Walk 2 Wealth Ep 93 - 4:28:23, 7.13 AM

[00:00:00] This is Walk to Wealth, episode 93. The journey to wealth is a long walk and some may walk quicker than others, but what good is sprinting to the finish line if you pass out when you cross it? On Walk to Wealth, we enlighten and empower young adults to build wealthy, abundant lives. They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and your first step starts right now.

[00:00:26] This is Walk to Wealth with your host, John Mendez.

[00:00:35] Have you ever lost your job and were they stuck wondering what on earth you're gonna do now? Well, if so, in today's episode, I brought on a perfect guest for you. I brought on Vernon de Bos. She's known as a ball of fire. She's renowned executive leadership coach. Trainer and speaker who transform executives into powerhouse leaders.

[00:00:54] And she leveraged his or her 25 years of corporate savviness with her entrepreneurial spirit. And she helps [00:01:00] people like us excel at the next level. But before all the success, it wasn't always this way. Abundance in money. No. What abundances in love and farm race, uh, men. I'm actually, I'm actually one of 12 children.

[00:01:14] Wow. Yeah. And I ran waved. My father was a tired of the, of the depression, the Great Depression, and obviously he was on the so cloud wrong side of the tracks. And my mother was high society, Philadelphia on the other side of the track. Yeah. He, and so they blended both of the. Backgrounds and their backstory into just basically how they raised us, how they financially supported us.

[00:01:42] So it was really pretty much, he was a Cashon guy and at the end he kept a journal that he would kind of just constantly budget, budget, budget, keep track of expenses. So it was about working hard to kind of play hard, [00:02:00] working hard to earn what it is that you. Receive or achieve or a pain in light. Mm-hmm.

[00:02:06] And so we did Never went without, absolutely never went without. Whenever we lived with hand me down that we lived with shit on our chamber up. You know what that is? Yeah. And we, but we had good schooling. We had great athletics that we were vibe in a lot of highly activities. And my lesson that I took away from that when I moved out on my own was.

[00:02:30] Degree of scarcity. Here's in that you can't, you can't want too much or you're gonna have to really, you're gonna have to work really, really, really hard at it, which I don't have a problem with. Yeah. But if it's any time, it's called a very high, very man, very work worse type of style until like the last 15 years.

[00:02:53] Yeah. And so a, a question I kinda wanna ask before we kind of dive into today's conversation is, I, I know sibling, sibling [00:03:00] rivalry can get pretty bad. I have a sister of my own, but to have 11 other siblings, what was that kind of thing? It was, it was fabulous. John. I'm so blessed. Every time I talk about my family, I, I cry, so I'm not going to do that.

[00:03:14] And we certainly have our differences. I mean, and Elizabeth, our Irish twin, which means we were born a . Mm-hmm. Even though we have 12 and we actually had 13 and lost one in during pregnancy, but we're across 16 years. Mm-hmm. So we're very tight in, in age. And as a result though, there are like the top four, middle four and bottom four.

[00:03:40] And there's definitely personalities that don't jive. But at the same time, the second something you know is impacting someone in the family. We all come together and forget about all those differences and as mature adults ever since we were in our late 2030s, 40, we have [00:04:00] very respectful, very, very engaging conversations.

[00:04:03] There's some I don't talk to often, and then there's others like my five sisters. Who I talk with on a daily basis. Yeah, that's amazing. And so fast forward a little bit in the time machine. Take us to around right around where you were in your twenties or early twenties, or your late teens. What was life like then?

[00:04:18] Did you have your life already kind of figured out and planned, or were you still trying to figure your way? Because I know you end up taking a corporate route now you have your, now you're an entrepreneur, now you have your own practice. But were your thoughts on always on potentially starting, or was it, you know, around this age, what was your, where was your head at and what were your planning in life?

[00:04:34] Well, my mother used to tell me that at like nine or 10, I was doubting that I was gonna be the c e o of the world. Said I always, very much corporate ambition, watching my dad. My father was also a corporate guy. Yes. And then in his later years worth myself, he then became an entrepreneur. And said, I, I'm very goal-oriented.

[00:04:58] Dawn. I [00:05:00] pretty much knew what I wanted from a very early age. I knew I wanted to go into Pivot. I knew I wanted to work for big companies. I knew I wanted to travel the world. I so my, I share with people that my. Career has been very organic. Mm-hmm. Being that I'm one or 12, I started working at a very young age.

[00:05:20] I won't say it because it was illegal at the time, and started putting in retail, which then allowed me to already be in corporate when I was in college. And then it just really kind of escalated my progression through corporate. And then when I defi, well, I didn't decide I was fired in late 2007 by my mentor of 12 years.

[00:05:44] Yeah. And that propelled me to start qualifier coaching. Yeah. That actually was my next question. Right. I was reading up about you in In the pink slip. Right. The pink slip that changed everything. What was that like in that time period? Receiving that and reading that the everything, you pretty much.

[00:05:58] Worked so hard to [00:06:00] accumulate and build up just like, just like that was kind of swep underneath your feet. What was it like that time period? Where were you at mentally? What was that kind of like to your life? Well, it was interesting because as it happened, it was that Monday after Thanksgiving, you'd come back to work the Monday after a very long weekend of maybe some cocktails, a lot of food, and yet I was so excited because we were closing out the year really strong and I, we were gonna have a great 2008.

