Nov. 9, 2025
Just How Happy Are YOU? And the One Toxic Trait That Kills Most Relationships
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RSS Feed A behavioral and happiness expert just gave a fascinating interview about the balance between happiness and unhappiness. Apparently we need both in our lives, but there are healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with them. Amy and T.J. go over which countries report being happiest and unhappiest, what age range is the most joyful and what it is in our lives that actually makes us happy… FYI it’s not money. And, we talk about the one behavior that experts say ends most relationships!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody.
00:00:03
Speaker 2: It's Sunday, November eighth, and we are asking you how happy are you right now? Take a beat think about it, because today we're talking about the balance between happiness and unhappiness and the one toxic trait that kills most relationships. According to experts, it's one of the top four reasons for divorce.
00:00:24
Speaker 3: It kills your happiness or it kills your relationship.
00:00:26
Speaker 2: It kills your relationship. Okay, but how happy are you right now?
00:00:31
Speaker 3: In life?
00:00:31
Speaker 4: We're in my relationship because those are two different I'm sorry. I don't really don't know the direction we were going with this, so I'll stand.
00:00:36
Speaker 1: By no, how happy are you generally not?
00:00:39
Speaker 2: I mean, your relationship obviously weighs into your happiness, and we'll get into that.
00:00:43
Speaker 4: Didn't I sound sincere? We actually are as we record this, we are in Miami. You already put it out there and told everybody where we were So sorry. But I was on the stage last night, and what did you hear me say sincerely to that crowd?
00:00:56
Speaker 1: You said, I'm the happiest and healthiest I've been in my life.
00:01:00
Speaker 3: There, So there's your answer.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: All right? And I would also say that I to feel.
00:01:06
Speaker 2: Happy, and look, you're supposed to feel unhappy too, And that's one of the really interesting things. So most people, and I think this is true, we spend our lives chasing happiness and avoiding or running away from from unhappiness.
00:01:18
Speaker 4: Would you say that that's standard stuff? Is what you're suposed to do. What are you talking about here? I don't know where are we going with this?
00:01:22
Speaker 1: All right?
00:01:23
Speaker 2: So a behavioral science scientist and happiness expert, he's a professor at Harvard, just gave an interview about the balance between happiness and unhappiness, and he said that those two emotions are actually processed in different hemispheres of your brain, and you need both.
00:01:40
Speaker 3: I need to be unhappy. Yes, why does this you said, Harvard?
00:01:43
Speaker 4: Yeah, it doesn't automatically mean you have credentials by it.
00:01:46
Speaker 3: I'm kidding. Obviously we have to listen to this guy.
00:01:49
Speaker 2: But because he said, you need to have those those moments of unhappiness so that you can process what's going wrong in your life. If you never felt unhappy or uncomfortable, you would never change, you would never grow, you would never make adjustments.
00:02:02
Speaker 4: Do you need to if you're not unhappy? I'm saying, if you're not feeling unhappy, what do I need to adjust?
00:02:09
Speaker 2: This very important and respected and intelligent Harvard professor says that it's important to feel unhappy.
00:02:16
Speaker 4: So you're telling me my University of Arkansas education should not be challenging this guy.
00:02:20
Speaker 3: Okay, go ahead, I'm listening.
00:02:21
Speaker 2: This was interesting. How I'm curious because I was shocked by these numbers. I got these from a twenty twenty four poll. Here the most recent happiness global survey. How many adults? What percentage of adults do you think report being happy?
00:02:37
Speaker 3: Is a country breakdown?
00:02:39
Speaker 1: We will get into that there is a country breakdown.
00:02:42
Speaker 3: I think that would make a huge difference.
00:02:44
Speaker 4: But the other thing I'm trying to factor in is how many people are going to be honest about it? Like, who wants to admit actually that they're not happy?
00:02:50
Speaker 1: So overall, globally, overall.
00:02:53
Speaker 3: How many say they're happy?
00:02:55
Speaker 1: Yep?
00:02:55
Speaker 3: I would go sixty five percent.
00:02:58
Speaker 1: Dang, you're good. Sixty four percent.
00:03:01
Speaker 2: Two thirds of adults report being happy, and fourteen percent report.
00:03:06
Speaker 1: Being very happy.
00:03:07
Speaker 3: Lies.
00:03:08
Speaker 1: Fourteen percent though it's much smaller.
00:03:11
Speaker 3: Actually, that's higher than I thought.
00:03:12
Speaker 2: Yes, save, I was surprised, so countries with the highest proportion of adults considering themselves as very happy.
00:03:20
Speaker 4: Okay, the country break down? How many countries I got to consider here.
00:03:24
Speaker 1: All of them?
00:03:25
Speaker 3: Who would be happiest?
00:03:26
Speaker 1: Okay?
00:03:26
Speaker 2: Of the ones that are the happiest one, two, three, four, and then there are two like honorable mentions.
00:03:32
Speaker 1: So you can have six countries that are in that top don't care.
