Feb. 8, 2026
LOVE STORIES: RHONJ Star Dolores Catania and Paulie Connell
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RSS Feed Amy & T.J. are counting down to Valentine’s Day with our Love Stories series and today they are joined by Real Housewives of New Jersey & star of The Traitors, Dolores Catania and her fiancé Paul “Paulie” Connell. The two sit down with Amy & T.J. to share how a missed first date and an accidental meeting at the Apple Store turned into a lasting connection. Dolores and Paulie open up about finding love after past marriages, learning to trust again, and why they believe healthy relationships require communication, compromise, and yes, the occasional fight. From joking over thermostat wars, phone habits, and Dolores packing up to “leave” more than once, to setting boundaries that protect their relationship, they explain why peace, friendship, and starting each day fresh matter more than perfection.
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00:00:04
Speaker 1: This is Amy and TJ Love Stories.
00:00:14
Speaker 2: Hey there, everybody, and welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ, where we are bringing our love stories to you all as we count down to Valentine's Day and today we are very excited to have Dolores Catanya and Paul Paully Connell with us. I think most of you know who. Dolores is a longtime fan favorite on the Real Housewives of New Jersey and Paul is originally from Dublin, Ireland. They met in twenty twenty one after a chance encounter at an Apple store. Here is their love story.
00:00:46
Speaker 1: All right, Dolores and Paul join us now in person. We used to have We usually have to do these interviews with people on zoom. It's good to be sitting in a room with you all. We can see them. They can't fake it now, robes. If they don't like each other.
00:00:58
Speaker 2: We see the relationship. Yes, we see the interaction.
00:01:01
Speaker 3: It is help.
00:01:03
Speaker 1: But thank you all for being here again. You know the game. We are asking all the couples of the same questions. The first one. We're gonna set this up this way. It's usually the one that trips everybody up the.
00:01:12
Speaker 3: Most, right I'm really here.
00:01:14
Speaker 1: Here is the first question. Five words or less describe your relationship today. Five words or less describe your relationship today.
00:01:24
Speaker 3: From me and him, or we could say together individually individually, I am happy, I'm content, I am grateful, and what else? Mm, that's big words for me, So I'm gonna I'm going to say I'm good with three. Yeah, how's that good?
00:01:50
Speaker 1: Good?
00:01:50
Speaker 4: So I would say all them three words for sure. Content is a big word, so content me.
00:01:57
Speaker 3: I'm attracted to him, like described in the relationship. I think he's good, like a guy, sorry, very masculine, super I like that.
00:02:13
Speaker 1: I do like them pretty boys.
00:02:15
Speaker 4: Is complete. I feel complete. That's a that's a big deal.
00:02:18
Speaker 1: This is so interesting. I think you've noticed the are couples, and that's not insult, but the older couples, some of the words come out, growth and content. That's kind of been a theme. I was surprised to hear those specific words like safe.
00:02:32
Speaker 2: A lot of the words that when you're young you don't think matter. Peace, safety, like just having a companion, someone you can trust. Those are that's what you want. Ultimately, when all of the hot sex of romance, not that it goes away. But when that part that crazy and love fades, those are the values that keep people together. And that's what we've seen.
00:02:53
Speaker 3: That is and you know, I see so many couples now, right because that's what you need the most in your later years, because that's when things hit hard. Sometimes it's financial struggle can happen at that time, retirement and then there's just you. But there's also health issues, which I see my parents aren't together, and my mom has health issues and my dad has health issues. And as children looking at them, were like, we're jumping in to take care of them, which is an honor to be able to do. But we say, this was the time they were supposed to be there for each other. Wow.
00:03:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh that is something to think about in terms of the two of you coming together because you all had previous marriages. Yes, how did you all first meet? And when I asked that, I'm leading up to asking you the question who said I love you first? How quickly did that come? So we met through a friend?
00:03:48
Speaker 3: Okay, and I you know now you have Instagram, right, So this friend of ours was a friend of his and I knew her. She's a decorator. He's in like construction. He's an electoral contractors. So they knew each other from this world. And she said to me, you know, I have a friend. He's really cool. You should date. Andm like, go, well, I'm not cool. So she's like, he'll bring it out in you. So I went on his Instagram because now we can do this right, and I thought it was gay because he had all pictures of his mom and his dog and his heart and he was very well dressed. So I'm like, oh, no, this guy is not going to like not from looking at him, but by what he was posting. From looking at him too. Yes, he was very like his hair was perfect, he was dressed beautifully, that kind of thing was put together together.
00:04:41
Speaker 4: Straight, care of yourself and just go out there.
00:04:44
Speaker 3: But he was just everything was just the way he was. And you know a lot of his mom and I have a I love a mommy's boy. That's that's the guy, I think, right, Yeah, So I'm like, oh, this is good. So I did tell him. I said, I'm so glad you're not gay. Really thought anyway. So we met. We were supposed to go on a date and both our phones broke at the same time, and we met at the Apple Store before our date.
00:05:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, wait, you didn't know you were both going to the Apple Store. No, okay, that's a good story.
00:05:18
Speaker 3: That's fate.
00:05:19
Speaker 2: Yes, that's amazing all right. So from the Apple Store it blossomed from there.
00:05:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, that day we spoke for three hours. We went to the store and next store we had something to drink.
00:05:30
Speaker 4: We spoke for got a chocolate chip cookie, so this is easy. Spoke for three hours. Yeah, Yeah, it was fun. I felt like we got a lot of stuff out of way real fast.
00:05:42
Speaker 3: So it was like it wasn't a formal date.
00:05:45
Speaker 4: Yeah, even driving away from that first time I met you, it was like we talked about all of that stuff, like were just getting the note, like I don't even know you, and then we were going out a day later on, so it felt like even more connected when we met to go on the official date, which was cool.
00:06:00
Speaker 2: It sounds like you did the hot take dating, which is the new trend now where people just put it all out first day.
00:06:06
Speaker 3: Do you want kids?
00:06:07
Speaker 2: What do you believe in God? You know, like like all of these who did you vote for?
00:06:11
Speaker 3: There's nothing wrong with that?
00:06:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds like you all went right. Who said I love you first.
00:06:20
Speaker 3: You know, I'm old school. I'm not going to do that. I have too much pride number one, and I am not going to do that.
00:06:27
Speaker 1: Sounds like you felt it, but you didn't say it, like you made.
00:06:29
Speaker 4: A choice, because I would have never said it. I didn't feel it. Okay, you knew.
00:06:36
Speaker 1: It was going to be reciprocated.
00:06:38
Speaker 3: Okay, all right?
00:06:39
Speaker 2: How long before you guys dated? How long until you got engaged and then eventually got married.
00:06:44
Speaker 3: We just got engaged in November twos, thank you, four years at the Apple store. Where we got engaged At the Apple Store, I thought I was getting an iPhone.
00:06:56
Speaker 2: You your ring is gorgeous, by the.
00:06:57
Speaker 3: Way, I waited a long time for it. He said, what kind of ring would you like? Because we really didn't talk about because again, too much pride. I'm not going to ask you to do the right thing, because if I do, it's already too late.
00:07:07
Speaker 4: Those a couple of things in the way, and divorce was one of them.
00:07:13
Speaker 3: Separated fourteen years and he never got to.
00:07:15
Speaker 1: Separated fourteen years.
00:07:16
Speaker 4: I had no reason to get divorced because things were they were fine. We just moved in different life. It was no urgency I didn't find that person where I was like, and then obviously the doors came around.
00:07:28
Speaker 3: But in all fairness, Paul, because I feel like he's married. He's married, and he is old in an old way of thinking, and he thought about his kids a lot. He never was public with his in with his relationships. So then when I came around, not only was I public, I'm not on TV.
00:07:45
Speaker 2: It hit hard, he did.
00:07:46
Speaker 3: It was almost like I was the first one coming around and they were like still together when they hadn't been together for many years.
00:07:54
Speaker 4: And you're a lot like as like a person. She probably, but you're also on TV.
00:07:59
Speaker 3: It's she was a fan.
00:08:01
Speaker 4: She was a fan, and it didn't help.
00:08:04
Speaker 2: Oh, it's complicated.
00:08:07
Speaker 3: Remember when I wasn't with the man for like a lot long time or even a little bit of time. When I'm not done. When I'm done, I'm done. I don't care. If you were dating Christy Brinkley, which I am not, it would be okay.
