May 30, 2026
Men Reveal (Anonymously) What They Hate About Their Wives
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RSS Feed This was an eye opening conversation about what some men privately think about their wives and their relationships. It came to us from a Buzzfeed article that listed secret complaints men have about their women, but to us, it sounded more like issues these men have with communication! Men, it’s ok to tell us how you feel.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey that folks. It is Saturday, May twentieth, and I often start by saying, hey, folks, but this time I'm just gonna say, hey, ladies, got a question for you out there. What would you think about this? Your man has something about you that he absolutely hates, but he loves you too much to actually tell you. Do you still want to know? And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Because now robes, maybe some women will start to hear things because you've given men an opportunity to say what they hate about their wives under the cloak of anonymity.
00:00:43
Speaker 2: Yes, I like to hear what other men say about their wives, but I don't know that we any of us want to hear what you have to say about us. And by the way, it's May thirtieth. I just wanted to point out you said May twentieth. I didn't want to correct you.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: That's something I hate maybe thirty. You know what, okay twenty You know what, folks, every single time we do one, and this will list you know this is we always do these day out We're not we don't tape things ahead of time, so we do these in real time. Yeah, every single time we record one of these. My biggest issue of every episode rodes what's the date?
00:01:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's your only issue. You are good to go. You've read in, you do all the research. You are a hard worker, and you are prepared when you sit down and do whatever subject we're doing, you know what's happening, what's going on. But you always struggle with the date. And so I was chuckling when you said, Hey, there, everybody, it's Saturday, May twentieth.
00:01:43
Speaker 1: It's it's the thirty day. And I was debating and just starting it over because I don't want people to be thrown off. They might hear May twenty at at the top and they go, ah, this is an old one and move on. So I was kind of concerned and wanted to start over. As I'm still talking to you, I'm debating about whether or not we should because just I don't want people to be thrown not the matter of a mistake, but is that going to hurt downloads of people say it's an old one? Seriously, I don't know.
00:02:05
Speaker 2: I think it's an interesting topic. No matter what. We can make a little joke and when people look at the description, we'll say and by the way, don't be thrown TJ makes a mistake.
00:02:13
Speaker 1: This happens every time, folks. So what we sit here and do? There's a big There was an audio board next to me with six seven, eight eight panels that I sold all the music you hear, you're doing it on audio. I'm doing it all and right before we start. Every single time before I start talking, I panic because I start looking at four different devices. Shit, where's the date? Yes, every single time.
00:02:37
Speaker 2: Your mind is firing on twelve cylinders. And by the way, I'm just sitting here chilling. So I'm just you know, I'm watching you, and I just yes, wanted people to know it is in fact me thirty.
00:02:47
Speaker 1: So with all that, we talk about what wives hate about their husbands. I hate what men hate about their wives. I hate when I get corrected.
00:02:55
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm kidding.
00:02:57
Speaker 1: I I'm kidding. But this is something you were interested in, and I don't know. Actually the results you looked at this tell where it came from and why this was such an interest to you.
00:03:06
Speaker 2: That's okay. So BuzzFeed is always fun. So they their big headline is married men are spilling things they hate about their wives but would never tell them and OMG. And then it shows that they actually got the idea for this because they saw a Reddit post or a thread that said, what is a harsh truth about marriage? That you love your wife too much to ever say out loud to her? And the men just started spilling. I'm curious, is there something that you hate about me that you will take to your grave hate?
00:03:38
Speaker 1: That's tough, one, baby, That's a tough today if you hate so. I know it's a strong word, and maybe it's not. I have no idea what these end up being, but roh, it's tough to feel so strongly about your mate, any part of them, so strongly that I'm just going to deal with it. I don't know. I'm so I'm actually really really curious.
00:03:57
Speaker 2: Well, you can just I feel like I would love to know if you and I think some of these I am guessing you probably feel to a degree. So I'm going to go through. There are twenty one. I'm going to pick basically the ten that stand out to me that I think are the most interesting.
00:04:11
Speaker 1: I am so sorry. I'm asking because I'm trying to get clarity. There were two different headlines or titles. One is something you hate so much you love it? What was the second?
00:04:20
Speaker 2: Basically, it's just that it'd be too cruel to say out loud.
00:04:23
Speaker 1: Cruel to say out loud.
00:04:25
Speaker 2: You love her enough that you would never say it out loud. But it's a harsh truth. It's still real. It doesn't take away from the existence of this feeling, but it's too harsh they believe to say out loud. So they're on a Reddit post so that all of us other women can read and say, ooh, do I do that? Do I do that?
00:04:43
Speaker 1: Do you do any of it?
00:04:45
Speaker 2: Probably so, And actually one of them, I'm thinking, okay, okay, here's one. Sometimes I feel suffocated by her clinginess and lack of independence.
00:04:55
Speaker 1: No, I could see why that's an issue, depending on what I guess, the where you are, what your status is in that relationship. We actually watch a lot of dating shows, and sometimes somebody has too much power because they have the money, or the other person is on the fiance visa or whatever.
00:05:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there's an imbalance of power. But I think oftentimes, I think all of us can be clingy, and then there's some self recognition like, yeah, I need to go figure this out on my I don't, but I think some clinky Yeah, I don't think I've ever been accused of that, but you tell me. I'm not sure.
00:05:28
Speaker 1: Sometimes people just say they need space. They can go either way. Okay, that's yeah, that'skays.
00:05:33
Speaker 2: Her storytelling is equal parts boring, repetitive, and annoying. She starts talking and you can watch people roll their eyes.
