want to know is why what happened?
00:17:09
Speaker 3: And they're never ever given the reason, and it might not even be about them. But it's kind to be direct and specific.
00:17:17
Speaker 1: I think you should always be right now in whatever you've been waiting to ask your partner. I'm just I'm of that theory. I understand, and some people have to understand. Folks are just different. It's not that easy for everyone. It's just we are. We just don't have time. We don't have time to mess around. I mean, rogues. What happened in the world h that it's health what anything could happen any day. Why am I delaying any moment of improving my life, my home, my situation, my happiness by just having a conversation with somebody who might really be willing to have the same conversation with me. So I do like what you said that first time. That's why I stopped you. I said, wait when you give specifics what happens in that conversation, because it sounds like your immediately are going to then be hit with, well, I'll fix that. I didn't know this is the first time you've told me, well, just give me time. I can fix that. I can make it happen.
00:18:07
Speaker 2: And that probably will happen if your partner wants to stay in the relationship. But hopefully that all occurred when you had that conversation before you decided to break up with them, because the the what the experts urge is to have the conversation first, take a beat. If you do want to break up with them, then just be specific about why and be clear and just say this isn't me trying to get you to change.
00:18:28
Speaker 3: This is actually me saying it's not working for.
00:18:30
Speaker 1: Me any It was just April eleventh. I didn't know I had this many more days to survive.
00:18:36
Speaker 2: Once you get that tough conversation out of the way and the breakup is over. The other big bit of advice that experts say, don't rush back to dating apps or be quick to replace the relationship, because you're going to find yourself repeating patterns until unless you actually take time to reconnect with parts of yourself that you may have lost in the relationship.
00:18:58
Speaker 1: Okay, now the patterns, oh man, like, I was actually thinking about we need to do a follow up episode tomorrow because I have a whole new thought about the idea of patterns. Right, the idea of patterns. You're not with somebody because that person wasn't doing something for you. The patterns thing almost sounds like it's signaling you're making bad choices.
00:19:18
Speaker 2: Well, and you know what, I think part of that is true, because yes, we can.
00:19:24
Speaker 3: There are just people who don't belong together.
00:19:26
Speaker 2: There are just people who you know, I do believe there's a reason season for some relationships. And it doesn't mean that the other person's a bad person. It's just not the right fit. But the truth is, you also have to examine yourself and actually really find out what it is you do want animate And so many folks say, take the time when you end a relationship to write down what you want in a relationship, what you want from somebody, and then when you actually go back out into the dating world, you'll know not only what you need, but what you don't need. And that is super helpful in fi the one and finding the person who you do want to work hard for to spend the rest of your life with.
00:20:05
Speaker 1: Can you share your list with me when we get off Sure, okay, thank you.
00:20:10
Speaker 2: But I just thought, look this April relationship theory. When I was reading what so many folks were just offering in terms of advice, folks who study this and know a lot more than we do about relationships and what makes us tick, I was thinking people actually really did this. It might save some relationships versus ending them. So maybe it can be a renewal and a rebirth with the person who maybe you were not tolerating or not considering in a way that you can now have a refocused effort with. So anyway, whatever type of relationship you're in, we hope you have a wonderful season of renewal.
00:20:48
Speaker 3: On this.
00:20:49
Speaker 2: I love some of these headlines. I was telling you everyone is breaking up in April. The real emotional New Year is now. April isn't just a month, It's a mood. I do like anytime we can have a reason to reset, and hopefully this did this for some of y'all. So thank you as always for listening to us. I'm Amy Robot alongside TJ.
00:21:08
Speaker 3: Holmes. We will talk to you soon.
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks did is Saturday, April eleventh. Emphasis on April. I'm told I should be on notice. This is the month robok is most likely to break up with me. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and tj. Okay, let's work this out.
00:00:20
Speaker 2: Okay, So this is the April relationship theory.
00:00:24
Speaker 3: Had you heard of this.
00:00:25
Speaker 1: Before April relationship? No, you even mentioned something else about it that it applies to other things. That's what. What are you saying?
