July 18, 2026
Can You Put A Price Tag On Your Relationship?
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RSS Feed A new survey shockingly reveals just how many couples would leave their partner for a lottery jackpot. It even breaks down the results, state by state. We all know financial issues are often listed as the number one cause of most arguments, tension and even divorce. We go over some insightful advice from a financial relationship expert on the conversation you need to have with your partner today!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody. It is Saturday, July eighteenth, and we are discussing the role of money in your relationships. There was an article that was pretty funny. It was conducted by a casino group and they asked the question how much money to leave your lover? They wanted to know how big of a jackpot it would take for you to leave your partner. But it got us thinking and talking about the role of money in our relationships and why it seems to be on every list the number one reason why we fight. And with that, everyone, welcome to Amy and TJ. And this is something actually we have disagreements about a lot of things. Have we ever actually thought about money?
00:00:47
Speaker 2: Probably so because you took some money, a significant chunk of money of ours recently. I don't know where it is or how to access it.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: I'm still I didn't even know what you were hurrying forgotten about that someone.
00:00:59
Speaker 2: Now you brought this because this is one of these And aybody, listen to the podcast that we Every once in a while, Robes will pull out some topics that I am not up on, and these are all surprises to me. So she is introducing this one. So Ropes, I hadn't. I didn't realize we were about to talk about money.
00:01:13
Speaker 3: And since you.
00:01:14
Speaker 2: Brought it up, yeah, you have a bone to pick. Well, I honestly, I guess this is a good place to be in a relationship. You did you have taken a significant chunk of our money put it somewhere, no to benefit us.
00:01:29
Speaker 1: It's insane it invested it.
00:01:30
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:01:31
Speaker 2: So, but what I'm saying to you, if anything breaks down with us today, I have zero way of accessing that money. I have no idea where it is. And yet trust it's.
00:01:41
Speaker 3: Enough that somebody could start a new life.
00:01:44
Speaker 1: Yes. Wait, didn't you see something this week where someone stole money from someone to start a new life and it was seven hundred and fifty dollars.
00:01:52
Speaker 3: It was on one of those true crime shows I was liking.
00:01:55
Speaker 2: But yes, see, he left a note and I'm taking seven hundred and fifty from the account start a new life.
00:02:00
Speaker 3: I assume this is not what you're about to say.
00:02:02
Speaker 1: The number one, and I assume he wasn't living in New York.
00:02:05
Speaker 3: This might have been Arkansas.
00:02:06
Speaker 1: Actually, oh my goodness. BE kind of laughed about that, but yes, full disclosure, that was a fun way to say that, Yes, we actually do have trust because I did obviously ask you beforehand and you said, fine, I trust you. I did send you a link to the account. It just must have expired. So yeah, you don't even know what bank it is. You don't know how to access it. You don't know the password or the username. But I'm happy to share it with you once we're done with this episode.
00:02:31
Speaker 3: One last thing, is my name actually on that account?
00:02:33
Speaker 1: Yes?
00:02:33
Speaker 3: Okay, so I could. So I do have the right to it.
00:02:36
Speaker 1: I did say it was a joint account, and I did put your information in it, your social Security number, all of that. Yes, you do have a right to it. If if we were to split, you would have a legal remedy. You just I could just make it hard for you.
00:02:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh wow, okay, so I guess. So let's start with that. If everybody's listening, if you if this were done in your relationship with your significant other, would.
00:02:58
Speaker 3: You trust it? Would you be okay?
00:03:00
Speaker 2: If the person you are currently in a relationship with took you all's joint money and put it somewhere, would you just say okay, it's fine or be okay?
00:03:08
Speaker 3: I don't know roes.
00:03:09
Speaker 2: A lot of people say that's not good sound financial advice or relationship advice moving.
00:03:15
Speaker 1: Forward, I would say that it points to a level of trust in your relationship. And look, obviously you're joking. We have you can probably go find in your email where the link is, like you couldn't find.
00:03:25
Speaker 3: I'm not joking. I don't know where that money is.
00:03:27
Speaker 1: You're not joking, but I'm saying you're joking in the fact that somehow I just took some money.
00:03:31
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm sorry. No, no, I'm sorry to make sure sure. I didn't know it was coming off that way. No, no, she didn't steal money from me. No, no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying.
00:03:40
Speaker 1: Okay, thanks, just on the record, all right, No, but listen to this. Does this surprise you? Fidelity did a study on finances and relationship and said forty five percent of partners admit that they argue about money at least occasionally, and the National Institutes of Health says forty percent of couples regularly fight about money.
00:04:02
Speaker 3: That makes sense.
00:04:03
Speaker 1: It does isn't always listed, but what are the number one things? Yeah, cause of divorce, money is always way up there. And you think about why people murder people money. I mean, money is the source of pretty much most problems in the world. Well, you think about it, so.
00:04:16
Speaker 2: Financial arguments arguing over money. I would like to see a breakdown of what those arguments are. You're spending too much, you don't make enough, you're not working hard enough, you're being irresponsible.
