#36 What do you Want?

Ep 36 Between the Ears - Want
Welcome, I'm Arnold Bekus and I enable you to have a better life between the ears, because your inner state creates your outer reality. Today's topic is want. What do you want? Seems like an easy question.

Well, it was not to me. I can still vividly remember, it's 25 years ago. I had just lost my job.

I was in a divorce. My father died and it looked like I had no place to stay. So that is when I found the coach, remember, 25 years ago.

And he was very helpful. And I just came out of the corporate world. I had been very successful there.

And I was renting to him. I don't want to boss anymore. I don't want to work for large corporations anymore.

If there's anything, I want to be the general manager. And I don't want this. I don't want that.

I don't want this. And then as I was renting, he said, Arnold, but what do you want? What do you want? I literally had no clue. This was the first time in my life that someone had asked me, Arnold, what do you want? Nobody ever had asked me that question.

Not my parents, not my teachers, not my bosses. They don't ask you that because it's the other way around. They want you to do something.

And if you meet those expectations, you're good enough. So why should they ask what you want? Because they want you to do something or to be something. So normally I'm not lost for words, but I totally was.

I had no clue how to answer that question. And that's basically where my journey started to understand who I am. That's another question.

Who am I? What do I want? And that's been my journey ever since. And it didn't help that I focused on what I don't want because what I didn't know then, but I know now, that if you say, I don't want a stupid boss. I don't want to work with a bureaucratic company.

I don't want this. That is the energy which you radiate. That's your vibration.

That is, oh, that's what he wants. So we give him what he wants. It's the same thing.

Well, everybody knows this. This saying is like, don't think about a purple elephant or a pink elephant. The moment you say that to people, they envision in their mind, the pink elephant.

So when I say, I don't want a boss, I don't want this, I don't want that anymore. What am I attracting? What I don't want. So it was an excellent question.

And to this very day, I vividly remember the incident. And it's extremely helpful in my life. Now you might say, oh, Arnold, you're just not such a smart guy.

Well, that is certainly true. But I've been working with my clients in my coaching, and I've done the same exercise. And well, I have yet to meet someone who knows what he or she wants.

We all are so focused on kind of limiting our shit. We don't want this. But what we don't realize, and again, this is what I learned over the years, is where you focus on, where your attention is, that's what you attract.

Let me give two other examples. A woman called Anita Morjani, she grew up with a father who was constantly reminding her that she shouldn't get cancer. Don't get cancer.

Cancer is not good. It's like at all costs, you don't have to get cancer. So everything was focused on not getting cancer.

What happened? She got cancer. And she nearly died. She had the very, by the way, very interesting near-death experience.

And now I would say she's one of the most loving women in the world that grew out of that. But it's a bit of a tough game to get into that position. So I wouldn't recommend that.

But it clearly showed that she was focusing what she don't want. I don't want cancer. So where did she attract? Cancer.

The same is true, and I think I mentioned it in an earlier episode, there's a man called Brian Johnson from the US. He has this movement called Don't Die. Yes, don't die.

So what has happened? He has been labeled the most healthiest man in the world, or the person who's got the youngest age compared to his biological age, and everything fine, until a few weeks ago, they find that he had a deadly immune disease. It's the same story. His focus is on don't die.

So what do you attract? Die. So instead of focusing what you don't want, because that is getting the opposite impact, focus on what you feel, what you really want, and make sure, or not make sure, it's like you got to understand that what you now want, suppose you're 25, it's not for the rest of your life. Maybe for the next few years, maybe for 10 years, but I'm pretty sure there's something else you want when you're 40.

And another thing when you're 55, and so on, and so on. So as we change and grow, there are other things which we want, and that is fine. That is fine.

That is very fine, actually, because it keeps you motivated, it keeps you inspired, it keeps you active. So it's not like, oh, I got to choose now a career and a job, and then I do that until I retire. Well, it won't.

I think there will be hardly any jobs or careers if you choose it now at 25, which will last for, let's say, 50 years. It won't. So choose something for the next few years, that makes it easy.

And what you want is not like, I want more money, which a lot of people think that is the holy grail of life. Well, I tell you, I've experienced it personally. I used to play golf with a couple of millionaires.

All of them were quite miserable, I tell you. Their inner life, when you talk about the better life between the ears, they didn't have that. The outer life was like expensive cars, multiple houses in various countries, expensive stuff.

But well, I tell you, a lot of them were not really healthy and not really happy. So don't focus on the money, focus on something else. And what you want is, I suggest to select many different what I call life areas, where you split life in different areas.

Let me just read them up aloud. You can use the same topics as I'm going to read to you or make your own like 10, 12, 7, 8, it doesn't matter. Create your own category which works for you.

I talk about the inner life, that's health, but I talk about mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, and physical health. Creativity, learning, work, family, home, money, service, nature. I put it under the category your inner life.

Your outer life is like what you want for your senses. What do I mean by that? Well, we all know our senses like sight, smell, sense, kinetic sense. At the moment, I really want silence.

I really love silence. This is very important, especially because my neighbor one floor down has the very not pleasant habit of putting on loud music. Well, when I was young, I put on loud music as well.

Well, it didn't impact the neighbors. That is a huge difference. But now I don't want loud music.

I want silence. So that is a shift in me because I get older and I get different ones. So focus on your senses.

Look for radiation. Are you living in a building with some telecommunication towers on your roof? Is that what you want? Nutrition, your food, what you drink, your sleep, your exercise, recovery, your social people you deal with, your environment. So take your time and just get one topic per week or doesn't matter so much.

But in each of them, write down what you want. So not what you don't want. Focus on what you do want and do that exercise now.

And it might take a couple of weeks. That's fine. And do it again after maybe a year or two years.

It doesn't matter so much. But as long as you keep on focusing on what you do want. Everyday beauty.

We conclude each session with some examples of everyday beauty. Because beauty and especially moral beauty, kindness, courage and compassion has a very positive influence on your inner state. I found an article which seemed quite incredible.

That if you just add water to diesel fuel, it cuts engine pollution by 67 percent with no loss in efficiency. Yeah, you heard that right. Researchers at a university in Nigeria have confirmed what decades of smaller studies suggested but never fully proved.

Mixing small amounts of water into diesel fuel dramatically reduces the pollutants diesel engines produce. The method called water in diesel emulsion uses surfactants to disperse tiny water droplets evenly through the fuel. When ignited, the droplets cause a micro explosion that breaks the fuel into finer particles and improves combustion and lowers the peak temperature that produce nitrogen oxidides and particulate matter.

The results across 35 peer-reviewed studies a 67 percent reduction in nitrogen oxidides and a 68 percent reduction in particulate matter. The two most harmful outputs of diesel combustion. In several cases the emulsion also improved engine efficiency rather than reducing it.

The mixture remains stable for up to 60 days and requires no engine redesign or modification. With more than a billion diesel engines currently operating worldwide, the implications are significant. This technology can bridge the gap between conventional diesel use and the cleaner energy future said the lead researcher Dr. Nadozi.

And please remember, we need your uniqueness. Be a better maker for yourself, for others, the world.