The Heart Healer Returns: Healing, Community & Your 2026 Word

0:02 Welcome to another episode of Women of Color in Intimate Conversation. Today is actually our last episode of the year, so I'm excited to have a repeat guest. Victoria, welcome back. I'm really grateful we're here together again. So excited to share with everyone who's watching or listening what you're up to. And also to talk a little bit about the Dream Lifestyle Collective, which is a space I created for Black women 50 and up and, you know, just some of the things that you're doing within that space. So before we jump into things, tell the people who are just meeting you for the first time, share a little bit about your journey that led you into your work and how the name The Heart Healer came to reflect, not just what you do, but who you are.

0:52 Oh, what a great question. Usually people will ask, thank you for having me, first of all. Usually people will ask me, why are you The Heart Healer? I love the last part of that. When I was a young child, I grew up in a loving family. I was the youngest of six children, even though I didn't feel like I was so much loved. When you're the baby, everybody's like, oh, get out of here, go away, go away. And I remember when I was about two years old, I was in my parents room and they had sent me to my brother's room who told me to get out and they sent me to my sister's room. They told me to get out. Now, here's the thing. We only had three bedrooms, six kids, two adults. So baby Victoria did not have her own room, her own crib, nothing that was mine as a child. And when my parents told me to leave their room and my brothers and my sisters told me to leave their room, Imagine a toddler, a two-year-old still in diapers. At that moment, I felt nobody wanted me, nobody loved me. And I was just a baby. And I remember sitting by my parents' door, knees to chest, with no place to go. And That little girl sat by her parents' door for over 50 years. How did she sit by her parents' door? I call that the hallway experience. That's it in between where you are and where God's leading

2:22 you to go. And that little girl sat by that door in relationships that were non-committal, who would want me anyway. I would become a very, very high achiever, because I thought, man, if I was just good enough, if I just had enough, they would see me, they would love me, not knowing that they always saw me and they always loved me. But that little two-year-old brain stayed with me. And that put me in and out of depression for most of my life. And I remember in 2017, sitting by my bed, not caring if I was going to wake up the next day. Oh, wow. I had a bottle of pills and a depressant again and I get ready to take the medicine and I hear a voice just like you and I speaking that said, I made you on purpose for a purpose and this is not it. And I got up and I threw those pills away and I knew I had a heart issue. And so I got busy and I started to seek my own healing. And you know how they say when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I came across this famous hypnotherapist online and I did one of her sessions. It just changed my life. And I thought, wow, there's got to be a lot of women out there who are high achievers, who wear a mask, who never put their oxygen mask on first.

3:52 There's so many of us. And it feels like the older we get, the more we do it. Right. And so I knew I had a heart condition. And so I was given the word and I call it God. You call it whatever you want to call it. That said, You now have the purpose. Your purpose mission is to heal the world one heart at a time. And that's how I became the heart healer. I love that. I absolutely do. And like what you said, so many of us have experienced that in some form, right? Or another, right? not feeling seen for whatever reason. And that's something that just comes up a lot, especially lately, being seen. Like for me personally, when someone sees me, I'm like, thank you so much. I really appreciate that because it means a lot to me. We're in this world, we're surrounded by so many people doing things, And we don't always feel seen.

4:48 And so when a person takes the time to see us, to acknowledge that, that means a lot. So let me ask you, you talked about being a two year old, being a little girl, baby, and not feeling love, not feeling like you belong anywhere, right? Because you were in a home with a, you know, a large family. So when you think about it today, as you think about it from your healed heart, What would you tell yourself? What would you tell that little girl sitting on the floor with her knees to her chest? It's interesting that you ask that question as well. I have to say, I love your questions. And because part of my work is as inner child healing, and I help women especially overcome childhood trauma and PTSD. And part of my practice is what we call regression work, where we actually go back to that little girl, or that moment in time, where you felt the most in love that, that charted the direction of your life. So what I needed that little girl to know was that she was loved, and she was seen. And it's just that she was the baby and her brothers and sisters and her parents were just doing what they were doing. It didn't mean they didn't love her.

