Oct. 17, 2025
“Do You Think You’ve Truly Been Loved?”
Apple Podcasts 
Spotify 
Castro 
RSS Feed Howard Stern asked Jennifer Lopez that very question this week while she was doing press for her new movie “Kiss of the Spider Woman." Her answer surprised a lot of folks and got us thinking about what it means to truly love someone and to be truly loved. Do you know your answer?
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. Sit is Friday, October the seventeenth, and a simple question for you? Do you think you've truly been in love? What is your answer to that question? Because j Lo's answer to that question created all kinds of headlines and now has sparked this conversation on this episode of Amy and TJ Robes. Can you end? Is that a simple question? Do you think you've truly been love? That's different saying have you ever been in love? That's different? That's a Is that a heavy question?
00:00:38
Speaker 2: I think it seems simple on its face, and yet once you've lived enough life and have had enough relationships, it actually becomes a complicated question. But I don't think that's a bad thing. I think it's actually really cool.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, I'll ask you. You've seen more of the headlines and are they are they questioning and saying about j Lo? You know, what is the feedback or what is the reaction to her doing this? Howard Stern interview. He asked her that question and her response to it. What is the reaction to her response?
00:01:10
Speaker 2: I think people are just repeating what she said and wondering what it means, and I think people are taking it actually is very thought provoking because everyone internalizes that. Look, she did a whole movie while she was married to at the time what seemed like the love of her life Ben Affleck when she did a whole movie about love, and it points to the fact that you can think you're in love, and you can think you know what love is, and then when life happens, you actually recognize that you don't know what you don't know. And I just think that answering that question, you might have different answers to that question at different parts or phases or points in your life.
00:01:53
Speaker 1: Okay, see mine was it that? That's what you're saying makes sense, But that's oftentimes when somebody asks you if you have truly been in love? I was interested in this answer. If you think you have truly been in love? That was a different question. It made me been loved. Excuse me, that made me stop and think about this whole question in relationships differently. I can answer for me very easily, right, and most people listening, have you ever been in love? Boom boom boom boom boom, have you truly been loved? That's stop and think about that. And for a woman who's been through at least relationship wise. I mean, I see like I know more about her relationship history than I know about my own sometimes because her stuff has been out there so much. But I thought she did give an interesting answer to it. And I was surprised when you brought this to my attention, just how much has been talked about she did. How long was the interview with howidch S turned hour and a half.
00:02:47
Speaker 3: It was very in depth.
00:02:49
Speaker 2: It was one of the most, if not the most in depth interview I've ever seen her give.
00:02:54
Speaker 3: Annie. I've been lucky.
00:02:56
Speaker 2: Enough to interview her twice, and you know, you get like a fifteen minute time limit.
00:02:59
Speaker 3: I guess that you don't want to.
00:03:01
Speaker 2: Get too many people asking you too many questions unless you fully trust them. And so I think she really believes she's on a campaign here promoting her new movie, The Kiss of the Spider Woman, and she's getting rave reviews, and I think maybe she's feeling successful in this new movie and feeling good and proud of the work she's done since the divorce with Ben, that she finally sat down with someone in depth that she trusts or knows, Howard Stern, And she actually was very insightful in a way I have not and not performative and not prepared and not planned and canned and had these prepped responses. I felt like we were really hearing her bear her soul, which was really cool.
00:03:40
Speaker 1: And we heard from her on the question about true love. Now, this is a woman Rose, and I applaud I applaud anybody like her who has had her or him who's had right. Love keeps knocking you down and you get back up. Right. She's been knocked down four times, you could argue, now I would applaud her if she decided to get married at fifth time, to hear her keep going for it. And I've always applauded what does that mean? Someone have different opinions of it, but all she's been through, I would like to give her a credit for being a hopeless romantic. Is that too fantastical on my part?
00:04:21
Speaker 2: No? And I think that part of the I think the naysayers, the people who are looking at it with skepticism, are saying, Okay, she just doesn't know what love is. She wants the feeling of excitement and the thrill of new love, and that like romantic. Oh okay, that romantically to continue and when it dies, when it goes away, which it inevitably does.
00:04:44
Speaker 3: That's not what she is chasing.
00:04:46
Speaker 2: Isn't love, it's the feeling of being in love, of being infatuated. That actual love isn't glamorous or sexy or hot all the time. It's actually tough and hard, and it making the choices that you stick with someone, and you invest in someone, and you respect someone and all of that. So I'm not saying that she hasn't done all of those things. I'm just saying that's I think what the naysayers would say that anyone who's been married that many times.
00:05:13
Speaker 3: And look, we're knocking, we're right behind her.
