May 10, 2026
58% Of Moms Want THIS On Mother's Day
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RSS Feed Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas out there. A new study reveals what moms truly want on this day, and why it won’t cost you a thing. Even if you’ve already sent the flowers or the card, listen up to hear what you can do to thank her for all she does for you each and every day.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
00:00:10
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks, it is Sunday, May tenth, the Happy Mother's Day to you all out there. And yes, you've already gone and spent two hundred and eighty four dollars on Mama on this Mother's Day. And the thing is the thing she wants most wouldn't have cost you a dime. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Does that make sense, Robes that the thing before we even get into it. Yes, we do have a survey here that's hilarious about what mom really wants. But does it make sense that what your first guest would be mom really wants on Mother's Day?
00:00:46
Speaker 2: Uh? Yes, and it changes over time, but yes it is.
00:00:53
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's peace, probably more than anything.
00:00:57
Speaker 2: I remember I used to tell the girls when they were little, I just if you could just not fight today, that would be the first Yes, that would be the best gift you could give me would be to not fight.
00:01:07
Speaker 1: Okay, So a study is now revealing what mothers really want for Mother's Day. And we'll give credit once again to our producer Sam who sends us these things here and there, these random articles and they're interesting and this was another interesting one. And you brought up a point Rhodes that I think is a big deal. When you were a mother of babies, did you want one thing? When you were a mother of toddler's did you want something else? When you were a mother of junior high high school kids, did you want something else? And then once you're an empty nester, did it change? Absolutely on those mother's days, So go through them.
00:01:40
Speaker 3: Okay.
00:01:40
Speaker 2: So when they were babies and infants, I would say I would just have wanted to sleep.
00:01:46
Speaker 1: Okay, So that would have been something that the dad would have had to participate in. So that's some dad's responsibility. All Right, kids become toddler's school age, if you will, let's go school age.
00:01:54
Speaker 2: Yep.
00:01:55
Speaker 3: I would have liked a girls' weekend.
00:01:58
Speaker 2: Or a massage or just an hour at the spot.
00:02:03
Speaker 1: Okay, Now you want to be away from the kids, correct, Okay, Now let's go in there. Middle school, high school.
00:02:08
Speaker 2: Then it's like a fun like I'd like a fun like family dinner or some sort of a you know, like the breakfast in bed or some sort of cute fun thing that involved the kids, even if it was a day either.
00:02:21
Speaker 3: Honestly, what I've loved to do is go to this.
00:02:24
Speaker 2: Sounds funny, the home depot gardening center and pick out plants and pick out flowers and garden. Yes, they have them, like especially my youngest she'd like to garden with me.
00:02:33
Speaker 3: So that was something that I want to do.
00:02:34
Speaker 1: You're funny, You're right in line with what this survey is saying with these moms. Okay, finally, as an empty nester, what do you want your Mother's Day to be?
00:02:40
Speaker 3: Just time with my girls?
00:02:41
Speaker 1: Now you want them? Yeah?
00:02:44
Speaker 2: Now they're fun. Now they don't need my constant supervision. Now it's just I get to enjoy them.
00:02:50
Speaker 1: Okay. So this year there's a record, according to the National Retail Federation Robes, thirty eight billion dollars is going to be spent on mama. And yes, that does average out to a two hundred and eighty four dollars per person in our spending. What are they getting go through? Now? What do you remember as the type of gifts and things you got for Mother's Day?
00:03:12
Speaker 2: Well, from the girls, like homemade cards. It was always a little different because I wasn't with their dad for very long, and so there is no expectation, I don't think from a husband who isn't you aren't mothering his children, so it feels a little different. But for me it was just I pretty much got handwritten cards. I think one time I got a tree, like a weeping cherry tree, and.
00:03:45
Speaker 3: Bead like a dinner. That's about it.
00:03:47
Speaker 2: I don't remember actually opening a gift or getting a gift these days.
00:03:51
Speaker 1: What do you get as an empty nester? What kind of things are you getting as a on Mother's Day?
00:03:56
Speaker 2: A paid meal so you don't have to purchase Okay, that's awesome, yes, because at least or for instance today Ava is taking.
00:04:07
Speaker 3: Me to go see Devilwaar's product too, So just like little experience gifts whatever they can afford.
00:04:13
Speaker 2: I don't really have any expectation, but honestly, mostly just either a FaceTime call, a meal or just that kind of a thing.
00:04:21
Speaker 1: Okay. And it's like I mentioned, so much money is going to be spent. Ava is going to be spending money on a movie, on drinks at the movie, on popcorn. There'll be a lot of brunches today, that's the big thing. What are the things people often give? They give flowers, they give cards, they give robes and they go.
00:04:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, Chocolate's like any kind of like spa like gift. I believe that's what most people give moms.
00:04:45
Speaker 1: Okay, according to this survey, now, Robes, I'll tell you, and this is a wopping fifty eight percent of mothers that responded to the thing they want most is to drop everything. Give me a drop everything day. Yep, give me today where I ain't gotta do a damn thing. That's it. Don't heat me with gifts, don't you don't even have to take me to brunch. But just can I have a day where I ain't gotta worry about anything and any body? They call it a drop everything there.
00:05:18
Speaker 3: That's funny, and yes, that makes a lot of sense.
00:05:21
Speaker 2: Just please someone else, cook clean, plan the meal, get the groceries, make sure everyone's doctor's appointments.