6:09 And then what ended up happening was I really still felt there was something missing. I didn't know what it was. So then I actually hired a hypnotherapist who did the regression with me, who took me back to that little girl. and you know mentally my subconscious and I was able to see her there and what happened the thing I did not remember was my father had come out of the room he saw me there he picked me up and I remembered what he was wearing everything and he picked me up and he started pacing up and down the hallway with me he didn't even know I was there And I just, it was just this feeling of, they did see me, they didn't mean to leave me. And this is not to diminish anyone who, you know, feels the way that they feel, but to be able to go back and know that that little girl was loved. And when I worked with my clients, it's the same thing. We go back, we go to that moment and they speak to that child that says, you are loved, you are seen, you are enough.

7:10 Yes, I love that. And so two things come up for me. One, I feel that when we have these experiences, that it's for our future self to do the work that we end up doing. Absolutely. Yeah. Right. And the other thing is, so I'm here. And so I do have some tears in my eyes because it reminds me of just a few weeks ago when I was talking to my younger self and I was telling her, you know what? it's okay to allow love in. And so that's the journey that I'm on. I'm opening myself up to a love, to my love, to that relationship. And so it is. It's a journey, it's practice because it's not something that I'm used to being open for whatever reason, right?

7:55 But I'm there now and I told her, I said, you know, and I hugged her and all of those things. So what you're saying, the regression, those are things that I was experiencing and dealing with myself. And again, those who are watching or listening, it's okay. You know what you went through, you went through for a reason and now it's time to reach back and let yourself know that you were loved, that you were seen, and that you see yourself and you love yourself and move forward. Yes. And that's one thing you said is it's seeking, it's understanding that validation and love comes from the inside out. Yeah. The achievement, the men, all of that was looking for that outside validation. And once I was able to realize my worth, just because I'm a creation of the most high or whatever you believe in, that in and of itself makes you worthy. The fact that you're living, breathing, human being makes you worthy if nothing else in the world does right absolutely just quick i'm just curious what is your love language if you know your love language what what is your number one oh this is I'm laughing because, you know, there's a little controversy on whether or not both languages truly exist, but I would say mine would definitely be words of affection. Mine too! And physical touch.

9:25 Yeah, number one for me is words of affirmation, and I think Affirmation. I'm feeling like gifts are number two, but I don't remember. But number one, hands down, words of affirmation. And I ask that because I'm wondering, because again, going back to being seen, and when people are like, oh, I see you in different things of that, does that, you know, because of it being your words of affirmation, I feel that that has something to do with it. But just was curious. So thinking about the work that you do and thinking about, again, your personal experiences, I know has made you dynamic at what it is that you do. But talk to us a little bit more about that work and how you're helping them to lead, choose themselves, and move forward with clarity.

10:16 I have to do this, but I will answer that question. But do you notice our walls are the same color? Green? Is it green? Because it's green. You know how it is. No, it's almost the same. It's a shade off of green. See, this is when you know. Those who are watching, this is when you know you find a sister. OK. Look, we already talked about, you know, we were looking pale. And so that was part of the reason why I put glasses on. And we have the, you know, the silver. That's right. That's right. Now you have to ask a question again. I know, I know. And so for those who are not watching, you're missing out. So make sure that you also jump on YouTube and check us out. So, so, you know, your, your experience and what you've gone through and you know, when this is coming from your heart, this is coming from something that you experienced. Tell us a little bit more about how you're helping your clients, patients, those who come to see you, how you're helping them lead, choose themselves and move forward with clarity.

11:23 Yes. Well, first, you have to be radically honest. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge. I'll say that again. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge. When people come to me, I believe the most important thing that I do for them is I hold a safe space, a space where they're able to express themselves, a nonjudgmental space. And we start with that, that peace, that calm that says you are safe here. Because many of my patients, not patients, I'm sorry, many of my clients come to me, they have physical ailments because they've held so much in for so long, it shows up in their bodies and anxiety and depression and insomnia and so many different ways.

