Episode #16 - Beyond The Veil - with Desi Kadra

Hannah Velten  00:07

Hello, everybody, hi, welcome. Come on in, as usual, come and sit around in the circle. Lovely to have you here. And this is actually my birthday week. So I'm 47 now, which seems ridiculously old {Hannah laughs]. And yeah, Christian would have been 46 this year. It's a big, sudden leap, I suppose, in terms of how much time has passed since I last saw him. And, you know, we celebrated his 40th birthday nearly six years ago now and that's seems ridiculous. But anyway, so Christian and I, we sat down this afternoon, actually, we've got this new project that we're working on with a collaborator who (I am not sure if you'll meet them on the podcast, but you will know of them in time) and I just sat down today in my shed, which is in the garden, but it's my fair-weather office. So I come up from where I am now and go out into nature and spend the whole of the summer and early autumn just being outside, listening to the birds, listening to the fountain and getting my inspiration. So today, we started to write - you will find out eventually what we're doing - but I just want to read you what I wrote with him today. So when Christian and I write together, I just hear his voice in my head, and I just write down what he's saying. I don't know if it was Christian... I don't think it's Christian's words - Christian is sending me the messages. So he's downloading it from Spirit and sort of translating it to me, sort of adjusting the frequency, I guess, so that I can download it. And it's sort of safe, and it's easy for me to do. So I'm just going to read this. Every podcast episode I've done so far has resonated with certain people, and they've been in touch with me. So I think this is quite a general message. So I think it will probably resonate with quite a few people. And then I'm going to introduce you to my lovely guest, Desi, so just bear with me, I'll just read this short piece.

Hannah Velten  02:30

When the winds of chaos and change swirl around you, I will be there. When the world seems dark and cold, know that I am by your side, holding your hand - unseen. Never doubt our love can conquer all that life appears to throw your way. Know that you are strong beyond belief. And know that our love continues, remaining strong, whatever the winds of change blow towards you. Keep opening your heart to me and to life. Death and loss is not the end, just a transition. A call to transform. There is no need to heed others advice for you have all you need within. Listen to your heart, my lovely. Listen to your soul. Where is it calling you?

Hannah Velten  03:25

So I just want to introduce you now to my lovely guest, Desi Kadra. Oh, I've known Desi for a few years and we got in touch over... I think it was... over Twitter after I tweeted something about grief and loss. This was quite a few years ago. So Desi got in touch with me and asked me to come on her YouTube channel. So her YouTube channel is called 'Bridging The Realm'. It's a YouTube and also a podcast channel. And really, Desi was the first one who I publicly told our story to. And I was very nervous about it. I'm going to bring Desi on now actually. You'll see how beautiful she is and how calm and radiant she is. She's in the Barcelona sunshine in Spain at the moment so she's looking beautifully glowing. So hi, Desi, thank you so much for joining me.

Desi Kadra  04:24

Hi, Hannah. Thank you so much for having me. It's such a pleasure to be here with you.

Hannah Velten  04:28

Oh, it feels like a bit of a role reversal because you've been interviewed me twice actually, haven't you. And I was saying you were the first one that we told our story to. And the other first time I was on screen with you I was extremely nervous and not sure about what sort of reaction I was gonna get - talking about this spiritual stuff and talking to Christian - and I was thinking they're all gonna think I'm mad but um, you didn't! {both laugh}

Desi Kadra  04:58

No, definitely not. But no, I think the story you told here was amazing. And, I mean, from what I remember you came across really amazing and the story was also so touching. And we had quite a few of the listeners who also commented later on that it was a really fascinating story and really courageous of you to actually tell it and in such a way that's never really been told before by anyone. So, yeah, it's really incredible what you're doing. So I'm really glad that I got in touch in the end, and we managed to connect.

Hannah Velten  05:07

Oh, that's lovely. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny, several people have actually said to me that they've never heard anything quite like our story. So I'm thinking that's a good thing. Although it's bad in a way because - well, not bad - but it's difficult in a way that there aren't other people talking about this, which makes it sort of normal. But hey, Christian and I are pioneers. That's fine. We'll just crash on as we are doing. But anyway, so role reversal. I'm going to be asking you the questions this time, Desi. So can you sort of tell me a bit about how - cuz obviously our story touched you, that grief and loss, can you just tell me a bit about your loss and your grief?