00:05:28
Speaker 3: Like, honestly, can I think about what the best?
00:05:30
Speaker 2: I just made all the doctor's appointments for the kids for the rest of the year. I signed all the permission slips, I got a maid for a week, whatever. Like those are the kinds of things that women want.
00:05:43
Speaker 1: Okay. So here is the thing, Robes. The things women do want to do. Now, this majority of women, almost sixty percent, they want to drop everything day. What is it that you do want on this day? Robes Out of the top ten things listed, flowers ain't on the list.
00:06:02
Speaker 3: That's not shocking, is it not.
00:06:04
Speaker 1: No, it's nice to get flowers, though is there an expectation of the flowers not as much?
00:06:08
Speaker 3: I don't think.
00:06:09
Speaker 1: Look, it's nice to get them anytime.
00:06:11
Speaker 2: Yes, and you would never be like, oh, I can't believe they got me flowers.
00:06:15
Speaker 3: This is awful. No, of course that's wonderful, but it's.
00:06:19
Speaker 2: Not that original, and I think that might be the issue. Okay, So I like flowers any day, but mostly on days where I'm not expecting them.
00:06:28
Speaker 1: Can I ask you? This just came to mind for women specifically, would you say flowers on Mother's Day or Valentine's Day are more critical Valentine's Day? Okay? I thought that might be the case. Okay, So on the drop everything days, the things women want to do I don't think I had. I might have these in order. Number one was to read a book in peace. Yeah that makes sense. You're looking at me like, yeah, okay.
00:06:51
Speaker 3: Yep, I totally get.
00:06:52
Speaker 1: But to be number one on the things you want to do on.
00:06:55
Speaker 3: Your everything day, that's an escape and it's a luxury.
00:06:58
Speaker 2: Okay that most women are luxury because you constantly have something.
00:07:01
Speaker 3: Going Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, mom, and you can't you can't sit down for one second.
00:07:06
Speaker 1: Okay. Number two on the list watch TV in peace.
00:07:10
Speaker 2: Yep, watch like Gilded Age, like something you know your significant other or your kids do not want to watch, but you've wanted to pick that.
00:07:18
Speaker 3: You know? Up now is today?
00:07:19
Speaker 1: Next on the list's just do a hobby of your own, whatever your own thing is, you'd like to go out and do it. You just mentioned something I said, read, but you call it a luxury. I look at these now. It's as a mother, watching TV, reading a book and going out and doing your own hobby is a luxury.
00:07:35
Speaker 3: You're right, it is. You don't have time for it. You can't.
00:07:38
Speaker 2: That is hilarious to think that a mom, most moms, especially like yes, any mom has the time to do those things. Honestly, what most moms are hoping to get is a hot shower that lasts more than five minutes without being interrupted.
00:07:53
Speaker 3: That's huge.
00:07:55
Speaker 1: Number five on the list was go to the bathroom in peace.
00:07:58
Speaker 2: I totally kept I remember little kids following me into the bathroom guys, can I please just use the restroom in Peace Roe.
00:08:07
Speaker 1: It's number five on the list of things was to use, Just use the bathroom.
00:08:12
Speaker 3: It's so true. That is so true. I don't know if dads get the same.
00:08:17
Speaker 2: I know I watched and being's obviously much older now, but she follows you around her house for years. Yes, it's the thing, and that's basically what moms have for little ducklings is Look when I look back now, it makes.
00:08:28
Speaker 3: Me emotional, but at the time it's annoying.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: Go to the bathroom in peace was listed. I was surprised to see that, but then I thought, you talk about little kids, es Annalise. It is hilarious. She does this now. You either been times, she's been all from college. You're back there in the bathroom, showering, use the bathroom, whatever, and she's like mom from a little ways away. You don't answer Mom, Then she tries amy Yes. When they think they're not getting your she'll pay attention. I've heard her yell your name five plus times on you in the back. If you she didn't get an answer after the fifth, don't care. I'm gonna keep yelling mom until she gets out of the shower.
00:09:11
Speaker 3: Yep, it's true. Mom's everywhere. No, that's true, it's a universal thing.
00:09:17
Speaker 1: The other thing on the list simply taking a walk, listening to music. Here's another ropes taking a nap.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's what I would have asked for when the kids were babies, Like just because you're so tired and taking a nap?
00:09:29
Speaker 3: Please? Who has time to take a nap?
00:09:31
Speaker 1: But howsean, while I was reading online making the joke that yeah, you give all mom the new new toiletries, you give mom the new bathrobe, then you won't let her have five minutes in the bathroom to use any of that stuff.
00:09:44
Speaker 3: That is hilarious.
00:09:45
Speaker 1: You're missing the point people, So uh it was. I will note, though, there were a majority of women who did acknowledge that yes, they want family time, but they wanted there, choosing I don't want to hang out with the family if I'm in the kitchen cooking, I don't want to hang out with the family. If I'm watching Avengers because my son wants to, I don't want That's said family time is great, but it was very specific to family time. But of the moms choosing.
00:10:15
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, that's the worst.
00:10:17
Speaker 2: When people are like, look what we did for you, and it really wasn't for you at all.
00:10:22
Speaker 3: It was for them and you know it immediately.
00:10:25
Speaker 1: So what kind of what would have been? What is your activity? I'm going to take you back because you're an empty nester, then put yourself in that lane. When you could choose what type of family time you were having with the kids, what would you have had them? You mentioned going to home depot.
