Question Everything When Finding Love

00:00:00
Speaker 1: iHeart podcasts, bring you the ultimate Summer of Love Tree. This is famously available. It's been here with an episode of our new favorite show, and it is absolutely incredible, famously available. The best job in the world is the job I have right now where I get to chat with incredible single women. Today, we have one of my favorites, former Bachelorette Dianna Stagliano favorites.

00:00:28
Speaker 2: Am I living up to that?

00:00:29
Speaker 1: Ben? Oh? Every time? Yeah, this has been like a blast.

00:00:34
Speaker 2: I'm really glad you got a full dose of me over the last forty eight hours. Oh, it'll be changed forever.

00:00:40
Speaker 1: I will never be the same. No, it's going to be a better version of myself. As soon as I walked into the Verbo Summer lake House and Lake Tahoe and I saw you there, you have like this ability to gather a group and entertain like you like people kind of gravitate to be around you. I don't know if you ever notice that in your life, but like you bring a crowd and it's pretty incredible to witness.

00:01:12
Speaker 2: That's really kind. Thank you. I don't notice that about myself.

00:01:15
Speaker 1: I don't start watching You're very very rarely alone in social gatherings because I think people just like to be around you.

00:01:21
Speaker 2: I think I'm an I'm an extrovert at heart, like I like, through and through, I am an extrovert. I also just thank you for saying that I'm very flattered. I don't know how much they're paying you for this, Ben, I don't.

00:01:33
Speaker 1: I don't know either at this point, So yeah, I.

00:01:40
Speaker 2: Thank you for saying that. I think I just tried to lead with like just being true to myself, you know what I mean. I tend to think I'm pretty genuine and I don't want anyone to read between the lines. I like to be myself, but also be the good version myself. Every day I'm waking up like I want to be a better person. I want to be a better mother, I want to be a better woman. I'd like to be a better partner someday to someone, But I just want to be good. Like that's it at the end of the day. I just want to be a good person. And I cherish genuine friendships and relationships. I really value that. I don't do surface level well, so the people that I do spend my time with, I don't know, like, I genuinely want to get to know you. I want to get to know that wall. I can sit here for the next hour and genuinely know that window behind you, like I just don't do surface level very well. I cherish that you know.

00:02:36
Speaker 1: What and I see that a prayer of my heart this year to my wife was I told her personally, I'm thirty six years old. In the last ten years of my life, I've had very few people ask me questions to actually get to know me. And my wife sees it. She's like, I get that, I've seen you around social gets, I've seen you around friends, like nobody really like spends time to try to understand, like what makes Ben tick. And I said, it's a priyer in my heart to get that this year, you do a great job at it, which I think is one of the many reasons why this is going to be a lot of fun for me to sit in a seat of being able to walk alongside of you, but also just witness like you putting yourself out there to the world, having hilarious stories from dates, having really great stories from dates, and men getting to sit with you and for you to, no matter what, take the time to get to know them. I think it's going to do great things for them and for you and for me. And it's a journey that I can't wait for the listener to follow on. I did mention we're at the Verbo Summerhouse in Lake Taha right now. Verbos last Minute deals are live on the Verbo app and website, showing travelers nearly three hundred thousand discounted properties they can book thirty days in front of checking. It's really simple to find these deals. Last Minute Booking Filter is an industry first for vacation rentals. Discount of vacation rentals are also labeled with a last Minute badge that displays the total amount travelers can save on their booking make it an easy, efficient, effective plus, travelers never have to second guess the total cost or worry about hidden fees. Verbo displays all mandatory fees in the upfront price. And as I said, we're here at the Verbo Summerhouse in Lake Tahoe right now. It is beautiful. It is incredible, And going back to what we were just talking about, we are surrounded by some really special people. It's one of my favorite parts about getting together in a group setting with people that I don't know personally, usually coming into them and just getting to know people better. It's been funny over the years of doing things like this. I don't always like see eye to eye with everybody, but seeing everybody's different person and kind of understanding how they tick has been just like fascinating and fun and allowed me to feel still so connected to the people of the past and then the people that have just you know, walked off the show.

00:05:15
Speaker 2: Recently, I was saying this to a friend of mine this morning, is like you can see where some of the people coming in the lights are still on, you know what I mean, And there must be I can't imagine anything more fun than putting a bunch of washed up reality stars in one house. And who gets more attention. My story is more important, I'm more famous, I make more money. My story is way more cool. I think it is also really incredible to see it when you walk into a room, right, this is a very fun situation all of us here and here everybody share their stories, their experience, and it is different but also the same on so many levels. But what I appreciate about you and I think that I am the same, is I didn't have this expectation when I came off the show that I was going to be this big star, you know what I mean. And I shared with you last night how much money I actually made. Like I genuinely went on the show for the right reasons. Yeah, I'm also a little stupid.