00:08:22
Speaker 2: So when is the wedding? Have you guys made wedding plans? Wow?
00:08:26
Speaker 3: When's the wedding? Pol So?
00:08:31
Speaker 4: I was hoping for November tenth, right, that was what I would hope for.
00:08:34
Speaker 3: That's when we got engaged, and that's that's when I moved.
00:08:37
Speaker 4: She moved into the house, so which she forgot, which I reminded her of that day when she got engaged. The date is important, Yeah, the significance of right, it's like dow chapter, new chapter in new chapter. So we were driving away after get engaged, and I'm like, okay, so now a little bit of time got to think this process. Literally two eggs is on the highway when we get married, like when's when? When are we doing this?
00:08:59
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I'm divorced seven years.
00:09:04
Speaker 4: Had a stroke when I was getting engaged.
00:09:05
Speaker 3: Her what I thought he was having a stroke. He was saying nice things to me. He was like, You've changed my life, and so I go, are you okay? And I touched his shirt soken wet. I almost was gonna call an ambulance because I thought he was having a stroke.
00:09:25
Speaker 1: Were you in the store around side of the store in the store.
00:09:27
Speaker 4: We settled up. There's a whole story to us.
00:09:30
Speaker 3: I had no idea I used you know, I used to work in a jail, and I grew up around cops and I've been around Everything's a conspiracy in my house growing up and so nobody gets anything by me. Like I could bug your car, I could bug your off No, man, I could break the code on your phone. I don't care if you went to Harvard, Well I can. But so I'm always ten steps ahead. I had no clue, not a clue. I I not this time, not with you. I took a break with you because I trust you. That's a big thing. I trust Paul very much. When I met Paul, he said, if I'm going to be in your life, because I've always been very guarded, and he said, if I'm going to be in your life, and I'm a man, you have to let me help you, and you have to let me be there for you. And that was a hard probably the hardest thing for me to do. And then like giving up and moving in with him, like I was used to just doing everything by myself because it was easier. And when you do that, you're not disappointed. When you don't depend on anybody, you will never be disappointed.
00:10:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's but so it's a beautiful thing. You have to take that leap of faith. And I did ask someone that's amazing, she touched sheep.
00:10:49
Speaker 1: I live by that that mindset. I will never be disappointed. I'll just do it on my own. I'll take care of it. That's not a healthy way.
00:10:56
Speaker 3: It's okay, I think, I think if you do it. It's not easy to do it first, but it comes in time. If you don't get disappointed, then you let it look down a little more, and then if it goes a little further, you let it down a little more.
00:11:07
Speaker 2: If what happens when you do get a little disappointed.
00:11:09
Speaker 4: Back up, Yeah, well it's not it's not bad to live like that as long as well you kind of let your guard down every now and again you can because that's a comfortable place for you to be.
00:11:18
Speaker 3: That's comfortable. That's comfortable for me, and I never want to give up that. I want to say, independence from something like this is never going to call if God forbids, something happened tomorrow, whether it be tomorrow's not promised to anyone for anything. I wanted to make sure I'm okay with that. Yeah.
00:11:36
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't spend time worrying about the stuff you can't control. Yeah, and definitely worry about what you can.
00:11:40
Speaker 3: I've been through enough to know that that's not going to kill.
00:11:43
Speaker 4: Me At this stage, yeah, or is anyway all right?
00:11:46
Speaker 2: I y'all's dynamic is amazing, by the way.
00:11:49
Speaker 3: I love it.
00:11:49
Speaker 2: I want to know, do you have a daily disagreement or a fight that you keep coming back?
00:11:53
Speaker 3: Yeah? Like where do you start?
00:11:55
Speaker 2: Like?
00:11:55
Speaker 1: Okay, like it's not a recurring thing. We think, what anything in particular that keeps coming up the youler?
00:12:01
Speaker 3: Yeah? What is our biggest thing? Is the temperature of the house. I'm going through menopause. I will kill I'm going to.
00:12:10
Speaker 2: Same I know the same thing.
00:12:13
Speaker 3: We don't even fight about it, like.
00:12:14
Speaker 2: I'll just see he puts the temperature at eighty and then I'm like, putting it down and then then goodbye. He puts it back off, back down.
00:12:23
Speaker 3: So well, thank god, your normal couple. You're nice. He took the firmist thermostat off the wall. He ripped it off the wall, and right, I just took it off.
00:12:34
Speaker 1: Let's hid it ripped to make it sound so yeah.
00:12:38
Speaker 3: You pulled it. I didn't care. I was like, I was like, and what are you going to do now? Because there's other thermostats, and there's I can open a window you can't close.
00:12:49
Speaker 4: The best is when Dolorus is leaving the house. It's twenty two degrees out. She turns on the air conditioning before she leaves. I have no clue what she does this. And actually I got a I got a letter from when I can see send me a letter to thank me for an amount of use that I've been having with the electricity.
00:13:07
Speaker 3: Over a thousand dollars.
00:13:08
Speaker 4: I'm on extra, we're paying. I'm like, this is fucking amazing.
00:13:15
Speaker 2: Anything beyond temperature, Like is there are there?
00:13:17
Speaker 3: The phone? He blames me for being on the phone. I blame him for being on the phone.
00:13:21
Speaker 4: I like her to be more present because she spends a lot of time talking. There's a lot of different housewives. They're always on the phone. Each are always talking all day long.
00:13:29
Speaker 3: So sometimes like talking.
00:13:31
Speaker 4: Sometimes I'm like, like it this morning, I said there, Hi'm like, and you can just sit down and just have some like one on one time here for a second, just connect again? Who will you?
00:13:40
Speaker 2: No?
00:13:41
Speaker 3: Because you want to know why he was on the phone. He was on his computer and he was on the phone.
00:13:51
Speaker 4: I was doing. I'm like, come on.
00:13:54
Speaker 3: About the hour before that, I wasn't.
00:13:57
Speaker 4: That's the sign what happened. That's that's as bad as.
00:13:59
Speaker 1: It Isn't that so bad temperature? Couples are fighting over worst?
00:14:03
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, on that same thing. Have you ever, in any of your fights, gotten to a place where you wanted, or thought about, or even threatened to call it quits?
00:14:21
Speaker 1: Oh of course I never.
00:14:23
Speaker 4: I've never done that.
00:14:24
Speaker 3: No, he's never done that, because.
00:14:26
Speaker 4: I say that it's done.
00:14:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't. So I've never said that. I don't throw that.
00:14:31
Speaker 4: Out six times like corpact dogs unders on the floor. I'm like, where are you going? By the way, that's Mike, how you're taking.
00:14:42
Speaker 5: No.
00:14:43
Speaker 3: But here's the thing. I I moved in with Paul I. I don't love the area we live in.
00:14:52
Speaker 4: Don't say that it's not a bad area. It's just not what you want.
00:14:55
Speaker 3: It's not what I want. And people would kill for it, like love it, like they pay a lot of money to live there. It's it's right by. I could walk to the GW from there, right. I want the suburbs. I want a cul de sac. I want trees. I don't want to look for somebody's roofs when I look out the window. And so we're looking for a compromise for both of us. And that's not an easy thing to find.
00:15:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Did you would you say you had a honeymoon period? And if so, how long did it last?
00:15:27
Speaker 4: It's still going on?
00:15:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think is now is our best time? Yeah, all the hardest parts we went through in the beginning.
00:15:33
Speaker 4: At rid of it, you know, dating somebody that's on TV, is on a reality show. It's like, it's hard to insert yourself that I'm from Ireland. We I did not know anything about this life from over here. I work all of a sudden, I'm in this very different life, right, So you've got to deal deal with a lot of moving parts. You know, there's relationships, all relationships, new relationships, and you're just going to get used to the whole thing. So I think there's a lot of stress learning about each other and trying to learn what her world exists. I used to be kind of like private guy, and then my whole world was like I'd come home and there's people at my house. I'm like, who are these people? What's going on?
00:16:10
Speaker 3: But for a single guy, it looks like James there I was singing, yeah, as you would love it. So now there's like I bring him my dogs and my glam squad and cameras and all of that.
00:16:27
Speaker 4: So all they like, stress part has gone out. That was all at the start, right, So we loaded it really heavy and all they're like, if it was ever going to break, it would have broke.
00:16:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good way.
00:16:37
Speaker 1: How long was that periods? How long was that that adjustment period to while a year two?
