Transcript
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Hello and welcome to teenagers untangled the audio hug for parents going through the teenage years I'm Rachel Richards parenting coach mother of two teenagers and two bonus daughters.
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Hi there. I'm Suzy Asli mindfulness coach, mindful therapist, musician and mother of three teenagers two of them a twin
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Susie, would you say that you're sporty?
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No. I mean, at school, I wasn't sporty at all.
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I was with my good friend. We were the ones hiding in the lockers.
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I've got my period.
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But it's kind of ironic. The two of us now probably do more exercise than any of the others.
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Wow, really, that is very interesting, or just a
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total coincidence, but so I wasn't sporting at school, but I do a lot of exercise now.
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Well, Nicola contacted us because she wants to encourage her teen daughter who's 12 to exercise more. I love this request, because it's one of the areas that I feel really, that I'm not doing the best job in and I worry about it. And I'll explain more why later, but it is something that vexes me. And and it's very interesting to hear you say that you now exercise more. Yes. So it's not all, all hope is not lost?
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Your thoughts?
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Right. So
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before we go on, let's have a quick talk about nuggets. And we've kind of been worrying about the same things this week, haven't we?
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We've been thinking about what's been the some of the terrible events that have been unfolding around the world. And I think it's hard for us, but for our teenagers when it's really their first. I mean, we've had what's gone on in Ukraine, but for a lot of teenagers seeing what's been going on in Israel is is extremely upsetting. Yes. And there's a lot of graphic information coming out and and people taking very strong sides.
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And and I think what, what I'm trying to do with my kids who asked me about stories is I say okay, so rather than just talking about the story I told you about where they got the story from, what's your source?
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Where are the facts, which bits are opinion and which are facts.
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And when you're listening to who's saying this, because I'd rather use this as an opportunity to try and get them to think about the sorts of sides people take, why they formed the opinions they have, and where they might be able to get some peace. Because this is an intractable problem. I can't see where the peace comes from.
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In Israel. It's horrific. But I do I do think it's really worth it. So because when I was a BBC correspondent, one of the things that we were told was that if you are going to share information, it needs to have come from at least two if not three credible sources. And so you can get two strong sources where you can verify that those people are going to be telling the truth. Or you can get a third source, which is is not as credible, but you're getting the same information. And then you can say, okay, it's safe to share. So as an example, The New York Times wrote a headline talking about Israeli airstrikes on a Gaza hospital. And shortly after that, the Israelis then said, Well, that wasn't us that actually came from within Gaza, and we have evidence. And then the New York Times changed its headline. And the point being that this news is unfolding so quickly, and even the, you know, reliable institutions aren't necessarily giving you well, that you're not holding back.
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And that's actually really inflammatory.
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And it's really important. I think that's a brilliant point. And it's really important that our teams are that we all learn, but we're trying to teach our teams that they learn that, you know, there isn't really anything, any such thing as the truth. And they teach history. I remember learning this years ago, but you know, it's a truth. And there are many truths. And I think that idea that you have to have two or three variables sources is brilliant, because that's a that can be used in life as well, can't it? You know, just not believing everything you hear everything you see, and an amazing lesson in empathy. Yes, so we can learn there, there are always two sides, three sides, four sides, five sides, and what are they? And can we be really, you know, can we step back and look at all of it, and talking to our teens about these subjects. I mean, I think it's really important as well to consider our particular teens as in everything because I have three kids and they approach news in general in really differently, like, one of them's not particularly interested and and, and, you know, I sort of wondered, Is it really important that they know about it, you know, is that something I should be? I should be, you know, imparting and making them up to date but I'm not sure I'm not sure that that is is necessary.
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It's it's an interesting topic, whereas it was the others are like, they want to know or they, they hear bits and they you know, it comes up in discussion.