00:00:33
Speaker 3: Well, there there's a.
00:00:34
Speaker 2: This has been going on for years now on TikTok something a social media platform. We're not on that often, but it's just called the April theory, okay. Where basically it's the it's the emotional new year. So they say it's everyone looks at January for New Year's resolutions and kind of a renewal and goal setting time. But actually they say it's April when it really truly happens. They said, consider the April relationship theory to make sense like this. It's basically think of it as spring cleaning for the heart.
00:01:08
Speaker 1: Spring cleaning for the heart. And so you're saying, you're right now people are just getting around to their new years resolution stuff, including with their relationship.
00:01:17
Speaker 2: Maybe well, they're just getting to the point where they say, is the seasons change and spring comes about.
00:01:23
Speaker 3: You know, there is a thing. Spring cleaning is a thing.
00:01:25
Speaker 1: Right.
00:01:25
Speaker 2: You get renewed maybe by the sunnier days, the warmer temperatures, and you just start to assess what's been weighing you down. You came through the cold, dark winter months, and now you're like, all right, I'm ready to reassess where I am, maybe not just my closet, but also who I'm spending most of my time.
00:01:44
Speaker 1: Okay, isn't that makes sense? Yeah, that makes sense.
00:01:46
Speaker 3: That does to me too.
00:01:47
Speaker 2: So they say every single year like clockwork, and we wouldn't know because we're not really on TikTok.
00:01:52
Speaker 3: But the April theory, the April relationship theory goes Wow.
00:01:55
Speaker 2: There are millions of posts and a lot of this mostly is women saying the April theory is real, and suddenly they decide, you know, I don't think I'm that into him anymore.
00:02:07
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. So was this happening before people online started telling people this needs to be happening.
00:02:14
Speaker 2: According to relationship experts, yes, it's always been a time of renewal and change and thought provoking sessions with yourself basically, but maybe now.
00:02:25
Speaker 3: Collectively because we have a place to talk about it.
00:02:28
Speaker 2: Everyone feels seen and heard and validated and communal and so yes, now it is official the April relationship theory.
00:02:34
Speaker 3: They just said, men, you're on notice.
00:02:37
Speaker 2: This is the month where most women, if they're going to break up with you, they break up with you in April.
00:02:43
Speaker 1: Why excuse me? Okay, I got two things. One of them, do they have data on this based on like hashtags that are most popular or something around?
00:02:52
Speaker 3: I think that's what it is. It's cook well, it's you know, basically anecdotal. I guess it's the best way to put it.
00:02:57
Speaker 2: And having a hashtag or a phrase at tag to it just makes it go viral.
00:03:01
Speaker 3: But I do think this makes sense because it's in April.
00:03:04
Speaker 2: They say, that's when really it starts to actually feel like spring, and that's when you start to feel better, like mentally, you feel lighter, brighter, more hopeful, and happier, And all of a sudden you look over to the person next and you think, you know, I don't know that he's improving my life or he's adding to my joy and you start to actually look at things critically because you're now focusing on and maybe even making it a priority to focus on your happiness.
00:03:32
Speaker 1: And you said, someone looks over and maybe he is weighing me down. Maybe he is the problem. Do you ever look over and that he is looking at her and saying, maybe she is weighing me down? Or is this really supposed to be a woman to dumping the man bass?
00:03:47
Speaker 3: Mostly women dumping men.
00:03:48
Speaker 2: But here's why I would say this is true because I think men could probably look over and say she's weighing me down any day of the week, any.
00:03:54
Speaker 1: Hour, rib way to say it, by the way, which.
00:03:57
Speaker 3: Point being that how many men do you know?
00:03:59
Speaker 2: And maybe you call me out on this if you think I'm wrong, actually take time to do pros and cons and do an emotional checking with themselves and really try to evaluate what's working in their lives and what's not Sure some men do it, but that would typically be a female kind of thing to do. So if you're all hearing and seeing your sisters and your friends and everybody else saying, hey, I'm reevaluating my life from top to bottom, that does seem to be more of a female.
