From Sister Wife To Dating Again with Meri Brown

00:00:14
Speaker 1: Welcome everyone to I do Part two and well you get two of your hosts today. I'm Ami Robots alongside TJ.

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Speaker 2: Holmes. Ready for this, babe.

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Speaker 3: I have questions for our guests today.

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Speaker 4: I have.

00:00:28
Speaker 3: I'm curious, and I have a couple of major major just I think, just normal questions for someone who is about to date for the first time since she was nineteen, Yes, so thirty something years ago. So getting back into the dating pool, and what's it like to share someone that you're married to? And most people can't relate to that necessarily, but our next guest can't.

00:00:54
Speaker 1: That's right because not only is our next guest getting into the dating world after a very long marriage, a marriage of over thirty years, but her marriage is probably not like yours or not like one you're used to seeing, because today we are diving into the world of polygamy plural marriages. So, yes, what does your life look like after you've been married for over thirty years, you've shared your husband with sister wives, and you've done it all in front of the world. Actually, so yes, you navigate. You've got a million things going on here, navigating dating at this point in your life and navigating it with the world watching. So we're talking about all of this with one of the stars of Sister Wives, Mary Brown, is joining us today. Mary, Welcome to the podcast and how are you feeling. How you doing I'm.

00:01:45
Speaker 4: Doing so good. Thank you so much for inviting me on to have a conversation with you guys. I'm really excited about it.

00:01:51
Speaker 3: Andy Keith, Can you do we have it right? Give us the official count? How many seasons has the show actually been on and do we have it right? Have you done just a you've done every season?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I've done every season. It's been officially nineteen seasons, but it's about fifteen years. But yeah, nineteen seasons.

00:02:09
Speaker 3: Well, congratulations to anybody who can last on a TV show for that long. First and foremost, so congratulations the drama that we bring.

00:02:18
Speaker 4: Drama. They did not us like a bad happen.

00:02:24
Speaker 1: So we said you were married to your ex Cody for anyone who's a fan of the show for thirty years. But you were clear this up for us because I was trying to get my head around this. You actually legally were divorced in twenty fourteen, but you were spiritually divorced just last season. Correct, Can you explain what happened to or if I got that right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So in polygamy and the religious culture that we came from, well not just a religious culture anywhere polygamy is not legal, but in our culture that we came from, we had what we called spiritual marriages, right, and so all of those were valid to us. So for me, when I did the legal divorce, it was for the purpose of Robin or sorry Cody, adopting Robin's kids, and in order to do that, he needed to be legally married to her, or at least not legally married to me.

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Speaker 2: How did that feel?

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Speaker 4: It was? It was hard. It was. It was definitely hard, just because like and a lot of people just I mean, you can't get your head wrapped around it unless you're in it. Right. Even my sister Wrives, I don't think, really understood it because when they got married, they got spiritually marriage, which was hund of percent valid. We considered all of us equals on that level. But when I got married, the person who who married us did the legal and the spiritual at the same time. Right, he was authorized for the for the legal and the state, and then also the ecclesiastical authority in the church, right, So he did both of them at the same time as one marriage. Right. It wasn't like a legal one and then a separate spiritual one. And so when I went through and had that legal divorce, it felt emotionally like it was the marriage, even though logically I'm like, I know that it's not the spiritual part of it. We're just doing the legal part of it, you know. So so it was it was a mind game for sure.

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Speaker 3: Would the spiritual part have held up? Do you think if you didn't have to go through that emotional trauma of the legal divorce, I'm saying, did it precipitate you certainly go in that direction.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. We talked about it, you know, and our plan and our intention was that that spiritual aspect of the marriage was going to continue. I mean that that was the plan and we did. We'd continue that for a while to a couple of.

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Speaker 2: So how did the plan go off the rails?

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Speaker 4: I think that Cody and I just had some issues, you know, like many marriages do you know, you just have issues and are you going to work through them or are you're going to not? And he and I were already having some of those. I mean, ours was a roller coaster marriage from the beginning, Like we had high highs on lo lows. You know, I've got so many good memories, but also there's also, you know, not so good memories. And I think that's normal, And I think it just came down to the fact that both of us weren't willing to work on it. And if you're not both willing to work on it, it's not going to work.

