Sept. 5, 2026
Got A Case Of The “Ick”? It May Be YOU, Not THEM!
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RSS Feed Who among us has not had a case of the Ick? That feeling of romantic repulsion that you just can’t shake? Relationship experts are weighing into this phenomenon and said you should ask yourself some questions before immediately calling off the relationship. In fact, psychiatrists say “the Ick” can actually be a natural defense mechanism, protecting yourself from vulnerability and even guarding against intimacy.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks.
00:00:02
Speaker 2: It is Saturday, September 5th, and look at your partner. Look at a picture of your partner.
00:00:09
Speaker 1: If they're not with you.
00:00:10
Speaker 2: Is there anything about the person you're in a relationship.
00:00:13
Speaker 1: With that just gives you the ick? Well, you're not alone. It's a real thing.
00:00:21
Speaker 2: And we'll all find out together right now if there's anything in the world you can do about it. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ, one of our special episodes in which Robes does not want me to do any research whatsoever. about the topic. This one in particular has to do, Rove. Do I have it right? There is a thing called the ick.
00:00:36
Speaker 1: It's real. You might have it. And can we do anything about it?
00:00:39
Speaker 3: Oh, my God. I think everyone listening has had an experience of getting the ick from someone they're dating, someone they may even be married to.
00:00:47
Speaker 1: Is that the official term of it?
00:00:48
Speaker 3: The ick? The ick. Yes, it's been around for a while. I actually have some of the origins. We can get into all of that. But the big headline here is the ick might not be about them anymore. It might be saying something about you.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: Can you define the ick? Are we talking about just being turned off by the person you're in a relationship with?
00:01:06
Speaker 3: Well, I have the ick. I have a couple different definitions that have been offered to us by, I guess, professionals. The ick can be described as the sudden loss of attraction towards a partner or a moment of romantic repulsion that feels disproportionate and difficult to explain. Like, you know you shouldn't be that turned off by something that's happening, and yet you are. And it makes you want to run for the hills.
00:01:34
Speaker 2: Okay. I know nothing about this, so I'm going to ask as we go along. Are we talking about, like, a moment in which, like, there's a habit or routine or something that person does that turns you off?
00:01:46
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:01:46
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:01:46
Speaker 1: All right.
00:01:47
Speaker 3: I have plenty of examples.
00:01:49
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:01:49
Speaker 3: Would you like me to get into some of the examples first? So these are oftentimes minor behaviors, minor quirks, but they take over your brain and you can't forget them, right? So, and by the way, the ick, hashtag the ick, racked up nearly a quarter million posts online. in 2025 and counting, like this is something that people are sharing and actually comparing notes with and finding a community like, okay, I'm not alone, but it's really interesting because what the therapists and the folks who study behaviors in human beings say, don't worry. It doesn't mean you're superficial. I think sometimes I've definitely felt like that, like, wow, Amy, like, come on, just, move past this. It's not that big of a deal. It means you're human and maybe it means you're a little scared. And we'll get into this because they describe having the ick as actually a natural defense mechanism. And it doesn't always mean that you're incompatible with that person or that you're even necessarily turned off by that person. It could actually be a fear of vulnerability, a fear of intimacy.
00:03:03
Speaker 1: Okay, go ahead. I'm going to keep listening. I'm going to keep listening. I've got tons of questions.
00:03:07
Speaker 3: Let me give you some examples.
00:03:08
Speaker 1: All right.
00:03:09
Speaker 3: Okay, my favorite one actually came out of a headline this week. Isla Fisher, actress who was once married to Sacha Baron Cohen. She is now dating post-divorce. And she shared this in a podcast. I'm going to say a word I wouldn't normally say, but she said it.
00:03:24
Speaker 1: Oh, God.
00:03:25
Speaker 3: So I think it's okay.
00:03:26
Speaker 2: All right.
00:03:26
Speaker 3: But she talked about a dating ick that she just had with a guy who she thought could go somewhere.
00:03:32
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:03:33
Speaker 3: She said, I really like somebody. And his dog ran away. He chased his dog. But instead of chasing upright, he ran low with his hands outstretched like a cartoon. By the time he caught the dog, he lost the pussy. That's what she said.
00:03:51
Speaker 1: She was turned off by the way he ran.
00:03:53
Speaker 3: Yes. After his dog. Like he got so upset that his dog ran off. The way he ran after his dog, she was just like, nope. not dating him anymore. Okay.
00:04:06
Speaker 2: So is there anything wrong with that? Because we all have things, do we not? Are these not just, I don't know, we call them deal breakers, but that's behavioral, right? That somebody smokes or somebody does something. But Robes, there are certain people you're just not compatible with because I can't be with somebody that does that.
00:04:24
Speaker 3: Okay. And yes, and that is.
00:04:26
Speaker 1: It's not a character flaw against that person.
00:04:28
Speaker 3: But you do end up feeling superficial. And I just think if everyone's being honest, they've had this experience. And we'll get into what the relationship experts say. They're saying don't run for the hills. Examine why you feel this very strong feeling of repulsion. Some other examples. Noisy eating.
00:04:47
Speaker 2: Noisy eating is, okay, that's just an annoyance, isn't it? Doesn't everybody get turned off by noisy eating? Does anyone listening like a noisy eater?
00:04:56
Speaker 3: No, but we're talking about the fact that your reaction would be like, oh my God, I can never go on another date with this person again.
00:05:04
Speaker 1: Yes, that should be. We're on date two and you're... Yes, exactly.
00:05:10
Speaker 3: I'm telling you though, sometimes you don't realize it when you're in the throes of love and then you get deeper into a relationship and you think, wow, that is so annoying. And I can tell you, oof, I am a huge culprit of this, of just feeling that way. Some other examples, someone who poses oddly in photos, like it's just like, ugh, like an odd poser, clapping when the plane lands. Someone described sudden karate moves after dinner, like some weird quirk that somebody does. Discovered that their date bought fake books to decorate their home. Like little things that shouldn't rise to the level of we're going to break up now suddenly become an overwhelming feeling of... that you want to run. Someone else said playing nonstop Jimmy Buffett. It's things that you think you should be able to just ignore or move past, but suddenly they become like these huge icks that you can't unhear, unsee, or unremember. Okay.
00:06:09
Speaker 1: I have thoughts, man.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: Go ahead.
00:06:11
Speaker 1: I have so many thoughts.
00:06:13
Speaker 3: I knew you would like this.
00:06:14
Speaker 1: I want to hear this out because so many of the things you are listing are genuine....
00:06:24
Speaker 2: I think for a great majority of people, and women if you're being honest with yourselves, if you saw your guy, your man, that you're dating, you know what, take a run down the street. and his arms are to the side like one of the kids from Weapons, you would go, what the actual hell?
00:06:46
Speaker 1: And that's just, whoa, that's a weird thing. It's just, no. Go ahead with the list. There were so many things you listed, babe.