00:06:15
Speaker 1: But I fall in that same category of not a lot of money and not right reasons and very stupid and saying yes to something that was making two hundred and fifty million dollars.

00:06:25
Speaker 2: But think about it, there are a few things in my life that have changed the trajectory of my life. And I have a long story of resilience. I just do. I just have to overcome some really hard things in my life. But going on the Bachelor and the becoming the Bachelorette changed the trajectory of my life. That was one of the first. The second was getting married and then divorced. It's not how you see your life, but I think that when you look back on those moments, there are places where I personally and I want to surround myself with people of the same. There is growth to be found to be had in those moments, right, And you were saying the conversation thing you can't teach that to people what your wife told you. I think that many times when I walk away, I think I just had dinner with someone and they never asked me one question about myself. They didn't. And I don't know if people just don't learn that, or if it's us as humans we have this egotistical piece in us that we just can't help. You just can't help it, right, it's human nature, but that they just can't see past themselves. Do you understand what I'm saying?

00:07:35
Speaker 1: One hundred percent, one hundred percent see that. And that's why I mean I said, I think when it comes to this experience, you are I don't know if you see yourself in this. I see you right now as a great dater, meaning you're going to go on some fantastic dates because you are going to invest into the other side. And I hope that they reciprocate and invest into you.

00:07:56
Speaker 2: But that'll be a hard past for me. Say we go on this really great day, and not that I haven't been on really great dates before in my entire life, but I have a hard time walking away and thinking, Oh, that person didn't choose to get to know me at all. Yeah, And again I can talk to a wall I have no problem with that. I can sit through a two hour long date and no, I'm not going to have a second date, but still genuinely get to know someone and hear about their life or their experience. I can absolutely do that. I can find appreciation in that. But I will not choose to invest in someone or go on a second date for when it's not reciprocated. Like reciprocation is so important to me.

00:08:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, and a few years in the marriage now one of the most incredible pieces of being married is the fact that I have somebody in my life who wants to get to know me, like her cry of her heart is to get to know me, and I don't always allow it because I'm not used to it. I spent an hour and a half with Producer Easton last night, and he asked me questions about myself that nobody's ever asked me. It was amazing, It's therapeutic. I loved it. I went to bed and say, my head against the pillows. Goodness, you talked about yourself a lot last night. But it's just because I'm uncomfortable with it. And it's the same thing happens with my wife. It's one of the coolest parts about marriage is you have a teammate that says, I want to know you inside and out, your fears, your insecurities, your joys, your successes, and I want to do that for the rest of my life because those are going to change.

00:09:22
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you at the end of the night. I don't know if you do a gratitude list or not, but I don't always write it down, but I have some things that I just run through my head, you know what I mean, quickly as I'm laying my head down on the pillow. And that's something to be really grateful for because I believe that relationships. I don't care if you get married or two men, two women, a man and a wife, I don't, you know, partnership, that's how it should be. That's really beautiful to have a partner, a spouse, someone who genuinely wants to know you and love you and support you. Like that's really beautiful. And imagine how many people don't have that. Like at the end of the day, Ben, I would be laying my sweet little head down and going, thank you God, thank you that she wants to deeply know me.

00:10:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's uh, thank you God.

00:10:06
Speaker 2: That Easton wants to deeply know you.

00:10:08
Speaker 1: I know there's some there's like some really special moments, and it's it's been incredible. But it's also been the prayer of the year for me, as somebody would ask me a question about myself, which gets me into asking you a bunch of questions about yourself.

00:10:19
Speaker 2: I'm so good at this. Yeah, super shy.

00:10:22
Speaker 1: These are some wild questions. Let's start all right, your age. I am forty three, forty three years old. Describe your physical appearance. If somebody's listening and they're like, I don't really know what Deanna looks like, how would you describe yourself?

00:10:39
Speaker 2: I'm five foot four, which is average?

00:10:42
Speaker 1: Is it?

00:10:42
Speaker 2: It is? I think it is. I think for a woman, five foot four is average. Okay, now listen, I'm not always right. A lot of times I am ben.

00:10:51
Speaker 1: But I might question the five foot four thing. We need to give get a measurement out here.

00:10:56
Speaker 2: Did you see me against all the women in pickleball? I was the tallest of the group and I'm never the tallest of the group. Yeah, but it's good because I like to be shorter, like a really tall man.

00:11:05
Speaker 1: You're a great partner, fierce.

00:11:08
Speaker 2: I'm an excellent pickleball player.

00:11:10
Speaker 1: I think you're an athlete. That's one way I describe yourself. Athlete.

00:11:14
Speaker 2: True, yeah, true, I will not argue with you.

00:11:16
Speaker 1: Amazing gun.

00:11:18
Speaker 2: You can really she does have a potty mouth as well.