00:05:16
Speaker 2: So I'm not throwing stones in any way, I understand, but I think we get it from a different perspective, and that you can have the best of intentions and you can actually believe that love is hard work, and that love is what comes after the infatuation. It's what comes after the commitment. But still, if you haven't found the right person, I applaud someone who says this isn't right for me. I thought it was in the moment, and I'm gonna keep looking for it.
00:05:41
Speaker 1: It doesn't a right person. That gets into the issue here with her is it's not a matter of who's the right person. Are you the right person for me? Or I'm not the right person for you? And that's too often what we look at in the conversation is that something's wrong with the people I am picking and nothing is wrong with me. She seems a little reflective, correct.
00:05:59
Speaker 2: And I think that is one of the beautiful things that comes from experience that you gain and wisdom that you gain from having had some relationships that didn't work out the way you wanted them to. And you and I can speak to this directly. I really do believe that. But so much of what she said actually truly resonated with me. When Howard Stern asked you still believe in true love? She said, yes, I agree. Do you still believe in true love?
00:06:25
Speaker 1: See that's what that true right? That word is key. Do you believe in love? Do you believe in true love? True love feels very princess bridish to me. True love puts you immediately into this fantastical world of what love is supposed to that we've been told from story books is supposed to look like. And I think true love is a is not. Yes, I believe in it, but nowhere close to the definitions of and given my whole life, my true love looks like sacrifice, My true life of looks like pain, it looks like h it looks like trial and error. Love is ugly and messy and hard as hell. And when you're still standing and you're still standing with that person, and you still like that person, I have experienced true love. Now that's just other people's definition. Now what he was meaning, I think he was meaning it in the way that most people.
00:07:31
Speaker 2: Do, don't they look Yeah, And he has a long marriage, so I mean he's experienced all of those ups and downs. And I love that he wished her that experience as well. And I think I think everyone looks at other people's relationship through the lens of.
00:07:48
Speaker 3: Their relationships and their experience.
00:07:50
Speaker 2: And having had several of them now and you as well, I can now say that each one has taught me so many things about myself, about what where I still needed to grow, and then also recognizing that it's important.
00:08:09
Speaker 3: And she talks.
00:08:10
Speaker 2: About this, to love yourself, to recognize what you need and a partner, And I think when I know, having rushed in early on and rushed in for lots of different reasons. Sometimes we don't consider what we need or what we actually want because we don't know ourselves, because we haven't taken the time to love and invest and reflect. And she is talking about doing all of these things now. And look, some people, my mom and dad have said this. They got lucky, right, They didn't know anything at eighteen, but they just so happened to And look, their marriage has been has had plenty of ups and downs. It hasn't No one has a marriage that's been easy or breezy or just full of rainbows and butterflies and unicorns.
00:08:52
Speaker 3: So yes, it's hard.
00:08:54
Speaker 2: But when you have the right person who you like and you respect, that is what Those are the tooth that I did not know to invest in that those were actually the cornerstones.
00:09:04
Speaker 3: The foundation. Attraction is important.
00:09:08
Speaker 2: Yes, only initially, only initially agreed, because.
00:09:12
Speaker 1: See, people who you are wildly attracted to get ugly after two weeks once you get to know them. Four weeks, hell yeah, after four years, and ugliest individual you've ever seen, you like.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly, So I think, I mean, it's taken some.
00:09:26
Speaker 3: Time, but what I have learned is man.
00:09:29
Speaker 2: If you like that person and you respect that person, that is the foundation. And I do think you do need to be attracted to that person, of course, but more important because I think you can become attracted to somebody who you like and respect, yes, and you can be attracted to somebody you end up disliking and despising. So I think you know and the people are so duh. But okay, I learned it the hard way, and I see j Loo doing the same thing.
00:09:56
Speaker 1: Yes, but sometimes you do learn through trial and error. You have to let well, I say trial and er what was called experience And look, we make a lot of us. Make you do the best you can with the information you have, and maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't. Sometimes you hope for the best, and then other times you understand that hope shouldn't be a strategy after you learn a little more and go nope, I've seen this one before. I know not to do that. And that's what it is. It's just she's had to live it in such a public way. She continues to live in such a public way. And yes, people will bat their eyes or roll their eyes or whatever, but so many folks go through what she's going through in private. This is very difficult stuff to learn about yourself, to go through terrible relationships sometimes to make those mistakes, to see yourself. She has. Let's to your point. She made a movie about how in love. She was a documented two different movies essentially about a relationship that now she's divorced from that game that's awful and she's having to go through it and still sitting there saying hell, yeah, I believe in true love. I love that power to your system.
