March 12, 2026
How Ambyr Childers Learned To Love The Mistress Who Broke Up Her Marriage
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RSS Feed Actress Ambyr Childers’ world turned upside down when her husband had an affair with reality star Lala Kent. So how do you go from breaking up a marriage…to podcast co-hosts???
Ambyr is vulnerably sharing how she and Lala bridged the gap in their relationship - this story will give any divorced woman hope!
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00:00:16
Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome back to I Do Part two. It's your celebrity mentor show Burke, and today I'm sitting down with an amazing woman who I actually recently met when we were all up in my hometown of San Francisco for a fun girls night out event. She's the co host of the podcast An Unlikely Affair with her ex husband's ex fiance let me say that again, with her ex husband's ex fiance. So yeah, we're going to talk all about it. And you also know her, of course from her roles in Ray Donovan and the Netflix show You. She's in her chapter two just like the rest of us. It's Amber Childers.
00:00:58
Speaker 2: Hi, how are you?
00:01:00
Speaker 1: How are you good?
00:01:01
Speaker 2: You look still pretty?
00:01:03
Speaker 1: Thank you? Okay. So, I have been on a binge listening to your podcast with Lalla and Unlikely Affair, and it's just captivating. It is relatable, it's emotional, it's honest, and I appreciate your candor really with everything, and it's so helpful for just I'm sure everyone can relate to a little bit of your guys story, you know. So, do you want to tell my audience what it is and how it came about? Your podcast?
00:01:34
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I'll make it as short as possible because it's a very long story.
00:01:39
Speaker 1: But I.
00:01:41
Speaker 2: Was married, two kids, figured out that there was an affair going on, kind of didn't say anything. This is not like my first rodeo with this kind of situation. So I was a little unsure because you know, I was just you get smart, and I think any for anyone out there that has been through through this, you have this instinct, especially when you become a mother, it gets a little bit stronger. And so I just set back and it all happened, and it all came out, and it was all being played on vander Pump Rules. And at the time I didn't watch vander Pump. Well I still don't watch vander Pump, so I actually have all. Yeah, I had just seen like little clips and then next thing, you know, my marriage, you know, imploded and they're together and Lala and I obviously did not get along. I was devastated and heartbroken and very confused, and you know, probably in a lot of self pity, like how come he didn't love me? And you know, you try to be the perfect wife, you try to be the perfect mother you you know you have how can someone blow up such a beautiful life. Our kids were healthy, you know, like it was very I was very confused, and I was really lost, and I had hit rock bottom. I think for me, that was like one of I think we have a few rock bottoms in life, and that was probably my first big one where I'll never forget. I literally could not eat, and I don't understand. I love food, and I'm like, how can anyone not eat? Like they're so sick they can't eat. And that was the first time where I had my sister and my ex mother in law actually out in LA at the time, and they were making me drink ensure because I had lost, Like I mean, any catastrophic thing in life, you drop weight obviously very quickly, and next thing, you know, I, you know, just doing the best I can to move on. I get into another relationship very quickly because I don't know up from down, and I'm just like running into another man's arms. Going anything looked better than what I had. Trying to co parent was a disaster. Dealing with Lala at the time was a disaster, and we were told a very different story to one another. And then somewhere along the way, I really try to make an effort like, Okay, now they're engaged, they're gonna get married. I need just to find a way to forgive and move past or if I'm not going to forgive, if I choose not to forgive, then I just need to move forward, right, We don't need to get stuck. And I just kept hearing like, you're drinking poison expecting the other person to die and it's not happening. So I kind of surrendered to that. And Lala and I had attempted a few times to become friends. We definitely weren't in the place to actually like make that happen. I appreciate us really, you know, trying. And then ultimately that relationship ended very quickly, and I'll never forget. I always told them, I said, you got away with me, like meaning I let you go in a very quiet, it like fine kind of way. If you cheat on her, if you mess with her, if she will come for the jugular. And that's exactly what she did, and it is what it is. And so over time, I got a phone call randomly one day when I was at home and she had called to make amends. And I think it was a moment that I had. I had been waiting for for a long time from her. I never really expected that I was going to get one, so I was a little shocked when she did call. And then from there we just decided to start repairing the relationship. I had my two girls, she had ocean, and we knew we were going to be in each other's lives, and it's like, let's just start fresh. And I'm so grateful that she had the courage and the strength to make that call because I wasn't making it right right. I had attempted so many times to to be friendly with her, to be cordial with her. You know, we we had you know, birthdays. It's just like the classic like you know, everyone's trying to get along for the kids and sometimes personalities they just clashed at the at the time.
00:06:17
Speaker 1: Right, And what did that repair, I guess look like because first of all, you guys were not friends prior to this love.
00:06:23
Speaker 2: Triangle, right, no.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: At all, So you guys you had no idea of each other. And then well, I just want to take it back just really quick. How did you find out so mainly through social media? Wow?
00:06:38
Speaker 2: Okay, you know I'm a little investigator. I should have been in the FBI or the same. This girl c like, it is my dream to go undercover, and if I can't do it in my personal life, then I'm going to find that role where I could go uncover and like really just dig my teeth into a good, juicy role with you. You you just know again like back to your instincts, has had this feeling. I would, you know, he was going on a work trip. I would see who was kind of like in Miami at the time, and I just I just caught on very quickly. I knew he had mentioned her before, right, he was friends with her. She was interested in doing film and television.
00:07:20
Speaker 1: You know.
00:07:21
Speaker 2: It's a classic like Hollywood bullshit story of the producer and the actress and the you know, it's like it's like such a classic tale. Yeah, and and so I just sat with it because I didn't know exactly how I wanted to approach it. I needed to get smart, and it was really hard because I had two young kids. But he was also gone a lot. He was he was always filming a movie and somewhere you know, so he says, right, right, right, he was just like always working, and you know what, I was just like, okay, Like I was busy trying to manage two very small kids, a house, trying to figure out how am I going to work and have a career as an actor, And so I didn't really I didn't bother me that he was gone so much. You know, the house was very peaceful.
00:08:18
Speaker 1: Right, Oh right, I'm sure. Well when you found out did that? Were you you just that was it? Or did you want to work on the marriage? Like? Were you willing to give him another chance or the marriage another chance? You know?
00:08:32
Speaker 2: I had given him a lot of chances.
00:08:37
Speaker 1: So this wasn't the first time. It wasn't the first okay, got it, got it.
00:08:42
Speaker 2: I don't come from a divorce family, so for me, divorce was not in my vocabulary at that time. I didn't know how to operate. And there was a lot of things that I wasn't sharing with my family. There was a lot of shame, There was a lot of guilt. I didn't want to have a failed marriage, and I didn't want to I didn't want to bring my family up, you know. And I get emotional when I think about it because I think about my kids, and you stay for the kids, right, And I think a lot of people in this position can probably relate. You know, you try to fight because you want to. You want to make your family work, you want to make the marriage work. You want someone to love you so bad, But sometimes love is not enough, right. You can't make someone stop cheating on you, you can't make someone choose you. And so I decided to choose myself. I decided that I needed to leave to you know, try to co parent with this person in two separate homes. And that's exactly what I told my kids, is that, you know, sometimes two homes are better than one, and that is the truth. Some people get together and it's you know, I know that I was meant to be with my ex husband to have my two daughters, and that's it. And I and I really have to trust that the universe has my back. I don't regret anything. I don't regret marrying him. I don't regret any decision that or experience that we had together because it's shaped me into the woman that I am today.
00:10:18
Speaker 1: So thank you for sharing your story. It's so relatable. Even though I don't have kids, I can relate to parts of your story for sure, And man, it's hard. And then did the dating life now it must be uh. I don't know what it is like for you, but for me, it's just non existent. I find it a lot more peaceful this way for now.
00:10:39
Speaker 2: My goodness, dating is tough. We live it is. It is tough. I literally just posted.
00:10:47
Speaker 1: I can't even try. It's so overwhelming, like I just I don't know when you're ready.
00:10:54
Speaker 2: You'll go out there and you'll do it, and I'll give you some tips, and yes, you have.
00:11:00
Speaker 1: To leave your I can't somebody here in my closet, like it would be so much easier.
00:11:05
Speaker 2: No, Prince Charming is not knocking at your door. Let me tell you that Welling Disney sold us a you know a lot of and we believed it as other girls. And guess what, it's not the world that we're living in.