00:04:27
Speaker 1: Yes, I think it's all of the disagreements on how to make money, how to save money, and how to spend money, and a lot of it is based on how you were brought up, where your insecurities lie, and all of this comes out. I mean, I just actually started thinking about it. Money is the source of pretty much all that's wrong in the world, so why wouldn't that also be the source of so much conflict in relationships. That does make a lot of sense. People are not willing to just get divorced over financial problems. They're willing to kill over it. We maybe have an unhealthy dose of perspective on that, just because we do watch those true crime stories and so often it is about money.
00:05:06
Speaker 3: It's only sex and money.
00:05:08
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of a case with somebody murdered just because they were mad I don't like you anymore? Then, Oh, that was an insurance policy is taken out forty eight hours before the death wait, but.
00:05:20
Speaker 1: One in five primary decision makers admit to feeling resentful about handling financial matters alone. I think what's primary like, I guess it's the person who decides, hey, babe, I'll pay the bills, and maybe you're maybe you're the money maker, but you're a feeling that you have to make all of the decisions alone. It is so weird that we don't communicate about money. We actually don't, and that is a problem We don't generally, I don't say us we don't talk about money a lot. We probably could have better and more communication about money, about what we want to do with it, how we want to spend it.
00:06:00
Speaker 3: We don't plan. We don't.
00:06:01
Speaker 2: Our problem, robe is that we are so like minded. You and I just spend money the same way, and we don't have a problem with the other. If there's anything you want to buy for the house, I get it. You don't need to, Okay that we both eat at the same places, We even places we go to robes, And yes, we have been blessed to be able to go out to eat any time we want to anywhere.
00:06:23
Speaker 3: We want. I still got a problem with a thirty dollars season.
00:06:27
Speaker 1: You know, we were raised the same. We were raised by parents who were like minded, who we didn't. We weren't raised with a lot of money. We were raised with hard working parents who built themselves up from nothing. And truly, that is how I would describe my parents. I think that's how you would describe yours as well.
00:06:43
Speaker 3: But there's always a you hear about it.
00:06:45
Speaker 2: This a poor man's mindset, a poor man's mentality, no matter how much you ever make.
00:06:49
Speaker 3: And I'm that way. I want. I am tilled on. I want a whore to give me all this.
00:06:53
Speaker 2: I want to collect as much as I can, and I don't like I'm trying to think of the most expensive thing. We don't splurge. We splurge on trashery. Yes, but yeah, we sold food and travel. This is why we don't have to have a lot of financial discussions. We do need to talk about this money. You stold that this somewhere that I don't know. But other than that, we're good.
00:07:10
Speaker 1: I would say that it's about the money that I invested for our future.
00:07:13
Speaker 3: There it is, but no, this was interesting.
00:07:15
Speaker 1: There I read a bunch of articles about this because I wanted to get a fuller scope of it. But the New York Times had an article and I love that. I want to meet and talk with this person. He is a financial and relationship expert, so he is good at both. And he gave couples four tips on how to handle finances, and I love his first one. You need to sit down with your partner and define what a shared rich life is. Does that make sense? He says. The most common problem when it comes to money in relationship is the lack of a shared rich life vision. A rich life to one person can mean something different to another. So a rich life could mean traveling two months a year. A rich life could mean being able to buy beautiful things like a cashmere coat or an expensive watch. A rich life could mean having the freedom to take your kids to school every morning. A rich life could mean something very different. So you should have a shared rich life vision. How do we want to feel rich? Basically, how do we want to spend our money? What are our splurges going to be? Is it travel? Is it things? Is it food? Is it a big house?
00:08:27
Speaker 3: But if you're saying rich life, my life is full and it's rich because of things that are a part of it that have nothing to do with finances. That is that one way of looking at it.
00:08:38
Speaker 1: You could, but it's still specifically talking about how you spend your money and why you spend your money, and that is something that people don't sit down and have a conversation about. And so he said, the first thing you do, you start with one good money talk. You actually sit down and say, let's talk about money. And he said, it is shocking how many couples never have a positive conversation about money. It's always a negative or that you're suspicious, or you're resentful, or you don't like how the other person spends. And it's decide to say, we're going to have a positive conversation about money. And I do like that idea that you have an intention behind the conversation, that it's not going to go negative, that it's about a shared vision. And then he said, look, if you don't understand or agree with a big or a small purchase, the other one makes react with curiosity, not disparagement. And this is true with every conflict, but specifically about money. He gave an iced tea example. He said, okay or It could be coffee. You might be annoyed that your your partner goes out every day and buys a, you know, an eight dollars ten dollars latte or iced tea when they can easily make it at home. And so your one partner may say, I want to go get an iced tea. It's my little treat, it's my break in the middle of the day. And the other might be saying, when I grew up, we didn't get iced tea. He made it at home, and so that can be something he'sn't for twenty five years. You could have a couple. He said. He's talked to someone who still were arguing over ice tea after a twenty five year marriage. But they're not actually arguing over the ice tea. It's about how you spend your money. How you get that rich life feeling based on how you use your money. Yeah, you can see how that would happen, and then I this is one of my favorite parts, he said. One of the biggest mistakes people make is they don't they don't know how to spend their money. They know how to earn it, they know how to save it, but the skill of spending money meaningfully. Most people do not learn it, and I think that's so cool. They say, you, actually, the point of money is to use it to live that rich life he's talking about. And he said, yes, you need to save, Yes you need to invest. Obviously, I think we all know that. But part of what having a rich life means is the skill of spending money. So that's what he wants most people to work on as a couple. How are we going to spend our money? Not how we're going to save it, not how we're going to invest it, how we're going to spend it.
