June 18, 2026
Tamar Braxton Gives The Divorce Advice You Need To Hear
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RSS Feed Tamar Braxton commands a stage when she performs, but her marriages have ended on a sour note. She gets vulnerable and opens up about what her last divorce taught her.
Ever gotten a date at the gas station? Tamar explains why you can meet your match anywhere!
Plus, we’re talking all about her new thriller “Stepfather” out this week on Tubi!
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:18
Speaker 1: So I do Part two.
00:00:19
Speaker 2: It's your celebrity mentor Joan Bassis here with you, and today I am so honored to be speaking to my guest and fellow Marylander, an incredible vocalist, actress, and TV reality star who's also in her chapter two. She's got a new movie called Stepfather coming out this week and I can't wait to connect with her. So let's not waste any more time. Welcome Tamar Raxton.
00:00:41
Speaker 1: Hi.
00:00:43
Speaker 2: I read, first of all, I just got to go through the Maryland thing. I read that you grew up here in Severn, Maryland.
00:00:48
Speaker 1: I did, what do you mean here? That's where you grew up this week?
00:00:51
Speaker 2: And I'm here right now. It's where I used to live.
00:00:53
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, yes I did. I did.
00:00:55
Speaker 2: I didn't know we had such a big start from living right down the street.
00:00:58
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:01:00
Speaker 2: Wow, when did you leave Maryland? How old are you?
00:01:03
Speaker 1: I was eighteen years old. I'd eighteen when I led.
00:01:07
Speaker 2: You went to high school here?
00:01:08
Speaker 1: I did? I went to an old male and Archbishop Spalding.
00:01:12
Speaker 2: Oh did you really? So my son went to Gonzaga, so you probably they probably played games against each other. So yeah, I love to hear that. Do you come back here often or has your.
00:01:22
Speaker 1: My dad still lives in Baltimore and my brother still lives there as well. My brother lives in glen Burney and yeah, down the street, so yeah, come there quite often. Actually good.
00:01:33
Speaker 2: Well, maybe we'll run into each other one day. Now that we know each other absolutely, we have a lot to discuss, including your new movie. But we are on a radio show called I Do Pop Part two and it's a podcast all about relationships. So I would love to talk to you about your kind of love journey before we get into all the other juicy stuff that we have to talk about. So is it okay if I ask you a few questions about you got to be who you are and where you are?
00:01:59
Speaker 1: Okay? All right?
00:02:01
Speaker 2: So here's this is a softball this first one, What was your first example of love that you can remember and like, what did it teach you?
00:02:10
Speaker 1: Oh? Wow, that's such a very strong question. My first example, I think my first true example was when I gave birth to my son. I felt like that was the love that I was searching for all of my life. The kind of love that doesn't have a color, a gender. It's a feeling of acceptance and kindness and warmth. And I think that's the first time that I ever felt love when someone loves, when someone is there unconditionally and without any questions. They just felt like they belonged, and I felt like.
00:02:50
Speaker 2: I belonged and loved you no matter what. I know. You know, I remember kind of the same feeling when my son was born, and that like my like my life was like whole, completely whole at that point, like all the uses fit together finally.
00:03:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no wrong, there was no right.
00:03:06
Speaker 2: It's just it's just pure, underdulterated, like pure love. Yeah, I get that so much. I love that answer. I thought you might talk about like a parent love, but boy, you're right, like that child love is so different and so encompassing. So I love your answer. And you know, actually talking about families, I love the whole birth order of conversation and about how it kind of shapes us a little bit. And you were the youngest of a pretty big family. Now I have four kids of my own, and I know how everybody in the family kind of loves that youngest child in a little bit of a different way. I wonder if you did you receive any special kind of love growing up, because you were the baby in such a big family.
00:03:47
Speaker 1: You know, I think my sisters would say yes, yes, I would say no, only because, you know, as the youngest of majority of women and my family, you think that I was the most different than everyone. I was loudest, I was opinionated, and I think that was different from my family. And so I think that as the youngest, I was just always trying to find out where I belonged. Although I knew that my family loved me and adored me, it was just that I was different, and I was just always trying to figure out just where I fit.
00:04:28
Speaker 2: So instead of being like enveloped, you felt like you were a little bit more the outcast or like, yeah, just a little different than everybody else. You know, they say, like some of the characteristics of the youngest I see in you a lot, Like you're very care free, and you're charismatic, and you're super outgoing, you're a little outspoken. Like the things that you know that that baby or the youngest in the family, those traits that they kind of enveloped.
00:04:55
Speaker 1: You know.
00:04:55
Speaker 2: One of the traits is also that they're risk tolerant. Do you consider yourself to be kind of risk like you're a little braver, a little more like daring.
00:05:03
Speaker 1: Oh. Absolutely, I take risks every day. Yeah, I think growing up seeing my sisters, I feel like I've watched them be safe all the time, right, And for me, I just always went for whatever I felt, you know, And it didn't matter how long it took, it didn't matter if it was scary, it didn't it didn't matter. I just I just went for what I believed. And I'm still like that today. I'm the first person to speak about things and I don't care. Yeah, I feel something, I just go for it. And I don't know. I think it has everything to do with watching people be careful, and I feel like watching them miss out on things and I didn't want to do that. Yeah.
00:05:50
Speaker 2: Do you think it's gotten you a lot more opportunities in life? By saying yes to everything or even things that you were like a little nervous about you say yes to.
00:06:00
Speaker 1: Do I feel like it's got me more, I guess. So, I guess so, yeah, because you know, I actually just do what I feel is right, or do what I feel, you know, fits me at the moment. And so and I guess people see that as a strength, you know, I just see that as who I am. Yeah. Yeah, but if it doesn't feel right, I'm not doing it, you're not doing it.
00:06:23
Speaker 2: So for a lot of us, that's like an evolution. I've been like the I'm the first child in the family, so I and I am like a risk adverse up until I turned like entered my sixties, and now I say yes to every sixty. I'm sixty three. Yeah, I have four kids, I have three grandkids and two more that are being born this week. So yeah, you better work.
00:06:46
Speaker 1: I know they look amazing.
00:06:49
Speaker 2: Thank you very much for saying that. But I feel like I never took any risk, and now that I take risk, I wish I had done it at a younger age like you. So like fortune favors of old, and I truly believe that now so here I am like talking to you, something I would have been way too shy to do. So I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy that I'm not scared to do things anymore exactly, But I do want to ask you. So this is a podcast about love, and I know that you have been like really successful finding love. A lot of people never find one. You've found at least three because you've been married. I think three times.
00:07:23
Speaker 1: Is very working off for Oh you go, girl, I hope you find it.
00:07:28
Speaker 2: Can you tell me a little bit about what you have learned from some of these relationships and have they made you change your life in any way?
00:07:38
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think I learned the most from my last relationship. I think that I was looking for all the love that I was supposed to have for myself in that situation. Yeah, And when that situation ended, it forced me to face everything about myself that I didn't like about myself and start to love those things and accept myself for who I was one hundred percent, because you know, I just felt like I would always while I was just talking about this earlier with one of the producers here, I felt like I was always kind of dumbing myself down in a relationship to make somebody else feel better about who I am and what I do and why who I am just in a regular general life. And I just think that this last situation taught me that, you know, if I don't accept myself for who I am with all of my flaws, no one else is truly going to accept that either. And I had to get comfortable with that and I had to really truly accept that about myself and really truly love that about me. And I don't have to dumb myself down anymore because I love those things that make up everything that I am.
