Aug. 31, 2025
Famously Available And Finding Love After Reality TV with Mercedes Northup
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RSS Feed After being unlucky in love on both The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise, Mercedes is ready to put her love life in Ben Higgins hands!
From figuring out what she is looking for in a relationship to what her type is, Mercedes is ready to get to the heart of what she really wants outside of reality TV.
Follow us on Instagram @FamouslyAvailable
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:00
Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts, bring you the ultimate Summer of Love Tree. This is famously available. Mercedes, Welcome. I'm excited to be speaking to you tonight. Now. Our listeners out there are probably at this point going to be on the edge of their seat to hear all the updates with you romantically, and so let's share them with them. What's going on in your romantic life as of today.
00:00:27
Speaker 2: Honestly, my romantic life is very lame right now. I'm not gonna lie, but I feel like after getting this opportunity and all these things, I feel like I'm open to like talking to more people, but personally, I feel like it's been very lame.
00:00:45
Speaker 1: Well, lame feels like a word to me that needs some dissection. When you mean lame, do you mean inactive? Do you mean really terrible experiences like expand and on the word lame a little bit.
00:01:02
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, I definitely feel like it's inactive. But I feel like when I meet guys, I'm just very like, you're not it, You're not it. And it's because I've just been very in my head being like these guys are not it right now, Like I'm just not in the headspace I'm doing my own thing, Like I have all these things going on, but I feel like I just turned twenty seven, and I feel like I'm ready to like find someone, and someone who's actually like ready to start life with me. So I feel like I'm open to looking for someone.
00:01:35
Speaker 1: I mean, twenty seven, you're still so young.
00:01:38
Speaker 2: I know it is very young.
00:01:39
Speaker 1: You should take a breath here, I mean, I get it. I'm not here to tell you, hey, twenty seven is too young to really get serious or twenty seven is too old to get serious. That's not my intention here. But my intention is to tell you take a deep breath and just enjoy this season too, because you are still so young, so you do have time, but you're telling me you don't necessarily want time. Like if you found somebody right now that you could see yourself getting serious with, you're ready to get serious with them for sure.
00:02:11
Speaker 2: I feel like it definitely takes like the right person right, Like I'm not gonna be I don't know how to say this, like I feel like my person, like I'm gonna know they're my person, right And that's where I feel like right now, I'm in like an awkward phase like you're in, like you have early twenties, you have thirties, right, Like, I feel like I'm right in the middle. Obviously I'm at twenty seven to where it's like, I'm not like dating just to date, like I'm dating to find someone. But it's like, you're gonna have to try to date me, if that makes sense, Like I'm not I'm not gonna be easy to get, like I'm gonna need you to like actually try and like, I don't know, does that make sense what I'm saying.
00:02:54
Speaker 1: We're gonna make it make sense because I'm gonna ask some follow up questions here, okay that I hope help all of us, myself, you and the listeners make it make sense? Yes, I get it, but I'm assuming one of the reasons in life that I believe that we start to feel this excitement towards getting serious is some external pressures friends, you know, finding their their spouses or their partners. You know, friends and family kind of speaking into you saying, hey, when are you going to meet somebody? Do you feel these pressures right now or those pressures non existent in your life?
00:03:36
Speaker 2: I feel like yes and no. I feel like my family not really. But I'm from a really small town in Iowa. So everyone that I like graduated with is married and having kids. So it's like when I look at my life, I'm like, oh my gosh, like I am behind, Like I'm not doing the people are the same thing that the people that I graduated with or like grew up with, but at the same time, like a whole have a different life than them. And I feel like my family is very like hey, like you're doing your own thing, like there's no pressure, but I definitely I feel like I put the pressure on myself to be like I need to be with someone, I need to like start that.
00:04:15
Speaker 1: But we've seen you date on reality television, so obviously there was a moment a few years ago that you felt like, Hey, I'm going to go on the show because I do want to meet somebody. I do want to find somebody. I think this is an avenue at which I can meet somebody. Be that beaches, be that a mansion, wherever you know the location is. You're ready, Did you take a step back after your experiences and kind of reevaluate if you're ready or not? Or have you always been ready?
00:04:50
Speaker 2: Yeah? I feel like honestly, after The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. I took a step back because I was like, I need a second to like think about everything. And obviously dating on Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise is very different than dating in real life, right, So, like I feel like on Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise it was like, oh, like this guy's doing this and he's perfect, and it like brings your standards up. And then like you get to real life and it's like, hey, like not every dude has a producer being like hey, you need to bring her this or you need to say this. And so I feel like definitely getting back to real life made me like just take a step back and be like, Okay, what do I actually want? What do I need? What's important to me? That kind of thing.