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Yeah, picking, picking the site, seeing your kid and seeing what the what do they need to know is actually really important because it can be so upsetting,
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and I've moved on from trying to get my kids to because I used to listen to the today program, which is the flagship news program in the UK from the BBC, you know, every morning, but I've moved on from that, because actually do we really want to hear blow by blow accounts. And I get them to read the week, which is more of a sort of summary of what's been going on that's distilled, and the economist or, you know, publications that are thinking about this stuff and reflecting rather than just doling out news without a real filter, because their own filter, it
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gets really into our psyche. And sometimes that's really important, I think it's really important to stay up to date. And I can I know I have done in the past get stuck in this stick, because you've you it's so negative, get stuck in it. And it's really hard to get out. And I don't think that's a great example for our kids, you know, to be informed dip in and out, and then you know if you can leave it, but this is a great example, because it's, well, it's not a great example of this heartbreaking, but it's it's a it's really important.
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How are we tackling
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one of my daughters is very, very interested in what's going on.
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And when I was dropping her off, just this week, she said to me, so what do you think of the latest thing? And I turned to her? And I said, You know what?
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I don't know, because I haven't been I haven't been reading it the last couple of days. And she looked at me askance, because of course my background is and I said, I'm giving myself a break.
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Yeah. Because I'm not in the right frame of mind to be absorbing this. There's only so much I want to take on. And I want to get my kids to understand that that's okay to
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depend on. Yes.
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Very, really important. Yes.
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Really important, because we go
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down a rabbit hole. Otherwise, I know and get stuck anyway. And there are some wonderful things in the world that we need to focus on as well. So coming back to girls exercising, yes. Right. So, Susie, do you want some statistics?
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I'd love them. I love this, I
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have been trawling. There's a study by researchers from the World Health Organization, which was published in 2019. I know it's a bit old now. But it's still relevant. They found that more than 80% of school going adolescents around the world, aged 11 to 17 did not meet current recommendations of at least one hour of moderate or vigorous physical activity per day,
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I can totally believe
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that. Totally believe that you have. And across almost 146 countries that they studied between 2001 and 2016, girls were less active than boys with an average of 35% of females being active compared to 57% of males
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also totally believe that I have twin girl and boy and they are now 15, almost 16.
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And they have to do like a they do sport in school. And there are you know, half the amount of girls doing it's boys interested and there's a vibe around it that it's it doesn't really matter. Whereas the boys are more active. And of course, there's some boys that aren't interested in it. But it's absolutely different
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for boys. Enjoy Yes. and physical activity declined steadily from ninth grade to 12th grade for both genders. But 73% of countries in the study saw the gender gap widen between 2001 or 2016. And the co author of the study Dr.
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Leon Riley said more opportunities to meet the needs and interests of girls are needed to attract and sustain their participation.
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Yeah, I'd agree with that. Okay, so
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really interesting from the basics, and everyday know quite and the work that was a report by the University of Georgia published in Science Daily, which suggested a supportive school environment is linked to higher activity levels. Go figure. I just think this is really interesting, because on that note, we were we were both in boot camp this morning, which you've been doing for years. We went to boot camp it was you've been doing it for years and turning up and going I've just been to this. And then I eventually said, wait to see what is this boot camp, told me years ago. Anyway, it's fantastic, exhausting. It's exhausting. And I can't do half of it, but turning up as the most important thing. So what was really interesting was this absolutely lovely lady there.
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And we just ended up talking about schools. And she said, Oh, my kids school, insist on every single person that's occurred, every single school child has to do a team sport is non negotiable. And that absolutely made me panic. And it's all about me, because I just feel like I'm letting my
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kids that way you can do the push ups.
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No, I think that's just because I actually am strong enough. You know, it's so funny, isn't it? Because even though she was she was not trying to make me feel scared or sad, but I thought oh, my goodness, and then or unusual as well. Yeah, it's very unusual.
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And I started having a conversation with myself going, it's okay, but it do, do they need to do team sports? And then I remembered when I went for my very first job interview when I finished university, and the person who interviewed me said, Do you know what's the most impressive thing on this CV? And I looked at him say, is it my to my to one? And he said, No, I'm not interested in that. He said, it's that you rode competitively in the first four for your university. Oh, wow. And I thought, oh, okay, wait. So obviously other people seem to think this is really really
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important. The discipline, isn't it? It is the turning. Yeah, it's all it's like, you know, learning a musical instrument. It's discipline practice.
