Long-Distance, Dating Blunders, and Incompatible Sex Drives with Golden Bachelorette Joan Vassos

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Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. It's Golden Bachelorette. Joe Basso's taking over and I'm here in San Francisco ahead of the big Game. The atmosphere is just full of energy. We're actually here with some fellow Bachelor alums, so we're having a great time reconnecting. And then we get to meet and spend some time with some stars from Bravo. We had a party with them last night over in Sasolito overlooking the city. It was just full of light and so beautiful. And we're having such a great time celebrating ahead of the big game. And people ask me all the time since I do cooking videos, is like, what is my favorite food to make for the big game? For the parties that we have, And first of all, I love to host a football party because I am a football fan. Unfortunately, right now, I am a Commander's fan. I've been one for all my life and we have not had a big game appearance in a lot of years. But I'm a faithful fan. So my family will beginning together to watch the game. And I love making dips, so my favorite is of a daily onion dep If you want the recipe, it's on my Instagram, otherwise you can DM me and I'll send it to you. It's delicious. It's kind of famous amongst my family and friends. So that's my favorite thing to do. But I like to get down to some of the questions that you guys have sent in for me, because they are really good and it kind of describes a lot of what happens after you've been on the Golden after you've been the Golden Bachelorette, and after you get engaged. So the first one is from Tracy forty eight, and she's asking, do you get tired of having to prove that you and Chalk are still a couple? And that is such a good question because I do feel very invested in making sure everybody knows that we are still really good, but like I have to balance that with kind of living in the moment so people invested in our journey. It's so flattering that people care that we're still together and that they cared to watch the show and think about us even after the show. That's like just so nice and like it warms my heart. And I need to do better because Chalk and I are together all the time and we are great. In fact, we're better than ever and that keeps happening. Every time we get to be together, and every time that we share more experiences, our relationship grows stronger. I'm just really bad about documenting it. I don't pull out my phone when we're out to get dinner. I don't pull out my phone when we're walking the dog. I don't pull out my phone when we're sitting watching Netflix like the series that we're into. So we're together a lot. I'm just really bad about documenting it. So I'm sorry Bachchination. I'm sorry about you know, to all you people that are invested in our journey. Talk and I are still together. I am going to do a better job about showing us together. So we're going to be with each other next week in Punchacona for a couple of days. We're taking a little vacation. I'm so excited to get to some warm weather and I am going to do I promise you, I'm going to show us together. So we will squelch the rumors for like another month, and then they'll start bubbling back up and I'll do a better job about posting. So I have another question, and this one is from Dina fifty two, and she said Valentine's Day is around the corner. Do you and Chalk have plans? We actually do. So we are going to be in LA doing a brand deal for a new audible book coming that's coming out. So we're going to happen to be together on the thirteenth, and so we're staying extra night in the hotel. It's a cute little hotel that I spent some time in when I'm in La before, and we both love it and has a pool, and so we're going to be together. We're going to be relaxing and just spending the time in a different city. It's fun to travel. It's kind of what we do. We don't live together. He lives in Kansas. I live in Maryland. When we meet up, we sometimes I sometimes go to Kansas. He sometimes comes to Maryland. But it's a lot more fun meeting someplace that we are kind of on vacation. So we meet in La sometimes because we have things that we need to do there, and then we extend our vacations where we go to Florida or like I said, we're going to Puntacana. So we see each other a lot. This Valentine's Day, We're going to be together in LA. So thanks for that question. It's a good one because it's hard when you're doing a long distance relationship. But this Valentine's Day, we are going to be together. And this next one is from at Cynthia Gregory or Gregory or I'm not really positive how you say your name, but I appreciate the question. So this one is from Cynthia g Just curious on how you and Chalk felt living together for a month in New York. Oh, that is such a good question. That was so joyous. It was kind of a bucket list or maybe the beginning of fulfilling a bucket list item. So he and I both talked while we were filming The Golden Bachelrette that we know it comes from a small town in Kansas. I come from a pretty big town. I come from Washington, d C. But we both always wanted to live in New York City. Odd dream, but we both had that, and he promised to me while we were on the go Golden Bachelorette. He gave me a key that was symbolic of a journey that he wanted to take with me, and that was to live in New York City. We did try to find a place for a bunch of months. It's very difficult. All you New Yorkers know this. It's hard to find a place to live, especially if you're not living there already, because things will come up and if you're not there the day that they go on the market, you