Feb. 10, 2026
An Unlikely Friendship with Lala Kent and Ambyr Childers
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RSS Feed Amy & T.J. welcome Lala Kent and Ambyr Childers, the ex-wife and the mistress turned co-hosts of An Unlikely Affair, for a crossover conversation unlike anything they’ve done before. The two open up about how they built a real friendship out of a deeply complicated past, choosing empathy and accountability over blame … and introducing Amy & T.J. to some new vocabulary along the way. It’s a story that’s so raw, honest, and unexpected that it genuinely left Amy & T.J. amazed.
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00:00:02
Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody.
00:00:03
Speaker 2: Welcome to this edition of Amy and TJ, where I've already messed up the word everybody. But that's what happens when I start podcast. TJ, why do you let me start podcasts?
00:00:11
Speaker 3: Because you were excited about this one, and you girls were chopping it up. This is a first of its kind episode for us, so I can see why you're a little nervous.
00:00:19
Speaker 1: I got nervous, a little intimidated.
00:00:21
Speaker 3: Folks are about to talk to yes, because they have a podcast called Unlikely Affair, and I just want to make sure nobody.
00:00:27
Speaker 1: Thinks that's the new name of our podcast. Let's not confuse anybody.
00:00:32
Speaker 2: An Unlikely Affair, Laala Kent and Average Childers and they just started this podcast a month ago, so with their podcasters, or at least we know that Lala has her podcast. And obviously everyone knows Amber and Lala, because yes, they're on your television screens, they're in movie theaters, they are everywhere, and now they're together, which is a huge part of the story. I don't know where to begin. Maybe we begin with Amber. Amber, you're married, you got two kids.
00:01:10
Speaker 1: Tell me what happened?
00:01:11
Speaker 2: What year was this was it twenty seventeen is when it all started to unravel.
00:01:16
Speaker 4: Well for everybody else, it started unraveling the day I said I do, I went to say I don't, but I am.
00:01:24
Speaker 5: Something just came out.
00:01:26
Speaker 3: In all seriousness. Really, do you really think you may? You could go back to your wedding day and think this was a mistake all that day. You felt that, not later.
00:01:33
Speaker 5: But yeah, and I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.
00:01:36
Speaker 4: When you when you get married, you think, as a woman, you think, oh my god, this is going to be so romantic. And we eloped and I agreed to Elope, and that was all. I didn't want to be a princess walking down the aisle. That was like not my thing.
00:01:50
Speaker 5: But when you go home at night and.
00:01:52
Speaker 4: You're like, all right, let's we're gonna have like sex for the first time as a married couple, and like it's going to be sexy, and oh, it's going to feel so different and passionate because now we're like one and we're married. And you look over at your partner and you say hey, and he's like, I'm too tired. Not tonight. You're like, I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life.
00:02:13
Speaker 5: That's called coke. Actually, thank you, We're welcome coke.
00:02:20
Speaker 1: Oh got fine?
00:02:25
Speaker 2: All right.
00:02:25
Speaker 1: So on your wedding night, you were like, what have I done? Get that? So how how do you think? Because you were married for technically what seven years or so?
00:02:35
Speaker 4: Yeah, almost eight, I think by the time. I think almost eight by the time everything was finalized.
00:02:41
Speaker 5: Yeah.
00:02:42
Speaker 4: You you know what, I think a lot of my mentality back then. And it's so I feel like I'm talking about a separate person, right, because the person that you are today is you look back and you're like, wow, I just want to like go hug her or slap her, right. I I grew up in a Mormon family, so for me, I had all these values of what a marriage should look like. And obviously my ex was not Mormon, but I still valued marriage. My parents, you know, met when they were in high school and still to this day that they're married. So divorce wasn't even in my vocabulary.
00:03:16
Speaker 5: And I'm a fighter.
00:03:17
Speaker 4: I wanted to keep fighting for my marriage from the first time, you know, things started to go wrong and I was just.
00:03:24
Speaker 5: I believe in love.
00:03:25
Speaker 4: I was sold the fairy tale that you know, Walt Disney sold every little girl sitting on their couch going that Prince Charming is going to come rescue me, and you're like, wait no, maybe he'll come the next chapter of my life, or maybe maybe this baby will help it, or maybe this trip will help it, or maybe you know what. You just make all these excuses up, and eventually you end up becoming the sick person. Because that's essentially what happened. I was became a broken human being where I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I didn't know who I was anymore. I completely lost my identity. My family was not happy. I truly couldn't come to them and tell them about everything that was going on in my marriage because my dad would have shown up with a shotgun in two second. Listen, I wanted you to feel some pain too. You had to go through it as well.
00:04:16
Speaker 3: All right, that's that's We should have put a disclaimer at the beginning that this is a crossover and therefore some language here you're going to hear that you're not used to hearing them.
00:04:28
Speaker 1: We dropped some curse words every now and then. Trust me, one kind of has a ring to it.
00:04:40
Speaker 5: I feel like there's a song.
00:04:44
Speaker 4: So so essentially, yeah, I I you know, I just stayed. I stayed because you know, I tell people this all the time. I stayed because of my kids. I really did.
00:04:52
Speaker 5: I didn't know.
00:04:52
Speaker 4: I didn't want them to come from a broken family. And ultimately I stayed shooting any you know, years and eventually the tape that I witnessed and saw was it for me.
00:05:07
Speaker 5: And I decided one day.
00:05:09
Speaker 4: I was like, if I needed to leave for my kids, I wanted to show them a good example. And I said this to my kids, sometimes two homes are better than one. And really that was a hard thing for me to accept. And I'll never forget sitting down with the kids and telling them that we were going to get divorced. It was awful, awful, you know. My Riley, my youngest one, was so little. London understood and she was very emotional about it. Who It's hard, but ultimately it was the best decision. You know. It's like those really painful moments that you because then it wasn't about me or him or Laala at that point, it was about the kids, right, yeah, thank you.