00:11:18
Speaker 1: Mine was the notebook that was such a bullsh like everything is not that's not real love people.
00:11:24
Speaker 2: I tell Nick Cassavetti's who directed that movie, huge fan of him. I said, you really fucked up. A lot of women are young girls that are now women. Right.
00:11:36
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, my therapist told me because we were like analyzing it and she's like, if you think about that movie, Ryan Gosling is stalking whatever. I forgot a named Rachel Bcgadams, and I'm like, yeah, you're right, actually, but we find that like I found that so like sexy. I don't know it was, but it wasn't It wasn't healthy, Like that's not normal, right, A guy's like stalking her quite literally beginning or towards the middle of the movie.
00:12:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, we women women like the chase, you know. I think we have this animalistic thing is we want there's some days where I'm like, yes, I want to be hunted as a woman.
00:12:16
Speaker 1: Throw me across the room.
00:12:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do not want to do the hunting, okay, ye at all, Like I just want to sit here and I will you know. Yeah, But it's it's a it's a different landscape for sure. And I actually try to explain that to my parents all the time. And I remember last year at some point I was at home in Nebraska visiting my parents and I was like, mom, let me show you what it's like. Because my mom and dad met in high school. Whoa my mom was I think barely in ninth grade. My dad was a junior. There were like four years apart, and they've been together since what, Yeah, it's like I think so, I mean, definitely, Listen, all marriages have their thing, but they're still together and I think they're you know, they they have a beautiful relationship, and I think that's very rare that that happens. But I said to my mom, I said, let me show you. So I laid in bed with my little sister on one side and my mom on the other, and we were swiping on one of the dating apps and my mom's like, oh, I said, see, Like, now you know.
00:13:16
Speaker 1: I've never done a dating app. I refuse. I don't even know what it's lighting. Yeah, it's interesting. Back to you. Okay, So let's talk about co parenting. What is that? What has that been like? And what advice do you have for people who are going through it at the moment?
00:13:41
Speaker 2: Oh boy, co parenting can be challenging. Listen, it doesn't matter if you have a really strong relationship with your ex husband or ex wife. It's hard. It sucks. It's not easy because I feel like kids, you know, marriage is hard enough, and then you throw kids into the mix and then makes it ten times harder. Because these are things that I feel like people don't really discuss prior to getting married, like, how do you want to raise the kids? How what are your rules?
00:14:11
Speaker 1: What you know?
00:14:11
Speaker 2: I think Randy and I only said, like my kids. He was like, my kids are gonna be Jewish and I was like, okay, fine, Like that's it is what it is. I'm happy with that. And it can be extremely challenging at times, but I think you can finally, like after some rough patches, we have gotten to a place where he really just defers to me. I know what I'm you know, I know what I'm doing most of the time, and some days. For some days I don't know what I'm doing. It depends on the day. And like there's new And here's the thing with parenting is like new things come up all the time. Like right when you think you have everything in your house like going smoothly and the kids are behaving, it's like, oh, now this one is starting her period. Okay, Now this one's really into this and she's looping. Okay, now this one is like like looking at herself in the mirror, grabbing her fat and like it's like with girls, because this is this is the house full of women at this point, you know, it's so back to co parenting. You know, it is, it's hard, it's challenging, and I really appreciate that Randy really defers to me. And I think he now knows after many years of being together that we try to meet in the middle.
00:15:28
Speaker 1: But.
00:15:30
Speaker 2: I always win. I try to win, of course, but you.
00:15:35
Speaker 1: Know, without rubbing it in his face.
00:15:37
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, let's see you go without rubbing in his face. But you know, my little one is obsessed with her dad right now, obsessed like he is like the Disneyland dad. She loves him so much. And I always say, I love that you have that relationship with your dad, because I really truly believe it's like this much. It changes. It comes in seasons and chapters, like one minute she's into me, one minute the other one's not, and it just is an ebb and flow, and parenting is hard and we don't have all the answers, but we do the best we can.
00:16:11
Speaker 1: Right. That says a lot about you because clearly there was no bad mouthing of your ex. Then if you know what I mean, like I think I've seen this. I come from a divorce family. My mom never bad mouthed my father at all, though she could have big time. But I think it makes a difference, you know, when the parent really I mean, I don't know. I'm just assuming that that didn't happen, but I think that must be difficult.
00:16:35
Speaker 2: You know, it's hard, and that's what the gym is for, and that's what's going you know for your friends are yeah, the life coach and the therapist and your sisters and you know your journal. Oh my god, my god, if you could only see what's in my journal.
00:16:51
Speaker 1: No, we don't want anyone to see what's in your journal. That's for you and your eyes only.
00:16:55
Speaker 2: I literally, like today I journaled when one of my kids was getting ready for school, and after I was don't have a page, I just ripped it up and I was like, okay, done. And that's what something is like. Really, how often do you go back and read? I know I don't, and I don't necessarily want to know. I just feel like I have a lot of thoughts that I need to get us fascinating.
00:17:15
Speaker 1: I mean, I did it like with manifesting, right Like, I'll put it away for like a year and then I'll look at it just to see if anything has It's actually eye opening, but it's not I'm really shitty at journaling, Like the thing is handwriting for me sucks, and that's probably because I don't do it often.
00:17:32
Speaker 2: Obviously, the more you journal, the better your handwriting is going to get.
00:17:36
Speaker 1: True. Well, then I should start. But with you and laala you guys are like for sure bound to each other now for forever. What was that? I mean? I guess how do the kids do they get along? Because I know there's a big age gap right between Laalas and yours. What was all that like initially when it first happened.
00:18:00
Speaker 2: Well, I love babies, so I don't care if this is like my ex husband and the mistress has soon to be wife's baby. I'm not even paying attention to you. I'm looking at this sweet innocent baby that is just so. I just have this thing for babies. I'm just, oh, I can't. I just love them so much. So when Ocean was born, I was like, can I hold your baby like I'm promised? Like I just I just wanted to feel that. And that's London and Riley's sister. And there's nothing more powerful than having sisters, right, good sisters, sisters that support you and love you through it all and I have. I'm the middle child. Obviously, I have a younger sister and older sister, and it's the best thing in the world. And so I really encouraged London and Riley to be a good example, to set the example, and and it naturally happened. I mean there's a mass of age gap between London, who's sixteen, and Ocean. Now. Riley is in that age where she's really into First of all, they get a kick out of Ocean. Ocean is hysterical, I mean mad, Ocean will be five her birthdays this month, and so they London or sorry, Riley and Ocean have developed this beautiful relationship where it's just pure love and it is so beautiful and I love it, and I want them to have each other forever, right, And I think it's our job as parents to really, you know, especially when they're younger, to nurture those relationships. And I want London and Riley to see my love for Ocean and Sosa too, because you know, everyone's in the mix now, so this is a part of the crew, and so it's a really beautiful thing to see Riley just adoors Ocean.
00:20:03
Speaker 1: I love that because then she gets a younger sister, you know, like that's that's beautiful. I come from a divorce family, and I I had an older stepsister who recently passed away, but and then my little half sister. So it's you know, it's a mixed family, and it is really important. You're right to have sisters and to have and to really truly you know, connect and not take that relationship for granted because you just never know. Going back to you and Lala, did you guys get along like when you made the decision okay, we're going to try and work this out or become Was it like right away? Was it instant friendship or was it like I have to get to know you, I don't trust you type thing? Was it like small steps?
00:20:47
Speaker 2: I'll just speak for me. I don't know how long it feels about this, but I you know, I think trust was something I will say this. I think trust was something hard for both of us initially and slowly, and it was hard. It was a process, and it took time. And when I was ready, she wasn't ready. When she was ready, I wasn't ready, and and but we just kept the door open, right and I would call her and I would check on her and maybe it was one of the girl's birthdays or the holidays or whatever whatever it was. And then I think, because of my sobriety, I would say really going through this process of healing and really getting to know who Laala is, right, not Lala on vander Pump because frankly, I don't know. I know, I see a little bit of that, you know, badass bitch, but I got to know a really beautiful, softer side of Lala that is so beautiful, and I really do love her, you know, like we've we've bonded in a way, we have a we have a shared bond. Sorry I'm getting so emotional.
00:22:02
Speaker 1: It's fine, you're getting me emotional. I love it.