00:06:52
Speaker 3: Well, I have some personal ones, too, that I could add that are along the same vein. Noisy eating.
00:07:00
Speaker 1: Everybody hates noisy eating.
00:07:01
Speaker 3: Noisy swallowing.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: We all hate that. That's not just an ick.
00:07:09
Speaker 3: But you should be able to look past that if it's someone who you say you love.
00:07:13
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, and you do, and we do. You're a very loud eater, baby.
00:07:18
Speaker 3: I know I am.
00:07:19
Speaker 1: You are.
00:07:19
Speaker 2: I know. The swallowing I'll give you because you always try to blame.
00:07:23
Speaker 1: You have a narrow esophagus. I do.
00:07:26
Speaker 2: But, sweetheart, you are a very loud, like, it's noticeable.
00:07:33
Speaker 3: Have you thought about breaking up with me over it?
00:07:35
Speaker 1: I've had moments.
00:07:38
Speaker 3: Okay.
00:07:39
Speaker 1: Depends on how big the meal was.
00:07:40
Speaker 3: Okay. Also, like, I can tell you, like, in the past, like, the way someone sits. Someone who plays nonstop air guitar on a steering wheel. Someone who listens to one artist over and over and over again. I understand that. Clapping when the plane lands made me laugh because.
00:07:58
Speaker 2: Because you look at somebody, what are you doing, weirdo? That's what your response would be. Yes, Robes, that's weird. We just landed in Birmingham. What are you doing?
00:08:11
Speaker 3: I totally get it. Sudden karate moves after dinner. That made me laugh too. Just like weird, quirky behaviors. Like what are you doing that is such a turn off? Ew.
00:08:22
Speaker 2: No, these are just, I don't want to call them icks. Robes, it's odd behavior that make, you know what it is? You look at, when people do that, there was like all sexual energy goes away.
00:08:35
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:08:36
Speaker 1: Like, I can't be turned on by somebody who does that.
00:08:39
Speaker 3: Like, when I started vomiting after the marathon and you said, damn, you're sexy.
00:08:43
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:08:44
Speaker 3: Like, I get that, but you were joking.
00:08:45
Speaker 1: No, but you were having a moment. That wasn't a part of your character, who you were. Don't get me wrong.
00:08:51
Speaker 2: You're up chucking at the A train. I don't want to have sex with you then, but she's having a moment. It's different from behavior. Rose, there are things that people do that just make them happy. just completely asexual to you.
00:09:07
Speaker 3: Yes, the way they sneeze. There are lots of things that can just really get under your skin, and actually, people run for the hills. They avoid relationships when they see... But think about it. If someone is otherwise a wonderful human being, and they have a couple things that are... If you see those and you think, oh, hell no, bye, that is what we're talking about, where you actually will leave a relationship or walk away from somebody who otherwise would have been a very... It represents something. Dateable, wonderful person.
00:09:36
Speaker 2: Babe, it represents something. You can have this wonderful guy who has bad habits around the house. He won't help clean. He won't pick up his dirty clothes. He won't do this. But he runs in a way you like. He protects you in the way he likes. He works hard in a way you like. He does all these things that still fit. He just has these annoyances. Robes, you are getting at the heart of what makes someone attractive.
00:09:59
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:10:00
Speaker 2: This is a matter of if this person does this, there is nothing.
00:10:05
Speaker 1: In their physical.
00:10:07
Speaker 2: You can't make up for the attractiveness that's lost when somebody does something goofy.
00:10:12
Speaker 3: So I will... And I shared this with you before we got on. I actually had a conversation years, years ago with a therapist because I was experiencing the ick. And I actually felt ashamed by it because I thought, wow, am I superficial? Is this just Like, I want to leave.
00:10:28
Speaker 1: I want to run.
00:10:30
Speaker 3: There were a couple of things that were just, I felt like so turned off. And I was told that it was me afraid of intimacy. I was told it was my fear of intimacy. And that is exactly what several articles have specified about the ick. Saying, now, there are some questions you can ask yourself. Because there is, some actually are.
00:10:49
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:10:50
Speaker 3: Warning signs that you should not be in a relationship with someone. But other times they say it doesn't mean that you're turned off or incompatible, that it actually could be a form of self-protection. And it could be a tool that you have employed without realizing it to distance yourself from intimacy when it begins to deepen.
00:11:08
Speaker 1: You believe that?
00:11:10
Speaker 3: I believed it at the time. Now I look back and think I should have listened to my Spidey sense.
00:11:14
Speaker 2: You think Isla Fisher is scared of intimacy because the dude.
00:11:17
Speaker 1: Runs in a way that turns her off.
00:11:19
Speaker 3: Yeah. She's scared of intimacy? This is what some therapists are saying.
00:11:25
Speaker 1: Some, okay.
00:11:26
Speaker 3: They say it often happens when the fantasy of who or what someone could be falls apart. Like you're holding them up to this standard. And then the moment they do something you don't like, you're like, and we're done. And they're just warning people not to have a knee-jerk reaction when you get the ick.
00:11:44
Speaker 1: Do you have any other examples? Don't list them now. Okay. Because I'm curious.
00:11:48
Speaker 3: And I was going to ask you, do you have, if you think back, without getting specific, obviously, to your life and your dating history, were there things that you were like, deal breaker, I just got the ick. I'm running. I'm not asking for a second date or a third date. Yeah. What were they? Do you remember some of the actual behaviors?
00:12:09
Speaker 1: You know what?
00:12:09
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:12:12
Speaker 1: And one had to do with running.
00:12:15
Speaker 3: Okay, please do tell. This is funny because people can relate.
00:12:18
Speaker 2: It's funny because someone in the very public way ran towards me when we were reconnecting. I hadn't seen this person in a while. And to be publicly running towards me, I was like, this is embarrassing. And I didn't like it. And I didn't want to be with that person anymore. Like, oh yeah, I made the right call. This is, I swear to God, I can remember that.
00:12:38
Speaker 3: He was like slightly from obsession, like way too excited to see me.
00:12:42
Speaker 2: I've had someone start dancing in like a restaurant. That table, it's not my lane. It's not what I do. It's just, it, you're turned off because you can never get on the same page with that behavior.
00:12:56
Speaker 3: Yes, goofiness.
00:12:58
Speaker 2: And it's fine for that person. I just, we are so opposed in how we are comfortable behaving in public that we are not going to be okay.
00:13:10
Speaker 1: And that's fine.
00:13:10
Speaker 2: Rose, there's some stuff you've taken me to, I've complained about this before, um, If I was dating somebody that was doing this, it'd be a prop. How you will sometimes get in somebody's face He's singing a song. Oh, yes.
00:13:22
Speaker 1: That thing.
00:13:23
Speaker 3: I love doing that.
00:13:23
Speaker 1: Drives me crazy.
00:13:24
Speaker 3: I know it does. I try not to do it to you.
00:13:26
Speaker 1: It's such an ick.
