Sept. 26, 2026
Relationship Saturday: When Should You Text Them Back? How Soon Is Too Soon?
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RSS Feed On this relationship Saturday, we have some incredible advice for everyone in any stage of a relationship or life. First, up we have a study out of Psychology Today that shares the science behind the timing of a text. Next up on the feed we will have the seven mistakes most people make when dating again after a breakup or divorce. And finally, for those in a relationship, we share 15 questions you should ask your partner to build connections and help your compatibility grow and thrive.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. It is Saturday, September 26th, and it's the age-old question. How long do you wait before you text? Well, there's actually science behind it, and the science says you're probably doing it all wrong. And with that, welcome to this Relationship Saturday episode of Amy and TJ Robes. This is the thing after that date. When do you text back? Would you have had an answer to this?
00:00:31
Speaker 2: Oh, yes.
00:00:31
Speaker 1: What's the appropriate?
00:00:32
Speaker 2: Really?
00:00:33
Speaker 1: Okay. Is it different for a man and a woman?
00:00:36
Speaker 2: I don't know. I only know for me. I want to play a little hard to get, but not too hard to get. So I would wait. I don't know. It depends on when. The date ended. But I would wait at least a couple of hours. Like that's just my initial. Oh, as an initial text back.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: Just saying thank you for a lovely evening.
00:00:57
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:00:58
Speaker 1: Hours, wow. I thought this was more of an issue of don't some people wait days? Correct. Right? It's a game that people play. Adults play.
00:01:08
Speaker 2: What would you say? When would you text? If the date went well, let's just say this, and you wanted a second date. when would you ideally text that person back?
00:01:19
Speaker 1: You certainly text no matter what that night, that day after the date ends. And really, if you want to say depending on the time, not long after you say goodbye is how I put it. And if you say goodbye at midnight, then the message should come at 12, 22 a.m. Right? I am immediately.
00:01:38
Speaker 2: Okay, let me ask you this.
00:01:39
Speaker 1: I say thank you. Go ahead.
00:01:41
Speaker 2: I love that. What if you aren't sure if you want a second date? When would you text?
00:01:45
Speaker 1: Same tone is different.
00:01:49
Speaker 2: That's interesting.
00:01:49
Speaker 1: The tone just changes.
00:01:50
Speaker 2: So your timing would be the same. The message would be different. So what would you text if you wanted a second date? Give me an idea of what you would say in that text and when you would get it. This is so interesting.
00:02:07
Speaker 1: I have to admit how pleasantly surprised I am at how well that went. These things usually don't go that well for me, and I'm sure you came into it with a level of nervousness as well. Thank you so much for a wonderful evening, and I would certainly look forward to doing this again. Have a lovely evening. Talk soon.
00:02:30
Speaker 2: You would be that polite. I feel like you would be much more casual.
00:02:34
Speaker 1: Casual? No, no, no. I wouldn't have time for that.
00:02:37
Speaker 2: I guess I never dated you.
00:02:39
Speaker 1: That's why I say it.
00:02:40
Speaker 2: Because you'd be like, yo, that was fun. Let's do it again.
00:02:45
Speaker 1: Who says that?
00:02:46
Speaker 2: You would be like that because we were buds.
00:02:47
Speaker 1: Now stop and think.
00:02:48
Speaker 2: That's so funny.
00:02:49
Speaker 1: I have never talked to you in that manner. That's how I interpreted it. No, that's why I say the tone is different because you still have to be the same level of respectful.
00:02:59
Speaker 2: Right.
00:03:00
Speaker 1: Both women, whether if you want to go out on a date with her again or not, still deserve the same level of respect for just taking the time. I appreciate you. Thank you. Tone matters.
00:03:12
Speaker 2: Okay, if you don't want to go on a second date, what is that text? You text? Because I would say most people would not text.
00:03:23
Speaker 1: No, but you text to say thank you. You're not texting to get a second date or to give another impression.
00:03:28
Speaker 2: But what you don't want to let or lead her on.
00:03:31
Speaker 1: By being polite? You should always be that. That's what I'm saying.
00:03:36
Speaker 2: You don't ever be a jerk. How are you polite but also letting her know there probably won't be a second date?
00:03:43
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for a lovely evening and taking the time. Please let me know you get home okay.
00:03:51
Speaker 2: Oh, I would think that was flirty. Uh-uh.