Hannah Velten  06:16

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. As I mentioned previously, obviously with your story also, it was so touching, and I think that sort of need to want to connect with your loved one that you haven't been able to connect with them in the physical reality, really resonated with me, even though my story is very different to yours. Still that kind of search for that person in wanting to connect with them, even though they might be in, you know, they're in spirit, is still so strong. And as I think many people who experienced loss feel this way, but they're... I guess because of the stigma that goes with everything to do with spirituality and in the spiritual world and what happens in life after death... a lot of people actually don't want to talk about it, they don't want to confront it. And I think my story, similarly with you wanting to talk about it... that's what kind of happened with me. So yeah, to get to it, basically, around nine years ago, my mum had cancer, she was diagnosed with cancer. She went along with the whole treatment: she did the chemo, the radio, she even had surgery to remove -  it was colon cancer, initially. And then we got the all-clear, everything was fine. And then three months later, it came back and this time it was in her liver, and it kind of spread and, basically, within three months, she passed away. So it was kind of a very quick, you know, reversal of everything that we thought was happening. So obviously, my whole family - me, my sister and my dad - went into huge shock, because we really didn't expect for things to pan out that way, we got the all-clear, so we thought everything was fine. And I guess - to put it in a short way - my world pretty much crashed at that point. You know, everything that I believed in, everything that I thought was real, kind of just didn't make any sense anymore. So... I just started asking a lot of questions at that point, and was kind of like, you know, what's the point of this? What's the point of life? Why are we here? [Desi laughs] You know, pretty much all the regular questions that most people go through when they go through loss.

Desi Kadra  08:32

So, at this point, I wasn't religious, I wasn't spiritual. I guess I was atheist, if I was to put it in a simple way. I didn't really believe in anything, especially because my mum came from a Muslim background. And my dad came from a Greek sort of Orthodox background. So obviously, the two together kind - it didn't clash - but it's just like, we weren't that religious, you know, so for us religion didn't really matter that much. We did class ourselves as Christian; we did go to church, but not regularly, so it was kind of like once a year, twice a year for special events. So yeah, I didn't really believe in anything to do with life after death, in thinking about the soul outside of the body. I guess I never really questioned myself, before that, what really happens? And obviously after my mum passed away, I started to ask myself these questions. And then I just went online and just started Googling things, you know, and going on YouTube and I literally just researched, what happens when you die? Is there a soul? Do they continue to live? Can you continue to speak to them after they die? And then I eventually came across this really interesting online event on YouTube, which was to do with speaking to people who have passed over, so there were a bunch of professionals who were talking about their professional work that they did, which involved communicating to spirits. And, you know, initially I thought, God, this is crazy, it sounded so insane to me that someone actually does that for a living, you know. And then I watched the whole thing, and it was about a two hour long conference and you could see that these people knew what they were talking about and they were speaking about their world - of communicating to spirits - as if it was something completely normal. And they were referring to these beings... as though they were living beings, like they were human and, you know, just a regular person, like your friend or your loved one. And for me something really, I guess it resonated with me, even though I didn't really believe in anything at this point, but I just knew I had to contact one of the people - one of the people, specifically, this lady really resonated with me - and I found her details. And I ended up booking a session with a one to one session with her. And about a month later, I went to see her and she got in touch with my mum, she brought my mum into the session.

Desi Kadra  11:09

And of course, at this point, I was thinking this is just ridiculous, I'm not going to get anything from it, they're probably lying, and all this stuff. And then, so I went to the session, and then I was just shocked at the amount of information that the lady was able to reveal to me and to relate to me, that was true, and is basically what happened without me even having told her anything much except from, you know, the fact that my mum died. And yeah, so it was really strange for me. I still found it very hard to believe that it's real, and that someone can actually communicate with the spirit of the deceased loved one. But you know, slowly, slowly, I guess my mind began to open up from that stage - that was kind of like the first time my mind opened - and I started to see, okay, there is something more to this than we're being told. And that was six years ago. And since then, I just started exploring the topic, learning more about it, going to classes where they actually teach you how to develop your own psychic abilities, because apparently, everyone has them, it's just that we don't really practice them or use them much. And now, seven years later, I've managed to now practice a lot of these things myself. I wouldn't say I can communicate with spirits yet; I think I still find it a little bit difficult to do that, but I've definitely had really powerful experiences, also with my mum. And I would say, for me, I know that this world definitely exists. And all the research that I've done also. I work in documentary, so I've done a lot of research into that, as a documentary filmmaker, so I've done a lot of research on that topic. And from what I've seen, for me, it's very, very real. And, yeah, that's all I can say. So I'm definitely on the other side of this now, six years later.

Hannah Velten  13:08

Gosh, it's actually... I was thinking, as you were speaking, our stories are quite similar, aren't they? You know, you start off questioning everything and something that really resonated with me was when you said like losing your trust in everything when your mum passed on, or passed over, like you were thinking everything was okay and then suddenly, bang. Yeah. And that loss of trust is massive, isn't it? And in terms of grief, loss, and also how you try and readjust to life. Yeah. How old were you when your mum passed over?

Desi Kadra  13:52

I was 24, yeah, just a month before my 25th birthday. So yeah.

Hannah Velten  13:58

Gosh. So what kind of impact did that have on you personally? Can you talk about how that was?

