July 4, 2026
Love Island Love Lesson (EP 27): Women Need A Corbin In Their Friend Group
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RSS Feed After watching last night’s episode, we had a full discussion of why women would benefit from a heterosexual man in their friend group, and Corbin proved why. We talk about how women validate each other’s feelings and that might not always be helpful when you’re dealing with a toxic relationship like Melanie and Sincere’s. T.J. goes over what he would tell Melanie and why Corbin has suddenly emerged as the voice of reason in the villa.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: And folks, it is Saturday, fourth of July and Love Island episode twenty seven last night should have proven to you that you need a Corbin in your life, but we're not saying to date. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Robes. Corbin has turned a corner the last two or three episodes. He's become a different type of character and he is one Robes that I have been yelling. You've heard me say this for years. Every woman needs a Corbin in their life.
00:00:36
Speaker 2: Well, what you've said, because this was outside of Love Island, and this is true. You have said this to me for years now, because you've heard me talk about or talk with girls about relationships. And you say, really, that's what you got out of this, that's what you're telling your friend. That's what your friend told you. Y'all are crazy and your point is, And tell me if I'm wrong that women tend to support wherever their friend is. So if a girl says, oh my god, he is treating me so badly, it's so toxic, I can't stand when he does, they say, you're right, girl, dump him, go find someone else. And if you say, oh my.
00:01:17
Speaker 1: God, I know he messed up, but he's so sweet. Follow your heart, girl, Yes, follow your heart. He loves you, he just keeps messing up. You support each other with whatever that emotion might be.
00:01:31
Speaker 2: Something we validated.
00:01:32
Speaker 1: I say that, yes, okay, that's the better way.
00:01:34
Speaker 2: To validate each other. And look, this is something beautiful about women. Look, and I'm talking about good friends, because we can get into the toxicity of women and all of that, but I'm talking about your good girlfriend group who you trust, you love what we do tend to do and I do it, and there is a need and a and I and I and I think it's a beautiful thing that we validate each other. We validate each other's feelings. We make each other realize you're not crazy, because I think women get called crazy by men all the time because we are emotional. Because we lead with our emotions, sometimes logic goes out the door. And look, I think society is a better place because women do lead with emotion. And yes, it can cause some messiness, but there's I think a need and a value for it, and we understand that as women. And sometimes it's fun to have sabine on the couch with us, or even my daughters as well, because you'll see it's not just me saying it. Like women, we do operate different Oh oh my god, very differently, and you're blown away by it sometimes to see collectively how we can all think one thing and respond one way and you're feeling something completely different.
00:02:38
Speaker 1: This is one I would it's the best thing if you can watch this with a big group and a big group of girls and guys. There's so many breakthroughs you could have because my jaws dropped as I'm watching the show, and there are six women on the couch as we're watching here, Sabine included, and you all are all seeing it the exact same way and is one hundred percent opposite the way that I'm seeing it, Like wow, and it is fascinating because everybody is valid and true and authentic in what they're feeling, and nobody's wrong. It's just amazing that we are seeing the exact same thing so differently. So this robes is what I always talk about. There's a there's perspective that's missing sometimes in a woman's counsel that I always say is needed.
00:03:26
Speaker 2: It's we steer each other, perhaps in the wrong direction, because there is less logic, And perhaps I don't want to say honesty because you're not being You're not being dishonest by supporting your girl and by validating how she's feeling. But perhaps you're leaving out some important advice that's necessary.
00:03:47
Speaker 1: Okay, So can I ask then is this one something that generally, because I'm a guy on the outside, I have an idea? But do you think this is a thing that women generally tend to do? That maybe you're not giving the most honest or even sometimes sound advice because your priority in those moments, emotional moments are to support and validate.
00:04:10
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:04:10
Speaker 1: Is that right?
00:04:11
Speaker 2: Absolutely? And because I think a lot of times women don't feel validated by their partners at all, and that is what is missing. And you we're called crazy, you're being ridiculous. How many times have I heard that in my life? It could actually bring tears to my eyes. So you feel so misunderstood and so misheard and so invalidated that you need your girls.
