5 Ways To Rethink Dating

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Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife, and she coodn't She cleaned and cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.

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Speaker 2: She was both obedient and soft by nature.

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Speaker 1: She was a good woman who always made good choices. We're good Mom's bad choices.

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Speaker 3: Who's single mom? Who said fuck the patriarchy shared all their bad choices and.

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Speaker 1: Sound out they were so bad.

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Speaker 3: After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties.

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Speaker 1: Sit back and enjoy the ride.

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Speaker 3: I can.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to good Mom's bad choices.

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Speaker 3: I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday Beaches, Happy mod the fucking Wednesday Beaches. It's your favorite day of the week, right today Day. I hope you're humping today. Welcome to February. It's that short one month the black people get out of the year. Even though we celebrate Black History Month, a motherfucking month long, celebrating love, We're celebrating blackness, We're celebrating black love, celebrating love for ourselves. Is it going to be the Journey of love February? I love that, Okay. This month's theme is the Journey of love February. Because everybody knows love is a journey, Oh God, is it?

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Speaker 1: And if anybody knows, always the journey of self love, the journey of romantic love, the journey of platonic love, the journey and the expansion of love for your children, the giving of love to people that irritate the fuck out of you. It's all a journey.

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Speaker 3: Love is a journey. I think people think it's a destination, like when I fall in love, everything's gonna be perfect. No, bitch, it's a journey. It's never ending. It's an ongoing process of always functioning and operating from a place of love. And I don't think it's necessarily always human nature either.

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Speaker 1: No, I mean definitely not now in this world and day and age where.

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Speaker 3: Like hate is cool, trauma is so deeply integrated. Not hate is cool.

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Speaker 1: It is like being a hay. There's low key kind of cool. And is it, I mean kind of.

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Speaker 3: Interesting? Yeah, obtain love, ism more love. It is definitely it's harder on the weeks I'm pmssing. Loving is harder when I'm pmssing working on it. But how are you?

00:02:21
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm trying to work on my love space today because some little bitches at my daughter's school have been fucking with her.

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Speaker 3: Is this mom shit?

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Speaker 1: This might be mom shit, but we can get to mom shit later because someone else had some mom shit to share. But maybe we'll just do my mom shit this week where I'm really trying to move in love and give nine year olds and ten year olds grace good luck, because I don't know for any moms that have encountered bullying at your daughter's or your son's school. This is a new this is new territory for me, and so it's really disturbed me for the especially today, I feel a little bit perturbed and disturbed just because I feel out of control. There's something what can you do? Yeah, there's nothing I can do. I mean I also like before today happened, I felt like, okay, like every child has a ride of passage where they have to like encounter these things, right, Like no one kind of gets to escape feeling called out or bullied or whatever the case may be. And you don't really know when it's going to happen. You just hope that like you've armed your kids well and they can sustain and or they can stand up for themselves. But then it's like and then it's also weird when like you're cool with the mom whose kid is bullying your kid, Like that adds an extra layer and it's just I'm about to throw all friendships out the window.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like all you bitches, that's difficult.

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Speaker 1: But the mom group, I.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because you're not really friends, you're just the mom friend from school. I've had very little experience in the bullying thing. I think like twice. And you know it was like one time your house, like years ago, and I think one time on the over the over the FaceTime and I called that mom and it was the same mom from your school. I don't even know how I got into the how did I get into the beef? And I don't even she don't go to that school. But yeah, I can only imagine how you're feeling because even me as the side mom, I want to go over there. I want to trip the.

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Speaker 1: Bit on the side mom, the side.

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Speaker 3: On the side Mom, I will, I'll listen. I don't even go to the school, so I'll go up to the campers and trip a bitch. I'll don't mind. Nobody could call me, no, if you can suspend me, I don't care, I will curse a little bitch out, I really will. I have no problem if don't let me get in the corner with her, because I'd be like, I heard you're a little bitch at school. You think that's cute.

00:04:41
Speaker 1: I literally told I a reay to call them beach's. I was like, we need work on your comebacks. Yeah, and you have my permission to say beach. She was like, mom, I can't say that.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, it's different than bitch.

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Speaker 1: It's not a bad word telling your mom told him to say.

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Speaker 3: You know, I realized I'm the mom. I will go to the school and you have said called a bitch a bitch, and I will stand on ten toes with you. Sounds reasonable to me. Oh, are you gonna suspend her? Fine, we're going shopping. Oh, then we're going to day off.

00:05:13
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I have been and I'm totally trying to get Irian on board with homeschooling, and so I was like, maybe this is God like trying to bless us, because the one time I did, I like, I've slowly been like mentioning it, just in joking form. But then the other day she was like, Mommy, I don't want to go to school, like I wish that we could just like stay home. And then I was like, well, you could stay home if we were homeschooling. In fact, today we could go to the beach. And this was before the fires, honestly, and then actually, like the next day the fire started, which is crazy. She's like, look it happened. I was like I read, No, this is not that. She's like, is this what manifestation?

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Speaker 3: Why? What did you say?

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Speaker 1: Well, well no, she was just.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was like you said that. Yeah. I was like, no, babe, But that's why you have to be specific, Like this is not bad, honey, this is devastation.

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Speaker 3: You do have to be a specific God did say being specific.

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Speaker 1: But when I told her we could just do homeschooling, she literally she started crying. I was like, what the fuck is going on? She started crying, I.

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Speaker 3: Don't want to be homeschooled.

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Speaker 1: Why do you keep saying me homeschooled? And I was like, oh my god, relax, I'm just kidding sort of. But now with this bullying happening, I'm like, do I just let it? Do I do? I kind of let her hate school a little bit so that like the homeschooling thing sounds like a better option.

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Speaker 3: No, I don't think she was bullying she herself.

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Speaker 1: And then also school suck a little bit. I mean those pitches are I don't want new friends, you know. I just came up with a great idea. Want to hear my idea?

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Speaker 3: What is it? Take your half of your highest tuition and then just spend it on a homeschool teacher, and then Luna and I can share that homeschool teacher.

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Speaker 1: I mean I.

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Speaker 3: Probably less well.

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Speaker 1: I was just what I was trying to tell her. I was like, you're still gonna have friends, and I'm not gonna.

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Speaker 3: Like put you in a home, not me. Reallotting your tuition, no kids for us. For the team, you take your half of your tuition money and you.

00:07:06
Speaker 1: Spend on support.

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Speaker 3: It's a group. Are you my wife or not? And then spent at homeschool so we all could live happily ever after at the.

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Speaker 1: Beach doesn't sound like a bad plan. I could be up in to it.

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Speaker 3: I could. I'll do dance. I'm a cheer and dance instructor. Every Luna. It's just us three on the team. Our friends are coming over for the competition, so get ready were having a recital by me. Also, you know what I just thought of as you were tolding the story, And I never thought of it this way, just because I've this month, I had a pretty terrible PMS. I was just a bitch and I just litterally There's nothing I could do about it. I knew it was happening, but I couldn't and I was crying even up to the point where like I didn't realize there was a proposal happening, but I was just in the bathtub, like I'm bad at everything. I am a bad girlfriend. I'm just bad. And I was crying in Orlando's arms and He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Not knowing I was getting engaged in the weekend. But I wonder if, like as women, we don't we underestimate how much hormones even affect us as children. Oh, I mean, I hear her like crying like that over homeschool, like yes, a she's nine, But also like as they're coming into puberty, like the attitudes, the emotions, like I think that we bypass the fact that they're even being affected in this stage of their lives and that come it takes until we're almost fucking forty to be like, what the fuck is happening, But it actually starts being implemented at puberty and we're not realizing like that that overt emotionalness and like not knowing where to put it is probably stems from hormones too.

00:08:45
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I mean I think that she was actually hurt. Also, yes, the fucking friends are being bitches. You not her friends, exactly what I was trying to explain to her lightly, but I was just like, yeah, like I don't know, it's just it's all very strange to me, how the tables are turning. And then I was on the phone with her teacher today and she was like everything hit the fan today. I'm actually really happy about it because I had been like messaging the teacher telling her like, over the last few days, Iri has been getting bullied and she doesn't want me to tell you, but I need you to keep in lookout for her and see what the fuck is going on. So she calls me and then she's like, you know, with my daughter, like you know, I've told her that you know, some girls are just jealous, they're just jealous of you. And I was like, yeah, I just like I understand that that I know that's not your favorite, that's not I'm like, I'm already triggered by that idea too, just because I mean, you guys have heard me talk about this on the show, Like that was like my mom's angle with women, and it really deteriorated my relationship with women and girls growing up.

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Speaker 3: Like do you think it affects you now? Like when you have beefs with people, do you ever be like is your first go to be like they're jealous of me?

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Speaker 1: No? Not anymore, but it was for a long time, Like never, I don't ever think that anymore. I always know there's something else. I actually am like, babe, like what happened to your childhood? Like that's where my first thing. Let's go from the bikini, allow you hold I've been holding your breath all day. No, But I was just like, yeah, no, I'm not gonna that's not the angle I'm gonna go with her. That's that's just not gonna happen. But no, even if it is true, I mean perhaps it is, and unless I'm really experiencing that and I have facts behind this, like I'm not going to do start doing that. But anyway, all that to say is that I'm trying to I'm trying to access the love within and allow the mommy bear in me to just be tame and know that this is just a season and it's just this week or maybe it will maybe it will, you know, transpire and continue on. I don't know, but just having grace also for like I know, in particular, one of the little girls has had a really hard time with a parent, and so just like trying to understand and be loving even when like my child is like I guess, I don't want to say suffering, but she's in pain right now, and I'm trying to understand and give give the school and these little bitches grace.

00:11:05
Speaker 3: No, I think you're doing the right thing. And I think sometimes because you know, I've had conversations with Luna too, and I've just had to tell her without telling somebody else's business so they won't go back and repeat it, like hey, you know, you have to consider that people are other people are going through things, and they may not even realize it. She's probably sad, she's probably hurt for other reasons unrelated to you, And sometimes you can't like most of the times you can't take it personally, And then I realize we have this like this very important role that we have the ability to plan a seed right now that in life as she gets older, when she has problems with bitches, her first reaction like ours is not like I'm gonna be punch you in the face, but more like, oh, babe, like what's going on with you? You know what I mean, especially for someone who's like previously been as you know, a friend. But I think that like, yeah, I realize I'm very filly and my mom is very like I'll punch a bitch in the face, so so am I. But does that really help?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: You know, like you have to be able to have insight to give your kid compassion as they get older, so that a they do have the confidence to check a bit but also to understand that the same I got nothing to do with me.

