Feb. 11, 2026
LOVE STORIES: Bachelor Nation’s Ashley Iaconetti Haibon and Jared Haibon
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RSS Feed Our Love Stories series continues with Ashley Iaconetti Haibon and Jared Haibon, a couple whose relationship took the long way around … From Bachelor in Paradise to friends to forever partners. After years of missed timing and a friendship that never fully let go, the two chose each other with the kind of certainty that only comes from truly knowing someone first. Now more than six years into marriage and parenting two young sons, and with Ashley stepping back into the spotlight on The Real Housewives of Rhode Island, they’re confident that everything they’ve already weathered together has only made their relationship stronger.
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00:00:00
Speaker 1: Hey, there, everybody, and welcome to Amy and TJ, where we are continuing our love Stories series. We are talking to couples from all different walks of life about what makes their relationship work.
00:00:13
Speaker 2: And next up on the series are two.
00:00:16
Speaker 1: Very familiar faces for those of you who are Bachelor Nation fans, Ashley Iichinetti Hibon and Jared Hibond. Their relationship is an interesting one because they first met, or at least they were both in Bachelor season nineteen for Ashley and season eleven for Jared. But they met on Bachelor in Paradise in season two. But guess what, Ashley got friend zoned And in fact, Ashley and Jared were friends for nearly three years before they officially began dating. Their story is an interesting one. They're now a married couple of six years.
00:00:51
Speaker 2: With two kids.
00:00:52
Speaker 1: Here is Ashley II Connetti hi Bond and Jared Hibond's love story.
00:01:02
Speaker 3: This is Amy and TJ Love Stories.
00:01:12
Speaker 4: All right, and Ashley and Jared are with us.
00:01:14
Speaker 2: Now.
00:01:14
Speaker 4: We're gonna start with question one, which is the one guys that seems to trip up our couple's most The first question so here it is we want both of you to answer and since Ashley, you were laughing the most. I'm gonna start with you. It's I love those five words or less. It can be a phrase, it can be individual words, but five words or less describe you all's relationship today.
00:01:40
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Well we have great communication.
00:01:47
Speaker 3: Alright, communication?
00:01:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, we have a great friendship. We make fun of each other a lot. It's definitely chaos and balancing.
00:02:06
Speaker 3: Balanced.
00:02:09
Speaker 1: I thought it was.
00:02:10
Speaker 2: I thought it was five phrases. Well at it with chaotic, Well it with chaotic, but obviously also loving.
00:02:23
Speaker 4: I heard loving, friendship, comforting, chaotic, and there was something else.
00:02:27
Speaker 2: That the communicating communications chaotic, loving, friendship and supportive.
00:02:36
Speaker 4: All right, j so did not tell you all? This was always a fun question.
00:02:39
Speaker 3: Go ahead, jar you want to think of five different words, but those are good ones. I would say, uh, supportive that was the first word.
00:02:45
Speaker 2: Are we allowed to copy?
00:02:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course great, supportive, loving This is two words. But you know, self deprecating, Okay, that's good.
00:02:57
Speaker 2: That's about making fun of each.
00:02:59
Speaker 3: Other, humbling.
00:03:02
Speaker 1: And uh.
00:03:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, cohesive. See this is that is our relationship in a nutshell. She'll tell me the word and then I just spit it out.
00:03:16
Speaker 4: That's cohesion, Yes, exactly.
00:03:19
Speaker 1: Work makes the dream work. So many people do know your love story because it played out on national television. I was just telling you I watched that first Bachelor in Paradise where the two of you all you were not wrote necessarily romantic, it was you had a lot of ups and downs. So can you give people who don't know your story the timeline? How long did you date before you got engaged? Probly, you actually probably have to start? How long were you friends before you started dating, before you got engaged, before you got married?
00:03:52
Speaker 2: I'll start it. So I saw a picture of him and I was like, I'd want him in Paradise. Saw him in Paradise, and then I was like, I'm in love with that man. I am the ultimate romantic, but I wasn't sure if I believed in love at first sight. But then when I saw him, I did believe in it, and so I was totally uncool, obsessed and uncool, And somehow he still thought like I would be like a nice friend even though I was so nervous around him, but he only had friendship vibes initially, and then I think he's after like knowing me in real life so this is like knowing each other for three months. That's when he started seeing me in a different way because I was being more myself, and then it got really complicated for like two years. Yeah, and because why you want to explain.
00:04:44
Speaker 3: That borderline toxic probably unhealthy, not toxic.
00:04:48
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:04:50
Speaker 3: So what we met on sardis Ashley and I always when I was ever around Ashley, I always felt very calming. I felt very calm.
00:05:00
Speaker 2: It's so crazy because I was.
00:05:02
Speaker 3: I just think there are certain people. I'm she hates me for saying this. I don't know if I necessarily believe it like one sold me. I mean, I understand, but I definitely feel like there are people that you just there are certain vibes that you get from other people, and I definitely got those vibes from actually where we just we mesh. We mesh very well. We always have, even when in the beginning of Paradise, you know, I'm someone who tries to really uh like commer heads prevail and think things through. And so of course this woman on Bachelor and Paradise who just meets me within five minutes, She's like, it's either you or nothing, and I'm like, Okay, let's settle down here for the rest of my life. Like, but yeah, so then we always we we crossed the friendship boundary like a few months in and then went back.
00:05:52
Speaker 2: Because so that really messes with my psychic.
00:05:56
Speaker 3: Well of course it well should. It's because it's a very weird time and you get after you go on Bachelor, you know, you just get thrown into this fame and it really just IM just trying to like transport myself back to that time where it was just a confusing time. And so anyway, then we were just strictly friends. I'm sure I did. I was twenty seven years old, you know, but guys are stupid. I'm not above this. But long story short, that we were long story long, I know, strictly friends for about a year and a half. And that's when it became an issue because we both there were definitely more feelings than just friendship feelings. But we were never dating anybody else, so it was kind of like we were dating but never physical with each other. But we would talk to each other every single day and.
00:06:46
Speaker 2: And then you know, okay, basically all it did was all I had to do was get a boyfriend, and that I was like, okay, it's time.
00:06:53
Speaker 4: Okay, that's a long story short. Thank you.
00:06:58
Speaker 1: Jealous and realized what he is missing.
00:07:00
Speaker 3: Exactly pretty much.
00:07:02
Speaker 4: Okay, that was some point to put it. Okay, can we go back too, said I love you first?
00:07:07
Speaker 2: Oh he said it first, shocking, I know, yeah, but I wasn't gonna I was not going to do that.
00:07:13
Speaker 1: Now, at that point, you had already showed your hand. You're like, uh, I think you know how I feel like you?
00:07:18
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I had to prove myself way more than her.
00:07:20
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. Going back to uh, how long was the engagement?
00:07:25
Speaker 3: So long we were the engagement was fine, It was uh fourteen by the time we actually started actually dating. Yeah, five five months.
00:07:33
Speaker 2: You know, it was fourteen months of engagement to marriage. But before we got engaged with yeah, it was four months of dating, not even we had known each other for three years at that point. How we and we were basically dating without touching is what I.
00:07:45
Speaker 4: Have that look. I have to ask this follow up because a lot of young couples are looking at you all and are very curious about that moment you said where there was some foolishness. I think you said toxic, but you said No, it was just unhealthy. Describe what that was for you guys, what that ruggle was, because you know a lot of young couples dealing with the egos and who's this and how much do I put myself out there? And is he for real?
00:08:07
Speaker 1: She?
00:08:08
Speaker 4: So really, what was that thing that was causing such a problem?
