Beyond the Group Chat: Toxic Masculinity and Accountability

Welcome And Reframing Cornell 7

Hey everyone. Welcome back to the Recovery Catalyst Podcast. I'm your host and fellow person in Recovery Cat Uwork. Hope you're all doing well today. Now, a couple weeks back, I recorded an episode about the Cornell 7. And I stand by everything I said as unfiltered and as impassioned as it may sound. But I wanna take a different route with today's solo episode. Now

Predatory Chats And Home Lessons

whether you think a crime occurred or not, that's entirely on you. What I want to focus on is the behavior and where it all starts. And for me, this behavior that we saw on both sides started at home. Alright, those boys, and I'm not gonna call them men, grew up in some way thinking that this type of behavior was acceptable. That they could post a naked picture of a woman in a chat and advertise her as free. That's disgusting. Whether it's a crime or not is not for me to decide. It's disgusting and it's predatory, at the very least. You know, and and poor Jane Doe was probably never warned about guys like this that could and would take advantage of her. She called two of them her friends. She told them she loved them. And again, whether you disagree with her behavior, fine. That's up that's up to you. But it starts at home with how we raise our kids. And if you look at the online banter back and forth of what's happening, it is so concerning and so telling of where we are as a society. I mean, the names I've heard and seen women be called for siding with Jane Doe isn't isn't is incredible to me. It's disgusting to me. And, you know, I have a son, and I, under no circumstances, would ever allow him to talk about women or girls the way she was talked about in that chat. Like a piece of property, like a plaything, like just an appendage to play with. No, no, this is not a shop's still open. You know what I mean? And regardless of the laws in New York and all that, I firmly believe these boys were given a message very early in life that there are no consequences to their behavior because rules didn't apply to them. And they came from all sorts of backgrounds, so it's not just one specific type of skin color. There are multiple cultures from the Cornell 7.

Brotherhood Versus Accountability

And when it comes to the Cornell 57, not one of them said, hey guys, this is wrong. Not one of them said, hey, what are you doing? Maybe don't do that. What's wrong with you? Nobody called each other out because they all wanted to be part of the herd and you know, stay strong with their brotherhood. Where is the integrity in that? We have to hold each other accountable. We have to hold our children to higher standards than treating each other like this. You know, again, whether you believe a crime occurred or not is irrelevant because this case is going to be going on for quite some time. The problem is it starts at home. I mean, have you heard anything from the Cornell Seven's parents? No. No, of course not. But, you know, it's just very telling to me the way these boys have acted. Two fled the country, which is very telling. You know, Jane Doe's house got swatted. I mean, it's incredible to me that this is where we are at as a country, as a nation, as a people, as a society, that we can glorify the men's behavior and say they're the victims here. When you see those chats, you see the disgusting comments, you see them talking about her being on birth control and you know, go nuts, guys, you know, and free pussy, and shop still open, and and say there's nothing wrong with that. Oh, she consented to that. She didn't even know those chats existed. You know, and my heart breaks for her in that sense because it's like she thought these boys were her friends. Her behavior is not on the table as far as I'm concerned, because there's a lot to be said for their behavior. Because again, they were taught somewhere along the line this behavior was acceptable. It didn't start when they got to court now. This started as kids. There's an entitlement here to believe that you can send those chats to your friends and think there's no consequences to it. Now, what would have happened if all 50 guys or however many showed up to her room that night? What would have happened? She could have been unalived, she could have been she could have overdosed if they kept up with the ketamine. We have to do better. We have to do better as a people, we have to do better as parents by our kids, we have to do better as a society, we have to hold ourselves to some sort of standard. You're allowed to believe that a crime didn't happen and still think the behavior is absolutely deplorable. Alright, I mean, as men, you need to call each other out when you see this behavior. You know, women shouldn't have to walk down the street, you know, oh my god, am I dressed the wrong way? That I have too much a drink, I shouldn't be walking out alone. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Alright, we have to teach our boys how to be respectful, how to be protectors, not predators. Because that behavior that they exhibited that night was predatory. And fraternities as a whole, a lot of them have very predatory behavior with the partying and the fornicating and the sexual conquests. It needs to stop. Again, but it all starts at home thinking this behavior is okay because you're of a different class, or because you're a male. No. No. We're getting so far away from center that it's not funny.