00:12:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will say that. Throughout this scenario, though, I had like a very like proud mom, like this feeling of like Okay, I did the right thing, like you ever had that happen, where like you handle the situation and it's like it actually excites you, like, oh my god, this is what parenting is all about, like finally, like I get this moment to like re re brand what perhaps maybe my mom would have done in this situation or what I experienced in this situation, and like totally change the narrative around it. And you know, cause at first I was like, Okay, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna let the school deal with this. And I was like, wait, no, no, she doesn't want me to do that because already my daughter is like kind of you know, to the keeps in like her emotions and her feelings. And she really she confided me in this and asked me not to share, so I'm like trying to also protect her privacy. But I was.

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Speaker 3: Really sure you are talking about on a podcast?

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Speaker 1: I mean, but I was. I. I talked to her mostly just about just standing up for herself and like that this is an opportunity for you to stand up for yourself. And you know, ask your friends a question, ask them like, hey, like that really hurt my feelings? Are we friends? Like That's as simple as it has to be, because I can't what the fuck? Would she say?

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Speaker 4: No?

00:13:25
Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 3: Like oh cool?

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Speaker 1: Because I and I was like, then you get your answer and then one another thing. I said, just take note. I was like, take note because like after the situation happened the first time, she's like, oh, we played the next day, We're fine. I said, interesting, Okay, take note.

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Speaker 3: It's so crazy how how forgiving kids are and how unforgiving adults are because you've had I had other experience.

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Speaker 1: She's it's forgiving, it's just trying to get through it. And also like not wanting to like lose her friend group. Not like she's there's a rhythm going, she likes it, it's comfortable, and the idea of it.

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Speaker 3: Being changed interrupted.

00:14:00
Speaker 1: Anyway is more important than like her standing up for herself. Yeah. So I really drilled that into her over the last over this week, and granted I don't think she took my advice, but I know that she's listening, and so that's like the most important thing that like at some point she'll come back to this. And I was like, do you think your dad lets people punk him? Hell? No? And I said do you think I let people punk him? Nah? And I was like, you ain't no punk and you're not about to let people punk you, period.

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Speaker 5: I know.

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Speaker 3: And I also thought about too that too, because I'm like, the blackway is you better not be letting anybody fucking punk you because I'll punk you.

00:14:38
Speaker 1: Well, that's kind of like the angle that I took on in a lighter lef so very.

00:14:42
Speaker 3: Like, actually she needs compassionate with the.

00:14:44
Speaker 1: Diet version of it was compassionate, but also like, yeah, nah, this is not gonna do You're not you don't come from a lineage of women that take shit, so you're not about taking shit. Fuck that you have no problem telling you what you read, so like, we're not about to do that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know what, I think we sometimes be like a lot of times parents rushing under the carpet because there's other things going on. Kids will be kids, girls will be girls type shit. But I'm just realizing, like those things, those little small things like plant seeds and even I'm thinking in our book, I wrote in like the first I don't know, like chapter or two chapters, there was a specific part in my life. I was like in sixth grade and these girls were like wanting to fight me. And I don't know why this was significant when I was writing and reading the book, but I just remembered having this option like either I'm going to be scared because I was or I'm going to go meet the bitch, and I knew I had to go meet the bitch, you know. I was like, this is not going to look good permanently if I just like fear. Like I just remember so vividly clear, and that was my first time having the understanding and the memory of choosing to stand up for myself and choosing to say fuck the fear.

00:15:46
Speaker 1: You don't forget it. You don't forget that moment, because I think all of us like when whenever that's happened, you remember that shit. I remember when I did it. And by the way, y'all, if you haven't read our book, A Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices do. You can buy this on Amazon. You can listen on audible. Listen to our Sexy Voices on audible. And it's an easy read. It's really heartfelt. It's very informative and very honest and honest and will help you.

00:16:13
Speaker 5: Anyway.

00:16:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry you're going through that. It's like the growing pains of the growing pains of the children that you're raising. You know, you feel what they feel, and it's this is not gonna be the last time, and it maybe won't be bullying because I will beat a bitch's ass, especially as they get older. But but also like heartbreaks, you know, relationships are gonna be those things.

00:16:33
Speaker 1: Oh my god, if a nigga breaks my baby's heart, we won't stay out of it. Lord gave me strength. Imis stay out of it.

00:16:40
Speaker 3: You know, it's you have to, they have to.

00:16:45
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

00:16:46
Speaker 3: I remember one time somebody was bullying. Did you see that?

00:16:48
Speaker 1: Did you see the news that red men apparently punched huh oh method man. I supposedly punched his daughter's boyfriend in the face six times at the gym.

00:16:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I said my past and said, sounds justified to me. I was like yeah, And then also there was yeah, there's supposedly it.

00:17:07
Speaker 1: Didn't happen, and supposedly the either side it didn't happen. But if it did, I mean shit, you.

00:17:11
Speaker 3: Know, I wish my dad would have punched more people.

00:17:15
Speaker 1: So I mean, so do I I wish sometimes my dad would have protected me more because a lot of times, whenever I came to him with heartbreak, he didn't have a lot.

00:17:22
Speaker 3: Of remorse for me because he's a man, and he figured that's not gonna be He wasn't wrong, It was not gonna be the first or last time it happened.

00:17:27
Speaker 1: Ye, but a girl needs protection from her father. And like I just I think that that also sent me down a path of like just accepting a lot of things for men. And like you know, obviously this month we're talking about love and like honestly the origins of our love space, and like when I think about that, like that really hat does and has impacted me as an adult on like how I view Like I don't want to say my worthiness because it's but it's more so like that I'm normalized?

00:17:55
Speaker 3: Am I being protected?

00:17:56
Speaker 1: Normalizing certain things that are not that shouldn't be normal? Just be because my dad said, this is what niggas do you know? And and till this day he'll stand, he'll still he'll still stand ten toes down on that. I can't wait to have him back on the show. If you guys haven't listened to our episode we did a few years ago with my dad. I think it's called like groupies football and I don't know, like regret or something with my dad on it where he talks just about his views. Even I think I think he might have even mentioned that, and if not, we need to dive into that when he comes back on. No, we did mention that, but yeah, he's he's very much like a very strong voice in all men sheet and.

00:18:39
Speaker 3: He's an advocate.

00:18:42
Speaker 1: Even the bus driver. It doesn't matter, Yeah, it doesn't matter, Like it doesn't matter if you're rich poor in between, and like that conversation happened when I was in high school. I was like, my yeah, it was like a really horrible breakup that I was going through, and I remember he's telling telling me that, and it's stuck and he's and he continued to tell me that even even when my baby daddy like had a baby on me, although he did have a little bit. He was like, well, that's kind of crazy. We don't bring babies home, like we just we cheat in secrecy and we might get caught, but we don't. We don't co create, we don't.

00:19:17
Speaker 3: Bring receipts, lifelong receipts to the cheating.

00:19:19
Speaker 1: What the fuck? But yeah, I think that's that's definitely something that is a real, a real thing.

00:19:27
Speaker 3: So I don't know, Yeah, I mean then and then to think about it from the parents point of view, like just like method Man has been on the news for punching the guy six times. Like if your dad would have taken action, he would have been on the shade room if there was a shade room there. Like you, as a parent, you literally can't go fuck up a kid, you know. But I have seen in my childhood, like one of my best friend's moms pulled a little nakedbie his sweatshirt string and got in his face and was like, I'll fuck you up, And I was like, that seems fair. So I feel like I don't know if that should have never been an example in my head because if somebody fucks with Luna, I'll pull your fucking sweatshirt string and get in that motherfucking face because I didn't hit you, true, but you know it's sticky, it's sticky area. Just so you guys know, we are not advising that you beat up any kids. Oh, these are very bad choices. Don't trip or beat up any kids. Maybe get this close to their face though.

00:20:24
Speaker 1: Speaking of bad choices, I think we have doing a bad choice of the week.

00:20:28
Speaker 4: Day mom not a bad mom, but a bad mom, so good how.

00:20:40
Speaker 3: Put my girls to bed earlier this week? Then change into my lingerie, so be, so me and my hesbie could have nasty time. Hesbie, it's a hesbe? Is that a husband?

00:20:50
Speaker 1: A husband? Bae?

00:20:51
Speaker 3: Oh okay, my oldest woke up before we got started, so then I had to tuck her back in bed, but forgot to put on my robe before and she saw me half naked and lingerie. Now she's been pissed off at me ever since we're baby.

00:21:04
Speaker 1: At least that's all she saw.

00:21:05
Speaker 3: Shit, I mean, how old is she? And second, you know what, I think this is notoriously the problem. Moms are always trying to hide that were sexual beings and you're married and she's the product of this love. And not to say you got to walk away walk around the house in your lingerie, but like you're a wife and you're a woman, and you were sexy shit at night, and you know what, And I just feel like, yeah, I think we get so weird around it instead of just being like this is yeah, I got dressed up for daddy one time we were driving by a lingerie store.

00:21:40
Speaker 1: I think that would take a lot for most women to say, an everyday woman who whose daughter probably never even seen her ass naked.

00:21:48
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm just lightly suggesting me.

00:21:50
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not disagreeing with you. I think that there's I think there's a lot of I think there's a lot of future healing in that that kids don't even realize they're getting. Like they might not understand in the moment, but later on when they were adults and they say, oh, my god, like, yeah, I grew up in a house where like my parents made out. I grew up in a house where like I saw the love. I saw the love. And then in the in the moment, it's like, ill, gross, But in the future, when your parents are still happily married, you're like, and then why you have a happy perception around what healthy love looks like because you experienced it in your household.

00:22:21
Speaker 3: It's different and it requires that you like you're like you you have the conversation and you'd be like, oh, like, are you feeling weird because I'm you know, whatever it is about my outfit. It's like, yeah, I got dressed up for Daddy last night because we were, you know, having some alone time. And I noticed one time we were driving by a lingerie store on like Ventura and Van Eys and Linda was like out the window, like you should get something for there for there for a landout to wear for a Lando And I was like, oh wait, you.

00:22:47
Speaker 1: Know what's so funny?

00:22:48
Speaker 3: And I was like, why is she saying this to me? And I guess I should be proud because she because she knows that that's like a part of it. But I was just like, I literally was.

00:22:59
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, okay.

