July 25, 2026
Should I Hook Up With My Neighbor?
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Should you be worried your husband has a female best friend? Is it a good idea to hook up with your hot single neighbor after your divorce?
Mr. Right is giving you the honest single man perspective you need!
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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00:00:16
Speaker 1: Hey, there, I do Part two.
00:00:18
Speaker 2: It's your real life single divorce guy, mister Wright, and I'm back because we've gotten so many calls.
00:00:24
Speaker 1: Into our hotline, and if you have any.
00:00:26
Speaker 2: Questions, you can always call us at eight four four four four three six seven six' three and leave a, comment leave a. Question but we've gotten a lot of incoming voicemails asking for some.
00:00:38
Speaker 1: Advice so Today i'm going.
00:00:40
Speaker 2: To dive in and give you an honest perspective from a single male divorce.
00:00:45
Speaker 1: Guy And i'll give you my perspective on.
00:00:47
Speaker 2: Things all, right then let's quit wasting time and dive right into our first.
00:00:52
Speaker 1: VOICEMAIL i have a.
00:00:53
Speaker 3: QUESTION i got married about a year ago and everything's so one. Great my husband has a really good best friend from childhood that's a, female and they hang out one on one a lot, alone AND i feel, like ever since we got, married it's kind of. INAPPROPRIATE i love, her BUT i also have always had this feeling that she has feelings for my, husband but nothing's ever been acted. On they, say, SO i don't know what are your thoughts?
00:01:24
Speaker 4: Here thank you so, Much so.
00:01:27
Speaker 2: This is a really good, question AND i guess the first thing is was that relationship there when you started? Dating so did you kind of know what you're getting yourself? Into and you, know was this relationship present when you started dating and falling in? Love and then did it then't get you, know uncomfortable for you because you, know you guys started falling in. Love SO i think that's the real question because if that relationship was there, beforehand that's probably something that you probably should have taken notice. Of BUT i can totally understand and you know the way that it feels when you see somebody else with your significant, other whether that's a girl or a, guy whatever the case may, be it can be uncomfortable and that's one of those things can start to fester and get, complicated and if you don't talk about, it it can get. Worse so, YES i think that you know that your old friendships do and should change and respect the new, relationship especially when it's dealing with. Love but you have to be honest about. It you have to be able to talk about that with your you, know with your significant. Other tell them it makes you. Uncomfortable maybe they, can you, know convince you that it's nothing to be uncomfortable, about or maybe they don't even know that you're uncomfortable about. It but you, know at this part especially we're talking chapter two later on in, life, communication openness is, Everything so talk about, it all?
00:02:54
Speaker 1: Right what do you?
00:02:56
Speaker 2: Think we go into our next voicemail and start to listen a little bit about talking about dating after.
00:03:01
Speaker 1: Divorce, Hi so.
00:03:04
Speaker 5: WHAT i want to know is when did you feel comfortable dating again after? DIVORCE i feel, like you, KNOW i put so much emotion and so much everything into my marriage and then you, know the divorce is a whole other. Thing SO i don't know IF i feel comfortable dating, yet but curious from a guy's, perspective when did you feel comfortable dating? Again all?
00:03:25
Speaker 2: Right SO i was married for almost two, decades so you, know getting back out and dating was complicated, because you, know feeling that kind of nervousness about being across the table from one other. Person it's awkward and it's, tough especially when you haven't done it for a long. Time and part of me couldn't help but seeing my ex across the, table and you, know so it took a. While and the way THAT i kind of got used to it was going out with a group of people and trying to kind of break the eye slowly in a group. Setting that WHEN i did feel uncomfortable AND i DID i promise YOU i did feel, UNCOMFORTABLE i could kind of back off a little. Bit you can't back off when you're on a one in one, date but you're just another person because it's just you, know obviously it's a lot more. Difficult so for, me it was a little bit like dipping my toe in the water and then getting more comfortable and then slowly over. Time AND i DON'T i can't say it's six weeks or six. Months it's whatever feels natural to. You but the more that you get out, there the more you put yourself back in those social, situations those group, dates you, know those sort of. SETTINGS i think it does get, easier but there's no. Formula it doesn't get easy, immediately and you just have to kind of feel your way through and do it feels right to. You but that first, date no matter when it, is is gonna feel. Awkward expect, that get used to, it get ready for. It but it gets. Better all, Right it's time for our next voicemail coming in from another.
00:04:58
Speaker 6: Listener i'm dating someone who is divorced AND i feel like he's constantly comparing you to his ex. Wife is this? Normal did you ever do? This how DO i not take this? Personally or SHOULD i consider it a red?
00:05:12
Speaker 2: Flag, now this is a very touchy, subject especially if you know you haven't been married before and, you're you, know dating somebody that's newly, divorced because there's going to naturally be this inclination to compare and to contrast and to complain it about an x and to compare to an Ex AND i don't think it's a red. Flag but here's another situation which you just need to communicate that it's making you feel a little uncomfortable because you know this other person that you're dating that's been married, before that might be all that they know for a long, time and so that's what they're comparing you to to something that is known to, them that is comfortable to them and ultimately was uncomfortable to them and didn't work. Out so the compare can be both positive and. Negative it could be comparisons for the things that that person found in somebody that found attractive in, Somebody but on the other, side that could also be comparing and identifying some of the things that they didn't like about that. Person SO i think that if it's making it, uncomfortable if it's obvious enough that you're noticing, IT i think it's time to say something and remind that. Person, hey you're not dating your ex. Anymore you're dating. Me it's okay to you, know to have learned from your past, relationships but at some point you have to move on and be the best version of you you can be for. Me so talk about, It communicate about. It if it makes you feel, uncomfortable let that person. Know all, right we have another voicemail coming in from a, listener so let's roll that.
00:06:50
Speaker 1: Voicemail.
00:06:51
Speaker 7: Hi my name Is julie And i'm recently divorced and starting to date. AGAIN i have this hot new neighbor who moved in across the street meems to be. Single SHOULD i even attempt to date.
