Episode #7 - The Gift of Strength - with Christian's friend, Sara Jaffar

Transcript

Hannah Velten 00:12

Hi, welcome in, come on in, as usual, come and sit around in a circle, I've got a brilliant story for you today. And I've got a brilliant person for you to meet as well. I just want to bring in a thread really, pull a thread through from the last programme. There was quite a lot about me for most of the programme, but towards the end, Christian came in, and we were talking about his fear of not being himself and his fear of not being believed. And I'm gonna pull that thread through into this show, because I'd really like to introduce you to one of Christian's favourite people: his lovely friend, Sarah Jaffa. She can tell us about her memories of Christian and the influence that Christian had in her life. And also she was involved when he went missing and can tell us about the effect that had on her. And then, also Sarah and I had never met, but then we suddenly met in the most amazing circumstances and it was so obvious that Christian was involved in our meeting. And I also want to tease out what it meant: where we met, what we were doing when we meet, when we met, and kind of the lessons that we can pull out from from all of this story. So I want to introduce you to Sara. Hi Sara.

Sara Jaffar 02:02

Hi, Hannah.

Hannah Velten 02:03

Thank you so much for joining us; really lovely to have you. I know Christian's been wanting you on the show: I think I emailed you almost when we started the shows and asked you if you would come on - it was very important that you were with us for one of these shows. So can you just tell me a bit about how you met Christian and about your relationship with him.

Sara Jaffar 02:34

Yeah, I can't remember the exact moment that I met Chrissy, but I met him pretty early on. We were at Edinburgh University [in Scotland] together. And we were in these big Halls of Residence - Pollock Halls - and I think one of the boys first introduced us... someone who was in the same house as him. And Chrissy was just, you know, one of the most well-loved, well-liked people out of our cohort, really. He was just lovely to everybody. He was one of those people that got on with everybody. And he was always fun. He was always up for having fun. He was amusing. He had great taste in music: I remember him introducing me to quite a lot of reggae - Yellowman he loved. And yeah, he was just a great person to be around. I think everybody felt that way about him.

Hannah Velten 03:40

Mm hmm.

Hannah Velten 03:41

And then you shared a flat with him as well, didn't you?

Sara Jaffar 03:45

Yeah, we did. So first year we were in the halls of residence; so we shared a flat with Chrissy in our third year... There were four of us sharing the flat together, which was good fun. One of the things I remember about Chrissy was he taught me how to chop onions correctly and it must have been then, when we were living together that he did that. And you know, cooking has been quite a big part of my life. I actually worked in a restaurant for a while, as a pastry chef in a Michelin star restaurant so I didn't chop a lot of onions then, but it's just funny because cooking had always been something that was in my life, but until the age of 20 I didn't know how to chop an onion as efficiently as Chrissy did!

Hannah Velten 04:49

{Hannah laughs]. I'm quite good at chopping onions as well. I think Mum was good at it as well; she was called Cordon Bleu-trained so I think she probably passed that on to us. I'm glad that's something that he's passed on as well! That's brilliant. So have you got any specific memories of Christian? We were talking last week... Christian was sort of saying that he quite liked doing dangerous things. And he was always kind of pushing himself, emotionally and physically. Can you remember any sort of mad-cap things that he was up to that would probably make his mother's hair curl?!

Sara Jaffar 05:37

He used to go off and climb these, you know, those huge cranes they have when they're doing big commercial building projects. And when we were at Edinburgh, it was before the parliament was there; so we started in 1994. So I think Edinburgh, you know, it's developed a lot since since we first got there. There were these huge cranes across the city and Chrissy used to go at night and go and climb up them and then walk along those arms that stick out of them. I was just thinking about it today. I was talking to my dad about it, you know, I mean they're like hundreds of feet up in the air. Absolutely nuts. But yeah, he was somebody who pushed himself. He was quite a physical person. He used to go to the gym a lot. I remember going to the gym with him - I'm not a great gym person - but I did go with Chrissy once or twice. He made me run there; that was the warm up, running to the gym, and then doing a workout and then running back. And I think I did it about twice and I thought 'no it's all right, Chris, go on your own. I'm not going.'