00:03:35
Speaker 4: Isn't it always what is it Switzerland and Sweden? And isn't it always in that area?
00:03:40
Speaker 1: I would have guessed that too, But all.
00:03:42
Speaker 3: The time they always say those folks are happier.
00:03:44
Speaker 2: It's I would have they say they have a higher quality of life, would lead to better happiness, of course. But number one Canada twenty nine percent. And then there's a three way tie for two Australia, Saudi Arabia and India. And India actually has been like consistently when you look at the annual reports, India is at the highest.
00:04:06
Speaker 3: Well, they're all this is for what for the happiest people?
00:04:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep.
00:04:09
Speaker 2: And then the Great Britain and the United States twenty seven percent, so very close behind.
00:04:14
Speaker 3: Twenty seven percent of Americans say they're happy.
00:04:16
Speaker 1: Yep.
00:04:17
Speaker 3: That's bad. Only a quarter of the three hundred and.
00:04:21
Speaker 1: Very happy, very happy?
00:04:23
Speaker 3: Now I think it's too high.
00:04:25
Speaker 2: Now, what are the countries that have the lowest percentage of people who say they are not happy at all?
00:04:32
Speaker 3: Okay?
00:04:32
Speaker 4: Are any of these third world? Or are we talking about Western modern societies here?
00:04:38
Speaker 1: Two of them are considered third world, one of them not.
00:04:41
Speaker 3: So there's three that are of some unhappy. I wouldn't know. Where have we been that people look miserable? Have we been to these places?
00:04:48
Speaker 2: I have been to these places, but I would not have put these I probably shouldn't say who I've seen to be the most unhappy collectively as a country. But number one at the bottom is argent Tina nineteen percent.
00:05:01
Speaker 1: Least happy, least happy.
00:05:03
Speaker 3: Probably all constipated.
00:05:06
Speaker 1: That they're they're nineteen percent say that, yeah, that they're not happy.
00:05:08
Speaker 2: So Argentina, Turkey next, and then Japan that not happy, not happy. That surprised me, really why because I just feel like they have order and structure in their country.
00:05:21
Speaker 3: They it doesn't include happiness or instructure.
00:05:24
Speaker 1: You're right, they have to do what they're told. That is very true. Okay, all right, now, it's room to.
00:05:29
Speaker 3: Be happy or unhappy.
00:05:30
Speaker 2: You know, we did a story about the happiness you curve.
00:05:34
Speaker 1: Remember we did this in Morning Run.
00:05:36
Speaker 2: I believe maybe we even did a full podcast on it when they have aged. Yes, yes, do you remember we are happiest in old age. People in their sixties and seventies are most likely to say they're happy seventy five percent and seventy six percent.
00:05:50
Speaker 1: Those are huge.
00:05:51
Speaker 3: Older people are happy.
00:05:52
Speaker 2: Are happy, and we I think we said it was like forty eight, but they in this poll they said those in their fifties are the least happy. So starting at a forty eight forty nine up until about fifty eight, so we're in the throes of unhappiness.
00:06:04
Speaker 4: I thought the thing we did was it would show that the unhappiest to you are in your life is like forty seven point two forty.
00:06:09
Speaker 3: Or something like that. But I thought it starts going back up.
00:06:11
Speaker 1: This one said not until like fifty six fifty seven.
00:06:14
Speaker 3: There's this the Harvard gun again.
00:06:17
Speaker 2: All right, this what makes you happy? Because I've got the top three things that make you happy?
00:06:23
Speaker 3: Nothing nothing makes me happy.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: You know what that reads?
00:06:27
Speaker 4: Absolutely nothing makes me happy. Something can add to or take away from. But I'm good and I have to be you have to think that way. I mean, I had to train myself over the past five plus years of this. But you if I am saying, oh, man, everything's gonna be good as soon as I get this new job. Oh everything's gonna be good as soon as I move into this new place. So everything, if these things can make you happy, or oh she makes me happy, he makes me We talk about this all the time. You should not give away your power, essentially by saying this other thing is necessary to make happy.
00:06:57
Speaker 3: So what. There are plenty of things that I add.
00:06:59
Speaker 4: To travel, you and I get on a plane together, a great horror movie, great food, having people in the house cooking.
00:07:07
Speaker 3: I enjoy that they add to my happiness.
00:07:09
Speaker 2: You know what, It's funny because I agree, and I've always well recently in recent you're subscribed to this, don't give away your power. It's upon you to regulate yourself. You can't expect someone else to do it for you. However, it's funny. You won't even take credit when I say something like you made me laugh or you made me smile, or you made me You're like, I can't make you do anyhing. You won't even take credit for the good stuff because you don't want to be blamed for the bad stuff.
00:07:34
Speaker 3: What do I say?
00:07:34
Speaker 4: If I can make you do anything, then why can't I make you be quiet? That's using my response jokingly.
00:07:42
Speaker 1: I know you're kidding.