00:11:08
Speaker 2: Oh, and then the problem there in lies is that the couple is oftentimes not he wants something, she wants something. He wants a new trek bike. Yes, she wants to go to Sepphora and get the latest whatever. I mean, there's just what do you do? I guess this is all a part of it. Where is that conversation when you're disagreeing about how we spend our money together?
00:11:37
Speaker 3: Don't we have to?
00:11:38
Speaker 2: Is that a sense that you need to okay or give permission to a certain degree. That's a terrible word, but I'm saying, make sure the other person feels okay. With spending money every day on.
00:11:47
Speaker 1: That ic if they want to do right, and I just think there's going to be acknowledgement. This fills my life up. This gives me joy, This makes me happy, This relieves stress. And people might think, why would you pay someone to mo your lawn when you can do it yourself? Is now I have time to relax, Like there are just but these are conversations that almost no one has an eye.
00:12:05
Speaker 3: Well, that's Robes, that's you talk about.
00:12:06
Speaker 2: The reason you and I are on good footing is because we were raised the same.
00:12:11
Speaker 1: That's true, because we were.
00:12:12
Speaker 2: Brought up the same and have its so you don't have to be worn with a silver spoon in your mouth kind of thing. What you just brought up, Robes is a fundamental difference that I think people can't neither side are gonna it's ever going to come around to the other side on the mowing the lawn thing. Yeah, raised in such a way that I can do this, Why don't need to pay somebody? That's money we can have. Like people are firm in that. I'm not gonna change. I was taught that way, yep. But then the other side, Robes, it also makes sense that we make the money so we don't have to do this, and.
00:12:43
Speaker 3: Then we can spend more time together.
00:12:46
Speaker 2: Maybe we could sit down at breakfast together instead of you being out there for two hours.
00:12:49
Speaker 3: On a Saturday.
00:12:50
Speaker 1: Exactly what I'm saying.
00:12:51
Speaker 2: Those two sides, are they ever going to get together and respect each other enough to make what compromise there?
00:12:58
Speaker 1: I think relationship extis. People say yea, but you have to have the conversation first, and you just have to assign the meeting behind it and then understand where your partner's coming from. Look, I think it's interesting you and I with money. I have felt so that's one of the things that I feel so in sync with you on. The only thing that I'm not in sync with you on is your refusal to rent a movie.
00:13:18
Speaker 3: This is what Look.
00:13:19
Speaker 2: Look, I'm a fall on that sword in this relationship and that this will be the dumbest breakup in the history of the world. It's the reason for divorce movie rental.
00:13:28
Speaker 1: He wouldn't let me rent the Amazon Prime Video for three ninety nine.
00:13:32
Speaker 3: Okay, y'all are with me on this, right?
00:13:34
Speaker 1: Just or not?
00:13:35
Speaker 2: This is a quick aside. This won't take any more than thirty seconds. There is an infinite amount of entertainment available to stream. We pay for Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hbo Max, I think three accounts even we just figured that out. We got Hulu, we got everything available. Don't throw in Apple TV Plus and ropes. How much a month are we spending on streaming services? Hundreds a lot, no doubt out hundreds and hundreds of dollars. So it's time to sit down for movie night. And you're telling me those hundreds of dollars. You want me to spend another twenty four to ninety nine to purchase a movie because we can't find one that's available for free.
00:14:15
Speaker 3: That is just a principle.
00:14:17
Speaker 1: It's a principle for you. But I would say if that blockbuster movie came out that we didn't have the chance to see at the theater, and I really want to see it because it just came out for twenty four to ninety nine from my couch. I want to be able to say, you know what, let's rent it. Okay, HEJ says, no.
00:14:34
Speaker 3: This is going to be the end of us. We were somewhere once.
00:14:37
Speaker 2: I swear you made me buy something for like a dollar ninety nine, and I was still uncomfortable.
00:14:42
Speaker 1: You you are a Larry us. But this I just I wanted to say, and then we'll move on after this. But I thought this was a cool thing to think about. He said that he feels like one of the biggest tragedies in life is to basically to end your life with way too much money, never having built the skill of spending it, never having taken the moment to enjoy it. And I did hear one person say, sometimes we all because when we were raised a certain way, we forget that one of the best ways you can spend money, one of the best ways you can bring joy to your life by using money is buying time. And that is outsourcing things that you were taught to do yourself, whether it's cleaning your house or doing the yard work or driving somewhere. If you can actually free up time for you to focus on your family, that actually is a very joyful way to spend your money.
00:15:36
Speaker 3: We should beat that drum more often.
00:15:38
Speaker 2: That is, I think people don't realize how much you do add to your life by getting someone to free up your time to do something more meaningful. And yeah, you're you're you're passing on you're paying somebody else, You're you're employing somebody.