00:03:54
Speaker 1: That's polite. You got home okay.
00:03:56
Speaker 2: I get mixed signals.
00:03:57
Speaker 1: See, here's the thing. I leave it. I leave it. I didn't say next date.
00:04:02
Speaker 2: What if I text back and say... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I had such a good time, too. Thank you. When are we seeing each other again?
00:04:08
Speaker 1: We might get crickets. I've done my part. So that's when you go. I've done my part by saying, I'm glad you got home. Thank you for a lovely night. I've done my part.
00:04:23
Speaker 2: Oh my God. And then you're done.
00:04:25
Speaker 1: Oh my God.
00:04:26
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:04:26
Speaker 1: All right. So this- We really got sidetracked. We're supposed to be talking about the science here.
00:04:30
Speaker 2: But this is so interesting.
00:04:31
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:04:31
Speaker 2: This is from Psychology Today. And this specifically focused, they did a study on after a first date, what is the ideal time to text?
00:04:42
Speaker 1: First date. Okay.
00:04:42
Speaker 2: Yep. And that's kind of what we were just describing. So this was a 2026 study to determine how post-date texting- Timing impacts chemistry and outcome. Does that make sense? Okay. So they examined three different timings. Immediately after a first date, which is, I believe, what you described. Number two, the next morning. Or number three, after two days. Okay. Can you guess what timing is? Worked best.
00:05:19
Speaker 1: Worked best.
00:05:20
Speaker 2: Was tied to the highest relationship goals. So, again, assuming, yes, the next morning.
00:05:29
Speaker 1: Is it really?
00:05:29
Speaker 2: Texting the next morning was tied to the highest relationship intentions.
00:05:34
Speaker 1: That makes sense.
00:05:34
Speaker 2: Is how they put it. And they said they determined a moderate delay in texting seems to achieve the right balance when it comes to to relationship intentions. I thought that was interesting. You're going to get a kick out of this. So they broke down what, what their, I guess, subjects reacted or how they reacted and they broke it down in terms of gender. Okay.
00:05:56
Speaker 1: Gender.
00:05:58
Speaker 2: I know you won't be shocked to hear that their findings were women were more sensitive to the timing of post-date texting than men. So like Men didn't react as strongly as women did as to when that person they went on a date with texted them. Would you be bothered, by the way, if a woman didn't text you back that night or the next day or two days later?
00:06:22
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm hearing you right. Women are more bothered.
00:06:25
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: Okay, that does make sense. Yeah, I don't know, guys are.
00:06:29
Speaker 2: Men were less impacted by text timing.
00:06:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, because... Why? We were on another date, probably.
00:06:37
Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
00:06:38
Speaker 1: No, I'm just, yeah.
00:06:41
Speaker 2: So women showed stronger reactions among the three different timings. So I thought that was funny, but obvious, actually.
00:06:50
Speaker 1: Okay, make it.
00:07:00
Speaker 2: So both men and women, this is good, the genders were aligned. They felt the greatest amount of excitement about a future, right, with that person when they received a text the morning after. And they both, both men and women, were least attracted to a potential mate who waited the two days. So I think some people think they're being sly, playing hard to get. I'm going to wait two days. That actually resulted in the worst situation. attraction rate towards the person you dated.
00:07:31
Speaker 1: People still do that? Do you know grown folks that still play this? Absolutely. Why are we playing around?
00:07:36
Speaker 2: Because it's about power. And when you start looking at it as a power struggle, I'm going to make them want me so bad that when I finally do text them, they'll be like putty in my hands. I mean, I don't know. That's what I believe the idea behind it is.
00:07:50
Speaker 1: Oh, you sounded really familiar with that scenario. No, I did not.
00:07:54
Speaker 2: No, but the timing also was interesting on the impact of your feelings. So that was about whether or not, um, the initial one was based on gender, but just who had feelings. So initiators who texted their dates immediately after the date were regarded as more needy, needy, needy, needy by women. But there's a caveat to that. So I was like, okay, I get that. Like, Oh wow. They really like me. They must be needy. But this is so funny. That perception did not impact the relationship intentions or needy initiators were not perceived as less attractive.
00:08:36
Speaker 1: So, okay, fine.
00:08:37
Speaker 2: We might be like, oh, wow, he's needy. Oh, wow, he likes me. But deep down, we love it. So there you go. So basically, if we're attracted to you and you text us right back, you are golden. Because now we feel wanted.