Hannah Velten 06:46

yeah,

Hannah Velten 06:47

He did boxing as well. He was a really good boxer. Did he do these things on his own? He didn't take anyone with him? Did he?

Sara Jaffar 07:00

I'm not sure. Definitely, I never went. I'm not sure if one or two of the boys used to go, but I don't know that they actually climbed the cranes. I don't know.

Hannah Velten 07:13

Even when you say it, it sounds terrifying. He obviously never told us at home about doing that kind of thing. I've since found out and he's sort of told me as well, but it's like one of those surprising things about him; he loved to push himself, definitely. And hence this trip that he did to Africa. And yeah, I suppose we better start talking about that. Because obviously you all left Edinburgh and then you moved down to London, I believe. And Christian then was off doing all of his travels in the Caribbean. Did you kept in touch with him while he was doing all his various travels around the world?

Sara Jaffar 08:03

Yes. I remember he did a book on the flora and fauna of the Caribbean, didn't he? Yeah. And then he came back and he moved to Brighton, I think. It wasn't that far from Brighton up to London, so he used to come up and see us. Yeah, quite often. So yeah, we very much stayed in touch. He was at my wedding, which was only maybe six months or so before he went on his trip to Africa.

Hannah Velten 08:32

Mm hmm.

Hannah Velten 08:33

So you were telling me you met him at his leaving drinks up in London. Can you just tell me about that; so what happened there and your sort of thoughts around it?

Sara Jaffar 08:48

Yeah. So I remember going to the drinks with a couple of other friends from Edinburgh and when I was coming to leave, I went to say goodbye to Chrissy and I just got this overwhelming sense of dread, really.

Hannah Velten 09:07

Urgh. I just feel it now actually, I've got it in my body. I can... not nice.

Sara Jaffar 09:13

I just knew that something bad was going to happen. And I remember looking into his eyes and I said, "Chrissy, please be careful." I knew there was no point saying 'Don't go'. I mean, he'd been planning it for months and he was so excited about it, to be following in the footsteps of Mungo Park. And you know, it was what he wanted to do. But yeah, I just looked at him and I said, "Please, really be careful." And I remember he just went like that with his head [Sara lifts her head to the side] and he laughed, and he said, "Oh, I'll be fine, Jaffs. Just don't worry about it. I'll be fine." I just remember walking back to the tube and just feeling really kind of deflated, I think. I just didn't feel good about it. And you know, and we've talked about it a little bit the other day, I think as a family member when somebody is going to do something like that, it's inevitable that you will feel worried. But I think, as a friend, it's slightly different. You don't worry about your friends in the same way. So when he was due back, and he missed his flight, I was obviously upset, but it wasn't a huge shock. You know, it sort of was, because it had been a few months since I'd seen him and I'd slightly forgotten how I'd felt when I'd said goodbye to him. But when I heard the news, it came back.

Hannah Velten 10:58

So you weren't surprised, because of the sort of feeling you'd had before. Did you feel like you could help in any way? Or take some action? Or did you feel quite sort of helpless about it all?

Sara Jaffar 11:23

Well, it's difficult to know, when it's something like that, what you can do, obviously. I remember that quite a few people from Edinburgh were getting things together, trying to organise talking to journalists, or anything that would help, you know, any contacts that anybody had. So that was all going on. And, you know, I was involved with that to an extent. And then a couple of them decided they were going to go out to Africa, and it did cross my mind. Should I say that I'll go? But, I never sort of formally volunteered. So I think Sam went out to search. I mean, we did things like healing circles; I remember going to a couple of things like that with other friends from Edinburgh, and sort of trying to get in touch with fixers and people in West Africa to see if anybody had contacts that could just help, really, because it's not a part of the world that's easy if you don't have contacts there. So yeah, it was really that kind of stuff. But he went missing in a difficult place: really not a part of the world that I personally knew anything about, really, other than from what Chris had said about his travels.

