S2E9 "Ain't Nobody Got Time For That" -Special Guest Tanya Tate

0:02 Well, your hair looks fabulous and your hair looks amazing. Well, thank you, Okay, that's enough, Thanks you for joining Don Garry doing sixty. Bye, we're done. Oh wow, that's all we need to do. You know. The episode went by like that. I know, and apparently my text for you to join only didn't work. So it's okay, it's all right. The thing is, the phone is right there, and I've been here for okay, close to an hour. Where's this, where's this? Where's this? Brain? Where's that at? Are you pointing to the wrinkles on your forehead or what? Absolutely well, yeah, I'm just saying good morning. Good morning, pleasantries again, Happy Sunday to you Sunday. I'm excited for our next X our segment. Ain't nobody got time for that?

0:51 Well? They all they all turn out really well. I know, I know, but I just want to say, jump right into it. This week, we're talking to our good friend Tanya Tate, who we basically have a lot of interesting intersections. She brought to my. Attention one more that she's going to bring up today in our lives and you, of course, we went to school with her for. A while, Yes, high school and after I didn't get a chance to pull out the yearbooks from middle school. But I don't know if she if we share that too, so that'll be one of my questions. I have a feeling she's going to tell us because she pointed out something to me about when we first met. In school, so it was actually a bunch earlier than I had remembered. So oh, okay, yeah, so we'll be right back. We're gonna take a short break.

1:33 Okay, but don't remember to come back. Okay, can you text me? Sorry to hit the wrong button everything? When Blake, I thought I was having another episode. No, speaking of episodes, yes, I must say, Welcome to Gonrhea, Welcome to Don. It's not the first time you said that, I'm sure, but I digress. Welcome at Don and Gary doing sixty. We're here to unwrap and unpack navigating the world at. Well you know this age, yes, well, yeah. You can find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Instagram at Donna Gary doing sixty. We're on YouTube at p five for pod Don and Gary Doing sixty. And now we are on blue Sky at Don and Gary doing sixty, bsky Dot Social.

2:25 So that's exciting. We haven't really there yet, but we're coming. And Gary, where can you reach us on email if we have questions? That would be Don and Gary doing sixty at gmail dot com. Yes, yes, and we welcome all emails, We welcome suggestions, we welcome comments, likes, all of that. Yes, it's all good. So what else? What's going on in your world? We drove down on Friday to go Our friend Christopher celebrated his seven hundred and fiftieth birthday on Friday, so we actually met up with him and Steve and his mom and we went to go see Dione Warwick. How was she she was? She was good. No, she's she's showing her age a little bit.

3:08 Yeah, yeah, but I mean she I just forgot all these amazing songs that are she sang with Bert Bacherac. People loved hearing having her sing and tell stories, and you know, she was sassy. I'm let to see she's still doing her things. She looked good and she she threw the sass. Yeah, it's good to see her. It reminds me there is a this is coming up called Queen's and it's four Ladies. It's like four legends, So I think one of them is a Gladys Knight, I believe. Okay, I think Patti LaBelle and two others, but that could be good too, because it's you know, when you're going to see these legends and they don't have to carry the whole show right and together again on the same stage. That doesn't happen very often. So I will look that up.

3:49 I want to jump real quick to somebody before our guest joins us. As we were talking, you and I were talking offline about upcoming episodes and maybe doing like some you know, some lighter fair of like top ten stuff. So this article came up this week. I've read and it is. This is something they started several years ago. It is the top ten happiest countries to live in. This is according to World Happiness Report put out by Yahoo Life and a list of top ten. Sadly, we are not in the top ten, and so for the eighth year in a row, Finland is number one, Denmark, Iceland, Sweden, so basically. All the Norwegian country. Norwegian countries, Netherlands not surprising yep, Norway, Luxembourg. Two of them that are on the top ten for the first time are Costa Rica and Mexico.

4:37 Mexico really yeah, which I. Was a little shocked by that. And then the to round app this is number eight on the list is Israel. So the determine each country's annual happiness ranking, researchers use an average of three years worth of data, So the twenty twenty five report is from data collected from twenty twenty two to twenty twenty four. The most unhappiest country live Afghanistan. Yeah, it says that's for the six year in a row. It is the lowest. But this says the happenest rankings are based on several things GDP gross domestic product per capita, healthy life expectancy, social support or having someone to count on, freedom, says to take to make key life decisions, generosity, and perceptions of corruption in government and business. The US has fallen to number twenty four.

5:29 I'm surprised for that. The highest we ever had. We peaked. We peaked at number eleven, and that was in twenty twelve, which is the first year that they started running this report. So back in twenty twelve, first year of the report, that was the best we could do was eleven, and it kept going down. Downtown and this was. You know, one of the things they commented on was Americans are spending more time eating alone, which is linked to less happiness. Hello, I. Spent a lot of time alone eating. They say countries where people share more meals tend to have higher levels of social support and lower levels of loneliness. Okay, so if you e alone, you're going to be sad and you're not going to mean the.

6:12 Top I questioned the validity of that report because also a lot of those countries that you mentioned in the top ten are dark countries most of the many months of the year. Right in Norway, Finland, it's very dark, so there actually is a bit of depression to deal with. So that's why they celebrate light. So much and the midsummer and all those great things that keep them blind. But I can see why those places are ranked high because of they're beautiful places. They have so many good support systems in place with their government, their health, all these critical things. But you know what, we've all eaten by ourselves. So I'm not going to take all of that report seriously. I'm going to paraphrase it basically said that the you know, everyone basically looks the same probably makes around the same income, so they all have the same they all grew up there, all the same beliefs. Whereas in a country like the US, which is like a melting pot of everyone, there's going to be a lot more diversity, a lot more opinions.

7:05 So that's going to create more disruption and antagonism as we all are experiencing right now. Yes, we can only go up from here. Yes. Yeah. The other part is said in household size of four or five people is a sweet spot for happiness. So I don't know if they count dogs, but you would fall in the sweet spot then because there's four. In your household, four and we're not planning on adding another child, So. Four is it? So your dog bearing years are over? Well, apparently their husband's not putting out. But way to take it from PG to R. So it says people in single person households that's me, and in households with six to seven people reporting the lowest happiness levels. So if I eat alone or live alone, I'm a mess.