00:08:53
Speaker 1: Who waits two days? It doesn't just mean you don't give a shit.
00:08:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there are certain people who are playing that game. And I just think this is so interesting because I do think that there are people out there who believe, oh, I'm going to make her sweat it out. And I do think it's more of a man thing. I did say I put that in gender terms. But I do think And maybe women do it too. Ooh, I'm not going to reply because I'm going to make him want me.
00:09:17
Speaker 1: But don't you all tell and recommend to each other, don't come across too thirsty. Don't you all recommend, advise each other to, mm-mm, don't text him.
00:09:27
Speaker 2: Before I even read into the article, I actually asked myself, what have I done? How do I approach this? And I admitted, I wait a couple hours. I would never wait. I wouldn't even wait until the next day. And I certainly would not wait two days. No way. If I like somebody, I feel confident enough in me to show that I like them too.
00:09:53
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:09:54
Speaker 2: I do think women do wait for men to make that first move. So this is a lot about men. But I did think this was interesting. People who delayed their texting were not viewed as higher in value, and they actually were regarded as less attractive. So I know we all think that that's the way to play it. It's not.
00:10:17
Speaker 1: Playing it cool, yeah.
00:10:18
Speaker 2: By the way, if someone's attracted to you And you text them. That's like the best, that's the biggest dopamine hit ever. If you feel wanted and you want that person, now you've got it. Playing a game, like I'm going to make them want me. You're never going to make somebody want you. who didn't initially want you. Like, I think that's a really high bar to try and achieve.
00:10:40
Speaker 1: You're describing ego over there. Isn't that what this is all about? Would you say the top power?
00:10:45
Speaker 2: Yes, I do think this is a power thing. But anyway, this was so fascinating. But when we come back, we're going to talk about what the overall findings are about playing hard to get and just how soon is too soon. Welcome back, everyone, to Amy and TJ on this Relationship Saturday. This is for all the daters, all the single folks out there. And I think this is so interesting because everybody wants to know when to text back, when to respond. What will that say about me? How will that affect me? the relationship. Well, psychology today just did a study to figure out when the three different timings, when the perfect timing is immediately after your first date, the next morning, or after two days. And absolutely, they found that the next morning had the highest results. However, they make this point. I love this. The sooner the post-date text the more the recipient believed the initiator liked them. And with that in mind, if you are so bold as to believe in yourself and bet on yourself, that's the best move. Because the earlier you contact someone, the more you then leave them with this impression that you are really interested in them, you're confident enough to tell them, And you're showing them, you're bold enough to show them affection. If they had any feeling towards you, that is going to be a win, period. And by the way, if it isn't one, you'll know sooner rather than later, it was never probably going to work out.
00:12:36
Speaker 1: Roams, I don't know why you, I mean, we're adults. We're grown folks and we just don't have time. Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me, it's better to find out in five months than in five years. Yep. And so it's also better to find out in five minutes than five months. Why are we BSing? If you like somebody, it's okay to say it.
00:13:00
Speaker 2: And you just have to accept rejection. You have to be prepared to be rejected.
00:13:04
Speaker 1: That's completely okay. I just wish more people would be that kind of just upfront and honest about how you feel. Let's not play games. Who has time to wait two days and then I got to wait 15 more minutes and then No robes if you like somebody. Man, life is short. Turn on the TV. Look in your own lives. Just life is short. Tomorrow is not promised. Why am I wasting any time?
00:13:32
Speaker 2: I love that. You and I were friends for a very, very, very long time. And I remember we would talk about stuff like this just as friends. And I remember you said to me early on, not know why women think playing hard to get works. It doesn't. And I thought that was so interesting. You were the first guy. Maybe you're the only guy. I mean, I didn't talk about relationships with a lot of guys, but you said that to me early on and it stayed with me because I do think a lot of women and I do think a lot of men believe that that actually is a winning formula.
00:14:07
Speaker 1: What makes you more desirable?
00:14:09
Speaker 2: But what I think that is, is you're looking for power. You're looking to find someone who you know loves you a little more than you love them. And that makes you feel safe. But that's when you need to ask yourself, wow, why is that the dynamic I feel most comfortable with? And is that a long-term solution? There are so many things about when you're looking for a that will actually tell you something about yourself that you need to learn. And so I just thought this was so interesting. If you, if you are looking for some sort of dynamic where you can have the power, and if you're somebody who wants to play hard to get, there is a much deeper seated issue going on that you need to unpack. And I just think looking at this study and understanding it now with a lot of years of history and relationships, it makes so much more sense to me now.
