Dec. 5, 2025
It’s Officially Millie Bonnie Bongiovi Now…. Did You Change Your Last Name?
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RSS Feed 21-year-old Millie Bobby Brown announced this week that she has officially changed her name after marrying Jake Bongiovi. We learned her middle name is actually Bonnie, not Bobby, so from now on, she’s Millie Bonnie Bongiovi, or as she joked, Millie Bon Bon. It got us curious just how many women in this country change their last names once they’re married, and the numbers surprised us, with 8 out of 10 women choosing to take their husband’s name. It’s even more interesting when you look at which women are more likely to keep their given surnames and how the United States compares to other countries around the world.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks. It is Friday, December fifth, and should a woman take her new husband's last name? Or should I say it this way? It should the new husband give it to her? And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Y'all should see her eyes right now. That was just to be provocative. Let's get on track here. This is about Millie. Bobby Brown started a conversation the actions from stranger things. Of course, she has changed her name, A woman that famous changing her name at twenty one, and it got people talking. It's an age old debate, is it not?
00:00:42
Speaker 2: It has been in my life.
00:00:43
Speaker 1: Okay, where has do you think, let's say, let's say your lifetime. Has the conversationation shifted and the mindset shifted because it used to be just an automatic. Yes, of course it's gonna take the man's last the man's last name.
00:00:58
Speaker 3: But what is it now in this country? I don't think so, and I don't think it's changed that much. I was shocked by today's as in twenty twenty five. Actually, the recent the most recent Pew Research survey is from twenty twenty three, and I was surprised. Now, I grew up in the Midwest and the South. I live in the Northeast. Yeah, I've had very different experiences based on where I have lived, not necessarily the years in which I made different decisions, but where I was living in the country definitely had an impact on how it was received.
00:01:42
Speaker 1: And nobody has to ask which was which right at this point, but this, this isn't interesting. I found this story interesting in the whole bunch of ways. Of course, Millie Bobby Brown just got married to John bon Jovi's son. What's his first name, Jake Bonjo Jake bon Jovi, And she just came out recently and incorrect An interviewer said, nope, actually my name is not Millie Bobby Brown anymore, and she corrected and said what her name is? And tongues are wagging. Why should we be surprised by this or impressed by this, or intrigued by this, or applauding this or disagreeing with it? What is the big deal?
00:02:18
Speaker 3: Well, when it comes to Millie Bobby Brown, there are a couple of things. First of all, obviously she is an established actress who established her name early on. She is a child actor basically because now she is I mean, it's surprising. As long as we've known her and we've been watching her, she's only twenty one, and she's already a mom.
00:02:40
Speaker 2: She's married, she's a mom.
00:02:41
Speaker 3: This isn't something we are used to seeing in the Northeast.
00:02:45
Speaker 2: I'll be honest.
00:02:46
Speaker 3: In the New Jersey. His family's from New Jersey. They live in the Northeast. This is something you see in the Midwest.
00:02:55
Speaker 2: In the South.
00:02:56
Speaker 1: Twenty one married child, take my husband's last name. This is not a story unheard of from the places we're from.
00:03:06
Speaker 3: Correct, And I will go so far as to say, specifically my family, my brother got married at twenty two, His wife was twenty one. My parents got married at eighteen. I got married at twenty three, and that was all very common. Again from originally, my whole family is from Michigan. We lived in Missouri for a while, and then from Georgia, and none of that raised any eyebrows by anyone in any of those areas we lived in. I will say I was and remain the only person that I know from any of those areas, including my family, who did not change her last name.
00:03:52
Speaker 2: I am the black sheep, I'm the outlier.
00:03:54
Speaker 3: I am the person who did something different than everyone else.
00:03:59
Speaker 1: I know in love you're in a particular business and where that would not necessarily that that's normal.
00:04:06
Speaker 3: But I did and made those decisions before any of that.
00:04:09
Speaker 1: Okay, one thing I'm going to ask you about that, But one thing about Millie Bobby Brown. Do we know for sure she might still use it? Didn't seem like it to me. Still use Millie Bobby Brown professionally or quite frankly, does it matter. She's a big enough name. Everybody knows who the hell she is and who she's married to.
00:04:26
Speaker 3: Now we don't know what's going to happen going forward, but I can tell you exactly what happened on that red carpet.
00:04:32
Speaker 2: This is really interesting.
00:04:34
Speaker 3: So she was on a red carpet for the fifth season of the Netflix series of course this. You know, we all know what she's famous for, the up what is it? The upside down world, the stranger things that I know. But she's she was eleven l in this series. It's a piece the start, yes, from the very beginning. And so when she was called out on the red carpet, her co star Noah Schnapp you know who that is. So he actually made a joke to the person who was interviewing her, saying, hey, by the way, you should call her by her full name. I'm up to date on it. And he said, it's Milly Bonnie Bobby Brown, bon Jovi. He was joking, right, So she had some fun with him and said, actually, drop the Bobby, drop the Brown, and she said, it's just Milli Bonnie bon Jovi. And then she said, you can actually call me Milli bonbon which I thought was pretty cute because.
