Oct. 26, 2025
Introducing our Golden Who is…Famously Available
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RSS Feed Three generations of women are now looking for love! Ben introduces our eligible single Golden woman who's ready to find love, again!
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00:00:00
Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the ultimate Summer of love Tree. This is Famously Available. Welcome back to Famously Available. I'm your host, Ben Higgins, and on this podcast, I have the pleasure of getting to do a deeper dive into the love lives of some incredible single women. You've gotten to know them through Bachelor Nation, but this time they're taking control of their love lives and putting themselves out there to hopefully find their match. We here, famously Available, get to be a part of it. We've already started the journey with Deanna Mercedes, but we told you and hinted at at some point we'd eventually get a golden So now, without further ado, we have three generations of women, all looking for love, and I'm excited to announce our golden famously Available woman is no other than the one we love, the one we support, the one we cherish, the one that we know. Kathy Swartz, Hello, Kathy, Oh my goodness, I'm so good. This This was a journey getting you locked in for this. I remember, Kathy when this whole idea got brought up to you, kind of when we started recording and getting you know, Mercedes and Dianna that you said I want to do this, and due to some hurdles and speed bumps, we couldn't quite make it work. We finally did, But you've been ready for this for a while.
00:01:46
Speaker 2: That is ultrue true Savings.
00:01:49
Speaker 1: Today, we're just gonna get to know you better. We know you well. You're very vulnerable, transparent to anybody that listens to your show. But today we're going to kind of dig in a little bit to what this season of life you're most looking forward to when it comes to maybe finding a partner. Kathy, I do want to start though, just to give everybody kind of a recap. You were on the Golden Bachelor. Have you dated since then?
00:02:19
Speaker 2: Yes, I have unsuccessfully.
00:02:23
Speaker 1: How unsuccessfully like one date done any like interest, or just how unsuccessfully on.
00:02:30
Speaker 2: A scale one to ten. Since I'm single, I've given a ten. You know, I've dated. I've had several one time dates. I've had several two time dates. But the thing for me is I'm at a point in my life where I know what I'm looking for, and so you know, I don't spend a lot of time saying we maybe I can make it work. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
00:02:50
Speaker 1: This is going to be a fun show. You know what you're looking for? Then, before we kind of dig into what you're looking for. Now, I do want to take a second. One thing I know about you is you absolutely door your family. You love your family, You love your grandkids. We also became familiar with your love story up until the Golden Bachelor during the Golden Bachelor. For listeners out there who maybe didn't watch that season or just can't remember, can you give us kind of a recap of your love story up until the Golden Bachelor and also a little idea of where your family stands today.
00:03:27
Speaker 2: So before so, I was married almost forty six years. I met my husband when I just turned eighteen, I got married. I met him at college the first week of university. We were married eighteen months later. I was married almost forty six years. And my husband died by suicide. As I said, almost six years ago or just over six years ago. And my daughter just had a baby, and I was sitting with her in the nick You and scrolling through Facebook book and I saw an advertisement for women sixty five and over for the Golden Batchlman. I thought, why not clicked the button and six weeks later I was in a mansion outside of LA and that was great fun. It was clear really quickly to me that Gary and I were not a nice guy but not my guy. But I had a great time and I made lots of friends and came home from from that show feeling I'm pretty confident I know who I am, and so the show didn't really change me. It just affirmed who I am, and so I came home and when I you know, when I was allowed to, I sort of got back into the dating pool again. Let me underscore unsuccessfully. And my kids, my sons were very supportive of me doing the Bachelor. My daughter thought it was great until they chose me that. She was like, Mom, You're not really doing this, are you. She's now it's been enough time since her dad has passed, and she is now very supportive. All three of my kids are very supportive of me finding somebody.
00:05:05
Speaker 1: I'm sure, I mean for you. I think the difference with you compared to some of the other golden women I know is you are one that took the chance on yourself. You said, I see this, I want this again, I desire this again. If we can like pull back the layer a bit. Why do you want this again? Like, why are you so intentional on finding your next partner?
00:05:32
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, it's not my next partner. It's going to be my last partner. But the reason for me is I am an active, I'm fun, I love to laugh, I love to live, and I just think that's better with a partner. I have lots of great friends, but I want someone. You know, it sounds like something out of a Hallmark card, but I want someone to share those sunsets with, someone to travel with, someone to cook dinner with and have a glass of wine while I'm slicing my fingers off cutting cucumbers for the salad. That to me is just it doesn't feel complete. I am complete without a man, but my life doesn't feel complete without a man.
00:06:15
Speaker 1: And these are things that you've looked for, as you said, since your time on the Golden Gary wasn't your guy, but you came out of it with a ton of friendships. And we also got to see you in Paradise with another friendship. Ye, Kathy, you seem to be really good at building friendships right now? Are you good at the romantic side given the.
00:06:38
Speaker 2: Chance, Yes, I am I think the thing is the men that I've met Keith on Paradise. He and I are great friends. Talked with him last night on the phone for an hour. We're great friends, but we're not a good romantic match. But I am a you know, people say they're hopeless romantics. I am a hopeful romantic. I believe in love. I believe I'm worthy. All those things that people say, they say them repetitively because they're true. We're all deserving of love. We're all deserving of finding that special person. I just haven't found him.
