June 20, 2026
New Dating Trend Alert: “Globlintamacy”
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RSS Feed This is the evil twin of kittenfishing, globintamacy involves showing up to first dates as the authentic real you, flaws out and all. The idea is you let your goblin flag fly high and reveal your baggage from the beginning. Spawned as a reaction to all the curated content and artificial intelligence fakes, daters hope to weed out partners who would never be right for you in the long run. Dating experts have STRONG reaction to this trend that you will want to hear before giving it a try.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks, did It is Saturday, June twentieth. In a relationship Saturday, today we spend with the people we love, whether those we're friends or people we're in relationships with. And if we have another dating trend of some kind, and this is one that is confusing. It doesn't sound attractive and I didn't even take the time to google it before we started this episode. So buckle up, folks. Here we go on this episode of Amy and TJ and Robes. Say the name of this one first of one.
00:00:32
Speaker 2: It's called goblintimacy, goblin.
00:00:36
Speaker 1: Timacy. So goblin intimacy.
00:00:39
Speaker 2: Yes, goblin intimacy, goblintimacy.
00:00:42
Speaker 1: God that sounds Okay, is it as terrible as it sounds?
00:00:45
Speaker 2: Kind of? You're gonna hate this. Uh, that's why it's gonna be such a good episode. And by the way, you're not alone.
00:00:52
Speaker 3: We'll get into what the dating experts have to say about this new dating trend that is taking taking off. TikTok is reading all of these hashtags, creating all of these dating trend Basically, they're giving it names.
00:01:06
Speaker 1: Okay, don't so, don't give me the details yet, but I have to ask this at the top. First of all, is it something that's been around and now just getting a name or is it new?
00:01:15
Speaker 2: I think this might be new.
00:01:17
Speaker 3: Okay, this is new and that's why the dating experts have really strong feelings about it, because they say this has arisen because of artificial intelligence and too many perfectly curated people and this is the reaction to it.
00:01:32
Speaker 1: Here's my next question. Do you do it to someone? And do you have it done to you? Is this that kind of a thing? Uh?
00:01:39
Speaker 3: Yes, doing it to someone sounds a little bit not the way it's basically being presented.
00:01:46
Speaker 1: It's more about it can happen to you.
00:01:49
Speaker 2: Well, no, it's about making a choice to present yourself a certain way.
00:01:53
Speaker 1: Oh okay, last question. Then have I done this or you've done this? Oh?
00:01:58
Speaker 3: You are the opposite of this every well, okay, let's get a cracking god lent Tomsy.
00:02:03
Speaker 1: What the hell are we talking about?
00:02:04
Speaker 3: Okay, So you make a decision not to show up to your first date polished or the best version of yourself. Instead, you show up to your first date with all your flaws and you're upfront about your baggage from the beginning. What basically they described it as the opposite of kitten fishing, and we did that dating trend yet last weekend.
00:02:26
Speaker 1: You you wait, what's the okay, wait a minute, bitte you show up looking like different than your dating profile like worse, well.
00:02:33
Speaker 3: You just show up like however you are, whether it's how you look when you wake up. You don't put an effort into your appearance. Basically, when you show up to the first date and you say, hey, I just want to basically you let everything hang out. You come up as the unvarnished version of yourself. You aren't basically being curated.
00:02:55
Speaker 1: You don't wait, is this something you do on purpose as a strategy or is this just a mindset some people have that I don't give a damn about how I look. I'm a just go take well that.
00:03:06
Speaker 3: Is the mindset is that and then they think that that will lead to a more authentic relationship and therefore you actually, you know, create this intimacy because the idea is that if you reveal your inner goblin off the bat, you can weed out you can weed out partners who would never be right for you in the long run, because once they find out what you really look like, when they find out all your ick all your weird tics, all your strangeisms. If you just kind of reveal it and they still are into you, you probably got a winner.
00:03:36
Speaker 1: Okay. You remind me of a line from Liar Liar and Jim Carrey when he couldn't lie and his son you go on going. His son says to him, but Dad, I thought you said beauty is on the inside.
00:03:47
Speaker 4: He said, that's just something ugly people say exactly.
00:03:51
Speaker 3: So you just you basically, you let this person know that here's who I am.
00:03:56
Speaker 1: Come on, man, period. That's fine if Giselle Bun does that. But if you're just a little critter anyway, Rodes, you got to put on a good face.
00:04:06
Speaker 3: They look, here's the why, and we'll get into the warnings and the don'ts if you want to try this trend. But the why that everyone's inner goblin comes out eventually, so why not get it out of the way sooner rather than later.
00:04:19
Speaker 1: What are we talking about? You're like you physically look a certain way.