00:07:43
Speaker 2: I know. I mean, yes, I know your humor. It does make me laugh, whether you want to believe it or not. So what makes us happy? According to this this is now a twenty twenty four pole.
00:07:54
Speaker 3: What makes people happy?
00:07:55
Speaker 2: Yep?
00:07:55
Speaker 3: Kind of guess is it? Is it? Money? Is money in there anywhere?
00:08:00
Speaker 1: They do bring that up, but it is not. Number one makes people?
00:08:04
Speaker 3: Okay, go ahead, Then what.
00:08:05
Speaker 1: Makes us happy? My family and my children.
00:08:09
Speaker 4: Where's the list of what things that make me unhappy? I've been at the top as well.
00:08:13
Speaker 2: I've got I agree with you completely. Number two feeling appreciated and loved. Totally agree. If you feel appreciated and loved, it does bring a happiness to you. And number three this I agree. Feeling in control of my life.
00:08:30
Speaker 4: Makes you feel happy? Yeah, oh my god, I let that one go. Who is in control of their life? Please let me hear this. It's an an illusion.
00:08:39
Speaker 2: It's this feeling in control my life, not being in control, feeling in control. So financial situation I actually put this interesting. Financial situation came in at number five, so lower than you would think. And this one really surprised me. But this is about what makes you happy. Physical health and well being only came in at eight, and I think that I was trying to get my head around that, because when you're feeling happy, you're not thinking about your health. You're not even appreciating it because you haven't experienced the opposite. So if you've always felt good and you you're healthy, you're not really recognizing how much that does contribute to your happiness and joy.
00:09:16
Speaker 4: I wonder if it was a breakdown of demographics, if older people have that higher on.
00:09:20
Speaker 2: Their list, yes, I would think, So what makes us unhappy? The number one was your financial situation unhappy?
00:09:26
Speaker 1: Yow, So there you go.
00:09:28
Speaker 2: It doesn't having money doesn't necessarily make you happy happy, but not having money makes you unhappy?
00:09:34
Speaker 4: Wait a minute, then those things should be If not having it makes you unhappy, then having it should make you happy?
00:09:40
Speaker 3: Is that not worth?
00:09:41
Speaker 2: But isn't that interesting that that's not what this study showed? And so this was this was again from our Harvard professor who I've been talking about.
00:09:51
Speaker 1: Oh no, I've got it. It's up here. I just didn't. I just didn't say it all that.
00:09:54
Speaker 2: Arthur Brooks is his name, And Arthur Brooks talked about how we manage when we are unhappy negative emotions, and he said there are some people who experience them more intensely.
00:10:06
Speaker 1: Would you agree with that?
00:10:07
Speaker 3: Who experience negative emotions? Do you experience them or you express them more intensely? Right?
00:10:13
Speaker 4: Is your pain worse than mine? Or I'm just better at expressing myself and not getting as upset.
00:10:18
Speaker 2: He is saying that some people actually experience more mental anguish than others. And I would think, like, if you think about brain chemistry and how we inherit that that's kind of a part of our DNA. I know that just even seeing my children, one child is generally happier than the other. And that's just and they were born that way when they were babies.
00:10:36
Speaker 3: Wait, which one is the happier one?
00:10:40
Speaker 1: That's funny, I think, And I guess I thank you already now.
00:10:43
Speaker 2: But so he calls these people high negative effect individuals negative effect, Okay, and so, and he said the quickest way that people go to try and manage all of this is the unhealthy ways, which drugs, alcohol, technology as a distraction. So you go and you just you're feeling like craps. You go and you just scroll on Instagram and you just doom scroll.
00:11:05
Speaker 4: All those things are the same thing. You're essentially looking for a distraction from the way you feel.
00:11:08
Speaker 2: Correct correct, And so that is one of the worst things you can do in terms of managing unhappiness.
00:11:16
Speaker 4: Well, folks, we'll continue on how you should manage your unhappiness, but we are going to hit on exactly what maybe you should be doing to improve your situation. Stay here, folks, whether you are happy or unhappy, we want you to keep listening.
00:11:31
Speaker 3: Stay here.
00:11:40
Speaker 2: We continue our conversation now about how many of us are happy, how many of us are unhappy, and how we manage some of those negative feelings. And according to our Harvard professor, the first thing you should do is ask yourself, why am I doing that? Why am I feeling this? You need to get curious about your pain, why you're feeling the way you exactly, so once you kind of understand it, it helps you tackle it and figure out what you can do about it.
00:12:05
Speaker 1: And he says, your best outlet.
00:12:07
Speaker 2: What do you think your best outlet is for negative emotions and unhappiness?
00:12:11
Speaker 4: Is it not another person? Not talking to somebody? An outlet for your emotions? You're not gonna say like giving back? He Nope, volunteer all the time.
00:12:23
Speaker 2: You know, I do believe that when you can't help yourself, if you help someone else, it does elevate everybody. It is. But you're gonna know this one you just start thinking about it. Exercise number one best way if you are feeling down, go to the gym, Go for a run, go for a walk.