00:15:03
Speaker 1: And it's not attractive. Please know. It is not attractive. Ooh, I really got to get her. If any guy you're rejecting or playing games with still all out pursues you no matter what, you should ask some questions about his ego and his motivations. Because now it's about the chase. Now it's about something else. Not just about he just has to conquer now. Because it's an absolute turn off. Who wants to do that?
00:15:32
Speaker 2: The truth is, when it comes to finding a relationship that is going to last, none of that is going to matter. And all of that actually are, they should be serving as red flags or green flags or red flags.
00:15:45
Speaker 1: But you want to throw beige in there today?
00:15:48
Speaker 2: Beige maybe too.
00:15:49
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:15:49
Speaker 2: But no, the point being is you want to meet somebody with honesty. You want to be able to say, I'm into you. Are you into me? And if they're not being able to accept it, that is where we're all supposed to be getting to. I don't think we talked about this enough coming up. Like when I guess back in the seventies and eighties and nineties, I love that we're talking about it today because I do think this gives people a guidepost that I don't think we ever had.
00:16:16
Speaker 1: Am I wrong?
00:16:16
Speaker 2: Did you remember ever hearing anyone talk about this kind of thing? No.
00:16:23
Speaker 1: We just slide a note. Do you like me? Yes or no. And that usually worked. We, we, everybody knew where we stood.
00:16:30
Speaker 2: It was so simple back then.
00:16:31
Speaker 1: Man, those are the days.
00:16:32
Speaker 2: Right. But no, I love it. If you like somebody, text them. If you like somebody, tell them.
00:16:38
Speaker 1: It's okay.
00:16:39
Speaker 2: See what happens.
00:16:40
Speaker 1: Man, it's okay.
00:16:41
Speaker 2: And if they tell you they don't, they don't feel the same way. You're welcome. Thank God you found out now.
00:16:47
Speaker 1: Got it out of the way.
00:16:49
Speaker 2: You don't want to find out a year from now or five years from now or 15 years from now. So what a great, great article of psychology today. Thank you so much. And thank you everyone for listening. I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes.
00:17:02
Speaker 1: We'll talk soon.
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. It is Saturday, September 26th, and it's the age-old question. How long do you wait before you text? Well, there's actually science behind it, and the science says you're probably doing it all wrong. And with that, welcome to this Relationship Saturday episode of Amy and TJ Robes. This is the thing after that date. When do you text back? Would you have had an answer to this?
00:00:31
Speaker 2: Oh, yes.
00:00:31
Speaker 1: What's the appropriate?
00:00:32
Speaker 2: Really?
00:00:33
Speaker 1: Okay. Is it different for a man and a woman?
00:00:36
Speaker 2: I don't know. I only know for me. I want to play a little hard to get, but not too hard to get. So I would wait. I don't know. It depends on when. The date ended. But I would wait at least a couple of hours. Like that's just my initial. Oh, as an initial text back.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: Just saying thank you for a lovely evening.
00:00:57
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:00:58
Speaker 1: Hours, wow. I thought this was more of an issue of don't some people wait days? Correct. Right? It's a game that people play. Adults play.
00:01:08
Speaker 2: What would you say? When would you text? If the date went well, let's just say this, and you wanted a second date. when would you ideally text that person back?
00:01:19
Speaker 1: You certainly text no matter what that night, that day after the date ends. And really, if you want to say depending on the time, not long after you say goodbye is how I put it. And if you say goodbye at midnight, then the message should come at 12, 22 a.m. Right? I am immediately.
00:01:38
Speaker 2: Okay, let me ask you this.
00:01:39
Speaker 1: I say thank you. Go ahead.
00:01:41
Speaker 2: I love that. What if you aren't sure if you want a second date? When would you text?
00:01:45
Speaker 1: Same tone is different.
00:01:49
Speaker 2: That's interesting.
00:01:49
Speaker 1: The tone just changes.
00:01:50
Speaker 2: So your timing would be the same. The message would be different. So what would you text if you wanted a second date? Give me an idea of what you would say in that text and when you would get it. This is so interesting.