00:04:33
Speaker 1: So the next thing there is that in doing so, do you actually end up not giving the soundest of advice?
00:04:42
Speaker 2: Possibly yes, in moments, yes, And I hadn't thought about that until you have brought it up and you have said, that's not what I would ever counsel my female friend to do. I would have said something completely different. And so I think, yes, there is a un important sociological need for women to band together and to support each other and to validate feelings and emotions, because we don't often get that from men. But there is a place and an important part of making a good decision when it comes to relations to hear from the other side, to understand what a male friend would say. And we say a heterosexual man, because I do think having a lot of gay men in my life, they do tend to do the same thing. They give you that support, and they give you that validation, and they do lead with emotions, and so I do think, and not to like generalize, but that has been my experience, and I think that is probably a because they might operate a little bit more with emotion. That's been my experience than a straight guy. And it's a very different reaction to things.
00:05:48
Speaker 1: And it's fair to say, and just about you, you and I. Ever since I've known you, you've been surrounded about a lot of gay males, right, you had a lot of male gay Yes, And I.
00:06:01
Speaker 2: Don't really, the only heterosexual male friend I really had that was close to.
00:06:04
Speaker 1: Me was you and did my advice though often go inside and link up with the same aimes.
00:06:11
Speaker 2: It annoyed me because what you are saying is not what I want you to say. And so I'm used to literally I remember you as a friend. You would always give me the counterpoint. You would always ask me to look at it from a different perspective, and it would annoy me because sometimes a lot of times, maybe most of the time, women, I will speak for myself. I wanted you to validate me, and you don't do that. You don't do that, and and I understand that there is a value to that, because you're asking me to think from a different perspective, and in a moment of distress, that's not what I want to hear.
00:06:52
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a very very good point, and that is a difference between men and women. Oftentimes with ropes in that moment, what you need is different from what I Why often things you need.
00:07:04
Speaker 2: Yes, I've even seen you do it with Sabine, and I'm telling you. Initially I remember thinking, okay, good, it's not that he's just a contrarian to me, and he thinks I'm doing things wrong and I'm saying things wrong and feeling things wrong. I see him saying the same type of things to Sabine and I was like, Okay, that's just how he operates. But it's so foreign to me because I will tell you a lot of men will just go you're ridiculous, and they won't you will actually sit down and say have you thought about it like this? And I'm telling you it is annoying to hear sometimes because I just want you to tell me that what I'm feeling is right.
00:07:42
Speaker 1: You can, Yeah, it's so. Yes, this all comes about and we're discussing this now because last night, who knew Corbyn was going to end Parmita but end up being a voice of reason and talking to Melanie. Melanie, and we've seen these clips and we went back, I think, and we watch to be sure. Yeah, we watched the episode a second time and we're going through it again. That when she's upset, they say the hell with sincere f him? He ain't about nothing, he ain't moving right in here. And then when she has a sweet moment where she said yea, yeah, but I like him, she can be in tears. Yeah, but I like him.
00:08:18
Speaker 2: You should sleep in bed with him tonight. Lead with your heart girl?
00:08:21
Speaker 1: So what so? What so is that as a woman watching this and other women watching look at that and go, yes, they are giving the proper support to her.
00:08:29
Speaker 2: They're giving her permission to feel what she's feeling and to lead with her heart. And if she's feeling like she wants to leave him, they're like, you do that, Yeah, he's a dog. But if she's feeling like she misses him and she wants to be from them like, lead with your heart, girl, They're just supporting her feelings and telling her to lead with her heart. And that might not be.
00:08:47
Speaker 1: The best advice, and we can acknowledge that oftentimes it is, it is not. And it showed up Robes in the episode last night where Corbin and Parmita, of all people the voice of reason, they are Robes. You can make this argument. They made one of these smartest arguments for compatibility that anybody made in the episode because they plucked these two out and said, Okay, sure you're hot for each other, but they actually said you're bad for each other. Robes, that is not something I think a woman who was close to Melanie would have ever said, and I don't think a if she had other men in her circle like a Corbin, she would have heard that much sooner.