00:11:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you can get into it. Can you as you describe your physical appearance, can you just if you're hitting a pickleball. We played in a pickleball tournament out here in Lake Tahoe. If you're hitting a ball, can you just give us an example of what your grunt.

00:11:36
Speaker 2: I won't do it in here. This is embarrassing, and I'm so thankful. As the day went on yesterday, I did have this mental moment where I was like, oh, thank God no one is filming this, Like, thank you Lord for allowing me to be my favorite, my free self right now. I'm poor Ben Right. We have had a luxury of like knowing of each other over the years, but this is the most time we've actually spent together. Yeah, how great, am I.

00:11:59
Speaker 1: You're a thank you? Yeah, thank you? Brown eyes, brown eyes.

00:12:03
Speaker 2: I have nice big eyes.

00:12:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, shoes eyes.

00:12:06
Speaker 2: When I was little, I was a baby. If you start talking about my toes. I'm getting up, I'm walking out. Uh, my dad called me Et. I was born in eighty one, which is the year ET came out. But I was this little, tiny baby. And you have a baby, and you know how tiny they are. But I had these really big eyes, like really really big eyes.

00:12:25
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:12:25
Speaker 2: I had an excellent smile.

00:12:27
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:12:28
Speaker 2: In high school, I was voted best smile.

00:12:30
Speaker 1: I see it, and you let that smile shine bright.

00:12:34
Speaker 2: If I'm not smiling, something is wrong and you should ask me. I am genuinely a happy human being.

00:12:49
Speaker 1: You talked about your time on the show and the good things that came from it. We talked about how pivotal it was in our growth as humans. But outside of those friendships, tell us about the relationships that came from the show, Like, what are some of the standout things that have happened to you personally from this experience on the Bachelor and Bachelorette that have made you the person you are today.

00:13:15
Speaker 2: I don't think you could put a weight on that, you know what I mean. I cherish the women from the show, I really do. I tend to think that I'm everyone's biggest cheerleader all the bachelorettes. We have like one group text and I'm the first person if they're like, Hey, I've got a book, will you promote it? Absolutely? Let me cheer you on. You have something, you have a song, you have a podcast, you need a guest, let me let me do that for you.

00:13:40
Speaker 1: It just sounds like you're talking about Kaylyn Brislo right now.

00:13:43
Speaker 2: I love Kayln Bristow, all of the women, all the women, Andy, Desirae, Trista. Please, I'm your biggest cheerleader. I would love to do anything to support to support these women. I love them. I think you just naturally gravitate to certain people over others, Like that's just who I am. But I love every one of them. And you know, the last few years have not just been difficult for me, several women have gone through breakups and divorce, and I made a point to reach out to those women because I know how isolating it felt for me in that time. And I just thought, if it's just a hey, I'm thinking about you, you are loved, you are more. If there's anything I can do, let me know. I just want to genuinely lift people up, and I just feel like that's a good place to be in life. Trista I adore from the second I was on the show until now, Like she's just great. She's intentional, and I love that when it comes to friendships, relationships, whatever you want to call them, intentionality is important to me. And there have been many times over the last few months that Trista has either called me or texted me just to check on me. And I needed that. I needed that in a time in my life where I felt so isolated and I felt so very alone. And then I've had the pleasure of doing some really awesome things since the show. I don't know if you know this, but I've been to Iraq twice, in Afghanistan twice.

00:15:11
Speaker 1: No, yeah, I did with the show.

00:15:15
Speaker 2: No, so after I was the bachelorette and after I broke up with the guy that I chose, which we'll put that one to bed. Let's say I don't can't say it out.

00:15:27
Speaker 1: Loud, Oh okay, I can't. Baltimore, Valdimore.

00:15:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got to do four good will tours to visit the troops when the Iraqi War was going on. And like I come from a family of military people, like my dad was in the Navy. Both of my grandfathers were in World War Two. Like, I just have a like a serious respect for anyone who supports our country in that way. Like I literally walk free because there are people who are willing to sacrifice for this right. I went to Iraq twice and to afghanist Stand twice as a good will tour to visit the troops during the war, and it was hands down the coolest things I've ever done in my life. Coolest thing I ever done. I've shot a fifty cow. I'm like, really cool.

00:16:11
Speaker 1: That's sweet.

00:16:11
Speaker 2: I'm like really cool.

00:16:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're you're cool. I mean, any guy listening right now is going all right, I can see myself outside of the marriage. What's the most serious relationship that you've had.

