Sept. 19, 2026
The 8 Things Emotionally Secure People Never Share About Themselves
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RSS Feed This is a list that will have many of you questioning how much you share with others, who you share that information with, and why you’re sharing it in the first place. Oversharing is a common trait in many of us, but sharing itself isn’t the problem, it’s when you’re sharing to get affirmation that’s at issue. Emotionally secure people don’t need their life to be witnessed in order to feel seen, and they don’t need others to confirm what they already know about themselves. We’ll go over the 8 things emotionally secure people keep to themselves, and how they choose to share their stories in a more meaningful way.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. It is Saturday, September 19th, and we are going to reveal in this episode which one of us is emotionally secure and which one is not. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. I have that right. You said emotionally secure people or mature people? Secure, right?
00:00:20
Speaker 2: Secure. Secure.
00:00:21
Speaker 1: Emotionally. You told me this. There is a test you have here about Emotional security.
00:00:28
Speaker 2: It's not really a test.
00:00:29
Speaker 1: Okay, but, well, there are questions that you're going to be able to answer that you're going to pass or fail, if you will, and tell you.
00:00:35
Speaker 2: We're going to list eight things that emotionally secure people do not share.
00:00:40
Speaker 1: Okay, and you told me what you found in all this is that one of us is emotionally secure and one is not.
00:00:47
Speaker 2: I would say one is more emotionally secure than the other. I don't share some of these things. But basically, if you're an over-sharer, it actually is a signal that you are emotionally insecure.
00:00:58
Speaker 1: Okay, can you define that for me first of all?
00:01:00
Speaker 2: You just, you blurt out everything. You overshare. So here's an idea. Someone asks you, how's the job hunt going? And all of a sudden you say, well, and you say, here's the salary that I'm holding out for. You talk about the recruiter who ghosted you and then a theory about why. And then you're going to tell them about your weekend. You just start telling way too many things about yourself.
00:01:24
Speaker 1: That's a scenario in practice, but what does it mean to be... an emotionally insecure person. What is that?
00:01:34
Speaker 2: Well, they say the difference is in what you share with somebody, who you're sharing it with, and why you're sharing it. So emotionally secure people talk plenty. They just don't need the story they're telling to do the job for them. They keep things to themselves and so that they can stay more practical and even maybe mysterious. They don't overshare. And that means they're secure with who they are. They're not trying to prove who they are and how important.
00:02:06
Speaker 1: They are or, Ah, emotionally insecure people are always trying to prove something.
00:02:11
Speaker 2: Yes, you're trying to prove.
00:02:12
Speaker 1: They're always trying to prove themselves.
00:02:13
Speaker 2: Through deeds, through works.
00:02:14
Speaker 1: I'm valuable.
00:02:14
Speaker 2: I'm important.
00:02:15
Speaker 1: All right, gotcha, gotcha.
00:02:16
Speaker 2: What happens in my life matters.
00:02:18
Speaker 1: Okay, all right.
00:02:18
Speaker 2: And so when you overshare, and again, it's not about how much you talk. It's what you talk about, who you tell it to, and why you're doing it.
00:02:27
Speaker 1: And what did you learn about yourself in doing this?
00:02:29
Speaker 2: I've always known I tended to be an oversharer, and so I think when you're aware of it, you recognize it, you can first start seeing it in other people and think, ooh, I I think I do that too. And then I've taught myself, wow, I'm doing it again. And you do have to ask yourself, why do I feel the need? I can tell you that I think I've lied to myself and said, well, I'm just, I'm sharing and it's a shared experience and we can all relate and we can all feel like we're a part of it. But really it's telling people something about yourself. I mean, it is an opportunity. Everyone's favorite topic is themselves usually. And when you can start recognizing that in yourself and you can start asking yourself, wait, why do I need to say this right now? Is this important to the story? Is this important to the conversation? Or am I really just feeding my ego right now?
00:03:17
Speaker 1: Okay, so eight what? Questions that... So here it is.
00:03:21
Speaker 2: Eight things that emotionally secure people will not share.
00:03:24
Speaker 1: Eight things. If you are an emotionally secure person.
00:03:28
Speaker 2: You will not share.
00:03:29
Speaker 1: You will not share this. Okay.