00:10:40
Speaker 2: And gardening, because yes, I don't think anyone really wanted to do that, but when I when I'm in the garden section of any store, I'm so happy, So yes, that would have been fun. Another, I do love going to the movies, and I know that's not necessarily interactive, but it is fun when you can lean over and you know, have reactions with each other about something fun, especially like a girl's flick, a rom com, something like that. Honestly, don't Doublewar's product You is the perfect movie for this Mother's Day because there I know so many, so many people are taking advantage. Oh here's something because I would never normally go to this movie or would never want to go to this movie, but we know this is a fun kind of.
00:11:21
Speaker 3: Girl chick flick.
00:11:22
Speaker 1: Thing.
00:11:22
Speaker 3: So that's a fun experience. I would have even loved to go to like I'm trying.
00:11:27
Speaker 2: To think, you know me, I like to just take long drives and go hiking like that would have been really fun for me, Like anywhere to go on a beautiful I like to call them champagne hikes. You walk up to the top, you get the view, you pop a champagne, you have a glass and celebrate, and then you walk down.
00:11:43
Speaker 1: Okay, so when we come back two things. That was only going to be one, but that was going to be two because I want to ask you to look back and reflect on how you have celebrated your mom and where do you think you got it right and maybe you could have done a little better. And the other thing Robes we talk about we spend so much more money on Mother's and on Mother's Day than we do on Father's and on Father's Day. And it is absolutely warranted. And it's not just because the woman carried the baby for nine months and then birth the child. Don't get me wrong giving your credit for that, Robes, but I saw a psychologist break this down in such a way that it snapped and makes perfect sense of why, Yes, moms deserve more credit than dads. Stay here, Oh you continue on this Mother's Day edition of Amy and TJ Robes. You're about to tell me like, over the years, you know what your girls have done for you, the ups and the downs, which you would have wanted versus what you got. But where as you look over the years and maybe even you've been out of the house for a long time now, But what do you usually do for Mother's Day? What do you get right? Do you think? Well?
00:13:01
Speaker 2: I to this year, I did not get it right because even though I did plan ahead, the gift isn't getting there until Tuesday, So that's tough.
00:13:09
Speaker 3: But I do know what my mom.
00:13:10
Speaker 2: Likes, and I do know, so I'm excited about the gift that got her. And my mom likes gifts. She loves to give gifts, she likes to receive gifts. Everyone has different love languages. I would say one of my mom's love languages is one hundred percent gifts. So I actually was trying to scramble to try to see if I can get anything delivered to her today, just to have her feel special today knowing that a gift is on the way. And I also wrote her an email because we were traveling. And yes, I did not get a card sent to her in time, so I did not do I failed in terms of getting things to her today. So the nice thing is we do have delivery services and emails, so it's never too late. If you're listening now, Honestly, getting an email that's well thought out and sent to your mom's.
00:13:51
Speaker 3: Email address is probably more important than any flowers you could get to her. I would say that.
00:13:56
Speaker 2: And so I have always tried to give her some sort of heartfelt either car hard or email. Obviously we FaceTime and I try to get her a gift, and I know that matters. But the thing that I have failed at more than anything is being with her on Mother's Day. And I know that's the number one thing she would want, and it's just hard when we live, you.
00:14:15
Speaker 3: Know, par apart.
00:14:17
Speaker 2: But so I think maybe not maybe not thinking about finding a way to maybe even show up, surprise her or be there.
00:14:25
Speaker 3: She loves surprises, she loves gifts.
00:14:27
Speaker 2: So I can do better in years to come in making sure she feels special because she's my dad's He shows up every day. He's one of the greatest dads. He's not the best gift giver. So sometimes even though he shows up in three hundred and sixty five days a year in a lot of ways.
00:14:44
Speaker 3: Sometimes yeah, it's just making that extra effort.
00:14:48
Speaker 1: That's funny. You're right. Your dad is a saint.
00:14:51
Speaker 2: He is, but he's not the best gift giver or planner on it when it comes to that. So I try to make sure that she gets something today, and I have failed at that.
00:15:00
Speaker 1: Even though he's a great dude, he's still a dude in some way. That is a good way to put it. Yes, all right, this broke it down, and this is where these are things we know, but we got to keep him in mind. And I heard someone use the phrase if you've heard it before, maybe I'm behind cognitive labor. There is a thing that women do that men just don't get. We don't realize. We see it, but we don't have it. Some men do, and maybe some single dads do. But cognitive labor is the thing you actually talked about earlier. Women in the house have a responsibility. I gotta get this permission slip. Signed have to set up that appointment. I have to would you say you do for your girls for the rest of the year. You set up what you just what you just do for your girls. You just set something up. You just told me, you said you just planned something. You just had to sign something, you had to submit something, you had to plan an event, you had to plan an appointment. You just talked in this episode.
00:16:03
Speaker 2: Well yeah, yeah, I'm saying, like throughout the years, I was just trying to get where you were in your head. Oh yeah, yeah, said it is because you are basically the CEO and the and the executive assistant for your entire family. Like you plan vacations, outings, meals.
00:16:18
Speaker 1: The girls a HOWLD nineteen and twenty were about to be twenty and twenty.
00:16:21
Speaker 3: Issues on twenty say happy birthday. At least, by the way, she hates sharing her birthday with Mother's Day. It's hilarious. It happens a couple times a year.