7:58 Yeah. Well, I don't count that report as a gauge for your happiness. So I'm sure you're a quite happy person and you have done dined alone and so have I. So it's not like and I've lived alone before too, so I don't buy that. And I've traveled alone. I've traveled internationally a lot. Yes, yes, And it's like I. Mean, yes, would I like to have someone there to like, you know, hang out with and enjoy things. Yes, but there's a lot of times it's like no one's available or whatever. Like you know, I want to go, so get there. Well, I travel through Europe several times by myself, and it's like and here in the States. And you're going to do it again, and you're gonna have dinner. So yeah, well we'll take that with a grain of salt. Although it is interesting to see that different that mostly Norwegian countries are hitting the top ten.

8:43 It kind of makes sense, though, I get it and just sort of twiddle our thumbs until Tanya joins us. I guess, I don't know, do I remember how to twiddle my thumbs? It's like this. Or this, Hello, there she is and fifteen on the dot. Yes, Why was I thinking she was late? I was thinking you were late? No, No, you said ten to fifteen. Right, And what Don says goes yeah, Yeah, apparently telling time is not my strong point. So I wasn't paying at time for I'm sorry. I was ready at ten just so you know. And you look beautiful. Thank you for joining us, Tanya.

9:25 Thank you. I was like, I'm looking forward to being out with you guys. Yes, I'm so happy you did this, and you know this is we're grateful that you joined us. And just to give a preface for this, this segment we call at Nobody Got time for. That is basically how we're reconnecting with people and having people share their stories about what's going on in their lives at this point in our lives. The Big Six. Oh, that's right, we're doing sixty. So thank you for joining us. And you pointed out, just to jump in, you pointed. Out something to be last when we spoke yesterday that I didn't remember was that we actually met in first grade. Okay, question, I don't remember two weeks ago. How do you remember that, missus?

10:05 Right? It's right, Oh my gosh, wow, Because I moved to San Mateo when I was in first grade, and I mean I have a really good memory obviously, and and. I still live here. I mean I still have lots of friends, so that I know from first grade Brockhet Jesse, Jesse's dad, my son's dad. I knew the first grade. He was old. He was a year older than us. Wow do you have do you have the little the little pictures of all the kids in the school, like there's always a picture like with little squares of all the kids. Yes, I have it. I don't know where it is. It's in storage somewhere, but you know I do have it. I saw my yearbook somewhere in this house now, but you know it's yeah, yeah, I do.

10:48 The classroom photos from elementary school. I went to different elementary school with the Sunny Bray. What middle school? Did you go to Bayside? Okay? For two years? And then I went to Burrell. Okay, Okay, okay, I went to Bayside and Gary went to Burrell. R Right, Okay, so yeah, before you join us, I was asking don I couldn't remember. I knew obviously high school, but I wasn't sure about middle school. So one year or two years of Burrell? One year I went to eighth grade? Okay, so maybe I met you then? Yeah that's when that's you, right? And then when's the last time you two saw each other? Well, we've we've following each other on Facebook all the time because we have very mutual interests and things that we do.

11:32 Yes, drinking, but. An appreciation of wine. But I just wanted to really point out very quickly Tanya and I have a few points of intersection in our lives, which is interesting. First grade was the I didn't remember about that one. But I also had the great, great pleasure and honor of working for Tanya's mom at the Volkswagen dealership. Talk about that in a little while too. And then I think, unbeknownst to us, when I was actually working with my parents' estate, met Tanya again at the lawyer that she worked for at the time, Henry Evie's office, and we had these it's like, wait, we know each. Other, how is this happening? So we've had these strange little intersections crossing each other's lives from time to time over a long time.

12:17 Now Yeah, yeah, I mean there's like this, there's there's a connection. Absolutely. I want to go back to those three different points. They were really interesting points in my life just personally. There were a lot going on, and I just wanted to jump very quickly and then we'll get to some of our questions, But I just wanted to point out that I think and I really I almost get emotional talking about it because without her knowing, working with your mom was one of the first times that an adult treated me like an adult. And she was very honest, very straightforward, very forthcoming. How she had a definite opinion about everything. And I think I remember even you walking in a couple times just to say hi to your mom or something.

12:57 We would say hi. But I have to say she bet you was one of the first adults that treated me with kindness, honesty. And she had a huge effect on me. And I get a little teary talking about it because I have a very clear memory of her, and I don't remember obviously, I don't remember meeting in first grade, but I do remember very vividly working with your mom, and she was amazing. Yes, she was an amazing lady. And I'm sure you miss her too. I know you mentioned her from time to time, and then you'd also mentioned the artwork behind you. Yeah, can you tell us a great story about that one. Yeah? If I'm sorry, the light is lights hit not hitting it right. It really won't. But you want me to tell you about this about this painting. So she was at an art wine festival in Fremont and she calls me on the phone and says, Tanya, I just I just bought you your inheritance and this is this beautiful It's an original watercolor by Patricia who was quite famous, you know, in her own time, and she had beautiful art. And it was actually this actual painting went to the Supreme Court because Tarque sued her for plagiarism and he won, which I mean, it just blows me away because art is art, I think, but you know he did. Have you compared it? So and I have some I have some Tarque's as well, but they're lithographs. But this one, you know, it's like my mom fell in love with this is this is her light.

14:19 You know. This late is called Ladies at Lunch and you know, and it's just beautiful women. Her friend, you know, her beautiful friend. She said, oh, this is this and this is this, and that's what they would do. They hang out in the garden and they drink and you know, and enjoy their lunches together. And that's you know, that's what they did. And so I can never be reproduced, can never be sold and she bought. She thinks she spent like five thousand dollars on it. My mom, Why he's paying five thousand dollars for a watercolor that I can that you can never sell? But yeah, no, it's it's it's one of my favorites, has been ever since she passed. I took it with me and it's gone everywhere I go. It's just been a it's one of my favorite piece of art and actually kinds of go I was good with My got these dark walls and the blue couch and it's just getting All my girlfriends come in remember it and they're like, oh, I love them.

15:08 I love that because you know my mom, My mom was incredible and she you know, all of my friends that they were that was their mom too, you know, because she was She was that person that you could talk to. She would listen, she would tell you the truth too. She never you know, she did not hold back. And I was blessed to have her as a mom. I mean, yes, she treated me like an adult since I was about seven, and you know I had I grew up pretty fast like that. But it was you know, it was nice. I had no I mean, I had very little rules, and you know, she said, I trust you, my God, that's a lot of responsibility for a teenager. Sure, but I guess you know, that's one of the things that resonate with me too, because of the way she treated me was very just the way she treated you or maybe a lot of your friends was like, you know, she was very honest, very forthcoming.

