Get answers to your questions about marriage, parenting and family life from experts and parents of 7 children!

Rachel Denning (00:00.558)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Extraordinary Family Life podcast. Wait, the first episode of the new year. Yes. Happy new year to you, ladies and gentlemen. We had an absolutely phenomenal trip that we led for families. Right after Christmas. We had a fantastic, phenomenal new year. Yeah, it was incredible. Well, it's because we were, so after Christmas we went into, we had our group come and meet us in.

Lisbon and then we went to Marrakesh, Morocco and we spent a day there in that amazing city and then we went out into the Sahara way out. It was a long long drive over the Atlas Mountains but worth it into the big sand dunes. And then a long long drive via four -wheeled vehicles. Yeah across the desert. Oh and all the different aspects of the desert they're just...

the stone, there's just this miles of just rocks. Well, because unlike what most people think, which I thought the very first time I went to the desert nine years ago was that the Sahara is all sand dunes. It's not all sand dunes. It's got clay and it's got hard dirt. It's got like fields of rocks, which is weird. And then these bushes, these strange little bushes that the camels love to eat. Camels eat.

very interesting things because we took a shot orange peels and the guides were like oh yeah and the camels just devoured them i think they loved orange peels camels just have to be able to eat anything yeah i think so i think they eat anything because they were eating like fur there was some little fur trees out there they were eating they were eating something to me looked like a succulent kind of but i mean think about it if that's if if that's where you live that's all that's available to eat yeah anything

Camels are strange, interesting animals. They're cool to be around. So then we went out there, but the big thing was we celebrated New Year's Eve and New Year's Day out there in a desert camp, playing on the sand dunes, and the music, and the food, and the Berber, the blue men, and oh man, it was just awesome. Well, and the other exciting thing for us is on New Year's Day, New Year's Eve Day,

Rachel Denning (02:24.398)
Well, it was right as the sun was setting. Right as the sun was setting, we went out and our guide had pre -arranged this whole thing where our daughter's boyfriend was going to propose to her. And so they had this whole traditional Moroccan proposal, not because either of them are Moroccan, but just because we were in the desert. And they had the camels there and they had tea and Moroccan pastries and all of these gifts that they had.

prearranged for her for him to give to her. A couple of them were custom made for her. Yeah, custom made. Oh, so amazing. A shawl, a custom made rug, and it was magical. Like it was just so, it was the most amazing engagement I've ever seen. Even, even better than ours. Which was pathetic. Which is not hard. Anything is above what I did.

So it was pretty special. It was awesome. And then, yeah, then we drummed late into the night. I heard afterwards, because Greg and I barely made it to midnight, we were so tired. Because the previous night we'd slept in a very rough conditions in the desert. And it was freezing. We were all tired. We were all exhausted. Many people went to bed and didn't stay up. Oh, it was fun that night. Again, adventures are like this. And that's what we're going to talk about today. We'll have more stories with.

adventures have like these highlight reels and then what you might call the low light reels and That that first night we all there was a one big tent They set up and they just piled everybody in there, right? So we had 20 some odd people But it wasn't like fully enclosed right because you were in the corner right next to the crack in the corner to block the wind coming in so I keep my daughter's warm and so then we put the two little girls in between

me and Rachel and they slept perfectly all night long, nice and warm and they're like, it was a great night. And we were cold. Pretty much everyone else though was like, wow, that was a long cold night. In fact, there was one kid who didn't even have a blanket. We all woke up. Because he decided to stay out super late and he came in and didn't have a light so he couldn't find where to lay down and there was two blankets just laying there unused. Oh man. But.

Rachel Denning (04:51.374)
I love things like that. Even though it's miserable and uncomfortable, it's formative. It totally is. Most of the people that had come with us had never done anything like that. And it was like this giant slumber party in the Sahara in one tent and we all just throw their butts off and didn't sleep well. But I'm like, that, you know, it's not pleasant. It's not comfortable. But that's the point. Right. You go out and you do something and nobody comes back and is like, that was a great experience. They were like,

Whoo, that was a doozy, but it's actually makes the story. Well, I mean what they did say it was a great experience, but they all Recognized that there were certain elements of it like that That were very challenging for a lot of them, you know I have to endure a cold night in the desert and ride camels and four -wheel through you know, you got a four -wheel through

Whatever the desert it was a minimum of two hours of four -wheeling which after a while it does get very Uncomfortable for a lot of people you're hitting your head you're being jostled around non -stop Your organs are yeah, well and and what I was gonna say is you know gratefully the next camp we went to which is a fixed camp so it means that they've got to set up there permanently it was much more comfortable we actually slept in bed

And everyone was eager to get to their beds on New Year's Eve because of that previous rough night. And so some of them went to bed. You and I stayed up because we felt the obligation of being the guides and having arranged everything. Like we had to stay up. At least make it till midnight. Right. So we did. We went to bed right after midnight. I heard from some of the group who stayed up until one, two, four, that the guides were all up.

like the guides were sandboarding at 4am which I thought was incredible like they grabbed the boards and went sandboarding at 4am while the rest of the group went to bed but then they were also the ones up in the morning preparing breakfast for us and you know just making a great day they did an incredible job Dar Sahara tours so if you want to go to the desert go with us next time but that'll be a couple years

Rachel Denning (07:13.678)
go with their Saharan tours. They are incredible. Barak is a good guy. Anyway, this is really special. So our daughter's engaged, our oldest daughter's engaged. That's a whole new adventure. And our next oldest son, or both of our boys have girlfriends. It's a fun stage. Like, I don't know, I've enjoyed every stage of parenting. Every last bit of it. And this one's...

just as good as the others. It's fun. It's fun watching your kids learn how to have relationships and watch how they just navigate that whole new change. And then this is the prospect now of our kids starting their own families. Well, I'm most excited about grandkids. Well, I have to share this funny story because it's directly connected to this.