00:04:25
Speaker 3: Thing to do.
00:04:27
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, but you should give guys create It doesn't look the way it looks with women. We're always doing that. We're always reassessing. It's not really a season that we sometimes wait to come around. I don't minds are different and for us maybe it doesn't happen in April. Because you said it seems like an emotional weight, you're that thing. I think we have a tendency sometimes guys, to just look at it all year long as just wait on paper. This is a problem that you actually list the things. We don't feel like we need an emotional weight lifted, but we lead like a literal, practical what's around me? I think to that point, Yeah, we don't. We don't. We're always checking in, but not in that way. Yeah.
00:05:09
Speaker 2: I think it's a good thing to actually think about. Men should do this too. Come April, start actually evaluating and check in with yourself and experts. Because of these trends and folks saying, hey, this is actually a thing, they actually have given some relationship experts some ideas for folks. If you are actually wanting to do this and if you want to apply the April relationship theory to your life.
00:05:34
Speaker 3: They give you ways to do it.
00:05:35
Speaker 2: And it's not about saying, oh, you should just break up with your boyfriend, but it's actually about assessing your relationship to decide whether or not you should. And so they say to ask yourself three things. The first thing is am I actually happy in this relationship? And that should probably be a solid yes or no answer.
00:05:54
Speaker 1: Wow, is there a scale? Is there a score at the end you're supposed to have? Because I hear that quote, you know a lot of people will answer it's complicated. A lot of people will say, well on this day, well when it's like this, or well if we didn't have this challenge and well, and I don't know is that a yes or no answer?
00:06:12
Speaker 2: I feel like you get a gut feeling though generally speaking, are do the good times outweigh the bad? Like?
00:06:17
Speaker 3: Do I feel happy in this relationship?
00:06:19
Speaker 2: And I think that's important to ask yourself because that is the most important probably influence in your life, over your joy and your piece.
00:06:28
Speaker 1: You know what, I nuanced it a lot, but you should be able to write you should be Are you happy in a relationship? Yes? I am, But we've gone through this difficult blah blah blah. Yes I am, but we da da da da. I don't know. Is that too high of a bar? Even I asked now Robes to have an expectation that you have yes to that answer.
00:06:50
Speaker 2: I think you should have that expectation because I think, look, if you're only in a relationship financially or to not be lonely, there are just I think that you're you're missing out on an opportunity to have a relationship that actually serves more purposes than just that.
00:07:05
Speaker 1: Well I hear it is that it's not as simple as money or whatever it may be. Sometimes it's just, yes, I love this person, that happiness has run its course. I care about this person. I want this person to be Okay. We have kids we're raising together, and all this I don't know is there. Sometimes I always think that sometimes is that bar too high? And then I think, well, hell, yeah it should be. Why shouldn't it be?
00:07:28
Speaker 3: It should be?
00:07:28
Speaker 2: And look, we've talked about this a lot, and any sort of mental health professional will tell you the most important relationship you have to have for actual happiness and joy is the one you have with yourself.
00:07:40
Speaker 3: What you think about yourself. It has to start there.
00:07:42
Speaker 2: But the other person, who is with you more than anyone else, that needs to mostly add joy or at least you know, if it does the opposite, if it's taking away your joy, that is a huge red flag. So the first question, am I actually happy in this relationship? The second question is interesting, Do I feel more like myself in this relationship or less? That's a scary one because a lot of folks and look, you can adjust, and I've done this, like, wait, I think I'm losing part of who I am or what I love or what is important to me because I'm trying to do everything to make this person happier, make this person like me. So it's just one of those quites. Can I be myself in this relationship? Or am I putting on something? Am I.
00:08:27
Speaker 1: Hike before April's out?
00:08:29
Speaker 3: Okay? Period? All right? And number three?