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Yes. Yes. And the problem I have is that so my older daughter, loved sports, play team, sports, hockey, netball, things like that. I would turn up to these things, and we'll go into it later. But I don't really understand any of these sports, because I didn't do any as a teenager. Because my school didn't offer them. And I kind of didn't understand what to do. So I just stand on the side going, yeah, go Yeah, trying to be really enthusiastic, but not really knowing what I should do. And I, and she has now given up these team sports, because she said, You know what, I'm not brilliant at them. And there were so many other kids that are brilliant at them, who all get all the accolades. And then if you're sort of in the third team, you know, nobody actually trains you. They're not they're all very lackluster and a bit, I think that's a real problem.
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Oh, it's such a shame, because that means, you know, and I see it all the time, we're teaching kids to do sport in teams. And if you're good, then that's really worthy and worthwhile and bit stressful as well. Because it's there's little pressure as you argue in the team. And but it's all with his ethos that you know, you're going to be really amazing, you're going to win, rather than teaching our children how to exercise for life, and enjoy. We enjoy doing a team sport for life. But because most of them get put off because it's it doesn't feel very fun.
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Yes, and exactly that, which I was going to mention later, but I will mention it now, which is my older bonus daughter's best friend when she went to senior school, got a sports scholarship. Within a year she'd given up her sports. And I said, why? And she said, because they've taken all the fun out of it. It's all about you've got to be you've got to win, you've got to win. And she said it's No, I don't enjoy it anymore. No, it's silly. And that's that's I just see that as a school completely letting down.
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So I have twins. My son is really sport. He loves sport. That's his favorite thing. Football is he loves it.
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But he loves it. He's loves running it. Well, he doesn't actually love running. That's not true. Running doesn't love.
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Football is the one he loves.
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His twin sister is actually pretty sporty, but she doesn't really like it, she can't really be bothered. So she's doing she's carrying on, which is unusual for her age group, I think which is great. And I just remember when they were younger, so before they were teenagers, but he'd come back from it from a match or I'd go and I'd go and try and watch as many of the kids. And he'd be like, he'd be really into it. And I'd be you know the ins and outs of the whole match, which I didn't really understand. But I just kind of made sure I was watching at the right moment. And then my daughter would come back and I go how was it? And she goes, Oh, it was really fun. I made a new friend. And yeah, her name is Alyssa. And we got juice and a biscuit afterwards. And then I'd go, you know, five minutes later to them. Did you win? What was the score? I don't know that she had fun. I mean, he did too. But yeah, it's very different.
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Yeah, I love that. It's very interesting with that I love that you've got different
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and that's not a boy girl thing. That's just their particular interest.
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And so let's talk about the health background. You know, how does this why do we care. And in terms of just the studies that I've seen, I'm just going to just chuck that all the details in so obviously we have an obesity epidemic in most of the western world. It improves physical and mental health. It builds it builds endurance, bone and muscle strength aerobic fitness, it helps maintain a healthy weight and improve sleep. Exercise helps teens mental health as well. It releases stress busting endorphins and lowers the body's production of stress hormones.
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It improves thinking and memory skills. It reduces the risk of depression helps teens feel more energetic and positive. I mean, we know you know this morning that the left one of the lady said Oh ha just didn't want to call me rainy. And now I feel amazing. Yeah. So we all know that that actually if you go in and you you get through these things, it feels great. And one study said that adolescents with high levels of physical activity performed better in school over two years. So if that's your thing, well, you know, there's also that
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Yeah, I mean, my my eldest had really bad back problems for ages and for various reasons, and that's fine now, but one of the people we went to see it was a he was a pediatric rheumatologist. We went to everyone everywhere. But this guy really knew what he was talking about. And his The reason I'm bringing it up now is his he is really appalled and it's his mission to change this.