00:03:31
Speaker 2: Okay. Number one, emotionally secure people do not broadcast their income or what things cost them.
00:03:38
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:03:40
Speaker 2: That is so true, right? So money is one of the quickest way that people, it changes how people see you. It changes what people think of you. And that is just such a flag when you, yes.
00:03:54
Speaker 1: So. Do you think you do that?
00:03:56
Speaker 2: No, I don't. I might say what things cost and I'll say it like, I got this on sale. Like, yes, I have been that person. But I don't think I brag about how much something costs. What do I say? You're saying I do, but I don't think I do.
00:04:09
Speaker 1: We can talk about it.
00:04:10
Speaker 2: No, but what have I, no, I'm curious. What have I said how much things cost?
00:04:14
Speaker 1: Are you serious? You want me to? Yes, you have a tendency to flex or to floss or to, I think it happens with strangers sometimes. send a signal to them in some way that you are of means.
00:04:31
Speaker 2: So I give a dollar amount about how much I paid for something?
00:04:33
Speaker 1: No, no, no. I just don't remember doing that. You'll make examples of something. Yeah, we flew here. It was how we had to get these three Cs because first class was da-da-da. You drop those things a lot about where you were living. Yeah, we were living here in da-da-da. Yeah, it was a triplex, but da-da-da-da. and you'll say a thing, you will drop little things that give status. Okay.
00:04:55
Speaker 2: Well, this was about actually naming a number so that you can compare. I'm not saying that that isn't a part of it. I'm just saying this is broadcasting their income. I've never broadcast my income. I mean, if I'm saying something to you, it's different. You think I tell people how much I make?
00:05:11
Speaker 1: I've never heard you do that.
00:05:12
Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
00:05:12
Speaker 1: No, nobody does that. No, of course not.
00:05:14
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, people do.
00:05:16
Speaker 1: Who volunteers that? Who's just going to tell people, walking them down the street, how much money they make?
00:05:20
Speaker 2: All right. Number two, they keep goals to themselves until they've done the work. So they don't broadcast, here's what I'm going to do. Here's what I'm about to do. They just do it. So if they're training for a marathon or you're writing a book or you're applying for a job, you don't tell anybody what you're doing. You just do it. And that's an emotionally secure person doesn't need to tell people what they're doing so that they get whatever sort of attention for it. Like, look at me training for the marathon. Absolutely. I've done that. And I think you have too. Like, so, or like letting people know you're writing something or applying for something or trying out for something or auditioning for something. I've 100% done this. Really?
00:06:05
Speaker 1: Now this one, I don't, Rick, I don't.
00:06:09
Speaker 2: That's so funny. Because I don't think that I do the other thing that you said I do, but I absolutely think I do this.
00:06:14
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. I don't attach this to you at all.
00:06:17
Speaker 2: They don't narrate their relationship problems to the group chat. So if they had a bad week with their partner or they had a fight with their friend, they don't sit there and crowdsource it and tell everybody. You won't get the transcript. They won't say, okay, and then he said this, and then he did this, and can you believe he did this? So emotionally secure people don't need to narrate their relationship problems to folks.
00:06:37
Speaker 1: Do you do that?
00:06:39
Speaker 2: I loyalty I have in the past. And I think that's just been about bad relationships and needing support. So I do think there are moments where it does work, I think with the girlfriend group. So I get what they're saying, but if you respect your partner and you have a loyal, I don't think you would throw your partner under the bus that much.
00:06:58
Speaker 1: But what are we up to now? The fourth one?
00:07:00
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. Number four.
00:07:01
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:07:02
Speaker 2: They don't announce the good things they do for other people. But emotionally insecure people will tell you all the time how they covered a coworker's shift or how they sent money to a friend who needed it or how they drove someone to a procedure or your kindness that you give other people you announce to everyone.
00:07:22
Speaker 1: Do you think you do that?
00:07:23
Speaker 2: I think I've done it before, for sure.
00:07:25
Speaker 1: Done it before, but are you that person?