00:08:51
Speaker 2: Now that's so true. They make you who you are. You should hide them from people. Can I ask a personal question though, that it seems like you and JR. I think ended your relationship pretty quickly after. I have to ask because I wonder about this all the time about people. I'm sorry you don't have to answer it, but I just have always wondered if people know before they walk down the aisle that it's not right and it's just too hard to stop it at that point, or did you still think that he was the person and just kind of figured it out, like right after you got married that maybe he wasn't oh.
00:09:26
Speaker 1: One hundred percent thought that he was the one one hundred percent Okay, And you know, if I'm speaking, I don't want to speak for JR. But first of all, we're friends. Yeah.
00:09:36
Speaker 2: Good.
00:09:37
Speaker 1: I just think that it just wasn't right for that time. You know, I lost my sister. I was dealing with a lot of grief. I didn't know how to handle that. I was still figuring things out about myself personality wise, and it's just wasn't time. It wasn't time, don't I don't feel like I still don't feel like he's the one. I thought he was the one for that time, you know what I mean?
00:10:04
Speaker 2: Has that been true for all of your relationships? Like at that time they were exactly what you needed, absolutely, and then when that need was over that it just didn't work anymore. Yeah, okay, all right, So you're and you're looking for your next one.
00:10:18
Speaker 1: Hello, we're gonna get We're gonna do it till we get it, right.
00:10:21
Speaker 2: I love it about you. Yes, By the way, my husband passed away. I went on a reality TV show. I was a Golden bachelorette and I found love on a reality TV show.
00:10:30
Speaker 1: Just like you did.
00:10:31
Speaker 2: Oh wow, we haven't got engaged. We haven't got married. Ye, we're still engaged. So but I do want to ask you a question. So you have probably gotten a lot of advice from a lot of people, and maybe to help some of our listeners out one day, what's the best advice that someone gave you when you were going.
00:10:47
Speaker 1: Through a divorce?
00:10:48
Speaker 2: Which the hold on now you can do one from each divorce if you'd.
00:10:52
Speaker 1: Like that kind of forgot about it.
00:10:58
Speaker 2: How about like, like advice that maybe you would give somebody yourself, not something that someone else could.
00:11:02
Speaker 1: You going through a divorce.
00:11:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, what is a great piece of advice that you wish you had not?
00:11:08
Speaker 1: It won't always be like this, okay. You know, when you're going through a divorce, you just feel like a failure and a loser, you know, And it just won't always be like that. You know, after a while, you'll feel like you'll feel more empowered, and you'll feel grateful about the time you spend together, and then you'll feel grateful about who you are becoming because now you get to reinvent yourself. Now you get to you know, do the things that you you wish you would have done in a relationship and be a better partner to the next partner. Yeah, you know, so it won't always be like that. You won't always be sad, you won't always you know, feel empty, you won't always feel like a loser. And I think that's I think that's the best advice I can give to you today.
00:11:57
Speaker 2: So at the end of each one of your relationships, you felt empty, You felt like a loser, you felt like a failure.
00:12:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you know, I didn't get married to get divorced, and especially with my son's father. With Vince, you know, I thought that we would be together forever, you know, I thought that we would you know, die together, and it just you know, the end of our relationship was before we both died.
00:12:19
Speaker 2: So I love that you still have what a lot of people lose after, you know, maybe more than one relationship, that they don't feel like they can find love and they kind of give up on it. What gives you the strength to think that it can keep coming, it can keep entering your life.
00:12:35
Speaker 1: Well, because I believe that God is a god of second chances, and he can keep forgiving and keep reloving us and keep you know, accepting us. Then why does that not work for the next person?
00:12:47
Speaker 2: I agree. I just think a lot of us get tired.
00:12:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, you can get tired to be by yourself.
00:12:52
Speaker 2: I know that.
00:12:54
Speaker 1: So, you know, I feel like I am a good mate. I feel like I can be a great partner to the person and I just have to meet that person.
00:13:03
Speaker 2: I love it, and people are doing that in nursing homes these days.
00:13:06
Speaker 1: You know, I know I don't work out this full time. That's why I'm gonna be Hello.
00:13:11
Speaker 2: What kind of person are you hoping to attract now?
00:13:14
Speaker 1: Oh, somebody who's sure of themselves, someone who is not searching for anything other than a great partnership, a family oriented person, someone who's already established in their lives. Someone who's just looking for a partner. Yeah, a good partner.
00:13:30
Speaker 2: But how do you manifest that? How do you go out and tell the world that's what you're looking for.
00:13:35
Speaker 1: Well, I'm telling the world. I tell the Holy Ghost, and that's it, all right. And I'm very consistent about it, and very serious about it, and very intentional about it.
00:13:44
Speaker 2: And you keep sending your people, so it seems to be working. I have a question. What do you think is in parative to make a long standing relationship work today that maybe you didn't think was important when you were with some of your other ones.
00:14:07
Speaker 1: Oh. Communication, You gotta have hard conversations. Yeah, the hard conversations are just as important as the easier ones. Okay, you know, community, communicating how you feel, what you want, the adversities that happen in a relationship. My whole thing is this now, Like, I am not arguing longer than twenty four hours. If there's an issue, you don't get through this today because I'm not bringing this into my tomorrow. No for that, you know. So we're going to communicate. You gonna tell me how you feel, and I want to take you how I feel, and we're gonna diad this and move on. Okay.
00:14:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
00:14:44
Speaker 1: You know.
00:14:44
Speaker 2: They always say don't go to bed, you know, angry, and it seems to be right.
00:14:47
Speaker 1: I'm not going to dinner angry. Okay for you, it.
00:14:51
Speaker 2: Seems like that kind of comes with maturity. That's really hard to do when you're younger. But like I feel the same way. I just spit it out there. I think we're both maybe a little bit spoken people and it makes like a little easier. Like you don't carry crap along with you.
00:15:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not. I don't have I don't have any time. I don't have any space for it. You know, I want to be happy. You know, life is good, God is good, It's kind is shining.
00:15:12
Speaker 2: You know, life is amazing, life is short.
00:15:16
Speaker 1: I want to be happy.
00:15:17
Speaker 2: What would you describe your love of life today? Are you in a relationship.
00:15:21
Speaker 1: Are you dating home homegirls? Non existent right now?
00:15:25
Speaker 2: Okay, still sending it up there, waiting waiting for somebody to come down.
00:15:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I kind of know right away if I'm dating the potential one or not.
00:15:37
Speaker 2: I'm so surprised that I look at you and I think about one of your life and your history. I'm surprised that you I'm guessing you do probably have a lot of people who want to date you, but you are now like intentional and specific.
00:15:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm really really intentional, and after a date or two or even a phone call, I could tell if this is going anywhere.
00:15:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you how do you meet people?
00:16:00
Speaker 1: Prayer? Uh? Really, it's a little difficult to meet people, actually, because guys don't come up to me.
00:16:10
Speaker 2: You know, intimidating your beauty.
00:16:13
Speaker 1: And I think I'm really really personable.
