Chronicles of Love and Friendship: The Empowerment Couple's Origin Story

Speaker 1: 0:00

I'm like, okay, here we go.

Speaker 2: 0:02

Actually it's like a year of like when do podcasts? When do podcasts? We should see, this is a podcast. And then finally you're like yeah, let's do a podcast.

Speaker 1: 0:12

Soon as.

Speaker 2: 0:12

I let it be his idea.

Speaker 1: 0:14

Soon as my idea. You know, I got a good idea.

Speaker 2: 0:17

How about we do a podcast and then boom, here we go. Welcome to the empowerment couple podcast, where your path to self mastery expands.

Speaker 1: 0:28

My cohost is empowerment coach Zuri Starr.

Speaker 2: 0:31

And he's expansion coach Mikey Starr.

Speaker 1: 0:33

Together we are the empowerment couple.

Speaker 2: 0:36

Our mission is simple to serve you, love, so you can make informed decisions to regain and maintain your personal power.

Speaker 1: 0:42

We'll take you on a journey to a life filled with purpose, passion and limitless possibilities, while sharing stories of transformation, wellness hacks and healthy habits backed by science and ancient wisdom.

Speaker 2: 0:54

Plus, we'll keep you entertained with engaging games, banter and funny innuendos along the way. Each episode is an exciting blend of education, entertainment and empowerment designed to help you create a mindset to be a magnet for more love, happiness and abundance.

Speaker 1: 1:11

Together with our special guests. We are dedicated to sharing information that empowers you to co-create your most beautiful life.

Speaker 2: 1:19

So if you're ready to embrace the power within, hit that subscribe button and let's embark on this empowering journey together. I met this mofo and we get a lot of questions from people about how we do it.

Speaker 1: 1:38

And how we've lasted, as long as we've lasted, despite all of the challenges that young couples face in this country.

Speaker 2: 1:49

In this world In this world In this planet Earth, mamaguya.

Speaker 1: 1:54

Yeah, yeah. With all the challenges inherent of just being a human being on this planet, it is difficult to stay together unless you start out correctly.

Speaker 2: 2:07

I feel that there's so many secrets to making a relationship work. It could be like an entire book, but we are going to talk today about some. We're going to answer some questions, we're going to play a game and we're really just going to reminisce and be in the moment. We're also going to tell our origin story of how we met 22 years ago, because it is, I think, really telling, because it it it's so similar to how we are now, similar to some of our habits, like how you start is often how you continue, and so shall we. We shall, and with some very important nuances that have totally changed. Okay, so, start from the beginning, from the beginning From the beginning.

Speaker 1: 3:00

This time last, this time, 22 years ago, I was getting ready to be a college student and transferring over to, you know, my, my last two years of college, and I found myself in the beautiful sunny town of Ventura, california. Yes, and I was I. I was located about a quarter of a mile from one of the the mini bars in the town. So that was my, that was my bar, and I'd walk down there after, you know, when I was ready to to kind of cut loose. And there you were, there.

Speaker 2: 3:43

I was there, you were.

Speaker 1: 3:44

Just waiting for me, right.

Speaker 2: 3:47

I don't know if you were there before us, but I know. I know. The moment I saw you, I know the song that was playing. What was it? It was I belong to you by Lenny Kravitz.

Speaker 1: 4:00

And I had that little Kravitz kind of look oh yeah, yeah, I was primed.

Speaker 2: 4:03

I was like what the fuck is this? It was almost like he. He walked by me twice during that song, staring right at me, and I was like, what Voodoo is this? Like? You had this intensity in your eyes looking at me and I was like, um, knowing what I know now that people can fall in love with each other just based on eye contact. And I thought, wow, like he's like really gays are beaming me, which is what he calls it. He was giving me this like intense stare and I thought, oh shit, like, and I was four day single. So you know, like I was really happy to be single, I was really happy to be like, out with girlfriends. I actually didn't want to go out. It was April 20th, which is 420, which is a big popular date to go out on, uh, in California. So when we went out together, uh, or when I went out with my girlfriends, it was only because I happened to be sleeping at one of their houses, because I was like, like I said recently, single and I was staying with a friend and she was going out, which meant I had to go out. It wasn't an option to not go out. So we got off of our shift. We worked at a restaurant Italian restaurant together, got off of our shift. They kind of drug me out and we went out and I have always been the um, the friend in the group who is not afraid to talk to people. I've always been the friend in the group who is like, yeah, go talk to him. Oh, you want me to talk to him here, I'll go talk to him for you. And like, not shy at all and very um, talkative and outgoing. I'm definitely extrovert in that situation. And so, uh, they saw him. We happened to be sitting with four girls and one of our friends who, um, a man who is gay, and so that we were sitting there and he walked by and they're like, damn, like he was really staring at you, like you should go talk to him, like no, no, not going to happen. And um, and they kept egging me on, egging me on, and I was like and talking about how cute he was and stuff, and I was like, yeah, yeah, he's okay. Like you know, it's kind of downplaying the entire situation, because I was like, no, I'm like single, discounting me.