00:08:12
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I think the most simple way of saying it is Jared knew that if he was going to start dating me that he had to marry me. Like he knew that we weren't going to have a relationship where it was just going to be like, oh, we can see where this goes. So he like had to kind of be ready to propose by the time he said let's start dating.
00:08:31
Speaker 4: It was very serious.
00:08:32
Speaker 3: Well, I think also from our experience just being on the Bachelor, you go in this environment, and in this environment it's very much hey, listen, you're dating to get married. That is the purpose of this, that is the goal. And so I think for Ashley and I, especially with our relationship and how intense it was, it was always going to be this is either we date to get married or we don't date at all. And I think that led to a lot of hesitation on my end, and then when it became unhealthy, was that clearly anybody who was around us knew, guys, there's something more here than just friendship. But we never crossed that.
00:09:10
Speaker 2: Well, we did cross it early early on.
00:09:12
Speaker 3: But later on when it became unhealthy, we never crossed it. And so if we were on dates with other people or if we were actually trying to find someone to be with, that wasn't one of us. I mean, we like, we would have to end the friendship because if you were if somebody started dating Ashley, there's no way they would want her to be friends with me. And I don't blame them one bit, And just like if someone started dating me, they'd be like, listen, I don't want you talking to Ashley every single day.
00:09:36
Speaker 2: I'm like, I respect that and not to take this question and keep running with it. But it really did happen like that where I did end up having somebody that I was dating met him through the show and I was like, oh, we've had this vacation plan with my friends for so long, Like we've been just friends for two years. I literally haven't kissed him for two years, Like nothing's gonna happen like it's okay, like he doesn't like me, and then I go down to Saint Lucia for this group friend thing and that's when he confesses his love and yeah, so see did he show he kissed me in the airport in a dramatic movie way?
00:10:15
Speaker 3: Yeah, very nice.
00:10:17
Speaker 2: I love pulled me out of the boarding line.
00:10:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had to make a splash, you know, well done, But.
00:10:24
Speaker 1: It was it was it was overdue and so it had to be dramatic. That makes sense, it was overdue. I'm just speaking.
00:10:32
Speaker 2: Very theatric.
00:10:35
Speaker 1: We always ask, but I think we know the answer here. What the role of friendship is in your relationship? How important is it that you all were friends? And what do you think that time where you were just friends? How has that played into the success of your marriage?
00:10:50
Speaker 2: Now first you go.
00:10:53
Speaker 3: First, it's played in the success of our marriage because.
00:10:56
Speaker 2: I've never had a real relationship before him, So I don't even know how a friend, how a dating relationship is when you're not friends with somebody.
00:11:02
Speaker 3: First, I think we we never really argue, we get into confrontations, but like I can't remember the last time we actually like raised.
00:11:13
Speaker 2: I think I can think the last time.
00:11:15
Speaker 3: Okay, but it does go very it's very very infrequent. But my point saying that is because I think our friendship really we learned how to be ourselves individually around each other, and so there was never that early on. I mean, there was always the awkwardness, but we really were able to learn, Like I know, I can read her in a bunch of different ways, and she can read me in a bunch of different ways. Where we're very comfortable being in the same room. But also even if we're in the same room, it kind of feels like we're alone at times, because that's in a relationship, as everybody knows. Yeah, and it could be you definitely need your separation at times, but we're able to be together and separated at the same time. That makes sense.
00:11:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, Like I always said, I was like, I don't know if I want to live with someone. I live with someone that sounds like it sucks, but I have to say that when I'm in the same room with him, it feels like I'm alone in a good way.
00:12:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you know what I mean?
00:12:10
Speaker 4: Like he actually didn't understand.
00:12:12
Speaker 1: Okay, together twenty four to seven, work together friends for years before we're actually like a lot of this is resonating with us completely.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: So that's what we miss about having before we had kids. If we have to like say the things we missed before having kids, it's definitely, well, I miss watching TV and just like binge watching TV on the weekend, but together as a couple, like we used to just like play all day, you know what I mean, Like we were just like, let's go to the gym, let's say coffee, listen it and we're just like you know, in the car like bop it and listen to music and podcasts. And we don't like get like that fun worked up because we used you know, the social media work is like very much of a collaboration thing with us, and it's just not like, oh, let's make this real, it'd be funny and silly, and it's like.
00:12:54
Speaker 4: We have we mentioned arguments you've talked about, Jared. We're gonna get into a section here about fights and disagree But first you said you don't have big kickout and drag out fights, but the daily disagreements do you have a little For some they say, hey, the thermometer, the temperature, or others say you're not cleaning up on those are minor things. Do you all have a little daily disagreement and annoyance that's not going to be a marriage deal breaker, but still annoy the hell out of each other every day.
00:13:24
Speaker 2: Thicker, I don't do dishes like I like, I'll do the dishes once a week. He is a dishman, and I know that, like secretly. When he's doing the dishes in the morning from dinner the night before, he's thinking about it.
00:13:38
Speaker 3: He's thinking about, no, yeah, you're not gonna like my answer, you're gonna get so oh what it's just because you don't think you are. He thinks that I'm messy, You're a little messy.
00:13:49
Speaker 2: But I think that I'm only messy since having kids because I've like never been messy. I've always had like our places always looks so good, and then we had kids and it's just like kind of like my second.
00:13:59
Speaker 3: My third priority now like her side of the bed, like your.
00:14:03
Speaker 2: Side of the bed also has so many things on the tabletop and it drives me nuts. And look at your drawers. My drawers are organized. They have the organized things. You shove months old newspapers in yours.
00:14:16
Speaker 4: I mean.
00:14:18
Speaker 2: For yeah, well I do get annoyed when my own nightstand.
00:14:21
Speaker 3: You're projecting your own securities because you know you're a little messy.
00:14:24
Speaker 2: That's all right, denying that. I can be assage sometimes now, but before we had kids, our places will always.
00:14:31
Speaker 3: I would agree. I don't disagree with one bit.
00:14:34
Speaker 1: This is hilarious. I love it. I think so many people listening are so again resonating this is this is what what relationships are like. But it's cool that you're comfortable enough to be able to have those little jebs. How long have you all been married? Now?
00:14:57
Speaker 2: So many?
00:15:00
Speaker 1: Was there a best year so far?
00:15:09
Speaker 2: I'm not this is not like this is a pause in a good way, but I think probably the first year.
00:15:16
Speaker 3: It's hard because we I mean, you guys have kids, so you know how difficult it could be when they're so young, and how stressful it is. You know, we have two boys and they are the most wonderful beings alive. But they are alive. So it's weird because when you say the best year of our marriage, well, I think about our relationship and like, before kids, how enthusiastic we were and young and energetic, and we'd be able to do we'd be able to go to concerts or like lay on the beach and like we were definitely more romantics. Having said that, it's so hard not to say rate now because I know it's well, I know, because I know we're going to miss these years so much, how stressful they are. But like Dawson and Hayden are Dawson and Hayter are two sons.
00:16:12
Speaker 2: But this is a great family time.
00:16:14
Speaker 3: But that's what I mean, Like in eighty I guess I'm taking the question by like in fifty years, would I rather go back to this time right now or before kids? And I feel like I'd say this time because I would want the boys.
00:16:30
Speaker 1: That's awesome, Yes, young kids, it is. It is a like not just a full time job. It's like all we totally get has with all of the ups and downs in your relationship. It's maybe it was just one down and then all up. But has there ever come a point where it just got so bad you were ready or almost ready thinking about calling it quits.
00:16:56
Speaker 3: No, No, I'd say the worst time was when she was pregnant.
00:17:03
Speaker 2: Yet there was no there was nothing that was close to quitting. But he was in a weird phase.
