Swear To Tell The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth with Larsa Pippen

00:00:18
Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two and it's your celebrity mentors Jenniferfessler and Kelly ben Simone. And today is exciting because we are bringing in another woman from the housewife universe. You love her on Real Housewives of Miami. It's Larsa Pippin. And we're also going to be taking listener questions. We got a lot of unbelievable questions from you guys, so here we go. Hey, Kellana both saying we've both met you. I met you very briefly at Bravocan, but it feels like you and I have been friends for many years because I have been following you for a long time.

00:00:52
Speaker 2: Girl.

00:00:53
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I feel like we have so much in common. Don't you feel like all the housewives have so much in common?

00:00:58
Speaker 2: Well, I was looking. I was just doing some background on you, and we're both from Illinois. You're from Chicago, I'm from Chicago. You went to University of Illinois political science. My parents went to University of Illinois. So we have like so much. I always saw everyone I was like the housewives they never get the love they deserve because, like we all come from somewhere doing something incredible.

00:01:20
Speaker 3: I kind of went to the same school. So I wonder if our dads were friends.

00:01:23
Speaker 2: I'm sure they were.

00:01:25
Speaker 1: Wow, my dad is.

00:01:26
Speaker 3: An engineer by trade, so he went there to become an engineer.

00:01:31
Speaker 1: We have a lot of other stuff in common, because obviously we are all three of us on this particular podcast, which is about finding love again. So right after divorce after death. Yeah, yeah, and I guess.

00:01:47
Speaker 2: And the journey, the journey of that.

00:01:51
Speaker 3: When I got divorce, I thought it was going to be so easy to find someone. Did you guys think that at some point?

00:01:56
Speaker 1: I wasn't ever worse? Actually, I was separated for like a year and a half, so it's sort of our part two. I mean, we had we separated and then we both had other significant others, and then we ended up getting back together. But I wasn't out there, I guess a year and a half. But so I didn't I didn't really get there yet. What about you, kel, Well, I.

00:02:15
Speaker 2: Was thirty seven and I and now it's like everyone's like, that's so young. But I was married so young that I felt like I was so old and out of touch and didn't know how to Like, I didn't know what I was doing and I felt very uncomfortable dating, like really uncomfortable. I felt like everyone was like like a vulture.

00:02:34
Speaker 3: I feel like all my single friends, I have so many beautiful single friends that go on random dates and don't like anyone. Do you guys ever find like, do you guys hear stories like that? Your friends like they're established, they're beautiful, but then they'll do a few dates with guys like random guys and then nothing comes of it.

00:02:53
Speaker 2: I feel like it's both. I feel like the way there's so many of these beautiful women from all these different ages who are looking for, you know, just as a companion, and the men at the same time are like I don't have a connection with them. All they want is this, All they want is that, And I'm like, wait a minute, all these people are available.

00:03:09
Speaker 1: I always feel like it's sometimes there's like the approach the approaches off, so like I do tell my single friends it's not like if if you get set up or if you meet someone on whatever app, like you're going into assume it's not going to be a love connection. It's probably ninety percent not. So like take that pressure off and if you're going to go meet someone, make it for coffee, don't make it for dinner. And if you're going to go meet someone, think you're just meeting someone who is hopefully going to be a friend. You're not going into it thinking my life is about to change. You're going into a thinking it's almost a networking opportunity. It's not there for you. If it's not there for him, maybe he knows someone, maybe you know someone. But like, it's I see a lot of my friends. They put themselves out there and they're like, oh no, I'm not gonna do it anymore. It's all right. I hate it. It's all wrong. I hate whatever hinge or whatever the app is. It's gross. The guys are all gross. But I don't know. I feel like it's it's a numbers game. And so even if you know, you go into it and it didn't work, whose wad to.

00:04:06
Speaker 2: Share our Excel spreadsheet and be like like, here's our Google docs, this is what we did, this is who we went out with, this is yeah right, So what have you learned about yourself going through divorce?

00:04:16
Speaker 3: You know, I feel like my relationship with my ex was not that bad. That's what I realized.

00:04:21
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, it's interesting.

00:04:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's a really nice guy. I feel like I picked a really good guy to have kids with. My kids are gorgeous, they're like amazing, the rock stars. I'm really happy that I chose him to have kids with. But when you really, I really thought it'd be much easier to meet someone that I would like after my first marriage, just because I thought, like I think when you're married, people tend to want you more. Relationships, girlfriends, guys, they want you so much more because they can't have you.

00:04:51
Speaker 2: That was one of the one of the words advice that my single guy gave me. He's like, if you're in a relationship, you'll meet new people. And I'm like, well, if I have a I could never be like looking around.

00:05:02
Speaker 3: No, you guys, it is. It's literally like, first of all, like the questions that we're going to go through today, right, So basically like the first one, why are men toxic? They love you one minute and are dropping you the next. I think men like things that shine, Men want a trophy, Men want something that they cannot get and once they get you.

00:05:23
Speaker 2: The lesson have you guys?

00:05:25
Speaker 1: Do you guys ever heard of this book called The Rules? It's been around for a longis you have, Hew, Laura, have you ever heard of it? No, it was written I don't know twenty something years ago, and it was and the women that wrote it, actually I was, I am friends with and I worked for them for a little while. But it's all about how men and women are different and men need the chase period full stop. Whether or not you like that or you think it's you know, if you think that's morally over like, it's just sort of what it is. And I actually do also believe that. I feel like, you know, women that are unavailable just married right, or just busy or nice but not crazed after the first date. And I always feel like that's usually when men exert more effort. They want what they can't have, what you guys are saying. But even with my own marriage, like Jeff was after me for a long time and I was like, I don't think so. You are way too short and you are wait like there, you know whatever.

00:06:26
Speaker 3: You're gonna be in the same situation you were years ago.

00:06:29
Speaker 1: I know, right exactly he's gonna be like, yes, exactly.

00:06:32
Speaker 3: Right, a good place. Just focus on all the good things that you have going on, how great he is, how funny is how smart is.

00:06:38
Speaker 1: Oh honey, believe me when I tell you I wouldn't Jeff Fessler couldn't lose me if he tried. Okay, that's just the truth. I mean he's my everything, but he's still short. I mean he knows it. I know it. But at the beginning, so he was chasing me, I didn't think it was there was a spark and then there was. But I think it helped in terms of like him wanting what he thought he couldn't have. Right.

00:07:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course guys always guys want to feel good. And you know how guys judge each other is by the girl that you are with. That's how they judge you. Like if you were with a gorgeous, smart, independent woman, they're like, he must have it going on. That's how guys judge each other based on who you're with.

00:07:18
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, interesting, No, I think that's probably true.

00:07:21
Speaker 2: So what about from Katie where she says that why do relationships rarely work out? The woman makes more than the man. Am I doomed to be alone forever because I don't need a man financially?

00:07:34
Speaker 1: No, I don't think that that's a thing. That's not true. It's a thing for some people, but I think that I don't know. I feel like it's more of what we're talking about, like if if the woman is if the woman is a little bit hard to get but also open and loving, and the man is so attracted to her, I don't feel like that would be necessarily men.

00:07:54
Speaker 2: Are intimidated by women who make money, of.

00:07:57
Speaker 3: Course they are, But I also feel like it depends how the man makes you feel, right, because if you're super independent and you've got all these things, what's going to make you feel good? Someone that comes in to make you feel you know what I mean, Like a guy that's there for you and your friend and your companion, and someone that's into the same things you're intosa.

00:08:16
Speaker 2: Do you feel that being on Housewives living in Miami? Do you feel like it's more difficult because a lot of these guys are like, you're so well known, you're so connected in all these different universes, Like I could never be the man that you want me to be. Do you feel like that happens to you?