00:15:55
Speaker 1: Everybody wins. I do. I do believe that. All right, when we come back, we're gonna have a little fun. Because I mentioned this at the top, there was a new survey of Americans that was conducted by Casino Guru and apparently it was National Lottery Day on July seventeenth. I didn't know this, but because of that, in honor that, they put out this hilarious poll and the question is, could you put a price on how much you love your partner? We'll give you the results when we come back. Welcome back everyone to this episode of Amy and TJ. We were talking about relationships and money, but there was a funny adjacent story here, and I mentioned it was by Casino Guru. There was a new survey ahead of National Lottery Day and they asked, could you put a price on how much you love your partner? They said most people said no, but they believe everyone's lying because at least twenty five percent admitted that there is a price where they would leave their lover. Is there a price you would say? Someone said, I'll give you twenty million dollars to leave Amy and never see her.
00:17:05
Speaker 3: Again, it had to be much higher.
00:17:09
Speaker 1: There is a price.
00:17:10
Speaker 2: We let's not be ridiculous, offers me a one hundred billion dollars. We have a good last week though, and you and I would immediately start plotting to find a way to see each other again. But you know, even after saying that, I don't, I don't think there is a price. Yes, after saying that out loud, I mean it seems ridiculous to pass up one hundred billion dollars.
00:17:35
Speaker 3: I don't think there's a number.
00:17:36
Speaker 1: The truth is, if you really love someone, there isn't a number. And look, I thought this was a cool quote. Money is never just money, its identity, its security, and maybe it's even a story. But a windfall of money doesn't create unity. It reveals whether there was anything there to begin with. So a lot of times people who win the lottery, you hear these stories where their marriages fall apart, their life falls apart, because this money didn't actually make their life better. It actually exposed so many of their problems in their life to begin with. It's so we all think we want to win the lottery, but actually I mean I do, But you know that there are so many stories of lottery winners where their relationships fall apart.
00:18:17
Speaker 3: Oh, lives fall apart.
00:18:21
Speaker 1: Breed takes over?
00:18:22
Speaker 3: It does man?
00:18:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you should always or there's no amount of money anybody asking them, so you can even take a beat. Just like I played it out for a second. I said, well, I'm sure there is a number, but then after I started name it, actually there's not not previous relationships the number in the five figures.
00:18:39
Speaker 1: Yes, I was just gonna say, it depends on the status of your relationship. And look, we've seen plenty. We've been in plenty, and I know there has actually been dollar amounts that I would have come to. So yes, to have twenty five percent of people say yep, there is a number, and they broke it down state by state, we'll just give you the funny ones. So apparently the guess the state where the most amount of people said they would take any jackpit jackpot? Excuse me, so any lottery winning Say I want a lottery and you have to leave your lover. What state, by far had the most number of respondents say that they would leave their relationship for a jackpot?
00:19:17
Speaker 3: What state has the highest divorce rate?
00:19:19
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't know that. Maybe and maybe that's your answer. I'd have to check it out. I didn't even think to correct. Are of those two Do a quick google, sir.
00:19:26
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of the mindset and the relationships and people and the different states. For whatever reason, I think somewhere in the northeast of the Virginia area, for some reason, sticks out. I want to go away from Florida. I want to go to places that aren't doing financially well. I have questional relationships. What state I don't know. I'll guess I'll go with California, and I want to go somewhere in No. They might be offended by the idea that they would be into money. See, I'm breaking it down too much. Ahead, tell me what the highest number was. Kentucky. I didn't think you were going to get it.
00:20:04
Speaker 1: Kentuckians said they would take any jackpot to walk out the door.
00:20:07
Speaker 3: That's what you think of a place that thirsty.
00:20:11
Speaker 1: Perhaps maybe, but then you named one of them and they weren't far behind. Forty three percent of Floridians say they'd consider ditching their partner, but it depended on the amount.
00:20:23
Speaker 3: Retirees down there.
00:20:24
Speaker 1: Forty two percent said they'd do it for less than ten million Florida retirees. Yep, I don't know if retire retire. It's Floridians, So I think there's so many. That's why I went to Way together for a long and after, like I've lived my life with you. I'll take the money and see how life is without you.
00:20:40
Speaker 2: See, I was thinking the opposite that the retirees wouldn't be so quick to do so well.
00:20:45
Speaker 1: I figure like they've already had enough of that person, and so now they can go live their life and see what's next.
00:20:51
Speaker 3: I should call my mom. I went to her numbers.
00:20:54
Speaker 1: Do you have a number? It's something to ask. Okay, this, I thought, will end on a positive note. There is a state significantly more than the rest that had the most faithful respondents. Is how they put it. Who They said, there is no number where I would leave my partner. What state would that be? For mind, I could see why that'd be a good guess. It was Wisconsin. Seventy nine percent of the respondent said, no, jackpot, no matter the amount, would make them leave their partner.
00:21:22
Speaker 3: And they need that body warmth and need some gets cold in the winter.
00:21:27
Speaker 1: Look, it's just a fun thing. But yeah, maybe this is going to cause an argument or maybe some internal conflict if you actually do ask yourself, is there a number where I would leave my partner? There isn't one for me. I'm not just saying that because you're sitting here.
00:21:42
Speaker 2: I was saying I was trying to. I actually thought I was going to be able to come up with a number. I don't have one now. There is no There's no money that will fulfill my life the way it would be damaged by you not being in it.
00:21:55
Speaker 3: I'm serious. You can't balance that out, no matter, you just can't.