00:07:27
Speaker 2: I hope I'm not. I hope I'm none of these things. I mean, I can see a little bit of it. I hope... I think we might all have a little... Not all, but most people have a little bit of all of this in them. But I think it's good to kind of see these things broken down because then you can recognize it. You can say to yourself, oh, wow, I think I might be doing that emotionally insecure thing right now. I wonder why I'm doing that. And I'm not... And I actually... I'm so open to the fact that I do all of these things to some extent, but I think the whole point is to be open to the fact that you can recognize it and ask yourself, get curious. You don't have to shame yourself for it. You're not a bad person. You're not a terrible human being, but it's just an interesting moment to recognize it and then get curious about it. Number five, they keep decisions private while they're still deciding. They're thinking about leaving their job. They're thinking about leaving their relationship. Oh, yeah. They're thinking about moving out of the city. They don't crowdsource it and constantly talk about it and ask people what they think about it. They don't process it out loud, basically. They keep it to themselves. Secure people would decide first because they'd say, I'm the best person. person to decide this. I, another person can't know what's better for me about leaving a job or a relationship more than I can. So they trust themselves rather than ask other people what they should do. Okay.
00:08:51
Speaker 1: So where do you come down on this one?
00:08:54
Speaker 2: Um, I, I think I, these big decisions, I mean, I, I would, I would ask people who they affect if my decisions were to affect somebody. I'd say, what do you think? Or I think I've done it before. I don't think I do this all the time. How about you?
00:09:08
Speaker 1: No, and I was going to ask you, where do I come? Because all of these, do I, where am I on this list?
00:09:14
Speaker 2: You are incredibly private. So when I saw this article, I was laughing because this pretty much is you. I mean, you really, the only, no, I mean, I really don't see you doing any of these things, especially ad nauseum, like all the time.
00:09:30
Speaker 1: Or a lot. So you're telling me I'm emotionally secure?
00:09:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you trust yourself emotionally. You trust yourself more than anyone else. So yes, you're emotionally secure, I would say. All right, when we come back, we've got number six, number seven, and number eight. And I'm just curious if anyone else is seeing themselves in these signs. We'll be right back. Welcome back everyone to relationship Saturday here on Amy and TJ relationship with yourself, relationship with your spouse, relationship with your friends. I feel like these, um, These signs are really important to recognize. And they're easy to see in other people. Oh my God, it's so easy to see other people do them. It is so hard to see yourself do them. So here's the next thing that emotionally insecure people don't share. They don't share their real opinions of people they know. So they might have thoughts about your new boyfriend. They might have thoughts about... your sister who, you know, is dissing you or the other sibling who never calls your mom, they don't say what they think unless they are asked directly. So they don't offer opinions of people they know. They don't talk shit about people, basically, unless you are directly asked, hey, what do you think of our friend who... who is so terrible to her husband. And then you would then answer them directly if you think the answer would help the situation and only then.
00:11:10
Speaker 1: Where do you come down on this one?
00:11:11
Speaker 2: I've gotten a lot better about this. When I was younger, terrible about it. I think gossip was just, you know, it is a toxic trait that you find in middle school and high school. And I think eventually, hopefully you recognize the toxicity of it and you remove yourself from it. But I actually remember I gave up gossip one year for Lent when I was in middle school. And it was really hard. Like every time someone started talking about somebody, instead of me jumping in or joining in or saying what I thought, I had to remove myself because I gave up gossiping for Lent. And that was such an eye-opener. Yeah. But they say this is about discretion. And once you offer your opinion and You cannot take it back. Once you've said what you think of someone, every next interaction with them has that attached to it. Once you say something and you give an opinion about someone, you can't take it back. And so they just say emotionally secure people are very discreet with what they share about other people because people who need to be liked use opinions as currency.
00:12:18
Speaker 1: I am blown away by my emotional security.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: Are you?
00:12:22
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going, you know me better than anybody, baby. You're describing me to a T here.
00:12:28
Speaker 2: I know.
00:12:29
Speaker 1: I will sit there, nothing to say. You asked me though.
00:12:31
Speaker 2: Sure. All right. Number seven, they don't lead with their wins. This is so you too. They got, they got the promotion. They, they, they got the degree. They closed the deal. You'll hear about it eventually, but maybe even from someone else. Not from them directly. You drive me crazy with this. Will you tell me? Say you get back from a long run and say you just had a PR, a personal record. I have to hoax it out of you. It's annoying to me. And they say that people, when they're emotionally secure, they're like, yeah, the win happened. It doesn't need a press release to have happened. It just happened. And they don't need to broadcast it to the world.
