The Controlling Spirit

Hello, welcome to Self Talk with me, Dr. Ray Self, the show that empowers you with the Holy Spirit and gives you the ability to overcome every scheme of the enemy so you can enter your promised land. Today, you're going to get a new strategy for success in your life.

 

[music]

 

Hey everybody, I'm Dr. Ray, and this is Self Talk. Thank you for being a part of it. You know the deal. Be sure and like and follow and share and download and tell people about the show. That helps us a lot. Don't forget, uh, the ministry that I founded, International College of Ministry. We're always enrolling. Also got some free courses you can take. icmcollege.org. icmcollege.org. Check it out. Check it out. Today I'm going to get into the controlling spirit. It's one of the…it's a hot topic for us, dealing with the controlling spirit. What do you do about these people that have got– they're always trying to manipulate, control you, do things? Uh, it's evil. It's an evil spirit, and it's a common spirit. And where…what, what is it? Where did it originate from? I'm going to tell you. It originated from the Garden of Eden. And I'll show you where this spirit originated from. Now, if you, if you haven't dealt with the controlling spirit, you're in a very small minority. This spirit is common. It's around us. It, it, it operates through friends, through family, through acquaintances, through people on the street. It's, it's all over the place and uh, and it's evil, and it hurts, and God hates it. 

 

So in the, Genesis chapter 3, you know, we have the serpent appearing, and uh, he asked a question. He said to the woman, "’Indeed, has God said you shall not eat from any tree of the garden?’" Verse two, “The woman said to the serpent, 'From the fruit of the trees of the garden, we may eat, but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God said, you should not eat of it or touch it, or you will die.’ The serpent said to the woman, ‘You surely will not die.’" Now, he's contradicting God here, right? “‘For God knows in the day you [eat of it, from it,] eat from it, your eyes will be open, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’ And the woman saw the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and the tree was desirable to make one wise. She took from the fruit and ate, and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.” 

 

So, you've got this commandment from God. That Satan immediately twists, and he said, "Don't–" God said, "Don't eat of this tree. Don't eat of this tree." Satan says, "Did God really say that?" See, that's the devil. He's always making a question mark of things. That's that spirit of illegitimacy we've talked about. Question mark. Did God really say? Did God really say? But you see, what Satan was telling them was God was jealous. Didn't want you to be like Him. So instead of letting God be God, they wanted to become their own god. Okay? 

 

So verse five, remember Satan said, "’For God knows the day you eat from it, your eyes will be open, and you will be like God.’" You will be like God. See, that's control. “I want to have the same control as God. I want to be my own God.” You see, that's what the controlling spirit is. The controlling spirit says, "I got this. I don't need you. I'm in control. And not only am I in control, I know what is best for me. I know what is best for everybody around me." That's what the controlling spirit does. You see, it's a prideful spirit. And you know, pride is one of the seven deadly sins. It's a prideful, evil spirit, and it's very common. The controlling spirit is a spirit that wants to control people against their will. It's a spirit that wants to control and manipulate those around them to be in charge. You know, “I know best. I know what needs to be done.”

 

And I got to tell you, I, I was a uh, perpetrator of this spirit for so many years in my life. In my younger years, I had this thought that I know best. I'm smart. I know what is right, and I need to make sure other people know what is right. I know what needs to be done, and I need to make sure that everybody else knows to, what to be done. And so in my rightness, I felt that because I was right and I was wise that I should make sure other people did what is right because I knew what is right. In other words, I was imposing my correctness on other people, and it actually is a spirit of control. Now I remember, I, I remember so clearly the day the Lord spoke to me, and He said this to me, and it hit my spirit like a ton of bricks. He said these words to me. He said, "Ray, just because you are right does not give you a right." And I knew what He meant. I thought being correct meant that I could enforce my correctness on other people. You see, that is taking away freedom. That's what the controlling spirit does. The controlling spirit makes a person believe they know what is best. And because they know what is best, they should be able to manipulate, force, conjul, use guilt or shame or various weapons to get other people to do what they think is best for them or what they think is best and right. And that takes away freedom. It takes away what God has called from us. 

