Aug. 26, 2026
STILL Single and Famously Available
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RSS Feed Famously Available is back! DeAnna Pappas, Kathy Swarts, Annaliese Puccini, and Cindy Cullers are putting their hearts on the line for love.
The ladies catch up on their dating lives, and some relationships have crashed and burned since we last heard from them! Plus, our newbies get honest about the kind of men they are hoping to attract!
One thing's for sure...dating isn't easy at ANY age!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:00
Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the ultimate summer of love treat.
00:00:04
Speaker 2: This is Famously Available.
00:00:07
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Famously Available. It's Deanna with you and we're back guys for more because we are still available. We've got a lot to catch up on and some new ladies are in the mix. Kathy, I am still available.
00:00:25
Speaker 2: So am I, Deanna.
00:00:26
Speaker 1: How does this happen?
00:00:27
Speaker 2: I don't know. Can you tell me?
00:00:29
Speaker 1: Something is not right in the world. The stars have not aligned.
00:00:33
Speaker 2: I got nothing here.
00:00:34
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:00:35
Speaker 2: What's been up with you? Tell me what's been going on with you since we last chatted.
00:00:39
Speaker 1: I did dip my toes in.
00:00:40
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:00:41
Speaker 1: Into a relationship.
00:00:42
Speaker 2: Tell me.
00:00:43
Speaker 1: I like dated a guy and just him for like three months.
00:00:48
Speaker 3: Oh.
00:00:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was kind of wild. We like, we're like, It was really intense from the start.
00:00:55
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:00:56
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:00:56
Speaker 2: Sounds good. Obviously something happened.
00:00:59
Speaker 1: Well, you know that you're not quite ready for an intense relationship when it's a panty dropper if he just carries toilet paper up the stairs.
00:01:10
Speaker 2: Are we talking love bombing with toilet paper? What are we talking here?
00:01:13
Speaker 1: No, like for the first time in my life, this man carried things up the stairs without having to be asked. And I was like, have me Lord.
00:01:21
Speaker 2: I am yours. So what's wrong with him?
00:01:26
Speaker 1: Well, I don't think we have enough time today because Annalise is here and Cindy. You know, I think that it was really intense from the start. And when it is that hot and heavy from the beginning, you miss things. You don't pay attention to red flags. And I really don't want to make the same mistakes twice. So I kept taking note of things. And then it took one thing to happen. And I was like, yeah, I was like, I'm all done. I'm all done. I will not go backwards in life. I have been in a really awful marriage relationship for 15 years. I won't do it again. You don't get a free pass on bad behavior.
00:02:06
Speaker 2: Okay. So since you and I have been together in December, I actually did not date very much until the last, let's call it six weeks, two months ago. And I met like four guys, like ping pong. It was just boom, boom, boom. Yeah, it was crazy.
00:02:24
Speaker 1: That's three more than me. Well, hold on.
00:02:27
Speaker 2: The first guy, let's just talk about the two that are worth it. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:02:33
Speaker 1: I just want to acknowledge that like you had options.
00:02:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, wait till you hear my story and then you might change your, you might change that decision. The first guy was great. I was like, how did I, literally, I thank you, God, you finally have brought my chapter two. I'm so excited. And it was great until he literally flipped out about his son who had some problems. And when I tell you, It was Jekyll and Hyde. So he was gently kicked to the curb and then quickly moved on. And then I met this great guy recently. We had two of the best dates ever. We were so aligned on everything you could imagine. Politics, religion, what we like to do with our life, all of it. And then he ghosted me. So I don't know. So yes, I am famously or not available.
00:03:35
Speaker 1: So what you're telling us ladies is that it doesn't get better with age.
00:03:38
Speaker 2: Oh, you know what? I'm the eternal optimist. So I am still romantically hopeful, a hopeful romantic, whatever. But I'm really at a point in my life where now I'm confused because I really thought that that the first guy, and then he flipped out. And I thought, okay, you know, whatever. But then when I met the second guy and we had these incredible two dates and he didn't love bomb me, but our communication style was so aligned. Everything that you read about that you want in a guy and that he should want in you. Again, I was, thank you, Lord. You know, everyone has a misstep, but thank you for this guy. And then ghosted. So I'm left very perplexed. I really, to be fair, I want to text him and ask why. I want to know why he ghosted me because I don't understand. He told me how smart I was, how beautiful I was, how he loved my energy. He loved everything about me and he ghosted me. Some people might say, you know, what's ghosting? So we had our first date and then he went four or five days and then he called me and I said, oh, I'm so surprised to hear from you. And he said, why? And I said, because I haven't heard from you and I thought you weren't interested. And he goes, oh no, I'm very interested. I just, I have a lot going on with my lawyers. He runs some businesses. I'm very busy. So then we had the second great date and I said, look, I don't need to hear from you every day, but if you're interested, I need to know that you're around. And it has been now like 10 days, nothing.
00:05:17
Speaker 3: What was the last communication between you two?
00:05:20
Speaker 2: He actually had talked about getting together. He said he had these two days available. And then he got sick with some stomach virus. And I, because I actually have learned that kindness, in my world, kindness counts. I offered to bring him soup or whatever he needed. He said, no thanks, but I'll let you know.
00:05:40
Speaker 1: Kathy, you're a better woman than me. I've been like, oh my God, you've got the pukes. I'll see you in six months.
00:05:44
Speaker 2: I didn't want any part of that. I didn't. So here we are, six months later, you and I are still famously available. And now we have these other two lovely ladies here.
00:05:54
Speaker 1: It's still available.
00:05:55
Speaker 2: Annalise and Cindy, who are also still available, so take it away.
00:05:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you've heard enough about what we have been through over the last six months. And I hate to encourage you into the dating scene, but like join the pool. I hear you guys are still available.
00:06:09
Speaker 3: Cindy?
00:06:09
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm still available. I'm fresh off of this show. And I dated for a little while and dated furiously.
00:06:15
Speaker 2: You can't.
00:06:16
Speaker 1: Like, give us some. Like, tell us what dating was like. Did people know you? Did they know you from the show? Or did you just find these guys off the street?
00:06:22
Speaker 4: I had some people slide into my DMs and, you know, meet me, came in from out of town.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: And that was great.
00:06:28
Speaker 4: And of course, they knew from the show I'm willing to move somewhere else. But- what is difficult to understand is you can't get to know one another in that environment. On the show, I had a great chance during the bachelor to kind of accelerate all of that. And then once They think that they could replicate that in real life, and it just doesn't happen that way.
00:06:47
Speaker 1: Show up and be yourself. Yeah.
00:06:49
Speaker 4: And then the red flags start coming out or those traits that are annoying.
00:06:53
Speaker 5: You're like, wow.
00:06:53
Speaker 1: You really had men slide into your DMs?
00:06:55
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:06:56
Speaker 1: That never happens to me. And travel from out of state.
00:06:59
Speaker 2: I would take that.
00:07:00
Speaker 1: I would take that. Fly on over.
00:07:02
Speaker 3: Come.
00:07:02
Speaker 1: They were great people. They were really great individuals.
00:07:05
Speaker 2: Go ahead, Kathy.
00:07:06
Speaker 1: Kathy has something to say.
00:07:08
Speaker 2: Kathy's been walking this journey with me. I live in the same, we both live in Austin. I know Cindy. We are very good friends. And she nicknames her guys so I know who she's talking about.
00:07:19
Speaker 1: You do not do that?
00:07:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know you do.
00:07:22
Speaker 2: Are you kidding me?
00:07:23
Speaker 1: How do you keep them straight?
00:07:24
Speaker 2: John and Bill? I do nickname them. You do?
00:07:27
Speaker 3: One.
00:07:27
Speaker 2: Two months later, one. This girl has men. So be honest. She has a roster?