00:22:05
Speaker 2: We have a bond that I really appreciate and I don't take it for granted. And I know how hard both of us has worked to get to this place. It was really difficult. It's not easy, and I want people to know that when they're in this position, or if they're in this position now and they're dealing with a spouse or an ex, it's hard. But don't close the door because you never know, right and it just takes someone waking up going you know what, today, I'm going to pick up the phone, or I'm going to invite that person for coffee, or I'm going to call and just send a text and say, hey, I know we don't have the best relationship. I just want to let you know I'm thinking about you, let me know if you're open for a conversations.
00:22:55
Speaker 1: Like it's a lot harder to hate, I think than to read peace. I believe.
00:23:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean it doesn't feel good.
00:23:05
Speaker 1: You know it doesn't. And ultimately it's you that feels like that, no matter what, right, it's never you know, you can't really control the person that you're feeling this with, but that is just it takes up so much energy inside of you when there's those resentment, those feelings of resentment and just hate. It's just a nasty feeling.
00:23:25
Speaker 2: It is and I don't like it and it's not and you you know, we're evolving as women and human and children. Children change us, and life changes us and our experience. So it's just kind of always being open. And you know, I'm a very spiritual person and I would pray and I never knew what my higher power had in store for me, but I was always open and like I said, always kept that door open. So eventually and I got to the place of we were like, oh I like you. Oh I like you too. Wait a second, wait what we were ever fighting about or what was that? And it's like, now we have this beautiful relationship. We go to San Francisco, we sleep in the same bed and she's like, no, you're not sleeping in another hotel room. You're sleeping right next to me. Are you cool with that? Actually, forget it? And then it's like, of course I'm cool with that, Like this is amazing. I would rather be sleeping next to you than some you know, random dude. And so now we have this like great, you know, I wake up and I sometimes I text her, I'm like I love you, and she's like, I love you. And then it was cute. When I was there in La a couple of weeks ago, we were driving back from doing our podcast together and we were stuck on the four or five freeway and she looks over at me and she goes, I love you. And it made me. At first, I was like, God, that feels so uncomfortable, like having that like really intimate moment when you're stuck on the freeway and then I was like, no, actually, that's amazing, and she's like, why did you make that face? I was like, I got uncomfortable for a second, but then I realized, like, I freaking love you too, you know, and it was just such a beautiful moment. So we have these funny moments together.
00:25:15
Speaker 1: Beautiful. Yeah, I love that. What qualities I guess do you admire about La La? Because I think for some people who watch vand of pump roles, they must have this judgment on like what she's like. And I don't know what it is. I mean, I like, you don't. I've never really seen it before, so I don't know her well. But I always thought I would always get along with someone like her, you know, just because she seems really cool and down to earth. But you tell me, you.
00:25:42
Speaker 2: Know, the thought that just came through my mind when you were saying that was if I was in high school, she would be the girl that I would go kick it with. I would be like, that was cool. Yeah, she doesn't care what people think most of the time, right, I don't want to say ever cares what people thinks about. But she's just her and she's unapologetically her and that is freaking awesome.
00:26:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is inspiring.
00:26:12
Speaker 2: It's inspiring, and she she's not afraid to call people out. And I also think that that's a gift. She's really fun, but yet I know this vulnerable side to her that I think that through the podcast, a lot of people are getting to see the other side. And she's evolved, right. We when you grow up on television, like she did, you see all different types of you know, versions we look at I don't know, Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears, like the girls that we grew up with. It's like you see or Christina Aguilera, like you see them go through an array of different personalities and transform and at bottom normal that's all of us. By the way, you don't just have to be a celebrity to go through that. My next door neighbor goes through that, Like the person across the street goes through that. And so unfortunately for them, it's just it's really just displayed out there and there's a lot of judgment. Well, it was just a lot of fun.
00:27:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, she seems I mean she's smart obviously too.
00:27:17
Speaker 2: She's very intelligent, super smart, super smart girl business wise, you know, she has a lot on her plate. She takes care of her entire family. They live under one roof, and she's doing it. She is, like you said, super inspiring.
00:27:35
Speaker 1: You would definitely like in back in high school, middle school, she'd have your back, that's for sure, and she'd kick.
00:27:40
Speaker 2: Some I'd be like, let's go after school, We're gonna go get them.
00:27:58
Speaker 1: What do you think Laala has learned from you in this since you guys have developed such a bond and friendship.
00:28:05
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I don't know.
00:28:07
Speaker 1: I'm sure so much.
00:28:09
Speaker 2: I'm at that. I feel like that is such a question for her. I don't want to speak for her.
00:28:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course I get it. I understand. But do you think you brought maybe some peace into like meditation? Is she into meditation now? Like you? Have you influenced her? I guess is a better question. And certain practices that you that you believe in.
00:28:28
Speaker 2: I mean I think something that I I think both of us struggle with this thing. When something happens, whether it's co parenting or career or a boy situation, a friendship is situation. We go straight and we're like we want to just like deal with the head on like right now, like we can't.
00:28:47
Speaker 1: We can't.
00:28:48
Speaker 2: We just like we want to. We want to either fix it or we want to, like, you know, crush this person, or we're going to go get the attorney because clearly our voice isn't being heard and it's it's escalating to a level that's not okay. One of the things that I think we both do for each other is we're like, okay, let's just pause for a second, Like we bring each other down from maybe when we call each other out a ten, we go from ten to like a four. And I think that's I think that's something that I call her right away I'm crying. She could tell right away when I'm like she needs to, like, you know, this is important, or when she calls me and I'm like, okay, do you know what, We're going to pause. We're gonna pause. It's gonna stuck, and we're gonna sit here and fill our feelings and then tomorrow morning if you wake up. So I have a twenty four hour twenty four hour rule. If I want to send that email, if I want to send that text, if I want to make a big decision and I need to do it today, I say, guess what We're going to give it twenty four hours, and if you wake up tomorrow and you still feel the same way that this issue or non issue, whatever it is is feel that important to you and you feel still you feel still the same way where you're like, I'm going to send that email or I'm gonna send that text, then that's your answer. Then you could do it. But I think it's just learning to pause and let our emotions like think more with the rational brain.
00:30:14
Speaker 1: It's like, don't react, it's more responding. Is where I think is. I'm like you guys, by the way, I am like right away, it's so hard where.
00:30:25
Speaker 2: Women are hormonal, We're like, we're gonna like I'm also.
00:30:28
Speaker 1: An addict, so like I'm just like, you know, I just get I'm almost addicted to that, Like no, I need to get I need to do it now or also never going to do it, But no one needs to do anything now. No, it's not now, it's not now, and it's not never. But it's somewhere. There's a gray area. Who knew?
00:30:48
Speaker 2: Who knew that you could live life in the gray area. I hate the gray area.
00:30:53
Speaker 1: I always found it boring, but it's quite peaceful. It is.
00:30:57
Speaker 2: It is so peaceful. And my sponsor tells me that all the time. She's like, it's okay, you don't have to know today, and I'm like, but no.
00:31:04
Speaker 1: I want to.
00:31:05
Speaker 2: Does he love me?
00:31:06
Speaker 1: I know, I know, because I mean a adrenaline is also.
00:31:09
Speaker 2: A tictach right, yeah, the same with my career. Am I going to get that job? And I mean, look, I've been acting since I was eight years old. You would think that I could just pause and wait and it's like you just it's just something that is practiced.
00:31:23
Speaker 1: It takes practice to but it's also beautiful to have that drive and that like determination because there's also people who don't you know, that may just dilly dally a little. But switching gears? What's your dating life that look like? Today?
00:31:39
Speaker 2: I am dating someone. I just sating someone.
00:31:43
Speaker 1: So since San Francisco or were you already dating someone in San Francisco?
00:31:48
Speaker 2: No, it was the same guy. I mean we were talking when we were in San Francisco. Great, great guy, great guy from Cincinnati, Ohio, all of all places. I joke with him all the time. I'm like, I am not moving to Cincinnati, Ohio, just so you know.
00:32:09
Speaker 1: Is he moving to Montana.
00:32:11
Speaker 2: Then he's like, have you been there? And I was like, no, I have to.
00:32:15
Speaker 1: Actually it's one of my partners, the Lache Brothers. They're from Cincinnati. They they're great guys, so great go.