00:17:09
Speaker 3: It was just we opened a business. Our first son was was difficult. We were not sleeping. She was pregnant. With the second one, it was another boy. It was just it was it was a hard time. It was difficult.
00:17:22
Speaker 1: That's all right, that's honest.
00:17:24
Speaker 4: That's a that's an honest answer. A couple of things around the house. I think I understood just a moment ago. Who's not going to be doing a lot of cleaning. Understand the dishes, but household charge dishes, cooking, laundry cleaning? How does that go? Who handles that stuff? How do you divide it up?
00:17:42
Speaker 3: Actually it Ashley cooks way more than me.
00:17:44
Speaker 2: I cook. He does probably more laundry than me, just because he likes to do like one load at a time. And I'd rather just like have a day when we like cycled.
00:17:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.
00:17:57
Speaker 2: To our life right now, we're going to have to like clean it dry and then we have to put it away. If we keep it in the laundry bin, we don't have to put it away.
00:18:07
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do it as we go because it's cleaner and it's neatter. Because Ashley's way of doing things is she it is like a chunk. It is a bomb went off in the house, like even laundry, Like last yesterday, I come home from work and they were just clothes on the floor in front of the washer, And I have no idea if they're dirty or clean. So I'm like, I'm just gonna wash them again. But I know Ashley's way of thinking, like in her head it's organized because she knows what that is, regardless. But so she cooks, I do dishes and more laundry, but she does someone.
00:18:39
Speaker 2: And then like I do more of Like he'll never think to change the sheets. He'll sleep in the same sheets, you know what I mean. But he is more who doesn't. He's more often the one to make the bad But I'm the one who's gonna like think, oh, there's soap scum in our kid's bathtub. He would never think.
00:18:59
Speaker 3: How often do you guys change your bed sheets?
00:19:03
Speaker 4: No idea?
00:19:03
Speaker 1: But I would say, because right now we just move to a place that doesn't have a washer and dryer, so we have to send everything out, which I don't know, just wires, more planning. Yeah, So I would say maybe once every two weeks is when I try to do it. But I should do it once a week.
00:19:16
Speaker 2: That's a max Yeah, should definitely not go more than two weeks. It should be one. It should be once a week.
00:19:20
Speaker 3: It should be once a week when I was, when I was once a month.
00:19:25
Speaker 2: That is yucky, mister clean, like you wouldn't even wear your shirts two days in a row.
00:19:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, who does that? Don't get Yeah, once I'm in bed, I'm clean in bed, it's just me sure. If I'm out in the public, it's other people's germs. Sheets are just my germs.
00:19:42
Speaker 4: Good.
00:19:43
Speaker 1: Do you all have any rules when you do argue or have a disagreement, as in, we never go to bed angry? Yeah, no cursing, no name calling, you have no threatening to leave. I'm done with you, I'm done with Do you all have any rules when you disagree?
00:20:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've never named I was about to say I never ever.
00:20:03
Speaker 2: Oh, he would get so much ship if there was name going.
00:20:06
Speaker 3: Again, I ever called her a name, that would be gosh, bad dude.
00:20:17
Speaker 2: We've never gone to bed angry either. I want to make sure that we never do that.
00:20:21
Speaker 3: Usually resolve it before bed, and even if it's not fully resolved, like we'll talk about it the next day, but before we go to bed. It's like, listen, you know, I'm the one that usually apologizes first.
00:20:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, he usually does because his fault.
00:20:34
Speaker 3: He knows better, because I know better. It's definitely a lot of times, it's uh, it's definitely both of our faults and majority of times because.
00:20:46
Speaker 4: It's always the case.
00:20:47
Speaker 3: Yes, it's just the truth is always somewhere in the middle. But I also recognize that it's certainly not worth because I, like, I don't want to be pissing and moaning either, and like the I want this to be resolved as soon as possible, and one of the ways to do that is if I take action and I apologize and yeah, I'm okay with that.
00:21:05
Speaker 2: He can move on faster than I can.
00:21:07
Speaker 3: So I think that when he initiated, I don't hold on to grudges, No, and like he.
00:21:10
Speaker 2: Really truly doesn't care after an hour, and I'm like, okay, well, I'm glad you don't care because I do. But as long as you say sorry, I'm right and move on.
00:21:20
Speaker 4: It's not a guy. That's not a guy. Girl. We talked to a lot of couples and it's I am the way you are. Actually, I'm like, you take me forever. And she's.
00:21:31
Speaker 1: Even like thirty minutes. I'm like, life is short. I cannot I can't stand feeling like conflict or I can't stand that feeling there whatever, I'm just done. I don't care like that is, but he needs a day sometimes it's crazy.
00:21:47
Speaker 2: I do as long as he apologize, as long as he says like I'm sorry, I love you. It's usually what he does, I love you. And then I'm like, it's powerful. That's but the cursing I have to do. I mentioned because it's usually the cursing that actually starts the fight. Yeah, I agree, he escalates whatever little like whatever we're having with a curse. It's not directed, I mean, not like fu but like he'll be like and I'll be like this.
00:22:15
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'll just like, instead of being like this sucks, I'll just say this fing sucks, and like the difference between this sucks and this sucks like is a big difference. And as soon as I say it, my damn it. But it's just because it's just the New England and me, you know.
00:22:35
Speaker 4: But we have talked to the couples who that was one. They said that was an absolute rule, do not curse, because no matter what's happening that's going to escalate no matter what, So you all are not alone in the.
00:22:47
Speaker 1: Yes, what do you think of couples who say they never fight?
00:22:52
Speaker 2: I mean, like there's I remember, like a couple of months ago, there's like celebrity couples that likely did it, and it was like couples that have never fought, And I'm like, does that mean that they I guess, you know what, I don't think we really ever fought until I don't know.
00:23:08
Speaker 3: Are just I don't even think they just they fight in different ways. And yeah, I.
00:23:14
Speaker 2: Wouldn't say it's a fight. I would say it's a disagreement or like a yeah, it's not really a fight.
00:23:21
Speaker 3: Like we never raise our voices, we don't call each other names, like we always do a very good job of resolving things. We never really argue. But I would never say we don't fight, or just the way we fight is different than the way other couples fight.
00:23:31
Speaker 4: Yeah, have you all ever gone to couple's therapy? And what do you think about the idea of it?
00:23:40
Speaker 2: We have it, but I've wanted to at points and I like the fact that, like you, I like it as a maintenance thing. Because we have so many friends that have like the best marriages, but they all go to couple's therapy, and I think it's just kind of like a workout for your relationship.
00:23:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I'm fine with it. I'm just don't like therapy. I'm just going to so much therapy, like individual therapy, and it's just like I don't know how much help it's really given.
00:24:09
Speaker 2: I wanted to go to help him with himself, is like maybe we can go together and help you.
00:24:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's what that's the issue. I know, if we go to the couple's therapy, it's all gonna be about me. Like I'm the one with get him to go the construction zone. Got me that needs remodeling, you know what I mean, her house is going to be built, she's got a backyard. It's like, but I'm the one that's like dilapidated and needs fixed.
00:24:36
Speaker 2: But I'm totally down to go. But yeah, he's just not a huge fan. He's a New England guy.
00:24:44
Speaker 3: I can totally. I wouldn't totally go. I would absolutely go.
00:24:47
Speaker 4: Okay, we haven't we haven't either.
00:24:49
Speaker 1: We did one on Zoom and you basically did not participate.
00:24:53
Speaker 4: You were just like this because I was to go tell the lady, tell him the lady. You didn't I can either neither was she was.