12:20 So just allowing them to breathe. And then another thing that's real important once you acknowledge it I allow them to forgive themselves. Because healing begins with self-forgiveness. Because when we're in trauma, we tend to blame ourselves for everything. Doesn't matter who did it. We find ourselves saying I'm sorry all the time, we find ourselves shrinking all the time, and that comes to something else. You are allowed to be bold and brave. You are allowed to do that in this space, because this space is orchestrated just for you. And then because I'm an intuitive, I can often pick up on things that you're not saying. So I have to say, I hear what you're not saying and I see what you're not showing.

13:20 And so when people come to me, it's usually because of confidence, anxiety, lack of worth, which is a little different than confidence. One is kind of your ability, right? And one's how you feel about yourself and overwhelm. you know, trying to understand that it's okay to say not today, and teaching them and working through that. But one of the things that I do that I'm really, really good at, amongst other things, is I get to the root cause. I get, because we all have these smoke and mirrors, right? And we all, and I'll just sit patiently and I'll just listen. And then I said, okay, now you got that out. Let's talk about what's really happening with you. And then getting to that root cause and being able to start there and healed forward. You had mentioned something about me being healed. We are never healed.

14:17 We're always healing process. Yes, we're always healers need healers. Coaches need coaches. It's always a process, right? And. awareness, that self awareness, be aware. So if you're feeling triggered about something, ask yourself, why am I reacting this way? What's what's going on with me? And just being that awareness and having conversations we talked about earlier, have conversation with that inner child. Because that inner child is looking to be free. They want freedom. And only you can give them that. So you mentioned a couple of things, right, that kind of ties into this question. But I'm going to ask it anyway. So when your clients are working with you, they're at this point in their lives, what are they most often carrying, whether emotionally or quietly, that they may not have the words for? And you mentioned confidence. Guilt.

15:16 Guilt. Guilt. OK. Guilt and shame. OK. Guilt and shame. Tell us more. A lot of times when you're walking with trauma, hurt, and pain, you tend to blame yourself for everything. Well, maybe my father wouldn't have drank as much if I was a better child. Maybe my mother wouldn't be so mean if I wasn't such a bad baby. And so there's this guilt that you're carrying with you. And you know you shouldn't, but you still do. And that guilt also, you're ashamed. So what do you do?

16:00 Because this is what you feel, you bring that into your world and your relationships. Even in your professional life, you will usually pick a position where you're sometimes belittled, where you're overworked, where you're overwhelmed because you're still trying to get over that guilt and shame. You had some things that I want to bring together because, again, the podcast is to empower women. And so in order to empower, we have to give some tools, some action items, or just call some things out. So some of the things that are coming to mind for me at this part of the conversation is that you have to be ready. You have to call it out. Acknowledge it, be aware of it and ask for help. And as you said, coaches have coaches and and so on and so forth. So like for me, I was finally ready. Like I want a relationship.

17:04 I've wanted a relationship, but I wasn't doing anything about it. It was like I want it. You know, it was just hoping the universe would, you know, conspire and it hadn't. And so I'm like, you know what? I'm at a point where I need help. And so I did. you know, seek help, and I am working with a relationship counselor. And that's something that we have to do. If you continue, like, keep throwing something at the wall and it's not sticking, et cetera, you need help. And so, and it's okay, like, you know, there's no need to be guilty about it or shameful about it. Go ahead and get that help that you need to make your life better. Yes. One tip that I would give anyone right now listening to the sound of my voice, sit still, get quiet, take a few really cleansing breaths in and out, and you can do something called a chair exercise. And that's where you're sitting and you're looking at that little five-year-old. What would you say to that five-year-old? Speak it, speak to that five-year-old. And then you go up and you go to that preteen. What would you say to her or him? And then from there you go to that teenager that maybe had a broken heart, maybe is feeling lonely, maybe is feeling afraid, because those are scary years.