00:04:22
Speaker 3: That's part of it. Yeah, you don't put on this big effort. So for a woman, you don't throw on a bunch of makeup, you don't wear the sexy dress, you don't get your hair blown out. You just maybe put yourself in a ponytail, jeans and a T shirt, and you're just like, hey, you don't you know, first dates, people get all dressed up, they get all gusty.
00:04:40
Speaker 1: Sounded amazing. Just that jeans, T shirt, pull the hair back. That sounds perfect.
00:04:43
Speaker 2: Okay, that is perfect, all right, But for.
00:04:46
Speaker 3: A lot of folks, if you're going out you do on that first date. You put on your best dress, you put on the heels, you put on the makeup, you you look your best glamorous version of yourself. Guys, you put on the cologne, you wear a new outfit.
00:05:00
Speaker 1: Because women don't like goblins and do.
00:05:03
Speaker 2: Men like goblins?
00:05:04
Speaker 1: No, nobody likes.
00:05:07
Speaker 3: What about if you're just so sick, you're just so tired of trying to impress people, and you're just always trying to be perfect, and you're burned out and you just want to say, hey, here I am, Take me or leave me.
00:05:19
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm a leaf.
00:05:23
Speaker 2: Okay, we'll drinks.
00:05:24
Speaker 1: It's just gonna be coffee.
00:05:25
Speaker 2: I knew you were.
00:05:26
Speaker 3: Gonna love this. That's hilarious. That's why I don't do dinner on the first date. Just drinks so I can leave quickly.
00:05:32
Speaker 1: Bro just doesn't make sense to me.
00:05:33
Speaker 2: Look, well, here's here are some caveats.
00:05:36
Speaker 3: Look, the idea is that, yes, it could be as extreme as literally showing up in whatever like all gross and slob like.
00:05:44
Speaker 1: But gross, And wait a minute, how do you present yourself in public? Right? If you're some.
00:05:49
Speaker 2: People make some choices.
00:05:51
Speaker 1: But I'm deciding to go meet somebody for the first time in pajama bottoms and a Walking Dead T shirt? Right, is that what we're talking about?
00:06:00
Speaker 2: Like, I just that is a part.
00:06:02
Speaker 1: Yes, I just don't. But that means you don't care or you're actually trying. I'm getting it mixed up with the intent.
00:06:09
Speaker 2: No, you're getting right to the heart of it.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: Because the warning about anyone who's employing or just or thinking about, Hey, that sounds good, you know what effort Here I am and you can let me know what you think. And I'm just gonna be able to walk away from the beginning and not get too invested because I'm not trying to put on airs or make it seem like I'm something that I'm not. So Look, this is what the warning signs are from some of the experts being yourself should not be confused with low effort. They say, do not show up to that first date like you didn't try, because that can look disrespectful. And then they warn that there's a fine line between over curating yourself and being a slob, and there's a fine line between authenticity and over sharing.
00:06:50
Speaker 1: Okay, go to the first lone. When you started, it was something that say.
00:06:52
Speaker 3: The first being yourself should not be confused with low effort.
00:06:56
Speaker 1: Okay, So that was my question about if being yourself is this for people who naturally don't give a damn and don't put that much effort into their.
00:07:06
Speaker 3: Well, no, actually, this is thought to be people who have spent years or however long they've been dating trying to impress, trying to make themselves look as best as possible, trying to put on and say the right things and smile and laugh when he says something funny. They're like, it hasn't worked. I've had some I have not had any luck trying to make people like me. So now here I am and I'll just see if this authentic way of pursuing a relationship will work better.
00:07:37
Speaker 1: I think we're getting this twisted. All the efforts you're putting in and laughing at his jokes, and I'm getting dulled up in all this. That's not your authentic self you are putting on. Yes, if you're laughing in a joke that ain't funny, you are putting on. Okay, why don't we address that? Be yourself, be your natural self, where what makes you comfortable and where it makes you feel good, makes what makes you feel seem don't dress for him, dress for yourself. Okay, Oh that's fine. That's a different category than what I'm hearing from goblin stuff is that you actually are trying to almost look bad.
00:08:13
Speaker 3: It's like, it feels like this is like this is who I'm gonna be in six months when you wake up next to me.
00:08:17
Speaker 2: So here I am right now.
00:08:19
Speaker 1: I don't want to see you like this. No, but I'm you can't with them. I don't understand stand. Is it the same? Are you saying, Look, I'm gonna let you see me at my worst, and if anybody still wants to call me for a second date, then they must be into me.
00:08:32
Speaker 3: It kind of yes, it's kind of like that. That's the goblin, the inner goblin. And look, I don't think you're they're trying to look bad, but they're not worried about looking good.
00:08:42
Speaker 1: And that is immediately you would you say a green flag, yellow flag, yeo, stuff, that's not even a yellow flag. That is a flaming red flag that I actually don't care enough to show up here looking decent. You and what you think about me. I don't don't even care what you what impression you have of me. Bro is a that is a suggestion that says something about what you think about me and what you think about you, and I don't like that.