00:25:02
Speaker 1: Talking to us like we were kindergarteners. I see how that must make you feel. It was like, please, this is not gonna work.
00:25:08
Speaker 2: That's probably why he doesn't like it, because like you have to date therapists to find the right one.
00:25:14
Speaker 3: I also, I also think zoom. I just I can't do zoom because I need to be out of my own element. Like if I'm in my house, like, yeah, I'm like Ashley's gonna hear everything I'm saying, probably so I feel like I have to like whisper. And then also, just like I'm in my environment, I'd rather be in someone else's room, like surrounded by you know, the smell of mahogany and books, and just like feel more comfortable and be like and then then maybe I'll let loose a little bit more.
00:25:41
Speaker 4: That actually makes sense. Here's a tip she can tell you. When she does her therapy sessions at the house. She goes to the back, she closes the door, puts on a white noise machine, requires me to play a movie very loud in the front and music in the back.
00:25:53
Speaker 2: Because otherwise I would not like when he goes to the bathroom. True.
00:26:07
Speaker 1: Do you also you mentioned you have a lot of friends, which is pretty cool, that have great marriages. They're in therapy. You say, but are there mistakes you've seen other couples make? And we asked this question in the sense that other people are listening to these episodes with folks who have figured things out and are wondering, what do you see in other couples and think, man, they're doing something. If they could only change this or if they just avoided that, their relationship would be better.
00:26:41
Speaker 2: I see a lot of I can actually answer the opposite. I see a few of our friends on Instagram, not that we like interact with the whole bunch, but and they like really prioritize date night. Yeah, and we need to do that better.
00:26:57
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:26:58
Speaker 3: I think we don't prioritize us as a husband and wife over us as mom and dad. We definitely prioritize us as being parents over our relationship.
00:27:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know that's like, actually not what you're supposed to do, which feels really weird when you have a one and a half year old and a four year old.
00:27:14
Speaker 3: But I do think that that, like we are very focused on the four of us right now, the two kids in us, and so that really puts our focus as us too in a relationship on the back burner. Yeah, but it's definitely kind of a little bit of a conscious decision that we both made because there's only so much time in the day. But in terms of other couples, I'd say, like, I just think the supportive thing is what comes back to me if I see other couples and like you can tell the little like bickering or like I'll see a buddy of mine where it's like, bro, just like what's a good example I'm trying to Like if the kid needs something, you know, and like he it's like just get it, just bro, just get it. Like don't like she's busy, just get it and then it's over, you know. But he'll make a point of being like, no, I'm not getting it. She needs to get it, or like like it's always it's the point, you know what I mean. That's what I see in other couples. It's like they'll they'll they'll be so stubborn to get their point across. It's like, bro, if you just do it, it's over, and she'll she'll feel guilty, like she'll feel guilty if you do it, and then you want you know what I mean, And he's like, no, I can't do it. I'm like, all right, all right, but like not in seeing gender role.
00:28:30
Speaker 2: I think it's like not blending gender roles. Like when I see dads not help out with the kids, that's where I can feel a lot of tension.
00:28:40
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:28:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it sounds like you were talking about keeping score too, like that is when like, no, she didn't do this, so I'm not doing that like that, And.
00:28:47
Speaker 3: Every every couple keeps whether they say they do or they don't. It's just a human fact of life, you know. I mean I try not to do it. But even with the dishes, obviously.
00:28:57
Speaker 2: Every day when I see him cleaning the dishes, I'm like, damn, there's one point gone for me.
00:29:02
Speaker 3: And it's not even like that. It's not even dishes, dude, it is pops and hands, and like just because it's been in there for like sixteen hours, damn, actually just rinse it out before you put in this sink.
00:29:18
Speaker 4: It's not a big deal. That's but actually does so many.
00:29:21
Speaker 2: House to have the dishwatchers situation so that there's always one to put them in. That's so snotty.
00:29:30
Speaker 3: That's how that do you have that.
00:29:33
Speaker 4: We don't have?
00:29:34
Speaker 1: That we know we don't we have.
00:29:36
Speaker 4: You know, we're both clean freaks. Our house stays. If one of us sites a pot and the sink, we're fighting over who's getting it first. Well we just have to be that way.
00:29:44
Speaker 1: That's that is Luckily, Yes, we're both crazy neat freaks, so we're we actually job really well. In fact, I knew when we were just friends and he had a dressing room next to mine, and I saw how perfectly clean, and I pointed his dressing room was. I was like, like, this guy and when he gets stressed and upset, he cleans, and I was it's not good. Now when he's upset and stressed about me and I see him cleaning like creepy, I'm like, ooh, it's not gonna be a good day. You know, everybody has their own little quirk's final question here, what would you say is the key to your relationship success? What keeps you all together? And why do you think you all will make it to the bitter end?
00:30:27
Speaker 2: I think we easily talk things through. I think we're able to really communicate pretty well.
00:30:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think Also, I I'm trying to phrase it. Were you scared of my answer?
00:30:44
Speaker 2: No, I'm not scared to answer. I'm thinking about other things. I think I will say, bring up this interesting point. So I'm now one of you, going to be one of the real housewives of Rhode Island, right, And I've got a few messages that I've really wanted to respond to because people are like, this is like doomsday for every couple, and I'm like, well, Jared and I have gone through the ringer before, and I think that a lot of like when you sign up for a show like that, usually those people are like experiencing fame for the first time, experiencing their relationship, experiencing fame for the first time, and we have like gone through all of that, and it's just like, I think we're in a great position.
00:31:30
Speaker 3: I think. Also, I don't know if you're gonna like this answer. I hope you do, because I like it a lot. I love Ashley being a part of my world, and I love being a part of Ashville.
00:31:42
Speaker 2: That's like so nice. Why would I not love that?
00:31:44
Speaker 3: That's wonderful because it's not just about you and I, it's about everything encompassing. Like I love I love playing softball.
00:31:52
Speaker 2: I don't love going to softball, but I do it.
00:31:54
Speaker 3: But I love when Ashley brings the kids, like I love having Ashley there with the kids, like you know, it's I love that. And I love when we have family get togethers and Ashley comes, because Ashley blends in so well with my friends and family. And then I feel, not to speak for you, but I feel that I blend pretty well with you.
00:32:14
Speaker 2: You are the ultimate blender with my so's.
00:32:17
Speaker 3: It's one of those things that like it's so seamless that I, you know, I wouldn't want that to change, and so I think that's nice.
00:32:29
Speaker 2: That's so so perfect. Yeah, absolutely, Oh my gosh. When he when weren't dating my mom was when he'd come over to my house in Virginia and my mom would be like, he fits in so well, Like it would be so oddly comfortable to have him around.
00:32:43
Speaker 1: That's awesome. You all fit together, you belong together. We really appreciate you well. You were you were so open, you were so honest. We so appreciate that. It does help people to know that they're not alone like me too. It just feels good to know that other people's are figuring things out as they go. Some people have it more figured out than others. But we just appreciate you opening up and sharing your love story with us.
00:33:07
Speaker 2: Of course.
00:33:08
Speaker 3: Thank you, yeah, thank you so much. We love answering questions.
00:33:11
Speaker 2: We do this in a long time. It's good for us. It feels like a date.
00:33:14
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, guys, thank you for being a part. The only thing I will give you all this one piece of advice. You all said it and it really spoke to me. But it came from her parents. No matter what, your relationship comes first, even before the kids. That sounds crazy because you have to remember the only reason the kids are here is because you all were good in the first place. Why are you messing with the foundation at all? You all are the priority. Date nights, movies, get the sitter, do what you gotta do again. I just always thought that was good advice, and it sounded like something you all were struggling with or dealing with, but it was a It was a good nugget. So we're here to help couples, all of them. Take that with you. From her parents.