00:32:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think by the way, I think any I think they breed a lot of amazing men, right, I just tease with them. Listen, I'm, I'm. It's a very playful thing that we have between each other. But you know, I don't know. We'll see, we'll see where it goes one day at a time. That's the program that I'm a part of. And he's wonderful and he's very supportive of me and being a mom and wow, yees so.
00:32:48
Speaker 1: Far so it's very new ish. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. And so was this through a dating app?
00:32:55
Speaker 2: No, it wasn't. It wasn't. It was actually through a mutual friend.
00:33:00
Speaker 1: See. See, there is help, people, there's help. Yeah. Isn't that The best way to meet people though, is through a friend because your friend knows you for the most part.
00:33:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so. I think there's a lot of really interesting ways to meet people that we've kind of forgotten about or that we've gotten away from. I know, a lot of people that have met their guys on dating apps and they're married and they're happy and it's wonderful. Yeah, I think. I don't know if it works for everybody, but I like the idea of, you know, meeting someone when you walk into the grocery store or I don't know. People people are like, oh, go to home home depot and my gop love home depot.
00:33:42
Speaker 1: See this is my problem. I literally don't leave my home. That's probably why I have to. I mean I do, I do if it's work related.
00:33:49
Speaker 2: Right right. Well, they also say too, I've been reading a lot of articles that like women and men, we both have our earphones in all the time when we go to the gym, when we go to the grocery store, and that makes someone not approachable.
00:34:04
Speaker 1: True, I mean I do it because I have a French bulldog who snores so loud that like, I'm just I'm so used to these in my ears constantly. But you're right, I have them on even when I'm not home with my frenchie.
00:34:16
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, so I think. And I'm also okay with being a woman and going up to guys and wow and saying hi too. I know, it's not. That's not for everyone. But you know, you go out to dinner, you go to a bar, you you know, there's just there's there's ways you need to get out.
00:34:34
Speaker 1: Of the house.
00:34:34
Speaker 2: That's what I'm trying to say.
00:34:36
Speaker 1: Probably, I know, I know, I know you and my therapist I know are both telling me this, and but I just need someone to physically take me because I just can't do it. I have just I don't know. Maybe I don't want to go out alone. What is it, I don't know.
00:34:48
Speaker 2: Yes, always, I mean, yeah, for sure, I love going out alone. I will go sit at the bar at any restaurant, oh wow, and take myself out. I think that's like really fun, like dating yourself. Yeah yeah, But if you don't want to grab some girlfriends and go go sit at a bar with a girlfriend. By the way, you'll meet some really cool people. Here in Bozeman. I go to this Italian restaurant, I said, at the bar and I met this really cool chick and now I'm like, we're in a book club together.
00:35:21
Speaker 1: Nice. I love that. You just never know You're right, Okay, I'll think about it. What are your thoughts on marriage again? Would you ever do it again.
00:35:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so I say that, I'm like, ah, I want to. I would like to get married again. If it happens, great. I'm not one of those people that want like the big wedding, and at least today, I don't want that.
00:35:53
Speaker 1: Did you have it already? Like, did you have a big wedding?
00:35:57
Speaker 2: I know we eloped Actually, oh okay, so we were down on the beach and we eloped. So I've never been in a white long dressed Yeah. I'm like, can I just wear like, I don't know, workout outfit or something like my gear? Can I wear my allow gear? But if it's really important to my partner, I think that's something that would be a decision that we would make together. And if it was, it would be intimate. If I had to pick, if someone's like, okay, you have to get married, where would it be, I would say in the mountains, like in the world where there's nobody and it's just nature. You are, Yeah, where I am and boson, I'm actually scoping out the area right now for my for my future wedding. Yeah, I want it to be just small and intimate. But again, like you plan God laughs, So who right?
00:36:47
Speaker 1: Right? Right, right, do you talk to your kids about your dating life?
00:36:51
Speaker 2: I mean my kids no, like they see.
00:36:54
Speaker 1: Me go on dates stupid like they see it.
00:36:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and and and I personally think it's really important to show the girls what dating looks like as a single woman. Like I think it's going to be very hard for these kids, and I want them to know what a man should do, Like this guy better not be honking his horn when he pulls up to take me out now in the first like for the first few months, obviously, I go out and I meet them. There's no one showing up my door. But of course he's knocking on the door. He's you know what I mean, just like you Yeah, just old school, right.
00:37:37
Speaker 1: It's not old school. It's not old school.
00:37:39
Speaker 2: I know I say that, but it's not. It's just it's just values that I think a lot of people have gotten away from, or a lot of young men haven't haven't learned. I think there definitely are. I mean, the guy that I'm dating now is amazing, and he goes above and beyond, and I'm just like, could you not get any more amazing? You know, we go if I'm driving my car, he'll open my car door first and then put himself on you know in the passage. Yes, like absolutely, that is amazing. So, yes, my kids know that I'm dating, and obviously I want their opinion. I really do want I want them to know, like mom, because I think kids have great instincts like that guy's not not dig I'm not having it, or you know, you just watch kids sometimes after dating someone for a while, interact with someone and you can tell right away. I want to know that someone's good with my kids. I'm not looking for another dad. I just want someone that if they're going to be a part of my family that I've created, that they're getting along with everybody.
00:38:41
Speaker 1: Does he have kids?
00:38:42
Speaker 2: No, never been married, doesn't have kids?
00:38:45
Speaker 1: Wow? Okay, and obviously you know so you haven't met No one has met the lucky Man. What is Lala?
00:38:54
Speaker 2: I think she hasn't met him yet. She's excited, you know, I don't know. I think we're both kind of like. I think she's a little bit nervous for me. Yeah, she knows that my picker was not very great. It's gotten a lot better. I've done a lot of work on myself, so I trust myself now and when something's not right. I'm a board mission very quickly, red flag, red flag. Yeah.
00:39:23
Speaker 1: Do you still love acting and you still are pursuing your career?
00:39:28
Speaker 2: I do. I have a movie coming out, going to a film festival next week. It will be in theaters and streaming in the fall.
00:39:38
Speaker 1: Congrats.
00:39:40
Speaker 2: I have a project with Lala, and I'm just always creating. Acting is my passion. Storytelling is my passion. I've done it since i was seven eight years old. That's my love. I love doing it. But I'm also completely open to any sort of different artistic outlets and creativity and projects and stuff like that.
00:40:01
Speaker 1: Would you do dancing with the Stars?
00:40:03
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, of course I would. That would be amazing. Oh my god, I would. I I love dancing. Most people don't know this. My kids are obviously so embarrassed because I'm the mom and I'm not. You know, it's like not cool to see your mom like playing Biggie Smalls or like even like music. I love dancing and I would one hundred percent do Dancing with the stars.
00:40:27
Speaker 1: Who would you want your partner to be?
00:40:29
Speaker 2: Mm? Julianne. She's a girlfriend of mine. Okay, I don't I don't know I mean, I'm I think like any I think each of the dancers on there are so beautiful and so unique and so different, and there's something to learn from every single one of them.
00:40:50
Speaker 1: So you and Laala should do dancing with the stars. That would be so fun to watch.
00:40:55
Speaker 2: I would do it in a heartbeat, and I know she would too. It would be so fun. I would it would be. I know it's a lot of work. I heard it's a lot of work.
00:41:05
Speaker 1: Yes, like you, I mean probably not possible, but your kid, I mean, everyone would just have to move there because there is no such thing. You can't But when you do get the call, give me a call and I'll walk you through it.
00:41:18
Speaker 2: Okay, great, I can't wait.
00:41:19
Speaker 1: So as we wrap up here, what do you have? Do you have any advice for anybody who's struggling right now and that's going through a divorce.
00:41:30
Speaker 2: It gets better, and it doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel like it. It feels like you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I promise you, I promise you it gets better. But at the same time, I think one of the biggest mistakes that I made is I was so desperate for my piece and just to get it done and quick as possible. That I really hurt myself in a lot of ways that I definitely won't get into details here. But be smart. You have to be smart. You could be emotional, but you also have to be smart. Doesn't mean you have to like go for the jugular and be, you know, a horrible person, right, because I don't believe in that. But I think it's really important to not get caught up in the nitty gritty of things and look at the big picture and just know that you're going to get through this too.