00:16:43
Speaker 4: Because then I got like caught off guard with this whole reality world of social media, I'd say, and people would.
00:16:50
Speaker 3: Say, there was very very second year.
00:16:53
Speaker 4: I'd be having dinner. Any windows in your head? Is this going on? Has that happened? So it's like and then you just have to say, guys are trying to make me feel bad about me wanting to feel good. So you learn to mature through it and then you just you block it out and now you enjoy anize because you're like, he.
00:17:11
Speaker 3: Had to realize that certain things, not everything.
00:17:16
Speaker 4: Whatever. No clue, You've got no clue what's going on.
00:17:19
Speaker 3: But he thought it was going to affect his life more than it did.
00:17:22
Speaker 4: It's been very good.
00:17:25
Speaker 2: Okay, that's that's awesome.
00:17:26
Speaker 3: In business, like he'll me he has very you know, big clients, and he'll think that they had no idea about this, and they're they're.
00:17:33
Speaker 4: Like yeahs, like so uh LRUs like my wife's a huge fan. I'm like, oh my god, doesn't.
00:17:49
Speaker 3: You know what I love?
00:17:50
Speaker 2: I love the authenticity. I mean, it's just awesome. You say what you think, you mean what you say, that's awesome. Who does the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry. How do you all work that out?
00:18:01
Speaker 3: I think we take turns on that, right. He doesn't like Italian food. He does not. I definitely want you.
00:18:07
Speaker 4: Took over the cleaning a lot.
00:18:09
Speaker 3: I love to tinker around my house. That's therapy. I like to fix things nice. I'm sorry to make his house a little bit more like mine. I didn't do that for the first three years because I didn't feel like mine.
00:18:22
Speaker 4: Your tea moving out.
00:18:25
Speaker 1: The ship was about the door most of that to go.
00:18:31
Speaker 3: Like I said, it was hard for me to know, but I know. But I have been cleaning a lot lately. Doesn't like the cooking. Pole does not like Italian food, and that's all I actually good cook It's very strapped. It's Irish. Yeah, it's like no spici mashed potatoes.
00:18:52
Speaker 4: It's you want scrambled eggs. I'm like, yeah, like there's like sauces and oiles.
00:18:56
Speaker 3: He doesn't like any kind of He likes it very dry, you know, clean clean, and that's fine, but I have to I can't do it.
00:19:08
Speaker 2: Do you have any rules about fighting? Like, we don't curse, We don't threaten to leave.
00:19:14
Speaker 4: We curse so bad Irish people? What was this terrible my house?
00:19:20
Speaker 1: Some couple was it? We don't threaten to leave.
00:19:23
Speaker 3: We don't call each other names.
00:19:24
Speaker 4: No, no, like I'll use to see you in excuseday word all the time.
00:19:28
Speaker 3: You call me that you've never falled me.
00:19:31
Speaker 4: I will put it in a conversation. But that's Irish people. We use that word like it's we do.
00:19:37
Speaker 2: What about do you go to bed angry?
00:19:39
Speaker 4: No?
00:19:39
Speaker 3: Because no, don't talk like that. That's say I don't talk like that.
00:19:45
Speaker 4: Okay, but I do.
00:19:51
Speaker 1: Face. I wish we couldn't like people.
00:19:54
Speaker 4: About her life, which I understand.
00:19:55
Speaker 3: I was a Catholic Italian girl. Do not talk boy, Okay.
00:20:01
Speaker 2: I get it. I was raised Catholic as well.
00:20:03
Speaker 4: One thing I will say that the Lowris taught me. That's a big lesson that I learned. Whatever would happen that day? What was the stupid argument or somewhere. She would always try to go to bed on a good note, but you would always wake up the next day on a better note. Regardless it's gone. It doesn't matter what it is, it's done well.
00:20:25
Speaker 1: That's a good tip.
00:20:25
Speaker 4: I like that.
00:20:26
Speaker 3: Start clean every day because it then you know, straighten it out. But if if it's if it lingers on, Like I kind of internalize things. To be honest with you, I handle it and then I address it because I have a hot temper and I want to make sure I say it right. I articulate it right, and I don't want to be like, you know, an animal, but she.
00:20:48
Speaker 4: Will come back to it. You just think you're driving somewhere you forgot all about and then.
00:20:57
Speaker 3: What I want to say, You're like, fucking.
00:21:01
Speaker 2: Here we go.
00:21:02
Speaker 1: What do you think about the idea of couples, because some made headlines very famous couples. They say they don't fight, don't have disagreements at all. What do you think about the idea?
00:21:10
Speaker 3: I'm so happy for them, that's amazing.
00:21:12
Speaker 4: I they do fight one day, that's going to be over that one time.
00:21:15
Speaker 1: Damn the same thing you said.
00:21:17
Speaker 4: I mean, like, it's not about fighting. It's like you have to have a disagreement, right you.
00:21:22
Speaker 3: Don't you know? You know somebody is somebody, but it's somebody holding things in.
00:21:27
Speaker 2: That's what it says.
00:21:29
Speaker 3: Is somebody not talking about how they really appealed.
00:21:31
Speaker 4: Huh, people that perfectly.
00:21:33
Speaker 3: I hope they are. I'm happy for them.
00:21:36
Speaker 1: You all don't endorse it. It sounds like you don't. It doesn't sound like a good I think.
00:21:40
Speaker 3: It's honestly piece. There's no price for peace. And if you live a peaceful life and you guys find nothing to argue about, God bless you. I am so happy for you.
00:21:48
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think the part about it is I try to express myself sometimes to the lowest and cousin from art and she just thinks it's really funny because it sounds like it's bakwards.
00:21:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, trying to staff work does it? It's the wrong and she's the wrong place I have to.
00:22:05
Speaker 4: She's like, back to school.
00:22:11
Speaker 2: Isn't humor sometimes the best weapon and all of that. Have you ever gone to couple's therapy?
00:22:16
Speaker 4: No, we've given it, but we haven't gone.
00:22:20
Speaker 5: And we do listen my phone ring to counsel on the phone.
00:22:32
Speaker 3: You counsel people.
00:22:34
Speaker 2: Yes, and.
00:22:36
Speaker 3: Guys call him for tips all the time. He listened to them. Guys called him all the time he listens. I don't have patience for number one hysterical women. I don't have patience for petty people drunk. Don't call me drunk ever, because I don't drink. And if they if they're not rational, if somebody's not rational, I don't have a lot of patience for them.
00:23:00
Speaker 4: And it's kind of they don't have to.
00:23:02
Speaker 3: Listen to me or agree with me. But if I see like this person that looks for the bad comments to get upset about, they're not going to find you. So I just got off the phone with you for two hours, and you got off the phone with me, and we're back at square one because you found one comment that you went and looked for. I don't want to see it because I don't read social media and I don't read comments, and I don't go looking for trouble. You do, so you read them.
00:23:25
Speaker 4: Oh, I mean I have phone with it now, ionize, because then I go further, I'm like, oh my god, look at this person.
00:23:32
Speaker 1: Oh really, So you all aren't against therapy necessary, it's just not something you all felt, you all wanted or needed.
00:23:40
Speaker 3: I'm not against it, not at all.
00:23:42
Speaker 1: You will tell emotionally healthy and stable, like you will have given each other about things and laughing at it, that most things might break a couple down. Like that's why I say, will you sit here? Most people don't agree to do these segments with us unless they're a solid couple, because you can't sit there necessarily fake questions we're asking And.
00:24:03
Speaker 3: Can really anybody fool you sitting afterward?
00:24:06
Speaker 5: You've been.
00:24:09
Speaker 3: No one's fooling you. I don't know about you, but she'll tell you if you think that. If you're believe in someone, he's got his guard and she could see right through.
00:24:22
Speaker 2: That's funny.
00:24:23
Speaker 1: We're in therapy.
00:24:26
Speaker 2: What else should we do? Do you? What's the role of friendship in your relationship?
00:24:31
Speaker 5: Like?
00:24:31
Speaker 2: Are you all each other's best friends? Do you have your other best friends and you just you have the romance? How important is being each other's friend? Does that play a role in your relationship? I think that's everything. He is to come to me with things and I have to go to him with things.