00:12:38
Speaker 1: It one hundred percent helps.
00:12:40
Speaker 4: Yeah, go to the gym, see all those hot people. That should make you feel better about what you're going through.
00:12:45
Speaker 2: And then he also describes, and a lot of folks will agree with this, a metaphysical or spiritual connection. So whether you're praying to God, you're meditating, you're doing your yoga. But whatever spiritual connection, divine connection, you need that that genuinely helps when you're feeling unhappy or down. So he says the two best ways for you to manage your anxiety, this is a quote, get in touch with your faith or spirituality and go pick up heavy things and run around.
00:13:12
Speaker 3: Okay, is there a third option?
00:13:15
Speaker 2: No? So he said, physical activity and exercise and spiritual activity are a heck of a lot better for your mental health, including your relationship.
00:13:24
Speaker 3: Spiritual not just religious. I'm making it correct, right, correct.
00:13:26
Speaker 2: And so speaking of relationships, he goes into this, and this was something I teased at the very top, and this was so interesting. One of the worst ways to manage negative emotions and the number one toxic trait to hurt your relationship is constant excessive work or what he calls workaholism. And that's the headline actually that got me to click on this initial article, and I thought, wow, I never considered that, And I went and looked and did some more research, and several groups of lawyers whatever, they collect data about what the leading causes of divorce is, and workaholism, they say is in the top four reasons why people get divorced.
00:14:09
Speaker 4: So what are we talk Are we just talking about someone dedicated? You're essentially ignoring your relationship by putting more time into work than your relationship with.
00:14:16
Speaker 2: That yep, So Brooks says most workaholics today are actually not required to do so by their boss. It's almost always self imposed. So they he said, most workaholics are their own tyrannical bosses. And he said this, there has never been a workaholic who had a functional relationship.
00:14:35
Speaker 3: That's untrue.
00:14:36
Speaker 4: Now, Okay, out of Jokinbasm or earlier stuff, he can feel that way.
00:14:41
Speaker 2: Then we have different Some estimates suggest that marriages where at least one spouse is a workaholic are twice as likely to fail. That's the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
00:14:53
Speaker 3: You know, they bunch a Harvard guys as well.
00:14:56
Speaker 2: Yes, but I'm going to give here's here's a quote from Brooks that I think will help clear this up. Okay, most workaholics are distracting themselves from things in their life that they don't like. And they know they're super good at work, and they can get into kind of a zone when they're working and they don't think about the things they don't want to be thinking about. That is where workaholism generally comes from.
00:15:19
Speaker 3: Can you read the first part of the Again.
00:15:20
Speaker 2: Most workaholics are distracting themselves from things in their life that they don't like.
00:15:25
Speaker 4: Okay, if I stop right there, then it's not you being a workaholic. That's causing the problem in the relationship. You are turning yourself into one because there's a problem in your relationship. It's not lee, it's possible. I'm saying there's a possibility. I just got chills when you said that. The case one that has been my personal experience. When I read this, a lot of this resonated with me.
00:15:50
Speaker 2: I absolutely have said before that it feels as though I was married to my job. That was the love of my life. That was you know, even before children. Obviously they are the loves of my life, but the happy one and I guess I love them both equally, just differently. But no, and I that makes sense. You're you're pointing to something that hit me. Maybe it's a symptom of a relationship problem versus you creating a problem in your relationship. There, it is there, and I do I do appreciate the next line. And they know they're super good at work. So if you're also if you're feeling like your relationship is terrible, but you know, when you go to work, you feel like you've got a sense of accomplishment and people say way to go. Yes, that's going to fuel you because you're getting that that feeling of validation and achievement, and if you're not getting it in your relationship, if you're getting it there, that's where you're going to spend most of your time.
00:16:49
Speaker 3: It's that simple.
00:16:50
Speaker 4: If I if I'm good at basketball and suck at golf, I'm going to spend more time at basketball, and my golf game's gonna hurt.
00:16:56
Speaker 3: I mean, there's a sports analogy.
00:16:58
Speaker 4: But if if you're ignoring this other thing, yes, we all, I'm successful at this, I'm gonna.
00:17:02
Speaker 3: Do the thing.
00:17:02
Speaker 4: I'm good at this other thing, I'll keep it by the side. Yes, that sucks and it's work, man, it's a lot of well.
00:17:08
Speaker 2: He suggests if you can recognize that and then turn if you whatever, like, whatever you appreciate, appreciates, right, that's what they say. So if you can turn that focus onto your relationship, you might see major improvements.
00:17:19
Speaker 3: So mister Brooks, so doctor brook.
00:17:21
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, I think it's something that we can all think about and something that we can all use to improve. I know, exercise for me has been I just I felt validated when I read that because my runs have been my therapy. I don't know what I would do without that outlet.
00:17:36
Speaker 4: Okay, I guess all of our listeners know that most of our subjects here just for your validation, So I'm glad we found another one to make you feel good about yourself.