When they got engaged on the dunes, you know and the the Moroccan guides they had this whole thing where Afterwards they literally they started playing the drum and drumming and then like doing their singing and then they grab our hands and they pull us out and we went over and danced over on the dunes as the Sun is setting like it was very picturesque like from a movie literally and Then after with that all of that. I was giving hugs and congratulations and I gave a hug to my new

future son -in -law. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going to be a mother -in -law. And he's like, yes, and soon a grandma, you know? And the funny thing to the people behind me, it sounds like, oh, she's already pregnant, which no, that's not the case. He just means they're eager to have children. And I'm like, wow, yeah, that is sobering as well that we could be grandparents within a couple of years. Yeah. So exciting. So excited. Well, we're recording this episode from a hotel.

in Casablanca, Morocco. Yes. Which was not on our original itinerary. When you first hear it, you might think, oh wow, it's so romantic. No, no it's not. We're not supposed to be here anymore. We're not supposed to be in Casablanca. We actually didn't have that. We never were going to come through here and stay and we were supposed to be on our, almost the way across.

Rachel Denning (09:36.877)
Spain on our way to France. Well, okay, so essentially today's episode is going to be about how to deal with obstacles and disappointments for achieving goals. Especially relevant for the new year because hopefully you've all set some goals. I know I have. I've spent time setting my goals for the new year. Also especially relevant because we are literally, we've just started the new year. It's only the ninth.

And we're already faced major obstacles. Deepen our obstacles and disappointments. Because our original plan had been by now we would be home in Portugal. We'd be back home in Portugal. We were supposed to get home last night, which yesterday was our daughter's 17th birthday, not the one that just got engaged, her second daughter. And we were supposed to, for her birthday,

Okay, essentially we were supposed to leave on Sunday the 6th. We were supposed to drive to Tangier, stay the night. The morning of the 7th, we take the ferry back across to Spain. We drive to Granada. We go see the Alhambra. We stay the night in Granada. On her birthday, we were going to drive to Cordoba, which is another beautiful, gorgeous city we've wanted to see for a long time. We've wanted to go there for years. See that, then drive three hours home to our home in Portugal. Well, instead, here we are in Casablanca still. Because when we left Marrakech,

on our plan my car we drove two cars your Defender and my car my car stopped working started malfunctioning everything on the freeway so long story short we had to get towed two hours to Casablanca and we have been here ever since waiting okay okay I gotta throw this in there I didn't anticipate sharing this I have been

studying French. Just a few years ago I thought, you know what, I'm just fascinated with French. I just felt strongly that I wanted and needed to learn French. I think this is relevant. You really got into or interested in learning French the last time we lived in Morocco. We lived here for three months. What? Eight years ago? Yeah, so many years ago. That's when you really got into wanting to learn French. I want to learn it, but I didn't do anything for a few years.

Rachel Denning (12:02.765)
It was one of those I would like to, right? One of those. And they let that be a lesson for all of us. If there's something that piques your interests or something you want to do, just start on it. What you do daily will make a huge difference. And so finally after, I didn't really do anything in earnest about French for a couple of years after leaving Morocco. But then I thought, you know, no, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. So I started doing...

daily Just say using an app for a few minutes every day, right? Well, I did memorize I did every single lesson and memorize first and then once I've done all those and I switched to a lingo and I kept going there But just doing a little bit daily It's not it's not even the best way to learn a language I mean you do that you learn the vocabulary the best way is to start reading books and start watching movies and just spend hundreds of hours doing that in the language so it was actually the slow way, but it was

I guess my story was better than nothing and it worked. It took longer, right? It took longer than it could have. And so then, I mean, I'm so we're here now and I'm having conversations and what was fun. I enjoyed it. The whole bartering and tours and all the stuff we've done since we, we drove all the way across Morocco and it's just been a blast. But in this,

particular instance all the guys with the tow trucks the mechanics The the taxis you had to take all this they did not speak any English or Spanish at all none and All of what we had to take care of like it was you know wasn't just fun touristy I would like to buy that rug Kind of interaction this was like but how do we get our family from here to there? And how do we get our perfect? It was all in French?

And I was like, oh man, I am so grateful I learned French. We would have been in trouble. Well, it reminds me of one of your favorite sayings that the time to perform has arrived, the time to prepare has passed. Like you needed French for us to even accomplish what we have so far was trying to get the car fixed. Without it, we would have been in a lot of trouble because. Well, the car broke down in the middle of nowhere. Yeah.

Rachel Denning (14:26.605)
It was like at least an hour and a half from Marrakesh and two hours to Casablanca. Like we were in the middle of nowhere. There was nothing out there. So luckily there was a gas station, but that was it. And you're like, you know, people are, well, use Google translate, which isn't always accurate. The translation, especially from English to Arabic. I mean, we've had a couple of experiences where I'm literally.

they do it to me or I do it back and I'm like, nope, that does not make sense in whatever. Yeah. Whatever the translation is makes no sense. So doesn't work. Anyways, it's fun. And it's, it's been awesome and super helpful and it just feels good and has fueled my fire to again, master French, but then I'm going to start learning. It's time for my next language. So I want to become fluent in a new language every five years.

