Sept. 26, 2026
Relationship Saturday: 7 Post Breakup/Divorce Dating Mistakes You Need To Avoid!
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RSS Feed On this relationship Saturday, we have some incredible advice for everyone in any stage of a relationship or life. First, up we have a study out of Psychology Today that shares the science behind the timing of a text. Next up on the feed we will have the seven mistakes most people make when dating again after a breakup or divorce. And finally, for those in a relationship, we share 15 questions you should ask your partner to build connections and help your compatibility grow and thrive.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there folks, it is Saturday, September 26th, and if you just happen to be getting out of a relationship, maybe it was a long-term relationship, you just broke up, and maybe you're trying to get back out there, Roblox has seven things you absolutely should not do. And with that, welcome to this episode, this relationship, Saturday relationship episode. Relationship Saturday.
00:00:32
Speaker 2: Yes, that's the way we were saying it.
00:00:33
Speaker 1: Of Amy and TJ.
00:00:34
Speaker 2: It's okay.
00:00:35
Speaker 1: Robes, this isâ I haven't heard these yet. You've been through them. Now, are they obvious?
00:00:41
Speaker 2: Some of them are, but they're worth mentioning. And I do think when you're coming out of a breakup orâ this was actuallyâ many of these tips came from a place of, well, you've just been divorced. You're trying to get back out there. But whether you're broken up from a long-term relationship or a divorceâ The rules are the same, basically. You're trying to get back out there. And these are some tips that a longtime therapist put out there that she has seen her clients do that have absolutely derailed their ability to find a new relationship.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: Derailed?
00:01:17
Speaker 2: So these are the seven mistakes that you need to avoid when you're getting back out there, when you're putting yourself back out on the market.
00:01:24
Speaker 1: Wow. Have you made any of these?
00:01:26
Speaker 2: Well, I... Okay, so you're staggering. Obviously, I'm divorced twice, so I'm sure I did. Yes, I probably, yes, made several of these mistakes. I thought it was interesting, though. She says, before you actually start dating again, You actually should decide. And I never did this. Are you looking for something casual? Just want to have some fun? Or are you looking for something long-term? Are you looking for a partner? Maybe I take that back. I did know I wanted a partner. I wanted somebody to spend the rest of my life with. Yes. Did you have a moment to make that choice? No.
00:02:08
Speaker 1: Didn't have it. Didn't have the time. There was no time.
00:02:12
Speaker 2: There was no time.
00:02:13
Speaker 1: No, there was no time to go sit and be with it and go sail around the world for a little while.
00:02:19
Speaker 2: That's wonderful if you have that.
00:02:20
Speaker 1: Backpacking and do the whole eat, pray, love thing from the blackmail perspective.
00:02:24
Speaker 2: I think we all romanticize that we're going to have that moment. It doesn't always happen.
00:02:27
Speaker 1: It didn't happen that way for me, baby. No, I didn't. It sounds good. I mean, it sounds like a journey I would like to go on.
00:02:34
Speaker 2: Yes. But I do love this.
00:02:35
Speaker 1: Oh, my God. You just missed my journey.
00:02:37
Speaker 2: A journey that you want. By the way, that ship has sailed.
00:02:42
Speaker 1: That's awesome.
00:02:42
Speaker 2: Speaking of journeys.
00:02:43
Speaker 1: You know what? I appreciate your confidence, baby. That's exactly what I wanted to hear from you.
00:02:47
Speaker 2: Okay. So if you do have that moment to breathe, I do like the idea that you should kind of makeâ a decision on what you're looking for. And it's perfectly okay. Well, no, we haven't gotten to the first mistake yet. These are just overall tips. If you're navigating a fresh breakup, um, And then they also said, don't put so much pressure on yourself. Sometimes all you have to do in the early days of dating is decide with each person, do I want another date? You can say, okay, I want to meet the love of my life. I want to meet the person I'm going to grow old with. But then don't place that on that person when you sit down with them on that first date. What you actually should do is just say, all I need to figure out is, Would I like a second date? I appreciate that. I think that's really good advice. You don't have to think, are we going to get married? Um, you also don't have to decide whether or not your parents, or if you're of a certain age, your kids would approve or whether you would want to move in with this person or want to ever get married again. You can actually just take it date by date. So when you start this process, here are the seven mistakes. Number one, repeating old patterns. Do not date someone who is like your ex or remind you of them. Does that make sense?