00:05:51
Speaker 3: How so we get to listening to what you're saying. Folks didn't see that moment. But Laala is the one that just put her hand on your back to comforts you as you're in tears. Now, can you all explain how unlikely and incredible the idea is that this woman is comforting you right now, given we haven't gotten into a lot of you mentioned the tape you saw and whatnot, but just how incredible it is the fact that you all are sitting here supporting each other. And this is where we get into some of the story that some people know and some people don't know.
00:06:24
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I feel like her story was shared.
00:06:28
Speaker 6: You know, we talked about this when you guys were on our podcast about you know, people taking control of your narrative.
00:06:36
Speaker 5: Amber's story was very much.
00:06:39
Speaker 6: Hijacked by a reality TV show called vander Pump Rules. And as much as our story has so many nuances, you know, you at some point.
00:06:51
Speaker 5: Have to just call it what it is. She was his wife. I was his mistress.
00:06:56
Speaker 6: I was twenty five at the time time of getting into a relationship with him, and he had portrayed that he was going through a separation that was going to end in divorce. And I feel like every time my gut spoke to me, I silenced it with alcohol.
00:07:18
Speaker 5: And I've talked about this before.
00:07:19
Speaker 6: I don't want to say that my alcoholism came from him, because I think it was alive and well within me for many years. I just think it became when I pinpoint when it got out of control. It was when he came into my life. And I'm now over seven years sober. Congratulations, Thank you so much. And when I when I hear her talk about these times, and you know, her talking to her kids, you know, there's so much shame that comes, and I've tried.
00:07:51
Speaker 5: To work through it. I'm crying again. I'm sweet.
00:07:55
Speaker 2: Sorry, But you know what, I think it's so beautiful Laala, that you're able to to own it and say I was twenty five, I made a mistake. I feel deep regret and shame for how Amber feels right now, but I think it's a beautiful thing that you're able. Look at the two of.
00:08:13
Speaker 1: You right now, it's pretty incredible, unbelievable story.
00:08:16
Speaker 5: It is an unbelievable story.
00:08:17
Speaker 6: I think that you hear a lot of people, you know, going through divorces, and then each person finds their person and then they end up all liking each other. It's very weird that the wife finds her husband and a sex tape with me on it, and we're the ones that end up together non romantically, but we're the ones still standing and he's, you know, wherever he is.
00:08:41
Speaker 5: And people ask me like, how could you not know that he was married?
00:08:47
Speaker 6: And I can't answer that because I think had I not been drinking, I would have I would have known.
00:08:52
Speaker 5: I didn't know. I just chose to silence my gut.
00:08:56
Speaker 6: And forget about all of the red flags that were right in front of me. And actually, after I got sober, and this was lightly covered on vander Pump Rules. After I got sober, I remember saying to him, you know, I have this scarlet letter that I'm wearing and I needed to go away. You know, I'm labeled a home wrecking whrror and I need to know for a fact that you were not married and that I did not wreck this home.
00:09:24
Speaker 5: That is weighing heavy on me.
00:09:26
Speaker 6: And he said, I have worked with a therapist and we are going to fly to Arizona and she is going to tell you, because she's been with me from the beginning, that you did not wreck my home. We fly out to Arizona, we work with this woman. She tells me the marriage was over, you did not wreck anything. I left feeling so great that that was the validation I needed.
00:09:48
Speaker 5: Cut to.
00:09:51
Speaker 6: October fifteenth of twenty twenty one. My daughter is seven months old. The picture surface of my ex and this woman. My gut speaks to me. I'm sober now, I go somethingate right. I end up leaving him. I get Amber on the phone to make amends. We start, you know, slowly but surely, having communication.
00:10:11
Speaker 5: I asked her about this therapist.
00:10:13
Speaker 6: She goes, that was our couple's therapist when Randall and I were working on our marriage. I called this therapist you guys, and I tell her, you know, this is what I've been told. And she goes, well, I can't discuss Amber because she was, you know, my patient.
00:10:29
Speaker 5: I said, well, you.
00:10:30
Speaker 6: Certainly had no problem discussing her when I came to visit you with my ex. Her response to me, I just don't understand how this is a problem for you, Lola. We had many great sessions. I said, this is not a problem for me. This is a huge problem for you. I was like, I got a lot on my plate, but I'm going to come back to you. I will come back for you girl.
00:10:50
Speaker 2: This is it.
00:10:51
Speaker 3: She still working as a therapist.
00:10:52
Speaker 5: I have no idea. My plate got really full. I was like, I can't worry about this.
00:10:57
Speaker 3: Therapist conversations that you decided to reach out, is that the first time you all had interacted. You said you decided to reach out slowly and you started talking. But was that the first time you all started interacting.
00:11:11
Speaker 4: We had an interaction a few separate times, you know, we attempted I think one or two birthday parties.
00:11:18
Speaker 1: It was just really.
00:11:20
Speaker 4: Uncomfortable and really at the end of the day is he didn't want us close and I at some point I was like, you know what, let's just make this work right. And it was. It was a constant intervening by his part, in addition to at some at some points we were especially during the pandemic, and we were all, you know, trying to just survive. Her and I had our few disputes. But I even said to you yesterday, I always wanted to be, you know, close with you. I didn't I wouldn't need to be best friends, but you know, for the sake of the children and now ocean, and it's like, let's make this work for everybody and put our anger and bitterness aside.
00:12:01
Speaker 6: That was not easy though. I was very intimidated by her. You know, she was an actress. I was on reality TV acting a damn fool. She had talent, she was on Red Car, but she was like everything I was not on top of the person i'm with has two children with her, and we're all parents now we know that that love is like and I like blamed her for that.
00:12:29
Speaker 5: I'm like, you gave him what I have not given him.
00:12:32
Speaker 6: Now that I'm in the I'm like, if someone were to come like, I hate them, right, you.
00:12:36
Speaker 5: Don't got to worry about him. She is my everything.
00:12:39
Speaker 6: He's you know, background noise. But I looked at her and felt very intimidated, and I think I was jealous. And then you add the alcohol and it just fueled a part of me that was it would just.