00:16:15
Speaker 2: I agree with you, But a guy can be intimidated about you.
00:16:19
Speaker 1: And then then if they are, then I know that that's not the one. And that's the way I'm interested in, you know, in talking to you anyway. You know, I don't know. I'm the last person I met at the gas station.
00:16:31
Speaker 2: Okay, I was going to ask you that, I mean your movie. You meet the guy in the grocery store. Yeah, and I don't know if that's you know, kind of I.
00:16:37
Speaker 1: Met a few in a grocery store. Grocery stores, you know, just as good as church.
00:16:41
Speaker 2: I like you at a guy grocery shop. It makes me think he's going to cook for you.
00:16:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know a few things, or want to learn a few things. I'm into that too.
00:16:48
Speaker 2: There me too. And the last guy you met at the gas station, did you go on a date?
00:16:53
Speaker 1: We were on a few dates, Okay dates. It was really really nice, just didn't work out.
00:16:59
Speaker 2: It's okay, but you let you know, you gave it a try. I love that. Yeah, a gas station and you said, yes, where are you living now?
00:17:06
Speaker 1: Are you in La or are you in Atlanta?
00:17:08
Speaker 2: Atlanta?
00:17:09
Speaker 1: Okay?
00:17:09
Speaker 2: All right, all right? What are your thoughts on marriage today? I'm thinking that you're going to say that you are still open to marriage, but I just want to confirm that because you've done it three times, and what do you think marriage still?
00:17:22
Speaker 1: Listen? Let me just let me give you this disclaiming I didn't think I would ever be married three times. That was not all purpose and not okay, So I am open to marriage because I'm a love a girl, right you are. I'm a love a girl. But I would have to know that whover I'm going to marry. Then we're both going into it thinking that this is this is the last time, this is forever.
00:17:54
Speaker 2: You love, love and love. That's what we're all about here, about finding love. That's the whole thing about I do part two and keep saying now do you until you get it right?
00:18:03
Speaker 1: That's right? Yeah?
00:18:05
Speaker 2: So okay, Now let's move on to Logan. You have a teenage son that going what are you? What is like raising a teenager as a single mom? How a princess together?
00:18:17
Speaker 1: You know, Logan and I we raise each other.
00:18:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, you get it right?
00:18:24
Speaker 1: Yeah? He is a phenomenal kid. God knew exactly what I needed.
00:18:30
Speaker 2: Uh.
00:18:30
Speaker 1: He's a great, great, great kid, a great cook. He gives me no problems. He's amazing in school. He already knows what he wants to do. He's a gamer. Oh yeah, and you know he's just a great kid. I don't know. He's a great kid.
00:18:46
Speaker 2: He's been easy, an easy kid.
00:18:48
Speaker 1: Good times. We have a great time with Logan. He's funny, cracks, jokes, he's great great kid.
00:18:53
Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm guessing that you have some challenging days even if he's a great kid.
00:18:59
Speaker 1: Oh baby, he turned into this teenager where he feels like he's right about every single thing. Yeah.
00:19:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'm guessing that you're doing really good con parenting and the father helps with that.
00:19:11
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, we've done the best we can. You know, there's no playbook. You know, there is no playbook, no playbook, but you know, he feels supported by myself and his dad and we step in and be parents and show up and you know, when we when we need to together as a force, and sometimes it's me and sometimes it's just him, but we figure it out.
00:19:33
Speaker 2: You figure it out, of course you do. Let's pivot a little bit because I'd love to talk about your music carrier a little bit, especially since you were recently performed at the twenty twenty six Songwriters.
00:19:46
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:19:46
Speaker 2: Same Yeah, Taylor Swift the inductees and you sang beyond Beyonce's single Ladies. Music is so healing? Yes, what music has gotten you through your toughest time?
00:20:02
Speaker 1: A lot of R and B music only because it talks about real life. Right. Music is my goal to when I want to heal. The person I've been listening to lately is the artist named Ray and Let. Her last album is called This Music May Contain Hope, and it really is hopeful music. I love that great beautiful music and it just makes you feel uplifted and it talks about challenges of life, but it also talks about, you know, the successes of life. And so that's just what I've been listening to lately and finding comfort in.
00:20:40
Speaker 2: So when you come out with a song, is it do you get it from a personal experience? Sounds like maybe Ray does and you relate to it. Is that how you write your music? Is that how you come up with stuff?
00:20:50
Speaker 1: Yes, I write about past experiences, but I'm also a prophetic writer. I write about things that hasn't happened yet and years later something happens. Yeah, that partakes to a song.
00:21:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, are you going to write about like this, like kind of moment in your life? It seems like you have such a bright outlook on it and that you could maybe you know, affect somebody with your song.
00:21:14
Speaker 1: Yeah. You know, I'm writing right now for my next album, and yeah, so a lot of a lot of it is about this era that I've been in lately.
00:21:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, about knowing yourself, about knowing myself, not apologizing, no girl, and then.
00:21:30
Speaker 1: Also like you know, finding the partner, finding the person who's who God has made for me.
00:21:37
Speaker 2: You know, I can't wait to hear your songs. How somiliar album we out?
00:21:42
Speaker 1: It comes out of September. Okay, Yeah, it's.
00:21:44
Speaker 2: Great news for all of our listeners who are looking for their part two and you know, getting some inspiration from music like you did. Okay, let's move on to your movie because I know Okay. I screened it last night. I absolutely loved it. I love Tej exactly. I love the two of you together. I had to turn it off partly through the night because it was dark in my house. I was great babysitting my grandkids, and I got really scared, and I toushed it this morning when it wasn't dark. Okay, But it was so.
00:22:10
Speaker 1: So, so good.
00:22:11
Speaker 2: So it's an intense thriller, yes, and it seems like something different than what you've done before. What made you want to take on this role?
00:22:20
Speaker 1: First of all, it was Tay Diggs. I put me on that one. Yeah, He's a phenomenal actor, and I've always kind of wanted to work with him. My sisters worked with him, and also the director as well. Chris Stokes is amazing, Okay, And when I got the call, he was like, you'd be perfect for this role. Will you do it? Will you trust me? And I'm like, of course, And so we went in and it was so fun. I thought it was a thriller. It was so fun to make.
00:22:48
Speaker 2: Okay. I feel like he's such a talented actor, just like you're a talented actress. So this chemistry was bound to work. I feel like, I wonder if you got any inspiration from this role because you were single, Because you're single mother, and that's how this person kind of came into this relationship and loved that he loved her kids, and I bet you could kind of relate to that. Tell me about that a little bit.
00:23:10
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I think that is every single mother's dream to me an amazing man who gets along with your kids and want to get along with your kids and want to be a family guy. And sometimes you know it's it's not a good idea because we want it so bad and we get to look at all the signs that that tells us that it's not right because we want it so bad. I think that's what was going on in this film. He had a lot of red flags that she ignored, and she just first of all, he was fine. Second all, he was very fine. Yeah, he's fine. And second of all, you know, he you know, seemed like the perfect guy. Yeah, And so you know, sometimes we have to like not look at those things and really look at the situation as face value and look at the situation as like, is this person right for me? Am I ignoring all the signs because the signs are all there all the time.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: So if you met a perfect guy like this guy, would you be like, there's something underlying that I'm not seeing.