00:05:42
Speaker 1: Um, no, you need to pull her aside. Well, you know you need to. That's not showing that you love her, that's showing how little you love her. If you cared about that person, always say her. It could be a man or a woman that they're actually you see them doing things around other people or in public that are actually not really a good look for them. You put them to the side.
00:06:06
Speaker 2: O it to her to tell her you get so funny enough. This guy admitted she's now his ex wife, So you're right he didn't love her enough to tell.
00:06:12
Speaker 1: Her he actually didn't like her.
00:06:13
Speaker 2: Yes, and that is a sign right there. All right, here's another one. I want to tell her. For the love of everything on Holy stop attributing intentional maliciousness automatically when it's most likely stupidity or lack of awareness or anything outside their narrow vision, always looking for an enemy.
00:06:32
Speaker 1: That was very, very specific. Say that one again.
00:06:35
Speaker 2: I want to tell her, for the love of everything on Holy stop attributing intentional maliciousness automatically when it's most likely stupidity or lack of awareness.
00:06:45
Speaker 1: Okay, that is annoying. I think it's a tendency a lot of people.
00:06:49
Speaker 2: Have, right, enemy, you want to have something you're combating. Look at what they did to me. How dare they?
00:06:55
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, that's just interesting, But that's for anybody. That's a bad attribute.
00:06:59
Speaker 2: This funny Dealing with her was like walking on eggshells every third week until menopause, and then it got worse. So he's saying, basically, it was situation as well. It said marriage was exhausting. They didn't go beyond it. But the point being is every time she was on her period and then when she got menopause, it was too much. Wait a minute, he didn't want to tell it to her face, but.
00:07:21
Speaker 1: Total what baby, Hey baby, this is happening. I know you're going through this thing, but man, it is really doing a number on our household. You can say that lovingly and not just get mad because you're annoyed at her. There's a way to go back.
00:07:34
Speaker 2: Yes, And I actually think you're you know what. This takes me back to journalism one O one, when you're trying to ask people hard questions and it's uncomfortable because you're right in front of them, staring at them. And I have always believed you can say anything to anyone as long as you say it with respect.
00:07:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, you shouldn't be scared. Wow, these I wasn't expecting this. This, you know what. This doesn't sound like women need to change anything. This sounds like a bunch of guys are scared. This is about your relationship. You could this is basic.
00:08:07
Speaker 2: That's so interesting.
00:08:08
Speaker 1: Tough robes.
00:08:09
Speaker 2: I didn't think about that, but that is interesting. Okay, this one, this one's tough. My biggest fear is how much she is like her mother, Well, how much she is like okay, yes, and I don't want to be that my I don't want that to be my life in thirty years. I think that's something that you wouldn't you. I don't think you can say.
00:08:27
Speaker 1: That because now you're now you're insulting her mama.
00:08:30
Speaker 2: Correct. I don't think you can say that. I think that's a tough one you might have to take to your grave.
00:08:34
Speaker 1: But that's also one robes that you shouldn't be worried about. She is not her mama. She's not the only thing you can do. And you do it before I get a chance to do it. You go, oh my god, I've become my mother.
00:08:48
Speaker 2: Yet every every person does that. And then and you see what you like, and you see what you don't like, and you try to make change. You know what you can do correct the or acknowledge the behavior. And you shouldn't. I believe this. You should never compare someone to their mother, to their father, to like to someone who you know that or at least that your loved one knows you don't like, because that's mean you can just address the behavior. You don't have to compare it to a mom, because that's when you start getting into dangerous territory.
00:09:19
Speaker 1: Bro. That's a It reminds me, you know, I love my stand up comedy. That was a comic once who said the women win most of all, like all fights, because they drop these little bombs in your head. And he used this example. A woman at the end of an argument will say something like calmly as anything say you're stupid like your father, and the guy doesn't really get it at the moment, but then he goes in the basement and he festers for a little while, and all of a sudden he explodes. That kind of thing when you address somebody and compare in some way or put down mama and daddy and omparison, that is always going to be a disaster. If you, guys, if you want to make this call about you don't want her to become her mom, take her mom out to a couple of lunches, couple of drinks. If you don't like that, lady, break up with your girlfriend because that's who she's going to become.
00:10:09
Speaker 2: That's a good point. Yeah, and I think that is true, Like, yeah, recognize and either say that's okay for me or it's not. But I do think that's an interesting thing. Okay, this next one. I had to look this up and I asked you if you knew what this was, and you said you didn't. I would never tell her that she's a pillow princess.
00:10:26
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is.
00:10:27
Speaker 2: I didn't know what a pillow princess was. Either someone who prefers to primarily receive pleasure during sex rather than give it.
00:10:37
Speaker 1: Ah, Now this is interesting. He doesn't want to tell her she's a pillow princess. She knows, she knows, and she's totally okay with it. She's been practicing this for quite a while. She's yes, it's her thing. Now, Not to tell her I have any of these relationships? Can continued?
00:11:01
Speaker 2: No, yes, some of yes, these are supposedly married men. There are a couple who were clearly divorced. But yes, this next one. I think. At first I was like, oh, hell no, you can't say this, and then he explained it. I can't tell her that her family genetics don't seem the best. Okay, that's like whoa. But then he went on to say, no one in her family has lived past seventy. I worry that as we get older, my time with her is going to be limited. Once we retire, it's only going to be a few years. I worry that you will pass away and I'll become an angry, bitter old man who's just waiting to die to see her again. Oh that's kind of sweet, actually, and selfish.