00:11:03
Speaker 2: So and I also think that you know, I think, and I love. I don't think she's ever said this, and you and I would neither. None of the relationships that got you to where you are today were mistakes because you learned who you were, what you didn't want, what you didn't like, and you took that with you and it helped you grow. And so they're not mistakes. They're just a part of the journey. And I think that's important.
00:11:31
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of mistakes in my journey. So I know what you're saying, but it's it's a lesson. As long as you don't do that thing again, you can correct, you can say it's not a mistake as long as you don't do it again. The things that got j Lo and we talked about the thing that's making the most headlines ropes is when she was on wasn't just about believing in love? I thought it was interesting. Do you think you've truly been loved? She immediate said no.
00:12:00
Speaker 2: No.
00:12:01
Speaker 1: She expounded on that, and we'll tell you the whole quote. Do you think you've truly been loved? She's a fifty three fifty four years five, a five year old woman who's been married four times, and the answer to the question do you think you've truly been loved? Is no. Now I think a lot. That might be surprising or shocking initially, but after I take a beat, certainly after I hear the rest of her answer, I go wow. I could see why she'd say.
00:12:31
Speaker 3: That, babe.
00:12:32
Speaker 2: It resonated with me immediately. And she's fifty six, by the way, I just looked it up. I mean, she looks like she's thirty six, so it's hard to know how old she is. The woman is spectacular physically, she's gorgeous. And do you think you've truly been loved? Her answer was no. I actually felt emotional when I heard this.
00:12:52
Speaker 3: Because I get it.
00:12:53
Speaker 2: I think, especially when you're someone like j Lo and you look the way you look and you've had the success you've had, I have said this. I'm not comparing myself in any way to her, but I think I have said the same sentiment, where you feel like someone has been in love with the idea of you, but that when they actually meet all of you, the messy parts of you, the ugly parts of you, the not so likable parts of you, when you don't feel like you've had that person, you haven't been truly loved. Because we're all not the best version of ourselves. We are messy, we're a work in progress, and sometimes we're hard to love. And I thought that was a really honest, scary answer to give that really resonates with a lot of people.
00:13:43
Speaker 1: You know. I'm looking her quote here and what she's saying she wasn't love. She was talking about them not being capable. That was, and I'm trying to put that with your point, But she went farther in her answer and that she spoke of them not being capable of loving her. But then she took some responsibility for not loving herself and not knowing who she was, how do you balance that? How are you supposed to make sense of, like to you what you just said when people have to love all of you and not in some of the parts that aren't so good. But then there's also a responsibility that she seems to take, and some people, through their own work, understand that some of the stuff they're giving off. How would you expect somebody to love that?
00:14:33
Speaker 2: Right?
00:14:33
Speaker 1: People say this is just who I am. You gotta love who I am. It drives me crazy to hear that, because that's a suggestion that there's nothing about you could make you a better mate, Like there's nothing you should change about yourself or consider even about yourself that would make you a better partner in a relationship that gets problematic.
00:14:50
Speaker 3: That's a red flag for me.
00:14:51
Speaker 2: If someone says this is just who I am, that is implying or actually directly stating I am who I am and I'm not going to change. And I think part of what I have learned through life is that we have to change, or we need to change. We need to evolve. That's why we're here to grow, and we grow when we learn. We grow when we're in pain, we grow when things are uncomfortable, and it's on each one of us as individuals to be introspective and to figure it out. What I took away from Jalo, which I appreciated. So her quote that's making a bunch of headlines is what I learned. It's not that I'm not lovable, it's that they're not capable. They don't have it in them. They gave me what they had. They gave me all of it every time, all the rings, all the things I could ever want. The house is the rings, the marriage, all of that. The point being is she's recognizing, and she talked about all the work she's done that we all have an individual responsibility to love ourselves, which gives us the capability of loving other people because we understand our own flaws, our own weaknesses, and when we see it in other people reflected, we can show compassion and empathy. And we can on each one of us to give ourselves that compassion. We can't expect it from our partner, and I think a lot of expectations are placed on our significant other. You need to love me no matter what. No, we need to love ourselves no matter what. But to accept the fact that we're tough sometimes to love in moments and you give each other grace. But that only when both partners are in that space. It works when one is and the other isn't. It doesn't period.
00:16:25
Speaker 1: It's hard. I was very surprised to hear it's certainly possible, because I was late thirties, early forties before I figured a whole bunch of stuff out about myself and what I need to do differently. But she's been through this much. To hear her, like you said, it's fifty six, you just said to have the now four marriages under her belt, I mean how many there were a couple engagements as well. I mean she was engaged to a Rod I think for a little.
00:16:50
Speaker 2: Bit as for a while she was engaged and Ben she was engaged too before or you know, however many twenty years ago.
