June 6, 2026
Bride-To-Be Asks For Last Minute Marriage Advice. What She Got, Was Hilarious AND Insightful
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RSS Feed We go over our favorite responses to a nervous bride crowdsourcing wedding advice hours before her wedding.. It’s hard earned, non conventional wisdom that turned out to be both creative and helpful. From grump warnings, to yelling “switch”, to wearing party hats during hard conversations, you will learn a little and laugh a lot.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: And that folks did it. Saturday, June sixth, and right before she walked down the aisle, a lady asked everybody for a little advice about marriage. I'm told we're going to be shocked at the advice she got, and with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. This is one of these that we often do robes in which I don't know what you're about to hit me with, but remind folks of where this is coming from and why it became, I guess of such interest to you.
00:00:31
Speaker 2: Yes, well, so this ended up on BuzzFeed, one of our favorite places to just basically read what a lot of people are talking about. Sometimes they pluck stuff from Reddit and other group chats, but this was a new one and it was hilarious and insightful at the same time. A bride to be twenty four hours for her wedding crowdsourced the best marriage advice, and it turned out to be the silliest marriage advice because it wasn't your typical She was saying, don't tell me what you know. Everyone always tells you people who are actually married, who have walked the walk, who have talked the talk.
00:01:05
Speaker 3: Give me your.
00:01:06
Speaker 2: Best go tos for managing marriage, and she was kind of desperate to get some answers, and I thought some of them were actually hilarious.
00:01:14
Speaker 3: Someone even wrote, and I want.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: To get they took it seriously.
00:01:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, they did, absolutely, but some of what people say works for them was fairly interesting, and some of it was silly, but some of it was actually fascinating. Someone said, your spouse to be is statistically the most person, most likely person to hurt your feelings for the rest of your life, so it's important to have some silly safeguards in place.
00:01:37
Speaker 3: I thought that was kind of cool.
00:01:38
Speaker 2: That was kind of how they set it up, this chat about basically, hey, get ready.
00:01:43
Speaker 3: You are going to be hurt.
00:01:44
Speaker 2: There is going to be pain, you are going to have conflict, but with some of these things that we've decided to do as couples, this might help you get through. Okay, all right, So the first bit of advice, I want to hear what you think about this switch. When you fights, one of you always yells switch and you have to argue the fight from the other person's side, you will end up laughing inside of five minutes every time.
00:02:10
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:02:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, can you imagine in the middle of like a heated fight, we're emotional, like someone yells switch yeah, and you have to take on the side of your partner.
00:02:23
Speaker 1: And all your partner is going through here is bitch, come out. No no, no, I said switch, I said switch yeah. This is okay. If that works with somebody, please send me the hidden camera video of that working.
00:02:36
Speaker 2: I think you have to have a certain kind of relationship, and I think it depends on the kind of fight you're having. But if you're actually having something that isn't that deep. So imagine, say we're arguing over where we're going to lunch. Say it's even and you're thinking, like, damn, this is getting a little more heated than I wanted it to.
00:02:51
Speaker 3: I think in that.
00:02:52
Speaker 2: Kind of a fight, you could yell switch and then you could have some fun with it, and immediately.
00:02:57
Speaker 1: That's that's the recognition that this is a stupid fight in the first place.
00:03:00
Speaker 2: Yes, I think obviously really serious fights where you're having like fights about like serious parts of your marriage that aren't working.
00:03:08
Speaker 1: Who are you at dinner with last night? Switch right?
00:03:13
Speaker 2: No, I think it has to be kind of one of those fights that are like silly fights that actually could could spiral and take you into a place you don't want to go.
00:03:22
Speaker 1: Very big caveat Dan on that first.
00:03:24
Speaker 2: One, right, Remember how we used to say we haven't really ever used it, but we used to.
00:03:27
Speaker 3: We made a joke. We had a little code word called.
00:03:29
Speaker 2: Steely Dan Dan Steely, and basically anytime if a conversation started to go sideways, that would be like the recognition the white flag.
00:03:40
Speaker 3: Hey, we're going off the rails here.
00:03:42
Speaker 1: So ridiculous, but that was a very The name of the band is Steely Dan Dance. Okay, so I think we were on a boat at the time that this was happening having a conversation. Who misspoke with me or with you?
00:03:52
Speaker 2: I can't Oh you called it? You didn't, You couldn't remember the name of the band.
00:03:55
Speaker 1: And I said Dan Steely and I started.
00:03:57
Speaker 2: Laughing so hard. Yeah, and you said, hey, when things are starting to.
00:04:00
Speaker 1: Get crazy, we say Dan Steely. And it worked.
00:04:04
Speaker 3: It did. It's a little bit like switch kind of sort of. Anyway.
00:04:08
Speaker 2: I thought it was clever. I had never heard of that before. I thought it was funny for anyone listening. That could totally work for you.
00:04:15
Speaker 3: And don't think it would work for us in a heated moment. But if it works for you, I think that's a nice thing. Humor always helps, period.
00:04:22
Speaker 2: Okay, it does, all right, I'm kind of teasing head to one or the other bits of advice.