00:11:45
Speaker 1: I hear that totally differently. You're upset with your wife because of genetics, you knew everything about her. Now, I understand that can be a concern. So let's come together and understand. Sweetheart, you know what your family history is. Maybe we should be eating this, Maybe we should be drinking this. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this, we should be doing that. Well, if there's a way to do this, like you're faulting her, I can't talk to you about none. She can do about that. I have an awful family history of cancer on my family I am with. I have chosen to be with a woman who every six months has to go get checked for markers to make sure cancer doesn't come back. So what am I supposed to do? I can't talk to you about it. This is real. We have had conversations about cutting back on alcohol. This is because of health robes. This is important. If your time is limited with this lady, and you love this lady like you circle it on the calendar seventy she's gonna.
00:12:40
Speaker 2: Die, right, That's kind of what he's done. This is so fascinating, though, and I think to your point, I hadn't really thought about it when I was reading through these What you are saying that a lot of this stuff that men are saying they can't tell their wives they actually can and should and if they love them, they would.
00:12:59
Speaker 1: This whole goes to what we often talk about robes. Relationships struggle and are bad because of communication and people don't want to talk to each other. It's the relationship isn't bad because she does this, this or this. The relationship might be struggling because you won't talk to her about it. The relationship might be struggling because there is a difficult thing and you too don't feel like you can talk about it. That is a sign of something else. Stop it. I really thought this was going to go a different direction, But just what's fascinatingship? One on one and you.
00:13:31
Speaker 2: Talk about, yes, lack of communication and when you don't have proper communication and when you don't have trust to communicate what you want to say because it should be based from a place of love, or just that I need you to love me differently, I need to you to love me better. I need to explain to you what I'm missing all of those things. I think if you are in a loving relationship, the other partner, if said correctly, wants to make sure you feel those things and if you feel like you can't have that conversation, there is an absolute lack of sum trust, right, And what happens when you don't talk about things, resentment builds. When we come back, these next few ones are doozies and man, they spell resentment. But I'm curious if other people think that they can't have these conversations with their loved ones. Wait until you hear what these next few men had to say. And welcome back everyone to this fascinating episode of Amy and TJ where we are hearing from men under the cloak of anonymity, initially from a Reddit thread, but then BuzzFeed picked up on it about what men are secretly feeling about their wives or their significant others that they feel like they can't say to their partner's face. And when you start to hear what these men are saying, it's so interesting. How about this one. I want to tell her, You'll never understand how much more I've loved you than anyone ever will, because you will never love anyone else more than you love yourself. That's what he wants to tell his wife, but is too afraid to.
00:15:12
Speaker 1: He's afraid to tell her. Bottom line, that she behaves selfishly correct, Okay, that's a real conversation to have that. The thing you just read is insulting talking to her. That's a real issue, baby, And that's okay. That's okay to say, hey, babe, there are times that it seems like all we do is what you want to do. You don't pay attention to anything else. It's okay to express how you feel without automatically being critical of that other person. They might take it as criticism. But every relationship we have to encourage speak up.
00:15:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to say what you need. We aren't women aren't, and certainly men aren't mind readers. And I think maybe we treat one another like you should be. You should know what I want, you should know what I need. And that's where you start to have problems. This next one one is wild to me that he can't have a conversation. And I'm wondering if you think most men are afraid of their wives, because listen to this next one. I'd never tell her that she goes out of her way for everyone else in our house except me.
00:16:16
Speaker 1: You never tell her that. Well, I would hate for you to say it that way. Yeah, yes, no, wonder you can't tell her, Hey, babe, you go out of your way for everybody here but me. How do you think that's gonna go. If that's a real thing, that you actually feel like you're missing something in a relationship in the household, Robes, open your mouth. Every single one of these sounds like a problem with the man.
00:16:37
Speaker 2: It makes me think that all these men are too afraid, I'll just say it in a nice way to actually speak up and tell their wives what they want to need, and instead probably use a lot of this as an excuse to go out and get something on the side where they feel like the man.
00:16:54
Speaker 1: I won't even go that that far, Robes, But everything the onus is on the woman for making me feel comfortable to open my mouth. Now, there are realities in relationships, we get it, and the dynamics are different. But every single one of these is not Robes. It doesn't sound I'm afraid, she's gonna watch, she's gonna get upset, she's gonna yell, she's gonna leave me, she's gonna all of this stuff. Every man here has a legitimate complaint, like a legitimate relationship issue, but they're just not going about thinking of bringing it up the right way or thinking they're even worthy robes of a discussion.
00:17:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you, I will say, you have had conversations with me and say, babe, can we have a moment to talk. And I don't want you to get upset, but something has been happening that's been bothering me, and I'm like, please tell me. And most of the time I didn't even know it wasn't even on my radar. And so to have these conversations is so helpful. This one, this next one through me. Oh, I want to tell her. The fact that you want to work out and be a hot mom now after having the baby is incredibly insulting to me because I've been trying to get you to be healthy with me for years. Say what, I.
00:18:20
Speaker 1: Hope he takes it we go. I mean, I hope he takes a moment. She wants to better herself and look better, and you have a problem.
00:18:25
Speaker 2: With it because it's the baby, not him. That's so that one actually blew my mind.