00:09:36
Speaker 2: Wow. And last night, after the break, we will talk about what Corbin said to Melanie when she directly asked him what she should do. We'll hear what TJ thinks about Corbin's response and how we can all as women. I'm assuming most of the people listening here are women, can take that advice and use it and apply it in our own lives. That's when we come back and all right, welcome back everybody. We are discussing why us women might need some Corbin's in our friend group. Because Corbin, this is so shocking. I can't believe this is coming out of my mouth. Last night actually said to Melanie something that a woman would never say. She said, what should I do? Corbyn? Should I sleep in bed with sincere tonight? Should basically? And that was basically an entrance back into a relationship with him by going back and sleeping in the bed with him. She's now saying, Okay, I'm back in this couple and let's see where this goes. And Corpin said, what was he said? I will not tell you what to do. He said, I'm going I'm not here to tell you what to do. I think you have to decide for yourself if this is something that you want. But it's not on me to tell you what to do.
00:11:06
Speaker 1: Okay, Now what would And this is they hugged it out at the end. This is that conversation, right, what would a woman have told her to do? That exact same question? What do you think?
00:11:14
Speaker 2: Justaf they were all telling her to go into bed with him? I saw them. She asked the same thing to them and they all told her, girl, go sleep in the bed with him. You know you want to go do it? So they told her to lead with her heart and to sleep in the bed with him, and she.
00:11:30
Speaker 1: Did, not saying there's any bad advice one way or another. But there's just a perspective. Often times that is offered from a guy, a dude who is often sat in the same position that the dude you're pursuing has sat in. Right, there's a different perspective completely robes and we also look at it and this is all this is worthy. The fact that a guy like a Corbyn is not looking at it emotionally is at least worth listening to that perspective. Have to take that advice, but it does offer some kind of I would say, a counterbalance.
00:12:05
Speaker 2: Yes, And it was interesting because what Corbyn essentially was doing is he was empowering her. He was like, basically, you shouldn't outsource crowdsource this. Ask yourself what you should do. You know, deep down in your gut, you and by the way, we all do, deep down in our guts, we do know what the right thing is to do. So I ask you, heterosexual man TJ, my friend and my fiance, what would you tell Melanie?
00:12:36
Speaker 1: I would have told her a week plus ago. You've got to stop. At some point. You've passed the point now, my dear Melanie, of blaming him. I've used this line before. I know people hate it, but please take it in the right context. Men are only dogs because they're allowed to be. And what I mean by that is, he screwed you over once, Okay, forgive him screwge over twice? Now anything after that? Why are we still blaming him? We know what he is, and we know what he does, and now we know that he knows he can keep getting away with it. You could have ended this pattern and ended this behavior long time ago by just making a different decision. That is the hard tough love I give to people I love and friends I have known and good friends who are I thought were in bad relationships, wherease that's I would have told her that weeks ago looked at a Melanie love you, But baby, this is on you. I don't want to have a conversation with you again about how much of an asshole sincere is. This power is in your.
00:13:39
Speaker 2: Hands, and that's what you're doing. You're empowering the woman in that moment, and I think that that is valuable because I know us girls, and there is a valuable part of us supporting each other and validating each other's feelings. But there is a missing element to that. We're actually in some ways we don't even know how to empower ourselves because we just want to support, but actually having someone give that tough love and telling her that she actually has the power to end this, end this awful cycle, to end this awful dynamic by walking away. And I will tell you the biggest mistakes I have made in my life romantically have not been walking away sooner. That absolutely has been, and I have to own that and I've only learned that through a lot of heartbreak and a lot of years, and I can look back now and say that was my biggest mistake, not trusting my gut, not following what my gut told me, and not leaving sooner but a single time.