00:16:28
Speaker 1: Well she's twenty now, but I'm saying they're twenty and twenty three and you're still having to see you do it, plan their appointment, print this out, where's my dental card? Where's my this? Oh yeah, women are all what you're thinking about. A woman is at work, sitting in an executive meeting, thinking, wow, did I leave that chicken out so it could thaw for dinner tonight. Women are constantly in cognitive labor, is how I heard it put. We know these things, but women are responsible for the planning for this, for that, for two days down the road, for getting the camp booked on time, for hitting this deadline, for getting the money to.
00:17:07
Speaker 3: Me, even the grocery shopping every week. In meal planning.
00:17:09
Speaker 1: Whomen men don't do any of that. We just don't have that responsibility. Yes, some men do. I'm not dogging, of course they and they share the but generally speaking, women have not just the labor gotta cook the meal, but you are a day ahead thinking about the meal.
00:17:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, weeks ahead.
00:17:30
Speaker 2: We make sure there are there's toilet paper and paper towels and all that kind.
00:17:34
Speaker 3: Of thing, like you're always planning ahead.
00:17:36
Speaker 1: That thing was actually listed in what I saw toilet paper, just supplying the house. You are constantly in cognitive labor. Thought that was the greatest way to put it.
00:17:49
Speaker 2: It's true when I have a downtime and look, my kids aren't in the house any words. But any time I had a free moment, I remember being covering the Olympics in China, and ordering groceries for the house back at home, and making and being in constant coordination. So it's just when you have a moment of downtime, you're thinking what do I need to be doing?
00:18:08
Speaker 1: And that is why you all need a drop everything day. At the very minimum, the least we could do for y'all on Mother's Day is not have you think about that? That is it changed my way of looking at it. A woman is in even if she's sitting down doing apparently nothing, she is laboring because she has to think about even if the kid has a soccer tournament this weekend, are the clothes clean? Do I need to make sure I get them washed on this day to make sure they're ready for this? And those socks had a hole in it, so I got to make sure I get it ordered on Amazon to get here by it. You all are doing this NonStop, true, and men aren't. And you also have another problem robe socially accepted accountability. If the house is a mess, who's fault is that mine?
00:18:57
Speaker 3: If my kids are a mess, whose fault is that mine?
00:19:00
Speaker 1: Kids don't have lunch money a school one day.
00:19:01
Speaker 3: It's my fault.
00:19:02
Speaker 1: Kid gets a little sick, possibly yes, it's my fault. Thing.
00:19:06
Speaker 2: I had two sick daughters yet last week and I didn't answer a phone.
00:19:09
Speaker 3: Call because I was sleeping.
00:19:11
Speaker 2: But yes, it's and then I feel guilty about it because I missed the phone call. So it it's like yes, And they're always your babies, and they'll always look at you and say mom, why didn't you mom?
00:19:22
Speaker 3: How could you forget?
00:19:24
Speaker 1: And then ultimately they become adults who every problem they have up until probably fifty will blame mama.
00:19:31
Speaker 3: Yes, it's true, and we know it because we blamed our moms.
00:19:34
Speaker 1: Mama's fault. She messed me up. Look at me now. Can't believe she did until you get older and realize though she gave me the right tools, I screwed that up myself.
00:19:44
Speaker 2: I actually think once you start having your own kids, you start you do not realize what your mom does until you become a mom yourself. And I wanted to point out too, because I actually made this comment on Morning Run and I wanted to say this because I think I made a joke about just because you know, it's just for carrying the baby for nine months and pushing it out, we should have a day. I also wanted to recognize all the moms who didn't have that opportunity or chose not to do that like their moms every single day. Like you can adopt, you can have a sarrogate, you can have a foster child, you can have all sorts of reasons why and how you're a mom. And it could be that you are a teacher and all those children are your.
00:20:21
Speaker 3: You know, pseudo kids as well.
00:20:23
Speaker 2: So we a lot of women out there are moms in a lot of different ways. And it's about feeling that responsibility and love for a child that really, I think makes you a mom. And that's what this is all about, and this is who we should be celebrating today, the selflessness of a lot of women caring for children to make them better.
00:20:39
Speaker 3: People, to make the world a better place.
00:20:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of on y'all. So once again, we can blame you for everything that happens. It's true once again, if some kid turns out to be a terrible person, his mama messed him up.
00:20:55
Speaker 2: His mama must not have loved him, right, That is really what people say. They don't say, Oh, they're dads, must have no deal said their mom mustn't you know, didn't love them, that's why they act this way or whatever.
00:21:05
Speaker 1: Like it's literally always goes back to the mom because it's the dad's responsibility to keep a roof over our heads, to keep food on the table. That's the accountability he often generally takes in society. And it's just the way it's been. It's not the way it should be, Robes. But that was a great way to put it, and it kind of drove the point home that even if you don't see your mama work and she's working constantly, Yeah, cognitive labor is something. So where we are out there, if you happen to be with your mama, ooh, treat it well. Hugg a close, hug a tight, hugger tight, And if you can't be with her today, make sure she knows and she's well aware of how much you appreciate her. And Robes, I know you girls might not show it all the time, but they appreciate you.
00:21:48
Speaker 3: They do.
00:21:49
Speaker 1: They do with that, folks, they always appreciate you spending a little time with us. And especially on this Mother's Day for my dear mom sitting to my right, Happy Mother's Day to you, my dear I mean a backing till all your mother's out there, Happy Mother's Day. I'm t J. Holmes will talk to him.
