Get answers to your questions about marriage, parenting and family life from experts and parents of 7 children!

Rachel Denning (00:01.614)
Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Oh man, it is a gorgeous morning. We had a big heavy rainstorm last night and there's just, you know, fresh life everywhere. There's water, it's all green, still kind of misty as the sun's rising. It's just, ah, it's just another spectacular day to be alive. Love it. And, um, the time of this recording.

We did a Seder dinner last night with our children. It was really special, like really, really special. So if you've never done that with your family, you should do one and do it next year. It was insightful just to go through the whole process and learn. It was really special, really cool, great insights. It was fun. What a wonderful experience and a spectacular thing to do with the whole family while we're...

We're all locked down, right? It was really great, real special. Well, so you know how you have these experiences that just kind of are insightful, right? You have conversations, you read certain books, and as it happens in my life again and again and again, things start to overlap where I'll happen, somebody will send me a random video to watch and it connects with something that we just read and an experience we haven't thought of and having. And so this is what's kind of happened now.

And so I want to start with this question of, you know, how do, how do we, you and I as human beings, as with all, think of all the roles you have, right? Um, perhaps probably most of you have spouses. Um, you are a spouse. I mean, and your parent or your sibling, you are an athlete, you're a disciple, you're a student, you're.

worker so many of you are employers, you're an employee or we just have all these these roles right and there's so much we want to do and we all have this common base of 24 hours that's all we got my friends 24 hours and yet some of us get so much more done okay well there's a different there's some who get a ton done but they they're just stressed they're burnt out they're worn out they're just go go go all the time.

Rachel Denning (02:25.581)
But then there's these unicorns, these rare elusive beings who get more done with less effort. And we're like, what? What is going on? So today we'll talk about that. How do we get more done with less effort and less stress? Is it possible? Is that a lie? Is this some kind of strange?

thing like like is it is it really possible? So let me start with a question. Do you feel like you have maxed out your potential? Like you're just crushing it. You've maxed out your capacity. You are literally and really doing all that you can. Start with that question.

And a funny story. So we're reading, we read every night from a great classic book as a family, which I love. Oh my goodness, I love. Do this with your family, please. Pick a good book and read with your family. We did it for years and years and years when they were younger and then we stopped for a while and I've been reading to the little ones. We all study French with them before bed. But now I'm like, you know, the whole family again, teenagers included, everybody gather around, we're gonna read again. I love it so much.

So we're reading, we finished a little bit ago, we finished The Sea Wolf by Jack London, which is for an older audience, fantastic book. And in it, so there was this one scene where again, they're just, they are literally in survival mode, they're just trying to survive and they're up in, they're up in the, kind of by the Bering Sea, like it's cold. They're somewhere near.

You know, they're on the ocean, they get trapped on some little island in between, like basically in between Alaska and Japan. And it's really, it's cold, it's miserable, it's horrible. And they've been captured by the sea wolf and they're just trying to survive. So at one point you have the main character who was a city boy and wasn't used to hard labor. And then they find this woman who'd been shipwrecked. So the two of them are trying to survive.

Rachel Denning (04:50.509)
and they go out into the sea to try to, they're trying to repair the main ship, right? Anyways, I don't want to, I don't want to spoil the whole thing, but these two who just aren't used to hard labor, they get out in this raft and they're getting pulled, the currents taking them out to sea away from the island where they're trying to survive. Anyways, they end up rowing in just freezing cold weather and cold water. And yeah, it's winter time up there.

and they end up rowing because of the currents and the struggle and the strain. They end up rowing for two full days. So it's 48 hours, right? And it's just, it literally is survival. Like if we stop, we die. That kind of stuff. Where they're numb, they're completely numb. They're shivering, they're freezing, they're like passing out in unconsciousness. They're just getting up and just standing there marching in place in their little rowboat.

to just not die, right? And just the blisters and the pain. And he describes it, Oswald describes it just beautifully, like this strain and struggle for life. And after they finally make it back, right, you wonder if they're going to make it. And they finally make it back. They literally fall out of the boat onto the beach. And there's this line where it's like they couldn't walk. And he...

He tries to help her and he can't because he's so exhausted. They literally just lay there. And then after laying there for a while, they kind of crawl and he like just drags her along through the sand. And they're literally so exhausted. Like they can't walk, right? And I say to my family as a lesson, I'm like, whoa, jeez.