[00:06:27] And the next thing, by 8, 8 30 in the morning, I was sitting in the middle of the parking lot with a pink flip and my s cinder block of my 25 year career, which speaks value. Mm-hmm. You don't have a lot when you leave, you have the memories and whatnot, but all that work that you just spent your you hard but time working on, you don't take that with you.

[00:06:51] Yeah. So I was standing there and I went, I was shocked. Bewildered, confused. Um, I was [00:07:00] angry. I felt betrayed immediately, but at the same time, there was this little, like, this little opening in my gut and my heart that was excited, and yet I didn't know what, what that was all about. So that time period really was right.

[00:07:18] This individual doesn't just fire anyone and he wouldn't have des just fired me. And once I had a significant part in what it was, although at the time I was completely oblivious to any, any wrong that I could do, has to be everybody else. Mm-hmm. But something in that parking lot, Jeff made me say, don't go there.

[00:07:43] Like it you're, you have no right to go there. Yeah. Cause I respected, you revered the individual and he just doesn't make catalyst decision. And so I ha I immediately just said, you have to go and walk into discovering [00:08:00] what it is and why it is and who you were that caused this to happen, and therefore that's what I did.

[00:08:06] Yeah, I didn't collab it. I didn't hold anger and bitterness toward it, but I was certainly confused and perplexed and ref. I lost everything. It was gonna be really hard for me to go and find another corporate executive level job. If having them know that it was not by choice. Well, I just had thought it right then and there that I was gonna go on my own.

[00:08:28] That's amazing. And then I think a little bit, a couple years after that, you got into a little bit into writing and then you started your own radio station. Right. So I think this is a perfect segue into our conversation today. You started your own, I believe, 20, late 2010. 2021, early 21 is when you started, right?

[00:08:42] Tell us, what was that like? What was that like? I personally don't use, I personally don't quote, but feel free to do so. But shedding the corporate B-word. Right. Radio. And what was that like? What, what was the inspiration behind that and uh, what made you feel kind of like compelled to just get your meshes out into the world?

[00:08:57] I really, I guess we [00:09:00] always have choices, but I didn't feel like I had a choice at the time. So what was happening was in 2008, immediately after leaving corporate, I decided to go out on my own. I started the B group. It was going to be a consultancy company cuz that's what I did for a good chunk of my corporate career.

[00:09:16] And that's what I was really skilled at. And yet at the same time, I'm going through this. What I call excavation of my Saul process. Mm-hmm. I was really trying to into why did that just happen? Why did this individual just let me go after all these years? And so it was through that process that I was really starting to discover.

[00:09:40] Unfortunately, I was at the time and I didn't kind of like the person I was discovering, but yet again, that shit, that opening, that little opening in my gut in my heart, there's more there. Yes. So I was actually at a conference with about 1200 people and I was there for about seven days. Absolutely. [00:10:00] And they have this, they have this routine of every time you get together, you introduce yourself with what's called a what.

[00:10:07] That's for another conversation. Fran. So I, it's the, this, it's like the seventh or eighth day I'm at lunch. I sit down at a table, we're all doing our snaps. I'm like so exhausted and frustrated, and this young lady sits down, puffy. This young lady sits down next to me and she's like, oh, I'm so sorry I didn't hear your snap.

[00:10:27] She's like, would you mind introducing yourself? And I said, yes, I do mind. And she's like, oh, okay. And then I, I just broke down and she's like, what's going on? What's wrong? And I'm like, I shut it this, separate this, but I used the pain and now on the happy, but I don't, don't have to joke about it. I just kinda started finally letting it all kind of shed away, right?

[00:10:51] And she went, that's the book. And I'm like, what are you talking about? She's like, shedding the corporate bitch. She goes, that's a perfect story [00:11:00] to share with other people who might be dealing with the same thing. And I went, what do you mean by that? And so it turned out that the bitch in my world, yes.

[00:11:11] And so you don't, you shouldn't be afraid of using it cuz the bitch in my world is not a person. It is your fears, insecurities, and negativity that caused you to lash out in a very negative, aggressive Kurt way. And so I knew right then and there I needed to tell my story and help other people cause that, yeah, that conference was something that was a mastermind that we met five times a year.

[00:11:36] And I immediately got inundated with people wanting to hear my story cuz Kathy went out and started talking about it, that experience, and I went and started talking about it. And so the next thing I was like, okay, I have to write the book, but I know enough from a business perspective that I often need to promote it from the get go.

[00:11:56] And I knew it was a great brand name. I knew it was a [00:12:00] great name. Yeah. And so I started the, the what? Back then it was internet radio. So then I started to wanna share my story and help other people and coach and, well, I didn't know it was really coaching at the time, but really discuss it and interview other people about similar situations.

[00:12:16] And that's where, at the time it was shutting the bitch came. Yeah. So then let me ask you, right, because now that you're actually in coaching now, now that you're doing it as your business, right? Mindset is something that you feel very passionate about speaking on. And for my own personal journey, mindset has been everything.