00:08:32
Speaker 1: You know what?

00:08:33
Speaker 3: I think it's harder for guys to want to be with an MBA player or an athlete's ex wife. More so than a housewife's ex wife. Do you know what I'm saying. I feel like when you're an athlete, you're used to certain things. We have certain things that like it's hard for a lot of guys to come in and just be able and be comfortable in another you know what I mean? Another size? Shoot, it's not that.

00:08:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, expand on that a little bit, like, have guys not wanted to date you because Scottie like they felt intimidated?

00:09:02
Speaker 3: No, I don't think that. I think that. I think it's like hard for someone to come in and to take that person is so my ex is so big and my lifestyle was so big that I think I'm sure a lot of guys are like I remember when I was first divorced, there were other basketball players and other athletes that were trying to talk to me, and they were like, you would never talk to me because I don't have as much money as your ex, or you're used to private planes, or you're used to this, And so I'm sure it's in the back. You have to be a confident man to come in and play house with someone that was married to a successful person before. You You know, if you're not, if you're not comfortable in who you are and confident, then it would never work.

00:09:43
Speaker 2: But I think also like you're a very first of all, you're super smart, you're a Midwestern, so you have strong values, and you're just a very kind human and so I think that that's also intimidating. They're probably expecting you to be like, let's go to Louis Vuitton on the first date, and you're not. You're like saying these really thoughtful things, which I'm sure they're like, wait a minute.

00:10:03
Speaker 1: What.

00:10:04
Speaker 2: Really interesting?

00:10:05
Speaker 3: I feel like the girls that give guys Christmas lists are the girls that don't end up with a successful guy.

00:10:10
Speaker 1: What do you mean?

00:10:11
Speaker 3: I'm saying, Like some of the girls here in Miami, like when they start dating a guy, they're like off the back. And that's probably why relationships are so transactual these days, because I have single friends now that meet a guy and they're like, you have to pay my mortgage or my rent.

00:10:25
Speaker 1: Get the hell out of here.

00:10:27
Speaker 3: That's the mentality in Miami, like every girl, you're gonna you have to be taken care of.

00:10:32
Speaker 1: That is not the mentality as far as I know. On the East Coast, women are more like honey, I don't need you, Okay, I could pay my own effing mortgage.

00:10:40
Speaker 2: Well it was interesting because like when I got divorced, I you know, I was like, okay, I'm getting divorced my ex husband you know, who was living in la and Paris at the time, and I, you know, switch gears immediately and went back to work and really like full on to make sure that my girls had absolutely everything. And a lot of guys were very intimidated the fact that I was not like a victim to my circumstance. Like I'm like, I'm like, I'm really sorry that I can't be a victim, but I have children to educate, and oh that's that's so thank you. But it was also like it made me feel so guarded because I just didn't trust anyone. I just thought that they were like either trying to make me feel bad about the responsibilities that I had, or they were trying to make me insecure that I was able to actually do things that I could do. And you know, Housewives is a big part of that. I mean, if I hadn't done on Housewives, I don't know really what I mean. That added a massive new revenue stream for me. An opportunity that I don't even know like what I would have done at the time.

00:11:46
Speaker 1: Honestly, Yeah, I don't. I feel like a younger woman, right, not a woman that we do where I do Part two, Part one. I can almost see even my younger self sort of thinking that, like, are you going to take care of me?

00:12:00
Speaker 2: Right?

00:12:00
Speaker 1: Like I'm I'm twenty nine years old and I'm looking for a man who obviously is wonderful and kind and funny and all of that, but also ambitious. My grandmother always said, it doesn't have to be rich, he has to be ambitious that matter. But like this, you know, I feel like at this age, I would not be trying to have a man pay my mortgage right off the bat. As a matter of fact, I would find that offensive. Like I'm surprised that in Miami, what.

00:12:25
Speaker 2: About men asking has to pay their mortgage.

00:12:28
Speaker 3: I feel like it depends on the relationship. You know, if you meet a guy that's successful and you know he wants to take care of you, why not. It depends what you're into, you know. I feel like when I was before my ex husband, the things I needed I don't need any more, like you said, Julia, Like I feel like I'm you know what I mean, I'm just I'm like, good way I am? Do you know?

00:12:48
Speaker 1: You mean? Why your power? Also, if he's paying your mortgage right off the bat, it just feels like the power dynamic is sucked from the beginning.

00:12:55
Speaker 2: Then you're just like on your back foot all the time.

00:12:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you get to know someone when you you you already need him?

00:13:01
Speaker 3: No, I totally understand what you're saying, but I feel like, sometimes I don't know, it kind of feels good to have a guy take care of you. I love a guy to take care of my.

00:13:09
Speaker 1: God. I don't disagree with that, but.

00:13:11
Speaker 2: I also said about I thought that was a really astute, like, don't look for someone that has so much money, look for someone who's ambitious. Like that is such Tell my kids that, because that is the truth. You want someone that like is a self starter, wants to you know.

00:13:27
Speaker 1: Be a part of something like that is just so organic, right, Yeah, Yeah, it's true. I'm telling you. Nana Bucky pushed that into me from a very young age. And my sister and she also said to us, I say it to my kids all the time, specifically my daughter, but she's like you are special. I didn't really get that from my parents as much. You are special, you have everything you have, you come from a nice family, and you are smart. And I try to pump my daughter specifically up like I don't want her to feel like she's so oh. I want her to feel worthy of anybody and everybody right and not feel like somebody has it over her in any way I mean money or looks or you know. At least I try. But my Nanda probably did better than I'm doing. But anyway, Dana Asks had a falling out with my maid of honor after my divorce. She decided to remain friends with my ex. Do you think the ending of a toxic relationship hurts more or less than when a romantic relationship ends? Also, what do you think about men that have a lot of female friends.

00:14:45
Speaker 3: I'm going to say I feel like it's harder when you lose a girlfriend. What do you guys think, really, LARSA, Yeah, I feel like because since I'm single, I'm like, for me, I feel like relationships with guys are not like permanent, but I feel like a friendship with a girlfriend that knows every single thing about you that you're maid of honor like that that would be way harder for me than you know what I mean, like my ex.

00:15:11
Speaker 2: Like it's such an emotional attachment, which.

00:15:14
Speaker 3: Is your best friend. Doesn't your best friend know every single thing about you?

00:15:18
Speaker 2: Everything, all your good bad, ugly? I mean, I totally agree. I think losing a best friend is I mean, I've lost a couple of friends and I'm just like, what is going on? Like I feel it makes me feel very like unsettled. Where a guy, it's like, yes, you feel bad, there's love lost.

00:15:36
Speaker 1: You have, well you to be a certain amount of secure for that, which I mean, I'm thinking about myself when I was single. You know, I a guy I would have dumped at the time when I was I'm talking about when I was a kid, you know, a kid, I would have dumped any girlfriend for a guy. It was just I was looking for, you know, for a husband. I mean, you know, it's just what it was, and that was so important now I guess thinking about it. Listen, I my husband. I really I really don't want to lose him. But I feel like you're probably right, Like now, my friendships are so crucial. I mean they are, you know, like you don't you need.

00:16:16
Speaker 3: I need my girlfriends like I rely on them. I need them, I love them, I nurture that relationship. I feel like if it's just a boyfriend, then it's like and normally when a relationship ends, it's because of the woman. So if I'm ready to get divorced, like you know what I mean, it's like I would be way more heartbroken if I lost my girlfriend and she still wants to have a relationship with my ex, Like that would be like hard.

00:16:41
Speaker 1: I would be remiss not at least bring up what I've been watching you go through this past season, so very much like what we're discussing, you know, And you know what makes.