00:17:44
Speaker 2: I just think everybody can appreciate some guidance about being happy and how to avoid being unhappy. And with that, everyone, we hope you have a very, very happy Sunday. I'm made Robock alongside my love TJ.
00:17:57
Speaker 1: Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.
00:18:00
Speaker 3: Then, the pat P
Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody.
00:00:03
Speaker 2: It's Sunday, November eighth, and we are asking you how happy are you right now? Take a beat think about it, because today we're talking about the balance between happiness and unhappiness and the one toxic trait that kills most relationships. According to experts, it's one of the top four reasons for divorce.
00:00:24
Speaker 3: It kills your happiness or it kills your relationship.
00:00:26
Speaker 2: It kills your relationship. Okay, but how happy are you right now?
00:00:31
Speaker 3: In life?
00:00:31
Speaker 4: We're in my relationship because those are two different I'm sorry. I don't really don't know the direction we were going with this, so I'll stand.
00:00:36
Speaker 1: By no, how happy are you generally not?
00:00:39
Speaker 2: I mean, your relationship obviously weighs into your happiness, and we'll get into that.
00:00:43
Speaker 4: Didn't I sound sincere? We actually are as we record this, we are in Miami. You already put it out there and told everybody where we were So sorry. But I was on the stage last night, and what did you hear me say sincerely to that crowd?
00:00:56
Speaker 1: You said, I'm the happiest and healthiest I've been in my life.
00:01:00
Speaker 3: There, So there's your answer.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: All right? And I would also say that I to feel.
00:01:06
Speaker 2: Happy, and look, you're supposed to feel unhappy too, And that's one of the really interesting things. So most people, and I think this is true, we spend our lives chasing happiness and avoiding or running away from from unhappiness.
00:01:18
Speaker 4: Would you say that that's standard stuff? Is what you're suposed to do. What are you talking about here? I don't know where are we going with this?
00:01:22
Speaker 1: All right?
00:01:23
Speaker 2: So a behavioral science scientist and happiness expert, he's a professor at Harvard, just gave an interview about the balance between happiness and unhappiness, and he said that those two emotions are actually processed in different hemispheres of your brain, and you need both.
00:01:40
Speaker 3: I need to be unhappy. Yes, why does this you said, Harvard?
00:01:43
Speaker 4: Yeah, it doesn't automatically mean you have credentials by it.
00:01:46
Speaker 3: I'm kidding. Obviously we have to listen to this guy.
00:01:49
Speaker 2: But because he said, you need to have those those moments of unhappiness so that you can process what's going wrong in your life. If you never felt unhappy or uncomfortable, you would never change, you would never grow, you would never make adjustments.
00:02:02
Speaker 4: Do you need to if you're not unhappy? I'm saying, if you're not feeling unhappy, what do I need to adjust?
00:02:09
Speaker 2: This very important and respected and intelligent Harvard professor says that it's important to feel unhappy.
00:02:16
Speaker 4: So you're telling me my University of Arkansas education should not be challenging this guy.
00:02:20
Speaker 3: Okay, go ahead, I'm listening.
00:02:21
Speaker 2: This was interesting. How I'm curious because I was shocked by these numbers. I got these from a twenty twenty four poll. Here the most recent happiness global survey. How many adults? What percentage of adults do you think report being happy?
00:02:37
Speaker 3: Is a country breakdown?
00:02:39
Speaker 1: We will get into that there is a country breakdown.
00:02:42
Speaker 3: I think that would make a huge difference.
00:02:44
Speaker 4: But the other thing I'm trying to factor in is how many people are going to be honest about it? Like, who wants to admit actually that they're not happy?
00:02:50
Speaker 1: So overall, globally, overall.
00:02:53
Speaker 3: How many say they're happy?
00:02:55
Speaker 1: Yep?
00:02:55
Speaker 3: I would go sixty five percent.
00:02:58
Speaker 1: Dang, you're good. Sixty four percent.
00:03:01
Speaker 2: Two thirds of adults report being happy, and fourteen percent report.
00:03:06
Speaker 1: Being very happy.
00:03:07
Speaker 3: Lies.
00:03:08
Speaker 1: Fourteen percent though it's much smaller.
00:03:11
Speaker 3: Actually, that's higher than I thought.
00:03:12
Speaker 2: Yes, save, I was surprised, so countries with the highest proportion of adults considering themselves as very happy.
00:03:20
Speaker 4: Okay, the country break down? How many countries I got to consider here.
00:03:24
Speaker 1: All of them?
00:03:25
Speaker 3: Who would be happiest?
00:03:26
Speaker 1: Okay?
00:03:26
Speaker 2: Of the ones that are the happiest one, two, three, four, and then there are two like honorable mentions.
00:03:32
Speaker 1: So you can have six countries that are in that top don't care.
00:03:35
Speaker 4: Isn't it always what is it Switzerland and Sweden? And isn't it always in that area?
00:03:40
Speaker 1: I would have guessed that too, But all.
00:03:42
Speaker 3: The time they always say those folks are happier.