00:05:33
Speaker 2: What I didn't work. Yeah, it's Millie Bonbon.
00:05:36
Speaker 3: What I didn't realize, and I don't know a lot of people were aware of this, but her middle name actually isn't Bobby, It's Bonnie.
00:05:45
Speaker 1: She said.
00:05:45
Speaker 3: She just decided when she walked into this, and a lot of actresses do this, a lot of folks, and a lot of women specifically, but even men, when they go into a public place or of public prominence, they what if their name is complic You went for TJ instead of Lutelius, right, so you know a little bit about changing your name for public ease. So instead of being Millie Bonnie Brown, she thought, she just said, she thought it'd be fun to call herself Millie Bobby Brown. So she changed her name for whatever reason when she went into showbiz, but her actual name is Millie Bonnie, and so now she wants to beilt Millie Bonnie bon Jovi, Millie Bonbon.
00:06:30
Speaker 1: Okay, that works for me. I got no problem.
00:06:33
Speaker 3: So what is.
00:06:35
Speaker 1: The This is always a debate and always make the same joke. I think you hate it. You heard me say it like a hundred times. When people asks ask if somebody's going to take their husband's last name, say no, we give it to you. You don't take it. This is a joke. It never lands. Usually most women usually have the same.
00:06:53
Speaker 2: Look on the Oh god, no, I actually swallowed you have that you That was uncomfortable for me.
00:07:00
Speaker 1: I didn't like that at all.
00:07:02
Speaker 2: I've said this twenty times and I've never liked it.
00:07:05
Speaker 1: Like twenty times you've said it. It doesn't to it, It doesn't work. It goes in the same vein of this ridiculous debate. Knock yourself out. If you want to be called by your husband's last name, do it. If you don't, don't, Why is that not the end of the debate. I'm not offended about you or anybody else. You don't want you? Is a guy offended?
00:07:30
Speaker 2: Yes, some men are. The answer is yes, go and I can tell you that.
00:07:38
Speaker 3: Look, I cannot explain why I felt the way I did, but I think it was around eleven. I was living in Saint Louis, and I think that's when it first dawned on me that women typically in this country specifically, And we'll get into that because it's very interesting globally how different cultures in different countries address this issue. But I think it first dawned on me that, oh my god. And I was a young girl who was so excited and swept up in romance, wanted to get married, but suddenly the idea of changing my last.
00:08:12
Speaker 2: Name really jarred me.
00:08:14
Speaker 3: And it was right around eleven years old, and I remember I walked downstairs and I said, just so you guys know, I'm never changing my last name, and they laughed at me and they're like okay, and I just I don't know. I felt impassioned by it. I was like, this is who I am, this is how I'm regarded, this is how I think of myself. And it seemed strange to me to lose a part of who I was, to take on something that I wasn't yet and didn't know that I wanted to become.
00:08:43
Speaker 2: I don't know. It's weird.
00:08:44
Speaker 3: I can't really explain it. But I felt strongly about it, and I was the outlier.
00:08:49
Speaker 1: But that's fine. You do you everybody else.
00:08:51
Speaker 2: It's not fine with everybody.
00:08:53
Speaker 1: Though, but it's fine, of course it is. Why does anybody have a problem with what your individual choice is? Why do you have a problem with anybody else's You don't knock yourselves out? Who cares do it or don't do it? I just I don't know why criticism of anyone for doing it or not doing it. A guy being upset at a woman not wanting to call She's had a name for thirty two years of her life, and now she's gonna marry you, and you're upset she doesn't want it now. I like the idea of it. I like the idea of a family unit. I that part. Oh, I'm all for it. I wow, we're gonna get mad. Who's mad on either side?
00:09:34
Speaker 2: You're a progressive man? God upset?
00:09:38
Speaker 3: Yes?
00:09:39
Speaker 2: Yes, there are certain.
00:09:41
Speaker 3: Expectations I think, especially in this country, that a woman would take her husband's name. Now, let me ask you this. You've been married before, has any woman not taken your last name? No? Okay, so when we get married, if I do not take your last name. It sounds like you're not going to be upset.
00:10:05
Speaker 1: Now and the least. But what am I supposed say?
00:10:09
Speaker 2: Do you have any expectation? Would you like it? I would you like it? If I changed my last name?
00:10:13
Speaker 1: It would be fun. Oh it would be a blast. Oh god, it would be fucking incredible. Oh yes, god, yeah, why would you like it? I'm curious because of what I just described. You're a home. You're a unit, right. We we buy houses, we buy cars, all right, these things we purchased, now I have two different last names on them. Okay, that's fine, people do it. But yes, there's something about that that feels like a unit.
