New year's resolutions. Making them work for us.

As parents, it's important to press that pause button when we can so we can spend time with our families, and that's exactly what Susie and I are doing. So instead of a new episode, here's an old one that's perfect for this time of year. But don't forget to follow us so you won't miss our new episodes on gambling, older daughter syndrome, how to set boundaries and whether shame is a good motivator. Hello, I'm Rachel Richards and welcome to Teenagers Untangled, the audio hug where we use research by experts and our own expertise to discuss everything and anything to do with parenting teenagers.

Hi, I'm Susie Asby, mindfulness coach, Michael Therapist, and musician.

And mother of three teenagers, two of them are twins. As a parenting coach, I've seen the transformative power of listening to how other parents work. We can feel supported, get fresh ideas, and even if we disagree, it helps us to think more clearly about the way we parent and why. So welcome, pull up a chair, and let's begin. Now in this episode, we're going to talk about making changes to our parenting, maybe using New Year's resolutions. Did you make some New Year's resolutions? No. See, I used to diligently every New Year's Day sit down and write down what my New Year's resolutions were. Gone.

Yeah, no, I used to when I was when I was a teenager, I used to. But they were really specific ones, and they I it was the classic, you know, crash in week two of January and throw it all out the window because I'd set stupid targets. Um whereas now I I will, I haven't really so much this year, a little bit, um, but I will set intentions instead of resolutions, which are broader and more sort of feeling-based. How do I want to be, or how do I want something to be?

Interesting. Which I find really helpful. Interesting. So, yes, we'll come on to that. We have had some more feedback which came in before Christmas, but we haven't met since then. So this one uh was from an uh a regular listener. I just want to say a huge thank you to both of you. I have two teenagers, girl and boy, and struggle with a support network because I live in Istanbul, far from family and in a culture that doesn't discuss these kinds of issues. I discovered you in September and have listened to every episode on my way to and from work. To say you have been a lifesaver is an understatement. Your wisdom has completely changed how I relate to my teens. I can't wait for more episodes. In the meantime, wishing you both a wonderful Christmas and new year. Honestly, an amazing review. That made me choke because it sort of reminds me of my mother's situation. She was living a lot of her parenting life in a foreign country with no family support network. It's incredibly tough. Yes. And I, in a way, I wanted to do this because I felt for my mother, and I think so many people struggle. Parent, you know, fathers as well as mothers. We need, we don't, you know, men don't get to talk to other parents enough. Um, and they need advice and kind of a bit of like, yeah, you're doing fine.

Right. Yeah, oh that's such lovely feedback. Thank you so much.

Yes, thank you. Thank you. Any reviews, any feedback are really, really welcome. Um, you know, and if you can subscribe, that helps other people to find our podcast. Now for nuggets, because we came up with this uh a few episodes ago, and uh our nuggets are the things that we've done or we've experienced that have helped us sort of think a bit more about our parenting or we've learned something. So, Susie, go ahead. What have you discovered?

Well, mine is related to this idea of New Year's resolutions or intentions, and um this year I've it's not wasn't so much a conscious decision at New Year, but it's kind of evolved in the last few days. Of we I think New Year's resolutions and intention setting is always kind of problem solving. We're finding all the stuff we don't think we're very good at and then trying to improve it and pick it apart. Absolutely. So I've decided to turn that on its head and look at the things that we're doing well and celebrate them a bit more. And the idea that you know, if if we um uh focus the stuff we focus on grows, um where we water grows kind of thing, and if we focus on the the good stuff, the things that are working, and they could be mini, mini moments, then that sends out a ripple effect, which I'm quite enjoying.

Oh, I love that. So really kind of tuning into we often don't look at that stuff, do you? I mean, you always talk about how we tend to look across the savannah for all the danger and we focus in on that, and actually mindfully focusing on the good stuff, yes, it's gonna be that what a great idea.

Because it's the negative bias, it's it's counteract counteracting the negative bias.

Yes. So uh uh mine's similar and it's not the same, but it's about a new year's resolution. I noticed that I've been keeping my phone with me, and this is actually quite recent, so I may I may just give up. I don't know. I always take my kids' phones away at night. I have done this for quite a while, and it's been a relationship that's developed where they're absolutely fine with it, nobody complains, they all agree that this is really helpful because it means that they can completely tune out. The problem is that I realize that I wasn't doing it and I was a really bad example, and I don't want them to grow up thinking, okay, when when you're a teenager, you you can't have your phone, and then suddenly you become an adult and you can. So I decided to set an alarm on my phone and uh for five minutes to nine and then at nine o'clock, and at nine o'clock, I just switch it off. And uh it's been fantastic, if I'm honest. I've realized that I'm not missing anything, and that uh I think in the past, what would happen is I wouldn't have it with me, and then I would check something just before I went to bed and then end up in a loop again. And um, for me, a zero tolerance policy seems to work well. Now, having said that, my daughter, I got some um messages this morning from my daughter where she'd called me just after nine.