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Good luck to him. I think he's amazing that he feels that most kids do not have basic strength.
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Even kids that do loads of sports interesting. And he notices this. And that's why kids are having back problems and all the different problems that they didn't used to have.
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And he says we, you know, we don't, we don't let them climb trees anymore. We don't let them and they won't, you know, they're not walking over, they're not mucking around in the street, they're, you know, we're driving them everywhere, we're going, Oh, careful, come down from the tree or break your neck. You know, they're not doing those basic things anymore. And you know, there's pluses and minuses to that. We have, you know, we've changed our society has changed, but he is seeing the effects of that, and he's really seeing is, you know, in back problems, and even with elite young sports people, he said, they don't have the basic strength always, even though they're training massively. They don't have that, that that basic strength is, and he's used this loads of science behind it. I can't bring that up. Boy, I can't remember it now. But it was it was kind of shocking.
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Fascinating.
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Yeah. Yes, that core that you get from all this is the core,
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but it's just all you know, just hanging from a tree, you know, just basic stuff, climbing around and you know, climbing on your siblings.
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I mean, we all have that. And so
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why, why is this happening? Well, there is screentime. You know, our days are limited. And according to the latest statistics from Common Sense Media and Ofcom.
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Now these are organizations in the UK, that teen screen time.
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The average is seven hours and 22 minutes a day, blimey, and that's an average. So I mean, there was a UK there was a campaign last year by the England women's football team who said every girl in the nation should be offered the opportunity to play football at school, and the government should ensure all girls can access a minimum of two hours of Phys. Ed a week. The UK government has announced that it's going to do this and provide equal access. But the magazine schools says the requirement first of all, it's not going to be statutory. So it's not a legal requirement.
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And also school leaders warned that school timetables are already crammed with a multitude of expectations without merit maritime, and there's not enough funding. And it's very hard to put on Yes, absolutely. I mean, they, you know, when, when I was in London, when my kids were first born, I looked around some of the schools and they have literally a pocket handkerchief size, you know, and some of them this, the The playground is on the very top of the building, with all the cars going around.
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And you and I nearly cried because I grew up in Africa, with so much space, and I just thought how is this? Okay for our kids, then it's not
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realistic. Thoughts in those in those facilities?
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Yeah, so
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that's not realistic. Exactly. Exactly. So, you know, there's kind of there's an ideal and then and you know, all the people who've got money you can send their kids to the schools where they can do this. That's fantastic.
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But it's not exactly
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yeah. And it's also not prioritized. It's a bit like the arts and you know, the creators to some degree is they're very secondary or tertiary even, you know, it's they're not important, but they really important from all the facts you've just said,
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yeah, so why is it such a big thing for me?
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Well, my uncle actually ran for England. So he and he, so he obviously had it, he was driven.
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I have the physiology that would make me good at this. But I didn't he wasn't around when I was a teenager, and I grew up in a family who were completely sedentary. Nobody, nobody exercised at all. Nobody did any sports. No one talked about it.
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We did go on hikes and have picnics when we were in Africa.
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But that was it. And they used to call me the mountain goat goat because I'd be off, you know. And in the teen years, I my school had a field. And that was it. And we didn't I didn't play netball. I didn't play hockey. I didn't do none of these things. And your tennis or and so what happens is if you come from that sort of environment, it feels really alien. This the sporting thing I ran because we had a cross country? Yeah. Good runner shoes for that. Don't you even choose and and that's because I wasn't close to my uncle. I didn't have anybody in my sort of group that did this. I had a friend who played tennis, but that was because her parents took her to tennis courts that were in the place the town she lived in.
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That wasn't my experience. So yes, as a parent, you can do that. And the other experience for me was we did have a trampoline. And I was good at it. And they said, Would you like to, you know, trampling?
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Yes, but most of the time because it's a big class, you're marking who people so you get five minutes, and that's it. And then when they did a display, I'm looking at the thinking, I do not want to be a teenage girl jumping up and down. With everyone standing underneath looking at my crotch.