00:33:51
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you, thank you so much.
00:33:57
Speaker 4: To you, guys.
00:33:57
Speaker 2: Bye, guys, bye, thank you. The kitchen poke a patent
Speaker 1: Hey, there, everybody, and welcome to Amy and TJ, where we are continuing our love Stories series. We are talking to couples from all different walks of life about what makes their relationship work.
00:00:13
Speaker 2: And next up on the series are two.
00:00:16
Speaker 1: Very familiar faces for those of you who are Bachelor Nation fans, Ashley Iichinetti Hibon and Jared Hibond. Their relationship is an interesting one because they first met, or at least they were both in Bachelor season nineteen for Ashley and season eleven for Jared. But they met on Bachelor in Paradise in season two. But guess what, Ashley got friend zoned And in fact, Ashley and Jared were friends for nearly three years before they officially began dating. Their story is an interesting one. They're now a married couple of six years.
00:00:51
Speaker 2: With two kids.
00:00:52
Speaker 1: Here is Ashley II Connetti hi Bond and Jared Hibond's love story.
00:01:02
Speaker 3: This is Amy and TJ Love Stories.
00:01:12
Speaker 4: All right, and Ashley and Jared are with us.
00:01:14
Speaker 2: Now.
00:01:14
Speaker 4: We're gonna start with question one, which is the one guys that seems to trip up our couple's most The first question so here it is we want both of you to answer and since Ashley, you were laughing the most. I'm gonna start with you. It's I love those five words or less. It can be a phrase, it can be individual words, but five words or less describe you all's relationship today.
00:01:40
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Well we have great communication.
00:01:47
Speaker 3: Alright, communication?
00:01:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, we have a great friendship. We make fun of each other a lot. It's definitely chaos and balancing.
00:02:06
Speaker 3: Balanced.
00:02:09
Speaker 1: I thought it was.
00:02:10
Speaker 2: I thought it was five phrases. Well at it with chaotic, Well it with chaotic, but obviously also loving.
00:02:23
Speaker 4: I heard loving, friendship, comforting, chaotic, and there was something else.
00:02:27
Speaker 2: That the communicating communications chaotic, loving, friendship and supportive.
00:02:36
Speaker 4: All right, j so did not tell you all? This was always a fun question.
00:02:39
Speaker 3: Go ahead, jar you want to think of five different words, but those are good ones. I would say, uh, supportive that was the first word.
00:02:45
Speaker 2: Are we allowed to copy?
00:02:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course great, supportive, loving This is two words. But you know, self deprecating, Okay, that's good.
00:02:57
Speaker 2: That's about making fun of each.
00:02:59
Speaker 3: Other, humbling.
00:03:02
Speaker 1: And uh.
00:03:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, cohesive. See this is that is our relationship in a nutshell. She'll tell me the word and then I just spit it out.
00:03:16
Speaker 4: That's cohesion, Yes, exactly.
00:03:19
Speaker 1: Work makes the dream work. So many people do know your love story because it played out on national television. I was just telling you I watched that first Bachelor in Paradise where the two of you all you were not wrote necessarily romantic, it was you had a lot of ups and downs. So can you give people who don't know your story the timeline? How long did you date before you got engaged? Probly, you actually probably have to start? How long were you friends before you started dating, before you got engaged, before you got married?
00:03:52
Speaker 2: I'll start it. So I saw a picture of him and I was like, I'd want him in Paradise. Saw him in Paradise, and then I was like, I'm in love with that man. I am the ultimate romantic, but I wasn't sure if I believed in love at first sight. But then when I saw him, I did believe in it, and so I was totally uncool, obsessed and uncool, And somehow he still thought like I would be like a nice friend even though I was so nervous around him, but he only had friendship vibes initially, and then I think he's after like knowing me in real life so this is like knowing each other for three months. That's when he started seeing me in a different way because I was being more myself, and then it got really complicated for like two years. Yeah, and because why you want to explain.
00:04:44
Speaker 3: That borderline toxic probably unhealthy, not toxic.
00:04:48
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:04:50
Speaker 3: So what we met on sardis Ashley and I always when I was ever around Ashley, I always felt very calming. I felt very calm.
00:05:00
Speaker 2: It's so crazy because I was.
00:05:02
Speaker 3: I just think there are certain people. I'm she hates me for saying this. I don't know if I necessarily believe it like one sold me. I mean, I understand, but I definitely feel like there are people that you just there are certain vibes that you get from other people, and I definitely got those vibes from actually where we just we mesh. We mesh very well. We always have, even when in the beginning of Paradise, you know, I'm someone who tries to really uh like commer heads prevail and think things through. And so of course this woman on Bachelor and Paradise who just meets me within five minutes, She's like, it's either you or nothing, and I'm like, Okay, let's settle down here for the rest of my life. Like, but yeah, so then we always we we crossed the friendship boundary like a few months in and then went back.
00:05:52
Speaker 2: Because so that really messes with my psychic.
00:05:56
Speaker 3: Well of course it well should. It's because it's a very weird time and you get after you go on Bachelor, you know, you just get thrown into this fame and it really just IM just trying to like transport myself back to that time where it was just a confusing time. And so anyway, then we were just strictly friends. I'm sure I did. I was twenty seven years old, you know, but guys are stupid. I'm not above this. But long story short, that we were long story long, I know, strictly friends for about a year and a half. And that's when it became an issue because we both there were definitely more feelings than just friendship feelings. But we were never dating anybody else, so it was kind of like we were dating but never physical with each other. But we would talk to each other every single day and.
00:06:46
Speaker 2: And then you know, okay, basically all it did was all I had to do was get a boyfriend, and that I was like, okay, it's time.
00:06:53
Speaker 4: Okay, that's a long story short. Thank you.
00:06:58
Speaker 1: Jealous and realized what he is missing.
00:07:00
Speaker 3: Exactly pretty much.
00:07:02
Speaker 4: Okay, that was some point to put it. Okay, can we go back too, said I love you first?
00:07:07
Speaker 2: Oh he said it first, shocking, I know, yeah, but I wasn't gonna I was not going to do that.
00:07:13
Speaker 1: Now, at that point, you had already showed your hand. You're like, uh, I think you know how I feel like you?
00:07:18
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I had to prove myself way more than her.
00:07:20
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. Going back to uh, how long was the engagement?
00:07:25
Speaker 3: So long we were the engagement was fine, It was uh fourteen by the time we actually started actually dating. Yeah, five five months.
00:07:33
Speaker 2: You know, it was fourteen months of engagement to marriage. But before we got engaged with yeah, it was four months of dating, not even we had known each other for three years at that point. How we and we were basically dating without touching is what I.
00:07:45
Speaker 4: Have that look. I have to ask this follow up because a lot of young couples are looking at you all and are very curious about that moment you said where there was some foolishness. I think you said toxic, but you said No, it was just unhealthy. Describe what that was for you guys, what that ruggle was, because you know a lot of young couples dealing with the egos and who's this and how much do I put myself out there? And is he for real?
00:08:07
Speaker 1: She?
00:08:08
Speaker 4: So really, what was that thing that was causing such a problem?
00:08:12
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I think the most simple way of saying it is Jared knew that if he was going to start dating me that he had to marry me. Like he knew that we weren't going to have a relationship where it was just going to be like, oh, we can see where this goes. So he like had to kind of be ready to propose by the time he said let's start dating.
00:08:31
Speaker 4: It was very serious.
