Dec. 22, 2025

From Pediatrics to Soulful Medicine: Dr. Sue McCreadie’s Journey

From Pediatrics to Soulful Medicine: Dr. Sue McCreadie’s Journey
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Dr. Sue McCreadie, MD, shares her inspiring path from pediatrician to holistic practitioner and life coach for women in midlife. She opens up about loss, resilience, and how “soulful medicine” transforms not just health, but relationships and purpose. Discover how self-love, emotional mastery, and the courage to follow life’s breadcrumbs create lasting impact for families and future generations. https://www.drsuemccreadie.com/

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This program is designed to provide general information with regards

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to the subject matters covered. This information is given with

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the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station

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are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial,

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legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek

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the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any

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suggested ideas.

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At the end of the day, it's not about what

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you have or even what you've accomplished. It's about what

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you've done with those accomplishments. It's about who you've lifted up,

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who you've made better. It's about what you've given back.

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Denzel Washington, welcome to inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is

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to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you

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to do.

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The same, Doctor Sue, and I'm going to call you

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doctor Sue on the show. I know, thank you.

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It's such an honor to be here. I just I

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love your your purpose, your mission, I love it all

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and I'm honored to be here with you.

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Thank you well, and I thank you.

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You know.

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What I find interesting for the audience is to understand

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what your background is and what brought you what journey

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brought you to this point where you're doing what you're

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doing now, because it's certainly different than what you initially

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started to do.

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Yes, So I initially am I am a medical doctor

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m D. Trained physician who, yeah, I'm a pediatrician a

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pediatric position. But from the get go, doctor Doug, I

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was a little out of the box anyhow, because I

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went through the traditional training and I stayed on an

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extra year as the chief resident, which was a great

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year to kind of expand myself as a teacher and

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a leader, and also to really get clear about what

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I wanted to be in the world. And I really

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realized that I wanted to do this kind of holistic thing.

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I had taken an elective fourth year in med school,

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and that was even divine because I would have never

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taken this elective and alternative medicine unless my friend who

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was taking an elective, and you know, I was seeking

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an elective in pediatric neurosurgery of all things, because I

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really admired I really admired this woman neurosurgeon. She's the

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first African American neurosurgeon. I mean, she's just like one

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of those people you were just people mistook her for

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the janitor. She's so humble with her patients, and I

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was just like, I just want to be around her.

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I just want to learn from Her name is Alexis Kennedy.

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And so I said, okay, I'll I said to my friend, Okay,

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I'll do this alternative medicine rotation with you, and how

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about you do this one pediatric neurosurgeon one with me.

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And he said okay. And you know what's so wild,

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Doctor dud I became an alternative medicine practitioner. She became

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a neurosurgeon. I believe that, which is not a small

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becoming a neurosurgeon. And so I love how our paths

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just crossed, and like he seated something for me that

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I was never even thinking about, and I seated something

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for him, and that, to me is just like such

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a beautiful gift. So yeah, I started out in traditional pediatrics,

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and from the get go I decided to launch my

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own pediatric practice, primarily because I just didn't see myself

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fitting into the traditional medicine paradigm. You know, I saw

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a lot of kids falling through the cracks of standard medicine.

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You know, I think it's amazing what we did. My

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favorite place, you know, was in the ICU actually, because

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I thought, that's just so powerful. How we help these

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kids who are on desk doorstep, you know, just close

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the drain and you know, pop them back up and

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walking back out the door. It's just amazing, miraculous. And

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I also saw kids who just continuously, you know, kind

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of circled through the emergency room door. You know, we'd

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patch them up and send them home, and then back

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again they would come. And so I really gave that

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perspective as a chief resident, and so I decided to

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really you know, commit and just jump two feet in.

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So off I went to the races and my own practice,

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and in medicine, like you know, and unlike in dentistry,

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I feel like you guys are trained how to run

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a practice right, like business is part of your training.

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Not really, No, it wasn't back then. I don't know

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about it now, but it wasn't.

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I don't know about it now either because I'm in

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my twenty third year of practice. But we were not.

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We were not trained in how to you know, run

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a business right. And I remember, like in the very

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beginnings being like I think I was applying for something

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or you know, so if you fill out all this

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paperwork and all this stuff, you don't know how to do.

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And I just had this like real moment of like

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I can't do this, and then I just heard this

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very powerful voice outside of me being like, yes, you can,

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like just let's go right. So I did it, and

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I just feel like how I evolved from pediatric physician

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focusing on nutrition for kids too now working with women

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in their forties, fifties, and sixties as a transformation expert,

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you know, like a life coach. I feel like the

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real way that I got here is kept following the breadcrumbs,

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you know, And it didn't really make a lot of

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sense a lot of the time. But there's so many

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times my husband's like, okay, I still believe, but how

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is this all coming together? Because it was all over

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the map. Like I actually created four different types of

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ways for different businesses to serve women, and none of

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them were really kind of meeting the mark. Either I

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thought it was great and they were like no, thank you,

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or they wanted this and I was like, Nope, don't

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want to do that, and so I finally just put

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it down. I finally just said, God, I don't know.

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I've really worked at this, you know, for years and

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years probably at that time by like fifteen years in

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trying to figure out how to serve women, and I

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just put the whole thing down. I was like, Okay,

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I'm going to just semi retire. I'm going to finish

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off this pediatric gig and then you know, have fun

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with my husband and my expanding family because we have

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three daughters who are teens and young adults. And it

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was within a few weeks, if not a few months

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of saying I'm done that, I got another breadcrumb and

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I followed it and within you know, next thing I knew,

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I was in a three day Suminar. Next thing I knew,

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I was in a year long program. Next thing, you know,

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I'm a coach and I'm coaching women and it's been amazing.

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Like I really felt like, wow, I hit my second calling.

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You know, my pediatric calling is definitely my first. You know,

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I love children, and my purpose with women is still

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with children. Like I really love teaching these you know, mindset,

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emotional mastery, skill sets and frameworks for women so that

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the ripple fact is to their children and their grandchildren.

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Well, and that's amazing. You know what what caused me

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to smile when you were talking about that is, you know,

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I just finished an interview and one of the things

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you were talking about is stillness. And one of the

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quotes we'll use it was, you know, be still and

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then depending on your theological background, but be still. And

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it's like when you finally became still, it came to you,

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which which I find so fascinating. Now, you know, and

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I know this is not the topic we're going to

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talk about, but I'm curious. With the nutritional focus with

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children on pediatrics, have you found that that has made

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such a difference in their health?

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Oh? Wow, absolutely, I'm still blown away to this day

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and I've been doing it for twenty three years and

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I'm still amazed, Like wow, you take rooton out of

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the diet or dairy out of the diet or you know,

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and it's just like, huh, like that happened? You know.

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I mean the way that I see it, I really

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help them kind of get the plan. You know, this

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is your best anti inflammatory diet. These are the key

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nutrients you're low in. And then I set them on

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a plan and it's the parents who do the work

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right patients and persistence and daily consistency, which is the

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hardest of it all, and they get results. You know,

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I'm just amazed, truly, truly amazed.