00:08:33
Speaker 2: Can we grow into the next season together? Or am I outgrowing this relationship? And I do like this concept of imagining the person you're with as growing with you. You might not even be in the same place necessarily, but is there an idea of growing together, of learning together, of all of that those I think those were interesting questions to ask yourself.
00:08:54
Speaker 3: Am I happy?
00:08:55
Speaker 2: Do I feel more like myself in this relationship or less? And can we grow oh into the next season together? Or am I outgrowing this relationship?
00:09:03
Speaker 1: See? I think that's a better way. Whoever put it that way?
00:09:07
Speaker 3: A relationship expert people put.
00:09:09
Speaker 1: It in terms, and when we talk about it as outgrowing a person, you can actually outgrow a relationship. I think as a better and kinder way necessarily to put it, and that I always talk to w young folks. They run up to you to talk about getting married in age and whatnot. I don't think it's I think we've given couples the same advice. It's not really a matter if you're too young to get married. The problem ends up being you're not done becoming the individual you're gonna be. So in four years you two might be two totally different people who are who would never be attracted to each other unless you have decided you are going to grow together. Don't we do that? Robes and we talk about this new generation is wants to be an individual. I don't want to contribute to a partnership. I want to be who I am. You have to accept me who I am, this is me. All this stuff fine, but that takes away from right. You have to have a unit committed to growing into something. And yeah, you're not going to look like you would have if you were off by yourself.
00:10:06
Speaker 3: It's so fascinating.
00:10:08
Speaker 2: I think it's I'll be so interested, And maybe we are. We're in a bubble here in New York where we know young folks who have a certain way of thinking, and maybe it's different in other parts of the country. But I will be really curious ten years from now, fifteen years from now, what the marriage rates are like. I just it would not surprise me if they go down significantly.
00:10:27
Speaker 1: Oh, they're trending that way. And we're not talking divorce rates.
00:10:30
Speaker 3: Marriage rates.
00:10:31
Speaker 1: Folks. They're not as interested in wanting to delay it longer and longer and longer.
00:10:35
Speaker 2: All right. So if you answered those questions and you think you know what, you don't, they're saying, don't obviously say oh that's it, I need to break up with my partner. They actually said, if you have concerns when you ask yourself these questions, the next thing you should do is check in with your significant other. And they say the number one thing you have to do. I love this advice. Chat about the concerns you have with the relationship. Nobody these days, not nobody, but a lot of folks. It's hard, it's scary, it's uncomfortable. You might get rejected to actually talk about your concerns. And every couple struggles with this. But they say, the more direct you are, the kinder it is.
00:11:14
Speaker 3: And actually you might find a solution.
00:11:16
Speaker 2: The other person might be like, I had no idea you were feeling like this, and then you can move forward together in a different way with a better understanding.
00:11:24
Speaker 3: But a lot of folks just won't even do that.
00:11:26
Speaker 2: They just check out, they don't check in because it's not what they want.
00:11:31
Speaker 1: Brobs, this is you know, I am about these things. Things don't have to escalate. They don't just talk. We're adults, grown folks. Just talk. It's one of my favorite things I've always done with you. We were first starting our relationship, we're wondering, in questioning and what should we do and Dad, there was a lot of stuff that was twirling in your head and mind. All that I always said to you, ask me anything. I don't give a damn, But there's stakes are too high, there's too much going on, and we you do not need to be uncomfortable at all with your mate when all you have to do is open your mouth to get the answer you want. Yeah, and even if you don't like the answer, you're getting an answer. Man, ask me anything. I would tell Kelble's to try that. Say that to your mate. Just a reminder, you can ask me anything. Yeah, ask me anything.
00:12:19
Speaker 2: And then there just has to be the willingness to have that radical acceptance to say okay. And that's the hard part to not get offended. But this is the second part of that. So they encourage you be direct with your partner, tell them the concerns you have, even after doing this gut check, and then the number the number two thing you do after that, take note about how receptive they are to fixing or addressing the problem you brought up, and that will give you your answer.