00:07:11
Speaker 1: Okay, are you ready to deep dive into this person? Okay, it's kind of going to feel rapid fire. If that's okay, We're just going to kind of bounce around because today is to get to know your type. As our listeners start this whole thing out, let's just start with what usually somebody is most attuned to in the first meeting. What do you find most attractive or what kind of traits do you find attractive physical and also in personality?
00:07:44
Speaker 2: So easy for me, The first thing that attracts me is a man's eyes and a smile. Don't care of his hair, don't care if he's bald. I'd like to be taller than I am. I want someone who can laugh with me. It's those I don't really want to shine man. I want someone who knows how to have fun, who will listen to me, and it'll be a joint partnership.
00:08:06
Speaker 1: Okay, I want to push back a little bit on this. Okay, you are not shy. No, I'm not, and you do love to have a good time. I think I said it to Ashley when Kathy's in the room. I also think Susan has this category, this characteristic about her. I love Nancy. She's one of my favorite people I've ever been around. She doesn't have this. I don't have this. So it's not a good or bad. But when you two walk into a room, the energy level gets picked up. It just does. Also, the noise level gets picked up. It does.
00:08:37
Speaker 2: Guilty on all accounts. Guilty.
00:08:40
Speaker 1: And as I've witnessed relationships grow, oftentimes it is the shier, more quiet, admiring person that compliments the louder, more energetic human. You're saying you want somebody that can hold his own I'm saying, what if this guy is just the like admirer of your energy and supports you as you continue to pick up a room and he just doesn't take up that much space.
00:09:12
Speaker 2: So so my husband was that kind of guy, wonderful in every way. But here's the thing, and I say this all the time. If a man says to me, Wow, you're a lot, You're too much, I say, no, No, I'm not too much. You're just not enough for me. I think I can find that because I'm not blowing up a room all the time. I'm not high energy all the time. That's what people see because it's through TV, it's through a podcasts where that's what I'm doing. But believe me, I can settle in in front of a fire with a glass of wine and just have low key conversation be very happy as well. You just have to get to know me first, and therein lies the rub, right because I am a big person. But at the same time, Ben, I can't be what I'm not. I can't be that sweet, chy, demure person because that is an authentic and a guy's going to pick up on that really quickly.
00:10:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think you should change it all. I love you for who you are and I do think though, there is that ability for somebody not to feel like you're too much, but for the quieter, shier person to never feel like you're too much, but to also never have to meet you where you're at energy level wise, can support you, be there for you, but maybe not have that same boisterous kind of spirit.
00:10:43
Speaker 2: Yes, to be clear, I'm not looking for Kathy's twin. I'm not looking to look in the mirror and see me in a male form. But I'm looking for someone who has energy, who wants to do things, who has opinions, who we can have intellectual conversation with where we can laugh. So you have to have some amount of personality. I don't want to sit back and quote run the show. I don't want a guy who wants to sit back and let me run the show.
00:11:11
Speaker 1: No, that's exhausting. It's not a partnership. Has your type evolved over time? This is something I'm intrigued by talking to you. With Mercedes, you know, obviously she's younger, she's still trying to figure this thing out. You know, Dianna is different because she's gone through a divorce and she's trying to do this again, and she's trying to figure out what her type is. Honestly, I think we're all trying to figure it out, and it's kind of fun or interesting to watch that. But you do know, I think what your type is has it changed.
00:11:50
Speaker 2: It's somewhat. First of all, when I was younger looks, you didn't hear me say he has to have dark hair, or he has to have who He doesn't have to be a specific hight. I like to wear heels. Would be nice if I could get a guy a little taller than I am. But those exterior characteristics at my age means so much less to me now than they used to. And it's their heart, it's their character, it's their integrity. Means so much more to me now. You know, I want a guy who, as I've said it a million times, who wants me for me, who wakes up every day next to me and looks at me and says, Wow, how do we get so lucky at this stage of our life. You didn't hear me say, you know, he's got curly black hair, or he had a particular profession. I think at my age, I am financially set. I have three kids, I have two grandchildren. I'm not looking for a guy to build a family with. I'm looking for a guy that has his family. I have my family, and we will integrate our families together.
00:13:00
Speaker 1: It's a it's an interesting situation or path you're in. Now, what if this guy doesn't have a family. Is that a red flag? Okay, no, it's.
00:13:12
Speaker 2: A red flag. I won't date. I dated a man once who had never been married. I won't do that again. Interesting why because the man what I found was and I realized that's not fair. Maybe to throw all men in a barrel, but because he had never been married, everything revolved around him fair enough. His life. Dislikes his travel, his home. He didn't really want to make space to to coordinate a life lack of a better word. With me, someone who doesn't have children, that doesn't bother me because you don't know maybe they really wanted children. I've dated men who don't have children, but they're very close with their nieces and nephews. The interesting thing that you haven't asked me yet, which I I find so interesting given the golden bachelor or scenario, what we've been through. And I've said this from the beginning, I'm the girl that'll move. I will move to be with a guy because that's what our plans are for I can come back and spend a week a month with my kids and my grandkids. I'm the very one who will move.
00:14:20
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, that's a conversation we've heard so many times come up from the Golden Bachelor, and you're one of the onlies that have said it openly, like I would move.
00:14:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would.