00:04:11
Speaker 1: Who the hell would want to do that anyway? Jesus Christ. It's like a gag reflex. It should be.
00:04:28
Speaker 2: I agree with you. I totally agree. It depends on maybe what your breakup felt like or looked like.
00:04:33
Speaker 1: Oh my God.
00:04:34
Speaker 2: But some people will fall into the same pattern because it feels familiar. It doesn't mean it's healthy. It just feels safe because you know it. But actually just remember how it ended. So, yes, this is a common thing.
00:04:47
Speaker 1: That's insanity. Oh, yeah. If we ever break up, I am going to go date a tall Asian woman. Like give me the farthest thing and she's going to have like a crop. She's going to have a shaved head. Like she's going to have to be the opposite of you in every way.
00:05:02
Speaker 2: That's hilarious. Oh, my God.
00:05:04
Speaker 1: All right.
00:05:04
Speaker 2: Okay. So funny enough that you say that because the number two rule is Do not date someone who is the polar opposite of your ex.
00:05:13
Speaker 1: Damn it. I'm blowing this.
00:05:15
Speaker 2: I love that you walked right into that. Beware of looking for someone who is a carbon copy of your ex or over-correcting by choosing someone completely different.
00:05:26
Speaker 1: A tall, bald Asian is probably over-correction.
00:05:29
Speaker 2: Okay, but it's not even just about looks. It also is about... Yes, and I will say I have made this mistake in the past. I have never gone for the same, but I have overcorrected. I have gone in the opposite way, like unemotional, emotional. You're looking for something that you didn't get.
00:05:48
Speaker 1: White, black.
00:05:49
Speaker 2: There you go. I mean, it could be something just as similar.
00:05:51
Speaker 1: This is an overcorrection.
00:05:52
Speaker 2: Oh, stop it.
00:05:53
Speaker 1: It is.
00:05:54
Speaker 2: You're being funny.
00:05:55
Speaker 1: I'm not being funny. This is an overcorrection. It's not about looks necessarily. It's more about like compatibility. Culturally and everything else. This is exactly what you're talking about. This is an overcorrection.
00:06:05
Speaker 2: Okay. You should be concerned then.
00:06:06
Speaker 1: I am. All right.
00:06:08
Speaker 2: Number three.
00:06:08
Speaker 1: The listeners hear it in my voice.
00:06:10
Speaker 2: You're hilarious. All right. Here's another mistake. prioritizing chemistry over substance or vice versa. I think this is interesting because if you've, look, I do believe once you've broken up from a long-term relationship or you're in a divorce, a lot of times, unless you were shocked and broken up with, a lot of times you've been numb. You've been dead on the vine for a while. And so you might prioritize chemistry. Or maybe if you got shocked and you were Like you couldn't believe that your person had just left you. You might prioritize just somebody who you can feel safe with, but you should never go to those extremes. If you want a relationship that lasts, you can't just look for chemistry. You can't just look for substance. You literally have to have both and you can't lose sight of that. And I do think people do when they feel alone and sad and desperate and they're looking for something to bring them back to life. So I thought that was fair. The fourth mistake people make, oh, I think a lot of women are going to understand this. I don't think a lot of men will understand this. You should never date someone's potential. And you have to ask yourself, do I have a history of a fixer-upper? Am I always hopeful that I can change someone? Or I see the potential of what you could be if only dot, dot, dot. Do not date someone's potential ever. You have to accept people for who they are. And the big point is you've already had a failed relationship. I hate to say failed, but you already had a relationship that didn't end in forever. So remind yourself, you don't have to settle this time around, but people sometimes rush to that and they think he's almost perfect. I can fix him. Do men think that about women? No, I didn't think so.
00:08:11
Speaker 1: We don't look across the bar and think, man, I could help her.
00:08:16
Speaker 2: That is....
00:08:18
Speaker 1: Wow. We don't do that. Guys look and she needs to already be good to go in our eyes. Isn't that funny? I know exactly what you're talking about and absolutely you're right to say what you said.
00:08:31
Speaker 2: You know what? I feel like this is exactly you and me talking about real estate because we've just started down this path. potential part of our lives. And you said to me, I want, I'm at an age now, I want to walk in and say, this home is exactly what I wanted. It's perfect. I don't need to fix anything. And I said, I would like a project. I would like to say, what can I do to leave my mark on this place and make it even better? Isn't that funny? Real estate and relationships.
