June 6, 2026
Are Men Mostly Looking For Sex In Chapter Two?
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RSS Feed Real-life singles Mr. Right and Louise go head-to-head to see if men and women REALLY think the same!
Do you have to tell someone when you are dating other people? Are men wanting sex or companionship more in chapter two?
The answers might surprise you!
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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00:00:13
Speaker 1: Welcome to I Do Part two, and it's your real life mentors.
00:00:17
Speaker 2: People single just like you.
00:00:19
Speaker 1: It's mister Wright and my partner Louise, and today we're gonna do something fun. We're gonna take a bunch of hot topic questions and kind of see as men and women where our answers differ and where they.
00:00:31
Speaker 2: Actually might line up.
00:00:34
Speaker 1: And just to keep everything fair, we have producer Heather that's going to be a referee. She's gonna make sure we stay on time and on topic and make sure that we are giving our best versions of these answers with the most honesty direct us, even if we may not agree.
00:00:50
Speaker 3: This is perfect.
00:00:51
Speaker 4: I'm happy to jump in and I'll ask you guys the questions and then you'll give your honest responses. So, mister Wright, we'll kick it off with you who should text first? After you meet someone new. I'm going to put twenty seconds on the clock.
00:01:10
Speaker 2: Well, I think it's going to be the guy.
00:01:12
Speaker 1: And you know, I don't want to steal Louise's line from earlier, but you know, chivalry is not dead, and I think it's kind.
00:01:18
Speaker 5: Of stole my line. Mister Wright.
00:01:20
Speaker 2: This is my twenty seconds. This is either throw a flag.
00:01:23
Speaker 5: He's fiery.
00:01:25
Speaker 1: I think it's the guy's responsibility to make that first leap and to reach out perfect.
00:01:31
Speaker 3: That was twenty seconds.
00:01:32
Speaker 2: There we go.
00:01:34
Speaker 4: Okay, so, Louise, twenty seconds on the clock, you give me your answer.
00:01:38
Speaker 5: I one hundred percent feel that across the board, the guy should absolutely text first. It's how I'm raising my sons. And I know you know, obviously different generations have different perspectives, but I strongly believe now that we're sharing our line, mister Wright, that chivalry is not dead.
00:01:58
Speaker 4: Perfect right within twenty seconds and you agree with the dating game.
00:02:03
Speaker 2: Wow.
00:02:03
Speaker 4: This is a quick follow up though, and I'm not going to put time on this, but I want to know though. Okay, so does that mean you know you exchange numbers with a guy either he asks for yours. A woman should never be the first one to initiate conversation. That was so great or here's the picture I took of us that was so fun meeting you out on the golf course today. Like, no, you both made faces just now. I know nobody can see this but me, but you both kind of made faces when I said that.
00:02:34
Speaker 2: No, listen, I'll.
00:02:35
Speaker 1: Say if there was something pertinent, If there was something that happened that would make the woman text first or reach out first, go for it.
00:02:43
Speaker 2: I don't.
00:02:43
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking if it's a stalement, you walk away, you're both kind of grinning, you're both kind of happy with what happened. I think if it's an even even, I think the guy I should go first. But if you know, if the woman has something to say, or something to respond, or something to spark it, I think go for it.
00:02:58
Speaker 5: I still feel whether you meet somebody in person at a bar, or somebody puts you on a group text because they're setting you up, I just really feel it should be the guy who does kind of the first outreach. It just shows what a gentleman he is, and I think it shows you know, how he's going to treat his lady, just the time and a place where you know, kind of the female could be the one who takes charge. Use your imagination, but I do feel the guy, especially in the beginning, it's important to kind of create those roles.
00:03:33
Speaker 3: Okay, interesting, interesting take.
00:03:35
Speaker 4: Okay, so our next question is how long till you reach out after you've had that first date Again, I'm going to go with a strong twenty seconds mister Wright, take it away.
00:03:48
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is not chapter one, this is not the whole wait two days, wait three days, wait a week, wait a month, whatever it is. I think that especially if the date went well, I'm texting that night, I'm taxed on the way home, make sure you got home safe, call me later, whatever it is. But we're not messing around chapter two. We're giving up on the on the polite waiting.
00:04:09
Speaker 3: Twenty seconds, mister Wright.
00:04:11
Speaker 5: Good, I totally agree with you. You can tell we have all been around dating long enough to know that when you're on a date and it's a click and you know you're going to go out again, and it's an energy between two people, there is no waiting. It's kind of like you already know when you're going to see that person while you're sitting on the date. They say text me when you get home, or they're reaching out and saying did you get home, And I've had guys call me and we talk the entire way home.
00:04:38
Speaker 3: Perfect.
00:04:38
Speaker 4: We're at twenty seconds, Louise, Okay, amazing. I love that so far we're fairly aligned both as men and women and single. So I like this Okay, Louise, let's have you take this one first, biggest red flags you think there are when it comes to men, and I also want you to tell me the biggest red flags you think they're are for women.
00:05:01
Speaker 5: I have more than twenty seconds.
00:05:03
Speaker 4: Please, Yes, I was gonna say, we'll give you more than twenty for this one. Let's say, mister Wright, Okay, say, let's do thirty five seconds. So give me a couple of red flags for men, couple of red flags for women, and go.
00:05:15
Speaker 5: Biggest red flag for men. Talks horribly about the mother of his children. Number one. Number two talks horribly about every girlfriend. Number three cheater. Number four is a strange from his children. Number five is a strange from his family.
00:05:35
Speaker 3: Twenty seconds.
00:05:36
Speaker 5: Number six has no friends from different chapters in his life.
00:05:40
Speaker 3: Give me some red flags for women, Louise.
00:05:43
Speaker 5: Red flags for women. A girl who gets so dressed up on the first date that it's like she's going to the prom.
00:05:49
Speaker 3: Okay, and that's thirty five seconds.
00:05:51
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, all right, So mister Wright, same question. I want you to give me red flags for men and women. I'm putting thirty five seconds on the clock when you're ready go.
00:06:03
Speaker 1: So red flags for men is if they don't introduce you to their friends. Guys can be very very honest around each other, and sometimes if you're not meeting the guy's friends, big red flag, big red flag, if you're not going to go see the guy's house or where he lives or kind of like what his situation is. Also, I think a little bit of a red flag for girls. I think what I have to agree with Louise, and one thing, if they're talking poorly about their ex if they're talking poorly, you know, like just about their past relationships and that's still hanging over them like a cloud.
00:06:38
Speaker 2: They're not over it yet.
00:06:39
Speaker 3: That's thirty five, thanks mister Wright.
00:06:41
Speaker 4: Okay, you're getting in there a lot of information.
00:06:45
Speaker 3: I like these. Okay, Louise, this one's for you.
00:06:48
Speaker 4: Then we'll go to mister Wright best places to meet people if you're over thirty five and under sixty five. So we'll do let's to thirty seconds on the clock for this one and go.
00:07:03
Speaker 5: I think it's really hard. There is really no red onion, which is a reference for our generation back in the eighties. I would say that it is so rare that a guy will come up to a table anymore of girls or even send over drinks in Los Angeles. It happens more in New York and Chicago. I think if you really want to go meet somebody, the only place to go in Los Angeles is Balltaire, maybe a couple places in Malibu. But I think it's actually really hard to meet people in person.