Speaker 1: 6:28

I was.

Speaker 2: 6:28

I was like I'm single and I'm like I'm not interested in being single, I'm interested and they're like whatever, just for a hookup. And I was like, nah, like I want to be single, I'm going to focus on my music, and like I'm not, not into it. And I also was like off of work didn't feel like super cute. I was just like no, like it's not, it's not the jam right now. And so I'm sitting there just drinking my little white wine, like enjoying my time, and they are just razzing me and I'm not really good at defending that If I get razzed a bunch like, oh, okay, it's going to happen. It's like you know this. Like after multiple requests, I decided to go and talk to them, but even as so they, so they like we made a bet and I was like, okay, I'll go talk to them. What are you, what are you going to give me if I go talk to them? Because I was like I got to get something out of this, because I'm not really not feeling it Like I don't want to go talk to them. I was like, okay, we'll get you another glass of wine. I was like, okay, fine, better be here when I come back. So I go and I pretend to talk to him, not realizing that where we were sitting there's windows and you could see outside of. You know, like he was in the patio area and there's windows next to our booth, you could see outside. And I didn't take that into consideration because I got close to him and then I decided to check my phone and then I was like no, like I'm not talking to this guy and I turned around and I walked back and I sat down and I was like, yeah, he's super lame, like it's not going to happen. Not interested and I was like, yeah, they'll leave me alone, have my glass of wine and I could just chill. And this is me in, like you know, very like early 20s, like not thinking. Not thinking any of this would would be our origin story later, where I was totally being a chicken and also totally lying. So, hi, hi, my name is Ray, I'm a liar and a chicken I'm a liar and I'm the chicken. Hi Zary, okay. So I sat there and they're like you didn't say anything and they were like on my shit, quick. They're like you didn't even talk to him. We watched you, you're such a chicken and they were making fun of me. And then I was like, oh, okay, like I busted this, I'm not going out like this. So I was like okay, so the next time you walk by. I had a lot of like uh, fire, I think it's like four or five times I walk by oh my gosh. She walked by me like 22 times. Let's, let's put it. Here's the gas. Yes, the gaser beam. I don't know.

Speaker 1: 9:17

That's not it.

Speaker 2: 9:19

I don't think that would have worked. Try again. No, no, no, don't look at yourself when you do it. Now try again, okay, no, it's not going to work. Look at me. I'm looking at you. I don't know.

Speaker 1: 9:33

No, we'll practice. You don't got it anymore. You know, it's actually really hard to reproduce the Gazer beam. It is an authentic action. I saw you, I recognized you. I felt like you and I have known each other for a very, very, very long time. The Gazer beam really was me looking into your soul and being like hey, what's up? Hey, what's up hey, what's up? And I had to do it enough times for you to wake up and be like, oh, there he is.

Speaker 2: 10:13

Okay, so back to the story.

Speaker 1: 10:15

Back to the story.

Speaker 2: 10:17

So he's walking by me multiple times. He comes by after I've been razz and you know kind of humiliated by my friends, by my friends.

Speaker 1: 10:27

I was like humiliated challenge.

Speaker 2: 10:30

They challenged the redhead and me. I was like, oh fuck it, let's go. And so I grabbed my glass of wine, my second one that they had already got me, because you know that I didn't deserve and I was. I saw him and I grabbed his hand and I said hey, you need to come, come talk to me. And I just grabbed his hand and then I pulled him into a booth like a cross from like a two person booth, across from the larger booths and where my friends were sitting, and he was like okay, like just, you know, like yeah, okay. So then we sat down and from the get or from the get we started talking.

Speaker 1: 11:13

It was just like conversation spiritual grounding, like who you are, like it was.

Speaker 2: 11:19

It was a. It was a deep conversation, very, very quick, which is my, my favorite, my jam and he was willing to go there. But he's kind of like smiling, kind of like you know like what, like this chick is intense, anyway. And so then he's like yeah, you know, like I think I don't know, he started saying things about himself and I was like no, like that's not who you are, like I knew him and so I was already starting to have like intuitive downloads for him and about him. And then we we talked probably for like an hour, and then he's like we should go dancing and I was like yes, like let's go dance, cause that's my, that's my love language and and one of my favorite things to do. So I was like yes, let's go dance.