Have you guys ever felt like that? Knowing full well they haven't, I mean my kids, we've gone out, we've done some hard things. I've pushed my kids and we've done some pretty hard things together. But still, in my mind at least, I'm like, no, we've never gotten that far. And I say, you guys ever felt like that? I wanted to teach the lesson like, wow, they went through some hard stuff. I've never even gone that hard. And both my teenage boys were like, oh yeah, uh -huh, yeah. I'm like, what are you talking about?

Rachel Denning (07:14.637)
Are you kidding me? Like you've never been that tired. What? All the time. Like, ah. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Like perspective here, my boys. Like that's crazy where you literally, even to go through the night, have a sleepless night where you're toiling for life, right? Where you're pushing. And when you read these stories, you read great stories from World War II or World War I.

survive on thinking of stories like Unbroken, Night by Ellie Weiss and...

Oh man, the hiding place and man's search for meaning. And there was like, I mean, and there's so many, right? These endurance. Oh my goodness. This story of Ernest Shackleton, that story. Woo! Unreal, right? And there's so many great books like that of just people enduring things. And so, I mean, the idea was like this, no, that's that. That's maxed out. That's maxed out.

And so I think most of us are aware that we're not actually doing all that we can. Some days we're doing all that we currently can. So it may be on days, certain days we're like, yeah, I'm all, I'm out here. I like, I gave it my all, I'm done. Like I'm crawling into bed. I gave it my all.

And that's awesome, right? But I don't think any of you, if we were sitting here having a conversation and really kind of thinking through this, I don't think any of you would say, yeah, every day maxed out, like, I'm doing everything I can. There's literally nothing more I can do. And many of us, though, we kind of slip into this mode of telling ourselves a story and that story all the time that, oh yeah, I'm doing everything I can.

Rachel Denning (09:20.173)
There's nothing more I can do. I'm giving all I can. We love to tell ourselves that. And we say to ourselves that we're doing all that we can. And we even, some of us even get a little bit defensive. And we're like, what else do you want me to do? I'm maxed out here. There's nothing more I can do. And it's interesting, I think, because we want, I don't know, you get what I'm saying? I'm not trying to be mean here. I'm trying to help us all learn and grow and improve.

but I wanna have some straight talk about these conversations, the stories we tell ourselves. We often do, we tell ourselves, look, I'm doing everything. We say things like, I have tried everything. I've done everything. Like I'm maxed out, I've got nothing left. The truth is that you have far more capacity and capabilities than you think.

In fact, some even say that when we have reached, when we say to ourselves, I'm maxed out, I'm done, when our brain says you can't go any farther, some people say you've only reached about 40 % of your actual capacity. What?

Let that sink in, right? There's this endurance athlete. In fact, from what I read, he is the only human being to become a Navy SEAL, an Army Ranger, and an Air Force, I can't remember the title, it was some kind of elite forces for the Air Force. He's the only human being to do that, and he holds all these records for endurance racing. In fact, the same guy, he finished a...

ultra marathon race with kidney failure and broken bones in both of his feet. He finished it. I think he ran the last 30 miles with broken bones in his feet and kidney failure. He's saying, look, when we say to ourselves, I'm maxed out, I'm done, he's like, well, you're actually only about at 40 % of capacity. Let that just sink in for a minute.

Rachel Denning (11:42.861)
that if push came to shove, if it really was survival mode, we can actually do a lot more than we think we can. I remember a line in Man's Search for Meaning where he was talking about their living conditions and they were just piled onto these wooden bunk beds. There was no mattress. I mean, there was some straw filled with lice and fleas and junk. No pillows, no blankets, nothing comfortable.

And they had to sleep five or six men per bunk. So basically you just crawl on these wooden planks, smashed in there side to side with, you couldn't even lay on your back, right? It was side to side with five or six strangers. And there was this line where he says, I said to myself, there's no way I can sleep like that, right? Because our lives had been...

Our lives are so comfortable and his life had been so comfortable. He had to have his pillow just right and his mattress just right and his blankets and the room temperature and the darkness. Everything had to be just right. And then he could sleep. And he's describing the situation like, yeah, there's no way I could sleep like that. And he says, to my surprise, I fell right to sleep and slept through the night. All right.

And they learned to sleep like that. And they all did. They all learned to sleep like that because of exhaustion. They had to.

And so I guess I'm trying to illustrate the principle here that even when we think we're maxed out, even when we're telling ourselves like, yeah, this is all I can do, there's more. There's a lot more. Now the other part of the equation is, so that's the first part, that when we think we're in our capacity, we're actually only about 40%. So we have more. And I guess that's.