00:07:31
Speaker 3: Okay, that was thirty seconds, mister Wright.
00:07:35
Speaker 4: Same question, Where are the best people to meet in real life? Under over thirty five, under sixty five and go?
00:07:43
Speaker 1: So I think it's usually going to be something you'd say, bars or restaurants or whatever else, and that can always sort of happen.
00:07:48
Speaker 2: But I think, you know, charity events.
00:07:50
Speaker 1: I think, you know, like community events where people are kind of a line and you are going to find people that kind of think similarly as you.
00:07:56
Speaker 2: I think those are great places to meet.
00:07:58
Speaker 5: Charity events that you're right, that's a good one.
00:08:01
Speaker 1: And then I think that you know, there's also you know, like the gymnasium, you know, or the or the golf course or places like that where people being active. That's what you're into going and do and being somewhere doing something that you like to do. You're going to probably find somebody that's similarly aligned.
00:08:17
Speaker 5: Like a running club actually, or exactly.
00:08:19
Speaker 1: Any it's yoga class, you know, plates, whatever those things are. That's something that turns you on as an individual. You hopefully find somebody else that's equally energized by the same activity.
00:08:29
Speaker 4: You know.
00:08:29
Speaker 5: It's actually a fun place to beat people is at car rallies. That's actually a fun place to talk to people. I've met a lot of people there at like classic car shows or like or like in Malibu, they have a whole car crawl or different things. It's kind of fun on a Sunday, just like casual. You go down, you grab a coffee and there's like people with their cars and just everyone billing about.
00:08:50
Speaker 4: Okay, cool, cool, all right, mister Wright, take this next one first. Do you have to tell people when you're dating that you're dating other people? I am going to give you twenty seconds for this one and go all right, Heather.
00:09:08
Speaker 1: I think for sure you need to be upfront and honest about what your situation is.
00:09:12
Speaker 2: If you're dating around.
00:09:14
Speaker 1: I think you owe it to that person if it comes up to tell them. I don't think you have to come right out and say you're one of four people that I'm dating.
00:09:20
Speaker 2: But I think that if it comes up.
00:09:21
Speaker 1: You say yes, you know I am dating, and then similarly as if it gets serious, you can let them know. Also, hey, I want to be exclusive. And that I think is that honesty will help launch hopefully a good relationship and not tarnish it. If someone finds out accidentally that you aren't dating multiple people.
00:09:40
Speaker 4: Smart, okay, that's time. Uh, louis same question.
00:09:45
Speaker 5: I think in the beginning, isn't it understood that people are dating other people until they kind of find their unicorn? And then I feel that kind of organically I found that it morphs into more of an exclusive situation suation, And I also think for me, I'm not sleeping with somebody unless we're exclusive.
00:10:06
Speaker 4: Well, let me ask you this because you bring up a good point, and I think it's important to talk about. You said, isn't it understood that we're seeing other people? Well, I think in the modern day dating world, I want to know from you too, are you going to get hurt more likely if you're not dating multiple people in your chapter two and only dating one person at a time.
00:10:31
Speaker 5: I think chapter two is an opportunity to try a bunch of different things on. I think that no matter what age you are, getting hurt is a reality. And to quote my dad, better to have loved a little than never to have loved at all. And it's just part of the game, right, And that's how you know something feels really good because you've experienced the bad.
00:10:53
Speaker 1: All right, So I'm going to different and disagree a little bit, like you know, this just made my personality.
00:10:58
Speaker 2: But I want to find one person.
00:11:00
Speaker 1: And yes, you might have to date multiple people to get there, but for me, like the outcome is to try and find the person. And that's what I'm working through right now, is to find the person. But it might you know, it might take that you go on you know, multiple dates whatever. But I think I can't date multiple people at the same time. That's just not I wouldn't be able to go out with somebody on Monday and then somebody else on Wednesday and somebody else on Friday. I just don't think I would be my authentic self. I think I would be worried about you know, like what I'm saying, how I'm saying it. Am I coming up across too strong? Am I misleading anybody? So as much as you want to keep I would like to keep options open. I think that really I would only be able to date one person at a time.
00:11:40
Speaker 5: I agree with you. But let's say some a friend of yours was going to call you up and they were going to say, mister Wright, we have a couple of girls who want to introduce you to or different people want to introduce you people. So you have a date, you know, a drink on a Monday, a coffee on a Wednesday. Like, you don't know if you're going to like Monday, So why wouldn't you at least try Monday and then try Wednesday and if you like one of them, then you go out a second time. But like the first, the second time like we're just getting to know the person. So and we kind of know if somebody is special and there's a real connection. We've probably been on enough dates each to know. And yes, we all want to find our unicorn Dred.
00:12:20
Speaker 4: Mister Wright just said something interesting. He said, that's not dating to me. So you mean when you're seeing somebody on a more intimate level is when you consider it dating, mister Wright?
00:12:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think I think going to a coffee or having a drink with somebody. I don't think that's dating, you know, if it's if it's the first time or even the second time, but if you're making concerted efforts, we're going to be seeing each other. You know, we're going to see each other regularly. I couldn't just me personally. I couldn't have multiple people that are regular dates that are.
00:12:50
Speaker 2: Going you know that.
00:12:50
Speaker 1: I'm meaning, you know, I couldn't go on vacation with somebody then go, you know, have dinner with somebody else. I think that once you start leaning in, yes, you know I would, I would tip over if.
00:13:01
Speaker 5: I totally agree. I misunderstood. I thought you meant in the beginning of when you're just first meeting people, But when you start to really like somebody and you've gone out of them two, three, four, five times, then for me, that falls under the category that's kind of authentically morphing into an exclusive situation. So for me, I just kind of get the sense that we're both in it and we want to see where it goes. So therefore it's kind of lights out on, you know, dating other people.
00:13:37
Speaker 4: I want to go back to something you said, Louise, because you said you don't sleep with somebody until you're exclusive, which everybody has.
00:13:44
Speaker 3: Their own preferences when it comes to that.
00:13:47
Speaker 4: So you're saying, though roughly it's we're going out four or five times, you know, and you've had the conversation with them ahead of time, saying I'm not seeing anybody else. I need to know that you're not seeing anybody else before we move to.
00:14:05
Speaker 3: This next chapter.
00:14:06
Speaker 4: There's never any Let's try it out, let's see where this is going, and then we talk about exclusivity after.
00:14:15
Speaker 5: I am not sleeping with somebody unless it's exclusive, okay, And I mean to be a total pain in the ass. I make somebody and request somebody to get an STD test, which I'm happy.
00:14:24
Speaker 3: To do, too great.
00:14:26
Speaker 5: And I haven't ever had one person say no to me, not once, and if they did, that would be a red flag for me.
00:14:32
Speaker 1: No, you could have used that a red flat earlier, Luise the STD test.
00:14:36
Speaker 2: No.
00:14:36
Speaker 1: I think that probably in this modern age that you know, we're all adults, and I think that you know, asking something like that. I think you also talk about, you know, for guys like have they had of a sectomy? Like have they you know, like like what's their outlook on children like their children.
00:14:50
Speaker 5: Depends what age you're dating, mister, right.
00:14:52
Speaker 2: It totally does.
00:14:53
Speaker 5: I mean some people, it doesn't matter if you have a sect to me, let's let's go.