18:22 What would you say? And how about that young adult? What would you say to her? And if you, anyone can do that. And I can tell you that exercise right there may not solve everything, but it is freeing because it's a way to get it out. and just the breath alone, right? Just the breathing. When we intentionally stop to breathe, oh my God, it feels, because I was doing it while you were talking. I'm like, oh yes. You know, and it just brings you back, right? Because we're constantly moving through life and we don't take the time to intentionally breathe. We're breathing because as we're alive, we're breathing, but we're not always intentionally breathing and that does make a difference. So that along with speaking to different stages of your life imagine you know I can imagine how powerful that is so you're in a different season now, how would you describe the work you're doing in this season and the kind of transformation women experience when they allow allow themselves to fully engage.

19:27 The season I'm in, I am living my best life right now. I am living my best life. For those who know me, they don't ask, Victoria, how are you doing? They're like, where are you now? I am up and gone. I am liable to be anywhere in the world. I am really in a season where I've worked really hard to get here. I'm able to live anywhere, do anything. I own Avalon Executive Assistance, and that's a marketing and branding company. We'll take you and get your vision out there. We'll let your voice be heard, because that's what it's about, getting the voices out there, getting your vision out to the world. And then we make you visible, so that the world know you exist. That's what we do at my company, Avalon Executive Assistance. And right now, and that's assistants, A-N-T-S, And the season I'm in now is really one of reaching back.

20:28 Reaching back and bringing others along the way. Whether I do that with speaking or whether I'll do that in podcasts or circles or however I can. And then of course I have the work that I do in inner child healing and trauma recovery. But yeah, girl, I'm living my life right now. I'm single. And I'm okay with that. Yeah, I'm okay with being single. You know, if he comes out of the sky, or however he gets to me, I'm open to it. But it's not something that I'm pushing because I am very, very happy right now. I love that. And so again, those that are watching or listening, it's okay to be single.

21:09 It's okay to also, you know, want, um, and call in that love. So whatever you want, whatever stage you're in in your life, you know, that's beautiful. And so when we were talking before we said how, yes, when people like reach out to us, like, where are you at? They know to ask that because we both share that a love of travel. And as a matter of fact, I was headed to New York tomorrow. But I think I'm not because it's been snowing here in Detroit, and I don't even want to have to deal with all that because the flight is at 7 in the morning. So I probably won't go, but you know that there will be a flight soon. So now, when we talked before, did you tell me something about singing?

21:51 Did you mention something about singing? Oh, yes. I am a healing artist. I have songs that I wrote, lyrics that I wrote, and they are anthems, powerful anthems for women who've ever been through anything. I have one song called Crush, and every time I play it for a woman, because it goes back, and one of the lines in the song is, I love the man I had. I love the man I thought I had, but not the one I really had. So you know how when we're in love, we see like through all these covers, you know? And the exact verse is, I love the man I thought I had, but not the man I had. It's called Crushed, seven years of tips and tricks. So basically, I put up with an alcoholic for seven years.

22:45 That's just where I was in life. And that's where we find ourselves. But at the end, it says, I'm free. Crushed, not broken. And so I write songs. The record label is So Fire Studio Sanctuary. All my songs will be available on Apple and podcasts, and you will see them soon. Awesome, and yeah, well, definitely have that in the show notes. And so what you just said, I want to kind of go back to that. What you said is, it's where you were in life. And I want to raise that as in when we're dealing with stuff, it's not the other person, it's us. It's where we are in life.

23:28 It's what we feel that we deserve, what we feel that we can handle at that particular time. Is that fully agree with that? You know, we all know the old saying is when we know better, we do better. But sometimes, but sometimes as women, we know better and still don't do better. Yeah. Right. Right. Because you know, I had mentioned before how I was seeking outside validation. I didn't think I was good enough. I felt I got what I deserved. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it was the healing process that I, you know, I was like, Whoa, wait a minute. I'm worth more than this. Yeah. So that's a fine, that's kind of a fine line. And I want to raise that up for the person who may say, but wait a minute, didn't you just say a little while ago that, you know, it wasn't your fault that blah, blah, blah.