I had my phone on.

And I just but it was fine because I messaged her, it wasn't urgent. Um I messaged her back and said, Sweetie, um, I'm so sorry my phone was switched off. I switched it off at nine. And she said, Oh, that wasn't a problem at all. And they can reach me, they can use the landline. If they need to speak to me, it's not a problem. So I personally, for me, I think this is a really this has given me space to read more, to think more about other things. I'm doing more, and I I love it. So it won't work for everybody, but for me, it's great.

That's kind of nudging me. I need to do that as well. And um also, you know, if we teaching our kids we can't do the opposite of what we're telling them to do.

We have to model it. Absolutely, absolutely. And then they have more respect for the fact that you why why is this important? So um, I like to kind of also give positive feedback and say, you know, so I've been doing this and it's worked for me because of this, and you know, it's a virtuous circle. So coming on to resolutions, when we talk about them, we often put signs ahead to say, well, this is where I want to go. Okay, so as you said, quite often they're negative things we want to change, or you know, is a direction we're trying to go in. And um the the problem with those things is they're quite amorphous, uh, or they're too big, and I'm going to make this sweeping change, so I'm going to lose weight, or I'm going to exercise much more. I'm going to the gym every we we start punishing ourselves immediately. I'm going to go to the gym every day or three days a week. And we come up with these things that are too big a swing.

Yeah, we we're really ambitious, and that can be well-meaning. We think we, you know, we have energy on the first of January. We think we can do these things. We think we can go to the gym 17 times a week. And then by day three, we're like, oh, that was a bit ambitious. It's not gonna happen. So then we throw it all away.

Yes, and there's a book by Caroline Arnold called Small Move, Big Change, and she talks about what goes wrong with the resolutions, like they're too broad or idealistic. And when we relax, our brain goes back onto autopilot. We talked about this with system one and system two from Daniel Kahneman. And the the whole thing is you you kind of have to, if you want to change, you need to make it into a habit. Because habits are our friend, habits are things that then you don't have to actually think about, they just we do them naturally. So, how do first of all, the question is how do you come up with a resolution? I love your idea of actually having a resolution that's about positivity.

Yeah, or or feelings-based, because I think often we do we do a resolution and we think we we think we want a particular thing or uh we want to be, I don't know, be healthier, but how do how we want to feel could like broaden it out a bit more? Like actually, I I want to feel lighter, I want to have more energy, I want to whatever the thing is. Um, and that could be a much more tangible goal almost, even though it's more abstract.

I'm not sure that is that tangible though. Because the problem is when you say that, you then have to think, well, how do I go about that?

Yeah, yeah, that's step one, and then then how do I come, then how do I build a structure that gets me to be able to feel that way. But if we only have the structure and we don't think, oh, I want to feel the particular way, then we're like day five, we're like, well, what's the point? This feels a bit rubbish.

I love your point. So the point is we have to have the intention behind it and what is it we're actually trying to achieve. Yes, rather than to just you know say, I'm going to do this. Well, why am I going to do that? I'm going to lose five pounds. Yeah. Yeah. Why? So that's that's great. That leads me on to there were two ways of do going about this. You can have micro resolutions, and they are little things that you put in place that are very specific, and those little things lead you on to the big things. Oh, I love that. So to when I say lead you onto the big things, it's by making those small changes, like saying, Okay, at nine o'clock, this alarm goes off, I just put my phone away. You know, it's very specific, and I just have to create a habit out of it. I might slip the odd day, but let's see if we can make it work. And if you make a resolution and it doesn't quite work, don't panic and think I'm a terrible person. You just go, okay, that one didn't quite work. How can I go get back into it? Yeah. One of the techniques she talks about in her book is using recognizable cues. So you know, Pavlov's dogs, they would salivate as soon as a bell would ring.

Yeah.