00:07:03
Speaker 5: Someone who lives so close to? Me could this end up?
00:07:06
Speaker 7: Backfiring could you please let me know what you THINK i should?
00:07:10
Speaker 8: Do thank you so.
00:07:11
Speaker 1: Much dating the.
00:07:13
Speaker 2: Neighbor the likelihood of this working out is very very. Small the likelyhood of this blowing up very very. High the likelihood of this open ending up on some reality, show very very, High so be very very. Cautious the old adage you don't want to poop where you, Sleep and this old adage or this new ad, is you don't want to date where you sleep because in the event that it doesn't work, out which it you, know if you look.
00:07:45
Speaker 1: At the, odds it probably. Won't then from now on you're going to have.
00:07:50
Speaker 2: That person watching who goes in and out of your house and in and out of your driveway or in and out of your parking garage. Forever and you, know, again if it's if it's meant to, be it's meant to. Be but that's What i'd be a little bit worried. ABOUT i wouldn't force that. One i'd maybe take a. Pass SO i think you're talking about being too close for. COMFORT i think it's any time that you might open your door and see that person that you tried to date it didn't.
00:08:17
Speaker 1: Work, out that would make me. Nervous that should make you.
00:08:20
Speaker 2: Nervous SO i think that you, know if the person lives down the street or across, town or near your coffee shop or place of business or whatever, else that's. Fine that's totally fine because you might run into, them you might, not but it's going to be kind of an. Accident but you, know if you're living in an apartment building and that person is right across.
00:08:38
Speaker 1: The, hall just could get, Awkward so get ready for.
00:08:42
Speaker 2: It SO i don't think that there's a there's a rule for, this except for maybe make it far enough away that you, know.
00:08:50
Speaker 1: If you run into, them it's an, accident not an.
00:08:53
Speaker 2: Eventuality SO i think this is a little bit like dating a, coworker which in the H R Human resources File Binder rule number, one no dating in the office because, inevitably when it goes, wrong or if it goes, wrong it blows, up and it blows up. Huge and you, know just like you're walking into an office every day and seeing that same, person if you live across the street or next door in close proximity to that, person.
00:09:21
Speaker 1: It's gonna be kind of the same.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Thing so, yeah office, romance you, know apartment building, romance across the street. Romance it's very, Convenient make no, mistake it's very very convenient to you, know for a you, know for a romantic affair with somebody that lives close by to.
00:09:40
Speaker 1: You but just think of the.
00:09:43
Speaker 2: Repercussions think of how awkward that's going to be the next time you show, up you, know at your at your the door to your house and you've got somebody else, there and that ex, lover THAT x romance pops.
00:09:57
Speaker 1: Up across and and sees. You just trust, me.
00:10:02
Speaker 2: Be. CAREFUL i am speaking a little bit from experience WHEN i was a younger. MAN i had an office romance WHEN i first job out of, college and it lasted about two and a half. DATES i won't get into the half, date but it didn't last an entire third. Date and you, know Come monday, morning there we were in the same, office meeting at the water, cooler showing showing up and, leaving you, know from. Work and we were okay with. It but it could have been. Awkward it could have been. Awkward it was a little, bit but it could have been. Worse don't make it.
00:10:39
Speaker 9: Worse, hi It's Jenny, garth host of THE I CHOOSE meee. Podcast this Week Monica. Lewinsky, yes That, monica the one the world tore. Apart she's still, Standing she's back and.
00:10:59
Speaker 3: Done it really felt like it was one of those situations where you literally do or.
00:11:06
Speaker 9: Die monica stared down shame and came out the other, side and she is here to change what you thought you.
00:11:12
Speaker 10: Knew and it's sort of not over until we tryumph.
00:11:15
Speaker 9: A conversation that will inspire you to choose yourself starting. Today listen TO I Choose me on The iHeartRadio, App Apple, podcasts or wherever you get your.
00:11:24
Speaker 2: Podcasts all, right, now it's time for our next voicemail of the.
00:11:32
Speaker 1: Afternoon take it.
00:11:33
Speaker 11: Away, Hi, SO i am recently. Divorced it was finalized last week and it's been a long time.
00:11:41
Speaker 12: Coming i'm ready to.
00:11:42
Speaker 11: Date my question for you, is As i'm, dating as someone asked why my marriage, ended DO i give the, raw real reason or a polished version to not scare them. AWAY i can't shame the two why we got, divorced but it's because of, him not. Me SO i feel LIKE i can tell him the, truth BUT i don't want to give him too much info on our first.
00:12:07
Speaker 1: Date what do you?
00:12:08
Speaker 6: Think let me?
00:12:09
Speaker 12: Know thank?
00:12:09
Speaker 2: You SO i will say that all of my, Advice my most important piece of advice for chapter two, relationships especially when they're young and raw and, vulnerable is to be, honest is to be open and be. Honest but having said, that you don't have to go into the gory. DETAILS i think that you should be honest whether you, know if you've got hurt coming out of a relationship and that makes you extra vulnerable or extra, raw you should share that with. Somebody you should talk about you know what your past relationship history is and reasons why you might be apprehensive about getting into. Something SO i think that, yes be, honest BUT i don't think that you have to go diving into it right on the first, date before you know this is someone you're going to see for a, second, third or, fourth or fifth or forever. Date but as you start moving, THROUGH i do think that you want to be as clear and open and honest as you possibly, can especially as you move through a relationship and it starts to develop more and.
00:13:15
Speaker 1: More you owe it to that. Person that person owes it to you as.