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Yeah. Well, and then that's that's so cool. So it's

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interesting because I noticed in your bile that you thought

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about becoming a psychiatrist. You know what I find well,

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I find funny is when I was in pre dent,

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uh you know, I actually only was in undergrad for

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three years. I got accepted a year earlier. Wow, but

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I was I was at the point where I was

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almost completely out of money, and it's like, you know what,

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I really enjoy psychology, And I thought, Okay, if I'm

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going to apply to one dental school, if I get in,

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I'm going to school after three years. If not, I'm

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going to change my major. Well, I got accepted to

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Northwest in the rest's history. But it's interesting how ultimately

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you end up in another area for me, the same

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as you, you know, coaching people, working with people, transformational

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type of stuff. So I find that curious.

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It's kind of like I became my own type of

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psychiatrist exactly. I became I became the practical psychologists in

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a way, because what happened was it's true, I love psychology.

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I love human behavior. I've always loved it. I've loved

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I've read self development books even in my teens and

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young adult. And then I majored in biopsych because I

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was like, how do I get this pre med thing

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done but really focus human behavior than any hard side.

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Well, oh it's great.

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Yeah, because I was like, why am I going to

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Why do I want to be this medical doctor anyhow?

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Because I don't really like that's not my passion. My

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passion isn't science. My passion is human behavior. My passion

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is helping. Passion is like relationships, like being of service,

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and so yeah, I once I got to my site rotation,

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I was just like, wow, this is not what I

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thought it was going to be, you know, and I

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don't know what it is now, but my experience of

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it then was this is a lot of medical management.

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Like I just I really felt like I didn't know

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how I would be of best service there basically, and

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I've always loved kids. So yeah, now I feel like, wow,

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this is coming full full circle. I get to do

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you know human behavior and their like therapy through coaching.

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Well, and what's interesting is here you are an MD,

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and you you're doing the life coaching, and you're doing

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that type of thing, and in my opinion, probably all

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the studying you've done, all the extracurricular stuff that you've

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done to get your certifications whatever, is just as important

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and as good as having gone to school. And I

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found that I found that too true. You know, it's true.

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I'm really like I can really if you're not, if

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you're listening to this, like my eyes are actually tearing

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up because I've carried like so much shame around, like

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what's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Right? And

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maybe some listeners have felt that way too, Like when

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you're taking this really strange, you know, fascinating, extraordinary path,

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you know a lot of times and you're not following

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what everybody else is doing, the common thing is to say,

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what's wrong with me? Like why can't I just fit

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into the box? You know, And so for you to

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say that really validates to me, like it is worth it,

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It is extraordinary, it is exceptional. I have learned a lot,

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you know, and really being able to put all the

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different frameworks you know, together and also know when I'm

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not able to help someone when they're clearly fitting into

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another box. I think is so I'm really grateful for

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that well, and.

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I think it's important for the audience. I know when

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I first moved to Utah and I decided I was

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also doing small business coaching at that time, but then

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I thought, well, I'll do a little bit of personal

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life coaching also, and I found that they were a

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diamond dozen. I was in a bunch of networking groups

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and it's like Holy Cow. And the reason I said

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this to you is because I think your experience, I

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know it was true for me too, my experience in

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dental school, I mean medical school, dental school, it was

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not easy. You really you really had to work hard.

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You had to understand how to be curious and learn

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and so forth. And then all of a sudden, moving

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into an entirely different area, you will apply those same

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rigors that you learned in graduate school and apply that,

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and all of a sudden you are at the level

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of an MD in your own area. Now only there

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is no degree there. It's just a sort of vcation.

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How interesting you say that, doctor dry, because I you know,

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working in this area I've often gotten a feedback like, wow,

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so you really manifest the lot period and now meaning

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like when I say I'm going to do something, like

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there it is, I've done it, you know. And now

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that you're seeing that, what I'm realizing is what training

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as a medical doctor really is so rigorous that I

242
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probably learned a lot of skill sets there about how

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to get her done, you.

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Know, absolutely absolutely, So question soulful meditation, Where did you

245
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come up with that name?

246
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Oh, soul medicine. I'm sorry, soulful medicine. It was an

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evolution actually through a lot of writing and journaling, and

248
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I was creating a quiz, which the quiz is on

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my website now and oh what did you get?

250
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Well, I'll tell you later.

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I'm so excited. There are there are men who take

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my quiz and they're so sweet, Doug, because usually they

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are like men in or seventies or so, and they're

254
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just following along and they'll hit reply and be like, Sue,

255
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this is amazing. That's like so glad, you're so nice.

256
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It's very comforting. Yeah, So, soulful medicine, it was just

257
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an evolution. I'm like, oh, that's what I'm really up

258
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to like, I was really trying to figure out what

259
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is this quiz delivering, and I came up with the

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name of soulful medicine, and we call it your Soulful

261
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Medicine Cabinet. Now, my library of resources is called your

262
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Soulful Medicine Cabinet, which I'm like, that's such a great

263
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play for a medical doctor. Your medicine cabinet is soulful.

264
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But soulful medicine, to me, is not all rainbows and unicorns,

265
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like soulful medicine is anything that sculpts your soul or

266
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fills your soul. So soulful medicine feels good, you know,

267
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when it's expanding you. It feels joyful. It's things that

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bring you happiness and pleasure. Soulful medicine also can be

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sculpting your soul like my miscarriages, you know, is soulful medicine.

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Because what was happening through that fascinating package of loss

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and multiple loss over and over again, I learned something amazing. First,

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my soul grew incredible empathy for loss and how to

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sit with other people and loss right when you've lost

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life over and over again. And also though I actually

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learned a real practical thing in medicine that I've applied

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to hundreds, if not thousands of children in my practice

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that had I not gone through that, I would have

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not learned that to be able to pass it on.

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So I feel like soulfil medicine also grows you so

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that then you can turn around and be of service

281
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to another as well.

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Okay, so you talk about loss, Explain it if you

283
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don't mind being a little bit yes parent here, Explain

284
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what were the losses that you experienced, because obviously that

285
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has helped you to get where you're at yet.

286
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So the major loss that I've experienced in my life

287
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are losing babies. And that process happened. Never expected it, right,

288
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like I you know, you're a newly weed, we're newly married,

289
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we're pregnant. I'm like, yeah, we're having a baby, like

290
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here starts our family. And unfortunately we lost that first

291
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baby and so I wasn't expecting that, so that was

292
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super traumatic. And also though then I I then, you know,

293
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we would get pregnant again, and then we would lose

294
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the baby again, and then it actually happened a third time,

295
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like to be pregnant and then we lost it, and

296
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I felt like, first of all, I was really pissed

297
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at God. I was like so pissed. I was like,

298
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wait a minute, you know, I start starting ting like

299
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plating fingers, like like that actually matters. I was so pissed.

300
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I was like, I've devoted my life to kids. I

301
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want to be a mom. I've always wanted to be

302
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a bob, you know, and these babies were just flipping

303
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through my fingers. But I had a very vivid dream.

304
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I had a series of vivid dreams, and when I

305
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saw the first one come true, I knew the second

306
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one was true too, and the third one is still

307
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in rapt So this dream from like series of dreams

308
00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:06.880
from well, my oldest is about to turn twenty one,

309
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so this is from twenty plus years ago. But I

310
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had a series of very powerful dreams. And the second dream,

311
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the first dream, yeah, was something that would happen to

312
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a friend, and she called me the next day and

313
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told me it happened. And I was like, oh my gosh,

314
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like that's real and it was really out of the box,

315
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like this was like how is this even possible? And

316
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it happened. So it's like, okay, listen, to this dream.