00:18:31
Speaker 1: I mean, don't. It's it's fair to say that there was probably more work to do, or she felt more work to do after her body just went through nine months of car Okay, and Obviously we don't know what she looked like, or what health was or anything else. But the way he framed that is that this was But we talked about rejection robes. Here's a real one. I will say this. Aha, I have one to add to the list. Okay, And I've talked to you about this before. This can be a thing. It relates to this. You will go get your nails done, you will go get your hair done, you will go through all kinds of makeup. I'm gonna go buy a new dress and all these things when it has to do with somebody else or some other event and it doesn't feel like, Wow, you don't go through that exercise and put that much effort into looking good around here when it comes to us even a night out. But wow, so and so one is coming to town, or hm, you got a lunch here, or wow, you're going with the girls for a thing and you're really getting dulled up. Now, that is something that I will say. Is is a conversation and something that has been on men's minds. And I've talked to you about this before.
00:19:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's interesting. Okay, there's a version of that, all right, This one, this is so interesting, and again I think this speaks to the relationationship. Okay, the harsh truth is that we aren't best friends. She doesn't care enough about me to be my best friend. She wants me to care about her and everything about her life, but doesn't reciprocate when I do tell her stories. They are too long for her. I go on forever, she says, get to the point. But she will talk for hours and I'm supposed to stay attentive. Yes, I can never open up because I don't trust her to do any good with my words or feelings. She just uses them against me somehow, and not right away, like a stewed missile when she's ready to launch.
00:20:36
Speaker 1: It's that's a legitimate relationship issue, and that could go both ways. That's a legitimate relationship issue issue. She should be willing to talk about it. Now. Some of it I wonder, like, Wow, it seems a little a little nitpicky and very specific. But that is a real thing in relationship.
00:20:57
Speaker 2: That might just be a symptom. And it seems like that's a sin of a much larger problem. And it has to do with respect and resentment. Oh, she doesn't have any, and he has a lot of it. Oh yeah, and that's and that's built up over time.
00:21:09
Speaker 1: They're done, if not already.
00:21:11
Speaker 2: I agree, I agree, this one was interesting. I want to tell her I'm concerned your kindness and gentleness. Uh oh, I just got an ad. Sorry, your kindness and gentleness will cause our sons to be undisciplined and create harm.
00:21:27
Speaker 1: That's a parenting issue. We got to talk. Yeah, that's all. We have to talk about how we're going about parenting. And that's that can evolve people are in the house and have do different ways of going about things. But no, it's a that's a legitimate issue about parenting that you have to speak about it.
00:21:42
Speaker 2: I agree, And I'm going to end with this one because I feel like I feel like you and I might actually have experienced this. This is interesting, but it's it's kind of a this is I'm going to end on a positive note because yes, this is a harsh truth or something that he would never say out loud, But this one for me, sometimes I miss her before anything has even gone wrong, Like there are moments when I look at her and I feel this quiet fear of loss that I would never say out loud because it would just worry her and there is nothing to be done about it anyway. Loving someone that much is its own kind of vulnerability that nobody really prepares you for. Sometimes you've made jokes to me, like you know, you know whatever about our relationship, about like why can't it? Why can't because you start worrying about it. It's so good, You're worrying about it going wrong, and you don't want to express it because that would create fear. But I thought that was sweet. I miss her before anything has even gone wrong, Like he's already preparing to lose her, preparing for it to end, or kind of worried about it somehow not working out.
00:22:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's going to be a self fulfilling prophecy. Absolutely, you put yourself in that mindset. Yes, of course it's going to be a disaster. It's going to go wrong. How I understand. I understand you say it's kind of sweet, but we all we understand you cannot continue your life in fear. You just that's no way to live. The courage is not just going through it. Courage is actually feeling the fear and doing the thing anyway. So you've got to be courageous in love, and you can't be scared of law ropes. Isn't that a recipe for disasters?
00:23:21
Speaker 2: Yes?
00:23:21
Speaker 1: Fearing loss?
00:23:22
Speaker 2: Yes, But I think if we're all we all have a little a little bit of it in our heads. But I think we can just recognize it and say, wow, that means I love someone that much. That means I am so vulnerable and yeah, my heart is living outside of me right now, and that's something that's beautiful. You can just acknowledge the feeling and flip it on its head and say, Wow, how lucky am I that I love someone that much?
00:23:43
Speaker 1: Man, it's scared to lose somebody is uh, it's not gonna it's gonna cause you behave in ways that aren't conducive to a successful relationship.
00:23:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, but this was actually really eye opening and surprising to me. And I'm actually surprised it was surprising to you that you weren't like this wasn't something because a lot of these lists other a man will read and go, oh yeah me too, Oh my god, I feel so seen. I'm feeling validated. You were kind of like, well, I guess we've lived a lot of life now we have, and yeah.
00:24:15
Speaker 1: That's it. Really, Maybe that's it rose. But everything the fellows bring up there really are once you get to a point, this is like, it's core relationship stuff. And yes it's difficult for some. It's yes, you have to get to that point. So I'm not just saying, oh, you idiots, you need to come around. No, but roads all those things. After you lived enough life, have enough relationships and experienced enough roads, all those things sound like they become basics. They become necessities to a successful relationship. And success is not just being together.
00:24:50
Speaker 2: No, it's not. And we know that. And it's funny because one of the com because you know, people comment on what these men are saying. I think this one is so true. Eighty percent of these guys should not be married to their wives. Yeah, oh yeah, marriage should not be miserable. The other twenty percent are sweet and kind of sad. I think that actually is probably pretty true.
00:25:11
Speaker 1: That probably goes along with divorce statistics.