00:14:57
Speaker 2: Into one to that. What what do you mean by that? If they're younger older.
00:15:02
Speaker 5: If the girl is younger, you know, right, then she can get pregnant, right, But girls that are a bit older, that's just not even a reality, right.
00:15:13
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, but that's still I mean, I guess the conversations just become more mature. I suppose in this chapter two where you are asking kind of more serious questions about you know, not.
00:15:24
Speaker 2: Just you know, STDs and would you be willing to take a test? And you know.
00:15:27
Speaker 1: But I think really kind of like life planning and kind of all those things I think can come up a lot earlier than they do in your chapter one, which I think is just a sign of maturity.
00:15:38
Speaker 2: I think it's a sign.
00:15:39
Speaker 1: Of being a little bit older and more kind of set in your life. And I think those are important questions to have before you know, relationships get further along.
00:15:49
Speaker 4: Well, let me ask you, does it come up sooner in chapter two? Not necessarily always because of maturity because maybe in their marriage they weren't getting any and they want to get off to the races pretty quickly. In this next thing, they're chomping at the bit to get some action. We've heard that before from other people. They've said, you know, some from a man's perspective, they have said, you know, some men are really all about having sex as soon as they get divorced because they weren't getting any in their marriage. Have either of you either experienced that or heard that from friends in chapter two?
00:16:23
Speaker 5: I think for me my experiences is the people that I did are typically my age, are a bit older, and they're really looking for a companion. And I think, really what the conversation is not about the sex part. It's more about, you know, are you able to, once you've been set in your ways, merge a life with somebody else, and what does that look like? Does the person live long distance? You know, what's the work schedule for both people, what's the commitment with taking care of elderly parents. So it's really more about a time situation, like I was dating somebody out of state and we had a harder time figuring out the schedule ultimately, And it's not about the sex, because the sex comes if you're attracted to somebody and you know it can happen right away, it can happen a few dates down the line. It's more about can our lives merge? And as we get older, we realize everybody has emotional wounds. And what it comes down to also is does your baggage line up with my baggage? And you see that pretty quickly on as you're getting to know somebody.
00:17:25
Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to have to disagree a little bit here.
00:17:27
Speaker 1: Maybe that's just you know, from being from the from the guy side, I think there's definitely a stronger attraction and looking for sex and for you know, some kind of passion and all the things that probably weren't there in the relationship previously, especially as it was dying and as it was heading toward divorce. And so I think that there is a big need at least initially for a connection romantically.
00:17:55
Speaker 5: Well, any of course it does, you have to feel attracted, but I.
00:17:58
Speaker 2: Think that guys probably are driven more by that.
00:18:02
Speaker 1: Again, I can't say from a woman's perspective, but I would imagine that guys are probably even more driven by that because you know, that's it's just it's it's the guy's unfortunately sort of the guy's nature, and and I think that that there is probably more propensity to be drawn to somebody that is going to be willing to match that same sort of sexual energy.
00:18:26
Speaker 4: Ah, mister Wright is talking maybe a little bit about why men in chapter two ten to go for younger women. Is that why because there's there's less less things on their plate, they you know, have maybe less inhibitions. Is I've also heard that men tend to go for younger women in chapter two because men identify themselves at that at that when they are going through the divorce, as the age that they were when they were entering into the marriage. So that's actually meant to where they still feel that they're at, which is why they tend to go back and revert to a younger age when they're dating in chapter two. And not asking you specifically, mister Wright, if that's your experience, but have you seen or Louise, have you seen men in chapter two kind of do that?
00:19:16
Speaker 5: So I've seen a lot of my friend's ex husbands date the younger girl like the cliche, and it's fun in the beginning, and they look hot and they're easy and all they want is a bag and you know, a couple nice restaurants, and then all of a sudden they want to have a kid, and then they want to be the missus and they have to reverse the phasectomy. There's all the battle with the family, and inevitably what happens is is they break up, and then the guy just moves on to another young girl, and then they get tired, and then as they get older, they want to have somebody who is their passion partner, their best friend, their park bench, and they want to go through that next chapter together. But I see about eighty percent, eighty five percent of the time, most men do want to have fun and kind of pick up the pieces of what they didn't have for a long time, and they do that young route, and then all of a sudden they just don't have enough shared experiences and the kids don't really want to sit at the table people who are the same age interesting. I'm lucky because my ex husband dates, you know, his longtime relationship is age appropriate, and she's amazing, and we're very close, and you know, we're one big modern family. So I got lucky that that's the route that he went, but that's not the case for most of my friends.
00:20:26
Speaker 4: My dad in chapter two got with my now stepmom, who is nine and a half years younger than him.
00:20:32
Speaker 5: That's that's different than twenty years younger.
00:20:35
Speaker 3: It's different than twenty years younger.
00:20:37
Speaker 4: But she was in her twenties when they got together, so there was definitely.
00:20:41
Speaker 5: Not a shared experience.
00:20:43
Speaker 4: She was a single parent. But I mean there was a deb there. I still to this day feel like there's a definite gap in certain things.
00:20:51
Speaker 3: This is all really fascinating.
00:20:53
Speaker 5: I love where sit on the young girl situation. If you've seen it with his friends, I'm not asking if he's doing it, more curious his opinion.
00:21:01
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that there is probably just sort of a guy's desire to go and reclaim a little bit of what he feels like he's lost. And because because going into divorce is one of the biggest gut punches for a guy, especially if it wasn't the choice of the guy, and it, I mean, it just tears away your confidence.
00:21:20
Speaker 2: It tears away you know, you're sort of at.
00:21:23
Speaker 1: Your your virility, your manhood, and so I think there's a little bit of wanting to go and show the world.
00:21:29
Speaker 2: That you still got it.
00:21:30
Speaker 1: You know that you that you can still you know you can you can pull the cute girl or.
00:21:34
Speaker 2: Whatever it is.
00:21:35
Speaker 1: And whether that means you end up with them forever or not, time will tell. But I think that there is a propensity for guys, at least initially to look for younger girls. And I think that there is this sort of disconnect in a certain way where younger girls, and I'm not talking girls and they're you know, twenty one, twenty two. I'm talking about younger than guys, whether it's ten years or fifteen years, that look for something in older guys, whether stability, whether it's financial security, whether it's experience, or or something in there. I can't quite figure out what it is maturity that they're not seeing in guys at their own age, and especially if they're frustrated with dating guys in their own sort of their own age bracket. And so, but I think ultimately to Luise's point, especially if you have kids as a guy, you want to find somebody that compliments your modern family, whatever that looks like. You want to find somebody that will be able to fit in there and not cause an additional rift within the kids within the ex wife, within your world, because we've seen it too often.
00:22:38
Speaker 2: You know, you have the.
00:22:39
Speaker 1: Really old guy with a really young girl, and everybody just kind of shakes their head and knows exactly what's going on.
00:22:44
Speaker 2: But I think that.
00:22:45
Speaker 1: There is room in the middle for age difference that makes sense for both the woman and the man.
00:23:02
Speaker 4: Mister Wright will go for you for this one to start off. When dating, does the person meet the kids and does that change if your kids are out of the house.
00:23:15
Speaker 3: I'm going to give you forty seconds for this one.