317
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The second dream was I was a patient, Doug. I

318
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was a patient in this dream, I was in one

319
00:17:36.039 --> 00:17:38.960
of those robes, you know, the open front robe, and

320
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I was in kind of like a setting with an

321
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open room with a bunch of patients in it, and

322
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the nurses, knowing that I was a doctor, asked me

323
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to get up, and they took me from bedside to

324
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bedside and we were showing me the labs that you

325
00:17:55.039 --> 00:17:59.680
know that show that you're you know, clotting labs basically, right,

326
00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:03.079
these labs. It kept on showing me pt PTT pt

327
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PTT pt PTT right, and I was like, I woke

328
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up and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm cladding

329
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off these babies. I need to start on a baby aspirin.

330
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That's literally what I came up with. And I didn't

331
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know the science behind what was happening or why was

332
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clouding off these babies, but I knew that I needed

333
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to start on a baby ass for in that day,

334
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and I did. I started on a baby asprint. I

335
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also got a lot of other support, you know, from

336
00:18:27.359 --> 00:18:31.359
medical doctor acupuncturists, you know, slapping on the hormone. So

337
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I did a lot of things, you know, it wasn't

338
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just that. And also I later learned that the physiological

339
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problem that I was having is something that's passed on

340
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through generation and confect all sorts of bodily systems, not

341
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just clotting cardiovascular, and you know, in my case miscarriages,

342
00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:56.200
it can translate to all these other problems. And I

343
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see a lot of them and kids, and now I'm

344
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able to help them. So I didn't need know what

345
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was going on. But yeah, that powerful dream, I was like, boom,

346
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I get to you know, do this and lo and

347
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behold our oldest came. She's there, And really, to me,

348
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like the whole lesson of that loss is believed. Because

349
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the craziest thing was is that even though I had

350
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lost after loss, it was like with each loss, I

351
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was like, oh, I'm almost there, Like, oh, I believe

352
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this is really going to happen, you know, and my

353
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obi guing one of my best days from college is

354
00:19:30.680 --> 00:19:35.759
in you know, women's health doctor. She said, Sue, listen,

355
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:38.240
you're halfway there. Like the hardest part can be just

356
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like getting it planted, right, Like getting pregnant is half

357
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of the battle. Right. So yeah, so I had a

358
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lot of encouragement and finally our oldest came. So the second, yeah,

359
00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:51.680
go ahead.

360
00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:57.640
Isn't it amazing when we experience these losses? How and

361
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you say, the initial reaction is you know, I hate

362
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God and there is even there And then ultimately, with

363
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awareness and mindfulness, you look back at that and realize,

364
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you know what, that was a lesson that has brought

365
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me to this point that now I'm able to pass

366
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on to others. Others absolutely, and I think so often

367
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people if they could just understand when they were going

368
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through that, because we all do go through all those

369
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type of things, that there's a reason behind it if

370
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we look for the gratitude rather than the victimhood, that

371
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ultimately we can see where it has given us value

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to be able to touch the lives of others, which

373
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I think is fast. Yeah, So, as you're working with

374
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women forty fifteen sixty, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

375
00:20:45.039 --> 00:20:46.720
Go ahead and finish her well.

376
00:20:46.759 --> 00:20:50.079
I want to say. The other loss I experience is

377
00:20:50.119 --> 00:20:54.400
a second trimester loss, which really felt something very different

378
00:20:54.599 --> 00:20:57.319
because at that point I delivered the baby at home,

379
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we went to the hospital. The baby didn't come home

380
00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:04.519
with us from the hospital, right. So it was a

381
00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:07.160
very different loss, and I think the lessons from that

382
00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:10.559
I learned about, you know, how we grieved differently, Like

383
00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:13.279
my husband grew very differently than I did, you know,

384
00:21:14.920 --> 00:21:20.279
so appreciating that, appreciating like the nurses there were like angels.

385
00:21:20.400 --> 00:21:22.359
I was like, oh my gosh, they treated this baby

386
00:21:22.759 --> 00:21:25.880
like she was alive, you know. And so I gave

387
00:21:25.880 --> 00:21:29.160
me such appreciation for hospitals in the medical setting and

388
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:33.400
people treating others with such care. And you know, it

389
00:21:33.480 --> 00:21:38.319
gave me a big belief in the divine timing of everything,

390
00:21:38.759 --> 00:21:43.240
because the day I lost that baby, I was a

391
00:21:43.319 --> 00:21:46.839
due date for our middle child, you know, the one

392
00:21:46.839 --> 00:21:51.240
who came after this, and so I was like, whoa, Like,

393
00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:52.359
how did that happen?

394
00:21:54.319 --> 00:21:54.920
Fascinating?

395
00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:58.960
So that gets fascinating. Those are the lessons from that.

396
00:21:59.279 --> 00:22:02.640
Well, when when you're working with women now in their forties, fifties,

397
00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:05.359
and sixties, for the most part, what do you find

398
00:22:05.400 --> 00:22:09.119
the biggest challenge is that they're facing. Is there some

399
00:22:09.200 --> 00:22:12.960
common themes that come with that that you find out? Right,

400
00:22:13.079 --> 00:22:15.480
you know, I'm gonna here a four to five things

401
00:22:15.480 --> 00:22:19.640
that I'm constantly facing with these women or these women

402
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:21.200
are facing well, I.

403
00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:25.319
Think the biggest umbrella is change. That's what they're facing

404
00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:29.000
is change, and how that change shows up can show

405
00:22:29.079 --> 00:22:31.880
up in all different ways. I mean, change can show

406
00:22:31.960 --> 00:22:34.599
up and I've been divorced for a decade and i

407
00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:38.240
still haven't dated. You know, there's someone who's stuck, right,

408
00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:43.319
or change can happen in I've been married to this

409
00:22:43.359 --> 00:22:45.720
person and I actually don't like, you know, this is

410
00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:48.759
not this is not healthy for me, for our kids,

411
00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:52.680
or for anyone, you know. So definitely relationships, but also

412
00:22:52.759 --> 00:22:56.640
relationships in terms of like, wow, we've been married. We

413
00:22:56.759 --> 00:23:00.200
really do love each other, but we're like we you

414
00:23:00.200 --> 00:23:04.119
need a little zip back, you know, like where's our spark?

415
00:23:04.359 --> 00:23:06.200
You know, especially when the kids are gone and you're

416
00:23:06.200 --> 00:23:09.279
looking at each other like who are you right? You've

417
00:23:09.319 --> 00:23:12.640
been both also focused on the kids, and there's definitely

418
00:23:12.680 --> 00:23:16.559
relationships in terms of kids, right, So now that are

419
00:23:16.640 --> 00:23:19.519
young adults and maybe the young adults coming back and

420
00:23:19.559 --> 00:23:22.440
moving in the house, right and he wants to be independent,

421
00:23:22.440 --> 00:23:24.759
but yet you're like, dude, you're not the independent because

422
00:23:24.759 --> 00:23:30.279
you're living in our house. So there's definitely relationships under

423
00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:34.240
the change umbrella. There's obviously physiological changes as well. And

424
00:23:34.359 --> 00:23:37.000
I don't do you know, hormone therapy or any of

425
00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:40.400
the medicine type component, but I do help women feel

426
00:23:40.519 --> 00:23:43.000
through the emotional process of that. I kind of think

427
00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:46.559
of it like second adolescence, where you know, first adolescence

428
00:23:46.680 --> 00:23:50.480
is like hormones. Everybody's been through that. Like you feel awkward,

429
00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:53.599
your body's changing all of a sudden, You're emotional where

430
00:23:53.640 --> 00:23:58.079
you maybe weren't before. Like you just feel really unsettled, right,

431
00:23:58.279 --> 00:24:01.200
and your identity is changing. So a lot of these

432
00:24:01.240 --> 00:24:04.960
women are maybe winding down their first career and thinking

433
00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:08.279
about starting a passion project or maybe figuring out, well,

434
00:24:08.319 --> 00:24:10.519
who am I if I'm not the mom? You know,

435
00:24:10.599 --> 00:24:13.079
like these kids don't really need me anymore? Now what

436
00:24:13.160 --> 00:24:14.519
am I? Like? What's my purpose?