15:51 She made you feel like you were an equal there. You weren't an adult in the child. So again, I just wanted to I wanted to share that story because it was so it was so touching, and it does I remember it vividly and for the time that I worked with her, and just so you know, I washed rental cars at the Volkswagen dealership. Yeah, my job, so someone had to do it. So yeah, thank you for sharing that. I appreciate that. Just I wanted to pay homage to your mother because she was such an influence on so many of us. Yes, May and she was, for sure, and I've tried to be that mom too. I mean, I have a son. He's forty, which blows my mind because I have a forty year old son, and you know, I tell you know, when I tell people that they're just like blown away.

16:35 I can't believe I have a forty year old son, and but I do. And I tried, you know, I had to raise you try to raise him with the information I got from my mom and you know, and then my own I called him my science experiment, so that I could raise him the way I wanted to raise him and see how he turned out. Oh and I won. He's fabulous. I mean it is one of the most incredible human beings you'll ever meet in your life. Ask anybody who knows him, and it's like, wow, he did a great job. He's just great kid, really good, really good human being. God, I love him. But I also was that mom where all the kids are at my house. I knew, like I figured, if I knew where they were, they were safe. And you know, I took that. I throw a couple of them up against the wall when they were pissing me off. It's like listen, and you know, they respected me. And to this day I still have I still know these kids. I am Jesse's mom. That is my you know, it's like, oh, you know, I know you you're Jesse's mom. That was just you know, that's probably the best honors in my life is to be Jesse's mom and still have all these kids. You know, I see him out at the at the bars and you know, in the clubs, and you know, at the grocery stores, like, oh, you're Jesse's mom.

17:41 I get the hugs. I go to their weddings, their baby showers, their parents' funerals, you know, because now that we're in our sixties, we used probably used to go to more funerals than anything else, unfortunately. And yeah, so it's goodiness, pretty cool. I like, I do like that part. And I think, you know, as you said, that's and a tribute to the how your mom raised you and what you brought to it for yourself as a mother, which is great, exactly. Congratulations on thank you. So we did send you a list about three hundred and seventy three questions. Yeah I got thanks to seventy of them. Yeah, let's get cracking, and we hope you memorize this because we have three hundred and seventy two to go after this. Okay, all right, I'm just kidding.

18:22 I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I know, so we just saw I'm randomly at you too, but I guess one of the biggest things. And Gary, you can jump into after this. But I guess one of the things I've been asking you about because I've been following you a lot, obviously with all the posting that you do, but have you started to think about retirement at all yet? And if you did, what does it look like? Or maybe you don't have that in future. I have no plan of retiring, Okay. I like to work. I mean, I don't have a retirement plan. My son is my retirement plan. He's going to take care of me. He's pretty well to do. I mean, he's saying he's a good guy, he's got a good job, he takes good care of his mom. Now and I really don't have a I gotta figure I'll be working up probably the week before I may die, who knows, but you know, I know I've got I've got I know I'll be into my eighties. Mediums have told me this, A couple of them have, So I've got I've got it. I've got like twenty more good years ahead of me. So I'm really gonna just I'm just gonna live it and you know, work in as long as I can and enjoy it and yeah, it's I can't think, you know, I just sit around and watch TV all day. You know, I can do that like once, you know, months or twice a month, but yeah, it just never even never even occurs to me.

19:35 Yeah, I'm also in the job that you have. If you love what you do, you're less like it. It's out. Time's up. Yeah why, I mean it's hard. And I work with lawyers, you know, but I've been working with them since i was fifteen years old, so I've been working in this field for so long. I know what I'm doing. I enjoy them. I know how to handle them. They're kind of like teenagers with degrees, but you know, but it's yeah, I enjoy it, really do. No plans to stop until you until you absolutely have to because you don't want to. Because I don't want to. I don't want to, I don't you know. It's like, I mean, okay, don't get me wrong. If I win the you know, win the latto, yeah, well then that'll that changes everything. Just gonna go, you know, just you know, just so you know, I'm not gonna go.

20:19 I'm I'm gonna win the lottery and then I'm gonna go to work. Every frigging day, right, happen, you know, But I still work part time. You know, I do something. But you know, again, at this point, it's like, no, I'm I'm I'm in for the long haul. And people like me can do that because we know what we're doing. So there's no age limits or seedlings to crack. No, No, I'm a paralegal, okay, and I you know, and I'm I'm. I maintained my education. I know what's going on. I'm not when I was like, I have learned enough, No, I have not. I'm learning constantly because a lot of change, life changes. I just love it. And outside of work, I mean family, friends, you know what, what's some of the interests and things that you enjoy doing.

21:01 I do a lot of wine tasting. I enjoy a good martini, good people. Right, Yes, moderation is key. My mom taught me that moderation is key. So when martini is good to martini is bad, Well, depends on what I'm doing. Foods. Food is important. But I know I spend a lot of time, you know, hanging out with girlfriends. I have a lot, and I have the most incredible group of friends and and I tell people this and I and I've told you know, the girls that I raised and I call them because I had you know, I had a bunch of girls that I raised. Part of my child and my son's friend group is that, you know, one of the most important things you can do for yourself is have a group of women in your life. Do not you know, do not make that one man your you know, or that boyfriend or whatever it is, you know, your center of your life. It's important to have a try to have, you know, a group of women to support you and you know, and reach you know, be able to be honest with you and you know, bring you up when you're down and support you when you're doing great. So you know that is you know, I tell people that over and over again.

22:06 With friends, I'm I'm everybody's advisor. You know, if you're having a bad day, they call Tanya and you know you'll be laughing that by the end and you know, getting your power back. So that's that is my gift is having they call my friends call me the friend whisperer. Are you the one that brings everybody together? Tanya? Are you the coordinator? And like to say, Okay, we're gonna do here. Yeah, yeah, and I and yeah exactly, you know, well, you know, let's do this, let's do that. And then you know, when it's always a gaggle of girls, you know, there's a bunch of us. So we called it where we have a tribe called a tribe that you know, we have their constant, our little feed that we go through all the time, our little h our text messages. But it's you know, and then bringing you know, new people in too. You know, it's you know, it's hard a lot of times to get into a group of girls, like especially you know, one of one of our newest members of our tribe was married for twenty three years and just lost and it's like, okay, let's bring Tracy and let's bring her into the group. And she's just like thriving now, you know, it's just living her best life.