00:21:59
Speaker 1: All right, I can't say anything better than that, So we're gonna end it there. Thank you, baby, that was really really sweet. I love you. And with that, everyone, we hope you have a wonderful Saturday. We always appreciate you listening to us. I Nanny Robot alongside TJ. Holmes will help you. Sa
Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody. It is Saturday, July eighteenth, and we are discussing the role of money in your relationships. There was an article that was pretty funny. It was conducted by a casino group and they asked the question how much money to leave your lover? They wanted to know how big of a jackpot it would take for you to leave your partner. But it got us thinking and talking about the role of money in our relationships and why it seems to be on every list the number one reason why we fight. And with that, everyone, welcome to Amy and TJ. And this is something actually we have disagreements about a lot of things. Have we ever actually thought about money?
00:00:47
Speaker 2: Probably so because you took some money, a significant chunk of money of ours recently. I don't know where it is or how to access it.
00:00:55
Speaker 1: I'm still I didn't even know what you were hurrying forgotten about that someone.
00:00:59
Speaker 2: Now you brought this because this is one of these And aybody, listen to the podcast that we Every once in a while, Robes will pull out some topics that I am not up on, and these are all surprises to me. So she is introducing this one. So Ropes, I hadn't. I didn't realize we were about to talk about money.
00:01:13
Speaker 3: And since you.
00:01:14
Speaker 2: Brought it up, yeah, you have a bone to pick. Well, I honestly, I guess this is a good place to be in a relationship. You did you have taken a significant chunk of our money put it somewhere, no to benefit us.
00:01:29
Speaker 1: It's insane it invested it.
00:01:30
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:01:31
Speaker 2: So, but what I'm saying to you, if anything breaks down with us today, I have zero way of accessing that money. I have no idea where it is. And yet trust it's.
00:01:41
Speaker 3: Enough that somebody could start a new life.
00:01:44
Speaker 1: Yes. Wait, didn't you see something this week where someone stole money from someone to start a new life and it was seven hundred and fifty dollars.
00:01:52
Speaker 3: It was on one of those true crime shows I was liking.
00:01:55
Speaker 2: But yes, see, he left a note and I'm taking seven hundred and fifty from the account start a new life.
00:02:00
Speaker 3: I assume this is not what you're about to say.
00:02:02
Speaker 1: The number one, and I assume he wasn't living in New York.
00:02:05
Speaker 3: This might have been Arkansas.
00:02:06
Speaker 1: Actually, oh my goodness. BE kind of laughed about that, but yes, full disclosure, that was a fun way to say that, Yes, we actually do have trust because I did obviously ask you beforehand and you said, fine, I trust you. I did send you a link to the account. It just must have expired. So yeah, you don't even know what bank it is. You don't know how to access it. You don't know the password or the username. But I'm happy to share it with you once we're done with this episode.
00:02:31
Speaker 3: One last thing, is my name actually on that account?
00:02:33
Speaker 1: Yes?
00:02:33
Speaker 3: Okay, so I could. So I do have the right to it.
00:02:36
Speaker 1: I did say it was a joint account, and I did put your information in it, your social Security number, all of that. Yes, you do have a right to it. If if we were to split, you would have a legal remedy. You just I could just make it hard for you.
00:02:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh wow, okay, so I guess. So let's start with that. If everybody's listening, if you if this were done in your relationship with your significant other, would.
00:02:58
Speaker 3: You trust it? Would you be okay?
00:03:00
Speaker 2: If the person you are currently in a relationship with took you all's joint money and put it somewhere, would you just say okay, it's fine or be okay?
00:03:08
Speaker 3: I don't know roes.
00:03:09
Speaker 2: A lot of people say that's not good sound financial advice or relationship advice moving.
00:03:15
Speaker 1: Forward, I would say that it points to a level of trust in your relationship. And look, obviously you're joking. We have you can probably go find in your email where the link is, like you couldn't find.
00:03:25
Speaker 3: I'm not joking. I don't know where that money is.
00:03:27
Speaker 1: You're not joking, but I'm saying you're joking in the fact that somehow I just took some money.
00:03:31
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm sorry. No, no, I'm sorry to make sure sure. I didn't know it was coming off that way. No, no, she didn't steal money from me. No, no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying.
00:03:40
Speaker 1: Okay, thanks, just on the record, all right, No, but listen to this. Does this surprise you? Fidelity did a study on finances and relationship and said forty five percent of partners admit that they argue about money at least occasionally, and the National Institutes of Health says forty percent of couples regularly fight about money.
00:04:02
Speaker 3: That makes sense.
00:04:03
Speaker 1: It does isn't always listed, but what are the number one things? Yeah, cause of divorce, money is always way up there. And you think about why people murder people money. I mean, money is the source of pretty much most problems in the world. Well, you think about it, so.
00:04:16
Speaker 2: Financial arguments arguing over money. I would like to see a breakdown of what those arguments are. You're spending too much, you don't make enough, you're not working hard enough, you're being irresponsible.
00:04:27
Speaker 1: Yes, I think it's all of the disagreements on how to make money, how to save money, and how to spend money, and a lot of it is based on how you were brought up, where your insecurities lie, and all of this comes out. I mean, I just actually started thinking about it. Money is the source of pretty much all that's wrong in the world, so why wouldn't that also be the source of so much conflict in relationships. That does make a lot of sense. People are not willing to just get divorced over financial problems. They're willing to kill over it. We maybe have an unhealthy dose of perspective on that, just because we do watch those true crime stories and so often it is about money.