00:16:25
Speaker 2: I actually dated a guy all throughout high school into my twenties for five years before I ever went on the Bachelor or the Bachelorette. I was in a five year relationship and he was like my first love. Yeah, he was my first love, and I thought I was going to marry this guy. I thought we were going to be high school sweethearts and live happily ever after. And that was that like young love that you know, you get the butterflies. Yeah, you know what I mean, like that almost like sick love to where it's almost like an obsession, you know. And his family was really good to me in a time when I needed it. My mom died when I was twelve, and I moved to Georgia and didn't know anyone, and I had a really terrible stepmother and my just at home life was really awful. And he and his family were wonderful to me in a time when I really needed it. And I spent five wonder four years with him, you know, the cheating aside and some of the other stuff, but it was really great. It was young love. It was really great. But that would be, yeah, outside of my ex husband, that would be my longest relationship.

00:17:24
Speaker 1: And maybe the most influential.

00:17:26
Speaker 2: I would say that one was for sure. He was the first guy. And because I was still dealing with grief and loss from my mother, Like that's a great loss to lose a mother, that you have a daughter, You have a daughter. That is one of the most important relationships that a child can have as a mother. And I am grateful for twelve years I had a really incredible mother. And not that I dated a lot when I was younger. It was never very important to me. But he was one of the very few people in my life. And we've all know I've dated a lot. I did it on television. So he genuinely wanted to know me, and he genuinely wanted to know my family. My mother. He wasn't scared to ask about her. And I think there's something with like death and divorce that's a form of death to me, where people are scared to ask.

00:18:15
Speaker 1: Right.

00:18:16
Speaker 2: They don't want to make you sad. They don't want you to have to talk about really difficult things, breakups. They don't want you to have to talk about those things. For me, it was like, don't you care enough to ask? This woman made me who I am. This woman made me feel I was a chubby child. I really liked McDonald's. Really, my mother made me feel beautiful. I'm really grateful I never grew up with like body image issues because my mother made me feel beautiful. She never made me look around a room and see that there were different sizes or different colors or different shapes. We were taught to love like that's how it was. And so for me, I was so proud and so happy to discuss this woman who made me who I am. I am strong because of her, I am resilient because of her. I know my worth because of her. And so for me, I love talking about her. And he was one of the very few people in my life in like partnership wise, that was ever brave enough to talk about her, to ask about her, to ask about my mother, who she was, who she is, how she impacted me in my life. You know, because people are scared. They don't want you to be sad, they don't want you to have to grieve.

00:19:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think, I mean, I also think there's like a some investment that goes into dating before you feel comfortable asking those questions. But you do have a great story to tell, and a crazy story to tell, and one that has a lot of twists and turns, and a lot of it in the last few years has become very public. And I'm sure you've learned a lot about what now as you sit here, what a partner could look like for you. And so if you were to kind of describe some like three significant characters oristics of now what you're looking for in a partner a companion of dating, you know, a day even what would those be.

00:20:09
Speaker 2: I actually have a really hard time with this question. I don't know that I know exactly what I'm looking for and what would stand out. But I just in my heart feel at peace that like something great is coming for me, and I feel really secure about that, and I feel really okay with just like sitting in a place and waiting for it.

00:20:34
Speaker 1: Is there an excitement?

00:20:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so excited. I am. I am in a very transformational place in my life and in your right, it has been a really difficult time in my life. I have experienced things in the last few months that I don't ever want to go through ever again. That like, if that's like the low point of my life and that's where I had to go to go up, then let that be that. I don't ever want to do that again. It's just not a good look, Ben. But I do just feel like there is something great and I don't know what it is. There is a great job out there for me. There's a great man, and I don't know that I can tell you what that looks like. I'm hoping that when it happens, I'm like blown away by it and I'm like, ah, yeah, this is it, this is it, This is for me. But I do feel like in my gut and in my heart of hearts that like there's something, there's something great coming for me, and I think it's coming soon, and I just feel really excited about that. I know emotionally how I want to feel in my next relationship, in my next partnership, and I like, really really want to feel very safe in a relationship. And I say that for me in a partnership with a man. But I think that's really important in all aspects of relationships in your life. I think it's really important in friendship. I think it's very important in family. I think it's very important between a mother and their children. Right, I have two children. I want them to feel safe coming to me. That is like top on my list is I want to feel safe because I think if I'm looking back at times in my life, I don't have a lot of moments been where I felt really safe in relationships. I have a deep, deep fear of abandonment.

00:22:15
Speaker 1: How are you like handling that you've.

00:22:18
Speaker 2: Thousands of dollars for therapy? That was going to ask it's funny, but it's not funny.

00:22:23
Speaker 1: I've done that. Yeah, I mean because you can communicate it and you can say it, which is obviously a big step, but those things kind of hanging over you. I mean it sounds like to me right now and getting to talk to you a few times here and a lot of aspects of your life, it's kind of a reset and a blank slate like and I think that's actually like for me listening to you, I get excited about that because a lot of times in life, as we get older and the more things get built up, it's hard to reset. It takes a lot of things, either being forced to reset or some really hard intentional choices to reset you. I think, if if it's fair, you kind of were forced into a reset in a lot of ways.