[00:12:32] I have my own story of like very humble beginnings, grew up in the projects, things like that. And a lot of the times people like me are fed like the, the victim mental BS, and they're, you know, oh, it, the world's unfair and blah, blah, blah, and the whole world's ending. And it's like, One, this is an amazing quote that I heard literally the other day from the time we're recording this.

[00:12:48] I was listening to Tom Bill used podcast, and he was like, he also doesn't know where he got this quote from. So big Kudu, so whoever said it, but if when you're born you look like your parents, when you die, you look like your choices. And that just hit [00:13:00] and so Wow. Hit it. Yeah. And so I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:13:05] I I, I was outta last words honestly. I still am. I don't really know, like the, the, I'm not able to describe how I felt when I heard that, but it's like, So many times people look for that excuse that way out. The, the, the scape card or the, the scapegoat that they could pull out whenever times get hard and they have to face their, their failures and their adversity.

[00:13:21] And it's like, for me, I knew that even very early on and before I got into like personal development and improvement, all that stuff, I always was like very goal oriented, very high achieving. I like competing. I found it very fun, but it's like now that I'm actually in the space of like in intentionally trying to grow as a person, It's like listening to all these things definitely helped me kind of like support the things that I've already kind of felt, did just have a lot, a nicer way of wording it all and putting it all together.

[00:13:46] So let me ask you not to flip the, the competition, but before you do, before you say I remember lot, but I literal story about the literal interpretation of that quote you just said. So about two years after I was going through my excavation of my saw, [00:14:00] which turned into shedding, shedding all my negativities and fears and insecurities.

[00:14:04] I ran into, I was on a run with my dog at the park and I ran into a couple of people I used to work with and I'm sweaty and whatever, and they're kind of like, Hey, Bernadette. I'm like, I thought they're looking me up and down and checked me out and, and we're talking and they're like, do you mind if I ask a personal question?

[00:14:24] And I said, no, no, at all. And they're like, have you had any work done? And then inside I was laughing hysterically cause I knew that's what they meant. Then I was like, but on the other phone I was like, what? And me, what do you look like 10 or 15 years younger? Well, yeah, I, well, that's what happens when you shed, you're big.

[00:14:44] And I actually ran off and I had just turned in my manuscript and I went off to my publisher and I said, don't do anything yet. I have one more chapter I need to write. And it's called my facelift. So the point being to your chrono. [00:15:00] Yes, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, you look like your choices and my choice was to shift and change and become happy and a good, kind, compassionate person, and therefore, physically as well as emotionally, I reflected that.

[00:15:20] I love that phone. I'm joking. Yes. Steal it. Feel free to use it. I gotta go and look up who said it so I can give credit where it's stupid. That quote. Amazing. And I think, and I, I love your story and I think I actually, I wanna dive down a little bit deeper into that, cuz you mentioned a couple times now, what was it exactly that you had to shed because you already, you climbed the corporate ladder.

[00:15:37] You've been successful in that realm. What, if you don't mind sharing, what parts of you did you have that, that weren't serving you, that you had to die, that burn off, that you had to kill off in order for you to become and step into the person that you are now and the person that you're becoming? Well, I'll use words that other people used to describe me.

[00:15:53] Nat abrasive. Mm-hmm. Demeaning almost as if I was angry about [00:16:00] something. So the physical transformation went from a, a description I was given was, I used to look like I was scowling all the time. Like I was, was just always angry. Yeah. And then, and what they saw was that I, it was slapped and it was friendly and open.

[00:16:15] I read the word bitter. Demean made other people feel smaller because I felt small within myself. No one would describe me as that at the time. They would always see as this confident, strong, bold, fear with individual. And yet inside I was like, damn. It was all about things. And it, and when I was digging into it, es.

[00:16:36] I was realizing that as I looked at all the different events and encounters and relationships and situations I put myself in throughout my lifetime, it had a lot to do with my insecurities and had a lot to do with feeling not good enough and not worthy enough, and not deserving enough and and not fitting in.

[00:16:53] And so I just kind of took all of those, what I call bitches. And I projected [00:17:00] them in a pretty nasty way, which is why the book is called The Book. Yeah. And yet My Sense Done, no, I don't think many people would describe me. A good majority of those terms. Maybe I, yeah, not all of them, Elizabeth. Yeah, you, you definitely don't give off the impression that you could have been the, you know, for lack of a better way to put a Karen in back in your day.

[00:17:20] But let me ask you, what was that excavation process like? I know for me personally, one of the biggest times where I feel like I, intellectually I was a pretty school came to me and I always felt like I always had a, I was pretty wise and very early on, and. But for me emotionally, that was where a place I lacked.

[00:17:35] Because as I said, I, so I didn't tell you, but I, my parents weren't really a factor in my life. So like for me, I was so used to early on just cutting people off because I was so used to people leaving outta my life. So for me, I had this wall of the fence up where it's like I never put too much skin in the game just in case someone tried to get out of my life.