00:05:06
Speaker 3: It's only sex and money.
00:05:08
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of a case with somebody murdered just because they were mad I don't like you anymore? Then, Oh, that was an insurance policy is taken out forty eight hours before the death wait, but.
00:05:20
Speaker 1: One in five primary decision makers admit to feeling resentful about handling financial matters alone. I think what's primary like, I guess it's the person who decides, hey, babe, I'll pay the bills, and maybe you're maybe you're the money maker, but you're a feeling that you have to make all of the decisions alone. It is so weird that we don't communicate about money. We actually don't, and that is a problem We don't generally, I don't say us we don't talk about money a lot. We probably could have better and more communication about money, about what we want to do with it, how we want to spend it.
00:06:00
Speaker 3: We don't plan. We don't.
00:06:01
Speaker 2: Our problem, robe is that we are so like minded. You and I just spend money the same way, and we don't have a problem with the other. If there's anything you want to buy for the house, I get it. You don't need to, Okay that we both eat at the same places, We even places we go to robes, And yes, we have been blessed to be able to go out to eat any time we want to anywhere.
00:06:23
Speaker 3: We want. I still got a problem with a thirty dollars season.
00:06:27
Speaker 1: You know, we were raised the same. We were raised by parents who were like minded, who we didn't. We weren't raised with a lot of money. We were raised with hard working parents who built themselves up from nothing. And truly, that is how I would describe my parents. I think that's how you would describe yours as well.
00:06:43
Speaker 3: But there's always a you hear about it.
00:06:45
Speaker 2: This a poor man's mindset, a poor man's mentality, no matter how much you ever make.
00:06:49
Speaker 3: And I'm that way. I want. I am tilled on. I want a whore to give me all this.
00:06:53
Speaker 2: I want to collect as much as I can, and I don't like I'm trying to think of the most expensive thing. We don't splurge. We splurge on trashery. Yes, but yeah, we sold food and travel. This is why we don't have to have a lot of financial discussions. We do need to talk about this money. You stold that this somewhere that I don't know. But other than that, we're good.
00:07:10
Speaker 1: I would say that it's about the money that I invested for our future.
00:07:13
Speaker 3: There it is, but no, this was interesting.
00:07:15
Speaker 1: There I read a bunch of articles about this because I wanted to get a fuller scope of it. But the New York Times had an article and I love that. I want to meet and talk with this person. He is a financial and relationship expert, so he is good at both. And he gave couples four tips on how to handle finances, and I love his first one. You need to sit down with your partner and define what a shared rich life is. Does that make sense? He says. The most common problem when it comes to money in relationship is the lack of a shared rich life vision. A rich life to one person can mean something different to another. So a rich life could mean traveling two months a year. A rich life could mean being able to buy beautiful things like a cashmere coat or an expensive watch. A rich life could mean having the freedom to take your kids to school every morning. A rich life could mean something very different. So you should have a shared rich life vision. How do we want to feel rich? Basically, how do we want to spend our money? What are our splurges going to be? Is it travel? Is it things? Is it food? Is it a big house?
00:08:27
Speaker 3: But if you're saying rich life, my life is full and it's rich because of things that are a part of it that have nothing to do with finances. That is that one way of looking at it.
00:08:38
Speaker 1: You could, but it's still specifically talking about how you spend your money and why you spend your money, and that is something that people don't sit down and have a conversation about. And so he said, the first thing you do, you start with one good money talk. You actually sit down and say, let's talk about money. And he said, it is shocking how many couples never have a positive conversation about money. It's always a negative or that you're suspicious, or you're resentful, or you don't like how the other person spends. And it's decide to say, we're going to have a positive conversation about money. And I do like that idea that you have an intention behind the conversation, that it's not going to go negative, that it's about a shared vision. And then he said, look, if you don't understand or agree with a big or a small purchase, the other one makes react with curiosity, not disparagement. And this is true with every conflict, but specifically about money. He gave an iced tea example. He said, okay or It could be coffee. You might be annoyed that your your partner goes out every day and buys a, you know, an eight dollars ten dollars latte or iced tea when they can easily make it at home. And so your one partner may say, I want to go get an iced tea. It's my little treat, it's my break in the middle of the day. And the other might be saying, when I grew up, we didn't get iced tea. He made it at home, and so that can be something he'sn't for twenty five years. You could have a couple. He said. He's talked to someone who still were arguing over ice tea after a twenty five year marriage. But they're not actually arguing over the ice tea. It's about how you spend your money. How you get that rich life feeling based on how you use your money. Yeah, you can see how that would happen, and then I this is one of my favorite parts, he said. One of the biggest mistakes people make is they don't they don't know how to spend their money. They know how to earn it, they know how to save it, but the skill of spending money meaningfully. Most people do not learn it, and I think that's so cool. They say, you, actually, the point of money is to use it to live that rich life he's talking about. And he said, yes, you need to save, Yes you need to invest. Obviously, I think we all know that. But part of what having a rich life means is the skill of spending money. So that's what he wants most people to work on as a couple. How are we going to spend our money? Not how we're going to save it, not how we're going to invest it, how we're going to spend it.