00:08:32
Speaker 3: Well, I think also from our experience just being on the Bachelor, you go in this environment, and in this environment it's very much hey, listen, you're dating to get married. That is the purpose of this, that is the goal. And so I think for Ashley and I, especially with our relationship and how intense it was, it was always going to be this is either we date to get married or we don't date at all. And I think that led to a lot of hesitation on my end, and then when it became unhealthy, was that clearly anybody who was around us knew, guys, there's something more here than just friendship. But we never crossed that.
00:09:10
Speaker 2: Well, we did cross it early early on.
00:09:12
Speaker 3: But later on when it became unhealthy, we never crossed it. And so if we were on dates with other people or if we were actually trying to find someone to be with, that wasn't one of us. I mean, we like, we would have to end the friendship because if you were if somebody started dating Ashley, there's no way they would want her to be friends with me. And I don't blame them one bit, And just like if someone started dating me, they'd be like, listen, I don't want you talking to Ashley every single day.
00:09:36
Speaker 2: I'm like, I respect that and not to take this question and keep running with it. But it really did happen like that where I did end up having somebody that I was dating met him through the show and I was like, oh, we've had this vacation plan with my friends for so long, Like we've been just friends for two years. I literally haven't kissed him for two years, Like nothing's gonna happen like it's okay, like he doesn't like me, and then I go down to Saint Lucia for this group friend thing and that's when he confesses his love and yeah, so see did he show he kissed me in the airport in a dramatic movie way?
00:10:15
Speaker 3: Yeah, very nice.
00:10:17
Speaker 2: I love pulled me out of the boarding line.
00:10:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had to make a splash, you know, well done, But.
00:10:24
Speaker 1: It was it was it was overdue and so it had to be dramatic. That makes sense, it was overdue. I'm just speaking.
00:10:32
Speaker 2: Very theatric.
00:10:35
Speaker 1: We always ask, but I think we know the answer here. What the role of friendship is in your relationship? How important is it that you all were friends? And what do you think that time where you were just friends? How has that played into the success of your marriage?
00:10:50
Speaker 2: Now first you go.
00:10:53
Speaker 3: First, it's played in the success of our marriage because.
00:10:56
Speaker 2: I've never had a real relationship before him, So I don't even know how a friend, how a dating relationship is when you're not friends with somebody.
00:11:02
Speaker 3: First, I think we we never really argue, we get into confrontations, but like I can't remember the last time we actually like raised.
00:11:13
Speaker 2: I think I can think the last time.
00:11:15
Speaker 3: Okay, but it does go very it's very very infrequent. But my point saying that is because I think our friendship really we learned how to be ourselves individually around each other, and so there was never that early on. I mean, there was always the awkwardness, but we really were able to learn, Like I know, I can read her in a bunch of different ways, and she can read me in a bunch of different ways. Where we're very comfortable being in the same room. But also even if we're in the same room, it kind of feels like we're alone at times, because that's in a relationship, as everybody knows. Yeah, and it could be you definitely need your separation at times, but we're able to be together and separated at the same time. That makes sense.
00:11:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, Like I always said, I was like, I don't know if I want to live with someone. I live with someone that sounds like it sucks, but I have to say that when I'm in the same room with him, it feels like I'm alone in a good way.
00:12:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you know what I mean?
00:12:10
Speaker 4: Like he actually didn't understand.
00:12:12
Speaker 1: Okay, together twenty four to seven, work together friends for years before we're actually like a lot of this is resonating with us completely.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: So that's what we miss about having before we had kids. If we have to like say the things we missed before having kids, it's definitely, well, I miss watching TV and just like binge watching TV on the weekend, but together as a couple, like we used to just like play all day, you know what I mean, Like we were just like, let's go to the gym, let's say coffee, listen it and we're just like you know, in the car like bop it and listen to music and podcasts. And we don't like get like that fun worked up because we used you know, the social media work is like very much of a collaboration thing with us, and it's just not like, oh, let's make this real, it'd be funny and silly, and it's like.
00:12:54
Speaker 4: We have we mentioned arguments you've talked about, Jared. We're gonna get into a section here about fights and disagree But first you said you don't have big kickout and drag out fights, but the daily disagreements do you have a little For some they say, hey, the thermometer, the temperature, or others say you're not cleaning up on those are minor things. Do you all have a little daily disagreement and annoyance that's not going to be a marriage deal breaker, but still annoy the hell out of each other every day.
00:13:24
Speaker 2: Thicker, I don't do dishes like I like, I'll do the dishes once a week. He is a dishman, and I know that, like secretly. When he's doing the dishes in the morning from dinner the night before, he's thinking about it.
00:13:38
Speaker 3: He's thinking about, no, yeah, you're not gonna like my answer, you're gonna get so oh what it's just because you don't think you are. He thinks that I'm messy, You're a little messy.
00:13:49
Speaker 2: But I think that I'm only messy since having kids because I've like never been messy. I've always had like our places always looks so good, and then we had kids and it's just like kind of like my second.
00:13:59
Speaker 3: My third priority now like her side of the bed, like your.
00:14:03
Speaker 2: Side of the bed also has so many things on the tabletop and it drives me nuts. And look at your drawers. My drawers are organized. They have the organized things. You shove months old newspapers in yours.
00:14:16
Speaker 4: I mean.
00:14:18
Speaker 2: For yeah, well I do get annoyed when my own nightstand.
00:14:21
Speaker 3: You're projecting your own securities because you know you're a little messy.
00:14:24
Speaker 2: That's all right, denying that. I can be assage sometimes now, but before we had kids, our places will always.
00:14:31
Speaker 3: I would agree. I don't disagree with one bit.
00:14:34
Speaker 1: This is hilarious. I love it. I think so many people listening are so again resonating this is this is what what relationships are like. But it's cool that you're comfortable enough to be able to have those little jebs. How long have you all been married? Now?
00:14:57
Speaker 2: So many?
00:15:00
Speaker 1: Was there a best year so far?
00:15:09
Speaker 2: I'm not this is not like this is a pause in a good way, but I think probably the first year.
00:15:16
Speaker 3: It's hard because we I mean, you guys have kids, so you know how difficult it could be when they're so young, and how stressful it is. You know, we have two boys and they are the most wonderful beings alive. But they are alive. So it's weird because when you say the best year of our marriage, well, I think about our relationship and like, before kids, how enthusiastic we were and young and energetic, and we'd be able to do we'd be able to go to concerts or like lay on the beach and like we were definitely more romantics. Having said that, it's so hard not to say rate now because I know it's well, I know, because I know we're going to miss these years so much, how stressful they are. But like Dawson and Hayden are Dawson and Hayter are two sons.
00:16:12
Speaker 2: But this is a great family time.
00:16:14
Speaker 3: But that's what I mean, Like in eighty I guess I'm taking the question by like in fifty years, would I rather go back to this time right now or before kids? And I feel like I'd say this time because I would want the boys.
00:16:30
Speaker 1: That's awesome, Yes, young kids, it is. It is a like not just a full time job. It's like all we totally get has with all of the ups and downs in your relationship. It's maybe it was just one down and then all up. But has there ever come a point where it just got so bad you were ready or almost ready thinking about calling it quits.
00:16:56
Speaker 3: No, No, I'd say the worst time was when she was pregnant.
00:17:03
Speaker 2: Yet there was no there was nothing that was close to quitting. But he was in a weird phase.
00:17:09
Speaker 3: It was just we opened a business. Our first son was was difficult. We were not sleeping. She was pregnant. With the second one, it was another boy. It was just it was it was a hard time. It was difficult.
00:17:22
Speaker 1: That's all right, that's honest.