Rachel Denning (13:42.605)
That's an encouraging thing, that's an exciting thing, that's a wonderful thing. What I'm telling you is you have deeper reserves than you ever thought. You have more capacity and capability than you think you do. And perhaps even more than you've been telling yourself you do. That's one part of the equation. The second part of the equation is that at any moment, you and I can increase our capacity and our capabilities.

In other words, there are things that we can do to dramatically raise all that we can do, right? That statement, I'm doing all I can do. We can actually increase it. So I have, I've been teaching for years this diagram and I've shared it once or twice here in the, in the podcast, like, or just picture in your mind right now, three, you know, glass containers, one small, one medium, one large. And, and for the, for the,

the purpose here, just think that maybe you're the small one right now. And, you know, all you have to do is just overflowing. It's just, you try to pile it all in, you put all the things in there and the water and all this, and it's just overflowing. You're like, I'm maxed out. And you literally are. I mean, it's just stuff's pouring over the edges. You can't hold anymore. But there's actually this way in life to increase our capacity, to become the bigger container so that we can handle more. And so we take everything from the small container, pour it into the

the medium size container. And guess what? There's still more room. You can actually handle more now. So you can add a few more things and you're still like, yeah, I'm good. I can, I can handle this. And then you can go up and become the large container. And what if you kind of just did a leap there, kind of a quantum leap, because you got things dialed in, right? There's some hacks. There's some strategies. There's some like there's there. And my friends, this is a recipe. It's not like,

Sometimes we think, oh, it's just only if you're lucky or if you're born that way or, oh, but just some random gift or talent. Oh, you guys are so blessed. I can't do it. I think every human can do this where we can, we, again, it's all about systems. It's about strategy. It's about knowing how to do it. This is why high performance coaching matters so much. I see it all the time. And so you can, what if you went from the small container to the large container and you took all the contents in the small container, dumped it in a large one.

Rachel Denning (16:09.389)
It may only fill it halfway. And so if you're the large container now, because you've transformed yourself and your life, you have strategies and plans and schedules in place, like you're just dialed in. Now you're like, man, I'm only at half capacity here. Everything else that was swamping me before that I was so stressed out and couldn't handle. Now is only halfway. I'm like, man, I got, I got a lot more here.

I dramatically raised my energy levels. A lot of you are just struggling with energy. You just don't have enough energy. Mostly because of sleep, food, and exercise. Well, and just deciding to be an energy generator, right? To turn it on. And so you're just like, I can't, I'm so exhausted. I can't do anything else. And I get it, I've been there. Right? Where I'm like, oh, I just can't handle this anymore. But what if we had 10 times the amount of energy?

Oh yeah, I got this, I got this and that and that and that and that and let me help you out over here because I got some more energy. Right? So if you go, I hope you, I just want you to have that, that visual with me that you can dramatically increase your capacity. Right? So in other words, like I want to repeat what I said before, there are things we can do to dramatically raise all that we can do. And that's why some people can do so much more.

in the same amount of time and even do it more effectively, they have increased their capacity to do. So let's use a simple comparison here, an illustration of running, like we all understand running. And I'm going to purposely be a little bit ridiculous here just to illustrate the point. So roll with me, just kind of visualize this as I describe this, roll with me about the ridiculousness because I think it'll drive home the point.

So let's say you're trying to go running and you're really struggling. Let's also say that you've been quote running for a long time, right? And you know how to do it because we are, oh man, sorry. Sorry, Corona cough. Oh man, sorry. Got that. I start laughing and then I start coughing.

Rachel Denning (18:27.277)
I have met people all over the world. I've been working with people for a couple of decades, just really fascinated and obsessed with personal development, human performance, and we've been on five continents and 45 countries. I just love connecting with people and helping people. I've had the privilege of working closely with people and just kind of being in this space for a long time. I see this all the time.

where people, they just get defensive. They get this little edge and this chip on their shoulder and they're like, I know what I'm doing. I've done this for a long time. I remember one time I was in a foreign country and I was observing some really poor parenting. It was really ineffective parenting. And the lady's like, I know what I'm doing. I have six kids.

You know, our kids were kind of older. They were in their later teens. And she's like, I have six kids. I've been a parent for X number of years. I know what I'm doing. And the irony of it just, you know, wow, just slapped me in the face. Like, whoa, just because you've been doing something for a long time doesn't mean you know how to do it well. And that was one specific instance. I was like, wow. But it made me think like, OK.