00:13:19
Speaker 2: Well if you have scar tissue from an, incident from a from something that broke up your previous, relationship you need to make sure that other person knows it so they don't inadvertently walk into something that they just didn't know about that they didn't they weren't clear on and you, know you hope that every divorce, has you, know a story that that they just grew, apart a story about them wanting different. Things but there are the occasions when someone just gets. Hurt the other person, hurt that person cheated on, them lied to, them you, know all of, those all of those those damaging things that can cause a. Divorce and if that's happened to, you you're you're gonna be carrying some of that. Resentment you're gonna be carrying some of that, hurt and it's gonna take a while to get, through and you're gonna need that person that you're dating to help you get through that over. Time and if you're not, sharing that other person doesn't know what they're dealing. With they don't know how to be, sensitive they don't know how to be, helpful and, ultimately you're keeping something from. Them so, yes and, no be, honest be. Open you don't have to start off right away with all of the delicate, details but you, know if you want to let somebody, in you have to let them know what they're getting. Into all, right we've got another voicemail coming, in so let's take a.
00:14:38
Speaker 13: Listen, hey, GUYS i have a quick question for you being a little. Help my ex wife AND i split about three years, ago and now she's saying a much younger guy who's now her. BOYFRIEND i don't know IF i need to be friends with him so he can be around my son a, lot or if this is something THAT i should just push off to the side.
00:14:56
Speaker 1: And let happen.
00:14:57
Speaker 13: Organically seeing if you guys THINK i should go get a drink with, him go, golfing OR i don't, know just you, know have a. Chat we really appreciate your.
00:15:05
Speaker 12: Insight.
00:15:05
Speaker 2: Thanks, well this is a great question and a great perspective in especially in this chapter, two because there is a you, know a large likelihood that you are going to find somebody that has, kids and you're also going to find that your ex is going to date somebody that has, kids and somebody's maybe dating your ex with whom you have, kids and that delicate balance about when not only to introduce the new love of your life to your, kids also when is it time to introduce the love of your life to the you, know the father or mother of your. Children AND i think it's it's a really case dependent because of, course when you sit back and think about. It you want to, have you, know a very modern family type of relationship where you have the ex and then you know husband or wife and new love and you are all you know, together co, parenting working, together balancing all these things. Out but a lot of times there are complications to. It there might be some, resentment there might be some, hurt and a lot of, times unfortunately that children are can play kind of pawns in this, game and which is incredibly. Unfortunate SO i think it's important to be willing to meet your ex spouse's new. Relationship don't be too, eager, though because you know you want to make sure that that person is going to be sticking. Around you want it to. Happen, yes, organically you don't want to force the, issue you don't want to make it. Uncomfortable but you got to know that there is going to be somebody else in your child's life at some. Point but at what point do you want to then invest yourself and your time and your energy to meeting that. Person SO i don't think it's something that has to happen right out of the. GATE i don't think it has to happen even. Soon BUT i think you want to understand who that person is obviously to you, know be careful of the welfare of your, child but you want to you, know you want to know what kind of people are going to be around your.
00:17:13
Speaker 1: Kid do you need to be friends with? Them do you need a golf with? THEM i don't think.
00:17:16
Speaker 2: So BUT i think that you want to make sure that you're aware of who is around your. Child who could be you, know that next person that's filling in some sort of a paternal or maternal, role and but just don't force. IT i, think let it happen organically to a certain, degree but be. Vigilant it is your responsibility as a parent to make sure that your child and your child's welfare is taken care.
00:17:43
Speaker 8: Of mister, right tell me, personally would you want your ex and your new significant other to be hanging out without you?
00:17:55
Speaker 1: Involved so this is SOMETHING i.
00:17:57
Speaker 2: HAVE i have, kids and my AND i have a very good, relationship and we've talked about this. Before what is the right time to start introducing or being around a new. Relationship AND i think that you, know we both agree that it has to be somebody that's invested because you don't want your, kids you, know having a revolving door of new, relationships of people coming in and out because they're not going to know when to invest themselves in that. Person so it is heartbreaking to think at any point that my kids would be around a new father, figure a new. Influence you, know it.
00:18:37
Speaker 1: Does it is probably the most difficult.
00:18:39
Speaker 2: Thing for me when considering my, divorce the idea that there's going to be somebody else throwing a baseball with my, child that's going to be having an experience, travel you, know even something as simple as you know as a dinner When i'm not there is the. Heart this thing about being divorced is being away from your kids at, All but then supplement in somebody.
00:19:05
Speaker 1: Else is there when you're not. There so.
00:19:10
Speaker 2: You, know in a perfect, world you know you would you would always be able to be around your, Children but divorce, doesn't you, know, permit that doesn't allow. That it and it's it's part of the evolution of moving on and the only way that you can make it any easier is by feeling good and comfortable with whoever it is that your ex is with and hopefully getting to know, them maybe not, personally but through reputation through their.
00:19:38
Speaker 1: History through their.
00:19:38
Speaker 2: Path you, know all those sorts of things can hopefully build enough confidence to make you feel. Comfortable i'll never be one hundred percent, COMFORTABLE i can tell you, that but for the sake of the kids and the sake of your your ex and moving, on.
00:19:55
Speaker 1: You have to come to grips with. It you have to find some piece in.
00:19:59
Speaker 2: It and the way That i've found piece in it is is hopefully knowing who that person, is what their character, is and and feeling comfortable enough to let that part go a little. BIT i mean, today so after spending you, know five days with my boys down at the, beach you, KNOW i turned the back, over you, know to to my. Ex and that's even that in and of itself is really really. Difficult and you, think, oh it's you get a. Break you've been single datting for for a week and now you get, to you, know get a.
00:20:30
Speaker 1: Break it's, LIKE i don't want to.
00:20:31
Speaker 2: Break and you, know it's a it's a it's a release OF i don't, know. Responsibility it's a release of, LIKE i don't. Know it's a very very difficult, thing and you know it has to happen at some. Point there there's an eventuality to, it but it doesn't make it any.
00:20:47
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00:21:03
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00:21:04
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00:21:08
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00:21:14
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00:21:37
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00:21:45
Speaker 1: Podcasts, okay let's go to the next.
00:21:49
Speaker 12: Voicemail my name Is, Sarah i'm a single mom and trying to date. THAT i keep meeting guys who are single. Dads they don't have good relationships with their ex yis who are the mother of their. Kids my question is it up to me as the new girlfriend to help them bridge that?
00:22:07
Speaker 1: Gap, yeah this is a difficult.