00:23:08
Speaker 2: It's a cleansing.

00:23:09
Speaker 1: It's cleansing.

00:23:09
Speaker 2: It's a cleansing. I don't when relationships come to an end. I am not a person who goes back. I am not one of those women that gives someone ten chances to come back. Now, I will tell you that I clung desperately to my marriage, but that was different. I really valued my marriage. I valued my vows that I took. I am a Christian like to me, that was super important. I clung to my marriage on hands and knees. Sometimes I begged, please don't do this, Please don't leave me. I'll never do it again. I will never do it again.

00:23:41
Speaker 1: Why not?

00:23:42
Speaker 2: Because I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to beg someone to love me, choose me. I shouldn't have to. That's not real love. I think I clung to a person and to a marriage that was never really mine. I was never going to be number one, and frankly, I would like to be.

00:24:02
Speaker 1: That's our third characteristic before you're looking for in a significant other. Yeah, you want to be number one? I mean I think it's it's not a crazy ask. That is it is a commitment my wife and I made to each other. As many kids as we have, we will always be each other's number one.

00:24:17
Speaker 2: Don't confuse that I'm not looking for a pedestal. No, I'm not a princess. I don't need to be treated like a queen. I just want to be chosen.

00:24:24
Speaker 1: You just want to be chosen. I think it's very fair. You know, this is your scenario, is what I do. And when I say this, it is exciting for me because of this kind of like blank slate because of your excitement towards whatever is happening in your future. Because you look at your future and there's a smile on your face about it, like something good is coming and you feel it and you know it and you believe it. That's exciting for me just to even be able to witness it.

00:24:55
Speaker 2: But you have to send me on a date first, Ben.

00:24:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're going to get there. I uh. I have some rapid fire questions about dating for you, and I'm going to choose with you to ask even the most intimate ones. You have all abilities to say. I'm not answering that, but I'd love for you to try. Are you willing to be the primary breadwinner?

00:25:27
Speaker 2: No?

00:25:28
Speaker 1: Uh? Do you? What do? If you could look at your life, you have a partner in it, You're not the primary breadwinner. What does your days look like?

00:25:41
Speaker 2: It's such a loaded question.

00:25:42
Speaker 1: Oh it's a good question. I think it was a fantastic question.

00:25:45
Speaker 2: It's a great question, but it's loaded.

00:25:46
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:25:48
Speaker 2: I see. I don't see like a day to day in great detail what I want to share with you, But I see like equal. I see I see joy, I see peace, I see fulfillment. I see a place where I belong and where I want to belong. And yeah, I see safety like I see that. I see that in myself and in my future partnership.

00:26:13
Speaker 1: I do such a big word for you. You've used it a few times. Safety. Can you elaborate on what that actually means?

00:26:20
Speaker 2: I want to be safe, to be truly who I am. I'm not dismissing the fact of like you spend time you are married. You know this. I was married for a very long time. You can't help it. We're all human. Certain things start to get on your nerves. It just happens. But in a place to be safely yourself good and bad, right, we all have good days, we all have bad days. Ben, I love myself, but I'm not telling you I'm easy. I know that is not the case. I need someone who can take me and hold me, do you know what I mean? Almost like a baby, like when I'm talking about this cleansing. I have just put a fifteen year relationship to bed. I have grieved that every wave of that. I've grieved that. I've been angry, I've and sad. I've been happy, I've been excited. I've been sorely depressed about it. I've grieved every wave of that. I just think that there is room for like when you do that, when there is this cleansing, you become new. Right and right now, I need to be held. I need to be coddled. And in order to feel safe, you need someone who is willing to put in the time and effort because I can be reactive and I'm trying to learn how not to be that. And I think in some of your deepest, safest relationships, you can be your worst self. You should be safe to be able to do so, but also accepted in those moments.

00:27:42
Speaker 1: I hear that, I understand that you need like a big hug.

00:27:57
Speaker 2: I'm a good hugger too.

00:27:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need a big hug because I think you're great. Thank you. But I hear what you're saying, and it's just like, at my worst, am I still going to be loved? I think? Is what like I'm hearing? Yeah, Like at when I don't have it all together? Is that going to make somebody run? And the cool part is and I think what you're asking for is no, they're just run closer to you.

00:28:23
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, don't run further away.

00:28:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is an interesting question. I think and I want to hear kind of. I mean, I'm trying to be sensitive to obviously you're fifteen years of marriage and to move on past that because you have and you're excited about what's in front of you. But this question, I think really will help me understand your situation better and the listeners better. Would you date someone that your family doesn't like? Like? How much input are you going to allow them to have? And when I say family, I even mean like close friends, because I know you get older sometimes.