Speaker 1: 12:10

And we left the bar right to go dancing and the dance. The bar was, you know, like a block and a half away from the dance club. But remember, we left the bar holding hands already.

Speaker 2: 12:21

You grabbed my hand and we were holding hands yeah. And then we danced the rest of the night and then we took you home because one of my girlfriends was looking for a roommate and so I scoped out his situation and stuff. I was like who is this guy? Anyway, didn't kiss, Nothing happened. We danced. We then became really good friends and we went, we hung out a bunch.

Speaker 1: 12:47

Hiking, going to the beach, bike rides, yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:50

Yeah, and cause I was like I don't really want a boyfriend and I knew from our conversation and from the way that we had chemistry. I was like this guy is either going to be the love of my life or the death of me. Like there is no in between. Like there's no in between with this guy. Like I knew for sure and I knew that if, if, big capital H no, not H. I'm glad this is recorded.

Speaker 1: 13:22

Capital I.

Speaker 2: 13:23

Capital I.

Speaker 1: 13:24

Capital F Okay.

Speaker 2: 13:26

I don't know. High five, high five, okay, okay. So I knew for sure that if, if we were willing to work on some of the stuff that we're bringing into the relationship, that we would be solid, because something I've had with Mikey that I've never experienced with anyone else, anyone hear this loud and clear anyone else is there is an electricity. It's something I can't describe other than there's like an electrical spark, like a connectivity that is undeniable, like that I can feel inside of me. So it's like a physical sensation, but it's also like a spiritual connection. But I've never felt that with anyone else and it's not like lust and it's not like that tingle you get when you're like really feeling a dude.

Speaker 1: 14:23

It's not that it's.

Speaker 2: 14:23

It's an indescribable feeling, but it feels like an electrical connection, like when I, even when I touch him now I'm like yes, that's my person. But I felt it instantly. Instantly, like when he held my hand I was like damn it, this is way too soon to be meeting this kind of guy.

Speaker 1: 14:43

Yeah, that was. That was the running, the running comment. You know, the first couple of months it's like, uh, I kind of met you a little bit too soon, like I was going to work on myself and do this and then meet you. But you know, I it's not like I could meet you and be like, you know, put you on hold, like okay, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to go and, you know, be a jiggalo for another couple of months and then let's, let's, let's, meet up after.

Speaker 2: 15:07

You know we're great big hordes or something.

Speaker 1: 15:09

Yeah, you're coming to America and in regards to the electricity, I'll take that, that analogy, and and and, a step forward. And this is how it was for me. Like imagine, you know, uh, uh, I'm walking around with this electricity cord, right Like a you know, uh, an extension cord, and when I get close to you, I get to plug it in and there's parts of me that come alive, Right, there are parts of me that needed your electricity to be illuminated, and I feel like that was what was generating me towards looking at you and and and, you know, making sure that you see me, just in case, just in case you have that, that same charge. Oh, wow, this is like I wasn't, you know I was. I was single for a while, about a month, you know. So I was, and I was going to, you know, the university of Santa Barbara I'm, like you know, young and was going to go have some good times the most beautiful women. I'm going to have some good times and uh, you know, I met you and then that was it. Yeah, you met me we moved in, we, we played, we grew, we didn't move in right away.

Speaker 2: 16:22

Like if we want to continue some of the origin story. We um, didn't even um, we didn't even get intimate until like maybe two months, a month and a half. Around a month and a half into our friendship we hadn't even kissed, like we were just hanging out. And then I was like okay, well, is this gonna go somewhere? I got impatient. I was like, okay, let's see if he can kiss, let's see if he can see what's going on downstairs. You know the code, I use the code, my dating code. And then it progressed from there to like just flirtatious fun, hanging out and some intimacy. But then I left. I left for 30 days.

Speaker 1: 17:14

You played the takeaway game.

Speaker 2: 17:16

The takeaway is an effective tactic. It is. It is. I didn't realize that's what I was playing. I had this. This was pre-planned. Before I met him, I went away with one of my girlfriends at the time to my dad's house in Vermont and we worked on the farm for 30 days and traveled around the East Coast to New York and Boston and we just had like a girls summer and. But I had already felt the feelings of like what it would be like to be with Mike, and so we wrote each other emails and texts, but we actually even wrote a letter.

