Deciding to split can be an incredibly challenging time for any married couple, but knowing the impact it can have on our kids can make it even harder to navigate the complex untangling of a life together.
We were asked by one listener to talk about it, because she has a family member who's planning to divorce once their teen has finished their main exams, but keeping it quiet in the meantime. It's a tricky question; do we stay together for the kids, when do we tell them, and how?
Summary
Divorce and secrecy in a family with a teenage son. 0:02
Parenting teenagers and personal experiences. 1:16
Susie Asli shares her nugget about her eldest child going off to university, bringing excitement and new challenges for the family, the challenges of meeting new people and the importance of creating a safe space for introverts to socialize. The conversation highlighted the need for a buffer in the early stages of friendship-building to avoid overwhelming new acquaintances. Rachel Richards listens to a friend's story of resilience and acknowledges their struggles with empathy.
Marriage and divorce during teenage years. 7:16
Susie Asli and Rachel Richards discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers and the importance of adapting to their needs, the challenges of raising teenagers and how it can lead to arguments in a relationship. They share an example of a couple arguing in a store over their 14-year-old son's video game purchase, highlighting the complexities of navigating parenting and personal differences in a relationship.
Communication and co-parenting after divorce. 10:38
Susie Asli and Rachel Richards discuss the importance of recognizing and addressing one's own childhood issues in their parenting, as they can unconsciously recreate patterns from their upbringing in their relationships with their teenagers. They discuss the challenges of divorce, including communication difficulties and the impact on children. They emphasize the importance of respectful communication and trying to be as clean and clear as possible during the divorce process.
Parental divorce's impact on teenagers' emotional well-being. 15:19
Susie Asli and Rachel Richards discuss the challenges of navigating a divorce while raising teenagers, with Asli highlighting the importance of maintaining open communication and alignment between parents and kids.
Richards shares anecdotes from her own experience, including the difficulty of hiding her own emotions from her children during a divorce, and the importance of being honest and transparent in their communication.
Co-parenting during divorce for teenagers. 18:08
Children raised in stressful and conflicted marriages are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and behavioral problems than those raised in stable, divorced, or single-parent homes.
Co-parenting amicably can be incredibly difficult, but it's the ideal scenario for teenagers to form a healthy understanding of what a relationship looks like. Rachel Richards and Susie Asli discuss how to handle the topic of divorce with teenagers, emphasizing the importance of being honest and open while also protecting their emotional well-being. They advise against putting teenagers in the middle of the conflict and instead suggest presenting a united front, explaining the situation calmly and explicitly, and addressing their questions and concerns in a supportive manner.
Divorce's impact on teenagers' emotions and relationships. 23:03
Susie Asli and Rachel Richards discuss the emotional reactions of children when a parent is leaving or has left, including feelings of anger, numbness, and concern.
They emphasize the importance of acknowledging and validating these feelings, rather than dismissing or minimizing them.
Teens may respond to divorce by pushing against their parents or relying on friends, and it's important for divorced parents to respect their teenagers' need for autonomy and independence. Divorced parents need to accept that the other parent will have their own rules and boundaries, and learn to pick their battles and communicate effectively.
Co-parenting and nesting after divorce. 27:44
Susie Asli and Rachel Richards discuss how children understand love and its abundance, addressing common questions and misconceptions, the challenges of co-parenting with a new partner, including the need to maintain boundaries and stability for children.
A listener shares their experience of nesting, where each adult moves out for a week, providing stability for the children while maintaining separate living spaces.
Susie Asli and Rachel Richards discuss the importance of communication and emotional support during a divorce, emphasizing the need for adults to prioritize their teenage children's emotional well-being. They emphasize the importance of respecting the teenager's feelings and boundaries, and of making an effort to stay in contact and maintain a positive relationship.