00:14:37
Speaker 1: Four Melanie, this crew up right. It takes I experience to figure that stuff out.
00:14:41
Speaker 2: And having the perspective of someone who has a different mindset, and truly, truly, men absolutely have a different mindset than women. Just even look at when they put the women in one group and the men in one group and they're watching the same movie on movie nights. The difference in reaction is it was right there. It's so fascinating to see men collectively react one way, women collectively react the other way. And you're you can't believe how the women react, and I'm like, hell, yeah.
00:15:12
Speaker 1: It's so I think.
00:15:14
Speaker 2: We were like, yeah, Melanie set the boundary. Yeah you tell him prove your love to me. And you were like, I cannot believe do you actually think that that's good advice? I'm like, yeah, she needs to set a boundary, she needs to say prove your love to me.
00:15:25
Speaker 1: And you said, what that is the absolute wrong thing to do in any relationship. And this is going to blow up like he does not appreciate that. Don't don't step back. Both people. Everything that happens in a relationship, no matter who screws up, it's still the responsibility of both of them in that relationship. If one checks out and say you need to prove something to make up this, it just doesn't work. That dynamic doesn't work.
00:15:47
Speaker 2: So what should Melanie have done on which part? Well, when the girls were all telling her and she when she said to him, Okay, fine, I'm gonna sit back and see what you do because your words have not no words are not reliable, your actions are. So you're gonna have to prove to me that you are actually in this for real. What what should she have said in side.
00:16:09
Speaker 1: The council would have been one hundred percent not to say that. You just ask I would ask that friend, so what do you want to do? What do you want to happen?
00:16:19
Speaker 2: And what I said, I want to be in a relationship with him. I want to be in a relationship.
00:16:23
Speaker 1: With Then the Melanie, how are we going to do that? Tell me what you need from him? Tell him what you need from him either he gives it to you. Oh, he doesn't. There's nothing that's not an ultimate.
00:16:33
Speaker 2: He shouldn't check out.
00:16:34
Speaker 1: She's you can't just say my hand, I'm just gonna sit over here and you can prove to me if you want to. That immediately puts him on the defensive. It puts him in a position of trying to meet a standard that you're not even setting. So he can go he can go buy your rolls Royce. That might not be good enough. He can go buy your new house, that might not be good enough. He can send flowers, he can do everything, but he doesn't know what the standard is because you have now checked out on a relationship, and all you're putting a relationship in a position that one person is.
00:17:01
Speaker 2: Responsible and you're giving him all the power only one that I never would have and I never would have thought about what you just said, because I thought what she did was right. It's what I would have done. I think it's what most women would have done.
00:17:13
Speaker 1: And this is the thing. When you're in a relationship with a heterosexual male, why you're not talking to other heterosexual males about how to deal with it. You all are going to women to your gay best friend to try to understand heterosexual male behavior. Does that make sense?
00:17:35
Speaker 2: It's funny now that you say it.
00:17:37
Speaker 1: What council are you getting? I can tell you immediately the casey stuff. I was like, babe, No, this is what's happening. This is what's going on.
00:17:47
Speaker 2: This is what's fascinating. And it all developed and we're learning about our relationship, or at least I am. Hearing you defend the men, and I think you're understanding more about our relationship hearing me defend the women.
00:17:59
Speaker 1: Letting let's put this the right way. Explain the men and explain the women.
00:18:02
Speaker 2: What do you mean? Oh yeah, exactly. That's a good point. Not defend, but explain.
00:18:08
Speaker 1: And context is important. None of these are bad people. They're having bad moments and we all do. And that's okay.