Speaker 1: 17:59

Snail snail.

Speaker 2: 18:00

Snail.

Speaker 1: 18:02

I sent her letters.

Speaker 2: 18:03

Because I sent him a card that had a bunch of photos from some of our hangout sessions and so I was like, well, there's no way for me to do that, and like it was when you still printed pictures. So I was like, let me print these, these are so cute. And I sent it to him with a bunch of pictures of us. Of course I was making sure I look cute, and some of them, you know, I was like let me just put myself back in his.

Speaker 1: 18:26

Don't forget about this.

Speaker 2: 18:28

Yeah, you don't know what you're missing, but let me remind you what you're missing. It was before the. You know it was before. It wasn't before MySpace, but it was before it was before social media yeah, it was before the major social media that we currently have, so this was a long time ago.

Speaker 1: 18:54

It was definitely before Facebook.

Speaker 2: 18:56

Well, yes, it was before Facebook. Anyway, my point is is that there wasn't like a way for you to like internet stock as easily or any of that stuff. So we were like I was trying to put my face back in his face without being there. So that was the tactic and so, like a bookmark, it was just like oh, love bookmark. You should put this on your refrigerator, this picture of me. This random chick that you dated.

Speaker 1: 19:24

Yeah, I made a t-shirt for you. Wear the t-shirt when you go out. I'm with this woman. Leave you alone.

Speaker 2: 19:31

Exactly no, but we were still single, we weren't committed to each other. But this fool. When I came back, he went with my best friend to the airport. And this is ancient history, right.

Speaker 1: 19:50

Ancient history Back when you can do it.

Speaker 2: 19:52

When you could go to the airport. He showed up at the airport with flowers at the fucking gate.

Speaker 1: 20:03

At the gate.

Speaker 2: 20:04

At the gate, and so I was like, oh, Pre-9-11. I guess we are. Yeah, it was the year that 9-11 happened. This is in April 2001. Or sorry, june 2001. We met in April. This is June 2001. End of June and I was like, oh shit, I guess I have a boyfriend, because who shows up with flowers with your best friend and is there to scoop you up? And then we were just inseparable and we have been ever since. Well your face is glimmering.

Speaker 1: 20:43

You're tactic about the takeaway was very, very, very effective. You don't know what you have until it's gone. So that's what she did. We hung out, we were friends. There was this connection, the electricity, and then she split. So it gave me time to kind of figure out exactly what it is that I wanted. While she was gone I could have hoarded out, but I didn't.

Speaker 2: 21:12

I could have hoarded out too, and on the farm or in the like, going into New York or Boston.

Speaker 1: 21:19

You had suitors.

Speaker 2: 21:20

I had opportunity.

Speaker 1: 21:21

You had a suitor that drove across the country for you Only to see me In his van. Sorry, homeboy.

Speaker 2: 21:33

Hope he's not listening. Let me show you this receipt I own this already. Yeah, my came correct. He was like I'm gonna pick her up at the airport and then like she's mine.

Speaker 1: 21:45

Oh, mind you, you were a hot commodity in Ventura. In Ventura, Like you know, you were hanging out In Ventura.

Speaker 2: 21:54

Don't say in Ventura, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1: 21:56

You were hanging out with Mary, who knew everyone, so everyone knew you. So you had about four or five dudes who were like ready.

Speaker 2: 22:06

I think it was more like 14 or 15.

Speaker 1: 22:09

And I remember having brunch with them at Pete's breakfast house and they did not like me.

Speaker 2: 22:16

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:18

Until they got to knew me and then like oh, I love Mike, but prior to that I was like who's this guy?

Speaker 2: 22:23

I mean the thing is is that when you are in your early 20s, you know you're on the hunt? You're on the hunt and you're also being hunted.

Speaker 1: 22:33

You are both predator and prey. Yes predator and prey and I was.

Speaker 2: 22:38

I was always in a relationship up until that point. So so let's do some questions in a hat from our In power posse, because we get questions all the time and sometimes we don't take the time to actually answer them. We're gonna answer a few that we pulled that are about relationships, correct, because we we actually get a lot of Personal questions that are asked of us and sometimes it doesn't fit with what we're talking about, but today is Our expose, so let's get in the expose exactly.

Speaker 1: 23:12

So the first question that comes up Is we kind of get this one all the time what is the secret of our success? The secret of our success like relationship success.

Speaker 2: 23:24

Yes, okay.

Speaker 1: 23:25

You want to go first or second?