00:07:38
Speaker 1: I don't know. Okay, so there has been a cycle. For the young girls, I think a roster means you're sleeping with them. No, that doesn't. Are you getting down, Cindy?
00:07:48
Speaker 3: No, no.
00:07:48
Speaker 1: Tell those girls who need to. No, I'm not getting down.
00:07:51
Speaker 4: And when I was dating several people, I got very discouraged.
00:07:56
Speaker 1: And so- Kathy is rolling her eyes, but I'm just telling you how it actually felt.
00:08:00
Speaker 2: I'm playing the violin because I know the truth there.
00:08:02
Speaker 1: Kathy would like to play the roster.
00:08:03
Speaker 4: Just because there are people who are interested doesn't mean I'm dating them. So they might be communicating with me, but it doesn't mean I'm dating them. So having said that, I went through a period of time where I kind of had given up, and I thought I'm just going to put it all on pause. And I'll tell you what happened. I met Kendra Scott and Zach Brown. And Kendra Scott is a jewelry designer from Austin. And of course, we all know Zach Brown.
00:08:30
Speaker 1: He puts his toes in the water and his ass in the sand.
00:08:33
Speaker 2: Exactly.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: Keep it going. They have been through hell in their relationships. And they found each other.
00:08:40
Speaker 4: What do you call it? Not their producer, but their PR person introduced them. And they really have hit it off. And I watched them together and it literally brought a tear to my eye. And I thought it is possible for these two people to go through hell and to find each other and to find love again. It actually helped me come back to life and say, my guy's probably out there. I will remain open to it. I may not seek it in the same way, but I am open to it again.
00:09:08
Speaker 2: So thank you, Kendra.
00:09:09
Speaker 1: Thank you, Zach.
00:09:11
Speaker 2: Yeah and can I please have your cast off Cindy because your stable is so full she needs four more bales.
00:09:18
Speaker 5: Of hay feed the girls okay Annalise tell us what you are doing I have someone for Annalise I'm really like stewing about so it's.
00:09:28
Speaker 3: Funny that you say that because I do think that that's the number one way that I meet people these days is I'm on Raya that's the only dating site I'm on but I really.
00:09:37
Speaker 1: Don't use it I've been on the wait list for like three years.
00:09:40
Speaker 3: I don't know what the rules are to get people on, but it's very strange because I've heard from so many people that they can't get on and you should absolutely be on.
00:09:48
Speaker 1: Don't you think? Yes.
00:09:49
Speaker 3: But also at the same time, you're not missing much.
00:09:51
Speaker 2: You're not missing anything.
00:09:53
Speaker 3: So I wouldn't, you know, don't hold your breath that like Mr. Right is there because I mean, I have met guys from that. I've had relationships from from Raya from other dating sites in the past.
00:10:02
Speaker 2: Wait you've had relationships I.
00:10:04
Speaker 3: Have I would say my last two relationships were from people that I met on Raya.
00:10:10
Speaker 1: In town or out of town?
00:10:12
Speaker 3: One started out of town, then was in town, and then the other one was in town.
00:10:15
Speaker 2: Would you move?
00:10:17
Speaker 3: Absolutely. I'm a free bird right now. I mean, it depends where to.
00:10:21
Speaker 1: Kathy, we're going to get her to Austin.
00:10:24
Speaker 3: But I do like being near... A coast, so I don't know. I don't know. Austin's near a coast.
00:10:30
Speaker 2: The Gulf Coast.
00:10:31
Speaker 1: Well, they have a lake. A lake is a little different from... We're only.
00:10:35
Speaker 2: A couple hours from the Gulf Coast. We got red tide. We got it all. We're sending you to Austin.
00:10:40
Speaker 3: Okay. Yeah, but dating, my last relationship ended two years ago, and I have not dated. And honestly, I don't miss it that much. I don't care that much. I'm not actively seeking... a person, I feel like, uh, yeah, like I said, the people that I've met are set up.
00:11:01
Speaker 2: You are a lot younger than I am. The fact that you have not dated anyone in two years, I'm very curious about that. You don't have children. You have some freedom in your life. What is it that is keeping you from actively engaging, you know, in the dating scene?
00:11:22
Speaker 3: I think for the longest time, especially like when I was on The Bachelor and just how I was when I was young, I was so hungry for marriage and kids. That's like what I really put most of my identity into is wanting that. And I think I've done that for such a long time. And I've had some great relationships and then a lot that have just really kind of knocked me in a place where I'm like, I have no.
00:11:48
Speaker 1: Faith in the opposite sex.
00:11:49
Speaker 2: So now do you see, are you the girl now that you meet a guy and you see the, you know, a red, you see.
00:11:55
Speaker 1: A yellow flag.
00:11:56
Speaker 3: I pay attention now. And I don't, I'm somebody who sees the best in everyone. And so it's really hard because it's, If I, and I'm just, I'm not seeing potential anymore. That's where I'm trying to be like, okay, yeah, this person could be a great person. They could be my person. If this X, Y, and Z thing happened, no, that's, then it's not going to work.
00:12:15
Speaker 1: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you get to a place in your life, like we're not looking for fixer uppers anymore.
00:12:20
Speaker 3: No, this is the thing. I always say after my last relationship, I need someone who adds ease to my life and adds value. And my life is really fulfilled on its own. So unless somebody, and I know it's like a big, It's a big ask. It's putting a lot of pressure on somebody, but also at the same time, those should be easy things for the person that's your right person.
00:12:38
Speaker 2: I'm going to call you on that.
00:12:39
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:12:39
Speaker 2: Is it putting a lot of pressure? I'm way older than you, and I'm looking for a man who adds to my life. So why is that putting pressure on a guy? I'm curious.
00:12:49
Speaker 3: Well, I just think that... I think some people would say, like, maybe to the extent if they're reading it through a different lens, like, oh, you need somebody that's adding ease to your life. They're doing all of these things for you. But really, I need somebody who's just doing, like, carrying the toilet paper up the stairs.
00:13:04
Speaker 1: Basic level things.
00:13:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, to make my life easier.
00:13:07
Speaker 1: I need a man who can outman me.
00:13:08
Speaker 3: And who can see where I'm like, if I'm having, I've had a lot of family issues in the last couple years. And it, you know, somebody who's just like, oh, let me grab dinner for you guys so that you don't have to think about it because I know you've had so much stuff going on. Just like thinking about the things that could make your life better.
00:13:35
Speaker 2: So you know what I'm hearing? We are all, I think, each a decade apart or close to it.
00:13:41
Speaker 1: I think we're about the same age.
00:13:42
Speaker 2: Oh, you guys are the same age? Okay, well.
00:13:44
Speaker 1: I know she looks 10 years younger. She does.
00:13:47
Speaker 5: Kathy.
00:13:47
Speaker 2: No, but what I'm saying here is Cindy and I are like, what, nine years apart. We are all seeing the same thing. I find it so interesting that the dynamic doesn't change.
00:14:00
Speaker 4: I also think there's a difference, and I know I have felt it. There's a difference between when you're dating- and when you're looking for a relationship.
00:14:08
Speaker 1: I 1,000% agree. I believe that dating looks very different for me now than when I was younger and I wanted marriage and kids. Dating looked very different. I was willing to have a fixer-upper and do life. I am no longer looking for those things. Therefore, dating looks very different for me.
00:14:24
Speaker 2: What does it look like for you?
00:14:26
Speaker 1: Well, I said it a second ago. I need a man who can outman me. I have a job. I put a roof over my kids' heads. I pay for everything. I fix things. I do things. So in order to... Have a partner, which I believe we're designed for.
00:14:41
Speaker 3: Amen.
00:14:42
Speaker 1: He's got to be able to outman me.
00:14:44
Speaker 2: He needs to add to his relationship. What does that look like? Not carrying the toilet paper. What does that mean?