00:16:56
Speaker 1: I forgot about that one. Actually, to hear her at fifty six, I think was surprising but also encouraging for her to say, yeah, at this age and all this life I've lived, I just recognized there was more to be done and for me to actually figure out. I applaud that you also look at where along the way were those lessons missed and the just sometimes it happens, it happens later, and that is okay. But that was a part I certainly sat up on and related to and applauded that. I mean, you can't think old dog nu tricks. I'm saying she's old. I'm what I'm saying, she's well set in her ways at fifty plus. To hear her say, yeah, there's some work to be done, says she threw everything at it, therapists and men of the enclergymen and all the stuff to figure out what is going on.
00:17:48
Speaker 2: I think she said she had an individual therapist, a couple's therapists, a spiritual advisor, a health coach, like I mean, and I get that, like trying to seek the answers, but they're they're all within.
00:17:59
Speaker 1: But it was another quote that she gave folks in which she said it was the best thing in her life that has ever and could have happened to her. Would you believe what it is? You might have guessed already.
00:18:16
Speaker 2: Stay here, continuing now on our conversation about j Lowe opening up to Howard Stern in a real and I really think vulnerable and inspirational way. It certainly spoke to me and I think it probably spoke to a lot of folks. Yes, there are the headlines and the clickbait about it seemed as though she was saying that her husbands didn't know or weren't capable of loving her.
00:18:50
Speaker 3: It's so much deeper than that.
00:18:52
Speaker 2: You know. We see the headlines and we think, oh, wow, she's blaming them.
00:18:55
Speaker 3: No she's not.
00:18:56
Speaker 2: She took total responsibility in her role in all of these relationships, and I just thought it was so interesting for anybody who is in between relationships, coming out of one, going into one. There are lessons to be learned from anyone who has walked life in the way she has in a public way, but is willing to be introspective and willing to take a look at her role and everything. And when she said, because we were so personally devastated, teaj, you made no bones about this. When she and Ben got divorced, we just kept hoping that it was temporary, that maybe they just had a falling out and they were going to come back together, because it just seemed like such an incredible love story twenty years in the making. But she said, when I got divorced this last time, it was the best thing to ever happen to me. Most people would think it's the opposite. But because she was at her lowest, and again the movies that were out, the pressure of them to finally live out their fairy tale dreams is overwhelming.
00:20:00
Speaker 3: It seemed devastating.
00:20:02
Speaker 2: But she said because of that, it made she said, it really made me journey into and this is what she said. I had a religious coach, a therapist, a couple's therapist, an individual therapist.
00:20:13
Speaker 3: I had a coach to understand addiction.
00:20:14
Speaker 2: I had everything, and I was like, I'm going to figure this shit out if it kills me. When you hit rock bottom, you are forced to look inward.
00:20:23
Speaker 3: Period.
00:20:24
Speaker 1: Maybe that's where maybe this was the empathus that finally got her to do that work she's talking about. And she sounded as passionate and sincere and comfortable and all she's talking about. Look, and we know she's a good she's good with press. She's had everything thrown at her, she knows all the tricks. But she looked different and sounded different with Howard Starn that she would have on a broadcast news morning show. She was different. I won't say she's completely off guard, but this was an in depth interview. I learned a little bit. I don't know how much about her, but I certainly learned about where she is now, and then a lot of it can relate to. But I'm hopeful for and room for for the next thing and whoever she ends up dating.
00:21:09
Speaker 2: Next, I do too, And I do think that when you go through shit in life, you either are buried by it or you rise up a better version of yourself. And it does seem like she is in the ladder of the two, and I appreciated when she talked about the former relationship she was in. She said, I think they all saw and wanted to see me, and they got that glimpse and then their own version of that for them is what God in the way. I think we do have expectations that we place on the people we're with, and especially if you're someone like j Lo, where you think you have, wow, I'm dating this person or I'm married to this person who is X, and you let that be the expectation. And if it doesn't rise up to that, or if something departs from what you think it should be out, or you're offended or you're upset. And I really get that. I understand what she's saying. That we all place expectations of what we think another person should be like, and if they don't meet them, we're angry, we're upset, and it causes friction and problems. And the point is if you can actually be in tune with yourself and recognize why you feel upset or why you're upset what someone else said, it's all about at the end of the day, it's about how you feel about yourself and it's projected onto other people.
00:22:30
Speaker 1: Well, look, JL, maybe she got to figure it out better late than other never and do you think so? Just to but it's just an interesting question then, I guess if all of you ask yourselves that question, I'm curious how you would answer it. Do you think you've truly been loved? And with that, folks, always appreciate you hanging with us for a little bit on this Friday going into the weekend. I hope this question didn't start fights in the house for the weekend, but I always appreciate you hanging with aus. I'm TJ home to behalf of my partner Amy Roback will talk to us soon.