00:14:33
Speaker 1: I don't even know if that was a question I was going to ask, But I think I'm interested in why. I mean, you have your house, ye, you have your you know, you have your own rhythms, your own friendships. Why would you be interested in moving?
00:14:47
Speaker 2: Because I don't. First of all, I don't believe long distance relationships work. I think they're fun, and I think they're exciting, and I think but that to me is not the committed relationship I'm looking for. I'm not saying that doesn't work for some people. That is not the relationship I want. So, you know, if when I said I would move, I would keep my house. We could go back and forth. In other words, at our age, we're not raising children. I don't have to get my son to baseball practice. We're more fluid. We can go his place, my place, but people who are very fixcated on staying in their location. I don't really get that personally.
00:15:28
Speaker 1: The part here that I think I relate with and I get it. I hear what you're saying. If somebody hasn't been married. I was even nervous about this. You know. I had met my wife in my late twenties. We dated for a few years, we got engaged, COVID hit and so we were together a long time. I mean I felt like I was single or not married for a long period of my life. And I told my wife this when we got engaged. I said, there are things that I just do because I've never had to ask anyone. I live alone, I have my job, I travel when I want. You know, I don't have these responsibilities over these people. And that's going to be a hard kind of like ripping away at me at certain things because of the rhythm and the period of time in my life that I've just done this. I have to learn what it's like to be in relationship because I hadn't been. So I get it. I mean, goodness, you give me sixty years of that, seventy years of that. That's a long time.
00:16:34
Speaker 2: But here's the thing. You ask me how I'm different. Another way, I am extremely different from when I was younger. I am so much more flexible now, you know, the little things just don't matter any more to me, and the older I get, the bigger things become smaller and smaller. I just don't care. Oh you really want to do that? Where before I might have put up a fighter or say no, no, no, and try to try to get into it. Who cares? Life is short? I mean, I say, I'm just filled with these little pithy otages, you know, quotes, but I just don't care. Do I have to live with a man twenty four to seven? No, But I'm open to exploring various ways of making a relationship work. What I'm not willing to do is have a relationship where I see, I'm making this up, see a guy two weekends a month, because that, to me, is for me, is not the relationship I want. And in terms of evolving, that is one of the biggest changes in me. I'm just so much more flexible than I used to be. And people talk about the you know, compromise, you have to compromise in a relationship. I've said this repeatedly. Yes, you have to compromise, you also have to sacrifice. And my same example is if I'm red and you're blue, sometimes it's going to be red and sometimes it's going to be blue. Well, if I want it to be red and it's blue, that is sacrifice, that's not compromise. I am sacrificing what I want for you, the red and blue. The compromises when you mix the pap two colors together and you get purple. And I think sometimes people forget that. But at my age, I am so much more willing to sacrifice and compromise than I was when I was younger.
00:18:23
Speaker 1: I mean, tell me if I'm wrong. I'm just trying to I'm always wrong, Goodness, ask my wife. Like if we're summarizing the conversation at this point, one of the things that you are are most looking forward to when it comes to this final partner is experiences, the compromise, the sacrifice. But these experiences, it feels like you have this deep desire to explore the world with a curiosity that has not gone away, with an excitement that has not gone away. And as much fun as that is to do with friends and to do alone, you're really wanting somebody to get out into the world with to do these things that you've dreamed of, planned for, thought about.
00:19:11
Speaker 2: Yes, and I've traveled a lot. The other thing, then, is I have a lot of energy. I walk five miles a day, I kayak, I work out with weights. I do a lot of things that a lot of people my age don't do. And so that has been a problem for me to find someone who, in equal measure has not just an adventurous spirit, but the physicality to actually do those things.
00:19:49
Speaker 1: We've seen you obviously on the Golden Bachelor, We've seen you on Paradise. I don't think Paradise was fair to be to make a judgment calm, because there wasn't a plethora of men coming on the beach. But you have gotten to watch now the Golden Bachelorette with Joan. Is there any guys that kind of stood out to you from Gary, I guess we'll throw him in the pot two then the Paradise into all these other men who maybe got wrapped up in relationships and couldn't come to Paradise. Is there anybody on those shows that have stood up to you so far.
00:20:26
Speaker 2: That I would date?
00:20:27
Speaker 1: Yeah?
00:20:28
Speaker 2: No, I love c k and I are extremely good friends. I love him, we talk all the time, but you know, he's moving I believe into a relationship, and Keith and I are really good friends. But no, and to be fair, many of those guys are in relationships with women, and a lot of those women are quite a bit younger than they are. I am not going to apologize for who I am, or my age or anything else. It's just not a good match. Joan is what is She's sixty two, I think, and so her bevy, if you will, her stable of men were young. And our culture, whether I like it or not, I'm not complaining our culture is. It takes a special guy who's willing to date an older woman. My son got married two years ago to a woman ten years older than he, but that's unusual, and so for me there's a disparity. There's a disconnect between my age and my energy level.
00:21:31
Speaker 1: Would you be willing to date younger?
00:21:34
Speaker 2: Oh? Absolutely, I think I'm going to have to because well I shouldn't that it's not like a punishment. I would prefer to date younger because they're going to have theoretically more energy and more desire and willingness to travel. You've heard my thing ben about used to guys. You know that as they get older men, you know, do you kayact? Do you snow? Ski? Oh? I used to ski, used to play tennis? I used to And I call them used to guys because now they sit on the couch with a baseball hat turned backwards with a can of bear in their hands.