00:29:01
Speaker 2: No, I think those are red flags, Ben, I think those are red flags. And everyone goes into relationships with what is it, rose colored glasses? You just do. You don't always see the bad things right, And so we are going to depend on the people around us who know us the best. I have friends who have literally put on boots and truck through the mud with me over the last few years. Those people know me through and through and they love me. And I feel very safe with those people and those friendships. In those times where I'm newly with someone and all I see is their greatness, I'm going to trust those people to say, hey, Deanna, make sure you're seeing these or that's a red flag. Because I don't want to miss those again. I don't want to wake up fifteen years from nound and be like.

00:29:43
Speaker 1: Oops, do you give them space to speak that into you?

00:29:46
Speaker 2: Yeah? Oh yeah, Yeah. I have a couple of friends in LA that I value their wise counsel, advice, the prayers, every bit of it. Like I cling to their words. They know me sometimes better than I know myself.

00:30:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's my number one piece of advice for twenties. I was just at a conference last week and spoke to a bunch of twenty year olds twenty to twenty eight, and I said, my number one piece of advice at this point in my life is find one, two, three, four. If you have ten awesome. But like a few friends that you give this space to speak into you on your successes and the things that are concerning them, and listen to them. Not everybody. Don't listen to the masses, but listen to the few that know you and love you.

00:30:30
Speaker 2: And those are the people that can do that. Those are the people that can do that in a very loving, healthy way. When it is presented to you and done in a very loving and healthy, healthy way, hopefully you can be receptive to that.

00:30:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think yeah. I think that's the starting point. Is I'm willing to listen, and then I want to listen, and I'm allowing you to speak into me, so I will listen. You have to be receptive, absolutely. You don't want to open that door up if it's just going to cause controversy and confrontation. You want to open that door up to listen. And it sounds like you are willing and able and you have the people to do that, but they're also going to play a huge voice in this next chapter for you.

00:31:14
Speaker 2: Well, do you know what I'll add? My children have to like someone like I have two kids. That's not anything that I'm hiding like that, I don't know. I actually was chatting with Kelly yesterday on a separate podcast and asking her advice. Her children are older than mine, So when do you introduce someone to your kids. I have not met anyone that I think is good enough for my children. And I don't mean that as an insult to someone else. I mean that is like, my children are my world, They're my pride. I do not want a revolving door around my children, a revolving door of men. I don't want that for them. It would have to be someone really great that I think is worthy of being in my children's life because I value them that much. It would also be concerning to me because I have the greatest kids in the entire world. If they came to me and said, hey, Joe Shmo is really terrible, I don't like him, that's a red flag to me. It's a red flag.

00:32:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, But there's not like a timetable. It's not like, hey, six months, it's for you. It's more of like a we'll feel it out, well, I'll know.

00:32:19
Speaker 2: I have this like in my head, I don't want to introduce anyone to the kids before a year. I just like have that in my head because I think the same thing in relationships. I don't think you fully get to know someone. There is a there's a place of where it's just like you know lust for quite some time. That's not real love. You don't you don't really truly love someone. I don't feel like until like seven or eight months, you just don't fully know someone yet you haven't done enough real life. So I can't imagine, like before a year, putting someone in my kid's life. But then again, like I have faith. If someone comes along and I'm like, this is it like that? I just feel it in my heart of hearts, like this is in my gut, then maybe I'll feel differently. But no one has. No one has made me feel differently yet.

00:32:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's shame that. Let's let's bring somebody in here that's going to rock your world in all the best ways. If at this point in your life we've talked previously about kind of what you're interested in and keeping things, it sounds like to me you want to be serious, but you also want to keep things casual. You do have your kids, and there's days with your kids that you are dedicating and then you can date, you know, when the kids aren't around, or you know, strategically, if you went on a date and somebody said, this is awesome, I want to go on another date with you. I want to get to know you better. But I'm going to be honest, I'm also dating three other people right now. Is that okay with you?

00:33:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, It's totally okay. Can I date three other people at the same time? Yeah? Yeah. I am not a serial dater. I'm more of a monogamous person. I have a really hard time concentrating on more than one person at a time like that. So so I don't know that I would do it, but I think that is absolutely appropriate for someone to be dating multiple people at a time till they figure out what's important and like, listen, I think I'm pretty great. If I'm not in for them, please move on.

00:34:05
Speaker 1: But it'd be so much cooler if somebody said down on one day and they're like, hey, I was dating these other people, but I don't want to.

00:34:09
Speaker 2: Bet me away. You're it.

00:34:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, God, I got to call them tomorrow because I'm done.

00:34:15
Speaker 2: I'm cutting off all the other sisters. You're it.