00:18:15
Speaker 2: I highly suggest I know men, your men are probably not that into Love Island. But we are getting so much value out of this we have from the beginning. So I just think this is a great a great show for relationships for people who are in a couple to watch together. It is fascinating. All right, We're gonna come back soon with another love lesson. We're learning doing the girl Yeah, we're gonna do the girl code because that's a huge thing that you were learning about that. I was incense and so were all the girls on the couch watching. So we'll get into what girl code is and how that plays into relationships. So stay tuned for that. But in the meantime, we always appreciate you listening to us. I made me robot alongside DJ Holmes. We will talk to each
00:19:00
Speaker 1: The two tens
Speaker 1: And folks, it is Saturday, fourth of July and Love Island episode twenty seven last night should have proven to you that you need a Corbin in your life, but we're not saying to date. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Robes. Corbin has turned a corner the last two or three episodes. He's become a different type of character and he is one Robes that I have been yelling. You've heard me say this for years. Every woman needs a Corbin in their life.
00:00:36
Speaker 2: Well, what you've said, because this was outside of Love Island, and this is true. You have said this to me for years now, because you've heard me talk about or talk with girls about relationships. And you say, really, that's what you got out of this, that's what you're telling your friend. That's what your friend told you. Y'all are crazy and your point is, And tell me if I'm wrong that women tend to support wherever their friend is. So if a girl says, oh my god, he is treating me so badly, it's so toxic, I can't stand when he does, they say, you're right, girl, dump him, go find someone else. And if you say, oh my.
00:01:17
Speaker 1: God, I know he messed up, but he's so sweet. Follow your heart, girl, Yes, follow your heart. He loves you, he just keeps messing up. You support each other with whatever that emotion might be.
00:01:31
Speaker 2: Something we validated.
00:01:32
Speaker 1: I say that, yes, okay, that's the better way.
00:01:34
Speaker 2: To validate each other. And look, this is something beautiful about women. Look, and I'm talking about good friends, because we can get into the toxicity of women and all of that, but I'm talking about your good girlfriend group who you trust, you love what we do tend to do and I do it, and there is a need and a and I and I and I think it's a beautiful thing that we validate each other. We validate each other's feelings. We make each other realize you're not crazy, because I think women get called crazy by men all the time because we are emotional. Because we lead with our emotions, sometimes logic goes out the door. And look, I think society is a better place because women do lead with emotion. And yes, it can cause some messiness, but there's I think a need and a value for it, and we understand that as women. And sometimes it's fun to have sabine on the couch with us, or even my daughters as well, because you'll see it's not just me saying it. Like women, we do operate different Oh oh my god, very differently, and you're blown away by it sometimes to see collectively how we can all think one thing and respond one way and you're feeling something completely different.
00:02:38
Speaker 1: This is one I would it's the best thing if you can watch this with a big group and a big group of girls and guys. There's so many breakthroughs you could have because my jaws dropped as I'm watching the show, and there are six women on the couch as we're watching here, Sabine included, and you all are all seeing it the exact same way and is one hundred percent opposite the way that I'm seeing it, Like wow, and it is fascinating because everybody is valid and true and authentic in what they're feeling, and nobody's wrong. It's just amazing that we are seeing the exact same thing so differently. So this robes is what I always talk about. There's a there's perspective that's missing sometimes in a woman's counsel that I always say is needed.
00:03:26
Speaker 2: It's we steer each other, perhaps in the wrong direction, because there is less logic, And perhaps I don't want to say honesty because you're not being You're not being dishonest by supporting your girl and by validating how she's feeling. But perhaps you're leaving out some important advice that's necessary.
00:03:47
Speaker 1: Okay, So can I ask then is this one something that generally, because I'm a guy on the outside, I have an idea? But do you think this is a thing that women generally tend to do? That maybe you're not giving the most honest or even sometimes sound advice because your priority in those moments, emotional moments are to support and validate.
00:04:10
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:04:10
Speaker 1: Is that right?
00:04:11
Speaker 2: Absolutely? And because I think a lot of times women don't feel validated by their partners at all, and that is what is missing. And you we're called crazy, you're being ridiculous. How many times have I heard that in my life? It could actually bring tears to my eyes. So you feel so misunderstood and so misheard and so invalidated that you need your girls.
00:04:33
Speaker 1: So the next thing there is that in doing so, do you actually end up not giving the soundest of advice?