00:12:51
Speaker 5: Breed toxicity.
00:12:54
Speaker 6: Every moment that you know, her name was mentioned and I chose to drink to numb things. I was a person that I was not proud of. And even though we had moments when I was with him where we could have you know, productive conversations, it always ended in flames.
00:13:13
Speaker 5: Whether it was his fault or not, it didn't matter.
00:13:15
Speaker 6: The day that I left him and I had to really sit with myself and go it was I would be myself up.
00:13:21
Speaker 5: I'm like, you deserved this.
00:13:23
Speaker 6: You stepped in, You ruined someone's home, and now you know what she.
00:13:29
Speaker 1: Was feeling because he stepped out on you.
00:13:31
Speaker 5: Correct.
00:13:33
Speaker 6: But it also made sense when she told me you saved me because I looked at this girl who I'm like, I'm angry at you, but also you saved me because I did not like this person.
00:13:41
Speaker 5: I didn't want to be with him. Isn't it wild? Because then you go, why do you have a baby with him? And I'm like, I don't really know. I'm really glad she's here, though.
00:13:50
Speaker 3: Well, this idea that this that this pattern is underway, that you were married to him, he's dealing with you.
00:13:56
Speaker 1: You saved her.
00:13:58
Speaker 3: From him, This other woman saved you from him, and maybe some other woman is going to come along and save this new That's weird that you all have put it into well context, that is insane. What beefs did you all actually have? You talk about jealous but as far as conflict, did you did you blame her for what was happening in your marriage for sure.
00:14:19
Speaker 4: Well I really blame both of them, but of course I wanted to because there was this love that I had with my ex right there was. I didn't ever love her. I loved my ex and I wanted my family to stay together. So for the longest time, I I would find any reason to be mad at her, you know, and especially when another woman is stepping in. Not only did she, you know, take over my family and my marriage, but now she's stepping in and taking care of my children. So it's like, okay, you could take care of him, but now you're coming in and Mama Bear's going to come out and now.
00:14:56
Speaker 5: So that was really hard.
00:14:58
Speaker 4: But after I let my guard down and just really put my anger aside, and I have said this before on our podcast, she really helped me. My family life at his house was so calm. She made sure the kids went to bed on time, made sure that they had good vegetables, made sure, you know, it was like she was the mother hen And I was so grateful because now I see the dysfunction not having.
00:15:27
Speaker 5: A woman in the house, and I'm like, would you go back? Would I need you over there?
00:15:34
Speaker 3: But I am I know.
00:15:37
Speaker 2: I am in awe of both of you, by the way, because we too often hear these stories, and I get it it might be human nature, but cat fights and girls blaming the other woman and not blaming their husband or not blaming who they were actually in a relationship, but always going after the other woman, right, and a younger woman too.
00:15:55
Speaker 1: So it's like your classic moment where you're like, how dare you right? How did you get from?
00:16:01
Speaker 2: And I know you said you reached out after you left him, but how did you go from maybe tolerating and maybe slightly appreciating maybe what she gave your kids while you weren't there, to becoming a unit, a team and having a deep friendship That seems impossible to me.
00:16:18
Speaker 6: It is very strange, I'm gonna tell you, and I'm sure sorry to your listeners who don't hear language like this.
00:16:25
Speaker 5: But was it last night or this morning? When oh, this morning.
00:16:28
Speaker 6: I was in the shower and we're talking. She's in the bathroom and I'm finished. I opened the curtain and she's on the toilet going number one.
00:16:37
Speaker 5: But I go, we're really comfortable with each other, aren't we? How did this happen?
00:16:43
Speaker 6: Like it really is so strange because it's gone so far beyond like the person we had in common. Right, you can have someone in common, it doesn't mean you're gonna connect. We had two separate rooms out here, you guys. We went to the front desk. We were like, we're gonna need us one room a suite because we would like to be with each other.
00:17:02
Speaker 3: That's crazy.
00:17:02
Speaker 5: That is crazy to me.
00:17:05
Speaker 6: And I think he obviously had a type, which I'm thrilled about because I really love you.
00:17:11
Speaker 5: You're very pretty.
00:17:12
Speaker 4: Sorry, that's amazing. I've seen that naked body. I know why he's slept with you.
00:17:17
Speaker 5: I would have too.
00:17:19
Speaker 6: I don't know I'm going to turn reve but I think personality wise too, because we can both go to the mats.
00:17:26
Speaker 5: We're both very open about talking. I mean I'm a little bit more vulgar than she is, obviously.
00:17:32
Speaker 6: But like just our conversations, I leave with my cup filling so full after being around her.
00:17:39
Speaker 1: And you guys share daughters. Your daughters are sisters, Yes, yeah, yes, that what a gift to them that you want.
00:17:46
Speaker 2: Because I'm this could make me emotional thinking about how often like my daughter who's nineteen just called me and talking about girls tearing other girls down and she's upset because someone said something about something and oftentimes.
00:17:58
Speaker 1: There's a boy involved.
00:17:59
Speaker 2: Right, So what an example for your daughters to see this bond and this friendship.
00:18:07
Speaker 1: I think it's so beautiful.
00:18:09
Speaker 2: I'm blown away because both of you all had to shed your egos and shed blameing. It's so easy to blame the other woman, right, yeah, to say no, what did I do wrong? Or how can I be like you were even talking about basically saying I need to understand this other woman and not just point the finger at her and see and be with her and have us be a united film just for my kid's sake initially, but then to allow her into your you have to open up your heart and be very vulnerable to do what you all are doing.
00:18:43
Speaker 4: It took a while to get there, but I think for me a big part of it was, you know, getting sober as well. That really changed my life and working a program and it's not you know, I learned about forgiveness when I went to church every Sunday, right or I went to seminary, which is church before school. It was a different I really had to have a relationship with gain a relationship with a higher power to really understand that.
00:19:08
Speaker 5: Lawless human right. My ex is my ex.