00:04:27
Speaker 3: Okay, number two. I like this one.
00:04:29
Speaker 2: And we have done this grump warnings. Literally, the best thing we ever started doing was grump warnings. Irrational bad moods take holds some times of everyone, and giving each other a heads up made us way more patient and compassionate with each other.
00:04:46
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yeah, I think that's great advice.
00:04:50
Speaker 1: I mean it. You can stop and explain and do all kinds and look for a little compassion. But the sometimes the shortest my to say it is hey, comany in hot? Yeah, comany in hot. That's all I can tell you.
00:05:04
Speaker 3: And you can just say, hey, today's not my day. I'm in a low vibration mood today. It has nothing to do with you.
00:05:10
Speaker 2: I love you, please, please please please don't get offended. But I'm probably not gonna be my best self today. And that does give somebody a different frame of reference and you start like showing compassion and empathy for that person versus spiraling thinking what did I do. Why is he mad at me? What's happening right now? That's super super helpful.
00:05:29
Speaker 1: I like that because there are a lot of variations and takes on that. Sometimes you just go and say not today, satan somebody, and oh I get it. Yeah, a little heads up is cool. They don't have to find out the hard way.
00:05:40
Speaker 2: Yes, I appreciate you, and you stop them from worrying that it's something they did. I appreciate that. Okay, so this is kind of like our are I always get commune. Now it's Dan Stalely. So the other bit of advice was code words, but in different ways. Okay, have funny code words for things in public, like when I'm ready to leave, if I say strawberry shake. Once we left a birthday party at a bar and my friend texted me I was wondering where you went, and somebody said, you guys left to get a shake.
00:06:08
Speaker 3: And that just made them crack up. But they actually have code whords.
00:06:10
Speaker 2: Okay, if I don't know this person's name, or if I want to leave early, we just have something we can say to each other that only we know, and we can communicate in public in a way where we're a team and we're on the same page.
00:06:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. We absolutely. Sometimes people just have a look. You can look at each other a certain way. You know what's going on. I guess something. We do a lot because we see people trip a lot and fall a lot, and I'll just say, still.
00:06:37
Speaker 2: Got it, still got it, and I'll know that that means somebody just tripped in your radius, and I'm upset that I missed it. But most often I don't, and we see people trip. I'd say at least once a day. Oh my. Even on TV, we were watching a commercial for a drug and these two men were holding hands walking on the beach and the one guy absolutely tripped. Why they didn't do it another take or why they didn't see it, but it was subtle. But you and I died last this is what we do.
00:07:04
Speaker 3: But they and someone else was.
00:07:06
Speaker 2: Saying this isn't when I included that as you develop your relationship and you're married, it is cool.
00:07:11
Speaker 3: To kind of have your own language.
00:07:13
Speaker 2: That it's all about being a team and feeling like you've got each other's back and you're together.
00:07:18
Speaker 3: And just when you have.
00:07:19
Speaker 2: Code words or phrases or a language, maybe that only the two of you speak. It might sound silly and not a big deal, but it actually has incredible roots. It brings you together in ways that only the two of you know, and that builds towards this idea of just connection and companionship.
00:07:41
Speaker 3: All right, I.
00:07:44
Speaker 2: Want to hear what you think about this one.
00:07:48
Speaker 3: This one was called crash nights.
00:07:51
Speaker 1: Crash nights.
00:07:52
Speaker 2: My husband and I have regular crash nights after a particularly full or extroverted weekend, we will give each other a big old kiss and say I love you, see you tomorrow, and sleep in different bedrooms and fully get to refill our introverted cups on our own. We watch our own show, We order our own takeout food, and sit in the same house in different rooms, and most importantly, and she put this in all caps, do not speak to each other.
00:08:23
Speaker 3: It's amazing.
00:08:25
Speaker 1: Okay, Wow, that's okay, okay, co one, my uh okay. I have it on from a serious side, and I'm just part of me is just bubbling up inside just want to laugh out loud. But Rob said, I would be offended that when things get toughest for you, you want to be away from me, to the point we need rules that we can't even speak. That is, uh, that's tough. You would you would want to think I want to share that with you, and I we want you to feel welcome to share that. So that is my first question about it. Do they stick to that serious of a strict of a routine. What we can't have a meal toget? What was the first part when when you have it? Particularly?
00:09:09
Speaker 3: What that full or extroverted weekend?
00:09:13
Speaker 2: So they've just been running and gunning and like doing a bunch of stuff and they're both exhausted. But I, to me, that's when I love curling up on the couch with you man and picking a movie together and eating takeout together. So look, I don't want to judge anyone else's relationship, but my first thought was I would be so rejected because that's exactly the moment I'm so happy that I've got you because we're like finally able to breathe and not have to be on and perform and shake hands and engage and talk.
00:09:46
Speaker 3: We can just be us and we don't have to speak to each other. Actually, but to.
00:09:50
Speaker 2: Have a rule that you go into separate bedrooms and orders honestly, the separate takeout and do not speak to each other, really really through me did to.