00:04:42
Speaker 2: Possibly yes, in moments, yes, And I hadn't thought about that until you have brought it up and you have said, that's not what I would ever counsel my female friend to do. I would have said something completely different. And so I think, yes, there is a un important sociological need for women to band together and to support each other and to validate feelings and emotions, because we don't often get that from men. But there is a place and an important part of making a good decision when it comes to relations to hear from the other side, to understand what a male friend would say. And we say a heterosexual man, because I do think having a lot of gay men in my life, they do tend to do the same thing. They give you that support, and they give you that validation, and they do lead with emotions, and so I do think, and not to like generalize, but that has been my experience, and I think that is probably a because they might operate a little bit more with emotion. That's been my experience than a straight guy. And it's a very different reaction to things.
00:05:48
Speaker 1: And it's fair to say, and just about you, you and I. Ever since I've known you, you've been surrounded about a lot of gay males, right, you had a lot of male gay Yes, And I.
00:06:01
Speaker 2: Don't really, the only heterosexual male friend I really had that was close to.
00:06:04
Speaker 1: Me was you and did my advice though often go inside and link up with the same aimes.
00:06:11
Speaker 2: It annoyed me because what you are saying is not what I want you to say. And so I'm used to literally I remember you as a friend. You would always give me the counterpoint. You would always ask me to look at it from a different perspective, and it would annoy me because sometimes a lot of times, maybe most of the time, women, I will speak for myself. I wanted you to validate me, and you don't do that. You don't do that, and and I understand that there is a value to that, because you're asking me to think from a different perspective, and in a moment of distress, that's not what I want to hear.
00:06:52
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a very very good point, and that is a difference between men and women. Oftentimes with ropes in that moment, what you need is different from what I Why often things you need.
00:07:04
Speaker 2: Yes, I've even seen you do it with Sabine, and I'm telling you. Initially I remember thinking, okay, good, it's not that he's just a contrarian to me, and he thinks I'm doing things wrong and I'm saying things wrong and feeling things wrong. I see him saying the same type of things to Sabine and I was like, Okay, that's just how he operates. But it's so foreign to me because I will tell you a lot of men will just go you're ridiculous, and they won't you will actually sit down and say have you thought about it like this? And I'm telling you it is annoying to hear sometimes because I just want you to tell me that what I'm feeling is right.
00:07:42
Speaker 1: You can, Yeah, it's so. Yes, this all comes about and we're discussing this now because last night, who knew Corbyn was going to end Parmita but end up being a voice of reason and talking to Melanie. Melanie, and we've seen these clips and we went back, I think, and we watch to be sure. Yeah, we watched the episode a second time and we're going through it again. That when she's upset, they say the hell with sincere f him? He ain't about nothing, he ain't moving right in here. And then when she has a sweet moment where she said yea, yeah, but I like him, she can be in tears. Yeah, but I like him.
00:08:18
Speaker 2: You should sleep in bed with him tonight. Lead with your heart girl?
00:08:21
Speaker 1: So what so? What so is that as a woman watching this and other women watching look at that and go, yes, they are giving the proper support to her.
00:08:29
Speaker 2: They're giving her permission to feel what she's feeling and to lead with her heart. And if she's feeling like she wants to leave him, they're like, you do that, Yeah, he's a dog. But if she's feeling like she misses him and she wants to be from them like, lead with your heart, girl, They're just supporting her feelings and telling her to lead with her heart. And that might not be.
00:08:47
Speaker 1: The best advice, and we can acknowledge that oftentimes it is, it is not. And it showed up Robes in the episode last night where Corbin and Parmita, of all people the voice of reason, they are Robes. You can make this argument. They made one of these smartest arguments for compatibility that anybody made in the episode because they plucked these two out and said, Okay, sure you're hot for each other, but they actually said you're bad for each other. Robes, that is not something I think a woman who was close to Melanie would have ever said, and I don't think a if she had other men in her circle like a Corbin, she would have heard that much sooner.