Desi Kadra  14:10

Yeah, definitely. I think that's probably what really led me to research this in the first place. Obviously I mean, losing my mum - for anyone to lose their mum is like, you know, the most important figure in your life. So, for me, it was kind of like just my whole world crashed, because my mom was kind of the one that sort of held the family together. She was really like the pillar of the family. So it's almost like everyone's world around her crashed, because she was holding us together and then it was just really weird to have that dynamic changed. You know, the way I was with my dad changed and then with my sister as well, obviously our relationship we got closer. But yeah, it was like the worst thing that could have ever happened. And what made it worse, I think was that, I guess, in the kind of year coming up to her death, our relationship wasn't that great. There was a lot of - I guess on my side - there was a lot of resentment, because I didn't really want to be in London, I wanted to travel and I kind of felt a little bit held back because, obviously, she was ill and I couldn't really leave because then I would feel guilty. I wanted to be there, but, at the same time, I wanted to, you know, live my life and go travelling {Desi laughs}. And, instead, you know, my mum always kind of worried about money a lot, and about, you know, needing to have savings just in case anything happens; she's always been in kind of that mentality of we need to save, we need to save. So I was very much like, Okay, I need to have a job and, at the time, I hated my job and I didn't want to be there. And I guess I had a little bit of a depression at the time anyway - on top of everything else that was going on - and then that really caused a lot of friction between my relationship with my mum. There were a lot of things that I felt like I couldn't really say to her, because I felt like I don't want to make her situation worse - I don't want to make her feel even worse. But then at the same time, you know, when you don't talk about these things, they stay with you and they kind of cause this huge emotional blockage and you can feel it, you know, in the dynamic anyway. So yeah, there were definitely a lot of things that I felt like I didn't get the chance to say to her anyway, because within the space of those three months everything just happened so quickly. And we were kind of just on, you know, alert mode and everything was like, you know, just trying to get everything sorted before, you know, before she passes away. So it wasn't like in the movies - at least that's what I thought to myself - it wasn't like in the movies where you get to say bye to them, and you get to tell them everything you wanted to. And you know, for me, it wasn't like that and that's what really made it so difficult for me to accept that I couldn't even tell her everything I wanted to and there were a lot of things that I said, that I wish I took back and that I regretted saying to her, you know, like the whole mother-daughter relationship can be quite intense sometimes. So there were a lot of regrets that I had, and a lot of things that I wish I told her. And so that really, when she passed over, that just killed me.

Desi Kadra  17:28

I was just thinking, you know, I can't imagine myself living like this for the rest of my life. Just the guilt, and the regret, were... literally, I felt like I was going to die from that myself, you know. So that was probably the biggest thing for me. I just wanted to know that I can still speak to her and I can still, even though she's passed away, I can still say the things that I wished I said before she passed away. So that's why I think the first time when I went to see the lady that I had the session with, even though, you know, still nothing had changed in terms of my mom was still dead... I actually walked out of that session feeling elated because I thought wow, I can actually... now I know I can communicate with her and she is here to hear me and she can understand, you know, why I said the things that I did and why I didn't say the things that I didn't. So basically, I could get a bit of closure that I didn't really get the chance to have when she was still here. So, for me, that was a huge relief, I guess (if I can put it that way), because at least it meant I could still, yeah, basically have that closure with her that I didn't get the chance to have before. So yeah, that was the big thing for me.

Hannah Velten  17:40

So did you feel like you'd - you talked about closure there - did you feel like after that sort of one session that, you know, I've kind of been able to say what I wanted to say?How did it sort of carry on after that? Because there must have been some things that you were still...

Desi Kadra  19:06

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, to be honest, even now, I've said this, you know, it still hasn't really finished. Because it's been a whole process for the last six years of me kind of, I guess, communicating those things little by little. You know, even though it's made a huge difference and I've had more sessions after that, and also going to classes and being able to kind of connect with her through that, so it's definitely made things a lot easier. There are a lot of things that I've been able to get off my chest and kind of almost kind of repair our relationship in a way, even like in this way, so similar with you. But it's still a process. There are still things that I guess I am finding difficult to understand in terms of why she did certain things and why our relationship was so difficult in the last kind of year before she died, and I'm still making my amends with that. But there's just so many different pieces to it. You know, I feel like I've been repairing piece by piece over the last few years. It's not just like one process where you can just wipe the slate clean. I mean, I'm sure you would know as well. Yeah, it's been a huge process. And we're still kind of doing that. So every now and then I will kind of, in my meditation, I will, you know, try to basically call on her and then sometimes I will really feel her energy around me and I'll literally sometimes feel even her words, her speaking to me, so... but at the same time, there's a part of me that's still very logical that just thinks 'no, I'm making it up', you know, so I kind of balance between the two things. And sometimes I'm like, 'Okay, okay, I know this was real and I know she was definitely here'. But then sometimes I'm like, 'No, I just imagined that.' So it's still a process of the whole thing.