00:22:09
Speaker 2: Question and when you enter into a, relationship and let's let's take a step back here even before talking, about you, know their relationship and helping, them when you're getting into a new relationship with someone and they have been, divorced there is a natural kind of i don't, know like a caution flag that goes up if they don't have a good relationship with their. Ex why don't they have a good relationship with their? Ex it is it really all the other person's? Fault is it all the ex's? Fault is? It do they carry none of the? Responsibility so right away that makes me a little bit, nervous AND i will have some red flags start to poke up a little.
00:22:49
Speaker 1: Bit and you, know you want someone that you.
00:22:54
Speaker 2: Know in a perfect, WORLD i think that has a decent enough relationship with their ex to be able to co, parent to be able to put the child, first And i've heard horror stories where again that the child is kind of a pawn in this game and they're, used as you, know as a weapon against the other co. Parent, now whether that's with, scheduling whether that's with drop offs or, pickups you, know or giving permission to do things or, helicopter all these different, things and it's it's it's really it's a tragedy for the child and for you, know for the. Family so now you're the question That sarah had was really about what's her responsibility, it you, know should she be trying to step in and help out and give advice and. Counsel, well, YEAH i thinks as a, partner as you, know if you're dating or you, know in a, relationship you're always wanting to, give you, know. Advice but this can be a very very touchy. Subject how someone parents their, child how someone disciplines their, child how someone co parents is very very, personal AND i would be cautious about trying to step in too much and giving your.
00:24:09
Speaker 1: Opinion, now you want to be, supportive.
00:24:12
Speaker 2: You want to give you, know as much you, know guidance and counsel as you, can but just be careful about not being seen as meddling too much because you know that that relationship that created that child and ultimately ended in a, divorce it has, history it has scar, tissue it has you, know it has a lot of you, know a lot of history that you may not be familiar, with and to wade into it, unknowingly even with the best, intentions even because you just want to, help you might end up really making it.
00:24:47
Speaker 1: Worse and this is A this.
00:24:50
Speaker 2: Is one of those times when you almost have to kind of sit this one out until you're asked to step, in WHICH i know can be so difficult when all you want to do is.
00:24:59
Speaker 1: Help, okay that was.
00:25:01
Speaker 2: A great question and we're now to our final voicemail of the.
00:25:05
Speaker 5: Day SO i just.
00:25:07
Speaker 4: Started dating a guy and he's pretty off the, grid like he doesn't have An instagram and he's just more of a private. Person but he's weird about his.
00:25:15
Speaker 5: Phone like we'll be driving.
00:25:18
Speaker 4: And i'll like be asking him for his phone password to put on some music or, whatever and he gave it to. Me later he mentioned that he had switched his phone.
00:25:28
Speaker 6: Password like SHOULD i be?
00:25:30
Speaker 5: Concerned why is.
00:25:31
Speaker 4: He being so weird and secretive about his?
00:25:33
Speaker 2: Phone and this is a really really great question and a really good comment and a really interesting, perspective which is the.
00:25:39
Speaker 1: Phone the. Phone the phone has become such.
00:25:43
Speaker 2: A huge part of our, lives and mostly our dating lives and our relationship. Lives and once upon a, time you know someone who used to hide a diary under the bed or something like, That but now all your secrets are held inside of a. Phone who you're talking, to what you're looking, at who you, know what pictures do you? Like all these all this stuff that is really very very personal is hidden in this. Phone and the expectation is this is just you know that that's. Mine it's my private. SPACE i am the only one that gets to know what goes on in my. Phone but as you get in a, relationship of course you're gonna have someone's gonna have questions about. It what are you looking? At who are you talking? To are you talking to you an ex? Girlfriend you?
00:26:28
Speaker 1: Know are you you?
00:26:29
Speaker 2: Know are you carrying on multiple? Relationships and it's almost impossible not to be suspicious if someone's not willing to share. That nowhere where does it become an invasion of privacy versus where does it become you're just right to know what the other person's, doing who they're talking, to and where they've. Been AND i you, Know i'll, say, Like I'M i think that hiding a phone is hiding a. Secret that's my personal. Perspective if someone isn't willing to share with you what they're looking at and who they're talking, to they're probably hiding. Something you, know unless they're you, know a CIAgent and more or they have the nuclear, codes there probably isn't something important enough that they should be hiding from their significant.
00:27:21
Speaker 1: Other.
00:27:22
Speaker 2: NOW i get it if you're in the early stages of dating and you're just kind of getting to know each, other and you should probably think there's probably a high likelihood that there are other people in his life or her life that they haven't let go. Of but if you've been dating for a, while if you are moving on to those next logical steps of a relationship of moving in together or committing the rest of your lives, together, yeah you should know the password to their. Phone you should know who they're talking, to you should know where they've been that you, know if you're suspicious about, that you, know it's just a matter of time before that relationship ends.
00:28:02
Speaker 1: Up dissolving and falls.
00:28:05
Speaker 2: Apart so, Yeah i'd be suspicious if a phone is so important that they're unwilling to share a password and let you know what they've been up.
00:28:12
Speaker 1: To, well thanks for all those.
00:28:14
Speaker 2: Voicemails and you, know if you're really going through, it need some, advice you know you're feeling lost in your divorce, process you can send us an email or leave us a voicemail and all you got to do is call us at eight four four four four three six seven six, three leave us a.
00:28:34
Speaker 1: Voicemail we'll listen to.
00:28:36
Speaker 2: It we'll answer, it you, know and record it and hopefully give you a little bit of. Clarity SO I, Do part two is an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main.
00:28:48
Speaker 1: Objective
Speaker 1: Hey, there, I do Part two.
00:00:18
Speaker 2: It's your real life single divorce guy, mister Wright, and I'm back because we've gotten so many calls.
00:00:24
Speaker 1: Into our hotline, and if you have any.
00:00:26
Speaker 2: Questions, you can always call us at eight four four four four three six seven six' three and leave a, comment leave a. Question but we've gotten a lot of incoming voicemails asking for some.