437
00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:14.920
Now?

438
00:24:15.400 --> 00:24:16.119
That makes sense?

439
00:24:16.519 --> 00:24:21.039
Do you find that there's a different mental culture between

440
00:24:21.079 --> 00:24:24.599
those women who are still married and happy this is

441
00:24:24.759 --> 00:24:28.759
those that have gotten divorced and are now single or

442
00:24:29.359 --> 00:24:31.720
whatever that happens to be. Do you find that there's

443
00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:35.920
a difference in mentality and emotional direction with that?

444
00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:40.440
I think what I see mostly because I believe, like

445
00:24:40.519 --> 00:24:44.200
all relationships are sacred. They're all teachers, right, and it's

446
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:47.000
just like when when When does the state? When does

447
00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:49.720
a sacred contract end? You know? And are you just

448
00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:52.400
hanging on when you should have like parted ways?

449
00:24:52.559 --> 00:24:52.759
Right?

450
00:24:53.319 --> 00:24:56.480
I actually don't think of them as much different. What

451
00:24:56.519 --> 00:25:01.279
I do see is patterns, you know, patterns of codependency,

452
00:25:02.839 --> 00:25:10.000
patterns of overgiving or people pleasing yeah, and patterns of

453
00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:13.519
like mixed boundaries. Usually what happens is in that in

454
00:25:13.559 --> 00:25:16.640
the first phase of relationship, of relationship go through four

455
00:25:16.680 --> 00:25:21.200
phases in a lifetime. In the first phase, these relationships

456
00:25:21.319 --> 00:25:25.559
that are are not they're stuck. They haven't moved beyond,

457
00:25:26.000 --> 00:25:31.079
like you know, after the romance fizzled, right, and all

458
00:25:31.119 --> 00:25:33.880
of a sudden you're like, oh, you're human too. Dang,

459
00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:38.119
I thought my night shining farm or you're perfect. Turns

460
00:25:38.119 --> 00:25:41.240
out you're imperfect. I'm imperfect. And then what happens is

461
00:25:41.480 --> 00:25:44.119
we have a power struggle. And power struggles are actually

462
00:25:44.119 --> 00:25:46.559
really healthy, Like my husband and I have power struggles.

463
00:25:46.680 --> 00:25:50.119
They're fun, they're playful. Right when you're dynamic and shifting,

464
00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:54.000
it feels good, it feels like stabilizing for everyone. But

465
00:25:54.079 --> 00:25:56.119
what happens is a lot of these women who are

466
00:25:56.279 --> 00:26:00.880
in these relationships that are either you know, yeah. One

467
00:26:01.519 --> 00:26:05.240
not healthy want to leave or stuck is that they're

468
00:26:05.279 --> 00:26:07.359
stuck in a power struggle. And you can be stuck

469
00:26:07.359 --> 00:26:09.079
in a power struggle even after divorce.

470
00:26:09.559 --> 00:26:12.359
Oh yeah, yeah, Well, and your quiz was interesting, and

471
00:26:12.480 --> 00:26:16.480
I will I will say to my own defense because

472
00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:19.279
when it came, when it came up with the with

473
00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:22.359
the answer is like yeah. But when I went through there,

474
00:26:22.359 --> 00:26:24.480
I'm going, you know what, these these really are focused

475
00:26:24.519 --> 00:26:28.240
on women? That the questions really were and yes, and

476
00:26:28.319 --> 00:26:31.519
I tried to answer some of them, how would I think?

477
00:26:31.960 --> 00:26:33.799
And others are like, all right, this is it? But

478
00:26:34.640 --> 00:26:38.279
I realized that you know you you call them mamas.

479
00:26:38.599 --> 00:26:40.720
So what are what are the three or what are

480
00:26:40.720 --> 00:26:43.319
the four or the five categories?

481
00:26:43.759 --> 00:26:45.599
I call them mamas. And that doesn't mean you have

482
00:26:45.640 --> 00:26:47.799
to have bird the child. A mama is a wise

483
00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:51.839
midlife woman, a wise woman in her forty fifties or sixties, right,

484
00:26:51.880 --> 00:26:57.400
And so the four different types are visionary, inspirational, giver

485
00:26:57.880 --> 00:27:03.000
in detail, and the visionary mama. And this, by the way,

486
00:27:03.400 --> 00:27:06.880
is like following the disc profile, which if you've ever

487
00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:10.279
taken you know a personality I am.

488
00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:16.799
I am certified in the advantages. That's why I was

489
00:27:16.880 --> 00:27:19.440
curious because I'm looking at that going, Okay, that's not

490
00:27:20.519 --> 00:27:22.559
the result for me would have been that I was

491
00:27:22.640 --> 00:27:24.960
kind of a S.

492
00:27:26.119 --> 00:27:32.240
Doug is not liking his results, and that's not me. Hey, Doug, though,

493
00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:35.920
I think it is you actually like an S is

494
00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:38.400
you right now? An S in? This is like a giver? Okay,

495
00:27:38.440 --> 00:27:41.440
So let's go through the four types. Okay, the first

496
00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:45.119
type is, by the way, when you're doing personality. The

497
00:27:45.160 --> 00:27:48.480
reality is that we all have all of these. It's

498
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:51.319
just that our majority kind of we kind of hang

499
00:27:51.359 --> 00:27:54.359
out in one area or two areas more than the others.

500
00:27:54.400 --> 00:27:56.799
So we all have all of these and notus. And

501
00:27:56.960 --> 00:27:59.400
the idea is that each one of it has its gifts,

502
00:27:59.440 --> 00:28:02.119
and usually with the gift, you got the greatest downfall

503
00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:05.440
of it. Let's go through them. So visionary visionary mamas

504
00:28:05.480 --> 00:28:08.279
are like, you know, they're like the Beyonces of the world.

505
00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:13.599
I'm going to talk in female language, dig ahead. They're

506
00:28:13.640 --> 00:28:16.720
like the Beyonces of the world. They're like twirl on

507
00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:19.960
them haters, you know, like they're like Gwyneth Peltrow. They're

508
00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:23.279
just like owning it, Like here I am in all

509
00:28:23.319 --> 00:28:26.480
my glory. You don't like it too bad, you know,

510
00:28:27.039 --> 00:28:29.440
like this is where I'm going, and we all look

511
00:28:29.480 --> 00:28:32.440
at them like we like bow down to them. We're like, whoa,

512
00:28:32.920 --> 00:28:36.039
how does she do that? You know? And so that's

513
00:28:36.119 --> 00:28:39.119
the upside of her, Like the visionary mama, very confident,

514
00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:42.519
very visionary, very knows where she's going. The downfall of

515
00:28:42.640 --> 00:28:45.240
she can bowl people over in the way, like she

516
00:28:45.480 --> 00:28:49.119
trashes relationships because she's so on her vision you know,

517
00:28:49.640 --> 00:28:52.559
and not consciously. We're not like consciously doing this. It's

518
00:28:52.599 --> 00:28:56.240
all like subconscious patterns of like not for her, Like

519
00:28:56.359 --> 00:29:01.160
vulnerability feels like a weakness. Vulnerability is actually where we connect.