[00:17:54] I wouldn't feel hurt or affected by that. I could still keep on pushing as if it didn't phase me. And so like for me, [00:18:00] I had to, one football really helped me grow. And of course it built a lot of good traits, like hard work ethic trait, but it really helped me to become vulnerable and put my trust in other people.

[00:18:08] Because it doesn't matter. I feel like basketball you can get, get away with having that, like that one stud on your team, especially in high school. But like with football, even if you do have that one stud, there's still 10 other guys on the on the field that have to do their job. So it really helped me develop emotionally and then looking into attachment styles and psychology really helped me during my kind of like excavation process.

[00:18:27] So I wanted to ask you, what was yours? Like, what did you have to go through? What did you look into? What did you read? Who did you have to speak to, if that was a factor as well to, for you to start shedding some of that stuff and identifying the stuff that you had to shed? Well, I'm a journaler and it was very, it'd been a passion of mine from when I was like eight or nine.

[00:18:47] My dad packed it down to me. He carried a little journal in his hawn all the time, and so I had been journaling and, and since I was probably. Eight or nine. And so I didn't go back to the journals initially. What I did [00:19:00] was I brought a bunch of journal, blank journal and I just sat there and I just started scribbling and purging and not thinking about what I was writing, but just kind of considering a lot of different questions, a lot of different situations, a lot of different encounters that might have provoked what had happened.

[00:19:18] And so I kind of then eventually came up with like this list of about a hundred plus question. Now somebody should be asking themselves if they really wanna get to know who they are and own who they are. And you know, and it sometimes people think, oh, who am I? Oh, that's easy. And then they give you all the demographic psychographic information about themselves, not truly who they are, what makes them tick.

[00:19:42] So I started asking myself, who am I? Who am I not? Who do I wanna be? Who do I not wanna be? What do I want? What do I not want? What are my passions? What are my valued? And I just started. Using these journals to just really kind of dig in. And then I went from the earliest memory I [00:20:00] had to the most recent memory I had, and really tried to, almost like I was running like a film in my head, really trying to re replay lot of scenarios in my life.

[00:20:13] I knew that a lot of that had to do well. One big one was being one of, yeah, I, I would consider the milkman's daughter, the postman's daughter. I was the blonde hair, blue eye, fair skin, and all my brothers and sisters are dark buckled and, and I did not let them sound like them, walk with them or anything.

[00:20:31] And until I was nine or 10, constant teasing from parents, from my siblings, from friends was Oh, she's adopted. Yeah. And so, and I went to my mother at 10 in cheers. Like, mom was am iop, please tell me if I'm adopted. She like, You know, she liked you realize and got an eighth kid adopted after having seven.

[00:20:53] Yeah. But that in itself, when I started excavating and I started really thinking [00:21:00] about where these insecurities and fears and intimidation came from. The big one was that I never felt like I fit in throughout my, from early to about 45. Because everyone always told me, oh, I don't look like them. I don't sound like them.

[00:21:16] Am I really of those? Even though in my twenties I started founding and looking and, and whatnot. Very mu very similar to several of my brothers and sisters. So, but, so I had to really dig into those type of situations. I had several assault, assault encounters Yeah. In my teens and twenties that I had a weapon file around.

[00:21:38] Lots of trust. Yeah. And fear of intimacy. That I really had to kind of dig into and relive and try to understand. Really what I was looking also for was evidence that none of it was that none of my fears and insecurities was true, that things weren't my fault yet taking responsibility for where, when it was my, [00:22:00] my fault, like being a mastery person.

[00:22:02] Yeah. So I just really had to both ask myself a lot of questions, do a lot of journaling. I even sat down real quick, John. I was writing the book and I was on at the same time doing, doing this excavation process, and I was down the store, down the beach with my five sisters and my mother at the time, and we, I said, okay, we're going up a cocktail and I need some information from you.

[00:22:27] Mm-hmm. They're like, okay. So I just swiftly said to them in the next five minutes, I just want you to. Throw out word, the way you would describe me. Good, bad, or ugly? Yeah, just throw 'em out and I wanna make this make a lift and chuck me when I say over some martinis, giving you sizzling free reign to call you anything they wanna tell you.

[00:22:51] You are gonna get the truth and yeah, that too. Were they very eye-opening? Yeah. No, definitely. And it's something that it's. One you have to be [00:23:00] very well prepared for cuz it's something that you could easily take offense to because it's like depending on whatever they say, if it surprises you, it's like, oh my goodness, what haven't you told me sooner?

[00:23:09] And like it's something, especially over martinis. Now you might not be in the right state of mind, so that could go south really quickly. But fortunately it played out well in your favor. And it's something that says that they want the truth and a lot of people aren't willing to and ready to face it.

[00:23:22] And it's something that you face kind of head on, partially because you were forced to with the pink slip and it. The events playing out the way they did, but better that than never. Right. And a lot of the time people have this, this fear of facing what's in front of them and they don't realize that. No matter whether or not you decide to kind of slay the dragon, like they say, he's gonna come and try to burn down the village anyway.

[00:23:43] So it's like whether he doesn't burn it today or tomorrow, it might be a couple years down, or it might be, let's say you have kids, it might be the, the, the village, your kids that built it might burn down that village. And there's this thing that people are looking into now, I still gotta do some more research in into it, but like, it's called epigenetics where a lot of our [00:24:00] traumas can be passed down genetically.