00:09:59
Speaker 1: Say they're on the same there was an agreement, right that they have. Yeah, they're in an agreement.
00:10:02
Speaker 3: They live in the same home.
00:10:04
Speaker 2: Look, I know people speak all the time about how they will just shout from the rooftops how great separate bedrooms are. But they just say this one like after they have a very full weekend. Maybe it's a Sunday. It kind of sounded like they had a big Friday and Saturday night, so Sundays see you Monday.
00:10:21
Speaker 1: Your dates might say, Hey, people need that space, need time to themselves. That's again, but I just sound so extreme. Don't talk to me today. We're not eating together. Do not contact me via text? Right they don't.
00:10:33
Speaker 3: Yes, no, he was in all cats. We do. Maybe they text, but it says do not speak to each other.
00:10:38
Speaker 1: Damn man.
00:10:39
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, when we come back, we're gonna go through our last three relationship or I guess marriage advice coming from folks who are married, and this is considered silly advice, but I think some of this might resonate with a lot of us. Hey, there, everybody were continuing our conversation about some strange yet insightful and certainly silly marital advice given to a bride twenty four hours before she walked down the aisle. She this is what I guess. This is what young folks do these days. They crowdsource. It's kind of cool to have an immediate peanut gallery or a community that can weigh in and give you some ideas and some thoughts that you hadn't considered before. And she was a little bit of a nervous bride and she was just wanting to basically, I think she described it as wanting to take a like a crash course before she took the test, Like she just wanted to make sure she had as much information as she possibly could before she ended up walking down the island. So, look, you had a bunch of married folks weigh in and jump in with some pretty interesting bits of advice, and not the typical stuff, not the stuff you always hear from experts or therapists. The next one fight by text. This was advice from one married couple saying, we fight by text. It makes us think a bit more about our words. I do think sometimes you can resolve things in written word much better than you can when you're emotional and speaking and perhaps not thinking as clearly.
00:12:24
Speaker 1: Where are they as they're texting each other?
00:12:27
Speaker 3: Probably at work?
00:12:28
Speaker 1: Let's be honest, Okay, in the same room, because I would love to fight with you sitting right next to you texting. Yeah, that would be ablation?
00:12:36
Speaker 3: Should we try it?
00:12:37
Speaker 1: We're not saying anything, But then the problem would be I would keep slamming every time I get done with would be.
00:12:42
Speaker 2: Different rooms, then, yeah, maybe with our different takeout, we have different movies.
00:12:46
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, we're still eating together tonight. But I don't know how that. Yes, I suppose, because then there's not emotion and there's nothing to read behind the look of the face or the so yes. But how difficult is it to express yourself calmly?
00:13:05
Speaker 4: Right?
00:13:05
Speaker 1: Because some of the worst stuff's ever been said to me came via text?
00:13:10
Speaker 3: Wow? Really?
00:13:12
Speaker 1: Yes, people say all those Nothing stops you from saying something awful just because I got to type it out.
00:13:17
Speaker 2: I feel like, well, maybe it's just another beat that you take when you have to type it out and then you have to see it and read it and know that it's not going away. You know, when you say something and you'll say to me babe, I never said that, or you just made that up, or that's not what I said.
00:13:32
Speaker 3: Blah blah blah.
00:13:33
Speaker 2: Half of most fights actually have several of those sprinkled in. If you have a text, there is no refuting what the person said. I actually appreciate it sometimes I think I understand what they're saying. I don't think all that's not possible to always do that, But maybe if things are, if you're not getting through, if emotion is too high, if shouting, and if you start shouting, and it might be a good idea, take a beat and finish the argument via tech and see how it goes, and then come back together. And I mean, you're gonna have to talk about it face to face.
00:14:04
Speaker 1: This is about to be a game changer for this relationship. I refuse to fight with you face to face anymore. It's got to be via text. Really, this is gonna be great because I never have to do that thing again. No, bait, that's not what you said. I don't have it. Eva, that's true, Eva, do that again.
00:14:19
Speaker 3: That is absolutely true. That takes that whole part of it out.
00:14:21
Speaker 2: And I will fully admit that I'm somebody who remembers things by how I felt versus by what I said.
00:14:27
Speaker 3: That is, I will fully cop to that.
00:14:29
Speaker 1: Fantastic all right.
00:14:30
Speaker 2: The next bit of advice involves humor, and I do think that that's always always a good bit of advice because you need a lot of it in marriage, or at least in any committed relationship.
00:14:41
Speaker 3: So the advice is no matter.
00:14:43
Speaker 2: This reminds me a little bit of you, no matter what the item is or how long it's been lost. My husband always asks have you checked your butt? And I'm sorry to say I laugh every time.
00:14:57
Speaker 3: So I do think that's cute.
00:14:58
Speaker 2: Like you get stressed out right you can't find something like where are my keys? You know? And if someone just shouts out you checked your butt, it is funny and suddenly the stress of not being able to find something is littled away.
00:15:11
Speaker 3: And I feel like you do this.
00:15:15
Speaker 1: I say to you, Yeah.