00:25:15
Speaker 2: All right, well, I hope that was enlightening to many of you listening. We always appreciate you coming along with us. I'm am you roboch alongside TJ. Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 1: Hey that folks. It is Saturday, May twentieth, and I often start by saying, hey, folks, but this time I'm just gonna say, hey, ladies, got a question for you out there. What would you think about this? Your man has something about you that he absolutely hates, but he loves you too much to actually tell you. Do you still want to know? And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Because now robes, maybe some women will start to hear things because you've given men an opportunity to say what they hate about their wives under the cloak of anonymity.
00:00:43
Speaker 2: Yes, I like to hear what other men say about their wives, but I don't know that we any of us want to hear what you have to say about us. And by the way, it's May thirtieth. I just wanted to point out you said May twentieth. I didn't want to correct you.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: That's something I hate maybe thirty. You know what, okay twenty You know what, folks, every single time we do one, and this will list you know this is we always do these day out We're not we don't tape things ahead of time, so we do these in real time. Yeah, every single time we record one of these. My biggest issue of every episode rodes what's the date?
00:01:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's your only issue. You are good to go. You've read in, you do all the research. You are a hard worker, and you are prepared when you sit down and do whatever subject we're doing, you know what's happening, what's going on. But you always struggle with the date. And so I was chuckling when you said, Hey, there, everybody, it's Saturday, May twentieth.
00:01:43
Speaker 1: It's it's the thirty day. And I was debating and just starting it over because I don't want people to be thrown off. They might hear May twenty at at the top and they go, ah, this is an old one and move on. So I was kind of concerned and wanted to start over. As I'm still talking to you, I'm debating about whether or not we should because just I don't want people to be thrown not the matter of a mistake, but is that going to hurt downloads of people say it's an old one? Seriously, I don't know.
00:02:05
Speaker 2: I think it's an interesting topic. No matter what. We can make a little joke and when people look at the description, we'll say and by the way, don't be thrown TJ makes a mistake.
00:02:13
Speaker 1: This happens every time, folks. So what we sit here and do? There's a big There was an audio board next to me with six seven, eight eight panels that I sold all the music you hear, you're doing it on audio. I'm doing it all and right before we start. Every single time before I start talking, I panic because I start looking at four different devices. Shit, where's the date? Yes, every single time.
00:02:37
Speaker 2: Your mind is firing on twelve cylinders. And by the way, I'm just sitting here chilling. So I'm just you know, I'm watching you, and I just yes, wanted people to know it is in fact me thirty.
00:02:47
Speaker 1: So with all that, we talk about what wives hate about their husbands. I hate what men hate about their wives. I hate when I get corrected.
00:02:55
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm kidding.
00:02:57
Speaker 1: I I'm kidding. But this is something you were interested in, and I don't know. Actually the results you looked at this tell where it came from and why this was such an interest to you.
00:03:06
Speaker 2: That's okay. So BuzzFeed is always fun. So they their big headline is married men are spilling things they hate about their wives but would never tell them and OMG. And then it shows that they actually got the idea for this because they saw a Reddit post or a thread that said, what is a harsh truth about marriage? That you love your wife too much to ever say out loud to her? And the men just started spilling. I'm curious, is there something that you hate about me that you will take to your grave hate?
00:03:38
Speaker 1: That's tough, one, baby, That's a tough today if you hate so. I know it's a strong word, and maybe it's not. I have no idea what these end up being, but roh, it's tough to feel so strongly about your mate, any part of them, so strongly that I'm just going to deal with it. I don't know. I'm so I'm actually really really curious.
00:03:57
Speaker 2: Well, you can just I feel like I would love to know if you and I think some of these I am guessing you probably feel to a degree. So I'm going to go through. There are twenty one. I'm going to pick basically the ten that stand out to me that I think are the most interesting.
00:04:11
Speaker 1: I am so sorry. I'm asking because I'm trying to get clarity. There were two different headlines or titles. One is something you hate so much you love it? What was the second?
00:04:20
Speaker 2: Basically, it's just that it'd be too cruel to say out loud.
00:04:23
Speaker 1: Cruel to say out loud.
00:04:25
Speaker 2: You love her enough that you would never say it out loud. But it's a harsh truth. It's still real. It doesn't take away from the existence of this feeling, but it's too harsh they believe to say out loud. So they're on a Reddit post so that all of us other women can read and say, ooh, do I do that? Do I do that?
00:04:43
Speaker 1: Do you do any of it?
00:04:45
Speaker 2: Probably so, And actually one of them, I'm thinking, okay, okay, here's one. Sometimes I feel suffocated by her clinginess and lack of independence.
00:04:55
Speaker 1: No, I could see why that's an issue, depending on what I guess, the where you are, what your status is in that relationship. We actually watch a lot of dating shows, and sometimes somebody has too much power because they have the money, or the other person is on the fiance visa or whatever.
00:05:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there's an imbalance of power. But I think oftentimes, I think all of us can be clingy, and then there's some self recognition like, yeah, I need to go figure this out on my I don't, but I think some clinky Yeah, I don't think I've ever been accused of that, but you tell me. I'm not sure.
00:05:28
Speaker 1: Sometimes people just say they need space. They can go either way. Okay, that's yeah, that'skays.
00:05:33
Speaker 2: Her storytelling is equal parts boring, repetitive, and annoying. She starts talking and you can watch people roll their eyes.