So it's time to dig in in earnest to really master it. Okay. So, but back to that thing that brings me back to our thing. So our original plan had us home tomorrow night. Well, because we just did a trip that was all about the alchemist living your legend, following your heart, setting goals. All of us felt this desire to want to move ahead with our.

next big goal which if you've listened to this at all it's getting our chateau in France right and in fact well while you and I were in Scotland a few weeks ago on a couples trip we I looked up chateaus and we found one that could be the one right because it had met all these specifications like it was the kind of style I wanted it was in the location you wanted all these things and so it was like the one where we showed to our kids and they're like yeah I love that one I want that

We've been thinking about this for years. So we have a lot of parameters. Exactly. And we found the potential. So we all thought, well, why don't we just, we should go to France to see it. And then we have someone traveling with us, a young adult, and she said, why don't we just go now? Right? Like when we get back to Spain, we're going, we're driving to Granada, which is the opposite direction from our house. Why not just keep going and go to France? And we thought, yeah, that's a great idea. Right.

Rachel Denning (16:46.541)
Why not do that? So we leave Marrakesh with this plan in Carmine. Yes, we're going to France. We're so excited. We're going to go see our... We called the agent. We made these arrangements to go see the Chateau. If you guys know anything about me, I'm a total Franco -phile. I love all things France.

So I'm was just giddy with the light. Anytime I get a chance to go back to the French Alps, I'm so thrilled. And here we are halfway to Casablanca. The car breaks down. And it's just the alternator. It's not a big of a deal except when you're in Morocco, it turns out it's a huge deal. Right. It's a huge deal. It's certainly expensive. Besides the fact, yeah, that's very expensive. Like at the Nissan dealership, it's like, Oh, an alternator.

It's a thousand dollars and you have to order it time to get here and the reason the alternate went out is because there was a little oil leak these are little Details that don't matter but it's just like putting it together So it's one little hose and I'm like, oh we need to place the hose. He's like, oh, yeah, we can get that it's 40 days For what? 40 days? Like no, I need to go home man Yeah, and I think maybe even to bring more relevance to this because you and I we've talked about it before in our coaching and

we talk about it together. Like we, we always talk about there's the baby dragon. It's like the small problem, but if you don't take care of it, it grows into a bigger problem, a bigger dragon. Right. And that's kind of what happened with this. I, this leak for this hose actually started back in Portugal. And, but here's the irony. We tried to get it fixed and they couldn't find the part. They searched anywhere in Portugal, all of Portugal, all of Europe. Well, then I went to Spain. Oh,

I'm like, oh, maybe we'll find it in Spain. It's bigger, whatever. They searched the network. It doesn't exist in Spain. Like, this stinking hose cannot be found. Right. So that's why you had created a, you know, a dairy rigged solution. And it was working. And in fact, it worked all the way to the Sahara Desert and back to past Marrakech. But then because of that leak, it had kept leaking onto the alternator and then finally fried.

Rachel Denning (19:07.501)
basically the electronic system in my car. So our baby dragon grew into a bigger problem, which now we are paying for, but at the same time, and it's a good lesson because whether or not, you know, if you can take care of the baby dragon problem, it goes away and it doesn't grow into big dragon. Sometimes you try to take care of it and you can't. And then, yeah, you still end up paying for it. And you have to realize that that's a part of

Like if you can't kill that baby dragon, it's going to grow up and at some point you're going to pay for it. And so that's where we're at now realizing, okay, well, we couldn't take care of it then. And yet one of the important lessons for me is there's other things I could have done. I could have even, even Jerry rating it better. I could have, right. Looking back now, hindsight, I didn't realize how significant the problem has become. Right. And I could have done things differently.

So again, this is a reminder, like if there's, if there's a little nagging issue in your marriage with your relationship with your kids and your health and your finances, do not ignore those things. So I guess this is a good way to start the new year in 2024, take a good, honest look at the irritations and the pain points and the leaks, where the leaks in each aspect of your life, where are the little, the little monsters that.

Are going to they will be big and here's what we have to remember. It's not that they might They will they are going to grow into bigger monsters, but I think for most people They just think oh, they'll go away. No, they're not They're not going to just go away. And of course, we're using this as a metaphor, right? Whatever that little leak is in your life. It's gonna keep dripping onto something and it's going to cause a problem

going to cause a breakdown, it's going to cause a collapse of something in your life. And so you can't just ignore those issues and think that they'll resolve themselves. They will not. And at some point, you're going to be paying for it. Because nobody gets away with anything. And you see this, you know, a great example of this, like small addictions or bad habits. They turn into ugly, destructive monsters.

Rachel Denning (21:34.989)
and little little um it's is it disagreements or annoyances or it's it's almost like a forced tolerance so like well my wife will just tolerate it she'll deal with it she'll be pacing she'll understand and and it's true like she does for a while but then over five ten fifteen years it explodes and then the divorce is so sad and so

mean and so painful because those little problems grew into a big big monster and and that's why it gets so ugly and so painful and so hurtful because of the buildup of resentment or hurt or whatever it is. So do not ignore the leaks in your life.