00:24:18
Speaker 1: I'm like that all the time.
00:24:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get it.
00:24:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like that all the time. So the last person you will meet is my kid. Yeah yeah, yeah, So I'm really really skeptical about any inviting anybody to meet my kid or even come to my home. So by then, by then I feel like I have vetted them out to them being who they are instead of their representative representative.
00:24:43
Speaker 2: Will Logan give you an honest opinion about a person that you bring.
00:24:47
Speaker 1: Up, Yes, he's been right every time. Yes, it's not fair.
00:24:50
Speaker 2: He has a good radar.
00:24:51
Speaker 1: Huh he does. It's really not fair. I could really like a person, he's like, I don't like him.
00:24:55
Speaker 2: That's not the one for your mom.
00:24:56
Speaker 1: Huh.
00:24:57
Speaker 2: Okay, good to know.
00:24:59
Speaker 1: Huh, it's right. It sucks.
00:25:12
Speaker 2: I do want to talk about some of the underlying themes of this movie because they're intense, and there are things we talk about here on the podcast. Second chapters, blended families, et cetera. What do you think are some of the things women need to be asking men when they are dating?
00:25:26
Speaker 1: In chapter two, I think a lot of people shy away from asking about people's past, and I think that that is important. You have to ask questions. You have to ask about their last relationship. And I know a lot of people don't want to talk about it, you know, but you have to talk about it because you have to figure out the characteristics of who that person is and also patterns.
00:25:49
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, right, right, So.
00:25:52
Speaker 1: You have to ask a lot of questions and not be afraid. I was, it's so crazy. I was talking to a producer today. She didn't want to ask her boyfriend a question like then, so, why are you with him? How's that? Going to work, you have to ask questions. You have to ask questions. You're not going to know somebody you know and and who and know who they are unless you ask questions. You have to ask questions.
00:26:13
Speaker 2: I think we got it to ask questions.
00:26:16
Speaker 1: They don't want to ask because people and you have to be and you have to watch when you ask questions. Are people hesitant to answer?
00:26:23
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, are they afraid of the answer. Is that why they're not asking the questions, or they're afraid that they're offending by asking the questions.
00:26:30
Speaker 1: But listen, nobody wants to shake the table. Everybody wants it's the wonderful.
00:26:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't want to know, really, Yeah.
00:26:36
Speaker 1: They don't want to know. You want to be with a person. You want to be with a person's so bad, we don't want to be.
00:26:41
Speaker 2: Alone, so we're not asking.
00:26:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we don't ask.
00:26:45
Speaker 2: And do you think that we're okay with accepting what we find out later? Or then we really just screwed ourselves. And it takes a long time to get to the place where I'd rather ask now and find out.
00:26:57
Speaker 1: Well, who wants to waste their time for a year or two with the wrong person, right?
00:27:01
Speaker 2: They're not asking a question.
00:27:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you have to recover from that. No, this age, not at this time and not this age of the game, like nobody with you. Let's wrap this up what we're doing.
00:27:14
Speaker 2: It's like, Yeah, the thing that I feel it comes with maturity, and it comes with a second or third loves, not with first loves orly a lot I think. Yeah, this movie deals with themes of physical abuse and domestic violence, which we also know a lot of people experience in marriage and relationships. What sort of mindset did you have to be in to be in this film with these tough scenes and why do you think it's important for stories like this to be shared?
00:27:40
Speaker 1: Well, you know, sometimes you don't know that you are in an abusive relationship until you mir or someone else's. Yeah, right, And sometimes people get to the point when things are not that bad, if you get what I'm saying, right, and when you look at someone else's situation and you can kind of mirror yours, like, well.
00:28:02
Speaker 2: That's not okay now, but I have the same thing.
00:28:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I think it's important to do movies and scenes like this just to you know, help other people figure out, you know, what's not right in their lives.
00:28:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that. I bet that seeing the way that Ta Diggs's character as a child was so abused so terribly, and it makes me think about my own kids and like what a great light they had. But like, is there somebody that I didn't know was in a you know, in a toxic family like that? I mean, I think there are kids out there that that, But like, what is a sign? How do we know? How can we help? I think this movie is important, so more of us are going to look around a little differently and see if we you know, if we see.
00:28:52
Speaker 1: Something, Yeah, that's right and that and in that sense, I did my job.
00:28:56
Speaker 2: Right, that's right. I mean I think that it was like I hope a lot of people walk away from this movie thinking I need to be more aware because those kids who aren't talking about it, who are scared, you know, they can end up with adults like you know, take Diggs in this movie, and you know it's just you know, and.
00:29:16
Speaker 1: You have to talk about it because you know, things can escalate really fast. Yeah, And so the more people know, the more people can help you.
00:29:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, the whole theme of schizophrenia that was very interesting watching that play out in the movie, you know, people hearing voices and then making him do different things. That was I felt like I learned a lot about mental illness in this movie that I didn't know.
00:29:41
Speaker 1: Well, I haven't seen it, so I can't believe that I haven't seen it. I wanted to wait to the premiere, which is tomorrow. Tay hasn't seen it either. We're both waiting till Tomorrow's.
00:29:53
Speaker 2: Fine to hear. Oh, I'm dying to hear. I hope they're going to interview you right afterwards because I want to hear what you say about it.
00:29:57
Speaker 1: It's so good.
00:29:59
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, good for you. Okay, So let me ask you one question. What do you want women to take away from watching the movie? And what do you hope men take away from it.
00:30:09
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it, but you know what's about. I know what is what it is about? Okay. The number one thing is for men and women stop being so thirsty. Okay, stop being so desperate to find a person. Yeah right, I love that. You got to figure out where this person comes from? What, what what do? What do they actually want with you? You know what I mean? And if those answers does not it does not match up to yours, then you know you've been thirsty. Baby away down and waits. It'll come when it's supposed to come. And that's at any age. Because my mother is in her seventies and she's still dating. That she's still dating, and I just feel like, you know, the right one always shows up. You don't have to rush it. You know, God is not going to take you out of here before your person comes. Okay.
00:31:07
Speaker 2: I think there's a big positive influence in your life, and it gives you the ability to walk away because you have faith that something else will come. I think not everybody has deep faith like you have and are willing to accept whatever they're thinking that's all they're going to get.
00:31:21
Speaker 1: Well, I hate that for them, you know too, because at the end of the day, you gotta believe in something. Yeah, you know. And the thing about love, Love is so free and beautiful. You can try and try and get until you get it right.
00:31:37
Speaker 2: You get it right, and in the meantime, I feel like as I was trying to get it right, I made a lot of really great friends and I learned a little bit from every relationship going forward to get me to the place I am now. Yeah, so all those tests are good and you don't have to say they pass the test until they really do.
00:31:56
Speaker 1: Amen.
00:31:57
Speaker 2: Man, Okay, well I want to tell everybody so when they can catch Stepfather is on to be on June nineteenth, So that's this Friday.
00:32:06
Speaker 1: I'm so excited.
00:32:07
Speaker 2: I know me too. I have a new grand baby coming this Friday also.
00:32:10
Speaker 1: So congratulations.