lose. So for me to get from Maryland to New York as quick and I could never make it in time before place has kind of disappeared. So we got an airbnb for a month and we spent the whole month of December in New York and we had a blast. It was like we kind of got a glimpse of what life would look like living together because it was the most time we had spent together kind and it wasn't in a hotel. We're usually in a hotel, so it was in a home, it was an airbnb. We spent a whole month together and it was wonderful. So that was a great experience. I think we will do New York again. Hopefully we will do it for a longer period of time, but we've talked about maybe going back and doing another month in the fall because both of us love a fall in New York. So maybe in the next you know, eight or nine months, we'll be back doing again. The next question is from Carol sixty two. She says, I'm sixty two years old and have been divorced for twenty years. I've had some boyfriends here and there, but nothing long lasting. I've done the apps, but not great. What else should I try? Oh gosh, Carol, I feel for you. I did the apps too, and it felt like a job. To me. It felt like you always had to be online. If you weren't quick about answering questions or showing interests back, people got offended. You had to spend so much time on your phone, and then you would go out on dates and you probably have experienced that a lot of times they weren't the people that you expected to be meeting. They often looked different, they acted different. So I think dating apps are hard, but I have a hard time figuring out what would get you more opportunity. So dating apps you certainly get a lot of action, you see a lot of people, well, you get a lot of choices. It's the easiest way to weed through. I though, in the long run, think that meeting someplace in person is a lot better and you get a better idea about a person obviously than spending a lot of time texting back and forth. So I would say get out there. Get out there more than anything that feels comfortable. Go out and like, let's say you go to dinner with a friend, which I did a lot. So I had a lot of girlfriends and I would go to dinner and we would go sit at a table. Don't sit at a table, go sit at a bar. It invites people to come talk to you. You have more organic conversations when you sit at a bar. So don't sit at a table, sit at a bar. Go to things that you wouldn't normally go to. Go to a park, take your dog on a walk, join a wine tasting club. If you like community service, you know, join a food bank. You're going to meet like minded people if you go to do things that you enjoy doing. So I feel like getting out there, but you know, making it a little bit of a job. So making a bigger effort than just going out once in a while, make it a thing that you do every day. Have a plan every day of how you're going to go out and maybe meet somebody. So I think aside from the dating apps, which I completely agree with, you are very difficult and it is a little bit like a job. I think just getting out there in the real world and trying to meet somebody organically is maybe approach you should take. At the same time, you know, maybe don't get off the dating apps completely, but use them as your second tool. Maybe make the first one getting out there. I hope that helps, because I feel for you, girl, I know how hard it is. The next one is Rebecca. She's forty five, and she says, Joan, I love how confident you are. And I've been engaged to my fiance for almost a year. We're getting married this summer. One of the things that upsets me though, the most, is how frequent his communication is with me. Won't respond to text or return my calls for hours. How do you address this without him hurting, without me hurting his feelings? Wow? Huh, I mean, like, I guess the first thing that comes to my head is is he really busy? Does he have a job that's very demanding or do you just feel like he's reading your text or seeing that you called and ignoring you? So I feel like maybe there's something deeper there. If that's the case, that maybe he doesn't consider what you have to do or your feelings like as that important. That would concern me the fact that you're getting married. Okay, So I know he loves you, right, Okay, so let's start from the obvious. You guys are in love. Why is he discounting your need to communicate with him? If it's because he's busy, I think we have to give him grace. But I think that you eventually need to come to an agreement that says when I call you, oftentimes it's because I need to tell you something or ask you something. So I think that you know, unless you're stuck in a meeting or doing something super important, could you try to call me back within an hour or can you try to send me a quick text say sorry, I can't talk right now, but we'll call you and give me a timeframe so I'm not sitting around waiting. I feel like you're expectations are valid that he should respond in some way, even if the response is I can't talk right now and I will call you later. So I guess I don't think you would be hurting his feelings to say that that is an expectation, and you know, I also always go with the saying in my head that people treat you the way you allow them to treat you, so in a nice way, I think you can say I'm not going to allow you to treat me like that that I think I'm being reasonable by having a higher expectation, So I don't think it's a bad thing for you to expect more. I hope that helps. Recca. That's a hard one. I know. I'm a non confrontational person, so having those conversations I know are hard, So good luck with that. Jared fifty three, I've been divorced for five years and finally found someone I click with