00:23:13
Speaker 1: Wait, So when after your engagement, when they came back to my house, Luna was like, Erica, why did I I thought I was gonna spend the night at my house, Like why am I going to your house? We're in the car, and I was like, because we just decided to come to my house. And she was like, but like I like your house and everything, Like she literally said this, I like your house and everything, but like I don't get it, Like why do I need to come to your house? Like we were getting ready for bed, and I said, well, because your mom and Orlandos got engaged and they probably want to be alone and have spent this moment together. And then Iri goes, yeah, like a honeymoon sort of. And I was like, what the fuck does First of all, what does she think that means, And then like I know Luna knows better than like I know she knows or maybe not, maybe.

00:23:58
Speaker 3: She didn't know. Do you think I she's traumatized? Do you think I like traumatized her by like making her leave? And like does she think that now we're engaged, so we're gonna almost have to be alone or something?

00:24:08
Speaker 1: Oh no, that's not that's not what I took. No, I know, I know you didn't that, but my mind is overthinking, like what does she think this means?

00:24:14
Speaker 3: And like is she's like is she scared? Like you know what I mean? Like sometimes there's things that happen in adulthood and you understand, but you don't understand.

00:24:21
Speaker 1: Well, have you had a conversation with her?

00:24:23
Speaker 3: But what this means a little bit? But I didn't want to plant my own fears in seeds and like maybe she's not thinking about it at all, So I was just like, let me shut the fuck up.

00:24:31
Speaker 1: You know, well, I think that's not it's not necessarily about planting seeds, but like reassurance, it's more about reassurances, Like I'm so excited in this new chapter of our life. I want you to know, like every nothing changes, like it's just that we are, like, you know, furthering our our family life, like you know, we're solidified as like a real family unit, and not that we weren't already, but like we're going to celebrate our love and like you're part of that. I know, because instead I'm like, not like, are you okay? Do you think that Mommy's going to be away now?

00:24:59
Speaker 3: Because I was just.

00:25:00
Speaker 1: Like that would be planting seed.

00:25:01
Speaker 3: I was like, are you okay? Is everything okay? Because she was mad at me the other night, I like, what if it's that? And I was like I wanted to ask her, but I was like no, and I was like, are you feeling weird about anything?

00:25:10
Speaker 1: Why did you ask her?

00:25:12
Speaker 3: I don't know because I didn't want to plant any seed and I don't know how to say it, so I was just like, are you feeling weird about anything? She was mad at me about being on my phone too much, but I just was like like a little bit panicking, But yeah, I just it is interesting, you know how we perceive things, the conversations we don't have, and like, yeah, the lingerie thing, it's hilarious. And also I was asking Erica this before we started the episode, because you know, we're talking about love this month and about our personal journey and love. And I was just like asking her, Dan, what did I ask you? Not even high fuck.

00:25:48
Speaker 1: You asked me something.

00:25:49
Speaker 3: I asked you something about Oh, I asked you, do you think that your mom taught you how to be a wife or a girlfriend? Like did you see your mom show up in a way that you took like you had an example and so in like those are things that you understood as you got older. And she was like, no, you know, And I was just like with some of my friends, I know that their moms specifically taught them how to be wives and like caretakers, and I don't know if I didn't really get that. So I was wondering if you got that from your mom, like especially coming from like Latina, like you know, heritage that's very like like cultural. And even my other friend her mom's Asian and her her mom was Asian, and so I see that like that.

00:26:34
Speaker 1: That like.

00:26:36
Speaker 3: You know that that traditional wife role where you take care of the husband in a specific way.

00:26:41
Speaker 1: I think that the women in my family, specifically on the Mexican side of my family, they didn't get that bug I even think about my grandmother, like she had two husbands left either one of them not evenly giving a fuck her her mom, same kind of same thing, like they were never the family husband dynamic wasn't really the priority. And now even thinking more about my mom and her journey, because she's been with my stepdad for twenty eight years or something like that. They're not married, they're not technically married. They are married, but there's been no married. There's been no wedding, there's been no celebration, there's been no sacred union, no nothing. It's just a ring that she doesn't even wear. And I think about when I was a child, she always told me she didn't want to be married. She told me she didn't believe in marriage. And then later on a few years ago, this is not a few years ago, this is a while ago, she told me that she did want to get married. He just never asked again again, Yeah, And I was like what, like he proposed and then they never talked about it again, and like like she I think she was waiting for him. I think because she has fear around marriage, she was wanting him to like really ten Shale, even though he did fucking initiate. He got on one kneed and fucking bought a ring and did it. Were you there? Yeah, he asked for my you know, he asked for my blessing or whatever. But I think because of that, I carry that with me. I was very much like, I don't ever want to have kids, I don't ever want to get married very much. Never was like I want to be a wife. No, I don't want to be a girlfriend. Yeah, I love love love, I want to be a girlfriend. I literally never thought anything past the girlfriend phase, Like I don't know why, like it, did I want forever, yes, but I didn't associate marriage with forever forever. And you know, even now looking at my mom and her relationship, like they have a really great friendship. They've been together for a really long time, They've shown up for each other in different ways. So there is I have, I guess, had the the I have had the example of what partnership looks like in my house, but it wasn't necessarily under the guise of marriage, and like this like this like deep understanding of what that actually means, I guess in society.

00:29:03
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so interesting, like you don't even recognize you haven't been taught something until you're in the position and you're like, do I know what the fuck I'm doing, you know, and like it's just some woman, you know, Like and I just wonder our perceptions of what like marriage and love is and like how to be a wife, and is that something like we're supposed to teach our girls, you know? And I was just like so interesting. My dad made a comment to me a few years ago, and it stuck with me because I'd never heard him say anything like that, and like, I think he was like seeing, first of all, my parents are still married. Okay, they've been together for four hundred years. All they do is fight, and they still fuck around and they still live together sometimes it's really weird. But he was seeing someone at the time, and I think me and my mom are from Philly, so she's about that life. And I think she had told me something the lady said. This is years ago. I can't even remember. I remember this. I called the lady and I cursed her out, and yeah, okay, this is like very much into adulthood. Like I don't know why in my parents' business to this degree as a fucking in my late twenties, but my dad was like, you know, your mom never was affectionate towards me. Your mom never showed me affection. She's never been like soft with me. And I was just like looking at him, like what the fuck are you talking about? Weak ass niggid? But then I later realized like, oh wow, like is that something I've never seen? And like sometimes but not really, and then like how does that affect me? And who I show up as and how I am in a relationship and like my go to I and like even in him saying it, like my dad's very manipulative, but he's also very charming, and I knew he wasn't lying. And then for the first time, like after it settled in, like I had some compassion for him a little bit, you know in that, But it was just interesting to me that I had never noticed it before until he mentioned it. So it's just like, yeah, as we talk about our journey of love and as I, you know, embark on this journey of marriage and can we wait because last episode La didn't have her ring on, which is crazy she had to go get her resize.

00:31:09
Speaker 1: Can we please get a ring cam. We need a ring cam, We need the ring cam.

00:31:15
Speaker 3: I'm going to be a whizz off whizz off. So yeah, I just even that night and even the next morning, as I'm like processing that all this has happened, you know, because it did. It happen so fast, I'm like, my friends are here, I'm getting hugs. Oh shit, Oh my god, there's a ring. Look at it. And I was just like, oh my god, Like what does this mean now? You know, like officially, I think this is actually the physical representation that I needed. That bitch, you are getting older. I have been fighting it, you know, like I am clinging to youth, like I'm the fucking fountain of youth. And I'm like, oh, like there are plans that need to be in action because you're getting older and life is evolving and things are changing.

00:32:00
Speaker 1: You've mentioned before how in your history of love and relationships, even though I know that you maybe didn't see like a softness or whatever in your household, you still had your parents lived together and there was obviously they were married that growing up you wanted to be a housewife and you wanted like that's what you wanted, Like does this, yeah, does this somehow like feed you in a way, like feed that version of yourself in some way, Like does it feel like validating to you in that way? Because maybe I don't know if at some point you kind of wrote that off and decided like that wasn't going to be necessarily like your story or maybe not. I don't know, Like how does it feel.

00:32:44
Speaker 3: It feels like a little bit surreal, like I'm having an out of body experience, like I'm experiencing and I know it's happening, and I know I'm in love, and then I'm like, but I feel like, oh shit, it is me. It is happening to me, and like I think I'm still integrating like the pro like that it's happening, and like even to the point where even in the moment when I saw the ring, I was like, oh god, it's huge, Like it's so big, not like it's mine and I'm gonna I'm like maybe I didn't. Maybe it's somewhere subconsciously like I didn't. I don't believe that I deserve that, you know, like like oh wow, that's large, you know, And I don't know. Yeah, I've had to like kind of like dig into that, like peel the layers back a little bit. But no, I'm excited and I think it's settling in and I knew it was happening, and it still feels different than it actually being in the happening. But I did want to be a housewife, and I'm really excited to be a wife, and I just think I had a picture perfect idea of how my life was going to go, and I didn't necessarily as I was saying, I just wanted to be taken care of and like be pretty and have a big house and be taken care of, but not like all the things that were going to go into that. And I realized I probably wanted those things because of my trauma of my parents fighting all the time growing up. So yeah, I guess I am actively healing the things that I thought that were broken in me or the things that I didn't think that I could manifest or have for myself. Kind of like when Zosia was on that one episode and we asked her marriage and she said, white women, you know, like that for us. I think a lot of times you see like Happily Ever afters, and you do you associate them with white women or like you know what you see on TV, which is generally white women, and so yeah, having to place myself, there has been a little bit like oh, it's my turn now, and I deserve this and I'm worthy of it, which I realize is just like another part of love that we don't recognize is also so deeply ingrained in us. It's like, do you feel like you deserve true, healthy love? And if you don't truly believe it, even if you say it, how does that manifest in the partners that you attract?

00:34:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean there's I think there's a lot of fear around especially if you've had you know, bad luck and love. And I don't even want to say bad luck because I think it's a series of choices that you make. I don't I don't test it to luck, but you don't trust your choices, you know, in love. And so then you're like, Okay, I think I'm ready, Like what are the things that I need to look out for, Like what is what are the steps? And in knowing that, like I'm ready for this love, and I'm I'm equipped, and so me and me laugh can concocted a list of these things through our own personal research, through UH observing experience, experience, observing, speaking with honestly thousands of women at this point, through the podcast or the work we do with the Good vib Retreat, we've I feel like we we have some good, good quality perspectives and answers here. But before we get into that, I'm rolling this joint I love for us.

00:35:56
Speaker 3: You're rolling a backwood.