00:17:24
Speaker 4: That's a that's an honest answer. A couple of things around the house. I think I understood just a moment ago. Who's not going to be doing a lot of cleaning. Understand the dishes, but household charge dishes, cooking, laundry cleaning? How does that go? Who handles that stuff? How do you divide it up?
00:17:42
Speaker 3: Actually it Ashley cooks way more than me.
00:17:44
Speaker 2: I cook. He does probably more laundry than me, just because he likes to do like one load at a time. And I'd rather just like have a day when we like cycled.
00:17:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.
00:17:57
Speaker 2: To our life right now, we're going to have to like clean it dry and then we have to put it away. If we keep it in the laundry bin, we don't have to put it away.
00:18:07
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do it as we go because it's cleaner and it's neatter. Because Ashley's way of doing things is she it is like a chunk. It is a bomb went off in the house, like even laundry, Like last yesterday, I come home from work and they were just clothes on the floor in front of the washer, And I have no idea if they're dirty or clean. So I'm like, I'm just gonna wash them again. But I know Ashley's way of thinking, like in her head it's organized because she knows what that is, regardless. But so she cooks, I do dishes and more laundry, but she does someone.
00:18:39
Speaker 2: And then like I do more of Like he'll never think to change the sheets. He'll sleep in the same sheets, you know what I mean. But he is more who doesn't. He's more often the one to make the bad But I'm the one who's gonna like think, oh, there's soap scum in our kid's bathtub. He would never think.
00:18:59
Speaker 3: How often do you guys change your bed sheets?
00:19:03
Speaker 4: No idea?
00:19:03
Speaker 1: But I would say, because right now we just move to a place that doesn't have a washer and dryer, so we have to send everything out, which I don't know, just wires, more planning. Yeah, So I would say maybe once every two weeks is when I try to do it. But I should do it once a week.
00:19:16
Speaker 2: That's a max Yeah, should definitely not go more than two weeks. It should be one. It should be once a week.
00:19:20
Speaker 3: It should be once a week when I was, when I was once a month.
00:19:25
Speaker 2: That is yucky, mister clean, like you wouldn't even wear your shirts two days in a row.
00:19:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, who does that? Don't get Yeah, once I'm in bed, I'm clean in bed, it's just me sure. If I'm out in the public, it's other people's germs. Sheets are just my germs.
00:19:42
Speaker 4: Good.
00:19:43
Speaker 1: Do you all have any rules when you do argue or have a disagreement, as in, we never go to bed angry? Yeah, no cursing, no name calling, you have no threatening to leave. I'm done with you, I'm done with Do you all have any rules when you disagree?
00:20:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've never named I was about to say I never ever.
00:20:03
Speaker 2: Oh, he would get so much ship if there was name going.
00:20:06
Speaker 3: Again, I ever called her a name, that would be gosh, bad dude.
00:20:17
Speaker 2: We've never gone to bed angry either. I want to make sure that we never do that.
00:20:21
Speaker 3: Usually resolve it before bed, and even if it's not fully resolved, like we'll talk about it the next day, but before we go to bed. It's like, listen, you know, I'm the one that usually apologizes first.
00:20:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, he usually does because his fault.
00:20:34
Speaker 3: He knows better, because I know better. It's definitely a lot of times, it's uh, it's definitely both of our faults and majority of times because.
00:20:46
Speaker 4: It's always the case.
00:20:47
Speaker 3: Yes, it's just the truth is always somewhere in the middle. But I also recognize that it's certainly not worth because I, like, I don't want to be pissing and moaning either, and like the I want this to be resolved as soon as possible, and one of the ways to do that is if I take action and I apologize and yeah, I'm okay with that.
00:21:05
Speaker 2: He can move on faster than I can.
00:21:07
Speaker 3: So I think that when he initiated, I don't hold on to grudges, No, and like he.
00:21:10
Speaker 2: Really truly doesn't care after an hour, and I'm like, okay, well, I'm glad you don't care because I do. But as long as you say sorry, I'm right and move on.
00:21:20
Speaker 4: It's not a guy. That's not a guy. Girl. We talked to a lot of couples and it's I am the way you are. Actually, I'm like, you take me forever. And she's.
00:21:31
Speaker 1: Even like thirty minutes. I'm like, life is short. I cannot I can't stand feeling like conflict or I can't stand that feeling there whatever, I'm just done. I don't care like that is, but he needs a day sometimes it's crazy.
00:21:47
Speaker 2: I do as long as he apologize, as long as he says like I'm sorry, I love you. It's usually what he does, I love you. And then I'm like, it's powerful. That's but the cursing I have to do. I mentioned because it's usually the cursing that actually starts the fight. Yeah, I agree, he escalates whatever little like whatever we're having with a curse. It's not directed, I mean, not like fu but like he'll be like and I'll be like this.
00:22:15
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'll just like, instead of being like this sucks, I'll just say this fing sucks, and like the difference between this sucks and this sucks like is a big difference. And as soon as I say it, my damn it. But it's just because it's just the New England and me, you know.
00:22:35
Speaker 4: But we have talked to the couples who that was one. They said that was an absolute rule, do not curse, because no matter what's happening that's going to escalate no matter what, So you all are not alone in the.
00:22:47
Speaker 1: Yes, what do you think of couples who say they never fight?
00:22:52
Speaker 2: I mean, like there's I remember, like a couple of months ago, there's like celebrity couples that likely did it, and it was like couples that have never fought, And I'm like, does that mean that they I guess, you know what, I don't think we really ever fought until I don't know.
00:23:08
Speaker 3: Are just I don't even think they just they fight in different ways. And yeah, I.
00:23:14
Speaker 2: Wouldn't say it's a fight. I would say it's a disagreement or like a yeah, it's not really a fight.
00:23:21
Speaker 3: Like we never raise our voices, we don't call each other names, like we always do a very good job of resolving things. We never really argue. But I would never say we don't fight, or just the way we fight is different than the way other couples fight.
00:23:31
Speaker 4: Yeah, have you all ever gone to couple's therapy? And what do you think about the idea of it?
00:23:40
Speaker 2: We have it, but I've wanted to at points and I like the fact that, like you, I like it as a maintenance thing. Because we have so many friends that have like the best marriages, but they all go to couple's therapy, and I think it's just kind of like a workout for your relationship.
00:23:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I'm fine with it. I'm just don't like therapy. I'm just going to so much therapy, like individual therapy, and it's just like I don't know how much help it's really given.
00:24:09
Speaker 2: I wanted to go to help him with himself, is like maybe we can go together and help you.
00:24:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's what that's the issue. I know, if we go to the couple's therapy, it's all gonna be about me. Like I'm the one with get him to go the construction zone. Got me that needs remodeling, you know what I mean, her house is going to be built, she's got a backyard. It's like, but I'm the one that's like dilapidated and needs fixed.
00:24:36
Speaker 2: But I'm totally down to go. But yeah, he's just not a huge fan. He's a New England guy.
00:24:44
Speaker 3: I can totally. I wouldn't totally go. I would absolutely go.
00:24:47
Speaker 4: Okay, we haven't we haven't either.
00:24:49
Speaker 1: We did one on Zoom and you basically did not participate.
00:24:53
Speaker 4: You were just like this because I was to go tell the lady, tell him the lady. You didn't I can either neither was she was.
00:25:02
Speaker 1: Talking to us like we were kindergarteners. I see how that must make you feel. It was like, please, this is not gonna work.
00:25:08
Speaker 2: That's probably why he doesn't like it, because like you have to date therapists to find the right one.