Hannah Velten  21:01

Yeah, there's no shortcuts is there on this grieving and the healing journey, especially when, you know, you've had a difficult relationship, or there's been elements of mistrust or some barriers between you. Well you know my story with Christian, we had mistrust very early on when he went to a different school and I never realised that, he never realised that, but that sort of played out through our lives. But having that opportunity... we always see it as like an onion, or a gift, that you're unwrapping, like, pass the parcel kind of gift that you're unwrapping to get to the bottom of stuff as well. And it's definitely a marathon. The whole healing. So I'm interested, actually, about your family. How do they feel about you? We'll talk obviously more about your healing later on. But like from your family, your sister and your dad - do you talk to them about this? Do they understand? How have they managed their grief compared to you maybe?

Desi Kadra  22:09

Ah, very different. Every one of us just dealt with in a very different way. So I dealt with it literally by just diving straight into the spiritual stuff. And I didn't want to know about anything else. Because, to me, science didn't give me any any help. Religion didn't really give me any help. So I was like, okay, spirituality is for me. So I'll just dive straight into that. My dad went completely in the opposite... well, not so much opposite... he went into Christianity. So he started going to church, he, you know, was going there regularly, every Sunday, reading the Bible... and we actually, at some point, we had a lot of, I'd say, almost arguments, really, because there's a big part of the Christian religion which talks about the whole spiritual stuff, and you know, says that this is like the work of the Devil, and you're not supposed to do that. So we had [Desi laughs] to explain to him and, you know, sometimes we just had to kind of agree to disagree, and just leave it as that. And my sister, she was kind of, I guess, in between. I mean, she's like the scientist of the home, so she was very much in the science kind of base and, you know, I told her everything that I experienced, and she listened to the recordings that I had with my sessions, and I could see that she was kind of starting to open up a tiny bit, but she still had a lot of questions and she was still very sceptical about it all and kind of like, you know, maybe the lady just guessed this - she was trying to have very logical explanations as to how, you know, she would have so much information. [Desi laughs] And she kind of went into that side and she really got herself really busy with her job and just kind of put her head down and started to, I guess in a way, she almost avoided dealing with the whole grief. And my dad also, because my dad went straight back to work and just continued to work. Whereas I, at this point, I was actually let go at my work, because they were downsizing on the company and to be honest, for me, that was good, because I didn't like working there anyway. But I basically used that time for, I guess it was the first year, to just not work and I just stayed at home, because I guess I was just going through this whole dark night of the soul and, at this point, I had no idea what I wanted. I knew I didn't want to go back to the old job or have anything similar to that. And I was just so confused. And I guess I just used that time to explore the spiritual field a lot more. So yeah, I guess I was probably the only one that really dealt with the grief more openly than anyone else from the home. Yeah, so that's how we all dealt with it. Very different.

Hannah Velten  25:03

Yeah, I think everyone does. They all have their sort of ideas about death, life and how they're going to cope with it and also how they cope with previous losses, you know, it all compounds, doesn't it? Thank you for sharing that, because... and thank you for being so honest as well, actually, I'm hearing like, thank you for being so honest about your family and your relationship with your mum. Because I know we're always told 'don't speak ill of the dead' and what have you, but we all have issues - don't we - with our relationships. No relationship is perfect. And there's always a hangover, somehow, where you wish you'd been able to say things and you have obviously found your way to do that. So I'm interested... you obviously start researching for yourself, and you obviously have found the way you're comfortable with processing and the way you're moving forward. So at what point do you suddenly feel, right, I need to share this with other people? Because you have your YouTube and you have your podcast. Does it sort of feel like it's part of your mission or part of a purpose?

Desi Kadra  26:30

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, it does feel like that because I guess outside of the class where I began to go to - that was teaching about the spirituality and everything - I couldn't find anyone else in my sort of environment, from my family and my friends, that really knew about this world. And I found it really strange because the more I dived into it, the more I realised how normal this actually is, and how normal it is for people who have lost loved ones to actually communicate with them, and to have these experiences where they've been able to communicate with them, or they've heard their voice or they've had some sort of a weird experience that made them aware that, you know, they are present, and they are around them. And I just found it really strange that people don't talk about that, because obviously, from my personal experience, it was so difficult to live a life with the idea that I'm never going to see her again, that I'm never going to be able to speak to her again. That's what made it really difficult for me, and I felt that it was just gonna kill me, you know, because it was like, I couldn't imagine myself continuing to live my life with all that guilt and that regret, and just not having that closure with her. So, for me, that was really difficult and I knew that a lot of people have very similar experiences. So you know, people whose loved ones pass away in sudden accidents, or, you know, car accidents and things like that. And I thought God, what about these people that haven't even had the chance to say anything to their loved ones? And I just thought it was ridiculous that people are not actually open about it. And for me, it's like, why would you not? Just because of the whole stigma against it? But, for me, you know, that wasn't enough. So I guess the more I started to learn about this, and the more I realised how separated these two realities are, the more I just felt drawn to start putting this out there. And I thought, because my background was in film and documentary, and I thought, it only makes sense for me to actually start doing something that's related to that, and to start kind of putting this information out there for more people to see. I mean, because it's already out there, but it's just not as common, I guess, or at least before it wasn't as common. Now I think it's becoming more and more common for people to talk about these things openly, but before it wasn't and it was kind of very hidden, and still a lot of stigma. And, you know, whoever you told that to, they will kind of just look at you like you're weird or crazy. And I just thought that was insane, because that's what's causing more grief and more pain to the people who have lost someone. And for me, that's just wrong for us to continue to do that to play that stigma and to continue with that false pretence. So yeah, that's why I thought I'll start doing the podcast. So that's kind of how it started.