24:14 So how do we kind of like, how do we speak to that? Right. That let's just say today as adults, whatnot, we, you know, we're in relationships or we're in things that we kind of put ourself in. Right. And then also certain things were not our fault. So how do we, you know, balance that? Well, we were talking about two different issues, okay? We were talking about the child blaming themselves for the alcoholic parent or the immature parent. We were talking about, even if you're in, how do I, I gotta be real careful I'm gonna phrase this. Some people see women in abusive relationship and men in abusive relationships. And they're like, just get out, just get out. There's so many dynamics around that. And I don't believe in blaming the victim. You know what I mean? And there's a lot of reasons. It takes a lot of healing, a lot of support a lot of shifting to be able to really say, hey, this isn't working for me. I got to get out of here. And everyone's not at a place that they can do that. Right.

25:38 And so I don't want to blame anyone that's in a situation, even if they know it's not good for them. But what I would like to do is encourage you to seek help to get out. So that's how I reconcile that. No, and I appreciate that, right? Because we are talking about different things. And I just wanted that to be clear since we're here. All right. So I want to shift now. So I mentioned earlier how I started a community for Black women 50 and above. It's the Dream Lifestyle Collective. And it's community for us. It's our space. You talked about safe spaces. It's a safe space for us. It's a way for us to come together.

26:20 to build together a collective for us to share and learn from one another and to build up one another. So what does it mean to you to be in a space like this at the stage of your life that you're in, not as the healer holding space, but as a woman being held in community? I tell you what, there is something so powerful about community. So, so powerful. I'm sorry, powerful about community. One thing too, when you get to a certain space, you understand that it's not me, me, me. I don't need to be a star. I want to be in the community.

27:09 Where we're all coming together collectively, because I do believe together we rise. And that's why I think collectives are so important and to find like minded women that we can hold space for each other. you know, picking up the phone, you and I, you know, just chit chatting. And it is so uplifting. So the work that you're doing in the collective, I applaud it. I'm in. I'm in. I love it. I love it. I love it. I'm in. So now we're going to shift back to put your Hillen hat back on. So from your perspective, what happens in a woman's nervous system when she's finally in a space where she doesn't have to explain herself or perform strength?

28:01 She finds joy. When we're able to release the negative emotions, the lower emotions, betrayal, anger, anxiety, when we're able, and I'm not talking about clinical anxiety here. When we're able to release those things, We can breathe. What happens? The cortisol levels go down. Our dopamine goes up. We become happier. We sleep better. A lot of the things that used to bother us no longer, like a lot of us, some people hold tension in their chest and their shoulders are always hurting. Some people, their neck is always hurting. Some people, if you have, I worked with a woman who had Lyme disease and it was just wrecking her body until we started working and she was able to, kind of release that energy. And now she doesn't have the flare up she was having. So once you can find peace, your body goes right along with it.

29:05 Yeah. And you know what? That's interesting because I recently went to the dentist and they're like, do you grind your teeth? Or like you are grinding your teeth or whatever. But what I've noticed since then is that I do, I clench my teeth and I'm not quite sure what that's about just yet. I don't feel that I'm stressed. I do feel like, you know, I am living my dream life. I'm loving life, but you know, I'm going to have to get to the root of what's causing me to do that. But yeah, as you were talking, so there are some physical things that are, that happen in our lives that are like kind of cues and letting you know, okay, maybe look at that a little bit closer as to what could possibly be triggering or causing you to do certain things. So yes, it's physical, right? some stress, whatever, when it manifests physically, it's time, it's really time to go ahead and take notice and do something about that.