00:13:12
Speaker 1: Where are you on this one?
00:13:15
Speaker 2: Um, Oh, I absolutely will tell people when I get a promotion promotion or a win a hundred percent. I'm very excited to share that information with everyone who will listen fully admit that one. Um, this is interesting. They're selective about who hears their hardest stories. I'm terrible at this. I will say, because maybe with my breast cancer journey, I found so much fellowship and sisterhood and support. And it made me feel so good to hear other people's stories that I, in that particular instance specifically, and even with divorce, I feel like sharing it makes other people not feel so alone. But apparently that also makes me emotionally insecure. So they say, yes, an emotionally secure person also may have been through things, a divorce, a diagnosis, a childhood trauma. You may know them for a full year before you find out. If you do it all, there'll never be a monologue and they'll only bring it up if it's relevant. And that's so you. And it's so not me.
00:14:22
Speaker 1: What is this thing you're presenting to me, babe? Who knew? This is the last thing I would have described myself as emotionally secure. I had no idea.
00:14:34
Speaker 2: I mean, when it comes to these traits, um, I like this line in this. I'm going to read this from the article. Emotionally secure people have stopped needing their life to be witnessed in order to feel real. They still share, and with the right people, they share a lot. But the sharing is an offering rather than a request, and that's the difference. They're not asking you to confirm anything about themselves. They already know. That's emotional security.
00:15:05
Speaker 1: My favorite line, one of my favorite lines, it doesn't matter what they call you, you already know who you are. And I don't know where I, it took years to figure that out and learn that and get comfortable. But yeah, I'm shocked and a little thrown and maybe I should be a little proud or think I'm doing maybe something right. But yeah, but I don't know how it happens, but I have, and you see it and you witness it. You describe me as all those things that you just went through. Oftentimes you ask me, how do you do that? I'm not like that. I can't do that. I don't know, babe. I really don't know how I picked that up. I didn't practice. I wasn't trying to become emotionally secure. I didn't know I was becoming emotionally secure.
00:15:47
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:15:48
Speaker 1: And here I sit.
00:15:48
Speaker 2: You walked to the beat of a different drummer.
00:15:50
Speaker 1: Oh, goodness.
00:15:52
Speaker 2: That's for sure. With that, everyone, we hope this helps. I always like a little self-reflection on a Saturday. But with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us. I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk soon.
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. It is Saturday, September 19th, and we are going to reveal in this episode which one of us is emotionally secure and which one is not. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. I have that right. You said emotionally secure people or mature people? Secure, right?
00:00:20
Speaker 2: Secure. Secure.
00:00:21
Speaker 1: Emotionally. You told me this. There is a test you have here about Emotional security.
00:00:28
Speaker 2: It's not really a test.
00:00:29
Speaker 1: Okay, but, well, there are questions that you're going to be able to answer that you're going to pass or fail, if you will, and tell you.
00:00:35
Speaker 2: We're going to list eight things that emotionally secure people do not share.
00:00:40
Speaker 1: Okay, and you told me what you found in all this is that one of us is emotionally secure and one is not.
00:00:47
Speaker 2: I would say one is more emotionally secure than the other. I don't share some of these things. But basically, if you're an over-sharer, it actually is a signal that you are emotionally insecure.
00:00:58
Speaker 1: Okay, can you define that for me first of all?
00:01:00
Speaker 2: You just, you blurt out everything. You overshare. So here's an idea. Someone asks you, how's the job hunt going? And all of a sudden you say, well, and you say, here's the salary that I'm holding out for. You talk about the recruiter who ghosted you and then a theory about why. And then you're going to tell them about your weekend. You just start telling way too many things about yourself.
00:01:24
Speaker 1: That's a scenario in practice, but what does it mean to be... an emotionally insecure person. What is that?
00:01:34
Speaker 2: Well, they say the difference is in what you share with somebody, who you're sharing it with, and why you're sharing it. So emotionally secure people talk plenty. They just don't need the story they're telling to do the job for them. They keep things to themselves and so that they can stay more practical and even maybe mysterious. They don't overshare. And that means they're secure with who they are. They're not trying to prove who they are and how important.