00:32:11
Speaker 2: A great day. It's June tenth and your movie is coming out and I have a new granddaughter being born. So what a great day. So if you are freshly divorced and trying to figure out your new life but don't know where to start, we're here to help. Send us an email or leave us a voicemail. All the infos in the show notes, and follow us on socials too. Please I do Part two, an iHeart podcast where falling in love is the main objective
Speaker 1: So I do Part two.
00:00:19
Speaker 2: It's your celebrity mentor Joan Bassis here with you, and today I am so honored to be speaking to my guest and fellow Marylander, an incredible vocalist, actress, and TV reality star who's also in her chapter two. She's got a new movie called Stepfather coming out this week and I can't wait to connect with her. So let's not waste any more time. Welcome Tamar Raxton.
00:00:41
Speaker 1: Hi.
00:00:43
Speaker 2: I read, first of all, I just got to go through the Maryland thing. I read that you grew up here in Severn, Maryland.
00:00:48
Speaker 1: I did, what do you mean here? That's where you grew up this week?
00:00:51
Speaker 2: And I'm here right now. It's where I used to live.
00:00:53
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, yes I did. I did.
00:00:55
Speaker 2: I didn't know we had such a big start from living right down the street.
00:00:58
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:01:00
Speaker 2: Wow, when did you leave Maryland? How old are you?
00:01:03
Speaker 1: I was eighteen years old. I'd eighteen when I led.
00:01:07
Speaker 2: You went to high school here?
00:01:08
Speaker 1: I did? I went to an old male and Archbishop Spalding.
00:01:12
Speaker 2: Oh did you really? So my son went to Gonzaga, so you probably they probably played games against each other. So yeah, I love to hear that. Do you come back here often or has your.
00:01:22
Speaker 1: My dad still lives in Baltimore and my brother still lives there as well. My brother lives in glen Burney and yeah, down the street, so yeah, come there quite often. Actually good.
00:01:33
Speaker 2: Well, maybe we'll run into each other one day. Now that we know each other absolutely, we have a lot to discuss, including your new movie. But we are on a radio show called I Do Pop Part two and it's a podcast all about relationships. So I would love to talk to you about your kind of love journey before we get into all the other juicy stuff that we have to talk about. So is it okay if I ask you a few questions about you got to be who you are and where you are?
00:01:59
Speaker 1: Okay? All right?
00:02:01
Speaker 2: So here's this is a softball this first one, What was your first example of love that you can remember and like, what did it teach you?
00:02:10
Speaker 1: Oh? Wow, that's such a very strong question. My first example, I think my first true example was when I gave birth to my son. I felt like that was the love that I was searching for all of my life. The kind of love that doesn't have a color, a gender. It's a feeling of acceptance and kindness and warmth. And I think that's the first time that I ever felt love when someone loves, when someone is there unconditionally and without any questions. They just felt like they belonged, and I felt like.
00:02:50
Speaker 2: I belonged and loved you no matter what. I know. You know, I remember kind of the same feeling when my son was born, and that like my like my life was like whole, completely whole at that point, like all the uses fit together finally.
00:03:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no wrong, there was no right.
00:03:06
Speaker 2: It's just it's just pure, underdulterated, like pure love. Yeah, I get that so much. I love that answer. I thought you might talk about like a parent love, but boy, you're right, like that child love is so different and so encompassing. So I love your answer. And you know, actually talking about families, I love the whole birth order of conversation and about how it kind of shapes us a little bit. And you were the youngest of a pretty big family. Now I have four kids of my own, and I know how everybody in the family kind of loves that youngest child in a little bit of a different way. I wonder if you did you receive any special kind of love growing up, because you were the baby in such a big family.
00:03:47
Speaker 1: You know, I think my sisters would say yes, yes, I would say no, only because, you know, as the youngest of majority of women and my family, you think that I was the most different than everyone. I was loudest, I was opinionated, and I think that was different from my family. And so I think that as the youngest, I was just always trying to find out where I belonged. Although I knew that my family loved me and adored me, it was just that I was different, and I was just always trying to figure out just where I fit.
00:04:28
Speaker 2: So instead of being like enveloped, you felt like you were a little bit more the outcast or like, yeah, just a little different than everybody else. You know, they say, like some of the characteristics of the youngest I see in you a lot, Like you're very care free, and you're charismatic, and you're super outgoing, you're a little outspoken. Like the things that you know that that baby or the youngest in the family, those traits that they kind of enveloped.
00:04:55
Speaker 1: You know.
00:04:55
Speaker 2: One of the traits is also that they're risk tolerant. Do you consider yourself to be kind of risk like you're a little braver, a little more like daring.
00:05:03
Speaker 1: Oh. Absolutely, I take risks every day. Yeah, I think growing up seeing my sisters, I feel like I've watched them be safe all the time, right, And for me, I just always went for whatever I felt, you know, And it didn't matter how long it took, it didn't matter if it was scary, it didn't it didn't matter. I just I just went for what I believed. And I'm still like that today. I'm the first person to speak about things and I don't care. Yeah, I feel something, I just go for it. And I don't know. I think it has everything to do with watching people be careful, and I feel like watching them miss out on things and I didn't want to do that. Yeah.
00:05:50
Speaker 2: Do you think it's gotten you a lot more opportunities in life? By saying yes to everything or even things that you were like a little nervous about you say yes to.
00:06:00
Speaker 1: Do I feel like it's got me more, I guess. So, I guess so, yeah, because you know, I actually just do what I feel is right, or do what I feel, you know, fits me at the moment. And so and I guess people see that as a strength, you know, I just see that as who I am. Yeah. Yeah, but if it doesn't feel right, I'm not doing it, you're not doing it.
00:06:23
Speaker 2: So for a lot of us, that's like an evolution. I've been like the I'm the first child in the family, so I and I am like a risk adverse up until I turned like entered my sixties, and now I say yes to every sixty. I'm sixty three. Yeah, I have four kids, I have three grandkids and two more that are being born this week. So yeah, you better work.
00:06:46
Speaker 1: I know they look amazing.
00:06:49
Speaker 2: Thank you very much for saying that. But I feel like I never took any risk, and now that I take risk, I wish I had done it at a younger age like you. So like fortune favors of old, and I truly believe that now so here I am like talking to you, something I would have been way too shy to do. So I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy that I'm not scared to do things anymore exactly, But I do want to ask you. So this is a podcast about love, and I know that you have been like really successful finding love. A lot of people never find one. You've found at least three because you've been married. I think three times.
00:07:23
Speaker 1: Is very working off for Oh you go, girl, I hope you find it.
00:07:28
Speaker 2: Can you tell me a little bit about what you have learned from some of these relationships and have they made you change your life in any way?
00:07:38
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think I learned the most from my last relationship. I think that I was looking for all the love that I was supposed to have for myself in that situation. Yeah, And when that situation ended, it forced me to face everything about myself that I didn't like about myself and start to love those things and accept myself for who I was one hundred percent, because you know, I just felt like I would always while I was just talking about this earlier with one of the producers here, I felt like I was always kind of dumbing myself down in a relationship to make somebody else feel better about who I am and what I do and why who I am just in a regular general life. And I just think that this last situation taught me that, you know, if I don't accept myself for who I am with all of my flaws, no one else is truly going to accept that either. And I had to get comfortable with that and I had to really truly accept that about myself and really truly love that about me. And I don't have to dumb myself down anymore because I love those things that make up everything that I am.