What things in my life have I been doing for a long time and telling myself I'm really good at it just because I've been doing it for a long time? Just because you've been doing something for a long time doesn't mean you're good at it. And it definitely doesn't mean you can't improve at it. Right? This is one of those, this is one of those fascinating, okay, a little side note here. This is one of those fascinating things. Like somebody could step in who maybe they've been doing it just a mere fraction of the time you've been doing it and they're way better at it.

That possibility is always there. In fact, your own children, and they're your kids, like, oh, come on, that's my kids. I'm the adult here. I'm the parent. I've been alive a lot longer. Your kids might pop up and do something far better than you do it. And you're like, oh, that's interesting. And we've got to have this humility to say, all right, little child of mine, teach me how to do this better. You show up in the world here, and bam, you got it done. I'm like, what gives? Right?

Rachel Denning (20:52.941)
And we got to look around, always be looking around for people who can do it better and learn from them and improve. So just because we've been doing something for a while doesn't mean we're doing it the best way possible. And even if we were, we can continue to increase our capacity, learn new skills, new strategies. And when you learn from the greats, the greatest of the great, they're constantly doing that. They're the best of the best. And instead of saying, I mean, literally the best of the best, like the best golfer in the world, the best athlete in the world.

The next day they'll win, you know, set a world record and win a worldwide tournament. And the next day they're back out on the field practicing honing in exactly on their little techniques. Like, I think I can do that a little bit better. My hand grip here, my, my twist that, that launch, that one movement. I can, I can get that a little bit faster, a little bit better. So are you with me on that? Like just because when we do that, we all do it like, Oh, I know what I'm doing here. I've been doing it for a long time. I got this. And we can be blinded.

by that idea of, well, I know what I'm doing. So, okay, so let's say you're out running, you've been running for a long time, you're a little bit defensive and prideful about it because you've been doing it for a while. So let's pretend now that let's say an ultra marathoner who frequently goes on 75 mile runs at incredible speeds offers to give you some coaching and you reluctantly agree because you're like, I know how to run.

And immediately he noticed, again, roll with me here, I'm being a little bit ridiculous on purpose. Immediately he notices that you've been running in jeans and healed boots. And that when you run, you're swinging your arms across your body, right? So that's really poor running form. So, and I know it's a lot of people do it. Because if you swing your arms alongside of your body, it actually gives you this really good.

running technique and helps you run better. But let's, I see a lot of people doing this. They run with their arms across their body. So when they swing across, they're actually moving their body side to side as they're trying to move forward. You know, a side note there. And let's say for this illustration, you have some, a really strange stride and cadence. It's kind of off. And so it's, you're actually making it harder on yourself to run. Your feet hurt, your knees hurt, your legs are chafing.

Rachel Denning (23:18.797)
Mostly you're just pretty miserable, right? And roll with me on this, because this principle holds true for a lot of areas of life. So he comes in, he's like, oh, yeah, let's not go running in our jeans. Let's take off those boots you're wearing and buy the best quality that we can, buy you some running shoes.

some running clothes. Let's straighten up your cadence there. Just kind of clean it up a little bit and practice how you're landing on your foot. Let's stop swinging your arms across your body and kind of bring them in tighter and give you a little bit more technique and style there. And let's make sure you're hydrated. And instead of carrying a big water bottle in your hand, you get like a little small, you get a running pack or a little waist belt with some, you got some running gels in there and a little water bottle.

Basically, he just comes in, dials it in, and then all of a sudden, whoa, man, this is a totally different experience. And this principle holds true so many ways in our lives. With a little bit of tweaking and a few insights here, a little bit of coaching and a few resources or tools, something we've been doing, perhaps for a long time, is literally like a totally

different experience. Now I see this with my coaching clients a lot. From from exercise and eating to getting up early. I mean that one I see a lot where most people's experience with getting up early is just miserable. They're just like I hate getting up early. That's the most common thing I hear right. Oh I'm not a morning person. I hate getting up early. The idea of getting up at five or

430 or even four just makes you want to vomit in your mouth. I've tried it before it's miserable. Oh Right, that's the most common experience and yet when we take a few things, let's twist this try this Let's let's get that dialed in there all of a sudden without me saying anything. My clients are coming back to me like

Rachel Denning (25:38.573)
I just I can't wait to get up I get up early in fact I'm trying to get up a little bit earlier because my morning routines and rituals are so Transformative and so powerful they set me up for success every day I'm so dialed in I feel more alive today than I've ever felt in my life Right that kind of stuff so it takes something It takes an experience. We may even have for a long time and it creates a totally different experience So let's go back to the running right?

where let's say for example what used to take you like 60 minutes only takes you say 40 minutes. But now in that 40 minutes, so you actually get to go farther and it's much more enjoyable.