00:10:39
Speaker 2: I like the idea of it too, like one hundred percent.
00:10:42
Speaker 1: I am with you.
00:10:43
Speaker 2: I get it. We're a unit.
00:10:44
Speaker 3: And there are countries who actually demand it. Among them Japan, where you have to if you are married, you have to have the same last name. Now, it doesn't have to be the man's last name. It almost always is. But you could take yep, you could take the females Last.
00:11:01
Speaker 1: Week would you want me to do that? Uh huh, here we go.
00:11:05
Speaker 3: I would never ask you to, you know I would want me to. If I know, I wouldn't why you wouldn't what I wouldn't want you to?
00:11:15
Speaker 1: Okay, if I said, I just want to make this gesture, I think it would be nice we have the same.
00:11:20
Speaker 3: You would you know, so I can actually tell you what my idea would be. Let's hyphenate or let's drop our middle names. You don't even have a middle name, so let's figure out something that's us together. I would be willing to do that. I like the idea of that. I know it's complicated. I know it's much simpler for one person to say, fine, let's just take your last name. I get it.
00:11:41
Speaker 1: But you, little miss, I don't want to change my last name since I was eleven. The guy is coming to you and saying, hey, I will change my last name. I would like to, and your response to me is what.
00:11:58
Speaker 3: I for the same reasons that I don't want to change my last name, I wouldn't want to place that expectation on you. But you're not.
00:12:07
Speaker 1: You're not okay.
00:12:08
Speaker 2: You told me you want to Yes, for.
00:12:11
Speaker 4: Whatever reason, I don't like it because now it feels like I'm responsible. It's funny like I've never thought about that. I've never even asked, And I'm just being honest. It feels what strange? Okay, why it feels strange?
00:12:30
Speaker 1: Man?
00:12:31
Speaker 2: Yes, because I would. My question would be why would you want?
00:12:35
Speaker 1: Because I want our family to be one name unit.
00:12:40
Speaker 2: We're not having kids together, so that's even stranger to me.
00:12:43
Speaker 1: We don't know that.
00:12:46
Speaker 3: I can pretty much assure you. Other than adoption. I can't imagine how it would be possible. But the point being is I fine, that's my own.
00:13:00
Speaker 2: Sciat all.
00:13:02
Speaker 3: I don't know imprinting where I somehow think that feels strange and I would never not only I would never expect it, but I wouldn't ask it, and I don't think I would want it.
00:13:13
Speaker 2: I'm being honest. I don't think I would want it. To change names, that is my preference.
00:13:19
Speaker 1: Okay, how about this, then, sweetheart, would you change your last name once we get married.
00:13:29
Speaker 3: I would be open to the idea of hyphenating my name, but I would not lose Roeboch.
00:13:37
Speaker 2: I would not.
00:13:38
Speaker 3: It's just been with me. It's part of who I am. It's part of my family, and I understand that's on my dad's side. I understand my mom's maiden name of Stoffel is not a part of my name at all, and I do think that's sad too. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't lose roboch. No.
00:13:57
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be willing.
00:13:58
Speaker 3: I would be willing to lose my middle name, mostly because I just don't really like it that much, but I wouldn't be willing to lose my last name.
00:14:06
Speaker 2: Would you be willing to give up your last.
00:14:09
Speaker 1: Name already just established?
00:14:12
Speaker 3: But you were saying it in a hypothetical scenario, like genuinely you would say, Okay, I will drop.
00:14:20
Speaker 2: Holmes from my name.
00:14:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my goodness, Why haven't you then if it wasn't drop name and changed what to whoever your wife's last name?
00:14:32
Speaker 1: Was it up?
00:14:33
Speaker 2: Okay?
00:14:35
Speaker 1: This first time I've had such a discussion.
00:14:36
Speaker 2: Obviously, it's not typical or normal.
00:14:38
Speaker 3: In fact, I do believe I have the percentages on that, and it was actually more than I thought. I want to get it right, Okay, this is so funny. I believe it is five percent of men, which was more.
00:14:58
Speaker 2: Than I thought.
00:14:58
Speaker 3: Wait, I want to make sure I could this right, and like one percent hyphenate, but less than five percent have actually changed their name.
00:15:07
Speaker 2: And that was a higher percentage than I thought.
00:15:10
Speaker 1: I thought there'd be a higher percentage of hyphenation.
00:15:12
Speaker 3: It was only one percent hyphenated men only like women. Yes, much higher. Well, actually, this is kind of insane. Only fourteen percent of women in this latest Pew Research Center survey kept their maiden name in the United States, so I am in the vast minority. And five percent chose to hyphenate. So we're going to go with about twenty percent of women in this country currently kept either their own last name or hyphenated their last name. But eighty percent of women have changed their name to their husband's name, so it is a huge majority of women in this country have chosen to do it. I didn't realize that I was in such a minority. I knew I was in a minority. I didn't realize it was that significant. No, I wasn't trying to be actually not even at all. The only thing I will say is, given my history in marriage, it actually created a lot less headaches. I didn't have to go to the DMV as often, but for me was more of a It was just something that was inside of me. It wasn't something I read or something I wanted to some thing I wanted to like put out there, or some line in the sand I wanted to draw.