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Again, it's that idea. You're good at it. So you get to do it. Yes. How about we all do it?
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How about we all do it? But there's, there's a there's a general problem because of the facilities aren't there? Or, you know, the class sizes are too big. And we were in a girl school but there was a boy school literally next door to us that shared the field and there was an invisible line down the field. And when we would go and run the boys would be shouting it's don't milk shake.
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Oh my god. It was just the whole thing was excruciating. It was scruciating So, the reason I'm saying this and you know, even if you went to the local swimming pool, you suddenly became excruciating ly conscious of your body in a swimsuit. I was wearing swimsuit. So you still people all staring at you.
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And it's very, it's so I guess I wanted to say this because I think that we need to understand the experience for girls. And you remember the, the beach volleyball team? Who actually said what we don't want to wear these clothes. Yeah. And that is tiny, skimpy knickers. It was quite a big deal. Yes. And everyone's going up, but we're not seeing you in the
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media. Right. Yeah, you know, it's becoming clearer as we're talking about, you know, there's sport and there's exercise, or high not necessarily the same thing are they there's, there's team sport, which is obviously great for so many different things.
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And for some people, that's so much fun. And then there's exercises keeping healthy in your own body. But we all know, and we've talked about loads of times, you know, teens want to do stuff with their mates, corretto mates, you know, if their mates a sporty, and they're, you know, they want to kick a ball around a break time, then they'll do that, too. If it's, if their mates aren't interested in it, they're not going to go. And I think that's, I think that's what happens for a lot of girls that they lost them drop out. Yes. And then you know, if your mates aren't going, then it's just not interesting. It's not fun. And you have to be really into it to go without your mates. 100% Spot on is abnormal.
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Yeah. And it feels it feels very exposed. You know, my younger daughter said, I want to go and do this. But she's going on her own. It's no fun.
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Yeah, no, it's much more fun with your mates. But you have to be super into it to do on your own.
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Yeah, absolutely. So let's talk about how you motivate a team to exercise. I think we start with well, why aren't they try and understand? Yeah, so it's worth actually trying to unpack it, because it might be the things like feeling uncomfortable about the sorts of clothes that they're wearing, or, you know, the environment that they're having to exercise in and being made to feel embarrassed by other people, perhaps they had a bad experience. I've, you know, if you've got children who are dyslexic, this is not as
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possible. But again, it's within the within the context of being good or not good at it. But we can't really change that. But we can, we can instill that in our own kids, when they that's they're up against quite a lot there. And I think for maybe more for boys, I don't know, I'm sure it happens with girls. But I've experienced anyway, with boys. There are lots of very enthusiastic dads.
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And it's amazing. I mean, I love it, but they, you know, they take their boys out and they kickball around from when they're, you know, from when they can walk. And it's really well intentioned and really fun.
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But it means that, you know, a lot of boys get advanced very quickly if their dads are into it, and all of that. And then it becomes really competitive, because there are also quite a lot of dads who are very competitive with it. Not all of them are mothers too. But I experienced that, you know, Mike, we moved here when my eldest was six, and he hadn't really been doing football and I, you know, I, I can't play football. And I had three very small children. So training hard training, football in the garden was not a priority. So he wasn't, you know, he wasn't one of the best. And that's, you know, at the age of six
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s outrageous, and that. And so there's a there's a book called bounce.
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Have you read it by Matthew Syed, really interesting. And he talks about how the Canadian hockey team he was just watching them the ice hockey team. And his wife said, hey, that's really interesting. Do you see all the guys who are born either January or February? And he said, that doesn't sound right.