00:14:50
Speaker 1: Does he pay for your house?
00:14:52
Speaker 2: Does he bring home the dinner?
00:14:53
Speaker 1: No, I don't need to be taken care of. I'm not a taken care of girl.
00:14:56
Speaker 2: I have a career.
00:14:58
Speaker 1: I need emotional stability. There you go. I need emotional stability. I need a man who is emotionally mature. Available.
00:15:04
Speaker 2: Who can handle his life.
00:15:06
Speaker 3: But that's also not going to be another child, like somebody you don't have to take care of. They can take care of themselves. They can stand on their own two feet. They don't need you to mother them or to like do, you know.
00:15:18
Speaker 2: So I have found, Cindy and I have talked about this. I have found that men want to take, they want to use their money or position to, to manage me, to control me.
00:15:34
Speaker 1: Because that works with so many women.
00:15:36
Speaker 2: It works with so many women. Do you guys find that at your age, that the men you meet, if they can't take care of you, if they can't support you, if you don't need them, then they're out.
00:15:50
Speaker 1: I don't know that I have ever dated a man who is financially stable enough to take care of me.
00:15:55
Speaker 2: Oh, interesting.
00:15:56
Speaker 1: And I don't want to be the sugar mama. That is not a role I am signing up for.
00:16:00
Speaker 3: I've dated both. I've dated very, very successful, but never once was I like, buy me things. I'm not that girl at all.
00:16:09
Speaker 2: No, we're not that girl.
00:16:09
Speaker 3: I would be like, even if they, you know. No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:16:12
Speaker 2: Annalisa, I don't mean buy you things. What I meant was a man who has liquidity. He has money. And so he can take you on, I'm making this up. He could take you on a trip to Italy, but that comes with money.
00:16:29
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:16:29
Speaker 2: It's a quid pro quo.
00:16:30
Speaker 3: I don't think I, I just don't think I go for those guys.
00:16:33
Speaker 1: Well, I don't, I don't, you know, but I don't see anything wrong with, with believing that I can have it all. That's not the type of man that I go for. Um, I I'm learning that after divorce, I'm not really sure I know what my type is. So the last guy that I dated for like three months, um, our producer, Heather got to meet him once. He didn't, he didn't look like my type, did he? Listen, he was a very nice guy.
00:16:59
Speaker 2: I remember being like, this. Heather, did you think he was her type?
00:17:06
Speaker 4: I think that Deanna was too pretty for him.
00:17:11
Speaker 2: That's what I'm going to say.
00:17:11
Speaker 1: Oh, you're so sweet. You're so sweet. He was really nice. I think I am still trying to figure out what it is that I want, right? Because I think when I met my ex-husband, I was very young. I was right off The Bachelorette. I was a little jaded in life. I was confused. And I took the first man that paid me a little bit of attention. Now, I need to give him some credit. I believe that we were destined to have children together. Without my children, I could not have done that without him, right? So our souls needed to align to do that. I'm not sure he was my forever man. So I think that I am.
00:17:47
Speaker 1: I think that I am still learning what that looks like. This guy did not fit my physical type that I typically dated. He was very beefy. He was a big man. You're not clear.
00:18:00
Speaker 2: You're not clear what you want.
00:18:02
Speaker 1: No, I am clear what I want.
00:18:03
Speaker 2: What do you want? Emotionally.
00:18:05
Speaker 1: Physically, I'm still figuring that out. Sometimes I still teeter back and forth with whether he needs to be tall, dark, and handsome or if he should be beefy where he can throw me around a bit. Like that was fun. That was kind of fun.
00:18:16
Speaker 2: Whoa. This is R-rated, but keep on. Keep talking.
00:18:20
Speaker 1: But there were just some things that didn't align right. There were just some things that didn't align right, and I was not willing to make excuses at this point in my life.
00:18:30
Speaker 5: Right.
00:18:32
Speaker 2: He had kids. Yeah.
00:18:33
Speaker 3: Did you?
00:18:33
Speaker 1: How soon did you introduce kids to each other? I've never introduced a man to my children. Not ever.
00:18:39
Speaker 2: Cindy, do you know what you want in a man?
00:18:42
Speaker 1: I feel like I have a pretty clear idea.
00:18:45
Speaker 2: Tell me what it is.
00:18:46
Speaker 4: I think that he has to have a very strong spiritual life. He has to be family oriented, very intelligent, emotionally accessible and intelligent.
00:18:58
Speaker 1: Physically fit or be active. You know me.
00:19:00
Speaker 4: I like to do a lot of different things. I'm going all the time. And he has to be kind of a foodie.
00:19:05
Speaker 1: I want what she wants.
00:19:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
00:19:06
Speaker 1: I want some of that, too.
00:19:07
Speaker 3: A lot of that.
00:19:09
Speaker 4: And he has to be the type of guy who will hold out his hand as I walk down the stairs.
00:19:14
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:19:14
Speaker 1: He has to have a drink.
00:19:17
Speaker 4: My Tito's Cosmo waiting for me at the bar if I'm meeting him at night.
00:19:20
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:19:21
Speaker 1: That's what I want. Somebody, to your point, that's thoughtful and thinks of me.
00:19:23
Speaker 2: It's so funny because the older I get... The less I care about the tall, dark, and handsome. I mean, I'm almost 5'8, so I'm not dating a guy who's 5'7. But the looks, the physicality aren't as important. Fitness, absolutely. I agree with that. It changes a lot.
00:19:43
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that it is that important, but there still is an aspect at any age that there has to be physical chemistry.
00:19:49
Speaker 3: Agreed.
00:19:49
Speaker 2: Very important.
00:19:50
Speaker 1: You go I am willing to step out of what I think my box is but there has to be physical chemistry.
00:19:56
Speaker 3: But I also think that's why being set up or meeting people in the wild so to speak is so important when you're not sure about because like the thing with the dating apps is you are looking at people's pictures you could be going a swiping left on your dream personality.
00:20:11
Speaker 1: And like- Just by how they look.
00:20:12
Speaker 3: Just by how they look. And sometimes people take bad pictures, you know, you never know. And so I do prefer trying to meet people just- Through people, out and about.
00:20:22
Speaker 2: Well, I'm just going to say any guy who's holding up a dead fish in a bathroom with a baseball cap on backwards, he's.
00:20:30
Speaker 3: Probably not my guy.
00:20:32
Speaker 5: I don't know.
00:20:32
Speaker 1: I'm down with a little backwards baseball hat.
00:20:35
Speaker 3: Oh, that's fine.
00:20:36
Speaker 2: That's okay.
00:20:37
Speaker 1: I also like fishing.
00:20:38
Speaker 2: With a dead fish in the bathroom with his shirt off.
00:20:42
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not sure why he's in the bathroom with the dead fish. I don't know. We could pull up Hinge and show you what's available.
00:20:49
Speaker 3: In his bathroom that he's going to expect you to do your makeup in.
00:20:53
Speaker 2: He's trying to equate the size of the fish with another appendage. Oh, my God. That's not it. I absolutely disagree.
00:21:01
Speaker 1: Are you serious?
00:21:02
Speaker 3: I've never heard that.
00:21:03
Speaker 2: I absolutely disagree. That's a bigger crock. No, no, no.
00:21:11
Speaker 4: Mostly we do not see, to be fair, we do not see pictures of men holding fish in their bathrooms. It's a collection of what we typically see of men in our age group.
00:21:19
Speaker 1: We pulled it up.
00:21:19
Speaker 4: We were on a flight and I haven't been back on hinge. I kind of bounce back in every now and then just to kind of see what's out there. And it is just so discouraging. It's why I choose to meet as well.
00:21:29
Speaker 1: People in the wild.