00:12:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's and you know what, you'd be surprised when you ask or talk calmly, you probably get a better response than if you are yelling and screaming no, it's not your fall. You might be legit. People communicate differently, and that's ain't that always the.
00:13:04
Speaker 3: Yelling and screaming.
00:13:05
Speaker 2: They would the excerpts from what I was reading would say, and I think we can all say this from personal experience. Comes when you bottle things up and you don't actually address the issues at hand, and so it always ends up coming out.
00:13:16
Speaker 3: But sometimes it's destructive instead of constructive. And that's the problem. All right, when we come back, that's crazy.
00:13:22
Speaker 1: When we come back, I'm gonna tell y'all what we just did related to this exact damn thing. I did not know about this. I did not hear about this. I am embarrassed. This is ridiculous. You had these tools in hand, you had a full article, and we still having problems.
00:13:39
Speaker 3: No, but when we come back, yeah, go ahead.
00:13:41
Speaker 1: Sorry.
00:13:42
Speaker 3: I actually was going in the other direction.
00:13:44
Speaker 2: If you want to break up, if you went through all of this, you've done the gut check. Your partner was not willing to talk about. The experts say, if you're one of those women and you are joining the April relationship theory where you want to break up with you guy, they have.
00:14:02
Speaker 3: Some steps for you on how to have a healthy breakup.
00:14:06
Speaker 2: And welcome back everyone to this April relationship Theory edition of Amy and DJ, we are not breaking up, but this is a month where a lot of women, they say, according to the tick tock trends, decide to make that choice, yes, to break up with their significant others. Not because it's warmer weather and they want to have a hot girl summer, but because they're actually starting to feel good and happy and hopeful, and they look over and they think this is not giving me joy.
00:14:42
Speaker 3: And instead of just.
00:14:44
Speaker 2: Doing that knee jerk reaction and just saying, let me join the trend and break up with my guy and start anew, it was cool to see some of these constructive, step by step methods. Relationship experts were asking women and of course men, to to consider first before joining this trend.
00:14:59
Speaker 1: Oh okay, there's not tips on how to break up.
00:15:02
Speaker 2: Well, we do have that next, but I was recapping where we were. I just thought it was all to not necessarily just jump there, but there were actually they got to ask yourself things, to ask your partner, and that's what we've done, all right, And that's what we've done.
00:15:14
Speaker 1: And now it's time to break up.
00:15:15
Speaker 3: Yes, Now, if.
00:15:16
Speaker 2: You are among apparently a growing group of women who wants to now break up, they gave some great ideas on how to do that, because it's hard.
00:15:25
Speaker 3: It is hard to tell someone I want to break up with you, is it not.
00:15:31
Speaker 1: It's that conversation is rarely pleasant no matter if both of you are in agreement that this is what we should do.
00:15:40
Speaker 2: It's hard, okay. So the first tip is to be clear and specific. Do not be vague to spare your partner's feelings.
00:15:49
Speaker 1: Vague mean you need to give a reason for it.
00:15:51
Speaker 2: You need to be specific, Yes, when this happened or what I've noticed in the past X amount of months, And I'm just it's just not enough for me. But to actually give the person that much, I think it's actually it's hard and scary, but it's actually giving that person closure. You're giving them the reason why you're not being vague because you don't.
00:16:09
Speaker 3: Want to hurt their feelings. You actually hurt their feelings.
00:16:11
Speaker 1: Even more because I got questions.
00:16:15
Speaker 3: Go ahead.
00:16:18
Speaker 2: Is the number one thing, And they said the goal should not be about avoiding discomfort.
00:16:22
Speaker 3: That's so much what we try to do.
00:16:24
Speaker 2: It's about avoiding the ambiguity that keeps both people stuck and guessing and never gives like the gift you can give your partner, if you truly have decided to break up with them, is to give them specific reasons, to give them closure, and maybe even that will give them motivation to work on themselves and be a better partner for the next relationship.
00:16:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't say that though.
00:16:46
Speaker 2: Don't say that, don't be patronizing, but just be honest and direct.