So you end up literally doing more in less time and in some ways with less effort.

Can you imagine, roll with me on that. Can you imagine running in your jeans and your boots and carrying a big water bottle and having horrible technique and doing that for years? No one. That sounds miserable to me. That sounds horrible. And then you switch it all. You get your technique out, you get the right equipment, tools and gear. And it's just fantastic.

And so you end up, there are ways, my friends, this is a true principle.

Rachel Denning (27:19.277)
There are ways.

to do so much more.

in less time and with less effort.

But we have to be willing to optimize our lives, right? Which is what, that's what I'm always focused on. In a holistic way, so every part of our lives, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, financial, in every part of our lives, every aspect, every role you have like we talked about in the beginning, how do we fully optimize our lives?

so that we have the increased capacity to do more. So we're actually, we're not maxed out. We're increasing our capacity to do. And within a short time, we literally have the ability to do more with less stress, to do more with less effort, to accomplish, to be more productive.

Rachel Denning (28:29.869)
and to accomplish more, to achieve more.

with less strain and definitely with less misery. And so between those two principles that we've talked about now, one of when we think we're at capacity, we're really not. And two, the ability to increase our capacity if we've combined those two things so that we become the much bigger container, so to speak. And we realize, oh no, I've got reserves here that I didn't realize I have.

That changes our lives. And it makes life more enjoyable and more extraordinary. So I just wanted to share that principle, those ideas. I just wanted to plant those seeds in your head and get you thinking about this like, what would you try? What would you try to achieve? What would you attempt?

if you realized you had much greater capacity. What would you do with your life? What would you go after? How would things be different for you and your family if you had dramatically increased your capacity and you realized you weren't anywhere near actually being maxed out? And when I say maxed out, I'm like, I don't want us to think that every day we should be...

spent like every single night we hit the pillow like I can't move another muscle that's I don't that's not an enjoyable life right

Rachel Denning (30:11.149)
But what I mean is like, you're actually really efficient and really effective and you're using your time really well. And yes, you're intentionally experiencing stress, so to speak, you're pushing your limits, but you're also experiencing unbelievable amounts of recovery. So you're getting plenty of rest and recovery. You feel really balanced. Your health is fantastic. Your relationships are fantastic. You feel...

really grounded and centered spiritually and emotionally and mentally. It's the life you want where you just you feel amazing and you feel like you have enough time for all the things you want to do and that whatever you do, you do well. And so you have personal time, you have spouse time, you have family time, parenting time, you've got personal time for hobbies, for exercising, you're just crushing it in your occupation whenever you do.

and you're able to also contribute and serve and make a difference. And you're doing all that within your capacities. Like it's not wearing you out. It's not pushing you over the edge. It's you're like, I got this and you're doing it really well. That's a possibility. And it's, it literally is a matter of principle and practice and a matter of having the right tools and resources and knowing what to do and how to do it and having the coaching to help you get dialed in.

then you can do, I just love this idea. You can do so much more without, with less stress, with less strain. I mean, I mean, don't, don't misunderstand me. There's obviously going to be those time periods of like, I've got to push my limits here. Like you're, you're not going to get in great shape unless you really push your limits and you're going to sweat and you're going to strain and you're going to have some sore muscles, but then you're going to get great recovery and you're going to feel fantastic, right? So yeah, there's going to be some work. You're going to put in the work.

But it's not going to be miserable. And it's not going to push you over the edge. It's going to be within your capacity. I love that. So think about that. What would you do? What would you attempt? What would you go after?

Rachel Denning (32:21.069)
What goals would you set and achieve? What big dreams would you have? And I just kinda, whoo, I shudder at the idea of how much potential and capacity and power we're just leaving on the table. What dreams are not even being considered because we're currently living below our capacities and our potential.

kind of not even knowing it. We feel like we're maxed out. We're telling ourselves we're maxed out. And so we don't even dare dream of bigger things because this is all I can handle, right? And so I wanted to introduce that idea and say it's totally possible. And I get the privilege of seeing it all the time in the high performance coaching I do. And you can do it too. Oh man, this stuff is awesome. I love it. If you want to just seriously level up, you're ready for this, go after it.

I mean, get into the books, sign up for coaching, go to gregdany .com, sign up for a coaching session. Do whatever you gotta do. Just consider this idea and say, where can I increase my capacity? Where can I do more with less stress? Where can I do more even with less time? How can I dramatically increase my capacity to be my best? Okay, remember, every day my friends, we're training for greatness. Love you guys, reach upward.