So lesson number one. Look at the problems, look at the seemingly little problems in your life right now that have to be addressed and do not delay anymore. Don't procrastinate, don't put them off, do not, what's the word? Let me just make them seem small. Don't minimize them. Do not minimize them. Realize like, hey, this is a serious thing. It can turn into a big, big problem. And I know,

I actually, I could probably be bold enough to say that every single one of you listening to this has something in one aspect of your life that you know already is, is problematic and it's going to be a bigger problem and it has to be addressed. So even, even if you only did that, let's say you took 2024 to fix the leaks in your life. If you only did that, it would be such an awesome year. Not that you would feel like, Oh, I made all this progress or you did all these things, but you did, you stopped the leaks.

you prevented a lot of problems. So that's a big deal. It's huge. I mean, because it goes out for years, then decades, and maybe even generations. You stop a leak, you stop a problem that maybe you actually inherited from your parents or your wife's parent, your, your spouse's parents or whatever. Right? If you stop a leak, you wouldn't look back at the year and be like, Whoa, look how far along we came. But the stopping of problems.

Rachel Denning (24:00.301)
would be a monumental year. But then it goes on going on with a metaphor like let's say you have a bucket and it's the bucket of your dreams and you're trying to fill that with water but it's just full your buckets full of holes and so these keep bleeding out and so you you don't make any progress maybe you didn't make enough progress last year the last couple years because these leaks these these problems these pain points keep coming up and they become such a

disturbance in the force that You're not you don't feel like you're really living well I think especially related to goal -setting you know so many people talk about oh I hate setting goals because I don't achieve them or just end up disappointed or this or that and I I think the point many people miss is that They don't realize in order to achieve that goal. They have to plug the leaks in the bucket first. They don't see

Unfortunately, I don't know why they don't see that that's a direct connection. You can't fill your bucket with dreams. Right? We're going to use this analogy. If you've got holes in it and then they don't see the filling of the holes as progress towards their dreams. And so like we talked about before, if you spent the whole year filling the holes and stopping the leaks at the end of the year, you might not feel like you've made progress towards your goals, but actually you have because you now have a bucket that can actually be filled up. Exactly. So then.

anything you do from there on out is really, it's really quick, effective progress. Wow. Look how fast we're moving towards our goals. I don't want to emphasize this is huge. If there's holes in your life, any aspect, it feels like any progress is so hard, so slow, so much effort because you're, you really aren't making progress because you're just losing too much. Whereas once.

Once you as a person, that mind, body and spirit are whole and then your marriage is whole, your relationship with your kids is whole, you start getting this wholeness, then progress is so quick and so easy. And you're like, how did this happen? How is it that in the last six months we've made all this progress, but in the last six years we went nowhere? It's because of this very thing. It's so powerful.

Rachel Denning (26:24.781)
And I but I think what people do is that they don't notice that that is progress and so they look at what they've done and it feels like this filling a hole is you know, I've got a hole in the ground and you fill it up Well now you're at ground level and you think man haven't built anything right? We're still at ground level, but it's still a very important part of the process

And so when people set a goal and at the end of the year they haven't achieved it because they haven't built what they wanted to build, if you filled those holes, you have made progress. And we have to learn to recognize that, okay, I didn't actually achieve the thing I wanted, but I have built a better foundation in order to build on, in order to achieve that. And it's an interesting thing because there's nothing really sexy about fixing the problem. No. Right.

You're like no, I want to take that dream trip. We're like guess what that dream trip will never be dreamy if you're still fighting with Exactly. It'll just be very expensive misery. Yes, right And so you like no you you gotta fix the problem. So like you want to build your dream house, right? but first you have to like fix the plumbing problem and the electricity and And we want to skip it. We're actually just talking about this with our kids because this dream Chateau

I'm having trouble with the connection. So I'm serious talking to this. We don't know why. So like, we want to build this dream castle, this Chateau of ours, because it's going to be this retreat center where people will come for like transformation. We're going to host retreats, youth retreats, youth retreats, men's retreats, families retreats, like everything inside and out.

from the animals in the gardens and the greenhouses to the like paintball arena to inside. I want to have a massive private library and a music room and an exercise room, a dance room, a crafts room. We're going to have, like this place is going to be for healing and transformation. It's going to be spectacular. But we're, this, the one we're looking at, it was, they started construction in the year 900, right? Well.

Rachel Denning (28:42.957)
That's what it says on the listing. 950. I don't know if that's when someone built the first little shack on the property. But whatever. Although I think the official construction date for most of the building is sometime in the 15th century. So the point is, and we were talking about this kids like, well, we're going to have to put in some electricity and plumbing and there's going to be some ugly dirty work. Right? And

And that's the point. There's nothing sexy about that. It's actually quite irritating. And you're like, ah, this old, and you got, and there's nothing there, but that has to be done until you make this gorgeous room. And if you don't do the dirty work, the unsexy work, and you're like, you know, I don't want to do that. And so you come in and you, you hire some, I found my woodworker. He lives in Mecnes, Morocco. And then I hire him to come over and just do.

this unbelievable wood ceiling and room inside the office or library. But if I just have him come over and do that, after he's done, we're going to have electrical problems. Right. And plumbing problems and all kinds of problems. I know it's beautiful, but not functional. Yes, exactly. It could be beautiful, but like completely. I can't even plug in a lamp in here. So now we don't have light and oh, I need to charge my I can't work. I can't plug in my computer.