00:19:13
Speaker 4: You can't change people he is, And I tell my kids, you know, every day we have to love him for who he is where he is. Right Does that mean some days I want to freaking strangle him sometimes? But he is who he is, and we're all human at the end of the day. And there's, like I said before, there's so much stuff going on in the world that if I could just be a little bit of an example or to someone on social media or that is listening to this podcast to know that you can find happiness and love does always win. I didn't want to It's like I didn't want to die, and hating her was killing me. It wasn't doing anything to her. She was going to go live her life no matter what. So I had to make a choice of Okay, you really need to stop and look at the bigger picture.
00:19:57
Speaker 2: Here.
00:20:07
Speaker 3: Can you give, for just a moment to every young woman woman out there listening who ends up in a position where they are targeting or think it's the other woman's fault and they're not I guess putting a lot of responsibility. Maybe on the guy they're in a relationship with. How is it you all were able to do something and not direct all that anger or continue to direct it towards the other woman like we As you mentioned it just women always pit it against each other no matter what it is. It seems like, how did give some advice really to women listening? How do you get past that? Stop doing that?
00:20:38
Speaker 6: Well? I think women are looked at as like provocateurs, right, Like we walk in and we're like it's.
00:20:43
Speaker 5: Like we lure them in, and it's like, well, hold on, let's calm down a little bit, and it is. It's very tough to not.
00:20:54
Speaker 6: Go up against the woman and hold the man accountable. I think time and I think taking a step back.
00:21:04
Speaker 5: I mean, I'm.
00:21:06
Speaker 4: She.
00:21:07
Speaker 6: I think where she and I were different was he had stepped out many times on her, and I'm sure he did on me too. But you really, I think you loved him at some point and you really fought for it.
00:21:18
Speaker 5: I don't think I ever loved him like that. I didn't really care. It's like, go sleep with.
00:21:24
Speaker 6: Whoever you want, as long as I don't have to be doing it anymore, Like, go do what you need to do. And so sadly it was the common bond of like being done dirty by this person. So I think if you can take a step back and point out what am I mad about?
00:21:44
Speaker 4: Here?
00:21:45
Speaker 5: Am I mad about this woman coming in? Yes? Am I mad that he stepped out on me? You really have to.
00:21:50
Speaker 6: Pinpoint what it is that has made you feel the way you're feeling. And also, and this is the hardest part, and I think this is sobriety.
00:22:00
Speaker 5: What part did I play in this?
00:22:02
Speaker 6: Because my part exists somewhere within this.
00:22:07
Speaker 5: What did I not give?
00:22:08
Speaker 6: And it's not taking blame, but when I did remove myself and go, you know this happened because of you two. That is when I was able to see her as my person. You know, because we're women, we have so much in We have more in common with each other when we than we do with these men. I mean that is clear as day. When you can find that that common ground with a woman, I mean, you feel so seen.
00:22:36
Speaker 1: It's true.
00:22:37
Speaker 6: I felt so seen by her and so supportive. I mean when I left him, I didn't tell my closest friends where I was staying because I was so terrified he would find me. I let this woman know where I was staying the woman who was like my enemy and for no reason over this man.
00:22:55
Speaker 2: Come on, come on, oh my, this is awesome. So your podcast, as we mentioned, just launched in January. What are you all tackling together? What are your topics?
00:23:08
Speaker 1: What? What will listeners get when they tune into your podcast?
00:23:11
Speaker 3: Us We've already been guessed on this brand new podcast.
00:23:14
Speaker 5: I know we're so grateful. You guys were amazing. You had me crying, laughing, feeling hopeful about love. But that's it. I think that's it. Hopeful in love.
00:23:25
Speaker 4: I mean for me, I don't want to speak, I don't want to speak for you, but I think for me, for our podcast is and I don't want it to be so sappy.
00:23:33
Speaker 5: I want to share our story.
00:23:34
Speaker 4: We could talk about our past, because that's how we grow and we learn. And my biggest like lessons in life have been from those dark moments. But then let's talk about moving forward. Like we're talking about dating. She gives me dating advice. I'm like, you need to.
00:23:48
Speaker 5: Pick my next guy, and I'm going to pick your next guy.
00:23:50
Speaker 4: And like it's just we have these funny conversations that you know, it's like she's my sister.
00:23:55
Speaker 5: Yeah, that I would have with my sister.
00:23:56
Speaker 6: There's really no topic that is off limits, whether it's co parenting with a narcissist or you're, you know.
00:24:03
Speaker 5: Getting getting involved with a new guy. When do you introduce the kids? I don't know.
00:24:08
Speaker 6: You know, these are all things that a lot of people are dealing with, and I want to make sure that people know that an Unlikely Affair is not a podcast where you come to hear us just bash our X like he's actually very insignificant in the bigger picture.
00:24:25
Speaker 1: Right, I thought that was a compliment.
00:24:29
Speaker 5: Would ever be a compliment coming out of my mouth? That made that very cool?
00:24:35
Speaker 1: Wow, she's gonna say something nice about him.
00:24:37
Speaker 2: But actually that was well, I feel that was the best get insignificant.
00:24:42
Speaker 6: Yeah, And so it's the dynamic and how we started, But ultimately it's like we want to be the podcast you come to to hear about. Like, you know, I'm thirty five, I don't know how to get back in the dating scene.
00:24:55
Speaker 5: I've got a baby with a sperm.
00:24:57
Speaker 6: Donor, and like some would give me some freaking invice, I know, I'm not alone.
00:25:02
Speaker 5: A podcast where you feel a little less alone.
00:25:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that we will be tuning in. This has been such a pleasure getting to know the two of you, and I love the idea that we can be down, we can get knocked down.
00:25:16
Speaker 1: And seeing people. I think people love to knock people down and to contribute to that.
00:25:21
Speaker 2: But then everyone wants you to rise from the ashes and to be those women that other women can look to. You know how many women are going through different versions of what you all, and they've played different roles. But everyone wants to have a good guy and a bad guy, or a good girl and a bad girl, and we're sometimes we're all of the above. Yeah, and if we can just rise above it and join together. I love your story and I think it's so inspiring. I'm so happy that.