00:42:40
Speaker 1: Shall pass for sure. Thank you so much, thank you, Thanks so much to Amber for this candid conversation. If you guys need any advice on how to navigate your own relationship with your ex's new partner, well just call us or email us. All the info is in the show notes as always, andollow us on socials. Make sure to rate review the podcast I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome back to I Do Part two. It's your celebrity mentor show Burke, and today I'm sitting down with an amazing woman who I actually recently met when we were all up in my hometown of San Francisco for a fun girls night out event. She's the co host of the podcast An Unlikely Affair with her ex husband's ex fiance let me say that again, with her ex husband's ex fiance. So yeah, we're going to talk all about it. And you also know her, of course from her roles in Ray Donovan and the Netflix show You. She's in her chapter two just like the rest of us. It's Amber Childers.
00:00:58
Speaker 2: Hi, how are you?
00:01:00
Speaker 1: How are you good?
00:01:01
Speaker 2: You look still pretty?
00:01:03
Speaker 1: Thank you? Okay. So, I have been on a binge listening to your podcast with Lalla and Unlikely Affair, and it's just captivating. It is relatable, it's emotional, it's honest, and I appreciate your candor really with everything, and it's so helpful for just I'm sure everyone can relate to a little bit of your guys story, you know. So, do you want to tell my audience what it is and how it came about? Your podcast?
00:01:34
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I'll make it as short as possible because it's a very long story.
00:01:39
Speaker 1: But I.
00:01:41
Speaker 2: Was married, two kids, figured out that there was an affair going on, kind of didn't say anything. This is not like my first rodeo with this kind of situation. So I was a little unsure because you know, I was just you get smart, and I think any for anyone out there that has been through through this, you have this instinct, especially when you become a mother, it gets a little bit stronger. And so I just set back and it all happened, and it all came out, and it was all being played on vander Pump Rules. And at the time I didn't watch vander Pump. Well I still don't watch vander Pump, so I actually have all. Yeah, I had just seen like little clips and then next thing, you know, my marriage, you know, imploded and they're together and Lala and I obviously did not get along. I was devastated and heartbroken and very confused, and you know, probably in a lot of self pity, like how come he didn't love me? And you know, you try to be the perfect wife, you try to be the perfect mother you you know you have how can someone blow up such a beautiful life. Our kids were healthy, you know, like it was very I was very confused, and I was really lost, and I had hit rock bottom. I think for me, that was like one of I think we have a few rock bottoms in life, and that was probably my first big one where I'll never forget. I literally could not eat, and I don't understand. I love food, and I'm like, how can anyone not eat? Like they're so sick they can't eat. And that was the first time where I had my sister and my ex mother in law actually out in LA at the time, and they were making me drink ensure because I had lost, Like I mean, any catastrophic thing in life, you drop weight obviously very quickly, and next thing, you know, I, you know, just doing the best I can to move on. I get into another relationship very quickly because I don't know up from down, and I'm just like running into another man's arms. Going anything looked better than what I had. Trying to co parent was a disaster. Dealing with Lala at the time was a disaster, and we were told a very different story to one another. And then somewhere along the way, I really try to make an effort like, Okay, now they're engaged, they're gonna get married. I need just to find a way to forgive and move past or if I'm not going to forgive, if I choose not to forgive, then I just need to move forward, right, We don't need to get stuck. And I just kept hearing like, you're drinking poison expecting the other person to die and it's not happening. So I kind of surrendered to that. And Lala and I had attempted a few times to become friends. We definitely weren't in the place to actually like make that happen. I appreciate us really, you know, trying. And then ultimately that relationship ended very quickly, and I'll never forget. I always told them, I said, you got away with me, like meaning I let you go in a very quiet, it like fine kind of way. If you cheat on her, if you mess with her, if she will come for the jugular. And that's exactly what she did, and it is what it is. And so over time, I got a phone call randomly one day when I was at home and she had called to make amends. And I think it was a moment that I had. I had been waiting for for a long time from her. I never really expected that I was going to get one, so I was a little shocked when she did call. And then from there we just decided to start repairing the relationship. I had my two girls, she had ocean, and we knew we were going to be in each other's lives, and it's like, let's just start fresh. And I'm so grateful that she had the courage and the strength to make that call because I wasn't making it right right. I had attempted so many times to to be friendly with her, to be cordial with her. You know, we we had you know, birthdays. It's just like the classic like you know, everyone's trying to get along for the kids and sometimes personalities they just clashed at the at the time.
00:06:17
Speaker 1: Right, And what did that repair, I guess look like because first of all, you guys were not friends prior to this love.
00:06:23
Speaker 2: Triangle, right, no.
00:06:26
Speaker 1: At all, So you guys you had no idea of each other. And then well, I just want to take it back just really quick. How did you find out so mainly through social media? Wow?
00:06:38
Speaker 2: Okay, you know I'm a little investigator. I should have been in the FBI or the same. This girl c like, it is my dream to go undercover, and if I can't do it in my personal life, then I'm going to find that role where I could go uncover and like really just dig my teeth into a good, juicy role with you. You you just know again like back to your instincts, has had this feeling. I would, you know, he was going on a work trip. I would see who was kind of like in Miami at the time, and I just I just caught on very quickly. I knew he had mentioned her before, right, he was friends with her. She was interested in doing film and television.
00:07:20
Speaker 1: You know.
00:07:21
Speaker 2: It's a classic like Hollywood bullshit story of the producer and the actress and the you know, it's like it's like such a classic tale. Yeah, and and so I just sat with it because I didn't know exactly how I wanted to approach it. I needed to get smart, and it was really hard because I had two young kids. But he was also gone a lot. He was he was always filming a movie and somewhere you know, so he says, right, right, right, he was just like always working, and you know what, I was just like, okay, Like I was busy trying to manage two very small kids, a house, trying to figure out how am I going to work and have a career as an actor, And so I didn't really I didn't bother me that he was gone so much. You know, the house was very peaceful.
00:08:18
Speaker 1: Right, Oh right, I'm sure. Well when you found out did that? Were you you just that was it? Or did you want to work on the marriage? Like? Were you willing to give him another chance or the marriage another chance? You know?
00:08:32
Speaker 2: I had given him a lot of chances.
00:08:37
Speaker 1: So this wasn't the first time. It wasn't the first okay, got it, got it.
00:08:42
Speaker 2: I don't come from a divorce family, so for me, divorce was not in my vocabulary at that time. I didn't know how to operate. And there was a lot of things that I wasn't sharing with my family. There was a lot of shame, There was a lot of guilt. I didn't want to have a failed marriage, and I didn't want to I didn't want to bring my family up, you know. And I get emotional when I think about it because I think about my kids, and you stay for the kids, right, And I think a lot of people in this position can probably relate. You know, you try to fight because you want to. You want to make your family work, you want to make the marriage work. You want someone to love you so bad, But sometimes love is not enough, right. You can't make someone stop cheating on you, you can't make someone choose you. And so I decided to choose myself. I decided that I needed to leave to you know, try to co parent with this person in two separate homes. And that's exactly what I told my kids, is that, you know, sometimes two homes are better than one, and that is the truth. Some people get together and it's you know, I know that I was meant to be with my ex husband to have my two daughters, and that's it. And I and I really have to trust that the universe has my back. I don't regret anything. I don't regret marrying him. I don't regret any decision that or experience that we had together because it's shaped me into the woman that I am today.
00:10:18
Speaker 1: So thank you for sharing your story. It's so relatable. Even though I don't have kids, I can relate to parts of your story for sure, And man, it's hard. And then did the dating life now it must be uh. I don't know what it is like for you, but for me, it's just non existent. I find it a lot more peaceful this way for now.
00:10:39
Speaker 2: My goodness, dating is tough. We live it is. It is tough. I literally just posted.
00:10:47
Speaker 1: I can't even try. It's so overwhelming, like I just I don't know when you're ready.
00:10:54
Speaker 2: You'll go out there and you'll do it, and I'll give you some tips, and yes, you have.
00:11:00
Speaker 1: To leave your I can't somebody here in my closet, like it would be so much easier.
00:11:05
Speaker 2: No, Prince Charming is not knocking at your door. Let me tell you that Welling Disney sold us a you know a lot of and we believed it as other girls. And guess what, it's not the world that we're living in.
00:11:18
Speaker 1: Mine was the notebook that was such a bullsh like everything is not that's not real love people.