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Speaker 3: Well, didn't mar it anybody listening right? You just said a very something that everybody's ever been in a relationship or said. Marriages go through things, you go through issues, you have these conflicts. However, Mary, not everybody had some of the issues in your house that you did. When you're talking about multiple spouses, how much do you think the multiple spouses worthy thing that played into ule's dynamic? And if the other spouses weren't there, could you and your husband have lived happily ever after?

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Speaker 4: No, I don't think we would have. I don't think that we would have because it was, you know, like he and he said it on the show, so I'm not It's not like I'm throwing him under the bus. He's saying it himself that he just he didn't let me like he needed to love me right, his soulmate is somebody else. And I think that it became hard for him to manage and to carry like four relationships. I think I think he was just tired of it.

00:06:52
Speaker 3: Honestly, it's sounds difficult, exhausting, and to not be attempted but to each his own.

00:06:59
Speaker 1: Mary, were you raised in polygamy? Did your parents have plural marriages? Yes, so this was nothing foreign to you.

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Speaker 4: No, it was not foreign to me. I my dad had five wives. I've got twenty five siblings, some of them I'm closer to than others. And I think that's just the normal human dynamic that you know some people you're going to connect with more than others. And when you've got twenty five siblings, you know some of them I'm really close to, and some of them some of them I'm not so. But yeah, it was not foreign to me at all.

00:07:43
Speaker 1: Have you ever had a relationship where it's just been one on one, there are no other women involved in your relationship, And is that something you're interested in seeking?

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Speaker 4: I am one going monogamous from hair on app I'm not going to go into a plural situation anymore. So, and people ask me why I would have changed my mind on that, and I'll tell you why. I was raised in a religious culture where I believe that that was something necessary for my spiritual growth, spiritual exaltation, whatever it was that they try to teach you, and I don't believe in that. I don't subscribe to that religious culture anymore. Therefore, I'm not going to live that aspect of it. I'm religious, I have a relationship with God. I'm well, let me correct myself. I'm spiritual. I'm not religious. I don't subscribe to a religious culture, culture or structure. But yeah, so the reason why I did it in the first place was because it was part of my religious belief which I now don't believe in.

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Speaker 3: So I'm not going to How long does it take on a date with someone before all that comes up?

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Speaker 4: It depends. It depends on the date, and it depends on the person.

00:09:07
Speaker 3: Okay, do some go forward even before your drink order is in some way till dessert? When does that come up?

00:09:16
Speaker 4: Very It's been a very interesting process. You know, you kind of have to like, Okay, there's lots of things about me that we need to talk about and want to about it, you know what I mean. It's like, not only is there the polygamy, Let's be clear, I'm not doing that again, so don't make funny jokes about like, oh, you're open to that. No, no, I'm not actually, And then there's also oh and then by the way, there's this TV show you know what I mean, And like, I've been on dates with people where like I can't tell, like I try to read the people. It's like do you know who I am? Do you not? And it's very awkward and uncomfortable. Halfway through the date when when they're like, oh, yeah, I know who you are, it's like, well, lead with that. But they're like, I to be normal too. You know.

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Speaker 2: Have you ever thought about just saying, like, google me before.

00:10:09
Speaker 1: You want to go on the date and then let me know if you still feel the same way.

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Speaker 4: Interesting. I was talking to a guy one time. It was through one of the dating apps, and I hadn't we hadn't got to the point yet like that we're going to share deep dark secrets, right, and so I had never said anything yet. We're just chatting and getting to know each other a little bit. Well, then the show was advertised because it was about to start airing for that season. It must have been last season, and he sent me a message. He's like, so, I'm all about honesty and I just need to just be upfront with you. I saw this advertisement for the show and you're on it, and so he was like, I can't. I'm not interested, basically, Like he was very kind and he was very respectful, but he was just like, Nope, not interested. You know, with their religious background and stuff, I'm just not all right, that's fair.

00:11:14
Speaker 3: You have to find out early. And I something you said a moment ago. I wasn't sure if you were completely joking, but kind of it seems like maybe some guys who find out about your background, do they get kind of excited and say, hey, she's open to whatever.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah. I definitely ross men that are like, ooh, can I have my five minutes minutes of fame? Oh oh. It's a very weird thing because you know, I have to navigate, you know, the public part of it, because some people do not want to have any publicity at all, and some people they're all for it. You know. It's not like I can go on a date and be like, oh, and by the way, can we bring cameras along for my TV show? You know what I mean? Like, so it's like it's you have to be careful with it. But then you've got the polygamy thing too, and you know all the history, and it's.