You'd end up with all these problems because you didn't do the sexy stuff. The unsexy stuff. Yeah, exactly. The unsexy stuff. The unattractive, the unpleasant stuff. But it has to be done. Quick side note, you guys, I'm going to start teasing this out there. We're going to talk about more. We're actually looking for investors, people who want to invest in this project, and donors. And even there will be opportunities to come help.

For there's gonna be some of you be like, yes, where do I sign up for that? Where you come stay with us? I think especially for youth too because our teens will be there working on the project and We've had many teams come and stay with us before in different experience, you know different places around the world So this will be another type of experience where you can come stay work. Well Yeah, and as if we've told this dream over the years We've literally had hundreds of people say as soon as you get it, like let me know I want to come I want to become be a part of

Rachel Denning (31:04.045)
this well we're gonna transform the place so that it can then transform lives it's it's the place is gonna have a life of its own it's gonna go through its own hero's journey and then anyways so we're just throwing out right now and so you guys were looking for investors to come in we're looking for donors we're looking for volunteers anyways it's exciting the dream is so that being said

you know, this is how we're beginning our new year, excited about this, moving forward. We're like, yeah, that's it. We're going to France so we can, you know, get started on making progress. And then here we are recording this podcast stuck in Casablanca. And in fact, even last night, like we, we had checked into a place for two nights because the guy was like, yeah, I'll have it fixed for sure by noon on Monday. And.

seven o 'clock last night, we were still sitting outside of his, we had checked out of the hotel at noon and we were passing the time all day doing random things like laying in a random forest in Casablanca that we found. We just had to get out of the city. Yeah. And a dirty old forest. A dirty forest. And we were sitting outside and...

He had made progress, but finally said, Oh, the whole electric system has to be green. I got there and he's like, I got this. Oh, you guys are going to be out of here in an hour. Yeah. I mean, he's, he's, he's a good guy. He's super helpful. And this is all in French, by the way. Um, and French is the second language. So it's a little bit for both of you. And, and so he, but he was so confident. It was like, yep, you guys are driving away today. And so we keep changing our plans just a little bit like, Oh,

Like we rescheduling the ferry that you know, we're supposed to leave at 9 a .m. This morning right now We'd be on the ferry by the way reschedule that we lost all the last money The Alhambra we lost, you know, we had pre -purchased tickets for the Alhambra and lost that we had paid for an Airbnb in Tangier and we lost that so, you know We've lost money on this besides the fact that we had to pay for the tow truck and now we've had to pay for three extra nights in

Rachel Denning (33:18.829)
hotels for 10 people there's 10 of us right we're traveling with friends um you know there's a lot of expenses going besides the 700 he's able to get us the alternative for 700 dollars instead of a thousand we'll see um where you know i think in portugal we could get it for maybe like 100 euros or something but so there's a lot of extra expenses here that we didn't plan for and are not in our mind helping us

Get closer to our dream, right? It's just a roadblock. It's just a interruption. It's an obstacle. When it happened, we were just like, you know what? Let's just leave. Like, we'll rent a car. We'll just go home. And I'll fly back home and get the car. Leave the car behind. I'll just leave it behind. I'm just retarded. And Hedy said, oh, no, it'll be a week. We would have. We would have just packed. We would have. Gone. Let's get out of here. Buy some flights. Rent a car. Whatever. Get. Just get out of here. Get to another country.

But he kept saying, oh no, just a few hours, just a few hours, just a few hours. And so I was dragging it out. And life is like that. I've been thinking through this particular situation. I'm like, OK, how can we handle this different? We could all just get on a flight and leave. Or we could just outsource. We could hire someone. But what's interesting is the car's in your name. And so because it's a board crossing, you can't outsource that. We couldn't hire a driver.

I was like, why don't you guys all just go home? I'll stay here, I'll find a little place, and when I'm done I'll drive it out. I can't. Because it's in my name. Yeah. I have to be there. And that was the other thing. I'm like, okay, let's throw down some serious money here. We should just throw down some money just to make this problem go away. You can't. There's not many options, right? Money wouldn't fix the problem that you, Rachel, have to be the one to drive that car across that ferry. Right. And I was like...

Well, I even said last night because we checked into this hotel, which is yeah, it's an okay hotel. It was supposed to be nicer than expected, which is another lesson. There's been a lot of supposed to be nicer than. We checked in around 8 p .m. and I thought, another irony, because if only we had known the car wouldn't be done, right?

Rachel Denning (35:45.261)
The place we had stayed in the previous two nights was very nice. I mean, it was very comfortable. It had everything. It was two apartments for all of us. We had kitchens, we had washers and it was cheaper than here. And so, you know, last night I'm frustrated standing in the shower thinking if we had only known we could still be in that nice, comfortable space and had spent the day instead of trying, literally killing time trying to find something to do.

while we waited, we could have been there doing our studies and doing work and being productive. And instead, in the hopes of getting it done so that we could still drive to Tangier, so we could cross the first thing this morning, so we could then still maybe go to France, you know, fingers crossed. Instead, it was what now feels like wasted time and yet, that's life.