23:05 And she just you know, didn't know how she was going to go on in her life and now she's amazing. She's one of my best buddies. I think people need that. I think as we grow older, to have that tribe or that adopted family or whatever you want to call it is so crucial to staying active, social involved, out there life. I think people a lot of people don't have that. I know, I know that's why I always have that. I have that. But then as years went by, you know here in the Bay Area, Don moved away. Six years ago. Yeah, okay, another friend right after that, another friend moved to the East Coast because there his parents are getting older, and you know, he didn't want to be across the country.

23:46 So for work or family or other reasons, some people physically moved away, and then that group, that tribe that I had kind of slowly just kind of drifted away. Because I was one of the ones that would wrangle everyone. Hey it's someone says birthday. Hey it's a holiday, what's going on? And so the first year after Don moved away and another friend moved away, I did a test. For one year, I did not reach out to the other guys. I said, you know, why do I always have to be the one to bring everyone together? And then I ran into someone at one of Don's events. I went down to visit him in Palm Springs, and I think it was it was Anthony's birthday, so we were all together and he said, Gary, no, but you have to wrangle us because that's what you do. It's like, oh, okay, so it falls on me. You can easily wrangle, but no, apparently it's my job. So that's been a challenge for me over several years, is that that group kind of drifted away. So during the pandemic, when you know, Don and I would keep in touch and we're both going a little stir crazy, so we decided to meet in Santa Barbara halfway point and just hang out. And then the idea came up to do a podcast because there was a way to stay connected and on a regular basis because we can't physically see each other all the time. Right, the last time I saw him was two and a half years ago.

25:04 I see you all the time on this. Yeah, on this, but in person. The last time he was up here was for my sixtieth Right, I'm sixt two and a half now, so yeah, so we don't get that opportunity to see together. So it is nice to have this connection. So well, Zoom was a great way so during just tell you are during COVID when that happened, and like you know, I'm a social person. I mean, I I go out, I do It's important for me to have that connection. So we started doing we I started a Friday night happy hour on Zoom, so we had Friday so, you know, sometimes I would have as many as twenty people on Zoom. I'm like, okay, you know, just say it out there. I go. Listen, you go, We're having a happy hour. Grab your cocktails, grab your oarsdiures, We're having a happy hour. Let's you know, let's call you know, just get together and connect. And I had my girlfriend from that lives in Australia. She came in on it.

25:55 It would be the morning for her, but you know, it came like a Friday night thing, and people were so excited about it for us to do that, and we could connect. And then with my family because you know, I'm super close with my son and with my brother Tony, and he's just turned fifty and so we would do family game night on Saturday nights. Fine, so we would all order dinner. Okay, let's order dinner. Sometimes we all order from Bennie Honae because Beniy Hanna delivers, and we'd all order our dinner from Benny Hannah, have it delivered at our to our houses and then we'd have dinner together on zoom nice and play a game, you know, on some one of the games that they had online that they might. They're techy guys, so they would.

26:36 Yeah. So you know it was it was a really good important way to you know, to get next. So we were connected, even though we couldn't hug each other, right, and you know, we all got through. It was good. It sounds like though, it sounds like all three of us might be the gatekeepers for this type of thing to continue, because it sounds like you're the one that keeps it going, Tanya. And then you know, Gary, you and I were doing that individually, and I may not. It might be just up to us to do that kind of stuff to people expect to be wrangled. Right, So, Donna, you are libra. I was just going to ask you that, Tanya. I was just going to ask you that I swear to God. I am also psychic too, So yeah, I was really just going to ask you that I'm a libra. Yeah I figured that I got that. Are you a libra?

27:18 Are you libra? I'm ago? I'm a vergo. Okay, Gary's virgo. Don's a libra. Yeah, that's yeah, that's that's us. Those are anyways. So yeah, I mean I think it is crucial and is it like we're back to the age thing. It's like it's important to keep that going because people need the connection as you get older, and you know, Tanya mentioned some people pass away, get people get older, there's sickness, there's things that happen. Life happens, and people go away. So maybe that's one of our roles going into the next millennia. You know, maybe we got to I accept that I do too. I enjoy doing it still. But I want to go back to question because we talked about your career a little bit. Have you had to reinvent Tanya at all? Have you had to change or pivot at all with your career because it sounds like you keep educated and you keep going to things that keep you involved.

28:01 I you know, I haven't moved. I've been doing work in loft since I was fifteen, did you know, a little some other stuff, you know, maybe a couple of years of that, and you know, then you know, we took care of my mom. That was I was selling sex Boy's best job ever by the way, so fun. But I haven't I really really have just done this. I just get better at what I do. I've had very few jobs. I keep jobs twenty years, twelve years. I'm going in this job right now that I have because the other guys were retired. I'm in here for seven years, but these I'm going on six years, six years in May. So I don't you know, it's just I'm a high I'm a high commodity.

28:44 Is that, yes, you are. I'm very talentlessed, I'm sure, but it's because I also read that you also are involved quite a bit with the community that you Oh yeah. The legal professionals Incorporated. It's what I do. And that's again going back to networking. I mean, I'm with a bunch of educated, intelligent people. I mean, and I'm not to say that I'm super smart, but you have to take a kind of special kind of crazy to do what we do. It's important legal stuff, and so I really enjoy hanging around a bunch of smart other smart people. I would say that eighty percent of my girlfriends are in the legal business. Paralegals, legal secretaries. You know in that you know a lawyer, lots of lawyers. It's because you know, it's what we do, and so we have you know, we share the same well unfortunately the same level of alcohol. I mean unfortunately it's you know, when it's it's a stressful job, and you know, I you know, it's it. You know, we'll go and have a drink and then we can just relax and talk about it or whatever. But I go to conferences four times a year with the Legal Professionals Incorporated. I'm been on my board, my local board for thirty years, thirty five years, and you know, so that's important to me. And again we're gathering, you know, gathering local professionals educating them because you know, that's we have to have. We have to have continued minimum continuing legal education m cls. I mean, we have to have that, and people don't even realize that. And so I'm bird really involved in doing that. I have a meeting on Tuesday. What is it on? Oh, trial binders.