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. Sit is Friday, October the seventeenth, and a simple question for you? Do you think you've truly been in love? What is your answer to that question? Because j Lo's answer to that question created all kinds of headlines and now has sparked this conversation on this episode of Amy and TJ Robes. Can you end? Is that a simple question? Do you think you've truly been love? That's different saying have you ever been in love? That's different? That's a Is that a heavy question?
00:00:38
Speaker 2: I think it seems simple on its face, and yet once you've lived enough life and have had enough relationships, it actually becomes a complicated question. But I don't think that's a bad thing. I think it's actually really cool.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, I'll ask you. You've seen more of the headlines and are they are they questioning and saying about j Lo? You know, what is the feedback or what is the reaction to her doing this? Howard Stern interview. He asked her that question and her response to it. What is the reaction to her response?
00:01:10
Speaker 2: I think people are just repeating what she said and wondering what it means, and I think people are taking it actually is very thought provoking because everyone internalizes that. Look, she did a whole movie while she was married to at the time what seemed like the love of her life Ben Affleck when she did a whole movie about love, and it points to the fact that you can think you're in love, and you can think you know what love is, and then when life happens, you actually recognize that you don't know what you don't know. And I just think that answering that question, you might have different answers to that question at different parts or phases or points in your life.
00:01:53
Speaker 1: Okay, see mine was it that? That's what you're saying makes sense, But that's oftentimes when somebody asks you if you have truly been in love? I was interested in this answer. If you think you have truly been in love? That was a different question. It made me been loved. Excuse me, that made me stop and think about this whole question in relationships differently. I can answer for me very easily, right, and most people listening, have you ever been in love? Boom boom boom boom boom, have you truly been loved? That's stop and think about that. And for a woman who's been through at least relationship wise. I mean, I see like I know more about her relationship history than I know about my own sometimes because her stuff has been out there so much. But I thought she did give an interesting answer to it. And I was surprised when you brought this to my attention, just how much has been talked about she did. How long was the interview with howidch S turned hour and a half.
00:02:47
Speaker 3: It was very in depth.
00:02:49
Speaker 2: It was one of the most, if not the most in depth interview I've ever seen her give.
00:02:54
Speaker 3: Annie. I've been lucky.
00:02:56
Speaker 2: Enough to interview her twice, and you know, you get like a fifteen minute time limit.
00:02:59
Speaker 3: I guess that you don't want to.
00:03:01
Speaker 2: Get too many people asking you too many questions unless you fully trust them. And so I think she really believes she's on a campaign here promoting her new movie, The Kiss of the Spider Woman, and she's getting rave reviews, and I think maybe she's feeling successful in this new movie and feeling good and proud of the work she's done since the divorce with Ben, that she finally sat down with someone in depth that she trusts or knows, Howard Stern, And she actually was very insightful in a way I have not and not performative and not prepared and not planned and canned and had these prepped responses. I felt like we were really hearing her bear her soul, which was really cool.
00:03:40
Speaker 1: And we heard from her on the question about true love. Now, this is a woman Rose, and I applaud I applaud anybody like her who has had her or him who's had right. Love keeps knocking you down and you get back up. Right. She's been knocked down four times, you could argue, now I would applaud her if she decided to get married at fifth time, to hear her keep going for it. And I've always applauded what does that mean? Someone have different opinions of it, but all she's been through, I would like to give her a credit for being a hopeless romantic. Is that too fantastical on my part?
00:04:21
Speaker 2: No? And I think that part of the I think the naysayers, the people who are looking at it with skepticism, are saying, Okay, she just doesn't know what love is. She wants the feeling of excitement and the thrill of new love, and that like romantic. Oh okay, that romantically to continue and when it dies, when it goes away, which it inevitably does.
00:04:44
Speaker 3: That's not what she is chasing.
00:04:46
Speaker 2: Isn't love, it's the feeling of being in love, of being infatuated. That actual love isn't glamorous or sexy or hot all the time. It's actually tough and hard, and it making the choices that you stick with someone, and you invest in someone, and you respect someone and all of that. So I'm not saying that she hasn't done all of those things. I'm just saying that's I think what the naysayers would say that anyone who's been married that many times.
00:05:13
Speaker 3: And look, we're knocking, we're right behind her.
00:05:16
Speaker 2: So I'm not throwing stones in any way, I understand, but I think we get it from a different perspective, and that you can have the best of intentions and you can actually believe that love is hard work, and that love is what comes after the infatuation. It's what comes after the commitment. But still, if you haven't found the right person, I applaud someone who says this isn't right for me. I thought it was in the moment, and I'm gonna keep looking for it.