That's what it's like when you pursue your dreams. Have you guys experienced this? Those of you listening, have you experienced like that irritation where, okay, yeah, you have to check out of where you're staying. You have to check out at noon. And there's like, have you ever been stuck somewhere where there's not really much to do? Because what do you do with all your stuff and all of your kids? And there's not much, like if there was a cool aquarium.

or a great beach or a beautiful forest or something to do or somewhere to go that's as good for a family. And this has happened before to us. You end up somewhere like, there's nothing to do and there's nowhere to go. So then we're like, oh, let's go to a nice restaurant. So we paid way more than I would have liked to for a restaurant that honestly was disappointing. It was a very nice setting.

the food was not. Yeah, you're like, you throw it out, like okay, let's at least throw out some money to get some good food while we have a nice, slow, long, comfortable lunch. Yeah.

Rachel Denning (37:53.901)
You know what? You're gonna charge that, dang it. Make it good! You know what was so funny is our youngest daughter, she's seven, we started the morning in the nice apartment we were in and you know she's basically just in her own world anyways and she's there and she's drawing. She spends the morning drawing, right? And then we're packing everything up while she's drawing and then we're loading everything up and then...

Even when she gets into the car, she's still doing these drawings. And what she'd been drawing was all these emoji faces. She took one full sheet of paper and drew out all these emotions. All the emojis she could think of. And I'm like, you know what, Sanji? That's a good drawing for today because it's going to be one of those days. It's going to be a multi emoji face day. And it was, you know? And towards the end of the day, we're still sitting in the car and she's like, I'm bored. I'm like, well, you did draw.

that emoji on your sheet, you know? That's how she was expressing herself yesterday. It was so cute. She's like, I'm this right now because they are taking too long. Right. And so it was one of those emoji days, right? And so it is. It's just so fascinating. And I think the point of us doing this episode now is to share with you. Yes, we pursue big dreams. Yes, we have achieved.

Lots of big dreams, but every single time last week we did last week. We did an amazing thing bucket list stuff, right? I mean really yeah this week But this is part of it every single time We've encountered something akin to this not exactly like this not always as frustrating as this but

pretty similar. It's just a part of the experience. It's just a part of the journey. If you think you're going to pursue your dreams and achieve them without having obstacles like this, you're mistaken because it's going to happen. Right, and it's better, I think, if you just anticipate, hey, some things won't work out like we planned. Even as you could plan everything under the sun and some things just won't work out. Exactly. And if...

Rachel Denning (40:05.581)
Not in a negative way, like, oh, it's not going to work out. I told you it's not going to work out. Not like that, but just like, Hey, there will be hiccups. So every time we've done a big overlanding trip and we've, we've driven many, many tens of thousands of miles. Every time there's an overlanding trip, something's going to go off with like a vehicle or a border crossing or whatever, something. But then we've done massive trips where it's planes and, and ferries and.

buses and I say trains and trains to Well, you're gonna miss a flight or you're gonna miss a train or something's gonna be a delay or yeah Canceled flight delayed flight, whatever and you miss your connection, right? So whatever form of travel you pick it's just a matter of time and Probability probabilities something's not gonna work out. So how anticipating that those scenarios?

And then how you handle them. Well, I think it's a very big deal. Yeah. I think at the very least when they happen, if you have, I think what to me anticipating it means that when it happens, I think, Oh, okay. This is, this is what they were talking about. This, this is the thing. Like this is the thing that goes wrong when you know, things are going to go wrong, which, you know, I'm honestly grateful for most of our trip.

that we were leading for our group. Like, okay, there were still some things that went wrong, but it was overall pretty amazing. One of the things was we had hired some drivers to take us over the Atlas Mountains. And so we're driving and one of their vans breaks down. We're like, what the heck? Mercedes, I know Sprinter van. And we're like, really? So we had to try and figure that whole thing out.

And then the next man gets in an accident. He runs into the guy in front of them. And we got stopped by the cops twice and we were like, wow, okay, this is quite the, quite the drive, you know? So things go wrong, but I'm grateful it didn't go more wrong. Right. Had our car die in the Atlas mountains. Yeah, that would have ruined the whole of it. So that's a huge blessing that I'm very grateful for. Did not happen. Luckily it died after the trip, not.

Rachel Denning (42:29.037)
We take all of our guests and send them off and full voyage. That's a good time for it to break down because it could have happened while they were still there. And that would have been worse. So a couple of things we've observed over the years of working with thousands of people across five continents is that some people just have not developed the capacity to handle disappointments and setbacks and obstacles. They just crumble. And so one of the reasons for this episode today is just to...

When you said you explode, I thought...

Rachel Denning (43:26.701)
Yesterday very vividly of we were trying to find a nice restaurant We went to that was the great best food and we passed this accident that had just happened Where a car ran into a motorcycle I think and all of the people Had that were involved were standing there yelling at each other like this here and so you so you

You have to know you and realize like what's your tendency and why.

For me, because I used to be an exploder, I had a crazy temper. And when things went wrong, man, I would just lose it. But I started to ask myself, does this serve me? Does it help the situation? I could get angry, I could yell and scream, I could get discouraged or depressed or anxious or fearful or whatever.

Does it serve me? Is it helpful? And it's generally not helpful. Right. Yeah. And I think that one of the reasons that we've been able to handle this situation, for the most part, pretty well, at least mentally, emotionally, is that we've had a lot of practice, right? You know, we've had plenty of misflights and horrible border crossing. Like, we've gone through this type of thing.