00:21:30
Speaker 3: I also, I think I'm in a weird, I think, I think we're similar ages, but I think it's a very hard age to date because I'm 41. I don't think I look 41. I don't act 41. I think probably most men who are dating, uh, who would be in my dating range are dating. They're stopping it at like 39. So they're not even seeing me.
00:21:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, what is your dating age? What's your range?
00:21:56
Speaker 3: I would say like 37 to 52.
00:22:02
Speaker 2: And I'm going to tell you, because you can look it up online, I'm 73. And there isn't one man my age that I've met who I would date because they are used to guys. They do nothing. They used to play tennis. They used to ski. They used to ride bicycles. They do nothing. And the few men that I've, this guy that I met that we had such a great connection, he is, I think, five or six years younger than I. He asked me, why are you dating younger? Not in a critical sense, just he was curious. And I said, because men my age don't have the energy that I have and they don't do the things I want to do. And so men, I literally was talking to a couple of men from Golden Bachelor and they are dating. One is dating a woman 23 years younger.
00:22:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
00:22:57
Speaker 2: One is dating one 18 years younger. And they're like, well, she's not that much younger. And so the relative age difference, depending on where you are, is crazy to me. It's crazy.
00:23:23
Speaker 1: Let me ask you something about that guy, Kathy, because I'm a firm believer that people show us who they are.
00:23:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:23:29
Speaker 5: Right?
00:23:30
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:23:31
Speaker 1: I believe he has shown you who he is by just ghosting you. But I think that you need something. What is it that you need?
00:23:40
Speaker 2: You're going to make me cry. I'm a really tough person to date becauseâ I want it all. You know, I'm not going to settle. And this guy was good looking. He was athletic, smart, successful. Everything, he loves to travel. We even have the same place that we want to see that, you know, our next travel thing. To be ghosted, I can take it. I'm strong. I want to know why. Why did you ghost me?
00:24:14
Speaker 1: Tell me.
00:24:15
Speaker 2: Say you were too old. Tell me I met a 42-year-old that I fell in love with. I'm good with that. I want to know.
00:24:23
Speaker 1: You know what I truly believe?
00:24:24
Speaker 3: What?
00:24:25
Speaker 1: Is that no answer will give you the closure that you desire.
00:24:28
Speaker 3: No.
00:24:29
Speaker 1: So it doesn't matter. If we were to call him now and he were to answer the phone and he would say, oh, Kathy, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. I just don't have the courage to tell you that it's just not you. That answer still wouldn't be good enough.
00:24:39
Speaker 5: Yes, it would.
00:24:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would. If a man said to me, I don't know. I can't tell you why, but you're not it. I'd be okay with that.
00:24:56
Speaker 1: I think he is telling you that.
00:24:57
Speaker 2: He is. But the closure I need is why.
00:25:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we have talked about it.
00:25:03
Speaker 2: Because that isn't, you know, they say watch what a man does, not what he says. Everything when we were having those dates was... So amazing.
00:25:17
Speaker 1: It was magical.
00:25:17
Speaker 2: I remember talking to her after. It was magical.
00:25:20
Speaker 3: The conversations.
00:25:21
Speaker 2: So I'm sitting here like, tell me, say, you know, I got to thinking, you know, you don't need my money. Whatever I could, any answer he would give me. But to ghost me is so disrespectful.
00:25:34
Speaker 3: It's so cruel.
00:25:34
Speaker 1: I have absolutely just let it be known. I have absolute no respect for a person who ghosts someone, who doesn't have the courage to call someone and say, hey, babe, it just wasn't you. I wish you well. Oh, I've probably ghosted several people.
00:25:48
Speaker 2: Really? Yeah.
00:25:49
Speaker 3: Really?
00:25:50
Speaker 1: I've never done it. Even if it's a simple like, hi.
00:25:54
Speaker 4: Well, we'll have to maybe unpack it in a longer segment because there's a lot to it. Part of it is I don't want to hurt their feelings, that they're a great person, they're just not my person.
00:26:04
Speaker 3: Even that.
00:26:05
Speaker 1: That's a simple, this isn't going to work.
00:26:07
Speaker 2: And that's what I've said. It's okay to say you're not my guy. I think you're a great guy, but I'm just not feeling it. That is closure, Cindy.
00:26:16
Speaker 1: But after two dates... Yeah, I think there's a line, right? Two dates that feels like, hey, it didn't work.
00:26:22
Speaker 2: Yeah. Right?
00:26:23
Speaker 1: But if you've been in a relationship with someone, it is, I think, the slightest bit.
00:26:28
Speaker 5: Oh, my gosh.
00:26:28
Speaker 1: If you're in a relationship, absolutely. You start sleeping with someone. You have to have the respect to call someone and say, this isn't for me. This is not working.
00:26:38
Speaker 2: I wish you well, Godspeed.
00:26:39
Speaker 3: But after two dates, that is a little tricky because it is, you know, you don't know. He could be thinking, oh, I just don't need to, I don't owe this explanation.
00:26:47
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:26:47
Speaker 3: Because it was only two dates.
00:26:48
Speaker 2: But the conversations weren't of two dates.
00:26:51
Speaker 3: No, and I understand that because I've, I mean, I've had those as well where it's, you've been ghosted and you think, man, we had such a connection. And it's so hard because you just, you want to know, but.
00:27:01
Speaker 4: Well, here's a question for you. What if he is a classic avoidant? Who got hurt in the past and even recently with his relationship so that now he sees something with you.
00:27:09
Speaker 2: I think you may be right.
00:27:10
Speaker 1: Something big and it scared him off.
00:27:12
Speaker 4: And so if he comes back to you and says, you know, hey, I'm sorry I've been gone for so long.
00:27:17
Speaker 2: I don't know.
00:27:19
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:27:20
Speaker 2: I got to, I don't know. This is going to be another podcast. I don't have the answer for.
00:27:24
Speaker 1: Any of this. We don't have enough time today. And I have really loved this episode. You know, if it doesn't work out, the four of us can just like be together and we can rent our own house here in Tahoe.
00:27:34
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
00:27:34
Speaker 1: And we can just be together. Let's go to that dream place for an expectation. I think that. What we need is another podcast and we can just continue. I mean, Kathy and I have been on this journey together for a time here and here we still sit available.
00:27:49
Speaker 2: But you know what? I believe it can... We can find our people.
00:27:54
Speaker 1: I have not lost hope, ladies.
00:27:55
Speaker 3: No, we have not lost hope.
00:27:56
Speaker 1: I don't know if I am an idiot or a hopeless romantic.
00:27:59
Speaker 2: You call it. Hopeful. Hopeful romantic.
00:28:02
Speaker 1: But I believe that there is someone out there. I don't know what it is, if it just hasn't aligned with my life just yet. But I have hope that there is someone really great out there who's going to show up and it's just going to click. I'm too young. I'm pretty funny. You're pretty fabulous.
00:28:21
Speaker 3: You too.
00:28:22
Speaker 2: It's got to happen. Look at us.
00:28:23
Speaker 1: It's got to happen.
00:28:25
Speaker 2: Don't you think?
00:28:25
Speaker 3: No, I don't.
00:28:26
Speaker 2: That's why, oh, we're going to end on this. That's why I'm moving to Lake Tahoe because I've heard there's lots of great single guys here. Tonight, I'm, you know what? We got to end this. I got to get dressed so I can. There we go.
00:28:40
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.
00:28:41
Speaker 2: Wing women.
00:28:42
Speaker 1: Wing women. Wing women. We're going to marry each other off. I'm not getting married ever again.
00:28:46
Speaker 3: I'm not either.
00:28:47
Speaker 1: So we'll. I would like to.
00:28:48
Speaker 2: Well, you would.
00:28:49
Speaker 1: I would. We've got to do it next time. I've got to know why you would ever do it again. All right, ladies, this has been fun. I've been Deanna.