00:09:12
Speaker 2: I don't either. And look, we talk about this.
00:09:15
Speaker 3: I talk to my kids about this, about how you dress, and it says something about who you are. You are presenting a version of yourself to the world, and it says how much you care about yourself. And that's going to directly impact what your future employer might think about how you're going to care about your job or care about how you.
00:09:34
Speaker 2: Treat other people. So I've always believed you don't.
00:09:38
Speaker 3: Have to I go to town and get all done up, But yes, there is a level of respect that needs to stay in place, and I feel like this takes it to another level. And it is this generation of younger daters, these zoomers, these they're they're deliberately, they're deliberately saying, take me as I am and accept it because I'm sick of all this fake stuff. I'm sick of all the polished stuff. And it's an over you're doing.
00:10:02
Speaker 1: It, I'm saying, you all are the ones doing it.
00:10:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's overreact.
00:10:06
Speaker 1: You can stop doing it, but you don't have to flip it back. It's an over correction. We do this, and so many major debates and issues in our country, we're flipping it robes. How is it you not being your authentic self by respecting the person sitting across the table from you. We have this attitude that if I change anything about me for the sake of you, then all of a sudden, I'm being not.
00:10:29
Speaker 2: Being true to myself.
00:10:30
Speaker 1: That thing which we hear aime human being who's showing compassion and consideration for somebody else walking the earth.
00:10:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel that way about people who walk around without deodorant.
00:10:41
Speaker 2: I think that's disrespectful.
00:10:44
Speaker 3: I mean in November, but it's like, I'm sorry, Look.
00:10:49
Speaker 2: I could take this runner. Oh yes, over the Arizona.
00:10:53
Speaker 3: That is the smelliest Bridge in America on Marathon Sunday. But it is like I do think, like we've we've been hearing Europe and they have different hygiene. A lot of times there's a lot of body odour, and there's a lot of cigarette smoke. Part of that could all be also taken into the thought that, yes, it's not just about what I want or what I don't want to do, but it's also a consideration of the people around you have to sit next to, you have to walk by you, it's all of that, And I do think there is a It seems like they're saying a growing group of people who just don't think they should have to because they just want to be authentic.
00:11:26
Speaker 1: Yes, you can show up with that dirty T shirt and four star shaped pimple patches on your face. Yeah, drink's not gonna last long, all right.
00:11:36
Speaker 2: So this is hilarious.
00:11:37
Speaker 3: When we come back, you're gonna appreciate this. We're gonna tell you. I was kind of blown away. The dating experts had a full consensus, and they all have very strong language about this. Particular dating friend will tell you what they had to say when we come back.
00:12:03
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, we're just discussing our travel plands as they come back. You had to head to the airport here shortly. Yes, we are still in Europe, by the way, we are finally coming back to the US. Sure you all are.
00:12:13
Speaker 3: Excited anyway, So I wanted to get to the expert's reaction to this. They had like three or four of them, and it was hilarious. The first thing they said is thinking you can show up on a first date and divulge all your deepest secrets, flaws and issues and then expect a stranger is going to embrace That is delusional.
00:12:37
Speaker 2: That was what one expert had to say.
00:12:40
Speaker 1: You don't need to read anymore. I mean that is brof That's simply put. Who is there any case you ever saw of this working? Have you seen anywhere or somebody thinks this is paying off for them? Are there any stories out there yet? I know a lot of hashtags and stuff gets going online, but is this something that somebody said this is working for me?
00:13:01
Speaker 3: I haven't seen the love story the connection that was made because of this, but maybe if two people who feel that way can find each other amazing.
00:13:08
Speaker 1: I can't wait for a Goblin Tomacy Island, the spinoff.
00:13:13
Speaker 3: Ew Oh my god, that would be so gross that you.
00:13:16
Speaker 1: Wouldn't watch that.
00:13:17
Speaker 3: If people just showed up just a mess, I might watch it. Who doesn't love a watching a train wreck? Right?
00:13:25
Speaker 1: There's no makeup in the morning, you can't put the hair.
00:13:28
Speaker 3: I'm there for that. I would so watch that. Here's another one. You're gonna love this one. This is a full quote from a dating expert. The part I don't like is who wants to date a goblin? Sometimes I'll hear from daters this attitude of well, I'm not gonna try. I just want to be totally real, let it all hang out. If you don't like me, then that's your problem.
00:13:47
Speaker 2: Thank you.
00:13:47
Speaker 3: Next, courtshoop used to look very different even a few generations ago. You still have to present yourself in a way where the other person feels.
00:13:56
Speaker 2: Like you care.