00:09:03
Speaker 1: I said, absolutely not. So no, That is an absolute woman thing. And I don't know if that speaks to you all's what?
00:09:12
Speaker 2: Control, our need to control. I actually think if you, and I have to be honest here, and it's not something I'm proud to admit, but I do think there is a level of control because if you think you're the reason why your partner is better than they were, you can take credit for it. There's some attaboy there. There's some like ownership, like, yeah, I did that. I think it's ego. And I can say this and saying that, knowing that I have absolutely felt that way in the past, not proud of it when I look at it from this perspective, but I think if we're really being honest, that is a part of it. But women want to be in charge. We do. Of our families, of our homes, of our lives, we want security. We want safety. Maybe we weren't guaranteed it historically and that's was passed down either anecdotally or biologically, but we need to feel safe and to feel safe. If we feel like we have something that you, that we gave you or that you owe, that we, that we're owed back from like, we feel safer. It's totally false and ridiculous and not smart or healthy or anything. But I do think that's what it's based in. It's so interesting when you start to dissect it. That's just my two cents. I could be totally wrong. But it's also been my experience. So yes, ladies, do not date someone's potential. They actually don't respect you for it or feel like they owe you anything. And you are falsely being lured into some sense of power structure that doesn't actually exist. Would you agree?
00:10:46
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never been in that position.
00:10:49
Speaker 2: You've never tried to change anybody because of what you just described.
00:10:52
Speaker 1: Across the bar. For what? Yeah. Anybody out there ever tried to change a woman?
00:10:56
Speaker 2: It's a fool's errand.
00:10:57
Speaker 1: Let me know how that went.
00:10:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. All right. When we come back, we're going to tell you about the next three mistakes that you should not make when getting back out there post-breakup. Welcome back, everyone, to Amy and TJ. Yes, it is Relationship Saturday. We're talking about folks getting back out there into the dating world post-breakup, post-divorce. And the fifth mistake that people make, I get this, introducing their kids too early. So, yes, this is for many of us who are dating with children that so many people have. so like if you feel something for this other person, you're so excited to blend your families, to introduce your kids. And the experts warn that is a really big no, no, you should not. When you think you should wait even longer. And that makes sense.
00:12:04
Speaker 1: Well, because is the thinking that's a detriment to your relationship? Because once that happens, are you, you're making bad decisions based on the kids in that relationship?
00:12:15
Speaker 2: No, actually, this is for the kids' sake. They say it is unhealthy for children to meet multiple short-term partners. And oftentimes, we just get too excited about this person who we think might be the next husband, the next wife, and we just rush to have them meet our kids. And our kids are the ones who suffer. So no, this is actually a mistake That ultimately affects you because if your kids are upset by it or your kids are thrown by it, it's not going to be healthy for you or for your partner going forward. And it's always better to wait, they say, to introduce your kids to the next person in your life. So that was interesting. The sixth mistake that people make, sharing too much too soon. You will lean into this. They say one of the biggest mistakes people make post-divorce, post-breakup, is talking endlessly about the divorce, about the breakup, about your children, about all of the heartache. Like, you focus on that almost in a way. And especially if the other person also is coming out of a relationship, you end up talking way too much about the past.
00:13:33
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:13:35
Speaker 2: It can drag you down.
00:13:36
Speaker 1: Whoops. There's a mistake you make in your dating life. It could turn somebody else off. Okay, that makes sense. Nobody wants to hear all that.
00:13:42
Speaker 2: And they say like, of course, be honest about the divorce or the breakup if it was fresh. Because we've seen this on all of our dating shows. If someone goes on a dating show and broke up with their boyfriend or girlfriend two weeks before, it can cause problems if the next person finds out that you have just, you're fresh off a divorce or you're fresh off a breakup. that never sits well with somebody who actually is seriously interested in dating you. True. Um, but they say, obviously you don't need to share the details in any point, but they say the thing to do in turn is to ask plenty of questions about them and don't, you don't feel, you don't feel the need to share or overshare about your relationship status. And the last mistake that experts say people make when they get back out in a field, too much focus on whether your date likes you. I don't think you're going to understand this. I think this is for the women, but tell me if I'm wrong. I was actually thinking about this when I looked at this, that you would be like, what are you talking about? Women, I believe so many of us will date someone that we think likes us. So date someone you like rather than focusing on whether or not they like you. And don't present yourself as someone you think they will like rather than being your authentic self. They say that most women, a lot of women, try to get their date to like them without fully considering whether or not they actually like their date. It's again, it's power, it's ego. I care more about feeling loved or feeling liked then I am actually considering liking or loving someone else. Does that register at all with you?