00:23:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I do have big opinions on this, and I do think that you have to be incredibly sensitive to your kids. And so I don't think you can say make a blanket statement about when in the right time it is to meet or not meet, or introduce or whatever. And age has something to do with it, Maturity has something to do with it. Also, it has to do a little bit with what happened to break up the marriage to begin with. So I think that I don't think you should lie to your kids. I don't think you should should mislead them. I have a you know, my personal philosophy is just to be honest. If they ask questions, respond honestly. But in terms of introducing them, I don't think you should introduce them to somebody unless you think that they are worthy and they're going to be sticking around because you don't want to have a turner style. That's forty seconds are using the metric system and what really quick and I feel like they went really fast.
00:24:09
Speaker 5: These are actually, I think important questions and answers.
00:24:12
Speaker 4: It's good, it's good what you're saying, though I really I want to bounce the question though, to Louise to jump in and give your thoughts and opinions on what mister Wright is saying.
00:24:22
Speaker 5: So I think the most important thing is if you're dating somebody, I think mister Riot is correct. It has to do with the situation of how you met that person. For example, if there was overlap and that's the reason for the divorce, which is how I grew up, that is a situation where you have to be very very very very careful and you're probably not going to have joint tables for a long time. If ever, I also think it depends on the age when you got your children divorce and I hate to say it, but also for a mother you know, my kids were very young, they were third and fifth grade, and there was no world where at the time that they were living in my house, there was going to be a guy's sleeping in my bed. Never was going to do it. They've met one person, it was only recently, and to be honest with you, they did not like him. So it's now really kind of you know, changed my thing. But when they went to college, they both sat me down separately and they said, Mom, you were an amazing mom. You put us first. We want you to go live your life now. We will love whoever you love. And we saw that you put us first, but we are ready for you to have your chapter two. And that blessing for me was so important, and that acknowledgment of how I handled it because I have watched friends and it's been a revolving door of guys in their bed, and I think it's screws kids up. I think it's a really bad teaching moment for kids to see that, especially for a mother. So I think, you know, to mister Wright's point, it's situation by situation, but there's a lot of factors.
00:25:48
Speaker 1: I feel like that was way more than forty sevens I'm just I just feel like you're taking your playing favorites her other.
00:25:54
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I was throwing it back to you.
00:25:55
Speaker 4: I was going to say, mister Wright, what do you think about when does it change things when the kids are out of the house.
00:26:03
Speaker 1: You know, I think once the kids are out of the house, they're adults, you know, unless they you know, Yeah, I mean, I think once the kids are out of the house, all bets are off. And I think that you know, you're you're allowed to to kind of chase your happiness and be less concerned about the kids because they're off living their own.
00:26:20
Speaker 5: Lives and they want to focus on their own lives. They don't want to worry about us.
00:26:23
Speaker 3: Well. Sorry.
00:26:24
Speaker 4: My question though, is is if they're out of the house, do you introduce them sooner than you would if they lived in the house.
00:26:31
Speaker 1: If they're out of the house, I think you just I mean, I think there's sooner or later really matters. I think if it's if it works out, it's if it's convenient than yes. But I don't think you start bringing them around any sooner than you would otherwise. But I think that you know, when the kids are younger, I think to Luise's point, you know, I don't think you want to have, you know, a new guy or a new girl, you know, walking down the steps, you know, to breakfast in the morning wearing you know, wearing a robe and slippers. So I think you canna be really, really sick they're.
00:26:58
Speaker 5: Wearing a robe and slippers.
00:27:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's pretty small one.
00:27:01
Speaker 4: My mom and my stepdad separated for a period of time before getting back together, and my mom was immediately dating somebody who used to do the knock on the front door with a box of donuts thing and say, oh, I just happened to be in the neighborhood.
00:27:20
Speaker 5: Kids are smarter than that.
00:27:22
Speaker 4: Well, I wasn't a kid when he was doing it, so it was extremely obnoxious.
00:27:28
Speaker 3: I will say that.
00:27:28
Speaker 4: I would literally be like, dude, dude, I heard you this morning, like sneak out. I know you didn't go anywhere but around the corner to get donuts and come back. So yeah, people listening in chapter two, don't do that. It's actually really annoying and not cool.
00:27:46
Speaker 1: And I think it's okay to I mean to try and be sensitive to the kids by being I don't saying sneaky, but you can keep it to yourself. But if I'm confronted by one of my kids on something, I will tell them. I will answer them honestly. I'm not going to overshare, you know, I'm not going to treat them with the luck my friend. I'm not going to gossip with them about my love life. But if they asked me a question, are you you know, are you seeing somebody?
00:28:08
Speaker 2: Are you whatever? Yes, I'm going to answer them honestly.
00:28:11
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I'm going to ask you both an honest question because I can't imagine even dating right now, in this space, at this time in my life. Just with what I hear about the dating landscape, why do people in chapter two even want to date?
00:28:32
Speaker 2: Like?
00:28:33
Speaker 3: Why? I mean, it just sounds you've been so Heather, but it sounds.
00:28:37
Speaker 4: Even more complicated if I had kids and I had like an ex that I had to deal with for the rest of my life, Like why does anybody even want to date in chapter two?
00:28:48
Speaker 5: First of all, I'm so sad to hear you say that, because I know you've been heard. But to be honest with you, there's no greater feeling than loving somebody and being loved and to share a life with somebody, and especially as you've finished the chapter of your kids getting older, I mean, I don't want to be alone. I want to have a partner, Somebody to go get a coffee with, Somebody go on a walk with by the beach, Somebody to sit next to you while I'm reading a book, Somebody to go to a fun night in Vegas and do something crazy. Just it's It's the greatest thing in the world.
00:29:18
Speaker 2: Love.
00:29:19
Speaker 1: And I think that in this chapter two, especially if you find somebody that has a similar experience, whether you both have kids, you both have you know, sort of like breakup situations that were that were somewhat similar. You have this thing in common that is very personal and very real, and and you both can learn from your mistakes. And I think that there's an amazing way to build even stronger bond than you had in your chapter one because you've both been hurt or you both have had this similar experience and you're sensitive to it.
00:29:51
Speaker 2: Chapter one.
00:29:52
Speaker 1: I'll tell you, you know, I learned so much about myself as a husband, as a father, as a partner, all these things, and I think I am a much better version of myself because of the things that I learned along the way even though it hurt, and so hopefully you know in this chapter two. Yeah, it's complicated, don't get me wrong. It's complicated. Meeting people's complicated works, complicated kids are complicated. But when you do find that right puzzle piece, it does I think feel even that much better.
00:30:20
Speaker 5: I think you're going to you learn a lot also in divorce too, about yourself. I mean, it's an interesting time as you're learning to do things on your own and make decisions and just kind of understand who you are as we get older and what your needs are. And it's been almost more of a growing experience for me in the time that I've been divorced than at the time that I was married in terms of getting to know myself, because I think when you get married in the beginning, you're looking for, you know, a partner and somebody to be a father and build a life together and all of that, and it's just it's an interesting growing time post divorce.
00:30:57
Speaker 2: Well, this has been so much fun.
00:30:58
Speaker 1: Louise, thank you for showing up, Heather, thank you for keeping us honest and on time, and we look forward to continuing this conversation with more questions from listeners as we go.