00:02:07
Speaker 1: I have to admit how pleasantly surprised I am at how well that went. These things usually don't go that well for me, and I'm sure you came into it with a level of nervousness as well. Thank you so much for a wonderful evening, and I would certainly look forward to doing this again. Have a lovely evening. Talk soon.
00:02:30
Speaker 2: You would be that polite. I feel like you would be much more casual.
00:02:34
Speaker 1: Casual? No, no, no. I wouldn't have time for that.
00:02:37
Speaker 2: I guess I never dated you.
00:02:39
Speaker 1: That's why I say it.
00:02:40
Speaker 2: Because you'd be like, yo, that was fun. Let's do it again.
00:02:45
Speaker 1: Who says that?
00:02:46
Speaker 2: You would be like that because we were buds.
00:02:47
Speaker 1: Now stop and think.
00:02:48
Speaker 2: That's so funny.
00:02:49
Speaker 1: I have never talked to you in that manner. That's how I interpreted it. No, that's why I say the tone is different because you still have to be the same level of respectful.
00:02:59
Speaker 2: Right.
00:03:00
Speaker 1: Both women, whether if you want to go out on a date with her again or not, still deserve the same level of respect for just taking the time. I appreciate you. Thank you. Tone matters.
00:03:12
Speaker 2: Okay, if you don't want to go on a second date, what is that text? You text? Because I would say most people would not text.
00:03:23
Speaker 1: No, but you text to say thank you. You're not texting to get a second date or to give another impression.
00:03:28
Speaker 2: But what you don't want to let or lead her on.
00:03:31
Speaker 1: By being polite? You should always be that. That's what I'm saying.
00:03:36
Speaker 2: You don't ever be a jerk. How are you polite but also letting her know there probably won't be a second date?
00:03:43
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for a lovely evening and taking the time. Please let me know you get home okay.
00:03:51
Speaker 2: Oh, I would think that was flirty. Uh-uh.
00:03:54
Speaker 1: That's polite. You got home okay.
00:03:56
Speaker 2: I get mixed signals.
00:03:57
Speaker 1: See, here's the thing. I leave it. I leave it. I didn't say next date.
00:04:02
Speaker 2: What if I text back and say... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I had such a good time, too. Thank you. When are we seeing each other again?
00:04:08
Speaker 1: We might get crickets. I've done my part. So that's when you go. I've done my part by saying, I'm glad you got home. Thank you for a lovely night. I've done my part.
00:04:23
Speaker 2: Oh my God. And then you're done.
00:04:25
Speaker 1: Oh my God.
00:04:26
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:04:26
Speaker 1: All right. So this- We really got sidetracked. We're supposed to be talking about the science here.
00:04:30
Speaker 2: But this is so interesting.
00:04:31
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:04:31
Speaker 2: This is from Psychology Today. And this specifically focused, they did a study on after a first date, what is the ideal time to text?
00:04:42
Speaker 1: First date. Okay.
00:04:42
Speaker 2: Yep. And that's kind of what we were just describing. So this was a 2026 study to determine how post-date texting- Timing impacts chemistry and outcome. Does that make sense? Okay. So they examined three different timings. Immediately after a first date, which is, I believe, what you described. Number two, the next morning. Or number three, after two days. Okay. Can you guess what timing is? Worked best.
00:05:19
Speaker 1: Worked best.
00:05:20
Speaker 2: Was tied to the highest relationship goals. So, again, assuming, yes, the next morning.
00:05:29
Speaker 1: Is it really?
00:05:29
Speaker 2: Texting the next morning was tied to the highest relationship intentions.
00:05:34
Speaker 1: That makes sense.
00:05:34
Speaker 2: Is how they put it. And they said they determined a moderate delay in texting seems to achieve the right balance when it comes to to relationship intentions. I thought that was interesting. You're going to get a kick out of this. So they broke down what, what their, I guess, subjects reacted or how they reacted and they broke it down in terms of gender. Okay.
00:05:56
Speaker 1: Gender.
00:05:58
Speaker 2: I know you won't be shocked to hear that their findings were women were more sensitive to the timing of post-date texting than men. So like Men didn't react as strongly as women did as to when that person they went on a date with texted them. Would you be bothered, by the way, if a woman didn't text you back that night or the next day or two days later?
00:06:22
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm hearing you right. Women are more bothered.