00:13:27
Speaker 3: But I do like doing it.
00:13:28
Speaker 1: It's such an ick.
00:13:29
Speaker 3: To my girlfriends. Oh, my God. We talked about this yesterday because this was on the list, burping in public. And look, some people think it's funny. Some people think it's okay. Someone did it while we were eating yesterday.
00:13:40
Speaker 1: All outside, yeah.
00:13:42
Speaker 3: I mean, just walked right by us and let out and just ripped a belch. And they're like, some people think it's funny and cute and hilarious, and other people, it's a total ick.
00:13:51
Speaker 1: We're not compatible.
00:13:52
Speaker 3: Absolutely not. If you do that. But guess where the origins, they believe that the origins from just actually using the term, obviously people have felt repulsion from the beginning of time, but to give it the label, the ick, it came from, and I know it's something you did not watch, but I did, the 1990s series, Ally McBeal. They started using getting the ick. And I did not realize that that was the first time that phrase was uttered. And it has really obviously we're still, what, 30 years later. And now it's kind of taken on a new life and people refer to it. If you just listen to Gen Zers, they use it all the time.
00:14:29
Speaker 1: Oh, really?
00:14:30
Speaker 3: Yeah. Start listening on television, maybe even Love Island, getting the ick. People talk about the ick all the time.
00:14:37
Speaker 1: Wait, you've heard this on Love Island?
00:14:38
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. I've heard it constantly. So now it's funny to think that the origins were from 1990s sitcom Ally McBeal. What gives you the ick? Oh, I have so many. I can actually go back and remember plenty of my icks.
00:14:54
Speaker 2: Before you get to that, is the ick, do you have the same ick? Does it carry over through every relationship or is the ick specific to certain people?
00:15:04
Speaker 3: For me, it was, I mean, you can have certain things that annoy you, but for me, some of these icks are very personal and specific.
00:15:11
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:15:11
Speaker 2: So what I'm saying, if you get If I'm annoyed by somebody clapping when we land, I'm going to be annoyed when she does it or the next person I'm dating does it or the next person I'm dating does it.
00:15:20
Speaker 1: That's what I'm asking.
00:15:21
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know that. I don't know the answer to that because I wonder if you know someone's personality and it fits with their personality. Somehow you give them a pass because it works. It's authentic. And it's something about that person that you like, their silliness.
00:15:33
Speaker 1: So it might be different. Like Isla Fisher.
00:15:35
Speaker 2: Isla Fisher, she had more time with this guy because, oh, that's my goofy boy running.
00:15:38
Speaker 3: Exactly.
00:15:39
Speaker 1: She might have thought that.
00:15:40
Speaker 3: But what happens is when you're in a relationship with somebody and you start noticing everything they do is grossing you out, then you've got a problem. And I've definitely been in that experience before. And you start to feel bad that somehow you're judging someone negatively. at too high of a standard, but I also think you have to listen to how you're feeling. And I do think I've made a mistake oftentimes in my life, in my love life, by not, by not trusting my own gut where I, there's a reason why I'm turned off and it doesn't mean I'm a bad person, but that is actually just not something I want to be around.
00:16:17
Speaker 2: Well, it's too, it sounds like almost too high of a standard or too much, um, I don't know. You're holding yourself to too high of a standard in that you are saying... What was it you said to your therapist? That you're possibly being what?
00:16:32
Speaker 1: Because... Superficial. Teddy, superficial.
00:16:34
Speaker 3: Superficial.
00:16:34
Speaker 2: Because I think that's wrong. You got to listen to that.
00:16:38
Speaker 1: It's okay.
00:16:38
Speaker 2: It's not superficial. This is something... These are personality differences. These are character differences. We are not compatible if you do that and I do this.
00:16:47
Speaker 1: And that's okay.
00:16:47
Speaker 3: I don't like watching someone... Dance badly. Some people might think it's cute. I think it's unattractive. I think when someone has a really annoying sneeze or makes noises that are just embarrassing in public, yes.
00:17:02
Speaker 1: I don't like that. You hate laughs.
00:17:03
Speaker 3: I cannot stand. This is the truth. If someone has a terrible laugh, I don't even think I can be friends with them.
00:17:11
Speaker 1: You know what?
00:17:11
Speaker 3: Because I love to laugh. You know things like that get under my skin.
00:17:16
Speaker 1: I was thinking about another. You know what?
00:17:18
Speaker 3: Makeup.
00:17:18
Speaker 1: Makeup. and heels can give me the ick.
00:17:24
Speaker 2: And what I mean is there are some folks who can't walk out the house without putting on full face. And if you can't just be relaxed, I always say, if you can't put on jeans and a t-shirt, belly up to a bar and watch a football game, then we're probably not going to be okay. But the idea, that's a good way to put it and put it in reverse. If you can't do this, that's an ick. Yes.
00:17:45
Speaker 3: So look, they, they, they suggest that, that you ask yourself these questions when you realize you're getting the ick. Is this something important that I've noticed? Like, is this an important thing that they're doing or not doing? Is it an excuse to avoid emotional closeness? Is it an excuse to avoid awkwardness? And what about the behavior bothers you? Does it say something deeper about that person? And if it does, then that should indicate to you that maybe there's a reason why you're feeling this and that relationship isn't.
00:18:16
Speaker 1: Right for you. I'm so sorry. Um, Can you say that list again?
00:18:19
Speaker 3: Well, you need to ask yourself, is this something important? Like what they're doing. And is it an important thing that would affect your life like in a big way? No.
00:18:30
Speaker 1: Most of them are no.
00:18:31
Speaker 2: You belching loudly or clapping when the pilot lands, it's not the end of the world.
00:18:35
Speaker 3: Exactly. So they're just saying take that into the context of what it is.
00:18:37
Speaker 1: But still, I don't want to be with you, but go ahead.
00:18:40
Speaker 3: Is it an excuse to avoid emotional closeness? No.
00:18:43
Speaker 1: No, no.
00:18:44
Speaker 2: Emotional closeness because you're clapping like a moron when we landed.
00:18:48
Speaker 3: Is it an excuse to avoid awkwardness?
00:18:52
Speaker 1: Excuse to avoid?
00:18:53
Speaker 3: Like you just don't want to be in an awkward moment, so you'd just rather not be with that person. Are you just kind of dismissing it because it's awkward and you don't like to be in an awkward situation?
00:19:02
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:19:03
Speaker 2: I don't want to be embarrassed in public repeatedly every time we land, every time we go out to dance.