00:24:47
Speaker 4: I would say we're we're best friends as well, but we respect our relationship so much that we don't let it just become friends, right, so we we have that boundary set like because they're still in a relationship, right. So you know, it's a I've I've felt less needingful having, Like when you're a different age, you have more people around you. And he's always run my dad saying you get older, all these clones won't be around that. I'm like, yeah, that right, whatever, But he was right. So as you go up and you see there's less people in your circle, and then you kind of allow these people to come into your circle. When you've got you've got people you want to protect. You don't just have anybody come in, right, so it can be around put they're not in.
00:25:31
Speaker 1: Protect is a good word.
00:25:32
Speaker 2: I love that word. And you're protecting your relationship. Your relationship comes first, the costs you have to that's your peace, that's your safe space.
00:25:39
Speaker 3: You know. I like I like my space from a lot of things. I like my time alone. I went to Trader, you know, I was on Traders, and the best part about Traders was the time I spent in a room by myself for over a month with no phone and only three stations on the TV, like, Wow, that was the prob such so peaceful. I got to call once a week for thirty minutes supervised phone call, and yeah, yeah, I had their condition off.
00:26:10
Speaker 4: A dog was walking around in a bikinis, but sometimes.
00:26:17
Speaker 3: Him and Mike chihuahua love it. I have rescue dogs. So they've taken over the house, the one I know. They're best friends. It was rough after us, you know, like I said, Paul has this house that he loves so much. In the floors just because now we wee pine and that's too bad. But Paul loves the dog. The dogs do anything.
00:26:35
Speaker 1: Him and the dog are best friends we have. You know, I always say.
00:26:39
Speaker 3: Be careful with couples and friends that lead into your relationship. I've always protected our relationship from those things, and I've warned him about that, and sometimes he'd be like, why are we doing this with this and this one? I said, I love them, Paul, but I need them where they.
00:26:54
Speaker 4: Are very true.
00:26:57
Speaker 1: Now that's interesting. It sounds like, yeah, if you allowed friendships might have come in between or affected your relationship, but you all have. You've kept the friendships but kept them out of your relationship. Is that am I hearing?
00:27:09
Speaker 3: That right.
00:27:10
Speaker 4: Yes, Okay, if I was to say what I was told throughout my relationship with Dolors from people that are supposed to be friends, they would have a lotless teeth damn wow from me.
00:27:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's jealousy.
00:27:25
Speaker 4: It's just jealousy and it's toxic, and it's just happiness. They're not happy.
00:27:30
Speaker 3: So I felt like they I would know when I walked in the house just by his attitude sometimes or the way his energy was. Who he spoke to.
00:27:40
Speaker 2: Wow.
00:27:42
Speaker 3: I never confronted those people. I let him get through it and see it for himself. I kind of let him banch or say things, but I never.
00:27:50
Speaker 4: You always asked the question, right, So, so many plants, a seed in your head doesn't come out the first day about three four days later. That's what people are great at. They're great a planting these little seeds. So as a person, I like to put it out. I don't keep it in, and I keep it in, then the relationships fucked, so I will bring it up.
00:28:06
Speaker 3: So that was our biggest challenge in the beginning.
00:28:10
Speaker 4: But that was instigation of trying to break what she had and what I had.
00:28:14
Speaker 3: So I had to understand that he had to go through that and not get mad at him for that.
00:28:18
Speaker 4: It's so good. Now when I sit talk to these people.
00:28:20
Speaker 2: We see them, We're like, I know you, I got your card.
00:28:25
Speaker 3: So I think a lot of people let a lot of couples when they first get together. Let older couples because now they've had these people in their lives for so long and they were such a big part of their lives before this relationship came that now they feel mad about this relationship and they're like, well I'm out now. They just it's human nature. They try to hurt.
00:28:46
Speaker 4: It instead of them saying, let's work with them because that's a good that's that's good energy. Let's be around.
00:28:52
Speaker 3: Them all me your friends, on the on the road you've been on and the road.
00:28:57
Speaker 1: And I asked, then, how could you all remember a time? I know you joked about our putting stuff at the front door and it's threatening to leave six thousand times, But can you all point to a moment. I don't know if it was a particular fight, I mean, particular time or segment of your relationship that you actually got close to ending.
00:29:12
Speaker 3: It never's and every time that incident happened, it was over him somebody.
00:29:22
Speaker 4: There was something outside, wasn't It was always brought in.
00:29:26
Speaker 3: And that's why I didn't take the next step out because I knew that that would eventually heat sea froms.
00:29:30
Speaker 4: And that's why I never said no. Because even though you were.
00:29:34
Speaker 3: You feel bad about those times a little bit, like do you look back and.
00:29:37
Speaker 4: Be like people were telling me?
00:29:41
Speaker 3: What could they say about me? Anyway? Like what they absolutely.
00:29:46
Speaker 4: Shot themselves in the floor, because there's still the same people to me, but just to have a different read on.
00:29:52
Speaker 1: Them, damn to say that. How many couples have that we're talking about people, but how many couples would be just fine if some outside force didn't they didn't allow him. I mean, it takes a while to get there.
00:30:06
Speaker 3: It takes the other person to understand what's going on.
00:30:08
Speaker 4: I protecting all.
00:30:11
Speaker 1: Right, last few things here. We asked all couples this, give other couples some advice if you were able to talk to all of them. People see successful couples, they want to be like you, what do you see other couples doing wrong?
00:30:24
Speaker 4: Right?
00:30:25
Speaker 1: Not that you call them out on, but just generally as you out there, what mistake do you see people in these times these days, making mistakes about when it comes to relationships.
00:30:35
Speaker 4: Simple the image they're trying to portray that they have that they don't. That's it what they supposedly say. They look like, it's not what they do. Meaning these happy photographs, all these images, they're most not really And.
00:30:51
Speaker 1: We spend a lot of time trying to keep up with that and catch up and yeah.
00:30:54
Speaker 4: We listen. We nobody wants supposed to picture you angry, sat like that's true, ruful ball. If it's all staged, then what's really real? Right?
00:31:05
Speaker 3: My big yes, and you're right, But my biggest thing is that I would say with a couple is to let things go. Do not drag out fights. You don't always have to have the last word. Not every fight is that important. Pick and choose your battles and just most things are not something you're fighting about today, you will never care about a year from now.
00:31:25
Speaker 1: Is it worth?
00:31:25
Speaker 3: It's so agree with you saying those horrible things. Holding grudges in a relationship. You can't hold grudges in a relationship. You have to let things go.
00:31:33
Speaker 4: I would say do Your thing is if you're in the wrong place, get out.
00:31:38
Speaker 3: Like what with in a relationship with the wrong person.
00:31:40
Speaker 4: Yes, when you know where you are if it's wrong or right, you because you end up going I should have left this time.
00:31:47
Speaker 3: Time waits for no one. We could waste that. Life is too short to be with the wrong person. It's hard, but that's hard.
00:31:55
Speaker 4: That's guys. Did this? You did this? And I'm like, well, what are you doing there?
00:32:00
Speaker 3: But did she really do it? Or was it? Because maybe they like somebody else.
00:32:02
Speaker 4: Well, so if they're still there, maybe she didn't or maybe they don't know.
00:32:06
Speaker 3: Right.
00:32:07
Speaker 2: Final question? A lot of folks, did you have one final question? I know this is kind of broad, but this is everyone wants to know. What would you say? The key to your relationship success is why do you all work? How have you made it work?
00:32:27
Speaker 3: Compromise?
00:32:29
Speaker 4: That's it. I would agree with that.
00:32:34
Speaker 1: I love it.
00:32:36
Speaker 4: I cut the line on Italian food.
00:32:40
Speaker 3: I took on my own. I go to my mother's first spaghetti. I don't mean.
00:32:47
Speaker 2: I do think like it's been fun to Laurence, but seeing couples who can give each other ship is the biggest sign of a healthy relationship because that means you trust each other, you have confidence, you can take a jab. We we jabbed each other all the time as friends. We were constantly at each other's like just in a silly fun way.
00:33:06
Speaker 3: Okay, it kind of like it's that, you know, if you don't do that, if you can't make a joke out of it, or if you can't like let the vent a little, it just fills up and then you don't really like that person. You really don't like. If you can't job at each other, then you really don't you know.
00:33:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, we feel the same about y'all.
00:33:27
Speaker 3: Just so comfortable to sit and be able to talk to you. And I'm so happy to see.
00:33:32
Speaker 2: You all happy.
00:33:34
Speaker 3: You've been. I know you've been through it. I watched it. I felt for you guys when you went through and I love to see you smile and happy.