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And he says, And when he looks at he said, they were but in Canada, that's when you start school? Yeah. So you know, these kids, they're advanced. And then what happens is, it just kind of carries them along with their parents, you know, so yes, if you want to be a competitive parent, get your kids doing it really early with the family. So we have to be doing this
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or have to be doing or, but if you're not doing it, then then it's really it's really hard for the kids. But you can it's possible and you know, explaining that? Yeah, it's hard. It's hard in the six but the idea that you can already be behind at the age of six or if you haven't started ballet quick enough, you know that everyone's better than you I mean, it's just horrible. I hate it and just keep reminding them that it's it's not talent I mean, there obviously is such a thing as talent but most of it is time spent and just keep keep chugging at it. It's a kind of I feel it's a shame that we have to do that. But we are in that situation and yes keep reminding them that it's not it's not the end of the world.
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No so we can model healthy exercise behaviors like talking ourselves about I just went to boost boost my boot camp and it was brilliant. I feel so much better plan active holidays shedule regular walks as a family we go and walk the dogs
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you know try new sports yourself and then shows them that you're a beginner and that's okay. I did that with tennis. I was terrible. I played a really bad I played with my my youngest boy and and it was really fun. And then he went Mom, she's gonna have a couple of lessons. Because it'll be a lot more fun.
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I think we should play it. Yeah, that's okay. Right? We'll probably just end up blending. So the modeling healthy behavior, and also finding the fun. Yes. And so one of the reasons I love boosts fit, which I've mentioned on my social media, and I've mentioned on this before, which is an exercise class I go to on a Saturday, is because it's massive fun is like going to a party on a Saturday morning 930 to 1030 really high octane. But she set out her store as being an a judgment free, pressure free class. And it's all about having fun. So she's always like, you go this way I go that way doesn't matter. You know, and she shows the different levels you can work out and it's full. And it's full of people have different ages, different sizes. My girls both love it, because they don't feel judged.
00:25:58.769 --> 00:26:27.450
Sounds amazing. That just reminds me actually, at the end of term when the kids, maybe when they're a bit younger, actually not. Not now, but when they were younger, early teens, maybe tweens at the end of term that you know, the games teachers would go right we're just gonna play dodgeball, we're gonna have fun today. And those were the they were the best essence they talk about them because nobody could play. You know, everyone was a beginner at these particular fun games. And it was just fun. Yes. Rather than we are going to now do football. days and you're on the beach and you're on the seas,
00:26:27.480 --> 00:26:36.869
you know, exactly. Not everyone's career and competitive. And actually, that can make them feel uncomfortable. Like they don't want to do it. Because it feels like they've they're supposed to be good at it. And they're not going to be good. Why do it?
00:26:36.868 --> 00:26:44.848
Yeah. And I think kids stop the minute they don't feel that they're good at it unless they've got somebody there nudging them. And if it doesn't feel good, what you know, then they stop.
00:26:45.118 --> 00:27:31.618
Absolutely. So you know, we can put on music at home and dance around the kitchen, which I used to do a lot. Try rollerblading any other any of the other things that might if we go out and look for staff, I found a park nearby recently that where they have open water swimming, and my girls went, I've tried that. And I've also recently found jujitsu and my girls absolutely love it really love, love. Love it because you can grapple and girls aren't given that opportunity at school. Yeah, that's so true. So you know, that's a very different thing for them. A really interesting one that my friend mentioned, was, you know, sometimes don't tell them. So for example, she said, I had this big fight with my boys trying to get them out, because we're going to go for a hike, and they do want to go.
00:27:28.979 --> 00:28:06.989
And then when they got there, they loved it. And, you know, one of my friends said, just don't just just go right, we're going out. And when they say we're just gonna, I don't know, let's go and see what's gonna see the seaside. And then when you get there go, oh, my gosh, let's walk all the way over to those. Right? Yeah, let's go and see if we can just make it into something fun rather than really earnest. We're actually because my know with my daughter, if she comes out hiking with us, and we've got quite a competitive family who quite fit. She doesn't like it because it everyone's going too fast. And so actually, by making it about, hey, let's just go and have fun to purchase the flowers and see the waterfall. Much more interested.
00:28:06.990 --> 00:28:17.339
Yeah, yeah, I was thinking about, you know, the getting them out in that way that that kind of works. And the younger, doesn't it? I'm not sure. When they're ordered. As best I don't know, when me used to bribe fine with a hot chocolate.