00:19:08
Speaker 3: Yes. And I think this is a big one. What about the behavior bothers you? Just to investigate it. Does it signal a deeper issue with that person? And if the answer is yes, then that is something you should consider. I think that's fair. Now, when we come back, we're going to tell you how you should handle the situation. If you are in a relationship with someone and they are giving you ick, what should you do? Hey there, everybody, and welcome back to Amy and TJ. We're talking about the ick. We've all felt it. We've probably all given someone ick. it without realizing it. But the question here is what you should do if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is suddenly giving you the ick. Maybe you didn't notice it before, and now you're like, what do I do? So the experts say if the rest of the relationship is healthy and fulfilling, if by and large you are happy with this person, but damn it, every time they sneeze, it's so annoying and loud, you literally can't have sex with them for 24 hours. They say you should wait until And give the ick time to pass. And then they suggest. you should discuss your concern directly with your partner, not with everyone else, which is what they say most people do. You call your girlfriend, you call your friend, like, oh my God, every time he does this, I want to just die or crawl under a rock.
00:20:44
Speaker 2: There's some women listening to this podcast who are going to immediately call their girlfriend.
00:20:47
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
00:20:48
Speaker 3: I mean, I've done it. When I read that, I was like, oh shit, I did do that. I would absolutely be like, oh my God, every time he does this, ugh. So they say the proper way to deal with this, you do and you should tell your partner, when you do this, this really annoys me. Can you try and not do this? And that's an okay and fair thing to do. You should address it with your partner. You should tell them it's annoying.
00:21:16
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. That's difficult, but okay.
00:21:19
Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh, there was another example.
00:21:20
Speaker 1: Hey, can you stop belching in public?
00:21:22
Speaker 3: Yes, when you do that, it is. You know what you could say? That is not sexy. And I think that'll stop somebody in their tracks.
00:21:30
Speaker 2: And when we get to Chicago, can you keep your hands down? And you don't have to applaud, okay?
00:21:37
Speaker 3: Someone else gave an example. I just saw this one. Here's an example of, say a guy. I say a guy because this seems like something a guy would do.
00:21:47
Speaker 1: Wait for it. Here we go.
00:21:49
Speaker 3: Decides to pull out his guitar and serenade you.
00:21:51
Speaker 1: It's probably a guy.
00:21:52
Speaker 3: And you get the ick.
00:21:54
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:21:54
Speaker 3: They say it's okay to say this to them. That was so sweet, but it makes me embarrassed to have someone sing to me. Like, just try not to, like, totally humiliate them, but let them know that's just not something I want to hear. And you know what? I can remember sometime when someone sent me a cheesy-ass, terribly written poem. I was like, I'm done. Like, I cannot be with someone who writes this. And I didn't have the guts to say that, but I was like, and we're done.
00:22:24
Speaker 1: Like, nope. But there is another woman out there somewhere who might think that's very sweet.
00:22:29
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
00:22:29
Speaker 2: But also, couldn't we be in a point right now? I write you a bad poem and you might not react the same.
00:22:34
Speaker 1: I wouldn't react the same. Isn't it a matter of where you are in that relationship? Absolutely.
00:22:38
Speaker 2: And that should tell you about your relationship. If you get turned off by something that another man might, you might love.
00:22:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. I get that.
00:22:47
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:22:48
Speaker 2: What is your, what would be your ick thing? Like, what would I feel icky about with you? What do you think it is?
00:22:55
Speaker 3: Oh, probably just my eating, I think, because I know that I'm a little, I am loud, and my swallowing, I know that I, and I try really hard to not be loud, but, oh, that's not your ick for me?
00:23:06
Speaker 1: Well, it's not. Once you chew the food and The swallowing is not the problem. It's everything that proceeds.
00:23:12
Speaker 3: All right. I'll do better on that. No, but seriously.
00:23:14
Speaker 1: Eat, girl. I'm still here.
00:23:16
Speaker 3: I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think what my ick is about you.
00:23:20
Speaker 1: What do you think an ick would be somebody would have for?
00:23:23
Speaker 3: For me?
00:23:24
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:23:24
Speaker 2: Who would say, yeah, she's ick. Every time Roblox does, it was an ick for me. Turn me off when she did this, this, this, this.
00:23:33
Speaker 3: Play Candy Crush. Like, I don't know. Play Candy Crush? It might seem immature. Like, why is someone of your age on your phone playing a game? Damn. I'm trying to think.
00:23:45
Speaker 1: Do you get the ick from me?
00:23:46
Speaker 2: I'm watching Archer and Family Guy as I'm shaving.
00:23:52
Speaker 3: This is such a good thing. I'm trying to think of a habit you have that gives me the ick. The only one that I pointed out to you, and I did tell you, and you stopped. You're kind of amazing at how you just stop. But I told you when you crack your knuckles or you crack your arm that that gave me the ick. I was like, ugh. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard for me. And you said, done. And you stopped doing it.
00:24:17
Speaker 1: What do they call that? What kind of obsessive behavior?
00:24:19
Speaker 2: I have a weird thing. You can tell me to stop doing something. I will stop doing it.
00:24:22
Speaker 3: It's weird. I've never seen anyone be so, like, it's kind of frightening.
00:24:27
Speaker 1: What is that?
00:24:28
Speaker 3: I will turn that off right now and I will never do it again. And I was like, what? Who can do that and say that?
00:24:33
Speaker 1: Somebody that loves you, baby.
00:24:34
Speaker 3: I guess. But yeah, and I don't, other than that, I cannot.
00:24:38
Speaker 1: Think of an ick. Okay, sorry.
00:24:41
Speaker 3: Anyway, they did want to say, before we go, I want to, I think this is important, that there are deal breaker icks that you should be aware of. Road rage, rude to strangers, that could be an indication of deeper issues, deeper mental health issues that you might want to take notice of and you might want to consider.
00:24:57
Speaker 1: But not clapping when the pilot lands.
00:24:59
Speaker 3: No.
00:24:59
Speaker 1: That's not an indicator of bizarre. That's toxic positivity, I guess.
00:25:03
Speaker 3: If you don't feel comfortable enough or you don't care enough to address whatever is bothering you, that's a sign to let the relationship go. Oh, yeah. And I think that's so true because I told you that it annoyed me and you told me that it annoyed you. And that means we're comfortable. Like we want, I want to be attracted to you.
00:25:22
Speaker 1: I am.
00:25:23
Speaker 3: And so it's, if you don't care or you don't feel comfortable, you should probably just move on. And then they say, just make sure you're making a decision to end things from a place of clarity and not fear. Just, they just, just ask yourself, is there something about this person that I'm afraid of? That if we got too close, I might be too exposed, too vulnerable, and it would be too scary. I thought it was such an interesting thing to think about the ick being a defense mechanism versus a warning sign. And that was just something that I had a therapist tell me many, many years ago, and I don't know that it served me well.
00:26:00
Speaker 1: Hmm.
00:26:01
Speaker 3: So I just think it's one of those things where if you notice it, just get curious about it and find out where and why it's happening.
00:26:08
Speaker 2: Did you, forgive me if I missed it, did you make clear you can get over panic?
00:26:13
Speaker 3: Yes. And they said the number one thing to do is to actually tell your partner. Have a conversation. Every time you clap when the plane lands, my skin crawls. Can you please not do that anymore?