00:34:17
Speaker 1: That'd be awesome, not that I would even be considered, uh, but yeah, I'm going to take my name out of the pool here to keep things less awkward. The we do that, we're going to kind of switch into more of the physical elements of dating, uh, sex, looks uh and also kind of what you're into.

00:34:39
Speaker 2: You're just making it weird.

00:34:40
Speaker 1: I'm making it very weird right now. It's not my fault. Of all the bachelors since the beginning, who is the most handsome in your opinion?

00:34:48
Speaker 2: My bachelor Brad was pretty good looking.

00:34:50
Speaker 1: He is a handsome.

00:34:51
Speaker 2: He's a handsome stud muffin. Like he's really hot.

00:34:55
Speaker 1: Like he's kind of only gotten hotter too.

00:34:57
Speaker 2: He is he is. I tend to think that I have had the hottest Bachelor of all time. I really do.

00:35:02
Speaker 1: No, I mean, I just interviewed him and I was like, goodness, gracious, buddy.

00:35:04
Speaker 2: Did you really Yeah, he's alive.

00:35:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great.

00:35:09
Speaker 2: Well that's so great.

00:35:10
Speaker 1: Got big muscles, he's.

00:35:12
Speaker 2: Very big, beefy man. Yeah, I'm actually not into the beef. I don't mind some some armmage. Yeah, but I'm just not into the beef. Like I get my protein. But I'm not like counting Graham's all day.

00:35:25
Speaker 1: He'd keep you safe.

00:35:26
Speaker 2: He would keep me safe, for sure. I think he keeps someone safe.

00:35:30
Speaker 1: He does.

00:35:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's also very attractive.

00:35:33
Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, it makes sense. It makes absolutely who had the greatest personality of all the Bachelor's.

00:35:39
Speaker 2: Bob, listen you aside. I think you're really great.

00:35:42
Speaker 1: I think you're really I can't even be talked about in this Remember, I'm out, like you can't even consent.

00:35:46
Speaker 2: I'm so glad. But let me say I've told someone today. I was very pleased that I very few people come onto this show and leave still being true to themselves. It just happens that some people change, right, they become more famous, had become less famous, they sell teeth, whitener. I don't know, you know either job changes. I really value and appreciate people who can come onto the show and remain true to themselves and be just who they are. And you've done that, and I really appreciate that about you.

00:36:12
Speaker 1: Well, I appreciate that. Thanks for saying that.

00:36:14
Speaker 2: Bob has a great personality. I would never date Bob, and thankfully he's married too, But I like funny guys, and Bob's funny.

00:36:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, Bob. Bob is one of like Bob and Andrew Firestone are two people that when you're in a room with them, you just know it's going to be better. Absolutely, And it's not like a forced funny. It's just like a joy that they're just great, Like, yeah, they just good people, good.

00:36:37
Speaker 2: People, They're great and neither one of them, neither one of them has it gone to their heads. No, I mean Bob's floats a little well.

00:36:44
Speaker 1: No, Bob wants it to go to his head, like Bob is looking for the like reason why he can get a little bit, he wants it, it just never happens, and so he just lives in this lane of like, but I'm pretty great, right, guys. Look around the room. Everybody goes, yes, Bob.

00:36:59
Speaker 2: I'm the shine.

00:37:00
Speaker 1: Yeah he was.

00:37:01
Speaker 2: I mean, you're cool, but like, I'm also a really I'm really great, really great Bob is Bob is an incredible human, one of a kind.

00:37:09
Speaker 1: What is your ultimate fantasy date?

00:37:11
Speaker 2: A baseball game?

00:37:13
Speaker 1: What team?

00:37:15
Speaker 2: I'm from Atlanta, so I'm a Braves fan, but like, I'll suffer through a Dodgers game if you have to. I just like baseball. It actually is on my list. I would like to hit a stadium in every state.

00:37:25
Speaker 1: Oh, it's a great deal.

00:37:26
Speaker 2: I have quite a few.

00:37:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have friends who have kids who have done that with like their kids, they hit every stadium like once, and it's so awesome. I'm a big Cubs fan, so, oh, you're a cubby big Cubs fan. Go to many games?

00:37:41
Speaker 2: Look at you?

00:37:42
Speaker 1: I know, speaking of fantasy, would you sleep with somebody on the first date? No, would you kiss him on the first date?

00:37:50
Speaker 2: Yes? Okay, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm a prude. Maybe I'm a bit of a prude.

00:37:57
Speaker 1: Your standards are your standards.

00:37:58
Speaker 2: They are. So let me say two things. If I thought that the first date was going to go somewhere in that was longevity, No, I would not sleep with them on the first date. If I was just trying to get down and I found them super hot and it was a means to an end, I would I would not have done that in my twenties. But like, listen, we know I've had sex at least twice, yeah, nine and eleven.

00:38:17
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. But like, so there's so you're not saying.