00:33:41
Speaker 1: Now here we are looking at you all smiling and happy, and we've been through it too. You know you'll have so thank you all for being here. We thank you. This is the most f bombs we've ever had.
00:33:52
Speaker 4: So good to have.
00:33:54
Speaker 1: You're gonna get the trophy on the way folks will talk.
00:34:00
Speaker 4: Thank
Speaker 1: This is Amy and TJ Love Stories.
00:00:14
Speaker 2: Hey there, everybody, and welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ, where we are bringing our love stories to you all as we count down to Valentine's Day and today we are very excited to have Dolores Catanya and Paul Paully Connell with us. I think most of you know who. Dolores is a longtime fan favorite on the Real Housewives of New Jersey and Paul is originally from Dublin, Ireland. They met in twenty twenty one after a chance encounter at an Apple store. Here is their love story.
00:00:46
Speaker 1: All right, Dolores and Paul join us now in person. We used to have We usually have to do these interviews with people on zoom. It's good to be sitting in a room with you all. We can see them. They can't fake it now, robes. If they don't like each other.
00:00:58
Speaker 2: We see the relationship. Yes, we see the interaction.
00:01:01
Speaker 3: It is help.
00:01:03
Speaker 1: But thank you all for being here again. You know the game. We are asking all the couples of the same questions. The first one. We're gonna set this up this way. It's usually the one that trips everybody up the.
00:01:12
Speaker 3: Most, right I'm really here.
00:01:14
Speaker 1: Here is the first question. Five words or less describe your relationship today. Five words or less describe your relationship today.
00:01:24
Speaker 3: From me and him, or we could say together individually individually, I am happy, I'm content, I am grateful, and what else? Mm, that's big words for me, So I'm gonna I'm going to say I'm good with three. Yeah, how's that good?
00:01:50
Speaker 1: Good?
00:01:50
Speaker 4: So I would say all them three words for sure. Content is a big word, so content me.
00:01:57
Speaker 3: I'm attracted to him, like described in the relationship. I think he's good, like a guy, sorry, very masculine, super I like that.
00:02:13
Speaker 1: I do like them pretty boys.
00:02:15
Speaker 4: Is complete. I feel complete. That's a that's a big deal.
00:02:18
Speaker 1: This is so interesting. I think you've noticed the are couples, and that's not insult, but the older couples, some of the words come out, growth and content. That's kind of been a theme. I was surprised to hear those specific words like safe.
00:02:32
Speaker 2: A lot of the words that when you're young you don't think matter. Peace, safety, like just having a companion, someone you can trust. Those are that's what you want. Ultimately, when all of the hot sex of romance, not that it goes away. But when that part that crazy and love fades, those are the values that keep people together. And that's what we've seen.
00:02:53
Speaker 3: That is and you know, I see so many couples now, right because that's what you need the most in your later years, because that's when things hit hard. Sometimes it's financial struggle can happen at that time, retirement and then there's just you. But there's also health issues, which I see my parents aren't together, and my mom has health issues and my dad has health issues. And as children looking at them, were like, we're jumping in to take care of them, which is an honor to be able to do. But we say, this was the time they were supposed to be there for each other. Wow.
00:03:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh that is something to think about in terms of the two of you coming together because you all had previous marriages. Yes, how did you all first meet? And when I asked that, I'm leading up to asking you the question who said I love you first? How quickly did that come? So we met through a friend?
00:03:48
Speaker 3: Okay, and I you know now you have Instagram, right, So this friend of ours was a friend of his and I knew her. She's a decorator. He's in like construction. He's an electoral contractors. So they knew each other from this world. And she said to me, you know, I have a friend. He's really cool. You should date. Andm like, go, well, I'm not cool. So she's like, he'll bring it out in you. So I went on his Instagram because now we can do this right, and I thought it was gay because he had all pictures of his mom and his dog and his heart and he was very well dressed. So I'm like, oh, no, this guy is not going to like not from looking at him, but by what he was posting. From looking at him too. Yes, he was very like his hair was perfect, he was dressed beautifully, that kind of thing was put together together.
00:04:41
Speaker 4: Straight, care of yourself and just go out there.
00:04:44
Speaker 3: But he was just everything was just the way he was. And you know a lot of his mom and I have a I love a mommy's boy. That's that's the guy, I think, right, Yeah, So I'm like, oh, this is good. So I did tell him. I said, I'm so glad you're not gay. Really thought anyway. So we met. We were supposed to go on a date and both our phones broke at the same time, and we met at the Apple Store before our date.
00:05:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, wait, you didn't know you were both going to the Apple Store. No, okay, that's a good story.
00:05:18
Speaker 3: That's fate.
00:05:19
Speaker 2: Yes, that's amazing all right. So from the Apple Store it blossomed from there.
00:05:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, that day we spoke for three hours. We went to the store and next store we had something to drink.
00:05:30
Speaker 4: We spoke for got a chocolate chip cookie, so this is easy. Spoke for three hours. Yeah, Yeah, it was fun. I felt like we got a lot of stuff out of way real fast.
00:05:42
Speaker 3: So it was like it wasn't a formal date.
00:05:45
Speaker 4: Yeah, even driving away from that first time I met you, it was like we talked about all of that stuff, like were just getting the note, like I don't even know you, and then we were going out a day later on, so it felt like even more connected when we met to go on the official date, which was cool.
00:06:00
Speaker 2: It sounds like you did the hot take dating, which is the new trend now where people just put it all out first day.
00:06:06
Speaker 3: Do you want kids?
00:06:07
Speaker 2: What do you believe in God? You know, like like all of these who did you vote for?
00:06:11
Speaker 3: There's nothing wrong with that?
00:06:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds like you all went right. Who said I love you first.
00:06:20
Speaker 3: You know, I'm old school. I'm not going to do that. I have too much pride number one, and I am not going to do that.
00:06:27
Speaker 1: Sounds like you felt it, but you didn't say it, like you made.
00:06:29
Speaker 4: A choice, because I would have never said it. I didn't feel it. Okay, you knew.
00:06:36
Speaker 1: It was going to be reciprocated.
00:06:38
Speaker 3: Okay, all right?
00:06:39
Speaker 2: How long before you guys dated? How long until you got engaged and then eventually got married.
00:06:44
Speaker 3: We just got engaged in November twos, thank you, four years at the Apple store. Where we got engaged At the Apple Store, I thought I was getting an iPhone.
00:06:56
Speaker 2: You your ring is gorgeous, by the.
00:06:57
Speaker 3: Way, I waited a long time for it. He said, what kind of ring would you like? Because we really didn't talk about because again, too much pride. I'm not going to ask you to do the right thing, because if I do, it's already too late.
00:07:07
Speaker 4: Those a couple of things in the way, and divorce was one of them.
00:07:13
Speaker 3: Separated fourteen years and he never got to.
00:07:15
Speaker 1: Separated fourteen years.
00:07:16
Speaker 4: I had no reason to get divorced because things were they were fine. We just moved in different life. It was no urgency I didn't find that person where I was like, and then obviously the doors came around.
00:07:28
Speaker 3: But in all fairness, Paul, because I feel like he's married. He's married, and he is old in an old way of thinking, and he thought about his kids a lot. He never was public with his in with his relationships. So then when I came around, not only was I public, I'm not on TV.
00:07:45
Speaker 2: It hit hard, he did.
00:07:46
Speaker 3: It was almost like I was the first one coming around and they were like still together when they hadn't been together for many years.
00:07:54
Speaker 4: And you're a lot like as like a person. She probably, but you're also on TV.
00:07:59
Speaker 3: It's she was a fan.
00:08:01
Speaker 4: She was a fan, and it didn't help.
00:08:04
Speaker 2: Oh, it's complicated.
00:08:07
Speaker 3: Remember when I wasn't with the man for like a lot long time or even a little bit of time. When I'm not done. When I'm done, I'm done. I don't care. If you were dating Christy Brinkley, which I am not, it would be okay.
00:08:22
Speaker 2: So when is the wedding? Have you guys made wedding plans? Wow?
00:08:26
Speaker 3: When's the wedding? Pol So?
00:08:31
Speaker 4: I was hoping for November tenth, right, that was what I would hope for.
00:08:34
Speaker 3: That's when we got engaged, and that's that's when I moved.