00:08:51
Speaker 2: Now that's so true. They make you who you are. You should hide them from people. Can I ask a personal question though, that it seems like you and JR. I think ended your relationship pretty quickly after. I have to ask because I wonder about this all the time about people. I'm sorry you don't have to answer it, but I just have always wondered if people know before they walk down the aisle that it's not right and it's just too hard to stop it at that point, or did you still think that he was the person and just kind of figured it out, like right after you got married that maybe he wasn't oh.
00:09:26
Speaker 1: One hundred percent thought that he was the one one hundred percent Okay, And you know, if I'm speaking, I don't want to speak for JR. But first of all, we're friends. Yeah.
00:09:36
Speaker 2: Good.
00:09:37
Speaker 1: I just think that it just wasn't right for that time. You know, I lost my sister. I was dealing with a lot of grief. I didn't know how to handle that. I was still figuring things out about myself personality wise, and it's just wasn't time. It wasn't time, don't I don't feel like I still don't feel like he's the one. I thought he was the one for that time, you know what I mean?
00:10:04
Speaker 2: Has that been true for all of your relationships? Like at that time they were exactly what you needed, absolutely, and then when that need was over that it just didn't work anymore. Yeah, okay, all right, So you're and you're looking for your next one.
00:10:18
Speaker 1: Hello, we're gonna get We're gonna do it till we get it, right.
00:10:21
Speaker 2: I love it about you. Yes, By the way, my husband passed away. I went on a reality TV show. I was a Golden bachelorette and I found love on a reality TV show.
00:10:30
Speaker 1: Just like you did.
00:10:31
Speaker 2: Oh wow, we haven't got engaged. We haven't got married. Ye, we're still engaged. So but I do want to ask you a question. So you have probably gotten a lot of advice from a lot of people, and maybe to help some of our listeners out one day, what's the best advice that someone gave you when you were going.
00:10:47
Speaker 1: Through a divorce?
00:10:48
Speaker 2: Which the hold on now you can do one from each divorce if you'd.
00:10:52
Speaker 1: Like that kind of forgot about it.
00:10:58
Speaker 2: How about like, like advice that maybe you would give somebody yourself, not something that someone else could.
00:11:02
Speaker 1: You going through a divorce.
00:11:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, what is a great piece of advice that you wish you had not?
00:11:08
Speaker 1: It won't always be like this, okay. You know, when you're going through a divorce, you just feel like a failure and a loser, you know, And it just won't always be like that. You know, after a while, you'll feel like you'll feel more empowered, and you'll feel grateful about the time you spend together, and then you'll feel grateful about who you are becoming because now you get to reinvent yourself. Now you get to you know, do the things that you you wish you would have done in a relationship and be a better partner to the next partner. Yeah, you know, so it won't always be like that. You won't always be sad, you won't always you know, feel empty, you won't always feel like a loser. And I think that's I think that's the best advice I can give to you today.
00:11:57
Speaker 2: So at the end of each one of your relationships, you felt empty, You felt like a loser, you felt like a failure.
00:12:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you know, I didn't get married to get divorced, and especially with my son's father. With Vince, you know, I thought that we would be together forever, you know, I thought that we would you know, die together, and it just you know, the end of our relationship was before we both died.
00:12:19
Speaker 2: So I love that you still have what a lot of people lose after, you know, maybe more than one relationship, that they don't feel like they can find love and they kind of give up on it. What gives you the strength to think that it can keep coming, it can keep entering your life.
00:12:35
Speaker 1: Well, because I believe that God is a god of second chances, and he can keep forgiving and keep reloving us and keep you know, accepting us. Then why does that not work for the next person?
00:12:47
Speaker 2: I agree. I just think a lot of us get tired.
00:12:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, you can get tired to be by yourself.
00:12:52
Speaker 2: I know that.
00:12:54
Speaker 1: So, you know, I feel like I am a good mate. I feel like I can be a great partner to the person and I just have to meet that person.
00:13:03
Speaker 2: I love it, and people are doing that in nursing homes these days.
00:13:06
Speaker 1: You know, I know I don't work out this full time. That's why I'm gonna be Hello.
00:13:11
Speaker 2: What kind of person are you hoping to attract now?
00:13:14
Speaker 1: Oh, somebody who's sure of themselves, someone who is not searching for anything other than a great partnership, a family oriented person, someone who's already established in their lives. Someone who's just looking for a partner. Yeah, a good partner.
00:13:30
Speaker 2: But how do you manifest that? How do you go out and tell the world that's what you're looking for.
00:13:35
Speaker 1: Well, I'm telling the world. I tell the Holy Ghost, and that's it, all right. And I'm very consistent about it, and very serious about it, and very intentional about it.
00:13:44
Speaker 2: And you keep sending your people, so it seems to be working. I have a question. What do you think is in parative to make a long standing relationship work today that maybe you didn't think was important when you were with some of your other ones.
00:14:07
Speaker 1: Oh. Communication, You gotta have hard conversations. Yeah, the hard conversations are just as important as the easier ones. Okay, you know, community, communicating how you feel, what you want, the adversities that happen in a relationship. My whole thing is this now, Like, I am not arguing longer than twenty four hours. If there's an issue, you don't get through this today because I'm not bringing this into my tomorrow. No for that, you know. So we're going to communicate. You gonna tell me how you feel, and I want to take you how I feel, and we're gonna diad this and move on. Okay.
00:14:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
00:14:44
Speaker 1: You know.
00:14:44
Speaker 2: They always say don't go to bed, you know, angry, and it seems to be right.
00:14:47
Speaker 1: I'm not going to dinner angry. Okay for you, it.
00:14:51
Speaker 2: Seems like that kind of comes with maturity. That's really hard to do when you're younger. But like I feel the same way. I just spit it out there. I think we're both maybe a little bit spoken people and it makes like a little easier. Like you don't carry crap along with you.
00:15:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not. I don't have I don't have any time. I don't have any space for it. You know, I want to be happy. You know, life is good, God is good, It's kind is shining.
00:15:12
Speaker 2: You know, life is amazing, life is short.
00:15:16
Speaker 1: I want to be happy.
00:15:17
Speaker 2: What would you describe your love of life today? Are you in a relationship.
00:15:21
Speaker 1: Are you dating home homegirls? Non existent right now?
00:15:25
Speaker 2: Okay, still sending it up there, waiting waiting for somebody to come down.
00:15:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I kind of know right away if I'm dating the potential one or not.
00:15:37
Speaker 2: I'm so surprised that I look at you and I think about one of your life and your history. I'm surprised that you I'm guessing you do probably have a lot of people who want to date you, but you are now like intentional and specific.
00:15:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm really really intentional, and after a date or two or even a phone call, I could tell if this is going anywhere.
00:15:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you how do you meet people?
00:16:00
Speaker 1: Prayer? Uh? Really, it's a little difficult to meet people, actually, because guys don't come up to me.
00:16:10
Speaker 2: You know, intimidating your beauty.
00:16:13
Speaker 1: And I think I'm really really personable.
00:16:15
Speaker 2: I agree with you, But a guy can be intimidated about you.
00:16:19
Speaker 1: And then then if they are, then I know that that's not the one. And that's the way I'm interested in, you know, in talking to you anyway. You know, I don't know. I'm the last person I met at the gas station.