00:13:58
Speaker 3: Boom, you literally said everything the day experts for saying you have.
00:14:02
Speaker 1: To why I don't care? Like I who doesn't want to present the best version of themselves at all times to all people? No, you're not that all the time. But that's not even the goal anymore. Because I'm making a statement about.
00:14:18
Speaker 3: What I should just be able to be me and someone else said this. I thought this was an interesting way to look at it real intimacy because we're talking about goblin intimacy, saying that by doing this, by being stripped down in every way, you're creating an intimacy with this person, and it actually could lead to long lasting appreciation, authentic appreciation of one another. But this is what one of the experts said. Real intimacy is earned, not owed. Just because you reveal your inner goblin, your date might not do the same.
00:14:51
Speaker 1: They don't want yours either, do they? Baby? No, at the beginning, you do build.
00:14:55
Speaker 4: I mean, there is a thing you just got to the next point. You're funny, Okay, there is a reason rogues. We go from sometimes attraction to lust to friendship. Intimacy comes pretty late in the game.
00:15:12
Speaker 2: You have to have you have to trust each other.
00:15:14
Speaker 3: There has to be real vulnerability that is that is basically that's earned over time.
00:15:21
Speaker 1: That it's it's at the end of your relationship cycle. There is no insta intimacy. You just can't have it. You can go meet somebody tonight and share every physical thing you've ever ever had and done and whatever. That's not intimacy.
00:15:37
Speaker 2: No that's gross.
00:15:39
Speaker 3: And look, I know, right, yes, I got a lot of a lot of things to say about that.
00:15:46
Speaker 2: But what I also just want to say this, And people may take issue with this what I'm about to.
00:15:50
Speaker 3: Say, but maybe I just learned this from my mom and I've just seen it. I I don't ever want to quote unquote let myself go. I always want to be as healthy and as fit and look as attractive as I can for myself.
00:16:06
Speaker 2: And for you, babe.
00:16:07
Speaker 3: I want you to be attracted to me, and I know you can be attracted to me on a deeper level, who I am as a person, what we have in common, what we enjoy together, all of those things, the friendship we've built. But yeah, I also, yeah, I still want you to think I'm hot. I do, and I think to not care about that is bizarre to me because your intimacy, your sexual intimacy, your sexual attraction for one another is absolutely an important part of any romantic relationship. So to act as if someone should just be attracted to you without you giving a shit about how you present yourself to me is a very delusional way of thinking that this is how relationships work.
00:16:44
Speaker 1: What you said, I would take issue with in a couple that had been together for a little while, right, That's the beauty of it down the road is that this person does love me because they do see all this stuff behind the scenes. That's something earned down the road. That's way down the road where that thing happens right off the bat, it's just not it's it's it's a high expectation, robes to have and expect everybody to accept anything you present yourself as. And the part of intimacy robe, that's a big deal. You respect me like baby, I respect you enough to shave my legs. I respect you enough to put some dio on. I respect but all shower daily. But robes, I am saying that that is a part of intimacy. By not doing any of that, Wow, this lady really doesn't care about how she presents herself to me. So I am that that makes me feel like I'm not important enough to you to present yourself in a in the best way possible.
00:17:55
Speaker 3: Yes, I agree, and so yes. The better plan, according to the experts, instead of doing the full blown goblin intimacy is maybe perhaps on that first date you ask questions that go beyond the surface, getting the conversation to go deeper. And that case, if you want the authenticity, then don't talk about the weather, don't talk about the nixt win. Actually ask some provoking, thought provoking questions. So you're getting on that deeper maybe verbal intimacy at least initially, if that's just a better, softer approach. And then this is to what you were saying. They said, Sure, obviously, we're all eventually going to reveal our inner goblins. You're going to see our bad days, you're going to see our depressed days, you're going to see our angry days, and that's appropriate. Over time, you have to consider that you can't just dump all this on somebody and expect them to want a second date.
00:18:43
Speaker 2: That's actually laughable.
00:18:45
Speaker 3: I think this is so funny, and I feel like this can only be coming from really young folks who haven't had experience in relationships and they think that, oh, I know, I'm not going to do it like my mom did it or like those older I'm just going to be my unvarnished self and that's how we're gonna roll.
00:19:01
Speaker 2: And you know what, if it works, that's amazing.
00:19:03
Speaker 1: It's just marriage rates will continue to go down.
00:19:07
Speaker 3: It just doesn't seem like any dating expert I saw at all.
00:19:10
Speaker 2: Thought this was a good idea.
00:19:12
Speaker 1: Knock yourselves out, do your things, everybody. Whatever works. So I always say love looks different.
00:19:18
Speaker 2: And goblins deserve love.
00:19:20
Speaker 1: To knock yourselves out, Goblin Timasy Island it is. If that gets coming, I'll watch with that.