00:35:57
Speaker 1: I'm rolling a backward, true true, and I just want to I want to show y'all like I know y'all see us smoke backwards all the time, and honestly, like I love backwards. But I love the true raps the most. And I'm gonna tell you why I do too, because they come like this.

00:36:14
Speaker 3: You don't have that shit all over your house.

00:36:15
Speaker 1: They come already done. Because I don't like this stuff, Like this stuff on the inside. Is this stuff on the inside of anything. I don't want anything on the inside except love and juices. And so that this has made my life a lot easier. And I'm actually I picked up this cannabis.

00:36:36
Speaker 3: Let me just show you the in case you're at the store and you need to pick one up. This is the true wraps packaging. And you know, I don't see them in la as often, but if you look for them, you can probably order them A line it really does help, and it gives me New York feels. It gives me like grapa feels, which I like because we're obviously not in New York. But let me get my New York on.

00:36:56
Speaker 1: And tonight, tonight today we are are smoking Blue Dream.

00:37:01
Speaker 3: That's my favorite train.

00:37:04
Speaker 1: I didn't know that. Well, I think it's a lot of people o G smoker's favorite strands.

00:37:08
Speaker 3: You know, I just realized that we didn't do that. We should. We need to do maybe next week trigger each other. Mmm, but yeah, you want to trigger me?

00:37:18
Speaker 1: Where's this coming from?

00:37:19
Speaker 3: Because you said, I said, did you know my favorite strain is Blue Dream?

00:37:22
Speaker 1: Like?

00:37:23
Speaker 3: Did you really know that? You're just saying that? No, I did know that.

00:37:27
Speaker 1: Actually I didn't know that.

00:37:29
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, And.

00:37:31
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna put a little bit of a little bit of honey, A little bit of honey on my backwood. This just helps sweeten the wood, also helps it. It's fine. I got it.

00:37:45
Speaker 3: I've got it. See this little sea on your nail.

00:37:48
Speaker 1: It's not this right here, I see it. Okay, see look, it's gonna make that lay down, and it's also gonna help it burn a little slower. And it's going to taste a little sweeter.

00:38:00
Speaker 3: The honey is like the egge control. It is the edge. Oh my god, the honey is the edge control for backwood. WHOA, don't take my idea. I'm about to make it blood edge, my good moms, oh my god, edge control. M hm. If I see what you, if I see you, don't put too much.

00:38:23
Speaker 1: Because some of you bitches have been sending me pictures of like your backwoods like they're dipped in the honey. I'm like, bitch, no one told you to dip the whole goddamn thing in there like a hot dog on a stick, Like.

00:38:33
Speaker 3: What are you doing? Sometimes people take it real so literally. I know, we have one where I'm like, wet it first, and like it's wet, now, how I'm gonna roll it? I'm like, bitch, right, you gotta give you gotta give specific instructions or just don't do it because people are not going to use the common sense clues. It looks beautiful. Wow, that's about to get us.

00:38:53
Speaker 1: Also, you know what, it has such a specific taste. I mean, I mean sorry smell antaste. When I when I got to the dispensary and I opened it, I was like it makes you happ It was like nostalgia.

00:39:03
Speaker 3: I was like, Huhaul, like reminds you of like freshman year of college.

00:39:09
Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

00:39:10
Speaker 3: You know, I didn't really smart start smoking weed really until the freshman year of college and I was in Atlanta smoking reggie, which is very embarrassing.

00:39:17
Speaker 1: I started smoking freshman year of high school. And I'm going to use our little candle here. This is cute.

00:39:23
Speaker 3: Oh shit, can you smell the weed? That's cute. Like they copied our other candle or whatever they did. I don't know who that is what they did.

00:39:30
Speaker 1: This is an Etsy purchase. No, we do not sell this on our website.

00:39:33
Speaker 3: But we will because they stole it. Anyway, those candles were cute.

00:39:36
Speaker 1: Actually, anyway, do you want to get into our our list of I do? You know?

00:39:46
Speaker 3: I just want to say, as you know, as we were compiling this list and having this conversation just about the journey of love, me and Erica had the opportunity to sit back and you know, even while we've been off season and we've listened to some previous episodes and it's kind of laughworthy because we have come a long way since episode one twenty eighteen, where I was twenty nine and Erica was thirty. And you know, now we're slightly older and the more wise, and I've had a shit ton of more experiences. But like the relationship you want is such as it changes, it shifts, like the things that you think you want. So I just I'm happy that we've given ourselves the freedom and the flexibility to adjust and to change the things that we said that we wanted because they have changed. And so we're going down the list of ways to trust yourself and love and to prepare yourself from going from a single hoe to a married hoe like myself. I told you I'll be giving y'all fiance advice, and it's happening because guess what Beachi is lon I got this ring. I'm gonna be talking like I'm an expert.

00:41:03
Speaker 1: All I got is girlfriend advice.

00:41:04
Speaker 3: That's plenty. You're married to me. You're word in a trouble, remember I told you. Remember Jesse kept saying you are in a poly relationship though, And I was like, Jesse, with who She's like, Eric is your wife, Orlando's your husband. I was like, I know, but we're not Pollie together. She's like it's Pollie, she kept saying. I was like, no, it's like Polly, it is, it's Pollie. Guys all are very deeply covenant. And then I came back from Houston and I'm like, we're in a Poli relationship and they're like, can you shut the fuck up. I'm like, she's right, we basically are. We're together all the time, all three of us.

00:41:34
Speaker 1: Polly send me platonic.

00:41:36
Speaker 3: Poly platonic, platonic, Polly. True. The amount of hotel rooms travels fucking issue, Like there's there. You know, it requires requires a lot of personality management. I'm so popular, I have to manage all my husbands and my wives.

00:41:56
Speaker 1: Personality management is something I have been literally co templating on. Not to get off topic, but just like how much as women we have to manage personalities, I mean humans too. Yes, I'm not trying to take away this this thing from men, but I think because women were such were such feelers and nurturers, we want to fix and we want to make sure everything's okay. And like, the amount of fucking personality management I'm doing daily is out of control.

00:42:25
Speaker 3: And you know what I think too, as we talk about love and for those of you who isolate and think you're healing, you're fucking you're shit out of luck, because as soon as you make one friend like me and Erica, our dynamic has We've been so close sister wives, wives, sisters, best friends, business partners for so long. Our lives are so deeply integrated. So we were thinking about each other. But then we have kids. They have totally different personalities. Then we got niggas, they got different personalities and different traumas, and then to integrate that, and then we have a team, yeah, a work relationships that we also have to manage. And now me and Erica are fucking thinking we're semi therapist diagnosing everybody in their childhood. Even like, remember last time we had a videographer who's a shout out to David, been our videographer for so long, and we had to have like a deep conversation like where do you think your avoidance comes from? He's like, well, my dad, And I'm like I knew it, you know what I mean? Like there are real times where I'm like, this is deeper than good moms. This is not about your role as executive assistant. This is about something else, you know, And so I think we underestimate the amount of personality management requires to live like just easeful lives with people within a community. But historically people have been in community, and to isolate yourself is to remove a lot of the humanness and the like the divine way we're supposed to live. And so the personality management is a real one, and it's a real it could be a real obstacle if you don't have the perspective or the tools. And most of us don't have the tools because no one gave us a boss fucking handbook when we started the shit six years ago, or like a month their hood handbook or a wife handbook. And you know, now you're just like in the middle of it as the and I'll say, moms, we are the glue. We have to nurture everyone, including ourselves. And it is like and sometimes you get to your friendship or you get to your girls and you're tapped the fucking out of neocity.

00:44:16
Speaker 1: So now it's like, fuck, car, we're done.

00:44:18
Speaker 3: We're done.

00:44:18
Speaker 1: We're we're not, but we have an argument. We're done for life.

00:44:32
Speaker 3: It's true.

00:44:34
Speaker 1: So anyway, side note, just women, I feel you, I know, like we are managing so many personalities on a daily basis. Shout out to you because it's not easy. It's not an easy task, and it does require boundaries, not getting invested in everyone's fucking dysfunction and all their fucking shit because they want to have attitude today and then be nice the next day. You know, me, Hello, Hi. So it's just it's a lot.

00:45:01
Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know, I kind of feel like right now, but not gonna lie. I kind of feel like this is our fucking mathe episode mentioning Sierra. She's our best friend in her head obviously if she had knew Eric Abadu Cif you don't get these messages, I don't know what's going on with the Internet. I feel like I'm the Sierra of the host. My prayer worked. You know a lot of people are like Hose, especially the men on the internet, like Hose net are gonna always be Hose, never gonna get married. All the comments I've ever had and good moms is that's why you're not married, that's why you're single. Well how about this, bitches. I was like, I can't wait for this ring because when I go off and these comments is gonna really hit.

00:45:41
Speaker 1: Now, wait and then today in our Facebook on our Facebook group shout out to our Facebook group, make sure you go and be part of our Facebook group, we were talking about Sierra's prayer, because of course we do nothing but talk about Sierra. Apparently. Also, by the way, she has my birthday just so you know, the same birthday as you.

00:45:59
Speaker 3: October.

00:46:00
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:46:00
Speaker 3: Wow, I'm basically best start at the Sierra.

00:46:04
Speaker 1: I was like, because someone was like, we were talking about baby daddies and how they're disappointing, and then someone said like, oh, you know, they become less disappointing when they find a good partner.

00:46:15
Speaker 3: Oh.

00:46:15
Speaker 1: And then I was like, can we do like Sierra's prayer for our baby daddy's, Like, can we write a prayer?

00:46:20
Speaker 3: We're about to do a Good Mom's Book of Prayers.

00:46:22
Speaker 1: Pray that our baby daddies find a very top notch partner that is going to make them show up and be responsible fathers.

00:46:29
Speaker 3: This is gonna be our next book because it seems like short paragraphs, not a whole two hundred pages. I like that short book. The Book of Prayer, the Good Mom's.

00:46:38
Speaker 1: Book of Prayers, the Little Book of Prayers, a Little Book of Prayers. Oh, my God, look out for us. HarperCollins is coming with a new concept in twenty twenty six.

00:46:47
Speaker 3: Starting with my prayer, Melis Prayer. Once I was a hoe and now I'm a wife. Oh okay, so this is one I really the first one on our list, and this is the side note this backwood you've noticed, I haven't passed it.

00:47:01
Speaker 1: I'm like, when are you.

00:47:02
Speaker 3: Getting at lightheaded?

00:47:03
Speaker 1: And I see your eyes getting smaller? Bitch, they opened them, open them, open them.