00:09:36
Speaker 2: Wow. And last night, after the break, we will talk about what Corbin said to Melanie when she directly asked him what she should do. We'll hear what TJ thinks about Corbin's response and how we can all as women. I'm assuming most of the people listening here are women, can take that advice and use it and apply it in our own lives. That's when we come back and all right, welcome back everybody. We are discussing why us women might need some Corbin's in our friend group. Because Corbin, this is so shocking. I can't believe this is coming out of my mouth. Last night actually said to Melanie something that a woman would never say. She said, what should I do? Corbyn? Should I sleep in bed with sincere tonight? Should basically? And that was basically an entrance back into a relationship with him by going back and sleeping in the bed with him. She's now saying, Okay, I'm back in this couple and let's see where this goes. And Corpin said, what was he said? I will not tell you what to do. He said, I'm going I'm not here to tell you what to do. I think you have to decide for yourself if this is something that you want. But it's not on me to tell you what to do.
00:11:06
Speaker 1: Okay, Now what would And this is they hugged it out at the end. This is that conversation, right, what would a woman have told her to do? That exact same question? What do you think?
00:11:14
Speaker 2: Justaf they were all telling her to go into bed with him? I saw them. She asked the same thing to them and they all told her, girl, go sleep in the bed with him. You know you want to go do it? So they told her to lead with her heart and to sleep in the bed with him, and she.
00:11:30
Speaker 1: Did, not saying there's any bad advice one way or another. But there's just a perspective. Often times that is offered from a guy, a dude who is often sat in the same position that the dude you're pursuing has sat in. Right, there's a different perspective completely robes and we also look at it and this is all this is worthy. The fact that a guy like a Corbyn is not looking at it emotionally is at least worth listening to that perspective. Have to take that advice, but it does offer some kind of I would say, a counterbalance.
00:12:05
Speaker 2: Yes, And it was interesting because what Corbyn essentially was doing is he was empowering her. He was like, basically, you shouldn't outsource crowdsource this. Ask yourself what you should do. You know, deep down in your gut, you and by the way, we all do, deep down in our guts, we do know what the right thing is to do. So I ask you, heterosexual man TJ, my friend and my fiance, what would you tell Melanie?
00:12:36
Speaker 1: I would have told her a week plus ago. You've got to stop. At some point. You've passed the point now, my dear Melanie, of blaming him. I've used this line before. I know people hate it, but please take it in the right context. Men are only dogs because they're allowed to be. And what I mean by that is, he screwed you over once, Okay, forgive him screwge over twice? Now anything after that? Why are we still blaming him? We know what he is, and we know what he does, and now we know that he knows he can keep getting away with it. You could have ended this pattern and ended this behavior long time ago by just making a different decision. That is the hard tough love I give to people I love and friends I have known and good friends who are I thought were in bad relationships, wherease that's I would have told her that weeks ago looked at a Melanie love you, But baby, this is on you. I don't want to have a conversation with you again about how much of an asshole sincere is. This power is in your.
00:13:39
Speaker 2: Hands, and that's what you're doing. You're empowering the woman in that moment, and I think that that is valuable because I know us girls, and there is a valuable part of us supporting each other and validating each other's feelings. But there is a missing element to that. We're actually in some ways we don't even know how to empower ourselves because we just want to support, but actually having someone give that tough love and telling her that she actually has the power to end this, end this awful cycle, to end this awful dynamic by walking away. And I will tell you the biggest mistakes I have made in my life romantically have not been walking away sooner. That absolutely has been, and I have to own that and I've only learned that through a lot of heartbreak and a lot of years, and I can look back now and say that was my biggest mistake, not trusting my gut, not following what my gut told me, and not leaving sooner but a single time.
00:14:37
Speaker 1: Four Melanie, this crew up right. It takes I experience to figure that stuff out.