00:22:11
Speaker 1: So would you get older.
00:22:13
Speaker 2: If they have the energy? Age to me really is just I don't care. I don't want to date a guy who's working full time because then you're limited in what you can do.
00:22:24
Speaker 1: Okay, so you need So we're looking for somebody retired or partially retired with time on their hands. Who has energy. Seems like the big the big attraction here. It also seems like the differentiator on if you'd be into it or not. Energy is the key focus and kindness.
00:22:46
Speaker 2: I need a man who is kind, who has a warm heart, who is spiritual, who who has lots of interests. And you're gonna laugh. But I don't cook a lot, So if a man is looking for a cook, I'm probably not your girl. I make great breakfast, but that's kind of about it.
00:23:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, here's one that's a little more personal You are financially stable, you are able to explore, you do have the flexibility. Say a guy comes in at high energy levels, super kind, just absolutely adores you. Are you okay with him maybe not being as financially stable. Let's say he didn't, you know, have a career that brought that upon and that you maybe are supporting financially this new relationship.
00:23:43
Speaker 2: No, I again, I am nothing of not honest, No, I'm not okay with that. And I'll tell you why. My husband worked really hard. I did too, but my husband worked really hard, and my money, you know, whatever, I don't spend or meet when I turn one hundred and twenty for health care, he's going to go to my kids.
00:24:06
Speaker 1: Okay, So no, I can't.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: That just feels it feels disrespectful to my husband and the and the and the marriage we had. So no, that's I can't do that.
00:24:22
Speaker 1: Have you thought about this before, like, is this something I'm just curious more for your own personal life. Has this been a thought through your head of what would be respectful now in this season and what wouldn't.
00:24:31
Speaker 2: Be Yes, yes, you know I'm my behavior. I believe I act respectfully. I think you know my husband looking down would be proud of who I am and how I've behaved, if you will. But I am not going to date a thirty year old because he's got a lot of entergy. No, that's just that's not respectful. To my kids, it's not respectful. It's just not it's not happening.
00:25:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, So what I mean you started to get into there? What things are respectful? Like? What things kind of do fall into that? This feels right to my kids, to my husband, to yourself.
00:25:15
Speaker 2: It's it's dating a man who respects the marriage I had. I respect the relationship he had, but we're sort of starting from this neutral place where we're building a relationship together. I am not looking to replace my husband, Ben. I could never do that. But again, these just sound like some of a Hallmark card. But you know, my heart was broken when he died, and but as time has gone by and I've done the work I needed to do, my heart has expanded. So what is respectful is having a relationship that is about love and caring. I mean that It's pretty simple to me.
00:25:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it sounds like meual support both financially, oh personally, and this that Hey, I'm not dragging you along and doing this whole thing on my own. We're entering this life together, conjoining the lives we've built.
00:26:15
Speaker 2: He can spoil me, I mean if he wants, if he wants to find me first class, I'm not telling him now. Let's be clear.
00:26:22
Speaker 1: You deserve it. Kathy. Thanks a little bit about dating here. Would you kiss on the first date?
00:26:27
Speaker 2: Yep? Yeah? And have.
00:26:31
Speaker 1: You said that very quickly? Yeah, Okay, I'm gonna touch you.
00:26:34
Speaker 2: I'm a central person, I'm a toucher, i'm a hugger, I'm all those things.
00:26:38
Speaker 1: So yeah, And with dating in general, I mean I thought this is where you're gonna go. When you said yes so quickly, I would imagine just with what you're looking for and this next chapter of life, the final partner, there's an intentionality to dating. I mean in your mind. I think this is a very unfair question, but I think it's interesting. How quickly would you move on from like first date to hey, let's actually like make this thing official, let's get this thing going. I feel like there's an expedite, a timeline.
00:27:11
Speaker 2: And and that is again where I've evolved. If I meet somebody and I have before it hasn't worked out. But if I've met if I meet someone, I can feel it, it's you know, you can call it the butterflies, you can call it whatever you want. I have this sense inside that I want to get to know this person. I see where we have so much in common. There's some his smile, his eyes. I want to go. I want to go down that road, and I will go down it quickly if I if I feel that.
00:27:43
Speaker 1: With the guy, is it important that you go down it quickly? Though?
00:27:47
Speaker 2: No? Okay, But but here's the thing I don't I don't want to be I'm I'm I'm not dating for the sake of dating, because you know, I have a pretty schedule. I'm dating intentionally to find that person. So if a guy says to me, you know, I'm just casually dating. You know, I have ten dates a week, I already know he's not my guy because he's not in he's not dating with the intentionality that I am. Even though if he meets me, I usually you know, I can knock him off. Their knock him off, their games, say maybe maybe I should pick you.
00:28:26
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, this is gonna be a lot of fun, Kathy. This has been fantastic. I think we've gotten a good overview. We're gonna come back with you during a future episode and do the rapid Fire quiz to really like, just like hit these points. But the elaboration on some of this has been really helpful. Kathy, this journey is just getting started. I am excited to watch it along the way, this has been famously Available, introducing our golden famously available human, Kathy Swartz. Thanks for joining us. Until next time, I've been bad.