We have things we do every day that you could try and peg a new resolution to. So one guy I was reading said uh that he every morning put his uh dumbbells next to the coffee machine, which his wife finds slightly irritating because she doesn't want the dumbbell next to the coffee machine and tried to move them. And he said, No, no, no, no, no, no. I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is have a coffee. I need the dumbbells next to the coffee machine because while it's brewing, guess what I'm doing? Yeah, brilliant. So we could find things, you know, if you regulate if you let's say we want to learn a new language, yeah. If you could then say, Well, I have a trip every day where I have to pick up my kids, yeah, I could have that language thing going on that trip. Absolutely. Audio.

That's what I say to all my clients for mindfulness is use your waiting times that you already have to ground yourself to practice mindfulness. So while you're waiting at the traffic lights or while you're waiting in the Sainsbury's queue, you have to wait anyway. The waiting time's the same. Use it usefully. And so that's um using your time really usefully.

No, that's a brilliant tip. So we could be doing that. This whole kind of pick a mindfulness, something if you want to be calmer, you know, pick a technique and then just say, okay, every time I'm stuck waiting for something, which is rather time today. Yes. And there's a there's a book by forget the name of the author, but it's called Thank You for Being Late. And he writes a whole book about how those moments when he had to wait for somebody actually gave him all this time to do other things.

Yeah, absolutely.

So we're not trying to cram our lives with doing things, you could actually cram your life with not doing things and being mindful.

But I also like the idea of the dumbbells next to the coffee, those are equipment-based. Um I read somewhere of somebody recommending the going to bed in your workout gear. So if you if you had like a if you really wanted to work out or go for a run in the morning, and and the whole, you know, the just the extra step of having to pick your running clothes and put them on was stopping you from doing it because that seemed a bit overwhelming. I'm not sure that would help my marriage, but No, and it might be a bit sweaty.

But I read some I read a similar thing, which was uh it's it's the the flip side, which is as soon as you have finished the sort of some of the bedtime routine things, and then you just want to slump in front of the TV or you want it, whatever it is you want to relax relax doing, and then you find that you've fallen asleep and now you have to get up and brush your teeth. Why not just go and now brush your teeth? Yeah. And if you wear pajamas, put on your pajamas or whatever, and then relax in front of the TV. Because then if you do start falling asleep, you just have to crawl into bed. Yeah, absolutely. So do all that other stuff before. Yeah. Nice. Being efficient. Flip, yeah, efficient. And you know, the the problem is you say these things and then you don't, but there are ways in which we can you just need a trigger. You need to think, okay, I've finished my meal, I'm not going to drink anything else. Right, now I'm going to brush my teeth, and that will stop me eating after this certain time, for example. So positive framing, you know, coming back to this positive way of looking at things, which is so much more motivational. One of the things you can do is, for example, if you say I need to lose weight, so I need to eat less at a meal, so I need to choose more slowly, rather than saying I've got to chew more slowly, you could say, I'm going to allow myself time to savour my food. So you can have the same rev resolution, but the way that you actually talk about it changes it. The way it feels to you when you're trying to do it, which will make it much more something that you'll keep going at.

Yeah, then it's it sounds more part of a process, doesn't it, when you describe it like that. I like that, rather than I will or I won't do it.

Well no, it's it's it's like you say, you say, I get to do something. I get to, you know, I've I put my phone away, I get to do all these other things in the evening. Not now I can't go on the internet. Yes, yeah. It's it's it's about the mental framing of it, and it is that positivity really, really works. It's very powerful. It's really powerful. It sends a ripple effect into our bodies, which then helps. Yes. So these are specific things. So we can have lots of specific things, like we say, we need a better sleep routine in our household. Let's sit down as a family and talk about that. So rather than trying to impose it on the entire family, say, okay, let's have a let's have a chat about it. Yeah. And let's try and figure out something that we can all use as little triggers to make sure that we all get into bed at a better time because sleep's fundamentally the foundation of everything and health and you know, whether you function well at school or work or any of those things. So those are things that you can tackle, you know, we need to have a conversation about that.

We've just been on an amazing. Everyone does. And we had jet lag, which was uh interesting. Everyone was going to bed really early and waking up really early, and they all, you know, independently said, Oh, this feels really nice, Mom. I'm getting up early. I don't I don't feel rubbish in the morning, and I and I get time to eat proper breakfast. And I was like, Yes. Susie, that's amazing. Well, it's gone again. It's gone again. Yeah, that's a funny thing. Remember how you felt last week? Can we get that back?