00:11:24
Speaker 2: I tell Nick Cassavetti's who directed that movie, huge fan of him. I said, you really fucked up. A lot of women are young girls that are now women. Right.
00:11:36
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, my therapist told me because we were like analyzing it and she's like, if you think about that movie, Ryan Gosling is stalking whatever. I forgot a named Rachel Bcgadams, and I'm like, yeah, you're right, actually, but we find that like I found that so like sexy. I don't know it was, but it wasn't It wasn't healthy, Like that's not normal, right, A guy's like stalking her quite literally beginning or towards the middle of the movie.
00:12:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, we women women like the chase, you know. I think we have this animalistic thing is we want there's some days where I'm like, yes, I want to be hunted as a woman.
00:12:16
Speaker 1: Throw me across the room.
00:12:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do not want to do the hunting, okay, ye at all, Like I just want to sit here and I will you know. Yeah, But it's it's a it's a different landscape for sure. And I actually try to explain that to my parents all the time. And I remember last year at some point I was at home in Nebraska visiting my parents and I was like, mom, let me show you what it's like. Because my mom and dad met in high school. Whoa my mom was I think barely in ninth grade. My dad was a junior. There were like four years apart, and they've been together since what, Yeah, it's like I think so, I mean, definitely, Listen, all marriages have their thing, but they're still together and I think they're you know, they they have a beautiful relationship, and I think that's very rare that that happens. But I said to my mom, I said, let me show you. So I laid in bed with my little sister on one side and my mom on the other, and we were swiping on one of the dating apps and my mom's like, oh, I said, see, Like, now you know.
00:13:16
Speaker 1: I've never done a dating app. I refuse. I don't even know what it's lighting. Yeah, it's interesting. Back to you. Okay, So let's talk about co parenting. What is that? What has that been like? And what advice do you have for people who are going through it at the moment?
00:13:41
Speaker 2: Oh boy, co parenting can be challenging. Listen, it doesn't matter if you have a really strong relationship with your ex husband or ex wife. It's hard. It sucks. It's not easy because I feel like kids, you know, marriage is hard enough, and then you throw kids into the mix and then makes it ten times harder. Because these are things that I feel like people don't really discuss prior to getting married, like, how do you want to raise the kids? How what are your rules?
00:14:11
Speaker 1: What you know?
00:14:11
Speaker 2: I think Randy and I only said, like my kids. He was like, my kids are gonna be Jewish and I was like, okay, fine, Like that's it is what it is. I'm happy with that. And it can be extremely challenging at times, but I think you can finally, like after some rough patches, we have gotten to a place where he really just defers to me. I know what I'm you know, I know what I'm doing most of the time, and some days. For some days I don't know what I'm doing. It depends on the day. And like there's new And here's the thing with parenting is like new things come up all the time. Like right when you think you have everything in your house like going smoothly and the kids are behaving, it's like, oh, now this one is starting her period. Okay, Now this one's really into this and she's looping. Okay, now this one is like like looking at herself in the mirror, grabbing her fat and like it's like with girls, because this is this is the house full of women at this point, you know, it's so back to co parenting. You know, it is, it's hard, it's challenging, and I really appreciate that Randy really defers to me. And I think he now knows after many years of being together that we try to meet in the middle.
00:15:28
Speaker 1: But.
00:15:30
Speaker 2: I always win. I try to win, of course, but you.
00:15:35
Speaker 1: Know, without rubbing it in his face.
00:15:37
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, let's see you go without rubbing in his face. But you know, my little one is obsessed with her dad right now, obsessed like he is like the Disneyland dad. She loves him so much. And I always say, I love that you have that relationship with your dad, because I really truly believe it's like this much. It changes. It comes in seasons and chapters, like one minute she's into me, one minute the other one's not, and it just is an ebb and flow, and parenting is hard and we don't have all the answers, but we do the best we can.
00:16:11
Speaker 1: Right. That says a lot about you because clearly there was no bad mouthing of your ex. Then if you know what I mean, like I think I've seen this. I come from a divorce family. My mom never bad mouthed my father at all, though she could have big time. But I think it makes a difference, you know, when the parent really I mean, I don't know. I'm just assuming that that didn't happen, but I think that must be difficult.
00:16:35
Speaker 2: You know, it's hard, and that's what the gym is for, and that's what's going you know for your friends are yeah, the life coach and the therapist and your sisters and you know your journal. Oh my god, my god, if you could only see what's in my journal.
00:16:51
Speaker 1: No, we don't want anyone to see what's in your journal. That's for you and your eyes only.
00:16:55
Speaker 2: I literally, like today I journaled when one of my kids was getting ready for school, and after I was don't have a page, I just ripped it up and I was like, okay, done. And that's what something is like. Really, how often do you go back and read? I know I don't, and I don't necessarily want to know. I just feel like I have a lot of thoughts that I need to get us fascinating.
00:17:15
Speaker 1: I mean, I did it like with manifesting, right Like, I'll put it away for like a year and then I'll look at it just to see if anything has It's actually eye opening, but it's not I'm really shitty at journaling, Like the thing is handwriting for me sucks, and that's probably because I don't do it often.
00:17:32
Speaker 2: Obviously, the more you journal, the better your handwriting is going to get.
00:17:36
Speaker 1: True. Well, then I should start. But with you and laala you guys are like for sure bound to each other now for forever. What was that? I mean? I guess how do the kids do they get along? Because I know there's a big age gap right between Laalas and yours. What was all that like initially when it first happened.
00:18:00
Speaker 2: Well, I love babies, so I don't care if this is like my ex husband and the mistress has soon to be wife's baby. I'm not even paying attention to you. I'm looking at this sweet innocent baby that is just so. I just have this thing for babies. I'm just, oh, I can't. I just love them so much. So when Ocean was born, I was like, can I hold your baby like I'm promised? Like I just I just wanted to feel that. And that's London and Riley's sister. And there's nothing more powerful than having sisters, right, good sisters, sisters that support you and love you through it all and I have. I'm the middle child. Obviously, I have a younger sister and older sister, and it's the best thing in the world. And so I really encouraged London and Riley to be a good example, to set the example, and and it naturally happened. I mean there's a mass of age gap between London, who's sixteen, and Ocean. Now. Riley is in that age where she's really into First of all, they get a kick out of Ocean. Ocean is hysterical, I mean mad, Ocean will be five her birthdays this month, and so they London or sorry, Riley and Ocean have developed this beautiful relationship where it's just pure love and it is so beautiful and I love it, and I want them to have each other forever, right, And I think it's our job as parents to really, you know, especially when they're younger, to nurture those relationships. And I want London and Riley to see my love for Ocean and Sosa too, because you know, everyone's in the mix now, so this is a part of the crew, and so it's a really beautiful thing to see Riley just adoors Ocean.
00:20:03
Speaker 1: I love that because then she gets a younger sister, you know, like that's that's beautiful. I come from a divorce family, and I I had an older stepsister who recently passed away, but and then my little half sister. So it's you know, it's a mixed family, and it is really important. You're right to have sisters and to have and to really truly you know, connect and not take that relationship for granted because you just never know. Going back to you and Lala, did you guys get along like when you made the decision okay, we're going to try and work this out or become Was it like right away? Was it instant friendship or was it like I have to get to know you, I don't trust you type thing? Was it like small steps?
00:20:47
Speaker 2: I'll just speak for me. I don't know how long it feels about this, but I you know, I think trust was something I will say this. I think trust was something hard for both of us initially and slowly, and it was hard. It was a process, and it took time. And when I was ready, she wasn't ready. When she was ready, I wasn't ready, and and but we just kept the door open, right and I would call her and I would check on her and maybe it was one of the girl's birthdays or the holidays or whatever whatever it was. And then I think, because of my sobriety, I would say really going through this process of healing and really getting to know who Laala is, right, not Lala on vander Pump because frankly, I don't know. I know, I see a little bit of that, you know, badass bitch, but I got to know a really beautiful, softer side of Lala that is so beautiful, and I really do love her, you know, like we've we've bonded in a way, we have a we have a shared bond. Sorry I'm getting so emotional.
00:22:02
Speaker 1: It's fine, you're getting me emotional. I love it.