00:02:06
Speaker 1: They are or, Ah, emotionally insecure people are always trying to prove something.
00:02:11
Speaker 2: Yes, you're trying to prove.
00:02:12
Speaker 1: They're always trying to prove themselves.
00:02:13
Speaker 2: Through deeds, through works.
00:02:14
Speaker 1: I'm valuable.
00:02:14
Speaker 2: I'm important.
00:02:15
Speaker 1: All right, gotcha, gotcha.
00:02:16
Speaker 2: What happens in my life matters.
00:02:18
Speaker 1: Okay, all right.
00:02:18
Speaker 2: And so when you overshare, and again, it's not about how much you talk. It's what you talk about, who you tell it to, and why you're doing it.
00:02:27
Speaker 1: And what did you learn about yourself in doing this?
00:02:29
Speaker 2: I've always known I tended to be an oversharer, and so I think when you're aware of it, you recognize it, you can first start seeing it in other people and think, ooh, I I think I do that too. And then I've taught myself, wow, I'm doing it again. And you do have to ask yourself, why do I feel the need? I can tell you that I think I've lied to myself and said, well, I'm just, I'm sharing and it's a shared experience and we can all relate and we can all feel like we're a part of it. But really it's telling people something about yourself. I mean, it is an opportunity. Everyone's favorite topic is themselves usually. And when you can start recognizing that in yourself and you can start asking yourself, wait, why do I need to say this right now? Is this important to the story? Is this important to the conversation? Or am I really just feeding my ego right now?
00:03:17
Speaker 1: Okay, so eight what? Questions that... So here it is.
00:03:21
Speaker 2: Eight things that emotionally secure people will not share.
00:03:24
Speaker 1: Eight things. If you are an emotionally secure person.
00:03:28
Speaker 2: You will not share.
00:03:29
Speaker 1: You will not share this. Okay.
00:03:31
Speaker 2: Okay. Number one, emotionally secure people do not broadcast their income or what things cost them.
00:03:38
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:03:40
Speaker 2: That is so true, right? So money is one of the quickest way that people, it changes how people see you. It changes what people think of you. And that is just such a flag when you, yes.
00:03:54
Speaker 1: So. Do you think you do that?
00:03:56
Speaker 2: No, I don't. I might say what things cost and I'll say it like, I got this on sale. Like, yes, I have been that person. But I don't think I brag about how much something costs. What do I say? You're saying I do, but I don't think I do.
00:04:09
Speaker 1: We can talk about it.
00:04:10
Speaker 2: No, but what have I, no, I'm curious. What have I said how much things cost?
00:04:14
Speaker 1: Are you serious? You want me to? Yes, you have a tendency to flex or to floss or to, I think it happens with strangers sometimes. send a signal to them in some way that you are of means.
00:04:31
Speaker 2: So I give a dollar amount about how much I paid for something?
00:04:33
Speaker 1: No, no, no. I just don't remember doing that. You'll make examples of something. Yeah, we flew here. It was how we had to get these three Cs because first class was da-da-da. You drop those things a lot about where you were living. Yeah, we were living here in da-da-da. Yeah, it was a triplex, but da-da-da-da. and you'll say a thing, you will drop little things that give status. Okay.
00:04:55
Speaker 2: Well, this was about actually naming a number so that you can compare. I'm not saying that that isn't a part of it. I'm just saying this is broadcasting their income. I've never broadcast my income. I mean, if I'm saying something to you, it's different. You think I tell people how much I make?
00:05:11
Speaker 1: I've never heard you do that.
00:05:12
Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
00:05:12
Speaker 1: No, nobody does that. No, of course not.
00:05:14
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, people do.
00:05:16
Speaker 1: Who volunteers that? Who's just going to tell people, walking them down the street, how much money they make?
00:05:20
Speaker 2: All right. Number two, they keep goals to themselves until they've done the work. So they don't broadcast, here's what I'm going to do. Here's what I'm about to do. They just do it. So if they're training for a marathon or you're writing a book or you're applying for a job, you don't tell anybody what you're doing. You just do it. And that's an emotionally secure person doesn't need to tell people what they're doing so that they get whatever sort of attention for it. Like, look at me training for the marathon. Absolutely. I've done that. And I think you have too. Like, so, or like letting people know you're writing something or applying for something or trying out for something or auditioning for something. I've 100% done this. Really?