And then like now. How interesting. These are the things you think, okay, I need this, but rather than saying I need more sleep, you have to pull it apart and find a micro-resolution that will remind you, okay, I've agreed that I need more sleep, which means I need to do this at this time. And here's the trigger that will remind me, make it doable. But don't panic. If it if it if it slips a bit, go don't go, well, that's you know, that's that for another year. Try again. You don't think, okay, well, let's try a different, you know, maybe that micro resolution didn't work as well, maybe I can tweak it. Yeah. So that that's the sort of going for the tiny sort of you know, specific things, but also, like you said, you're saying I'm going for a feeling. One thing we could do is look at a big issue that's happening in your in your house. So, for example, according to a Harvard Medical School study of more than 10,000 teens and their parents, over 63% of adolescents reported attacks of anger that involved destroying property or threatening violence or or which is actually quite a large number and it must be felt very overwhelming.

Yeah, the idea of the violence isn't great. I mean, the feeling of anger, that's totally normal. Anger's just a signal, as we've talked about ad nauseum. Yes, yes. Um, but the the um following up with with distraction is not so great.

So so the question is are you struggling with this in your household and how do you deal with it? So I need to do something about my teen's anger. And what you can do, as you said, is this is this is just a sign. There underneath it is helplessness, sadness, insecurity, loneliness, what what something maybe they're hungry, I don't know. Yeah. Um not every time, but just feed them first and then and then see why they're throwing chairs through windows. But you can make a resolution to stop and listen and try and work out what's happening underneath that anger. Yes. So rather than feeling that trigger that you know your child's got angry, it's you know, you're my god, why can't they control themselves? Say, right, what I'm going to do every time they get upset, I'm going to stop and try and tune into what's going on beneath that, try and find out.

Yeah, absolutely. And that's always an opportunity. So I I love that. There's an idea as a resolution or an intention that something is at that is out of balance in our families with our teenagers, we can use it as an opportunity to go, well, actually, I'd like to unpack that a bit more. I'd like to have a bit more awareness around that topic, whether it's anger or something else. And so that then it's an awareness point, isn't it? So every time, like you say, every time it comes up, you go, okay, what's that? And it's an opportunity to to firstly look at why am I so triggered when they get angry? Because anger's really normal. Yes. That could be a whole, whole wormhole. Because anger is normal, but we we have a difficult relationship to it generally in our society. So why am I so triggered? Why isn't it okay that my teen is showing anger? It's okay that they're showing anger, but maybe not okay that they're throwing things. There's boundaries. Um I liked that door. Yeah, it was really nice. You don't need to yeah, do all those things. Um, and then and then, like you say, uh an opportunity to unpack it, maybe not in the moment always, but afterwards unpack it. You know, what's behind anger is a secondary emotion, what's underneath it, what's the primary? That's usually something like sadness or um something else, something else um that we can unpack that way. Yeah, I love that using that for a word.

Brilliant techniques, great ones. And and one of the other big ones that tend to happen is that when your teen isn't motivated, we see this a lot, and um many issues can cause that, you know, like distractions of technology, lack of resourcefulness, and the type of expectations that are placed upon them by their parents.

Absolutely. I mean, I I kind of disagree with with that. I think teenagers are always motivated, but just maybe not motivated by the things we want them to be motivated by. And that's very different. We don't, you know, we want them to be mo we think when we hear motivation, we think of work and work ethic and a job and doing well in school. Maybe they're not motivated by that. And I'm not judging that, you know, that can be very problematic for their life. Um, but there will be something they're motivated towards. So, again, using that again as a non-judgmental awareness. Okay, there's an issue in my family, there is a lack of motivation, I feel. Let's just be aware of that and unpack it as it comes up.

There was a uh phenomenological study from a student's perspective by Liberty University, and this was all about middle school apathy. And one highlight of the study was on the topic of self-satisfaction, and the data revealed that students who are highly motivated feel really good about themselves, yeah, and they believe they can achieve. And those highly motivated students also were saying things like, My parents always tell me to just try my best. Yeah. Or, you know, if I try my best, whatever the outcome, it's going to be okay.

Yeah.

And on the flip side, the students who were unmotivated often said their parents required certain grades of them. Yes. And it's really interesting because so one thing we can do as a parent is make a resolution to think, well, what expectations am I communicating here? And is that a good thing? Yes. And I to be honest, I knew about this for a I've known about it for a long time. I've known that um it's important to always focus on the effort and not the outcome. And you know, I've been very, very specific with my kids. When they come home with grades, I go, okay, I'm just interested in the effort grades. I've, you know, really targeted it. And yet still I had a deeply unmotivated teen. And it was only when I realized that she still was comparing herself to other people in the family, and and what she was wanting to achieve because she felt that was important, was completely unattainable for her. And I actually had to go over and above the level of, you know, yes, I'm just interested in your your effort, to actually being very explicit about what it was in her that I thought was so remarkable. Yes. And praising her for, like you said, let's find the good stuff. So making a promise to myself that if I saw anything good that she was doing, I'd pinpoint it and go, that was great. Yeah. And what a remarkable transformation I've seen. Makes such a difference, that's really beautiful. Yeah, so your your uh your point about looking for the positive and and focusing on that can come into this as well.