So many times, I think we've forgotten all of the times we've experienced it. And so we've gotten to a point where when it happens, we no longer waste time and energy on that because we've realized it's useless. Like if we waste time and energy on just being upset, not that there's no frustration or irritation there is, but instead of wasting energy on really like feeling that strong emotion and like, I don't know, being crazy like people do, we now just go into.

Rachel Denning (45:30.125)
what's the next thing we can do that's actually gonna help? Like how do we actually solve the problem? We go into problem solving mode and our son even pointed that out, you know what I mean? He's 19, our oldest son, and he's like, that's what we just, he has learned and adopted that as well. Like we just have to go into problem solving mode. How do we solve this problem? What is the next best action we can take besides the fact that we were mentally working through,

It's not just the first level thinking, it's first, second, third level thinking. Like, okay, if we do that, what does that mean? And what does that decision mean to them? And we're working through all the potential problems and options and opportunities so that we're not only making a decision that's good for now, but that's also good for tomorrow and the next day, right? Like it helps us in getting what we want. And so that's a huge skill that we've gained by having experienced so many obstacles and challenges in our life. It's.

it's improved our ability to make decisions. I think we're really good at making decisions now because of all of those. And so, well, one of the things we were doing is, is, and I know some of you listening are like asking, okay, how, how do we do this? And one thing we do is like, let's, let's play through, um, potential scenarios. And that's, it's a great decision -making framework because if you think, okay, no, we're going to do this. Well, hold on before you get married to that one option.

or paint yourself into a corner. Say, well, okay, this could happen or this could happen or this could happen. You start thinking through, well, what would I do in each of those scenarios? What are the potential outcomes and what would I do? And you start thinking through that and you go into kind of a, let's find solutions. Let's take the next best action. Which even yesterday, I mean, we had one of our potential solutions was to stay the night again in Casablanca, although we had all.

you know, crossed our fingers that that wasn't going to happen, especially because he was so optimistic about getting it done. That it was a disappointment when it finally happened, but it, it was also not unforeseen. We saw that as a potential. Yeah, exactly. And that was, that was super helpful. Like, okay, in all reality, we could get to the end of the night and he just says, no, I can't do it. So then what are we going to do then? That was one of the things we'll say again. So we did it. And so do that and don't.

Rachel Denning (47:50.477)
Like some people who just, they handicapped themselves or cripple themselves or just collapse. And it actually makes their problems worse. Absolutely. So many people kind of self -sabotage and they make their problems far worse than they are. And they make finding solutions harder than they are. Besides the fact that they make themselves unpleasant. And I think right there, it's just coming to me. That's one of the.

Another major benefit of the way we've been able to handle this problem is that all of us feel great. I mean, we're still enjoying each other's company. We're still laughing about the situation. Yeah, I feel frustration and irritation, but not in a way that it's affecting my relationships in a negative way. Like our relationship is still great. Our relationship with our kids is so great. We're not snapping at the kids and yelling at them and getting angry. Like none of that's happening. We're just.

still having a great time, right? We're still having fun. That's so important. There's no regrettable behavior. Yeah, exactly. And that is huge because usually when people get into situations, they end up saying or doing something that is regrettable and painful or that leaves a scar or a wound. Well, and what is apology and forgiveness? Like you start hurting your relationship because of a frustrating situation. Yeah. Which

you know that we don't have any of that because we are able to work through it together in a way that actually in a way it's actually bonding us even more like we're we're able to go through this challenge together having a good time and strengthening our relationships even more where it literally would be 10 times more miserable if all of us were grumpy and

upset and like that would be even worse. Poor behavior makes it so much worse. Yeah. I can't even imagine how much worse it would be if you were all bent out of shape and like being so, you know, like a jerk and, and then I'm yelling at the kids. Like that would just be more horrible. I could be treating the mechanic like crap because you know, he didn't do what he said. I couldn't get it done. I could be yelling, screaming, slamming doors. I could be losing my temper with.

Rachel Denning (50:17.037)
kids and you and everything and the guy at the hotel like right I could be although I was a little frustrated last night because we get here they make us fill out all of our passports and everything this this place required more information I've ever given anywhere in 60 countries but I was like you know whatever I'm gonna keep it cool it's not this guy's fault he's just working here okay a couple of things I want to share one well I want to add one more thing to this that I think is important to bring it

Because the other thing we have seen people do or think or say or believe when obstacles come like this is, oh, I guess it's not meant to be. I guess God doesn't want me to do this thing. I guess, you know, I'm not supposed to have that. We shouldn't travel. I guess we shouldn't. Yeah, people will go to the extreme to see we shouldn't even travel because it's just a pain. Things go wrong. Right.

Like why would we do that? And those are the wrong conclusions. In fact, I very much believe that these types of experiences are actually a test to see how much you really want what you're after. Now, that being said, are we still going to France? We don't know. Because one of the major problems is whether or not they actually got the part that was leaking, right? And ironically,

our mechanic in Portugal found the part that we were looking for right before we left for Morocco. So if they don't have it here, we're going to jerry -rig it again. Since we've got the alternator replaced, drive back to Portugal, straight to Portugal, and then now get that part and install it. So which means we're not going to France at this time. If he has the part, I don't know. Maybe France is still on the table. We don't know. But the point being, if it's not on the table now, it will be.

later in the future. We have a trip to Kilimanjaro coming up, so we're going to have to work around that schedule because that's in February. But we're not just going to say, oh, we're not supposed to have a chateau. We're not supposed to live in France because we broke down in Morocco. It was a bad idea that overland through Morocco. Yeah. Things didn't work out and cost us days and money. And lots and lots of money. You know, sometimes I say that facetiously like, oh, why?