00:03:44
Speaker 2: It's I would have they say they have a higher quality of life, would lead to better happiness, of course. But number one Canada twenty nine percent. And then there's a three way tie for two Australia, Saudi Arabia and India. And India actually has been like consistently when you look at the annual reports, India is at the highest.
00:04:06
Speaker 3: Well, they're all this is for what for the happiest people?
00:04:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep.
00:04:09
Speaker 2: And then the Great Britain and the United States twenty seven percent, so very close behind.
00:04:14
Speaker 3: Twenty seven percent of Americans say they're happy.
00:04:16
Speaker 1: Yep.
00:04:17
Speaker 3: That's bad. Only a quarter of the three hundred and.
00:04:21
Speaker 1: Very happy, very happy?
00:04:23
Speaker 3: Now I think it's too high.
00:04:25
Speaker 2: Now, what are the countries that have the lowest percentage of people who say they are not happy at all?
00:04:32
Speaker 3: Okay?
00:04:32
Speaker 4: Are any of these third world? Or are we talking about Western modern societies here?
00:04:38
Speaker 1: Two of them are considered third world, one of them not.
00:04:41
Speaker 3: So there's three that are of some unhappy. I wouldn't know. Where have we been that people look miserable? Have we been to these places?
00:04:48
Speaker 2: I have been to these places, but I would not have put these I probably shouldn't say who I've seen to be the most unhappy collectively as a country. But number one at the bottom is argent Tina nineteen percent.
00:05:01
Speaker 1: Least happy, least happy.
00:05:03
Speaker 3: Probably all constipated.
00:05:06
Speaker 1: That they're they're nineteen percent say that, yeah, that they're not happy.
00:05:08
Speaker 2: So Argentina, Turkey next, and then Japan that not happy, not happy. That surprised me, really why because I just feel like they have order and structure in their country.
00:05:21
Speaker 3: They it doesn't include happiness or instructure.
00:05:24
Speaker 1: You're right, they have to do what they're told. That is very true. Okay, all right, now, it's room to.
00:05:29
Speaker 3: Be happy or unhappy.
00:05:30
Speaker 2: You know, we did a story about the happiness you curve.
00:05:34
Speaker 1: Remember we did this in Morning Run.
00:05:36
Speaker 2: I believe maybe we even did a full podcast on it when they have aged. Yes, yes, do you remember we are happiest in old age. People in their sixties and seventies are most likely to say they're happy seventy five percent and seventy six percent.
00:05:50
Speaker 1: Those are huge.
00:05:51
Speaker 3: Older people are happy.
00:05:52
Speaker 2: Are happy, and we I think we said it was like forty eight, but they in this poll they said those in their fifties are the least happy. So starting at a forty eight forty nine up until about fifty eight, so we're in the throes of unhappiness.
00:06:04
Speaker 4: I thought the thing we did was it would show that the unhappiest to you are in your life is like forty seven point two forty.
00:06:09
Speaker 3: Or something like that. But I thought it starts going back up.
00:06:11
Speaker 1: This one said not until like fifty six fifty seven.
00:06:14
Speaker 3: There's this the Harvard gun again.
00:06:17
Speaker 2: All right, this what makes you happy? Because I've got the top three things that make you happy?
00:06:23
Speaker 3: Nothing nothing makes me happy.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: You know what that reads?
00:06:27
Speaker 4: Absolutely nothing makes me happy. Something can add to or take away from. But I'm good and I have to be you have to think that way. I mean, I had to train myself over the past five plus years of this. But you if I am saying, oh, man, everything's gonna be good as soon as I get this new job. Oh everything's gonna be good as soon as I move into this new place. So everything, if these things can make you happy, or oh she makes me happy, he makes me We talk about this all the time. You should not give away your power, essentially by saying this other thing is necessary to make happy.
00:06:57
Speaker 3: So what. There are plenty of things that I add.
00:06:59
Speaker 4: To travel, you and I get on a plane together, a great horror movie, great food, having people in the house cooking.
00:07:07
Speaker 3: I enjoy that they add to my happiness.
00:07:09
Speaker 2: You know what, It's funny because I agree, and I've always well recently in recent you're subscribed to this, don't give away your power. It's upon you to regulate yourself. You can't expect someone else to do it for you. However, it's funny. You won't even take credit when I say something like you made me laugh or you made me smile, or you made me You're like, I can't make you do anyhing. You won't even take credit for the good stuff because you don't want to be blamed for the bad stuff.
00:07:34
Speaker 3: What do I say?
00:07:34
Speaker 4: If I can make you do anything, then why can't I make you be quiet? That's using my response jokingly.
00:07:42
Speaker 1: I know you're kidding.
00:07:43
Speaker 2: I know. I mean, yes, I know your humor. It does make me laugh, whether you want to believe it or not. So what makes us happy? According to this this is now a twenty twenty four pole.
00:07:54
Speaker 3: What makes people happy?
00:07:55
Speaker 2: Yep?