Yeah, absolutely. It always does. I mean, I have a child who's who's similar, like there's some subjects she finds really if it if it's school motivation we're talking about, um, some subjects uh are really difficult. We've we've discussed that before, and some are some are fine. Um and it really um it does seem that that she's really fine with that because she knows that it's not it's not everything. And I think we have to also be really honest with ourselves about the kind of oh yes, I'm only praising the effort. Um and then when maybe worse grades come in, we're still disappointed.

We're still disappointed. Or when you've got when you've got another child who is an extreme in the other direction, and you go, Oh, that's amazing. You tell them you tell the neighbor, or you tell the Another member of the family, look what she did. And then the one who simply can't possibly try and compete in that way, then feels undermined by it.

Yeah, so as you say so wonderfully, we have to build them up in other ways, which which is is is actually quite easy to do. It's quite easy. Just think about it. You just have to change, you know, make sure that you know that everything is valued, not just those great.

So I think it's I guess the whole point about New Year's resolutions is where are we pointing our minds and what are we trying to achieve as a parent. And letting go of the sense that as a parent you're in control of everything.

Yeah, yeah, I think that's brilliant. I mean, one of one of my thoughts for the year actually is, and uh as my teens get older, so I've got an almost 18-year-old. Um I gave him a book for Christmas, which he obviously hasn't read yet, called How to How to Adult in preparation. I need that book. Yeah, I I'm like, can I bring it? But as they get older, um, you know, the for me, the idea of letting go, letting go, letting go, letting what can I let go of this year even more? Because every time I let go. Gosh, I love that. Every time I let go, it makes sense. Every time I cling on, w whatever that looks like, whether it's kind of nudging towards something I think they should be doing or or whatever it is, um, it it just does it's icky. When I let go, as long as it's done with a wholehearted way rather than I give up. Yes. I'm letting it go, I'm letting you do that. Yes, it goes, ah.

And actually, I think for me, what works best is when I'm I consciously tell them. So rather than because I think monitoring's important, but I will say, so just so you know, I've seen that you're managing this so well, I don't I don't need to worry about that. And I have said that on many occasions where I've said, so my daughter's come back with school grades, and I say, But I I trust you. Yeah. You know, I think you're doing this really, really well. If I hear something needs to be flagged up, then I'm going to start looking closely at what you're doing. But I'm gonna trust you, yeah. Which is really beautiful. She loves it.

Yeah, absolutely. I've had the conversation with my eldest and you're going off next year. Uh I'm not sure what he's gonna do yet. He wants to go to university. Um, how do you want to sort of bridge this time? Do you want me to, you know, you're almost 18, do you want me to do more? Do you want me to do think do you want me to do less? Like not wake you up in the mornings every day, or you know, if you miss the bath, that kind of thing. Because um he's very independent in some areas and less in others. Um, expecting him to go, oh yeah, no, that would be great, yeah. No, I'd like to take responsibility for that. No, he didn't. He was like, no, because I'm going off next year, I'd like you to do as much as possible five-star hotel, okay?

Wash like clean all my bed linen, wash everything, vacuum everything, yeah, everything. Right.

Yeah, we had a we had a further discussion about that.

That's hilarious. But you know, smart kid, right? Really smart, yeah. I'm gonna do as little as possible. Yeah, these teenagers who can't wait to leave home, I'm like, yeah, go.

I mean, you're asking me the question, I'm gonna give you an honest answer.

Um, so and what you know, other things to think about is for example, if you're you know, if we're having trouble with things like anxiety or um self-harm, and we know that one of the best ways of dealing with anxiety is connectedness and self-harm is the inability to be able to identify emotions and and how you're feeling. But face-to-face contact with other people is so important because it they learn, they learn, they feel empathy, they learn to read other people's signals, and you can't get that from a phone. So the the thing to do is remind ourselves if we can find a space in every day to be sitting down with our teenager, whether you have a great conversation or not, just over the dinner table, somehow everyone sits down together. We never, ever, ever sit in front of the TV to eat meals. Now, having said that, that can be one of the best evenings that your kids are. Yes, absolutely, absolutely. And sometimes, you know, I know there are parents who got to a desperate situation, they were exhausted, they couldn't think they just found whatever was in the fridge and they had a fun evening in front of them. And for them, they were just coping, whereas the teenagers thought, wow, this is the best. So, you know, I'm not saying don't do that, I'm saying that try and find those moments in your day where somewhere where you can have one-on-one time, maybe 10 minutes or something with each teenager, or you know, as a gap family together, you're just talking to each other.