00:16:33
Speaker 2: It was just a personal preference. So that is interesting.
00:16:38
Speaker 3: And anyway, it turns out that yes, in this country, most women keep their last names. But do you know who is most likely to keep their last names? We have that information for you. Pretty interesting and the history behind taking your husband's name. Welcome back everyone. We are, of course talking about Millie Bobby Brown. I guess now she will be known as Millie Bonnie bon Jovi. And she's at twenty one, married to Jake bon Jovi, of course John bon Jovi's son. They just welcome to child into their lives. And she made it known to everyone that she is changing her last name. Actually maybe uncommon when we think about Hollywood starlet's or women who have made a name for themselves in entertainment, but she joins the vast majority of American women eighty percent of women who take their husband's last name after marriage. Now can you imagine I'm just curious, babe, because you didn't look at these statistics, who is most likely to keep their last name in this country? Can you think of like if you were to describe a woman, who would be the woman who would keep her last name? Younger versus yes, all of that age younger versus older younger Obviously, twenty percent of married women ages eighteen to forty nine say they kept their last name, compared with just nine percent of women who are ages fifty and older.
00:18:13
Speaker 2: That makes sense. How about education? What would you think.
00:18:19
Speaker 1: Higher percentage of lower educated?
00:18:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, so twenty six percent of women with a postgraduate degree kept their last name. Thirteen percent of those with a bachelor's degree or less took their husband's last name.
00:18:33
Speaker 2: So, yes, you are correct. How about Republicans versus Democrats?
00:18:36
Speaker 1: This is Republican.
00:18:37
Speaker 2: Yes, a pretty big distinction.
00:18:40
Speaker 3: Yes, Democratic women are the most likely to say twenty five percent of them say they kept their last name. Just seven percent of Republican women said they kept their last wame.
00:18:49
Speaker 1: Why are they so obvious about us?
00:18:52
Speaker 2: I don't know, it is obvious.
00:18:53
Speaker 1: I'm not so smart or anything, but.
00:18:56
Speaker 2: It was obvious.
00:18:57
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:18:58
Speaker 2: How about this? Among can you? Can you get this? One might throw you?
00:19:03
Speaker 3: What and well, any of the above, any race that you can think of, Hispanic, Asian, white, Black, Yes.
00:19:11
Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness, the highest percent, My goodness, what was the black as.
00:19:16
Speaker 2: The highest Hispanic women.
00:19:19
Speaker 3: Thirty percent of Hispanic women say they kept their last name, oh, compared to just ten percent of white women and nine percent of Black women. So Hispanic women are far more likely. And by the way, black women are more likely than any other race to hyphenate their name with their spouse's name.
00:19:38
Speaker 2: I thought that was.
00:19:39
Speaker 3: Interesting as well, and I think most of us know the history behind taking a man's name, and I don't even think this played into any of my decisions. But obviously, at some point in our lives, English common law women didn't have rights. We couldn't vote, we couldn't own property, and so yes, we had to join one family from the other. So we left our father and we had to then join our husband, and that is how we had any right.
00:20:05
Speaker 2: It was through our husbands.
00:20:07
Speaker 3: That was who we had authority through, and therefore we took their last name to have some sort of legal standing or some sort of legal right.
00:20:16
Speaker 2: And so that was the history behind it.
00:20:19
Speaker 3: Although that's not necessarily why women make the decisions they make.
00:20:23
Speaker 2: But I thought this was interesting.
00:20:24
Speaker 3: Did you know that in Spain and in Latin America, women traditionally keep their maiden names and children are given both of their parents' surnames.
00:20:35
Speaker 2: I did not know that. H that reads that works okay.
00:20:39
Speaker 3: Also, interestingly, in China and Korea, women typically keep their last names even after marriage. But in all this idea of like, oh, women aren't property and we aren't owned by our husbands, I thought this was one of the most interesting facts that I found just researching this Middle Eastern and Muslim countries. It is the custom for women to keep their names after marriage. They are not taking their husband's name, and so in these cultures that we might assign this idea that somehow women are the property of men, they don't have rights. Those are actually the countries where women keep their last names, so obviously to each his own. I've never ever felt any way about a woman who chooses to change their last name. I think that's awesome. I think I kind of wished I wanted to and leaned into it. I just I've never not only have I not felt the desire, I just I don't know I felt vocal about it. Maybe that was off putting. I'm not sure, but I appreciate the fact that you're cool either way. And I actually haven't even made a decision about what we will do when we get married, but I'm kind of open to at this point in my life. I do like the idea of unity. I do think that's cool.