30:18 I mean, that's that's seriously, you don't have but that's you know, it's, you know, again something that we have to educate ourselves on. And we bring people in and educate us into it, and it's awesome. And I then I also, this is actually what I'm working on today. Excuse my but this nice little book. What do you mean you're working on that. I edit the family law chapter. Oh my god, it is like two sixty six pages. My god. So you know again, I update it, make sure it's current, check all the codes, and do all that into Actually, when I'm done with you guys, I'm going into the office and finalizing it, changing numbers and all that. So we're published. It's a published, one of our two publications that we do, and it's my passion and because I want people to be able to go into that book and know how to do what I do. So you know, in a lawyer, I've changed law. I trained many lawyers.

31:18 You said to get on this book, with this book that'll tell you how to do it. And then they pay for my conferences, so you know, so I get to travel. I do these traveling and expenses are paid. So I like that, and get to hang out and party with these people. Okay, and we do party more real quick, one, has have you experienced in the workplace any forms of agism. At all? Not really in the workplace. Now when I was point, when I was looking for a job corporate America, it's not like old people, and I mean not that I was not that you could tell that I was old, only aside from the fact that I'd had a job for so long. You know that I'd been in you know, you know again, employed for so long, so you've got to be careful with your reds me on that I did do. Did notice though, that because of my name Tanya, there is little bias going on with my name Tanya.

32:08 That's so because it is a predominantly African American name. Serious, serious, I actually I did, because I remember I had to. I did. One of the classes that we have to take is called elimination of bias. That's what part of our our the MCLs that we have to participate in, and that was that came up A lot is name names. So it was namism people you be biased about my name and also the most how along I've been working obviously I had been around for a long time. So but the smaller offices they want someone that is that's older and has experience. Mm hmm, the mole, reliable on time, all that good. Stuff, and I do like it. In my senior discount, I bet your reputation preceded you to Tanya because locally in the on the Peninsula.

32:56 You probably are known in most of those offices. Anyway, Yeah, I know that I got the scoop on everything and everybody. I mean, it's but again it's I've been around so long. These people are retired, and the lawyers that became judges and now they're retired and here I am still doing my job. Mm hmm. So but I I know a lot of the lawyers will come and say, hey, do you know do you know that? Do you know this lawyer? What's going on? Maybe if I know somebody in their office or you know, I know that I talk to people all of it's all over the state of California, and they have, you know, with big law firms. So I got the scoop and the poop on what's going on. Okay, I want to jump in with a question not to do with age. But when I saw you was about a year and a half ago, because you and I also follow each other on Facebook, and you were promoting an event that happens the first Tuesday of the month.

33:42 Mm hmm, and it's bingo at a club in San Mateo, and I thought, you know, that sounds like fun. I went, But the purpose of the the money that is raised is for veterans. If I'm not, yeah, it's there. Tell me a little bit about that. The American Legion, which very conveniently is right across the street from me, so that makes it super convenient. And they have fabulous bar, cheap drinks. Very important. But we actually we raise money and we do a lot of fundraisers, and that money goes directly. We buy stuff for the Mercy House, which is a center for veterans, for previously homeless veterans. And while you know, it's you know, great concept, they you know, they build these these apartments and they provide that, but they take that you know, the rent.

34:26 They still have to pay rent, but it comes straight from their Veterans benefits, leaving them literally with one hundred and two hundred dollars a month to live on. So we take those funds directly. We buy them supplies, We buy them clothes. Actually this last week they were there on Thursday and we probably bought a thousand clothing professional brand new clothing from Costco. Pants, socks, underwear, shirts, towels, and bedding. So, you know, it's just a way to give back. And I mean, I volunteer work is really important to me to give back. I well, I've been voluntaring, like with the legal professionals from you know for thirty years, did the Relay for Life that really helped me get through losing my mom to cancer, and did you know did that for like eight years and just raising money, raising money to get people. You know, people want to go and do what I do because I have fun.

35:17 So if you like people like, oh yeah, you want Tonya around because she will get her friends to come and play and they do nice and that's what they do at bingo. I usually have like ten or fifteen friends that show up. But yeah, it's it's in that and the money goes directly to the veterans. I know this for a fact. I mean donating to these big corporations you don't know, right, I know this for a fact. I know that where I know exactly where that money goes. I was a treasurer one year and I you know, I know exactly where the money came in and where the money went out. And that that's important to me. That's not going to corporate you know, not going to the CEO or the CEO of the corporation. Non administrative costs.

35:58 Yes, exactly. Yeah, all volunteer work super important. Well, thank you for sharing that, because that I don't see it advertised much, but you still obviously still happens everything. I mean, I put it on Facebook, I put it on next door. No, that's you know good. We actually have We're doing a car show at the end of the month. I mean it's super cheap to you know, to it's like twenty five dollars the show, you know, to come in, twenty dollars for lunch and it's just an event. It's good to keep the veterans. Well, there's a lot of sons of veterans, but you know, the veterans and you know, involved in doing stuff. But you know, it's important. My dad was a Vietnam vet and so that's my homage to him. And to hang out with Robby.

36:38 It's close to your heart. And also because of what's happening in the news, it just seems even more important now to keep that work going. Hey, Tanya, So with your with your work again, do you find that there's a lot of millennials or the gen Z or gen x is coming into your industry or your workplace that you have trouble communicating with or does the work at the different that you can notice or see. Well for me because I'm the HEADHND of the house, the house that I'm in now, those are those are my lawyers. I have three. I don't have anybody else. I do it at all. Actually, so I have not experienced that. But I'll tell you what I have experienced is the fact. And then and this is on you know, I'm I mean, it's not just for California or at my local level. Is that the younger people that are coming in and doing what I do, they don't like to socialize, they're not networking. We are having a really difficult time getting people to come to a meeting, to come in person.

37:35 A lot of it is because you know, they can do everything online. They're very screen oriented. And again you know that's I mean, I know that my son too. I mean he had to he had to have built his first computer before he could get one. He said, okay, you gotta build one. So he got the stuff and he built his first computer when he's like fifteen. But they're all computer. It's all about the screen. It's all about that. And so that is the big thing. And then we've experience it over and over again with our organization, is that people aren't wanting to meet. You can't get people to go to dinner and buy, you know, have a meeting. And that's how we, you know, conducted everything. We're doing everything on zoom. Now. I'm like, you know, we just got to surrender to twenty twenty five kids. It's yeah, how they do it.