00:38:21
Speaker 2: No, I am in a place in my life where I would like a relationship to turn into something really great. Therefore, I would not sleep on the first date. I would not sleep with someone on the first date.

00:38:29
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Okay, can you be in love with two people at once?

00:38:33
Speaker 2: I don't think I personally can.

00:38:35
Speaker 1: Okay, So we when we're doing this, like it has to be like singular focus, Like we're sending you on dates. It's not like, I mean, you did the Bachelorette. Though.

00:38:46
Speaker 2: I had a really hard time with the Bachelorette. Okay, I don't know if it was easy for you. I had a really hard time deciphering feelings between several people. Now, given the scenario, you've done it. I didn't have deep feelings for five or six people. I say this all the time and have probably said it to you before. It is like walking into a bar, looking around and seeing the thirty men that are there, I could probably pick out two that I would like to speak to. Yeah, that's how the Bachelorette was for me.

00:39:16
Speaker 1: Okay.

00:39:16
Speaker 2: I saw twenty five great looking guys come out of the limo, some more than others, and I picked out literally two people that I knew were going to be my final two in the end, and they were My final four. Was the final four from day one till the end.

00:39:32
Speaker 1: It was the same guy, though, Like, did you want to prove that you knew?

00:39:35
Speaker 2: No, I just knew. Jesse. I knew I wanted to go snowboarding. I thought it sounded fun. He was fun. He was fun. Graham Bunn was smoking hot. He was it for me like he was it, Like I was sold. On day one. All I wanted to do was see him naked. Yeah, it's terrible, it's terrible. Jason Mesnick, we had really great chemistry. He's a very nice guy. I love to dance. He loved to dance. I just I just thought he was great.

00:40:05
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:40:06
Speaker 2: And then there was Jeremy Anderson, who was the smoking hot lawyer, but he was just too pretty for me. I remember sitting in a hot tub and he was more concerned with flexing his abs for the camera than he was with me. And I was like, this is never gonna work. Yeah, this is never gonna work.

00:40:19
Speaker 1: You had some good guys, though, I did.

00:40:20
Speaker 2: I had some really great guys.

00:40:21
Speaker 1: Who'd you choose Baltimore? Who was it?

00:40:26
Speaker 2: Jesse?

00:40:27
Speaker 1: Jesse?

00:40:27
Speaker 2: I chose Jesse. That's who I chose.

00:40:29
Speaker 1: It was. It happened, Yeah, Mesnick, want someone, you lose some another? One of my favorite Bachelor of all time, Mesnick. He's just an absolute just gem of a human.

00:40:38
Speaker 2: Do you know who I love?

00:40:38
Speaker 1: Moore?

00:40:39
Speaker 2: Who Mollie?

00:40:40
Speaker 1: Yeah?

00:40:40
Speaker 2: Well, I mean she's really the shining star.

00:40:43
Speaker 1: Yeah. They're just two good people. Yeah, there are another two good people that when they get in the room with you, you're like, I just like you both. And it hasn't gone to their heads. No, it hasn't ever.

00:40:52
Speaker 2: Nope, they're great.

00:40:53
Speaker 1: They're great. As we sit here today, we're gonna ready kick this thing off. What is your goal from famously available, I'd like to find someone really great. That is genuinely my goal. It's genuinely my goal. I really like to do this. I think I told you I could talk to a wall. This is a lot of fun for me.

00:41:10
Speaker 2: But I really, I really would And I think I've said this to you before I did the Bachelorette because I think outside of the box when it comes to dating. Please don't take me to dinner and drinks. We could do that anytime. Like, let's just do something. I want to go to pickle ball. I'm going to find me a pickleball court in LA and I'm just gonna like sit on the sidelines and just like wait for someone to ask me out.

00:41:33
Speaker 1: But somebody could take you to the Dodgers game.

00:41:34
Speaker 2: I would love that. I would love that I took a guy to a Dodger's game one time. Yeah, we didn't go out again.

00:41:40
Speaker 1: Would you kiss after a hot dog?

00:41:42
Speaker 2: I really like hammers and hot dogs? But like on Memorial Day? Yeah, I don't know. It depends on if they had a beer or something to wash it down.

00:41:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, a rough game.

00:41:52
Speaker 2: There is a difference though, in the smell of a hot dog and just like a straight up palatosis, like I'm would take a hot dog smell over her, like horrible breath.

00:42:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, floss brush your teeth. This is gonna be a blast. I cannot wait to get this thing kicked off with you. The stories. I just you're excited for your future, so am I. I am excited for the future because I love good stories, and I think you're somebody who, just like by God's gift to this world, creates a good story all the time. And they're gonna be funny, they're gonna be sweet, they're gonna be romantic, and I cannot wait to be a part of it. It's great to chat with you again.

00:42:30
Speaker 2: Thanks