00:21:59
Speaker 1: All right, got to rethink this thing now, so funks. As always, we appreciate you spending some time with us on behalf of my dear amy always Robock, I'm Lutilius Robock. Potentially, we'll talk to y'all soon.
Speaker 1: Hey, that folks. It is Friday, December fifth, and should a woman take her new husband's last name? Or should I say it this way? It should the new husband give it to her? And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Y'all should see her eyes right now. That was just to be provocative. Let's get on track here. This is about Millie. Bobby Brown started a conversation the actions from stranger things. Of course, she has changed her name, A woman that famous changing her name at twenty one, and it got people talking. It's an age old debate, is it not?
00:00:42
Speaker 2: It has been in my life.
00:00:43
Speaker 1: Okay, where has do you think, let's say, let's say your lifetime. Has the conversationation shifted and the mindset shifted because it used to be just an automatic. Yes, of course it's gonna take the man's last the man's last name.
00:00:58
Speaker 3: But what is it now in this country? I don't think so, and I don't think it's changed that much. I was shocked by today's as in twenty twenty five. Actually, the recent the most recent Pew Research survey is from twenty twenty three, and I was surprised. Now, I grew up in the Midwest and the South. I live in the Northeast. Yeah, I've had very different experiences based on where I have lived, not necessarily the years in which I made different decisions, but where I was living in the country definitely had an impact on how it was received.
00:01:42
Speaker 1: And nobody has to ask which was which right at this point, but this, this isn't interesting. I found this story interesting in the whole bunch of ways. Of course, Millie Bobby Brown just got married to John bon Jovi's son. What's his first name, Jake Bonjo Jake bon Jovi, And she just came out recently and incorrect An interviewer said, nope, actually my name is not Millie Bobby Brown anymore, and she corrected and said what her name is? And tongues are wagging. Why should we be surprised by this or impressed by this, or intrigued by this, or applauding this or disagreeing with it? What is the big deal?
00:02:18
Speaker 3: Well, when it comes to Millie Bobby Brown, there are a couple of things. First of all, obviously she is an established actress who established her name early on. She is a child actor basically because now she is I mean, it's surprising. As long as we've known her and we've been watching her, she's only twenty one, and she's already a mom.
00:02:40
Speaker 2: She's married, she's a mom.
00:02:41
Speaker 3: This isn't something we are used to seeing in the Northeast.
00:02:45
Speaker 2: I'll be honest.
00:02:46
Speaker 3: In the New Jersey. His family's from New Jersey. They live in the Northeast. This is something you see in the Midwest.
00:02:55
Speaker 2: In the South.
00:02:56
Speaker 1: Twenty one married child, take my husband's last name. This is not a story unheard of from the places we're from.
00:03:06
Speaker 3: Correct, And I will go so far as to say, specifically my family, my brother got married at twenty two, His wife was twenty one. My parents got married at eighteen. I got married at twenty three, and that was all very common. Again from originally, my whole family is from Michigan. We lived in Missouri for a while, and then from Georgia, and none of that raised any eyebrows by anyone in any of those areas we lived in. I will say I was and remain the only person that I know from any of those areas, including my family, who did not change her last name.
00:03:52
Speaker 2: I am the black sheep, I'm the outlier.
00:03:54
Speaker 3: I am the person who did something different than everyone else.
00:03:59
Speaker 1: I know in love you're in a particular business and where that would not necessarily that that's normal.
00:04:06
Speaker 3: But I did and made those decisions before any of that.
00:04:09
Speaker 1: Okay, one thing I'm going to ask you about that, But one thing about Millie Bobby Brown. Do we know for sure she might still use it? Didn't seem like it to me. Still use Millie Bobby Brown professionally or quite frankly, does it matter. She's a big enough name. Everybody knows who the hell she is and who she's married to.
00:04:26
Speaker 3: Now we don't know what's going to happen going forward, but I can tell you exactly what happened on that red carpet.
00:04:32
Speaker 2: This is really interesting.
00:04:34
Speaker 3: So she was on a red carpet for the fifth season of the Netflix series of course this. You know, we all know what she's famous for, the up what is it? The upside down world, the stranger things that I know. But she's she was eleven l in this series. It's a piece the start, yes, from the very beginning. And so when she was called out on the red carpet, her co star Noah Schnapp you know who that is. So he actually made a joke to the person who was interviewing her, saying, hey, by the way, you should call her by her full name. I'm up to date on it. And he said, it's Milly Bonnie Bobby Brown, bon Jovi. He was joking, right, So she had some fun with him and said, actually, drop the Bobby, drop the Brown, and she said, it's just Milli Bonnie bon Jovi. And then she said, you can actually call me Milli bonbon which I thought was pretty cute because.
00:05:33
Speaker 2: What I didn't work. Yeah, it's Millie Bonbon.