00:11:08
Speaker 2: Oh, and then the problem there in lies is that the couple is oftentimes not he wants something, she wants something. He wants a new trek bike. Yes, she wants to go to Sepphora and get the latest whatever. I mean, there's just what do you do? I guess this is all a part of it. Where is that conversation when you're disagreeing about how we spend our money together?
00:11:37
Speaker 3: Don't we have to?
00:11:38
Speaker 2: Is that a sense that you need to okay or give permission to a certain degree. That's a terrible word, but I'm saying, make sure the other person feels okay. With spending money every day on.
00:11:47
Speaker 1: That ic if they want to do right, and I just think there's going to be acknowledgement. This fills my life up. This gives me joy, This makes me happy, This relieves stress. And people might think, why would you pay someone to mo your lawn when you can do it yourself? Is now I have time to relax, Like there are just but these are conversations that almost no one has an eye.
00:12:05
Speaker 3: Well, that's Robes, that's you talk about.
00:12:06
Speaker 2: The reason you and I are on good footing is because we were raised the same.
00:12:11
Speaker 1: That's true, because we were.
00:12:12
Speaker 2: Brought up the same and have its so you don't have to be worn with a silver spoon in your mouth kind of thing. What you just brought up, Robes is a fundamental difference that I think people can't neither side are gonna it's ever going to come around to the other side on the mowing the lawn thing. Yeah, raised in such a way that I can do this, Why don't need to pay somebody? That's money we can have. Like people are firm in that. I'm not gonna change. I was taught that way, yep. But then the other side, Robes, it also makes sense that we make the money so we don't have to do this, and.
00:12:43
Speaker 3: Then we can spend more time together.
00:12:46
Speaker 2: Maybe we could sit down at breakfast together instead of you being out there for two hours.
00:12:49
Speaker 3: On a Saturday.
00:12:50
Speaker 1: Exactly what I'm saying.
00:12:51
Speaker 2: Those two sides, are they ever going to get together and respect each other enough to make what compromise there?
00:12:58
Speaker 1: I think relationship extis. People say yea, but you have to have the conversation first, and you just have to assign the meeting behind it and then understand where your partner's coming from. Look, I think it's interesting you and I with money. I have felt so that's one of the things that I feel so in sync with you on. The only thing that I'm not in sync with you on is your refusal to rent a movie.
00:13:18
Speaker 3: This is what Look.
00:13:19
Speaker 2: Look, I'm a fall on that sword in this relationship and that this will be the dumbest breakup in the history of the world. It's the reason for divorce movie rental.
00:13:28
Speaker 1: He wouldn't let me rent the Amazon Prime Video for three ninety nine.
00:13:32
Speaker 3: Okay, y'all are with me on this, right?
00:13:34
Speaker 1: Just or not?
00:13:35
Speaker 2: This is a quick aside. This won't take any more than thirty seconds. There is an infinite amount of entertainment available to stream. We pay for Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hbo Max, I think three accounts even we just figured that out. We got Hulu, we got everything available. Don't throw in Apple TV Plus and ropes. How much a month are we spending on streaming services? Hundreds a lot, no doubt out hundreds and hundreds of dollars. So it's time to sit down for movie night. And you're telling me those hundreds of dollars. You want me to spend another twenty four to ninety nine to purchase a movie because we can't find one that's available for free.
00:14:15
Speaker 3: That is just a principle.
00:14:17
Speaker 1: It's a principle for you. But I would say if that blockbuster movie came out that we didn't have the chance to see at the theater, and I really want to see it because it just came out for twenty four to ninety nine from my couch. I want to be able to say, you know what, let's rent it. Okay, HEJ says, no.
00:14:34
Speaker 3: This is going to be the end of us. We were somewhere once.
00:14:37
Speaker 2: I swear you made me buy something for like a dollar ninety nine, and I was still uncomfortable.
00:14:42
Speaker 1: You you are a Larry us. But this I just I wanted to say, and then we'll move on after this. But I thought this was a cool thing to think about. He said that he feels like one of the biggest tragedies in life is to basically to end your life with way too much money, never having built the skill of spending it, never having taken the moment to enjoy it. And I did hear one person say, sometimes we all because when we were raised a certain way, we forget that one of the best ways you can spend money, one of the best ways you can bring joy to your life by using money is buying time. And that is outsourcing things that you were taught to do yourself, whether it's cleaning your house or doing the yard work or driving somewhere. If you can actually free up time for you to focus on your family, that actually is a very joyful way to spend your money.
00:15:36
Speaker 3: We should beat that drum more often.
00:15:38
Speaker 2: That is, I think people don't realize how much you do add to your life by getting someone to free up your time to do something more meaningful. And yeah, you're you're you're passing on you're paying somebody else, You're you're employing somebody.
00:15:55
Speaker 1: Everybody wins. I do. I do believe that. All right, when we come back, we're gonna have a little fun. Because I mentioned this at the top, there was a new survey of Americans that was conducted by Casino Guru and apparently it was National Lottery Day on July seventeenth. I didn't know this, but because of that, in honor that, they put out this hilarious poll and the question is, could you put a price on how much you love your partner? We'll give you the results when we come back. Welcome back everyone to this episode of Amy and TJ. We were talking about relationships and money, but there was a funny adjacent story here, and I mentioned it was by Casino Guru. There was a new survey ahead of National Lottery Day and they asked, could you put a price on how much you love your partner? They said most people said no, but they believe everyone's lying because at least twenty five percent admitted that there is a price where they would leave their lover. Is there a price you would say? Someone said, I'll give you twenty million dollars to leave Amy and never see her.