00:28:59
Speaker 2: I've been Kathy.
00:29:00
Speaker 1: I've been Cindy.
00:29:02
Speaker 3: I've been Annalise.
Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the ultimate summer of love treat.
00:00:04
Speaker 2: This is Famously Available.
00:00:07
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Famously Available. It's Deanna with you and we're back guys for more because we are still available. We've got a lot to catch up on and some new ladies are in the mix. Kathy, I am still available.
00:00:25
Speaker 2: So am I, Deanna.
00:00:26
Speaker 1: How does this happen?
00:00:27
Speaker 2: I don't know. Can you tell me?
00:00:29
Speaker 1: Something is not right in the world. The stars have not aligned.
00:00:33
Speaker 2: I got nothing here.
00:00:34
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:00:35
Speaker 2: What's been up with you? Tell me what's been going on with you since we last chatted.
00:00:39
Speaker 1: I did dip my toes in.
00:00:40
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:00:41
Speaker 1: Into a relationship.
00:00:42
Speaker 2: Tell me.
00:00:43
Speaker 1: I like dated a guy and just him for like three months.
00:00:48
Speaker 3: Oh.
00:00:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was kind of wild. We like, we're like, It was really intense from the start.
00:00:55
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:00:56
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:00:56
Speaker 2: Sounds good. Obviously something happened.
00:00:59
Speaker 1: Well, you know that you're not quite ready for an intense relationship when it's a panty dropper if he just carries toilet paper up the stairs.
00:01:10
Speaker 2: Are we talking love bombing with toilet paper? What are we talking here?
00:01:13
Speaker 1: No, like for the first time in my life, this man carried things up the stairs without having to be asked. And I was like, have me Lord.
00:01:21
Speaker 2: I am yours. So what's wrong with him?
00:01:26
Speaker 1: Well, I don't think we have enough time today because Annalise is here and Cindy. You know, I think that it was really intense from the start. And when it is that hot and heavy from the beginning, you miss things. You don't pay attention to red flags. And I really don't want to make the same mistakes twice. So I kept taking note of things. And then it took one thing to happen. And I was like, yeah, I was like, I'm all done. I'm all done. I will not go backwards in life. I have been in a really awful marriage relationship for 15 years. I won't do it again. You don't get a free pass on bad behavior.
00:02:06
Speaker 2: Okay. So since you and I have been together in December, I actually did not date very much until the last, let's call it six weeks, two months ago. And I met like four guys, like ping pong. It was just boom, boom, boom. Yeah, it was crazy.
00:02:24
Speaker 1: That's three more than me. Well, hold on.
00:02:27
Speaker 2: The first guy, let's just talk about the two that are worth it. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:02:33
Speaker 1: I just want to acknowledge that like you had options.
00:02:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, wait till you hear my story and then you might change your, you might change that decision. The first guy was great. I was like, how did I, literally, I thank you, God, you finally have brought my chapter two. I'm so excited. And it was great until he literally flipped out about his son who had some problems. And when I tell you, It was Jekyll and Hyde. So he was gently kicked to the curb and then quickly moved on. And then I met this great guy recently. We had two of the best dates ever. We were so aligned on everything you could imagine. Politics, religion, what we like to do with our life, all of it. And then he ghosted me. So I don't know. So yes, I am famously or not available.
00:03:35
Speaker 1: So what you're telling us ladies is that it doesn't get better with age.
00:03:38
Speaker 2: Oh, you know what? I'm the eternal optimist. So I am still romantically hopeful, a hopeful romantic, whatever. But I'm really at a point in my life where now I'm confused because I really thought that that the first guy, and then he flipped out. And I thought, okay, you know, whatever. But then when I met the second guy and we had these incredible two dates and he didn't love bomb me, but our communication style was so aligned. Everything that you read about that you want in a guy and that he should want in you. Again, I was, thank you, Lord. You know, everyone has a misstep, but thank you for this guy. And then ghosted. So I'm left very perplexed. I really, to be fair, I want to text him and ask why. I want to know why he ghosted me because I don't understand. He told me how smart I was, how beautiful I was, how he loved my energy. He loved everything about me and he ghosted me. Some people might say, you know, what's ghosting? So we had our first date and then he went four or five days and then he called me and I said, oh, I'm so surprised to hear from you. And he said, why? And I said, because I haven't heard from you and I thought you weren't interested. And he goes, oh no, I'm very interested. I just, I have a lot going on with my lawyers. He runs some businesses. I'm very busy. So then we had the second great date and I said, look, I don't need to hear from you every day, but if you're interested, I need to know that you're around. And it has been now like 10 days, nothing.
00:05:17
Speaker 3: What was the last communication between you two?
00:05:20
Speaker 2: He actually had talked about getting together. He said he had these two days available. And then he got sick with some stomach virus. And I, because I actually have learned that kindness, in my world, kindness counts. I offered to bring him soup or whatever he needed. He said, no thanks, but I'll let you know.
00:05:40
Speaker 1: Kathy, you're a better woman than me. I've been like, oh my God, you've got the pukes. I'll see you in six months.
00:05:44
Speaker 2: I didn't want any part of that. I didn't. So here we are, six months later, you and I are still famously available. And now we have these other two lovely ladies here.
00:05:54
Speaker 1: It's still available.
00:05:55
Speaker 2: Annalise and Cindy, who are also still available, so take it away.
00:05:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you've heard enough about what we have been through over the last six months. And I hate to encourage you into the dating scene, but like join the pool. I hear you guys are still available.
00:06:09
Speaker 3: Cindy?
00:06:09
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm still available. I'm fresh off of this show. And I dated for a little while and dated furiously.
00:06:15
Speaker 2: You can't.
00:06:16
Speaker 1: Like, give us some. Like, tell us what dating was like. Did people know you? Did they know you from the show? Or did you just find these guys off the street?
00:06:22
Speaker 4: I had some people slide into my DMs and, you know, meet me, came in from out of town.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: And that was great.
00:06:28
Speaker 4: And of course, they knew from the show I'm willing to move somewhere else. But- what is difficult to understand is you can't get to know one another in that environment. On the show, I had a great chance during the bachelor to kind of accelerate all of that. And then once They think that they could replicate that in real life, and it just doesn't happen that way.
00:06:47
Speaker 1: Show up and be yourself. Yeah.
00:06:49
Speaker 4: And then the red flags start coming out or those traits that are annoying.
00:06:53
Speaker 5: You're like, wow.
00:06:53
Speaker 1: You really had men slide into your DMs?
00:06:55
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:06:56
Speaker 1: That never happens to me. And travel from out of state.
00:06:59
Speaker 2: I would take that.
00:07:00
Speaker 1: I would take that. Fly on over.
00:07:02
Speaker 3: Come.
00:07:02
Speaker 1: They were great people. They were really great individuals.
00:07:05
Speaker 2: Go ahead, Kathy.
00:07:06
Speaker 1: Kathy has something to say.
00:07:08
Speaker 2: Kathy's been walking this journey with me. I live in the same, we both live in Austin. I know Cindy. We are very good friends. And she nicknames her guys so I know who she's talking about.
00:07:19
Speaker 1: You do not do that?
00:07:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know you do.
00:07:22
Speaker 2: Are you kidding me?
00:07:23
Speaker 1: How do you keep them straight?
00:07:24
Speaker 2: John and Bill? I do nickname them. You do?
00:07:27
Speaker 3: One.
00:07:27
Speaker 2: Two months later, one. This girl has men. So be honest. She has a roster?
00:07:38
Speaker 1: I don't know. Okay, so there has been a cycle. For the young girls, I think a roster means you're sleeping with them. No, that doesn't. Are you getting down, Cindy?
00:07:48
Speaker 3: No, no.