520
00:29:01.240 --> 00:29:03.960
We connect your vulnerability. The relationships can be a real

521
00:29:04.039 --> 00:29:08.200
challenge for the visionary mama. Inspirational mohammas are the sparkly

522
00:29:08.279 --> 00:29:12.680
souls of the universe. They're everything's you know, shiny. Like

523
00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:16.599
my nickname is like Sunshine Susie, right, Like it's just

524
00:29:16.640 --> 00:29:19.759
like you're sparkly, you're fun, you're always looking for the positive.

525
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:21.720
People come to you because they want to hear the

526
00:29:21.799 --> 00:29:24.519
upside of something crappy going on, and you've got it,

527
00:29:24.680 --> 00:29:28.000
you know. The downside of the visionary mama is she

528
00:29:28.079 --> 00:29:31.559
follows a lot of sparkles, so like distraction, you know,

529
00:29:31.720 --> 00:29:35.119
it diffuses her energy instead of moving forward, she can

530
00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:37.559
just be spinning around all these shiny things.

531
00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:40.359
And men and for men, if you're married to that.

532
00:29:41.000 --> 00:29:41.799
They talk a lot.

533
00:29:43.759 --> 00:29:46.279
They do talk a lot. They do talk a lot.

534
00:29:47.240 --> 00:29:51.559
They love to talk. The chatters. Yes, like we like

535
00:29:51.640 --> 00:29:54.359
to talk, like tell me about your day, how's it going?

536
00:29:54.720 --> 00:29:58.960
Like you know. So then the giver mama give her

537
00:29:59.039 --> 00:30:01.759
mamas are what they say, like giving is as easy

538
00:30:01.799 --> 00:30:05.319
as breathing to them. You know, they're the people who

539
00:30:05.599 --> 00:30:07.240
you want to come to and they just give you

540
00:30:07.240 --> 00:30:09.519
a warm hug. They don't have to say a lot.

541
00:30:09.839 --> 00:30:13.720
They're great, phenomenal listeners. They do not have to be

542
00:30:13.799 --> 00:30:17.519
center stage whatsoever. They're happy to just be present in

543
00:30:17.559 --> 00:30:19.359
the room and give you the love that you need.

544
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:24.039
And their downfall, though, is they can become doormats. They

545
00:30:24.160 --> 00:30:28.319
overgive and codependent and codependent as a big one. So

546
00:30:28.359 --> 00:30:31.799
I work with a lot of giver mamas. Okay, and

547
00:30:31.839 --> 00:30:35.160
then and then the last one is the detailed mama.

548
00:30:35.519 --> 00:30:40.039
And she is the one who's got all the flipping spreadsheets.

549
00:30:40.119 --> 00:30:43.079
You know, she's the organizer. She's the one who comes down.

550
00:30:43.160 --> 00:30:45.640
I always say, the divine is in the details. She's

551
00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:49.000
like organizing the car pool, she's organizing the next trip.

552
00:30:49.359 --> 00:30:52.440
You know, she's organizing your closet. She'd come over and

553
00:30:52.559 --> 00:30:57.200
organize your refrigerator happily. You know, she's just very organized.

554
00:30:57.319 --> 00:31:01.160
The problem is regimented. The problem is that if she's

555
00:31:01.240 --> 00:31:04.599
so regimented, her life can get a little dry. Like

556
00:31:04.680 --> 00:31:07.079
she needs some sparks, she needs some fun, you know.

557
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:11.240
So I okay, so Doug is not hapvy because it

558
00:31:11.279 --> 00:31:12.400
sounds like he got a giver.

559
00:31:13.640 --> 00:31:15.880
I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'll tell

560
00:31:15.880 --> 00:31:19.559
you why because again, you know, I'm I do this

561
00:31:19.759 --> 00:31:24.160
and it's obviously I'm actually what you would call a

562
00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:30.240
visionary detail. So I'm I'm a d C. Okay, yeah, okay,

563
00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:32.920
But but with the one that I use, which is

564
00:31:33.559 --> 00:31:38.400
goes well beyond just the standard disc they get into values, motivators,

565
00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:40.599
all of that type of thing. Yeah, with the company

566
00:31:40.640 --> 00:31:44.440
that I got trained with, trained in and for me

567
00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:50.240
my motivator, then is that spiritual, that giving that type

568
00:31:50.279 --> 00:31:53.880
of thing. So what I have found oftentimes is, in

569
00:31:53.920 --> 00:31:56.920
fact it was fun. I took Tony Robbins. I you know,

570
00:31:57.000 --> 00:32:00.559
here goes my curiosity, but I'm going, okay, taken, I've

571
00:32:00.559 --> 00:32:02.839
done this one, so I know where I'm at because

572
00:32:02.839 --> 00:32:08.960
it gets into the whole innate personality, your social personality,

573
00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:11.640
who you think you should be, and then you get

574
00:32:11.680 --> 00:32:14.799
into your conscious personality. So anyway, I did that, and

575
00:32:14.839 --> 00:32:17.400
when I did it with Tony Robbins, I found, you

576
00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:20.759
know what, that's my social personality, that's who I think

577
00:32:20.799 --> 00:32:23.079
I should be. That's what they came up with. And

578
00:32:23.559 --> 00:32:27.200
so I find it interesting that when I was answering

579
00:32:27.240 --> 00:32:30.000
those questions, I was answering it more of values than

580
00:32:30.039 --> 00:32:32.960
I was the other time. And that's why I came in.

581
00:32:33.200 --> 00:32:39.519
I think that's why I came in as a giving mama.

582
00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:40.359
Because you know I love though too is because people

583
00:32:40.440 --> 00:32:42.480
when I do this, they're like, wait a minute. And

584
00:32:42.519 --> 00:32:45.240
so like for me, I would say in general, like

585
00:32:45.279 --> 00:32:50.039
I'm inspirational giver. My giver comes out most with my family,

586
00:32:50.119 --> 00:32:54.319
my patients, my clients, right in general, like I'm always

587
00:32:54.359 --> 00:32:57.480
really positive. I can sometimes be like people are just like,

588
00:32:57.559 --> 00:32:58.480
how can you be that?

589
00:32:58.680 --> 00:32:58.880
Right?

590
00:32:58.960 --> 00:33:02.000
So maybe out to the world, I'm that. In my business, obviously,

591
00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:04.720
I need to pull in some visionary right otherwise I'm

592
00:33:04.759 --> 00:33:08.000
not going anywhere. So I do think and like my

593
00:33:08.119 --> 00:33:11.640
lowest is detail, but I surround myself and I hire detail.

594
00:33:11.920 --> 00:33:14.240
So to me, like using a quiz like this or

595
00:33:14.359 --> 00:33:17.759
even advanced ones like doctor doug Uses is like knowing

596
00:33:17.799 --> 00:33:22.559
your strengths, you know, illuminates your weaknesses and then you

597
00:33:22.599 --> 00:33:25.279
can hire them, which is what I've really focused on,

598
00:33:25.440 --> 00:33:29.000
like in hiring detail mamas to help me run the

599
00:33:29.039 --> 00:33:29.960
business well.