00:16:31
Speaker 2: Okay, I was going to ask you that, I mean your movie. You meet the guy in the grocery store. Yeah, and I don't know if that's you know, kind of I.
00:16:37
Speaker 1: Met a few in a grocery store. Grocery stores, you know, just as good as church.
00:16:41
Speaker 2: I like you at a guy grocery shop. It makes me think he's going to cook for you.
00:16:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know a few things, or want to learn a few things. I'm into that too.
00:16:48
Speaker 2: There me too. And the last guy you met at the gas station, did you go on a date?
00:16:53
Speaker 1: We were on a few dates, Okay dates. It was really really nice, just didn't work out.
00:16:59
Speaker 2: It's okay, but you let you know, you gave it a try. I love that. Yeah, a gas station and you said, yes, where are you living now?
00:17:06
Speaker 1: Are you in La or are you in Atlanta?
00:17:08
Speaker 2: Atlanta?
00:17:09
Speaker 1: Okay?
00:17:09
Speaker 2: All right, all right? What are your thoughts on marriage today? I'm thinking that you're going to say that you are still open to marriage, but I just want to confirm that because you've done it three times, and what do you think marriage still?
00:17:22
Speaker 1: Listen? Let me just let me give you this disclaiming I didn't think I would ever be married three times. That was not all purpose and not okay, So I am open to marriage because I'm a love a girl, right you are. I'm a love a girl. But I would have to know that whover I'm going to marry. Then we're both going into it thinking that this is this is the last time, this is forever.
00:17:54
Speaker 2: You love, love and love. That's what we're all about here, about finding love. That's the whole thing about I do part two and keep saying now do you until you get it right?
00:18:03
Speaker 1: That's right? Yeah?
00:18:05
Speaker 2: So okay, Now let's move on to Logan. You have a teenage son that going what are you? What is like raising a teenager as a single mom? How a princess together?
00:18:17
Speaker 1: You know, Logan and I we raise each other.
00:18:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, you get it right?
00:18:24
Speaker 1: Yeah? He is a phenomenal kid. God knew exactly what I needed.
00:18:30
Speaker 2: Uh.
00:18:30
Speaker 1: He's a great, great, great kid, a great cook. He gives me no problems. He's amazing in school. He already knows what he wants to do. He's a gamer. Oh yeah, and you know he's just a great kid. I don't know. He's a great kid.
00:18:46
Speaker 2: He's been easy, an easy kid.
00:18:48
Speaker 1: Good times. We have a great time with Logan. He's funny, cracks, jokes, he's great great kid.
00:18:53
Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm guessing that you have some challenging days even if he's a great kid.
00:18:59
Speaker 1: Oh baby, he turned into this teenager where he feels like he's right about every single thing. Yeah.
00:19:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'm guessing that you're doing really good con parenting and the father helps with that.
00:19:11
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, we've done the best we can. You know, there's no playbook. You know, there is no playbook, no playbook, but you know, he feels supported by myself and his dad and we step in and be parents and show up and you know, when we when we need to together as a force, and sometimes it's me and sometimes it's just him, but we figure it out.
00:19:33
Speaker 2: You figure it out, of course you do. Let's pivot a little bit because I'd love to talk about your music carrier a little bit, especially since you were recently performed at the twenty twenty six Songwriters.
00:19:46
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:19:46
Speaker 2: Same Yeah, Taylor Swift the inductees and you sang beyond Beyonce's single Ladies. Music is so healing? Yes, what music has gotten you through your toughest time?
00:20:02
Speaker 1: A lot of R and B music only because it talks about real life. Right. Music is my goal to when I want to heal. The person I've been listening to lately is the artist named Ray and Let. Her last album is called This Music May Contain Hope, and it really is hopeful music. I love that great beautiful music and it just makes you feel uplifted and it talks about challenges of life, but it also talks about, you know, the successes of life. And so that's just what I've been listening to lately and finding comfort in.
00:20:40
Speaker 2: So when you come out with a song, is it do you get it from a personal experience? Sounds like maybe Ray does and you relate to it. Is that how you write your music? Is that how you come up with stuff?
00:20:50
Speaker 1: Yes, I write about past experiences, but I'm also a prophetic writer. I write about things that hasn't happened yet and years later something happens. Yeah, that partakes to a song.
00:21:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, are you going to write about like this, like kind of moment in your life? It seems like you have such a bright outlook on it and that you could maybe you know, affect somebody with your song.
00:21:14
Speaker 1: Yeah. You know, I'm writing right now for my next album, and yeah, so a lot of a lot of it is about this era that I've been in lately.
00:21:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, about knowing yourself, about knowing myself, not apologizing, no girl, and then.
00:21:30
Speaker 1: Also like you know, finding the partner, finding the person who's who God has made for me.
00:21:37
Speaker 2: You know, I can't wait to hear your songs. How somiliar album we out?
00:21:42
Speaker 1: It comes out of September. Okay, Yeah, it's.
00:21:44
Speaker 2: Great news for all of our listeners who are looking for their part two and you know, getting some inspiration from music like you did. Okay, let's move on to your movie because I know Okay. I screened it last night. I absolutely loved it. I love Tej exactly. I love the two of you together. I had to turn it off partly through the night because it was dark in my house. I was great babysitting my grandkids, and I got really scared, and I toushed it this morning when it wasn't dark. Okay, But it was so.
00:22:10
Speaker 1: So, so good.
00:22:11
Speaker 2: So it's an intense thriller, yes, and it seems like something different than what you've done before. What made you want to take on this role?
00:22:20
Speaker 1: First of all, it was Tay Diggs. I put me on that one. Yeah, He's a phenomenal actor, and I've always kind of wanted to work with him. My sisters worked with him, and also the director as well. Chris Stokes is amazing, Okay, And when I got the call, he was like, you'd be perfect for this role. Will you do it? Will you trust me? And I'm like, of course, And so we went in and it was so fun. I thought it was a thriller. It was so fun to make.
00:22:48
Speaker 2: Okay. I feel like he's such a talented actor, just like you're a talented actress. So this chemistry was bound to work. I feel like, I wonder if you got any inspiration from this role because you were single, Because you're single mother, and that's how this person kind of came into this relationship and loved that he loved her kids, and I bet you could kind of relate to that. Tell me about that a little bit.
00:23:10
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I think that is every single mother's dream to me an amazing man who gets along with your kids and want to get along with your kids and want to be a family guy. And sometimes you know it's it's not a good idea because we want it so bad and we get to look at all the signs that that tells us that it's not right because we want it so bad. I think that's what was going on in this film. He had a lot of red flags that she ignored, and she just first of all, he was fine. Second all, he was very fine. Yeah, he's fine. And second of all, you know, he you know, seemed like the perfect guy. Yeah, And so you know, sometimes we have to like not look at those things and really look at the situation as face value and look at the situation as like, is this person right for me? Am I ignoring all the signs because the signs are all there all the time.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: So if you met a perfect guy like this guy, would you be like, there's something underlying that I'm not seeing.
00:24:18
Speaker 1: I'm like that all the time.
00:24:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get it.