 

So in the Bible, in the Bible, in the book of, of Proverbs, a very serious warning: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” Now that's humility, where I trust in God, and I do not lean unto my knowledge. I trust in the Lord. I acknowledge Him. “In all your ways acknowledge Him,” reading from the scripture, “and He will make your path straight.” “Do not be wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.” So with the controlling spirit is operating, what the controlling spirit does, the message is, God, I've got this; I don't need you. I am my own god. And not only am I my own god, but I can take my godlessness or my godlyness, my false godness, whatever is operating through me, and I can put that on other people. Controlling people believe that they are right. That controlling people have a self-righteousness about them. And that self-righteousness is put upon other people. 

 

Now, I see the spirit operating today in political beliefs. There are some people that have certain political beliefs. They have a self-righteous attitude about their political belief. And if you don't agree with their political belief, you are ostracized. You are persecuted. You are labeled. You're called names. That is a spirit of pride and is also a spirit of control and manipulation. And it is a deceiving spirit. Now, I've been around people with a controlling spirit. The one to try to control me, manipulate me, force me, you know, “If you don't do what I want you to do, I'll never speak to you.” That's controlling spirit. “If you don't say this to me or you don't show up at this, you, you are, you are a shameful person.” I had somebody, um, one of my family members years ago, I didn't do something they wanted me to do, and their response to me was, "You call yourself a pastor. You're not even a Christian.” That's manipulation. 

 

See, the controlling person with that spirit will try to manipulate others to do what they think they should be doing to manipulate others into their self-righteous view of the world. And it's a very strong spirit because the person with the spirit is so convinced that they are right, that that gives them the right and the privilege to make other people come into alignment with them. And if you don't come into alignment with their beliefs, then you are ostracized, and you are punished. Why do people use the s…What, what's the purpose of it? Well, I will tell you where it be– Of course, it began in the Garden of Eden, but also this spirit is an escape because you see, a person with a controlling spirit, not only are they trying to control, manipulate other people. By the way, they have various weapons they use. The controlling and manipulating spirit uses weapons like guilt, shame, condemnation, threats, uh, you know, this…evil consequences. They have a lot of weapons they use to get people to comply with what they think is best. But the reason people do it is they are living externally. It's an external way of living. 

 

A controlling person never ever, ever looks at their own heart. They look at other people's heart. They look at what other people ought or should be doing. Pay attention to those words. You ought to, you should. Those are actually controlling words. “This is what you ought to do. This is what you should do.” And you know, “you should, you ought.” Just saying those words over the microphone. Right now, you're probably cringing a little bit. But you see, a controlling person avoids themself. They avoid what's going on inside of them by focusing on what's going on, they think, inside of you. It's like a drug. It's an addiction. It's a complete avoidance. It's like drinking alcohol so you don't feel anything. A controlling person does not feel and deal with their own issues by avoiding– They avoid themself and they avoid what's going on in themself by focusing outwardly on what everybody else should, ought, or need to be doing. There's those controlling words again. Should, ought, need to be doing. And it's frustrating being around that spirit. And it's, I'm talking to you. I would bet you that you have experienced this spirit before. Okay? 

 

And sometimes, and I'm going to tell you something. I'm not saying everybody who operates in a controlling way are bad people. They're not bad people. Usually, they're wounded people. And they have developed this over the years as a way of coping and avoiding their own hurts and wounds. And it feels, it feels right because…when I, when I was operating in the spirit, it felt right. I knew what was best for everyone. “Why won't they listen to me?” It felt so right. But you see, it wasn't right. I was imposing my way. And also, it's against the word of God. “Lean not onto your own understanding, and He'll make your way…” “Do not be wise in your own eyes.” You see, the controlling person becomes prideful and literally as…God's out of the equation. God wants to be in charge. God wants to be in control, if we'll let Him. You know, we can force Him out. God's not going to force His way upon us. 

 

So, how do you deal with this spirit? You know, when it's around you? Well, I tend to have compassion for them. When I am being buffeted by the controlling spirit, sometimes I will make a– a point to forgive them. I will pray for them. “Lord, help my brother. Help my sister. I pray, Father, that you will touch them now. That you will heal them, Father, from whatever this pain is they're trying to avoid. Touch them, Father. Touch them, Father. In Jesus’ name.” And I, I notice as I pray for people and release them to the Lord, it kind of releases me as well. Now, I have to tell you, when I'm being– somebody's trying to control, manipulate me, sometimes it gets to me. It gets under my skin. It gets to me. It'll get to you, too. 