Hannah Velten 12:56

Then we had that whole period where everything sort of went quiet, after all the searches had been done. I mean, that probably lasted for about 18 months {the searching}, I guess; where we had Sam go out, and then the police went out and there was absolutely no trace of Christian. It was unbelievable that after everybody that was helping, absolutely nothing. And that kind of lasted till... I know we were talking in a previous episode about the party we had for Christian's 40th birthday party [in July 2015], which unfortunately you couldn't come to, so I didn't even meet you then because you were busy with your B&B at the time. And then in March 2016, I got this calling to do a re-search for Christian using social media. And I know at the time I was sort of sending out emails to all of Christian's friends... Oh, I should just say I/we call him 'Christian', because we have an 'Uncle Chris' in our family so it's kind of easier to call him 'Christian', but I know you call him 'Chrissy' and I know he's got so many different nicknames... but as I was coming up with all these leads and sightings of Christian and sending these emails out, what was kind of your reaction to what I was saying? I remember you saying it wasn't quite ringing true with you all these things.

Sara Jaffar 14:43

No. I remember there was a woman, wasn't there, and I can't remember what country now it was in...

Hannah Velten 14:51

It was in Ghana.

Sara Jaffar 14:51

Yeah. In fact, there were a couple of people I think that claimed to have seen him. I think I... before that I'd sort of... reconciled myself that, you know, he was gone, and we would never see him again. And then obviously, you had this renewed search for him and that threw up a couple of sightings and I did sort of think, 'Well, you know, maybe; you know, there's nothing to say that I'm right, that he won't see him again, you know, hopefully, maybe that he is still somewhere and can be brought back.' But then I think when you sent out another email a while after that (I can't remember the timelines now) saying, you know, none of this is accurate, he isn't there. And then I did feel, 'Yeah, I kind of think that's right. These people haven't really seen him. They've either made it up, or they've seen someone who looks like him or whatever. But it's not Chris; he's gone.'

Sara Jaffar 16:07

no, he's gone.

16:09

Um, yeah.

Hannah Velten 16:11

Yeah. I looked back through my emails, and I emailed everybody in mid-May 2018 and that was a few weeks after we'd had the revelation that Christian was actually dead. I mean, I think I'd been openly telling everybody that I had been communicating with Christian for quite a long time, but I don't know his friends... I mean, you were probably quite open to that, but I think a lot of his friends probably would have thought I had gone mad, or I was deluded in that sort of grief...

Sara Jaffar 17:01

And

Sara Jaffar 17:03

Well, I think it's something that's quite difficult for people to understand if they haven't experienced it.

Hannah Velten 17:08

Yeah, absolutley.

Sara Jaffar 17:09

Because we're not really brought up to think that things like that are real, you know. And even if you are open to it, I think it's really easy to also say, 'Well, is it real? Or is it my imagination?'

17:23

Mm hmm.

Hannah Velten 17:24

Absolutley, I spent so long questioning it, and testing it. And I think probably what we're going to talk about (how we actually met) was like a confirmation for me... but we'll talk about that in a minute. But yeah, I was continually testing this and thinking I was going mad (we've talked about it before in the episodes), but, yeah, it was a really difficult time. Did you ever feel Christian sort of energetically?...

Sara Jaffar 18:04

I think it was when you sent that email out - May 18 - saying what you believed. Yeah, it's sort of this thing when you don't know if it's your imagination or not, but, yeah, I felt as if I could feel his energy, then. Yeah.

18:38

Yeah,

Hannah Velten 18:38

I think he,

Hannah Velten 18:40

By that time, I know, there were a couple of people that he was making contact with, either having a feeling he was next to them, or like hearing his voice. So now we're going to be moving to November 2018, so a few months after that email. Shall I just sort of say what happened from my point of view and then if you want to add in {Hannah laughs} what was happening from your point of view...?