00:26:26
Speaker 1: Depending on where your relationship is, that person is going to take that well or not.
00:26:30
Speaker 3: And that will tell you just how healthy your relationship is or is not. All right. And with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us. I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks.
00:00:02
Speaker 2: It is Saturday, September 5th, and look at your partner. Look at a picture of your partner.
00:00:09
Speaker 1: If they're not with you.
00:00:10
Speaker 2: Is there anything about the person you're in a relationship.
00:00:13
Speaker 1: With that just gives you the ick? Well, you're not alone. It's a real thing.
00:00:21
Speaker 2: And we'll all find out together right now if there's anything in the world you can do about it. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ, one of our special episodes in which Robes does not want me to do any research whatsoever. about the topic. This one in particular has to do, Rove. Do I have it right? There is a thing called the ick.
00:00:36
Speaker 1: It's real. You might have it. And can we do anything about it?
00:00:39
Speaker 3: Oh, my God. I think everyone listening has had an experience of getting the ick from someone they're dating, someone they may even be married to.
00:00:47
Speaker 1: Is that the official term of it?
00:00:48
Speaker 3: The ick? The ick. Yes, it's been around for a while. I actually have some of the origins. We can get into all of that. But the big headline here is the ick might not be about them anymore. It might be saying something about you.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: Can you define the ick? Are we talking about just being turned off by the person you're in a relationship with?
00:01:06
Speaker 3: Well, I have the ick. I have a couple different definitions that have been offered to us by, I guess, professionals. The ick can be described as the sudden loss of attraction towards a partner or a moment of romantic repulsion that feels disproportionate and difficult to explain. Like, you know you shouldn't be that turned off by something that's happening, and yet you are. And it makes you want to run for the hills.
00:01:34
Speaker 2: Okay. I know nothing about this, so I'm going to ask as we go along. Are we talking about, like, a moment in which, like, there's a habit or routine or something that person does that turns you off?
00:01:46
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:01:46
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:01:46
Speaker 1: All right.
00:01:47
Speaker 3: I have plenty of examples.
00:01:49
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:01:49
Speaker 3: Would you like me to get into some of the examples first? So these are oftentimes minor behaviors, minor quirks, but they take over your brain and you can't forget them, right? So, and by the way, the ick, hashtag the ick, racked up nearly a quarter million posts online. in 2025 and counting, like this is something that people are sharing and actually comparing notes with and finding a community like, okay, I'm not alone, but it's really interesting because what the therapists and the folks who study behaviors in human beings say, don't worry. It doesn't mean you're superficial. I think sometimes I've definitely felt like that, like, wow, Amy, like, come on, just, move past this. It's not that big of a deal. It means you're human and maybe it means you're a little scared. And we'll get into this because they describe having the ick as actually a natural defense mechanism. And it doesn't always mean that you're incompatible with that person or that you're even necessarily turned off by that person. It could actually be a fear of vulnerability, a fear of intimacy.
00:03:03
Speaker 1: Okay, go ahead. I'm going to keep listening. I'm going to keep listening. I've got tons of questions.
00:03:07
Speaker 3: Let me give you some examples.
00:03:08
Speaker 1: All right.
00:03:09
Speaker 3: Okay, my favorite one actually came out of a headline this week. Isla Fisher, actress who was once married to Sacha Baron Cohen. She is now dating post-divorce. And she shared this in a podcast. I'm going to say a word I wouldn't normally say, but she said it.
00:03:24
Speaker 1: Oh, God.
00:03:25
Speaker 3: So I think it's okay.
00:03:26
Speaker 2: All right.
00:03:26
Speaker 3: But she talked about a dating ick that she just had with a guy who she thought could go somewhere.
00:03:32
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:03:33
Speaker 3: She said, I really like somebody. And his dog ran away. He chased his dog. But instead of chasing upright, he ran low with his hands outstretched like a cartoon. By the time he caught the dog, he lost the pussy. That's what she said.
00:03:51
Speaker 1: She was turned off by the way he ran.
00:03:53
Speaker 3: Yes. After his dog. Like he got so upset that his dog ran off. The way he ran after his dog, she was just like, nope. not dating him anymore. Okay.
00:04:06
Speaker 2: So is there anything wrong with that? Because we all have things, do we not? Are these not just, I don't know, we call them deal breakers, but that's behavioral, right? That somebody smokes or somebody does something. But Robes, there are certain people you're just not compatible with because I can't be with somebody that does that.
00:04:24
Speaker 3: Okay. And yes, and that is.
00:04:26
Speaker 1: It's not a character flaw against that person.
00:04:28
Speaker 3: But you do end up feeling superficial. And I just think if everyone's being honest, they've had this experience. And we'll get into what the relationship experts say. They're saying don't run for the hills. Examine why you feel this very strong feeling of repulsion. Some other examples. Noisy eating.
00:04:47
Speaker 2: Noisy eating is, okay, that's just an annoyance, isn't it? Doesn't everybody get turned off by noisy eating? Does anyone listening like a noisy eater?
00:04:56
Speaker 3: No, but we're talking about the fact that your reaction would be like, oh my God, I can never go on another date with this person again.
00:05:04
Speaker 1: Yes, that should be. We're on date two and you're... Yes, exactly.
00:05:10
Speaker 3: I'm telling you though, sometimes you don't realize it when you're in the throes of love and then you get deeper into a relationship and you think, wow, that is so annoying. And I can tell you, oof, I am a huge culprit of this, of just feeling that way. Some other examples, someone who poses oddly in photos, like it's just like, ugh, like an odd poser, clapping when the plane lands. Someone described sudden karate moves after dinner, like some weird quirk that somebody does. Discovered that their date bought fake books to decorate their home. Like little things that shouldn't rise to the level of we're going to break up now suddenly become an overwhelming feeling of... that you want to run. Someone else said playing nonstop Jimmy Buffett. It's things that you think you should be able to just ignore or move past, but suddenly they become like these huge icks that you can't unhear, unsee, or unremember. Okay.
00:06:09
Speaker 1: I have thoughts, man.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: Go ahead.
00:06:11
Speaker 1: I have so many thoughts.
00:06:13
Speaker 3: I knew you would like this.
00:06:14
Speaker 1: I want to hear this out because so many of the things you are listing are genuine....
00:06:24
Speaker 2: I think for a great majority of people, and women if you're being honest with yourselves, if you saw your guy, your man, that you're dating, you know what, take a run down the street. and his arms are to the side like one of the kids from Weapons, you would go, what the actual hell?
00:06:46
Speaker 1: And that's just, whoa, that's a weird thing. It's just, no. Go ahead with the list. There were so many things you listed, babe.
00:06:52
Speaker 3: Well, I have some personal ones, too, that I could add that are along the same vein. Noisy eating.
00:07:00
Speaker 1: Everybody hates noisy eating.
00:07:01
Speaker 3: Noisy swallowing.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: We all hate that. That's not just an ick.