00:07:48
Speaker 1: Tell those girls who need to. No, I'm not getting down.
00:07:51
Speaker 4: And when I was dating several people, I got very discouraged.
00:07:56
Speaker 1: And so- Kathy is rolling her eyes, but I'm just telling you how it actually felt.
00:08:00
Speaker 2: I'm playing the violin because I know the truth there.
00:08:02
Speaker 1: Kathy would like to play the roster.
00:08:03
Speaker 4: Just because there are people who are interested doesn't mean I'm dating them. So they might be communicating with me, but it doesn't mean I'm dating them. So having said that, I went through a period of time where I kind of had given up, and I thought I'm just going to put it all on pause. And I'll tell you what happened. I met Kendra Scott and Zach Brown. And Kendra Scott is a jewelry designer from Austin. And of course, we all know Zach Brown.
00:08:30
Speaker 1: He puts his toes in the water and his ass in the sand.
00:08:33
Speaker 2: Exactly.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: Keep it going. They have been through hell in their relationships. And they found each other.
00:08:40
Speaker 4: What do you call it? Not their producer, but their PR person introduced them. And they really have hit it off. And I watched them together and it literally brought a tear to my eye. And I thought it is possible for these two people to go through hell and to find each other and to find love again. It actually helped me come back to life and say, my guy's probably out there. I will remain open to it. I may not seek it in the same way, but I am open to it again.
00:09:08
Speaker 2: So thank you, Kendra.
00:09:09
Speaker 1: Thank you, Zach.
00:09:11
Speaker 2: Yeah and can I please have your cast off Cindy because your stable is so full she needs four more bales.
00:09:18
Speaker 5: Of hay feed the girls okay Annalise tell us what you are doing I have someone for Annalise I'm really like stewing about so it's.
00:09:28
Speaker 3: Funny that you say that because I do think that that's the number one way that I meet people these days is I'm on Raya that's the only dating site I'm on but I really.
00:09:37
Speaker 1: Don't use it I've been on the wait list for like three years.
00:09:40
Speaker 3: I don't know what the rules are to get people on, but it's very strange because I've heard from so many people that they can't get on and you should absolutely be on.
00:09:48
Speaker 1: Don't you think? Yes.
00:09:49
Speaker 3: But also at the same time, you're not missing much.
00:09:51
Speaker 2: You're not missing anything.
00:09:53
Speaker 3: So I wouldn't, you know, don't hold your breath that like Mr. Right is there because I mean, I have met guys from that. I've had relationships from from Raya from other dating sites in the past.
00:10:02
Speaker 2: Wait you've had relationships I.
00:10:04
Speaker 3: Have I would say my last two relationships were from people that I met on Raya.
00:10:10
Speaker 1: In town or out of town?
00:10:12
Speaker 3: One started out of town, then was in town, and then the other one was in town.
00:10:15
Speaker 2: Would you move?
00:10:17
Speaker 3: Absolutely. I'm a free bird right now. I mean, it depends where to.
00:10:21
Speaker 1: Kathy, we're going to get her to Austin.
00:10:24
Speaker 3: But I do like being near... A coast, so I don't know. I don't know. Austin's near a coast.
00:10:30
Speaker 2: The Gulf Coast.
00:10:31
Speaker 1: Well, they have a lake. A lake is a little different from... We're only.
00:10:35
Speaker 2: A couple hours from the Gulf Coast. We got red tide. We got it all. We're sending you to Austin.
00:10:40
Speaker 3: Okay. Yeah, but dating, my last relationship ended two years ago, and I have not dated. And honestly, I don't miss it that much. I don't care that much. I'm not actively seeking... a person, I feel like, uh, yeah, like I said, the people that I've met are set up.
00:11:01
Speaker 2: You are a lot younger than I am. The fact that you have not dated anyone in two years, I'm very curious about that. You don't have children. You have some freedom in your life. What is it that is keeping you from actively engaging, you know, in the dating scene?
00:11:22
Speaker 3: I think for the longest time, especially like when I was on The Bachelor and just how I was when I was young, I was so hungry for marriage and kids. That's like what I really put most of my identity into is wanting that. And I think I've done that for such a long time. And I've had some great relationships and then a lot that have just really kind of knocked me in a place where I'm like, I have no.
00:11:48
Speaker 1: Faith in the opposite sex.
00:11:49
Speaker 2: So now do you see, are you the girl now that you meet a guy and you see the, you know, a red, you see.
00:11:55
Speaker 1: A yellow flag.
00:11:56
Speaker 3: I pay attention now. And I don't, I'm somebody who sees the best in everyone. And so it's really hard because it's, If I, and I'm just, I'm not seeing potential anymore. That's where I'm trying to be like, okay, yeah, this person could be a great person. They could be my person. If this X, Y, and Z thing happened, no, that's, then it's not going to work.
00:12:15
Speaker 1: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you get to a place in your life, like we're not looking for fixer uppers anymore.
00:12:20
Speaker 3: No, this is the thing. I always say after my last relationship, I need someone who adds ease to my life and adds value. And my life is really fulfilled on its own. So unless somebody, and I know it's like a big, It's a big ask. It's putting a lot of pressure on somebody, but also at the same time, those should be easy things for the person that's your right person.
00:12:38
Speaker 2: I'm going to call you on that.
00:12:39
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:12:39
Speaker 2: Is it putting a lot of pressure? I'm way older than you, and I'm looking for a man who adds to my life. So why is that putting pressure on a guy? I'm curious.
00:12:49
Speaker 3: Well, I just think that... I think some people would say, like, maybe to the extent if they're reading it through a different lens, like, oh, you need somebody that's adding ease to your life. They're doing all of these things for you. But really, I need somebody who's just doing, like, carrying the toilet paper up the stairs.
00:13:04
Speaker 1: Basic level things.
00:13:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, to make my life easier.
00:13:07
Speaker 1: I need a man who can outman me.
00:13:08
Speaker 3: And who can see where I'm like, if I'm having, I've had a lot of family issues in the last couple years. And it, you know, somebody who's just like, oh, let me grab dinner for you guys so that you don't have to think about it because I know you've had so much stuff going on. Just like thinking about the things that could make your life better.
00:13:35
Speaker 2: So you know what I'm hearing? We are all, I think, each a decade apart or close to it.
00:13:41
Speaker 1: I think we're about the same age.
00:13:42
Speaker 2: Oh, you guys are the same age? Okay, well.
00:13:44
Speaker 1: I know she looks 10 years younger. She does.
00:13:47
Speaker 5: Kathy.
00:13:47
Speaker 2: No, but what I'm saying here is Cindy and I are like, what, nine years apart. We are all seeing the same thing. I find it so interesting that the dynamic doesn't change.
00:14:00
Speaker 4: I also think there's a difference, and I know I have felt it. There's a difference between when you're dating- and when you're looking for a relationship.
00:14:08
Speaker 1: I 1,000% agree. I believe that dating looks very different for me now than when I was younger and I wanted marriage and kids. Dating looked very different. I was willing to have a fixer-upper and do life. I am no longer looking for those things. Therefore, dating looks very different for me.
00:14:24
Speaker 2: What does it look like for you?
00:14:26
Speaker 1: Well, I said it a second ago. I need a man who can outman me. I have a job. I put a roof over my kids' heads. I pay for everything. I fix things. I do things. So in order to... Have a partner, which I believe we're designed for.
00:14:41
Speaker 3: Amen.
00:14:42
Speaker 1: He's got to be able to outman me.
00:14:44
Speaker 2: He needs to add to his relationship. What does that look like? Not carrying the toilet paper. What does that mean?
00:14:50
Speaker 1: Does he pay for your house?
00:14:52
Speaker 2: Does he bring home the dinner?
00:14:53
Speaker 1: No, I don't need to be taken care of. I'm not a taken care of girl.