00:31:09
Speaker 5: Forward, and if you're going through a divorce, finding Chapter two hard to navigate and need some advice, we are here to help. Send us an email or leave us a voicemail. All the infos in the show notes, and follow us on socials. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
Speaker 1: Welcome to I Do Part two, and it's your real life mentors.
00:00:17
Speaker 2: People single just like you.
00:00:19
Speaker 1: It's mister Wright and my partner Louise, and today we're gonna do something fun. We're gonna take a bunch of hot topic questions and kind of see as men and women where our answers differ and where they.
00:00:31
Speaker 2: Actually might line up.
00:00:34
Speaker 1: And just to keep everything fair, we have producer Heather that's going to be a referee. She's gonna make sure we stay on time and on topic and make sure that we are giving our best versions of these answers with the most honesty direct us, even if we may not agree.
00:00:50
Speaker 3: This is perfect.
00:00:51
Speaker 4: I'm happy to jump in and I'll ask you guys the questions and then you'll give your honest responses. So, mister Wright, we'll kick it off with you who should text first? After you meet someone new. I'm going to put twenty seconds on the clock.
00:01:10
Speaker 2: Well, I think it's going to be the guy.
00:01:12
Speaker 1: And you know, I don't want to steal Louise's line from earlier, but you know, chivalry is not dead, and I think it's kind.
00:01:18
Speaker 5: Of stole my line. Mister Wright.
00:01:20
Speaker 2: This is my twenty seconds. This is either throw a flag.
00:01:23
Speaker 5: He's fiery.
00:01:25
Speaker 1: I think it's the guy's responsibility to make that first leap and to reach out perfect.
00:01:31
Speaker 3: That was twenty seconds.
00:01:32
Speaker 2: There we go.
00:01:34
Speaker 4: Okay, so, Louise, twenty seconds on the clock, you give me your answer.
00:01:38
Speaker 5: I one hundred percent feel that across the board, the guy should absolutely text first. It's how I'm raising my sons. And I know you know, obviously different generations have different perspectives, but I strongly believe now that we're sharing our line, mister Wright, that chivalry is not dead.
00:01:58
Speaker 4: Perfect right within twenty seconds and you agree with the dating game.
00:02:03
Speaker 2: Wow.
00:02:03
Speaker 4: This is a quick follow up though, and I'm not going to put time on this, but I want to know though. Okay, so does that mean you know you exchange numbers with a guy either he asks for yours. A woman should never be the first one to initiate conversation. That was so great or here's the picture I took of us that was so fun meeting you out on the golf course today. Like, no, you both made faces just now. I know nobody can see this but me, but you both kind of made faces when I said that.
00:02:34
Speaker 2: No, listen, I'll.
00:02:35
Speaker 1: Say if there was something pertinent, If there was something that happened that would make the woman text first or reach out first, go for it.
00:02:43
Speaker 2: I don't.
00:02:43
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking if it's a stalement, you walk away, you're both kind of grinning, you're both kind of happy with what happened. I think if it's an even even, I think the guy I should go first. But if you know, if the woman has something to say, or something to respond, or something to spark it, I think go for it.
00:02:58
Speaker 5: I still feel whether you meet somebody in person at a bar, or somebody puts you on a group text because they're setting you up, I just really feel it should be the guy who does kind of the first outreach. It just shows what a gentleman he is, and I think it shows you know, how he's going to treat his lady, just the time and a place where you know, kind of the female could be the one who takes charge. Use your imagination, but I do feel the guy, especially in the beginning, it's important to kind of create those roles.
00:03:33
Speaker 3: Okay, interesting, interesting take.
00:03:35
Speaker 4: Okay, so our next question is how long till you reach out after you've had that first date Again, I'm going to go with a strong twenty seconds mister Wright, take it away.
00:03:48
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is not chapter one, this is not the whole wait two days, wait three days, wait a week, wait a month, whatever it is. I think that especially if the date went well, I'm texting that night, I'm taxed on the way home, make sure you got home safe, call me later, whatever it is. But we're not messing around chapter two. We're giving up on the on the polite waiting.
00:04:09
Speaker 3: Twenty seconds, mister Wright.
00:04:11
Speaker 5: Good, I totally agree with you. You can tell we have all been around dating long enough to know that when you're on a date and it's a click and you know you're going to go out again, and it's an energy between two people, there is no waiting. It's kind of like you already know when you're going to see that person while you're sitting on the date. They say text me when you get home, or they're reaching out and saying did you get home, And I've had guys call me and we talk the entire way home.
00:04:38
Speaker 3: Perfect.
00:04:38
Speaker 4: We're at twenty seconds, Louise, Okay, amazing. I love that so far we're fairly aligned both as men and women and single. So I like this Okay, Louise, let's have you take this one first, biggest red flags you think there are when it comes to men, and I also want you to tell me the biggest red flags you think they're are for women.
00:05:01
Speaker 5: I have more than twenty seconds.
00:05:03
Speaker 4: Please, Yes, I was gonna say, we'll give you more than twenty for this one. Let's say, mister Wright, Okay, say, let's do thirty five seconds. So give me a couple of red flags for men, couple of red flags for women, and go.
00:05:15
Speaker 5: Biggest red flag for men. Talks horribly about the mother of his children. Number one. Number two talks horribly about every girlfriend. Number three cheater. Number four is a strange from his children. Number five is a strange from his family.
00:05:35
Speaker 3: Twenty seconds.
00:05:36
Speaker 5: Number six has no friends from different chapters in his life.
00:05:40
Speaker 3: Give me some red flags for women, Louise.
00:05:43
Speaker 5: Red flags for women. A girl who gets so dressed up on the first date that it's like she's going to the prom.
00:05:49
Speaker 3: Okay, and that's thirty five seconds.
00:05:51
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, all right, So mister Wright, same question. I want you to give me red flags for men and women. I'm putting thirty five seconds on the clock when you're ready go.
00:06:03
Speaker 1: So red flags for men is if they don't introduce you to their friends. Guys can be very very honest around each other, and sometimes if you're not meeting the guy's friends, big red flag, big red flag, if you're not going to go see the guy's house or where he lives or kind of like what his situation is. Also, I think a little bit of a red flag for girls. I think what I have to agree with Louise, and one thing, if they're talking poorly about their ex if they're talking poorly, you know, like just about their past relationships and that's still hanging over them like a cloud.
00:06:38
Speaker 2: They're not over it yet.
00:06:39
Speaker 3: That's thirty five, thanks mister Wright.
00:06:41
Speaker 4: Okay, you're getting in there a lot of information.
00:06:45
Speaker 3: I like these. Okay, Louise, this one's for you.
00:06:48
Speaker 4: Then we'll go to mister Wright best places to meet people if you're over thirty five and under sixty five. So we'll do let's to thirty seconds on the clock for this one and go.
00:07:03
Speaker 5: I think it's really hard. There is really no red onion, which is a reference for our generation back in the eighties. I would say that it is so rare that a guy will come up to a table anymore of girls or even send over drinks in Los Angeles. It happens more in New York and Chicago. I think if you really want to go meet somebody, the only place to go in Los Angeles is Balltaire, maybe a couple places in Malibu. But I think it's actually really hard to meet people in person.
00:07:31
Speaker 3: Okay, that was thirty seconds, mister Wright.