Sara Jaffar 19:20

Yes.

Hannah Velten 19:21

So, November 2018. So the story behind this is that I'd had a couple of years of really intense searching for Christian and then communicating with him and essentially finding out that he was dead. And by Novemeber, we'd actually written a book together - which is the 'Lost & Found' book - and he was also starting to tell me about a new adventure that he wanted to go on with me. I was like, 'Oh my God', but he was talking about finding these camera cards and these films that he'd taken: so a stills camera and he had a film camera. So he was wanting me to go and find out what had happened to him, and also to find his belongings that had been taken. And I was like so resistant to it. But I started to do pre-recorded films with him and posting them on Facebook. So I was starting to document it. And he was so enthusiastic. You know that energy you're talking about. He's a big energy, isn't he.

Sara Jaffar 20:41

Yes.

Hannah Velten 20:41

He's in your face, in many ways, just this boundless energy. And it was all quite exhausting, really. And I still had loads of grief to clear because obviously we'd only really just found out, and I had a lot of grief in my body still that I didn't even realise I had. There were just layers and layers that I had to get rid of. But we were in Cornwall, and the evening after I'd visited 'The Museum of Witchcraft and Magic' in Boscastle this email came through from Rebecca Campbell. When I had my sort of real dark night of the soul in 2016 and I was completely broken, she kind of came into my life. So she's a spiritual teacher / leader, I guess, and her books are "Light Is The New Black" and "Rise Sister Rise" and her Oracle cards. So this email was about an event she was offering and I was like, ''Oh, this could be really good to mark two years; I've just done all this stuff, let's go have a day off. Leave the kids at home, leave the husband at home, let's go to London". So when I booked the tickets, there was an option of premier seating and I knew immediately that I had to book it straightaway and I had to get the premier seating, which was obviously going to be quite near Rebecca. I wouldn't have normally done that; I would have normally just stayed in the gods, you know. But I had to do that. So it was a full day event, up at the Royal Institution in very smart Mayfair, in London.

Hannah Velten 23:01

So Rebecca came out and we did a meditation first. And then we had to work with a partner - and I didn't go with anyone - so I just was with this lovely lady who was from New Zealand. And we had to ask each other "What does your soul long for?" That was the first question. And we had to talk with our partner. And I actually wrote down my responses afterwards. And I said - which really surprised me: "a pathway, a helper/platform, expansion, hugs for the world, loss in an illusion, after two years, I'm now ready to lead and teach and also to pass on the messages and lessons." And I was like, 'Oh, well, that's quite grand, isn't it?' And I thought I was just coming for a day off and just, you know, a bit of peace and quiet! And then the next question was: "What is your soul wanting you to do?"

Hannah Velten 24:12

And I thought, 'Oh, here we go.' So we were talking between us and instead of like a soul-voice that I was hearing (like a very soft what-your-heart-is-saying; like a gentle kind of voice), Christian came barging in. And he was absolutely adamant. He was like, "Get the microphone!" And I was like, 'What do you mean?' And the girl I was with, we looked around and I said, "He's telling me to get the microphone", and I'm shaking... I can feel it now... I'm beginning to shake already, because I was like, 'What on earth am I being asked to do? And he kept insisting, "Get the microphone" and I'm like, 'How am I supposed to get the microphone?' So, they had the runners: so you would put your hand up and Rebecca would sometimes ask you to speak, so the runner would come to you with a microphone.