00:06:25
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: Okay, that does make sense. Yeah, I don't know, guys are.
00:06:29
Speaker 2: Men were less impacted by text timing.
00:06:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, because... Why? We were on another date, probably.
00:06:37
Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
00:06:38
Speaker 1: No, I'm just, yeah.
00:06:41
Speaker 2: So women showed stronger reactions among the three different timings. So I thought that was funny, but obvious, actually.
00:06:50
Speaker 1: Okay, make it.
00:07:00
Speaker 2: So both men and women, this is good, the genders were aligned. They felt the greatest amount of excitement about a future, right, with that person when they received a text the morning after. And they both, both men and women, were least attracted to a potential mate who waited the two days. So I think some people think they're being sly, playing hard to get. I'm going to wait two days. That actually resulted in the worst situation. attraction rate towards the person you dated.
00:07:31
Speaker 1: People still do that? Do you know grown folks that still play this? Absolutely. Why are we playing around?
00:07:36
Speaker 2: Because it's about power. And when you start looking at it as a power struggle, I'm going to make them want me so bad that when I finally do text them, they'll be like putty in my hands. I mean, I don't know. That's what I believe the idea behind it is.
00:07:50
Speaker 1: Oh, you sounded really familiar with that scenario. No, I did not.
00:07:54
Speaker 2: No, but the timing also was interesting on the impact of your feelings. So that was about whether or not, um, the initial one was based on gender, but just who had feelings. So initiators who texted their dates immediately after the date were regarded as more needy, needy, needy, needy by women. But there's a caveat to that. So I was like, okay, I get that. Like, Oh wow. They really like me. They must be needy. But this is so funny. That perception did not impact the relationship intentions or needy initiators were not perceived as less attractive.
00:08:36
Speaker 1: So, okay, fine.
00:08:37
Speaker 2: We might be like, oh, wow, he's needy. Oh, wow, he likes me. But deep down, we love it. So there you go. So basically, if we're attracted to you and you text us right back, you are golden. Because now we feel wanted.
00:08:53
Speaker 1: Who waits two days? It doesn't just mean you don't give a shit.
00:08:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there are certain people who are playing that game. And I just think this is so interesting because I do think that there are people out there who believe, oh, I'm going to make her sweat it out. And I do think it's more of a man thing. I did say I put that in gender terms. But I do think And maybe women do it too. Ooh, I'm not going to reply because I'm going to make him want me.
00:09:17
Speaker 1: But don't you all tell and recommend to each other, don't come across too thirsty. Don't you all recommend, advise each other to, mm-mm, don't text him.
00:09:27
Speaker 2: Before I even read into the article, I actually asked myself, what have I done? How do I approach this? And I admitted, I wait a couple hours. I would never wait. I wouldn't even wait until the next day. And I certainly would not wait two days. No way. If I like somebody, I feel confident enough in me to show that I like them too.
00:09:53
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:09:54
Speaker 2: I do think women do wait for men to make that first move. So this is a lot about men. But I did think this was interesting. People who delayed their texting were not viewed as higher in value, and they actually were regarded as less attractive. So I know we all think that that's the way to play it. It's not.
00:10:17
Speaker 1: Playing it cool, yeah.
00:10:18
Speaker 2: By the way, if someone's attracted to you And you text them. That's like the best, that's the biggest dopamine hit ever. If you feel wanted and you want that person, now you've got it. Playing a game, like I'm going to make them want me. You're never going to make somebody want you. who didn't initially want you. Like, I think that's a really high bar to try and achieve.
00:10:40
Speaker 1: You're describing ego over there. Isn't that what this is all about? Would you say the top power?
00:10:45
Speaker 2: Yes, I do think this is a power thing. But anyway, this was so fascinating. But when we come back, we're going to talk about what the overall findings are about playing hard to get and just how soon is too soon. Welcome back, everyone, to Amy and TJ on this Relationship Saturday. This is for all the daters, all the single folks out there. And I think this is so interesting because everybody wants to know when to text back, when to respond. What will that say about me? How will that affect me? the relationship. Well, psychology today just did a study to figure out when the three different timings, when the perfect timing is immediately after your first date, the next morning, or after two days. And absolutely, they found that the next morning had the highest results. However, they make this point. I love this. The sooner the post-date text the more the recipient believed the initiator liked them. And with that in mind, if you are so bold as to believe in yourself and bet on yourself, that's the best move. Because the earlier you contact someone, the more you then leave them with this impression that you are really interested in them, you're confident enough to tell them, And you're showing them, you're bold enough to show them affection. If they had any feeling towards you, that is going to be a win, period. And by the way, if it isn't one, you'll know sooner rather than later, it was never probably going to work out.