00:14:41
Speaker 2: And having the perspective of someone who has a different mindset, and truly, truly, men absolutely have a different mindset than women. Just even look at when they put the women in one group and the men in one group and they're watching the same movie on movie nights. The difference in reaction is it was right there. It's so fascinating to see men collectively react one way, women collectively react the other way. And you're you can't believe how the women react, and I'm like, hell, yeah.
00:15:12
Speaker 1: It's so I think.
00:15:14
Speaker 2: We were like, yeah, Melanie set the boundary. Yeah you tell him prove your love to me. And you were like, I cannot believe do you actually think that that's good advice? I'm like, yeah, she needs to set a boundary, she needs to say prove your love to me.
00:15:25
Speaker 1: And you said, what that is the absolute wrong thing to do in any relationship. And this is going to blow up like he does not appreciate that. Don't don't step back. Both people. Everything that happens in a relationship, no matter who screws up, it's still the responsibility of both of them in that relationship. If one checks out and say you need to prove something to make up this, it just doesn't work. That dynamic doesn't work.
00:15:47
Speaker 2: So what should Melanie have done on which part? Well, when the girls were all telling her and she when she said to him, Okay, fine, I'm gonna sit back and see what you do because your words have not no words are not reliable, your actions are. So you're gonna have to prove to me that you are actually in this for real. What what should she have said in side.
00:16:09
Speaker 1: The council would have been one hundred percent not to say that. You just ask I would ask that friend, so what do you want to do? What do you want to happen?
00:16:19
Speaker 2: And what I said, I want to be in a relationship with him. I want to be in a relationship.
00:16:23
Speaker 1: With Then the Melanie, how are we going to do that? Tell me what you need from him? Tell him what you need from him either he gives it to you. Oh, he doesn't. There's nothing that's not an ultimate.
00:16:33
Speaker 2: He shouldn't check out.
00:16:34
Speaker 1: She's you can't just say my hand, I'm just gonna sit over here and you can prove to me if you want to. That immediately puts him on the defensive. It puts him in a position of trying to meet a standard that you're not even setting. So he can go he can go buy your rolls Royce. That might not be good enough. He can go buy your new house, that might not be good enough. He can send flowers, he can do everything, but he doesn't know what the standard is because you have now checked out on a relationship, and all you're putting a relationship in a position that one person is.
00:17:01
Speaker 2: Responsible and you're giving him all the power only one that I never would have and I never would have thought about what you just said, because I thought what she did was right. It's what I would have done. I think it's what most women would have done.
00:17:13
Speaker 1: And this is the thing. When you're in a relationship with a heterosexual male, why you're not talking to other heterosexual males about how to deal with it. You all are going to women to your gay best friend to try to understand heterosexual male behavior. Does that make sense?
00:17:35
Speaker 2: It's funny now that you say it.
00:17:37
Speaker 1: What council are you getting? I can tell you immediately the casey stuff. I was like, babe, No, this is what's happening. This is what's going on.
00:17:47
Speaker 2: This is what's fascinating. And it all developed and we're learning about our relationship, or at least I am. Hearing you defend the men, and I think you're understanding more about our relationship hearing me defend the women.
00:17:59
Speaker 1: Letting let's put this the right way. Explain the men and explain the women.
00:18:02
Speaker 2: What do you mean? Oh yeah, exactly. That's a good point. Not defend, but explain.
00:18:08
Speaker 1: And context is important. None of these are bad people. They're having bad moments and we all do. And that's okay.
00:18:15
Speaker 2: I highly suggest I know men, your men are probably not that into Love Island. But we are getting so much value out of this we have from the beginning. So I just think this is a great a great show for relationships for people who are in a couple to watch together. It is fascinating. All right, We're gonna come back soon with another love lesson. We're learning doing the girl Yeah, we're gonna do the girl code because that's a huge thing that you were learning about that. I was incense and so were all the girls on the couch watching. So we'll get into what girl code is and how that plays into relationships. So stay tuned for that. But in the meantime, we always appreciate you listening to us. I made me robot alongside DJ Holmes. We will talk to each
00:19:00
Speaker 1: The two tens