00:07:09
Speaker 3: But you should be able to look past that if it's someone who you say you love.
00:07:13
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, and you do, and we do. You're a very loud eater, baby.
00:07:18
Speaker 3: I know I am.
00:07:19
Speaker 1: You are.
00:07:19
Speaker 2: I know. The swallowing I'll give you because you always try to blame.
00:07:23
Speaker 1: You have a narrow esophagus. I do.
00:07:26
Speaker 2: But, sweetheart, you are a very loud, like, it's noticeable.
00:07:33
Speaker 3: Have you thought about breaking up with me over it?
00:07:35
Speaker 1: I've had moments.
00:07:38
Speaker 3: Okay.
00:07:39
Speaker 1: Depends on how big the meal was.
00:07:40
Speaker 3: Okay. Also, like, I can tell you, like, in the past, like, the way someone sits. Someone who plays nonstop air guitar on a steering wheel. Someone who listens to one artist over and over and over again. I understand that. Clapping when the plane lands made me laugh because.
00:07:58
Speaker 2: Because you look at somebody, what are you doing, weirdo? That's what your response would be. Yes, Robes, that's weird. We just landed in Birmingham. What are you doing?
00:08:11
Speaker 3: I totally get it. Sudden karate moves after dinner. That made me laugh too. Just like weird, quirky behaviors. Like what are you doing that is such a turn off? Ew.
00:08:22
Speaker 2: No, these are just, I don't want to call them icks. Robes, it's odd behavior that make, you know what it is? You look at, when people do that, there was like all sexual energy goes away.
00:08:35
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:08:36
Speaker 1: Like, I can't be turned on by somebody who does that.
00:08:39
Speaker 3: Like, when I started vomiting after the marathon and you said, damn, you're sexy.
00:08:43
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:08:44
Speaker 3: Like, I get that, but you were joking.
00:08:45
Speaker 1: No, but you were having a moment. That wasn't a part of your character, who you were. Don't get me wrong.
00:08:51
Speaker 2: You're up chucking at the A train. I don't want to have sex with you then, but she's having a moment. It's different from behavior. Rose, there are things that people do that just make them happy. just completely asexual to you.
00:09:07
Speaker 3: Yes, the way they sneeze. There are lots of things that can just really get under your skin, and actually, people run for the hills. They avoid relationships when they see... But think about it. If someone is otherwise a wonderful human being, and they have a couple things that are... If you see those and you think, oh, hell no, bye, that is what we're talking about, where you actually will leave a relationship or walk away from somebody who otherwise would have been a very... It represents something. Dateable, wonderful person.
00:09:36
Speaker 2: Babe, it represents something. You can have this wonderful guy who has bad habits around the house. He won't help clean. He won't pick up his dirty clothes. He won't do this. But he runs in a way you like. He protects you in the way he likes. He works hard in a way you like. He does all these things that still fit. He just has these annoyances. Robes, you are getting at the heart of what makes someone attractive.
00:09:59
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:10:00
Speaker 2: This is a matter of if this person does this, there is nothing.
00:10:05
Speaker 1: In their physical.
00:10:07
Speaker 2: You can't make up for the attractiveness that's lost when somebody does something goofy.
00:10:12
Speaker 3: So I will... And I shared this with you before we got on. I actually had a conversation years, years ago with a therapist because I was experiencing the ick. And I actually felt ashamed by it because I thought, wow, am I superficial? Is this just Like, I want to leave.
00:10:28
Speaker 1: I want to run.
00:10:30
Speaker 3: There were a couple of things that were just, I felt like so turned off. And I was told that it was me afraid of intimacy. I was told it was my fear of intimacy. And that is exactly what several articles have specified about the ick. Saying, now, there are some questions you can ask yourself. Because there is, some actually are.
00:10:49
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:10:50
Speaker 3: Warning signs that you should not be in a relationship with someone. But other times they say it doesn't mean that you're turned off or incompatible, that it actually could be a form of self-protection. And it could be a tool that you have employed without realizing it to distance yourself from intimacy when it begins to deepen.
00:11:08
Speaker 1: You believe that?
00:11:10
Speaker 3: I believed it at the time. Now I look back and think I should have listened to my Spidey sense.
00:11:14
Speaker 2: You think Isla Fisher is scared of intimacy because the dude.
00:11:17
Speaker 1: Runs in a way that turns her off.
00:11:19
Speaker 3: Yeah. She's scared of intimacy? This is what some therapists are saying.
00:11:25
Speaker 1: Some, okay.
00:11:26
Speaker 3: They say it often happens when the fantasy of who or what someone could be falls apart. Like you're holding them up to this standard. And then the moment they do something you don't like, you're like, and we're done. And they're just warning people not to have a knee-jerk reaction when you get the ick.
00:11:44
Speaker 1: Do you have any other examples? Don't list them now. Okay. Because I'm curious.
00:11:48
Speaker 3: And I was going to ask you, do you have, if you think back, without getting specific, obviously, to your life and your dating history, were there things that you were like, deal breaker, I just got the ick. I'm running. I'm not asking for a second date or a third date. Yeah. What were they? Do you remember some of the actual behaviors?
00:12:09
Speaker 1: You know what?
00:12:09
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:12:12
Speaker 1: And one had to do with running.
00:12:15
Speaker 3: Okay, please do tell. This is funny because people can relate.
00:12:18
Speaker 2: It's funny because someone in the very public way ran towards me when we were reconnecting. I hadn't seen this person in a while. And to be publicly running towards me, I was like, this is embarrassing. And I didn't like it. And I didn't want to be with that person anymore. Like, oh yeah, I made the right call. This is, I swear to God, I can remember that.
00:12:38
Speaker 3: He was like slightly from obsession, like way too excited to see me.
00:12:42
Speaker 2: I've had someone start dancing in like a restaurant. That table, it's not my lane. It's not what I do. It's just, it, you're turned off because you can never get on the same page with that behavior.
00:12:56
Speaker 3: Yes, goofiness.
00:12:58
Speaker 2: And it's fine for that person. I just, we are so opposed in how we are comfortable behaving in public that we are not going to be okay.
00:13:10
Speaker 1: And that's fine.
00:13:10
Speaker 2: Rose, there's some stuff you've taken me to, I've complained about this before, um, If I was dating somebody that was doing this, it'd be a prop. How you will sometimes get in somebody's face He's singing a song. Oh, yes.
00:13:22
Speaker 1: That thing.
00:13:23
Speaker 3: I love doing that.
00:13:23
Speaker 1: Drives me crazy.
00:13:24
Speaker 3: I know it does. I try not to do it to you.
00:13:26
Speaker 1: It's such an ick.
00:13:27
Speaker 3: But I do like doing it.
00:13:28
Speaker 1: It's such an ick.
00:13:29
Speaker 3: To my girlfriends. Oh, my God. We talked about this yesterday because this was on the list, burping in public. And look, some people think it's funny. Some people think it's okay. Someone did it while we were eating yesterday.