00:15:16
Speaker 2: But you have your go tos that you always say, and I know you're gonna say them, and it's funny and when you can say it in a stressful moment, it actually takes the temperature down so much.
00:15:27
Speaker 1: Yea, that's the big thing. I don't know where I got that.
00:15:31
Speaker 3: Every time I say God what smells so good?
00:15:34
Speaker 2: You say, I farted, And it's only when I say something smells good, like wow, I love.
00:15:39
Speaker 3: The way it smells in here. I farted. I laugh every time.
00:15:45
Speaker 2: Yes that is something you say and yes, and he makes it takes a line from ninety fiance no matter where we are, and I probably say this at least twice a day. Oh my god, it's so beautiful because I'm looking at the Hudson er I'm looking at or I'm looking at a rainbow, or just a pretty view or a gorgeous restaurant.
00:16:05
Speaker 3: You say you're my best view, and I always laugh.
00:16:08
Speaker 1: Then you fall for it every time, like you don't see this coming?
00:16:11
Speaker 2: Ever, I don't and then it but so, yes, so that that was a good one.
00:16:15
Speaker 3: Have you checked your butt? Isn't that cute? That was like my favorite little bit of advice.
00:16:21
Speaker 1: I think, when you're stressed about something, how do I relieve that, like when you're actually there had to be something petty finding the keys. We're going to find the keys. It had to be something small that drives you crazy. Often you can't find your glasses a lot.
00:16:34
Speaker 2: Out constantly, although now I have my bifocal contacts.
00:16:38
Speaker 1: Man, that is a big admission you just maybe publicly.
00:16:41
Speaker 3: No one knows. You can't tell I just admitted it.
00:16:43
Speaker 2: Okay, this next one, speaking of humor, Okay, I just can't.
00:16:47
Speaker 3: I'm gonna I wish I had a.
00:16:49
Speaker 2: Camera on you right now, because you're going to make a face. Come on, party hats, party hats, wear party hats. Every time you have to have a hard conversation.
00:17:00
Speaker 1: Stop go to the next one. That's come on, y'all, don't.
00:17:04
Speaker 4: I thought that was adorable, just the ideas like, let's keep some humor, let's remember that we're here to have fun and enjoy our lives.
00:17:15
Speaker 2: And yes we might be having hard conversation, but I'm looking at you in that party hat, and it just keeps the perspective going. I loved it. I know it's probably not practical and no one's actually going to do it, but maybe even just in envision a party hat on top of the person you're talking to if you're angry or you're upset.
00:17:32
Speaker 1: They're using party hat. But I mean, I rolled my eyes at it. But it's making a larger point that could be sitting at a particular table and putting your stuff pig in the middle of the table, something that just throws you off and keeps things a little in perspective or a little lighter. That's right there in view. The point is well taken. Yes, I'd say that.
00:17:51
Speaker 2: I thought it was a funny way to make a very clever point, which is, please keep the perspective that we're like we're let's just we're all human. We all aren't trying to enjoy our lives and yet this is hard, but just remember that there is still fun.
00:18:07
Speaker 3: I love that, okay. And the last one.
00:18:09
Speaker 2: I liked it because it flies in the face of what we always hear people give advice for.
00:18:14
Speaker 3: And we've talked about this in our Love Story series.
00:18:16
Speaker 2: We've interviewed couples over the last couple of years who've stayed together through thick and thin, coming in it from very different points of view. But everyone always seems to disagree about this. But we hear licensed marriage therapists say never go to bed angry. So this bit of advice was this, and I thought this was hilarious and it landed. Everyone will tell you don't go to bed mad. That is absolute bullshit. You know what sucks most at a conflict resolution, people who have been up all night sleep on it. Let cooler heads prevail, basically saying, don't even try not to go to bed angry. You're gonna end up being up all damn night long, and you're gonna be miserable even more or so the next day.
00:19:00
Speaker 1: Cause the fight's happening when at the end of the day, at the end of a long day of work, at the end of a long night, probably after you've eaten, probably after you've who knows, this is the last time to be having a fight. Obbiously, that's the case, robes. There are so many fights that can get resolved if we just go to sleep, wake up in the morning. Damn, that was stupid, that was on me, my bad. Yep, it just gives.
00:19:22
Speaker 3: Them rest perspective.
00:19:24
Speaker 2: The morning offers so much more perspective than any extra ten minutes or an hour at night. Will like, the damage that's done in those extra minutes at night can be completely avoided if you just wait for the perspective that morning brings.
00:19:38
Speaker 3: I do believe that let's a good one, all right.
00:19:40
Speaker 2: Well, Hey, I hope for anyone entering into marriage, thinking about marriage, or in a marriage that some of these really cool unconventional bits of wisdom, hard earned bits of wisdom may help.
00:19:51
Speaker 3: It certainly did me.
00:19:52
Speaker 2: I thought it was I thought it was fun to hear, and I thought it was cool that this bride was like, hey, y'all, can you help me out before I walked down the aisle?
00:19:59
Speaker 3: What do I actually need to know? Very cool stuff?