00:05:36
Speaker 3: What I didn't realize, and I don't know a lot of people were aware of this, but her middle name actually isn't Bobby, It's Bonnie.
00:05:45
Speaker 1: She said.
00:05:45
Speaker 3: She just decided when she walked into this, and a lot of actresses do this, a lot of folks, and a lot of women specifically, but even men, when they go into a public place or of public prominence, they what if their name is complic You went for TJ instead of Lutelius, right, so you know a little bit about changing your name for public ease. So instead of being Millie Bonnie Brown, she thought, she just said, she thought it'd be fun to call herself Millie Bobby Brown. So she changed her name for whatever reason when she went into showbiz, but her actual name is Millie Bonnie, and so now she wants to beilt Millie Bonnie bon Jovi, Millie Bonbon.
00:06:30
Speaker 1: Okay, that works for me. I got no problem.
00:06:33
Speaker 3: So what is.
00:06:35
Speaker 1: The This is always a debate and always make the same joke. I think you hate it. You heard me say it like a hundred times. When people asks ask if somebody's going to take their husband's last name, say no, we give it to you. You don't take it. This is a joke. It never lands. Usually most women usually have the same.
00:06:53
Speaker 2: Look on the Oh god, no, I actually swallowed you have that you That was uncomfortable for me.
00:07:00
Speaker 1: I didn't like that at all.
00:07:02
Speaker 2: I've said this twenty times and I've never liked it.
00:07:05
Speaker 1: Like twenty times you've said it. It doesn't to it, It doesn't work. It goes in the same vein of this ridiculous debate. Knock yourself out. If you want to be called by your husband's last name, do it. If you don't, don't, Why is that not the end of the debate. I'm not offended about you or anybody else. You don't want you? Is a guy offended?
00:07:30
Speaker 2: Yes, some men are. The answer is yes, go and I can tell you that.
00:07:38
Speaker 3: Look, I cannot explain why I felt the way I did, but I think it was around eleven. I was living in Saint Louis, and I think that's when it first dawned on me that women typically in this country specifically, And we'll get into that because it's very interesting globally how different cultures in different countries address this issue. But I think it first dawned on me that, oh my god. And I was a young girl who was so excited and swept up in romance, wanted to get married, but suddenly the idea of changing my last.
00:08:12
Speaker 2: Name really jarred me.
00:08:14
Speaker 3: And it was right around eleven years old, and I remember I walked downstairs and I said, just so you guys know, I'm never changing my last name, and they laughed at me and they're like okay, and I just I don't know. I felt impassioned by it. I was like, this is who I am, this is how I'm regarded, this is how I think of myself. And it seemed strange to me to lose a part of who I was, to take on something that I wasn't yet and didn't know that I wanted to become.
00:08:43
Speaker 2: I don't know. It's weird.
00:08:44
Speaker 3: I can't really explain it. But I felt strongly about it, and I was the outlier.
00:08:49
Speaker 1: But that's fine. You do you everybody else.
00:08:51
Speaker 2: It's not fine with everybody.
00:08:53
Speaker 1: Though, but it's fine, of course it is. Why does anybody have a problem with what your individual choice is? Why do you have a problem with anybody else's You don't knock yourselves out? Who cares do it or don't do it? I just I don't know why criticism of anyone for doing it or not doing it. A guy being upset at a woman not wanting to call She's had a name for thirty two years of her life, and now she's gonna marry you, and you're upset she doesn't want it now. I like the idea of it. I like the idea of a family unit. I that part. Oh, I'm all for it. I wow, we're gonna get mad. Who's mad on either side?
00:09:34
Speaker 2: You're a progressive man? God upset?
00:09:38
Speaker 3: Yes?
00:09:39
Speaker 2: Yes, there are certain.
00:09:41
Speaker 3: Expectations I think, especially in this country, that a woman would take her husband's name. Now, let me ask you this. You've been married before, has any woman not taken your last name? No? Okay, so when we get married, if I do not take your last name. It sounds like you're not going to be upset.
00:10:05
Speaker 1: Now and the least. But what am I supposed say?
00:10:09
Speaker 2: Do you have any expectation? Would you like it? I would you like it? If I changed my last name?
00:10:13
Speaker 1: It would be fun. Oh it would be a blast. Oh god, it would be fucking incredible. Oh yes, god, yeah, why would you like it? I'm curious because of what I just described. You're a home. You're a unit, right. We we buy houses, we buy cars, all right, these things we purchased, now I have two different last names on them. Okay, that's fine, people do it. But yes, there's something about that that feels like a unit.
00:10:39
Speaker 2: I like the idea of it too, like one hundred percent.
00:10:42
Speaker 1: I am with you.
00:10:43
Speaker 2: I get it. We're a unit.
00:10:44
Speaker 3: And there are countries who actually demand it. Among them Japan, where you have to if you are married, you have to have the same last name. Now, it doesn't have to be the man's last name. It almost always is. But you could take yep, you could take the females Last.