00:05:42
Speaker 1: Um, no, you need to pull her aside. Well, you know you need to. That's not showing that you love her, that's showing how little you love her. If you cared about that person, always say her. It could be a man or a woman that they're actually you see them doing things around other people or in public that are actually not really a good look for them. You put them to the side.
00:06:06
Speaker 2: O it to her to tell her you get so funny enough. This guy admitted she's now his ex wife, So you're right he didn't love her enough to tell.
00:06:12
Speaker 1: Her he actually didn't like her.
00:06:13
Speaker 2: Yes, and that is a sign right there. All right, here's another one. I want to tell her. For the love of everything on Holy stop attributing intentional maliciousness automatically when it's most likely stupidity or lack of awareness or anything outside their narrow vision, always looking for an enemy.
00:06:32
Speaker 1: That was very, very specific. Say that one again.
00:06:35
Speaker 2: I want to tell her, for the love of everything on Holy stop attributing intentional maliciousness automatically when it's most likely stupidity or lack of awareness.
00:06:45
Speaker 1: Okay, that is annoying. I think it's a tendency a lot of people.
00:06:49
Speaker 2: Have, right, enemy, you want to have something you're combating. Look at what they did to me. How dare they?
00:06:55
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, that's just interesting, But that's for anybody. That's a bad attribute.
00:06:59
Speaker 2: This funny Dealing with her was like walking on eggshells every third week until menopause, and then it got worse. So he's saying, basically, it was situation as well. It said marriage was exhausting. They didn't go beyond it. But the point being is every time she was on her period and then when she got menopause, it was too much. Wait a minute, he didn't want to tell it to her face, but.
00:07:21
Speaker 1: Total what baby, Hey baby, this is happening. I know you're going through this thing, but man, it is really doing a number on our household. You can say that lovingly and not just get mad because you're annoyed at her. There's a way to go back.
00:07:34
Speaker 2: Yes, And I actually think you're you know what. This takes me back to journalism one O one, when you're trying to ask people hard questions and it's uncomfortable because you're right in front of them, staring at them. And I have always believed you can say anything to anyone as long as you say it with respect.
00:07:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, you shouldn't be scared. Wow, these I wasn't expecting this. This, you know what. This doesn't sound like women need to change anything. This sounds like a bunch of guys are scared. This is about your relationship. You could this is basic.
00:08:07
Speaker 2: That's so interesting.
00:08:08
Speaker 1: Tough robes.
00:08:09
Speaker 2: I didn't think about that, but that is interesting. Okay, this one, this one's tough. My biggest fear is how much she is like her mother, Well, how much she is like okay, yes, and I don't want to be that my I don't want that to be my life in thirty years. I think that's something that you wouldn't you. I don't think you can say.
00:08:27
Speaker 1: That because now you're now you're insulting her mama.
00:08:30
Speaker 2: Correct. I don't think you can say that. I think that's a tough one you might have to take to your grave.
00:08:34
Speaker 1: But that's also one robes that you shouldn't be worried about. She is not her mama. She's not the only thing you can do. And you do it before I get a chance to do it. You go, oh my god, I've become my mother.
00:08:48
Speaker 2: Yet every every person does that. And then and you see what you like, and you see what you don't like, and you try to make change. You know what you can do correct the or acknowledge the behavior. And you shouldn't. I believe this. You should never compare someone to their mother, to their father, to like to someone who you know that or at least that your loved one knows you don't like, because that's mean you can just address the behavior. You don't have to compare it to a mom, because that's when you start getting into dangerous territory.
00:09:19
Speaker 1: Bro. That's a It reminds me, you know, I love my stand up comedy. That was a comic once who said the women win most of all, like all fights, because they drop these little bombs in your head. And he used this example. A woman at the end of an argument will say something like calmly as anything say you're stupid like your father, and the guy doesn't really get it at the moment, but then he goes in the basement and he festers for a little while, and all of a sudden he explodes. That kind of thing when you address somebody and compare in some way or put down mama and daddy and omparison, that is always going to be a disaster. If you, guys, if you want to make this call about you don't want her to become her mom, take her mom out to a couple of lunches, couple of drinks. If you don't like that, lady, break up with your girlfriend because that's who she's going to become.
00:10:09
Speaker 2: That's a good point. Yeah, and I think that is true, Like, yeah, recognize and either say that's okay for me or it's not. But I do think that's an interesting thing. Okay, this next one. I had to look this up and I asked you if you knew what this was, and you said you didn't. I would never tell her that she's a pillow princess.
00:10:26
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is.
00:10:27
Speaker 2: I didn't know what a pillow princess was. Either someone who prefers to primarily receive pleasure during sex rather than give it.
00:10:37
Speaker 1: Ah, Now this is interesting. He doesn't want to tell her she's a pillow princess. She knows, she knows, and she's totally okay with it. She's been practicing this for quite a while. She's yes, it's her thing. Now, Not to tell her I have any of these relationships? Can continued?
00:11:01
Speaker 2: No, yes, some of yes, these are supposedly married men. There are a couple who were clearly divorced. But yes, this next one. I think. At first I was like, oh, hell no, you can't say this, and then he explained it. I can't tell her that her family genetics don't seem the best. Okay, that's like whoa. But then he went on to say, no one in her family has lived past seventy. I worry that as we get older, my time with her is going to be limited. Once we retire, it's only going to be a few years. I worry that you will pass away and I'll become an angry, bitter old man who's just waiting to die to see her again. Oh that's kind of sweet, actually, and selfish.