00:15:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes sense. That's unfortunately, and you just tagged it on a younger generation, if you will. But it's a mindset of I need to be adored. I need to be liked. I need to be loved no matter what. No matter what. And so, no, that's a, I'm not surprised by that. I don't know. It's unfortunate, babe, that you're seeking adoration.
00:16:08
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:16:12
Speaker 1: And sometimes you don't care where you're getting it. Can you imagine being in a relationship with somebody that you actually don't care about, you actually don't love, and the only thing you care about is the fact that they do like you?
00:16:30
Speaker 2: Awesome.
00:16:32
Speaker 1: Bro that's a tough way to live.
00:16:34
Speaker 2: It is. And I think if a lot of people are honest, that might be a choice you made without realizing that's why you made it. And it's really interesting when you see it put like that, you have to take a step back. So yeah, I did think that was so interesting that the number, like the last mistake, and they wanted this to be a focus was whether or not you actually like that person or love that person, or do you just like how they make you feel?
00:17:04
Speaker 1: Aren't those scenarios? We've heard them before. I've certainly heard them in movies before, right? But yeah, but he loves me so much, right? Almost people are even disappointed sometimes that they don't love that person.
00:17:17
Speaker 2: I think it's really common.
00:17:19
Speaker 1: Right? And people, I'm sure you could probably got some in your head already that we have known folks like that and been around those scenarios that you're just... Like you can't believe it, but you just can't get out of it. But it's such a nice prayer. Where am I going to find somebody better? Who's ever going to love me better than that? All those things get tied into what you're saying.
00:17:40
Speaker 2: It's so true. We watch, as we pointed out, a lot of these relationship from Love Island to Married at First Sight to 90 Day Fiance. And we do hear a lot of people repeat this phrase. I want to be. I want to be adored. I want you to worship me. Like I deserve this. And there are plenty of women, I think more so than men, but maybe men too, who say what I need is to be worshiped. I need you to love me no matter what. And that actually isn't love. And so this is so interesting when you start to learn some lessons from a relationship that didn't work. The big point is to not fall into some of those same patterns when you're trying to find a relationship that actually will work. So I thought this was a fun way to kind of just, yeah, to examine what's next and how to do better next time. But we always appreciate you listening to us, everyone. I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk soon.
Speaker 1: Hey there folks, it is Saturday, September 26th, and if you just happen to be getting out of a relationship, maybe it was a long-term relationship, you just broke up, and maybe you're trying to get back out there, Roblox has seven things you absolutely should not do. And with that, welcome to this episode, this relationship, Saturday relationship episode. Relationship Saturday.
00:00:32
Speaker 2: Yes, that's the way we were saying it.
00:00:33
Speaker 1: Of Amy and TJ.
00:00:34
Speaker 2: It's okay.
00:00:35
Speaker 1: Robes, this isâ I haven't heard these yet. You've been through them. Now, are they obvious?
00:00:41
Speaker 2: Some of them are, but they're worth mentioning. And I do think when you're coming out of a breakup orâ this was actuallyâ many of these tips came from a place of, well, you've just been divorced. You're trying to get back out there. But whether you're broken up from a long-term relationship or a divorceâ The rules are the same, basically. You're trying to get back out there. And these are some tips that a longtime therapist put out there that she has seen her clients do that have absolutely derailed their ability to find a new relationship.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: Derailed?
00:01:17
Speaker 2: So these are the seven mistakes that you need to avoid when you're getting back out there, when you're putting yourself back out on the market.
00:01:24
Speaker 1: Wow. Have you made any of these?
00:01:26
Speaker 2: Well, I... Okay, so you're staggering. Obviously, I'm divorced twice, so I'm sure I did. Yes, I probably, yes, made several of these mistakes. I thought it was interesting, though. She says, before you actually start dating again, You actually should decide. And I never did this. Are you looking for something casual? Just want to have some fun? Or are you looking for something long-term? Are you looking for a partner? Maybe I take that back. I did know I wanted a partner. I wanted somebody to spend the rest of my life with. Yes. Did you have a moment to make that choice? No.
00:02:08
Speaker 1: Didn't have it. Didn't have the time. There was no time.
00:02:12
Speaker 2: There was no time.