00:06:05
Speaker 1: Now this one, I don't, Rick, I don't.
00:06:09
Speaker 2: That's so funny. Because I don't think that I do the other thing that you said I do, but I absolutely think I do this.
00:06:14
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. I don't attach this to you at all.
00:06:17
Speaker 2: They don't narrate their relationship problems to the group chat. So if they had a bad week with their partner or they had a fight with their friend, they don't sit there and crowdsource it and tell everybody. You won't get the transcript. They won't say, okay, and then he said this, and then he did this, and can you believe he did this? So emotionally secure people don't need to narrate their relationship problems to folks.
00:06:37
Speaker 1: Do you do that?
00:06:39
Speaker 2: I loyalty I have in the past. And I think that's just been about bad relationships and needing support. So I do think there are moments where it does work, I think with the girlfriend group. So I get what they're saying, but if you respect your partner and you have a loyal, I don't think you would throw your partner under the bus that much.
00:06:58
Speaker 1: But what are we up to now? The fourth one?
00:07:00
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. Number four.
00:07:01
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:07:02
Speaker 2: They don't announce the good things they do for other people. But emotionally insecure people will tell you all the time how they covered a coworker's shift or how they sent money to a friend who needed it or how they drove someone to a procedure or your kindness that you give other people you announce to everyone.
00:07:22
Speaker 1: Do you think you do that?
00:07:23
Speaker 2: I think I've done it before, for sure.
00:07:25
Speaker 1: Done it before, but are you that person?
00:07:27
Speaker 2: I hope I'm not. I hope I'm none of these things. I mean, I can see a little bit of it. I hope... I think we might all have a little... Not all, but most people have a little bit of all of this in them. But I think it's good to kind of see these things broken down because then you can recognize it. You can say to yourself, oh, wow, I think I might be doing that emotionally insecure thing right now. I wonder why I'm doing that. And I'm not... And I actually... I'm so open to the fact that I do all of these things to some extent, but I think the whole point is to be open to the fact that you can recognize it and ask yourself, get curious. You don't have to shame yourself for it. You're not a bad person. You're not a terrible human being, but it's just an interesting moment to recognize it and then get curious about it. Number five, they keep decisions private while they're still deciding. They're thinking about leaving their job. They're thinking about leaving their relationship. Oh, yeah. They're thinking about moving out of the city. They don't crowdsource it and constantly talk about it and ask people what they think about it. They don't process it out loud, basically. They keep it to themselves. Secure people would decide first because they'd say, I'm the best person. person to decide this. I, another person can't know what's better for me about leaving a job or a relationship more than I can. So they trust themselves rather than ask other people what they should do. Okay.
00:08:51
Speaker 1: So where do you come down on this one?
00:08:54
Speaker 2: Um, I, I think I, these big decisions, I mean, I, I would, I would ask people who they affect if my decisions were to affect somebody. I'd say, what do you think? Or I think I've done it before. I don't think I do this all the time. How about you?
00:09:08
Speaker 1: No, and I was going to ask you, where do I come? Because all of these, do I, where am I on this list?
00:09:14
Speaker 2: You are incredibly private. So when I saw this article, I was laughing because this pretty much is you. I mean, you really, the only, no, I mean, I really don't see you doing any of these things, especially ad nauseum, like all the time.
00:09:30
Speaker 1: Or a lot. So you're telling me I'm emotionally secure?
00:09:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you trust yourself emotionally. You trust yourself more than anyone else. So yes, you're emotionally secure, I would say. All right, when we come back, we've got number six, number seven, and number eight. And I'm just curious if anyone else is seeing themselves in these signs. We'll be right back. Welcome back everyone to relationship Saturday here on Amy and TJ relationship with yourself, relationship with your spouse, relationship with your friends. I feel like these, um, These signs are really important to recognize. And they're easy to see in other people. Oh my God, it's so easy to see other people do them. It is so hard to see yourself do them. So here's the next thing that emotionally insecure people don't share. They don't share their real opinions of people they know. So they might have thoughts about your new boyfriend. They might have thoughts about... your sister who, you know, is dissing you or the other sibling who never calls your mom, they don't say what they think unless they are asked directly. So they don't offer opinions of people they know. They don't talk shit about people, basically, unless you are directly asked, hey, what do you think of our friend who... who is so terrible to her husband. And then you would then answer them directly if you think the answer would help the situation and only then.