Hannah Velten 25:13

And he was so insistent, "You need to get the microphone." And that's all he was saying {Hannah laughs}. And then he kind of stopped as I was getting more and more nervous. And he said, "Rebecca needs to hear you say thank you for all she did for you in those first few months. You must get that microphone and don't be afraid. We're going to say the words for you. Don't be afraid; it's gonna be fine." And it was really quite frightening, because there were about 400 people there and it was all just pretty intense. Anyway, after that break-out session, Rebecca then asked if anybody wanted to report what had come up. And my hands shot up. And I just couldn't stop myself. And I thought she's never gonna turn round, because it was an old-fashioned scientific theatre with people up in the gods and all the way down. And Rebecca literally, as I put my hand up, she turned and she looked straight at me. And she asked me to speak. And I literally must have squealed in delight, or in shock or something. I've got no real recollection of actually speaking, but I know my voice was sort of breaking and I thanked Rebecca. I said, "I don't know why I'm saying this, but thank you, Rebecca, for pulling me out of this hole that I was in." And Christian was saying, "You must say your name. Say your name." And I said, "My name is Hannah Velten. And my brother Christian had gone missing in Africa in 2003. But this year, I've found out that he had been killed, that he wasn't missing. But it's okay, because we've started to communicate. And my soul calling is to be telling people about this, and that loss is an illusion, and teaching and telling others what we've learned," and people are clapping, and I sort of sat down and thought, 'Oh, thank goodness for that: I can just have a relax now.' And Christian had gone silent.

Hannah Velten 27:55

And we carried on for quite a long time - it was a long old day - and I had no sort of emotional or intuitive reactions to any of the other meditations or the chants or anything. And then we were invited to go on a break and then when we came back, we could pick up one of the Oracle cards, from that deck I've just shown you ["You Are The Oracle" deck], which Rebecca's team had put them all over the floor.

Hannah Velten 28:27

Before we went out, we had to set our intention to receive guidance on what we wanted (when we came back in to pick up a card), and my partner and I both decided it was going to be about work/career and obviously what we were here to do. And I think we probably just stood up to go on the break and I heard this voice behind me saying, "Hannah". And I thought, 'what?' and I turned around. And there's Sara standing there, and she said to me, "Hi, I'm Sara Jaffar, and I'm a friend of Christian's". And I can still feel it now - it's gonna make me cry - 'cuz I was like, 'Holy... what is going on here?" I mean, what was it like from your point of view?

Hannah Velten 29:29

How did you

Sara Jaffar 29:33

Well, I think that's what was so amazing about it really, wasn't it? Because we hadn't met. I mean, we could have met a number of times, but we hadn't, so I would never have recognised you in that crowd if it hadn't been for the fact that you stood up and said your name. When you said your name, I obviously knew who you were and I remember just turning to my friend that I'd come to the event with and saying, "I can't believe it. This friend of mine went missing and that's his sister!" And you were literally sitting a couple of rows in front of us. Yeah. So my sort of take on it was that Chrissy, you know, he probably knew I wouldn't stand up and speak in that room of 400 people so he told you to stand up and say your name, because if you hadn't have done this, we wouldn't have made the connection. So for some reason, he wanted to push us together and say, you know, here you both are. I remember you were quite... it was quite a moment, wasn't it?

Hannah Velten 30:57

Yeah. I was so emotional. I think we hugged for ages. And it's making me choke up when I think about it now. Because it was a really difficult time for me, in that I didn't have anybody around me that REALLY believed what was going on [actually I did have someone] and I felt very alone at that point, I think. And it was just the fact that this had happened and it was you who was such a good friend of Chris; it wasn't like you were some acquaintance that he'd sort of met. And you know, you were very sweet and supportive. And what you were saying, you said to me that you were kind of admiring what I was doing and that you'd never quite known what to say to me before, but now I was there in front of you. Yeah, it was just a very emotional moment. {We had an internet interuptions here where Sara was speaking... I asked her what she's said that wasn't recorded and this is what she said: "I basically said it was like Chrissy’s way of giving you proof that his conversations with you weren’t just your imagination or the grief talking. Like a sign that you could have faith in yourself and what you were doing. Also, that you don’t need to be lonely about it, there are other nutters around who understand! ;)]

Hannah Velten 32:14

So yeah. And then we had our break then, didn't we? And we went off. And then when we came back, we had to pick up this Oracle card and they were all over the floor of the theatre. And I picked up "Trust Your Path" [Hannah shows this card to camera] and I was like, that's a great one. Thank you. So underneath it says, "If you knew you would be supported, what would you do?" So that was my one. And I think you had this ... Was it that one you had?