00:29:08
Speaker 2: H
Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts bring you the ultimate Summer of love Tree. This is Famously Available. Welcome back to Famously Available. I'm your host, Ben Higgins, and on this podcast, I have the pleasure of getting to do a deeper dive into the love lives of some incredible single women. You've gotten to know them through Bachelor Nation, but this time they're taking control of their love lives and putting themselves out there to hopefully find their match. We here, famously Available, get to be a part of it. We've already started the journey with Deanna Mercedes, but we told you and hinted at at some point we'd eventually get a golden So now, without further ado, we have three generations of women, all looking for love, and I'm excited to announce our golden famously Available woman is no other than the one we love, the one we support, the one we cherish, the one that we know. Kathy Swartz, Hello, Kathy, Oh my goodness, I'm so good. This This was a journey getting you locked in for this. I remember, Kathy when this whole idea got brought up to you, kind of when we started recording and getting you know, Mercedes and Dianna that you said I want to do this, and due to some hurdles and speed bumps, we couldn't quite make it work. We finally did, But you've been ready for this for a while.
00:01:46
Speaker 2: That is ultrue true Savings.
00:01:49
Speaker 1: Today, we're just gonna get to know you better. We know you well. You're very vulnerable, transparent to anybody that listens to your show. But today we're going to kind of dig in a little bit to what this season of life you're most looking forward to when it comes to maybe finding a partner. Kathy, I do want to start though, just to give everybody kind of a recap. You were on the Golden Bachelor. Have you dated since then?
00:02:19
Speaker 2: Yes, I have unsuccessfully.
00:02:23
Speaker 1: How unsuccessfully like one date done any like interest, or just how unsuccessfully on.
00:02:30
Speaker 2: A scale one to ten. Since I'm single, I've given a ten. You know, I've dated. I've had several one time dates. I've had several two time dates. But the thing for me is I'm at a point in my life where I know what I'm looking for, and so you know, I don't spend a lot of time saying we maybe I can make it work. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
00:02:50
Speaker 1: This is going to be a fun show. You know what you're looking for? Then, before we kind of dig into what you're looking for. Now, I do want to take a second. One thing I know about you is you absolutely door your family. You love your family, You love your grandkids. We also became familiar with your love story up until the Golden Bachelor during the Golden Bachelor. For listeners out there who maybe didn't watch that season or just can't remember, can you give us kind of a recap of your love story up until the Golden Bachelor and also a little idea of where your family stands today.
00:03:27
Speaker 2: So before so, I was married almost forty six years. I met my husband when I just turned eighteen, I got married. I met him at college the first week of university. We were married eighteen months later. I was married almost forty six years. And my husband died by suicide. As I said, almost six years ago or just over six years ago. And my daughter just had a baby, and I was sitting with her in the nick You and scrolling through Facebook book and I saw an advertisement for women sixty five and over for the Golden Batchlman. I thought, why not clicked the button and six weeks later I was in a mansion outside of LA and that was great fun. It was clear really quickly to me that Gary and I were not a nice guy but not my guy. But I had a great time and I made lots of friends and came home from from that show feeling I'm pretty confident I know who I am, and so the show didn't really change me. It just affirmed who I am, and so I came home and when I you know, when I was allowed to, I sort of got back into the dating pool again. Let me underscore unsuccessfully. And my kids, my sons were very supportive of me doing the Bachelor. My daughter thought it was great until they chose me that. She was like, Mom, You're not really doing this, are you. She's now it's been enough time since her dad has passed, and she is now very supportive. All three of my kids are very supportive of me finding somebody.
00:05:05
Speaker 1: I'm sure, I mean for you. I think the difference with you compared to some of the other golden women I know is you are one that took the chance on yourself. You said, I see this, I want this again, I desire this again. If we can like pull back the layer a bit. Why do you want this again? Like, why are you so intentional on finding your next partner?
00:05:32
Speaker 2: Well, first of all, it's not my next partner. It's going to be my last partner. But the reason for me is I am an active, I'm fun, I love to laugh, I love to live, and I just think that's better with a partner. I have lots of great friends, but I want someone. You know, it sounds like something out of a Hallmark card, but I want someone to share those sunsets with, someone to travel with, someone to cook dinner with and have a glass of wine while I'm slicing my fingers off cutting cucumbers for the salad. That to me is just it doesn't feel complete. I am complete without a man, but my life doesn't feel complete without a man.
00:06:15
Speaker 1: And these are things that you've looked for, as you said, since your time on the Golden Gary wasn't your guy, but you came out of it with a ton of friendships. And we also got to see you in Paradise with another friendship. Ye, Kathy, you seem to be really good at building friendships right now? Are you good at the romantic side given the.
00:06:38
Speaker 2: Chance, Yes, I am I think the thing is the men that I've met Keith on Paradise. He and I are great friends. Talked with him last night on the phone for an hour. We're great friends, but we're not a good romantic match. But I am a you know, people say they're hopeless romantics. I am a hopeful romantic. I believe in love. I believe I'm worthy. All those things that people say, they say them repetitively because they're true. We're all deserving of love. We're all deserving of finding that special person. I just haven't found him.