00:19:28
Speaker 2: Everyone.
00:19:28
Speaker 3: We always appreciate you listening, does I made me Robock alongside T. J.
00:19:32
Speaker 2: Holmes. We will talk to you soon.
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks, did It is Saturday, June twentieth. In a relationship Saturday, today we spend with the people we love, whether those we're friends or people we're in relationships with. And if we have another dating trend of some kind, and this is one that is confusing. It doesn't sound attractive and I didn't even take the time to google it before we started this episode. So buckle up, folks. Here we go on this episode of Amy and TJ and Robes. Say the name of this one first of one.
00:00:32
Speaker 2: It's called goblintimacy, goblin.
00:00:36
Speaker 1: Timacy. So goblin intimacy.
00:00:39
Speaker 2: Yes, goblin intimacy, goblintimacy.
00:00:42
Speaker 1: God that sounds Okay, is it as terrible as it sounds?
00:00:45
Speaker 2: Kind of? You're gonna hate this. Uh, that's why it's gonna be such a good episode. And by the way, you're not alone.
00:00:52
Speaker 3: We'll get into what the dating experts have to say about this new dating trend that is taking taking off. TikTok is reading all of these hashtags, creating all of these dating trend Basically, they're giving it names.
00:01:06
Speaker 1: Okay, don't so, don't give me the details yet, but I have to ask this at the top. First of all, is it something that's been around and now just getting a name or is it new?
00:01:15
Speaker 2: I think this might be new.
00:01:17
Speaker 3: Okay, this is new and that's why the dating experts have really strong feelings about it, because they say this has arisen because of artificial intelligence and too many perfectly curated people and this is the reaction to it.
00:01:32
Speaker 1: Here's my next question. Do you do it to someone? And do you have it done to you? Is this that kind of a thing? Uh?
00:01:39
Speaker 3: Yes, doing it to someone sounds a little bit not the way it's basically being presented.
00:01:46
Speaker 1: It's more about it can happen to you.
00:01:49
Speaker 2: Well, no, it's about making a choice to present yourself a certain way.
00:01:53
Speaker 1: Oh okay, last question. Then have I done this or you've done this? Oh?
00:01:58
Speaker 3: You are the opposite of this every well, okay, let's get a cracking god lent Tomsy.
00:02:03
Speaker 1: What the hell are we talking about?
00:02:04
Speaker 3: Okay, So you make a decision not to show up to your first date polished or the best version of yourself. Instead, you show up to your first date with all your flaws and you're upfront about your baggage from the beginning. What basically they described it as the opposite of kitten fishing, and we did that dating trend yet last weekend.
00:02:26
Speaker 1: You you wait, what's the okay, wait a minute, bitte you show up looking like different than your dating profile like worse, well.
00:02:33
Speaker 3: You just show up like however you are, whether it's how you look when you wake up. You don't put an effort into your appearance. Basically, when you show up to the first date and you say, hey, I just want to basically you let everything hang out. You come up as the unvarnished version of yourself. You aren't basically being curated.
00:02:55
Speaker 1: You don't wait, is this something you do on purpose as a strategy or is this just a mindset some people have that I don't give a damn about how I look. I'm a just go take well that.
00:03:06
Speaker 3: Is the mindset is that and then they think that that will lead to a more authentic relationship and therefore you actually, you know, create this intimacy because the idea is that if you reveal your inner goblin off the bat, you can weed out you can weed out partners who would never be right for you in the long run, because once they find out what you really look like, when they find out all your ick all your weird tics, all your strangeisms. If you just kind of reveal it and they still are into you, you probably got a winner.
00:03:36
Speaker 1: Okay. You remind me of a line from Liar Liar and Jim Carrey when he couldn't lie and his son you go on going. His son says to him, but Dad, I thought you said beauty is on the inside.
00:03:47
Speaker 4: He said, that's just something ugly people say exactly.
00:03:51
Speaker 3: So you just you basically, you let this person know that here's who I am.
00:03:56
Speaker 1: Come on, man, period. That's fine if Giselle Bun does that. But if you're just a little critter anyway, Rodes, you got to put on a good face.
00:04:06
Speaker 3: They look, here's the why, and we'll get into the warnings and the don'ts if you want to try this trend. But the why that everyone's inner goblin comes out eventually, so why not get it out of the way sooner rather than later.
00:04:19
Speaker 1: What are we talking about? You're like you physically look a certain way.
00:04:22
Speaker 3: That's part of it. Yeah, you don't put on this big effort. So for a woman, you don't throw on a bunch of makeup, you don't wear the sexy dress, you don't get your hair blown out. You just maybe put yourself in a ponytail, jeans and a T shirt, and you're just like, hey, you don't you know, first dates, people get all dressed up, they get all gusty.