00:02:13
Speaker 1: No, there was no time to go sit and be with it and go sail around the world for a little while.
00:02:19
Speaker 2: That's wonderful if you have that.
00:02:20
Speaker 1: Backpacking and do the whole eat, pray, love thing from the blackmail perspective.
00:02:24
Speaker 2: I think we all romanticize that we're going to have that moment. It doesn't always happen.
00:02:27
Speaker 1: It didn't happen that way for me, baby. No, I didn't. It sounds good. I mean, it sounds like a journey I would like to go on.
00:02:34
Speaker 2: Yes. But I do love this.
00:02:35
Speaker 1: Oh, my God. You just missed my journey.
00:02:37
Speaker 2: A journey that you want. By the way, that ship has sailed.
00:02:42
Speaker 1: That's awesome.
00:02:42
Speaker 2: Speaking of journeys.
00:02:43
Speaker 1: You know what? I appreciate your confidence, baby. That's exactly what I wanted to hear from you.
00:02:47
Speaker 2: Okay. So if you do have that moment to breathe, I do like the idea that you should kind of makeâ a decision on what you're looking for. And it's perfectly okay. Well, no, we haven't gotten to the first mistake yet. These are just overall tips. If you're navigating a fresh breakup, um, And then they also said, don't put so much pressure on yourself. Sometimes all you have to do in the early days of dating is decide with each person, do I want another date? You can say, okay, I want to meet the love of my life. I want to meet the person I'm going to grow old with. But then don't place that on that person when you sit down with them on that first date. What you actually should do is just say, all I need to figure out is, Would I like a second date? I appreciate that. I think that's really good advice. You don't have to think, are we going to get married? Um, you also don't have to decide whether or not your parents, or if you're of a certain age, your kids would approve or whether you would want to move in with this person or want to ever get married again. You can actually just take it date by date. So when you start this process, here are the seven mistakes. Number one, repeating old patterns. Do not date someone who is like your ex or remind you of them. Does that make sense?
00:04:11
Speaker 1: Who the hell would want to do that anyway? Jesus Christ. It's like a gag reflex. It should be.
00:04:28
Speaker 2: I agree with you. I totally agree. It depends on maybe what your breakup felt like or looked like.
00:04:33
Speaker 1: Oh my God.
00:04:34
Speaker 2: But some people will fall into the same pattern because it feels familiar. It doesn't mean it's healthy. It just feels safe because you know it. But actually just remember how it ended. So, yes, this is a common thing.
00:04:47
Speaker 1: That's insanity. Oh, yeah. If we ever break up, I am going to go date a tall Asian woman. Like give me the farthest thing and she's going to have like a crop. She's going to have a shaved head. Like she's going to have to be the opposite of you in every way.
00:05:02
Speaker 2: That's hilarious. Oh, my God.
00:05:04
Speaker 1: All right.
00:05:04
Speaker 2: Okay. So funny enough that you say that because the number two rule is Do not date someone who is the polar opposite of your ex.
00:05:13
Speaker 1: Damn it. I'm blowing this.
00:05:15
Speaker 2: I love that you walked right into that. Beware of looking for someone who is a carbon copy of your ex or over-correcting by choosing someone completely different.
00:05:26
Speaker 1: A tall, bald Asian is probably over-correction.
00:05:29
Speaker 2: Okay, but it's not even just about looks. It also is about... Yes, and I will say I have made this mistake in the past. I have never gone for the same, but I have overcorrected. I have gone in the opposite way, like unemotional, emotional. You're looking for something that you didn't get.
00:05:48
Speaker 1: White, black.
00:05:49
Speaker 2: There you go. I mean, it could be something just as similar.
00:05:51
Speaker 1: This is an overcorrection.
00:05:52
Speaker 2: Oh, stop it.
00:05:53
Speaker 1: It is.
00:05:54
Speaker 2: You're being funny.
00:05:55
Speaker 1: I'm not being funny. This is an overcorrection. It's not about looks necessarily. It's more about like compatibility. Culturally and everything else. This is exactly what you're talking about. This is an overcorrection.
00:06:05
Speaker 2: Okay. You should be concerned then.
00:06:06
Speaker 1: I am. All right.
00:06:08
Speaker 2: Number three.
00:06:08
Speaker 1: The listeners hear it in my voice.