Speaker 2: 23:27

I'll go first go for it. So I think it's really that we have the same conversation that we started with. So I think it's communication. The intimacy part of our relationship has come from us talking a lot and At the same time, that is where we also lack. So it's kind of funny. But the secret, I think, is that the first time that we met, the conversation that we instantly had is similar to our coffee, you know, in the morning conversations. It's similar to our date night Conversations. It's similar to our podcast conversations, like right now, like it's, we are open and willing to go there and willing to have the conversation and listen and respect each other and Often not agree, but still come to a place of like, mutual Respect and love. I think that is huge and I think that couples in general are not having enough Conversations where it's open and they you know whether it's because they don't have time and we have a lot of luxury in the sense that we get to spend a lot of time together and we but we've created that time by our rituals of like let's have a conversation and we have that conversation often, every day, I mean every single day we talk.

Speaker 1: 25:00

I'm gonna agree with that and I'm gonna. I'm gonna answer my part of the question and, yes, I think the secret, for one of the secrets for our success is that we are Always communicating, always, always, always communicating, and even when we're not communicating, we're thinking how we can communicate better. Yes right, but I feel like that One of the biggest successes or the biggest secrets is our, our friendship. Like you and I established that time in the beginning of our relationship where we became Friends, like I genuinely liked hanging out with you, yeah and I remember, you know, I at the time I had lots and lots and lots of friends and like I started feeling all these these complaints, like, oh, you're not hanging out with us anymore. You keep on hanging out with Zuri, like who are you gonna hang out with us? And and and then got him, and then and then it was like, well, you know, you can hang out with me, but you're gonna hang out with me and Zuri at the same time. That's that's just the way it is, because Like I don't want to not hang out with my my new best friend. Mm-hmm and the new best friend didn't go over, so and and the new best friend became. You know the, the, the best friend, who, who took me through all kinds of Ups and downs. You know, and you you did so as I was going through my growth cycles. You were my friend always. Sometimes you know our couple dumb and you know our relationship.

Speaker 2: 26:42

It sounds like you're saying couple dumb.

Speaker 1: 26:45

Couple, couple dumb, you know.

Speaker 2: 26:46

I like that word Sometimes. Partnership maybe.

Speaker 1: 26:49

Sometimes our partnership was a little kind of rocky, but at no point during those times did I not like you. I've always liked you. I've always wanted to see you happy. I've always wanted to see you in you know a better place. So it dictated a lot of my decisions and how I generated my feel, or how I express my feelings, and how I went and got the things that I wanted to get done. I always did so knowing that. How is this going to affect my best friend?

Speaker 2: 27:21

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 27:24

And because of that I made decisions that favored our friendship.

Speaker 2: 27:29

Right.

Speaker 1: 27:29

And I think that that is, on my end, how you know one of the secrets to our success.

Speaker 2: 27:34

Okay, cool, let's do another one Okay.

Speaker 1: 27:37

So next question you want to read it.

Speaker 2: 27:40

Um, how do you keep it spicy?

Speaker 1: 27:45

Spicy. Oh my God, how don't we keep it spicy?

Speaker 2: 27:49

Well, I'm a fire sign so it's always hot over here.

Speaker 1: 27:55

And I'm an air sign. So he's always fanning my flame fanning your flames, getting you hotter and hotter and hotter.

Speaker 2: 28:00

Redhead. So I mean, how do you, how are you not spicy? But okay, seriously I'll be as aside I would say, because this might be advice that you could give to others is that it started spicy. It was just like I said. The electricity sensation is there, um, some people call that chemistry, some people call it, like you know, connectivity, like there's been some type of current between us that hasn't diminished. I would say there that there have been times where maybe it's not as strong because there's something that each of us is going through, but it always returns, is what I would say. And so it started out spicy. So I feel like if you have the foundation of spiciness, it really will continue and last forever, like if you have if we're talking about sex, right, let's. If we're talking about sex, sex is it only gets better, it it's not going to get worse unless you, obviously, unless you stop having it. That's bad, but it only gets better is what I have experienced, and that if it starts out really spicy and juicy and yummy and wait, hold on, let's go.

Speaker 1: 29:36

Pause, pause, it sounds quick.

Speaker 2: 29:39

So, but if it starts out that way, then it's only going to get better and better and better.

Speaker 1: 29:46

Better and better.

Speaker 2: 29:49

It's only going to get better and it and so keeping it spicy is really just about continuing to to have sex and continuing to explore. And I feel like it became better, also because we had more love for self and we had more self awareness and we had more freedom to explore. And then, as the trust becomes deeper in your relationship, then it's kind of like anything goes and we started out very, very spicy, Like all the things the role playing, I mean, you name it like it started out spicy with role playing and started, I mean, because we were just in it for fun.