Sara Jaffar 32:51

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

Hannah Velten 32:53

Yeah. [Hannah shows the 'Pleiades' card to Sara]. So that says: 'Double Mission: Channelling and Uplifting Humanity'. So you certainly uplifted me on that day; so that was beautiful. And then the end part of the event... Rebecca gave us all a little heart-shaped card and a crystal and we had to write down what our heart's desire was; like what was our mission once we left the event. [Hannah shows her card to camera]

Hannah Velten 33:36

I wrote "Working with Christian to heal and transform grief in the world..." It was like this massive, great statement. And I was like 'Oh, again, that's a big statement!' It's like Christian's energy just going, 'Come on. We've got to do this!' And then we had to make a commitment to one action, and mine was 'Write a book proposal'.

Sara Jaffar 34:04

Ah!

Hannah Velten 34:04

Yeah. And so this kind of set me off on the path, I guess, like you were saying; it was confirmation for me that I was talking to Christian, you know. There was definitely something going on; he was working some magic there. But it was also really laying the foundations for what we were going to do together after that. You have that complete trust. I mean, that day really cemented my trust in him. It was funny because before then, I'd been to see a spirit artist, who someone had recommended, and I went along. It was all about confirmation, trying to prove to myself that this was real. And this women [Debbie Dean] drew and talked all about Christian - it wasn't a great picture of Christian, but it was a likeness of Christian. And so this event was like really good proof and made possible all those kind of bold steps that I then had to make - like doing the live Facebook films with him and retracing his footsteps with him to find out exactly what happened to him, as he was experiencing/telling it. So yeah, it gave me a strength of purpose, as well. And this gift of strength. I mean, that's essentially what Christian gave me was that gift of strength. So, that was all through meeting you. But yeah, did you did get anything else from the event as well?

Sara Jaffar 36:08

I can't really remember - I've got such a bad memory. But you just saying that, just reminds me of something that Chrissy always used to say to me (I've said this to you before) when I thought I'd offended somebody, he always used to say, "You know, just don't worry, Jaffs; they'll get over it. Don't worry about it." And that's like a little catchphrase of his that I always really remember. And you know, that's sort of quite pertinent in terms of what you were going through, then. Because it is difficult, I think putting yourself out there, especially when it's something so incredibly personal like the loss of your brother. You know, it's an extremely hard thing to do. But that's just Chrissy, isn't it? "Just get on with it. You know, who cares what other people say or think - just do it."

37:14

Yeah, yeah.

Hannah Velten 37:16

Actually it was funny, because after you said that to me the other day when we had a chat, I actually looked back through what Christian and I wrote together and even a month before we had that event, where we met, he'd said something similar to me. So I was feeling nervous about putting out the book and the whole reaction to it, and he actually said to me, "You need to have a little look at the dread, which you have of being in the spotlight - you're going to have to get used to it. You need to enjoy it, feel it, realise people look up to you and respect you, and just flow with it all. It's just lovely what's going to happen for you." And then he said, "Be strong willed. Don't ever back down or apologise for the words you've been gifted. You worked very hard for them. Own them. You deserve everything. Only you will limit yourself."

Hannah Velten 38:12

Sara Jaffar 38:13

That's so Chrissy!

Hannah Velten 38:16

Yeah, I mean, it is. And

Hannah Velten 38:18

It's funny because there's other friends of Christian who've been in touch over the years and they've talked about Christian's other side. And you know, we always think, 'Oh, you know, don't speak ill of the dead' and people are always very sort of, 'Oh, yeah, he was lovely' {when sometimes they weren't!}. And Christian WAS lovely. He was universally loved, as you said. But there was a side to him as well: he could be quite argumentative. He could be, if he thought he was right...

Sara Jaffar 38:50

He could be belligerent couldn't he.