00:28:17.789 --> 00:28:49.859
Bribery is great, you can still do that, to still do that. And I do think that actually teaching them how to incorporate things in there every day. So I realized when I was a teenager that I was getting out of shape, and I was putting on weight that I went on a bus that was 10 miles from my home, and it went around the town and then ended up at my school. So I found out if I got off, right, as soon as it got into the town, I could walk to my school in in about the same time. We're gonna get exercise earlier, walk up the stairs, what you know, just the other day.
00:28:49.890 --> 00:29:07.799
And I think that's really important isn't it for for all of us, but we can I think that's a great idea for teenagers because we are very sedentary and we're more sedentary than we used to be. So incorporating every day, or we take the stairs or we're getting off the bus stop early. I think it's brilliant. Yes, I think they call it micro exercise moments, isn't it and putting them into practice. So
00:29:07.799 --> 00:29:21.059
putting those all those things in gardening, all the chores, everything, these things are still active, but it's actually just not sitting down time and make that screentime count. Just say you spent this much time on your screens, you need to actually counteract that with some exercise something
00:29:21.359 --> 00:29:56.460
when I was when my eldest had really bad back issues he was quite stubborn about whether you should do exercise or is it all the things he was told to do? So I got some very cheap equipment and just sort of left it around the kitchen. You know, like an elastic thingy or a skipping rope or and I got one of those screw in the doorframe you know swinging Yeah, but we still got and you know, it's just too tempting to not do it as you're walking past and so I was like really doing it. Yeah. And then like a wobble board, things like that. It's too tempting not to try it as you will pass.
00:29:56.549 --> 00:30:17.730
Yes. Just sticking it in. Yeah, also Like you said earlier making it social really does make a difference so actually getting together maybe a couple of their friends and saying right I've seen this activity let's all go together. And and cheering them cheering them on watching sports together. So I think what actually happens is a lot of boys grew up watching sports.
00:30:13.950 --> 00:30:25.920
And they're only now starting to air a lot of female sports. Yes, that's so true. And talking about them on the TV or talking about talking about them on the radio. This makes a difference.
00:30:25.950 --> 00:30:31.680
The girls football team or the women's football team has made a huge difference with girls footballs, definitely. Yes, amazing. So it's just
00:30:31.710 --> 00:30:38.819
you need you need to make it so that this is something girls do. And that's that girls can enjoy. Pressure for
00:30:38.819 --> 00:30:41.039
it's a life skill.
00:30:38.819 --> 00:30:43.410
It's not whether you get into the A's or B's tomorrow, it's a it's a life thing.
00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:51.480
Yes. And notice complement with them when they're doing well when they're enjoying it because everyone, everyone flourishes when they notice for doing these things,
00:30:51.569 --> 00:31:14.490
we do have to be careful at the other end, though, I think and that's this is just like a tiny little awareness thing of, you know, I've seen it with with people around me, you know, just keeping an eye on people who are maybe exercising too much. Very good boy, really important obsession or a sort of eating disorder. Because right, I think running is a classic for that.
00:31:10.140 --> 00:31:24.839
And it looks really healthy, it looks really amazing. But just being an having an awareness that it can become too much. And it's never the running. That's the problem. It's a symptom of something else, but just keeping an eye on it.
00:31:24.900 --> 00:31:40.680
I think that's absolutely spot on. And we talked about that in the bigger Exia episode, boys as well as just watching, you know, when does it tip over into because you encourage it, you say, Oh, this is great, you're healthy, you're exercising, when does it become something that actually isn't healthy, because it's obsessive, and it's actually damaging them.
00:31:40.710 --> 00:31:44.819
We want to do sport to be fit to be strong to be healthy not to lose weight.