00:25:48
Speaker 1: We met you and we're going to be listening for you.
00:25:51
Speaker 5: Thank you guys so much.
Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody.
00:00:03
Speaker 2: Welcome to this edition of Amy and TJ, where I've already messed up the word everybody. But that's what happens when I start podcast. TJ, why do you let me start podcasts?
00:00:11
Speaker 3: Because you were excited about this one, and you girls were chopping it up. This is a first of its kind episode for us, so I can see why you're a little nervous.
00:00:19
Speaker 1: I got nervous, a little intimidated.
00:00:21
Speaker 3: Folks are about to talk to yes, because they have a podcast called Unlikely Affair, and I just want to make sure nobody.
00:00:27
Speaker 1: Thinks that's the new name of our podcast. Let's not confuse anybody.
00:00:32
Speaker 2: An Unlikely Affair, Laala Kent and Average Childers and they just started this podcast a month ago, so with their podcasters, or at least we know that Lala has her podcast. And obviously everyone knows Amber and Lala, because yes, they're on your television screens, they're in movie theaters, they are everywhere, and now they're together, which is a huge part of the story. I don't know where to begin. Maybe we begin with Amber. Amber, you're married, you got two kids.
00:01:10
Speaker 1: Tell me what happened?
00:01:11
Speaker 2: What year was this was it twenty seventeen is when it all started to unravel.
00:01:16
Speaker 4: Well for everybody else, it started unraveling the day I said I do, I went to say I don't, but I am.
00:01:24
Speaker 5: Something just came out.
00:01:26
Speaker 3: In all seriousness. Really, do you really think you may? You could go back to your wedding day and think this was a mistake all that day. You felt that, not later.
00:01:33
Speaker 5: But yeah, and I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.
00:01:36
Speaker 4: When you when you get married, you think, as a woman, you think, oh my god, this is going to be so romantic. And we eloped and I agreed to Elope, and that was all. I didn't want to be a princess walking down the aisle. That was like not my thing.
00:01:50
Speaker 5: But when you go home at night and.
00:01:52
Speaker 4: You're like, all right, let's we're gonna have like sex for the first time as a married couple, and like it's going to be sexy, and oh, it's going to feel so different and passionate because now we're like one and we're married. And you look over at your partner and you say hey, and he's like, I'm too tired. Not tonight. You're like, I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life.
00:02:13
Speaker 5: That's called coke. Actually, thank you, We're welcome coke.
00:02:20
Speaker 1: Oh got fine?
00:02:25
Speaker 2: All right.
00:02:25
Speaker 1: So on your wedding night, you were like, what have I done? Get that? So how how do you think? Because you were married for technically what seven years or so?
00:02:35
Speaker 4: Yeah, almost eight, I think by the time. I think almost eight by the time everything was finalized.
00:02:41
Speaker 5: Yeah.
00:02:42
Speaker 4: You you know what, I think a lot of my mentality back then. And it's so I feel like I'm talking about a separate person, right, because the person that you are today is you look back and you're like, wow, I just want to like go hug her or slap her, right. I I grew up in a Mormon family, so for me, I had all these values of what a marriage should look like. And obviously my ex was not Mormon, but I still valued marriage. My parents, you know, met when they were in high school and still to this day that they're married. So divorce wasn't even in my vocabulary.
00:03:16
Speaker 5: And I'm a fighter.
00:03:17
Speaker 4: I wanted to keep fighting for my marriage from the first time, you know, things started to go wrong and I was just.
00:03:24
Speaker 5: I believe in love.
00:03:25
Speaker 4: I was sold the fairy tale that you know, Walt Disney sold every little girl sitting on their couch going that Prince Charming is going to come rescue me, and you're like, wait no, maybe he'll come the next chapter of my life, or maybe maybe this baby will help it, or maybe this trip will help it, or maybe you know what. You just make all these excuses up, and eventually you end up becoming the sick person. Because that's essentially what happened. I was became a broken human being where I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I didn't know who I was anymore. I completely lost my identity. My family was not happy. I truly couldn't come to them and tell them about everything that was going on in my marriage because my dad would have shown up with a shotgun in two second. Listen, I wanted you to feel some pain too. You had to go through it as well.
00:04:16
Speaker 3: All right, that's that's We should have put a disclaimer at the beginning that this is a crossover and therefore some language here you're going to hear that you're not used to hearing them.
00:04:28
Speaker 1: We dropped some curse words every now and then. Trust me, one kind of has a ring to it.
00:04:40
Speaker 5: I feel like there's a song.
00:04:44
Speaker 4: So so essentially, yeah, I I you know, I just stayed. I stayed because you know, I tell people this all the time. I stayed because of my kids. I really did.
00:04:52
Speaker 5: I didn't know.
00:04:52
Speaker 4: I didn't want them to come from a broken family. And ultimately I stayed shooting any you know, years and eventually the tape that I witnessed and saw was it for me.
00:05:07
Speaker 5: And I decided one day.
00:05:09
Speaker 4: I was like, if I needed to leave for my kids, I wanted to show them a good example. And I said this to my kids, sometimes two homes are better than one. And really that was a hard thing for me to accept. And I'll never forget sitting down with the kids and telling them that we were going to get divorced. It was awful, awful, you know. My Riley, my youngest one, was so little. London understood and she was very emotional about it. Who It's hard, but ultimately it was the best decision. You know. It's like those really painful moments that you because then it wasn't about me or him or Laala at that point, it was about the kids, right, yeah, thank you.
00:05:51
Speaker 3: How so we get to listening to what you're saying. Folks didn't see that moment. But Laala is the one that just put her hand on your back to comforts you as you're in tears. Now, can you all explain how unlikely and incredible the idea is that this woman is comforting you right now, given we haven't gotten into a lot of you mentioned the tape you saw and whatnot, but just how incredible it is the fact that you all are sitting here supporting each other. And this is where we get into some of the story that some people know and some people don't know.