Speaker 1: Hey there, folks, it is Sunday, May tenth, the Happy Mother's Day to you all out there. And yes, you've already gone and spent two hundred and eighty four dollars on Mama on this Mother's Day. And the thing is the thing she wants most wouldn't have cost you a dime. And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ. Does that make sense, Robes that the thing before we even get into it. Yes, we do have a survey here that's hilarious about what mom really wants. But does it make sense that what your first guest would be mom really wants on Mother's Day?
00:00:46
Speaker 2: Uh? Yes, and it changes over time, but yes it is.
00:00:53
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's peace, probably more than anything.
00:00:57
Speaker 2: I remember I used to tell the girls when they were little, I just if you could just not fight today, that would be the first Yes, that would be the best gift you could give me would be to not fight.
00:01:07
Speaker 1: Okay, So a study is now revealing what mothers really want for Mother's Day. And we'll give credit once again to our producer Sam who sends us these things here and there, these random articles and they're interesting and this was another interesting one. And you brought up a point Rhodes that I think is a big deal. When you were a mother of babies, did you want one thing? When you were a mother of toddler's did you want something else? When you were a mother of junior high high school kids, did you want something else? And then once you're an empty nester, did it change? Absolutely on those mother's days, So go through them.
00:01:40
Speaker 3: Okay.
00:01:40
Speaker 2: So when they were babies and infants, I would say I would just have wanted to sleep.
00:01:46
Speaker 1: Okay, So that would have been something that the dad would have had to participate in. So that's some dad's responsibility. All Right, kids become toddler's school age, if you will, let's go school age.
00:01:54
Speaker 2: Yep.
00:01:55
Speaker 3: I would have liked a girls' weekend.
00:01:58
Speaker 2: Or a massage or just an hour at the spot.
00:02:03
Speaker 1: Okay, Now you want to be away from the kids, correct, Okay, Now let's go in there. Middle school, high school.
00:02:08
Speaker 2: Then it's like a fun like I'd like a fun like family dinner or some sort of a you know, like the breakfast in bed or some sort of cute fun thing that involved the kids, even if it was a day either.
00:02:21
Speaker 3: Honestly, what I've loved to do is go to this.
00:02:24
Speaker 2: Sounds funny, the home depot gardening center and pick out plants and pick out flowers and garden. Yes, they have them, like especially my youngest she'd like to garden with me.
00:02:33
Speaker 3: So that was something that I want to do.
00:02:34
Speaker 1: You're funny, You're right in line with what this survey is saying with these moms. Okay, finally, as an empty nester, what do you want your Mother's Day to be?
00:02:40
Speaker 3: Just time with my girls?
00:02:41
Speaker 1: Now you want them? Yeah?
00:02:44
Speaker 2: Now they're fun. Now they don't need my constant supervision. Now it's just I get to enjoy them.
00:02:50
Speaker 1: Okay. So this year there's a record, according to the National Retail Federation Robes, thirty eight billion dollars is going to be spent on mama. And yes, that does average out to a two hundred and eighty four dollars per person in our spending. What are they getting go through? Now? What do you remember as the type of gifts and things you got for Mother's Day?
00:03:12
Speaker 2: Well, from the girls, like homemade cards. It was always a little different because I wasn't with their dad for very long, and so there is no expectation, I don't think from a husband who isn't you aren't mothering his children, so it feels a little different. But for me it was just I pretty much got handwritten cards. I think one time I got a tree, like a weeping cherry tree, and.
00:03:45
Speaker 3: Bead like a dinner. That's about it.
00:03:47
Speaker 2: I don't remember actually opening a gift or getting a gift these days.
00:03:51
Speaker 1: What do you get as an empty nester? What kind of things are you getting as a on Mother's Day?
00:03:56
Speaker 2: A paid meal so you don't have to purchase Okay, that's awesome, yes, because at least or for instance today Ava is taking.
00:04:07
Speaker 3: Me to go see Devilwaar's product too, So just like little experience gifts whatever they can afford.
00:04:13
Speaker 2: I don't really have any expectation, but honestly, mostly just either a FaceTime call, a meal or just that kind of a thing.
00:04:21
Speaker 1: Okay. And it's like I mentioned, so much money is going to be spent. Ava is going to be spending money on a movie, on drinks at the movie, on popcorn. There'll be a lot of brunches today, that's the big thing. What are the things people often give? They give flowers, they give cards, they give robes and they go.
00:04:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, Chocolate's like any kind of like spa like gift. I believe that's what most people give moms.
00:04:45
Speaker 1: Okay, according to this survey, now, Robes, I'll tell you, and this is a wopping fifty eight percent of mothers that responded to the thing they want most is to drop everything. Give me a drop everything day. Yep, give me today where I ain't gotta do a damn thing. That's it. Don't heat me with gifts, don't you don't even have to take me to brunch. But just can I have a day where I ain't gotta worry about anything and any body? They call it a drop everything there.
00:05:18
Speaker 3: That's funny, and yes, that makes a lot of sense.
00:05:21
Speaker 2: Just please someone else, cook clean, plan the meal, get the groceries, make sure everyone's doctor's appointments.
00:05:28
Speaker 3: Like, honestly, can I think about what the best?