00:07:35
Speaker 4: Same question, Where are the best people to meet in real life? Under over thirty five, under sixty five and go?
00:07:43
Speaker 1: So I think it's usually going to be something you'd say, bars or restaurants or whatever else, and that can always sort of happen.
00:07:48
Speaker 2: But I think, you know, charity events.
00:07:50
Speaker 1: I think, you know, like community events where people are kind of a line and you are going to find people that kind of think similarly as you.
00:07:56
Speaker 2: I think those are great places to meet.
00:07:58
Speaker 5: Charity events that you're right, that's a good one.
00:08:01
Speaker 1: And then I think that you know, there's also you know, like the gymnasium, you know, or the or the golf course or places like that where people being active. That's what you're into going and do and being somewhere doing something that you like to do. You're going to probably find somebody that's similarly aligned.
00:08:17
Speaker 5: Like a running club actually, or exactly.
00:08:19
Speaker 1: Any it's yoga class, you know, plates, whatever those things are. That's something that turns you on as an individual. You hopefully find somebody else that's equally energized by the same activity.
00:08:29
Speaker 4: You know.
00:08:29
Speaker 5: It's actually a fun place to beat people is at car rallies. That's actually a fun place to talk to people. I've met a lot of people there at like classic car shows or like or like in Malibu, they have a whole car crawl or different things. It's kind of fun on a Sunday, just like casual. You go down, you grab a coffee and there's like people with their cars and just everyone billing about.
00:08:50
Speaker 4: Okay, cool, cool, all right, mister Wright, take this next one first. Do you have to tell people when you're dating that you're dating other people? I am going to give you twenty seconds for this one and go all right, Heather.
00:09:08
Speaker 1: I think for sure you need to be upfront and honest about what your situation is.
00:09:12
Speaker 2: If you're dating around.
00:09:14
Speaker 1: I think you owe it to that person if it comes up to tell them. I don't think you have to come right out and say you're one of four people that I'm dating.
00:09:20
Speaker 2: But I think that if it comes up.
00:09:21
Speaker 1: You say yes, you know I am dating, and then similarly as if it gets serious, you can let them know. Also, hey, I want to be exclusive. And that I think is that honesty will help launch hopefully a good relationship and not tarnish it. If someone finds out accidentally that you aren't dating multiple people.
00:09:40
Speaker 4: Smart, okay, that's time. Uh, louis same question.
00:09:45
Speaker 5: I think in the beginning, isn't it understood that people are dating other people until they kind of find their unicorn? And then I feel that kind of organically I found that it morphs into more of an exclusive situation suation, And I also think for me, I'm not sleeping with somebody unless we're exclusive.
00:10:06
Speaker 4: Well, let me ask you this because you bring up a good point, and I think it's important to talk about. You said, isn't it understood that we're seeing other people? Well, I think in the modern day dating world, I want to know from you too, are you going to get hurt more likely if you're not dating multiple people in your chapter two and only dating one person at a time.
00:10:31
Speaker 5: I think chapter two is an opportunity to try a bunch of different things on. I think that no matter what age you are, getting hurt is a reality. And to quote my dad, better to have loved a little than never to have loved at all. And it's just part of the game, right, And that's how you know something feels really good because you've experienced the bad.
00:10:53
Speaker 1: All right, So I'm going to different and disagree a little bit, like you know, this just made my personality.
00:10:58
Speaker 2: But I want to find one person.
00:11:00
Speaker 1: And yes, you might have to date multiple people to get there, but for me, like the outcome is to try and find the person. And that's what I'm working through right now, is to find the person. But it might you know, it might take that you go on you know, multiple dates whatever. But I think I can't date multiple people at the same time. That's just not I wouldn't be able to go out with somebody on Monday and then somebody else on Wednesday and somebody else on Friday. I just don't think I would be my authentic self. I think I would be worried about you know, like what I'm saying, how I'm saying it. Am I coming up across too strong? Am I misleading anybody? So as much as you want to keep I would like to keep options open. I think that really I would only be able to date one person at a time.
00:11:40
Speaker 5: I agree with you. But let's say some a friend of yours was going to call you up and they were going to say, mister Wright, we have a couple of girls who want to introduce you to or different people want to introduce you people. So you have a date, you know, a drink on a Monday, a coffee on a Wednesday. Like, you don't know if you're going to like Monday, So why wouldn't you at least try Monday and then try Wednesday and if you like one of them, then you go out a second time. But like the first, the second time like we're just getting to know the person. So and we kind of know if somebody is special and there's a real connection. We've probably been on enough dates each to know. And yes, we all want to find our unicorn Dred.
00:12:20
Speaker 4: Mister Wright just said something interesting. He said, that's not dating to me. So you mean when you're seeing somebody on a more intimate level is when you consider it dating, mister Wright?
00:12:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think I think going to a coffee or having a drink with somebody. I don't think that's dating, you know, if it's if it's the first time or even the second time, but if you're making concerted efforts, we're going to be seeing each other. You know, we're going to see each other regularly. I couldn't just me personally. I couldn't have multiple people that are regular dates that are.
00:12:50
Speaker 2: Going you know that.
00:12:50
Speaker 1: I'm meaning, you know, I couldn't go on vacation with somebody then go, you know, have dinner with somebody else. I think that once you start leaning in, yes, you know I would, I would tip over if.
00:13:01
Speaker 5: I totally agree. I misunderstood. I thought you meant in the beginning of when you're just first meeting people, But when you start to really like somebody and you've gone out of them two, three, four, five times, then for me, that falls under the category that's kind of authentically morphing into an exclusive situation. So for me, I just kind of get the sense that we're both in it and we want to see where it goes. So therefore it's kind of lights out on, you know, dating other people.
00:13:37
Speaker 4: I want to go back to something you said, Louise, because you said you don't sleep with somebody until you're exclusive, which everybody has.
00:13:44
Speaker 3: Their own preferences when it comes to that.
00:13:47
Speaker 4: So you're saying, though roughly it's we're going out four or five times, you know, and you've had the conversation with them ahead of time, saying I'm not seeing anybody else. I need to know that you're not seeing anybody else before we move to.
00:14:05
Speaker 3: This next chapter.
00:14:06
Speaker 4: There's never any Let's try it out, let's see where this is going, and then we talk about exclusivity after.
00:14:15
Speaker 5: I am not sleeping with somebody unless it's exclusive, okay, And I mean to be a total pain in the ass. I make somebody and request somebody to get an STD test, which I'm happy.
00:14:24
Speaker 3: To do, too great.
00:14:26
Speaker 5: And I haven't ever had one person say no to me, not once, and if they did, that would be a red flag for me.
00:14:32
Speaker 1: No, you could have used that a red flat earlier, Luise the STD test.
00:14:36
Speaker 2: No.
00:14:36
Speaker 1: I think that probably in this modern age that you know, we're all adults, and I think that you know, asking something like that. I think you also talk about, you know, for guys like have they had of a sectomy? Like have they you know, like like what's their outlook on children like their children.
00:14:50
Speaker 5: Depends what age you're dating, mister, right.
00:14:52
Speaker 2: It totally does.
00:14:53
Speaker 5: I mean some people, it doesn't matter if you have a sect to me, let's let's go.
00:14:57
Speaker 2: Into one to that. What what do you mean by that? If they're younger older.