Speaker 1: 30:35

And it was a summertime next to the beach. So there was lots of skin and you know, it was just we've had multiple summers of love and we still honor it.

Speaker 2: 30:46

We still take time off, we still do the things to keep it spicy. We do we make sure that we are nurturing each other. Let's end. Do you have a question?

Speaker 1: 30:58

I have and mine is very, very quick. It's not as long-winded and as eloquent as yours, so mine, in order to keep it spicy. Going back to friendship, right, friends play together. They have fun, they, they razz each other, you know they lots of banter. Lots of banter, and a good friendship has an adequate amount of tension right. An adequate amount of tension, not too much.

Speaker 2: 31:25

Like I want to strangle you.

Speaker 1: 31:26

Not too little, you know, just enough, you know, to get the pulse going like, oh my god, this person did this, but then he did this. You know, it's like a little ups and downs. A little ups and downs, kind of like what you did regarding, you know, leaving for Vermont. You know you added a little bit of tension into the relationship, but we remain friends. Throughout that, right, we talked to each other and sent letters and things like that. So there was lots of play. So, in my regards to you know, how do you keep it spicy, Keep playing right and use tension. You can create positive tension and use that tension right, it doesn't always have to be eggshells. You can, you know, get up underneath the person's skin. If you have a plan to why you're up underneath the skin, do something. That's wonderful, right.

Speaker 2: 32:18

There's so many sex jokes that are coming from that Like.

Speaker 1: 32:22

I might come up and scare you, You're like why'd you scare me? But behind my back I have some flowers.

Speaker 2: 32:26

They're like oh, I just bought you flowers.

Speaker 1: 32:27

You're a little bit of tension, you know what?

Speaker 2: 32:29

I mean no, don't scare me, yeah, a little bit of tension. Okay, what's the next question?

Speaker 1: 32:34

Next question oh, this one's deep. Tell us about your lowest point in your relationship.

Speaker 2: 32:44

Okay, me first.

Speaker 1: 32:46

You go first on that one. Let's see if we arrive at the same place.

Speaker 2: 32:52

Well, there is no other place that I could land, because the lowest point is actually when Mike and I separated. So while we met 22 years ago and we celebrate having met 22 years ago, mike and I actually did separate temporarily.

Speaker 1: 33:11

It didn't go very well.

Speaker 2: 33:12

It didn't go well but it also I feel like we wouldn't be here if that didn't happen because it led to some hard decisions of this has to change, otherwise we're not going to stay together. Because we met each other so young and because we met each other at a bar, obviously there was lots of alcohol involved in the earlier parts of our relationship and some negative tendencies with addiction and negative tendencies with just unresolved issues, like everybody has when they bring we both brought some luggage into the relationship.

Speaker 1: 33:53

Lots of luggage.

Speaker 2: 33:54

Lots of luggage.

Speaker 1: 33:55

Lots of luggage.

Speaker 2: 33:58

So I think that it's important, for I think it's important to say that no relationship doesn't go through some type of struggle, and our hardest point of our relationship was when we gave up on it temporarily, I would say I didn't fully ever give up on it, but I did agree to not be together and I did agree to shift focus, and it was the hardest point of my life since I met you. It was just giving up that. Giving it up because I didn't see a way of it working if alcohol was going to be in the picture or if some of the tendencies that was happening between us on my part too, like just the impatience. I tend to be very driven and forward moving, but I was very impatient at that point in my life. I wanted it all right then, right now, and exactly how I wanted it, and I had a lot of. It's very common for somebody to feel like they want more control and then the other person is wild. You were out of control and I was one in control, and so that wasn't a good match.

Speaker 1: 35:28

That wasn't good tension. No, that was not good tension. However, it did do us a massive favor. You and I hit rock bottom at the same time. We were both at the bottom of the well and we're like, oh shit, what are we going to do?

Speaker 2: 35:46

Because of our friendship.

Speaker 1: 35:48

Because of our friendship.

Speaker 2: 35:49

That pulled us back into a place of like hey, no matter what, I'm still your friend, we'll always be good to each other, Even in our separation moments. It was like, hey, I still got your back, we're not going to make this ugly.

Speaker 1: 36:03

We still took care of each other.

Speaker 2: 36:04

We still took care of each other through lots of stuff that happened.