00:24:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like that all the time. So the last person you will meet is my kid. Yeah yeah, yeah, So I'm really really skeptical about any inviting anybody to meet my kid or even come to my home. So by then, by then I feel like I have vetted them out to them being who they are instead of their representative representative.
00:24:43
Speaker 2: Will Logan give you an honest opinion about a person that you bring.
00:24:47
Speaker 1: Up, Yes, he's been right every time. Yes, it's not fair.
00:24:50
Speaker 2: He has a good radar.
00:24:51
Speaker 1: Huh he does. It's really not fair. I could really like a person, he's like, I don't like him.
00:24:55
Speaker 2: That's not the one for your mom.
00:24:56
Speaker 1: Huh.
00:24:57
Speaker 2: Okay, good to know.
00:24:59
Speaker 1: Huh, it's right. It sucks.
00:25:12
Speaker 2: I do want to talk about some of the underlying themes of this movie because they're intense, and there are things we talk about here on the podcast. Second chapters, blended families, et cetera. What do you think are some of the things women need to be asking men when they are dating?
00:25:26
Speaker 1: In chapter two, I think a lot of people shy away from asking about people's past, and I think that that is important. You have to ask questions. You have to ask about their last relationship. And I know a lot of people don't want to talk about it, you know, but you have to talk about it because you have to figure out the characteristics of who that person is and also patterns.
00:25:49
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, right, right, So.
00:25:52
Speaker 1: You have to ask a lot of questions and not be afraid. I was, it's so crazy. I was talking to a producer today. She didn't want to ask her boyfriend a question like then, so, why are you with him? How's that? Going to work, you have to ask questions. You have to ask questions. You're not going to know somebody you know and and who and know who they are unless you ask questions. You have to ask questions.
00:26:13
Speaker 2: I think we got it to ask questions.
00:26:16
Speaker 1: They don't want to ask because people and you have to be and you have to watch when you ask questions. Are people hesitant to answer?
00:26:23
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, are they afraid of the answer. Is that why they're not asking the questions, or they're afraid that they're offending by asking the questions.
00:26:30
Speaker 1: But listen, nobody wants to shake the table. Everybody wants it's the wonderful.
00:26:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't want to know, really, Yeah.
00:26:36
Speaker 1: They don't want to know. You want to be with a person. You want to be with a person's so bad, we don't want to be.
00:26:41
Speaker 2: Alone, so we're not asking.
00:26:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we don't ask.
00:26:45
Speaker 2: And do you think that we're okay with accepting what we find out later? Or then we really just screwed ourselves. And it takes a long time to get to the place where I'd rather ask now and find out.
00:26:57
Speaker 1: Well, who wants to waste their time for a year or two with the wrong person, right?
00:27:01
Speaker 2: They're not asking a question.
00:27:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you have to recover from that. No, this age, not at this time and not this age of the game, like nobody with you. Let's wrap this up what we're doing.
00:27:14
Speaker 2: It's like, Yeah, the thing that I feel it comes with maturity, and it comes with a second or third loves, not with first loves orly a lot I think. Yeah, this movie deals with themes of physical abuse and domestic violence, which we also know a lot of people experience in marriage and relationships. What sort of mindset did you have to be in to be in this film with these tough scenes and why do you think it's important for stories like this to be shared?
00:27:40
Speaker 1: Well, you know, sometimes you don't know that you are in an abusive relationship until you mir or someone else's. Yeah, right, And sometimes people get to the point when things are not that bad, if you get what I'm saying, right, and when you look at someone else's situation and you can kind of mirror yours, like, well.
00:28:02
Speaker 2: That's not okay now, but I have the same thing.
00:28:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I think it's important to do movies and scenes like this just to you know, help other people figure out, you know, what's not right in their lives.
00:28:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that. I bet that seeing the way that Ta Diggs's character as a child was so abused so terribly, and it makes me think about my own kids and like what a great light they had. But like, is there somebody that I didn't know was in a you know, in a toxic family like that? I mean, I think there are kids out there that that, But like, what is a sign? How do we know? How can we help? I think this movie is important, so more of us are going to look around a little differently and see if we you know, if we see.
00:28:52
Speaker 1: Something, Yeah, that's right and that and in that sense, I did my job.
00:28:56
Speaker 2: Right, that's right. I mean I think that it was like I hope a lot of people walk away from this movie thinking I need to be more aware because those kids who aren't talking about it, who are scared, you know, they can end up with adults like you know, take Diggs in this movie, and you know it's just you know, and.
00:29:16
Speaker 1: You have to talk about it because you know, things can escalate really fast. Yeah, And so the more people know, the more people can help you.
00:29:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, the whole theme of schizophrenia that was very interesting watching that play out in the movie, you know, people hearing voices and then making him do different things. That was I felt like I learned a lot about mental illness in this movie that I didn't know.
00:29:41
Speaker 1: Well, I haven't seen it, so I can't believe that I haven't seen it. I wanted to wait to the premiere, which is tomorrow. Tay hasn't seen it either. We're both waiting till Tomorrow's.
00:29:53
Speaker 2: Fine to hear. Oh, I'm dying to hear. I hope they're going to interview you right afterwards because I want to hear what you say about it.
00:29:57
Speaker 1: It's so good.
00:29:59
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, good for you. Okay, So let me ask you one question. What do you want women to take away from watching the movie? And what do you hope men take away from it.
00:30:09
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it, but you know what's about. I know what is what it is about? Okay. The number one thing is for men and women stop being so thirsty. Okay, stop being so desperate to find a person. Yeah right, I love that. You got to figure out where this person comes from? What, what what do? What do they actually want with you? You know what I mean? And if those answers does not it does not match up to yours, then you know you've been thirsty. Baby away down and waits. It'll come when it's supposed to come. And that's at any age. Because my mother is in her seventies and she's still dating. That she's still dating, and I just feel like, you know, the right one always shows up. You don't have to rush it. You know, God is not going to take you out of here before your person comes. Okay.
00:31:07
Speaker 2: I think there's a big positive influence in your life, and it gives you the ability to walk away because you have faith that something else will come. I think not everybody has deep faith like you have and are willing to accept whatever they're thinking that's all they're going to get.
00:31:21
Speaker 1: Well, I hate that for them, you know too, because at the end of the day, you gotta believe in something. Yeah, you know. And the thing about love, Love is so free and beautiful. You can try and try and get until you get it right.
00:31:37
Speaker 2: You get it right, and in the meantime, I feel like as I was trying to get it right, I made a lot of really great friends and I learned a little bit from every relationship going forward to get me to the place I am now. Yeah, so all those tests are good and you don't have to say they pass the test until they really do.
00:31:56
Speaker 1: Amen.
00:31:57
Speaker 2: Man, Okay, well I want to tell everybody so when they can catch Stepfather is on to be on June nineteenth, So that's this Friday.
00:32:06
Speaker 1: I'm so excited.
00:32:07
Speaker 2: I know me too. I have a new grand baby coming this Friday also.
00:32:10
Speaker 1: So congratulations.
00:32:11
Speaker 2: A great day. It's June tenth and your movie is coming out and I have a new granddaughter being born. So what a great day. So if you are freshly divorced and trying to figure out your new life but don't know where to start, we're here to help. Send us an email or leave us a voicemail. All the infos in the show notes, and follow us on socials too. Please I do Part two, an iHeart podcast where falling in love is the main objective