[00:24:01] And they're starting to, they're starting to, to do a lot more research and not of studies and science has come out about that. So it's something I'm still looking into because it's like sometimes we may not even realize it, but these dragons that we were forced to face, Are things that were kind of, were brought up very, very early on in our childhood or things that might have been passed on culturally almost like that, that mindset of poverty, that mindset of scarcity.

[00:24:21] Like my grandparents, like literally all they know is work. Like if they could, right, they probably would work till the day they die and not work. Gotta if my, my purpose in life I gotta f have achieve ultimate fulfillment. That's just literally all they know. Just work for some money, trade their time for money and things like that.

[00:24:36] So I, I wanted to ask you some tips about. What did you do mentally to prepare you to face those things that you had in the past? Because searching for them is one thing, but being ready and able to face them is a whole nother thing cuz you might find something that you wasn't prepared to help. And then digging, especially like some of the more severe traumas and stuff like that, that's some something you may not be just ready to handle at at that certain point in time.

[00:24:58] So how do you [00:25:00] prepare yourself mentally for the excavation process that you kind of dived into? I think. Anybody and I was, you just, you have to reach a pain point. And unfortunately it has to, it often comes with pain and we wished, but oftentimes it it common with, I'm big upset in your life and it was mine.

[00:25:21] And so you would hope that you could be more proactive in doing that, but then people don't have a reason to do it when they're happy anyway. I in that parking lot, I'm telling you, in that parking lot, in that split moment, I'm standing there looking back at the building, holding the box of my belonging.

[00:25:41] I just kind of made the decision that I, no matter what it was, I wasn't happy. It wasn't working for me. What whatever was going on by the time and therefore something helped changed. And I get that learned the over the decades you [00:26:00] can't change or you can't change everyone around you, but you can change your style.

[00:26:05] Mm-hmm. And so, despite my fear, cuz trust me, it wasn't like I went, I'm a nasty individual, but it was such a, maybe a divine intervention because I'm very faith-based. And I had, I had found a change coming at the time. Mm-hmm. For like a couple of years before this. I didn't yet, I didn't know what it was. I was actually thinking, oh, well maybe I'm gonna meet the man finally in my life and, and settle down.

[00:26:34] That wasn't it. I just think someone needs to make the decision that everything in life that is worth pursuing is going to be hard and uncomfortable. And if someone is not happy with where they are and they wanna make a change of any kind of any side, then they just have to be, make the choice. I mentioned that earlier.

[00:26:59] You have, they [00:27:00] have to make the choice to say, regardless of how hard it is, regardless of the sacrifices and compromises I need to make, regardless of the fear that I'm currently holding. Find, I'm going to find the resources, find the support system, find the the education, find the the will to just go in and do it.

[00:27:20] And yes, I did not, and there was many times I cried myself to sleep because I certainly didn't like what I was learning and what I was discovering about myself, especially when she, and that's the nasty person I used to be when she showed up. After all this excavation and I said, oh my God, I was such a nasty person.

[00:27:43] That's why I was, I was let down. So it wasn't because I wasn't producing and I wasn't successful. I was very, but at the same time, I wasn't the type of leader, the type of woman, the type of person that I needed to be and should have been. Yeah. So [00:28:00] I just, you just have to get to that, that point where something's gotta get.

[00:28:05] Yeah, and I was gonna say, like for me, like when I look back at how I used to be, I kind of laugh because it's like, it's, I was really that person and I wasn't per se a bad person, but like I would, there was one time I cut when a, a girl I used to be friends with, I cut her off for like a month and didn't speak Sure at all because she called me annoying one time.

[00:28:26] And so like, And for any reason I was ready to snap and just remove someone from my life entirely. And like I'm glad I shed that when I did before I, I got into college and definitely before I got into entrepreneurship at all, cuz that would have not served me well at all. Cause we need people, we need the connections and stuff like that.

[00:28:44] Making a reputation for that and especially starting off. It's very hard because when you're successful and then you have a represe for that, it's like at least you're successful and then you could change it. You have people, it's like if you have no success at all and you're like that, good luck trying to get it off the ground.

[00:28:58] So I'm glad I was able to shed [00:29:00] that in my own personal life. Absolutely, and we all need, we all need naysayers. We ought need these people that don't believe in us. We all need, not necessarily hate, don't, don't get me wrong, but we all, we all need those people that are gonna tell us we can't do it, because that also gives us the determination to, to prove them wrong.

[00:29:20] As long as you don't take it personally, you just stay on your course. Trust me, when I say the work that I've done for blacks while ing youth, Even the name of my book and the name of my show Can Cloud Russ Some feathers ugliness out there in the world. Yeah, toward me and toward it. And I could look at it and go, don't call my baby ugly, but my baby won't be ugly no matter what anybody says about it.

[00:29:46] So I just have to stand firm and confident that what I'm doing is what I'm meant to be doing and just continue doing it despite anybody else. And I think you mentioned we don't need hate, but I think we do because it, it, it teaches [00:30:00] us to appreciate the love when we do have it. And it, it's like, it goes back to that, that idea of the yin and a yang, right?