Speaker 1: 36:11

But while we were sitting at the bottom of that, well, together, separately, but together right at the same time we both realized that the only way that we're going to get up is if we do it correctly. And that's when I addressed my addiction issues. That's where I started my healing journey with longstanding childhood issues, abandonment issues.

Speaker 2: 36:36

And you started replacing it with healthy rituals. Yeah, I adopted yoga meditation.

Speaker 1: 36:42

That was the beginning of the empowerment couple.

Speaker 2: 36:46

And if I hadn't said like withdraw from that experience of being just with you, no matter what, that if I hadn't with you, know, like you might not be the expansion coach you are today Like those things actually served us and so, while it was the lowest point of our relationship, I fully honor it and recognize that it wouldn't we wouldn't be here without it. So if you're going through something like that and your relationships, just know that it is likely going to serve you and if you still have the friendship, the connection, the intimacy like the sexual connectivity, like if everything is there but you still have some issues, we'll welcome to the fucking club.

Speaker 1: 37:32

Yeah, nothing is ever perfect. Nothing is ever perfect, but things are designed that. Things are perfectly designed to to help you uncover and unleash the best version of yourself, and I feel like that is what our relationship has done, for me at least. And again, going back to the bottom of that, well, we dug ourselves out together as friends. We went to see Tony Robbins, we did seminars, we read books.

Speaker 2: 38:06

We were at Agape, we were doing all the things to spiritually awaken and also to unpack some of that luggage we brought into the relationship.

Speaker 1: 38:19

And I had finally had a conversation with my real father. There was that, there was some forgiveness.

Speaker 2: 38:24

You found your real father.

Speaker 1: 38:26

Yeah, we did some work.

Speaker 2: 38:27

We did a lot of work to get here. So if you're in that part of your relationship where you're doing the work to get to a healthier place, it's so fucking worth it. Don't give up. I fully feel that the bullshit and the different players that were in our life at the time might have like this weird thing that was happening with his work and I had some weird stuff happening with my career and those things were just agitators to help us become better people. I'm not the same person I was then. You're not the same person. We went on such a long forgiveness journey with each other, but mostly with ourselves, because we had been real shitheads. Come on.

Speaker 1: 39:13

Real shitheads, not to just one another, but to ourselves.

Speaker 2: 39:17

There are things that I was doing to myself on a regular basis that I wouldn't do to anyone. No, and I think it's okay to look back at times when you're in your 20s, 30s, whatever phase you're at in your life like look back at your youth and say like, oh, wow, I have so much self-awareness now to look back and love that person through those steps and be like, oh, you were just looking for love. You were just looking for comfort. You're just looking for somebody to handle it for you, like, whatever the thing was, I love every version of myself. I forgive every version of myself, and that allows me to be here with you, fully present, and not look back and say like fuck, I'm such a piece of shit.

Speaker 1: 40:02

Well, you're never a piece of shit.

Speaker 2: 40:04

Yeah right.

Speaker 1: 40:05

But if you were, you were mine. You're too cute and I'll pick you up all day long.

Speaker 2: 40:11

Let's play a quick game.

Speaker 1: 40:12

Let's do a quick game. All right, so the game is called the double date.

Speaker 2: 40:18

Okay.

Speaker 1: 40:19

And so, basically, the premise of the game is that we both go back in time to our very first conversation for 20th of bar.

Speaker 2: 40:27

Okay.

Speaker 1: 40:28

And I get to talk to the younger Zuri and you get to talk to the younger Mike, right. So if you were sitting at the table right With the younger Mike, what would you say?

Speaker 2: 40:44

Do I have permission to like say exactly?

Speaker 1: 40:46

You can say whatever you want.

Speaker 2: 40:47

Okay, okay.

Speaker 1: 40:54

This is gonna get real.

Speaker 2: 40:57

Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Can you put down that picture of Guinness? Yes, I said picture.

Speaker 1: 41:05

I can put down this picture of Guinness. Yes, that's halfway, halfway empty.

Speaker 2: 41:10

Can you push it aside and just love yourself, instead of trying to numb that part of your experience here?

Speaker 1: 41:22

Okay, that would have had me thinking. That would have had me thinking. It would have been hard to think because half the picture was in my belly, but it would have paused me because when you are doing negative things to your body, you're not doing it so that you can continue. You're doing it so that someone can help you stop.

Speaker 2: 41:45

Yes, so Can I say one other thing?

Speaker 1: 41:48

Yes, you may.

Speaker 2: 41:49

I would say you can fucking do anything, you want, anything, and I hope that you know I'm gonna be here through all of it. That's what I would say, hmm.