Hannah Velten  29:27

It's brilliant. Because once you start talking - I mean, I've just written down 'brave'. It was a brave thing for you to do, apart from anything, because you're right, there is this stigma and I remember it very well. And I probably only since doing the podcast, and doing it for a while, I'm now very easy talking about it all, but at the beginning, I was like... [Hannah stutters]... but once one person sort of says something, somebody else goes, Oh, oh, yeah, okay, that kind of happened to me, and then, like you say, it becomes a normalised thing. I mean, do you think it ever could become normal that this is what we all think and experience? Because there's a big difference isn't there between being told something or having a medium sort of being the gatekeeper, to actually having an experience yourself...

Desi Kadra  30:21

Yeah. Yeah. I totally think that that's going to become the norm in the future, I don't know how long it will take for people to finally start getting it. But I definitely think it will become the norm one day. And I think now, even with science, so much of the science now is actually backing this up with near death experiences, and with people who have passed away and then come back to their bodies, you know, there are so many experiences that they've been able to report and, you know, communicating with their loved ones who have passed away, and then coming back and kind of talking about the information they've been given. So there's so much scientific data now and information that's backing all of this up. And then on top of that, you have all the mediums, you know, and people like yourself who are actually communicating with the spirit world, and are able to relay all of this information as well. So you have both of these worlds now kind of coming together. And it's almost like we are starting to work together and combine the information from one another. So I think it's really amazing what's happening; I think it's just going to take a bit more time for kind of everyone to get on board. [both laugh] So probably not everyone will. But I guess there will come a point where we have like a good level of people that now accept it as a truth and as a reality - that we are much more than this physical reality. So, yeah, I think you'll have a lot of benefits when that happens.

Hannah Velten  31:42

Yeah, I like the idea... Christian and I are definitely doing that, that new sort of collaboration... now we've done our work, or our healing, and we've come out the other side, like now it's the time where we share it. It's like sharing story, isn't it? I mean, I don't know if you can share any particular sort of stories that you've heard that really sort of stand out as - I don't know about proof - but that really helped you understand as well, or that helped you on your journey?

Desi Kadra  32:19

Yeah, definitely. I kind of had experiences in my classes, when I used to go, where there were just so many people who have loved ones that would come back and tell them information and stuff like that - that almost became like the norm. So it was really weird, because I felt like at one point, I was living in two different realities. I had the reality of, you know, when I'm at home and with my family and my friends, and then we'll kind of talk about regular things and just normal things. And then I had the other reality, which was going to class and speaking to all these spirits who have come back to, you know, to tell people how sorry they are that they did what they did. So it was quite funny actually, at one point I started to get confused between the two. But um, yeah, there is one specific one that I remember: I spoke to a lady and she had a near death experience. She was hit by a van and her soul left her body - so she described it really visually, really detailed to me. And her soul left her body and she basically told me how she literally just started seeing, you know, her body first on the road and then she was seeing all the people gather in the beginning. She was saying that she couldn't quite understand what's happening. She was kind of like a little bit confused and thinking, Oh, why all these people gathering? You know, what's happened? And she looked down and she could see her own self basically lying on the floor, on the road. And then I think she got pulled up into a light or something, and she was saying that her grandmother (her dead grandmother) appeared to her and started, you know, asking her how she is and what's going on and, you know, basically she had a full on conversation (like we're having right now) with her dead grandmother. And I think (as far as I remember) she told her that it's not had time yet, you know, she needs to go back. She still needs to look after the family, and stuff like that. And I think the last thing that she said she remembered was just before she woke up, one of the emergency nurses, who was next to her, was trying to resuscitate her and she remembered one of the nurses saying something to her like, 'you're going to be okay, you're going to be okay.' And then eventually they managed to bring her back to life. She saw her spirit went back into her body. And then next thing she knows, she was in the hospital and then that's when she properly woke up and then she remembered. She had a rough idea of what's happened. But yeah, it started to come back to her. So yeah, I think that was one of the stories that stuck with me a lot; I guess because it was just so descriptive in terms of what she saw after she left her body and it's very similar to a lot of the stories that I've heard, just from doing my own research on the topic of life after death, and people having near death experiences and leaving the body and then coming back. So they all sound quite similar in terms of what happens and what they can see when the death happens and then communicating with their loved ones, maybe like a friend or grandpa, grandma. So yeah, there's a lot of these stories and a few of these I've definitely remembered; they kind of stick with you.