00:06:10
Speaker 2: You're hilarious. All right. Here's another mistake. prioritizing chemistry over substance or vice versa. I think this is interesting because if you've, look, I do believe once you've broken up from a long-term relationship or you're in a divorce, a lot of times, unless you were shocked and broken up with, a lot of times you've been numb. You've been dead on the vine for a while. And so you might prioritize chemistry. Or maybe if you got shocked and you were Like you couldn't believe that your person had just left you. You might prioritize just somebody who you can feel safe with, but you should never go to those extremes. If you want a relationship that lasts, you can't just look for chemistry. You can't just look for substance. You literally have to have both and you can't lose sight of that. And I do think people do when they feel alone and sad and desperate and they're looking for something to bring them back to life. So I thought that was fair. The fourth mistake people make, oh, I think a lot of women are going to understand this. I don't think a lot of men will understand this. You should never date someone's potential. And you have to ask yourself, do I have a history of a fixer-upper? Am I always hopeful that I can change someone? Or I see the potential of what you could be if only dot, dot, dot. Do not date someone's potential ever. You have to accept people for who they are. And the big point is you've already had a failed relationship. I hate to say failed, but you already had a relationship that didn't end in forever. So remind yourself, you don't have to settle this time around, but people sometimes rush to that and they think he's almost perfect. I can fix him. Do men think that about women? No, I didn't think so.
00:08:11
Speaker 1: We don't look across the bar and think, man, I could help her.
00:08:16
Speaker 2: That is....
00:08:18
Speaker 1: Wow. We don't do that. Guys look and she needs to already be good to go in our eyes. Isn't that funny? I know exactly what you're talking about and absolutely you're right to say what you said.
00:08:31
Speaker 2: You know what? I feel like this is exactly you and me talking about real estate because we've just started down this path. potential part of our lives. And you said to me, I want, I'm at an age now, I want to walk in and say, this home is exactly what I wanted. It's perfect. I don't need to fix anything. And I said, I would like a project. I would like to say, what can I do to leave my mark on this place and make it even better? Isn't that funny? Real estate and relationships.
00:09:03
Speaker 1: I said, absolutely not. So no, That is an absolute woman thing. And I don't know if that speaks to you all's what?
00:09:12
Speaker 2: Control, our need to control. I actually think if you, and I have to be honest here, and it's not something I'm proud to admit, but I do think there is a level of control because if you think you're the reason why your partner is better than they were, you can take credit for it. There's some attaboy there. There's some like ownership, like, yeah, I did that. I think it's ego. And I can say this and saying that, knowing that I have absolutely felt that way in the past, not proud of it when I look at it from this perspective, but I think if we're really being honest, that is a part of it. But women want to be in charge. We do. Of our families, of our homes, of our lives, we want security. We want safety. Maybe we weren't guaranteed it historically and that's was passed down either anecdotally or biologically, but we need to feel safe and to feel safe. If we feel like we have something that you, that we gave you or that you owe, that we, that we're owed back from like, we feel safer. It's totally false and ridiculous and not smart or healthy or anything. But I do think that's what it's based in. It's so interesting when you start to dissect it. That's just my two cents. I could be totally wrong. But it's also been my experience. So yes, ladies, do not date someone's potential. They actually don't respect you for it or feel like they owe you anything. And you are falsely being lured into some sense of power structure that doesn't actually exist. Would you agree?
00:10:46
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never been in that position.
00:10:49
Speaker 2: You've never tried to change anybody because of what you just described.
00:10:52
Speaker 1: Across the bar. For what? Yeah. Anybody out there ever tried to change a woman?
00:10:56
Speaker 2: It's a fool's errand.
00:10:57
Speaker 1: Let me know how that went.
00:10:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. All right. When we come back, we're going to tell you about the next three mistakes that you should not make when getting back out there post-breakup. Welcome back, everyone, to Amy and TJ. Yes, it is Relationship Saturday. We're talking about folks getting back out there into the dating world post-breakup, post-divorce. And the fifth mistake that people make, I get this, introducing their kids too early. So, yes, this is for many of us who are dating with children that so many people have. so like if you feel something for this other person, you're so excited to blend your families, to introduce your kids. And the experts warn that is a really big no, no, you should not. When you think you should wait even longer. And that makes sense.
00:12:04
Speaker 1: Well, because is the thinking that's a detriment to your relationship? Because once that happens, are you, you're making bad decisions based on the kids in that relationship?