00:05:30
Speaker 2: I just made all the doctor's appointments for the kids for the rest of the year. I signed all the permission slips, I got a maid for a week, whatever. Like those are the kinds of things that women want.
00:05:43
Speaker 1: Okay. So here is the thing, Robes. The things women do want to do. Now, this majority of women, almost sixty percent, they want to drop everything day. What is it that you do want on this day? Robes Out of the top ten things listed, flowers ain't on the list.
00:06:02
Speaker 3: That's not shocking, is it not.
00:06:04
Speaker 1: No, it's nice to get flowers, though is there an expectation of the flowers not as much?
00:06:08
Speaker 3: I don't think.
00:06:09
Speaker 1: Look, it's nice to get them anytime.
00:06:11
Speaker 2: Yes, and you would never be like, oh, I can't believe they got me flowers.
00:06:15
Speaker 3: This is awful. No, of course that's wonderful, but it's.
00:06:19
Speaker 2: Not that original, and I think that might be the issue. Okay, So I like flowers any day, but mostly on days where I'm not expecting them.
00:06:28
Speaker 1: Can I ask you? This just came to mind for women specifically, would you say flowers on Mother's Day or Valentine's Day are more critical Valentine's Day? Okay? I thought that might be the case. Okay, So on the drop everything days, the things women want to do I don't think I had. I might have these in order. Number one was to read a book in peace. Yeah that makes sense. You're looking at me like, yeah, okay.
00:06:51
Speaker 3: Yep, I totally get.
00:06:52
Speaker 1: But to be number one on the things you want to do on.
00:06:55
Speaker 3: Your everything day, that's an escape and it's a luxury.
00:06:58
Speaker 2: Okay that most women are luxury because you constantly have something.
00:07:01
Speaker 3: Going Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, mom, and you can't you can't sit down for one second.
00:07:06
Speaker 1: Okay. Number two on the list watch TV in peace.
00:07:10
Speaker 2: Yep, watch like Gilded Age, like something you know your significant other or your kids do not want to watch, but you've wanted to pick that.
00:07:18
Speaker 3: You know? Up now is today?
00:07:19
Speaker 1: Next on the list's just do a hobby of your own, whatever your own thing is, you'd like to go out and do it. You just mentioned something I said, read, but you call it a luxury. I look at these now. It's as a mother, watching TV, reading a book and going out and doing your own hobby is a luxury.
00:07:35
Speaker 3: You're right, it is. You don't have time for it. You can't.
00:07:38
Speaker 2: That is hilarious to think that a mom, most moms, especially like yes, any mom has the time to do those things. Honestly, what most moms are hoping to get is a hot shower that lasts more than five minutes without being interrupted.
00:07:53
Speaker 3: That's huge.
00:07:55
Speaker 1: Number five on the list was go to the bathroom in peace.
00:07:58
Speaker 2: I totally kept I remember little kids following me into the bathroom guys, can I please just use the restroom in Peace Roe.
00:08:07
Speaker 1: It's number five on the list of things was to use, Just use the bathroom.
00:08:12
Speaker 3: It's so true. That is so true. I don't know if dads get the same.
00:08:17
Speaker 2: I know I watched and being's obviously much older now, but she follows you around her house for years. Yes, it's the thing, and that's basically what moms have for little ducklings is Look when I look back now, it makes.
00:08:28
Speaker 3: Me emotional, but at the time it's annoying.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: Go to the bathroom in peace was listed. I was surprised to see that, but then I thought, you talk about little kids, es Annalise. It is hilarious. She does this now. You either been times, she's been all from college. You're back there in the bathroom, showering, use the bathroom, whatever, and she's like mom from a little ways away. You don't answer Mom, Then she tries amy Yes. When they think they're not getting your she'll pay attention. I've heard her yell your name five plus times on you in the back. If you she didn't get an answer after the fifth, don't care. I'm gonna keep yelling mom until she gets out of the shower.
00:09:11
Speaker 3: Yep, it's true. Mom's everywhere. No, that's true, it's a universal thing.
00:09:17
Speaker 1: The other thing on the list simply taking a walk, listening to music. Here's another ropes taking a nap.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's what I would have asked for when the kids were babies, Like just because you're so tired and taking a nap?
00:09:29
Speaker 3: Please? Who has time to take a nap?
00:09:31
Speaker 1: But howsean, while I was reading online making the joke that yeah, you give all mom the new new toiletries, you give mom the new bathrobe, then you won't let her have five minutes in the bathroom to use any of that stuff.
00:09:44
Speaker 3: That is hilarious.
00:09:45
Speaker 1: You're missing the point people, So uh it was. I will note, though, there were a majority of women who did acknowledge that yes, they want family time, but they wanted there, choosing I don't want to hang out with the family if I'm in the kitchen cooking, I don't want to hang out with the family. If I'm watching Avengers because my son wants to, I don't want That's said family time is great, but it was very specific to family time. But of the moms choosing.
00:10:15
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, that's the worst.
00:10:17
Speaker 2: When people are like, look what we did for you, and it really wasn't for you at all.
00:10:22
Speaker 3: It was for them and you know it immediately.
00:10:25
Speaker 1: So what kind of what would have been? What is your activity? I'm going to take you back because you're an empty nester, then put yourself in that lane. When you could choose what type of family time you were having with the kids, what would you have had them? You mentioned going to home depot.