00:25:14
Speaker 3: I also, I also think zoom. I just I can't do zoom because I need to be out of my own element. Like if I'm in my house, like, yeah, I'm like Ashley's gonna hear everything I'm saying, probably so I feel like I have to like whisper. And then also, just like I'm in my environment, I'd rather be in someone else's room, like surrounded by you know, the smell of mahogany and books, and just like feel more comfortable and be like and then then maybe I'll let loose a little bit more.
00:25:41
Speaker 4: That actually makes sense. Here's a tip she can tell you. When she does her therapy sessions at the house. She goes to the back, she closes the door, puts on a white noise machine, requires me to play a movie very loud in the front and music in the back.
00:25:53
Speaker 2: Because otherwise I would not like when he goes to the bathroom. True.
00:26:07
Speaker 1: Do you also you mentioned you have a lot of friends, which is pretty cool, that have great marriages. They're in therapy. You say, but are there mistakes you've seen other couples make? And we asked this question in the sense that other people are listening to these episodes with folks who have figured things out and are wondering, what do you see in other couples and think, man, they're doing something. If they could only change this or if they just avoided that, their relationship would be better.
00:26:41
Speaker 2: I see a lot of I can actually answer the opposite. I see a few of our friends on Instagram, not that we like interact with the whole bunch, but and they like really prioritize date night. Yeah, and we need to do that better.
00:26:57
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:26:58
Speaker 3: I think we don't prioritize us as a husband and wife over us as mom and dad. We definitely prioritize us as being parents over our relationship.
00:27:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know that's like, actually not what you're supposed to do, which feels really weird when you have a one and a half year old and a four year old.
00:27:14
Speaker 3: But I do think that that, like we are very focused on the four of us right now, the two kids in us, and so that really puts our focus as us too in a relationship on the back burner. Yeah, but it's definitely kind of a little bit of a conscious decision that we both made because there's only so much time in the day. But in terms of other couples, I'd say, like, I just think the supportive thing is what comes back to me if I see other couples and like you can tell the little like bickering or like I'll see a buddy of mine where it's like, bro, just like what's a good example I'm trying to Like if the kid needs something, you know, and like he it's like just get it, just bro, just get it. Like don't like she's busy, just get it and then it's over, you know. But he'll make a point of being like, no, I'm not getting it. She needs to get it, or like like it's always it's the point, you know what I mean. That's what I see in other couples. It's like they'll they'll they'll be so stubborn to get their point across. It's like, bro, if you just do it, it's over, and she'll she'll feel guilty, like she'll feel guilty if you do it, and then you want you know what I mean, And he's like, no, I can't do it. I'm like, all right, all right, but like not in seeing gender role.
00:28:30
Speaker 2: I think it's like not blending gender roles. Like when I see dads not help out with the kids, that's where I can feel a lot of tension.
00:28:40
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:28:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it sounds like you were talking about keeping score too, like that is when like, no, she didn't do this, so I'm not doing that like that, And.
00:28:47
Speaker 3: Every every couple keeps whether they say they do or they don't. It's just a human fact of life, you know. I mean I try not to do it. But even with the dishes, obviously.
00:28:57
Speaker 2: Every day when I see him cleaning the dishes, I'm like, damn, there's one point gone for me.
00:29:02
Speaker 3: And it's not even like that. It's not even dishes, dude, it is pops and hands, and like just because it's been in there for like sixteen hours, damn, actually just rinse it out before you put in this sink.
00:29:18
Speaker 4: It's not a big deal. That's but actually does so many.
00:29:21
Speaker 2: House to have the dishwatchers situation so that there's always one to put them in. That's so snotty.
00:29:30
Speaker 3: That's how that do you have that.
00:29:33
Speaker 4: We don't have?
00:29:34
Speaker 1: That we know we don't we have.
00:29:36
Speaker 4: You know, we're both clean freaks. Our house stays. If one of us sites a pot and the sink, we're fighting over who's getting it first. Well we just have to be that way.
00:29:44
Speaker 1: That's that is Luckily, Yes, we're both crazy neat freaks, so we're we actually job really well. In fact, I knew when we were just friends and he had a dressing room next to mine, and I saw how perfectly clean, and I pointed his dressing room was. I was like, like, this guy and when he gets stressed and upset, he cleans, and I was it's not good. Now when he's upset and stressed about me and I see him cleaning like creepy, I'm like, ooh, it's not gonna be a good day. You know, everybody has their own little quirk's final question here, what would you say is the key to your relationship success? What keeps you all together? And why do you think you all will make it to the bitter end?
00:30:27
Speaker 2: I think we easily talk things through. I think we're able to really communicate pretty well.
00:30:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think Also, I I'm trying to phrase it. Were you scared of my answer?
00:30:44
Speaker 2: No, I'm not scared to answer. I'm thinking about other things. I think I will say, bring up this interesting point. So I'm now one of you, going to be one of the real housewives of Rhode Island, right, And I've got a few messages that I've really wanted to respond to because people are like, this is like doomsday for every couple, and I'm like, well, Jared and I have gone through the ringer before, and I think that a lot of like when you sign up for a show like that, usually those people are like experiencing fame for the first time, experiencing their relationship, experiencing fame for the first time, and we have like gone through all of that, and it's just like, I think we're in a great position.
00:31:30
Speaker 3: I think. Also, I don't know if you're gonna like this answer. I hope you do, because I like it a lot. I love Ashley being a part of my world, and I love being a part of Ashville.
00:31:42
Speaker 2: That's like so nice. Why would I not love that?
00:31:44
Speaker 3: That's wonderful because it's not just about you and I, it's about everything encompassing. Like I love I love playing softball.
00:31:52
Speaker 2: I don't love going to softball, but I do it.
00:31:54
Speaker 3: But I love when Ashley brings the kids, like I love having Ashley there with the kids, like you know, it's I love that. And I love when we have family get togethers and Ashley comes, because Ashley blends in so well with my friends and family. And then I feel, not to speak for you, but I feel that I blend pretty well with you.
00:32:14
Speaker 2: You are the ultimate blender with my so's.
00:32:17
Speaker 3: It's one of those things that like it's so seamless that I, you know, I wouldn't want that to change, and so I think that's nice.
00:32:29
Speaker 2: That's so so perfect. Yeah, absolutely, Oh my gosh. When he when weren't dating my mom was when he'd come over to my house in Virginia and my mom would be like, he fits in so well, Like it would be so oddly comfortable to have him around.
00:32:43
Speaker 1: That's awesome. You all fit together, you belong together. We really appreciate you well. You were you were so open, you were so honest. We so appreciate that. It does help people to know that they're not alone like me too. It just feels good to know that other people's are figuring things out as they go. Some people have it more figured out than others. But we just appreciate you opening up and sharing your love story with us.
00:33:07
Speaker 2: Of course.
00:33:08
Speaker 3: Thank you, yeah, thank you so much. We love answering questions.
00:33:11
Speaker 2: We do this in a long time. It's good for us. It feels like a date.
00:33:14
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, guys, thank you for being a part. The only thing I will give you all this one piece of advice. You all said it and it really spoke to me. But it came from her parents. No matter what, your relationship comes first, even before the kids. That sounds crazy because you have to remember the only reason the kids are here is because you all were good in the first place. Why are you messing with the foundation at all? You all are the priority. Date nights, movies, get the sitter, do what you gotta do again. I just always thought that was good advice, and it sounded like something you all were struggling with or dealing with, but it was a It was a good nugget. So we're here to help couples, all of them. Take that with you. From her parents.
00:33:51
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you, thank you so much.
00:33:57
Speaker 4: To you, guys.
00:33:57
Speaker 2: Bye, guys, bye, thank you. The kitchen poke a patent