00:12:36
Speaker 1: Roams, I don't know why you, I mean, we're adults. We're grown folks and we just don't have time. Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me, it's better to find out in five months than in five years. Yep. And so it's also better to find out in five minutes than five months. Why are we BSing? If you like somebody, it's okay to say it.
00:13:00
Speaker 2: And you just have to accept rejection. You have to be prepared to be rejected.
00:13:04
Speaker 1: That's completely okay. I just wish more people would be that kind of just upfront and honest about how you feel. Let's not play games. Who has time to wait two days and then I got to wait 15 more minutes and then No robes if you like somebody. Man, life is short. Turn on the TV. Look in your own lives. Just life is short. Tomorrow is not promised. Why am I wasting any time?
00:13:32
Speaker 2: I love that. You and I were friends for a very, very, very long time. And I remember we would talk about stuff like this just as friends. And I remember you said to me early on, not know why women think playing hard to get works. It doesn't. And I thought that was so interesting. You were the first guy. Maybe you're the only guy. I mean, I didn't talk about relationships with a lot of guys, but you said that to me early on and it stayed with me because I do think a lot of women and I do think a lot of men believe that that actually is a winning formula.
00:14:07
Speaker 1: What makes you more desirable?
00:14:09
Speaker 2: But what I think that is, is you're looking for power. You're looking to find someone who you know loves you a little more than you love them. And that makes you feel safe. But that's when you need to ask yourself, wow, why is that the dynamic I feel most comfortable with? And is that a long-term solution? There are so many things about when you're looking for a that will actually tell you something about yourself that you need to learn. And so I just thought this was so interesting. If you, if you are looking for some sort of dynamic where you can have the power, and if you're somebody who wants to play hard to get, there is a much deeper seated issue going on that you need to unpack. And I just think looking at this study and understanding it now with a lot of years of history and relationships, it makes so much more sense to me now.
00:15:03
Speaker 1: And it's not attractive. Please know. It is not attractive. Ooh, I really got to get her. If any guy you're rejecting or playing games with still all out pursues you no matter what, you should ask some questions about his ego and his motivations. Because now it's about the chase. Now it's about something else. Not just about he just has to conquer now. Because it's an absolute turn off. Who wants to do that?
00:15:32
Speaker 2: The truth is, when it comes to finding a relationship that is going to last, none of that is going to matter. And all of that actually are, they should be serving as red flags or green flags or red flags.
00:15:45
Speaker 1: But you want to throw beige in there today?
00:15:48
Speaker 2: Beige maybe too.
00:15:49
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:15:49
Speaker 2: But no, the point being is you want to meet somebody with honesty. You want to be able to say, I'm into you. Are you into me? And if they're not being able to accept it, that is where we're all supposed to be getting to. I don't think we talked about this enough coming up. Like when I guess back in the seventies and eighties and nineties, I love that we're talking about it today because I do think this gives people a guidepost that I don't think we ever had.
00:16:16
Speaker 1: Am I wrong?
00:16:16
Speaker 2: Did you remember ever hearing anyone talk about this kind of thing? No.
00:16:23
Speaker 1: We just slide a note. Do you like me? Yes or no. And that usually worked. We, we, everybody knew where we stood.
00:16:30
Speaker 2: It was so simple back then.
00:16:31
Speaker 1: Man, those are the days.
00:16:32
Speaker 2: Right. But no, I love it. If you like somebody, text them. If you like somebody, tell them.
00:16:38
Speaker 1: It's okay.
00:16:39
Speaker 2: See what happens.
00:16:40
Speaker 1: Man, it's okay.
00:16:41
Speaker 2: And if they tell you they don't, they don't feel the same way. You're welcome. Thank God you found out now.
00:16:47
Speaker 1: Got it out of the way.
00:16:49
Speaker 2: You don't want to find out a year from now or five years from now or 15 years from now. So what a great, great article of psychology today. Thank you so much. And thank you everyone for listening. I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes.
00:17:02
Speaker 1: We'll talk soon.