00:08:37
Speaker 4: She moved into the house, so which she forgot, which I reminded her of that day when she got engaged. The date is important, Yeah, the significance of right, it's like dow chapter, new chapter in new chapter. So we were driving away after get engaged, and I'm like, okay, so now a little bit of time got to think this process. Literally two eggs is on the highway when we get married, like when's when? When are we doing this?
00:08:59
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I'm divorced seven years.
00:09:04
Speaker 4: Had a stroke when I was getting engaged.
00:09:05
Speaker 3: Her what I thought he was having a stroke. He was saying nice things to me. He was like, You've changed my life, and so I go, are you okay? And I touched his shirt soken wet. I almost was gonna call an ambulance because I thought he was having a stroke.
00:09:25
Speaker 1: Were you in the store around side of the store in the store.
00:09:27
Speaker 4: We settled up. There's a whole story to us.
00:09:30
Speaker 3: I had no idea I used you know, I used to work in a jail, and I grew up around cops and I've been around Everything's a conspiracy in my house growing up and so nobody gets anything by me. Like I could bug your car, I could bug your off No, man, I could break the code on your phone. I don't care if you went to Harvard, Well I can. But so I'm always ten steps ahead. I had no clue, not a clue. I I not this time, not with you. I took a break with you because I trust you. That's a big thing. I trust Paul very much. When I met Paul, he said, if I'm going to be in your life, because I've always been very guarded, and he said, if I'm going to be in your life, and I'm a man, you have to let me help you, and you have to let me be there for you. And that was a hard probably the hardest thing for me to do. And then like giving up and moving in with him, like I was used to just doing everything by myself because it was easier. And when you do that, you're not disappointed. When you don't depend on anybody, you will never be disappointed.
00:10:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's but so it's a beautiful thing. You have to take that leap of faith. And I did ask someone that's amazing, she touched sheep.
00:10:49
Speaker 1: I live by that that mindset. I will never be disappointed. I'll just do it on my own. I'll take care of it. That's not a healthy way.
00:10:56
Speaker 3: It's okay, I think, I think if you do it. It's not easy to do it first, but it comes in time. If you don't get disappointed, then you let it look down a little more, and then if it goes a little further, you let it down a little more.
00:11:07
Speaker 2: If what happens when you do get a little disappointed.
00:11:09
Speaker 4: Back up, Yeah, well it's not it's not bad to live like that as long as well you kind of let your guard down every now and again you can because that's a comfortable place for you to be.
00:11:18
Speaker 3: That's comfortable. That's comfortable for me, and I never want to give up that. I want to say, independence from something like this is never going to call if God forbids, something happened tomorrow, whether it be tomorrow's not promised to anyone for anything. I wanted to make sure I'm okay with that. Yeah.
00:11:36
Speaker 4: Yeah, don't spend time worrying about the stuff you can't control. Yeah, and definitely worry about what you can.
00:11:40
Speaker 3: I've been through enough to know that that's not going to kill.
00:11:43
Speaker 4: Me At this stage, yeah, or is anyway all right?
00:11:46
Speaker 2: I y'all's dynamic is amazing, by the way.
00:11:49
Speaker 3: I love it.
00:11:49
Speaker 2: I want to know, do you have a daily disagreement or a fight that you keep coming back?
00:11:53
Speaker 3: Yeah? Like where do you start?
00:11:55
Speaker 2: Like?
00:11:55
Speaker 1: Okay, like it's not a recurring thing. We think, what anything in particular that keeps coming up the youler?
00:12:01
Speaker 3: Yeah? What is our biggest thing? Is the temperature of the house. I'm going through menopause. I will kill I'm going to.
00:12:10
Speaker 2: Same I know the same thing.
00:12:13
Speaker 3: We don't even fight about it, like.
00:12:14
Speaker 2: I'll just see he puts the temperature at eighty and then I'm like, putting it down and then then goodbye. He puts it back off, back down.
00:12:23
Speaker 3: So well, thank god, your normal couple. You're nice. He took the firmist thermostat off the wall. He ripped it off the wall, and right, I just took it off.
00:12:34
Speaker 1: Let's hid it ripped to make it sound so yeah.
00:12:38
Speaker 3: You pulled it. I didn't care. I was like, I was like, and what are you going to do now? Because there's other thermostats, and there's I can open a window you can't close.
00:12:49
Speaker 4: The best is when Dolorus is leaving the house. It's twenty two degrees out. She turns on the air conditioning before she leaves. I have no clue what she does this. And actually I got a I got a letter from when I can see send me a letter to thank me for an amount of use that I've been having with the electricity.
00:13:07
Speaker 3: Over a thousand dollars.
00:13:08
Speaker 4: I'm on extra, we're paying. I'm like, this is fucking amazing.
00:13:15
Speaker 2: Anything beyond temperature, Like is there are there?
00:13:17
Speaker 3: The phone? He blames me for being on the phone. I blame him for being on the phone.
00:13:21
Speaker 4: I like her to be more present because she spends a lot of time talking. There's a lot of different housewives. They're always on the phone. Each are always talking all day long.
00:13:29
Speaker 3: So sometimes like talking.
00:13:31
Speaker 4: Sometimes I'm like, like it this morning, I said there, Hi'm like, and you can just sit down and just have some like one on one time here for a second, just connect again? Who will you?
00:13:40
Speaker 2: No?
00:13:41
Speaker 3: Because you want to know why he was on the phone. He was on his computer and he was on the phone.
00:13:51
Speaker 4: I was doing. I'm like, come on.
00:13:54
Speaker 3: About the hour before that, I wasn't.
00:13:57
Speaker 4: That's the sign what happened. That's that's as bad as.
00:13:59
Speaker 1: It Isn't that so bad temperature? Couples are fighting over worst?
00:14:03
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, on that same thing. Have you ever, in any of your fights, gotten to a place where you wanted, or thought about, or even threatened to call it quits?
00:14:21
Speaker 1: Oh of course I never.
00:14:23
Speaker 4: I've never done that.
00:14:24
Speaker 3: No, he's never done that, because.
00:14:26
Speaker 4: I say that it's done.
00:14:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't. So I've never said that. I don't throw that.
00:14:31
Speaker 4: Out six times like corpact dogs unders on the floor. I'm like, where are you going? By the way, that's Mike, how you're taking.
00:14:42
Speaker 5: No.
00:14:43
Speaker 3: But here's the thing. I I moved in with Paul I. I don't love the area we live in.
00:14:52
Speaker 4: Don't say that it's not a bad area. It's just not what you want.
00:14:55
Speaker 3: It's not what I want. And people would kill for it, like love it, like they pay a lot of money to live there. It's it's right by. I could walk to the GW from there, right. I want the suburbs. I want a cul de sac. I want trees. I don't want to look for somebody's roofs when I look out the window. And so we're looking for a compromise for both of us. And that's not an easy thing to find.
00:15:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Did you would you say you had a honeymoon period? And if so, how long did it last?
00:15:27
Speaker 4: It's still going on?
00:15:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think is now is our best time? Yeah, all the hardest parts we went through in the beginning.
00:15:33
Speaker 4: At rid of it, you know, dating somebody that's on TV, is on a reality show. It's like, it's hard to insert yourself that I'm from Ireland. We I did not know anything about this life from over here. I work all of a sudden, I'm in this very different life, right, So you've got to deal deal with a lot of moving parts. You know, there's relationships, all relationships, new relationships, and you're just going to get used to the whole thing. So I think there's a lot of stress learning about each other and trying to learn what her world exists. I used to be kind of like private guy, and then my whole world was like I'd come home and there's people at my house. I'm like, who are these people? What's going on?
00:16:10
Speaker 3: But for a single guy, it looks like James there I was singing, yeah, as you would love it. So now there's like I bring him my dogs and my glam squad and cameras and all of that.
00:16:27
Speaker 4: So all they like, stress part has gone out. That was all at the start, right, So we loaded it really heavy and all they're like, if it was ever going to break, it would have broke.
00:16:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good way.
00:16:37
Speaker 1: How long was that periods? How long was that that adjustment period to while a year two?
00:16:43
Speaker 4: Because then I got like caught off guard with this whole reality world of social media, I'd say, and people would.
00:16:50
Speaker 3: Say, there was very very second year.
00:16:53
Speaker 4: I'd be having dinner. Any windows in your head? Is this going on? Has that happened? So it's like and then you just have to say, guys are trying to make me feel bad about me wanting to feel good. So you learn to mature through it and then you just you block it out and now you enjoy anize because you're like, he.