00:15:02
Speaker 5: If the girl is younger, you know, right, then she can get pregnant, right, But girls that are a bit older, that's just not even a reality, right.
00:15:13
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, but that's still I mean, I guess the conversations just become more mature. I suppose in this chapter two where you are asking kind of more serious questions about you know, not.
00:15:24
Speaker 2: Just you know, STDs and would you be willing to take a test? And you know.
00:15:27
Speaker 1: But I think really kind of like life planning and kind of all those things I think can come up a lot earlier than they do in your chapter one, which I think is just a sign of maturity.
00:15:38
Speaker 2: I think it's a sign.
00:15:39
Speaker 1: Of being a little bit older and more kind of set in your life. And I think those are important questions to have before you know, relationships get further along.
00:15:49
Speaker 4: Well, let me ask you, does it come up sooner in chapter two? Not necessarily always because of maturity because maybe in their marriage they weren't getting any and they want to get off to the races pretty quickly. In this next thing, they're chomping at the bit to get some action. We've heard that before from other people. They've said, you know, some from a man's perspective, they have said, you know, some men are really all about having sex as soon as they get divorced because they weren't getting any in their marriage. Have either of you either experienced that or heard that from friends in chapter two?
00:16:23
Speaker 5: I think for me my experiences is the people that I did are typically my age, are a bit older, and they're really looking for a companion. And I think, really what the conversation is not about the sex part. It's more about, you know, are you able to, once you've been set in your ways, merge a life with somebody else, and what does that look like? Does the person live long distance? You know, what's the work schedule for both people, what's the commitment with taking care of elderly parents. So it's really more about a time situation, like I was dating somebody out of state and we had a harder time figuring out the schedule ultimately, And it's not about the sex, because the sex comes if you're attracted to somebody and you know it can happen right away, it can happen a few dates down the line. It's more about can our lives merge? And as we get older, we realize everybody has emotional wounds. And what it comes down to also is does your baggage line up with my baggage? And you see that pretty quickly on as you're getting to know somebody.
00:17:25
Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to have to disagree a little bit here.
00:17:27
Speaker 1: Maybe that's just you know, from being from the from the guy side, I think there's definitely a stronger attraction and looking for sex and for you know, some kind of passion and all the things that probably weren't there in the relationship previously, especially as it was dying and as it was heading toward divorce. And so I think that there is a big need at least initially for a connection romantically.
00:17:55
Speaker 5: Well, any of course it does, you have to feel attracted, but I.
00:17:58
Speaker 2: Think that guys probably are driven more by that.
00:18:02
Speaker 1: Again, I can't say from a woman's perspective, but I would imagine that guys are probably even more driven by that because you know, that's it's just it's it's the guy's unfortunately sort of the guy's nature, and and I think that that there is probably more propensity to be drawn to somebody that is going to be willing to match that same sort of sexual energy.
00:18:26
Speaker 4: Ah, mister Wright is talking maybe a little bit about why men in chapter two ten to go for younger women. Is that why because there's there's less less things on their plate, they you know, have maybe less inhibitions. Is I've also heard that men tend to go for younger women in chapter two because men identify themselves at that at that when they are going through the divorce, as the age that they were when they were entering into the marriage. So that's actually meant to where they still feel that they're at, which is why they tend to go back and revert to a younger age when they're dating in chapter two. And not asking you specifically, mister Wright, if that's your experience, but have you seen or Louise, have you seen men in chapter two kind of do that?
00:19:16
Speaker 5: So I've seen a lot of my friend's ex husbands date the younger girl like the cliche, and it's fun in the beginning, and they look hot and they're easy and all they want is a bag and you know, a couple nice restaurants, and then all of a sudden they want to have a kid, and then they want to be the missus and they have to reverse the phasectomy. There's all the battle with the family, and inevitably what happens is is they break up, and then the guy just moves on to another young girl, and then they get tired, and then as they get older, they want to have somebody who is their passion partner, their best friend, their park bench, and they want to go through that next chapter together. But I see about eighty percent, eighty five percent of the time, most men do want to have fun and kind of pick up the pieces of what they didn't have for a long time, and they do that young route, and then all of a sudden they just don't have enough shared experiences and the kids don't really want to sit at the table people who are the same age interesting. I'm lucky because my ex husband dates, you know, his longtime relationship is age appropriate, and she's amazing, and we're very close, and you know, we're one big modern family. So I got lucky that that's the route that he went, but that's not the case for most of my friends.
00:20:26
Speaker 4: My dad in chapter two got with my now stepmom, who is nine and a half years younger than him.
00:20:32
Speaker 5: That's that's different than twenty years younger.
00:20:35
Speaker 3: It's different than twenty years younger.
00:20:37
Speaker 4: But she was in her twenties when they got together, so there was definitely.
00:20:41
Speaker 5: Not a shared experience.
00:20:43
Speaker 4: She was a single parent. But I mean there was a deb there. I still to this day feel like there's a definite gap in certain things.
00:20:51
Speaker 3: This is all really fascinating.
00:20:53
Speaker 5: I love where sit on the young girl situation. If you've seen it with his friends, I'm not asking if he's doing it, more curious his opinion.
00:21:01
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that there is probably just sort of a guy's desire to go and reclaim a little bit of what he feels like he's lost. And because because going into divorce is one of the biggest gut punches for a guy, especially if it wasn't the choice of the guy, and it, I mean, it just tears away your confidence.
00:21:20
Speaker 2: It tears away you know, you're sort of at.
00:21:23
Speaker 1: Your your virility, your manhood, and so I think there's a little bit of wanting to go and show the world.
00:21:29
Speaker 2: That you still got it.
00:21:30
Speaker 1: You know that you that you can still you know you can you can pull the cute girl or.
00:21:34
Speaker 2: Whatever it is.
00:21:35
Speaker 1: And whether that means you end up with them forever or not, time will tell. But I think that there is a propensity for guys, at least initially to look for younger girls. And I think that there is this sort of disconnect in a certain way where younger girls, and I'm not talking girls and they're you know, twenty one, twenty two. I'm talking about younger than guys, whether it's ten years or fifteen years, that look for something in older guys, whether stability, whether it's financial security, whether it's experience, or or something in there. I can't quite figure out what it is maturity that they're not seeing in guys at their own age, and especially if they're frustrated with dating guys in their own sort of their own age bracket. And so, but I think ultimately to Luise's point, especially if you have kids as a guy, you want to find somebody that compliments your modern family, whatever that looks like. You want to find somebody that will be able to fit in there and not cause an additional rift within the kids within the ex wife, within your world, because we've seen it too often.
00:22:38
Speaker 2: You know, you have the.
00:22:39
Speaker 1: Really old guy with a really young girl, and everybody just kind of shakes their head and knows exactly what's going on.
00:22:44
Speaker 2: But I think that.
00:22:45
Speaker 1: There is room in the middle for age difference that makes sense for both the woman and the man.
00:23:02
Speaker 4: Mister Wright will go for you for this one to start off. When dating, does the person meet the kids and does that change if your kids are out of the house.
00:23:15
Speaker 3: I'm going to give you forty seconds for this one.