00:13:40
Speaker 1: All outside, yeah.
00:13:42
Speaker 3: I mean, just walked right by us and let out and just ripped a belch. And they're like, some people think it's funny and cute and hilarious, and other people, it's a total ick.
00:13:51
Speaker 1: We're not compatible.
00:13:52
Speaker 3: Absolutely not. If you do that. But guess where the origins, they believe that the origins from just actually using the term, obviously people have felt repulsion from the beginning of time, but to give it the label, the ick, it came from, and I know it's something you did not watch, but I did, the 1990s series, Ally McBeal. They started using getting the ick. And I did not realize that that was the first time that phrase was uttered. And it has really obviously we're still, what, 30 years later. And now it's kind of taken on a new life and people refer to it. If you just listen to Gen Zers, they use it all the time.
00:14:29
Speaker 1: Oh, really?
00:14:30
Speaker 3: Yeah. Start listening on television, maybe even Love Island, getting the ick. People talk about the ick all the time.
00:14:37
Speaker 1: Wait, you've heard this on Love Island?
00:14:38
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. I've heard it constantly. So now it's funny to think that the origins were from 1990s sitcom Ally McBeal. What gives you the ick? Oh, I have so many. I can actually go back and remember plenty of my icks.
00:14:54
Speaker 2: Before you get to that, is the ick, do you have the same ick? Does it carry over through every relationship or is the ick specific to certain people?
00:15:04
Speaker 3: For me, it was, I mean, you can have certain things that annoy you, but for me, some of these icks are very personal and specific.
00:15:11
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:15:11
Speaker 2: So what I'm saying, if you get If I'm annoyed by somebody clapping when we land, I'm going to be annoyed when she does it or the next person I'm dating does it or the next person I'm dating does it.
00:15:20
Speaker 1: That's what I'm asking.
00:15:21
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know that. I don't know the answer to that because I wonder if you know someone's personality and it fits with their personality. Somehow you give them a pass because it works. It's authentic. And it's something about that person that you like, their silliness.
00:15:33
Speaker 1: So it might be different. Like Isla Fisher.
00:15:35
Speaker 2: Isla Fisher, she had more time with this guy because, oh, that's my goofy boy running.
00:15:38
Speaker 3: Exactly.
00:15:39
Speaker 1: She might have thought that.
00:15:40
Speaker 3: But what happens is when you're in a relationship with somebody and you start noticing everything they do is grossing you out, then you've got a problem. And I've definitely been in that experience before. And you start to feel bad that somehow you're judging someone negatively. at too high of a standard, but I also think you have to listen to how you're feeling. And I do think I've made a mistake oftentimes in my life, in my love life, by not, by not trusting my own gut where I, there's a reason why I'm turned off and it doesn't mean I'm a bad person, but that is actually just not something I want to be around.
00:16:17
Speaker 2: Well, it's too, it sounds like almost too high of a standard or too much, um, I don't know. You're holding yourself to too high of a standard in that you are saying... What was it you said to your therapist? That you're possibly being what?
00:16:32
Speaker 1: Because... Superficial. Teddy, superficial.
00:16:34
Speaker 3: Superficial.
00:16:34
Speaker 2: Because I think that's wrong. You got to listen to that.
00:16:38
Speaker 1: It's okay.
00:16:38
Speaker 2: It's not superficial. This is something... These are personality differences. These are character differences. We are not compatible if you do that and I do this.
00:16:47
Speaker 1: And that's okay.
00:16:47
Speaker 3: I don't like watching someone... Dance badly. Some people might think it's cute. I think it's unattractive. I think when someone has a really annoying sneeze or makes noises that are just embarrassing in public, yes.
00:17:02
Speaker 1: I don't like that. You hate laughs.
00:17:03
Speaker 3: I cannot stand. This is the truth. If someone has a terrible laugh, I don't even think I can be friends with them.
00:17:11
Speaker 1: You know what?
00:17:11
Speaker 3: Because I love to laugh. You know things like that get under my skin.
00:17:16
Speaker 1: I was thinking about another. You know what?
00:17:18
Speaker 3: Makeup.
00:17:18
Speaker 1: Makeup. and heels can give me the ick.
00:17:24
Speaker 2: And what I mean is there are some folks who can't walk out the house without putting on full face. And if you can't just be relaxed, I always say, if you can't put on jeans and a t-shirt, belly up to a bar and watch a football game, then we're probably not going to be okay. But the idea, that's a good way to put it and put it in reverse. If you can't do this, that's an ick. Yes.
00:17:45
Speaker 3: So look, they, they, they suggest that, that you ask yourself these questions when you realize you're getting the ick. Is this something important that I've noticed? Like, is this an important thing that they're doing or not doing? Is it an excuse to avoid emotional closeness? Is it an excuse to avoid awkwardness? And what about the behavior bothers you? Does it say something deeper about that person? And if it does, then that should indicate to you that maybe there's a reason why you're feeling this and that relationship isn't.
00:18:16
Speaker 1: Right for you. I'm so sorry. Um, Can you say that list again?
00:18:19
Speaker 3: Well, you need to ask yourself, is this something important? Like what they're doing. And is it an important thing that would affect your life like in a big way? No.
00:18:30
Speaker 1: Most of them are no.
00:18:31
Speaker 2: You belching loudly or clapping when the pilot lands, it's not the end of the world.
00:18:35
Speaker 3: Exactly. So they're just saying take that into the context of what it is.
00:18:37
Speaker 1: But still, I don't want to be with you, but go ahead.
00:18:40
Speaker 3: Is it an excuse to avoid emotional closeness? No.
00:18:43
Speaker 1: No, no.
00:18:44
Speaker 2: Emotional closeness because you're clapping like a moron when we landed.
00:18:48
Speaker 3: Is it an excuse to avoid awkwardness?
00:18:52
Speaker 1: Excuse to avoid?
00:18:53
Speaker 3: Like you just don't want to be in an awkward moment, so you'd just rather not be with that person. Are you just kind of dismissing it because it's awkward and you don't like to be in an awkward situation?
00:19:02
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:19:03
Speaker 2: I don't want to be embarrassed in public repeatedly every time we land, every time we go out to dance.
00:19:08
Speaker 3: Yes. And I think this is a big one. What about the behavior bothers you? Just to investigate it. Does it signal a deeper issue with that person? And if the answer is yes, then that is something you should consider. I think that's fair. Now, when we come back, we're going to tell you how you should handle the situation. If you are in a relationship with someone and they are giving you ick, what should you do? Hey there, everybody, and welcome back to Amy and TJ. We're talking about the ick. We've all felt it. We've probably all given someone ick. it without realizing it. But the question here is what you should do if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is suddenly giving you the ick. Maybe you didn't notice it before, and now you're like, what do I do? So the experts say if the rest of the relationship is healthy and fulfilling, if by and large you are happy with this person, but damn it, every time they sneeze, it's so annoying and loud, you literally can't have sex with them for 24 hours. They say you should wait until And give the ick time to pass. And then they suggest. you should discuss your concern directly with your partner, not with everyone else, which is what they say most people do. You call your girlfriend, you call your friend, like, oh my God, every time he does this, I want to just die or crawl under a rock.