00:07:11
Speaker 1: Okay, are you ready to deep dive into this person? Okay, it's kind of going to feel rapid fire. If that's okay, We're just going to kind of bounce around because today is to get to know your type. As our listeners start this whole thing out, let's just start with what usually somebody is most attuned to in the first meeting. What do you find most attractive or what kind of traits do you find attractive physical and also in personality?
00:07:44
Speaker 2: So easy for me, The first thing that attracts me is a man's eyes and a smile. Don't care of his hair, don't care if he's bald. I'd like to be taller than I am. I want someone who can laugh with me. It's those I don't really want to shine man. I want someone who knows how to have fun, who will listen to me, and it'll be a joint partnership.
00:08:06
Speaker 1: Okay, I want to push back a little bit on this. Okay, you are not shy. No, I'm not, and you do love to have a good time. I think I said it to Ashley when Kathy's in the room. I also think Susan has this category, this characteristic about her. I love Nancy. She's one of my favorite people I've ever been around. She doesn't have this. I don't have this. So it's not a good or bad. But when you two walk into a room, the energy level gets picked up. It just does. Also, the noise level gets picked up. It does.
00:08:37
Speaker 2: Guilty on all accounts. Guilty.
00:08:40
Speaker 1: And as I've witnessed relationships grow, oftentimes it is the shier, more quiet, admiring person that compliments the louder, more energetic human. You're saying you want somebody that can hold his own I'm saying, what if this guy is just the like admirer of your energy and supports you as you continue to pick up a room and he just doesn't take up that much space.
00:09:12
Speaker 2: So so my husband was that kind of guy, wonderful in every way. But here's the thing, and I say this all the time. If a man says to me, Wow, you're a lot, You're too much, I say, no, No, I'm not too much. You're just not enough for me. I think I can find that because I'm not blowing up a room all the time. I'm not high energy all the time. That's what people see because it's through TV, it's through a podcasts where that's what I'm doing. But believe me, I can settle in in front of a fire with a glass of wine and just have low key conversation be very happy as well. You just have to get to know me first, and therein lies the rub, right because I am a big person. But at the same time, Ben, I can't be what I'm not. I can't be that sweet, chy, demure person because that is an authentic and a guy's going to pick up on that really quickly.
00:10:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think you should change it all. I love you for who you are and I do think though, there is that ability for somebody not to feel like you're too much, but for the quieter, shier person to never feel like you're too much, but to also never have to meet you where you're at energy level wise, can support you, be there for you, but maybe not have that same boisterous kind of spirit.
00:10:43
Speaker 2: Yes, to be clear, I'm not looking for Kathy's twin. I'm not looking to look in the mirror and see me in a male form. But I'm looking for someone who has energy, who wants to do things, who has opinions, who we can have intellectual conversation with where we can laugh. So you have to have some amount of personality. I don't want to sit back and quote run the show. I don't want a guy who wants to sit back and let me run the show.
00:11:11
Speaker 1: No, that's exhausting. It's not a partnership. Has your type evolved over time? This is something I'm intrigued by talking to you. With Mercedes, you know, obviously she's younger, she's still trying to figure this thing out. You know, Dianna is different because she's gone through a divorce and she's trying to do this again, and she's trying to figure out what her type is. Honestly, I think we're all trying to figure it out, and it's kind of fun or interesting to watch that. But you do know, I think what your type is has it changed.
00:11:50
Speaker 2: It's somewhat. First of all, when I was younger looks, you didn't hear me say he has to have dark hair, or he has to have who He doesn't have to be a specific hight. I like to wear heels. Would be nice if I could get a guy a little taller than I am. But those exterior characteristics at my age means so much less to me now than they used to. And it's their heart, it's their character, it's their integrity. Means so much more to me now. You know, I want a guy who, as I've said it a million times, who wants me for me, who wakes up every day next to me and looks at me and says, Wow, how do we get so lucky at this stage of our life. You didn't hear me say, you know, he's got curly black hair, or he had a particular profession. I think at my age, I am financially set. I have three kids, I have two grandchildren. I'm not looking for a guy to build a family with. I'm looking for a guy that has his family. I have my family, and we will integrate our families together.
00:13:00
Speaker 1: It's a it's an interesting situation or path you're in. Now, what if this guy doesn't have a family. Is that a red flag? Okay, no, it's.
00:13:12
Speaker 2: A red flag. I won't date. I dated a man once who had never been married. I won't do that again. Interesting why because the man what I found was and I realized that's not fair. Maybe to throw all men in a barrel, but because he had never been married, everything revolved around him fair enough. His life. Dislikes his travel, his home. He didn't really want to make space to to coordinate a life lack of a better word. With me, someone who doesn't have children, that doesn't bother me because you don't know maybe they really wanted children. I've dated men who don't have children, but they're very close with their nieces and nephews. The interesting thing that you haven't asked me yet, which I I find so interesting given the golden bachelor or scenario, what we've been through. And I've said this from the beginning, I'm the girl that'll move. I will move to be with a guy because that's what our plans are for I can come back and spend a week a month with my kids and my grandkids. I'm the very one who will move.
00:14:20
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, that's a conversation we've heard so many times come up from the Golden Bachelor, and you're one of the onlies that have said it openly, like I would move.
00:14:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would.