00:11:45
Speaker 1: I hear that totally differently. You're upset with your wife because of genetics, you knew everything about her. Now, I understand that can be a concern. So let's come together and understand. Sweetheart, you know what your family history is. Maybe we should be eating this, Maybe we should be drinking this. Maybe we shouldn't be doing this, we should be doing that. Well, if there's a way to do this, like you're faulting her, I can't talk to you about none. She can do about that. I have an awful family history of cancer on my family I am with. I have chosen to be with a woman who every six months has to go get checked for markers to make sure cancer doesn't come back. So what am I supposed to do? I can't talk to you about it. This is real. We have had conversations about cutting back on alcohol. This is because of health robes. This is important. If your time is limited with this lady, and you love this lady like you circle it on the calendar seventy she's gonna.
00:12:40
Speaker 2: Die, right, That's kind of what he's done. This is so fascinating, though, and I think to your point, I hadn't really thought about it when I was reading through these What you are saying that a lot of this stuff that men are saying they can't tell their wives they actually can and should and if they love them, they would.
00:12:59
Speaker 1: This whole goes to what we often talk about robes. Relationships struggle and are bad because of communication and people don't want to talk to each other. It's the relationship isn't bad because she does this, this or this. The relationship might be struggling because you won't talk to her about it. The relationship might be struggling because there is a difficult thing and you too don't feel like you can talk about it. That is a sign of something else. Stop it. I really thought this was going to go a different direction, But just what's fascinatingship? One on one and you.
00:13:31
Speaker 2: Talk about, yes, lack of communication and when you don't have proper communication and when you don't have trust to communicate what you want to say because it should be based from a place of love, or just that I need you to love me differently, I need to you to love me better. I need to explain to you what I'm missing all of those things. I think if you are in a loving relationship, the other partner, if said correctly, wants to make sure you feel those things and if you feel like you can't have that conversation, there is an absolute lack of sum trust, right, And what happens when you don't talk about things, resentment builds. When we come back, these next few ones are doozies and man, they spell resentment. But I'm curious if other people think that they can't have these conversations with their loved ones. Wait until you hear what these next few men had to say. And welcome back everyone to this fascinating episode of Amy and TJ where we are hearing from men under the cloak of anonymity, initially from a Reddit thread, but then BuzzFeed picked up on it about what men are secretly feeling about their wives or their significant others that they feel like they can't say to their partner's face. And when you start to hear what these men are saying, it's so interesting. How about this one. I want to tell her, You'll never understand how much more I've loved you than anyone ever will, because you will never love anyone else more than you love yourself. That's what he wants to tell his wife, but is too afraid to.
00:15:12
Speaker 1: He's afraid to tell her. Bottom line, that she behaves selfishly correct, Okay, that's a real conversation to have that. The thing you just read is insulting talking to her. That's a real issue, baby, And that's okay. That's okay to say, hey, babe, there are times that it seems like all we do is what you want to do. You don't pay attention to anything else. It's okay to express how you feel without automatically being critical of that other person. They might take it as criticism. But every relationship we have to encourage speak up.
00:15:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to say what you need. We aren't women aren't, and certainly men aren't mind readers. And I think maybe we treat one another like you should be. You should know what I want, you should know what I need. And that's where you start to have problems. This next one one is wild to me that he can't have a conversation. And I'm wondering if you think most men are afraid of their wives, because listen to this next one. I'd never tell her that she goes out of her way for everyone else in our house except me.
00:16:16
Speaker 1: You never tell her that. Well, I would hate for you to say it that way. Yeah, yes, no, wonder you can't tell her, Hey, babe, you go out of your way for everybody here but me. How do you think that's gonna go. If that's a real thing, that you actually feel like you're missing something in a relationship in the household, Robes, open your mouth. Every single one of these sounds like a problem with the man.
00:16:37
Speaker 2: It makes me think that all these men are too afraid, I'll just say it in a nice way to actually speak up and tell their wives what they want to need, and instead probably use a lot of this as an excuse to go out and get something on the side where they feel like the man.
00:16:54
Speaker 1: I won't even go that that far, Robes, But everything the onus is on the woman for making me feel comfortable to open my mouth. Now, there are realities in relationships, we get it, and the dynamics are different. But every single one of these is not Robes. It doesn't sound I'm afraid, she's gonna watch, she's gonna get upset, she's gonna yell, she's gonna leave me, she's gonna all of this stuff. Every man here has a legitimate complaint, like a legitimate relationship issue, but they're just not going about thinking of bringing it up the right way or thinking they're even worthy robes of a discussion.
00:17:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you, I will say, you have had conversations with me and say, babe, can we have a moment to talk. And I don't want you to get upset, but something has been happening that's been bothering me, and I'm like, please tell me. And most of the time I didn't even know it wasn't even on my radar. And so to have these conversations is so helpful. This one, this next one through me. Oh, I want to tell her. The fact that you want to work out and be a hot mom now after having the baby is incredibly insulting to me because I've been trying to get you to be healthy with me for years. Say what, I.
00:18:20
Speaker 1: Hope he takes it we go. I mean, I hope he takes a moment. She wants to better herself and look better, and you have a problem.
00:18:25
Speaker 2: With it because it's the baby, not him. That's so that one actually blew my mind.