 

How do you avoid that? And I tell you, I learned a phrase, a response to a controller years ago that is so helpful, and it's a very powerful response. And so here comes the person saying something, trying to control or manipulate you against your will. And let me interject something here: Whenever you're being controlled against your will, you will always have some confusion operating. It causes a lot of confusion. That's a fruit of the controlling spirit. But when someone tries to control me or say something that I really know is not coming from the Lord and it's because of this controlling spirit or some other spirit, I will look at them very calmly and say, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way." Now, that sounds very simple, but what you're saying is that is– you're setting a boundary. You're saying, “That is your thoughts, that is your words, and I'll let you own it. I'll give you complete ownership of your behavior, and I will not take ownership of your behavior because it's not my deal. This is your deal. It's not my business. This is your business. And I'm sorry that you think that,” and it is a way of setting a boundary because you have to remember you are not responsible, and God does not hold you accountable or responsible, for other people's words, thoughts, or actions. You're accountable for your words, your thoughts, and your actions, and your reactions. 

 

So, pray for them. Set a boundary knowing that their, their words, their thoughts is their business. What is your business? Your words and your thoughts. In other words, mind your own business. Do not mind their business. People will try to dump garbage on you all the time if you will take it. Make it a point in your mind. I'm not going to take ownership of other people's words. I'm not going to take ownership of their criticism. I will not take ownership of their manipulation. I will not take ownership of their guilt or shame, whatever weapon they're trying to use against me. Those are their weapons. It is their stuff. It is their sin. It's not my sin. Therefore, I am free, and I can set that boundary. “I'm sorry you think that way. I will pray for you.” And we should pray for them. We will forgive them and move on with their life. You're free to be who you are. You're not being manipulated. And they're free to deal with the consequences of their own sin. That's the controlling spirit. And that's, hopefully, that's maybe some few tips on how to deal with it because it, it comes– it's very common. It comes from all over the place from many sources, from friends, from family, from strangers, you name it. But it's a person; generally the controller is hurt and wounded and has found a way of avoiding themself. 

 

Also, I'm going to say this at the end: unfortunately, many ministers and pastors have this spirit. Not all, but many do. Because, see, to be a pastor is a great way of avoiding yourself because when you're pastoring all your attention is on the sheep, right? And so some pastors, it's a small minority, have resulted to the controlling spirit. And the truth is they went into this job because it helped feed their coping mechanism. But we pray for them. We help them, and we forgive them. Amen. But your job is set your boundaries. Say, “I'm sorry you feel that way.” Know in your heart they're responsible for what they're doing and you are not. Amen. 

 

Heavenly Father, thank you for everyone listening to this show. Holy Spirit, just make it real. Impart this knowledge to them so we can be free continually from this evil spirit and fulfill the purposes and call of God on our life. Amen and amen. Amen. Thank you so much for being a part of the show. Hey, just don't forget a couple of cool things coming up. I do want to make one quick announcement. I am going to do some ministry on Zoom beginning March the 12th, and it's going to be called the School of the Prophets. If you have a– if you're interested in the prophetic gift, to be stirred in the prophetic gift, how to hear from God, how to, how to speak prophetically, move prophetically, join the School of the Prophets. It's going to be March the 12th at 8:00 Central time, 7:00, uh, Eastern. No, wait. I got it backwards. 8 Eastern, 7 Central on Zoom. If you're interested, there is a registration link. Email me at drrayself@gmail.com. d r r a y s e l f @gmail.com. I'll send you the registration link. God bless you. Thank you part– It's– Listen, if you're listening to this podcast over a month from now, you've already missed it. I may, may send you the recording. I don't know. Anyway, God bless you. Thank you so much. This is Dr. Ray, and uh, don't forget to uh, like, subscribe, refer us, download, rate us, review us. Go to icmcol.org/selftalk. God bless you. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to today's show. I appreciate you very, very much. Don't forget go to our website for the show. The easiest way to get to it is at icmcollege.org/selftalk. There you can access any of our previous over 200 episodes. You can like, you can subscribe, you can get on our email list. Don't forget to share it with your friends. Again, thank you for being a part of Self Talk. God bless you.