00:06:24
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I feel like her story was shared.
00:06:28
Speaker 6: You know, we talked about this when you guys were on our podcast about you know, people taking control of your narrative.
00:06:36
Speaker 5: Amber's story was very much.
00:06:39
Speaker 6: Hijacked by a reality TV show called vander Pump Rules. And as much as our story has so many nuances, you know, you at some point.
00:06:51
Speaker 5: Have to just call it what it is. She was his wife. I was his mistress.
00:06:56
Speaker 6: I was twenty five at the time time of getting into a relationship with him, and he had portrayed that he was going through a separation that was going to end in divorce. And I feel like every time my gut spoke to me, I silenced it with alcohol.
00:07:18
Speaker 5: And I've talked about this before.
00:07:19
Speaker 6: I don't want to say that my alcoholism came from him, because I think it was alive and well within me for many years. I just think it became when I pinpoint when it got out of control. It was when he came into my life. And I'm now over seven years sober. Congratulations, Thank you so much. And when I when I hear her talk about these times, and you know, her talking to her kids, you know, there's so much shame that comes, and I've tried.
00:07:51
Speaker 5: To work through it. I'm crying again. I'm sweet.
00:07:55
Speaker 2: Sorry, But you know what, I think it's so beautiful Laala, that you're able to to own it and say I was twenty five, I made a mistake. I feel deep regret and shame for how Amber feels right now, but I think it's a beautiful thing that you're able. Look at the two of.
00:08:13
Speaker 1: You right now, it's pretty incredible, unbelievable story.
00:08:16
Speaker 5: It is an unbelievable story.
00:08:17
Speaker 6: I think that you hear a lot of people, you know, going through divorces, and then each person finds their person and then they end up all liking each other. It's very weird that the wife finds her husband and a sex tape with me on it, and we're the ones that end up together non romantically, but we're the ones still standing and he's, you know, wherever he is.
00:08:41
Speaker 5: And people ask me like, how could you not know that he was married?
00:08:47
Speaker 6: And I can't answer that because I think had I not been drinking, I would have I would have known.
00:08:52
Speaker 5: I didn't know. I just chose to silence my gut.
00:08:56
Speaker 6: And forget about all of the red flags that were right in front of me. And actually, after I got sober, and this was lightly covered on vander Pump Rules. After I got sober, I remember saying to him, you know, I have this scarlet letter that I'm wearing and I needed to go away. You know, I'm labeled a home wrecking whrror and I need to know for a fact that you were not married and that I did not wreck this home.
00:09:24
Speaker 5: That is weighing heavy on me.
00:09:26
Speaker 6: And he said, I have worked with a therapist and we are going to fly to Arizona and she is going to tell you, because she's been with me from the beginning, that you did not wreck my home. We fly out to Arizona, we work with this woman. She tells me the marriage was over, you did not wreck anything. I left feeling so great that that was the validation I needed.
00:09:48
Speaker 5: Cut to.
00:09:51
Speaker 6: October fifteenth of twenty twenty one. My daughter is seven months old. The picture surface of my ex and this woman. My gut speaks to me. I'm sober now, I go somethingate right. I end up leaving him. I get Amber on the phone to make amends. We start, you know, slowly but surely, having communication.
00:10:11
Speaker 5: I asked her about this therapist.
00:10:13
Speaker 6: She goes, that was our couple's therapist when Randall and I were working on our marriage. I called this therapist you guys, and I tell her, you know, this is what I've been told. And she goes, well, I can't discuss Amber because she was, you know, my patient.
00:10:29
Speaker 5: I said, well, you.
00:10:30
Speaker 6: Certainly had no problem discussing her when I came to visit you with my ex. Her response to me, I just don't understand how this is a problem for you, Lola. We had many great sessions. I said, this is not a problem for me. This is a huge problem for you. I was like, I got a lot on my plate, but I'm going to come back to you. I will come back for you girl.
00:10:50
Speaker 2: This is it.
00:10:51
Speaker 3: She still working as a therapist.
00:10:52
Speaker 5: I have no idea. My plate got really full. I was like, I can't worry about this.
00:10:57
Speaker 3: Therapist conversations that you decided to reach out, is that the first time you all had interacted. You said you decided to reach out slowly and you started talking. But was that the first time you all started interacting.
00:11:11
Speaker 4: We had an interaction a few separate times, you know, we attempted I think one or two birthday parties.
00:11:18
Speaker 1: It was just really.
00:11:20
Speaker 4: Uncomfortable and really at the end of the day is he didn't want us close and I at some point I was like, you know what, let's just make this work right. And it was. It was a constant intervening by his part, in addition to at some at some points we were especially during the pandemic, and we were all, you know, trying to just survive. Her and I had our few disputes. But I even said to you yesterday, I always wanted to be, you know, close with you. I didn't I wouldn't need to be best friends, but you know, for the sake of the children and now ocean, and it's like, let's make this work for everybody and put our anger and bitterness aside.
00:12:01
Speaker 6: That was not easy though. I was very intimidated by her. You know, she was an actress. I was on reality TV acting a damn fool. She had talent, she was on Red Car, but she was like everything I was not on top of the person i'm with has two children with her, and we're all parents now we know that that love is like and I like blamed her for that.
00:12:29
Speaker 5: I'm like, you gave him what I have not given him.
00:12:32
Speaker 6: Now that I'm in the I'm like, if someone were to come like, I hate them, right, you.
00:12:36
Speaker 5: Don't got to worry about him. She is my everything.
00:12:39
Speaker 6: He's you know, background noise. But I looked at her and felt very intimidated, and I think I was jealous. And then you add the alcohol and it just fueled a part of me that was it would just.
00:12:51
Speaker 5: Breed toxicity.
00:12:54
Speaker 6: Every moment that you know, her name was mentioned and I chose to drink to numb things. I was a person that I was not proud of. And even though we had moments when I was with him where we could have you know, productive conversations, it always ended in flames.