Hannah Velten 38:52

Yes, yes, absolutely. The picture we're painting of Christian - like, his true self and his real self, that he didn't show a lot of - he feels it's really important that he's seen for all his faults alongside all the great stuff, because, like, that's the truth. Because part of the thing with Christian and this book proposal that he suggested, it ended up including his grief and the things that he needs to work out of himself, as well. All of that kind of came out with the book writing. I mean, I've written lots of book proposals, but it's never been quite complete or the right time because we had to kind of go through the process and unravel his grief, as well as mine. So the whole thing in the book is actually taking out all the goodness from the story, but being really truthful and getting down to the real dirt of it.

Hannah Velten 40:24

Something Christian told me, which I was surprised about, and I don't think anyone at University knew was part of his life, was... I mean, I don't know if he ever told you about his parachute jump?

Hannah Velten 40:50

It was at his school; he was in the army cadets. And he went on a parachute jump, and it was on his 17th birthday. And he went for the training, but when they were training they were practising jumping out of one particular side of the aeroplane. But when he went and actually did the jump, they were actually jumping out to the other side [they were actually in a different plane as the original had a fault]. And he was just like, 'I have to get this right in my head'. And the guy said to him, 'Are you ready to jump?" And Christian sort of put his hand up to indicate he wasn't quite ready, but he got turfed out. And I remember him telling me about it and I didn't realise how it affected him. But he got himself tangled up in the wires, and he was plummeting down to earth. And he said, in his head, he was going through like this film of his life; he was literally going through, saying goodbye to everybody. And then he heard this voice. And he said, the voice told him: "It's not your time yet. You have to get yourself free and come down to earth." And I know we were just talking the other day and you happened to mention Anita Moorjani - I don't know if you want to just tell the story about her and what she felt when she came back from that [near-death] experience. I think she had also heard a voice saying: "It's not your time..."

Sara Jaffar 40:50

[Sara shakes her head]

Sara Jaffar 40:54

That's right. I think it was her father she was communicating with who said, "It's not your time and you need to turn back. You've done the hard work now. You've done the pain and they're great gifts waiting for you and you need to go back - if you go any further you'll be in the death realm and you can't turn back from that."

Hannah Velten 43:14

Yeah.

Hannah Velten 43:14

And I think she made a promise to live fearlessly after that, and live life with abandon. And I think Chris had the same experience. He was always searching for, like, why had that happened? Why have I been given like a second chance? I think that ties in with all this walking on the cranes and things like that, and doing this trip to Africa solo.

Sara Jaffar 43:46

Yeah, exactly.

Hannah Velten 43:49

The other thing is that Christian was always nervous about being believed and this is why the book's taken, and is taking, a long time to do, but these podcasts have actually been brilliant at bringing the story forward, and it's been flowing really well. But he told me about his experiences with angels. And I mentioned this to you the other day, and he'd obviously never mentioned anything...

Sara Jaffar 44:24

No.

Hannah Velten 44:26

But if I can just read what he says, because he does mention where his angel work came from, and even at University what he was doing... so if you don't mind, I'd love to read this...

Sara Jaffar 44:41

No, I'd love to hear this.

Hannah Velten 44:47

I'll talk about this in another podcast, but he had visitations from angels while he was in Africa, but he's just talking about where they came from... So when he was really little, he used to see fairies and other presences, and children would come and sit on his bed with him, when he was at boarding school. "And they were always silent companions. We never talked, never. But there was always this comforting presence, like a warm blanket being placed around me, the warmth emanating from them. Those angels were our ancestors, Han; not just our blood ancestors, but everyone's ancestors from aeons ago. So I started to work with these angels after I left school and went to University. I kept very quiet, in fact silent, about what I got up to. I felt I had to be secretive as no one would understand what I was up to. Several of the girls suspected something was up with me as I was prone to disappearing at odd hours, claiming to be on some errand and would come back drained, yet animated - there were no drugs involved when I was working. Ever since the parachute jump, I'd been searching for my purpose, and these beings would lead me off to help children, small and large children. By large, I mean children in adult bodies... that's why I was always drawn to children, because they reminded me of the angel energy I could feel around my silent friends. At University, I started to visit children, but they weren't children who were physical. It's hard to explain. But I didn't physically work with these children, I worked with them energetically. I suppose it would be easiest to explain it as reiki. When I say I would 'disappear' at university, it wouldn't be physically leaving the house or room, but I would sort of leave my body and go to these children who were in need of help. I would visit them in their dreams or at night, or when they were lonely and scared. I was a bit like that invisible friend character. I still do this work, Han. And it's my speciality. I arrive in all sorts of guises: unicorns are a favourite for the girls, whereas the boys prefer the teddies and talking dinosaurs. I realised this is all going to be a stretch of the imagination. But it's my truth." And that's kind of what he said. And then he talks about the angels in Africa, which I'll put in the next podcast, probably.