00:11:01
Speaker 1: Week would you want me to do that? Uh huh, here we go.
00:11:05
Speaker 3: I would never ask you to, you know I would want me to. If I know, I wouldn't why you wouldn't what I wouldn't want you to?
00:11:15
Speaker 1: Okay, if I said, I just want to make this gesture, I think it would be nice we have the same.
00:11:20
Speaker 3: You would you know, so I can actually tell you what my idea would be. Let's hyphenate or let's drop our middle names. You don't even have a middle name, so let's figure out something that's us together. I would be willing to do that. I like the idea of that. I know it's complicated. I know it's much simpler for one person to say, fine, let's just take your last name. I get it.
00:11:41
Speaker 1: But you, little miss, I don't want to change my last name since I was eleven. The guy is coming to you and saying, hey, I will change my last name. I would like to, and your response to me is what.
00:11:58
Speaker 3: I for the same reasons that I don't want to change my last name, I wouldn't want to place that expectation on you. But you're not.
00:12:07
Speaker 1: You're not okay.
00:12:08
Speaker 2: You told me you want to Yes, for.
00:12:11
Speaker 4: Whatever reason, I don't like it because now it feels like I'm responsible. It's funny like I've never thought about that. I've never even asked, And I'm just being honest. It feels what strange? Okay, why it feels strange?
00:12:30
Speaker 1: Man?
00:12:31
Speaker 2: Yes, because I would. My question would be why would you want?
00:12:35
Speaker 1: Because I want our family to be one name unit.
00:12:40
Speaker 2: We're not having kids together, so that's even stranger to me.
00:12:43
Speaker 1: We don't know that.
00:12:46
Speaker 3: I can pretty much assure you. Other than adoption. I can't imagine how it would be possible. But the point being is I fine, that's my own.
00:13:00
Speaker 2: Sciat all.
00:13:02
Speaker 3: I don't know imprinting where I somehow think that feels strange and I would never not only I would never expect it, but I wouldn't ask it, and I don't think I would want it.
00:13:13
Speaker 2: I'm being honest. I don't think I would want it. To change names, that is my preference.
00:13:19
Speaker 1: Okay, how about this, then, sweetheart, would you change your last name once we get married.
00:13:29
Speaker 3: I would be open to the idea of hyphenating my name, but I would not lose Roeboch.
00:13:37
Speaker 2: I would not.
00:13:38
Speaker 3: It's just been with me. It's part of who I am. It's part of my family, and I understand that's on my dad's side. I understand my mom's maiden name of Stoffel is not a part of my name at all, and I do think that's sad too. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't lose roboch. No.
00:13:57
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be willing.
00:13:58
Speaker 3: I would be willing to lose my middle name, mostly because I just don't really like it that much, but I wouldn't be willing to lose my last name.
00:14:06
Speaker 2: Would you be willing to give up your last.
00:14:09
Speaker 1: Name already just established?
00:14:12
Speaker 3: But you were saying it in a hypothetical scenario, like genuinely you would say, Okay, I will drop.
00:14:20
Speaker 2: Holmes from my name.
00:14:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh my goodness, Why haven't you then if it wasn't drop name and changed what to whoever your wife's last name?
00:14:32
Speaker 1: Was it up?
00:14:33
Speaker 2: Okay?
00:14:35
Speaker 1: This first time I've had such a discussion.
00:14:36
Speaker 2: Obviously, it's not typical or normal.
00:14:38
Speaker 3: In fact, I do believe I have the percentages on that, and it was actually more than I thought. I want to get it right, Okay, this is so funny. I believe it is five percent of men, which was more.
00:14:58
Speaker 2: Than I thought.
00:14:58
Speaker 3: Wait, I want to make sure I could this right, and like one percent hyphenate, but less than five percent have actually changed their name.
00:15:07
Speaker 2: And that was a higher percentage than I thought.
00:15:10
Speaker 1: I thought there'd be a higher percentage of hyphenation.
00:15:12
Speaker 3: It was only one percent hyphenated men only like women. Yes, much higher. Well, actually, this is kind of insane. Only fourteen percent of women in this latest Pew Research Center survey kept their maiden name in the United States, so I am in the vast minority. And five percent chose to hyphenate. So we're going to go with about twenty percent of women in this country currently kept either their own last name or hyphenated their last name. But eighty percent of women have changed their name to their husband's name, so it is a huge majority of women in this country have chosen to do it. I didn't realize that I was in such a minority. I knew I was in a minority. I didn't realize it was that significant. No, I wasn't trying to be actually not even at all. The only thing I will say is, given my history in marriage, it actually created a lot less headaches. I didn't have to go to the DMV as often, but for me was more of a It was just something that was inside of me. It wasn't something I read or something I wanted to some thing I wanted to like put out there, or some line in the sand I wanted to draw.