00:13:13
Speaker 5: Whether it was his fault or not, it didn't matter.
00:13:15
Speaker 6: The day that I left him and I had to really sit with myself and go it was I would be myself up.
00:13:21
Speaker 5: I'm like, you deserved this.
00:13:23
Speaker 6: You stepped in, You ruined someone's home, and now you know what she.
00:13:29
Speaker 1: Was feeling because he stepped out on you.
00:13:31
Speaker 5: Correct.
00:13:33
Speaker 6: But it also made sense when she told me you saved me because I looked at this girl who I'm like, I'm angry at you, but also you saved me because I did not like this person.
00:13:41
Speaker 5: I didn't want to be with him. Isn't it wild? Because then you go, why do you have a baby with him? And I'm like, I don't really know. I'm really glad she's here, though.
00:13:50
Speaker 3: Well, this idea that this that this pattern is underway, that you were married to him, he's dealing with you.
00:13:56
Speaker 1: You saved her.
00:13:58
Speaker 3: From him, This other woman saved you from him, and maybe some other woman is going to come along and save this new That's weird that you all have put it into well context, that is insane. What beefs did you all actually have? You talk about jealous but as far as conflict, did you did you blame her for what was happening in your marriage for sure.
00:14:19
Speaker 4: Well I really blame both of them, but of course I wanted to because there was this love that I had with my ex right there was. I didn't ever love her. I loved my ex and I wanted my family to stay together. So for the longest time, I I would find any reason to be mad at her, you know, and especially when another woman is stepping in. Not only did she, you know, take over my family and my marriage, but now she's stepping in and taking care of my children. So it's like, okay, you could take care of him, but now you're coming in and Mama Bear's going to come out and now.
00:14:56
Speaker 5: So that was really hard.
00:14:58
Speaker 4: But after I let my guard down and just really put my anger aside, and I have said this before on our podcast, she really helped me. My family life at his house was so calm. She made sure the kids went to bed on time, made sure that they had good vegetables, made sure, you know, it was like she was the mother hen And I was so grateful because now I see the dysfunction not having.
00:15:27
Speaker 5: A woman in the house, and I'm like, would you go back? Would I need you over there?
00:15:34
Speaker 3: But I am I know.
00:15:37
Speaker 2: I am in awe of both of you, by the way, because we too often hear these stories, and I get it it might be human nature, but cat fights and girls blaming the other woman and not blaming their husband or not blaming who they were actually in a relationship, but always going after the other woman, right, and a younger woman too.
00:15:55
Speaker 1: So it's like your classic moment where you're like, how dare you right? How did you get from?
00:16:01
Speaker 2: And I know you said you reached out after you left him, but how did you go from maybe tolerating and maybe slightly appreciating maybe what she gave your kids while you weren't there, to becoming a unit, a team and having a deep friendship That seems impossible to me.
00:16:18
Speaker 6: It is very strange, I'm gonna tell you, and I'm sure sorry to your listeners who don't hear language like this.
00:16:25
Speaker 5: But was it last night or this morning? When oh, this morning.
00:16:28
Speaker 6: I was in the shower and we're talking. She's in the bathroom and I'm finished. I opened the curtain and she's on the toilet going number one.
00:16:37
Speaker 5: But I go, we're really comfortable with each other, aren't we? How did this happen?
00:16:43
Speaker 6: Like it really is so strange because it's gone so far beyond like the person we had in common. Right, you can have someone in common, it doesn't mean you're gonna connect. We had two separate rooms out here, you guys. We went to the front desk. We were like, we're gonna need us one room a suite because we would like to be with each other.
00:17:02
Speaker 3: That's crazy.
00:17:02
Speaker 5: That is crazy to me.
00:17:05
Speaker 6: And I think he obviously had a type, which I'm thrilled about because I really love you.
00:17:11
Speaker 5: You're very pretty.
00:17:12
Speaker 4: Sorry, that's amazing. I've seen that naked body. I know why he's slept with you.
00:17:17
Speaker 5: I would have too.
00:17:19
Speaker 6: I don't know I'm going to turn reve but I think personality wise too, because we can both go to the mats.
00:17:26
Speaker 5: We're both very open about talking. I mean I'm a little bit more vulgar than she is, obviously.
00:17:32
Speaker 6: But like just our conversations, I leave with my cup filling so full after being around her.
00:17:39
Speaker 1: And you guys share daughters. Your daughters are sisters, Yes, yeah, yes, that what a gift to them that you want.
00:17:46
Speaker 2: Because I'm this could make me emotional thinking about how often like my daughter who's nineteen just called me and talking about girls tearing other girls down and she's upset because someone said something about something and oftentimes.
00:17:58
Speaker 1: There's a boy involved.
00:17:59
Speaker 2: Right, So what an example for your daughters to see this bond and this friendship.
00:18:07
Speaker 1: I think it's so beautiful.
00:18:09
Speaker 2: I'm blown away because both of you all had to shed your egos and shed blameing. It's so easy to blame the other woman, right, yeah, to say no, what did I do wrong? Or how can I be like you were even talking about basically saying I need to understand this other woman and not just point the finger at her and see and be with her and have us be a united film just for my kid's sake initially, but then to allow her into your you have to open up your heart and be very vulnerable to do what you all are doing.
00:18:43
Speaker 4: It took a while to get there, but I think for me a big part of it was, you know, getting sober as well. That really changed my life and working a program and it's not you know, I learned about forgiveness when I went to church every Sunday, right or I went to seminary, which is church before school. It was a different I really had to have a relationship with gain a relationship with a higher power to really understand that.
00:19:08
Speaker 5: Lawless human right. My ex is my ex.
00:19:13
Speaker 4: You can't change people he is, And I tell my kids, you know, every day we have to love him for who he is where he is. Right Does that mean some days I want to freaking strangle him sometimes? But he is who he is, and we're all human at the end of the day. And there's, like I said before, there's so much stuff going on in the world that if I could just be a little bit of an example or to someone on social media or that is listening to this podcast to know that you can find happiness and love does always win. I didn't want to It's like I didn't want to die, and hating her was killing me. It wasn't doing anything to her. She was going to go live her life no matter what. So I had to make a choice of Okay, you really need to stop and look at the bigger picture.