00:14:56
Speaker 2: I have a career.
00:14:58
Speaker 1: I need emotional stability. There you go. I need emotional stability. I need a man who is emotionally mature. Available.
00:15:04
Speaker 2: Who can handle his life.
00:15:06
Speaker 3: But that's also not going to be another child, like somebody you don't have to take care of. They can take care of themselves. They can stand on their own two feet. They don't need you to mother them or to like do, you know.
00:15:18
Speaker 2: So I have found, Cindy and I have talked about this. I have found that men want to take, they want to use their money or position to, to manage me, to control me.
00:15:34
Speaker 1: Because that works with so many women.
00:15:36
Speaker 2: It works with so many women. Do you guys find that at your age, that the men you meet, if they can't take care of you, if they can't support you, if you don't need them, then they're out.
00:15:50
Speaker 1: I don't know that I have ever dated a man who is financially stable enough to take care of me.
00:15:55
Speaker 2: Oh, interesting.
00:15:56
Speaker 1: And I don't want to be the sugar mama. That is not a role I am signing up for.
00:16:00
Speaker 3: I've dated both. I've dated very, very successful, but never once was I like, buy me things. I'm not that girl at all.
00:16:09
Speaker 2: No, we're not that girl.
00:16:09
Speaker 3: I would be like, even if they, you know. No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:16:12
Speaker 2: Annalisa, I don't mean buy you things. What I meant was a man who has liquidity. He has money. And so he can take you on, I'm making this up. He could take you on a trip to Italy, but that comes with money.
00:16:29
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:16:29
Speaker 2: It's a quid pro quo.
00:16:30
Speaker 3: I don't think I, I just don't think I go for those guys.
00:16:33
Speaker 1: Well, I don't, I don't, you know, but I don't see anything wrong with, with believing that I can have it all. That's not the type of man that I go for. Um, I I'm learning that after divorce, I'm not really sure I know what my type is. So the last guy that I dated for like three months, um, our producer, Heather got to meet him once. He didn't, he didn't look like my type, did he? Listen, he was a very nice guy.
00:16:59
Speaker 2: I remember being like, this. Heather, did you think he was her type?
00:17:06
Speaker 4: I think that Deanna was too pretty for him.
00:17:11
Speaker 2: That's what I'm going to say.
00:17:11
Speaker 1: Oh, you're so sweet. You're so sweet. He was really nice. I think I am still trying to figure out what it is that I want, right? Because I think when I met my ex-husband, I was very young. I was right off The Bachelorette. I was a little jaded in life. I was confused. And I took the first man that paid me a little bit of attention. Now, I need to give him some credit. I believe that we were destined to have children together. Without my children, I could not have done that without him, right? So our souls needed to align to do that. I'm not sure he was my forever man. So I think that I am.
00:17:47
Speaker 1: I think that I am still learning what that looks like. This guy did not fit my physical type that I typically dated. He was very beefy. He was a big man. You're not clear.
00:18:00
Speaker 2: You're not clear what you want.
00:18:02
Speaker 1: No, I am clear what I want.
00:18:03
Speaker 2: What do you want? Emotionally.
00:18:05
Speaker 1: Physically, I'm still figuring that out. Sometimes I still teeter back and forth with whether he needs to be tall, dark, and handsome or if he should be beefy where he can throw me around a bit. Like that was fun. That was kind of fun.
00:18:16
Speaker 2: Whoa. This is R-rated, but keep on. Keep talking.
00:18:20
Speaker 1: But there were just some things that didn't align right. There were just some things that didn't align right, and I was not willing to make excuses at this point in my life.
00:18:30
Speaker 5: Right.
00:18:32
Speaker 2: He had kids. Yeah.
00:18:33
Speaker 3: Did you?
00:18:33
Speaker 1: How soon did you introduce kids to each other? I've never introduced a man to my children. Not ever.
00:18:39
Speaker 2: Cindy, do you know what you want in a man?
00:18:42
Speaker 1: I feel like I have a pretty clear idea.
00:18:45
Speaker 2: Tell me what it is.
00:18:46
Speaker 4: I think that he has to have a very strong spiritual life. He has to be family oriented, very intelligent, emotionally accessible and intelligent.
00:18:58
Speaker 1: Physically fit or be active. You know me.
00:19:00
Speaker 4: I like to do a lot of different things. I'm going all the time. And he has to be kind of a foodie.
00:19:05
Speaker 1: I want what she wants.
00:19:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
00:19:06
Speaker 1: I want some of that, too.
00:19:07
Speaker 3: A lot of that.
00:19:09
Speaker 4: And he has to be the type of guy who will hold out his hand as I walk down the stairs.
00:19:14
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:19:14
Speaker 1: He has to have a drink.
00:19:17
Speaker 4: My Tito's Cosmo waiting for me at the bar if I'm meeting him at night.
00:19:20
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:19:21
Speaker 1: That's what I want. Somebody, to your point, that's thoughtful and thinks of me.
00:19:23
Speaker 2: It's so funny because the older I get... The less I care about the tall, dark, and handsome. I mean, I'm almost 5'8, so I'm not dating a guy who's 5'7. But the looks, the physicality aren't as important. Fitness, absolutely. I agree with that. It changes a lot.
00:19:43
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that it is that important, but there still is an aspect at any age that there has to be physical chemistry.
00:19:49
Speaker 3: Agreed.
00:19:49
Speaker 2: Very important.
00:19:50
Speaker 1: You go I am willing to step out of what I think my box is but there has to be physical chemistry.
00:19:56
Speaker 3: But I also think that's why being set up or meeting people in the wild so to speak is so important when you're not sure about because like the thing with the dating apps is you are looking at people's pictures you could be going a swiping left on your dream personality.
00:20:11
Speaker 1: And like- Just by how they look.
00:20:12
Speaker 3: Just by how they look. And sometimes people take bad pictures, you know, you never know. And so I do prefer trying to meet people just- Through people, out and about.
00:20:22
Speaker 2: Well, I'm just going to say any guy who's holding up a dead fish in a bathroom with a baseball cap on backwards, he's.
00:20:30
Speaker 3: Probably not my guy.
00:20:32
Speaker 5: I don't know.
00:20:32
Speaker 1: I'm down with a little backwards baseball hat.
00:20:35
Speaker 3: Oh, that's fine.
00:20:36
Speaker 2: That's okay.
00:20:37
Speaker 1: I also like fishing.
00:20:38
Speaker 2: With a dead fish in the bathroom with his shirt off.
00:20:42
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not sure why he's in the bathroom with the dead fish. I don't know. We could pull up Hinge and show you what's available.
00:20:49
Speaker 3: In his bathroom that he's going to expect you to do your makeup in.
00:20:53
Speaker 2: He's trying to equate the size of the fish with another appendage. Oh, my God. That's not it. I absolutely disagree.
00:21:01
Speaker 1: Are you serious?
00:21:02
Speaker 3: I've never heard that.
00:21:03
Speaker 2: I absolutely disagree. That's a bigger crock. No, no, no.
00:21:11
Speaker 4: Mostly we do not see, to be fair, we do not see pictures of men holding fish in their bathrooms. It's a collection of what we typically see of men in our age group.
00:21:19
Speaker 1: We pulled it up.
00:21:19
Speaker 4: We were on a flight and I haven't been back on hinge. I kind of bounce back in every now and then just to kind of see what's out there. And it is just so discouraging. It's why I choose to meet as well.
00:21:29
Speaker 1: People in the wild.
00:21:30
Speaker 3: I also, I think I'm in a weird, I think, I think we're similar ages, but I think it's a very hard age to date because I'm 41. I don't think I look 41. I don't act 41. I think probably most men who are dating, uh, who would be in my dating range are dating. They're stopping it at like 39. So they're not even seeing me.