00:12:09
Speaker 2: Like, oh, it's complicated a lot.

00:12:12
Speaker 4: I'm a lot.

00:12:14
Speaker 1: So now that your divorce has been finalized legally, have you given any thought to changing your last name, to maybe owning who you were at eighteen?

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Speaker 2: In your path forward?

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Speaker 4: Legally and spiritually it's done, right, So let's be clear. Legally it was done in twenty fourteen, but spiritually so like it is done. I have had the conversation many times with my best friend and in some other people too, you know, like are you get to change your name? And right now I'm not going to, And you know, people are like, why are you giving him that? You know, like you still have his name. It's like, but also I have the name that I've had for thirty five years, you know what I mean, Like I only had my other name, my dad's name, you know, for nineteen years. And also there's a lot of rs in it, and it's really hard to say. So brown is a hell a lot easier.

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Speaker 2: What's your maiden name?

00:13:14
Speaker 4: Barber? And I've got an R in my name, so it's Mary Barber And it's really hard.

00:13:20
Speaker 2: To say Mary Brown just flows better.

00:13:24
Speaker 4: Me and one of my sisters we joke about all the time, is like, yeah, because she's also divorced. For like, no, we're just not gonna love your dad, but we're not going to go back to the maiden name.

00:13:36
Speaker 3: I have one more thing on your current dating status. Is there anybody that's a real possibility right now? Are you actually dating in one in a relationship right now? I mean, I guess how many dates have you gone?

00:13:50
Speaker 1: Like?

00:13:50
Speaker 3: How how long has one guy lasted? And he make it the three dates? Five dates?

00:13:54
Speaker 4: I guess.

00:13:54
Speaker 3: I'm asking what your status is.

00:13:56
Speaker 4: Okay, my current status is I am not dating anybody exclusively.

00:14:01
Speaker 1: No.

00:14:02
Speaker 2: Single and ready to mingle.

00:14:04
Speaker 3: Wait, she said I'm not dating anybody exclusively. She didn't say she's not dating anybody?

00:14:08
Speaker 2: Correct?

00:14:08
Speaker 4: Correct?

00:14:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean in the in the trailer for this next season, it sounds like you're dating a lot.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I am, I have. I mean, that sounds really bad. It's not like I'm dating around it.

00:14:22
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I didn't mean I was like, good for you. I meant that so positively.

00:14:27
Speaker 4: Okay, Yeah, yeah, I do date when I find somebody that matches my energy. I think there's a lot more men that would want to date me or whatever it is that they want to do, and I'm not interested, you know, like that, I'm very selective about who I date. I'm very selective about who I bring into my world. And it's a privilege to be in my world and not just anybody gets to be. So, you know, Plus, I am a lot, you know, I'm a business owner. I travel a lot, you know, and I'm building businesses and doing all these things. And can they handle that, because some men just can't. They need do there all the time? They want to text you all the time, and I don't need that.

00:15:25
Speaker 1: Do you believe in having or finding a soulmate in Do you believe that there's that one person out there for you who you could exclusively spend the rest of your life with.

00:15:36
Speaker 4: Oh yeah I do. I do. But I also I remember being in a sociology class in college years ago, and I remember the professor saying, and coming from a scientific standpoint, that there's not just one person for everybody, Like, scientifically, it's like eight people in the world or fifteen people in the world that could be or one person. It's just a matter of finding that person at the right time for both of you. So I don't necessarily believe there's only one person and where in the world am I going to find him? You know what I mean? But I do believe that there is somebody that I can find that our values align, our morals align, our energies align, our laughter aligns, you know, and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

00:16:30
Speaker 1: Would you seriously consider exclusively dating someone who is very religious?

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Speaker 4: I would consider it. Not everything is off the table, but I would prefer somebody who is very spiritual rather than very religious. I'm just not into the cult following. Let's put it that way.

00:16:54
Speaker 1: Would you describe the life you lived in terms of the one you grew up in and the one you chose at nineteen?

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Speaker 2: Was that cult like?

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Speaker 4: Yes? Yeah, I think any structured religion is very cult like.

00:17:08
Speaker 1: And what was the point in which you said I want out?