00:31:45.059 --> 00:32:25.200
So just to finish off Nicola did message me. And she said, Hey, good news. We've joined parkrun ah, and brilliant. And she's enjoying it. Yeah. What a great now, I don't know how many countries around the world this exists in but what a great thing to do. And I know more and more people who do Park runs. And it's one of those things where it's not about the competition, although that spurs. But it's very well, there is competition, right at the top. But it's a very welcoming community. You can walk around it and what a great idea. It's fabulous. So I think that's a wow, Nicola well done for you. What a great tip.
00:32:21.210 --> 00:32:33.599
It's really fun. Yes, if nothing else, just turn up. My husband's running a half marathon on Sunday. And I'm excited about going just to get the atmosphere. It's really fun. I'm just holding the sponge is
00:32:34.108 --> 00:32:37.499
very important job.
00:32:34.108 --> 00:33:27.239
One thing I did want to mention that we haven't talked about is your your own kids is like they respond really differently donate to things and just bearing that in mind as well. My child who had the back issues, sort of refused to do the maintenance afterwards, which was was quite frustrating. He's very stubborn. I will say this to his face. I actually texted him earlier to see Did you have any ideas, any tips, because he was was quite relevant, because he now works out totally, voluntarily wants to do it. And he's doing some martial arts and he does football for fun. So I was like, Well, you know, how did that happen? And it was one of those classics where, you know, I was trying to get him to do it. And he's going no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I backed off. And then he took a quite a few months. And suddenly I heard him telling people how great it was to work out and how much better we felt. Wow, you don't say, but you know, whatever it takes, but you
00:33:27.240 --> 00:33:30.750
gave him the permission to find it for himself by backing
00:33:31.710 --> 00:33:49.440
off. He was supposed to be doing it. It was it was medical. So it was a bit different. But you know, he's got the personality that he needed to take. My other kids are different, you know, one of them needs a bit of a nudge and one of them you know, needs to be told, okay, you don't need to go to five practices this week.
00:33:46.529 --> 00:33:55.140
I think you're tired. You need to not need to also rest who use this kind of judging. You're judging your
00:33:55.140 --> 00:33:56.849
case spot on.
00:33:55.140 --> 00:34:07.230
Yeah, they're all going to be different. Yeah, so a special thanks to Nicola for raising this excellent topic. I think it's one day do yes. And I actually think it's one of the episodes that you can get your kids to listen to if they can be bothered to wade through this.
00:34:09.480 --> 00:34:11.639
chat about it. But if you
00:34:11.639 --> 00:34:20.309
have Yeah, it's interesting as well that it was triggering for you to hear that this morning. And because it is a it is quite a tricky one, isn't it to get the balance right? Yes. Because
00:34:20.309 --> 00:34:56.820
I feel I always and I have said to my girls, I feel really guilty because I feel like I didn't get you doing team sports young enough like I should have taken you to the tennis courts. I should have done this and I should have got you going and they said No mommy, thank you. Thankfully we we don't feel like we missed out at all and we would have been really irritated if you'd my daughter was given a space on the swimming team and she she said she didn't want to do it so I just said fine. So I just that but I still am plagued because I think guilt. Yeah, parent guilt.
00:34:50.309 --> 00:34:57.869
As long as as long as they're healthy and they're fit. Yeah,
00:34:57.869 --> 00:35:02.219
and that's really what that thing isn't it everything. And that's the worry, isn't it if they're not doing any
00:35:02.219 --> 00:35:37.739
social side of it. If you have any feedback, you can reach us at teenagers untangled@gmail.com Hit the Follow button on your app, give us some stars even leave a review. You can find more on the website www.teenagersuntangled.com. You can also find us on all social media. Susie has her very own website, you've always been doing some really good work with Google and HSBC. Lots of stuff about mindfulness. Yes, good stuff. So and she talks about that in some of her stuff on her website. So have a look at that.
00:35:38.039 --> 00:35:40.110
If you actually want to talk to each other.
00:35:40.349 --> 00:35:50.789
You can book a free chat with me if you're if you so wish, what the website is www dot a mindful hyphen. life.co.uk
00:35:50.849 --> 00:35:56.009
Fantastic. You can find that the link in the podcast notes. That's it for now. Goodbye for now.