Hannah Velten 47:28

Because it's all to do with. Yeah, definitely the sort of Africa. And

47:36

yes,

Sara Jaffar 47:37

I've never knew that.

Hannah Velten 47:39

Does that surprise you?

Sara Jaffar 47:41

No, not really. But probably it would have surprised me, then. You know, at 20 or whatever. Yeah, I don't know what I'd have thought about it then, to be honest. I'd definitely have found it more far fetched then, than I do now.

Hannah Velten 48:01

{Hannah laughs] Absolutely. He's battled for a long time with sort of telling the truths of HIS experience, because it was unusual. I don't think people were talking about it and and maybe he's.... okay, he's here.

Hannah Velten 48:33

It's important to own these truths, I guess. And he's sort of saying, "The unexpected things that happen, you just have to accept them and allow them to be part of you. And to sort of surrender to it, and to not fight these things. And it's all about opening up, isn't it? Opening up and being open to what life is truly bringing through."

Sara Jaffar 49:14

Surrender - that's a good word... Yeah, rather than fighting it; you know, we can't explain everything. As I've got older, I've just accepted it. I think it's difficult when you're younger, you've got a different focus, you know, you're very outward looking. As you get older, you just change, don't you. We become more open and realise that we don't have all the answers to everything and, you know, that's actually quite magical.

Hannah Velten 50:00

Yeah, absolutely. I think there's an element of encouragement as well, in our story and how this is all happening: it is encouraging people to be their true selves, I guess. Christian was very sure that he wasn't going to change for anybody else. He certainly wasn't going to not go to Africa. You know, I mean, Mum would always say, "Oh, bloody Bamako" {the capital of Mali}, because all he would ever talk about was Bamako, which is actually where he ended up. But trying to put him off, or trying to talk him around was just never going to happen. And there's that destiny life, you know, the life that you're destined to live, and he was gonna do it; there was no one to stop him.

Sara Jaffar 50:56

Yeah. I mean, it's hard for us to understand why that was his destiny, you know, why he had to go through that, and not be here anymore. Not in this physical realm. And it's easy for me to say it because I'm not his sister or his mother or father. I don't mean it in a glib way, but, yeah, it definitely was Chris's destiny. And he probably understands more about why that was his destiny now, within the realm that he's in. But I think for us here, it's hard.

Hannah Velten 51:45

Yeah, absolutely. It is. But I think he's definitely wanting to expand and I do feel like this is the beginning of another step in what he wants to achieve: to explain all of this to everybody. His destiny: you know, why he was drawn there. Definitely. I think the next episode will be all about that, and that he just had to do it. And it is difficult. It is difficult to understand, isn't it. Definitely.

Hannah Velten 52:24

Well, I'll look forward to hearing the next episode and hearing why that was his destiny. Yeah, okay. Well, lots of love. And thank you so much, Sara, for joining us.

Sara Jaffar 52:34

It's been so nice to see you.

Hannah Velten 52:35

I really appreciate you being here.

Sara Jaffar 52:38

It's been a great pleasure.

Sara Jaffar 52:38

So okay, lots of love. Take care. Okay. All right. Bye bye.