00:05:50
Speaker 1: You've had time now to process through this. You've gone on good dates, you've gone bad dates, and at this point in your life you are excited about what a few can bring. And so when you think about your ideal partner, what are the characteristics that you haven't found yet but that you're looking for in this person.
00:06:14
Speaker 2: So when I pray at night about like the guy that I want, it's just someone who's very like relaxed and chill and goes with the flow, very similar to me. It's someone who loves no matter what, like comes in our life, no matter what circumstances, hard things like, they're always there. Yeah. I feel like at the end of the day, I just want someone who's real with me and who loves me like no matter what. And I honestly I feel like that's like really hard to find these days, which just sucks.
00:06:51
Speaker 1: And they're out there. I'll say that, Yeah, they are out there. There are people, great humans who are full engaged in finding a partner and they'll listen and care for and go through thick and thin with They're there, but they're not always easy to find, and they shouldn't be. They're easy to find. We wouldn't be sitting here today and there wouldn't be reality television shows, you know that have made a twenty four year career off of, you know, cultivating relationships. But you started this by talking about these dates that you've been going on, and that these dates you're you're oftentimes finding yourself. And I forget the exact wording you use, but I'll try to get it close or get the sentiment at least right. You start it by saying that you go on these dates and they're just not it, that there's something about them that's just like missing the mark. But the characteristics that you just described are things that you know, I think most people only find out after many dates and maybe many months together. And so let's go backwards and talk about some of your dating history. What are some of the like non negotiable red flags that are popping up on these early dates that you're saying, Nope, I'm done, can't do it anymore.
00:08:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like some red flags for me are so when I meet someone, I really definitely pay attention on how they treat their families, especially if they have like sisters or if they're close to their mom. Like, I definitely pay attention to those relationships because I feel like it doesn't say how they're gonna treat you. But I also feel like like if they're close, like my experience, if a guy is like really close to their sister, like, they're gonna treat you pretty good. And if they're like not and have a bad relationship with their sisters, they're gonna be the souls to be honest, And that's what I have found out, so I feel like really like paying attention to how they go about life and how they treat even like aside from family, Like if you go to a restaurant and they're mean to the waiters or they don't do twenty percent, it's like, okay, we are we the same?
00:09:10
Speaker 1: No, okay, but some of the reading of these situations are if they're close to their family. I get the waiter thing. I think that's a great read. I think it's a great first day read. I think it's a great I.
00:09:20
Speaker 2: Read that is such a good, great read on like sure, yeah.
00:09:24
Speaker 1: How do you treat the people that are caring for you, that are providing you this hospitality and this service? Awesome? But what other things are kind of standing out to you in the course of dating that are turnofs Because I'm sure positive in fact, that you've met somebody who is great to the staff, that is kind to you, that's saying all the right things, but you're still feeling like yet not it.
00:09:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well if we're gonna get yeah, okay. I feel like when I am talking to someone, okay, if I'm like on edge all the time, like if I'm like, when are they going to text back, and I'm going to my friends, I'm like, oh my gosh, they said this, Like what do I say? Like, what should I do? What should I say? I feel like that's like such a big in my head. I know that it's like if you're thinking that, like you should maybe like take a step back and be like, is it that serious, Because like, at the end of the day, you should if you really like someone and you feel like they're vibing with you, you should be like, I'm going to say what I want. It doesn't matter, like they're going to text back when they want to text back. But I feel like a lot of the times, like if I am thinking about, you know, when are they going to text back? What are they going to text back? And what am I going to respond? I feel like that's like a red flag for me.
00:10:46
Speaker 1: And I think that comes from a place of security too. If they're the right person and you know they're the right person and you know their character, there won't be those concerns because communication will be clear or you'll have the best and you know, with your expectations of them will always lean on the side of hey, something had to have happened that they're distracted and they just can't, but goodness, they'd want to be messaging me.
00:11:12
Speaker 2: See. And that's why I feel like I've given up on dating because I was before, like I honestly have not talked to someone seriously for like a year, and that's because, like I feel like I was so in my head about everything, like and it was breaking me down. Like I was like, oh my gosh, like I am like, this is not who I am, This is not how I am in a relationship. And so I was like I took a step back because I'm like, why am I being like this? Like I don't understand why, but I think at the end of the day, like I knew that he didn't like me the way that I did, and so it was making me insecure and it was just like not a good situationship. And because of that, I feel like I haven't gotten in, like I haven't tried to get into a better one because I've just been like trying to better myself and like being able to get to the point where I can be good. Yeah does that make sense?