00:21:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, what is your dating age? What's your range?
00:21:56
Speaker 3: I would say like 37 to 52.
00:22:02
Speaker 2: And I'm going to tell you, because you can look it up online, I'm 73. And there isn't one man my age that I've met who I would date because they are used to guys. They do nothing. They used to play tennis. They used to ski. They used to ride bicycles. They do nothing. And the few men that I've, this guy that I met that we had such a great connection, he is, I think, five or six years younger than I. He asked me, why are you dating younger? Not in a critical sense, just he was curious. And I said, because men my age don't have the energy that I have and they don't do the things I want to do. And so men, I literally was talking to a couple of men from Golden Bachelor and they are dating. One is dating a woman 23 years younger.
00:22:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
00:22:57
Speaker 2: One is dating one 18 years younger. And they're like, well, she's not that much younger. And so the relative age difference, depending on where you are, is crazy to me. It's crazy.
00:23:23
Speaker 1: Let me ask you something about that guy, Kathy, because I'm a firm believer that people show us who they are.
00:23:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:23:29
Speaker 5: Right?
00:23:30
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:23:31
Speaker 1: I believe he has shown you who he is by just ghosting you. But I think that you need something. What is it that you need?
00:23:40
Speaker 2: You're going to make me cry. I'm a really tough person to date becauseâ I want it all. You know, I'm not going to settle. And this guy was good looking. He was athletic, smart, successful. Everything, he loves to travel. We even have the same place that we want to see that, you know, our next travel thing. To be ghosted, I can take it. I'm strong. I want to know why. Why did you ghost me?
00:24:14
Speaker 1: Tell me.
00:24:15
Speaker 2: Say you were too old. Tell me I met a 42-year-old that I fell in love with. I'm good with that. I want to know.
00:24:23
Speaker 1: You know what I truly believe?
00:24:24
Speaker 3: What?
00:24:25
Speaker 1: Is that no answer will give you the closure that you desire.
00:24:28
Speaker 3: No.
00:24:29
Speaker 1: So it doesn't matter. If we were to call him now and he were to answer the phone and he would say, oh, Kathy, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. I just don't have the courage to tell you that it's just not you. That answer still wouldn't be good enough.
00:24:39
Speaker 5: Yes, it would.
00:24:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would. If a man said to me, I don't know. I can't tell you why, but you're not it. I'd be okay with that.
00:24:56
Speaker 1: I think he is telling you that.
00:24:57
Speaker 2: He is. But the closure I need is why.
00:25:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we have talked about it.
00:25:03
Speaker 2: Because that isn't, you know, they say watch what a man does, not what he says. Everything when we were having those dates was... So amazing.
00:25:17
Speaker 1: It was magical.
00:25:17
Speaker 2: I remember talking to her after. It was magical.
00:25:20
Speaker 3: The conversations.
00:25:21
Speaker 2: So I'm sitting here like, tell me, say, you know, I got to thinking, you know, you don't need my money. Whatever I could, any answer he would give me. But to ghost me is so disrespectful.
00:25:34
Speaker 3: It's so cruel.
00:25:34
Speaker 1: I have absolutely just let it be known. I have absolute no respect for a person who ghosts someone, who doesn't have the courage to call someone and say, hey, babe, it just wasn't you. I wish you well. Oh, I've probably ghosted several people.
00:25:48
Speaker 2: Really? Yeah.
00:25:49
Speaker 3: Really?
00:25:50
Speaker 1: I've never done it. Even if it's a simple like, hi.
00:25:54
Speaker 4: Well, we'll have to maybe unpack it in a longer segment because there's a lot to it. Part of it is I don't want to hurt their feelings, that they're a great person, they're just not my person.
00:26:04
Speaker 3: Even that.
00:26:05
Speaker 1: That's a simple, this isn't going to work.
00:26:07
Speaker 2: And that's what I've said. It's okay to say you're not my guy. I think you're a great guy, but I'm just not feeling it. That is closure, Cindy.
00:26:16
Speaker 1: But after two dates... Yeah, I think there's a line, right? Two dates that feels like, hey, it didn't work.
00:26:22
Speaker 2: Yeah. Right?
00:26:23
Speaker 1: But if you've been in a relationship with someone, it is, I think, the slightest bit.
00:26:28
Speaker 5: Oh, my gosh.
00:26:28
Speaker 1: If you're in a relationship, absolutely. You start sleeping with someone. You have to have the respect to call someone and say, this isn't for me. This is not working.
00:26:38
Speaker 2: I wish you well, Godspeed.
00:26:39
Speaker 3: But after two dates, that is a little tricky because it is, you know, you don't know. He could be thinking, oh, I just don't need to, I don't owe this explanation.
00:26:47
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:26:47
Speaker 3: Because it was only two dates.
00:26:48
Speaker 2: But the conversations weren't of two dates.
00:26:51
Speaker 3: No, and I understand that because I've, I mean, I've had those as well where it's, you've been ghosted and you think, man, we had such a connection. And it's so hard because you just, you want to know, but.
00:27:01
Speaker 4: Well, here's a question for you. What if he is a classic avoidant? Who got hurt in the past and even recently with his relationship so that now he sees something with you.
00:27:09
Speaker 2: I think you may be right.
00:27:10
Speaker 1: Something big and it scared him off.
00:27:12
Speaker 4: And so if he comes back to you and says, you know, hey, I'm sorry I've been gone for so long.
00:27:17
Speaker 2: I don't know.
00:27:19
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:27:20
Speaker 2: I got to, I don't know. This is going to be another podcast. I don't have the answer for.
00:27:24
Speaker 1: Any of this. We don't have enough time today. And I have really loved this episode. You know, if it doesn't work out, the four of us can just like be together and we can rent our own house here in Tahoe.
00:27:34
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
00:27:34
Speaker 1: And we can just be together. Let's go to that dream place for an expectation. I think that. What we need is another podcast and we can just continue. I mean, Kathy and I have been on this journey together for a time here and here we still sit available.
00:27:49
Speaker 2: But you know what? I believe it can... We can find our people.
00:27:54
Speaker 1: I have not lost hope, ladies.
00:27:55
Speaker 3: No, we have not lost hope.
00:27:56
Speaker 1: I don't know if I am an idiot or a hopeless romantic.
00:27:59
Speaker 2: You call it. Hopeful. Hopeful romantic.
00:28:02
Speaker 1: But I believe that there is someone out there. I don't know what it is, if it just hasn't aligned with my life just yet. But I have hope that there is someone really great out there who's going to show up and it's just going to click. I'm too young. I'm pretty funny. You're pretty fabulous.
00:28:21
Speaker 3: You too.
00:28:22
Speaker 2: It's got to happen. Look at us.
00:28:23
Speaker 1: It's got to happen.
00:28:25
Speaker 2: Don't you think?
00:28:25
Speaker 3: No, I don't.
00:28:26
Speaker 2: That's why, oh, we're going to end on this. That's why I'm moving to Lake Tahoe because I've heard there's lots of great single guys here. Tonight, I'm, you know what? We got to end this. I got to get dressed so I can. There we go.
00:28:40
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.
00:28:41
Speaker 2: Wing women.
00:28:42
Speaker 1: Wing women. Wing women. We're going to marry each other off. I'm not getting married ever again.
00:28:46
Speaker 3: I'm not either.
00:28:47
Speaker 1: So we'll. I would like to.
00:28:48
Speaker 2: Well, you would.
00:28:49
Speaker 1: I would. We've got to do it next time. I've got to know why you would ever do it again. All right, ladies, this has been fun. I've been Deanna.
00:28:59
Speaker 2: I've been Kathy.
00:29:00
Speaker 1: I've been Cindy.
00:29:02
Speaker 3: I've been Annalise.