600
00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:34.759
And it starts the process of that internal evaluation, which

601
00:33:34.799 --> 00:33:36.799
I think is what makes us so great. It's never

602
00:33:36.920 --> 00:33:40.319
totally accurate, I'm the first to admit that, but yeah,

603
00:33:40.359 --> 00:33:43.160
but what it does is it starts the conversation and

604
00:33:43.279 --> 00:33:45.440
as you get into that just like we were just

605
00:33:45.519 --> 00:33:48.880
doing there now and I'm going yeah, from that standpoint, yeah,

606
00:33:48.880 --> 00:33:51.400
I'm a giver mama. But the reality is is that

607
00:33:51.599 --> 00:33:56.200
was based on those values that I have developed over

608
00:33:56.279 --> 00:33:59.680
the years. But I found the same thing that when

609
00:33:59.720 --> 00:34:01.640
I was working with women, a lot of them ended

610
00:34:01.759 --> 00:34:05.680
up in the giver in the the yes, yeah, what

611
00:34:05.799 --> 00:34:06.839
the discs yes.

612
00:34:06.920 --> 00:34:09.880
So I worked with a lot of giver moments and

613
00:34:09.920 --> 00:34:12.840
some detailed moments too, because I think details are like, wow,

614
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:14.239
you look like you're having a lot of fun.

615
00:34:17.679 --> 00:34:20.760
I know, yeah, don't even tell me about it. But

616
00:34:21.239 --> 00:34:24.199
so so as you look at that, how do you

617
00:34:24.280 --> 00:34:28.800
help these women the challenges that they're facing. Obviously, if

618
00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:32.440
they're a giver U they're probably not always, but I

619
00:34:32.440 --> 00:34:34.679
would assume a lot of them are in relationships that

620
00:34:34.719 --> 00:34:37.760
they shouldn't be in. They're kind of codependent, as you mentioned,

621
00:34:38.320 --> 00:34:42.719
how do you help them to either change that relationship

622
00:34:42.960 --> 00:34:45.679
to where they're not codependent and they've set some boundaries,

623
00:34:45.920 --> 00:34:49.079
or they realize that, you know what, this is not

624
00:34:49.679 --> 00:34:53.039
for me, particularly if they're experiencing emotional or physical abuse.

625
00:34:53.599 --> 00:34:57.639
Yes, which I have worked with as well, and you know,

626
00:34:58.039 --> 00:35:01.800
so here's how I do this Because you mentioned Tony Robbins.

627
00:35:01.840 --> 00:35:04.280
Tony Robbins is someone that I've been learning from for

628
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:06.800
the past, you know, five years or so, and I

629
00:35:06.920 --> 00:35:09.320
use a ton of the frameworks that he's taught me.

630
00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:13.079
One of the frameworks that comes to mind when we're

631
00:35:13.079 --> 00:35:16.400
talking about there's so many, but I mean, like, for instance,

632
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:18.199
I don't know if you've heard of the six human

633
00:35:18.639 --> 00:35:22.079
Needs frameworks six human Needs Psychology framework, which is that

634
00:35:22.440 --> 00:35:26.800
all humans share the six human needs, and so I'll

635
00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:29.639
use things like that, or I also talk about patterns.

636
00:35:29.920 --> 00:35:32.239
So patterns are a big thing, like see the pattern.

637
00:35:32.320 --> 00:35:34.800
This isn't you, it's a pattern. Where does the pattern

638
00:35:34.840 --> 00:35:35.360
come from?

639
00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:35.960
Right?

640
00:35:36.199 --> 00:35:38.840
Which is how I can usually help someone who's in

641
00:35:39.079 --> 00:35:44.400
a codependent or an unhealthy kind of relationship. Dynamic really

642
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:47.639
hard to start to understand, Like, wow, that got kind

643
00:35:47.679 --> 00:35:49.440
of messed up. I don't know if you've ever read

644
00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:52.480
that book What Happened to You? It's written by a

645
00:35:52.519 --> 00:35:56.639
psychiatrist and with oprah Rimfree basically going back and forth.

646
00:35:56.679 --> 00:36:01.559
But it's really easy way to understand the physiology trauma.

647
00:36:01.800 --> 00:36:04.800
And so I often kind of go back to those

648
00:36:04.840 --> 00:36:08.800
principles as well, because inherently, when someone's in like an

649
00:36:08.840 --> 00:36:13.519
abusive relationship and they're still hanging out, it's because it's

650
00:36:13.519 --> 00:36:16.039
still meeting one of their human needs. And even though

651
00:36:16.079 --> 00:36:17.639
you look at them and be like why do you

652
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:21.159
stay there, it's because it's certainty for them. They know

653
00:36:21.320 --> 00:36:23.639
that they can gain certainty from this, and we all

654
00:36:23.679 --> 00:36:25.719
have a need for a certainty. So I acknowledge that,

655
00:36:25.800 --> 00:36:27.480
like I have a need for certainty too. I get

656
00:36:27.480 --> 00:36:30.519
why you would want to be certain, Like it's you're

657
00:36:30.559 --> 00:36:33.800
certain it's going to be uncomfy, but you are certain

658
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:37.079
of that, versus stepping away from that is massive uncertainty

659
00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:40.880
and feels really destabilizing. So you start to talk about patterns,

660
00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:43.119
you start to put it into frameworks. It creates a

661
00:36:43.159 --> 00:36:46.079
lot of space, so it's less about something's wrong with me.

662
00:36:46.559 --> 00:36:49.000
And this is a pattern that I've you know, either

663
00:36:49.039 --> 00:36:52.440
picked up learned from in childhood, you know, et cetera.

664
00:36:53.159 --> 00:36:55.599
So as you're working with moms, I know, one of

665
00:36:55.599 --> 00:36:58.679
the things you talk about is how do you help

666
00:36:58.719 --> 00:37:00.920
a mom and how does it help her children if

667
00:37:00.960 --> 00:37:05.159
you help her not to be a particular way with her. Okay,

668
00:37:08.440 --> 00:37:09.280
there's a supermom.

669
00:37:09.519 --> 00:37:13.360
Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah, the supermom. So not the

670
00:37:13.400 --> 00:37:18.239
supermom definitely. I was like, I'm going to fail at

671
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:20.119
the supermom, and my kids are going to be stronger

672
00:37:20.119 --> 00:37:24.880
for it, for sure, because you raise independent kids and

673
00:37:24.920 --> 00:37:27.159
you are there to support them, you know, and then

674
00:37:27.159 --> 00:37:29.119
they thank you for it too, which is what happened

675
00:37:29.159 --> 00:37:31.400
this morning right before I jumped on you know. It's like,

676
00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:35.920
but a supermom's side. You asked about like the ripple,

677
00:37:36.119 --> 00:37:39.159
the ripple effect, and this is how the ripple effect works. Okay,

678
00:37:39.320 --> 00:37:43.119
so I'm thinking about one woman she's now that I've

679
00:37:43.119 --> 00:37:46.599
worked with for you know, a few years now at least,

680
00:37:47.039 --> 00:37:50.480
and she's now in her sixties, so she has adult

681
00:37:50.519 --> 00:37:54.280
children who also have children. That means she's a grandma now, yeh.