38:17 Yeah, but it is true. But I think I think there's gonna be some fallout from all of this later on, when we're in our eighties or something, when people are literally not talking to each I see the same thing all the time. Very seldom do people in the workplace want to get out from behind their screen and meet up for a cocktail or meet up for an actual even a physical meeting. But there's so much more to be gained by that interaction. Absolutely the things I think unfortunately that's going to play negatively later on when these kids don't know how to talk to because I see so many times in the restaurant, so I'm sure you need too. A parent goes with their kid, two parents, they're both on their phones. They hand the kid a pad, an iPad or something to look at, and they don't even talk to each other.

39:01 Have we turned into our parents now? Because is this the kind of stuff our parents. You know, would covetch about when we were their age too? Well, I don't, you know, I don't I remember. I remember being just very social with and you know, with my mom and we she took us out to dinner all the time, and that's you know, and that was a social thing, you know, and she's like, you need to go, you know, to teach us how to behave. And I did the same thing with my child. I brought him out to dinner and said, you know, so he knew how to you know, to act and behave, not to be like a crazy kid. Sure they're so crazy out they're not. And now you know, and you know, as a result of how what I taught my kid, his obsession now he's he's a Michelin's. He likes to go to Michelin Stars restaurants. That's what he does. He's like, you know, he gets to travel a lot with his job, so he's like, he goes to Chicago, he finds the Michelin Star New York. I don't know. He was just in you know, in southern California. I know, if he went to a Michelin star there, but usually he does and it's just like you know, but he I taught him to enjoy good food and experience, you know, experience, it's new things. And he's got a he has expensive taste in food and wine like his mom.

40:08 Nothing wrong with that, but he appreciates it. So yeah, exactly, it's about the experience. Right, I mean to sound like my parents. Though we've instilled I mean, our parents instilled very good basic habits into ourselves. I'm just concerned for the next generation of children who are out there are not getting anything instilled to them other than to interact with a scream. Yeah, And unfortunately I can't do anything about it. I really, I really can't. I mean, I have my son doesn't have any children. He has dogs. I have dog grandpuppies, okay, and I see it, and it's just it is. It's a problem, it really is. And the only thing I can do is keep on doing what I do. And you know, again, by the way, I can get people to come to a wine taste. And I'm just now starting along to another group of women's group called PEO, and we're doing enough wine tasting fundraiser out of super successful One Life last year. Tea parties. People love tea parties.

41:03 I can gather people will come for a tea party. They'll come for you know, a talco night, but there has to be you know. But they don't want to come and meet, you know about you know, with a bunch of you know, for an organization and let's have a meeting like that. It's just it's just weird. And I just don't even know how. I'm just trying. I keep on trying. I really do. Well with all the energy you have and the comments you shared about how your son and his friends, you know, I think they help you keep you young. So one of the questions we asked, but I don't think this will apply to you, is that was it turning sixty or maybe turning fifty? Were any of those transitional ages an issue for you yet? Was it ever a concern like I'm turning fifty, Oh, I'm turning sixty now?

41:46 In fact, sixty was I had through myself a fabulous party for my sixtieth and no, I mean I'm embracing it. I think that, you know, my sixties are going to be the best decade ever not. You know, I feel I feel more powerful, I feel more grounded. I know what I'm doing. I'm not like going on you know, oh what am I going to do next? So what am I going to do next? I'm gonna do exactly what I'm doing. Yeah, as there was a post that it's just so resonated with me. It's like, you know, I do this thing now called whatever the fuck I want. I just love that and I do. You know, it's like no one tells me what to do, and you know, and I truly enjoy everything that I do, giving less.

42:31 I'm not worried about things anymore. Not that I was ever a big worrier. I'm but I'm like, I feel grounded and satisfied and like, you know, I'm going to have a great day to day. I have to go into the office, I'm going to do some work, but I'm gonna coomplish something and that's gonna make me proud. But you know, I'm like looking at my soaf, my calendars, Like Monday night, I go to the Italian Club on you know, the fourth and the Sanmaite Peninsula Italian Club, which is fabulous. They have a big dinner every uh you know, the fourth Tuesday Monday of the month, or I'm like the youngest person there. I'm not the youngest, but I like to think that I am. You know, you see no group of attire. Again, trying to keep a social club together. It's hard. And again it's a bunch of old people. Well I'm sorry old people they are.

43:21 They probably are my age too, you know, but you know, keeping that social life going. It's just just keep on going and just you know, enjoining and like Saturday, yesterday was Saturday. I mean I had a blast on Friday night and Saturday, I'm like, I am having a chill day. I'm gonna do you know. I had to did a few things, but I needed just you know, I just need to chill. I was so excited. I'm like, I'm gonna I binged the Residence, which was fabulous, highly recommend on Netflix. And you know it's just like if I want to do nothing, I get to do that. Right. The rest of the time, I'm out there doing stuff and enjoy you know, just enjoying this being sixty and not looking six day, which I love, yah, because.

44:02 I think when I was mentioning we were trying to connect for our test run yesterday, and he's like, well, eventually you texted me and said, listen, what time are we doing this? Because I have plans, I have things to do. So it's like, I see it sounds like you like enjoy having your schedule full, but I think it's just as important to turn that off. So you know, I'm not doing ship today, I'm not doing anything. Yeah, my great plans yesterday. I'm like, you know I had to make I had, I just made better choices. And again, you know I have to, you know, balance out the choices because I was I was going to drive down to Santa Cruz and the like, I'll probably end up spending the night if I got lucky. Sure, And I'm like, I just like I needed to want to make sure that I was here and bride eye and bushy tails good.

44:43 We appreciate that. Is there anything you'd like to do that you've never done before? It could be anything. It doesn't be career, it could be is there is there a did you ever want to paint? Did you ever want to be a long distance marathon runner? Did you Well, don't make that face. Ample, there's there's something you'd still like to do that you haven't done yet. I've never been to New York. Okay, Okay, so that's something I like to do. Actually, I need to get my Maybe I'll go get my passport picture today. I need to get a passport picture. I lost mine. Well it's actually locked in the safe and I lost the key. But it's expired anyway, And I'm going to Mexico with the family. We're having a scum family vacation. I'm so excited in Mexico. But I mean there's not I mean, I like I've done I want to go to Sodona, Sedona, Sodona. Yeah, and you know, but you know, I'm not in a hurry.