00:17:11
Speaker 3: Had to realize that certain things, not everything.
00:17:16
Speaker 4: Whatever. No clue, You've got no clue what's going on.
00:17:19
Speaker 3: But he thought it was going to affect his life more than it did.
00:17:22
Speaker 4: It's been very good.
00:17:25
Speaker 2: Okay, that's that's awesome.
00:17:26
Speaker 3: In business, like he'll me he has very you know, big clients, and he'll think that they had no idea about this, and they're they're.
00:17:33
Speaker 4: Like yeahs, like so uh LRUs like my wife's a huge fan. I'm like, oh my god, doesn't.
00:17:49
Speaker 3: You know what I love?
00:17:50
Speaker 2: I love the authenticity. I mean, it's just awesome. You say what you think, you mean what you say, that's awesome. Who does the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry. How do you all work that out?
00:18:01
Speaker 3: I think we take turns on that, right. He doesn't like Italian food. He does not. I definitely want you.
00:18:07
Speaker 4: Took over the cleaning a lot.
00:18:09
Speaker 3: I love to tinker around my house. That's therapy. I like to fix things nice. I'm sorry to make his house a little bit more like mine. I didn't do that for the first three years because I didn't feel like mine.
00:18:22
Speaker 4: Your tea moving out.
00:18:25
Speaker 1: The ship was about the door most of that to go.
00:18:31
Speaker 3: Like I said, it was hard for me to know, but I know. But I have been cleaning a lot lately. Doesn't like the cooking. Pole does not like Italian food, and that's all I actually good cook It's very strapped. It's Irish. Yeah, it's like no spici mashed potatoes.
00:18:52
Speaker 4: It's you want scrambled eggs. I'm like, yeah, like there's like sauces and oiles.
00:18:56
Speaker 3: He doesn't like any kind of He likes it very dry, you know, clean clean, and that's fine, but I have to I can't do it.
00:19:08
Speaker 2: Do you have any rules about fighting? Like, we don't curse, We don't threaten to leave.
00:19:14
Speaker 4: We curse so bad Irish people? What was this terrible my house?
00:19:20
Speaker 1: Some couple was it? We don't threaten to leave.
00:19:23
Speaker 3: We don't call each other names.
00:19:24
Speaker 4: No, no, like I'll use to see you in excuseday word all the time.
00:19:28
Speaker 3: You call me that you've never falled me.
00:19:31
Speaker 4: I will put it in a conversation. But that's Irish people. We use that word like it's we do.
00:19:37
Speaker 2: What about do you go to bed angry?
00:19:39
Speaker 4: No?
00:19:39
Speaker 3: Because no, don't talk like that. That's say I don't talk like that.
00:19:45
Speaker 4: Okay, but I do.
00:19:51
Speaker 1: Face. I wish we couldn't like people.
00:19:54
Speaker 4: About her life, which I understand.
00:19:55
Speaker 3: I was a Catholic Italian girl. Do not talk boy, Okay.
00:20:01
Speaker 2: I get it. I was raised Catholic as well.
00:20:03
Speaker 4: One thing I will say that the Lowris taught me. That's a big lesson that I learned. Whatever would happen that day? What was the stupid argument or somewhere. She would always try to go to bed on a good note, but you would always wake up the next day on a better note. Regardless it's gone. It doesn't matter what it is, it's done well.
00:20:25
Speaker 1: That's a good tip.
00:20:25
Speaker 4: I like that.
00:20:26
Speaker 3: Start clean every day because it then you know, straighten it out. But if if it's if it lingers on, Like I kind of internalize things. To be honest with you, I handle it and then I address it because I have a hot temper and I want to make sure I say it right. I articulate it right, and I don't want to be like, you know, an animal, but she.
00:20:48
Speaker 4: Will come back to it. You just think you're driving somewhere you forgot all about and then.
00:20:57
Speaker 3: What I want to say, You're like, fucking.
00:21:01
Speaker 2: Here we go.
00:21:02
Speaker 1: What do you think about the idea of couples, because some made headlines very famous couples. They say they don't fight, don't have disagreements at all. What do you think about the idea?
00:21:10
Speaker 3: I'm so happy for them, that's amazing.
00:21:12
Speaker 4: I they do fight one day, that's going to be over that one time.
00:21:15
Speaker 1: Damn the same thing you said.
00:21:17
Speaker 4: I mean, like, it's not about fighting. It's like you have to have a disagreement, right you.
00:21:22
Speaker 3: Don't you know? You know somebody is somebody, but it's somebody holding things in.
00:21:27
Speaker 2: That's what it says.
00:21:29
Speaker 3: Is somebody not talking about how they really appealed.
00:21:31
Speaker 4: Huh, people that perfectly.
00:21:33
Speaker 3: I hope they are. I'm happy for them.
00:21:36
Speaker 1: You all don't endorse it. It sounds like you don't. It doesn't sound like a good I think.
00:21:40
Speaker 3: It's honestly piece. There's no price for peace. And if you live a peaceful life and you guys find nothing to argue about, God bless you. I am so happy for you.
00:21:48
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think the part about it is I try to express myself sometimes to the lowest and cousin from art and she just thinks it's really funny because it sounds like it's bakwards.
00:21:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, trying to staff work does it? It's the wrong and she's the wrong place I have to.
00:22:05
Speaker 4: She's like, back to school.
00:22:11
Speaker 2: Isn't humor sometimes the best weapon and all of that. Have you ever gone to couple's therapy?
00:22:16
Speaker 4: No, we've given it, but we haven't gone.
00:22:20
Speaker 5: And we do listen my phone ring to counsel on the phone.
00:22:32
Speaker 3: You counsel people.
00:22:34
Speaker 2: Yes, and.
00:22:36
Speaker 3: Guys call him for tips all the time. He listened to them. Guys called him all the time he listens. I don't have patience for number one hysterical women. I don't have patience for petty people drunk. Don't call me drunk ever, because I don't drink. And if they if they're not rational, if somebody's not rational, I don't have a lot of patience for them.
00:23:00
Speaker 4: And it's kind of they don't have to.
00:23:02
Speaker 3: Listen to me or agree with me. But if I see like this person that looks for the bad comments to get upset about, they're not going to find you. So I just got off the phone with you for two hours, and you got off the phone with me, and we're back at square one because you found one comment that you went and looked for. I don't want to see it because I don't read social media and I don't read comments, and I don't go looking for trouble. You do, so you read them.
00:23:25
Speaker 4: Oh, I mean I have phone with it now, ionize, because then I go further, I'm like, oh my god, look at this person.
00:23:32
Speaker 1: Oh really, So you all aren't against therapy necessary, it's just not something you all felt, you all wanted or needed.
00:23:40
Speaker 3: I'm not against it, not at all.
00:23:42
Speaker 1: You will tell emotionally healthy and stable, like you will have given each other about things and laughing at it, that most things might break a couple down. Like that's why I say, will you sit here? Most people don't agree to do these segments with us unless they're a solid couple, because you can't sit there necessarily fake questions we're asking And.
00:24:03
Speaker 3: Can really anybody fool you sitting afterward?
00:24:06
Speaker 5: You've been.
00:24:09
Speaker 3: No one's fooling you. I don't know about you, but she'll tell you if you think that. If you're believe in someone, he's got his guard and she could see right through.
00:24:22
Speaker 2: That's funny.
00:24:23
Speaker 1: We're in therapy.
00:24:26
Speaker 2: What else should we do? Do you? What's the role of friendship in your relationship?
00:24:31
Speaker 5: Like?
00:24:31
Speaker 2: Are you all each other's best friends? Do you have your other best friends and you just you have the romance? How important is being each other's friend? Does that play a role in your relationship? I think that's everything. He is to come to me with things and I have to go to him with things.
00:24:47
Speaker 4: I would say we're we're best friends as well, but we respect our relationship so much that we don't let it just become friends, right, so we we have that boundary set like because they're still in a relationship, right. So you know, it's a I've I've felt less needingful having, Like when you're a different age, you have more people around you. And he's always run my dad saying you get older, all these clones won't be around that. I'm like, yeah, that right, whatever, But he was right. So as you go up and you see there's less people in your circle, and then you kind of allow these people to come into your circle. When you've got you've got people you want to protect. You don't just have anybody come in, right, so it can be around put they're not in.