[00:30:05] How like the little black circle on the white side of, and then the white circle on the black side, and it's like, it's, it is, it's one and the same and you can't have one kind of without the other. And it kind of, it also, the, the naysayers I hate, it's like, it kind of. It grounds you a little bit because you get to see the other perspective how someone else may see you.

[00:30:23] Cuz if you get, especially when you get successful, especially in a corporate field. Mm-hmm. You know, once you get to that, the higher up position, it's like you get a lot of people that you know like you because of your status and they wanna secretly take your spot. So it's like you won't realize it. So it's like rather have open hate than people who secretly are planning and plotting for your demise.

[00:30:41] And so it's like a. And then another thing too, you mentioned you being faith. Faith. One of my, I heard this quote on a freestyle one time, I love music. So growing up, as I said, not having role models, music's something I definitely, I, I used a lot because there's a lot of like song lyrics. I could just pull off the top of my head, one of them being, if life was easy, it wouldn't be worth living.

[00:30:58] God gives his best soldiers the [00:31:00] worst missions. I heard in my I soldiers, but his, his best soldiers, the worst missions. So it's like something I, I, I kept in mind when, like, anytime I'm going through something that's hard or anytime I was going through something that's super difficult or it's like, it's like, you know, I just told myself I'm, I'm his best soldier, kind of, and it helped me keep, give me the strength needed to.

[00:31:19] Just push a little bit more and take that extra step, go that extra mile a little bit. When 10 things got tough, was there something that kind of like that, that was kind of like keeping you going during your excavation journey and figuring yourself out? What was that kind of like, I guess maybe anchor keeping you sane and keeping you still going.

[00:31:34] Like what was that, that thing keeping you standing? I was even my, I don't know what you formally call it, but my ferry, but I'm nab going to chart. And to, this is also prior to the pandemic, so I meant going to Turkey. Yeah. I just felt, I just felt so, I felt secure. I felt comforted. I felt closer to to God.

[00:31:59] At the [00:32:00] same time, I did do a lot of reading, not necessarily the Bible at all. Right. At the same, but I agreed like daily devotionals that talk to mm-hmm. Scripture. But you also talk layman talk. One of the, one of the passages that I hung on and I've hung on for probably about 10 years now, is if, if God is for you, who could be against you.

[00:32:24] Mm-hmm. And for a long time I didn't understand what that meant, as well as serving others serve you. Yeah. Those two things. But the, if God is for you, who could be against you, kind of made me really, really feel comforted that despite what anybody else did, who cared. Yeah, God loved me, you know, cause God had me, God will protect me, Uhhuh.

[00:32:48] And then the serving others serves you. Literally. I had to sit with that for like two or three years. I, because at the be at the beginning of my ask of anything, I was still very selfish. I was still very egotistical. I was [00:33:00] still very narcissistic in some degree. Yeah. And I thought serving others serves me well.

[00:33:04] That's definitely's selfish. Why would I intentionally help somebody else? Because it's gonna help me. And then as I started shedding and I started giving, and I started serving, and I started supporting other people as opposed to just paying attention to myself, then I got, I'd understood it that helping others, it's not that you get something back in return materialistically, it's that you, it fills you with joy and, and appreciation and love, and that transformed my life.

[00:33:37] Was formed everything about me. Yeah. They remind me of two quotes. One is this from scripture. I forget the actual verse, but it's like the last part of it says that no weapon against me shall prosper. Right? And so it's like nothing against us can, can, can really do us any damage or any harm as long as we're, we're, we stand strong.

[00:33:55] And then it reminds me of a, of a quote that I learned from Drake. And it was, I wish you, [00:34:00] you would learn to love people and use things and not the other way around. And a lot of times, and it kind of stems back to the idea of when serving others for the wrong reasons. Right? Right. A lot of times I can go south very quickly and that, that's a quote that I love, I forget.

[00:34:13] I think it's Know Yourself. It's a Drake song. I forget which one, but that song I, I love that quote because a lot of the times people try to use other people and cause executor said the same thing. If you help enough people get what they want, eventually you'll get what you want. But I feel like it's more so about the intentions behind that reason for helping.

[00:34:28] I feel a lot of times people help for the wrong intentions and for bad intentions, and that's where it can get selfish. But when you truly come from contribution, come from a place of like, I just wanna help and support whatever you got going on. A lot of the times like you'll get support back in a way where you didn't even realize.

[00:34:43] Like a lot of times, especially me being a lot younger and being a lot earlier on in my journey, it's like, you know, most, sometimes you'll, you'll, it's easy to say, oh, I'm young, no one wants to help me. I'm just a. A 21 year old kid. And, but a lot of times people, they, they appreciate someone that no [00:35:00] matter what the age is or what the experience level is, appreciate someone who comes and just supports and contributes to whatever the cause may be.

[00:35:08] Honestly. And not only that, but you doing that will attract those people you want to work for. Be with, serve one day they serve you. It ain't no chapter Then to you, it'll, it'll just become a natural magnet. When you are actually selflessly helping and serving and developing others, and that's why even like servant leadership is about the fact that leaders should be currently focused on developing their people.