00:20:02
Speaker 2: All right with that, everyone, thank you for listening to us. As always on Ami roboch alongside TJ.
00:20:06
Speaker 3: Holmes. We'll talk sim
Speaker 1: And that folks did it. Saturday, June sixth, and right before she walked down the aisle, a lady asked everybody for a little advice about marriage. I'm told we're going to be shocked at the advice she got, and with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. This is one of these that we often do robes in which I don't know what you're about to hit me with, but remind folks of where this is coming from and why it became, I guess of such interest to you.
00:00:31
Speaker 2: Yes, well, so this ended up on BuzzFeed, one of our favorite places to just basically read what a lot of people are talking about. Sometimes they pluck stuff from Reddit and other group chats, but this was a new one and it was hilarious and insightful at the same time. A bride to be twenty four hours for her wedding crowdsourced the best marriage advice, and it turned out to be the silliest marriage advice because it wasn't your typical She was saying, don't tell me what you know. Everyone always tells you people who are actually married, who have walked the walk, who have talked the talk.
00:01:05
Speaker 3: Give me your.
00:01:06
Speaker 2: Best go tos for managing marriage, and she was kind of desperate to get some answers, and I thought some of them were actually hilarious.
00:01:14
Speaker 3: Someone even wrote, and I want.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: To get they took it seriously.
00:01:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, they did, absolutely, but some of what people say works for them was fairly interesting, and some of it was silly, but some of it was actually fascinating. Someone said, your spouse to be is statistically the most person, most likely person to hurt your feelings for the rest of your life, so it's important to have some silly safeguards in place.
00:01:37
Speaker 3: I thought that was kind of cool.
00:01:38
Speaker 2: That was kind of how they set it up, this chat about basically, hey, get ready.
00:01:43
Speaker 3: You are going to be hurt.
00:01:44
Speaker 2: There is going to be pain, you are going to have conflict, but with some of these things that we've decided to do as couples, this might help you get through. Okay, all right, So the first bit of advice, I want to hear what you think about this switch. When you fights, one of you always yells switch and you have to argue the fight from the other person's side, you will end up laughing inside of five minutes every time.
00:02:10
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:02:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, can you imagine in the middle of like a heated fight, we're emotional, like someone yells switch yeah, and you have to take on the side of your partner.
00:02:23
Speaker 1: And all your partner is going through here is bitch, come out. No no, no, I said switch, I said switch yeah. This is okay. If that works with somebody, please send me the hidden camera video of that working.
00:02:36
Speaker 2: I think you have to have a certain kind of relationship, and I think it depends on the kind of fight you're having. But if you're actually having something that isn't that deep. So imagine, say we're arguing over where we're going to lunch. Say it's even and you're thinking, like, damn, this is getting a little more heated than I wanted it to.
00:02:51
Speaker 3: I think in that.
00:02:52
Speaker 2: Kind of a fight, you could yell switch and then you could have some fun with it, and immediately.
00:02:57
Speaker 1: That's that's the recognition that this is a stupid fight in the first place.
00:03:00
Speaker 2: Yes, I think obviously really serious fights where you're having like fights about like serious parts of your marriage that aren't working.
00:03:08
Speaker 1: Who are you at dinner with last night? Switch right?
00:03:13
Speaker 2: No, I think it has to be kind of one of those fights that are like silly fights that actually could could spiral and take you into a place you don't want to go.
00:03:22
Speaker 1: Very big caveat Dan on that first.
00:03:24
Speaker 2: One, right, Remember how we used to say we haven't really ever used it, but we used to.
00:03:27
Speaker 3: We made a joke. We had a little code word called.
00:03:29
Speaker 2: Steely Dan Dan Steely, and basically anytime if a conversation started to go sideways, that would be like the recognition the white flag.
00:03:40
Speaker 3: Hey, we're going off the rails here.
00:03:42
Speaker 1: So ridiculous, but that was a very The name of the band is Steely Dan Dance. Okay, so I think we were on a boat at the time that this was happening having a conversation. Who misspoke with me or with you?
00:03:52
Speaker 2: I can't Oh you called it? You didn't, You couldn't remember the name of the band.
00:03:55
Speaker 1: And I said Dan Steely and I started.
00:03:57
Speaker 2: Laughing so hard. Yeah, and you said, hey, when things are starting to.
00:04:00
Speaker 1: Get crazy, we say Dan Steely. And it worked.
00:04:04
Speaker 3: It did. It's a little bit like switch kind of sort of. Anyway.
00:04:08
Speaker 2: I thought it was clever. I had never heard of that before. I thought it was funny for anyone listening. That could totally work for you.
00:04:15
Speaker 3: And don't think it would work for us in a heated moment. But if it works for you, I think that's a nice thing. Humor always helps, period.
00:04:22
Speaker 2: Okay, it does, all right, I'm kind of teasing head to one or the other bits of advice.
00:04:27
Speaker 3: Okay, number two. I like this one.