00:47:07
Speaker 3: Come on, there you go, my eyes get or if our homegirl hit us shout out to Aaron of Lilac and Flint Skincare. She hit us and said, I'm listening to your episode and I'm cracking the fuck up because, uh cause you guys get high and then you guys start all talking like this, and yeah, She's like, that's my favorite part.

00:47:26
Speaker 1: I'm like, when you get high and just fucking can't remember what you're talking about, it.

00:47:29
Speaker 3: With it and your voice has changed. Only a long time listener could peep some shit like that. Yeah, anyway. Number one on the list trusting, Oh wait, Number one on the list. Establishing friendship first. Some of the best relationships are born from friendships. And I can genuinely testify to that because me and Orlando, even though as soon as we met, we got it pop in within like the first five days, and it was actually very meaningful and we had sex and we're nuts, so we told each other we loved each other, which is I wouldn't highly recommend unless you were both highly insane like us. But for a year, Orlando was my friend, and I think one of the first like conversations we had was like, no matter what, you're gonna be at my wedding. And I was like, I know, I'm gonnavite you to my wedding because we're best friends now. And I told him everything, like things I would I would tell Erica, like the threesomes, the hoe shit when niggas didn't call me back after they slept with me, and I'm like, I feel a way, and not that I like this person at all, but it was that it was that in depth to tell him, like every single detail. And you know, I think sometimes people put on this front and it just doesn't work. And I think the friendship is really where you like gain the the the like the realness of the relationship.

00:48:54
Speaker 1: You can't bypass it. It's like really a recipe for disaster. It's okay if you guys know that you are roman antically compatible and even are even dating, but there does require you, which is really hard when you get into that space. Though if you've already in agreement that hey, we're going to like let's do this, it does for some reason, and women create this this like flag in their mind where they like start compartmentalizing what they feel like they can share, like, oh, he doesn't want to know about that, he doesn't want to hear about that, And it's like, I highly implore you to just not do it and say the thing, because eventually some shit's going to come up, whether it's whether it's about previous lovers, whether it's about shit that happened in your childhood that you haven't shared with anyone.

00:49:36
Speaker 3: Fantasies like if you want to have an MMF, something I remember importantly.

00:49:43
Speaker 1: More importantly, the MMF you want to have is actually the reason why you need to start as friends. To make sure that Nigga is okay with it, that.

00:49:48
Speaker 3: Your fantasies will at some point come to fruition.

00:49:51
Speaker 1: It's important not the childhood dramas.

00:49:56
Speaker 3: Tell him your porn category even the really nasty one and see what face he makes. True, It's so true because I think there's a level of for women specifically, there's a level of safety that we rarely feel. There's a level of safety can we have with our friends because they're not gonna leave us because we dreamed of having an MMF and it was great.

00:50:14
Speaker 1: You know.

00:50:14
Speaker 3: I remember telling a young bay this, this is like year one. I literally remember him telling me he was dating a girl who told him that she wanted to have an experience with two men. And he was like, you will never be my wife. That was his exact line.

00:50:27
Speaker 1: And I was like, whoa, You're like, note to self, I'm not going to tell you that this is my fantasy.

00:50:31
Speaker 3: Right. Meanwhile, when Orlando came, I was like, hey, I had this great idea. What do you think you know? And because he was very open with me about how he was exploring what his fantasies were, you know, and like it does help that he's a podcaster and at the time he was, you know, talking about sex on his podcast, so I knew it was like a safe place. And I also really really really longed for a place where I could where I felt like it was equal, Like I could tell you things as a human being and you're gonna still love me and accept me just despite me telling you these things. Like for me as a woman, as a feminist, it's so important for me to have a man that feels like I'm genuinely his equal and not tries to fucking blind me and put the coat over my eyes with this social like this fucking societal bullshit, and like I even when we were I went on a trip and there was this guy talking about he wanted to be Polly, but he wanted this woman to only sleep with him. And he at first, I was like, he's so cool. He did these yoga events, Like I was like really vibing with him. I thought, WHOA, what a cool guy. And he said this shit and I literally was like a screeching break and I was like, immediately, I was like, he's done. Immediately I tapped out. I was like, oh, he's not as smart as I thought. I've had a lot of relationships with that with like with men who said big words and were highly sexual and we had conversations and we were talking about sexual things between us. It was fine. But the second that I mentioned my fantasies are things that I had done previously. All that went out the window, and I just can't respect that. And I never felt safe there. So I think a part of me blabbering to Orlando it was like testing and a lot of times I've done that relationships, and a lot of times men have failed most of the time. Yeah, And so it's like for the men listening, like that safety factor is just understanding that your woman is a human and has human needs and also likes to fuck and also.

00:52:19
Speaker 1: You know, and has fucked before you, has fucked before you, and the reason she fucks so good it's compete because.

00:52:24
Speaker 3: She fucked before you a lot.

00:52:27
Speaker 1: You know. Uh, I agree. I think that I've definitely been victim to you know, when I first started my relationship with my child's father, we had a friendship, and I think that's why our relationship lasted for so long, and it was beautiful for many years. Actually, I know, like I don't really share so many stories about how great it was, but it was the first three years it was fucking lit. And I really attested that to our friendship and I always was like a proponent for that for my friends, like you have to be friends for us, like this is why this relationship is different. And then you know, after we broke up and then exploring dating and computing myself out there, like I think I've like I've done both. I've like jumped into relationships that were like highly sexually charged that kind of interfered with how honest I could be with my friend versus not. And even in this particular relationship that I'm in now, I think for me, the friendship was really and I've talked about it, I guess on Patreon not really so much here about just my journey and celibacy in my relationship and how I think that that was a really really powerful tool in really cultivating the friendship because we weren't fucking and so there was no I felt like he couldn't judge. There was no I mean, I didn't feel like he's not a guy that would judge anyway, And at that point I really didn't give a fuck. But I think I think that you have to be willing to do something different in your relationship, whether that is not having sex when you first meet someone, whether that is being in agreement that you're going to be brutally honest, like that piece has to be different, Like if you're going, if you're someone that's coming out of really toxic relationships, you've done your healing and now you're listening to this episode because you're ready to come back into the love space, Like you have to know that there does you can't follow the same steps, like you just can't. And the friendship piece is like, literally, I don't think you can get around it. And that's why it's number one.

00:54:20
Speaker 3: Honestly. I remember my other best friends telling me, like, Mela, you got to not be so honest in the beginning, like basically, bitch, chill a little bit in the beginning so you could like someone can like you first. And I was just like, that doesn't sound smart. That sounds like a trick because I'm a specific taste, you know, and I and I always just felt very confident in that, like and I think it probably has the like my parents have been together for a long time since my mom was fourteen my dad was seventeen. And I've seen my mom like not know who she is. I've seen my mom make her identity my dad. I've seen her chase, I've seen her like forced, you know, I've seen her just like claws out, fangs out, and it just seemed like such a battle that I did not And it wasn't like she needed to be herself or any of those things, but I just saw what it looked like to convince someone that they should treat you a certain way, you know. And not that my dad was a horrible guy to her or anything like that, but like he was doing him and it tormented her, but like spiritually mentally, and I was just like, I'm not doing that, you know. And I know for most women, some women are listening to this and like, bitch, I listen to you, tell my nigga what I want an MMF, turn a shit off, turn a shit off. This is ridiculous, you know. And it's true, like the majority of the men are going to shut you, to shut it down, but that's how you weed niggas out. If you're not for me, don't waste my fucking time, you know. And so I think the friendship piece is like you don't hesitate to tell your real friends things because they're not going to leave you based on your secrets. You know, they're going to keep them and they're going to you know, give give your insight but like niggas don't be judging each other when they tell each other wild shit. Niggas keep their niggas secrets and they're cheating on their wives and doing fuck shit. So yeah, like bring that same homie energy to your woman.

00:56:06
Speaker 1: And let me tell you, ladies, there is nothing sexier than your man fucking you and being inside of you and saying I'm so lucky that I get to fuck my best friend, and then you actually believe it. Trust me, highly highly recommend.

00:56:18
Speaker 3: Highly highly highly recommend.

00:56:21
Speaker 1: I've done it, me too, and I'm doing it and it's real and I trust it and it feels good and it's it's it's like a level of safety building that. Honestly, you're building safety while someone's inside of your womb.

00:56:35
Speaker 3: I mean that. I don't know what's safer than that, like truly, And so you know that's one piece missing with me. And tell your husband to do that if that's your best If that's your best ye, can you tell me I'm your best friend while you fuck me. That's the whole reason you make a best friend with a penis holder.

00:56:56
Speaker 1: Strap bonds could be you could do this with a strap bon maybe like you scissor and do it like you're my best friend.

00:57:01
Speaker 3: Do you want to sister? And so I can tell you my message.

00:57:03
Speaker 1: I'm always pussies together.

00:57:06
Speaker 3: Do you think will manifest faster?

00:57:07
Speaker 1: Do you think that's what needs to happen?

00:57:09
Speaker 3: Well, you know, I was supposed to give you a yoni, a yoni like massage, and we never did it because we are always working there and have time to Costa Rica.

00:57:17
Speaker 1: I know it Costa Rica is the time.

00:57:19
Speaker 3: You know what I had a thought I did. I literally was like, oh, maybe this would be a good time we could finally give each other yoning massages like we're supposed to. And this is a very like educational piece. It's very it's like, it's not erotic. It's it's not it's not it's not erotic. It's intimate, but it's more for the purpose of like meditation but also release and not like yes, orgasm possibly, But sometimes there is things.

00:57:45
Speaker 1: Stored in your Sometimes a.

00:57:47
Speaker 3: Lot of times our wombs hold things physically and we don't even realize it. It's like if you did a certain hit, a certain stretch at the fucking yoga gym and it made you cry. I've literally witnessed people just on you know, like doing certain moodras on your genitals that will release tears.

00:58:04
Speaker 1: Well, I can attest to it because I did it. I had a Yoni massage. Yeah, and it was very unexpected the things that came up, even even knowing because I've learned the modality, I understand it, but then actually really experiencing it with someone who's another woman who like, there's no there's literally no attraction. She had, wants nothing from me except to make to help me release something. And just realizing where I'm numb in certain places and where it actually is painful in certain places. That was that was a real shakra for me because even in my own practice of you know, Yoni mapping myself, like it's different when someone else does it. And I didn't realize I was experiencing pain in certain places until like she was touching me there and I was like what the ow? What the fuck? And I was like why this is She's not even pushing hard, like why does it hurt here? And then allowing myself to really walk through the meditation and accessing why the why? And it's usually like very visceral and like very you know, you know what it is. It's kind of like even too. I don't if you've ever ever gotten a massage and like someone like hits like a point like or like a not and you're like, oh shit, I know what that is, Like that feels emotional, like that's anger. I like, yeah, yeah, that's stress. Like you know, you carry stress in your neck, like you know, where when you are aware, aware enough and open enough, you can really access and understand what it is actually that's in there and blocking. I mean sometimes you can until it's fully released, but when you can, it's like fuck.