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Speaker 4: It was gradual for me, It was really gradual. I think that it was even before we moved to Las Vegas, like even you know, maybe around the time that we're talking about doing the sell, you know, fifteen sixteen s Wow. I think that I found myself like questioning. But I never talked to anybody about it. I never talked to Cody about it. I didn't talk to my sisteries about it. It was just something that I was like processing within myself because there were so many things up until that point in my life that I was always wrong for. I was wrong for how I handled marriage. I was wrong for you know, my body, was wrong for not being able to have more babies. I was wrong when I would have jealousy issues with you know, when when wives would come into the family. And now I'm questioning my religion. So you can bet I'm not talking to anybody about it because I'm also going to be wrong for that, and I knew that would be the case. So I didn't talk to anybody about it. I just kind of like went along and did what I was supposed to do and went to church if I needed to, but was totally happy to work on a Sunday as well, so I didn't have to go to church, you know what I mean. And so it was just kind of that little excuse for me, and so I think it was a gradual thing for me once we did finally move to Las Vegas and we were kind of separated from it. You know, we had the intention of, well, let's take our kids back and do different things within in the church structure, and we never did, and I was okay with it. I was good with it. So it was for me that it was gradual until the point that I finally was like, no, I'm not doing this.

00:19:05
Speaker 3: I'm not doing The trailer for the the new season has a clip. It is a short, didn't have full context, but you're talking to Cody and you're saying, we will never be together. You were saying that to him, But how are you all right now?

00:19:20
Speaker 4: Me and Cody in particular, Yeah, we still have a very rollercoaster relationship.

00:19:28
Speaker 2: But you can laugh about it.

00:19:29
Speaker 4: I guess I can't, just because it is what it is. You know, Like, I wish him the best. I think he's a great person. He's very charismatic. I think that there's you know, there's things that I wish he would improve. But that's just my perspective, and I'm sure he thinks that there's things in me that could improve, and this is why we are split, right. But I don't think he's a bad person. I think that our values just don't line and when we try to push those on each other, that's when we have conflict. And so we will, like literally within the same week, we yelled at each other and we told each other to leave me the f alone, and then we hugged each other. It's like, I don't wish you any ill, will just leave me the f alone, you know what I mean. So it's it's very rollercoaster.

00:20:25
Speaker 3: But are you that's uh, that's fascinating. Yeah, but are you well normal though? I feel like this is normal within that you know what it might actually be. There are so many people we talk about this all the time, folks who will look from the outside and they want to judge you, or judge your relationship, or judge what you're doing. And so many other people right now if they started listening now, all they're hearing you talk about is a normal relationship and the same stuff that they are dealing with, even though yours might have looked a little different and might have been on TV. But yes, we can relate to what you're saying, because trust me, this one here, who Lord have mercy, Lordy.

00:21:02
Speaker 2: Lordy, It's never boring.

00:21:04
Speaker 1: Let's just say that I'm curious, Mary, would you say, over the thirty three years that you and Cody were together, you've obviously changed, and you've talked about your evolution.

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Speaker 2: Has Cody changed? Who is he now?

00:21:18
Speaker 1: Or the man you ended up leaving or separating from versus the man who you fell in love with and married.

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Speaker 4: I think that it would be foolish for either of us to say that we haven't changed in some way, shape or form, because that is the point of life is to change. The point is to improve, and I hope that we can always improve. And I'm also not going to put any judgment on him. And also there are things that I think that he did better in his younger years than he does now, as like what parenting. Parenting is a big one. The way that he parents breaks my heart, it really does. He's got children who need him and want to have a relationship with him, and he's not putting in the I don't see. I can't say he's not, but I don't see effort being put in where some of his kids really need it. And knowing him as a young dad. I mean, he was all about his kids, all about his kids, and like they were they were his world. And so it's really sad to see the challenges that he and his kids are going through right now.

00:22:42
Speaker 3: But Mary, what happened from his younger days to now? He's the same guy, still a dad.

00:22:46
Speaker 4: I guess what. Yeah, I don't know.

00:22:49
Speaker 3: You don't know.

00:22:49
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't And it wouldn't be fair for me to put any you know, place, any judgment or you know, I can't say exactly what happened because that just wouldn't be fair for me to do.

00:23:03
Speaker 2: How many kids does Cody have now? I've eight, eighteen, eighteen?

00:23:10
Speaker 4: Wow?

00:23:11
Speaker 1: And they arrange in age, I'm sure, from.

00:23:13
Speaker 4: The youngest I think is eight or nine and then the oldest is thirty one. Wow.

00:23:21
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a lot.

00:23:22
Speaker 1: We have so much more we want to talk about with Mary Brown, So stay tuned because we'll have part two of our conversation up next