00:04:40
Speaker 1: Sounded amazing. Just that jeans, T shirt, pull the hair back. That sounds perfect.
00:04:43
Speaker 2: Okay, that is perfect, all right, But for.
00:04:46
Speaker 3: A lot of folks, if you're going out you do on that first date. You put on your best dress, you put on the heels, you put on the makeup, you you look your best glamorous version of yourself. Guys, you put on the cologne, you wear a new outfit.
00:05:00
Speaker 1: Because women don't like goblins and do.
00:05:03
Speaker 2: Men like goblins?
00:05:04
Speaker 1: No, nobody likes.
00:05:07
Speaker 3: What about if you're just so sick, you're just so tired of trying to impress people, and you're just always trying to be perfect, and you're burned out and you just want to say, hey, here I am, Take me or leave me.
00:05:19
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm a leaf.
00:05:23
Speaker 2: Okay, we'll drinks.
00:05:24
Speaker 1: It's just gonna be coffee.
00:05:25
Speaker 2: I knew you were.
00:05:26
Speaker 3: Gonna love this. That's hilarious. That's why I don't do dinner on the first date. Just drinks so I can leave quickly.
00:05:32
Speaker 1: Bro just doesn't make sense to me.
00:05:33
Speaker 2: Look, well, here's here are some caveats.
00:05:36
Speaker 3: Look, the idea is that, yes, it could be as extreme as literally showing up in whatever like all gross and slob like.
00:05:44
Speaker 1: But gross, And wait a minute, how do you present yourself in public? Right? If you're some.
00:05:49
Speaker 2: People make some choices.
00:05:51
Speaker 1: But I'm deciding to go meet somebody for the first time in pajama bottoms and a Walking Dead T shirt? Right, is that what we're talking about?
00:06:00
Speaker 2: Like, I just that is a part.
00:06:02
Speaker 1: Yes, I just don't. But that means you don't care or you're actually trying. I'm getting it mixed up with the intent.
00:06:09
Speaker 2: No, you're getting right to the heart of it.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: Because the warning about anyone who's employing or just or thinking about, Hey, that sounds good, you know what effort Here I am and you can let me know what you think. And I'm just gonna be able to walk away from the beginning and not get too invested because I'm not trying to put on airs or make it seem like I'm something that I'm not. So Look, this is what the warning signs are from some of the experts being yourself should not be confused with low effort. They say, do not show up to that first date like you didn't try, because that can look disrespectful. And then they warn that there's a fine line between over curating yourself and being a slob, and there's a fine line between authenticity and over sharing.
00:06:50
Speaker 1: Okay, go to the first lone. When you started, it was something that say.
00:06:52
Speaker 3: The first being yourself should not be confused with low effort.
00:06:56
Speaker 1: Okay, So that was my question about if being yourself is this for people who naturally don't give a damn and don't put that much effort into their.
00:07:06
Speaker 3: Well, no, actually, this is thought to be people who have spent years or however long they've been dating trying to impress, trying to make themselves look as best as possible, trying to put on and say the right things and smile and laugh when he says something funny. They're like, it hasn't worked. I've had some I have not had any luck trying to make people like me. So now here I am and I'll just see if this authentic way of pursuing a relationship will work better.
00:07:37
Speaker 1: I think we're getting this twisted. All the efforts you're putting in and laughing at his jokes, and I'm getting dulled up in all this. That's not your authentic self you are putting on. Yes, if you're laughing in a joke that ain't funny, you are putting on. Okay, why don't we address that? Be yourself, be your natural self, where what makes you comfortable and where it makes you feel good, makes what makes you feel seem don't dress for him, dress for yourself. Okay, Oh that's fine. That's a different category than what I'm hearing from goblin stuff is that you actually are trying to almost look bad.
00:08:13
Speaker 3: It's like, it feels like this is like this is who I'm gonna be in six months when you wake up next to me.
00:08:17
Speaker 2: So here I am right now.
00:08:19
Speaker 1: I don't want to see you like this. No, but I'm you can't with them. I don't understand stand. Is it the same? Are you saying, Look, I'm gonna let you see me at my worst, and if anybody still wants to call me for a second date, then they must be into me.
00:08:32
Speaker 3: It kind of yes, it's kind of like that. That's the goblin, the inner goblin. And look, I don't think you're they're trying to look bad, but they're not worried about looking good.
00:08:42
Speaker 1: And that is immediately you would you say a green flag, yellow flag, yeo, stuff, that's not even a yellow flag. That is a flaming red flag that I actually don't care enough to show up here looking decent. You and what you think about me. I don't don't even care what you what impression you have of me. Bro is a that is a suggestion that says something about what you think about me and what you think about you, and I don't like that.
00:09:12
Speaker 2: I don't either. And look, we talk about this.