00:04:29
Speaker 2: And we have done this grump warnings. Literally, the best thing we ever started doing was grump warnings. Irrational bad moods take holds some times of everyone, and giving each other a heads up made us way more patient and compassionate with each other.
00:04:46
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yeah, I think that's great advice.
00:04:50
Speaker 1: I mean it. You can stop and explain and do all kinds and look for a little compassion. But the sometimes the shortest my to say it is hey, comany in hot? Yeah, comany in hot. That's all I can tell you.
00:05:04
Speaker 3: And you can just say, hey, today's not my day. I'm in a low vibration mood today. It has nothing to do with you.
00:05:10
Speaker 2: I love you, please, please please please don't get offended. But I'm probably not gonna be my best self today. And that does give somebody a different frame of reference and you start like showing compassion and empathy for that person versus spiraling thinking what did I do. Why is he mad at me? What's happening right now? That's super super helpful.
00:05:29
Speaker 1: I like that because there are a lot of variations and takes on that. Sometimes you just go and say not today, satan somebody, and oh I get it. Yeah, a little heads up is cool. They don't have to find out the hard way.
00:05:40
Speaker 2: Yes, I appreciate you, and you stop them from worrying that it's something they did. I appreciate that. Okay, so this is kind of like our are I always get commune. Now it's Dan Stalely. So the other bit of advice was code words, but in different ways. Okay, have funny code words for things in public, like when I'm ready to leave, if I say strawberry shake. Once we left a birthday party at a bar and my friend texted me I was wondering where you went, and somebody said, you guys left to get a shake.
00:06:08
Speaker 3: And that just made them crack up. But they actually have code whords.
00:06:10
Speaker 2: Okay, if I don't know this person's name, or if I want to leave early, we just have something we can say to each other that only we know, and we can communicate in public in a way where we're a team and we're on the same page.
00:06:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. We absolutely. Sometimes people just have a look. You can look at each other a certain way. You know what's going on. I guess something. We do a lot because we see people trip a lot and fall a lot, and I'll just say, still.
00:06:37
Speaker 2: Got it, still got it, and I'll know that that means somebody just tripped in your radius, and I'm upset that I missed it. But most often I don't, and we see people trip. I'd say at least once a day. Oh my. Even on TV, we were watching a commercial for a drug and these two men were holding hands walking on the beach and the one guy absolutely tripped. Why they didn't do it another take or why they didn't see it, but it was subtle. But you and I died last this is what we do.
00:07:04
Speaker 3: But they and someone else was.
00:07:06
Speaker 2: Saying this isn't when I included that as you develop your relationship and you're married, it is cool.
00:07:11
Speaker 3: To kind of have your own language.
00:07:13
Speaker 2: That it's all about being a team and feeling like you've got each other's back and you're together.
00:07:18
Speaker 3: And just when you have.
00:07:19
Speaker 2: Code words or phrases or a language, maybe that only the two of you speak. It might sound silly and not a big deal, but it actually has incredible roots. It brings you together in ways that only the two of you know, and that builds towards this idea of just connection and companionship.
00:07:41
Speaker 3: All right, I.
00:07:44
Speaker 2: Want to hear what you think about this one.
00:07:48
Speaker 3: This one was called crash nights.
00:07:51
Speaker 1: Crash nights.
00:07:52
Speaker 2: My husband and I have regular crash nights after a particularly full or extroverted weekend, we will give each other a big old kiss and say I love you, see you tomorrow, and sleep in different bedrooms and fully get to refill our introverted cups on our own. We watch our own show, We order our own takeout food, and sit in the same house in different rooms, and most importantly, and she put this in all caps, do not speak to each other.
00:08:23
Speaker 3: It's amazing.
00:08:25
Speaker 1: Okay, Wow, that's okay, okay, co one, my uh okay. I have it on from a serious side, and I'm just part of me is just bubbling up inside just want to laugh out loud. But Rob said, I would be offended that when things get toughest for you, you want to be away from me, to the point we need rules that we can't even speak. That is, uh, that's tough. You would you would want to think I want to share that with you, and I we want you to feel welcome to share that. So that is my first question about it. Do they stick to that serious of a strict of a routine. What we can't have a meal toget? What was the first part when when you have it? Particularly?
00:09:09
Speaker 3: What that full or extroverted weekend?
00:09:13
Speaker 2: So they've just been running and gunning and like doing a bunch of stuff and they're both exhausted. But I, to me, that's when I love curling up on the couch with you man and picking a movie together and eating takeout together. So look, I don't want to judge anyone else's relationship, but my first thought was I would be so rejected because that's exactly the moment I'm so happy that I've got you because we're like finally able to breathe and not have to be on and perform and shake hands and engage and talk.
00:09:46
Speaker 3: We can just be us and we don't have to speak to each other. Actually, but to.
00:09:50
Speaker 2: Have a rule that you go into separate bedrooms and orders honestly, the separate takeout and do not speak to each other, really really through me did to.
00:09:59
Speaker 1: Say they're on the same there was an agreement, right that they have. Yeah, they're in an agreement.
00:10:02
Speaker 3: They live in the same home.