00:00:38
Speaker 1: Advice so Today i'm going.
00:00:40
Speaker 2: To dive in and give you an honest perspective from a single male divorce.
00:00:45
Speaker 1: Guy And i'll give you my perspective on.
00:00:47
Speaker 2: Things all, right then let's quit wasting time and dive right into our first.
00:00:52
Speaker 1: VOICEMAIL i have a.
00:00:53
Speaker 3: QUESTION i got married about a year ago and everything's so one. Great my husband has a really good best friend from childhood that's a, female and they hang out one on one a lot, alone AND i feel, like ever since we got, married it's kind of. INAPPROPRIATE i love, her BUT i also have always had this feeling that she has feelings for my, husband but nothing's ever been acted. On they, say, SO i don't know what are your thoughts?
00:01:24
Speaker 4: Here thank you so, Much so.
00:01:27
Speaker 2: This is a really good, question AND i guess the first thing is was that relationship there when you started? Dating so did you kind of know what you're getting yourself? Into and you, know was this relationship present when you started dating and falling in? Love and then did it then't get you, know uncomfortable for you because you, know you guys started falling in. Love SO i think that's the real question because if that relationship was there, beforehand that's probably something that you probably should have taken notice. Of BUT i can totally understand and you know the way that it feels when you see somebody else with your significant, other whether that's a girl or a, guy whatever the case may, be it can be uncomfortable and that's one of those things can start to fester and get, complicated and if you don't talk about, it it can get. Worse so, YES i think that you know that your old friendships do and should change and respect the new, relationship especially when it's dealing with. Love but you have to be honest about. It you have to be able to talk about that with your you, know with your significant. Other tell them it makes you. Uncomfortable maybe they, can you, know convince you that it's nothing to be uncomfortable, about or maybe they don't even know that you're uncomfortable about. It but you, know at this part especially we're talking chapter two later on in, life, communication openness is, Everything so talk about, it all?
00:02:54
Speaker 1: Right what do you?
00:02:56
Speaker 2: Think we go into our next voicemail and start to listen a little bit about talking about dating after.
00:03:01
Speaker 1: Divorce, Hi so.
00:03:04
Speaker 5: WHAT i want to know is when did you feel comfortable dating again after? DIVORCE i feel, like you, KNOW i put so much emotion and so much everything into my marriage and then you, know the divorce is a whole other. Thing SO i don't know IF i feel comfortable dating, yet but curious from a guy's, perspective when did you feel comfortable dating? Again all?
00:03:25
Speaker 2: Right SO i was married for almost two, decades so you, know getting back out and dating was complicated, because you, know feeling that kind of nervousness about being across the table from one other. Person it's awkward and it's, tough especially when you haven't done it for a long. Time and part of me couldn't help but seeing my ex across the, table and you, know so it took a. While and the way THAT i kind of got used to it was going out with a group of people and trying to kind of break the eye slowly in a group. Setting that WHEN i did feel uncomfortable AND i DID i promise YOU i did feel, UNCOMFORTABLE i could kind of back off a little. Bit you can't back off when you're on a one in one, date but you're just another person because it's just you, know obviously it's a lot more. Difficult so for, me it was a little bit like dipping my toe in the water and then getting more comfortable and then slowly over. Time AND i DON'T i can't say it's six weeks or six. Months it's whatever feels natural to. You but the more that you get out, there the more you put yourself back in those social, situations those group, dates you, know those sort of. SETTINGS i think it does get, easier but there's no. Formula it doesn't get easy, immediately and you just have to kind of feel your way through and do it feels right to. You but that first, date no matter when it, is is gonna feel. Awkward expect, that get used to, it get ready for. It but it gets. Better all, Right it's time for our next voicemail coming in from another.
00:04:58
Speaker 6: Listener i'm dating someone who is divorced AND i feel like he's constantly comparing you to his ex. Wife is this? Normal did you ever do? This how DO i not take this? Personally or SHOULD i consider it a red?
00:05:12
Speaker 2: Flag, now this is a very touchy, subject especially if you know you haven't been married before and, you're you, know dating somebody that's newly, divorced because there's going to naturally be this inclination to compare and to contrast and to complain it about an x and to compare to an Ex AND i don't think it's a red. Flag but here's another situation which you just need to communicate that it's making you feel a little uncomfortable because you know this other person that you're dating that's been married, before that might be all that they know for a long, time and so that's what they're comparing you to to something that is known to, them that is comfortable to them and ultimately was uncomfortable to them and didn't work. Out so the compare can be both positive and. Negative it could be comparisons for the things that that person found in somebody that found attractive in, Somebody but on the other, side that could also be comparing and identifying some of the things that they didn't like about that. Person SO i think that if it's making it, uncomfortable if it's obvious enough that you're noticing, IT i think it's time to say something and remind that. Person, hey you're not dating your ex. Anymore you're dating. Me it's okay to you, know to have learned from your past, relationships but at some point you have to move on and be the best version of you you can be for. Me so talk about, It communicate about. It if it makes you feel, uncomfortable let that person. Know all, right we have another voicemail coming in from a, listener so let's roll that.
00:06:50
Speaker 1: Voicemail.
00:06:51
Speaker 7: Hi my name Is julie And i'm recently divorced and starting to date. AGAIN i have this hot new neighbor who moved in across the street meems to be. Single SHOULD i even attempt to date.
00:07:03
Speaker 5: Someone who lives so close to? Me could this end up?
00:07:06
Speaker 7: Backfiring could you please let me know what you THINK i should?
00:07:10
Speaker 8: Do thank you so.
00:07:11
Speaker 1: Much dating the.
00:07:13
Speaker 2: Neighbor the likelihood of this working out is very very. Small the likelyhood of this blowing up very very. High the likelihood of this open ending up on some reality, show very very, High so be very very. Cautious the old adage you don't want to poop where you, Sleep and this old adage or this new ad, is you don't want to date where you sleep because in the event that it doesn't work, out which it you, know if you look.