00:16:51
Speaker 3: I like that. I never actually considered it in that way. You actually, in a weird way.
00:16:55
Speaker 2: You're trying to not make them feel bad, but it actually ends up making them feel worse and confused.
00:17:01
Speaker 3: Like I know.
00:17:02
Speaker 2: Actually, I know so many women whose guys whatever ghosts them, drop them, and they just all they want to know is why what happened?
00:17:09
Speaker 3: And they're never ever given the reason, and it might not even be about them. But it's kind to be direct and specific.
00:17:17
Speaker 1: I think you should always be right now in whatever you've been waiting to ask your partner. I'm just I'm of that theory. I understand, and some people have to understand. Folks are just different. It's not that easy for everyone. It's just we are. We just don't have time. We don't have time to mess around. I mean, rogues. What happened in the world h that it's health what anything could happen any day. Why am I delaying any moment of improving my life, my home, my situation, my happiness by just having a conversation with somebody who might really be willing to have the same conversation with me. So I do like what you said that first time. That's why I stopped you. I said, wait when you give specifics what happens in that conversation, because it sounds like your immediately are going to then be hit with, well, I'll fix that. I didn't know this is the first time you've told me, well, just give me time. I can fix that. I can make it happen.
00:18:07
Speaker 2: And that probably will happen if your partner wants to stay in the relationship. But hopefully that all occurred when you had that conversation before you decided to break up with them, because the the what the experts urge is to have the conversation first, take a beat. If you do want to break up with them, then just be specific about why and be clear and just say this isn't me trying to get you to change.
00:18:28
Speaker 3: This is actually me saying it's not working for.
00:18:30
Speaker 1: Me any It was just April eleventh. I didn't know I had this many more days to survive.
00:18:36
Speaker 2: Once you get that tough conversation out of the way and the breakup is over. The other big bit of advice that experts say, don't rush back to dating apps or be quick to replace the relationship, because you're going to find yourself repeating patterns until unless you actually take time to reconnect with parts of yourself that you may have lost in the relationship.
00:18:58
Speaker 1: Okay, now the patterns, oh man, like, I was actually thinking about we need to do a follow up episode tomorrow because I have a whole new thought about the idea of patterns. Right, the idea of patterns. You're not with somebody because that person wasn't doing something for you. The patterns thing almost sounds like it's signaling you're making bad choices.
00:19:18
Speaker 2: Well, and you know what, I think part of that is true, because yes, we can.
00:19:24
Speaker 3: There are just people who don't belong together.
00:19:26
Speaker 2: There are just people who you know, I do believe there's a reason season for some relationships. And it doesn't mean that the other person's a bad person. It's just not the right fit. But the truth is, you also have to examine yourself and actually really find out what it is you do want animate And so many folks say, take the time when you end a relationship to write down what you want in a relationship, what you want from somebody, and then when you actually go back out into the dating world, you'll know not only what you need, but what you don't need. And that is super helpful in fi the one and finding the person who you do want to work hard for to spend the rest of your life with.
00:20:05
Speaker 1: Can you share your list with me when we get off Sure, okay, thank you.
00:20:10
Speaker 2: But I just thought, look this April relationship theory. When I was reading what so many folks were just offering in terms of advice, folks who study this and know a lot more than we do about relationships and what makes us tick, I was thinking people actually really did this. It might save some relationships versus ending them. So maybe it can be a renewal and a rebirth with the person who maybe you were not tolerating or not considering in a way that you can now have a refocused effort with. So anyway, whatever type of relationship you're in, we hope you have a wonderful season of renewal.
00:20:48
Speaker 3: On this.
00:20:49
Speaker 2: I love some of these headlines. I was telling you everyone is breaking up in April. The real emotional New Year is now. April isn't just a month, It's a mood. I do like anytime we can have a reason to reset, and hopefully this did this for some of y'all. So thank you as always for listening to us. I'm Amy Robot alongside TJ.
00:21:08
Speaker 3: Holmes. We will talk to you soon.