682
00:37:54.360 --> 00:38:00.199
And in one of the marriages of her children, there's

683
00:38:00.199 --> 00:38:03.800
been infidelity. And that felt like a rug just got

684
00:38:03.800 --> 00:38:07.119
pulled underneath this grandma, like she was not expecting that

685
00:38:07.119 --> 00:38:11.480
that was, you know. And also she's helping that child

686
00:38:11.679 --> 00:38:14.079
navigate through that, Like what does that mean?

687
00:38:14.480 --> 00:38:14.679
Right?

688
00:38:15.159 --> 00:38:18.000
And so again I pulled out the six human needs framework,

689
00:38:19.559 --> 00:38:22.159
which is we all share the same six human needs

690
00:38:22.480 --> 00:38:25.679
the need for certainty, comfort, and pleasure, the need if

691
00:38:25.679 --> 00:38:27.280
we have too much of that, we get bored. So

692
00:38:27.320 --> 00:38:29.400
we also have the need for a variety. We have

693
00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:31.519
the need for significance, which is to be seen and

694
00:38:31.559 --> 00:38:33.800
heard and needed. We have the need for love and

695
00:38:33.800 --> 00:38:37.760
connection on conditional acceptance, belonging. We have the need for

696
00:38:37.880 --> 00:38:44.719
growing mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And then giving her contribution. And

697
00:38:44.760 --> 00:38:46.719
so I just went back again to the principles that

698
00:38:46.760 --> 00:38:49.440
we've already learned before with her, and I said, think

699
00:38:49.480 --> 00:38:54.159
about these two individuals where infidelity happened, what are their

700
00:38:54.239 --> 00:38:57.239
top two needs. So we did that again. Are they

701
00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:00.159
meeting them inside the marriage or are they meeting them

702
00:39:00.199 --> 00:39:03.119
outside the marriage? And as plain as day, they're meeting

703
00:39:03.199 --> 00:39:05.840
them outside the marriage, right, And so when you put

704
00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:08.719
it into a framework like that, all becomes kind of neutral,

705
00:39:08.960 --> 00:39:11.039
you know, and instead of thinking like I'm a bad

706
00:39:11.199 --> 00:39:14.280
mom because this happened, you have been for my child,

707
00:39:14.360 --> 00:39:16.920
and now what's going to happen to these grandkids? Right?

708
00:39:17.480 --> 00:39:20.280
Instead you really shift it. And by the end of

709
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:22.639
that she said, maybe this is the most beautiful thing

710
00:39:22.679 --> 00:39:26.400
that has ever happened for this for their marriage, and

711
00:39:26.480 --> 00:39:29.679
maybe they have the potential to actually grow closer through

712
00:39:29.719 --> 00:39:32.559
this and teach these you know, to their children.

713
00:39:33.119 --> 00:39:37.320
Yeah, so as you talk about, you know, it's the

714
00:39:37.320 --> 00:39:39.320
best thing for your kids not to be a supermom,

715
00:39:39.599 --> 00:39:42.800
and all this here working with women who still may

716
00:39:42.840 --> 00:39:45.960
have some children, but a lot of times they don't.

717
00:39:46.440 --> 00:39:50.719
And yet how many young women who are now moms,

718
00:39:51.000 --> 00:39:55.000
you know, in their late twenties their thirties that need

719
00:39:55.079 --> 00:39:59.760
to understand how their behavior and how their personal transfer

720
00:39:59.840 --> 00:40:03.519
ma and all of that can affect their children in

721
00:40:03.559 --> 00:40:05.960
a way that it gives their children a much better

722
00:40:06.079 --> 00:40:10.280
chance of independence and making good decisions.

723
00:40:10.880 --> 00:40:14.119
Yeah, as I always said, I've never read a parenting book.

724
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:17.360
I've just continuing to like work on myself, you know.

725
00:40:17.519 --> 00:40:20.159
And the more I work on myself, because everything's a

726
00:40:20.199 --> 00:40:24.920
mirror and all relationships, you know, are mirrors, then parenting

727
00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:28.719
has become easier. Parenting has become more and flow. Parenting

728
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:31.639
has really taught, like I see all of it as

729
00:40:31.880 --> 00:40:37.840
such a great opportunity versus like an incredible responsibility.

730
00:40:39.519 --> 00:40:42.880
So yeah, as you look as you look at are

731
00:40:42.920 --> 00:40:44.920
most of the women that you're working with single or

732
00:40:45.000 --> 00:40:48.039
are they still married or is it even it's a.

733
00:40:48.280 --> 00:40:50.800
It's a mix, you know, and some of them have

734
00:40:50.920 --> 00:40:53.760
never been married, you know. Some of them I'm married

735
00:40:53.760 --> 00:40:55.840
and divorced. Some of them, I'm married and want to

736
00:40:55.840 --> 00:40:58.599
be divorced. Some of them are married and happily married.

737
00:40:59.519 --> 00:41:03.360
Okay, So do you do try to help those women

738
00:41:03.400 --> 00:41:08.920
who were not happy to redevelop that relationship before divorce

739
00:41:09.119 --> 00:41:11.519
or do you find that in many cases is it

740
00:41:11.599 --> 00:41:14.639
a point where they need to understand that they can

741
00:41:14.719 --> 00:41:16.320
get divorced and still be happy.

742
00:41:16.840 --> 00:41:19.320
Yeah, I think it's really the primary message that I

743
00:41:19.320 --> 00:41:21.960
always give to them is not about the timing of

744
00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:25.239
when this gets to happen. The primary message is about

745
00:41:25.760 --> 00:41:29.840
loving yourself, like how you've got to because they're never

746
00:41:29.880 --> 00:41:33.119
going to leave or stay and shift the marriage if

747
00:41:33.119 --> 00:41:34.800
they don't first love themselves.

748
00:41:35.079 --> 00:41:37.880
How do they do that? How do you help How

749
00:41:37.920 --> 00:41:40.760
do you help someone? I mean, think about it. I

750
00:41:40.800 --> 00:41:43.079
mean we've all grown up, most of us, anyway, you

751
00:41:43.079 --> 00:41:45.639
have grown up with these imprints that I'm not good enough,

752
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:49.760
or you know, if you're highly religious. I was born

753
00:41:49.800 --> 00:41:53.039
in sined, so I'm sinful, all of these type of things.

754
00:41:53.639 --> 00:41:56.679
How do you help them to learn to love themselves

755
00:41:56.719 --> 00:42:00.280
to the point where all of a sudden it's like, Okay, hey,

756
00:42:00.679 --> 00:42:02.760
you know, I really do love myself. And when I do,

757
00:42:02.880 --> 00:42:05.119
all of a sudden, you're setting boundaries that are appropriate.

758
00:42:05.519 --> 00:42:07.280
Again. I kind of go back to the same thing.

759
00:42:07.360 --> 00:42:09.760
I always point back to myself and I say, listen,

760
00:42:10.320 --> 00:42:12.719
we all have the same fears. We all have the

761
00:42:12.719 --> 00:42:15.639
fear that we're not enough. Because we're not enough, we're

762
00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:18.559
not lovable. I also learned that from Tony Rappins, you know,

763
00:42:18.719 --> 00:42:21.559
and once you say that, it's like, oh my gosh,

764
00:42:21.719 --> 00:42:24.519
because women look at me and they think I'm confident,

765
00:42:24.840 --> 00:42:27.480
you know, they think I have it all together. You

766
00:42:27.519 --> 00:42:30.239
know that I don't feel like I'm not enough. I'm like,

767
00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:37.880
what what are you talking about? Every every day I

768
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:43.039
work on, yeah, just owning myself worth, owning my deserving this,

769
00:42:43.519 --> 00:42:46.079
you know. And so the way that I help them

770
00:42:46.119 --> 00:42:48.199
do that is to mirror back to them that, like,

771
00:42:48.760 --> 00:42:53.960
you know, everybody feels that way. You're not strange or different.