00:07:45
Speaker 1: At the, odds it probably. Won't then from now on you're going to have.
00:07:50
Speaker 2: That person watching who goes in and out of your house and in and out of your driveway or in and out of your parking garage. Forever and you, know, again if it's if it's meant to, be it's meant to. Be but that's What i'd be a little bit worried. ABOUT i wouldn't force that. One i'd maybe take a. Pass SO i think you're talking about being too close for. COMFORT i think it's any time that you might open your door and see that person that you tried to date it didn't.
00:08:17
Speaker 1: Work, out that would make me. Nervous that should make you.
00:08:20
Speaker 2: Nervous SO i think that you, know if the person lives down the street or across, town or near your coffee shop or place of business or whatever, else that's. Fine that's totally fine because you might run into, them you might, not but it's going to be kind of an. Accident but you, know if you're living in an apartment building and that person is right across.
00:08:38
Speaker 1: The, hall just could get, Awkward so get ready for.
00:08:42
Speaker 2: It SO i don't think that there's a there's a rule for, this except for maybe make it far enough away that you, know.
00:08:50
Speaker 1: If you run into, them it's an, accident not an.
00:08:53
Speaker 2: Eventuality SO i think this is a little bit like dating a, coworker which in the H R Human resources File Binder rule number, one no dating in the office because, inevitably when it goes, wrong or if it goes, wrong it blows, up and it blows up. Huge and you, know just like you're walking into an office every day and seeing that same, person if you live across the street or next door in close proximity to that, person.
00:09:21
Speaker 1: It's gonna be kind of the same.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Thing so, yeah office, romance you, know apartment building, romance across the street. Romance it's very, Convenient make no, mistake it's very very convenient to you, know for a you, know for a romantic affair with somebody that lives close by to.
00:09:40
Speaker 1: You but just think of the.
00:09:43
Speaker 2: Repercussions think of how awkward that's going to be the next time you show, up you, know at your at your the door to your house and you've got somebody else, there and that ex, lover THAT x romance pops.
00:09:57
Speaker 1: Up across and and sees. You just trust, me.
00:10:02
Speaker 2: Be. CAREFUL i am speaking a little bit from experience WHEN i was a younger. MAN i had an office romance WHEN i first job out of, college and it lasted about two and a half. DATES i won't get into the half, date but it didn't last an entire third. Date and you, know Come monday, morning there we were in the same, office meeting at the water, cooler showing showing up and, leaving you, know from. Work and we were okay with. It but it could have been. Awkward it could have been. Awkward it was a little, bit but it could have been. Worse don't make it.
00:10:39
Speaker 9: Worse, hi It's Jenny, garth host of THE I CHOOSE meee. Podcast this Week Monica. Lewinsky, yes That, monica the one the world tore. Apart she's still, Standing she's back and.
00:10:59
Speaker 3: Done it really felt like it was one of those situations where you literally do or.
00:11:06
Speaker 9: Die monica stared down shame and came out the other, side and she is here to change what you thought you.
00:11:12
Speaker 10: Knew and it's sort of not over until we tryumph.
00:11:15
Speaker 9: A conversation that will inspire you to choose yourself starting. Today listen TO I Choose me on The iHeartRadio, App Apple, podcasts or wherever you get your.
00:11:24
Speaker 2: Podcasts all, right, now it's time for our next voicemail of the.
00:11:32
Speaker 1: Afternoon take it.
00:11:33
Speaker 11: Away, Hi, SO i am recently. Divorced it was finalized last week and it's been a long time.
00:11:41
Speaker 12: Coming i'm ready to.
00:11:42
Speaker 11: Date my question for you, is As i'm, dating as someone asked why my marriage, ended DO i give the, raw real reason or a polished version to not scare them. AWAY i can't shame the two why we got, divorced but it's because of, him not. Me SO i feel LIKE i can tell him the, truth BUT i don't want to give him too much info on our first.
00:12:07
Speaker 1: Date what do you?
00:12:08
Speaker 6: Think let me?
00:12:09
Speaker 12: Know thank?
00:12:09
Speaker 2: You SO i will say that all of my, Advice my most important piece of advice for chapter two, relationships especially when they're young and raw and, vulnerable is to be, honest is to be open and be. Honest but having said, that you don't have to go into the gory. DETAILS i think that you should be honest whether you, know if you've got hurt coming out of a relationship and that makes you extra vulnerable or extra, raw you should share that with. Somebody you should talk about you know what your past relationship history is and reasons why you might be apprehensive about getting into. Something SO i think that, yes be, honest BUT i don't think that you have to go diving into it right on the first, date before you know this is someone you're going to see for a, second, third or, fourth or fifth or forever. Date but as you start moving, THROUGH i do think that you want to be as clear and open and honest as you possibly, can especially as you move through a relationship and it starts to develop more and.
00:13:15
Speaker 1: More you owe it to that. Person that person owes it to you as.
00:13:19
Speaker 2: Well if you have scar tissue from an, incident from a from something that broke up your previous, relationship you need to make sure that other person knows it so they don't inadvertently walk into something that they just didn't know about that they didn't they weren't clear on and you, know you hope that every divorce, has you, know a story that that they just grew, apart a story about them wanting different. Things but there are the occasions when someone just gets. Hurt the other person, hurt that person cheated on, them lied to, them you, know all of, those all of those those damaging things that can cause a. Divorce and if that's happened to, you you're you're gonna be carrying some of that. Resentment you're gonna be carrying some of that, hurt and it's gonna take a while to get, through and you're gonna need that person that you're dating to help you get through that over. Time and if you're not, sharing that other person doesn't know what they're dealing. With they don't know how to be, sensitive they don't know how to be, helpful and, ultimately you're keeping something from. Them so, yes and, no be, honest be. Open you don't have to start off right away with all of the delicate, details but you, know if you want to let somebody, in you have to let them know what they're getting. Into all, right we've got another voicemail coming, in so let's take a.