45:36 I but I it probably should be like you know, I just I love I mean, I can watch on TV, I can I travel through TV. And then you know, we got the PR But yeah, there's not really I've been to Hawaii over thirty times, so I mean I go there all the time. I was just there in December and yeah, so I mean not really do. You do you have a place there or you just go like to go visit. So my adopted sister Tony lives there. So I have been blessed to have her, always have a beautiful place to stay when I go there, and I just want I just went with the guy that I that I've been dating. He took me in December, which was really nice.

46:19 Two of the most important questions I have to ask you are this first one is who would play you in a TV or movie? Doesn't matter who would what what actress. Would portray Julia Roberts. You didn't even wait? Nice? I know, so you relate to her too, Just relate. To who she is and it would energy absolutely. Okay, that was easy. Sometimes people struggle with that one because that's why I kind of like put the question. Okay, I got to go there. I bet you'll have an answer for this one too. What is your go to karaoke song? Well, I say a few, but the one that everybody gets everybody out on the dance floor is play that funky music white Boy and It's It's fun. I actually sang that Friday Night.

47:05 Nice Did you really? Yeah? I did? Wow? Okay, yeah I did. Or I'll do it. I do what was it? Another one? I do? Eagles Hotel, California. That's one that I do. I sang what was it? What's that song? Because I was feeling it. You know, He's like, I can buy my own flowers. Oh okay, yeah, Oh that was like yeah. And that's what I do, and I take care of myself. Yeah, it's good. Nobody needs to take care of me. I'm a bonus. No, we got it. We got that, Lady Tea, I got that for sure. So now we're going to take a look back. If you were to go back to talk to your twenty five year old self, nineteen year old self, is there any advice you would give them? Now?

47:46 Yes? Well nice, so just in it. For I got married when I was nineteen, when I was twenty nine, and when I was in thirty and when I was thirty nine, got married in all these for whatever reason, I looked at like, I always got married on my I'm not your whatever for whatever reason. And nineteen year old self, I would say, just wear sunscreen, because seriously, I probably didn't take I should have done that. I mean, I'm in good shape. But that's that's what I would always tell the old self. Just you know, keep that sunscreen going. You have a good skincare routine. Absolutely, that's probably one of the most important things you can do.

48:28 I'm sorry. No, that's a good one. Believe me. I just went to the dermatologist. It's very valid. Yeah, absolutely, I know. Now, I'm like, you know, I've got hats everywhere. I try to wear hats, and I mean I've got I mean, I'm not even I'll be outside for a little bit day, but I've got you know, I've got like three layers of sunscreen on my face right now. On my hands. It's like it's just one of those things you can tell your you know, your hands that your age will show in your hands. Remember that. So twenty nine, I would say, don't get married again unnecessary, and spend more time with your kid. I mean, I know, you know, it's like, I mean, I I miss him, even though he lives eight minutes away, but I try to let him have his own life. But spend as much time with your with your family as you can, you know. I my mom. The some of the biggest regrets that I had with my mom is that not spending enough time with her because she moved to moved to Guyserville. She was living on a vineyard in a beautiful place and it was great to see there, but I was like too involved in my life to actually take the time to spend with her, to spend with her, and she'd say, well, you know, what do you want And I'd say she I'd ask her, what do you She's I just want to have time with you. I just want time, and I just I selfishly did not give that to her, and I read that's that's really what I would just say, you know, spend as much time with your parents and I and I do that now with my friends and I have a lot of younger friends too. We just spend as much time with again, you know, you know, you know, I know that You're

50:00 mom is making you crazy. Spend time with her now because you are going to miss her, and take advantage of the time that you have for my for my son and I. We have a you know, we don't. It's like we all have our stuff. We don't we have enough stuff. We do. We do experiences, not stuff, So our gifts are experiences and you know, to spend together and do stuff together. So it's kind of like, you know, go with go with more experiences not stuff. I do that. Yeah, I'm the same way. I love the holidays, but not I don't want to I don't need more stuff. It's to spend the time together exactly that meal, hang out, do whatever. It's for me. It's not about never been about the gifts. Yeah, well we it's like, you know, we've got all this stuff, but like you know, we do like the In fact, what we're doing is we've got One of my gifts was the that I gave to the family was the escape rooms. We have an escape room, new new escape room and samto so we got to get that booked and then you know, we'll go to baseball game, football games and it's just you know, the experiences that we get to get to do together. We just had a movie night, family movie night at my son's house.

51:08 Just went in there and you know, had got dinner and hung out and watched the Wicked. They rented Wicked, so yeah, or bought it. I don't know what they did with it, but yeah, so you know that's it. Spend more time with the spend more time with the people that you love. Yes, for my mom, who in June will be ninety eight. I nod, that's awesome. When so lucky. When I turned fifty, I did a trip to Italy and so leading up to it because she'd only I know, she'd only been to Europe once with some lady friends, went to Spain. But I thought'll be fun to take her. So I said, hey, Mom, in September, I'm going to be going to Italy with some friends.

51:52 Would you want. She didn't let me finish the sentence. Yes, So she joined the YMCA at that time. She you know, that was ten years ago, so she would have been in her early eighties, was going to the gym so and work on it. Took a swim class and also worked on the tread or whatever so she could like get her stamming up because she knew she'd be a lot of walking. That's awesome. So that was, you know, twelve twelve years ago, right, Yeah, and you know we still because we did. I flew into Rome, we did Italy, and then we. Also went to Paris. So to this day, she you know, she's sitting on TV like, oh, we were there, I was there. I love. It's just really sweet that she still has those memories of, you know, twelve years ago, of what she got to experience because we did that.

52:34 Together and you got to experience it too. Yes, yeah, it was myself, my mother and nine other men or eight other. Men, eight other men? Well, good enough me. She probably been having more fun. Then right that she she would get up early, she'd get dressed, whatever, and she'd be waiting. You're not gonna be waiting on me. She was ready to go wherever we're going to go. All right, Well today we're going to get in the car and go to Montepucciano or somewhere. Though, very nice. So, Tanya, how do you do this? How do you stay so positive? Is it something that's just in the core of you? Is that what it is? Is this just coming from the inner so fire packer. That you are.