Hannah Velten  35:47

Is there an element of disbelief that you have when you hear these stories? Are you totally, totally on board with it all?

Desi Kadra  36:00

Yeah, well, I think by now, because I've heard so many of them, and it's just become so normal that I don't really have the need to question or be sceptical about it. Because I know, by now, that it's very, very real and that's pretty much what happens, based on what I've heard before. The only times I do question something is when maybe I am with a medium who's trying to connect with the spirit of a loved one and they're relaying the information, then I'll kind of question myself, what extent do I believe that they're actually communicating with that person? You know, sometimes there are those little doubts that I have, especially... I've been to some sessions where there are these kind of group sessions where you have the medium, and they will just call out names. And they'll say, 'Oh, I'm hearing a name. Starts with M or N.' You know, those are the ones I'm kind of a little bit sceptical about. But yeah, apart from that, I think most of the time I do. I do tend to just believe what they tell me because I feel like there's not really any reason for people to lie about these things as well, I guess.

Hannah Velten  37:12

I think it takes a lot to stand up and talk about these things, doesn't it? You know, I would never have put myself in this position if it hadn't been totally true for me. Because why would I put myself through that? I know you were talking about the conversation with your dad about, you know, 'all of this is wrong and evil and the Bible says you shouldn't...' I've had all that thrown at me as well... and loads more, [Hannah laughs], so you don't do these things lightly and stand up and talk about it! Your YouTube channel and the podcast, how do you decide what subjects you're going to cover? Or the guests that you're going to invite? Or do they just sort of come into your life, like they do for me?

Desi Kadra  38:04

Yeah, yeah. Both ways, really. So when I first started the podcast, so that was only two years ago now, by then, I guess, I'd been doing so much of this kind of spiritual work that I had a pretty big group of people that were already involved in this work anyway, so I kind of just started interviewing a lot of them. And then as I continued to do more research, I came across loads of other different stories where the people and their work sounded really interesting to me, and I would contact them and ask them to be on my show. And, you know, not everyone was kind of psychic mediums. Some of them were energy healers, you know; others could do psychic surgery, which I find fascinating and other people who dealt with shamanism and other people who do numerology or tarot readings and stuff like that. So, you know, although the majority of my interviews were to do with life after death, and kind of communicating with psychic mediums (because that's what I've found the most interesting), I definitely kind of expanded into different areas as well. So it's not strictly just kind of life after death. Because that gets tiring after a while! Like, okay, now we can move on something else...

Hannah Velten  38:05

Yeah, we need another topic to discuss! Yeah, so often we teach what we need to learn ourselves. So were you sort of exploring your ideas as the YouTube channel was growing?

Desi Kadra  39:45

Yeah, yeah, pretty much. So I kind of did it the way in terms of the things that I was interested in. So at the time, I was exploring things like quantum energy, quantum healing, astrology, numerology and things like that, so I brought on quite a few people that worked in those fields. So I had a numerologist. Then I had an astrologer, and then I had a lady who works with quantum healing and the idea that the illnesses that we develop, and the diseases that we have, are related to emotional causes. So I find that really interesting, and how emotions can have such a huge effect on your physical body and how it can make you sick and things like that. So yeah, it was a lot of things that I'm basically interested in and I wanted to explore in more depth, because, again, you know, science only really goes so far and the things that we're taught in school only teach us so much. And then religion is kind of like a whole another subject, you know - it's kind of very narrow minded in many ways. You know, not to dash anyone's beliefs, but I definitely believe in God, it's just I feel like the way we have been taught in religion is a little bit limiting. So it's nice to expand and kind of explore what else there is outside of the religion, based on my own interests.

Hannah Velten  41:16

It's interesting because with my sort of journey that we've been on, I've picked and chosen the things which resonate for me out of religions, spiritual beliefs. I mean, the whole gamut of things. I've done so much reading, and it's the same with you, I guess, being open to everything that's come up into my view, and I'm like, 'Ooo, okay, well that's interesting. I'll take a bit of that.' But, I don't know about you, I found when I'd learn something then I would be given a book recommendation or something from a friend or from spirit sometimes, and I'd read a passage and go, 'Oh, well, that was all about what's just happened to me.' Did you get that going through?

Desi Kadra  42:05

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I would get like weird things, like - I guess you can call them synchronicities - and I'd be kind of looking up something online and then the exact message that I was kind of looking for I would just read randomly on a website somewhere, you know. Or something will come up in numbers. I love number meanings and things like that. So I get a lot of those in like repeating numbers. Yeah, so I'll definitely get a lot of that. So almost like, I guess, in a way, spirit, or the universe, was trying to give me the information for all of these different avenues and I will end up finding them either for, again, like researching something online, or maybe having a conversation with someone and then mentioning something really random and then it kind of resonated with what I was thinking about previously. So yeah, little things like that, I'll find they will just come across and then I would kind of get hooked on that thought, and then I'll explore it further and try to learn more about that. So yeah, it's really interesting.