00:23:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I do have big opinions on this, and I do think that you have to be incredibly sensitive to your kids. And so I don't think you can say make a blanket statement about when in the right time it is to meet or not meet, or introduce or whatever. And age has something to do with it, Maturity has something to do with it. Also, it has to do a little bit with what happened to break up the marriage to begin with. So I think that I don't think you should lie to your kids. I don't think you should should mislead them. I have a you know, my personal philosophy is just to be honest. If they ask questions, respond honestly. But in terms of introducing them, I don't think you should introduce them to somebody unless you think that they are worthy and they're going to be sticking around because you don't want to have a turner style. That's forty seconds are using the metric system and what really quick and I feel like they went really fast.
00:24:09
Speaker 5: These are actually, I think important questions and answers.
00:24:12
Speaker 4: It's good, it's good what you're saying, though I really I want to bounce the question though, to Louise to jump in and give your thoughts and opinions on what mister Wright is saying.
00:24:22
Speaker 5: So I think the most important thing is if you're dating somebody, I think mister Riot is correct. It has to do with the situation of how you met that person. For example, if there was overlap and that's the reason for the divorce, which is how I grew up, that is a situation where you have to be very very very very careful and you're probably not going to have joint tables for a long time. If ever, I also think it depends on the age when you got your children divorce and I hate to say it, but also for a mother you know, my kids were very young, they were third and fifth grade, and there was no world where at the time that they were living in my house, there was going to be a guy's sleeping in my bed. Never was going to do it. They've met one person, it was only recently, and to be honest with you, they did not like him. So it's now really kind of you know, changed my thing. But when they went to college, they both sat me down separately and they said, Mom, you were an amazing mom. You put us first. We want you to go live your life now. We will love whoever you love. And we saw that you put us first, but we are ready for you to have your chapter two. And that blessing for me was so important, and that acknowledgment of how I handled it because I have watched friends and it's been a revolving door of guys in their bed, and I think it's screws kids up. I think it's a really bad teaching moment for kids to see that, especially for a mother. So I think, you know, to mister Wright's point, it's situation by situation, but there's a lot of factors.
00:25:48
Speaker 1: I feel like that was way more than forty sevens I'm just I just feel like you're taking your playing favorites her other.
00:25:54
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I was throwing it back to you.
00:25:55
Speaker 4: I was going to say, mister Wright, what do you think about when does it change things when the kids are out of the house.
00:26:03
Speaker 1: You know, I think once the kids are out of the house, they're adults, you know, unless they you know, Yeah, I mean, I think once the kids are out of the house, all bets are off. And I think that you know, you're you're allowed to to kind of chase your happiness and be less concerned about the kids because they're off living their own.
00:26:20
Speaker 5: Lives and they want to focus on their own lives. They don't want to worry about us.
00:26:23
Speaker 3: Well. Sorry.
00:26:24
Speaker 4: My question though, is is if they're out of the house, do you introduce them sooner than you would if they lived in the house.
00:26:31
Speaker 1: If they're out of the house, I think you just I mean, I think there's sooner or later really matters. I think if it's if it works out, it's if it's convenient than yes. But I don't think you start bringing them around any sooner than you would otherwise. But I think that you know, when the kids are younger, I think to Luise's point, you know, I don't think you want to have, you know, a new guy or a new girl, you know, walking down the steps, you know, to breakfast in the morning wearing you know, wearing a robe and slippers. So I think you canna be really, really sick they're.
00:26:58
Speaker 5: Wearing a robe and slippers.
00:27:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's pretty small one.
00:27:01
Speaker 4: My mom and my stepdad separated for a period of time before getting back together, and my mom was immediately dating somebody who used to do the knock on the front door with a box of donuts thing and say, oh, I just happened to be in the neighborhood.
00:27:20
Speaker 5: Kids are smarter than that.
00:27:22
Speaker 4: Well, I wasn't a kid when he was doing it, so it was extremely obnoxious.
00:27:28
Speaker 3: I will say that.
00:27:28
Speaker 4: I would literally be like, dude, dude, I heard you this morning, like sneak out. I know you didn't go anywhere but around the corner to get donuts and come back. So yeah, people listening in chapter two, don't do that. It's actually really annoying and not cool.
00:27:46
Speaker 1: And I think it's okay to I mean to try and be sensitive to the kids by being I don't saying sneaky, but you can keep it to yourself. But if I'm confronted by one of my kids on something, I will tell them. I will answer them honestly. I'm not going to overshare, you know, I'm not going to treat them with the luck my friend. I'm not going to gossip with them about my love life. But if they asked me a question, are you you know, are you seeing somebody?
00:28:08
Speaker 2: Are you whatever? Yes, I'm going to answer them honestly.
00:28:11
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I'm going to ask you both an honest question because I can't imagine even dating right now, in this space, at this time in my life. Just with what I hear about the dating landscape, why do people in chapter two even want to date?
00:28:32
Speaker 2: Like?
00:28:33
Speaker 3: Why? I mean, it just sounds you've been so Heather, but it sounds.
00:28:37
Speaker 4: Even more complicated if I had kids and I had like an ex that I had to deal with for the rest of my life, Like why does anybody even want to date in chapter two?
00:28:48
Speaker 5: First of all, I'm so sad to hear you say that, because I know you've been heard. But to be honest with you, there's no greater feeling than loving somebody and being loved and to share a life with somebody, and especially as you've finished the chapter of your kids getting older, I mean, I don't want to be alone. I want to have a partner, Somebody to go get a coffee with, Somebody go on a walk with by the beach, Somebody to sit next to you while I'm reading a book, Somebody to go to a fun night in Vegas and do something crazy. Just it's It's the greatest thing in the world.
00:29:18
Speaker 2: Love.
00:29:19
Speaker 1: And I think that in this chapter two, especially if you find somebody that has a similar experience, whether you both have kids, you both have you know, sort of like breakup situations that were that were somewhat similar. You have this thing in common that is very personal and very real, and and you both can learn from your mistakes. And I think that there's an amazing way to build even stronger bond than you had in your chapter one because you've both been hurt or you both have had this similar experience and you're sensitive to it.
00:29:51
Speaker 2: Chapter one.
00:29:52
Speaker 1: I'll tell you, you know, I learned so much about myself as a husband, as a father, as a partner, all these things, and I think I am a much better version of myself because of the things that I learned along the way even though it hurt, and so hopefully you know in this chapter two. Yeah, it's complicated, don't get me wrong. It's complicated. Meeting people's complicated works, complicated kids are complicated. But when you do find that right puzzle piece, it does I think feel even that much better.
00:30:20
Speaker 5: I think you're going to you learn a lot also in divorce too, about yourself. I mean, it's an interesting time as you're learning to do things on your own and make decisions and just kind of understand who you are as we get older and what your needs are. And it's been almost more of a growing experience for me in the time that I've been divorced than at the time that I was married in terms of getting to know myself, because I think when you get married in the beginning, you're looking for, you know, a partner and somebody to be a father and build a life together and all of that, and it's just it's an interesting growing time post divorce.
00:30:57
Speaker 2: Well, this has been so much fun.
00:30:58
Speaker 1: Louise, thank you for showing up, Heather, thank you for keeping us honest and on time, and we look forward to continuing this conversation with more questions from listeners as we go.
00:31:09
Speaker 5: Forward, and if you're going through a divorce, finding Chapter two hard to navigate and need some advice, we are here to help. Send us an email or leave us a voicemail. All the infos in the show notes, and follow us on socials. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.