00:16:51
Speaker 3: It worse when she never had a relationship with him. They never hung out without me, They never they were not friends ever, you know, I mean they were together every time we were together, So it wasn't like they hung out. We did, you know, trips together with him and her boyfriend who was never that relationship. They probably had dinner like we probably as a couple had dinner with them maybe five times, four times, five times crazy Okay. For me my personal experience, I think it is a red flag if a guy has too many girlfriends. I just I'd rather him be a boys boy and hang out with his friends more so. But if his girlfriends are always calling him, I don't know.

00:17:32
Speaker 1: I just feel like that. I don't know if that have any guys that may straight guys with a lot of girlfriends. Yeah, I do.

00:17:39
Speaker 2: I know a lot of guys like these are my girlfriends.

00:17:41
Speaker 3: I'm like, do you think the benefits are just friends? They're not just friends.

00:17:46
Speaker 2: They've slept with all of them.

00:17:48
Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel like that's.

00:17:49
Speaker 2: I dated a guy who like, these are my friends, and then like every single one were like that we dated, and I was like, that's so nice for you. I was like, oh my god, yeah yeah yeah, And I didn't have respect for him after that.

00:18:00
Speaker 3: You know what's funny, John, because I feel like your opinion on a lot of these things it's going to be different than my opinion with Kelly because we're both Like when I was married, and I remember I had all these single friends and they would tell me stories.

00:18:12
Speaker 2: And I'd be like I could never.

00:18:14
Speaker 3: I would never. I just could not fathom living that lifestyle, you know, just because I was happily married, I had all these kids, and once you become divorced. I feel like you see things completely different.

00:18:27
Speaker 1: I think that's probably true. I mean, you know we are we are part two. It's definitely a part two, right like our marriage. The first part of our marriage is way different than what it is right now. And my views, you know, in terms of what I'm looking for in life. I used to say when we were separated, we had no spark. I didn't feel as spark. Now I've said as poor. But like I redefine spark, right, Like, what does that mean for me? It doesn't mean that every time he walks in the door, I'm gonna, you know, whatever hang from the shop. I don't care as much about that. What I care about is peace and fun and companionship and respect and those things. I just that's what I That's what my spark is today, Jen.

00:19:12
Speaker 2: Jeff absolutely adores you when you put that dolt. When I was with you at adulta event and you put that dress on, he was like, we're taking that.

00:19:20
Speaker 3: Look.

00:19:21
Speaker 1: More than that, he actually bought it, which I've never seen Jeff, I hit at that amount of money ever, So he must.

00:19:27
Speaker 2: Have so sweet And it's not just about buying a dress. Like the way that I mean, I saw him the way he was looking at you.

00:19:35
Speaker 1: It wasn't like that though before we separated. That's the interesting part. It really wasn't. I mean, shake up.

00:19:40
Speaker 3: Every now and then they need you to like do some crazy things to get them right because they forget they think this is normal, like every the same thing like is very normal from it. And they imagine, even if they're in a toxic relationship, men never leave.

00:19:53
Speaker 1: They could be comfortable and you know, a boring environment unless they find someone else, unless they find Yeah.

00:20:01
Speaker 3: But I find that you did. Whenever I hear stories of my girlfriends that are like, I'm bored in my relationship. You know, I've been with this guy for fifteen years, and I'm like, stay where you are, okay, because these streets are not for the faith. These streets are not for every Okay. It is really challenging out there, and I suggest you work on your relationship, find, you know, find something to get you going.

00:20:23
Speaker 1: You know, I say that too.

00:20:25
Speaker 2: I say that to my friends. My friends are like, they always like, I'm gonna get divorced, and like, first of all, you don't even know what getting divorced means. It's a it's like Hey, I'm getting divorced. It's like, first of all, that contract is a crazy contract with all these financial aftermath that just makes people ugly and dirty, and it just just deteriorates any kind of connection that you had. And number two, it is just like Larsa is saying, it is the wild West out there, and there are no rules, there's no regulations. People are all over the place, and people are and cheating and married. And I mean, I've just like I've been like trying to be open to a lot of new situations and I'm.

00:21:08
Speaker 3: Just like, Kelly, you got to be younger guys.

00:21:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, Larsa, I mean watching the show, and I know that the show is the show, right, I'm not saying, and we only see you know, little segments of your life obviously, but in watching the show, I feel like there's always been you. You've basically never had a problem meeting a man. I mean, obviously you're beautiful and you're you know, all of the things, but I feel like you have where have you struggled to ever a meeting in one? Because what I see, and again that's just the show, is that you men love you like it's not doesn't seem to be hard for you.

00:21:40
Speaker 3: Fun, babe, jet I'm fun and I'm just kidding. I know, I feel like I have very young energy. I feel like I like to go out. I feel like Kelly here the same way like I feel like I like to go out. I'm fun. I have good energy, and you know, when you're positive. A lot of times people go through a divorce and like we were talking about this, you become a victim. And nobody around negative people and people that feel like they're defeated, and people feel like they've gotten a shorter end of the stick. I think nobody wants to be around you. But if you leave a relationship and you're like, guess what, I'm going to be better, I'm going to have more, I'm going to get every single thing that I want. Then you attract that, then that's what comes to you. You know, I don't really have problem meeting guys, and you know, I kind of choose who I want to be with. And it's funny because I feel like I've gone through a different stages since I've been divorced on what I want. I wanted a dat, a guy that was really really successful. I used to date a prince from Abu Dhabi, and like he showed me things I've never seen before. It was a whole different world for me dating someone that you know, like traveled with his car on his plane, never has never saw that before. He just showed me things I've never seen before, you know, And I think that it's like when you see different things and then I'm like, okay, I'll take that off my bucket list. It was great, it was fun, but that's not who's going to be my partner?

00:23:00
Speaker 1: Is it? Now? That didn't It didn't used to be like what are you looking for? Now? That's different and now I know you have a very serious boyfriend now, so what was it that was different than other guys that you can you know.

00:23:10
Speaker 3: I feel like when I was dating the guy from Dubai, my kids were younger, so it worked like I would go to Dubai and visit him, he would come here and visit me, Like he didn't have to be with me all the time because I my kids were like my main priority. Everything was about my kids, their basketball schedules or school schedules, piano. Like I was like a full on crazy mom. And so it was great having a boyfriend that lived across the world because I would go see him for three weeks. When Scotty had our kids, I would come back and then be on mom mode, you know, and vice versa. And I feel like today my kids are older, so now it's like I have more free time, and the guy that I'm dating now, that I you know, been with, now has more free time for me. So we're literally best friends. We do everything together, like we work out together, we make breakfast together, we do everything together.

00:23:54
Speaker 1: So I feel like my what I have now is what I need today, you know what I need now, But what i'll is different, different than the other guys, you know.

00:24:02
Speaker 3: I think he comes and Kelly, you'd understand this. He comes from a very like normal family, Like he comes to his dad as an engineer like my dad. His mom and dad are married for you know, fifty years or forty some years, like my parents. He just comes from a very cultured background. And I think, like me, being like Middle Eastern, I'm used to certain things like you know, like if my dad calls and tells me to take a photo off ig, I'm taking it off. If he calls me larsa that bikini picture, my dad goes you published a photo, Larsa, take it down and I'm like, oh my god, I'm taking.

00:24:37
Speaker 1: Down the photo.

00:24:38
Speaker 3: My dad's gonna kill me.

00:24:39
Speaker 1: Really, Kelly, you two are like that.

00:24:41
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, are you kidding me? When my dad was alive, he was like.

00:24:44
Speaker 3: All over, everything's okay.

00:24:46
Speaker 2: He would say he would package things, like if he saw something and read something that my mother had shown him, he would package it in a way that was trying to be positive, but he was basically like, don't ever do that again, Like I will you?