00:05:41
Speaker 1: It doesn't a right person. That gets into the issue here with her is it's not a matter of who's the right person. Are you the right person for me? Or I'm not the right person for you? And that's too often what we look at in the conversation is that something's wrong with the people I am picking and nothing is wrong with me. She seems a little reflective, correct.
00:05:59
Speaker 2: And I think that is one of the beautiful things that comes from experience that you gain and wisdom that you gain from having had some relationships that didn't work out the way you wanted them to. And you and I can speak to this directly. I really do believe that. But so much of what she said actually truly resonated with me. When Howard Stern asked you still believe in true love? She said, yes, I agree. Do you still believe in true love?
00:06:25
Speaker 1: See that's what that true right? That word is key. Do you believe in love? Do you believe in true love? True love feels very princess bridish to me. True love puts you immediately into this fantastical world of what love is supposed to that we've been told from story books is supposed to look like. And I think true love is a is not. Yes, I believe in it, but nowhere close to the definitions of and given my whole life, my true love looks like sacrifice, My true life of looks like pain, it looks like h it looks like trial and error. Love is ugly and messy and hard as hell. And when you're still standing and you're still standing with that person, and you still like that person, I have experienced true love. Now that's just other people's definition. Now what he was meaning, I think he was meaning it in the way that most people.
00:07:31
Speaker 2: Do, don't they look Yeah, And he has a long marriage, so I mean he's experienced all of those ups and downs. And I love that he wished her that experience as well. And I think I think everyone looks at other people's relationship through the lens of.
00:07:48
Speaker 3: Their relationships and their experience.
00:07:50
Speaker 2: And having had several of them now and you as well, I can now say that each one has taught me so many things about myself, about what where I still needed to grow, and then also recognizing that it's important.
00:08:09
Speaker 3: And she talks.
00:08:10
Speaker 2: About this, to love yourself, to recognize what you need and a partner, And I think when I know, having rushed in early on and rushed in for lots of different reasons. Sometimes we don't consider what we need or what we actually want because we don't know ourselves, because we haven't taken the time to love and invest and reflect. And she is talking about doing all of these things now. And look, some people, my mom and dad have said this. They got lucky, right, They didn't know anything at eighteen, but they just so happened to And look, their marriage has been has had plenty of ups and downs. It hasn't No one has a marriage that's been easy or breezy or just full of rainbows and butterflies and unicorns.
00:08:52
Speaker 3: So yes, it's hard.
00:08:54
Speaker 2: But when you have the right person who you like and you respect, that is what Those are the tooth that I did not know to invest in that those were actually the cornerstones.
00:09:04
Speaker 3: The foundation. Attraction is important.
00:09:08
Speaker 2: Yes, only initially, only initially agreed, because.
00:09:12
Speaker 1: See, people who you are wildly attracted to get ugly after two weeks once you get to know them. Four weeks, hell yeah, after four years, and ugliest individual you've ever seen, you like.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly, So I think, I mean, it's taken some.
00:09:26
Speaker 3: Time, but what I have learned is man.
00:09:29
Speaker 2: If you like that person and you respect that person, that is the foundation. And I do think you do need to be attracted to that person, of course, but more important because I think you can become attracted to somebody who you like and respect, yes, and you can be attracted to somebody you end up disliking and despising. So I think you know and the people are so duh. But okay, I learned it the hard way, and I see j Loo doing the same thing.
00:09:56
Speaker 1: Yes, but sometimes you do learn through trial and error. You have to let well, I say trial and er what was called experience And look, we make a lot of us. Make you do the best you can with the information you have, and maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't. Sometimes you hope for the best, and then other times you understand that hope shouldn't be a strategy after you learn a little more and go nope, I've seen this one before. I know not to do that. And that's what it is. It's just she's had to live it in such a public way. She continues to live in such a public way. And yes, people will bat their eyes or roll their eyes or whatever, but so many folks go through what she's going through in private. This is very difficult stuff to learn about yourself, to go through terrible relationships sometimes to make those mistakes, to see yourself. She has. Let's to your point. She made a movie about how in love. She was a documented two different movies essentially about a relationship that now she's divorced from that game that's awful and she's having to go through it and still sitting there saying hell, yeah, I believe in true love. I love that power to your system.
00:11:03
Speaker 2: So and I also think that you know, I think, and I love. I don't think she's ever said this, and you and I would neither. None of the relationships that got you to where you are today were mistakes because you learned who you were, what you didn't want, what you didn't like, and you took that with you and it helped you grow. And so they're not mistakes. They're just a part of the journey. And I think that's important.