00:14:38
Speaker 13: Listen, hey, GUYS i have a quick question for you being a little. Help my ex wife AND i split about three years, ago and now she's saying a much younger guy who's now her. BOYFRIEND i don't know IF i need to be friends with him so he can be around my son a, lot or if this is something THAT i should just push off to the side.
00:14:56
Speaker 1: And let happen.
00:14:57
Speaker 13: Organically seeing if you guys THINK i should go get a drink with, him go, golfing OR i don't, know just you, know have a. Chat we really appreciate your.
00:15:05
Speaker 12: Insight.
00:15:05
Speaker 2: Thanks, well this is a great question and a great perspective in especially in this chapter, two because there is a you, know a large likelihood that you are going to find somebody that has, kids and you're also going to find that your ex is going to date somebody that has, kids and somebody's maybe dating your ex with whom you have, kids and that delicate balance about when not only to introduce the new love of your life to your, kids also when is it time to introduce the love of your life to the you, know the father or mother of your. Children AND i think it's it's a really case dependent because of, course when you sit back and think about. It you want to, have you, know a very modern family type of relationship where you have the ex and then you know husband or wife and new love and you are all you know, together co, parenting working, together balancing all these things. Out but a lot of times there are complications to. It there might be some, resentment there might be some, hurt and a lot of, times unfortunately that children are can play kind of pawns in this, game and which is incredibly. Unfortunate SO i think it's important to be willing to meet your ex spouse's new. Relationship don't be too, eager, though because you know you want to make sure that that person is going to be sticking. Around you want it to. Happen, yes, organically you don't want to force the, issue you don't want to make it. Uncomfortable but you got to know that there is going to be somebody else in your child's life at some. Point but at what point do you want to then invest yourself and your time and your energy to meeting that. Person SO i don't think it's something that has to happen right out of the. GATE i don't think it has to happen even. Soon BUT i think you want to understand who that person is obviously to you, know be careful of the welfare of your, child but you want to you, know you want to know what kind of people are going to be around your.
00:17:13
Speaker 1: Kid do you need to be friends with? Them do you need a golf with? THEM i don't think.
00:17:16
Speaker 2: So BUT i think that you want to make sure that you're aware of who is around your. Child who could be you, know that next person that's filling in some sort of a paternal or maternal, role and but just don't force. IT i, think let it happen organically to a certain, degree but be. Vigilant it is your responsibility as a parent to make sure that your child and your child's welfare is taken care.
00:17:43
Speaker 8: Of mister, right tell me, personally would you want your ex and your new significant other to be hanging out without you?
00:17:55
Speaker 1: Involved so this is SOMETHING i.
00:17:57
Speaker 2: HAVE i have, kids and my AND i have a very good, relationship and we've talked about this. Before what is the right time to start introducing or being around a new. Relationship AND i think that you, know we both agree that it has to be somebody that's invested because you don't want your, kids you, know having a revolving door of new, relationships of people coming in and out because they're not going to know when to invest themselves in that. Person so it is heartbreaking to think at any point that my kids would be around a new father, figure a new. Influence you, know it.
00:18:37
Speaker 1: Does it is probably the most difficult.
00:18:39
Speaker 2: Thing for me when considering my, divorce the idea that there's going to be somebody else throwing a baseball with my, child that's going to be having an experience, travel you, know even something as simple as you know as a dinner When i'm not there is the. Heart this thing about being divorced is being away from your kids at, All but then supplement in somebody.
00:19:05
Speaker 1: Else is there when you're not. There so.
00:19:10
Speaker 2: You, know in a perfect, world you know you would you would always be able to be around your, Children but divorce, doesn't you, know, permit that doesn't allow. That it and it's it's part of the evolution of moving on and the only way that you can make it any easier is by feeling good and comfortable with whoever it is that your ex is with and hopefully getting to know, them maybe not, personally but through reputation through their.
00:19:38
Speaker 1: History through their.
00:19:38
Speaker 2: Path you, know all those sorts of things can hopefully build enough confidence to make you feel. Comfortable i'll never be one hundred percent, COMFORTABLE i can tell you, that but for the sake of the kids and the sake of your your ex and moving, on.
00:19:55
Speaker 1: You have to come to grips with. It you have to find some piece in.
00:19:59
Speaker 2: It and the way That i've found piece in it is is hopefully knowing who that person, is what their character, is and and feeling comfortable enough to let that part go a little. BIT i mean, today so after spending you, know five days with my boys down at the, beach you, KNOW i turned the back, over you, know to to my. Ex and that's even that in and of itself is really really. Difficult and you, think, oh it's you get a. Break you've been single datting for for a week and now you get, to you, know get a.
00:20:30
Speaker 1: Break it's, LIKE i don't want to.
00:20:31
Speaker 2: Break and you, know it's a it's a it's a release OF i don't, know. Responsibility it's a release of, LIKE i don't. Know it's a very very difficult, thing and you know it has to happen at some. Point there there's an eventuality to, it but it doesn't make it any.
00:20:47
Speaker 10: Easier dancing with The stars is looking for a new, pro and since last SEASON i came in eighth, Place i'm basically an.
00:21:03
Speaker 1: Expert easy.
00:21:04
Speaker 14: There i've spent my entire life in the, ballroom so maybe you could use some.
00:21:08
Speaker 10: Help i'm Daniel fisher And I'm, bouchmerkovsky and we have a new podcast Called stepping On toes With danielle AND.
00:21:14
Speaker 14: Vow every week we're breaking Down dancing with The stars the next pro to find out Who i'll be sharing the ballroom with next.
00:21:20
Speaker 10: Season i'll be asking the questions every fan is, thinking.
00:21:23
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00:21:28
Speaker 10: Millions Plus we'll be joined by some very special.
00:21:31
Speaker 14: Guests it's time to crown a New dancing with The stars. Pro so let us be your guys to this once in a lifetime.
00:21:37
Speaker 10: Opportunity do you THINK i could?
00:21:39
Speaker 9: Win?
00:21:40
Speaker 10: No listen To stepping On toes on The iHeartRadio, App Apple podcasts or wherever you get your.