00:14:33
Speaker 1: I don't even know if that was a question I was going to ask, But I think I'm interested in why. I mean, you have your house, ye, you have your you know, you have your own rhythms, your own friendships. Why would you be interested in moving?
00:14:47
Speaker 2: Because I don't. First of all, I don't believe long distance relationships work. I think they're fun, and I think they're exciting, and I think but that to me is not the committed relationship I'm looking for. I'm not saying that doesn't work for some people. That is not the relationship I want. So, you know, if when I said I would move, I would keep my house. We could go back and forth. In other words, at our age, we're not raising children. I don't have to get my son to baseball practice. We're more fluid. We can go his place, my place, but people who are very fixcated on staying in their location. I don't really get that personally.
00:15:28
Speaker 1: The part here that I think I relate with and I get it. I hear what you're saying. If somebody hasn't been married. I was even nervous about this. You know. I had met my wife in my late twenties. We dated for a few years, we got engaged, COVID hit and so we were together a long time. I mean I felt like I was single or not married for a long period of my life. And I told my wife this when we got engaged. I said, there are things that I just do because I've never had to ask anyone. I live alone, I have my job, I travel when I want. You know, I don't have these responsibilities over these people. And that's going to be a hard kind of like ripping away at me at certain things because of the rhythm and the period of time in my life that I've just done this. I have to learn what it's like to be in relationship because I hadn't been. So I get it. I mean, goodness, you give me sixty years of that, seventy years of that. That's a long time.
00:16:34
Speaker 2: But here's the thing. You ask me how I'm different. Another way, I am extremely different from when I was younger. I am so much more flexible now, you know, the little things just don't matter any more to me, and the older I get, the bigger things become smaller and smaller. I just don't care. Oh you really want to do that? Where before I might have put up a fighter or say no, no, no, and try to try to get into it. Who cares? Life is short? I mean, I say, I'm just filled with these little pithy otages, you know, quotes, but I just don't care. Do I have to live with a man twenty four to seven? No, But I'm open to exploring various ways of making a relationship work. What I'm not willing to do is have a relationship where I see, I'm making this up, see a guy two weekends a month, because that, to me, is for me, is not the relationship I want. And in terms of evolving, that is one of the biggest changes in me. I'm just so much more flexible than I used to be. And people talk about the you know, compromise, you have to compromise in a relationship. I've said this repeatedly. Yes, you have to compromise, you also have to sacrifice. And my same example is if I'm red and you're blue, sometimes it's going to be red and sometimes it's going to be blue. Well, if I want it to be red and it's blue, that is sacrifice, that's not compromise. I am sacrificing what I want for you, the red and blue. The compromises when you mix the pap two colors together and you get purple. And I think sometimes people forget that. But at my age, I am so much more willing to sacrifice and compromise than I was when I was younger.
00:18:23
Speaker 1: I mean, tell me if I'm wrong. I'm just trying to I'm always wrong, Goodness, ask my wife. Like if we're summarizing the conversation at this point, one of the things that you are are most looking forward to when it comes to this final partner is experiences, the compromise, the sacrifice. But these experiences, it feels like you have this deep desire to explore the world with a curiosity that has not gone away, with an excitement that has not gone away. And as much fun as that is to do with friends and to do alone, you're really wanting somebody to get out into the world with to do these things that you've dreamed of, planned for, thought about.
00:19:11
Speaker 2: Yes, and I've traveled a lot. The other thing, then, is I have a lot of energy. I walk five miles a day, I kayak, I work out with weights. I do a lot of things that a lot of people my age don't do. And so that has been a problem for me to find someone who, in equal measure has not just an adventurous spirit, but the physicality to actually do those things.
00:19:49
Speaker 1: We've seen you obviously on the Golden Bachelor, We've seen you on Paradise. I don't think Paradise was fair to be to make a judgment calm, because there wasn't a plethora of men coming on the beach. But you have gotten to watch now the Golden Bachelorette with Joan. Is there any guys that kind of stood out to you from Gary, I guess we'll throw him in the pot two then the Paradise into all these other men who maybe got wrapped up in relationships and couldn't come to Paradise. Is there anybody on those shows that have stood up to you so far.
00:20:26
Speaker 2: That I would date?
00:20:27
Speaker 1: Yeah?
00:20:28
Speaker 2: No, I love c k and I are extremely good friends. I love him, we talk all the time, but you know, he's moving I believe into a relationship, and Keith and I are really good friends. But no, and to be fair, many of those guys are in relationships with women, and a lot of those women are quite a bit younger than they are. I am not going to apologize for who I am, or my age or anything else. It's just not a good match. Joan is what is She's sixty two, I think, and so her bevy, if you will, her stable of men were young. And our culture, whether I like it or not, I'm not complaining our culture is. It takes a special guy who's willing to date an older woman. My son got married two years ago to a woman ten years older than he, but that's unusual, and so for me there's a disparity. There's a disconnect between my age and my energy level.
00:21:31
Speaker 1: Would you be willing to date younger?
00:21:34
Speaker 2: Oh? Absolutely, I think I'm going to have to because well I shouldn't that it's not like a punishment. I would prefer to date younger because they're going to have theoretically more energy and more desire and willingness to travel. You've heard my thing ben about used to guys. You know that as they get older men, you know, do you kayact? Do you snow? Ski? Oh? I used to ski, used to play tennis? I used to And I call them used to guys because now they sit on the couch with a baseball hat turned backwards with a can of bear in their hands.