00:16:33
Speaker 2: It was just a personal preference. So that is interesting.
00:16:38
Speaker 3: And anyway, it turns out that yes, in this country, most women keep their last names. But do you know who is most likely to keep their last names? We have that information for you. Pretty interesting and the history behind taking your husband's name. Welcome back everyone. We are, of course talking about Millie Bobby Brown. I guess now she will be known as Millie Bonnie bon Jovi. And she's at twenty one, married to Jake bon Jovi, of course John bon Jovi's son. They just welcome to child into their lives. And she made it known to everyone that she is changing her last name. Actually maybe uncommon when we think about Hollywood starlet's or women who have made a name for themselves in entertainment, but she joins the vast majority of American women eighty percent of women who take their husband's last name after marriage. Now can you imagine I'm just curious, babe, because you didn't look at these statistics, who is most likely to keep their last name in this country? Can you think of like if you were to describe a woman, who would be the woman who would keep her last name? Younger versus yes, all of that age younger versus older younger Obviously, twenty percent of married women ages eighteen to forty nine say they kept their last name, compared with just nine percent of women who are ages fifty and older.
00:18:13
Speaker 2: That makes sense. How about education? What would you think.
00:18:19
Speaker 1: Higher percentage of lower educated?
00:18:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, so twenty six percent of women with a postgraduate degree kept their last name. Thirteen percent of those with a bachelor's degree or less took their husband's last name.
00:18:33
Speaker 2: So, yes, you are correct. How about Republicans versus Democrats?
00:18:36
Speaker 1: This is Republican.
00:18:37
Speaker 2: Yes, a pretty big distinction.
00:18:40
Speaker 3: Yes, Democratic women are the most likely to say twenty five percent of them say they kept their last name. Just seven percent of Republican women said they kept their last wame.
00:18:49
Speaker 1: Why are they so obvious about us?
00:18:52
Speaker 2: I don't know, it is obvious.
00:18:53
Speaker 1: I'm not so smart or anything, but.
00:18:56
Speaker 2: It was obvious.
00:18:57
Speaker 3: I don't know.
00:18:58
Speaker 2: How about this? Among can you? Can you get this? One might throw you?
00:19:03
Speaker 3: What and well, any of the above, any race that you can think of, Hispanic, Asian, white, Black, Yes.
00:19:11
Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness, the highest percent, My goodness, what was the black as.
00:19:16
Speaker 2: The highest Hispanic women.
00:19:19
Speaker 3: Thirty percent of Hispanic women say they kept their last name, oh, compared to just ten percent of white women and nine percent of Black women. So Hispanic women are far more likely. And by the way, black women are more likely than any other race to hyphenate their name with their spouse's name.
00:19:38
Speaker 2: I thought that was.
00:19:39
Speaker 3: Interesting as well, and I think most of us know the history behind taking a man's name, and I don't even think this played into any of my decisions. But obviously, at some point in our lives, English common law women didn't have rights. We couldn't vote, we couldn't own property, and so yes, we had to join one family from the other. So we left our father and we had to then join our husband, and that is how we had any right.
00:20:05
Speaker 2: It was through our husbands.
00:20:07
Speaker 3: That was who we had authority through, and therefore we took their last name to have some sort of legal standing or some sort of legal right.
00:20:16
Speaker 2: And so that was the history behind it.
00:20:19
Speaker 3: Although that's not necessarily why women make the decisions they make.
00:20:23
Speaker 2: But I thought this was interesting.
00:20:24
Speaker 3: Did you know that in Spain and in Latin America, women traditionally keep their maiden names and children are given both of their parents' surnames.
00:20:35
Speaker 2: I did not know that. H that reads that works okay.
00:20:39
Speaker 3: Also, interestingly, in China and Korea, women typically keep their last names even after marriage. But in all this idea of like, oh, women aren't property and we aren't owned by our husbands, I thought this was one of the most interesting facts that I found just researching this Middle Eastern and Muslim countries. It is the custom for women to keep their names after marriage. They are not taking their husband's name, and so in these cultures that we might assign this idea that somehow women are the property of men, they don't have rights. Those are actually the countries where women keep their last names, so obviously to each his own. I've never ever felt any way about a woman who chooses to change their last name. I think that's awesome. I think I kind of wished I wanted to and leaned into it. I just I've never not only have I not felt the desire, I just I don't know I felt vocal about it. Maybe that was off putting. I'm not sure, but I appreciate the fact that you're cool either way. And I actually haven't even made a decision about what we will do when we get married, but I'm kind of open to at this point in my life. I do like the idea of unity. I do think that's cool.
00:21:59
Speaker 1: All right, got to rethink this thing now, so funks. As always, we appreciate you spending some time with us on behalf of my dear amy always Robock, I'm Lutilius Robock. Potentially, we'll talk to y'all soon.