53:15 I you know, I'm a positive person. I'm a spiritual person. I have faith in the universe. I wake up every day first thing. It's an automatic habit as this, and just I don't say it out loud sometimes just think it because all the things that I'm grateful for. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for that I have a roof over my head, and my the job that I love, and my family, and my son, and my cat, my companion cat, She's always here. But I'm I'm grateful, and it is a constant. It's it's all day long. I I mean again, I get pissed off very once, so well, of course I do, and then I, you know, and then I forgive that person for you know, for pissing me off, and forgive myself for getting pissed and this great that you know that I can do that.

54:02 So it's I mean, it's I truly believe that gratitude is a constant effort that you have to make every day from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep at night, and then when I go to bed at night. But when I'm you know, when I'm dozing up, I'm like, you know, oh, I had a you know, I had a really great day, and I think of all the winds that I had and you know, the things that were successful at And it's just a habit that I have that I do. It comes automatically. I don't even have to say, oh, why, Tony, you need to do this. It's a state of being is gratitude, and it really is truly, truly a way to, you know, to to keep on bringing joy and magic into your life. It's because once you see it, you know, you'll see more and more and more. There's a domino effect with gratitude.

54:43 And I will say that with with all the faith in the world, that is the damn truth. Gratitude is the key. Wow. And Don and I were talking before you join us about having a support system because there's a study that came out and they said people that live alone or dining alone or tend to be you know, lonely or less happy than other people, uh, if they don't have a support group. And sounds like you have an amazing support group. Absolutely on those times where maybe you're feeling a little down, they can pick you back up and then you do the same to them. Absolutely. And I think I probably was on the phone. I probably maybe probably an hour yesterday forty five minute hour and forty five minutes with just talking different people.

55:28 You know. It's like my cousin called me, and my other girlfriends could be like, you know, you know we just chatted and you know we had these long conversations and you know, inspiring each other. Well, and I didn't have aything go. I'm like, I've got everyone lives vicariously through me. I have fun. Well, you're you're that positive spark that absolutely turned to if they're having an off day. No pity parties, no pitty parties in my car. We I really do. I'm that I'm everybody's person and I have you know, my people too, my friend Pauline, you know, she'll. I mean it's rare. I don't have any I mean, I really really rarely have any downtime again, because I'm self inspiring. I'm you know, I've got gratitude. And when you have that, I think that's it. I think that that is the key. I found the key.

56:22 And there's no stopping you. There's no stopping me. Yeah, I'm like, I yeah, no pity parties over here. I mean I've been, I'd like I've been. I spent so many times in a freaking cast. I just recently took a flying leap and sprained both my wrists, got a big fat lip, and I it's like, okay, thank you universe for slowing my ass down a. Roller or walking across the damn stop. I only had two glasses of wine. I was following it, following a young man, and I just looked up for one second. I have a you know, And I looked up and I had it was an optical illusion. I thought I had another step I just walked into the curb and flew so my watch went off. You know, you had a hard fall and had a fat lip.

57:14 I had to travel San Diego with a fat lip and two sprained frists. This one's was the worst one that this one was. You know, I didn't I did pretty good with this. I just actually just took the brace off this this week. I'll wear it today just you know, because I'll be doing a lot of this. But yeah, you know, but shit happens. But it didn't. But I didn't. I did not have a pity party. I decided I'm gonna laugh it up. I you know, have faith in the universe that someone's there telling me to do something. I didn't break any of my teeth. Very grateful for that. You know. It was like I found all of the joy that I could find out of this stupid, stupid thing that I did. And you know, and I know, I have a say that I have to watch every step I take because every step you take affects the rest of your life. And only because I have a tendency to step, you know, turn my ankle and break it. You know, you know it'll be okay.

58:02 Now I'm gonna be in a cast for the next eight weeks or whatever. So yeah, so I just found the found the funny part about it, and I told everybody the story is like, oh my god. And you know, I think the only person that was mad at me was the er doctor for not coming in right away. But fucking. Well, Tanya, thank you so much. This has been amazing. I'm so glad we caught up to you again. And yeah, well I'm. Waiting for an invitation to Palm Springs. I have fine, but Gary, any more questions for Tanya before we No, I think we're good. Okay, when are you gonna complain? Bingo? I know I need to come back right yes.

58:44 Bingo, Tom Springs actually is what we should figure out. Well, Tanya, thank you so much for joining us. It's been amazing. I'm so excited just to talk to you because you're so full of energy. It was great to talk about your mom for a few minutes. But it's also great to see you because you're obviously living. Hate to say this is your best life. I mean, you definitely are living your life. I am living my best life. I am. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna say it too because we can say whatever. That it's okay, it's all right. It's the best life, damn it. Okay, So talking about so that was amazing. She it's so nice speaking with Tanya. I love her so much. She's got such good energy, doesn't she? She does? And I love the comment about having. So much gratitude.

59:25 Yes, yes, for you know, definitely a positive thinker. We need more of that. Absolutely. Yeah. So you ready to shut us down? I think so. I think we're good. Yeah, I think we're good. Just shut me down gently, be kind, I. Always do, all right. So that concludes another episode of Don and Gary Doing Sixty. You can find us on your favorite podcast platforms such as Apple and Spotify, YouTube new for this season under for Pod, and then of course Donna Garrett Do in sixty. We are on Instagram. We are available by email Don and Gary Doing sixty at gmail dot com. And the new platform that I'm not familiar with yet, but it's called Blue Sky.

1:00:16 Yes, it's basically another version of Twitter or x, which we do not take part in. But we're just getting started on there. We just have an entity right now. I will start putting some videos on there. You can find us at Donna Gary doing sixty bsky dot Social and I'll put that on the screen force. So that's a new one. There's not a lot of content on there right now, but it's be fun to follow us because it's a great way to actually interact. If you like to. Yeah, and we'd love you to subscribe and like us, please. Like us, please like me? Don I like you? Okay, Well I need more than that. We all need more than that. So until next time, Yes, we will see you or you can hear us in another episode.

1:00:58 Yes, there's more. To come, is more of them, more of season two, lots more, talk to you later, very. Thank you, okay, have a great day from you two. Bye bye,