[00:35:36] Yeah, yeah. Once you develop your people, you're taking care of, you're good. Yeah. And you advance and know that, and so yeah. I love that. Absolutely. Really. So let me ask you that right now that you're a little bit, you're kind of later on in your escalation. You've already kind of passed that journey. You become, you adopted this new identity, you became a new person.

[00:35:56] Do you still are, are you still in a continual process of kind of like shedding? [00:36:00] Are you still like, constantly like burning off dead wood and continues to grow? What's your, your, your journey like kind of now that you kind of made it to the other side? Yes, Willie. I had made it to the other side. I want you, I'm a new person.

[00:36:12] I will say I'm the girl that I was when I was seven, eight, or nine. How found my true self? And I would say too, that I, I don't think until the day you die and you're six feet under, you're gonna be shedding. And the reason Liam is, is because you're going to be, you should be wanting to learn, take risks.

[00:36:35] Go out outdoor adventures, try new things. And that's icky. Yeah. But that brings up more fears and more intimidations and more insecurities. And so it's a constant, like I, I found through my pr, my process, a formula that I found that I walk through and use. And now I use it in my coaching and I call it my shift to richest formula.

[00:36:57] Yes. And so it's discover, confront, and [00:37:00] shared, so you can create an accelerate. So yet they discovered who you are and everything about that, you have to confront it, good, bad, or ugly. You have to just make decisions about shedding it or holding onto it and honoring your richness. And because what, as you're doing that, it's ative.

[00:37:18] As you're doing that, all of a sudden you're like, oh, well I wanna create new ground and I wanna go after new adventures and I wanna take this rick. And then as you are doing that and you're getting successes, small and big, all of a sudden you're like, wait a minute. It's not nuts enough. I wanna accelerate it.

[00:37:33] And so that is a process that I use on a daily basis. And until I'm in the grave, six feet under myself and anyone would be using it. Cause we're gonna bring things that we question about ourselves. Mm-hmm. But the, the, the trick is, To have something like this formula or some other practice that gets you through it [00:38:00] in a much faster, much more productive time than, like you said at the very beginning mm-hmm.

[00:38:05] Than playing victim and, and falling down into the abyss of ugliness than and solve doubt. Yeah. I, I love what you said. All together. But what really stuck out to me is the point you made in the beginning, how you didn't become a new person, you found that inner kid, and it's, it's from what I've been seeing so far in my journey, it's almost as if we don't find who we need to become or find what we need to do.

[00:38:32] It's kind of, we just uncover it and a lot of the times it's trying to get STEM back to that us that we were when we were a kid. But it's hard because. Through all the indoctrination and all the social media and all the, the, you gotta go to college and the, the, the culture and the rules and the school and everything.

[00:38:49] It's like we're fed to all these things growing up and we're taught kind of, almost in a way without us realizing it. Cuz I mean, we're kids with how we're gonna realize, but like, kind of to lose ourselves. And it's like there, it, it [00:39:00] becomes an issue because a lot of times you have to shed some of that kid in you in order for you to actually do anything because like a kid, you just have this imagination.

[00:39:08] But you can't do anything, right? So it's just all in your head. But then as you're an as, you're an adult, you have no imagination, but you could actually do something. But because you lost that imagination, because you lost that kid in you, the you that you want, that wants to accomplish all that other thing that already died long ago.

[00:39:24] Those kind of like peeling back the onion a little bit to like try to figure out who was the John, who was the Bernadette back when I was a little kid or a little girl and, and. Figuring out how to incorporate that now back into my adulthood so that I can actually do things, but still have my wild amaz imagination run wild and picture and visualize everything that I always wanted to accomplish.

[00:39:44] And back when you were a kid, your dreams, you're so vivid, and now you get the adulthood and I, I barely dream. And I, so kind of the peeling back the on onions to kind of get back to that source, to get back to that younger version of myself that thought anything was possible, but I was, but I would challenge your [00:40:00] thinking.

[00:40:00] That you don't have to shed it cuz you, you actually used the word, yeah. You forgot about it as you got older. So I don't think you need to shed your childhood. I think it needs to leave bomb. Yeah. And when it does kind of get covered up in your word covered, when it does get covered up, then you just need to rediscover it.

[00:40:20] Yeah. As opposed to it died off within the. Yeah. And that's why I say I found my ch my essence when I was young. Cause it didn't die. And don't, yeah, I just covered it up in your word. I covered it up with a lot of crap drama and a lot of expectation and, and therefore I needed to heal the onion or shed in order to find that again.

[00:40:46] Yeah. Yeah. Nice Is Jeff. And then now I'm gonna sound like a seasoned woman. Just fell of both beauty and crap. Yeah. And you, and just appreciate [00:41:00] truth of them. Mm-hmm. And just find ones to kind of, kind of look at both of them and understand how are either one of them serving you and they, and if it they're serving you great.

[00:41:13] And if it's Matt Juan needs to change. Yeah. And I wish we would teach more about emotional intelligence and mindset and, and personal development from our very early age. Mm-hmm. Because I, I, I do fact that someone in their twenties, teens and twenties, they gotta go through what they gotta go it. We can't like be helicopter parents and protectors because we wouldn't be the people that we were.