Rachel Denning (52:43.373)
But I know really when it comes down to it, that's not what it means. It just means this is a part of living life. This is a part of pursuing your dreams. This is a part of testing you to see what kind of character you have and what kind of determination you have to actually still accomplish your goals. And if possible, do it with a smile as much as you can. And obviously you could argue that like, you know,

Okay. Cars, cars break down whether you're at home or abroad. I'm like, I bought the wrong car. And, and you could, you could be like, well, yeah, it's so much easier at home. Cause I have my mechanic, have my parts. It wouldn't be such a big deal. And we, we, you know, yeah, you're right. So had this happened at home, it would have been, we wouldn't have been stuck somewhere for days and all this trouble. It's true. But we also wouldn't have had the experiences. Right. And created the memories we did. And like literally bucket list adventures.

We wouldn't have those because we would have been, you know, worried about a little more convenience and a little less money. And it's worth it. So a couple of things I wanted to share, just tactical stuff that I would have been using for years to kind of reset and handle things. And one is just you got to keep perspective. And I always keep perspective by contrasting, um, bigger things. So luckily it was beautiful, um, how this happened, you know, right after it happened, we were frustrated.

We're you know, we realize there's a pain as we towed the truck or the car and All of our plans are shut down. It's just so irritating like well, let's have the grocery store and then head to the Airbnb and on the way we drive past a dumpster and there's a homeless man digging through the dumpster looking for food and right as we're

You know pulling or driving nearby he finds me this happened within two seconds Yeah, like it was yeah, it was fast and he he finds a bottle of milk he goes milk jug and Obviously there was something in it because he pulls off the lid and he chugs Whatever was left in that jug And that happened just a few minutes after leaving the mechanic Where we just dropped on moments before we get to the group?

Rachel Denning (55:08.461)
the grocery store to load up on whatever we wanted. Unbelievable grocery store. Very nice, very luxury, huge. We went in there and just splurged on everything, drowning our sorrows with French pastries. But the contrast was massive. There's this man who's getting his meal from a dumpster. And it put our problems in

And I thought man even if we just lost the whole car, you know, it's just gone We're not we're not looking for food and so whatever excuse me Whatever your problems may be They can always be worse. Yep. They can be worse and in a very real way These are Mickey Mouse

not we're not searching in the dumpster for food for ourselves or our family so that's one way just keep it in check it's a reality check then the next thing I do is just it's like Rachel said you just jump in a shower just take a shower get a workout do some push -ups go for a run some of you need a hot shower to reset some of you need a cold shower I think for Rachel the nice hot showers are reset for you for me it's the opposite it's a cold shower like 60 seconds in a cold shower I'm thinking differently it's just a resale.

Wow. Okay. Holy cow. Let's go. Um, a little time in a great book, um, either an audio book or an actual book, a little time journaling, writing, uh, just processing, have these good habits and you should be doing them daily. So they're maintaining, but when you get in a funk, when you get upset, when things get thrown off, just stop and do some good things. Now you're not likely to feel like doing them. You're not going to want to feel like reading. I don't feel like taking a shower. I don't feel like working out. I'm angry. Why did it? And I point.

I felt even last night I had so many excuses to not take a shower because most of my bag is buried in the back of the Defender and we didn't unload it so I just had minimum stuff and like there's always reasons not to. You can talk yourself out of it but I'm like I know for me taking a hot shower will help me feel better. That's what I'm going to do right and luckily there was hot water in that.

Rachel Denning (57:30.893)
that's a good thing because sometimes there's cold water and then I'm even more nice as places we rented some legit oh yeah we stayed in a really nice place two of them before and after the trip and the one it had like solar powered hot water and when we were there it was like cloudy and so there's no hot water like we're staying in this palace and there's no sticky hot water so whatever things will happen but

Get back to the things that help you reset. And again, good workout, good breathing session, good food, a good book. Even this morning, I have this great planner and this morning I got in it and I just even looking at, okay, this week, what do I want to do? What I want to work on? And especially when in the context of, okay, no matter what happens, what are the things I can do this week?

that was helpful to me because I'm able to be like, okay, yeah, maybe I can't control all of these other circumstances, but I can still control certain things. I can still listen to some audio books and I can still do some yoga and I can still, you know, and that mindset of I can't control everything else, but I can control certain things and let me do those things. That helped me feel better. Just thinking about what I was still in my control to be able to do to make progress on my goal.

my other goal. That's a phenomenal mental practice. What? Cause when things, some things feel out of control, like, you know, getting the car is out of our control right now. When some things are out of control, you focus on what's in control. When some things go wrong, don't focus on what's gone wrong. Focus on what has gone right. And what you have control over helping go. Exactly. What you're frustrated about versus what you're grateful for. Like, okay, this went wrong, but what do we still have? What do we still have to be grateful for? And in our experience, there's always way more to be grateful for.

than to be upset about. There's actually way more that we have control of, ironically, than we don't. And we can shift our perspective and stay in a good state and recover and get back in the direction of our dreams and our goals in our life and being the best version of ourselves. So love you guys. Thanks for listening. Keep going. Keep perspective. Keep pursuing those goals. Yeah. Be the best version of yourself. Reach upward.