00:11:10
Speaker 1: Where do you come down on this one?
00:11:11
Speaker 2: I've gotten a lot better about this. When I was younger, terrible about it. I think gossip was just, you know, it is a toxic trait that you find in middle school and high school. And I think eventually, hopefully you recognize the toxicity of it and you remove yourself from it. But I actually remember I gave up gossip one year for Lent when I was in middle school. And it was really hard. Like every time someone started talking about somebody, instead of me jumping in or joining in or saying what I thought, I had to remove myself because I gave up gossiping for Lent. And that was such an eye-opener. Yeah. But they say this is about discretion. And once you offer your opinion and You cannot take it back. Once you've said what you think of someone, every next interaction with them has that attached to it. Once you say something and you give an opinion about someone, you can't take it back. And so they just say emotionally secure people are very discreet with what they share about other people because people who need to be liked use opinions as currency.
00:12:18
Speaker 1: I am blown away by my emotional security.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: Are you?
00:12:22
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going, you know me better than anybody, baby. You're describing me to a T here.
00:12:28
Speaker 2: I know.
00:12:29
Speaker 1: I will sit there, nothing to say. You asked me though.
00:12:31
Speaker 2: Sure. All right. Number seven, they don't lead with their wins. This is so you too. They got, they got the promotion. They, they, they got the degree. They closed the deal. You'll hear about it eventually, but maybe even from someone else. Not from them directly. You drive me crazy with this. Will you tell me? Say you get back from a long run and say you just had a PR, a personal record. I have to hoax it out of you. It's annoying to me. And they say that people, when they're emotionally secure, they're like, yeah, the win happened. It doesn't need a press release to have happened. It just happened. And they don't need to broadcast it to the world.
00:13:12
Speaker 1: Where are you on this one?
00:13:15
Speaker 2: Um, Oh, I absolutely will tell people when I get a promotion promotion or a win a hundred percent. I'm very excited to share that information with everyone who will listen fully admit that one. Um, this is interesting. They're selective about who hears their hardest stories. I'm terrible at this. I will say, because maybe with my breast cancer journey, I found so much fellowship and sisterhood and support. And it made me feel so good to hear other people's stories that I, in that particular instance specifically, and even with divorce, I feel like sharing it makes other people not feel so alone. But apparently that also makes me emotionally insecure. So they say, yes, an emotionally secure person also may have been through things, a divorce, a diagnosis, a childhood trauma. You may know them for a full year before you find out. If you do it all, there'll never be a monologue and they'll only bring it up if it's relevant. And that's so you. And it's so not me.
00:14:22
Speaker 1: What is this thing you're presenting to me, babe? Who knew? This is the last thing I would have described myself as emotionally secure. I had no idea.
00:14:34
Speaker 2: I mean, when it comes to these traits, um, I like this line in this. I'm going to read this from the article. Emotionally secure people have stopped needing their life to be witnessed in order to feel real. They still share, and with the right people, they share a lot. But the sharing is an offering rather than a request, and that's the difference. They're not asking you to confirm anything about themselves. They already know. That's emotional security.
00:15:05
Speaker 1: My favorite line, one of my favorite lines, it doesn't matter what they call you, you already know who you are. And I don't know where I, it took years to figure that out and learn that and get comfortable. But yeah, I'm shocked and a little thrown and maybe I should be a little proud or think I'm doing maybe something right. But yeah, but I don't know how it happens, but I have, and you see it and you witness it. You describe me as all those things that you just went through. Oftentimes you ask me, how do you do that? I'm not like that. I can't do that. I don't know, babe. I really don't know how I picked that up. I didn't practice. I wasn't trying to become emotionally secure. I didn't know I was becoming emotionally secure.
00:15:47
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:15:48
Speaker 1: And here I sit.
00:15:48
Speaker 2: You walked to the beat of a different drummer.
00:15:50
Speaker 1: Oh, goodness.
00:15:52
Speaker 2: That's for sure. With that, everyone, we hope this helps. I always like a little self-reflection on a Saturday. But with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us. I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk soon.