[00:41:39] I don't have regrets. Someone a, I actually was asked this the other day. What do you regret? I don't have any. Well, what about the nasty people or the people that you were so nasty to and you were blah, blah, blah. And I was like, it's not that I am happy that I hurt somebody. And at the same time, I learned so much from it.

[00:41:59] I took so [00:42:00] much from it, and I changed as a result of it. How can I regret that? Yeah, fair. I just think anybody in the early stages of life, You just need to go and experience all of it and then just figure out what works best for you. Yeah, and I love that you said that when it comes to regret, I feel like the only time you should have regret is when you waste time and the only time that time is wasted is if you didn't take anything, anything from it.

[00:42:25] Right. And that, I feel like that's the only time time is ever wasted, cuz there's usually. Something that you could take from everything. There's your, if you look hard enough, so essentially there's almost never wasted time. It's just you haven't found a lesson that, that time was gonna give you. And I love that you said that I, I wouldn't change anything to quote Drake.

[00:42:43] Drake again, he says sometimes I wish I could go back in life not to change anything, just to fill a couple things twice. And that's exactly what I would do. I would go back just to like kind of relive it. Just to enjoy it, but I wouldn't change anything. At least I wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't redo it either, John.

[00:42:56] Yeah, I I wouldn't redo 2135. [00:43:00] That's what I did it. Yeah. It's not because it was bad. It's not because it was great. It's just because I did it. And because life is hard, rice is hard. Well, you make note like right now, if, if I tell you a future self, something about today, if everybody says, oh, what will you to tell your younger self?

[00:43:19] If I was 20, I wish I had wrote my letter to my future self. Yeah. And then forgot it when I was now at my, because I just, I just think that we go through what we go through cause we're meant to go through it. And yeah. There's certainly a lot to say that if you fire it depends upon how, whether or not you get up.

[00:43:37] I think that's critical. Yeah. But just, I wish that the people, anybody around your age or even into their 40, would understand that. Go out, do what you need to do, make the mistakes fail, be successful, be happy, be miserable. But like you said, take something from every event and encounter that you have. And [00:44:00] then just grow.

[00:44:01] Yeah. Back to saying that life doesn't happens to us, it happens for us, right? Everything, yes. Whether we like it or not, whether we understand it or not, that's a, and a lot of times I feel like people search for understanding for things that are too far complex for anyone to ever even understand. And it's like you're wasting your time.

[00:44:16] Just figure out what's the lesson in there. Why it happened. It's the whole other question. You're probably never finding the answer, right? And it is, that's where, that's one of those things where I feel like time wa wasted. Cause do you really need to know why? No. What happened right now? What Now? I ask yourself, okay, what can I learn from this?

[00:44:30] How could I help someone that's currently going f going through this? Or how could I help someone pro to prevent them from going through this so they don't have the experience what I've got going through, but also help teaching them a lesson. So that the lesson that you learned from that ever, that experience did, and that goes back to like the helicopter parenting thing.

[00:44:45] It's like a lot of times the things that made us are the same thing that parents now are protecting their kids from. So it's like good luck having successful kids or kids that are, are resilient and able to face adversity and able to get back up when they get knocked down. And Bernadette, I genuinely enjoyed, you [00:45:00] know, the, the direction that this conversation has gone.

[00:45:02] I honestly didn't, you know, didn't know it was gonna head this direction. I genuinely love like every single part of it, so like I genuinely thank you for hopping on. I think we definitely touched on a lot of points that are applicable to not only people my age, but people like in any walks of life, cuz it's stuff we all face.

[00:45:16] So thanks again for dropping all the wisdom. Where could we connect with you? Where can we find you at? Whether there's social media, whether it's your website, of course, at all, being the show notes, make sure to go check that out. But where could we connect with you to learn more about what you got going on?

[00:45:27] Thank you for acting coaching.com is first place, and then of course I'm across all the platforms, checking the bitches on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and the ROROs. Fun at Boes. And I would say, yeah, mainly VOA bio coaching.com. Amazing. And now it's time for. The, I still have to think of a name of it.

[00:45:45] I swear I had a name for it, but I, I used to have final four questions, but then I added a fifth question, but, so I'm still thinking of a name, but without further ado, I'll get right into it. Question number one. What is the most impactful lesson that you've learned in life? The most impactful lesson that I learned [00:46:00] in life is to love yourself.

[00:46:03] What is the most trait a person can have? What's the most admirable boy empathy? If you had to change someone's life with one book, which book would you recommend? Think And Grow. Rich. Amazing. That's my favorite personally, too. What is the legacy that you're trying to leave behind? Stop loud. For anyone, no matter what stage of life they're in, what is the first step they can take to embark on their walk to wealth?

[00:46:31] Discover who you are. You've now finished taking the first step. Now let us help you take the next one. Subscribe to our newsletter@walktowealth.com. That's walk the number two wealth.com so we can keep you moving on your journey. We'll see you on the next episode of Walk to Wealth with John Mendez.[00:47:00]