00:59:36
Speaker 3: And it's true. And so I just wanted to I know, going on going on, I just want to. I just wanted to press preface why we're going to give you Yoni map each other, Yeah, Costa Rica, because it's going to a elevate our business and our manifestation and our intimacy levels, and but mostly it's going to release some shit too, to make for him for them.

00:59:55
Speaker 1: And if you're listening to this right now in the first week of February, it's already happened.

01:00:00
Speaker 3: What happened.

01:00:00
Speaker 1: It's no Jamilla touched my pussy and I probably touched hers and we cried, and now we're going to be billionaires. Period. Anyway, number two.

01:00:11
Speaker 3: Anyway, number two, stop being so hard on yourself when it comes to making relationship mistakes, forgiving yourself and trusting the work that you've done. Ooh, this one hits a home for me, honey.

01:00:26
Speaker 1: Because the last year, it was a hard year for me.

01:00:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, you had it hard.

01:00:32
Speaker 1: I did a little bit of regressing, just a little bit, did a little regression in my healing process.

01:00:39
Speaker 3: Now against all my red flags. I don't know if it's called regressing. It's it's you know what, it's necessary testing. It's necessary testing to get to the next level. It's not regression. It's the last I learned.

01:00:51
Speaker 1: And you know what, I accessed some really good shit in that relationship to things that I knew. I finally had a partner where I could explore certain things I'd never been able to and so whether it was a healthy version of the thing I wanted to ignore and it was used as pure manipulation as a whole other subject. However, I did realize certain things about myself, specifically in the intimate space, because that's really where we thrived. All but other than that, you know, like I think after that relationship, I was so traumatized and it was like worse. It felt worse than like maybe this is probably not the truth, but it's just time numbs you and you forget. But it felt harder than like my baby daddy breakup. I know that's not the truth, but I think that maybe it was just that pain was retriggered and it felt like that, like I felt so much betrayal, I felt so much confusion. I felt so much anger for myself. I was like so mad at myself that I let this nigga fucking fuck with my with my my knowingness of shit, like I knew, you know, and I let my also my judgment of myself, feeling like I'm too boundaried, feeling like maybe I don't give people and the benefit of the doubt enough, and like knowing that actually that is my superpower, that no, I do give people the benefit of the doubt, and typically the ones that I do, it's because they needed the benefit of the doubt, and typically when I don't, it's because they're up to no good. And so because of that, I really allowed my boundaries to uh be in limbo. And after that, after coming out of that relationship. I was so like I was like trying to do womb clearing, Like I didn't trust my body. I didn't trust like even the thought of having sex. I've never felt this way like revolted me in a way that I was like, I don't even deserve that type of pleasure because I didn't even I don't even know how to respect my womb enough to like the have the discernment and who's who I'm allowing to enter And this person was unhealthy in a lot of ways also like didn't treat his body well, you know. And it's like, so because of that, I totally attest to this feeling of like needing to forgive yourself for those situations because I had a lot of healing before that that like doesn't get deleted because I because I needed this lesson. And so even and even for the women that maybe like are just in the beginning of their healing, it's so important that you allow yourself the space to fuck up in this new chapter, chapter chapter, because you are going to fuck up on the new chapter and you don't just wake.

01:03:47
Speaker 3: Up with your own holy bitch that's healed.

01:03:48
Speaker 1: And high valued, you know. And I say that with one of those quotation marks is I don't really like that term either. I hate that term actually, and I much more like the term high functioning because I understand what that that feels like. There's a path that doesn't feel like there's some sort of like violence and shame being imposed upon women where we've already are like our self worth is always in question all the time, already in the society. That adding value, even in the spaces of women talking about being high valued women, it just I feel like reverses. It's like actually taking us back by calling it that, but value it is relative. So with that said, giving yourself the space and permission to know in this new chapter you're going to fuck up. If you're fresh out of toxicity, I don't recommend you getting into a relationship, bitch. You probably need to set the fuck down for a second. You need to listen to your friends because they've told you a thousand motherfucking times, and they're going to tell you again when you get on tender five minutes after you broke up with a niggative because you're going to casually date someone. You're not looking for anything serious. But I'm just gonna like have fun because like, you know, I deserve that, Like that that was really crazy. No, bitch, you're not ready. Sit down.

01:04:58
Speaker 3: I mean, there's one thing that goes seeking and sometimes things come knocking at your front door. You're on tender, you're seeking, Yeah, don't be on tender.

01:05:05
Speaker 1: Yeah.

01:05:05
Speaker 3: And also just realizing too that like that step one, the friendship thing and like being really honest with people like immediately, sometimes that's how the snakes get you, because you are really honest, and then they'll play on that and then they'll be they can be they'll be manipulative by having the information, and first they'll they'll act like it's okay, they'll sucument and then they'll use it against you. And then it makes you question everything because now you've let down your guard. It has seemed like they have been safe people, and now you're both fucking confused. Like you're confused, bitch, because you thought you were doing something correct and then they you know, they backtrack because that's happened too, and then it makes you question all of all of your the lessons that you've learned. And it's just important to know that, like you can fuck up and know better. You know, and it's like spirit will test you, and Spirit will make sure did you get it? They'll it's gonna drive in the point and sometimes we're gonna fall short. And that's okay. But how do you how do you use that and not take it into the next relationship? You not say so guarded in the next relationship that you don't let a good thing come through, you know, because you know there's some terrible niggas and there's some great niggas, and it doesn't mean that everyone's the same, but carrying that same vulnerability into each one and not taking the wounds with you and the baggage with you, and just letting everything be a clean slate.

01:06:24
Speaker 1: I mean, that's one thing I promised myself coming out of that relationship that I wasn't going to allow this to harden me. I wasn't going to allow this person and this situation to have this much power over how I'm able my capacity for love in my next relationship. And even because my next relationship or that person showed up relatively fast after I let that go, I did. I had a lot of fear around is this too soon? Like what like do I I don't trust myself and I think the piece of allowing us to be friends for a long time, and again for me, removing the sex for over six months, like really allowed me to know that okay, like I'm okay, like I'm making good choices. I can trust myself. My intuition is good, like you know. So I think the friendship is really important, like you said, going back to number one in this in the second part of giving yourself, forgiving yourself for the past and the mistakes that you might make even in the interim, because I don't know, Like I think sometimes it is inevitable that you might bring something from a previous relationship, because it's not even from the relationship really, it's probably from something before that, your first relationship in love, you know. But hopefully, you know, because of the friendship, you're able to really talk through that thing with your partner, you know, and just trusting.

01:07:48
Speaker 3: It's more about trusting that you've done the work.

01:07:50
Speaker 1: And I think it doesn't answer the phone, Like he doesn't talk on the phone a lot. He's not like good with the phone, And that was super triggering for.

01:07:56
Speaker 3: Me, oh right, because the last thing I would pretend not to be good with this phone because he was being a fun boy.

01:08:00
Speaker 1: And also there was that, and also we would talk multiple times a day, and I got and I'm used to that cadence. So like, going into this new relationship, I could have totally fucked this whole relationship up just based off that because I was so in my head about it. I was so like, why is he answering the phone? Why has he called me all day? Like what the fuck is he doing? Like he says he's not fucking either, my fucking would if he's fucking, Like you know, it was just like it got crazy, but I didn't allow I worked through it, and I also communicated with him and said, hey, like I'm just not used to this, Like I understand you're not good with your phone and that's okay, and I'm working through it, but I want you to know that like if I call you and then if I call you in the morning and then I don't hear from you until six o'clock at night, that is like not okay. And I don't even know if it's from my past relationship. I think it's also just like there's a level of safety that I need, There's a level of check in that I need. There's a level of like, if there's an emergency, do I have access to you? Can I depend on you? And so like when I was able to share why in that way, like there was adjustment room, you know. And sometimes it's just as simple as that. Sometimes it's not.

01:09:03
Speaker 3: But yeah, yes, I think we got a little Yeah. So four, this one's really important because it.

01:09:14
Speaker 2: Is number three.

01:09:15
Speaker 1: Oh we didn't do three, I don't think so.

01:09:17
Speaker 6: Oh sorry, am I What do you bring to the table in terms of oh this we kind of went into this past experiences, trauma and understanding your needs and wants.

01:09:29
Speaker 3: I think that as women, there's such a terrible inventory of niggas that a lot of times we don't have to check in on our own shit. The men are so like it's so bare minimum right now, And I know it's it's we got to look higher and lower in new places. But like a lot of men are like operating on this new, weird frequency that I don't know what the fuck you not? I mean, just like they've gone really deep in like women hating. But sometimes I think we bypass our How are traumas show up in our relationships? And I know people always talking about like what do you bring the table? What do you bring the table? But like, what do you bring to the table in terms of your fucking trauma? You know? How do you love? How does that prevent you from being soft?

01:10:15
Speaker 4: You know?

01:10:15
Speaker 3: Because I think sometimes it's I think for me, particularly me talking to me is like I hear all these things all day on social on reels about black women not being soft, and we're in our masculine and like, you know, a lot of bashing of black women from black men, and so I get defensive when I'm told I'm not soft or I'm you know, not I do. I get very defensive, and it's prevented me from actually checking with myself and being like, could you be softer? Could you speak nicer? Why is that hard for you? Even when I'm told in the moment, hey, I realize immediately my walls go up and I'm in defense mode. I don't want to do it and having to check with myself like where does that come from from? Why can't you apologize?

01:11:02
Speaker 1: You know?

01:11:02
Speaker 3: There are certain things that I'm just like, I'm having to work on my softness, but first I have to be able to address it, and I have to soften myself to be able to be like, Okay, this person is telling me this because they love me. Maybe this is how I grew up. Maybe I don't mean it this way, but if someone else is interpreting it this way, how can I change? How can I get uncomfortable so that we can be comfortable and I can make do something differently? Bless you, bless.