00:09:15
Speaker 3: I talk to my kids about this, about how you dress, and it says something about who you are. You are presenting a version of yourself to the world, and it says how much you care about yourself. And that's going to directly impact what your future employer might think about how you're going to care about your job or care about how you.
00:09:34
Speaker 2: Treat other people. So I've always believed you don't.
00:09:38
Speaker 3: Have to I go to town and get all done up, But yes, there is a level of respect that needs to stay in place, and I feel like this takes it to another level. And it is this generation of younger daters, these zoomers, these they're they're deliberately, they're deliberately saying, take me as I am and accept it because I'm sick of all this fake stuff. I'm sick of all the polished stuff. And it's an over you're doing.
00:10:02
Speaker 1: It, I'm saying, you all are the ones doing it.
00:10:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's overreact.
00:10:06
Speaker 1: You can stop doing it, but you don't have to flip it back. It's an over correction. We do this, and so many major debates and issues in our country, we're flipping it robes. How is it you not being your authentic self by respecting the person sitting across the table from you. We have this attitude that if I change anything about me for the sake of you, then all of a sudden, I'm being not.
00:10:29
Speaker 2: Being true to myself.
00:10:30
Speaker 1: That thing which we hear aime human being who's showing compassion and consideration for somebody else walking the earth.
00:10:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel that way about people who walk around without deodorant.
00:10:41
Speaker 2: I think that's disrespectful.
00:10:44
Speaker 3: I mean in November, but it's like, I'm sorry, Look.
00:10:49
Speaker 2: I could take this runner. Oh yes, over the Arizona.
00:10:53
Speaker 3: That is the smelliest Bridge in America on Marathon Sunday. But it is like I do think, like we've we've been hearing Europe and they have different hygiene. A lot of times there's a lot of body odour, and there's a lot of cigarette smoke. Part of that could all be also taken into the thought that, yes, it's not just about what I want or what I don't want to do, but it's also a consideration of the people around you have to sit next to, you have to walk by you, it's all of that, And I do think there is a It seems like they're saying a growing group of people who just don't think they should have to because they just want to be authentic.
00:11:26
Speaker 1: Yes, you can show up with that dirty T shirt and four star shaped pimple patches on your face. Yeah, drink's not gonna last long, all right.
00:11:36
Speaker 2: So this is hilarious.
00:11:37
Speaker 3: When we come back, you're gonna appreciate this. We're gonna tell you. I was kind of blown away. The dating experts had a full consensus, and they all have very strong language about this. Particular dating friend will tell you what they had to say when we come back.
00:12:03
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, we're just discussing our travel plands as they come back. You had to head to the airport here shortly. Yes, we are still in Europe, by the way, we are finally coming back to the US. Sure you all are.
00:12:13
Speaker 3: Excited anyway, So I wanted to get to the expert's reaction to this. They had like three or four of them, and it was hilarious. The first thing they said is thinking you can show up on a first date and divulge all your deepest secrets, flaws and issues and then expect a stranger is going to embrace That is delusional.
00:12:37
Speaker 2: That was what one expert had to say.
00:12:40
Speaker 1: You don't need to read anymore. I mean that is brof That's simply put. Who is there any case you ever saw of this working? Have you seen anywhere or somebody thinks this is paying off for them? Are there any stories out there yet? I know a lot of hashtags and stuff gets going online, but is this something that somebody said this is working for me?
00:13:01
Speaker 3: I haven't seen the love story the connection that was made because of this, but maybe if two people who feel that way can find each other amazing.
00:13:08
Speaker 1: I can't wait for a Goblin Tomacy Island, the spinoff.
00:13:13
Speaker 3: Ew Oh my god, that would be so gross that you.
00:13:16
Speaker 1: Wouldn't watch that.
00:13:17
Speaker 3: If people just showed up just a mess, I might watch it. Who doesn't love a watching a train wreck? Right?
00:13:25
Speaker 1: There's no makeup in the morning, you can't put the hair.
00:13:28
Speaker 3: I'm there for that. I would so watch that. Here's another one. You're gonna love this one. This is a full quote from a dating expert. The part I don't like is who wants to date a goblin? Sometimes I'll hear from daters this attitude of well, I'm not gonna try. I just want to be totally real, let it all hang out. If you don't like me, then that's your problem.
00:13:47
Speaker 2: Thank you.
00:13:47
Speaker 3: Next, courtshoop used to look very different even a few generations ago. You still have to present yourself in a way where the other person feels.
00:13:56
Speaker 2: Like you care.
00:13:58
Speaker 3: Boom, you literally said everything the day experts for saying you have.
00:14:02
Speaker 1: To why I don't care? Like I who doesn't want to present the best version of themselves at all times to all people? No, you're not that all the time. But that's not even the goal anymore. Because I'm making a statement about.