00:12:04
Speaker 1: It does.
00:12:05
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:12:05
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna lean in as we close up here, and some rapid fire questions kind of relating to what you just said. You said you've given up on dating. Is that still true today?
00:12:16
Speaker 2: Kinda yeah, I have not been trying to date at all.
00:12:21
Speaker 1: When is the last time you're in what you would consider a semi serious relationship?
00:12:26
Speaker 2: This is so embarrassing. It was so long ago. Honestly two years ago, so probably like five months before that.
00:12:36
Speaker 1: Five months a long time, so over two and a half years.
00:12:40
Speaker 2: Right, is that? Right? Was paradise two years ago?
00:12:42
Speaker 1: I wasn't there. I don't know, I don't I have no idea Easton would know. Eastan's a big fan of the show. He would know exactly.
00:12:49
Speaker 2: When you're on his head. It's been two years. Unfortunately, it has been two years for me.
00:12:55
Speaker 1: I don't think that's embarrassing at all. In your cities, I think that's beautiful. And that's remember this, And I don't know if this will be helpful or hurtful or whatever, but it's my story and so I'll share it. I remember laying in my bed one night after my breakup from the show and going, I think I need to be okay with being single forever. I think I just need to get to a place where I'm okay being single forever. I was twenty eight years old at the time, and I remember this whole process and this whole prayer of like, just give me the piece, give me the joy, give me the fulfillment if I'm single forever. And guess what happened. I met my wife like a month later. So I had given up, I had gone over, you know, so long without a serious relationship, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, my wife popped in. And so I think it is it's funny and it's a cliche, but I think it's these moments where we do kind of throw up the white flag and we say, hey, we're done, We're not doing this anymore, that all of a sudden, our hearts change. Question for you is, Okay, you've given up on dating. It's been a long time since you've been in a serious relationship. But the final question is are you willing to try again? Like, if that person comes by, are you willing to at least give it a chance to maybe disrupt all of the past and all of the bad dates that you've had before.
00:14:25
Speaker 2: Yes, I am definitely willing. I feel like it'll take the right guy. It's definitely not going to be easy, but I feel like if a guy comes around that catches my attention and proves to me that he's worth it, then I would definitely give it a try for sure.
00:14:41
Speaker 1: It's all we need to hear. Mercedes, thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks for your vulnerable honesty. The listeners are going to absolutely love it, and I'm very excited to see where this journey goes same.
00:14:53
Speaker 2: I'm super excited. I think it'll be fun
Speaker 1: iHeart Podcasts, bring you the ultimate Summer of Love Tree. This is famously available. Mercedes, Welcome. I'm excited to be speaking to you tonight. Now. Our listeners out there are probably at this point going to be on the edge of their seat to hear all the updates with you romantically, and so let's share them with them. What's going on in your romantic life as of today.
00:00:27
Speaker 2: Honestly, my romantic life is very lame right now. I'm not gonna lie, but I feel like after getting this opportunity and all these things, I feel like I'm open to like talking to more people, but personally, I feel like it's been very lame.
00:00:45
Speaker 1: Well, lame feels like a word to me that needs some dissection. When you mean lame, do you mean inactive? Do you mean really terrible experiences like expand and on the word lame a little bit.
00:01:02
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, I definitely feel like it's inactive. But I feel like when I meet guys, I'm just very like, you're not it, You're not it. And it's because I've just been very in my head being like these guys are not it right now, Like I'm just not in the headspace I'm doing my own thing, Like I have all these things going on, but I feel like I just turned twenty seven, and I feel like I'm ready to like find someone, and someone who's actually like ready to start life with me. So I feel like I'm open to looking for someone.
00:01:35
Speaker 1: I mean, twenty seven, you're still so young.
00:01:38
Speaker 2: I know it is very young.
00:01:39
Speaker 1: You should take a breath here, I mean, I get it. I'm not here to tell you, hey, twenty seven is too young to really get serious or twenty seven is too old to get serious. That's not my intention here. But my intention is to tell you take a deep breath and just enjoy this season too, because you are still so young, so you do have time, but you're telling me you don't necessarily want time. Like if you found somebody right now that you could see yourself getting serious with, you're ready to get serious with them for sure.
00:02:11
Speaker 2: I feel like it definitely takes like the right person right, Like I'm not gonna be I don't know how to say this, like I feel like my person, like I'm gonna know they're my person, right And that's where I feel like right now, I'm in like an awkward phase like you're in, like you have early twenties, you have thirties, right, Like, I feel like I'm right in the middle. Obviously I'm at twenty seven to where it's like, I'm not like dating just to date, like I'm dating to find someone. But it's like, you're gonna have to try to date me, if that makes sense, Like I'm not I'm not gonna be easy to get, like I'm gonna need you to like actually try and like, I don't know, does that make sense what I'm saying.