00:11:31
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of mistakes in my journey. So I know what you're saying, but it's it's a lesson. As long as you don't do that thing again, you can correct, you can say it's not a mistake as long as you don't do it again. The things that got j Lo and we talked about the thing that's making the most headlines ropes is when she was on wasn't just about believing in love? I thought it was interesting. Do you think you've truly been loved? She immediate said no.
00:12:00
Speaker 2: No.
00:12:01
Speaker 1: She expounded on that, and we'll tell you the whole quote. Do you think you've truly been loved? She's a fifty three fifty four years five, a five year old woman who's been married four times, and the answer to the question do you think you've truly been loved? Is no. Now I think a lot. That might be surprising or shocking initially, but after I take a beat, certainly after I hear the rest of her answer, I go wow. I could see why she'd say.
00:12:31
Speaker 3: That, babe.
00:12:32
Speaker 2: It resonated with me immediately. And she's fifty six, by the way, I just looked it up. I mean, she looks like she's thirty six, so it's hard to know how old she is. The woman is spectacular physically, she's gorgeous. And do you think you've truly been loved? Her answer was no. I actually felt emotional when I heard this.
00:12:52
Speaker 3: Because I get it.
00:12:53
Speaker 2: I think, especially when you're someone like j Lo and you look the way you look and you've had the success you've had, I have said this. I'm not comparing myself in any way to her, but I think I have said the same sentiment, where you feel like someone has been in love with the idea of you, but that when they actually meet all of you, the messy parts of you, the ugly parts of you, the not so likable parts of you, when you don't feel like you've had that person, you haven't been truly loved. Because we're all not the best version of ourselves. We are messy, we're a work in progress, and sometimes we're hard to love. And I thought that was a really honest, scary answer to give that really resonates with a lot of people.
00:13:43
Speaker 1: You know. I'm looking her quote here and what she's saying she wasn't love. She was talking about them not being capable. That was, and I'm trying to put that with your point, But she went farther in her answer and that she spoke of them not being capable of loving her. But then she took some responsibility for not loving herself and not knowing who she was, how do you balance that? How are you supposed to make sense of, like to you what you just said when people have to love all of you and not in some of the parts that aren't so good. But then there's also a responsibility that she seems to take, and some people, through their own work, understand that some of the stuff they're giving off. How would you expect somebody to love that?
00:14:33
Speaker 2: Right?
00:14:33
Speaker 1: People say this is just who I am. You gotta love who I am. It drives me crazy to hear that, because that's a suggestion that there's nothing about you could make you a better mate, Like there's nothing you should change about yourself or consider even about yourself that would make you a better partner in a relationship that gets problematic.
00:14:50
Speaker 3: That's a red flag for me.
00:14:51
Speaker 2: If someone says this is just who I am, that is implying or actually directly stating I am who I am and I'm not going to change. And I think part of what I have learned through life is that we have to change, or we need to change. We need to evolve. That's why we're here to grow, and we grow when we learn. We grow when we're in pain, we grow when things are uncomfortable, and it's on each one of us as individuals to be introspective and to figure it out. What I took away from Jalo, which I appreciated. So her quote that's making a bunch of headlines is what I learned. It's not that I'm not lovable, it's that they're not capable. They don't have it in them. They gave me what they had. They gave me all of it every time, all the rings, all the things I could ever want. The house is the rings, the marriage, all of that. The point being is she's recognizing, and she talked about all the work she's done that we all have an individual responsibility to love ourselves, which gives us the capability of loving other people because we understand our own flaws, our own weaknesses, and when we see it in other people reflected, we can show compassion and empathy. And we can on each one of us to give ourselves that compassion. We can't expect it from our partner, and I think a lot of expectations are placed on our significant other. You need to love me no matter what. No, we need to love ourselves no matter what. But to accept the fact that we're tough sometimes to love in moments and you give each other grace. But that only when both partners are in that space. It works when one is and the other isn't. It doesn't period.
00:16:25
Speaker 1: It's hard. I was very surprised to hear it's certainly possible, because I was late thirties, early forties before I figured a whole bunch of stuff out about myself and what I need to do differently. But she's been through this much. To hear her, like you said, it's fifty six, you just said to have the now four marriages under her belt, I mean how many there were a couple engagements as well. I mean she was engaged to a Rod I think for a little.
00:16:50
Speaker 2: Bit as for a while she was engaged and Ben she was engaged too before or you know, however many twenty years ago.