00:14:18
Speaker 3: What I should just be able to be me and someone else said this. I thought this was an interesting way to look at it real intimacy because we're talking about goblin intimacy, saying that by doing this, by being stripped down in every way, you're creating an intimacy with this person, and it actually could lead to long lasting appreciation, authentic appreciation of one another. But this is what one of the experts said. Real intimacy is earned, not owed. Just because you reveal your inner goblin, your date might not do the same.
00:14:51
Speaker 1: They don't want yours either, do they? Baby? No, at the beginning, you do build.
00:14:55
Speaker 4: I mean, there is a thing you just got to the next point. You're funny, Okay, there is a reason rogues. We go from sometimes attraction to lust to friendship. Intimacy comes pretty late in the game.
00:15:12
Speaker 2: You have to have you have to trust each other.
00:15:14
Speaker 3: There has to be real vulnerability that is that is basically that's earned over time.
00:15:21
Speaker 1: That it's it's at the end of your relationship cycle. There is no insta intimacy. You just can't have it. You can go meet somebody tonight and share every physical thing you've ever ever had and done and whatever. That's not intimacy.
00:15:37
Speaker 2: No that's gross.
00:15:39
Speaker 3: And look, I know, right, yes, I got a lot of a lot of things to say about that.
00:15:46
Speaker 2: But what I also just want to say this, And people may take issue with this what I'm about to.
00:15:50
Speaker 3: Say, but maybe I just learned this from my mom and I've just seen it. I I don't ever want to quote unquote let myself go. I always want to be as healthy and as fit and look as attractive as I can for myself.
00:16:06
Speaker 2: And for you, babe.
00:16:07
Speaker 3: I want you to be attracted to me, and I know you can be attracted to me on a deeper level, who I am as a person, what we have in common, what we enjoy together, all of those things, the friendship we've built. But yeah, I also, yeah, I still want you to think I'm hot. I do, and I think to not care about that is bizarre to me because your intimacy, your sexual intimacy, your sexual attraction for one another is absolutely an important part of any romantic relationship. So to act as if someone should just be attracted to you without you giving a shit about how you present yourself to me is a very delusional way of thinking that this is how relationships work.
00:16:44
Speaker 1: What you said, I would take issue with in a couple that had been together for a little while, right, That's the beauty of it down the road is that this person does love me because they do see all this stuff behind the scenes. That's something earned down the road. That's way down the road where that thing happens right off the bat, it's just not it's it's it's a high expectation, robes to have and expect everybody to accept anything you present yourself as. And the part of intimacy robe, that's a big deal. You respect me like baby, I respect you enough to shave my legs. I respect you enough to put some dio on. I respect but all shower daily. But robes, I am saying that that is a part of intimacy. By not doing any of that, Wow, this lady really doesn't care about how she presents herself to me. So I am that that makes me feel like I'm not important enough to you to present yourself in a in the best way possible.
00:17:55
Speaker 3: Yes, I agree, and so yes. The better plan, according to the experts, instead of doing the full blown goblin intimacy is maybe perhaps on that first date you ask questions that go beyond the surface, getting the conversation to go deeper. And that case, if you want the authenticity, then don't talk about the weather, don't talk about the nixt win. Actually ask some provoking, thought provoking questions. So you're getting on that deeper maybe verbal intimacy at least initially, if that's just a better, softer approach. And then this is to what you were saying. They said, Sure, obviously, we're all eventually going to reveal our inner goblins. You're going to see our bad days, you're going to see our depressed days, you're going to see our angry days, and that's appropriate. Over time, you have to consider that you can't just dump all this on somebody and expect them to want a second date.
00:18:43
Speaker 2: That's actually laughable.
00:18:45
Speaker 3: I think this is so funny, and I feel like this can only be coming from really young folks who haven't had experience in relationships and they think that, oh, I know, I'm not going to do it like my mom did it or like those older I'm just going to be my unvarnished self and that's how we're gonna roll.
00:19:01
Speaker 2: And you know what, if it works, that's amazing.
00:19:03
Speaker 1: It's just marriage rates will continue to go down.
00:19:07
Speaker 3: It just doesn't seem like any dating expert I saw at all.
00:19:10
Speaker 2: Thought this was a good idea.
00:19:12
Speaker 1: Knock yourselves out, do your things, everybody. Whatever works. So I always say love looks different.
00:19:18
Speaker 2: And goblins deserve love.
00:19:20
Speaker 1: To knock yourselves out, Goblin Timasy Island it is. If that gets coming, I'll watch with that.
00:19:28
Speaker 2: Everyone.
00:19:28
Speaker 3: We always appreciate you listening, does I made me Robock alongside T. J.
00:19:32
Speaker 2: Holmes. We will talk to you soon.