00:17:05
Speaker 3: Again, it had to be much higher.
00:17:09
Speaker 1: There is a price.
00:17:10
Speaker 2: We let's not be ridiculous, offers me a one hundred billion dollars. We have a good last week though, and you and I would immediately start plotting to find a way to see each other again. But you know, even after saying that, I don't, I don't think there is a price. Yes, after saying that out loud, I mean it seems ridiculous to pass up one hundred billion dollars.
00:17:35
Speaker 3: I don't think there's a number.
00:17:36
Speaker 1: The truth is, if you really love someone, there isn't a number. And look, I thought this was a cool quote. Money is never just money, its identity, its security, and maybe it's even a story. But a windfall of money doesn't create unity. It reveals whether there was anything there to begin with. So a lot of times people who win the lottery, you hear these stories where their marriages fall apart, their life falls apart, because this money didn't actually make their life better. It actually exposed so many of their problems in their life to begin with. It's so we all think we want to win the lottery, but actually I mean I do, But you know that there are so many stories of lottery winners where their relationships fall apart.
00:18:17
Speaker 3: Oh, lives fall apart.
00:18:21
Speaker 1: Breed takes over?
00:18:22
Speaker 3: It does man?
00:18:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you should always or there's no amount of money anybody asking them, so you can even take a beat. Just like I played it out for a second. I said, well, I'm sure there is a number, but then after I started name it, actually there's not not previous relationships the number in the five figures.
00:18:39
Speaker 1: Yes, I was just gonna say, it depends on the status of your relationship. And look, we've seen plenty. We've been in plenty, and I know there has actually been dollar amounts that I would have come to. So yes, to have twenty five percent of people say yep, there is a number, and they broke it down state by state, we'll just give you the funny ones. So apparently the guess the state where the most amount of people said they would take any jackpit jackpot? Excuse me, so any lottery winning Say I want a lottery and you have to leave your lover. What state, by far had the most number of respondents say that they would leave their relationship for a jackpot?
00:19:17
Speaker 3: What state has the highest divorce rate?
00:19:19
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't know that. Maybe and maybe that's your answer. I'd have to check it out. I didn't even think to correct. Are of those two Do a quick google, sir.
00:19:26
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of the mindset and the relationships and people and the different states. For whatever reason, I think somewhere in the northeast of the Virginia area, for some reason, sticks out. I want to go away from Florida. I want to go to places that aren't doing financially well. I have questional relationships. What state I don't know. I'll guess I'll go with California, and I want to go somewhere in No. They might be offended by the idea that they would be into money. See, I'm breaking it down too much. Ahead, tell me what the highest number was. Kentucky. I didn't think you were going to get it.
00:20:04
Speaker 1: Kentuckians said they would take any jackpot to walk out the door.
00:20:07
Speaker 3: That's what you think of a place that thirsty.
00:20:11
Speaker 1: Perhaps maybe, but then you named one of them and they weren't far behind. Forty three percent of Floridians say they'd consider ditching their partner, but it depended on the amount.
00:20:23
Speaker 3: Retirees down there.
00:20:24
Speaker 1: Forty two percent said they'd do it for less than ten million Florida retirees. Yep, I don't know if retire retire. It's Floridians, So I think there's so many. That's why I went to Way together for a long and after, like I've lived my life with you. I'll take the money and see how life is without you.
00:20:40
Speaker 2: See, I was thinking the opposite that the retirees wouldn't be so quick to do so well.
00:20:45
Speaker 1: I figure like they've already had enough of that person, and so now they can go live their life and see what's next.
00:20:51
Speaker 3: I should call my mom. I went to her numbers.
00:20:54
Speaker 1: Do you have a number? It's something to ask. Okay, this, I thought, will end on a positive note. There is a state significantly more than the rest that had the most faithful respondents. Is how they put it. Who They said, there is no number where I would leave my partner. What state would that be? For mind, I could see why that'd be a good guess. It was Wisconsin. Seventy nine percent of the respondent said, no, jackpot, no matter the amount, would make them leave their partner.
00:21:22
Speaker 3: And they need that body warmth and need some gets cold in the winter.
00:21:27
Speaker 1: Look, it's just a fun thing. But yeah, maybe this is going to cause an argument or maybe some internal conflict if you actually do ask yourself, is there a number where I would leave my partner? There isn't one for me. I'm not just saying that because you're sitting here.
00:21:42
Speaker 2: I was saying I was trying to. I actually thought I was going to be able to come up with a number. I don't have one now. There is no There's no money that will fulfill my life the way it would be damaged by you not being in it.
00:21:55
Speaker 3: I'm serious. You can't balance that out, no matter, you just can't.
00:21:59
Speaker 1: All right, I can't say anything better than that, So we're gonna end it there. Thank you, baby, that was really really sweet. I love you. And with that, everyone, we hope you have a wonderful Saturday. We always appreciate you listening to us. I Nanny Robot alongside TJ. Holmes will help you. Sa