00:02:54
Speaker 1: We're gonna make it make sense because I'm gonna ask some follow up questions here, okay that I hope help all of us, myself, you and the listeners make it make sense? Yes, I get it, but I'm assuming one of the reasons in life that I believe that we start to feel this excitement towards getting serious is some external pressures friends, you know, finding their their spouses or their partners. You know, friends and family kind of speaking into you saying, hey, when are you going to meet somebody? Do you feel these pressures right now or those pressures non existent in your life?
00:03:36
Speaker 2: I feel like yes and no. I feel like my family not really. But I'm from a really small town in Iowa. So everyone that I like graduated with is married and having kids. So it's like when I look at my life, I'm like, oh my gosh, like I am behind, Like I'm not doing the people are the same thing that the people that I graduated with or like grew up with, but at the same time, like a whole have a different life than them. And I feel like my family is very like hey, like you're doing your own thing, like there's no pressure, but I definitely I feel like I put the pressure on myself to be like I need to be with someone, I need to like start that.
00:04:15
Speaker 1: But we've seen you date on reality television, so obviously there was a moment a few years ago that you felt like, Hey, I'm going to go on the show because I do want to meet somebody. I do want to find somebody. I think this is an avenue at which I can meet somebody. Be that beaches, be that a mansion, wherever you know the location is. You're ready, Did you take a step back after your experiences and kind of reevaluate if you're ready or not? Or have you always been ready?
00:04:50
Speaker 2: Yeah? I feel like honestly, after The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. I took a step back because I was like, I need a second to like think about everything. And obviously dating on Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise is very different than dating in real life, right, So, like I feel like on Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise it was like, oh, like this guy's doing this and he's perfect, and it like brings your standards up. And then like you get to real life and it's like, hey, like not every dude has a producer being like hey, you need to bring her this or you need to say this. And so I feel like definitely getting back to real life made me like just take a step back and be like, Okay, what do I actually want? What do I need? What's important to me? That kind of thing.
00:05:50
Speaker 1: You've had time now to process through this. You've gone on good dates, you've gone bad dates, and at this point in your life you are excited about what a few can bring. And so when you think about your ideal partner, what are the characteristics that you haven't found yet but that you're looking for in this person.
00:06:14
Speaker 2: So when I pray at night about like the guy that I want, it's just someone who's very like relaxed and chill and goes with the flow, very similar to me. It's someone who loves no matter what, like comes in our life, no matter what circumstances, hard things like, they're always there. Yeah. I feel like at the end of the day, I just want someone who's real with me and who loves me like no matter what. And I honestly I feel like that's like really hard to find these days, which just sucks.
00:06:51
Speaker 1: And they're out there. I'll say that, Yeah, they are out there. There are people, great humans who are full engaged in finding a partner and they'll listen and care for and go through thick and thin with They're there, but they're not always easy to find, and they shouldn't be. They're easy to find. We wouldn't be sitting here today and there wouldn't be reality television shows, you know that have made a twenty four year career off of, you know, cultivating relationships. But you started this by talking about these dates that you've been going on, and that these dates you're you're oftentimes finding yourself. And I forget the exact wording you use, but I'll try to get it close or get the sentiment at least right. You start it by saying that you go on these dates and they're just not it, that there's something about them that's just like missing the mark. But the characteristics that you just described are things that you know, I think most people only find out after many dates and maybe many months together. And so let's go backwards and talk about some of your dating history. What are some of the like non negotiable red flags that are popping up on these early dates that you're saying, Nope, I'm done, can't do it anymore.
00:08:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like some red flags for me are so when I meet someone, I really definitely pay attention on how they treat their families, especially if they have like sisters or if they're close to their mom. Like, I definitely pay attention to those relationships because I feel like it doesn't say how they're gonna treat you. But I also feel like like if they're close, like my experience, if a guy is like really close to their sister, like, they're gonna treat you pretty good. And if they're like not and have a bad relationship with their sisters, they're gonna be the souls to be honest, And that's what I have found out, so I feel like really like paying attention to how they go about life and how they treat even like aside from family, Like if you go to a restaurant and they're mean to the waiters or they don't do twenty percent, it's like, okay, we are we the same?
00:09:10
Speaker 1: No, okay, but some of the reading of these situations are if they're close to their family. I get the waiter thing. I think that's a great read. I think it's a great first day read. I think it's a great I.