00:21:45
Speaker 1: Podcasts, okay let's go to the next.
00:21:49
Speaker 12: Voicemail my name Is, Sarah i'm a single mom and trying to date. THAT i keep meeting guys who are single. Dads they don't have good relationships with their ex yis who are the mother of their. Kids my question is it up to me as the new girlfriend to help them bridge that?
00:22:07
Speaker 1: Gap, yeah this is a difficult.
00:22:09
Speaker 2: Question and when you enter into a, relationship and let's let's take a step back here even before talking, about you, know their relationship and helping, them when you're getting into a new relationship with someone and they have been, divorced there is a natural kind of i don't, know like a caution flag that goes up if they don't have a good relationship with their. Ex why don't they have a good relationship with their? Ex it is it really all the other person's? Fault is it all the ex's? Fault is? It do they carry none of the? Responsibility so right away that makes me a little bit, nervous AND i will have some red flags start to poke up a little.
00:22:49
Speaker 1: Bit and you, know you want someone that you.
00:22:54
Speaker 2: Know in a perfect, WORLD i think that has a decent enough relationship with their ex to be able to co, parent to be able to put the child, first And i've heard horror stories where again that the child is kind of a pawn in this game and they're, used as you, know as a weapon against the other co. Parent, now whether that's with, scheduling whether that's with drop offs or, pickups you, know or giving permission to do things or, helicopter all these different, things and it's it's it's really it's a tragedy for the child and for you, know for the. Family so now you're the question That sarah had was really about what's her responsibility, it you, know should she be trying to step in and help out and give advice and. Counsel, well, YEAH i thinks as a, partner as you, know if you're dating or you, know in a, relationship you're always wanting to, give you, know. Advice but this can be a very very touchy. Subject how someone parents their, child how someone disciplines their, child how someone co parents is very very, personal AND i would be cautious about trying to step in too much and giving your.
00:24:09
Speaker 1: Opinion, now you want to be, supportive.
00:24:12
Speaker 2: You want to give you, know as much you, know guidance and counsel as you, can but just be careful about not being seen as meddling too much because you know that that relationship that created that child and ultimately ended in a, divorce it has, history it has scar, tissue it has you, know it has a lot of you, know a lot of history that you may not be familiar, with and to wade into it, unknowingly even with the best, intentions even because you just want to, help you might end up really making it.
00:24:47
Speaker 1: Worse and this is A this.
00:24:50
Speaker 2: Is one of those times when you almost have to kind of sit this one out until you're asked to step, in WHICH i know can be so difficult when all you want to do is.
00:24:59
Speaker 1: Help, okay that was.
00:25:01
Speaker 2: A great question and we're now to our final voicemail of the.
00:25:05
Speaker 5: Day SO i just.
00:25:07
Speaker 4: Started dating a guy and he's pretty off the, grid like he doesn't have An instagram and he's just more of a private. Person but he's weird about his.
00:25:15
Speaker 5: Phone like we'll be driving.
00:25:18
Speaker 4: And i'll like be asking him for his phone password to put on some music or, whatever and he gave it to. Me later he mentioned that he had switched his phone.
00:25:28
Speaker 6: Password like SHOULD i be?
00:25:30
Speaker 5: Concerned why is.
00:25:31
Speaker 4: He being so weird and secretive about his?
00:25:33
Speaker 2: Phone and this is a really really great question and a really good comment and a really interesting, perspective which is the.
00:25:39
Speaker 1: Phone the. Phone the phone has become such.
00:25:43
Speaker 2: A huge part of our, lives and mostly our dating lives and our relationship. Lives and once upon a, time you know someone who used to hide a diary under the bed or something like, That but now all your secrets are held inside of a. Phone who you're talking, to what you're looking, at who you, know what pictures do you? Like all these all this stuff that is really very very personal is hidden in this. Phone and the expectation is this is just you know that that's. Mine it's my private. SPACE i am the only one that gets to know what goes on in my. Phone but as you get in a, relationship of course you're gonna have someone's gonna have questions about. It what are you looking? At who are you talking? To are you talking to you an ex? Girlfriend you?
00:26:28
Speaker 1: Know are you you?
00:26:29
Speaker 2: Know are you carrying on multiple? Relationships and it's almost impossible not to be suspicious if someone's not willing to share. That nowhere where does it become an invasion of privacy versus where does it become you're just right to know what the other person's, doing who they're talking, to and where they've. Been AND i you, Know i'll, say, Like I'M i think that hiding a phone is hiding a. Secret that's my personal. Perspective if someone isn't willing to share with you what they're looking at and who they're talking, to they're probably hiding. Something you, know unless they're you, know a CIAgent and more or they have the nuclear, codes there probably isn't something important enough that they should be hiding from their significant.
00:27:21
Speaker 1: Other.
00:27:22
Speaker 2: NOW i get it if you're in the early stages of dating and you're just kind of getting to know each, other and you should probably think there's probably a high likelihood that there are other people in his life or her life that they haven't let go. Of but if you've been dating for a, while if you are moving on to those next logical steps of a relationship of moving in together or committing the rest of your lives, together, yeah you should know the password to their. Phone you should know who they're talking, to you should know where they've been that you, know if you're suspicious about, that you, know it's just a matter of time before that relationship ends.
00:28:02
Speaker 1: Up dissolving and falls.
00:28:05
Speaker 2: Apart so, Yeah i'd be suspicious if a phone is so important that they're unwilling to share a password and let you know what they've been up.
00:28:12
Speaker 1: To, well thanks for all those.
00:28:14
Speaker 2: Voicemails and you, know if you're really going through, it need some, advice you know you're feeling lost in your divorce, process you can send us an email or leave us a voicemail and all you got to do is call us at eight four four four four three six seven six, three leave us a.
00:28:34
Speaker 1: Voicemail we'll listen to.
00:28:36
Speaker 2: It we'll answer, it you, know and record it and hopefully give you a little bit of. Clarity SO I, Do part two is an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main.
00:28:48
Speaker 1: Objective