Speaker 1: 42:05

That's nice.

Speaker 2: 42:09

Ooh you like that. You're giving me the.

Speaker 1: 42:12

Gazer beam, the Gazer beam. You're getting the Gazer beam. Well, actually my response is very interesting. This, actually this game was a test, and when you go back in time you're not supposed to say anything negative or anything at all separate, because it will change the current reality. So you just totally ruined us.

Speaker 2: 42:30

Okay, you freaking back to the future, nerd? No, I'm kidding, I'm totally kidding.

Speaker 1: 42:34

You're such a nerd Totally kidding, Honestly I would look at you and I would say in advance thank you. Like you don't know what you are going to do for me yet, but you are going to do wonderful, wonderful, wonderful things for me and I'm going to do wonderful things for you. But before I do so, just know that you never, ever, ever, ever are allowed to stop singing. You can't stop singing. That is your, that is the pulse.

Speaker 2: 43:09

Are you trying to make me cry right now?

Speaker 1: 43:10

That is who you are you are a songbird, oh my God, you're a songbird. You are also a workhorse, but before that you're a songbird. So never, ever stop singing. That's what I'd say to you. We'd go straight for our weakest points.

Speaker 2: 43:30

I wouldn't say that's a weak point, but I do feel that as an entrepreneur, sometimes we get off course.

Speaker 1: 43:42

We end up juggling way too many plates and then we end up dropping the plate. That is the main course. Yeah, sometimes, but as your friend and as you're my friend. That's where we step in and we're like no, no, no, no, no, no no no, don't give up on your sales, don't give that up, we're. You're not done with that honey. It's still coming up at the woodwork for you.

Speaker 2: 44:09

You're so good, you're so good, you're so good, I love you. That was sweet and I love it, and that's a fun game to play it is a fun game. All right, we'll send you the highest vibrations.

Speaker 1: 44:19

You are held.

Speaker 2: 44:20

You are loved. Thanks for being an important member of our Empowered Posse. Want next level access to the Empowerment Couple.

Speaker 1: 44:27

Explore our private and group coaching services to get hands-on life-changing experiences and sign up for one of our Empowering courses designed to fast track your success, using the link in the show notes.

Speaker 2: 44:39

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Speaker 1: 44:54

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Speaker 2: 45:01

We love you. What would you say to yourself?

Speaker 1: 45:09

To myself oh goodness, I'd be like, dear self, you about to go on a full-fledged spiritual journey where everything and everyone that you currently know you may not know 10 years from now, 20 years from now, your whole life is going to get repurposed, rebranded. And yeah, just hang on for the ride, homeboy. And, by the way, stop drinking and learn how to meditate, like tomorrow, because that's where all of your power rests. That's what I would say Awesome.

Speaker 2: 45:54

What would you say to yourself I would say the exit is back there. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm just kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm just had to run a joke, your face.

Speaker 1: 46:08

Would you be running for the exit with my hand in yours, at least Something? I can't breathe, man. I did some lovings and you just tossed me out. I'm kidding.

Speaker 2: 46:17

I said what would I say to myself? It was a joke.

Speaker 1: 46:20

Run, I would say run.

Speaker 2: 46:22

Yeah, I'd be like sound on TikTok run. Okay, now what I really would say to myself is you're enough. You're enough as is. Nobody is going to feel the whole or take the space. You need to take up your own space because you are enough. That's what I would say to her, because without the limiting belief of perfectionism and not being enough and all of that crap that I have overcome and I'm constantly overcoming, I think I could have been. I think I would have experienced things differently.

Speaker 1: 47:06

Yeah, self-love is huge. Self-love is huge, and the biggest teacher in self-love is you to me, right? Because you were always telling me to love myself and I guess I was always telling you to love yourself. And that's where the friendship comes in.

Speaker 2: 47:23

That's where the empowerment comes in. Wait a minute, honey.

Speaker 1: 47:26

Let me pick you up and dust you off. And then you pick me up and dust me off.

Speaker 2: 47:30

Right.

Speaker 1: 47:30

Now, if I were to have a conversation with both of us right, a very quick conversation I would say never, ever, ever, ever leave each other side. You guys are going to strengthen each other so much that by the end of your relationship, the next step is literally gonna be what Ascension like you're, there's no higher version of where you guys are on this planet. You guys have love, you have chemistry, you have friendship, you have commitment. That's, you've already won. You won, just keep playing the game.

Speaker 2: 48:11

We're killing the game. Yo Just keep playing the game you won, you found each other. We're killing the game.