01:11:28
Speaker 1: Youe it ooh, I have blue dream, baby blue dream. You know it's funny that you say that too, because this has come up for me in my relationship, because I'm finally in a relationship where I really feel safe. So I'm usually on the defense waiting for a niggative fuck up, and they always do. They always in my mind, to me, I feel like they fuck up. They might have a different storyline, but to me, I feel like I've been pretty great and become ungreat once they become ungreat, So I'm always waiting for them to fuck and so in this relationship that just hasn't happened. And so then I was like, oh, okay, cool up. Now I'm gonna like just like punching him a little bit like and then I'm like, damn, am.

01:12:13
Speaker 3: I gonna be the one to fuck up this?

01:12:14
Speaker 1: Relationship, and I'm like, oh my god, like I haven't even had the opportunity to let my fucking shit, my little fucking toxic flag.

01:12:21
Speaker 3: Fly, because it's usually justified, but.

01:12:23
Speaker 1: Because I, like I'm I'm usually the like the victim of the toxicity first, so then I'm just on defeat on defense, trying to like heal niggasm shit. And then now that I like have a very like a man that's been dedicated to his healing, I think even far beyond I became even aware that I had the option to do it, I'm like, oh wow, cool, Yeah, I'm sorry about that. That you didn't deserve that, and that is some shit I need to work on.

01:12:54
Speaker 3: And and that's the thing. And you know, that's the thing about dating someone who is your equal and who's always already on the journey and already self aware and like committed and wanting to invest in a relationship and invest it in love. It's like that's when you get to really to step your game up. That's where you get to grow, and that's where you get to stretch and be like, oh, like, this person's actually making me have to be better. But a lot of times women are dating below them, and so you don't even get to that point because then stay fuck up. Within the first five days, first five business days, they're fucking up. So it never, it never, rarely gets to the point where you have to look at yourself and grow and grow. And that's where you're like, oh, this is what the journey of love looks like. When I'm safe and someone can tell me gently, hey, I love you, Hey, look at me. I don't really I don't like that, you know, I know, you know. It's just a different it's a whole new, whole new Not being able to acapella sing is remakes really a whole new world, a whole new world, a whole new world. Not from Maladin bo relaxed from Jim Aladdin. It's a new remix.

01:14:11
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, number four.

01:14:17
Speaker 3: That number four is I think we kind of touched on this, but I'm gonna add something to this because I forgot it on a different one. The number four is authenticity. Are you being honest? And or are you being the digestible version of yourself? And since we kind of already touch on this, I'd like to touch on something more important. Stepping out of your comfort zone when you date necessary. Yes, everyone's like, you always date. Never mind what I was gonna say, you always ate the black eye. This is my my white friend's talking to my white friend. The only dates the black guys do? Want you do somebody else?

01:14:45
Speaker 1: That's oh, they're saying that to her.

01:14:46
Speaker 3: Yeah, But you know, I think sometimes we're like, if you always date this kind of honestly, if you're always dating a thug and he has four phones and he always has to make a run and you never know where he's going, and you don't know really what he does, and he has four baby mamas, and you know he's probably a drug dealer. Probably date somebody a new type, you know, with a job, a real one. No, you know, no shade to the drug dealers. But I think sometimes we take this too far. And if you've been a part of Good Moms for a long time, you remember the time we.

01:15:15
Speaker 1: Took this too far, you know, you know, I think we were talking to our last episode about stupid bitch and then like the stupid aware bitch. Yes we were, we didn't we thankfully those relationships were at the very deadline of stupid aware bitch and stupid bitch. But actually I don't even know if we were aware. I mean, we were aware we were actively choosing men that we've never given a chance to before. We both knew we were choosing nerds, and not that nerds are not cute, but these are very specifics. Are cool like bad, like badge fashions, like white people, talking voices.

01:15:56
Speaker 3: Like like YouTube buffs, like not really wanting the fun. There was a lot of red flags, nerd flags. It was a lot nerd flags, you know, And it was a good thing at one point. And you know, no shade to that guy, actually a little shade, but he was He was older, he wanted he had a good job, he wanted to be married, all great things.

01:16:19
Speaker 1: He had a dog.

01:16:19
Speaker 3: He had a dog he would not leave at home fucking ever. He had camping equipment, I mean camping equipment, and that was great. He knew how to survive in apocalypse and that was great. But it was not realistic. That was too far left, and I knew it, and I kept trying to make myself attracted to him. I was from the waist down, you know, maybe even the belly button. He had a little ab going. But the thing was he wasn't my niggad and I wasn't wildly attracted to him, and I'm not saying it to be wildly attracted to every guy you date, but there is a level of I wanna fuck the shit out of you right now that has to happen because when you get out my motherfucking nerves and you're talking too much and you're doing too much, which will inevitably happen, and it's your peer things got to hold us down, and it's gonna be the it's gonna be your attraction to the person, and like the like them a level of like, I want to sit on your dick right now, that's gonna get you through, you know, the irritation. And I think sometimes women like especially you know, no shade to the single moms, I get it. I see single moms just go with the safe guy because they've been hurt in the past relationship. Go with the safe guy because he's safe, because you know he wants the things. But knowing good and god damn well, bitch, you don't really want to sit on his face all the time. And I think that's not fair to the other person, you know, because there's somewhere out there who wants to sit on that man's dick all the time. It's just not you. And I think you just do yourself a disservice trying to do the safe thing.

01:17:51
Speaker 1: You think that you think that I don't know if I agree that this is a single mom thing. I think that this is actually a woman without child thing that happens.

01:18:01
Speaker 3: Oh, you're right, it's both.

01:18:02
Speaker 1: But sometimes I think I can understand why you would say that it probably is a demographic of single mothers that just want help and support.

01:18:10
Speaker 3: There's a safety you have to You need safety not only for yourself but for your kid too.

01:18:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that will compromise those those pieces for the need, the need that they've been starved of in whatever version of motherhood they're dealing with. But I also think that this is wildly, wildly a thing for people without children, because especially if you're of a certain age without children, like because because in this world, and it's true, like we do have a time limit into which we can pro create, and so women start making really crazy deals with themselves in order to either push the timeline up to which they we're going to have a child. And even for the people that are younger than that, it's more so about you know, these societal expectations of like, oh, I won't even say societal expectations because I do think that like we've women have shifted in this idea that like they need to be a wife first, like people are now like I want to have a business first, I want to have a career. But I think there's still a lot of pressure for women to feel worthy. And being a wife makes people feel worthy. It's part of the checklist, the career, and the wife is part of the checklist. And but a lot of times that wifey thing or that wifey title equals worthiness, like someone chose me equals value equals I have purpose now, you know.

01:19:32
Speaker 3: And and there's also the the this idea that women like their their value decreases as they get older, and that you know, our birth, you know, we only have a certain window and we can have babies, and that drives us too to just be like this is the best thing.

01:19:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so there's like compromises that we make for the for that to to find to be in partnership with anyone honestly. So, uh yeah, that's the recipe for fucking disaster.

01:20:00
Speaker 3: Here's a good mom tip. Erica taught me this, and I almost didn't forgive her. But next time you're scrolling to said dating apps, I'm not gonna say them because they should pay us, because this is me. I'm such a cancer. I'm like, I like this answer. That was funny, you know, and the Erica said, zoom into his face and then think to yourself, can I wake up to this face every morning? And after that I scrolled different for the rest of my fucking single life and I barely swiped yes because I'm gonna add one more layer to that.

01:20:31
Speaker 1: Can you picture his fuck face? And is that okay with you? Okay? Because listen, I have I have trauma over fuck faces. That's some bad fuck faces, some real one real and honestly, it's not just because he's cute doesn't mean his fuck face.

01:20:46
Speaker 3: Who is the worst fuck face you've ever had?

01:20:49
Speaker 1: I can't say this publicly.

01:20:51
Speaker 3: You don't have a name.

01:20:52
Speaker 1: It's not even a name. It's just like, okay, just no, it's I just know, it's just just know. It's the reason I became a good mom. Who specially.

01:21:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I do agree with going out of your comfort zone. You can't date the same kind of guy who has emotionally unavailable, but you do have to be realistic in you know, your genuine attraction to that person, like you know, sometimes breaking news guys, and.

01:21:20
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean physical too, like sometimes it's like another thing too. This is really random, but like for me, music is really important. If we can't if you don't listen to my type of music and we don't have like the same sort of like inclination to sound in some capacity, it's not gonna work.

01:21:38
Speaker 3: Because we do go to concert together.

01:21:39
Speaker 1: It's just it's just not gonna work. Like our sexy time isn't gonna be aligned, like our house vibes are not gonna be aligned. Like clearly our frequencies are not the fucking same. I should have known that. Like I've had boyfriends that like listen to like just like hardcore, like fucking Ozzy Osbourne and shit, and I'm like, oh my god, he's black and he likes Azzi asthma, it's cool. And then I'm listening to Azzi os I'm like, this is.

01:21:59
Speaker 3: Not like that happened. That happened to my friend and she was at all these EDM concerts and she was angry after she was just like I. Finally we're like, I know this bitch likes hip hopic, why is she doing this star stuff? And finally, when the relationship is over, she's like, if I hear one more fucking DM, I'm gonna die. I'm like, yeah, bitch, because that was never your knigg Like why do you do? Why do we do these things? Look, I could do EDM. It's fine, that's not gonna And honestly, like, is EDM gonna be the breaking point in your possible husband? No, if you know what's your husband, you'll be able to withstand.

01:22:30
Speaker 1: But you know what your things are. You know, like whether it's like you like fucking you like certain kind of movies like these are how you're going to spend your time, or.

01:22:40
Speaker 3: You like bougie shit if you like bougie shit and he brings three to five fucking outfits on a ten day vacation. Not the one if he suggests washing his clothes in the sink and staying at a hostel and he's over thirty years old. Not the one if you like boozy things. But if you like hostels, you guys a gonna fucking hostile your lives away.

01:23:01
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think it also depends on where on the list bougie things will fall for you, because I think some people do like bougie things, but they can that's not gonna be the reason why they're going to pass up the love of their life.

01:23:09
Speaker 3: And and you also know if it's if you, If you you'll know if it's your husband and you're passing up to the husband of your life, if if it's something you literally can't get passed if you're And also be aware of when you nitpick things, because I when you're trying to repel something for whatever personal reasons, you'll make up things. I made up things about Orlando, and I believe them, and I was like, that crop top's not gonna work. I just like I knew he was a whore. That was actually true and honest, that was real observation. But there is things that I made up. I told he told he told me that he didn't have a jaw line. And then after he told me, I told I was like, I don't think it's gonna work. She's like, why it's like his jaw line and she was like, what are you talking about. I was like, he mentioned it and I can't see it.