00:20:44
Speaker 2: There's some women listening to this podcast who are going to immediately call their girlfriend.
00:20:47
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
00:20:48
Speaker 3: I mean, I've done it. When I read that, I was like, oh shit, I did do that. I would absolutely be like, oh my God, every time he does this, ugh. So they say the proper way to deal with this, you do and you should tell your partner, when you do this, this really annoys me. Can you try and not do this? And that's an okay and fair thing to do. You should address it with your partner. You should tell them it's annoying.
00:21:16
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. That's difficult, but okay.
00:21:19
Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh, there was another example.
00:21:20
Speaker 1: Hey, can you stop belching in public?
00:21:22
Speaker 3: Yes, when you do that, it is. You know what you could say? That is not sexy. And I think that'll stop somebody in their tracks.
00:21:30
Speaker 2: And when we get to Chicago, can you keep your hands down? And you don't have to applaud, okay?
00:21:37
Speaker 3: Someone else gave an example. I just saw this one. Here's an example of, say a guy. I say a guy because this seems like something a guy would do.
00:21:47
Speaker 1: Wait for it. Here we go.
00:21:49
Speaker 3: Decides to pull out his guitar and serenade you.
00:21:51
Speaker 1: It's probably a guy.
00:21:52
Speaker 3: And you get the ick.
00:21:54
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:21:54
Speaker 3: They say it's okay to say this to them. That was so sweet, but it makes me embarrassed to have someone sing to me. Like, just try not to, like, totally humiliate them, but let them know that's just not something I want to hear. And you know what? I can remember sometime when someone sent me a cheesy-ass, terribly written poem. I was like, I'm done. Like, I cannot be with someone who writes this. And I didn't have the guts to say that, but I was like, and we're done.
00:22:24
Speaker 1: Like, nope. But there is another woman out there somewhere who might think that's very sweet.
00:22:29
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
00:22:29
Speaker 2: But also, couldn't we be in a point right now? I write you a bad poem and you might not react the same.
00:22:34
Speaker 1: I wouldn't react the same. Isn't it a matter of where you are in that relationship? Absolutely.
00:22:38
Speaker 2: And that should tell you about your relationship. If you get turned off by something that another man might, you might love.
00:22:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. I get that.
00:22:47
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:22:48
Speaker 2: What is your, what would be your ick thing? Like, what would I feel icky about with you? What do you think it is?
00:22:55
Speaker 3: Oh, probably just my eating, I think, because I know that I'm a little, I am loud, and my swallowing, I know that I, and I try really hard to not be loud, but, oh, that's not your ick for me?
00:23:06
Speaker 1: Well, it's not. Once you chew the food and The swallowing is not the problem. It's everything that proceeds.
00:23:12
Speaker 3: All right. I'll do better on that. No, but seriously.
00:23:14
Speaker 1: Eat, girl. I'm still here.
00:23:16
Speaker 3: I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think what my ick is about you.
00:23:20
Speaker 1: What do you think an ick would be somebody would have for?
00:23:23
Speaker 3: For me?
00:23:24
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:23:24
Speaker 2: Who would say, yeah, she's ick. Every time Roblox does, it was an ick for me. Turn me off when she did this, this, this, this.
00:23:33
Speaker 3: Play Candy Crush. Like, I don't know. Play Candy Crush? It might seem immature. Like, why is someone of your age on your phone playing a game? Damn. I'm trying to think.
00:23:45
Speaker 1: Do you get the ick from me?
00:23:46
Speaker 2: I'm watching Archer and Family Guy as I'm shaving.
00:23:52
Speaker 3: This is such a good thing. I'm trying to think of a habit you have that gives me the ick. The only one that I pointed out to you, and I did tell you, and you stopped. You're kind of amazing at how you just stop. But I told you when you crack your knuckles or you crack your arm that that gave me the ick. I was like, ugh. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard for me. And you said, done. And you stopped doing it.
00:24:17
Speaker 1: What do they call that? What kind of obsessive behavior?
00:24:19
Speaker 2: I have a weird thing. You can tell me to stop doing something. I will stop doing it.
00:24:22
Speaker 3: It's weird. I've never seen anyone be so, like, it's kind of frightening.
00:24:27
Speaker 1: What is that?
00:24:28
Speaker 3: I will turn that off right now and I will never do it again. And I was like, what? Who can do that and say that?
00:24:33
Speaker 1: Somebody that loves you, baby.
00:24:34
Speaker 3: I guess. But yeah, and I don't, other than that, I cannot.
00:24:38
Speaker 1: Think of an ick. Okay, sorry.
00:24:41
Speaker 3: Anyway, they did want to say, before we go, I want to, I think this is important, that there are deal breaker icks that you should be aware of. Road rage, rude to strangers, that could be an indication of deeper issues, deeper mental health issues that you might want to take notice of and you might want to consider.
00:24:57
Speaker 1: But not clapping when the pilot lands.
00:24:59
Speaker 3: No.
00:24:59
Speaker 1: That's not an indicator of bizarre. That's toxic positivity, I guess.
00:25:03
Speaker 3: If you don't feel comfortable enough or you don't care enough to address whatever is bothering you, that's a sign to let the relationship go. Oh, yeah. And I think that's so true because I told you that it annoyed me and you told me that it annoyed you. And that means we're comfortable. Like we want, I want to be attracted to you.
00:25:22
Speaker 1: I am.
00:25:23
Speaker 3: And so it's, if you don't care or you don't feel comfortable, you should probably just move on. And then they say, just make sure you're making a decision to end things from a place of clarity and not fear. Just, they just, just ask yourself, is there something about this person that I'm afraid of? That if we got too close, I might be too exposed, too vulnerable, and it would be too scary. I thought it was such an interesting thing to think about the ick being a defense mechanism versus a warning sign. And that was just something that I had a therapist tell me many, many years ago, and I don't know that it served me well.
00:26:00
Speaker 1: Hmm.
00:26:01
Speaker 3: So I just think it's one of those things where if you notice it, just get curious about it and find out where and why it's happening.
00:26:08
Speaker 2: Did you, forgive me if I missed it, did you make clear you can get over panic?
00:26:13
Speaker 3: Yes. And they said the number one thing to do is to actually tell your partner. Have a conversation. Every time you clap when the plane lands, my skin crawls. Can you please not do that anymore?
00:26:26
Speaker 1: Depending on where your relationship is, that person is going to take that well or not.
00:26:30
Speaker 3: And that will tell you just how healthy your relationship is or is not. All right. And with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us. I'm Amy Robach alongside TJ Holmes. We'll talk to you soon.