00:12:15
Speaker 2: No, actually, this is for the kids' sake. They say it is unhealthy for children to meet multiple short-term partners. And oftentimes, we just get too excited about this person who we think might be the next husband, the next wife, and we just rush to have them meet our kids. And our kids are the ones who suffer. So no, this is actually a mistake That ultimately affects you because if your kids are upset by it or your kids are thrown by it, it's not going to be healthy for you or for your partner going forward. And it's always better to wait, they say, to introduce your kids to the next person in your life. So that was interesting. The sixth mistake that people make, sharing too much too soon. You will lean into this. They say one of the biggest mistakes people make post-divorce, post-breakup, is talking endlessly about the divorce, about the breakup, about your children, about all of the heartache. Like, you focus on that almost in a way. And especially if the other person also is coming out of a relationship, you end up talking way too much about the past.
00:13:33
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:13:35
Speaker 2: It can drag you down.
00:13:36
Speaker 1: Whoops. There's a mistake you make in your dating life. It could turn somebody else off. Okay, that makes sense. Nobody wants to hear all that.
00:13:42
Speaker 2: And they say like, of course, be honest about the divorce or the breakup if it was fresh. Because we've seen this on all of our dating shows. If someone goes on a dating show and broke up with their boyfriend or girlfriend two weeks before, it can cause problems if the next person finds out that you have just, you're fresh off a divorce or you're fresh off a breakup. that never sits well with somebody who actually is seriously interested in dating you. True. Um, but they say, obviously you don't need to share the details in any point, but they say the thing to do in turn is to ask plenty of questions about them and don't, you don't feel, you don't feel the need to share or overshare about your relationship status. And the last mistake that experts say people make when they get back out in a field, too much focus on whether your date likes you. I don't think you're going to understand this. I think this is for the women, but tell me if I'm wrong. I was actually thinking about this when I looked at this, that you would be like, what are you talking about? Women, I believe so many of us will date someone that we think likes us. So date someone you like rather than focusing on whether or not they like you. And don't present yourself as someone you think they will like rather than being your authentic self. They say that most women, a lot of women, try to get their date to like them without fully considering whether or not they actually like their date. It's again, it's power, it's ego. I care more about feeling loved or feeling liked then I am actually considering liking or loving someone else. Does that register at all with you?
00:15:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes sense. That's unfortunately, and you just tagged it on a younger generation, if you will. But it's a mindset of I need to be adored. I need to be liked. I need to be loved no matter what. No matter what. And so, no, that's a, I'm not surprised by that. I don't know. It's unfortunate, babe, that you're seeking adoration.
00:16:08
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:16:12
Speaker 1: And sometimes you don't care where you're getting it. Can you imagine being in a relationship with somebody that you actually don't care about, you actually don't love, and the only thing you care about is the fact that they do like you?
00:16:30
Speaker 2: Awesome.
00:16:32
Speaker 1: Bro that's a tough way to live.
00:16:34
Speaker 2: It is. And I think if a lot of people are honest, that might be a choice you made without realizing that's why you made it. And it's really interesting when you see it put like that, you have to take a step back. So yeah, I did think that was so interesting that the number, like the last mistake, and they wanted this to be a focus was whether or not you actually like that person or love that person, or do you just like how they make you feel?
00:17:04
Speaker 1: Aren't those scenarios? We've heard them before. I've certainly heard them in movies before, right? But yeah, but he loves me so much, right? Almost people are even disappointed sometimes that they don't love that person.
00:17:17
Speaker 2: I think it's really common.
00:17:19
Speaker 1: Right? And people, I'm sure you could probably got some in your head already that we have known folks like that and been around those scenarios that you're just... Like you can't believe it, but you just can't get out of it. But it's such a nice prayer. Where am I going to find somebody better? Who's ever going to love me better than that? All those things get tied into what you're saying.
00:17:40
Speaker 2: It's so true. We watch, as we pointed out, a lot of these relationship from Love Island to Married at First Sight to 90 Day Fiance. And we do hear a lot of people repeat this phrase. I want to be. I want to be adored. I want you to worship me. Like I deserve this. And there are plenty of women, I think more so than men, but maybe men too, who say what I need is to be worshiped. I need you to love me no matter what. And that actually isn't love. And so this is so interesting when you start to learn some lessons from a relationship that didn't work. The big point is to not fall into some of those same patterns when you're trying to find a relationship that actually will work. So I thought this was a fun way to kind of just, yeah, to examine what's next and how to do better next time. But we always appreciate you listening to us, everyone. I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk soon.