00:22:11
Speaker 1: So would you get older.
00:22:13
Speaker 2: If they have the energy? Age to me really is just I don't care. I don't want to date a guy who's working full time because then you're limited in what you can do.
00:22:24
Speaker 1: Okay, so you need So we're looking for somebody retired or partially retired with time on their hands. Who has energy. Seems like the big the big attraction here. It also seems like the differentiator on if you'd be into it or not. Energy is the key focus and kindness.
00:22:46
Speaker 2: I need a man who is kind, who has a warm heart, who is spiritual, who who has lots of interests. And you're gonna laugh. But I don't cook a lot, So if a man is looking for a cook, I'm probably not your girl. I make great breakfast, but that's kind of about it.
00:23:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, here's one that's a little more personal You are financially stable, you are able to explore, you do have the flexibility. Say a guy comes in at high energy levels, super kind, just absolutely adores you. Are you okay with him maybe not being as financially stable. Let's say he didn't, you know, have a career that brought that upon and that you maybe are supporting financially this new relationship.
00:23:43
Speaker 2: No, I again, I am nothing of not honest, No, I'm not okay with that. And I'll tell you why. My husband worked really hard. I did too, but my husband worked really hard, and my money, you know, whatever, I don't spend or meet when I turn one hundred and twenty for health care, he's going to go to my kids.
00:24:06
Speaker 1: Okay, So no, I can't.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: That just feels it feels disrespectful to my husband and the and the and the marriage we had. So no, that's I can't do that.
00:24:22
Speaker 1: Have you thought about this before, like, is this something I'm just curious more for your own personal life. Has this been a thought through your head of what would be respectful now in this season and what wouldn't.
00:24:31
Speaker 2: Be Yes, yes, you know I'm my behavior. I believe I act respectfully. I think you know my husband looking down would be proud of who I am and how I've behaved, if you will. But I am not going to date a thirty year old because he's got a lot of entergy. No, that's just that's not respectful. To my kids, it's not respectful. It's just not it's not happening.
00:25:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, So what I mean you started to get into there? What things are respectful? Like? What things kind of do fall into that? This feels right to my kids, to my husband, to yourself.
00:25:15
Speaker 2: It's it's dating a man who respects the marriage I had. I respect the relationship he had, but we're sort of starting from this neutral place where we're building a relationship together. I am not looking to replace my husband, Ben. I could never do that. But again, these just sound like some of a Hallmark card. But you know, my heart was broken when he died, and but as time has gone by and I've done the work I needed to do, my heart has expanded. So what is respectful is having a relationship that is about love and caring. I mean that It's pretty simple to me.
00:25:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it sounds like meual support both financially, oh personally, and this that Hey, I'm not dragging you along and doing this whole thing on my own. We're entering this life together, conjoining the lives we've built.
00:26:15
Speaker 2: He can spoil me, I mean if he wants, if he wants to find me first class, I'm not telling him now. Let's be clear.
00:26:22
Speaker 1: You deserve it. Kathy. Thanks a little bit about dating here. Would you kiss on the first date?
00:26:27
Speaker 2: Yep? Yeah? And have.
00:26:31
Speaker 1: You said that very quickly? Yeah, Okay, I'm gonna touch you.
00:26:34
Speaker 2: I'm a central person, I'm a toucher, i'm a hugger, I'm all those things.
00:26:38
Speaker 1: So yeah, And with dating in general, I mean I thought this is where you're gonna go. When you said yes so quickly, I would imagine just with what you're looking for and this next chapter of life, the final partner, there's an intentionality to dating. I mean in your mind. I think this is a very unfair question, but I think it's interesting. How quickly would you move on from like first date to hey, let's actually like make this thing official, let's get this thing going. I feel like there's an expedite, a timeline.
00:27:11
Speaker 2: And and that is again where I've evolved. If I meet somebody and I have before it hasn't worked out. But if I've met if I meet someone, I can feel it, it's you know, you can call it the butterflies, you can call it whatever you want. I have this sense inside that I want to get to know this person. I see where we have so much in common. There's some his smile, his eyes. I want to go. I want to go down that road, and I will go down it quickly if I if I feel that.
00:27:43
Speaker 1: With the guy, is it important that you go down it quickly? Though?
00:27:47
Speaker 2: No? Okay, But but here's the thing I don't I don't want to be I'm I'm I'm not dating for the sake of dating, because you know, I have a pretty schedule. I'm dating intentionally to find that person. So if a guy says to me, you know, I'm just casually dating. You know, I have ten dates a week, I already know he's not my guy because he's not in he's not dating with the intentionality that I am. Even though if he meets me, I usually you know, I can knock him off. Their knock him off, their games, say maybe maybe I should pick you.
00:28:26
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, this is gonna be a lot of fun, Kathy. This has been fantastic. I think we've gotten a good overview. We're gonna come back with you during a future episode and do the rapid Fire quiz to really like, just like hit these points. But the elaboration on some of this has been really helpful. Kathy, this journey is just getting started. I am excited to watch it along the way, this has been famously Available, introducing our golden famously available human, Kathy Swartz. Thanks for joining us. Until next time, I've been bad.
00:29:08
Speaker 2: H