00:22:05
Speaker 2: We have a bond that I really appreciate and I don't take it for granted. And I know how hard both of us has worked to get to this place. It was really difficult. It's not easy, and I want people to know that when they're in this position, or if they're in this position now and they're dealing with a spouse or an ex, it's hard. But don't close the door because you never know, right and it just takes someone waking up going you know what, today, I'm going to pick up the phone, or I'm going to invite that person for coffee, or I'm going to call and just send a text and say, hey, I know we don't have the best relationship. I just want to let you know I'm thinking about you, let me know if you're open for a conversations.
00:22:55
Speaker 1: Like it's a lot harder to hate, I think than to read peace. I believe.
00:23:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean it doesn't feel good.
00:23:05
Speaker 1: You know it doesn't. And ultimately it's you that feels like that, no matter what, right, it's never you know, you can't really control the person that you're feeling this with, but that is just it takes up so much energy inside of you when there's those resentment, those feelings of resentment and just hate. It's just a nasty feeling.
00:23:25
Speaker 2: It is and I don't like it and it's not and you you know, we're evolving as women and human and children. Children change us, and life changes us and our experience. So it's just kind of always being open. And you know, I'm a very spiritual person and I would pray and I never knew what my higher power had in store for me, but I was always open and like I said, always kept that door open. So eventually and I got to the place of we were like, oh I like you. Oh I like you too. Wait a second, wait what we were ever fighting about or what was that? And it's like, now we have this beautiful relationship. We go to San Francisco, we sleep in the same bed and she's like, no, you're not sleeping in another hotel room. You're sleeping right next to me. Are you cool with that? Actually, forget it? And then it's like, of course I'm cool with that, Like this is amazing. I would rather be sleeping next to you than some you know, random dude. And so now we have this like great, you know, I wake up and I sometimes I text her, I'm like I love you, and she's like, I love you. And then it was cute. When I was there in La a couple of weeks ago, we were driving back from doing our podcast together and we were stuck on the four or five freeway and she looks over at me and she goes, I love you. And it made me. At first, I was like, God, that feels so uncomfortable, like having that like really intimate moment when you're stuck on the freeway and then I was like, no, actually, that's amazing, and she's like, why did you make that face? I was like, I got uncomfortable for a second, but then I realized, like, I freaking love you too, you know, and it was just such a beautiful moment. So we have these funny moments together.
00:25:15
Speaker 1: Beautiful. Yeah, I love that. What qualities I guess do you admire about La La? Because I think for some people who watch vand of pump roles, they must have this judgment on like what she's like. And I don't know what it is. I mean, I like, you don't. I've never really seen it before, so I don't know her well. But I always thought I would always get along with someone like her, you know, just because she seems really cool and down to earth. But you tell me, you.
00:25:42
Speaker 2: Know, the thought that just came through my mind when you were saying that was if I was in high school, she would be the girl that I would go kick it with. I would be like, that was cool. Yeah, she doesn't care what people think most of the time, right, I don't want to say ever cares what people thinks about. But she's just her and she's unapologetically her and that is freaking awesome.
00:26:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is inspiring.
00:26:12
Speaker 2: It's inspiring, and she she's not afraid to call people out. And I also think that that's a gift. She's really fun, but yet I know this vulnerable side to her that I think that through the podcast, a lot of people are getting to see the other side. And she's evolved, right. We when you grow up on television, like she did, you see all different types of you know, versions we look at I don't know, Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears, like the girls that we grew up with. It's like you see or Christina Aguilera, like you see them go through an array of different personalities and transform and at bottom normal that's all of us. By the way, you don't just have to be a celebrity to go through that. My next door neighbor goes through that, Like the person across the street goes through that. And so unfortunately for them, it's just it's really just displayed out there and there's a lot of judgment. Well, it was just a lot of fun.
00:27:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, she seems I mean she's smart obviously too.
00:27:17
Speaker 2: She's very intelligent, super smart, super smart girl business wise, you know, she has a lot on her plate. She takes care of her entire family. They live under one roof, and she's doing it. She is, like you said, super inspiring.
00:27:35
Speaker 1: You would definitely like in back in high school, middle school, she'd have your back, that's for sure, and she'd kick.
00:27:40
Speaker 2: Some I'd be like, let's go after school, We're gonna go get them.
00:27:58
Speaker 1: What do you think Laala has learned from you in this since you guys have developed such a bond and friendship.
00:28:05
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I don't know.
00:28:07
Speaker 1: I'm sure so much.
00:28:09
Speaker 2: I'm at that. I feel like that is such a question for her. I don't want to speak for her.
00:28:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course I get it. I understand. But do you think you brought maybe some peace into like meditation? Is she into meditation now? Like you? Have you influenced her? I guess is a better question. And certain practices that you that you believe in.
00:28:28
Speaker 2: I mean I think something that I I think both of us struggle with this thing. When something happens, whether it's co parenting or career or a boy situation, a friendship is situation. We go straight and we're like we want to just like deal with the head on like right now, like we can't.
00:28:47
Speaker 1: We can't.
00:28:48
Speaker 2: We just like we want to. We want to either fix it or we want to, like, you know, crush this person, or we're going to go get the attorney because clearly our voice isn't being heard and it's it's escalating to a level that's not okay. One of the things that I think we both do for each other is we're like, okay, let's just pause for a second, Like we bring each other down from maybe when we call each other out a ten, we go from ten to like a four. And I think that's I think that's something that I call her right away I'm crying. She could tell right away when I'm like she needs to, like, you know, this is important, or when she calls me and I'm like, okay, do you know what, We're going to pause. We're gonna pause. It's gonna stuck, and we're gonna sit here and fill our feelings and then tomorrow morning if you wake up. So I have a twenty four hour twenty four hour rule. If I want to send that email, if I want to send that text, if I want to make a big decision and I need to do it today, I say, guess what We're going to give it twenty four hours, and if you wake up tomorrow and you still feel the same way that this issue or non issue, whatever it is is feel that important to you and you feel still you feel still the same way where you're like, I'm going to send that email or I'm gonna send that text, then that's your answer. Then you could do it. But I think it's just learning to pause and let our emotions like think more with the rational brain.
00:30:14
Speaker 1: It's like, don't react, it's more responding. Is where I think is. I'm like you guys, by the way, I am like right away, it's so hard where.
00:30:25
Speaker 2: Women are hormonal, We're like, we're gonna like I'm also.
00:30:28
Speaker 1: An addict, so like I'm just like, you know, I just get I'm almost addicted to that, Like no, I need to get I need to do it now or also never going to do it, But no one needs to do anything now. No, it's not now, it's not now, and it's not never. But it's somewhere. There's a gray area. Who knew?
00:30:48
Speaker 2: Who knew that you could live life in the gray area. I hate the gray area.
00:30:53
Speaker 1: I always found it boring, but it's quite peaceful. It is.
00:30:57
Speaker 2: It is so peaceful. And my sponsor tells me that all the time. She's like, it's okay, you don't have to know today, and I'm like, but no.
00:31:04
Speaker 1: I want to.
00:31:05
Speaker 2: Does he love me?
00:31:06
Speaker 1: I know, I know, because I mean a adrenaline is also.
00:31:09
Speaker 2: A tictach right, yeah, the same with my career. Am I going to get that job? And I mean, look, I've been acting since I was eight years old. You would think that I could just pause and wait and it's like you just it's just something that is practiced.
00:31:23
Speaker 1: It takes practice to but it's also beautiful to have that drive and that like determination because there's also people who don't you know, that may just dilly dally a little. But switching gears? What's your dating life that look like? Today?
00:31:39
Speaker 2: I am dating someone. I just sating someone.
00:31:43
Speaker 1: So since San Francisco or were you already dating someone in San Francisco?
00:31:48
Speaker 2: No, it was the same guy. I mean we were talking when we were in San Francisco. Great, great guy, great guy from Cincinnati, Ohio, all of all places. I joke with him all the time. I'm like, I am not moving to Cincinnati, Ohio, just so you know.
00:32:09
Speaker 1: Is he moving to Montana.
00:32:11
Speaker 2: Then he's like, have you been there? And I was like, no, I have to.
00:32:15
Speaker 1: Actually it's one of my partners, the Lache Brothers. They're from Cincinnati. They they're great guys, so great go.
00:32:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think by the way, I think any I think they breed a lot of amazing men, right, I just tease with them. Listen, I'm, I'm. It's a very playful thing that we have between each other. But you know, I don't know. We'll see, we'll see where it goes one day at a time. That's the program that I'm a part of. And he's wonderful and he's very supportive of me and being a mom and wow, yees so.
00:32:48
Speaker 1: Far so it's very new ish. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. And so was this through a dating app?
00:32:55
Speaker 2: No, it wasn't. It wasn't. It was actually through a mutual friend.
00:33:00
Speaker 1: See. See, there is help, people, there's help. Yeah. Isn't that The best way to meet people though, is through a friend because your friend knows you for the most part.
00:33:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so. I think there's a lot of really interesting ways to meet people that we've kind of forgotten about or that we've gotten away from. I know, a lot of people that have met their guys on dating apps and they're married and they're happy and it's wonderful. Yeah, I think. I don't know if it works for everybody, but I like the idea of, you know, meeting someone when you walk into the grocery store or I don't know. People people are like, oh, go to home home depot and my gop love home depot.
00:33:42
Speaker 1: See this is my problem. I literally don't leave my home. That's probably why I have to. I mean I do, I do if it's work related.
00:33:49
Speaker 2: Right right. Well, they also say too, I've been reading a lot of articles that like women and men, we both have our earphones in all the time when we go to the gym, when we go to the grocery store, and that makes someone not approachable.
00:34:04
Speaker 1: True, I mean I do it because I have a French bulldog who snores so loud that like, I'm just I'm so used to these in my ears constantly. But you're right, I have them on even when I'm not home with my frenchie.
00:34:16
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, so I think. And I'm also okay with being a woman and going up to guys and wow and saying hi too. I know, it's not. That's not for everyone. But you know, you go out to dinner, you go to a bar, you you know, there's just there's there's ways you need to get out.
00:34:34
Speaker 1: Of the house.
00:34:34
Speaker 2: That's what I'm trying to say.
00:34:36
Speaker 1: Probably, I know, I know, I know you and my therapist I know are both telling me this, and but I just need someone to physically take me because I just can't do it. I have just I don't know. Maybe I don't want to go out alone. What is it, I don't know.
00:34:48
Speaker 2: Yes, always, I mean, yeah, for sure, I love going out alone. I will go sit at the bar at any restaurant, oh wow, and take myself out. I think that's like really fun, like dating yourself. Yeah yeah, But if you don't want to grab some girlfriends and go go sit at a bar with a girlfriend. By the way, you'll meet some really cool people. Here in Bozeman. I go to this Italian restaurant, I said, at the bar and I met this really cool chick and now I'm like, we're in a book club together.
00:35:21
Speaker 1: Nice. I love that. You just never know You're right, Okay, I'll think about it. What are your thoughts on marriage again? Would you ever do it again.
00:35:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so I say that, I'm like, ah, I want to. I would like to get married again. If it happens, great. I'm not one of those people that want like the big wedding, and at least today, I don't want that.
00:35:53
Speaker 1: Did you have it already? Like, did you have a big wedding?
00:35:57
Speaker 2: I know we eloped Actually, oh okay, so we were down on the beach and we eloped. So I've never been in a white long dressed Yeah. I'm like, can I just wear like, I don't know, workout outfit or something like my gear? Can I wear my allow gear? But if it's really important to my partner, I think that's something that would be a decision that we would make together. And if it was, it would be intimate. If I had to pick, if someone's like, okay, you have to get married, where would it be, I would say in the mountains, like in the world where there's nobody and it's just nature. You are, Yeah, where I am and boson, I'm actually scoping out the area right now for my for my future wedding. Yeah, I want it to be just small and intimate. But again, like you plan God laughs, So who right?
00:36:47
Speaker 1: Right? Right, right, do you talk to your kids about your dating life?
00:36:51
Speaker 2: I mean my kids no, like they see.
00:36:54
Speaker 1: Me go on dates stupid like they see it.
00:36:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and and and I personally think it's really important to show the girls what dating looks like as a single woman. Like I think it's going to be very hard for these kids, and I want them to know what a man should do, Like this guy better not be honking his horn when he pulls up to take me out now in the first like for the first few months, obviously, I go out and I meet them. There's no one showing up my door. But of course he's knocking on the door. He's you know what I mean, just like you Yeah, just old school, right.
00:37:37
Speaker 1: It's not old school. It's not old school.
00:37:39
Speaker 2: I know I say that, but it's not. It's just it's just values that I think a lot of people have gotten away from, or a lot of young men haven't haven't learned. I think there definitely are. I mean, the guy that I'm dating now is amazing, and he goes above and beyond, and I'm just like, could you not get any more amazing? You know, we go if I'm driving my car, he'll open my car door first and then put himself on you know in the passage. Yes, like absolutely, that is amazing. So, yes, my kids know that I'm dating, and obviously I want their opinion. I really do want I want them to know, like mom, because I think kids have great instincts like that guy's not not dig I'm not having it, or you know, you just watch kids sometimes after dating someone for a while, interact with someone and you can tell right away. I want to know that someone's good with my kids. I'm not looking for another dad. I just want someone that if they're going to be a part of my family that I've created, that they're getting along with everybody.
00:38:41
Speaker 1: Does he have kids?
00:38:42
Speaker 2: No, never been married, doesn't have kids?
00:38:45
Speaker 1: Wow? Okay, and obviously you know so you haven't met No one has met the lucky Man. What is Lala?
00:38:54
Speaker 2: I think she hasn't met him yet. She's excited, you know, I don't know. I think we're both kind of like. I think she's a little bit nervous for me. Yeah, she knows that my picker was not very great. It's gotten a lot better. I've done a lot of work on myself, so I trust myself now and when something's not right. I'm a board mission very quickly, red flag, red flag. Yeah.
00:39:23
Speaker 1: Do you still love acting and you still are pursuing your career?
00:39:28
Speaker 2: I do. I have a movie coming out, going to a film festival next week. It will be in theaters and streaming in the fall.
00:39:38
Speaker 1: Congrats.
00:39:40
Speaker 2: I have a project with Lala, and I'm just always creating. Acting is my passion. Storytelling is my passion. I've done it since i was seven eight years old. That's my love. I love doing it. But I'm also completely open to any sort of different artistic outlets and creativity and projects and stuff like that.
00:40:01
Speaker 1: Would you do dancing with the Stars?
00:40:03
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, of course I would. That would be amazing. Oh my god, I would. I I love dancing. Most people don't know this. My kids are obviously so embarrassed because I'm the mom and I'm not. You know, it's like not cool to see your mom like playing Biggie Smalls or like even like music. I love dancing and I would one hundred percent do Dancing with the stars.
00:40:27
Speaker 1: Who would you want your partner to be?
00:40:29
Speaker 2: Mm? Julianne. She's a girlfriend of mine. Okay, I don't I don't know I mean, I'm I think like any I think each of the dancers on there are so beautiful and so unique and so different, and there's something to learn from every single one of them.
00:40:50
Speaker 1: So you and Laala should do dancing with the stars. That would be so fun to watch.
00:40:55
Speaker 2: I would do it in a heartbeat, and I know she would too. It would be so fun. I would it would be. I know it's a lot of work. I heard it's a lot of work.
00:41:05
Speaker 1: Yes, like you, I mean probably not possible, but your kid, I mean, everyone would just have to move there because there is no such thing. You can't But when you do get the call, give me a call and I'll walk you through it.
00:41:18
Speaker 2: Okay, great, I can't wait.
00:41:19
Speaker 1: So as we wrap up here, what do you have? Do you have any advice for anybody who's struggling right now and that's going through a divorce.
00:41:30
Speaker 2: It gets better, and it doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel like it. It feels like you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I promise you, I promise you it gets better. But at the same time, I think one of the biggest mistakes that I made is I was so desperate for my piece and just to get it done and quick as possible. That I really hurt myself in a lot of ways that I definitely won't get into details here. But be smart. You have to be smart. You could be emotional, but you also have to be smart. Doesn't mean you have to like go for the jugular and be, you know, a horrible person, right, because I don't believe in that. But I think it's really important to not get caught up in the nitty gritty of things and look at the big picture and just know that you're going to get through this too.
00:42:40
Speaker 1: Shall pass for sure. Thank you so much, thank you, Thanks so much to Amber for this candid conversation. If you guys need any advice on how to navigate your own relationship with your ex's new partner, well just call us or email us. All the info is in the show notes as always, andollow us on socials. Make sure to rate review the podcast I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.