00:07:55
Speaker 3: Kind of guess is it? Is it? Money? Is money in there anywhere?
00:08:00
Speaker 1: They do bring that up, but it is not. Number one makes people?
00:08:04
Speaker 3: Okay, go ahead, Then what.
00:08:05
Speaker 1: Makes us happy? My family and my children.
00:08:09
Speaker 4: Where's the list of what things that make me unhappy? I've been at the top as well.
00:08:13
Speaker 2: I've got I agree with you completely. Number two feeling appreciated and loved. Totally agree. If you feel appreciated and loved, it does bring a happiness to you. And number three this I agree. Feeling in control of my life.
00:08:30
Speaker 4: Makes you feel happy? Yeah, oh my god, I let that one go. Who is in control of their life? Please let me hear this. It's an an illusion.
00:08:39
Speaker 2: It's this feeling in control my life, not being in control, feeling in control. So financial situation I actually put this interesting. Financial situation came in at number five, so lower than you would think. And this one really surprised me. But this is about what makes you happy. Physical health and well being only came in at eight, and I think that I was trying to get my head around that, because when you're feeling happy, you're not thinking about your health. You're not even appreciating it because you haven't experienced the opposite. So if you've always felt good and you you're healthy, you're not really recognizing how much that does contribute to your happiness and joy.
00:09:16
Speaker 4: I wonder if it was a breakdown of demographics, if older people have that higher on.
00:09:20
Speaker 2: Their list, yes, I would think, So what makes us unhappy? The number one was your financial situation unhappy?
00:09:26
Speaker 1: Yow, So there you go.
00:09:28
Speaker 2: It doesn't having money doesn't necessarily make you happy happy, but not having money makes you unhappy?
00:09:34
Speaker 4: Wait a minute, then those things should be If not having it makes you unhappy, then having it should make you happy?
00:09:40
Speaker 3: Is that not worth?
00:09:41
Speaker 2: But isn't that interesting that that's not what this study showed? And so this was this was again from our Harvard professor who I've been talking about.
00:09:51
Speaker 1: Oh no, I've got it. It's up here. I just didn't. I just didn't say it all that.
00:09:54
Speaker 2: Arthur Brooks is his name, And Arthur Brooks talked about how we manage when we are unhappy negative emotions, and he said there are some people who experience them more intensely.
00:10:06
Speaker 1: Would you agree with that?
00:10:07
Speaker 3: Who experience negative emotions? Do you experience them or you express them more intensely? Right?
00:10:13
Speaker 4: Is your pain worse than mine? Or I'm just better at expressing myself and not getting as upset.
00:10:18
Speaker 2: He is saying that some people actually experience more mental anguish than others. And I would think, like, if you think about brain chemistry and how we inherit that that's kind of a part of our DNA. I know that just even seeing my children, one child is generally happier than the other. And that's just and they were born that way when they were babies.
00:10:36
Speaker 3: Wait, which one is the happier one?
00:10:40
Speaker 1: That's funny, I think, And I guess I thank you already now.
00:10:43
Speaker 2: But so he calls these people high negative effect individuals negative effect, Okay, and so, and he said the quickest way that people go to try and manage all of this is the unhealthy ways, which drugs, alcohol, technology as a distraction. So you go and you just you're feeling like craps. You go and you just scroll on Instagram and you just doom scroll.
00:11:05
Speaker 4: All those things are the same thing. You're essentially looking for a distraction from the way you feel.
00:11:08
Speaker 2: Correct correct, And so that is one of the worst things you can do in terms of managing unhappiness.
00:11:16
Speaker 4: Well, folks, we'll continue on how you should manage your unhappiness, but we are going to hit on exactly what maybe you should be doing to improve your situation. Stay here, folks, whether you are happy or unhappy, we want you to keep listening.
00:11:31
Speaker 3: Stay here.
00:11:40
Speaker 2: We continue our conversation now about how many of us are happy, how many of us are unhappy, and how we manage some of those negative feelings. And according to our Harvard professor, the first thing you should do is ask yourself, why am I doing that? Why am I feeling this? You need to get curious about your pain, why you're feeling the way you exactly, so once you kind of understand it, it helps you tackle it and figure out what you can do about it.
00:12:05
Speaker 1: And he says, your best outlet.
00:12:07
Speaker 2: What do you think your best outlet is for negative emotions and unhappiness?
00:12:11
Speaker 4: Is it not another person? Not talking to somebody? An outlet for your emotions? You're not gonna say like giving back? He Nope, volunteer all the time.
00:12:23
Speaker 2: You know, I do believe that when you can't help yourself, if you help someone else, it does elevate everybody. It is. But you're gonna know this one you just start thinking about it. Exercise number one best way if you are feeling down, go to the gym, Go for a run, go for a walk.
00:12:38
Speaker 1: It one hundred percent helps.
00:12:40
Speaker 4: Yeah, go to the gym, see all those hot people. That should make you feel better about what you're going through.