00:24:58
Speaker 3: Like, are you like? And I feel like Jeff has the same family. They're like the thing. I love that, and they're very traditional, Like he grew up having a mom and dad, so he knows what it's like to have a successful relationship. I think it's it's hard when, like, you come from a normal family and then you date someone that doesn't have that. My ex husband came from a mom and dad that were happily married and so we co parented the same. We had a lot of similarities, and I think once I started dating guys that didn't have that, it's just different. They're used to different traumas, Like they're just used to different things. That trigger them, and you're always having to make them feel good and you're always having to like.

00:25:35
Speaker 1: Well, that was me. I came from the traumatic background and the broken family and Jeff my husband. I mean, you couldn't have gotten a more normal like yeah, like just like he grew up, there was never issues. Parents adored each other, it was but for me it was the nightmare. And but I think part of maybe why I was drawn to him, and then maybe part of why we got separated, Like I was drawn to him because of the he was so solid. Then maybe my crazy snuck back in and I looked for crazy for a while, and I looked for just because I've been I'm so used to crazy. But yeah, I mean this is actually turning in. This is not just about me. I'm in therapy now, you guys. I'm sorry. I don't mean to like, but it's just I haven't really thought about it until this moment. Maybe that's like part of why we got separated. Things were too calm and I just wasn't used to it, and I was used to chaos always growing up. Now I am very very happy with calm, boring, peaceful and by the.

00:26:33
Speaker 2: Way, Larsa and I are in a very similar situation. I just started dating this guy recently, since the summer. He's very much like how I was raised. His family's like my family. He's a great parent, his kids come first, and so like, I just feel very comfortable around him, where a lot of guys before, like I didn't like the way they parented their children, or they the way they talked about their exes, be very uncomfortable, And this guy doesn't do any of that.

00:27:03
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's really good.

00:27:05
Speaker 2: That makes me feel good.

00:27:06
Speaker 4: That makes me feel it's not safe, but it just makes me feel like calm, Like I am in a good place and I'm feeling good about what I'm doing, and everything else is like starting to do well as a result.

00:27:21
Speaker 2: And I know I shouldn't like place like, you know, emphasis on my relationship and for everything else, but just me personally, I feel like I'm in a very good place with him.

00:27:31
Speaker 3: I love that you can have craziness everywhere else, but I think if you have craziness at home, it disrupts everything else, your work, your kids, you know, everything else.

00:27:40
Speaker 2: By the way, I already parented two children, I don't want a parent anymore. I don't want I don't want to parent a man. It's not happening.

00:27:46
Speaker 3: So no, I hear you, trust me. I've been there, done that. I've tried to tell you that being single, I tried it all, and you know what, I really I didn't have a good experience dating someone with kids. And it's crazy to say because I have four kids. But I think for me, like I'm such like you know, moms, like we're we could do we can multitask, we can do ten things some time. But I think it's really hard for single dads to do that. They don't know how to like navigate work, kids and a new relationship.

00:28:14
Speaker 1: I think that's a really interesting point. I think a lot of women have a hard time. Specifically, I think with picture dating a guy right now with young kids, you know, and your kids are that's hard, right, awful.

00:28:28
Speaker 2: For the little boy, I felt offul all my it was awful.

00:28:31
Speaker 3: Tell us Kelly, So what was it like, No, it was just it.

00:28:34
Speaker 2: Was very difficult because you know, I have raised kids on my own and I love children, and so I had to just have a different way of being with kids and you know, creating boundaries. But also, like like Jen talks about, like I like fuel children with.

00:28:51
Speaker 3: Love, like tons and tons and love of love, so they feel.

00:28:54
Speaker 2: Safe with me, and I think it's it's very strong when they go back home and they're like like, I'm in this amazing she's you know, I have this new friend and she like wants to read with me and do all these things, and the mom is like, I'm too busy, I'm gonna read with you now or whatever it is that she's doing. Not to say that she's a bad parent, but it's just like we're different because I'm not full parent, and so I think that you know, it was very difficult for the kids, and I could see it. It was awful.

00:29:21
Speaker 1: Did you also feel like you just didn't want to do it again, Like you've done that that young kid parenting? Like I know for myself, I would not want to do that again, specifically with even any I don't want to. I want to want to do together my own kids, much less someone else is like I've done that.

00:29:37
Speaker 2: I've dated two guys I had children, and one of them, you know, had a beautiful daughter, and like we would run together and do all these things, and she was kind of really bonding with me, which is so nice. It made me feel so good, but then I'm like, this is not when I'm I mean, it's one thing to bond, but I don't want to be replacing or I don't want that. I mean, I felt it was making me feel uncomfortable. I don't know how to explain it. Like you know, I mean now that I'm so great, but I just love I love kids. I do. I like, I love their curiosity and I just want them to be happy and regardless of.

00:30:11
Speaker 1: What he but I don't want to raise them again. I don't know.

00:30:14
Speaker 3: I literally was like, should I have another baby?

00:30:17
Speaker 1: Serious?

00:30:18
Speaker 2: That's one of my biggest regrets. LARSA, I should have had more kids.

00:30:22
Speaker 1: Well it's not too late, no way, I mean not that, listen. I also, I obviously love kids, but absolutely not. I have done, been there, done that, I've done my time. I loved every single minute of it. And like all mothers, if it's me or them, it's them, like I will choose it. But I'm good, like I like not having to answer to anyone anymore. I'm enjoying it very much.

00:30:48
Speaker 2: When I was, when I was, when I after I got divorced, and then I wanted a housewives I was like, I'm going to meet these great guys. I'm going to be able to have another child. This is going to be unbelievable. And it was like we were talking about before. It was I'm like, what is going on? Who are these men and why are they round?

00:31:05
Speaker 1: Like?

00:31:05
Speaker 2: This is not if I want to have a child with LARSA. Let's do another question.

00:31:19
Speaker 3: I froze embryos when I was married, but my husband, Natalie, passed away in a car accident. I don't know if I'll ever be able to date again. Should I think about being a single mom or is that selfish? I would do it if I wanted to have a child, I would much rather have a child with someone that I loved, that was a good person, than a random boyfriend that, you know it possibly could not work out. I would definitely use the embryos. What about you guys?

00:31:45
Speaker 2: I know a lot of them.

00:31:46
Speaker 1: To do it, I think is probably different for everyone. I don't know. I don't know. I mean I think that ideally I would want to raise children with a partner. It's just easier to have a partner. Not always, but in most I think in most situations easier. But I don't know that seems like such a personal individual decision. I don't know.

00:32:07
Speaker 2: I just know a lot of women who have raised children on their own, whether they've adopted them, whether they have you know, gone through you know, different avenues to have babies, and they seem so happy and like one of them is like this major, major, major woman in business and she's like, I would never have been able to have a child if it weren't this way, So like that's amazing.

00:32:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think you ever regread it. I don't think you ever go I wish I hadn't. Right, Once you have a baby, there's only everything your heart opens up. There's no no matter how you have It.

00:32:45
Speaker 2: Would have been nice to have had a partner to raise my children with. You know, my children were five and seven when they were in housewives when I was single, Like, would it have been nice to have someone like nurture my children through that process. Fortunately I had a great father, but you know I didn't have I didn't have that opposite. I was the mother and the father to them, and you know, I'm I'm so grateful that my children are amazing, but you know that is something that really is difficult for them It's.

00:33:14
Speaker 3: Funny because when I was, when I was going through my divorce and till today. It's funny because Scotty and I fight over the kids, like he shows them so much love. I show them so much love, and I tell my kids sometimes it's like last Thanksgiving, Sophia was supposed to come to Miami and her dad was like, no, I'm taking her to Arkansas to visit his family. And she was so upset, and I'm like, it's okay, go to Arkansas with your dad, Like he loves you so much, he's so proud of it, you want to take you to visit his family. But I was thinking, like, I guess it's a good problem to have both your parents are fighting for you and want you. That's like a good feeling, you.

00:33:48
Speaker 1: Know, right. I think that's so great. I love that you and Scottie are. It sounds like it's such a good place.

00:33:55
Speaker 3: You know what I've learned to do, Jen I just give, like I give him all the praise, I give him whatever he says. I kind of just go with because I can live in a place of like turmoil, and I could have done that, like when we were going through our divorce, I could have been really, you know, I could have made his life help and I didn't. I chose not to. I was like, I'm not going to do that because once you start that cycle, I feel like it never ends.

00:34:18
Speaker 1: That's a great lesson, Like that's I hope that our listeners like I say it again because I just think that's such a I think it's so helpful to people going through divorce, Like it's not going to help to if you are like it, if you are kind, because I when I was separated, I remember like we thought we were getting divorced, and I was not. It was not going to be contentious. I was bound and determined to not have it be so ugly because I grew up with such ugly divorces, and as a result, I did kind of what you did, Laursa. Like my daughter would call and she'd be like, daddy's doing this, and I was like, you're calling me to complain about Jeff Fesler. Honey, you had the wrong number. Okay, you know how lucky, But that kind of thing that I made such a difference to him and conversely, you know it just I think that's such good advice, Like what you did, I think is is beautiful thing.

00:35:11
Speaker 3: I mean, it's it's honestly, it's a conscious effort. You know, I could have all my friends. I remember I was filming Housewives and I was like crying because I was like, oh my god, Sophia's I'm not going to be with Sophia for Thanksgiving. Like I was really like heartbroken about that. And I could have called my lawyers. I could have called him and went crazy on him, like why are you doing this? Why won't you let her know be with me? And I just thought, it's it's not going to win anything. She's with her dad. She's happy. She's not happy right now, but she will be happy when she gets around all her cousins. And I just have to always take the high road. And I feel like that's the only thing that's worked for my sanity. My kids they're like amazing, They're they're great because I never complained about their dad. Their dad kuld do anything to me, and I will never talk about him. I will never put in a bad night. I you know, I was married to an NBA player. You guys, you can only imagine how crazy my life was. But I've never ever bashed him. I've never you know, said negative things about him and the press or at home.

00:36:06
Speaker 2: Or amongst my people.

00:36:07
Speaker 3: And I think that's like how you're supposed to handle divorce because if you do bash your ex on social media, your kids will see that, and you know what I mean, it's just toxic for everyone. And then he resents your kids because they're you know, kind of have their mom's back. It's just not a good playing field for anyone. So I've always like had a conscious effort to you know, whatever he does, I'm like, okay, thanks, love you, like, I hope you're good. He can do the worst things to me, guys. I literally I'm like, Okay, I hope you have a great day. Love you.

00:36:41
Speaker 1: You know kell Yeah, Bill last years either.

00:36:45
Speaker 2: No, I never do. I mean, listen, he shot Playboy for me. I mean, he shot a couple covers for me. And I always have him do everything for me that has to do with any photography. And I would never do that because I don't want my girls to feel like insecure about their dad. That just doesn't it doesn't like it's just it's just it's a lose lose.

00:37:07
Speaker 3: You're just not you know, a lot of women do that, and I don't they rather play victim and bash their ex. And I'm like, it's just so toxic and it will never end, you know, It's just like a cycle of he did this, he did that, and it's like at the end of the day, you know, just make peace whatever it is, and make peace and keep.

00:37:24
Speaker 1: It MOVINGE love that.

00:37:25
Speaker 2: And a therapist once told me that you gravitate towards your like like your father, or men gravitate towards their mother. So however that whatever that relationship was, like, that's what you that's where you find like safety. So like we were talking about that before, Jen, how you were like you had you know, some bad things tomoril in your past, so that's that's where you felt that that was your safe zone. And so for women like we, you know, I had a great, strong, academic father. I feel safe in that kind of powerful human. I don't feel safe in the you know, while loose like that doesn't make me feel safe.

00:38:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, I like to know where I stand. I feel like I don't want to get in a pool unless I know the temperature, unless I know what's like. I'm not going swimming unless I know what's what I'm signing.

00:38:15
Speaker 1: Up for smart girl.

00:38:17
Speaker 3: Okay, see, I always want to hear this is. This reminds me of one of my best friends. You guys, I'm friends with this girl and she was dating this guy. So wait, let me read this story. Let me read this question that CJ has for us been living the bachelor life since divorced. But most of the women I date last long, don't last longer than a month. I'm on the shorter side. And yeah, that's not big either. The size really mattered to women.

00:38:40
Speaker 1: That's my question. That was that was written for me. So when I was single again ten million years ago, I was my only My only absolute was that he'd be taller than me. And when I got fixed up on dates, I would say, I'm not going out. I don't care. He doesn't have to be so handsome, he doesn't have to be so wealthy, he just has to be tall. Jeff is five six. I think that it's a very interesting and I did that. But you know, now, I watched this guy, this professor from n YU. He does a lot of talking about younger boys and girls and how because so much that is social media, you see that like a lot of times the girls will swipe I don't know which is the bad one left or right, but swipe one way, if the guy is, if the boys not tall, right or the thing. That's why it's so like, like I would say to young people, you have to go out and meet people, because maybe you meet this short guy and he's got this unbelievably perfect personality and he looks at you in the eye. He can meet you whatever and you whatever, and there's there's just beromones and chemistry. I think that like part of that is being out in the world right, and you know, I think online that's hard. I do think a lot of a lot of girls look for tall. I mean I was always felt like a big girl also, so I wanted a guy to make me feel like a more sort of smaller feminine whatever it was.

00:40:15
Speaker 2: First of all, you're not a big girl. You're tiny and perfect.

00:40:19
Speaker 1: And Ellie, I mean I was, I always was. I was always very I would go through like had really heavy periods like you know, being so I always you did too, LARSA.

00:40:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, really, you know what's really interesting, I feel like what you like. For instance, not that you're ever going to get divorced, John, but if you were ever to get divorced, you'd probably look for a short guy. I think you're used to I have a girlfriend that literally only dates shorter men, and that's really she were heels. Yeah, she's like five five with heels, she's like five eight, and she only dates guys that are literally like short. And I was like, why do you only like short guys? And she's like, I think I'm just used to shorter men. So I do you think it's good to, you know, keep your options open. You understand tall men's like it's less than like it's like one percent of the population.

00:41:07
Speaker 1: You guys, right, and you've dated all of them, lady, I.

00:41:10
Speaker 3: Dated all of them. I'll take you know. I think I like what I'm used to. You know, so I'm used to tall guys. My kids are all tall. So and I don't want to get a leader. When I want to reach up to the cabinet, I'll just call job for my kids and be like, can you get that at the top?

00:41:24
Speaker 1: No, you definitely could be right. Maybe I would be drawn.

00:41:26
Speaker 3: I like that when you're a date, when you have like when you've spent a lot of time with someone, you just gravitate towards the same thing. It's really weird. It's really I.

00:41:33
Speaker 1: Would want first thing, I gravitate towards nice nice. I would want them nice. My husband is nice, and I know that sounds very trite, but I would want I'd be very much on the look at smart or and smart.

00:41:47
Speaker 2: Yes, and he loves his Jenfestler, Yes, that's good advice.

00:41:52
Speaker 3: I feel like you give really good advice.

00:41:54
Speaker 1: It's a nice thing to say.

00:41:56
Speaker 2: Jen always. Jen is like very real, thank you.

00:42:00
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, anyway, moving to it.

00:42:03
Speaker 3: You care.

00:42:04
Speaker 2: You don't just like give advice that makes you sound good. You give advice that's real.

00:42:09
Speaker 1: You do well. I mean, I'd love to go keep going with this, but maybe do another thing.

00:42:14
Speaker 2: More about me, more, me.

00:42:16
Speaker 3: Me, me, me me.

00:42:18
Speaker 2: Let's go to Olivia. She's seeing two guys right now, and I defer too. She's decided to date more more. She's decided to date more like men do. But things are starting to get serious with both of them, and she likes them for two different reasons. I know I can't see them both forever. How should I figure out which one I should keep and which one I should break up with?

00:42:43
Speaker 3: I would say, whoever you sleep better with at night?

00:42:47
Speaker 1: Sleep sleep or sleep sleep like zz Like.

00:42:50
Speaker 3: I feel like anytime I was in a relationship that was good, I would sleep like a baby, And anytime I was dating someone where I couldn't sleep all night and I just had all these like like weird thoughts in my mind, like even though he was a great guy, but I just had these like things that would go in the back of my mind. I'm like, no, I don't trust him. There's something about him. I don't trust even though he's giving me all this stuff like no, So I think, whoever you sleep with the best I've dated guys, you guys were I could not sleep at all and I was like that's my body and God talking and me telling me he's not the guy. Yeah, So I would break up with guys because I couldn't sleep next to him. I'm like, I can't be with this guy. I don't sleep.

00:43:29
Speaker 1: So you weren't. You were uncomfortable, You weren't You couldn't feel like you could relax.

00:43:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, or like any won't like gives you anxiety, Like if they don't call you back, it gives you anxiety. I feel like those kind of some people are like, oh my god, that's their tone and like lift, Like that is not a serotonin lift. That is a do not text be with that person that your body is saying there's too much that there's there's too much attached to that phone call. Used to be with someone that makes you feel good about yourself, like you're saying sleep feel good about yourself, like you want to me better, like I just I mean, I want to be in a relationship where I feel better. I don't want to be in a relationship or on my back foot I've been in not all my life.

00:44:12
Speaker 3: Or you can always flip a coin. I do that a lot to you, guys. I'm like this week or next share break up with them this week or next a flipal coin. I'm like, no, this week, Okay, we're moving on.

00:44:22
Speaker 1: Well. I also think you don't have to make that choice until you have to make that choice, Like I don't know if you know, unless there's a ring on your finger or this you know, push or exclusivity, Why can't you keep dating them both.

00:44:35
Speaker 2: Like as long as they know, though, I don't think it's fair.

00:44:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think it's fair to be in two different.

00:44:40
Speaker 2: Two relationships if you haven't said to them like we're not we're not committing because that's just not fair. That's like leading two people on. And you know that just is like that you're never you're never going to sleep all at night because you're not doing like nice things like that's just I don't think that's fair.

00:44:58
Speaker 3: What about your listen interesting? I feel like it's hard to get to know someone unless you spend a lot of time with them and invest with like invest in them and they invest in you. Right, So that's one person, right, But in today's world, I feel like people like you more if you're unavailable. So if you are dating two people, they both probably like you because you're unavailable, busy, You're very busy, kind of crazy. But it's kind of it's working out for her with these two guys because she doesn't have as much time. She's juggling two guys, right. But then at the same time, it's like you have to really get to, you know, invest in one person. So data is hard to twenty twenty five. You have to navigate each relationship like different. I think each relation, each relationship is like unique and different, and you have to handle it and take an approach that's like just made for that one relationship.

00:45:48
Speaker 5: You know.

00:45:49
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I see a question. It's like glaring at me. It's from Cheryl. She's saying, going into my second marriage and I'm set on having a pren at this time. My fiancee is hesitant that the prenup will ruined the finances, possibly of his kids from his first marriage. How do I make him see my side of things.

00:46:08
Speaker 1: I'm a big prenup fan.

00:46:10
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am too. It's just it's better to understand what you're signing up for. And I think it instead of fighting each other and whatever it is, I think you have to go into a relationship once you committed to each other, like you're going to get remarried, then you know exactly what it is, you.

00:46:27
Speaker 1: Know, Yeah, I mean first time around, maybe you like, now you've seen that even though you go into something forever, it doesn't always end up being forever. So now you're on your second time around, specifically, I don't know. I don't know I would tell any one of my friends.

00:46:43
Speaker 2: I mean, unless you're already locked up, like this is in trust or whatever, like that's totally different. But I think it's I definitely think it's a good thing to do.

00:46:52
Speaker 1: Kelly, you had the whole issue with this in your last relationship.

00:46:57
Speaker 3: Yeahs are a good thing. I think it's it's an you know what you're getting out of the situation, best case, worst case. Like I just I hate the unknown.

00:47:06
Speaker 2: You know you don't know what it is.

00:47:07
Speaker 3: It's much better put in writing and understand what you're sending up for. I tell my kids this, like my son's in the NBA. I'm like, I don't know when you're gonna get married, but when you do, you're defining an adoprena.

00:47:17
Speaker 1: Right, Yes, of course I hear you. This question is really I'm just loving it, but you guys can answer. It started seeing a man who's sixty three, and when we got to the point where we were sharing kinks and what we like, he told me he likes watching porn daily. That feels like cheating to me. Am I wrong?

00:47:38
Speaker 3: Go, I think it's definitely cheating. I would feel jealous. I just know my personality like Kelly, are the same? That sounds like right like, I'm not I'm not cool with that because you're cheating on me. Someone else is making you feel good and it's not me, So you're not my guy.

00:47:54
Speaker 2: I would be so jealous.

00:47:56
Speaker 1: All right, Well, I honestly, I wouldn't. I'm not I do. I don't know, I know. I mean that's it's like feels like I'm giving out a lot of information. But I mean, I just I don't know. That doesn't maybe because I've watched I watch not any I'm fifty seven years old.

00:48:14
Speaker 3: Watching porn every now and then. It's different. But I'm saying, if you're watching it every single day, he's got a full on a relationship with this girl, even though it's in his mind.

00:48:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's a problem to watch porn every day period. Yes, I agree with you. That's it's getting. It's a little weird. But I don't really like if I think that my man is upstairs in the bathroom and he's on the phone, it doesn't bother me. That would not bother me. But but you know, I know it does bother a lot of women. Yeah, I don't know why it doesn't. I don't know why it doesn't bother me. I don't know. I also because like, do you guys watch porn?

00:48:49
Speaker 2: No, I mean I have in the past some, but I'm not like a porn watcher.

00:48:54
Speaker 3: Yeah, So Hannah said John on divorce is finally settled. I'm having a divorce party next month. What should my rider die friends and I do to celebrate? You'd be good at this one.

00:49:08
Speaker 2: I think your ride or die girlfriends should do something that just like that's like brings you together, like we were talking about before, Like I feel like female friendships are so important and so something that's like a celebration of the friendship I think is like the best thing to do. I don't think like parties with like you know, blow up penises or something like that, Like I mean that's not but just like things that really make the group bond is something that like I would.

00:49:38
Speaker 3: Want to do, like go to Paris and net proissants right unavailable, Let's go. I'm like, that's that's what makes me want to you know what I mean, have a party with or without a man, like go skiing with your girlfriends.

00:49:51
Speaker 1: I take you know, having the idea of having a party after because you're getting divorced is so healthy as opposed to like sinking into divorced. And I got divorced. I mean you're going to go through that obviously, but I think like celebrating this new chat with your girlfriends. I think that's such a great idea and like being.