772
00:42:54.480 --> 00:42:58.199
It's a fundamental flaw of being quote unquote human that

773
00:42:58.599 --> 00:43:01.480
somehow you're just not enough and because you're not, you're

774
00:43:01.519 --> 00:43:04.519
not lovable. So let's just put that on the table

775
00:43:04.599 --> 00:43:08.400
and let's move on, okay, sister, because like that's just

776
00:43:08.559 --> 00:43:11.320
is what it is, you know. And also, Doug, it's

777
00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:14.079
also about marrying back to them what they are again,

778
00:43:14.199 --> 00:43:17.320
like through that, through that quiz, you know, the personality quiz,

779
00:43:17.920 --> 00:43:21.760
It's like you have amazing gifts. And that's the thing.

780
00:43:21.840 --> 00:43:24.280
Like if it's a giver mama and she's in a

781
00:43:24.360 --> 00:43:27.519
co you know, codependent, you know, whether it's with her

782
00:43:27.599 --> 00:43:31.519
child or whatever, this mush is if it's at work

783
00:43:31.719 --> 00:43:34.320
or you know, with a partner. That's why I love

784
00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:36.559
group coaching because I don't only do one on one coaching.

785
00:43:36.599 --> 00:43:41.039
I do group coaching and group coaching is divine because

786
00:43:41.639 --> 00:43:45.760
the other women start marrying. You've got to mix some

787
00:43:45.840 --> 00:43:48.800
women in there, some with some visionaries, some with some

788
00:43:48.880 --> 00:43:52.719
inspirational other givers, you know, and other details. Right, so

789
00:43:53.159 --> 00:43:56.039
you get this dynamic of like, wow, love you so much,

790
00:43:56.199 --> 00:44:00.639
and also sister bully, bootstraps up, let's go. That's a boundaries.

791
00:44:00.760 --> 00:44:02.880
This is not okay, this is where you end. This

792
00:44:02.920 --> 00:44:05.159
is where they begin, you know what I mean. And

793
00:44:05.239 --> 00:44:09.519
so having that sometimes in the group studying the medicine,

794
00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:13.119
the soulful medicine is just being heard in a safe place,

795
00:44:13.679 --> 00:44:16.360
just owning like my saying like wow, I feel like

796
00:44:16.440 --> 00:44:20.000
this and that that alone is the medicine and can

797
00:44:20.039 --> 00:44:23.079
feel like can bring back self love because when you

798
00:44:23.119 --> 00:44:26.480
see another woman feel the same way, you're like, oh, okay,

799
00:44:26.679 --> 00:44:28.920
I guess I can love myself even though I feel

800
00:44:29.000 --> 00:44:31.119
this way sometimes well.

801
00:44:30.920 --> 00:44:33.880
And you know, I look at that like you're just

802
00:44:34.000 --> 00:44:37.159
kind of taking their hand and walking with them. And

803
00:44:37.199 --> 00:44:39.400
I think for people to understand, to find a really

804
00:44:39.400 --> 00:44:43.360
good coach or mentor, it's someone who will take your

805
00:44:43.400 --> 00:44:46.119
hand and walk with you because they've been through it.

806
00:44:46.559 --> 00:44:48.519
And as you say, if you get into a group,

807
00:44:48.719 --> 00:44:52.159
you're all joining hands together and helping each other and

808
00:44:52.199 --> 00:44:59.400
I love that. Yeah, well we're done. It's like meditation

809
00:44:59.559 --> 00:45:04.079
for me. Time going lives is so fast is amazing.

810
00:45:04.159 --> 00:45:07.519
So a couple final questions. Number one, if you had

811
00:45:07.559 --> 00:45:11.360
a final message for the folks, what would that be?

812
00:45:11.440 --> 00:45:14.280
In difficult situation when you don't know what to do,

813
00:45:14.920 --> 00:45:18.440
ask yourself what love would do? What would love do?

814
00:45:18.840 --> 00:45:21.840
And why I say that is because our natural love

815
00:45:22.159 --> 00:45:25.320
state is a loving state. And that's why it feels

816
00:45:25.320 --> 00:45:28.559
so dang awful when we're resentful or bitter or angry

817
00:45:28.639 --> 00:45:32.360
or pissed off or you know, it's like it's because

818
00:45:32.400 --> 00:45:35.199
we're disconnected from the part of us that is loving.

819
00:45:35.599 --> 00:45:38.920
So by asking yourself a better question, you'll get a

820
00:45:38.960 --> 00:45:42.679
better strategy and a better solution. So ask yourself what

821
00:45:42.719 --> 00:45:46.559
would love do? And then allow yourself to hear the answer.

822
00:45:46.880 --> 00:45:50.360
Because sometimes love would forgive. Sometimes love would set a

823
00:45:50.360 --> 00:45:54.280
hard ass boundary this is not okay anymore. Sometimes you know,

824
00:45:54.960 --> 00:45:58.639
love would bend. Love would be like, okay, I see

825
00:45:58.679 --> 00:46:01.280
I need to flow, I need to flex a little here, right.

826
00:46:01.599 --> 00:46:04.920
So there's a lot of different answers that can come

827
00:46:04.960 --> 00:46:08.159
from that, but I find that that is the most centering, grounding,

828
00:46:08.760 --> 00:46:10.480
really like, how do I move forward?

829
00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:10.880
Is?

830
00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:11.679
What would love do?

831
00:46:12.280 --> 00:46:15.440
Perfect? How do people find you? How does the women

832
00:46:15.480 --> 00:46:18.199
in their forties, fifties and sixties find you?

833
00:46:18.239 --> 00:46:21.360
Come find me at doctor Sue McCready dot com, which

834
00:46:21.400 --> 00:46:24.199
is d R s U E M C c R

835
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:26.599
E A d I E dot com.

836
00:46:26.599 --> 00:46:27.079
Wonderful.

837
00:46:27.519 --> 00:46:28.599
Thank you, doctor Doug.

838
00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:32.079
Thank you, this has been wonderful. We could go on fine.

839
00:46:32.480 --> 00:46:35.159
I guarantee if I wasn't limited to time, we could

840
00:46:35.239 --> 00:46:39.000
go on for another hour, so fun.

841
00:46:39.119 --> 00:46:41.440
Thank you for all the work you're doing and all

842
00:46:41.519 --> 00:46:47.719
the giving your doing. Giver mama doctor, I appreciate it

843
00:46:48.039 --> 00:46:49.000
very much. Thank you.

844
00:46:49.599 --> 00:46:52.840
At least fortunately I'm not in the codependent relationship, so

845
00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:59.280
that's good. Anyway, folks, thanks for listening and south thanks

846
00:46:59.280 --> 00:47:02.280
for being on this show. Show folks, have a wonderful week.

847
00:47:02.440 --> 00:47:05.440
Join us again soon. This is doctor Doug saying now,

848
00:47:05.559 --> 00:47:06.000
mistake