00:10:40
Speaker 2: And gardening, because yes, I don't think anyone really wanted to do that, but when I when I'm in the garden section of any store, I'm so happy, So yes, that would have been fun. Another, I do love going to the movies, and I know that's not necessarily interactive, but it is fun when you can lean over and you know, have reactions with each other about something fun, especially like a girl's flick, a rom com, something like that. Honestly, don't Doublewar's product You is the perfect movie for this Mother's Day because there I know so many, so many people are taking advantage. Oh here's something because I would never normally go to this movie or would never want to go to this movie, but we know this is a fun kind of.
00:11:21
Speaker 3: Girl chick flick.
00:11:22
Speaker 1: Thing.
00:11:22
Speaker 3: So that's a fun experience. I would have even loved to go to like I'm trying.
00:11:27
Speaker 2: To think, you know me, I like to just take long drives and go hiking like that would have been really fun for me, Like anywhere to go on a beautiful I like to call them champagne hikes. You walk up to the top, you get the view, you pop a champagne, you have a glass and celebrate, and then you walk down.
00:11:43
Speaker 1: Okay, so when we come back two things. That was only going to be one, but that was going to be two because I want to ask you to look back and reflect on how you have celebrated your mom and where do you think you got it right and maybe you could have done a little better. And the other thing Robes we talk about we spend so much more money on Mother's and on Mother's Day than we do on Father's and on Father's Day. And it is absolutely warranted. And it's not just because the woman carried the baby for nine months and then birth the child. Don't get me wrong giving your credit for that, Robes, but I saw a psychologist break this down in such a way that it snapped and makes perfect sense of why, Yes, moms deserve more credit than dads. Stay here, Oh you continue on this Mother's Day edition of Amy and TJ Robes. You're about to tell me like, over the years, you know what your girls have done for you, the ups and the downs, which you would have wanted versus what you got. But where as you look over the years and maybe even you've been out of the house for a long time now, But what do you usually do for Mother's Day? What do you get right? Do you think? Well?
00:13:01
Speaker 2: I to this year, I did not get it right because even though I did plan ahead, the gift isn't getting there until Tuesday, So that's tough.
00:13:09
Speaker 3: But I do know what my mom.
00:13:10
Speaker 2: Likes, and I do know, so I'm excited about the gift that got her. And my mom likes gifts. She loves to give gifts, she likes to receive gifts. Everyone has different love languages. I would say one of my mom's love languages is one hundred percent gifts. So I actually was trying to scramble to try to see if I can get anything delivered to her today, just to have her feel special today knowing that a gift is on the way. And I also wrote her an email because we were traveling. And yes, I did not get a card sent to her in time, so I did not do I failed in terms of getting things to her today. So the nice thing is we do have delivery services and emails, so it's never too late. If you're listening now, Honestly, getting an email that's well thought out and sent to your mom's.
00:13:51
Speaker 3: Email address is probably more important than any flowers you could get to her. I would say that.
00:13:56
Speaker 2: And so I have always tried to give her some sort of heartfelt either car hard or email. Obviously we FaceTime and I try to get her a gift, and I know that matters. But the thing that I have failed at more than anything is being with her on Mother's Day. And I know that's the number one thing she would want, and it's just hard when we live, you.
00:14:15
Speaker 3: Know, par apart.
00:14:17
Speaker 2: But so I think maybe not maybe not thinking about finding a way to maybe even show up, surprise her or be there.
00:14:25
Speaker 3: She loves surprises, she loves gifts.
00:14:27
Speaker 2: So I can do better in years to come in making sure she feels special because she's my dad's He shows up every day. He's one of the greatest dads. He's not the best gift giver. So sometimes even though he shows up in three hundred and sixty five days a year in a lot of ways.
00:14:44
Speaker 3: Sometimes yeah, it's just making that extra effort.
00:14:48
Speaker 1: That's funny. You're right. Your dad is a saint.
00:14:51
Speaker 2: He is, but he's not the best gift giver or planner on it when it comes to that. So I try to make sure that she gets something today, and I have failed at that.
00:15:00
Speaker 1: Even though he's a great dude, he's still a dude in some way. That is a good way to put it. Yes, all right, this broke it down, and this is where these are things we know, but we got to keep him in mind. And I heard someone use the phrase if you've heard it before, maybe I'm behind cognitive labor. There is a thing that women do that men just don't get. We don't realize. We see it, but we don't have it. Some men do, and maybe some single dads do. But cognitive labor is the thing you actually talked about earlier. Women in the house have a responsibility. I gotta get this permission slip. Signed have to set up that appointment. I have to would you say you do for your girls for the rest of the year. You set up what you just what you just do for your girls. You just set something up. You just told me, you said you just planned something. You just had to sign something, you had to submit something, you had to plan an event, you had to plan an appointment. You just talked in this episode.
00:16:03
Speaker 2: Well yeah, yeah, I'm saying, like throughout the years, I was just trying to get where you were in your head. Oh yeah, yeah, said it is because you are basically the CEO and the and the executive assistant for your entire family. Like you plan vacations, outings, meals.
00:16:18
Speaker 1: The girls a HOWLD nineteen and twenty were about to be twenty and twenty.
00:16:21
Speaker 3: Issues on twenty say happy birthday. At least, by the way, she hates sharing her birthday with Mother's Day. It's hilarious. It happens a couple times a year.