00:10:04
Speaker 2: Look, I know people speak all the time about how they will just shout from the rooftops how great separate bedrooms are. But they just say this one like after they have a very full weekend. Maybe it's a Sunday. It kind of sounded like they had a big Friday and Saturday night, so Sundays see you Monday.
00:10:21
Speaker 1: Your dates might say, Hey, people need that space, need time to themselves. That's again, but I just sound so extreme. Don't talk to me today. We're not eating together. Do not contact me via text? Right they don't.
00:10:33
Speaker 3: Yes, no, he was in all cats. We do. Maybe they text, but it says do not speak to each other.
00:10:38
Speaker 1: Damn man.
00:10:39
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, when we come back, we're gonna go through our last three relationship or I guess marriage advice coming from folks who are married, and this is considered silly advice, but I think some of this might resonate with a lot of us. Hey, there, everybody were continuing our conversation about some strange yet insightful and certainly silly marital advice given to a bride twenty four hours before she walked down the aisle. She this is what I guess. This is what young folks do these days. They crowdsource. It's kind of cool to have an immediate peanut gallery or a community that can weigh in and give you some ideas and some thoughts that you hadn't considered before. And she was a little bit of a nervous bride and she was just wanting to basically, I think she described it as wanting to take a like a crash course before she took the test, Like she just wanted to make sure she had as much information as she possibly could before she ended up walking down the island. So, look, you had a bunch of married folks weigh in and jump in with some pretty interesting bits of advice, and not the typical stuff, not the stuff you always hear from experts or therapists. The next one fight by text. This was advice from one married couple saying, we fight by text. It makes us think a bit more about our words. I do think sometimes you can resolve things in written word much better than you can when you're emotional and speaking and perhaps not thinking as clearly.
00:12:24
Speaker 1: Where are they as they're texting each other?
00:12:27
Speaker 3: Probably at work?
00:12:28
Speaker 1: Let's be honest, Okay, in the same room, because I would love to fight with you sitting right next to you texting. Yeah, that would be ablation?
00:12:36
Speaker 3: Should we try it?
00:12:37
Speaker 1: We're not saying anything, But then the problem would be I would keep slamming every time I get done with would be.
00:12:42
Speaker 2: Different rooms, then, yeah, maybe with our different takeout, we have different movies.
00:12:46
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, we're still eating together tonight. But I don't know how that. Yes, I suppose, because then there's not emotion and there's nothing to read behind the look of the face or the so yes. But how difficult is it to express yourself calmly?
00:13:05
Speaker 4: Right?
00:13:05
Speaker 1: Because some of the worst stuff's ever been said to me came via text?
00:13:10
Speaker 3: Wow? Really?
00:13:12
Speaker 1: Yes, people say all those Nothing stops you from saying something awful just because I got to type it out.
00:13:17
Speaker 2: I feel like, well, maybe it's just another beat that you take when you have to type it out and then you have to see it and read it and know that it's not going away. You know, when you say something and you'll say to me babe, I never said that, or you just made that up, or that's not what I said.
00:13:32
Speaker 3: Blah blah blah.
00:13:33
Speaker 2: Half of most fights actually have several of those sprinkled in. If you have a text, there is no refuting what the person said. I actually appreciate it sometimes I think I understand what they're saying. I don't think all that's not possible to always do that, But maybe if things are, if you're not getting through, if emotion is too high, if shouting, and if you start shouting, and it might be a good idea, take a beat and finish the argument via tech and see how it goes, and then come back together. And I mean, you're gonna have to talk about it face to face.
00:14:04
Speaker 1: This is about to be a game changer for this relationship. I refuse to fight with you face to face anymore. It's got to be via text. Really, this is gonna be great because I never have to do that thing again. No, bait, that's not what you said. I don't have it. Eva, that's true, Eva, do that again.
00:14:19
Speaker 3: That is absolutely true. That takes that whole part of it out.
00:14:21
Speaker 2: And I will fully admit that I'm somebody who remembers things by how I felt versus by what I said.
00:14:27
Speaker 3: That is, I will fully cop to that.
00:14:29
Speaker 1: Fantastic all right.
00:14:30
Speaker 2: The next bit of advice involves humor, and I do think that that's always always a good bit of advice because you need a lot of it in marriage, or at least in any committed relationship.
00:14:41
Speaker 3: So the advice is no matter.
00:14:43
Speaker 2: This reminds me a little bit of you, no matter what the item is or how long it's been lost. My husband always asks have you checked your butt? And I'm sorry to say I laugh every time.
00:14:57
Speaker 3: So I do think that's cute.
00:14:58
Speaker 2: Like you get stressed out right you can't find something like where are my keys? You know? And if someone just shouts out you checked your butt, it is funny and suddenly the stress of not being able to find something is littled away.
00:15:11
Speaker 3: And I feel like you do this.
00:15:15
Speaker 1: I say to you, Yeah.
00:15:16
Speaker 2: But you have your go tos that you always say, and I know you're gonna say them, and it's funny and when you can say it in a stressful moment, it actually takes the temperature down so much.