that I been dating for three months. When it comes to sex, I like to have it often, mostly because at the end of my marriage I wasn't having any. And I feel like the woman I'm thinking doesn't have the same sex drive as me, as me should I move on? H So that's a tough one. I feel like the innate sex drive of a person is maybe something that is just kind of in them, and they might not just have the same you know, urges or need the same thing as you need. But I think if you are if it's something that you really want, I think you need to have the conversation because sometimes even if you're not in the mood and your partner is, if you go ahead and let it happen, sometimes it's really great. And maybe her saying no and you still feeling like you're not being satisfied, maybe there's a middle ground that you guys could figure out. So I think you need to have a conversation with her. And maybe your sex drives don't match, but maybe there is a middle ground that you guys can find that both of you your feelings will be validated. So Jared, I get it. You're fifty three years old, You're obviously a healthy, good guy, and I understand that sometimes men's urges are maybe a little more than women's. But I think you can probably figure that out with her and you can find it kind of a middle ground. Okay. The next one is Christine. She's sixty four. She says, Joan, I love watching your love story with chalk happen. I can relate because I also lost my husband, who is my everything. After his passing, I had to start working more to make a living. A month ago, I was lonely and accepted a date offer from a coworker. There wasn't any chemistry, but now there is a weird tension in our office. Is there any way to fix this? Oh? I get it, girl. I know you probably felt so good to for someone to be asking you out and feel wanted and a coworker that's always a sticky situation. I think you just need to have that conversation. I'm sure that they're feeling that maybe you're not into it. It's you know, most people can feel that, So I think that the conversation needs to be have like as flattered. You're a really great person. I love working with you. I don't want that to change the reason we even went out on a date because we both you know, have respect for each other or you know, whatever it is that you guys had before. Try to get back to that. Yeah, because you're gonna have to rite. You have to earn a living, and so does he. So I think that conversation is, you know, important for your feelings but also for your income. So I think that that's twofold, and I think you can do it, and I think you can do it successfully because I'm sure he's probably feeling the same way. At this point, he probably knows you're not super interested. So the next question is from Lily, and she's sixty four, and this is when I really relate to. Says, my best friend recently lost her husband of over thirty years. I'm so heartbroken for her, but I don't know what to do. How should I show support for her? Is there a way to honor her husband that will make her feel loved? God, Lily, Boy, that's just hitting home really a lot. So ironically, I had a friend whose husband passed away before minded, and I struggled with this exact same question, so I can see it from both sides. So I remember just maybe daily in the beginning, just texting her or calling her and just saying thinking about you know you're hurting. There's nothing else you can say. There's nothing that's going to relieve the hurt. But it does show that you're thinking about her, that she's not sitting alone in that room, alone in her grief, that she has people that still love her. So reach out, send cupcakes, you know, reach out and say, I know you're lonely. I know you don't want to go out, but I'm taking out to dinner. Whether you want to go or not. The people that force you to get out of your house and get out of your grief, it's surprising how much better it makes you feel. I remember making my friend go out and her saying at the end of the night, boy, I really needed this. I didn't. I really didn't want to put on clothes and leave my house. I didn't want to like face life. But sometimes like doing that slowly and doing it every once in a while with some that you no loves you and is going to take care of you is exactly what you need. And you have to be forced to do it. So force her to go out even if she doesn't want to, or show up on her doorstep with a bottle of wine or with dinner or something, and make her start to live again, because you know, taking those first steps after losing somebody is really hard, especially if you've had a long marriage or a long relationship. So show her that she's loved. It's simple. You just have to send a text or you know, make her go out every once in a while and have your other friends. I'm sure that you're not her only friend suggests that to other people, because one person doing it is great, multiple people doing it is even greater. So the more you know people that touch her, even from Afar, the better it is. So yeah, make sure she knows your love. She's loved, you know that you love her. Make sure that she knows that you love her. So I think that's it for questions. I think we're running out of time. I have a bunch more that I would love to answer, So maybe next time I'll get the opportunity to do this again. Then thank you all for actually even sending these questions. I appreciate that you think that I can help you, and I hope I did. Okay, are you in your chapter two and need some advice? Call us or email us. All the infos in the show notes, so follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review this podcast, and I do part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective