Guys Give Their Hot Takes On: Men’s Sex Drive, Long-Distance Dating, And Money!

00:00:17
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the second part of our I Do Part Two. I'm Brian Austin Green, and today's It's us. It's the guys. We're taking over this whole thing. I'm here with Bachelor Nation's Bob Guinea and our resident real-life single guy, Mr.

00:00:32
Speaker 2: Wright.

00:00:33
Speaker 1: So let's dive back into some of these emails, shall we? Michelle, my husband passed away five years ago, and I never thought I could open my heart to love again. But recently, I've been considering it. I tried to ask some friends in my office to set me up with single men that they knew, but no one has anyone in my age range, in my early 60s. I hear horrible things about dating online. Do you think I'd have a better chance at meeting someone in another country? Do long-distance relationships actually work out? No. No, Michelle.

00:01:05
Speaker 3: He's going to meet somebody in another country online who's going to tell her that he needs money to invest in something and fleece her.

00:01:13
Speaker 1: That's what's going to happen. Right. Yeah. So, okay, my advice, if your husband passed away five years ago, which I'm sorry to hear that. My condolences. Absolutely. I can't imagine how tough that is. And you finally decided to start dating, be patient. Right now, you're asking friends if they have anybody, and there's nobody that is in your age range.

00:01:40
Speaker 2: Fine.

00:01:41
Speaker 1: That is... To me, that is a sign from the universe, from whatever you believe in, of like, okay, stop running towards something that isn't ready for you right now. Just keep doing what you're doing. You went through this incredibly hard situation five years ago. Maybe there's a lot that she still needs to work on before she gets into a new relationship. Losing someone that is your partner in life, I can't imagine... how difficult that is. And I can't imagine how much there is that just constantly comes up that you need to unpack on a regular basis. And maybe she hasn't unpacked enough of it to truly move on. And so the universe is going, okay, we're going to just put this on the back burner. Like you're, you're doing fine. Just keep doing what you're doing or, you know, or she is completely ready for something again, be patient. Like why, if you're, you're obviously looking for something real, So be patient and trust that something real will come around. If you continue to just love yourself, be kind to the people that are around you, keep your head down and do what you're doing. I think that'll find you. I don't think you need to continue searching and be, and, and start looking internationally because locally there aren't options, you know?

00:03:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think for a certain age category, I think online dating just doesn't apply any longer. My recommendation or my advice, if anybody wanted it, would be to lean into the things that you're passionate about. Your hobbies, philanthropic, community, whatever those things are, lean into those things and find community first. Find a community of people. If you love animals, go volunteer, work with the Humane Society or something similar. If you're into golf or mahjong or whatever it is, lean into community and find those people that support your passions. Yeah, that are like-minded. Going and finding somebody that's, oh, he's six feet. Oh, I like people that are six feet. Well, that's not going to be where you're going to find your next.

00:03:53
Speaker 1: He only speaks Italian, but it'll be fine. I can learn Italian at 60. I love Olive Garden. Yeah, sure.

00:03:59
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:04:00
Speaker 1: Right. Sorry.

00:04:01
Speaker 3: Sorry.

00:04:01
Speaker 1: Is he in the breadsticks? I love the all you can eat breadsticks. We really have some things going for us.

00:04:07
Speaker 4: I think certainly in a later chapter two, I think finding, finding your community, finding your people, and then seeing who gravitates towards things that you care about and you're passionate about. That's where you're not going to find them at the water cooler. You're not going to find them online.

00:04:21
Speaker 1: Unless your passion is the water cooler.

00:04:24
Speaker 2: If you're, you know, if, if, if you're into hydration.

00:04:26
Speaker 1: Great advice. I totally agree.

00:04:29
Speaker 2: Can I go off script here real quick? Do you mind?

00:04:31
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

00:04:32
Speaker 3: Sure.

00:04:32
Speaker 1: Yeah. Freewheel a little bit. Let's go.

00:04:34
Speaker 4: I was thinking about something we were talking about earlier about the, the age gap dating, you know, the older guys, younger girls, older girls, younger. So really when that I think hits, like the rubber hits the road there is when you start hanging out, not just with each other.

00:04:49
Speaker 2: So, you know, you're going on dates or you're going on trips or doing, you know, these fun things. That's like the age.

00:04:54
Speaker 4: Matters less, but eventually, if it starts to progress, you're going to start hanging out with his or her friends or his or her family. And when you, as the older guy or the girl, start looking more like the parents than the friends, that's where I think it starts to really, you know, figure out whether it's real or not.

00:05:14
Speaker 1: I haven't drank out of a beer bong in like 30 years, but okay, I can chug, I guess.

00:05:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.

00:05:19
Speaker 4: When, you know, when you're using your AARP card to get into the college bar, you know, then all of a sudden.

00:05:25
Speaker 1: When you're Will Ferrell running down the street naked talking about we're all streaking and you're by yourself.

00:05:29
Speaker 2: We're streaking.

00:05:30
Speaker 4: But it's a real thing because like, you know, I've been in situations where I'm like, I feel way, I feel okay with this person.

00:05:38
Speaker 1: I feel like this person is more mature. I'm not the dude that should be in this club right now. Yeah.

00:05:42
Speaker 4: Or not even at the club. I mean, that's the extreme situation. I'm just talking about a dinner party. I'm talking about like, you know, at a birthday party or a social event where all of a sudden like I'm now looking at people look at me and judging me. And even though the person that you might be, they might be wise and mature beyond their years, but what you're getting at face value, it's sometimes it can, it can erode very quickly.

00:06:07
Speaker 2: That relationship is a lot less.

00:06:09
Speaker 1: Interesting too, because they could be really mature seeming yet. Then you look at the people that they're surrounded by and you go, maybe not as mature as I thought, like they're, they're still hanging out with this, this group and doing these things. Like, I think, I think maturity is a big sign of the place that you are in your life are the people that are around you. You know, I think that like, I, you surround yourself with the people that are like-minded. And, and so, I think it's easy for someone to talk the talk. I want to see how they walk the walk. I want to see if the walk lines up with what you've been saying. We have a dinner party and you look around the table and you go, man, this is a great group of people. Or like, God, I'm okay. I stopped drinking Long Island iced teas like 30 years ago. I'll let those pass.

00:07:02
Speaker 4: But the family and the parents, eventually, if you're dating long enough, and if they're hiding you from them, Or you're not wanting to go and hang out with them.

00:07:13
Speaker 1: Or you become really good friends with their parents. Because you're closer in age. That's when you know, like, okay, yeah, so your parents and I, we're going to go out Thursday night. We'll see you after. You have fun at the club. Exactly.

00:07:26
Speaker 4: Make sure you lock the door when you get back in.

00:07:29
Speaker 1: How fucking embarrassing would that be? Yeah, let the dog out. Don't wake me up. Walk the dog before you go to sleep. This is from Christine. I've been dating a guy for almost, this is a really good one actually for you, Mr. Wright, because you seem like you are in this right now. I've been dating a guy for almost a year. He's a single dad of three teenagers. He's never introduced me to his kids and I'm practically at his place every night except for the nights when his kids stay over. He gets weird whenever I bring it up. Isn't a year long enough? Do I give him an ultimatum?

00:08:10
Speaker 4: At some point, if you are, if so, from the, from the woman's perspective, if he is after that long, he's willing to commit a year to me and I'm willing to commit a year to him, but he won't introduce me to those, to the kids. There's something going on there. Now, now there could be some stuff behind the scenes. You could have a very controlling ex wife that is saying, you know, I don't want them to meet anybody, but the kids are teenagers.

00:08:35
Speaker 1: They're big.

00:08:36
Speaker 2: I mean, they're mature enough.

00:08:38
Speaker 4: I mean, I can understand if they're very young, You know, there's certain developmental and maturity things that maybe come into play. But there is, in my opinion, there is no excuse. If the kids are teenagers, it's been a year. There is no reason, because they should also want to know why their dad is happy. Or where, what, is he just not talking about this woman that he's dating?

00:08:59
Speaker 1: Makes no sense to me.

00:09:00
Speaker 2: So I think.

00:09:01
Speaker 4: That the kids deserve to see who their father has been spending all this time with.

00:09:07
Speaker 1: To me, the key phrase being, do I give them an ultimatum? Like that's a tough one. I ultimatums are tough.

00:09:13
Speaker 4: No, I don't think you give it not an ultimatum, but I think you say, if I'm important enough for you to spend this time with, I'm, you know, like, like we have this thing. Why wouldn't you introduce me to the most important people in your life?

00:09:24
Speaker 1: Right.

00:09:24
Speaker 4: Am I not, am I not on that level?

00:09:27
Speaker 1: So let's have a real conversation about it. Then I would suggest you guys sit down and have a real conversation about it and, you know, ultimatum then being something at the end of it saying, listen, I, I've been in this for a year now. Um, I really want to continue doing this. I want to meet your kids. It's starting to feel really uncomfortable to me. So I like, if you're not in a place where this feels serious enough and real enough to you to do that, then we need to maybe split this now before I get any deeper in this and just get hurt more and more. That's a very real conversation. They should be. I think they should be having all of those conversations. Like you said, is it a sticky situation for him? with his ex? Like, is there a lot there that he's really worried about? Is he losing, is he worried about, you know, like not seeing his kids as often as he wants to, because she is controlling that. Like what, what are the things to it? Is it just his own concern? Because it's like, dude, if it's just you, you know, loosen, loosen the reins a little bit. Like let's, let's go. We've been doing, I think she needs to protect herself too. I think that she should also I mean, an ultimatum sounds like such a weird word. I mean, it's like, it's like a very like definitive word, but an ultimatum can be like, Hey, this ultimatum for me is like my, my worth is this. I'm, I'm valuable enough to be part of this guy's every part of his life. There shouldn't be these, these parts that I don't understand or know. I deserve after a year to know every part of this guy's life. And if there's something that he's keeping from me, maybe there's a reason that he's keeping it from me. And this relationship is stalled and maybe he's doesn't think I'm special enough.

00:11:06
Speaker 2: To introduce to my kids. And that's just, that's something that she should keep in mind as well.

00:11:10
Speaker 3: It might put a magnifying glass on things for her too. Like, you know, are they exclusive?

00:11:15
Speaker 1: Right. If they've been exclusive for a year, then obviously it's time. Right.

00:11:20
Speaker 3: But maybe he's not exclusive and she has been, and that's something that she'll find out by having this conversation. I mean, Brian, you said it a bunch. It's like, it's all about communication. And it's like, you know, if she's there every night, It's pretty obvious they're exclusive.

00:11:34
Speaker 1: I was just going to say that. If she's there every night except for the nights that they're not there, that becomes a little weird. Like, oh, my grown kids are coming over, so you've got to go back to your place. I can see that would be an incredibly uncomfortable situation if you're not talking about it. If you are and there are clear reasons for it, then... yeah, you, you know, you might want to, you might be okay with a little more leeway, but I think that that's, that that kind of, that's a conversation that needs to be had for sure. Especially after a year.

00:12:07
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:12:08
Speaker 1: Natalia, I love it. She starts with this. Be honest. It's like, yeah, it's kind of what we do here, Natalia. That's the point of the show. As men age, do you notice that your sex drive is lowering? Sure. Absolutely.

00:12:22
Speaker 2: Of course.

00:12:23
Speaker 1: Like that's, That is a chemical thing. That is testosterone. And that is what men, as they age, start naturally losing. You can take supplements and you can, you know, go, go the opposite direction. But to me, honestly, absolutely. Sex drive lowers. There's no way to avoid that. I didn't ask for it.

00:12:41
Speaker 3: Well, when you're 16, 17, 18, 25, whatever, it's like, all you think about is sex 24 seven.

00:12:48
Speaker 1: Right. And it's like, you know, how am I going to have it? Where am I going to find it? You know, and, and, you know, whatever.

00:12:54
Speaker 3: As you get older, you got so many other things going on in your life and so many other responsibilities and so many other things.

00:13:00
Speaker 1: But yeah, you're right.

00:13:01
Speaker 3: I mean, there is definitely a regimen to follow as you start realizing that as you get older. I mean, I think I'm the oldest.

00:13:07
Speaker 2: I'm 55.

00:13:07
Speaker 1: I know we're all around the same age. But yeah, I am married to someone younger.

00:13:12
Speaker 3: And part of me making sure that I am there for her in the ways that she needs me to be as well. You know, you can't just sit on the couch all the time and expect to be the guy that's ready to go.

00:13:23
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:13:24
Speaker 4: Yeah. But I think there is this without question, Brian, you're right. There is certain chemicals aging there. It is, you know, age and time is undefeated.

00:13:33
Speaker 1: Yep.

00:13:34
Speaker 4: But there is something I think that happens with, with men as they get older is they don't lose passion and passion and, and like sex driver, I think are connected to a certain degree. But I think that, um, that passion still is there. And I think that that is a kind of a cool thing about an older man is that there is a maturity and there is a passion that is more controllable. It's not as urge driven as it is for younger guys.

00:14:00
Speaker 1: It's not just the physical act the same way. It's the connection.

00:14:05
Speaker 4: It's, you know, it is all the other things around it that I think sometimes the young guys, you know, are, are missing and don't get it until they mature. But without question, there is, there is, there is a fall off in terms of sex drive, in terms of that like crazy urge.

00:14:19
Speaker 2: But I think it's replaced by something a lot more important.

00:14:22
Speaker 1: Yeah. Agreed. Dude, that's well, well said. Well spoken. That's why he's Mr. Right, Brian.

00:14:28
Speaker 2: All right.

00:14:28
Speaker 1: See you guys later. It's why you're Mr. Right. And you're not just Mr. Right now. That's right. You know what? I would be curious to, to, to know why Natalia is asking it. Like if she's with an older man and she's not getting what she needs, like what, you know, what's the purpose of the question just because you have a scientific mind and you want to know.

00:14:49
Speaker 4: I think a lot of guys, you know, don't, don't address it. I think a lot of guys aren't honest about it. And then all of a sudden it becomes this like very, very weird elephant in the room that we're just not discussing. And, you know, it's like, it's okay. Like, like there are certain, there are certain realities of life. And again, you know, that's why I'm trying to frame it in such a way where like, yeah, there is certain things that are different, but certain things that are better. And I think you got to focus on the things that are better.

00:15:13
Speaker 2: I like it.

00:15:14
Speaker 1: Very well said.

00:15:25
Speaker 4: All right.

00:15:25
Speaker 1: This is our last question. This is an email. Again, we only had one voicemail. So let's step up the voicemails people. Come on, let's call in and ask some questions. I think this is Luis. I fell in love with a guy right as he was coming out of a two year long divorce. We for sure trauma bonded because my divorce was ugly, but with my situation, I got a good settlement and I've always been good with saving money. The guy that I'm dating lost a lot of money. He put a ton on credit cards. Am I just supposed to hope he figures this out himself? Or do I have to help him fix this? How real is the relationship that you're in? If you're in a real relationship, yeah, you might want to, if you are more educated in the way of being financially smart and stable, educate. Educate, educate, educate. If you're not, if it's just for fun, who gives a shit? Like, you know, drive in his really cool Bentley, you know, and then go back to his apartment at the end of the day. Like it doesn't, that's fine. You know, that's funny. No, you're nailing all the blinged out stuff. And then, you know, and then you guys, uh, you split the bill for dinner. It's all based on where you're at.

00:16:40
Speaker 2: Right.