00:15:27
Speaker 1: Yea, that's the big thing. I don't know where I got that.
00:15:31
Speaker 3: Every time I say God what smells so good?
00:15:34
Speaker 2: You say, I farted, And it's only when I say something smells good, like wow, I love.
00:15:39
Speaker 3: The way it smells in here. I farted. I laugh every time.
00:15:45
Speaker 2: Yes that is something you say and yes, and he makes it takes a line from ninety fiance no matter where we are, and I probably say this at least twice a day. Oh my god, it's so beautiful because I'm looking at the Hudson er I'm looking at or I'm looking at a rainbow, or just a pretty view or a gorgeous restaurant.
00:16:05
Speaker 3: You say you're my best view, and I always laugh.
00:16:08
Speaker 1: Then you fall for it every time, like you don't see this coming?
00:16:11
Speaker 2: Ever, I don't and then it but so, yes, so that that was a good one.
00:16:15
Speaker 3: Have you checked your butt? Isn't that cute? That was like my favorite little bit of advice.
00:16:21
Speaker 1: I think, when you're stressed about something, how do I relieve that, like when you're actually there had to be something petty finding the keys. We're going to find the keys. It had to be something small that drives you crazy. Often you can't find your glasses a lot.
00:16:34
Speaker 2: Out constantly, although now I have my bifocal contacts.
00:16:38
Speaker 1: Man, that is a big admission you just maybe publicly.
00:16:41
Speaker 3: No one knows. You can't tell I just admitted it.
00:16:43
Speaker 2: Okay, this next one, speaking of humor, Okay, I just can't.
00:16:47
Speaker 3: I'm gonna I wish I had a.
00:16:49
Speaker 2: Camera on you right now, because you're going to make a face. Come on, party hats, party hats, wear party hats. Every time you have to have a hard conversation.
00:17:00
Speaker 1: Stop go to the next one. That's come on, y'all, don't.
00:17:04
Speaker 4: I thought that was adorable, just the ideas like, let's keep some humor, let's remember that we're here to have fun and enjoy our lives.
00:17:15
Speaker 2: And yes we might be having hard conversation, but I'm looking at you in that party hat, and it just keeps the perspective going. I loved it. I know it's probably not practical and no one's actually going to do it, but maybe even just in envision a party hat on top of the person you're talking to if you're angry or you're upset.
00:17:32
Speaker 1: They're using party hat. But I mean, I rolled my eyes at it. But it's making a larger point that could be sitting at a particular table and putting your stuff pig in the middle of the table, something that just throws you off and keeps things a little in perspective or a little lighter. That's right there in view. The point is well taken. Yes, I'd say that.
00:17:51
Speaker 2: I thought it was a funny way to make a very clever point, which is, please keep the perspective that we're like we're let's just we're all human. We all aren't trying to enjoy our lives and yet this is hard, but just remember that there is still fun.
00:18:07
Speaker 3: I love that, okay. And the last one.
00:18:09
Speaker 2: I liked it because it flies in the face of what we always hear people give advice for.
00:18:14
Speaker 3: And we've talked about this in our Love Story series.
00:18:16
Speaker 2: We've interviewed couples over the last couple of years who've stayed together through thick and thin, coming in it from very different points of view. But everyone always seems to disagree about this. But we hear licensed marriage therapists say never go to bed angry. So this bit of advice was this, and I thought this was hilarious and it landed. Everyone will tell you don't go to bed mad. That is absolute bullshit. You know what sucks most at a conflict resolution, people who have been up all night sleep on it. Let cooler heads prevail, basically saying, don't even try not to go to bed angry. You're gonna end up being up all damn night long, and you're gonna be miserable even more or so the next day.
00:19:00
Speaker 1: Cause the fight's happening when at the end of the day, at the end of a long day of work, at the end of a long night, probably after you've eaten, probably after you've who knows, this is the last time to be having a fight. Obbiously, that's the case, robes. There are so many fights that can get resolved if we just go to sleep, wake up in the morning. Damn, that was stupid, that was on me, my bad. Yep, it just gives.
00:19:22
Speaker 3: Them rest perspective.
00:19:24
Speaker 2: The morning offers so much more perspective than any extra ten minutes or an hour at night. Will like, the damage that's done in those extra minutes at night can be completely avoided if you just wait for the perspective that morning brings.
00:19:38
Speaker 3: I do believe that let's a good one, all right.
00:19:40
Speaker 2: Well, Hey, I hope for anyone entering into marriage, thinking about marriage, or in a marriage that some of these really cool unconventional bits of wisdom, hard earned bits of wisdom may help.
00:19:51
Speaker 3: It certainly did me.
00:19:52
Speaker 2: I thought it was I thought it was fun to hear, and I thought it was cool that this bride was like, hey, y'all, can you help me out before I walked down the aisle?
00:19:59
Speaker 3: What do I actually need to know? Very cool stuff?
00:20:02
Speaker 2: All right with that, everyone, thank you for listening to us. As always on Ami roboch alongside TJ.
00:20:06
Speaker 3: Holmes. We'll talk sim