30:00 Yeah, so we're all different. For me, it's my stomach. If my stomach, I know something's going on up here and I gotta face it. Yeah, yeah. OK, so I want to zoom out for a moment. Do you believe there's a chapter of a woman's life, especially after years of caregiving, leadership, or survival, that society hasn't fully named or honored yet? And if so, how would you describe that chapter? Absolutely. I will describe that chapter as her time. It's her time. It's her time to be whom she wants to be, to honor herself. It's up to her how she wants to live that life. Again, let's go back to where our validation comes from. Society tells us one thing, but what do we feel about ourselves? That's what really matters. And I'm not talking arrogance.

30:53 I'm not talking ego here. I'm talking your validation comes from you. Doesn't matter. Society is always gonna be society. They're always gonna say, you know, finally we embrace our gray. Think about it, 10 years ago, we weren't embracing gray. Right, no. Right, we were dying and we were talking and we were talking. We were doing everything. So, after the caregiving, you know, somebody asked me so I say no my kids are grown I'm gone. Right. If that's when we can fully step into our own. Yes, that's when we can slow down. And then sometimes though, when we get there, we're a little lost because we spent so many years pouring from our cup and not our saucer. And we don't know what to do at that time. And I think that's probably the hardest part. It's like, who am I? If I'm not Stella's mom, or if I'm not Bill's wife, now what's left for me? And I would like to say to the sisters that are listening, life has been waiting on you. Yes. to live.

32:10 We talked about travel. You can't travel. That's okay. Find a hobby. You get to choose. And what society says and what society is gonna do, they're just gonna do. Ageism, it's real. It's alive. Yes, it's true. If you're over 50 and you're trying to get back in a workforce, good luck. That's why I love Avalon. What we do there is because you don't need the workforce. We're gonna create you your own business. Absolutely. Stop working for somebody else. You spent all these years working for somebody else. It's time for you to do your own thing and get paid for it. That's right. Bring that expertise and let it be something you do. And that's, again, some things that we're going to get into in the collective. So absolutely. So here's something new that I want to throw out to you. There's something I do every year, but I haven't seen posts about it. So that's why I added it into this conversation. So when we look ahead, right, and ahead is in, what, two plus days to 2026, what's your one word that will guide you through the year?

33:15 You know, I thought about that because every year I have a word. Yeah. And the thing I love about my word every year is when I look back on those words, that's how every word I have every year builds. Mm-hmm. It builds on the next year. Yes. Yes. And so this year, and I think it's a word that I've been really working towards, it's just freedom. OK. It's my word, freedom. OK. I love it. I love it. You know, absolutely. So my word in 2022 was live. And then it became live a dream lifestyle, which, you know, is my brand. Right. So it became my way of living. It also became my brand. And then for this year, my word is unprecedented.

33:59 And so I think we're going to move it into expectancy for 2026 with the underlying so. That's where I'm at right now. And I want to invite those who are watching or listening to think about it. Think of your word for 2026, how you want your life to be, how you want it to present for you. It's like you say that word and then you live into that word. That's what I want to invite all of you as we count down to 2026 to start thinking about your word and then declare it, say it so. So as we close, and for everyone listening, again, I want to invite you to sit with that question for yourself. Think about it. You don't have to come up with a word today.

34:46 If you do, you do, right? Because sometimes it just hits you. But just notice what's pulling at you, what's really resonating with you, and again, how you want your 2026 to look. And Victoria, I wanna thank you so much for your wisdom, your honesty, your presence, for coming back, right? Because this is your second time. And again, for saying yes to the collective because we're gonna do some great things. You mentioned the circles, that's what's coming up in January and you're guiding one of those. So again, I thank you. And before we say goodbye and we're saying goodbye to 2025, what would you like to leave those who are watching or listening with?

35:27 Yes, the thing that I leave all conversations with is, I see you, you matter, and you are enough. and you can reach me at justaskvictoria.com, victoria at justaskvictoria.com. You can find me on Instagram, you can find me on Facebook at victoriafinch22. I am easy to find, just ask Victoria. Just ask Victoria. You have a question, just ask Victoria. Well, Victoria, again, thank you so much. Happy New Year to you, to those who are watching or listening, and until next time.