00:16:41
Speaker 3: So if you're at a serious point in the relationship and if you think you're going to be together, then those problems will likely become your problems. And it's, and it's going to be something that you're going to have to figure out how to do together. It doesn't necessarily mean that she dips into her savings and pays off his debt, but it definitely means that they're going to have to talk about it.

00:16:57
Speaker 1: Don't do that.

00:16:58
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:16:58
Speaker 1: Don't, don't all of a sudden like, you know, humor him when he's like, Hey, I've got this really cool idea. You know, it's, it's sort of, it looks like a pyramid, but it's not a pyramid. That should be your first clue to run. As seen on TV.

00:17:14
Speaker 4: One of the things that I think is such a important linchpin in a relationship in chapter two is finances is the understanding of explanation, clarity around finances, especially if there's kids involved. And I think that having, being able, and it's a hard thing to do is to have an open conversation about it, about what your debt is, about what your obligations are to your ex, what your obligations are to kids. Are your kids going to college? Do you have a five to nine? Do you have retirement? You know, do you owe debt on your business? Like what, like all these things. And it's, you, I'm not sure what the right time is to introduce that, But out of the gate, of course, you're going to fancy dinners and you're buying flowers and you're going on trips and all these things. Now, is that an expectation or a reality? Like, is that an expectation that your partner has?

00:18:05
Speaker 1: Is this sustainable or is this just like for now?

00:18:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is what it's always going to be. Or are you going to slip down into what your normal is? And what is that normal? And so, you know, I think that chapter two, you know, prenuptial agreements are important. fairly common because of course you have kids to protect, you have assets to protect. You know, in my situation, I have to make sure that, you know, that I protect that I have enough alimony to pay and, and, you know, child support to pay and all these sorts of things.

00:18:32
Speaker 2: So these are all realities of my life.

00:18:34
Speaker 4: So, so what I was making previous to my divorce and what I'm taking home after my divorce is drastically different.

00:18:42
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:18:42
Speaker 4: And again, like, but I'm, you know, am I going to bring that up the first date? Am I going to bring up the 10th date? I don't know I don't know when it's supposed to come up, but it's supposed to come up and it has to be honest because the dating world, I mean, everything seems like it's champagne and, you know, in hot tubs.

00:18:57
Speaker 1: I was just going to say that Bob knows better than either of us. You see these like extravagant dates and the private jets and the big suites and the things and, and all that. And then the show's done. And then it's like, okay, yeah. Oh, I'm, you know, my apartment is off of fifth and, you know, and it's like this time it's, Things completely change. You know, I used to say this, I swear to God, I would say this, the rose ceremonies.

00:19:19
Speaker 3: And I would say, ladies, listen, uh, I'm from Detroit and, uh, we're not taking a helicopter into a volcano in my hometown.

00:19:27
Speaker 2: Okay.

00:19:27
Speaker 1: So just putting it out there. Uh, right.

00:19:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:19:30
Speaker 1: Yeah. Make sure this is real. This is not what it appears.

00:19:34
Speaker 3: But, you know, I think you're right. I mean, there's so much to this. And I think at the end of the day, it's like, you know, I agree with you, Mr. Wright, that second phase of life is tough because you do have to look at things from a different perspective. And you do have to kind of have a different lens on it when you're thinking about your future with this person.

00:19:51
Speaker 1: And, you know, where does this go? How does it look?

00:19:54
Speaker 3: How does appearances seem versus reality, right? It's like Instagram versus reality type of thing.

00:20:00
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:20:00
Speaker 4: But how about this idea now that like the next person that you're dating, now let's say they've never been married before.

00:20:04
Speaker 2: They're, you know, they're a single.

00:20:06
Speaker 4: Their whole lives, and now they're dating one of us. And we have kids with our previous relationship. We have a previous relationship. Now, I want to keep that relationship as healthy and as rosy and perfect as possible. Part of that is financial. Part of that is me investing time with my kids and with my ex as well. That can be a tough thing for somebody else coming new into your life and going, no, no, no, I'm the most important thing.

00:20:35
Speaker 2: Who are these other people? And I think over.