00:25:31
Speaker 1: Protect is a good word.
00:25:32
Speaker 2: I love that word. And you're protecting your relationship. Your relationship comes first, the costs you have to that's your peace, that's your safe space.
00:25:39
Speaker 3: You know. I like I like my space from a lot of things. I like my time alone. I went to Trader, you know, I was on Traders, and the best part about Traders was the time I spent in a room by myself for over a month with no phone and only three stations on the TV, like, Wow, that was the prob such so peaceful. I got to call once a week for thirty minutes supervised phone call, and yeah, yeah, I had their condition off.
00:26:10
Speaker 4: A dog was walking around in a bikinis, but sometimes.
00:26:17
Speaker 3: Him and Mike chihuahua love it. I have rescue dogs. So they've taken over the house, the one I know. They're best friends. It was rough after us, you know, like I said, Paul has this house that he loves so much. In the floors just because now we wee pine and that's too bad. But Paul loves the dog. The dogs do anything.
00:26:35
Speaker 1: Him and the dog are best friends we have. You know, I always say.
00:26:39
Speaker 3: Be careful with couples and friends that lead into your relationship. I've always protected our relationship from those things, and I've warned him about that, and sometimes he'd be like, why are we doing this with this and this one? I said, I love them, Paul, but I need them where they.
00:26:54
Speaker 4: Are very true.
00:26:57
Speaker 1: Now that's interesting. It sounds like, yeah, if you allowed friendships might have come in between or affected your relationship, but you all have. You've kept the friendships but kept them out of your relationship. Is that am I hearing?
00:27:09
Speaker 3: That right.
00:27:10
Speaker 4: Yes, Okay, if I was to say what I was told throughout my relationship with Dolors from people that are supposed to be friends, they would have a lotless teeth damn wow from me.
00:27:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's jealousy.
00:27:25
Speaker 4: It's just jealousy and it's toxic, and it's just happiness. They're not happy.
00:27:30
Speaker 3: So I felt like they I would know when I walked in the house just by his attitude sometimes or the way his energy was. Who he spoke to.
00:27:40
Speaker 2: Wow.
00:27:42
Speaker 3: I never confronted those people. I let him get through it and see it for himself. I kind of let him banch or say things, but I never.
00:27:50
Speaker 4: You always asked the question, right, So, so many plants, a seed in your head doesn't come out the first day about three four days later. That's what people are great at. They're great a planting these little seeds. So as a person, I like to put it out. I don't keep it in, and I keep it in, then the relationships fucked, so I will bring it up.
00:28:06
Speaker 3: So that was our biggest challenge in the beginning.
00:28:10
Speaker 4: But that was instigation of trying to break what she had and what I had.
00:28:14
Speaker 3: So I had to understand that he had to go through that and not get mad at him for that.
00:28:18
Speaker 4: It's so good. Now when I sit talk to these people.
00:28:20
Speaker 2: We see them, We're like, I know you, I got your card.
00:28:25
Speaker 3: So I think a lot of people let a lot of couples when they first get together. Let older couples because now they've had these people in their lives for so long and they were such a big part of their lives before this relationship came that now they feel mad about this relationship and they're like, well I'm out now. They just it's human nature. They try to hurt.
00:28:46
Speaker 4: It instead of them saying, let's work with them because that's a good that's that's good energy. Let's be around.
00:28:52
Speaker 3: Them all me your friends, on the on the road you've been on and the road.
00:28:57
Speaker 1: And I asked, then, how could you all remember a time? I know you joked about our putting stuff at the front door and it's threatening to leave six thousand times, But can you all point to a moment. I don't know if it was a particular fight, I mean, particular time or segment of your relationship that you actually got close to ending.
00:29:12
Speaker 3: It never's and every time that incident happened, it was over him somebody.
00:29:22
Speaker 4: There was something outside, wasn't It was always brought in.
00:29:26
Speaker 3: And that's why I didn't take the next step out because I knew that that would eventually heat sea froms.
00:29:30
Speaker 4: And that's why I never said no. Because even though you were.
00:29:34
Speaker 3: You feel bad about those times a little bit, like do you look back and.
00:29:37
Speaker 4: Be like people were telling me?
00:29:41
Speaker 3: What could they say about me? Anyway? Like what they absolutely.
00:29:46
Speaker 4: Shot themselves in the floor, because there's still the same people to me, but just to have a different read on.
00:29:52
Speaker 1: Them, damn to say that. How many couples have that we're talking about people, but how many couples would be just fine if some outside force didn't they didn't allow him. I mean, it takes a while to get there.
00:30:06
Speaker 3: It takes the other person to understand what's going on.
00:30:08
Speaker 4: I protecting all.
00:30:11
Speaker 1: Right, last few things here. We asked all couples this, give other couples some advice if you were able to talk to all of them. People see successful couples, they want to be like you, what do you see other couples doing wrong?
00:30:24
Speaker 4: Right?
00:30:25
Speaker 1: Not that you call them out on, but just generally as you out there, what mistake do you see people in these times these days, making mistakes about when it comes to relationships.
00:30:35
Speaker 4: Simple the image they're trying to portray that they have that they don't. That's it what they supposedly say. They look like, it's not what they do. Meaning these happy photographs, all these images, they're most not really And.
00:30:51
Speaker 1: We spend a lot of time trying to keep up with that and catch up and yeah.
00:30:54
Speaker 4: We listen. We nobody wants supposed to picture you angry, sat like that's true, ruful ball. If it's all staged, then what's really real? Right?
00:31:05
Speaker 3: My big yes, and you're right, But my biggest thing is that I would say with a couple is to let things go. Do not drag out fights. You don't always have to have the last word. Not every fight is that important. Pick and choose your battles and just most things are not something you're fighting about today, you will never care about a year from now.
00:31:25
Speaker 1: Is it worth?
00:31:25
Speaker 3: It's so agree with you saying those horrible things. Holding grudges in a relationship. You can't hold grudges in a relationship. You have to let things go.
00:31:33
Speaker 4: I would say do Your thing is if you're in the wrong place, get out.
00:31:38
Speaker 3: Like what with in a relationship with the wrong person.
00:31:40
Speaker 4: Yes, when you know where you are if it's wrong or right, you because you end up going I should have left this time.
00:31:47
Speaker 3: Time waits for no one. We could waste that. Life is too short to be with the wrong person. It's hard, but that's hard.
00:31:55
Speaker 4: That's guys. Did this? You did this? And I'm like, well, what are you doing there?
00:32:00
Speaker 3: But did she really do it? Or was it? Because maybe they like somebody else.
00:32:02
Speaker 4: Well, so if they're still there, maybe she didn't or maybe they don't know.
00:32:06
Speaker 3: Right.
00:32:07
Speaker 2: Final question? A lot of folks, did you have one final question? I know this is kind of broad, but this is everyone wants to know. What would you say? The key to your relationship success is why do you all work? How have you made it work?
00:32:27
Speaker 3: Compromise?
00:32:29
Speaker 4: That's it. I would agree with that.
00:32:34
Speaker 1: I love it.
00:32:36
Speaker 4: I cut the line on Italian food.
00:32:40
Speaker 3: I took on my own. I go to my mother's first spaghetti. I don't mean.
00:32:47
Speaker 2: I do think like it's been fun to Laurence, but seeing couples who can give each other ship is the biggest sign of a healthy relationship because that means you trust each other, you have confidence, you can take a jab. We we jabbed each other all the time as friends. We were constantly at each other's like just in a silly fun way.
00:33:06
Speaker 3: Okay, it kind of like it's that, you know, if you don't do that, if you can't make a joke out of it, or if you can't like let the vent a little, it just fills up and then you don't really like that person. You really don't like. If you can't job at each other, then you really don't you know.
00:33:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, we feel the same about y'all.
00:33:27
Speaker 3: Just so comfortable to sit and be able to talk to you. And I'm so happy to see.
00:33:32
Speaker 2: You all happy.
00:33:34
Speaker 3: You've been. I know you've been through it. I watched it. I felt for you guys when you went through and I love to see you smile and happy.
00:33:41
Speaker 1: Now here we are looking at you all smiling and happy, and we've been through it too. You know you'll have so thank you all for being here. We thank you. This is the most f bombs we've ever had.
00:33:52
Speaker 4: So good to have.
00:33:54
Speaker 1: You're gonna get the trophy on the way folks will talk.
00:34:00
Speaker 4: Thank