00:16:28
Speaker 1: Well she's twenty now, but I'm saying they're twenty and twenty three and you're still having to see you do it, plan their appointment, print this out, where's my dental card? Where's my this? Oh yeah, women are all what you're thinking about. A woman is at work, sitting in an executive meeting, thinking, wow, did I leave that chicken out so it could thaw for dinner tonight. Women are constantly in cognitive labor, is how I heard it put. We know these things, but women are responsible for the planning for this, for that, for two days down the road, for getting the camp booked on time, for hitting this deadline, for getting the money to.
00:17:07
Speaker 3: Me, even the grocery shopping every week. In meal planning.
00:17:09
Speaker 1: Whomen men don't do any of that. We just don't have that responsibility. Yes, some men do. I'm not dogging, of course they and they share the but generally speaking, women have not just the labor gotta cook the meal, but you are a day ahead thinking about the meal.
00:17:29
Speaker 3: Yeah, weeks ahead.
00:17:30
Speaker 2: We make sure there are there's toilet paper and paper towels and all that kind.
00:17:34
Speaker 3: Of thing, like you're always planning ahead.
00:17:36
Speaker 1: That thing was actually listed in what I saw toilet paper, just supplying the house. You are constantly in cognitive labor. Thought that was the greatest way to put it.
00:17:49
Speaker 2: It's true when I have a downtime and look, my kids aren't in the house any words. But any time I had a free moment, I remember being covering the Olympics in China, and ordering groceries for the house back at home, and making and being in constant coordination. So it's just when you have a moment of downtime, you're thinking what do I need to be doing?
00:18:08
Speaker 1: And that is why you all need a drop everything day. At the very minimum, the least we could do for y'all on Mother's Day is not have you think about that? That is it changed my way of looking at it. A woman is in even if she's sitting down doing apparently nothing, she is laboring because she has to think about even if the kid has a soccer tournament this weekend, are the clothes clean? Do I need to make sure I get them washed on this day to make sure they're ready for this? And those socks had a hole in it, so I got to make sure I get it ordered on Amazon to get here by it. You all are doing this NonStop, true, and men aren't. And you also have another problem robe socially accepted accountability. If the house is a mess, who's fault is that mine?
00:18:57
Speaker 3: If my kids are a mess, whose fault is that mine?
00:19:00
Speaker 1: Kids don't have lunch money a school one day.
00:19:01
Speaker 3: It's my fault.
00:19:02
Speaker 1: Kid gets a little sick, possibly yes, it's my fault. Thing.
00:19:06
Speaker 2: I had two sick daughters yet last week and I didn't answer a phone.
00:19:09
Speaker 3: Call because I was sleeping.
00:19:11
Speaker 2: But yes, it's and then I feel guilty about it because I missed the phone call. So it it's like yes, And they're always your babies, and they'll always look at you and say mom, why didn't you mom?
00:19:22
Speaker 3: How could you forget?
00:19:24
Speaker 1: And then ultimately they become adults who every problem they have up until probably fifty will blame mama.
00:19:31
Speaker 3: Yes, it's true, and we know it because we blamed our moms.
00:19:34
Speaker 1: Mama's fault. She messed me up. Look at me now. Can't believe she did until you get older and realize though she gave me the right tools, I screwed that up myself.
00:19:44
Speaker 2: I actually think once you start having your own kids, you start you do not realize what your mom does until you become a mom yourself. And I wanted to point out too, because I actually made this comment on Morning Run and I wanted to say this because I think I made a joke about just because you know, it's just for carrying the baby for nine months and pushing it out, we should have a day. I also wanted to recognize all the moms who didn't have that opportunity or chose not to do that like their moms every single day. Like you can adopt, you can have a sarrogate, you can have a foster child, you can have all sorts of reasons why and how you're a mom. And it could be that you are a teacher and all those children are your.
00:20:21
Speaker 3: You know, pseudo kids as well.
00:20:23
Speaker 2: So we a lot of women out there are moms in a lot of different ways. And it's about feeling that responsibility and love for a child that really, I think makes you a mom. And that's what this is all about, and this is who we should be celebrating today, the selflessness of a lot of women caring for children to make them better.
00:20:39
Speaker 3: People, to make the world a better place.
00:20:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of on y'all. So once again, we can blame you for everything that happens. It's true once again, if some kid turns out to be a terrible person, his mama messed him up.
00:20:55
Speaker 2: His mama must not have loved him, right, That is really what people say. They don't say, Oh, they're dads, must have no deal said their mom mustn't you know, didn't love them, that's why they act this way or whatever.
00:21:05
Speaker 1: Like it's literally always goes back to the mom because it's the dad's responsibility to keep a roof over our heads, to keep food on the table. That's the accountability he often generally takes in society. And it's just the way it's been. It's not the way it should be, Robes. But that was a great way to put it, and it kind of drove the point home that even if you don't see your mama work and she's working constantly, Yeah, cognitive labor is something. So where we are out there, if you happen to be with your mama, ooh, treat it well. Hugg a close, hug a tight, hugger tight, And if you can't be with her today, make sure she knows and she's well aware of how much you appreciate her. And Robes, I know you girls might not show it all the time, but they appreciate you.
00:21:48
Speaker 3: They do.
00:21:49
Speaker 1: They do with that, folks, they always appreciate you spending a little time with us. And especially on this Mother's Day for my dear mom sitting to my right, Happy Mother's Day to you, my dear I mean a backing till all your mother's out there, Happy Mother's Day. I'm t J. Holmes will talk to him.