00:09:20
Speaker 2: Read that is such a good, great read on like sure, yeah.
00:09:24
Speaker 1: How do you treat the people that are caring for you, that are providing you this hospitality and this service? Awesome? But what other things are kind of standing out to you in the course of dating that are turnofs Because I'm sure positive in fact, that you've met somebody who is great to the staff, that is kind to you, that's saying all the right things, but you're still feeling like yet not it.
00:09:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well if we're gonna get yeah, okay. I feel like when I am talking to someone, okay, if I'm like on edge all the time, like if I'm like, when are they going to text back, and I'm going to my friends, I'm like, oh my gosh, they said this, Like what do I say? Like, what should I do? What should I say? I feel like that's like such a big in my head. I know that it's like if you're thinking that, like you should maybe like take a step back and be like, is it that serious, Because like, at the end of the day, you should if you really like someone and you feel like they're vibing with you, you should be like, I'm going to say what I want. It doesn't matter, like they're going to text back when they want to text back. But I feel like a lot of the times, like if I am thinking about, you know, when are they going to text back? What are they going to text back? And what am I going to respond? I feel like that's like a red flag for me.
00:10:46
Speaker 1: And I think that comes from a place of security too. If they're the right person and you know they're the right person and you know their character, there won't be those concerns because communication will be clear or you'll have the best and you know, with your expectations of them will always lean on the side of hey, something had to have happened that they're distracted and they just can't, but goodness, they'd want to be messaging me.
00:11:12
Speaker 2: See. And that's why I feel like I've given up on dating because I was before, like I honestly have not talked to someone seriously for like a year, and that's because, like I feel like I was so in my head about everything, like and it was breaking me down. Like I was like, oh my gosh, like I am like, this is not who I am, This is not how I am in a relationship. And so I was like I took a step back because I'm like, why am I being like this? Like I don't understand why, but I think at the end of the day, like I knew that he didn't like me the way that I did, and so it was making me insecure and it was just like not a good situationship. And because of that, I feel like I haven't gotten in, like I haven't tried to get into a better one because I've just been like trying to better myself and like being able to get to the point where I can be good. Yeah does that make sense?
00:12:04
Speaker 1: It does.
00:12:05
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:12:05
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna lean in as we close up here, and some rapid fire questions kind of relating to what you just said. You said you've given up on dating. Is that still true today?
00:12:16
Speaker 2: Kinda yeah, I have not been trying to date at all.
00:12:21
Speaker 1: When is the last time you're in what you would consider a semi serious relationship?
00:12:26
Speaker 2: This is so embarrassing. It was so long ago. Honestly two years ago, so probably like five months before that.
00:12:36
Speaker 1: Five months a long time, so over two and a half years.
00:12:40
Speaker 2: Right, is that? Right? Was paradise two years ago?
00:12:42
Speaker 1: I wasn't there. I don't know, I don't I have no idea Easton would know. Eastan's a big fan of the show. He would know exactly.
00:12:49
Speaker 2: When you're on his head. It's been two years. Unfortunately, it has been two years for me.
00:12:55
Speaker 1: I don't think that's embarrassing at all. In your cities, I think that's beautiful. And that's remember this, And I don't know if this will be helpful or hurtful or whatever, but it's my story and so I'll share it. I remember laying in my bed one night after my breakup from the show and going, I think I need to be okay with being single forever. I think I just need to get to a place where I'm okay being single forever. I was twenty eight years old at the time, and I remember this whole process and this whole prayer of like, just give me the piece, give me the joy, give me the fulfillment if I'm single forever. And guess what happened. I met my wife like a month later. So I had given up, I had gone over, you know, so long without a serious relationship, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, my wife popped in. And so I think it is it's funny and it's a cliche, but I think it's these moments where we do kind of throw up the white flag and we say, hey, we're done, We're not doing this anymore, that all of a sudden, our hearts change. Question for you is, Okay, you've given up on dating. It's been a long time since you've been in a serious relationship. But the final question is are you willing to try again? Like, if that person comes by, are you willing to at least give it a chance to maybe disrupt all of the past and all of the bad dates that you've had before.
00:14:25
Speaker 2: Yes, I am definitely willing. I feel like it'll take the right guy. It's definitely not going to be easy, but I feel like if a guy comes around that catches my attention and proves to me that he's worth it, then I would definitely give it a try for sure.
00:14:41
Speaker 1: It's all we need to hear. Mercedes, thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks for your vulnerable honesty. The listeners are going to absolutely love it, and I'm very excited to see where this journey goes same.
00:14:53
Speaker 2: I'm super excited. I think it'll be fun