00:19:57
Speaker 2: Here.
00:20:07
Speaker 3: Can you give, for just a moment to every young woman woman out there listening who ends up in a position where they are targeting or think it's the other woman's fault and they're not I guess putting a lot of responsibility. Maybe on the guy they're in a relationship with. How is it you all were able to do something and not direct all that anger or continue to direct it towards the other woman like we As you mentioned it just women always pit it against each other no matter what it is. It seems like, how did give some advice really to women listening? How do you get past that? Stop doing that?
00:20:38
Speaker 6: Well? I think women are looked at as like provocateurs, right, Like we walk in and we're like it's.
00:20:43
Speaker 5: Like we lure them in, and it's like, well, hold on, let's calm down a little bit, and it is. It's very tough to not.
00:20:54
Speaker 6: Go up against the woman and hold the man accountable. I think time and I think taking a step back.
00:21:04
Speaker 5: I mean, I'm.
00:21:06
Speaker 4: She.
00:21:07
Speaker 6: I think where she and I were different was he had stepped out many times on her, and I'm sure he did on me too. But you really, I think you loved him at some point and you really fought for it.
00:21:18
Speaker 5: I don't think I ever loved him like that. I didn't really care. It's like, go sleep with.
00:21:24
Speaker 6: Whoever you want, as long as I don't have to be doing it anymore, Like, go do what you need to do. And so sadly it was the common bond of like being done dirty by this person. So I think if you can take a step back and point out what am I mad about?
00:21:44
Speaker 4: Here?
00:21:45
Speaker 5: Am I mad about this woman coming in? Yes? Am I mad that he stepped out on me? You really have to.
00:21:50
Speaker 6: Pinpoint what it is that has made you feel the way you're feeling. And also, and this is the hardest part, and I think this is sobriety.
00:22:00
Speaker 5: What part did I play in this?
00:22:02
Speaker 6: Because my part exists somewhere within this.
00:22:07
Speaker 5: What did I not give?
00:22:08
Speaker 6: And it's not taking blame, but when I did remove myself and go, you know this happened because of you two. That is when I was able to see her as my person. You know, because we're women, we have so much in We have more in common with each other when we than we do with these men. I mean that is clear as day. When you can find that that common ground with a woman, I mean, you feel so seen.
00:22:36
Speaker 1: It's true.
00:22:37
Speaker 6: I felt so seen by her and so supportive. I mean when I left him, I didn't tell my closest friends where I was staying because I was so terrified he would find me. I let this woman know where I was staying the woman who was like my enemy and for no reason over this man.
00:22:55
Speaker 2: Come on, come on, oh my, this is awesome. So your podcast, as we mentioned, just launched in January. What are you all tackling together? What are your topics?
00:23:08
Speaker 1: What? What will listeners get when they tune into your podcast?
00:23:11
Speaker 3: Us We've already been guessed on this brand new podcast.
00:23:14
Speaker 5: I know we're so grateful. You guys were amazing. You had me crying, laughing, feeling hopeful about love. But that's it. I think that's it. Hopeful in love.
00:23:25
Speaker 4: I mean for me, I don't want to speak, I don't want to speak for you, but I think for me, for our podcast is and I don't want it to be so sappy.
00:23:33
Speaker 5: I want to share our story.
00:23:34
Speaker 4: We could talk about our past, because that's how we grow and we learn. And my biggest like lessons in life have been from those dark moments. But then let's talk about moving forward. Like we're talking about dating. She gives me dating advice. I'm like, you need to.
00:23:48
Speaker 5: Pick my next guy, and I'm going to pick your next guy.
00:23:50
Speaker 4: And like it's just we have these funny conversations that you know, it's like she's my sister.
00:23:55
Speaker 5: Yeah, that I would have with my sister.
00:23:56
Speaker 6: There's really no topic that is off limits, whether it's co parenting with a narcissist or you're, you know.
00:24:03
Speaker 5: Getting getting involved with a new guy. When do you introduce the kids? I don't know.
00:24:08
Speaker 6: You know, these are all things that a lot of people are dealing with, and I want to make sure that people know that an Unlikely Affair is not a podcast where you come to hear us just bash our X like he's actually very insignificant in the bigger picture.
00:24:25
Speaker 1: Right, I thought that was a compliment.
00:24:29
Speaker 5: Would ever be a compliment coming out of my mouth? That made that very cool?
00:24:35
Speaker 1: Wow, she's gonna say something nice about him.
00:24:37
Speaker 2: But actually that was well, I feel that was the best get insignificant.
00:24:42
Speaker 6: Yeah, And so it's the dynamic and how we started, But ultimately it's like we want to be the podcast you come to to hear about. Like, you know, I'm thirty five, I don't know how to get back in the dating scene.
00:24:55
Speaker 5: I've got a baby with a sperm.
00:24:57
Speaker 6: Donor, and like some would give me some freaking invice, I know, I'm not alone.
00:25:02
Speaker 5: A podcast where you feel a little less alone.
00:25:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that we will be tuning in. This has been such a pleasure getting to know the two of you, and I love the idea that we can be down, we can get knocked down.
00:25:16
Speaker 1: And seeing people. I think people love to knock people down and to contribute to that.
00:25:21
Speaker 2: But then everyone wants you to rise from the ashes and to be those women that other women can look to. You know how many women are going through different versions of what you all, and they've played different roles. But everyone wants to have a good guy and a bad guy, or a good girl and a bad girl, and we're sometimes we're all of the above. Yeah, and if we can just rise above it and join together. I love your story and I think it's so inspiring. I'm so happy that.
00:25:48
Speaker 1: We met you and we're going to be listening for you.
00:25:51
Speaker 5: Thank you guys so much.