Hannah Velten  43:11

I mean, we talk about being The Finder of Lost Things, and myself... how has your grief journey and exploring grief changed you as a person? You know, have you found things that you didn't know about yourself? Have you uncovered gifts? You know, how has it sort of changed you through the process?

Desi Kadra  43:42

Yeah. Ow, Boy massively, like it's changed me so much. And yeah, I'd say the whole process of obviously dealing with the grief and learning more about the spiritual side and what happens in life after death, I guess they're all kind of interlinked, because what I found is when you learn about life after death, it automatically teaches you more about life and about yourself. And specifically, I'd say, for example, in some of the classes that I used to go to, a lot of the spirits that we were kind of communicating with and that were really coming through - and there would be mostly ancestors, you know - that will kind of wanting to come in and say 'hi', or come in and apologise about something or relay their grief about something and all of that kind of really taught me about what's really important in life. Because a lot of the spirits who did come back and, you know, wanted to say something, it was normally about wanting to say sorry, or apologise for something or, talking about a regret that they had, that maybe they  didn't deal with a certain situation the correct way when they were still alive, or they didn't pay enough attention to their kids when they were still alive, or they regret doing something... it's normally these two sort of things is the regrets and the guits. They always would come up in every situation. And, for me, that really taught me about what's really important. And, for me, I think it's about, you know, having that honesty and being able to say sorry when you can, and just basically clearing the air with the person when you can, and when you still have the ability to and really thinking about the important things in life such as, you know, having more love, having more connection with people, not caring so much about who owns what property and who has so much money, and this much money. And, yeah, it's really things like that, I think that really kind of stood out to me and really made me think about where I'm putting my energy in my own life. And, maybe, you know, I should focus more on having more authentic connections with people and friendships, rather than getting really too involved with my work and not having enough time for my family and for my friends, because you know, at the end of the day, these are the things that are really important that make your experience so much more richer, than you just working away, but not really having an authentic connection. And I think that's what really stood out to me, the spirits that we were kind of communicating with, and the ones that were too busy or too angry or had some sort of an issue, normally, they're the ones that really had very painful emotions to work through. And they're the ones who couldn't really quite move on, you know, into the higher realms and move on into spirit properly, because they had so many of these really heavy feelings that were pulling them down and making them almost like stuck, you know, in this kind of limbo state. So, that was really interesting for me, because I never knew that this even existed, and that this could even happen for a spirit to become stuck and to not be able to move on. So that was really interesting learning about that whole side of life and life after death and kind of seeing what is it that makes people not able to move on, basically. So that taught me a lot about what I need to do in my life in order not to get stuck [Desi laughs] when I do pass on one day... so yeah...

Hannah Velten  47:21

That's so interesting, isn't it. This whole thing about the two realms, you know, the physical and the spiritual, like we're all experiencing the same things, we take what we have and we take it over. Yeah. And that heaviness, and that stuckness, you know, Christian had that - obviously - and actually, our journey is the same with yours. It's like you heal and you journey on both sides of the realms, you do it together. Like, that's how we've been able to heal and transform both of our lives - we've both done it together, Christian and I. And I guess with you and your mum, have you come to some sort of understanding or is there... there's obviously more still to go, but do you feel she's freer now?

Desi Kadra  48:15

Yeah, yeah, I definitely feel this way. I think, compared to the very first few times when I had sessions with my psychic medium to the latest sessions, there was definitely a shift. It wasn't a big shift. But there was definitely a shift in terms of, at that point, my mum felt a lot better that now we've realised that she isn't completely gone, and that we can still kind of communicate with her when we need to. And I know that she's still kind of around us and kind of looking after us in a way. But it definitely felt more, I guess, a little bit more distant, as in she knew that we're going to be okay and she knew that we will be able to take care of ourselves, and so I feel like, from her point of view, there wasn't such a need for her to be constantly here and present with us all the time. She knew that now we know that she's there and that we can communicate with her whenever we need to.

Desi Kadra  49:22

From what I last remember, she was travelling back and forth to see her mum because her mum's still alive, my grandma. And she was kind of travelling to us and then going to see like other family and things. So it sounds like she was having a good time travelling between [Desi laughs] different places. And also I don't really dream about her as much as I used to. I used to dream quite a lot about her before and the dreams were quite heavy. And I think that was probably partially me processing my own grief and my own kind of issues that we had at the time, before she passed away, and now I don't really have those dreams anymore. So I feel like we've managed to clear a lot of that; not 100%, but a lot of it I feel like it has been cleared. And so I feel like as a result, maybe on her side, she's also been able to move on a little bit as well with her own path of where she is meant to go after this. So yeah, it definitely feels like she's not completely gone, but there's definitely more distance than before, in the very beginning.