00:16:56
Speaker 1: I forgot about that one. Actually, to hear her at fifty six, I think was surprising but also encouraging for her to say, yeah, at this age and all this life I've lived, I just recognized there was more to be done and for me to actually figure out. I applaud that you also look at where along the way were those lessons missed and the just sometimes it happens, it happens later, and that is okay. But that was a part I certainly sat up on and related to and applauded that. I mean, you can't think old dog nu tricks. I'm saying she's old. I'm what I'm saying, she's well set in her ways at fifty plus. To hear her say, yeah, there's some work to be done, says she threw everything at it, therapists and men of the enclergymen and all the stuff to figure out what is going on.
00:17:48
Speaker 2: I think she said she had an individual therapist, a couple's therapists, a spiritual advisor, a health coach, like I mean, and I get that, like trying to seek the answers, but they're they're all within.
00:17:59
Speaker 1: But it was another quote that she gave folks in which she said it was the best thing in her life that has ever and could have happened to her. Would you believe what it is? You might have guessed already.
00:18:16
Speaker 2: Stay here, continuing now on our conversation about j Lowe opening up to Howard Stern in a real and I really think vulnerable and inspirational way. It certainly spoke to me and I think it probably spoke to a lot of folks. Yes, there are the headlines and the clickbait about it seemed as though she was saying that her husbands didn't know or weren't capable of loving her.
00:18:50
Speaker 3: It's so much deeper than that.
00:18:52
Speaker 2: You know. We see the headlines and we think, oh, wow, she's blaming them.
00:18:55
Speaker 3: No she's not.
00:18:56
Speaker 2: She took total responsibility in her role in all of these relationships, and I just thought it was so interesting for anybody who is in between relationships, coming out of one, going into one. There are lessons to be learned from anyone who has walked life in the way she has in a public way, but is willing to be introspective and willing to take a look at her role and everything. And when she said, because we were so personally devastated, teaj, you made no bones about this. When she and Ben got divorced, we just kept hoping that it was temporary, that maybe they just had a falling out and they were going to come back together, because it just seemed like such an incredible love story twenty years in the making. But she said, when I got divorced this last time, it was the best thing to ever happen to me. Most people would think it's the opposite. But because she was at her lowest, and again the movies that were out, the pressure of them to finally live out their fairy tale dreams is overwhelming.
00:20:00
Speaker 3: It seemed devastating.
00:20:02
Speaker 2: But she said because of that, it made she said, it really made me journey into and this is what she said. I had a religious coach, a therapist, a couple's therapist, an individual therapist.
00:20:13
Speaker 3: I had a coach to understand addiction.
00:20:14
Speaker 2: I had everything, and I was like, I'm going to figure this shit out if it kills me. When you hit rock bottom, you are forced to look inward.
00:20:23
Speaker 3: Period.
00:20:24
Speaker 1: Maybe that's where maybe this was the empathus that finally got her to do that work she's talking about. And she sounded as passionate and sincere and comfortable and all she's talking about. Look, and we know she's a good she's good with press. She's had everything thrown at her, she knows all the tricks. But she looked different and sounded different with Howard Starn that she would have on a broadcast news morning show. She was different. I won't say she's completely off guard, but this was an in depth interview. I learned a little bit. I don't know how much about her, but I certainly learned about where she is now, and then a lot of it can relate to. But I'm hopeful for and room for for the next thing and whoever she ends up dating.
00:21:09
Speaker 2: Next, I do too, And I do think that when you go through shit in life, you either are buried by it or you rise up a better version of yourself. And it does seem like she is in the ladder of the two, and I appreciated when she talked about the former relationship she was in. She said, I think they all saw and wanted to see me, and they got that glimpse and then their own version of that for them is what God in the way. I think we do have expectations that we place on the people we're with, and especially if you're someone like j Lo, where you think you have, wow, I'm dating this person or I'm married to this person who is X, and you let that be the expectation. And if it doesn't rise up to that, or if something departs from what you think it should be out, or you're offended or you're upset. And I really get that. I understand what she's saying. That we all place expectations of what we think another person should be like, and if they don't meet them, we're angry, we're upset, and it causes friction and problems. And the point is if you can actually be in tune with yourself and recognize why you feel upset or why you're upset what someone else said, it's all about at the end of the day, it's about how you feel about yourself and it's projected onto other people.
00:22:30
Speaker 1: Well, look, JL, maybe she got to figure it out better late than other never and do you think so? Just to but it's just an interesting question then, I guess if all of you ask yourselves that question, I'm curious how you would answer it. Do you think you've truly been loved? And with that, folks, always appreciate you hanging with us for a little bit on this Friday going into the weekend. I hope this question didn't start fights in the house for the weekend, but I always appreciate you hanging with aus. I'm TJ home to behalf of my partner Amy Roback will talk to us soon.