00:50:12
Speaker 2: Like having them be a part of it. I think like we were talking about before about like friendships, and I feel like some female friendships get really intimidated by at this time the stage of our life, Like if you're with someone else and they're like, you're never going to be available anymore because you're always going to be with ex or why And so if you can do something where you like bond and you have this moment, then you know you always have something to remember you. No, like ar Paris is always a good idea, like.

00:50:39
Speaker 5: Sa right, Halloween is around the corner, and your favorite podcasters serving up episodes that are so good it's actually scary. Sex and the City meet Severance when Adam Scott joins Kristin Davis to discuss the hunting relationship between Big and Natasha on Are You a Charlotte? And nine one one? What's Your Emergency? The new episode of Call It What It Is? Of course nine to one one, Nashville co star Kimberly Williams Paisley joins Jessica Kapshaw and Camilla Ludington to talk about her health scare her superstar Hubby Brad Paisley and her memories on the set of Father of the Bride with the legendary Diane Keaton. Oscar winner Bree Larsen is a work in progress. Sophia Bush finds out why and waltz right over to Danielle with the Stars because Danielle Fischel has fellow Dancing with the Stars contestant Dylan Effron on to talk about the ballroom, the leaderboard and more. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

00:51:45
Speaker 3: Tom says, starting to date again, losing my wife, trying to navigate the online thing for the first time. What should I be putting on my profile? What do you avoid? What kind of pictures do women like to see?

00:51:57
Speaker 1: I'll let you guys answer that. Oh Jenna that if you don't, oh you know this one, listen, I can tell you, well, I haven't. Like when Jeff and I were separated, it wasn't that wasn't that much online dating. That's how long ago there was. But if you asked me, like if I go through it with my daughter or my son, like and there not that my son doesn't share with me about this stuff, but like my daughter and or what she's looking at. I guess the kind of corny, hokey answer is you want your profile to represent the best of you, but not not something made up or something fabricated, like here's who I am.

00:52:30
Speaker 3: You're saying you should be authentic. Whatever you're authentic, take it to be authentic.

00:52:33
Speaker 1: I think you can also, you know, talk about the best parts of you or show the best pictures of you. And you know, Also, I don't know if I'm looking on someone's profile and it's I feel like it's honest and it said I've it says let's say it says I don't know, I've struggled with something like I like, I like the idea of showing a little bit of vulnerability. But you guys know, you weigh in now you tell me.

00:52:58
Speaker 3: So if I see a guy that's that strugg with anything, I'm running, I'm like, I don't need a nut job.

00:53:02
Speaker 1: No, thanks, fair enough.

00:53:05
Speaker 3: I you know what's funny, because I started a dating app called day dot com. Did Yeah, So I look at a lot of dating apps. I researched a lot of dating apps before, and I feel like I don't like when guys take selfies. Like to me, when I look at the dating apps, I'm like, I don't like the selfies, Like I think it's cooler when guys show their family their friends. It's more like chill, not so formal, like not so much with the selfies or the picture in front of the car like that to me just looses like cheesy.

00:53:35
Speaker 1: I agree with that, Like if you're like, you know.

00:53:37
Speaker 3: If you're playing tennis with your friends, if you're on a boat with your friends, like that to me is like, oh, he's got a lot of people that like him. Okay, so he's a good person.

00:53:46
Speaker 2: Who knows people.

00:53:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, them too, because I'm like, oh, he's okay, but his friends are really cute. But I think you're just posting photos of yourself selfies. It just gives me like pick Like I don't I think shirtless nothing at the jam Yeah.

00:54:00
Speaker 2: No baseball caps, no sunglasses. Like I agree with Larsa too, like.

00:54:05
Speaker 3: Maybe just like your parents, your siblings or your kids or stuff like that. I'm like, oh, he's so cute. He has like a normal family, like you know, like that's kind of cute, like a real life your photos you know what what you were talking about, Jen, Like I struggle with depression.

00:54:21
Speaker 1: I don't mean, you know, I wouldn't. I would also want any of that only because I feel like all of the profiles are so you know, you're they they don't always feel authentic. And so when I say struggle, I definitely don't mean like, well, right now I'm struggling to get off Heroin, like that's probably not going to take your lot dates right, but more like, you know, I don't know, you know, I've struggled. I'm trying to think of like like I've struggled with uh, I've struggled with finding relationships that are who's putting that.

00:54:50
Speaker 2: In a profile?

00:54:51
Speaker 1: Maybe not Larsa.

00:54:52
Speaker 2: I interview the girl who was recently divorced, and she actually did a really good good job at being like, very authentic to who she was, the things she likes, things that she likes to do. She was very positive and and her profile like just seemed so real. And I think that that's one thing that people are like, whichuld I say, should I you know, like I feel like, yeah, this is always more just be like I love my friends and family, you know whatever, Like Thanksgiving my favorite favorite holiday, whatever it is. But I think that like trying to lure someone in with some kind of tagline or something I think is really like a no no zone.

00:55:30
Speaker 1: What about like what they said like struggle with staying home? I struggle with like I'm always feeling like I have to be on the go or but I don't know, I don't I think what I'm getting at. You're probably right. I probably would see the word struggle. Maybe I would run for the hills. But I'm looking for authentic, Like everybody's got their shit.

00:55:47
Speaker 2: You guys, it's called biobating.

00:55:49
Speaker 3: What's that when you do that in your bio?

00:55:52
Speaker 2: Biobating it's when they make their bio too good.

00:55:56
Speaker 3: They have up writing. Is that what you're saying?

00:55:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, their bio is like too much information about them so that they can lure you in, so you're like, Wow, this person is so great. I mean it's like you know, Jen was saying too like at the beginning, like how you know, go out and meet people because you never know who that's going to be, what they're going to be like, and their idiosyncrasies to you may be super charming and to someone else, they mean may be the ick but like you don't know, but if someone's giving you this, like you know, Daniel Steele novel of their their bio, I mean like how it's like difficult to be like, oh my, oh my god, this guy's perfect.

00:56:32
Speaker 1: And love you said Daniel Steele. Did you know who that is? Larsa, I don't know how old you are. You look you look very young. I know old Kelly is because we're about the same. I know what Danielle Steel is.

00:56:42
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, she's iconic romance novelist of all time, of all time. So yeah, no biobaiting. Just I think that just being like authentic. I mean, Larsa, you're the you. I have love that you have this dating app, So tell us, tell us, like, give us three things that you think resonate.

00:56:59
Speaker 3: On a on a bio for a dating app, like I you know, like Jen said, I think someone being authentic. I think just sharing what you're looking for and sharing you know where you are in life. I feel like a lot of people on dating apps are looking for specific things. First, there's some people just looking to hook up, There's some people just want to partner, and then there's some people looking for a long term commitment. You know, marriage stuff like that. So I think just being authentic as to what you want in a relationship, what you're looking for, you know, I don't like the mixed signal thing, like I'm not good with that. I like people to if you don't know what you want, I'm not going to know you know what you want. So it's like, just figure out what you want before you get on dating apps and what you're looking for, and then go on date dot com. It is basically powered by AI. It's it eliminates getting catfished. You have to use the camera from the actual app to upload your profile picture. You can't use a photo that's overly edited.

00:57:55
Speaker 1: That's brilliant.

00:57:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, And then you can ask xt a group of people for like, if you're talking to five guys just getting to know them, you can send five guys the same message like hey guys, what are your plans this weekend? You can send multiple messages. You can FaceTime and video call from the actual app. So a lot of times people go on dating apps and then they're like, oh, let's take this, let me call you or let me text you, and it's like I'm still getting to know you. I don't know if I want you to have my phone number, chat and get to know each other on the actual app, and day dot com doesn't sell it your personal information. We don't even have your personal information. For instance, Jen, you could be Jen sixty nine sixty nine, you know, like you know, it's not any personal You don't have to full name your name.