Yeah, or sometimes I find the best sometimes the best moments are in silence. So sometimes like one of my kids sometimes does his homework downstairs because he finds it difficult to concentrate, so he'll come down and maybe I'm doing some work at the table, and we sit there in total silence, and it's really lovely. It's really connecting, in it, and then he'll look up and or I'll go, do you want a cup of tea? And he'll be like, Yeah, it's really lovely. So you don't have to have like a deep and meaningful. I would love that.

It's just being present with each other. Yes, my daughter does the same. She likes to be in the room with me, doesn't matter what I'm doing, just wants to be there. And and and find your find your tribe. If you're a parent and your kids growing up and moving on, or you're struggling a bit, just see if there are any parents around who can, you know, think, okay, to this year I'm going to find someone I like going out with and doing something with, whether it's reading a book with them or you know, going to the cinema with them, or something where I feel a bit more supported. And if if you're finding people are being too negative towards you, move on.

Yeah.

You know, we don't stop, don't let the judgment get in too much. Yeah. Really, really, really painful. So that's just some ideas how to set uh New Year's resolutions.

We'd love to hear if anyone's got any resolutions and intentions and ones that have worked.

So tell us about the New Year's resolutions you did last year that worked, because we need them.

Yeah. And also, like, I always think like January the first is a bit of an arbitrary date, isn't it? You know, it feels it can I guess as well, it feels really nice, it's a clean slate and all of that. But we can make changes anytime we want, any breath we want, we can start again every day.

And I worked on the basis all my life where I'd say, Oh, I just this doesn't feel right. Yeah. And then I would pinpoint it, and then I would just work on it until it became part of who I was, and then I go, okay, next one. And and I my whole life have changed over the years in terms of habits, the way I eat, the way I just the way I do everything. So it's actually really, really powerful.

Yeah.

So tell us anything, tell us your stories. We'd love to hear about your attempts, about your successes, uh, and any ideas you have for things that uh we should be making, you know, in terms of changes. Um, also, look, New Year's resolution. Tell your friends about our podcast. Yeah. Tell your school, subscribe, any of that stuff. Uh, give us a review, all of it. Um, you can also sign up to receive all of the latest at our website where there's a blog, reviews, links to every episode. I'm going to write more frequently. I'm going to put more on there.

Is that your new video? Yeah, yeah, kind of.

Not yet. I need to actually action it. I need to create a micro resolution tag so that I know that at that time I'm going to write. That's what I need to do. That's what I need to. I will do that and then I'll write more frequently because I had lots of ideas.

There's accountability in there.

Yeah, but I've done that before where I said I was going to write down all the manners uh that our family should have, and I still haven't done it. Every night, every now and then I open it up and go, oh God, I still haven't done that. So yeah, it doesn't really work with me. Okay, fair enough. I need I need to tag it to something that reminds me. And then because you know when you have a busy schedule and lots of things are happening and it's just easy to push it down.

But maybe that's the point as well, is is that we're all very, very different. So when we make a a resolution, which is basically a decision, isn't it? Resolution is a decision to to make a change. Um we're really different in how we can get that done. Like you some for some people, accountability is everything. You say if you tell other people, then they feel that they, you know, they they now need to do it. For you that doesn't work. Yes. You need a tag. For others, it might be something completely different. So it's having the awareness. How do we work? How do how what what what works?

Yes. And my daughter, she needs to have people she has to turn up for and then she'll do it. Yes. Whereas with me, you know, that's yeah, perfect. I love that, and that's so true. So know how you work and then you can do it. Yeah. Right, uh, that's it for now. Our website is www.teenagersuntangled.com and you can search for episodes and that sort of stuff. Susie. Wmindfullife.co.uk. You can find all sorts of, she's got a fantastic blog on there. You can find all sorts of resources and talk to her directly on her website.

You can book her free uh 15 or 20 minute chat or whatever it is to just hear hear more or whether.

And she can help you come up with your New Year's resolution how to map.

That's it for now. Goodbye. Bye bye for now.