Parenting In The Digital Age

Alright, now I have people in my life that keep me in check. Right? We all need people in our lives to keep us in check, and that starts at home with our parents or whoever raises us. It starts with who we allow around our kids. It starts with the language we allow in our homes, the digital diets we allow our kids to and take. It starts with the literature we read, the video games we play, the music we listen to. Alright, now me, I go through my son's phone once a week. I don't care. I want to know who he's talking to, who his friends are. I want all the conversations that are being said. I want to make sure that he's holding himself to a higher standard. I'm in contact with his school at least once a week. Right? That's my job as a parent to raise the best individual that I can. Now at some point he's gonna be on his own in life. And I can't control that. But I want to know that I laid a good foundation for him to be a good, productive member of society that will contribute and help and protect or says take away and prey on people. Okay, we have to do better by our kids. Look at all that's happening. Look what happened in that timberline school. This all starts at home. And granted, Cornell, there's a lot to be said for them. They encourage this type of behavior, I believe. But it starts at home with our kids, with the conversations we have with our kids.

Consequences And Being The Parent

Right? We have to stop worrying about being our kids' friends. We have to be our kids' parents. Because now these boys are in a lot of trouble. A lot of trouble. It's not gonna go away overnight. And forever and a day, they are gonna be tied to this case. The trajectory of their life is now changed because of the decisions they made that night and the days after. Jane Doe's life is forever changed because of those days. Right? Nobody's life is ever gonna be simple or normal again. Like, whatever dreams or goals they had for themselves of going to certain universities, attaining, you know, certain jobs, it's gonna be twice as difficult, if not ten times as difficult. You know, and some of them, from what I've seen, still aren't getting the lesson. They're still just shine a blame game. There's not been one ounce of accountability taken. And I don't think you'll see it. I I sadly I don't think you'll see it. You know, I think that it's just, oh, she was at fault, she was the whore, she was the slut. I think it's very easy to say that instead of looking at, you know, their behavior or what did I do wrong? What was my part in this? Because they all had a part in it. Alright? And that Snapchat, that's trash. I'm sorry. That's trash behavior to act like that, to talk about someone like that. And is that all you think about? Is that the depth of the people that we're raising? It's just to think about fornicating and drugs and partying. That's it? That's as deep as we're gonna get. Colleges that cost probably what, like 100 grand a year at Cornell, that's what we're doing? That's all we're thinking about? No. No, we gotta do better, people. We gotta do better. And you know, I'm sorry if this upsets some people, but you know, we just have to do better by our kids. We have to be more present and aware of everything they're taking in and everything they're putting out into this world. Alright? I mean, at some point, no, you can't make every decision for them. But I believe strongly, very strongly, that they got messages as young children that led to what happened that night in 2024. Both

Fraternity Supervision And Wider Pattern

Jane Doe and the Cornell 57. That's what I'm gonna call them. Where was the supervision in the frat house that night? Where was the house parents? Where was the fraternity present president? We haven't heard anything about that, but we're getting plenty of blame on her, right? Plenty of blame on her. Who was running that house? Where was the structure? Right? Who was in charge of making sure that all those boys, they are boys, were held to some sort of standard? We've gotten. It's so upsetting to me because this is not just a one-off case, this is not just a one-off anything. This is happening every single day. You know, I mean, the rape and the hazing, and it's just disgusting. We have to raise better children, more compassionate human beings, kinder human beings, thoughtful human beings. Beings that don't, you know, that can control themselves and their impulses and don't think the world owes them anything. Okay? People who have, you know, can have a can can hold themselves to a standard and each other to standards. That's what brotherhood is. It's not covering up for each other, it's admitting that it was a wrongdoing, calling the other person out, and being like, how do we fix this? Because now it's a free-for-all. The whole thing is a free-for-all. We have to do better, people. You know, and if you disagree with me, I welcome that.

Keep The Conversation Going

You know, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. And if you have a voice note that you want to leave me, an email that you want to send me, in the show notes below is a way to do that. And I really want to keep this conversation going. If I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong. If you do, if you agree with me, cool. If you don't, I welcome that too. But we have to start talking about how we do better as a society for our kids, our grandkids, our nieces, our nephews, and each other, or this is never gonna get better, people. We have to do better. Alright, we have to take better care of ourselves, of our mental health, our emotional health, and each other. Alright? And if a victim speaks up, we have to listen to them. Alright? And we need to educate our boys better about consent across the board, outside of this case. No is a complete sentence, regardless of the law. Okay? Have a wonderful day. I love you all. See you next week.