00:58:39
Speaker 1: That's actually who I am, Yes, it actually is. That would be my name on a dating app.

00:58:44
Speaker 3: Like, you don't have to get all your personal information. You can go on there and see if you like anyone. I literally just sent all these screen shouts to my girlfriends because they're on day dot com but they hadn't been on in a couple of weeks, and I'm like, oh my god, this guy's so hot. You have to message you. Oh my god this And I was screenshotting and sending them all these guys. I was like, these guys are like finance guys. They're cute, they're young, and go on the app.

00:59:09
Speaker 1: Love that dot com.

00:59:11
Speaker 2: Day dot Com. Okay, so she's been divorced twice and had a shortened engagement that almost flopped. I'm over I'm kind of over guys my own age, and I think I should try dating ten years younger. What's the good and the bad I should expect?

00:59:27
Speaker 3: Okay, So for me, I think dating someone younger is more fun. I think that when you're young, when you're dating a younger guy, they don't have all the baggage that the older guys have. The older guys are like kind of grumpier. I think as guys get older, they kind of get settled in their ways and they like things done the same way every single day. You know, that's my personal experience. But I think you get a younger guy, they're more open to doing different things. They'll they'll make you feel younger. You're like playing video games like you guys. I have a video game set sitting here because my boyfriend plays video games. Okay, So you know, I think it's definitely more fun dating a younger guy, for sure. So that's the positive. The negative is you have to go through all the things you've learned in your thirties and forties all over again. So you're kind of reliving all your thirties and forties with this person, and they don't have as much experience as you when it comes down to all the bad things that you've experienced. So I'm constantly when I'm dealing with my boyfriend, I'm like, and he tells me something, I'm like, you better put into writing, you better, you know. I feel like i'm always because I've been burned because I have years over him that I feel like I have to, you know, kind of go through these things with him. He trusts everyone, and I'm in a place in my life where I've been burned, so I don't trust everyone that I do business with. I'm like, it could go bad, it could go left, and so there's like a learning curve that you have to help with.

01:00:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would only date older. If I was saying, oh, you wouldn't know, you wouldn't I would. You're saying about the guy being grumpy and now wanting I'm grumpy. I want to sit around. Don't try to get me to do new things. I want to sit around. I want to watch movies. I want to like, you know, laugh. I don't want any guy I'm not interested in going on your motorcycle or I don't want to get out of here. I want a guy who's old, who will sit next to me because I'm old and leave me alone.

01:01:24
Speaker 2: I do not want that. I am I am.

01:01:26
Speaker 3: My sister sent me a picture. My sister's ten years younger than me, and she sent me a picture of a guy that she run into a like, because my sister still lives in Chicago, where we grew up. And she sent me a picture of a guy that she went high school with. And I promise you, this guy looked like he was thirty years older than us. And I was, like, men sometimes age worse than women. We're in a group of women, Like our group of women take care of ourselves. We look good, we look younger, you know, and it's hard to date someone that does not take care of themselves like that.

01:01:56
Speaker 1: And older guys agree. I always dated older. I always I did too, Jen I did too.

01:02:02
Speaker 3: When I was, you know, twenty two, I married a guy ten years older. And that was the the guys who were older. But then when you hit a certain age, you gravitate toward energy and where you are. And I feel like my energy is really young, and I attract young because I'm ready to do whatever or go wherever, like I'd like to have fun, I like to plan things, and I just feel like I gravitate toward younger, and younger tends to gravitate towards me and see it.

01:02:29
Speaker 2: What about you, cal You know, I've dated so many different ages. My ex husband was so much older that I was. I got married when I was very young, and then I dated a guy that was young, a couple of guys that were younger than me. And I understand what Mars is saying, like I do love because I have a young spirit as well. I think I have like arrested adolescens. Honestly, Like I think it's like I'm like caught in like.

01:02:53
Speaker 3: My life state that way. That's good, you know what.

01:02:58
Speaker 2: I like the way that I am. But a lot of people are like, oh my god, you're so mature. I'm like, I'm actually not immature. I just like to have a good time and I'm just very positive. So I like being around. But I feel like there's no age to that. And I feel like I've dated guys that are younger, that are old souls. I feel like I've dated guys that are older that are you know, that are very young. I you know, it's like it's really depends on the actual person. But I don't want to teach someone something. I don't want to say, like, you know, get that in writing, like I don't want to do that.

01:03:28
Speaker 1: I want them to.

01:03:28
Speaker 2: Say get that.

01:03:30
Speaker 3: In writing, you're saying you want them to teach you. You still want to learn.

01:03:34
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm a curious person, learn more.

01:03:37
Speaker 3: I just think that when you date younger guys, you're you're a little bit more you know, jaded as you get older, Like you're you've seen, you know, situations that like when you're younger, Like if I were to tell my younger self, like the things I thought I knew at thirty and what I know today is definitely different, you know, it's definitely different.

01:03:56
Speaker 2: It's just so funny because like my kids, Like when I say to my kids, they're twenty five and twenty and I'm like, oh, you know, he's just a couple of years younger. My daughter's like, oh my god, he's so young. Or I'll be like he's just a couple of years older than you. He's thirty and my daughter's like, what so old. I'm like, oh my god, they're like so weird about age where I guess, you know, like you know, we are like more open to like different ages. I mean, clearly, I've yeah, mary to.

01:04:20
Speaker 3: Like someone so much older, so I used to be the guy that was my age, you guys, and he was so immature, and I was like, when I broke up with him, I was like, you know what, there's a reason why I dated you, And it was literally to prove that age is nothing but a number. You are so immature that, like, I'm good.

01:04:35
Speaker 1: I would not like that at any age. I can't outstand immaturity. But I'm telling you I am. I like to move now at a slow pace, and I make no apologies for it. I don't want to skydive. I'm not interested in I dive.

01:04:50
Speaker 3: We're like, no one's getting on a motorcycle, no one's skydiving. It's just like fun dinners.

01:04:55
Speaker 1: I like fun dinners.

01:04:57
Speaker 3: You know what's interesting, my husband met him, he would love him because all my friends that have husbands that are older, I feel like I have younger friends and then I have older friends. I'm kind of that person. But when I bring my boyfriend and dinners with my friends who have older husbands, they are obsessed with Joff. They're obsessed with him. They love him, they like they have great conversations.

01:05:18
Speaker 1: And it works that no doubt, because Jef is probably a wonderful, warm, kind, smart man so younger older that is, you know definitely what I'm picturing. I don't know, Listen, maybe I just I am old beyond my years. I think I'm eighty. Really I'm ready to go. Like I look at assisted living places and I think, what's so bad? I could totally do that. I could go out of my little apartment and go downstairs and the meal is ready and go to happy hour with the old people.

01:05:49
Speaker 3: Find me and my sister. My sister was like, oh my god, do you realize we're going to be like eighty and X amount of years. I'm like, well, you shut the hell up. Like so, I was like, you know, when we get old and our kids come over our house with their kids, I'm like, shut up up, who wants to hear this? My kids are not getting married, They're living with me forever.

01:06:07
Speaker 2: Like no, Larsa, thank you so much. Wow, you listeners really sent in some great ones. Larsa was great.

01:06:14
Speaker 1: Having you joined really fun.

01:06:16
Speaker 2: You guys come back on the pod you bring me both are amazing.

01:06:21
Speaker 1: That was really fun.

01:06:22
Speaker 2: Do you have a question you want to answer? Call us or email us all the info or in the show notes follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast I Do Part Two and iHeartRadio podcast We're Falling in Love is the main objective.