Hannah Velten  50:30

That's interesting, isn't it. I feel that with Christian as well; he was really close when I kind of needed him and at the certain points where we needed to do work, as well. And then he would go off and visit friends. And then he's working with children actually, in spirit, so he has his roles to do, but I was also very aware that he was off, like, sowing the seeds for what's coming now. Do you feel your mum is... I was gonna say... do you feel she's a sort of a guide, a supporter? How do you sort of feel about your relationship now?

Desi Kadra  51:11

Yeah, it's quite interesting. I definitely feel like she's there to guide us, especially in the difficult moments and stuff. And I feel like now, I guess because I've been able to do all of this work with her for the last several years, I feel almost like, in a way, our relationship is better, because I feel like now I can talk to her about the things that I felt like I couldn't before. And that because, you know, there were all of these things, and that we just felt like we couldn't talk about in the house. And now, obviously, we've kind of gone past this stage, and we've opened up to so many things, and I've been able to see how her own childhood, and then the things that she experienced as a child, really kind of influenced the way she was in certain ways. Like, for example, with the money and always wanting to save and just being so caught up with work and wanting to constantly work, because there was just this fear of not having enough, which was, you know, programmed into her since when she was a child. And now I feel like I can understand her a lot better. And I can see why she was the way that she was in certain respects. Not that it was in a negative way, but it's just when she was alive there were a lot of things that I just couldn't understand why she did certain things the way that she did. And now I can understand that. And now I feel like when I do try to connect with her, I know where she's coming from, and I know our relationship feels closer than it was before, in a way. Obviously not in the same way in the physical manner, but in the way that of her energy feels around me. And, yeah, in terms of how open I feel like I can be with her. And also the fact that I think they can pretty much hear your thoughts anyway, so I'm kind of like, okay, no point in me trying to hide anything, because she will know anyway!

Hannah Velten  53:09

That's brilliant. I remember dad saying, our dad saying, when I sort of told him about Christian - he doesn't really believe anything that Christian and I are up to; he just can't mentally cope with it - but I remember him saying, like, really questioning; 'What? Is Christian around you all the time? Like, will you hear him all the time?' And I sort of thought, well, at the moment I will, but I think it will lessen in time. [both laughing]. But to try and put your head around what we're talking about, you know, for people who are maybe 'I'm not sure about this', it is a difficult leap, isn't it? But, as you say, once you're in it... and it was interesting to hear you were talking about being in that group, and you're actually feeling like you're on two different sort of planets almost because this is so normal to us all, isn't it?

Desi Kadra  54:02

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And I think I became so used to talking about the spiritual stuff that when I was talking about anything else, it sounded so foreign to me and so just petty, and you know, people talking about the bills that they have to pay and complaining about the weather and things like that. And so many times I would go off into my own little world and I will start thinking about all these things and like the spirit world and things like that and I'd be like, 'come back, come back to the conversation.' So yeah....

Hannah Velten  54:35

It certainly gives you a different perspective on life as well, doesn't it. And I love that you and your mum have more understanding, and probably some forgiveness, and, you know, compassion maybe between you, which I know with Christian and I our relationship massively... I wouldn't say improved... but we got to know each other really well and we have got to know each other really well. So I think for anyone who's maybe missing a loved one, our stories sort of show that with some faith and some openness and some receiving, you know, anything can happen and the connections can be really improved.... you know, ah, we've got to go. This is our time - it always happens so quickly, Desi, it really does go so quickly. But I just want to thank you so much and, as I said earlier on, you were the first person that I opened up to, and I so appreciate that. I so do. And you know, Christian does as well - he's making me feel a bit [teary] you know, because it was the first time we used our voices, and were able to share our truth with people and I thank you for that hugely. And thank you so much for coming on. If people want to see more of your films, they should go to, I presume,  'Bridging The Realm'?

Desi Kadra  55:58

Yeah, so just 'Bridging The Realm' on YouTube. And yeah, you'd be able to find the channel, so everything's on there. Yeah.

Hannah Velten  56:05

And actually, in November 2020, I was part of a 'Life After Death Online Summit' that you produced and obviously created. So there's so much in that - it was a couple of days, wasn't it - and there was so much good stuff in there. So anybody who's interested, please go and have a look at Desi's YouTube channel and the podcast. And thank you so much for joining us. And yeah, lots of love. Thank you very much.

Desi Kadra  56:37

It's been a really pleasure.

Hannah Velten  56:39

Oh, that's a pleasure, absolute pleasure. And next week... I'm not sure who's going to be on the podcast or what's going to happen, so it could be a potluck. We'll see what happens. Anyway, lots of love. Thank you very much. And see you next week. Bye.

56:58

Thank you for listening to 'The Finder of Lost Things'. I think we've been triggered so long and so hard by COVID. And it's going to carry on. People are getting used to stillness and they're getting used to a more solitude. But how do you use that time for the highest good? This process that we're going to explore will bring back the joy and purpose to life. That wholeness, you know, that sort of harmony and flow and togetherness. People are really ready to find their lost parts now. You can find me at www.hannahveltne.online