00:20:38
Speaker 4: Time, there is, I don't know if it's jealousy or if it's envy, but sometimes that can creep in, especially when it comes to finances.

00:20:46
Speaker 2: Oh, wait a second. You're sending your kids on this vacation.

00:20:48
Speaker 4: You're sending your kids, you know, spending money on this or that. Why can't you spend that on me? Why can't you spend that time and energy on me? Why do I have to share that with these other people?

00:21:00
Speaker 2: It's an interesting question. Maybe that's a different episode.

00:21:03
Speaker 1: That's an honesty though, that I think you sort of lead with in, in a relationship. If it feels like the, like something that is really worth it. Like my fiance now is we started very early with that understanding of we'll talk about everything. So there is no unknown. If she's feeling a certain way or I'm feeling a certain way, we'll know about it right away. And then we'll kind of get to the bottom of it and we'll come up with some sort of, you way of dealing with the situation. Finances, it's the same thing. I think a lot of people don't discuss finances right off the bat because they don't know enough about them and they feel stupid. They feel like, God, I've never really paid attention to this. So I don't want to get into this conversation now because I'm just going to nod my head and act like I know what somebody's saying, but I don't really know what they're saying. And it's embarrassing. So I think you kind of like, you both have to sort of jump in early and go, okay, cool. Let's talk about all finances on both sides. Let's talk about everything. So then there's no unknowns because it's the unknowns that start creating problems. Yeah. It's the things you don't talk about where you're like, hey, why has it always been like this? And it's like, it's been like this for five years. Why the didn't you say something five years ago? Like, why did it take five years for us to talk about? Or something pops up out of nowhere. Yeah. Yeah, those are the things that become, oh, this is the straw that broke the camel's back. It's like, what camel's back? What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't know there was a camel's back involved in this.

00:22:36
Speaker 4: But you could have a very real conversation out of the gate and say, these are my responsibilities.

00:22:40
Speaker 2: These are my ex-wife. These are my kids. This is how I spend my money and my time. This is my situation. Oh, yeah, it's fine.

00:22:45
Speaker 1: It's fine. It's fine.

00:22:46
Speaker 4: And then five years later, that person's like, well, why? I thought we dealt with that. But it's a little bit like an annoying habit where it doesn't necessarily manifest right away. But down the road, it can it can pop its, you know, it's in rear its ugly head and become an issue.

00:23:02
Speaker 1: You just have to have these conversations as often as possible. And ongoing and ongoing. Be the aggressor in that. If the person that you're with isn't doesn't normally act that way, that's fine. You be the one then that instigates that conversation all the time. that does that like weekly check-in of like, Hey, I've noticed you seem a little bit sort of thrown this last week, or, or you seem a little bit overwhelmed with this, or something seemed to bother you. Let's talk about that. Don't be afraid to be that person because it's only going to hurt you. If you, if you have these things continue to pile up and then they, they explode and they become something bigger. So can air that out right away to me that my, my opinion, you guys, this, We killed it, man. We crushed it. I feel like this episode of I Do Part Two is probably one of the best that iHeart has ever done.

00:23:58
Speaker 2: Ever.

00:23:58
Speaker 1: I mean, ever.

00:24:00
Speaker 4: Maybe the most important recorded voices in the history of media.

00:24:05
Speaker 1: For sure. Generational. You have the I Have a Dream speech, and then you have our episode of I Do Part Two.

00:24:10
Speaker 2: Winston Churchill, us.

00:24:12
Speaker 1: Right. We're in good company, guys. We're in good company.

00:24:15
Speaker 2: I like it. Yeah, dude.

00:24:17
Speaker 1: Good, good times. I hope we do this again. This has been a lot of fun. Um, so, uh, divorce and chapter two can suck sometimes. I think we all agree on that. You're ready to get back out there. You need some help. We want to guide you, uh, send us an email, leave us a voicemail. All the info is in the show notes. Follow us on socials. I do part two and I heart podcast. We're falling in love is the main objective. Thanks guys.