01:23:50
Speaker 1: And I'm true.

01:23:51
Speaker 3: I was like making up things and I was like, yeah, I don't know. I told you, and then I told my friends I think he's gay. I made up all types of things not to make Orlando up until like deeply into it, I was like, it's just not gonna work. And I realized, like I was making myself fine reasons not to be happy. So there's a fine line, but the guy line, but the nerd guy. You know, you absolutely know that that outfit is not gonna work for the rest of your life. There's just certain things that you you're gonna start resenting this person and you're in your body, you know. I was literally looking at this thing and be like, and maybe if I changed his clothes, he looks good in this outfit, So maybe if I get more outfits like this, Like, you can't be calculating shit like that, you know what I mean? So I do keep it real. And also, breaking news, just because he's a good guy does not mean he's your guy. A good nice guy doesn't That's not all you need.

01:24:49
Speaker 1: Breaking news.

01:24:50
Speaker 3: Not just because he doesn't beat you and he has a job and he's a good guy. That does not make him your husband. Does he make your pussy tingle, your body telling tancha, your body telling what it is?

01:25:08
Speaker 1: Yes, all those things and does he hit all the other things on the list, like is he those things on the list that are important to you? Is he is he? Can he provide safety or whatever?

01:25:19
Speaker 3: Safety and always and friendship?

01:25:21
Speaker 1: Friendship like do you guys do your family's mesh like if that's on the list for you? Where families are super important, like the actual a meshing of families. And he doesn't prioritize family, And that's something I realize for me, like is super important. I'm not interested in dating people that don't understand and prioritize their family because I do. And it's going to be annoying to me when your mom lives five miles away and you see her two times a year or like every other month when she's there and she's old, like that bothers me. So it's just and I feel like I know inevitably those things end up impacting how you are able to show up for me, And because that's important to me, maybe that could be great for somebody else. So I think it's about honoring like truly, truly your X and your hell yes is yes yes.

01:26:10
Speaker 3: If it's not a hell yeah, it's probably a nobly number five. This is very important. Some may disagree, but this is why you have to trust your trustworthy tribe. Trust your trustworthy tribe. Sometimes your friends, you know, your friends are going to tell you the truth because they know you and they love you, and they're not going to try and hurt you. And sometimes you gotta trust that.

01:26:39
Speaker 1: No, it's true. I think your friends are going to see things that you ki'd just can't see. Once you've been penetrated.

01:26:49
Speaker 3: Everybody knows.

01:26:50
Speaker 1: Everybody knows penetrated, you're fucked literally and figuratively, and your friends are unfucked, and so they will tell you the fucking truth.

01:26:57
Speaker 3: Penetration will make you blind, you know.

01:26:59
Speaker 1: And friends, if you're listening, tell them stop, like, don't don't wait too long, let her, you know, do her thing. But then inevitably you have to tell your friend the truth because like she won't know, she really won't see, and she may not even listen. And that's fine, but at least you tried. So trust your trusted tribe, and trust yourself and trust yourself most importantly.

01:27:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, So good luck with love, Good luck with love sign a fiance.

01:27:36
Speaker 1: Oh is it terrot time?

01:27:37
Speaker 6: My dear?

01:27:38
Speaker 3: I believe it is terot time. You guys, have you been enjoying our beautifully cinematic segways to each of our segments? If you haven't turned in to YouTube, if you haven't subscribed to YouTube, you're missing out because we have beautiful production. We have a beautiful set, We are beautiful, and we dress nice, and so we've produced highly beautiful.

01:28:19
Speaker 1: Content for you to watch and enjoy. It's really a TV show you're gonna watch. Over there, you'll also see our beautiful outfits. Right now, I'm actually wearing something from our online store. It's for the Good Moms, the Good Mom Crew neck. I don't like to call it merch. It's our fashion line that we design and it's very high quality. And if you want our website, you get a discount. We sign up for a newsletter. So make sure you check out goodmomspad Choices dot com. Go check out our online store and all our offerings on our website.

01:28:50
Speaker 3: Tack your heart, my love.

01:28:52
Speaker 2: See ooh, this is interesting.

01:29:05
Speaker 1: The Five of Pentacles looks like they're having a hard time.

01:29:13
Speaker 2: To check out this card.

01:29:14
Speaker 3: See what it looks like.

01:29:17
Speaker 2: It's a little destitute.

01:29:19
Speaker 3: It's very destitute. One of them has a broken foot.

01:29:24
Speaker 1: I know he's injured.

01:29:25
Speaker 3: Financial loss, poverty, lack mindset, isolation, worry. The five of Pentacles is a card of financial loss and poverty. Hit. You have hit hard times, especially when it comes to your work, career, finances, and material possessions. You may have recently lost your job, your home, or financial security. You no longer feel safe because it has been all stripped away from you. In one below. Your ego may also be bruised, especially since success often correlates to financial wealth. Losing either can be humbling blow to your self esteem and sense of self forth. The upside is that this is a minor arcana card and with temporary effects rather than a major ocana which have longer term impact. This too, shall pass. In this time of need, The fiber Pentacles indicates that you feel isolated and alone, just like the two people in the car. Do you feel as if you have been left in the cold. You may wonder why is no one coming to help me? It appears as if no one cares anymore. However, since the windows in the church are lit up, help us nearby? But you are too focused on your problems to notice. You may be waiting for someone to come and help you when you really need When you really you need to be proactive and ask for help. You need to swallow your pride or let go of your fear of rejection and reach out. People are here to support you, find them and let them know you need them. It can highlight a lack mindset. You are sabotaging your ability to create abundance because you only focus on lack.

01:30:50
Speaker 1: Okay, this card is for me because I've been battling this mindset for the last few weeks around financial stability for the rest of my life, and like I was talking to my mom about this yesterday, I was like, how the fuck do people take care of themselves forever in this world? Forever when you get old and you can't work anymore, Like are you do you just accept that you have your life and like you have your life downgrades in some capacity or is it not a downgrade, It's just an acceptance that none of this shit actually matters and it takes us that long to fucking realize it that, like I don't need all these fucking things, Or is it that I've just prepared really well, and yes, things will change slowly in adjustment to how much I acquire or do, but that's also because I'm aging and I don't require that much anymore. So I was thinking, just like I've been stressing about that, like that concept of like generational wealth saving money, just like knowing that everything shifts and changes and I have control, but I also don't have control in certain ways right now in my life. And what am I going to do about it? And like am I gonna rise to the occasion? I'm gonna fucking crumble? And just like how how you do it? All? So I know that those thoughts too, even when I'm having them, I know that they're they're not true, and I have to keep but I have to keep. I've been having to keep having that conversation with myself and pulling myself out of financial scarcity and realizing like and then and then I continue to get blessings that are reminding me that no, no, and I've gotten them actually throughout the last two weeks. While I've been having these really weird thoughts, God has also been blessing me and showing me that it's not true. So trying to hold on to those moments and really believing them to be true and knowing that it's not just a moment, because I think there's that too. It's like feeling like we all have our moment, especially in like this industry that we're in, like entertainment and podcasting, and but I know that what we do is even more so, is more than just that, and that it just keeps expanding. And yeah, so back hard is it's for me and I receive it. It's okay.

01:33:08
Speaker 3: It's scary. I mean it's scary to have the thought like I have to provide and care for myself from now until forever, and if you know, one thing goes wrong, what does that look like?

01:33:19
Speaker 1: You know?

01:33:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, safety is big, and like constantly think and thinking about it when you think about over your lifetime and then you think about having a child, and it's just like it's such a grand uh, it's such a grand like not burden, but responsibility to just think of and that and I do it all the time, and I get fucking anxiety and then I want to just lay down. But it's just like having the knowing that you're always provided for and taking care of and that, you know. Yeah, like following the path is always going to bring you to where you need to be, and distrusting that, especially when our journey has already shown us that so much, you know, And yeah, like that's every there's going to be something presented every day that's scary and big. And this is the lifetime we've been granted and it is actually a very short time, and so why not like find joy in figuring out and just know that everything's going to be okay even if it looks different. And you know, we've been through hard things and you can get through hard things, and so ultimately there's no big anxiety to have to fear, to be scared of, but that everything is going as it should be.

01:34:24
Speaker 1: A well, y'all, this was fun. I love you. Thank you for joining us for another episode of Good Mom's Bad Choices. If you haven't had a chance, make sure you go rate and review this episode. Like Mila said, subscribe on YouTube, subscribe on all podcast platforms. Oh guess what, we just release dates for our next Costa Rica retreat and in the summertime, and you have time, bitches. So we're taking our Good Vibe Retreat to our annual location which we love so much on both the Yaho in July, end of July, July thirty first, Yeah, July thirty first through the fifth, and then August eighth, eighth through the eleven. No something, just look at the dates. It's an it's basically in August and yeah, if you're watching, if you're listening to this in February first, we're in Costa Rica. To go check out our stories like good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices and watch us living our best life and bikinis, and then you'll want to come in the summertime.

01:35:29
Speaker 3: You definitely, well, we'll be thriving.

01:35:32
Speaker 4: Go.

01:35:32
Speaker 3: Look, I can't wait to see my future self.

01:35:35
Speaker 1: Love you guys, Bye bye.

01:35:38
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm living so good, can't you sell? I went through a drought, that's until I find a well made my have been known earth. I used to be broken tail, now got the blues dance and might beyon Say Jasell throat shot or pop in this power in our voices patriarch and kept it in the box.

01:35:53
Speaker 3: So it's floid. Women put the pi and powers.

01:35:56
Speaker 5: So what's the point do they want me to be good?

01:35:58
Speaker 4: So I made bad choices, not a bad mom but a Bad Mom bitters in put Cannabis Iner, bath Bomb, walk in Boss's cap and num b Lewis cat ball tip dog. Now I'm a mule to the cat call Herbie and no waste the straight to it like a dollar sign. Mother ren the number when So it's like a water summer where you're Rena wins recentual will win the summer time I do what all they know when I need.

01:36:19
Speaker 5: Some run by.

01:36:21
Speaker 1: Good Mom's Bad Choices is a production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe to and rate our show, and you can connect with us on social media at good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices. Make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel at good Mom's Bad Choices to watch our episodes, and join our private community on Patreon to see extended episodes, uncensored content, and more at patreon dot com slash Good Mom's Bad Choices