00:12:45
Speaker 2: And then he also describes, and a lot of folks will agree with this, a metaphysical or spiritual connection. So whether you're praying to God, you're meditating, you're doing your yoga. But whatever spiritual connection, divine connection, you need that that genuinely helps when you're feeling unhappy or down. So he says the two best ways for you to manage your anxiety, this is a quote, get in touch with your faith or spirituality and go pick up heavy things and run around.
00:13:12
Speaker 3: Okay, is there a third option?
00:13:15
Speaker 2: No? So he said, physical activity and exercise and spiritual activity are a heck of a lot better for your mental health, including your relationship.
00:13:24
Speaker 3: Spiritual not just religious. I'm making it correct, right, correct.
00:13:26
Speaker 2: And so speaking of relationships, he goes into this, and this was something I teased at the very top, and this was so interesting. One of the worst ways to manage negative emotions and the number one toxic trait to hurt your relationship is constant excessive work or what he calls workaholism. And that's the headline actually that got me to click on this initial article, and I thought, wow, I never considered that, And I went and looked and did some more research, and several groups of lawyers whatever, they collect data about what the leading causes of divorce is, and workaholism, they say is in the top four reasons why people get divorced.
00:14:09
Speaker 4: So what are we talk Are we just talking about someone dedicated? You're essentially ignoring your relationship by putting more time into work than your relationship with.
00:14:16
Speaker 2: That yep, So Brooks says most workaholics today are actually not required to do so by their boss. It's almost always self imposed. So they he said, most workaholics are their own tyrannical bosses. And he said this, there has never been a workaholic who had a functional relationship.
00:14:35
Speaker 3: That's untrue.
00:14:36
Speaker 4: Now, Okay, out of Jokinbasm or earlier stuff, he can feel that way.
00:14:41
Speaker 2: Then we have different Some estimates suggest that marriages where at least one spouse is a workaholic are twice as likely to fail. That's the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
00:14:53
Speaker 3: You know, they bunch a Harvard guys as well.
00:14:56
Speaker 2: Yes, but I'm going to give here's here's a quote from Brooks that I think will help clear this up. Okay, most workaholics are distracting themselves from things in their life that they don't like. And they know they're super good at work, and they can get into kind of a zone when they're working and they don't think about the things they don't want to be thinking about. That is where workaholism generally comes from.
00:15:19
Speaker 3: Can you read the first part of the Again.
00:15:20
Speaker 2: Most workaholics are distracting themselves from things in their life that they don't like.
00:15:25
Speaker 4: Okay, if I stop right there, then it's not you being a workaholic. That's causing the problem in the relationship. You are turning yourself into one because there's a problem in your relationship. It's not lee, it's possible. I'm saying there's a possibility. I just got chills when you said that. The case one that has been my personal experience. When I read this, a lot of this resonated with me.
00:15:50
Speaker 2: I absolutely have said before that it feels as though I was married to my job. That was the love of my life. That was you know, even before children. Obviously they are the loves of my life, but the happy one and I guess I love them both equally, just differently. But no, and I that makes sense. You're you're pointing to something that hit me. Maybe it's a symptom of a relationship problem versus you creating a problem in your relationship. There, it is there, and I do I do appreciate the next line. And they know they're super good at work. So if you're also if you're feeling like your relationship is terrible, but you know, when you go to work, you feel like you've got a sense of accomplishment and people say way to go. Yes, that's going to fuel you because you're getting that that feeling of validation and achievement, and if you're not getting it in your relationship, if you're getting it there, that's where you're going to spend most of your time.
00:16:49
Speaker 3: It's that simple.
00:16:50
Speaker 4: If I if I'm good at basketball and suck at golf, I'm going to spend more time at basketball, and my golf game's gonna hurt.
00:16:56
Speaker 3: I mean, there's a sports analogy.
00:16:58
Speaker 4: But if if you're ignoring this other thing, yes, we all, I'm successful at this, I'm gonna.
00:17:02
Speaker 3: Do the thing.
00:17:02
Speaker 4: I'm good at this other thing, I'll keep it by the side. Yes, that sucks and it's work, man, it's a lot of well.
00:17:08
Speaker 2: He suggests if you can recognize that and then turn if you whatever, like, whatever you appreciate, appreciates, right, that's what they say. So if you can turn that focus onto your relationship, you might see major improvements.
00:17:19
Speaker 3: So mister Brooks, so doctor brook.
00:17:21
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, I think it's something that we can all think about and something that we can all use to improve. I know, exercise for me has been I just I felt validated when I read that because my runs have been my therapy. I don't know what I would do without that outlet.
00:17:36
Speaker 4: Okay, I guess all of our listeners know that most of our subjects here just for your validation, So I'm glad we found another one to make you feel good about yourself.
00:17:44
Speaker 2: I just think everybody can appreciate some guidance about being happy and how to avoid being unhappy. And with that, everyone, we hope you have a very, very happy Sunday. I'm made Robock alongside my love TJ.
00:17:57
Speaker 1: Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.
00:18:00
Speaker 3: Then, the pat P