00:18:31
Speaker 1: I mean, don't. It's it's fair to say that there was probably more work to do, or she felt more work to do after her body just went through nine months of car Okay, and Obviously we don't know what she looked like, or what health was or anything else. But the way he framed that is that this was But we talked about rejection robes. Here's a real one. I will say this. Aha, I have one to add to the list. Okay, And I've talked to you about this before. This can be a thing. It relates to this. You will go get your nails done, you will go get your hair done, you will go through all kinds of makeup. I'm gonna go buy a new dress and all these things when it has to do with somebody else or some other event and it doesn't feel like, Wow, you don't go through that exercise and put that much effort into looking good around here when it comes to us even a night out. But wow, so and so one is coming to town, or hm, you got a lunch here, or wow, you're going with the girls for a thing and you're really getting dulled up. Now, that is something that I will say. Is is a conversation and something that has been on men's minds. And I've talked to you about this before.
00:19:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's interesting. Okay, there's a version of that, all right, This one, this is so interesting, and again I think this speaks to the relationationship. Okay, the harsh truth is that we aren't best friends. She doesn't care enough about me to be my best friend. She wants me to care about her and everything about her life, but doesn't reciprocate when I do tell her stories. They are too long for her. I go on forever, she says, get to the point. But she will talk for hours and I'm supposed to stay attentive. Yes, I can never open up because I don't trust her to do any good with my words or feelings. She just uses them against me somehow, and not right away, like a stewed missile when she's ready to launch.
00:20:36
Speaker 1: It's that's a legitimate relationship issue, and that could go both ways. That's a legitimate relationship issue issue. She should be willing to talk about it. Now. Some of it I wonder, like, Wow, it seems a little a little nitpicky and very specific. But that is a real thing in relationship.
00:20:57
Speaker 2: That might just be a symptom. And it seems like that's a sin of a much larger problem. And it has to do with respect and resentment. Oh, she doesn't have any, and he has a lot of it. Oh yeah, and that's and that's built up over time.
00:21:09
Speaker 1: They're done, if not already.
00:21:11
Speaker 2: I agree, I agree, this one was interesting. I want to tell her I'm concerned your kindness and gentleness. Uh oh, I just got an ad. Sorry, your kindness and gentleness will cause our sons to be undisciplined and create harm.
00:21:27
Speaker 1: That's a parenting issue. We got to talk. Yeah, that's all. We have to talk about how we're going about parenting. And that's that can evolve people are in the house and have do different ways of going about things. But no, it's a that's a legitimate issue about parenting that you have to speak about it.
00:21:42
Speaker 2: I agree, And I'm going to end with this one because I feel like I feel like you and I might actually have experienced this. This is interesting, but it's it's kind of a this is I'm going to end on a positive note because yes, this is a harsh truth or something that he would never say out loud, But this one for me, sometimes I miss her before anything has even gone wrong, Like there are moments when I look at her and I feel this quiet fear of loss that I would never say out loud because it would just worry her and there is nothing to be done about it anyway. Loving someone that much is its own kind of vulnerability that nobody really prepares you for. Sometimes you've made jokes to me, like you know, you know whatever about our relationship, about like why can't it? Why can't because you start worrying about it. It's so good, You're worrying about it going wrong, and you don't want to express it because that would create fear. But I thought that was sweet. I miss her before anything has even gone wrong, Like he's already preparing to lose her, preparing for it to end, or kind of worried about it somehow not working out.
00:22:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's going to be a self fulfilling prophecy. Absolutely, you put yourself in that mindset. Yes, of course it's going to be a disaster. It's going to go wrong. How I understand. I understand you say it's kind of sweet, but we all we understand you cannot continue your life in fear. You just that's no way to live. The courage is not just going through it. Courage is actually feeling the fear and doing the thing anyway. So you've got to be courageous in love, and you can't be scared of law ropes. Isn't that a recipe for disasters?
00:23:21
Speaker 2: Yes?
00:23:21
Speaker 1: Fearing loss?
00:23:22
Speaker 2: Yes, But I think if we're all we all have a little a little bit of it in our heads. But I think we can just recognize it and say, wow, that means I love someone that much. That means I am so vulnerable and yeah, my heart is living outside of me right now, and that's something that's beautiful. You can just acknowledge the feeling and flip it on its head and say, Wow, how lucky am I that I love someone that much?
00:23:43
Speaker 1: Man, it's scared to lose somebody is uh, it's not gonna it's gonna cause you behave in ways that aren't conducive to a successful relationship.
00:23:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, but this was actually really eye opening and surprising to me. And I'm actually surprised it was surprising to you that you weren't like this wasn't something because a lot of these lists other a man will read and go, oh yeah me too, Oh my god, I feel so seen. I'm feeling validated. You were kind of like, well, I guess we've lived a lot of life now we have, and yeah.
00:24:15
Speaker 1: That's it. Really, Maybe that's it rose. But everything the fellows bring up there really are once you get to a point, this is like, it's core relationship stuff. And yes it's difficult for some. It's yes, you have to get to that point. So I'm not just saying, oh, you idiots, you need to come around. No, but roads all those things. After you lived enough life, have enough relationships and experienced enough roads, all those things sound like they become basics. They become necessities to a successful relationship. And success is not just being together.
00:24:50
Speaker 2: No, it's not. And we know that. And it's funny because one of the com because you know, people comment on what these men are saying. I think this one is so true. Eighty percent of these guys should not be married to their wives. Yeah, oh yeah, marriage should not be miserable. The other twenty percent are sweet and kind of sad. I think that actually is probably pretty true.
00:25:11
Speaker 1: That probably goes along with divorce statistics.
00:25:15
Speaker 2: All right, well, I hope that was enlightening to many of you listening. We always appreciate you coming along with us. I'm am you roboch alongside TJ. Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.